Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Penguins Are Sexy

Episode Date: February 24, 2021

Most of the time, a tiny fib won’t cause a lot of damage to a relationship, but the lie one of our listeners told on a date came back to bite him. When we learned the truth....We were all shocked and a little disturbed!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

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Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 1.4 billion dollars in NFL quarterback contracts. The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm AJ Stevens, vice president of client strategy at athletes. First introducing the athletes first family podcast, the quarterback series,

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oh all the way down and what better place to see animals doing what they do than at the local zoo and that's where one of our listeners, Chris, took his date. And now she's not calling him back. Chris, what's going on, man? You go animal style at the zoo with your date? We had a very nice date at the zoo. He's like, I don't know how to answer that. No one ever does.

So tell us about the girl that you went out with. What's her name? Her name's Ellie. Ellie. Where'd you meet her? We matched on Tinder, and then it was one of a not a very risky date, and so I was like, what about the zoo? And she immediately said yes. It's actually, like, it's a great idea, the zoo.

Like, there's always something to talk about, look at. A little bit of danger in there, you know? Stick your arm in between the cages of the lion cage, and it's a little bit of danger in there Stick your arm in between the cages of the lion cage and it's a little bit of excitement That's exactly the whole point you're not allowed to but when you do Isn't that right Chris What animals I wanted to see and I've actually done this before. So I knew for a fact you don't want to go see the monkeys because they might throw poop at you. You don't want to go see the elephants because they're majestic animals, but they stink to high heaven.

Also may throw poop. Exactly. So I was sitting there going like, oh, maybe the giraffes would be a safe bet. And she then suggested that her favorite animal is the penguin. No, the penguins stink. I mean, if you're worried about stench, penguins are so stinky. Yeah, I held a baby penguin. They poop a lot.

Yeah, they're awesome. They're super cool to see. So cute. Yeah, but if they're the girl's favorite, you have to do it. Yeah. But here's the thing with the penguins, though, is they have that little tunnel where you can look at them as they're underwater. You can't smell down there.

And there's not a lot of light, and it's kind of romantic. And so we were just standing there, you know, very naturally watching the penguins swim around underwater. I leaned over to her and kissed her. Okay. How was that received? She kissed me back, and it was like, this is nice. Perfect.

Yeah. And penguins mate for life. They do. Yeah, they do. I learned that from Happy Feet. You should have given her a rock. They pick a rock for their... Yeah, they do the pebbles.

That's how they mate. I know, they're much better than the philandering humans. So it sounds like things are going great. Yeah, and at this point, she asks me kind of very flirtatiously. She's like, hey, have you seen this... I'm brain farting on the name but it's the documentary about penguins that's out right now she's like have you seen

this documentary and i'm like disney one oh so she's like really into penguins really really into people and you're not talking about happy feet right no a documentary okay like march of the penguins yeah yeah it was one of those. Very same vein as that. Okay. So she's like, have you seen it? And I was like, no. And she was like, well, why don't we go back to your place and watch it? Oh, bro.

That was, I'm sorry, by her point, smooth. She was so into penguins, I wasn't even sure if she wanted to do like Netflix and chill. It was just more of like Nat Geo and Krill. Like she wanted to do everything. Nat Geo and Krill. Like she wanted to teach me everything. Nat Geo and take notes. Both sound good to me. Jeffrey's hot no matter what. I know.

I mean, but are you into that? Because like it's cool when somebody has a really cool interest and they're really into it. Yeah, but you always hope it's not penguins. Well, why not? Why not penguins? Okay. It could be anything. So did you end up doing that?

No, no. We went back to my place, we put on the documentary, and almost immediately, we start making out. Yeah. She doesn't care about penguins. She doesn't care about penguins at all. Yeah, she knows enough about penguins already. Okay. How was the make-out?

It was pretty good, because you got that British guy in the back with the monotonous voice talking. David Attenborough or whatever his name is. Here we have the penguin. Oh yeah, turn this up. Okay. So we're making out for about 10 minutes and then I hear keys jangling at the front door. Oh my God.

Do not tell me you have a wife. Oh God. I do not have a wife. No. I have a maid service. Oh. Cleaning. House cleaning.

Oh, okay. So you had a maid come in? Yes. Oh. Because I don't have a lot of control over what time she shows up, my maid. Yeah. And I didn't even know we were coming back to my place until we were at the zoo, so I wasn't planning on that.

She wanted to make out with you with a dirty place? Good job. I haven't even cleaned yet. Lots of ladies like dirty places. You keep telling yourself that, buddy. Did you tell the maid, like, sorry, I'm in the middle of something here, can you come back later?

No, this is not a case. If she's there, she's already traveled a long distance. And so it would be kind of rude to send her away. Agreed. Agreed. So what, you just let her clean around while you guys were kissing? No, no, no, no. I was like, all right, she's going to obviously clean the living room.

I was like, why don't you and I go to the bedroom? No, you can't do that now. No, you needed to rain check at that point. You need to say, oh man, you know what? My housekeeper's here. Let's go get coffee or something. Making out was like a loud vacuum. That's weird, man.

What did she say to the bedroom invitation? She went with it, but like you just said, it was the wrong choice. And then the coup de grace was then my maid needed to get into my bedroom, so we had to switch rooms. I was like, oh, wow. And at that point, Ellie was like, yeah, it's done. It's not happening.

Yeah. It's done for us, too. Oh, man. You just, like, it would have been perfect if you would have just ended it when the housekeeper came. I see that now. But I can't hop into my DeLorean and fix that. I know.

So she hasn't texted you or called or anything? Like the momentum was that ruined? I guess so. Or maybe she thought I was desperate because I was like, let's keep switching rooms. Yeah. Next thing you're in the broom closet. Be quiet. Be quiet.

You were trying real hard to make it work. Well, we're going to try and make it work for you, okay? I think we can salvage this. There's something here. Let's play a song. We'll come back. We'll call Ellie for you, and we'll try and get you your second date update, okay? That would be awesome.

All right, hold on. The human male is a clever and finicky creature. He seeks to find a suitable mate online, willing to join him back at his pleasure den. And this particular male, Chris, knows just the bait to lure her in. An unsuspecting female in a documentary about emperor penguins. I kind of like that. Although beautiful, the dating world can be a mysterious and unforgiving place as well.

Full of surprises because just before he can complete his mating dance, Chris gets an unexpected visitor. Uh-oh. A housekeeper arriving to assume her duties and spoil the mood. Chris is not pleased. Oh, and now we're about to witness one of the most spectacular and peculiar rituals in the mating kingdom, a second date update. To see if we can save the mood. I don't want regular Jeffrey. Bring back documentary Jeffrey. It's my favorite Jeffrey now. If you're just tuning in for the second date update, Chris wants our help getting back in touch with his date named Ellie.

He was able to get her back to his place where they were watching a penguin documentary before a maid came in and ruined the mood. So now he's hoping he can get things back on track with a second date update. Do you think that there could be something else besides, you know, the housekeeper coming in? No, because I've gone over this like there's a vooder film and everything was going great. Then, you know, three's a crowd and that ruined the mood. Is this weird that she wouldn't be calling you back, right? Yeah, that's the weird part because I can guarantee, like, the next time there won't be three people. Maybe she doesn't

like that. Oh, yeah. What was the maid wearing? No one asked that. No one asked that. Maybe she's just turned off because, like, it means you don't clean your own house. I don't know. Let's just call Ellie and see what she has to say. Get your second date update. You ready, Chris? I'm ready.

Thank you. All right, here we go. I'm going to dial the number right now. Hello? Hi, I'm looking for Ellie. Yeah? Hi, Ellie. My name's Jeffrey from the radio show

Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. How you doing? What's this about? Well, this is about a segment that we do on our show and you're going to be the star of it. Okay. It's a good thing. I promise.

Well, I think that's a big, I don't promise. I'm hoping it's a good thing because we're doing something called a second date update. That's where if you go out with someone and afterwards, that person isn't calling you back you can email our show and we'll reach out to that person for you to try and figure out the reason why oh you're being serious i thought you were joking about it i mean no we are kind of a joke but i never joke about anything ever it's really hard to tell what you're joking about and what you're not

joking about right now well i'm just gonna drop the jokes and in all honesty one of our listeners is trying to get a hold of you his name's chris oh how do you know about this well because he emailed us and he told us a little bit about how you two met and that you guys went out for a date and on his account it was a really nice time for the majority of your date. Yeah, he really liked you a lot. Okay. So now he's confused because afterwards, he's been struggling to get a hold of you. And he's hoping to figure out why.

All right. And he told you about all this? He told us a lot of stuff. But, like, how do you feel? I mean, did you like him when you guys were hanging out? It sounds like you liked him a lot, because he told us that, like, you're the one that suggested to go back and watch the Penguin documentary at his house,

which I thought, smooth. Very good move. Oh, he just tells everything, doesn't he? Is that okay? I mean, there's nothing embarrassing that he told us. No, not for me. Well, wait, what does that mean? I mean, I think he's really weird, so.

What makes you think that? Well, yeah, we went to see a documentary on penguins, because I love penguins, and it starts to get a little flirty and stuff, you know. And, well, it's so funny. Okay, well, his maid walks in. I mean, he told us about that, that it kind of interrupted the mood and took things down a level, but he feels really bad about it. And to be fair, it's not like he planned it.

I mean, he didn't know that you guys were going back to his place. He just had the housekeeper scheduled. I mean, it definitely ruined the mood mood and it's not his fault technically but he acted really weird towards her towards the housekeeper yeah what do you mean he like jumped up when she came like immediately and gave her a hug he hugged her yeah that's not a big deal i don't think you do that do you? I think it's fine. I mean, this person is cleaning your house

and if she's been cleaning his house for a long time, like, you can establish a relationship. Everybody knows you'd never hug the help, Brooke. What? You get up and you go, get to work! Who are you? You're such a weird private school kid. You don't make eye contact.

You can maybe, maybe, like, have a little bit of a word or two with them. But you don't want to give them the wrong idea. What are you talking about? This person is in your stuff. Like, literally sees everything. So are, like, plumbers and stuff. Do you hug them? If they were at my house every week, I'd hug them.

Brooke just more than hugged a plumber. Sure. So, wait, that's why you're not calling him back is because he hugged his housekeeper? Not just that. Like, she came in a French maid outfit, like the type that you see on Halloween.

Like, Oh, now we're talking. Wait, hold on. She was dressed like a sexy French maid.

Yeah. Like the feather duster that doesn't do anything. Yeah, the feather duster. So you think he's hiring her just because she's hot?

I'm confused. Yeah. I don't know why he's doing it, because she's hot? I'm confused. I don't know why he's doing it, but that was a red flag. I don't know why he's doing that either, Ellie, but I do know how we can find out. And that's by just straight up asking him because he's on the other line listening and he wants to join this conversation. He's on the phone? Yeah. Yeah. He's been waiting like a little dirty boy that he is. Chris? Yep. Yeah. Oh, God. He's been waiting like a little dirty boy that he is.

Chris? Yep. Yep, that's all you got, Chris? Yep, that's all you got. I have an answer here, but if I give the answer, you're going to think even worse of the situation. Uh-oh. And it's not the case.

It's actually a very innocent mistake, and I think I was trying to plaster over it with a white lie, and it's actually gotten worse. Oh, no. Just spit it out, Chris. Yeah. I think you're already in a pretty bad position as it is. I don't think it could get much worse. Okay, okay, okay.

I do not have a housekeeper, a maid. I do not have a cleaning service. Oh. The woman who came over and has keys to my apartment is my mother. Whoa. No. No. Let's mother. Whoa. No. No. Let's rewind.

Stop. Your mom is the one that showed up in a French maid outfit? Because she's a theatrical person. Yes. When she would drive me around in high school, she would wear a chauffeur's outfit. Wait. Hold on. Dude.

Okay. Hold on. You live with your mom in a one-bedroom apartment or your mom comes over dressed as a sexy French maid to clean your house. Neither are good options right now. Yeah, pick one, though. Yeah. It is a French outfit. I do not think it is a sexy outfit.

And I think it's just she likes to get into character. You couldn't ask her to come back if it's your mom? And why is your mom cleaning your apartment? She only does it, like, maybe once or twice a month, and she's coming from all the way across town. and I don't want to ask her to go back because it's late at night and I don't want her driving at that time. So you were making out with her

while your mom was in the other room vacuuming? Yeah, that's not weird though. Again, dressed as a French maid. Not normal. I thought it was going to be like some weird S&M thing he was into, and I'm actually now better with that than I am with what's happening. No, no, no.

This is not an S&M thing. This is a completely normal thing, and I would just like to say that my mom thinks you're really cute, Ellie. She thought you had a great figure, and she was like, you did very well for yourself. Oh, Brooke, listen to that. Did you just say that your mom thought that Ellie had a nice figure? Again, you're making it weird when you put emphasis on it.

I'm just trying to clarify here. You know you could have introduced me to her if that was your mom. What? Would that be better? I felt responsibility there. I was caught flat-footed. I know my mom, when she's in her her cleaning character she likes to stay in character so i when i went over there and i hugged her i briefly whispered in her ear i was like hey you do your thing we're gonna go to the bedroom you you do your thing and you clean my apartment because i'm a grown man and i'm gonna make out

with a woman in my bedroom this is that's a's a life, isn't it? Man. Dude, there are so many red flags here. Ellie. You're the coolest mom ever, honestly. I think my mom is very cool. Most people think my mom is cool. And I bet you she cooked for him after school. You are a grown man. Do your own chores.

You make the hell of a meatloaf. Oh, no. That's a selling point if I've ever heard one. That is so unattractive. Ellie, with that said, would you like to go out on one more date with Chris? We will pay for it. I'm good. We all saw that coming.

Dude. Come on. Chris, I'm sorry, man. I'm really bummed out. I didn't realize my mom screwed this whole thing up. No, you screwed the whole thing up. I'm bummed out for you, Chris, because now Ellie won't be able to go out on the second date and meet your dad as the butler. Or the police officer.

Yeah, total loss, man. Gross. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on bumble more of you shamelessly sending playlists especially that one filled with show tunes more of you finding gemini is because you know you always like them more of you dating with intention because you know what you want and you know what we love that for you someone else will too be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed?

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. $1.4 billion dollars in nfl quarterback contracts the untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history i'm aj stevens vice president of client strategy at athletes first introducing the athletes first family podcast the quarterback series my co-host brian murphy athletes first ceo and i are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.