Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Rope Swing Fail

Episode Date: September 20, 2017

This date had all the components for a romantic evening! Swings, a dog, one gashing wound and TONS OF LICKING! What could be the reason that Josh is not getting a call back from Rachel???? Find out in your 2nd date update!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapoport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as i see it and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days listen to the i am rap report podcast on the iheart radio app apple podcast and wherever you get your podcast 792.5. Rook and Jubal's second date update.

I think everybody in this room can agree on one thing. Nature blows. What are you talking about? I love nature. Nature ruins everything. It's always like in the way of a really cool area that you could build a sweet building. Oh my gosh, you're awful. There's like bugs and stuff out there that can hurt you. And then dates.

Nature ruins dates. Don't ever go on a date in nature. And if you need proof of that, well, ask Josh, who's on the phone right now for a second date update. Once again, the curse that is Mother Nature ruined his date. What's up, Josh?

How you doing, guys? Please tell me you don't agree with him. Right, Josh? I don't know. There's like ups and downs, right? Because I thought it was a great idea before this one. So I don't fully agree, but I mean, there's moments. Okay. There's moments when Mother Nature's

just a b****. Yes. Yeah, exactly. And this sounds like a case of just that, Josh, according to your email. So before we get into your situation, what's the name of the girl that you want to call today? Her name is Rachel. Rachel. Okay. And where did you meet Rachel? I met her on Tinder.

Okay. And did you guys connect because you both love the great outdoors? I mean, kind of, yeah. We were talking about a couple things to do. You know, we matched up. She likes hiking. I like hiking. Doesn't everyone like hiking on dating profiles, though? Yeah, that's the standard thing everybody puts. I like hiking, and I'm into food. It's like what you put down when you can't think of any real, true hobbies that you have. But I do. I actually do like hiking.

I always go hiking with my dog. My dog's name is girlfriend. Oh, my God. That's really cute. Or desperate. Whatever way you look at it josh i'm telling you you've already won a lot of brownie points yeah she's a good dog okay so you do want to do a second date update with your dog or are you wanting to call this girl rachel i want to call rachel because she's a gal she's the person that i wanted yeah so So how did hiking go with Rachel? It was nice.

We met in the parking lot. And then we walked on down the path, got to there. It was about like 10 minutes into the day. We were laughing. We were having a good time talking. And girlfriend was running around all up in front, all through the valley. I'm going to get so confused when you're calling your dog girlfriend this entire thing. I know.

I'll just refer to her as my dog from now on. Okay. There you go. That would be helpful. Yeah. All right. So your dog's running around. You're out there with Rachel getting eaten by mosquitoes and sunburned probably. No, stop. Sounds horrible, but okay. You guys sound like you're enjoying yourself. Yeah, we're having a good time. So I found this rope swing. It's hanging from this solid branch just right in the middle of this valley, right? And then she gets on a swing and I accidentally push her from like lengthwise down the valley. So she didn't have a place to step off of on the different sides of the valley. Does it make sense? No. Like is this swing over a canyon or something?

I don't understand when you're saying valley. Yeah, it's like a slight valley where you can go up on one side of the valley and put your foot in a little knot on this little kind of swing thing, and you can kind of step off it and swing back and forth. So it's like a rope swing that would go over water, but there's no water.

There's just a drop-off. Exactly. It used to be a river, but it's now not a river. Got it. Okay, now this makes more sense. So there's an opportunity. There's just a drop off. Exactly. Like it used to be a river, but it's now not a river. Got it. Okay, now this makes more sense. So there's an opportunity that if you fell off into the valley or the dry riverbed or whatever, you could hurt yourself pretty badly. Which is unfortunately what happened.

No! Oh no! She fell off the rope swing onto the ground? Yeah, I mean, she got up on the rope swing, right? And I pushed her lengthwise down the valley, and she wasn't able to stop properly, and she tried to get off of it, and she got her foot stuck. And she accidentally fell onto

the ground and scraped up her entire leg. How did she react? I mean, obviously, she's in pain, but, like... Well, I mean, obviously, I went over to see how she was doing when she fell, but she was a little pissed, and she said, you know, clearly that's not the right way to push me. That's kind of funny. And I felt really bad.

I ended up helping her up and getting her up off the ground. But I guess it ended up semi-okay. She ended up, like, leaning on me the entire way back, which was nice. But then I'm, like, in the back of my head. I was like, no, no, no. But she's hurt. She had to limp the entire way back so badly that she had to lean on you for support? It was kind of cute.

Uh-huh. Great plan, Josh. I like it. Attaboy. What happened at the end? Did she just get in her car and leave? No, like I asked her, I was like, so, I mean, this is like a terrible idea, but why don't we do something safer next time?

How's that? Let's actually just go to dinner or something like that. Oh. And you said you've been texting. Has she stopped talking to you, or you guys are still kind of talking? It's kind of like, it's just off and on. Like, she texts me, I text her. I really don't know. Like, it seems like she's blowing me off, but I

don't know. Ooh. Okay. Well, we'll play a song, come back, call her, and find out if she is blowing off. And if she isn't, it might ruin your chances of getting a second date, but we'll see in your second date update coming up right after this. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal in the morning. Second date update.

If you're just joining us for today's second date update, Josh is on the phone. And Josh is what we refer to as a swinger. That's right. That's a good point. And that might have ruined Josh's first date because Josh took his date for a little swinging action and

apparently when you swing too hard, people get hurt. You know what I'm saying, Josh? Yep, yep, yep. Possibly. Yep. If you missed the first part of today's Second Date Update, Josh took a girl named Rachel hiking. They went hiking and then they found a rope swing on the trail somewhere and they swung back and forth on it.

He did fine. And then when he pushed her, he pushed her the wrong way down like a little ravine or something. And she ended up falling because she couldn't get off the swing and she scratched up her leg. And then they ended the date after he patched her up and sent her on her way. And she's been texting with him, but kind of giving him the blow off. So we're going to find out if it's another case of swinging gone wrong when we call her in just a second. Any last thoughts, Josh? No, I hope you guys can get to the bottom of this.

She's a, she's very beautiful and she's really fun. She has like a super symmetrical face. What? That's okay. I mean, yes, she must be very photographic. She's very photographic. You know what they say, symmetrical faces

are good genes. You know, that's a thing, right? Josh, I thought you were so normal until you just started analyzing the distance

between her eyes. Sorry, it's just, I don't know, it's something that I noticed, but anyway, she's very beautiful. Just leave it there.

Okay, here we go, Josh. I'm going to find out why she doesn't want to go out with you. I noticed, but anyway, she's very beautiful. Just leave it there. Okay. Here we go, Josh. I'm going to find out why she doesn't want to go out with you. I'm going to dial her phone number right now. Here we go. Hello? Hi, may I speak to Rachel, please? This is Rachel.

Hey, what's up, Rachel? How are you? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. Is this a radio show? Yes. We actually got an email about you from one of our listeners. What? From who?

Well, his name is Josh, and you guys recently went on a hike together. Oh. Okay. Okay. Sorry. Can't tell if that's a good laugh Oh, okay. Can't tell if that's a good laugh or a not good laugh about Josh. Just still laughing.

Sorry, I was not expecting this call. It's okay. I wasn't expecting to be on the radio right now. Why is he sending emails about me? Well, because we do a segment on our show called The Second Date Update. That's where if you go out with somebody on a date and then end up blowing them off, they email us to see if we can get you on the phone and find out what happened. And Josh kind of thinks that you've been giving him the runaround. I mean, I don't really think I blew him off.

Well, he says that you guys, you know, have been texting a bunch, but you'll kind of disappear for a few days. And then every time he asks you out, you say you're busy. I mean, I don't know. Some stuff has come up. I've had a couple extra work shifts happen. I don't know. It just hasn't been the easiest to meet back up with him right now. Yeah. But Rachel, when you really like somebody, you make time. Okay. True. Yeah. I mean, sure. Okay. So Rachel, when you really like somebody, you make time. Okay, true. Yeah, I mean, sure. Okay, so, Rachel, should I just go back to Josh then and say, hey, Rachel absolutely wants to go out with you. She likes you a lot, and she can't wait?

Okay. All right, please don't, no. Okay. Exactly. Uh-oh. So, obviously, you don't really want to go out with him again. Can you tell us why? I mean, he's a nice guy.

He's fine. He just has some weird habits, I guess, or a couple of weird tendencies, I found out. I don't know. What are they? I don't know. He's got weird ideas about his dog, I feel like. Weird ideas about his dog. I don't know

He told us that the dog's name was girlfriend, which I thought was kind of funny Yeah, yeah, it was kind of cute. But then I don't know. It's just kind of creepy in the long run. I felt like It was creepy Okay Now I'm really concerned because you said weird ideas about his dog, and now the word creepy has come up. Should we be on the phone with police and not you? No, no. I mean, it's nothing that shocking, I guess, or that.

I don't know. Are you just not a person that likes dogs very much? No, I love dogs. I have pets. I love my pets. It's just I don't make out with them in front of people. What? Make out? That's a bold statement there,

Rachel. Josh making out with girlfriend? A little. I mean... Ew, what? What do you mean? Okay, now you really have to explain, Rachel. It was an open-faced kiss. What? Whoa. You're saying Josh... Let's rewind here a second,

Rachel. So now you really have to explain. When did he make out with this dog in front of you? After we took a little hike, we found like this swing, like a little rope swing. And, you know, to cut to the point, I ended up getting hurt. Okay. I ended up falling. Yeah. And it's not that I'm really upset about getting hurt like i'm accident prone like

whatever but it was just when he came to check on me he was you know asking how i was he was checking you know looked at my leg and then he was like hey uh do you want do you want my dog to like lick your wounds what wait was he being Like, your bloody open wounds on your leg, he wanted? Yeah, like, I was just cut, like, all down my leg. Like, I had a big gash, like, on my thigh. And, I mean, like, I was still kind of coming out of it from, like, just the shock of, like, falling and, like, getting myself back together. And he was just like, no, no, no. Like, he was, like, treating it like, you know, the dog's tongue was medicinal.

And he was just like, no, there's, like, there's enzymes in the tongue and it helps break down things. Like this is how dogs, you know, heal their wounds in the wild. Like they just lick it back to health. It'll stop the bleeding. And I was like, okay, can you just like pour some water on it? Give me your t-shirt maybe. So you didn't take him up on the dog lick, huh? I didn't.

I didn't. I just felt a little weird about it. Where does the dog makeout session happen? Well, like after I was like, I don't. I just felt a little weird about it. Where does the dog make-out session happen? Well, like, after I was like, I don't know, you know, and he was just like, no, look, it's fine. And so then he just gave girlfriend a big kiss in front of me. And that just made me wonder, like, how much more is he doing this? Is he carrying around a mouthwash? Was he expecting me to kiss him after that?

Like, I don't know. Like, it was like, there's a few me to kiss him after that? I don't know. There's a few thoughts in my head after that. I hate to ask for more graphic detail, but was it like tongue-to-tongue dog kiss? He opened his mouth? Yeah, the tongues kind of came out. There's definitely some

licking exchanges on the faces. They were licking each other. Yeah, there was a lot of licking action around the mouth. Just like full lip contact. There's nothing wrong with that. I think a lot of people would argue with you. Is that Josh on the phone?

Yeah, actually it is. He's been on the other line listening and wants to talk to you. Are you serious? Hi, Rachel. I had no idea that that was what the thing was that you thought was weird. I mean, it was just, it was a little off-putting. It was just, it hurt me a little in the end, I think. Okay, but no, no, let me explain.

Like, I wanted to show you how clean a dog's mouth was. I wasn't making out with the dog. I wanted to show you how clean it was so it would lick your leg. Well, your tongues were touching, so it really looked like you were heading for a make-out sesh to me. Well, yes, our tongues were touching,

but that was just to prove to you that dogs have clean mouths. I mean, that's fine. I've had a dog licking before. I just don't do it like that on purpose. Like, I understand. It's fine. I mean, I'm just not trying. I'm not trying to have that dog be my doctor right now and lick my wounds.

No, I get it. I thought it would be good. I thought it would be useful. I don't know. Josh, how, okay, one, I don't know that your facts about dogs having clean mouths are true. I think that's an old wives' tale. And two, why on earth would you think it's a good idea to, one, kiss your dog

and then offer to have your dog clean up, I mean, essentially a stranger's wounds? The simplest way that I can actually say it is that dog saliva has a lot of white blood cells in it that are it's very good to help clean out wounds, clean out scrapes, get all the gravel outside of,

you know. Look, I mean, like, even if you have a sunburn, girlfriend can lick that right off for you. Oh, my gosh, Josh. That is so wrong. Josh, it sounds like you've done a lot of research in finding reasons for your dog to lick you. Not for, not to lick me. No, no, no, just to, like, heal. No, just stick with aloe vera, Josh. That is weird, man. Tylenol, stuff like that. To me, I don't know just to, like, heal. No, just stick with aloe vera, Josh. That is weird, man.

Tylenol, stuff like that. To me, I don't know. It's a little gross. I mean, we were out in the woods that day anyway, so you don't know what she was already licking up off the ground, what she was sniffing. Like, anything that goes in that mouth is going to be cleaned out by that mouth. Okay, Josh.

All right. Let's leave the mouth out of it. That's what they say. That's what they say, right? Oh, God. All right. Let's leave the doubt out of it. That's what they say. That's what they say, right? Oh, God. All right, Rachel. Why did you stop? Well, Rachel, after hearing everything that you just heard, Josh and his dog would love

it if you would go out on a second date with them. Would you be interested? We will pay for it. I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to have to pass. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, probably for a lot of reasons. I mean, you definitely would always be second tier to girlfriend anyway.

Exactly. Exactly. He's already got one girlfriend, so I don't want to be number two. No, no, no. Yeah. I am making a mistake, Rachel. Girlfriend's just the one little facet of my life. My tongue, it works in many different ways, Rachel.

Oh, that's so gross. You hear that, Rachel? I'm hoping. Are you sure? You're sure you don't want to go out with Josh in his mysterious tongue? Yeah, I'm going to say no. I'm going to say no, yeah. That is a hard pass, Josh.

It really didn't help your case. Well, unfortunately, Josh, it just has to be you and your dog for a little while, which I don't think you're going to mind very much. So I think you're good, actually. Broken Jubal in the morning. Catch Jon Stewart back in action on The Daily Show and in your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. From his hilarious satirical takes on today's politics and entertainment

to the unique voices of correspondents and contributors, it's your perfect companion to stay on top of what's happening now. Plus, you'll get special content just for podcast listeners, like in-depth interviews and a roundup of the week's top headlines. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story.

Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapaport. And my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it. And there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your podcasts.