Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Poetry Slammed

Episode Date: February 10, 2017

One of our listeners thinks he found the poetic love of his life! They met and bonded after a poetry performance... but now his date isn't calling him back?? Turns out he insulted her smarts in a BIG WAY.... Listen to the podcast below to find out what this listener said to his date to offend her so badly!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else.

Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Moving 92.5 Rook and Jubal's Second Date Update Second date. Am I late? I don't know. Maybe I am, but I tried and I cried and you lied.

Now I vape. Flavors. Grape. So desperate. So sexless. In fact, I'm so whack. Fade to black. Thank you.

Did we snap? Thank you. Did we snap, right? Thank you very much, everybody. What was that? That was slam poetry. Why did I start today's Second Date Update with a beautiful poem? Well, because I'm a poet.

Yeah, obviously. And also, so is Mark, who's on the line for a Second Date Update today. That's how he says he met the girl that he wants to call today at a poetry reading. Mark, were you impressed by my work, sir? You know what? Not half bad. Thank you very much. And you're a liar already, Mark.

So, yeah, your email said that you're a poet, huh? Yeah, yeah. I'd like to think so, at least. That's awesome. Are you able to make a living doing that? Oh, no, not at all. But I go to open mic shows and whatnot. You know, get to meet new people.

It's a lot of fun. Most of us really artistic poets aren't recognized until after our death. Exactly. We've got plenty of time. So how did you meet the girl that you want to call today? You met her at a poetry reading? Yeah, I was at an open mic and I was reading a few poems. And one of them, the last one, got really well received.

You know, I got a really great applause from it. So that was exciting. Cool. What was it about? Well, the one that people really liked was about a breakup I had a couple years ago That was more of an event really than a breakup Was it sad or was it empowering? What was the tone of your breakup poem?

It was sad from my end But she came over livid And I guess the climax of it was that I had a large candle in the middle of my coffee table that was lit And she was so mad that she took it and threw it across the room and it smashed on the wall. Whoa, that's crazy. You don't realize this, wax is really hard to clean up. So you read a poem about this breakup and that's what attracted the girl to you? I guess so.

She came up to me at the bar and said, you know, I really, really enjoyed it. And I thought that was great that she liked it. Hey, there's nothing better than bonding over some crazy ex stories, because that's just what it sounds like to me. Exactly. Exactly. And what better way to talk about it than through poetry? Yeah. All right. So did you guys hang out at the bar for a little while? Yeah, we hung out there for a little while. And I asked her if she wanted to grab a drink somewhere else. We went across the street to a bar that she liked and had a couple of drinks and it was going really well until I was trying to compliment her, you know, but it's so boring to hear like, oh, you're gorgeous. Oh, you're so smart. You know, I feel like women hear that all the time. No, not enough. Never enough.

Yep. But continue. I should have gone simply because the compliment I went with, and I stand by it. Let me say first, I stand by it. I told her that she is beautiful like a snail. That's terrible. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a compliment. But I explained myself. I said snails, in my mind, are beautiful creatures because they have this gorgeous exterior that keeps them protected. But on the inside, they're very soft and vulnerable and beautiful in a way. Yeah, I think maybe you could have gone with something else.

And you don't know her well enough to know that she's vulnerable on the inside either. Well, aren't we all? That's what I was going with. I think so, yeah. We all have a tough outer shell, and then once you get through that, we have these slimy little insides that if you sprinkle some salt on it,

we wither up and die. Not exactly, Jewel. I see where you're going, but that's because we connect on a different level because we're poets. Oh, right. Absolutely. Yeah, so she wasn't wooed by you

comparing her to a snail. I guess not. It's better than a slug, I think. Not that different, really. Did her mood change after that? Yeah, I'd say so. The conversation got a little more difficult after that. And then at the end of the night, I just said, you know, I had a great night.

And she immediately stuck out her hand for a handshake. And that was it, huh? Well, she did give me her number, which was, you know, encouraging. Right. But that was before I called her a snail. I told her she was beautiful like a snail. Beautiful like a snail. So you ended it with a handshake.

Yeah. Well, okay, we're gonna play a song, Mark. And then we're gonna come back. I still got nothing, Mark. Do you have anything that will rhyme for me? Bong. Song, bong. We'll come back and write the wrong.

That's good. Oh, I like that. Write the wrong song. I like that. All right, we're going to play a song. Mark. And then we're going to come back and write the wrong. There it is.

Off the top of my head. Boom. Brilliant. First try. All right. Hold on, man. We'll be back right after this. Moving 92.5.

Brooke and Jubal in the morning. Second date update. Hold on. Let's try this again. If you're just tuning in, second date, big mistake. Mark's irate. Date is a flake. Okay.

So gone. So bad. Never any encouragement from dad. Why, Mark's dad? Was it so hard to care? Instead, you were careless and now Mark's in de-stress. Hold him. Thank you.

Thank you very much. I don't know. That sent chills down my spine. Very deep. Mark's dad. That's chills down my spine. It's very deep. Very deep. Mark's dad, that's the real mystery we should be solving right now, not this date thing. What it all came down to, I think, in that poem right there.

If you're just tuning in for today's second date update, Mark is on the phone, and Mark is a poet. He met the girl that he wants to call today at one of his poetry readings. He goes to open mic nights a lot, and she came up to him after he was done and really liked one of the poems that he read about his crazy ex-girlfriend. They talked at the bar

for a little while and then went somewhere else to hang out and he says that her mood kind of changed when he said that she was as beautiful as a snail. Yeah.

He was trying to say that she was like hard on the outside but soft on the inside like everybody but he thinks she didn't really like that very much. He ended the date

with a handshake but has her phone number and has tried to reach out to he thinks she didn't really like that very much. He ended the date with a handshake, but has her phone number and has tried to reach out to her, and she hasn't responded to anything. Mark, do we need to talk about those issues with your dad first, or do you want to just do the second date? Yeah, I think that's a longer show than this is. Okay. I'm just glad he's not in tears over the whole thing. Well, dial her phone number

right now, get her on the phone, and see if we can figure out what went wrong, all right? Great. And I'll stop with all the bad poetry. Will you, though? I don't't think you will i don't trust you at all i can't make that promise yeah i found a new passion mark because of you it's burning inside yeah all right i'm gonna dial the phone number see if we get her on the phone here we go oh mark i never even asked what her name is what's her name oh it's lizzie lizzie sorry i was so wrapped up in my own poetry i I forgot to ask. All right, I'll dial Lizzie's phone number right now.

Here we go. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Lizzie, please? This is her speaking. She's calling. Hi, Lizzie. This is Jubal from Brooke and Jubal in the Morning. Okay.

What is this? It's a radio show. That's odd. I've never been called by radio before. Well, cool. There's a first for everything. Any idea why I'm calling you? No idea. Okay. Well, contemplating hanging up. No, please don't. Please don't hang up. Yeah. Don't hang up. You're going to be very interested in this phone call. Okay. Because it involves, I'm sure one of the many men that's vying for your attention, beating down your door. I guess you're implying that I go on lots of awesome dates.

Well, I heard you're as beautiful as a snail. So I figured probably going out on a lot of dates. Sounds vaguely familiar. Uh-oh. Does it remind you of somebody named Mark? Yeah, actually. That's not a bad giggle.

That is kind of a positive giggle that you have right there. Well, I mean, that was kind of cute. Cute? It was cute. Okay. You liked it. So, yes, Mark is the guy that asked us to call you. He says that you met after one of his poetry readings, and he really enjoyed spending time with you,

but now you're not answering any of his phone calls or text messages. And he was hoping we could find out why. Well, it wasn't, like, the best date ever. Okay. Okay. He said he thought that you liked him until he said the line about being as beautiful as a snail. I mean, the snail thing, I like what that's weird um but it was like i don't know i guess he was just trying to be like dorky and poetic and find meaning in nothing and then make it something okay so i was like i was

like oh you know like he's trying so that's nice, so that's nice. So wait, it wasn't the snail line? No, it wasn't the snail line that got me. Was the date already bad before the snail line? Because he thought that that was the turning point. No, no, no. I mean, he made fun of me. What? Like how?

Well, we were just talking about poetry and stuff, you know, like you do at places where people go and talk about poetry. Makes sense. So he asked me, you know, who my favorite poet was, and I told him, and he just laughed at me, just made fun of me, and for it, so I thought, wow, this guy's kind of a joke. Oh, wow, so you brought up your favorite poet, and he laughed at your

taste? Yeah, it just shot me down, like... Did you tell him that? We talked about it,. We kind of felt like we were arguing and going back and forth and it was just not comfortable. I like how he asks your opinion and then says, oh, that's a bad opinion. Yeah, maybe he thought I was joking, but

I definitely wasn't because my answer was one of my biggest inspirations. So when he shot me down, I was like, wow, this guy's a f***ing a**hole. Who's your biggest inspiration? I he shot me down i was like wow this guy's a f**king a** yeah okay well who's your biggest inspiration so i said that my favorite poet was dr seuss and he laughed at that that's awesome though and now the guy in the background's laughing great you don't expect like people to talk about great poets and i mean maybe you do i don't know i'm not

a big poetry guy but i wouldn't think dr seuss like she's kidding well see yeah i mean like it doesn't matter like anytime i bring it up everyone's gonna think that i'm kidding like it's a joke and he's laughing again sorry i'm sorry i can tell you you're frustrating you're getting upset and jose laughs at everything so don't worry about that okay he laughs at everything but i will tell you this mark is actually on the other line listening and wants to talk to you oh my god are you serious yes sorry if that makes you even more upset oh my god dr seuss that's what this is about well yes that's what offended me like you really hurt my feelings because i vulnerable like a little snail, opened up and told you something that I like,

and then you just, like, shoved it right back in my face, and it was rude. I genuinely thought you were kidding. No, no, no, you have no respect for me, so why would I call you back? It's not that I don't have respect for you, Lizzie. We had a great time. I'm just saying Dr. Seuss is who inspired you to be a poet. I mean, what is that? Well, yeah, I mean, obviously you cannot get past that.

Then, like, if you can't, you know, deal with the real me, then you don't deserve it. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish is not a poem. I think it is. Yeah, it rhymes. Yeah, it definitely is a poem. It's a poem for children. I thought we were talking about real poets. I thought we were having a grown-up conversation,

and then you start talking about, you know, everyone loves the Grinch, but I'm not 10 years old anymore. Mark, you need to back off right now. Am I offending you right now? Does anyone else there actually think Dr. Seuss is a real poet? Oh, come on. Truly. Maybe the people that bought the over 600 million copies of his work that was sold.

Yeah, maybe that counts for something. What have you sold? Ouch. Okay, well, maybe I haven't sold anything. But did Dr. Seuss go to open mics every weekend trying to like perfect the craft? No, he didn't. Do we know that for sure? I don't know.

Maybe Dr. Seuss did go to open mics. I guarantee Dr. Seuss never opened up to a live audience in a dive bar. I bet he was at home scribbling down children's writing. I can't believe how ignorant you are right now. He went to Dartmouth College. I'm sure he had to speak in front of many people. How do you know so much about him? Like I told you, he didn't listen to me before. He is one of my biggest inspirations. So yeah, I'm going to know some stuff about him. And like, you don't even have a clue what you're

talking about. You're the one that called me. Look, if I wanted to be a hack like Dr. Seuss and write about cat and hat and bat, then I could. And you know what? I could probably sell a million copies, but I don't. I go up there and I talk about my feelings and the world around me like a real poet's supposed to. I find it hard that I even have to defend myself in regards to Dr. Seuss, other than writing children's books and poems. I mean, he's very political and he has all kinds of hidden symbolism in Green Eggs and Ham. Oh my goodness. No, no, that's not. What is the symbolism in Green Eggs and Ham? Food poisoning? That's mean. Yeah, why don't you go back to your own apartment and write your whiny poems about your ex-girlfriend because that's clearly the only type that you can get.

Well, okay, great. Why don't you just go back to the bookstore and sit in the children's section on a mini stool and read your pop-up books? How about that? Oh! Ouch! That would be more pleasant than talking to you. I thought for sure we would get you on the phone, Mark, and you'd apologize and say, oh my God, I didn't mean to diss your inspiration.

I'm sorry. I would have if she didn't double down on it. I mean, good Lord. Good Lord. Is that not what this whole phone call is about, just to make fun of me some more? No, it was to try to get you a second date with Mark, which, if you would like a second date with Mark Lizzie, we will pay for it. Would you like to go out with him again? No, hell no.

That is the last thing that I would want to do. I'd rather go sit in the children's section of the library and read pop-up books. Thank you. It does sound pretty fun, actually. Never call me again. Wow. Hey, Mark? Yeah?

No second date for you, man. I'm sorry. Yeah, it didn't sound like it. But I did, in that time, write a poem about it if you want to hear it. I do. No. I would love to. No.

Don't put me on the spot like that. I didn't actually have anything prepared. Oh, that's disappointing. Judging by the text messages we're getting in at 78592 it's official dr seuss is a real poet i think so if you missed today's second date update that was taped when brooke was still here she's out on maternity leave jackie is filling in but mark wanted to call lizzie they met at a poetry night open mic night she was there saw him performing and liked him so they hung out a little bit and she wasn't calling him back. Why wasn't she

calling back? Well, because he was very offended that she said her favorite poet was Dr. Seuss. I hate people who get offended. Yeah, just went on to rip her about her tastes in poetry. Just like, you don't understand what a real poet goes through. I think he even said the line, did Dr.

Seuss go to open mic nights every week and work on his poetry? I doubt it. He didn't have to. Dang. He's like a hardcore poet. Everybody texting in at 78592 can't stand this guy and said he's super pretentious

and she shouldn't go out with him and she decided to not go out with him again. Unfortunately, because I think they would have made a great couple. He could have really taught her a lot about poetry. Remember, if you want to do a second date update, all you have to do is email the show, and we will call the person who didn't call you back. But you should know if you're out with someone who's a poet and you bring up Dr. Seuss,

that's the reason they're not calling you back. Move in 92.5. We're so done with new year, new you. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one

filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what?

We love that for you. Someone else will, too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it.

For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors

and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.