Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update PODCAST: Squatter Alert!

Episode Date: October 2, 2013

Tara sent us an email that said "Second Date EMERGENCY!!!"... But she doesn't want to go out with the guy again, she wants him to GET OUT of her apartment! WHAT?! Hear it in the PODCAST. (Image Courtesy: ZakVTA. Creative Commons)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen, former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the

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What? What does that mean? Tara is on the phone. What's up, Tara? Guys, I know this isn't how this works, but you have got to help me get this f***ing a** out of my apartment right now. What? There's a motherf***ing a** in my apartment, and I need him to be gone. Wait, calm down.

I don't know what's going on. Yeah, Tara literally just sent us an email about 10 minutes ago saying there's a dude at her apartment. She needs us to help get him out of there. So I don't even know if this is really a second date update or it's just us helping evict somebody. But Tara, why don't you just tell us what your email said first? I'm not even joking. I'm outside of my work right now because right the f*** now, there's a drunk a** on my couch,

pukes all over my apartment, and I don't know how to get him out of my apartment. Okay, wait. Slow down. Who is this guy? His name is Matthew, okay? And I met him on Facebook like a dumb a**. I shouldn't have met somebody on Facebook. I know, like it shows me

right, but I don't give a f*** like I have to get rid of him. We messaged each other like three or four times. Finally, I agreed to go out with him, okay? I'm gonna meet him at a bar. Last night, I meet him. It was the biggest motherf***ing mistake of my g***s. Terry, you're amazing.

What happened at the bar? The guy shows up almost 50 minutes late. I'm ready to walk out the door. I love her. Terry, you're amazing. What happened at the bar? The guy shows up almost 50 minutes late. I'm ready to walk out the door. I didn't know Paul. He walks in and as soon as he sees me, he comes over and he puts a giant hug on me

and I smell so much liquor on him. He goes to kiss me. What? He showed up here. He's like, how's that? So you met this drunk DB on Facebook

and then you took him home? Yeah, why wouldn't you just leave? Here's the thing. He was already drunk, and he's like, let me just pay for a drink for you. And I didn't want the drink, okay? I wanted to get out of there. But he's like, no, let me make it up to you. He flags down the waitress, gets a drink.

He buys himself a shot and a beer and downs it, and he's ready to pass out. What? What do I do with this guy? So I didn't know what to do. I was like, let me call you a cab. And he's like, he couldn't even tell me where he lived. And I was like, well, I didn't want the guy to get into an accident. So I go to my apartment.

I was like, just sleep it off on my couch. I wake up this morning. Yeah. My whole apartment stinks like piss and vomit. Oh, my gosh. It's just pants. It's just pants. Oh, my gosh. My whole apartment stinks like piss and vomit. Oh my gosh. It's just pants. Did you tell him to leave? Yes.

I was like, are you a badger? Get the out of my house. So I throw a pillow at him. I was like, get up, get up, get up. I'm trying to drag this large man out of my house. I throw water on him. He will not get up. Tara, what do you want us to do?

When we were on Facebook, one of the first conversations we had, he was like, one of the reasons that I thought like, oh yeah, I hit it off with this guy is because we were talking about your show. He's like, yeah, I love Brooke and Jubal. I listen to them all the time.

Oh, nice. Jubal's hilarious. I'm like, okay, so he loves Jubal. Maybe Jubal can get him the f*** out of my apartment. Suppose I can try. I don't know if you can be as convincing as she is, though. Do you think he's awake right now? I hope to God he's awake, because if you guys can't help me with this, I'm going to call the cops.

But I was like, look, I don't want to ruin the guy's life. I'm going to give him a chance. I just want somebody to maybe talk some reason into him and embarrass him and just get him out of my place. All right. Well, I hope we get a second date out of this. Yeah, me too. Okay. Oh my God. Tara, we're going to play a song for you. Come back and call him and get your second date sort of update slash kick somebody out of your house. I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen, but we'll do it after this song, okay? The f***ing train wreck.

Thank you. Moving 92.5. Brooke and Jubal in the morning. Second date update. We've been doing these second date updates for a while now, trying to help out people's relationships. Today, though, we're just trying to evict someone from an apartment who's been squatting there Tara's on the phone with us and Tara literally sent an email just a little while ago that

a dude who she met last night who was hammered at the bar took him back there he passed out on her couch has puked everywhere and refuses to leave her apartment she's at her office right now because she had to leave and she wants us to call and get him out of her place oh my gosh Tara you've tried to call and get him out of her place. Oh, my gosh, Tara.

Tara, you've tried to call him a couple times from the office. What has he said to you when you've talked to him? I've talked to him a couple of times, and I was like, what the f*** are you doing in my apartment? Get out! And he keeps saying to me, I want to make it up to you. I'm like, make it up to me? I'm going to have to defumigate my entire apartment. And he goes no no no

He tells me this morning That he's cleaning my couch And I was like no no no I need you to take my couch Strap it on your back And walk down three places Because I'm going to have to throw it out Are you ever going to be nice to a human being

Again after this No I am not Tara we're going to call him right now Let's see if he'll answer his phone to a human being again after this? No! No, I am not! This is crazy. Tara, we're going to call him right now, okay? Let's see if he'll answer his phone and try to get him out of your place. But you need to chill, though, when we call him. Don't, like, lay into him right away. Let me try to work on him a little bit and see if we can get him out.

Do you have a game plan? No, I have no idea what I'm going to say. I guess we'll try to figure it out when we call him, but just give us a chance. I'm shaking right now. I'm so a chance. I'm shaking right now. I'm so pissed off, I'm shaking right now. All right, we're going to call him right now. Here we go.

This is unbelievable. Weird. Can I speak to Matthew, please? Hello? Can I speak to Matthew, please? Matthew? Yeah, Matthew. Matthew, what's up, dude? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning.

I'm moving 98.2.5. How are you? What do you mean? This is Jubal from Brook and Jubal in the Morning. F*** you. No. Hello? Oh, my God.

He doesn't even believe you. No, he doesn't. All right, let's try it again. Did you hear that, Tara? This guy's a tool bag. You can see it. No, he thinks it's one of his friends messing with him. Oh.

Hello? Matthew, don't hang up again, man. This is Jubal from Brick and Jubal in the Morning. Seriously. What? I'm calling you because Tara called us this morning. Tara, the girl whose house you're at. Hold on a second.

Hold on. Hold on a second. Wait. This is Jubal. I'm Jubal. What? Tara said that you were familiar with us and that you talked about our show. Why are you calling me?

I'm calling you because Tara emailed us this morning and said, help, there's a guy in my house who won't get out. And so she wanted us to call you and ask you to leave, but I kind of think the date's going well for you. Dribble, do not say that. Tara called you guys. you to leave but I kind of think the date's going well for you she said that she's been telling you to leave her place and you won't leave is that true

I'm on her couch and I like trying anything or anything I'm just like right yeah you're hungover right hasn't she talked to you and told you that she wants you to leave? I think she said she was getting breakfast on her way out. When she was like, I'm going to go. No. She says she's called you from. No, I'm pretty sure she was like, I'm going to go grab some food.

No. Matthew, you're squatting in her place, dude. She emailed us and said. No, I'm waiting for her to come back because we were going to hang out today and see what happens. Hey, I'm all for that. I'm all for that. I think that you guys should hang out

and get to know each other, but you might want to go home and shower first, maybe? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to find a... Get the f*** out of my house! I'm going to take a shower first. I knew it was going to come.

I'm going to take a shower first! Is he still drunk? What? No! No showering! Get out of my f***ing house! Yeah, that's not Jubal anymore. Yeah, Matthew, that's Tara. She wants you out of her house. What's up? What's up, Tara?

Oh my God, you f***! Are you stupid? No. I'm totally smart. I got drunk last night, but, I mean, people get drunk, you know. Yeah, and people get out of your house. Get the f*** out of my house. Do you understand that I need to be gone?

I'm not getting breakfast, you a**hole. Get out. Listen, what I'm going to do right now is I'm going to clean your apartment. No, no, no, no,h***e. Get out! Listen, what I'm gonna do right now is I'm gonna clean your apartment. No! No, no, no, no. Do not clean my apartment. Are you listening to me? Are you listening to me, Matthew? When you come home, I'm gonna have dinner

waiting for you. It's gonna be awesome. What? You are a f***ing psychopath. Get out of my apartment. Will you help me out here? Listen, I know I... Hold on a second. Okay, I know I f***ed up, but I didn't show you the best version of myself last night.

I'm not... I don't want to see any version of you. Do you understand that I don't want to see any version of you? Tara, there's not a lot of guys that will make a woman a home-cooked meal. I'm just saying, you might want to think about it. You're helping the wrong person. any version of you. Tara, there's not a lot of guys that will make a woman a home-cooked meal. What are you talking about? I'm just saying, you might want to think about it.

You're helping the wrong person. Yeah. Matthew! Listen, I want us to try this again because I know last night was stupid. I'm a better person than that

and I want you to see that. What? Why did you get drunk in the first place? Why did you show up to your date, like, just wasted? Like,

I got out of work and my buddy made me, well, didn't make me, but wanted me to go talk some stuff over with him.

He just started getting drunk and he kept buying me drinks and blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, you know, I just, like, showed up. This sounds like so many conversations that I have had with people in my life. Dude, I feel

you so much right now. You know what I mean? And like, I didn't mean to show up wasted. I was like, I know, I was blind drunk by the time I walked into the bar and I was like, like, vomit all over my couch. Yeah. I found your simple like, I'm still kind of Yeah, and vomit all over my couch.

Yeah. That is so gross. I know, I'm cleaning it up. I found your simple green. I'm totally gonna, I'm cleaning it up. What are you talking about, Matt? Tara, look at,

why would she give you a second chance ever? Well, why not? He's cleaning her house. He's gonna make her dinner. That sounds like a fabulous date for me. He was 50 minutes late,

blackout drunk. Out of the kindness of her heart, she took him in. She's just doing damage control. Yeah, now, now though, he's of the kindness of her heart, she took him in. She's just doing damage control. Now, though, he's planning a romantic evening. Tara, I think you should think about it.

I'll pay for you guys to have your first date tonight. I'll pay for the groceries for dinner. Yeah, I mean, I can't go buy groceries because I don't have a key to the apartment. No, no, you're not. You don't have a key. Psychopath, I'm calling the police. No, don't call it up. No, no, you're not. You don't have a key. Psychopath, I'm calling the police. No, don't call the cops. No, no, no, don't call the police.

Don't call the police. Just listen. Just try it again. Matthew. Matthew, I think you should run. Matthew, I'm going to be honest with you. I think you should probably get out of her house, dude, because I think she is about to call the cops.

I mean, I'll do whatever you want me to. I mean, like, it's cool. It's cool. I mean, like, I'll leave it to you guys to decide, but I was hoping that you guys would help me out. We need to hear you leave. We need to hear the door shut. Thank you.

I don't hear a door. Yeah, no. All right, no. So you don't want me to clean it up? It's going to be gross. No, I don't want you to. Oh, my God. Yeah, Matthew. So you don't want me to clean it up. It's going to be gross. No, I don't want you to. Oh, my God. Yeah, Matthew.

You just don't get the memo, do you? You don't get it. Matthew, I'd say get out of the house and then just text her a lot and call her a lot after to try to set up your next date. Oh, my God. But don't be there. Sorry, Tara. Don't be there, though.

No, no, no. It's cool. Do you mind if I just jump in the shower real quick? What? Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, no. It's cool. Do you mind if I just jump in the shower real quick? What? Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I'm leaving. Okay. You're leaving, Matthew. You promised. I promise. Okay, cool.

He's leaving. I just want to say that love can't conquer all. I thought I was rooting for love on this one, but apparently not. At least we got him out of your house, Tara. I thank you for that, but you kind of were making it work. Broken Jubal in the morning. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears

with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics entertainment sports and more joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors and with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else ready to laugh and stay informed listen on the iheart radio Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 1.4 billion dollars in NFL quarterback contracts. The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm A.J. Stevens, Vice President of Client Strategy at Athletes First,

introducing the Athletes First Family Podcast, the quarterback series. My co-host Brian Murphy, Athletes First CEO, and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tugnavailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You are cordially invited to the hottest party in professional sports. I'm Tisha Allen,

former golf professional and the host of Welcome to the Party, your newest obsession about the wonderful world that is women's golf. Featuring interviews with top players on tour, tips to help improve your swing, and the craziest stories to come out of your friendly neighborhood country club. Welcome to The Party with Tisha Allen is an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership

with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. Listen to Welcome to The Party, that's P-A-R-T-E-E, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.