Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Sheet Surprise

Episode Date: March 2, 2020

Let's be honest... Most people who use Tinder have certain weaknesses that'll AUTOMATICALLY get them to swipe. For instance, whenever Jose see's anyone with a dog AND/OR food in their pictures, he immediately swipes right. Well, the girl in today's Second Date Update had a VERY STRANGE way of deciding who she'd swipe on, and who wasn't worth her time...  And it was surprisingly, pretty effective! Find out what she did, listen to the PODCAST!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general. You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you by the IHOP Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from.

Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal's Second Date Update. We got an email from one of our listeners named Mary. She told us a little bit about her date and says she feels awful about it and thinks it's her fault that she's not getting a call back. Wow. Is this like the first person with like some self-realization on the phone with us? That's true. Like what's going on? I don't know exactly what that means, but I'm guessing she accidentally ran him over and feels bad.

That's what you went to. Yeah. Mary, why did you do it? Okay, I think there's a lot of other things that could have happened there. Are you using this time as your one call from the police station? Okay. No, it's really not like that. Yeah, that's what all guilty people say, huh?

What's the real story, Mary? What happened? He is such a good guy. I'm feeling awful about it because I've been on so many dates before where it's like it was their fault why we didn't have any more dates, but this one is all me. Oh, no.

It's that obvious. Okay, wait, wait. Back up. Where did you meet this guy? We met on Tinder. His name's Adam. Okay. And I have to say that when you're doing the swipes and things like that,

I know your human nature reaction is to definitely swipe right onto all the hot guys. Yes. I think that's what Tinder is for. But Adam's not, not like super good looking. But that's okay. Is that what you told him? And that's why you know that he's not calling you back? Because that's pretty rough, Mary.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've just, I've swiped right on tons of hot guys before. And they're just really self-obsessed. They're jerks. I was done with it. So I'm like, I'm going to swipe, and I'm not so good-looking guy. Wow, that actually makes sense. I feel the same about hot girls.

I'm always like, ah, she's not going to want anything to do with me. Yeah. That's a good strategy. But the uggos, like, there's no risk there. Absolutely. They're always down. You guys, he's not saying he's ugly. He's just not the best.

Like, maybe he has stronger attributes other than his looks. It's kind of like Ed Sheeran. He's not awful, but not great. He's rich. Got it. But there are a lot of men out there that once you actually get to know their personality, they're 80 times more attractive. True.

That's everybody. So what was it like? What did you guys do? We did a dancing lesson. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah, hot guy would never be down for something like that. Exactly. That's kind of fun.

Exactly. So what kind of dancing lesson did you guys do? We did a little swing dancing, like a little, who is that, Brian Setzer or something, or like, you know, swing dancing. Yeah, welcome back to 1996. Sorry, we're not up to date on our famous swing dancers here. But how did the swing dance class go? Was it fun? It was a lot of fun.

Like, they teach you some basic moves because neither of us had done it before. And then you get to switch a bunch of partners. Oh, Mary. That was the fun part of it. Oh, wow. Okay. You got to take a break from boring old-looking Adam and got to look at some really hot guys. It's like swiping right in real life.

Yes. And, you know, it was great because everybody's got, like, different levels. And I even danced with this cute 80-year-old guy. Aw. Aw. Aw. It was know, it was great because everybody's got like different levels. And I even danced with this cute 80 year old guy. Oh, adorable. Okay. So that's great. But what about poor Adam? Remember you're dating Adam here. When did you screw it all up? That's what I want to know. Okay. I'll get to that, but here's the one thing. And this is why I really liked him. It's because after I danced with that 80 year old guy, I was kind of like jabbing at him a little bit. And so he came back at me, which I loved. He was like, oh, I'm going to take that old guy's knees out with, you know, his locker.

Oh, yeah. Violence against the elderly. That's hilarious. I think it's cute, too. It was going so well. We're like, let's do drinks. We just, you know, sweated a little bit. So we went and grabbed some drinks.

And then I ended up at his place. Okay, so all of this is great so far. So wait, you ended up at the elderly man's place or you ended up at Adam's place? Follow along. I'm just trying to make sure we're getting it straight. Adam's place. Thank you very much. Okay.

And was that your idea or his idea? I don't know. We both had a couple drinks, so I would say it was both of our ideas. It just felt right, you know? And what happened when you walked in his door? Did your clothes come off? Brooke. I'm just saying.

That's what Brooke's first go-to move is. After some hot swing dancing. That's a little invasive, but we had a good time. Oh, nice. So they did. So, yes. See, I'm right. Okay.

All right. So I'm still not hearing what's the bad part of this date, nice. So they did. So, yes. See, I'm right. Okay. All right. So I'm still not hearing what's the bad part of this date then. The bad part was the next morning when I was leaving. Oh, you stayed the night. I did. Okay. Walk us through it. So when I was getting up in the morning, I was trying to be like really, really quiet.

And I noticed that, and I forgot about this part, but I put a bunch of self-tanner on the night before. And so I noticed that there was a bunch of orangey streaks all over his sheets. Oh, no. That can be perceived as something else. Ew. Gross. I'm just saying, it's the first thing I would think. Like, what the heck?

Of course. First thing that Jose thinks is someone messed his bed. Anytime I've had streaks in my bed, it's not been self-tanner. Okay, let's move forward quickly. So you left streaks of self-tanner in his bed. Yes, and then I was like, shoot, I've got to do something about this. So then I went to the bathroom, put some hot water on a washcloth, then came back to the bed, like I was trying to wipe it.

Well, then all of a sudden he starts waking up. I was like, shoot, I knew that was going to happen. And then I was like, okay, well, you Well, then all of a sudden he starts waking up. I was like, I knew that was going to happen. And then I was like, okay, well, you know, I just had a little, uh, and then, uh, all right, I got to go. Wait, did you just make it sound like you wet the bed? Like, cause the bed's wet at this point. I had a little, uh, I just kind of like, I didn't really explain it. I was just like, oh, you know, there's a little something.

And I didn't really explain it though. I just said, oh, I got a little something on your bed. Now I don't look so dumb. Yeah, you should have explained it. And then he just left? Did he even have a chance to say anything? No, because he was, like, still waking up and everything. So then I was like, okay, I'll just text you later.

Oh, no. So then I texted him, but he still hasn't responded. Yeah. Oh, that's totally it. That after-mor morning glow is not there when you're waking up in a wet brown bed. She sweat her glow off. So how long has it been since you last spoke to him?

It's been like two days. Okay. And so are you using this to get him on the phone so you can explain what happened? No, no, no. I'm just looking for you guys to help me because I just want him to give me a second chance because, look, when we danced, we clicked. because look when we danced we clicked our conversations we clicked like everything else clicked but you haven't

texted him about the self-tanner though no you're just gonna pretend like it never happened and just move on she's playing it cool for now guys that may not be the problem I think we've passed that point like that's the problem we may need to address it at a certain point but we're gonna call Adam for you, Mary, and we'll play a song and come back and get your second date update right after this, okay? Great. Hold on. Moving 92.5.

Brooke and Jubal in the Morning's Second Date Update. If you're just tuning in for today's second date update, we're on the phone with Mary. She went out with a guy named Average Adam. She told us, not very good looking, but she kind of likes that about him. They went dancing together before she took a page out of Brooke's dating playbook and slept with him

night one. I mean, I want to argue, but hey, you know what? I know what I like, okay? Now Mary's worried that he's not calling her back because in the morning, she realized that some of her self-tanner rubbed off and left a stain on his sheets. She tried to clean it, but he started waking up. So she just decided to leave.

No explanation. Now, Mary, we're going to call Adam. And how do you want us to approach this? So I've been thinking about it. And I say don't bring up the self-tanner right away because maybe there's something else. Like I've listened to you guys a bajillion times and it could be something totally different maybe he just didn't think i was that cute or i like that mary you won't be offended if the guy that you don't think is attractive doesn't find you attractive either that's good that's good you know some

people just are into different things so maybe he's just not into that but like i think i'm pretty cute so don't bring up the wet brown bed until later. Right. If it comes to that. All right, Mary. Let's call Adam right now and get some answers for you. Ready? Yes, thank you.

All right, here we go. Hello? Hi, can I speak to Adam, please? Yeah, who's this? Hey, it's your morning wake-up call, Adam. Good morning. I'm on the Do Not Spam list. Oh, no.

This isn't a spam call, Adam. Are you 100% satisfied with your current health care provider? Jeffrey, shut up. It's not a spam call, Adam. What's going on? Hey, Adam, sorry. This is young Jeffrey from the radio show Brook and Jubal in the Morning. Do you have a minute to talk with us?

What? Radio? Yes. It's an old-fashioned device, and you listen to music on it. Sometimes people talk out of it. You mean like a podcast? Close. It is.

The predecessor to podcasts. But, yeah, let's just call it a podcast, okay? What do you want? Well, actually, we're calling on behalf of one of our listeners who's been trying to get a hold of you. Her name is Mary. Oh. Oh, you like Mary. I don't think that that was the oh that I got.

I heard oh, yeah. No, I heard oh, yeah. No, I heard oh, no. Well, so yeah, you went on a date recently with Mary Adam, and she says that she had a really great time with you, and now you're not talking to her anymore, and she wants to know the reason why. She told you about our date, huh? She gave us a little rundown of it. It sounded really fun.

I mean, she said you guys went dancing, and I thought that was really cool of you to be up for, you know, dancing on a first date. You met on Tinder. One thing led to the next. Sounds like everything went great. It was until it wasn't. And at what point wasn't it?

I mean, she really doesn't know. I find that hard to believe. Is there something about Mary? Oh, my God, Jeffrey. You couldn't help it. Did you do that on purpose? I'm sorry. Is there something about Mary that bothered you?

I don't know what you guys are laughing about. I don't get it. It's fine. Don't worry. Don't worry. It's not you. The whole point is Mary wants to know the reason why you're not calling her back. She says she had a really, really good time with you. And the fact that you're not calling her,

it's kind of upsetting. And she just wants some answers as to why. I mean, I think she knows why I'm not calling her back. I don't want to embarrass her. Okay. I don't think she'll be embarrassed. She knows she listens to these that there could be some like really terrible information she finds out about herself like she's very aware of the consequences here i don't know why she's trying to get a hold of me like if i were her i would have never told anyone what happened what was it what happened she told you all about the date yeah and she told you about the next morning yeah maybe you can tell us what your side of the story is i mean it's not sides it's facts she went in my bed like number one and number two oh no that's no are you sure is that really what you think happened

i'm positive i can't believe she would tell a radio station what she did. Adam, this is Mary. Hey, Mary. Yes, that's a little bit early, but Adam, Mary's been on the line listening. We forgot to tell you that, and she heard everything you said. I don't understand. Mary's on the other line, Adam, and she she's listening she knows what you just said about her doing a duty in your bed it wasn't that there's a good explanation and i really do have a really good explanation like i can't believe you're on the whole why if if i were you why would you highlight that you did this? Like, what's wrong with you?

Oh, my God, just wait. I was wearing self-tanner, and I had a lot on from the night before, and so then it got all over your bed. So I was trying to quietly wipe it off. That's what it was. See? Listen, I was in the bed. It wasn't just that. Like, there's a specific smell, and it wasn't Tanner's smell.

It was number two's smell. Oh, my God. Adam, you don't believe her? No, I saw the evidence and the smell. I know what number two smells like. Come on. Wait a minute. So who's lying here?

Mary. Okay. There might have been like a little bit. Wait, what? Wait, what did you just say? Only because I had drank a lot the night before. And you know what happens like whenever you drink a lot? What?

Hold on. You told us it was just self-tanner. Well, it was mainly self-tanner. Oh, my God. I feel so dirty. Why are you doing this, Mary? Adam is right. Why are you ashamed?

Like, what is your problem? Why are you calling us? If that's what happened, what are you doing? Run. Never call this guy again. It was just, like, a little bit, like, a tiny little streak. Like, you know when, when like you have to fart Uh uh

Oh my god I know I know I'm so disgusted I was it was gross a couple days ago I tried to block it out of my head you guys are making me relive it and I'm just as disgusted now and it wasn't a little fart It was a Jackson Pollock of f*** Oh my god stop it stop with the vigils people just burn the sheets Take the mattress to the dump. I burned my sheets and she left she left me sitting in it Like she didn't even offer to help. Oh my god. It's all so disgusting mary

How can you leave a guy stranded like that? You didn't even apologize for it What was I going to do? Like pick up my underwear? Oh, and can I have your sheets while I'm at it? Like, no. Or am I going to stay? Let me do your laundry. I know we just met.

Honestly, it was like the tiniest little thing. Plus, our conversation was great. The dancing was great. You got it on my arm. You got it on my arm. Oh, no. I think you're exaggerating a little bit. I mean, it was like, just like the tiniest bit. Even a little bit is too much. I think Mary, you guys need to listen to me. Like we connected,

Adam, did we not connect? Like, think about when we were dancing, think about when we were having drinks. Like it was the best first day I've ever had. Minus that little thing the next morning. But regardless of everything else, five star day. It was amazing. You can justify however you want, but the fact is you took a crap in my bed. I didn't take a crap. I was like a shit lit. Enough, enough of the descriptions. Please just ask them. Ask them, Jeffrey. I can't do this anymore. Okay, Adam, you know, in some cultures, I think going number two is

a sign of affection to a person, so... I didn't know that. I'm just assuming maybe that's Mary's culture, and in that sense, she really liked you, so maybe you would consider going out on another date with her. And if you would, we would pay for it.

What? Another date? Are you out of your mind? Imagine us. We're hanging out. We're sharing an appetizer at some Applebee's. What do you think I'm going to be thinking about? Her going in my bed.

How do you think this is salvageable? Dude, I hear you, Adam. I wasn't even there, and I can't get the image out of my head. She can empty herself before the date to make sure there's no accidents. Mary. Adam, you are very emotional right now and when you calm down, call me.

We'll work it out. We'll do like dancing lesson number two. It will be so good. Dancing lesson number two, her specialty. Oh, number two. specialty we're so done with new year new you this year it's more you on bumble more of you shamelessly sending playlists especially that one filled with show tunes more of you finding Gemini is because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And

you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Joel, the holidays are a blast, but the financial hangover, that can be a huge bummer. If you are out there and you're dreading the new statement email that reveals the massive balance that you may have racked up, well, you could use our help. That's right. I'm Joel. And I am Matt. And we're from the How To Money Podcast. Our show is all about helping you make sense of your personal finances so you can ditch your pesky credit card debt once and for all, make real progress on other crucial financial goals that you've got, and just feel more in control of your money in general.

You know it. For money advice without the judgment and jargon, listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. And this January, we're going to go on the road to beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada to cover the Consumer Electronics Show, tech's biggest conference. Better Offline CES coverage won't be the usual rundown of the hottest gadgets or biggest trends, but an unvarnished look at what the tech industry plans to sell or do to you in 2025. I'll be joined by David Roth of Defector and the writer Edward Ongueso Jr. With guest appearances from Behind the Bastards Robert Evans, It Could Happen Here's Gare Davis, and a few surprise guests throughout the show.

Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts from.