Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Roofer Madness

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

The guy in today’s Second Date has SOME recollection of his date, but he can’t tell if it was the BEST or the WORST date of all time…See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story.

And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then, I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio

app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Second Date Update When we go through all the second date email requests and we're trying to decide who to call, we should probably base that decision on who has the most compelling or romantic date story. I thought that's what we've been doing. Do we have a realistic chance of actually reaching their person and making this whole call worthwhile?

That's what we should be doing. What you think is a romance is the whole point of this. It's a good goal. That's what a good radio host would do, but I'm not going to do that. Instead, we're going to call the guy for one reason and one reason only. Because of his name. What's his name? Are you kidding me?

We've done this before. It's turned out well. I support it. Because this person signed his email to us, Roofer. Roofer? I don't know if that's his profession and he got confused if it's a typo or what but it caught my attention it's spelled like a roof or like yeah spelled like a roofer so i just want to find out welcome roofer to the show hey how's it going okay so is that your real

name or what uh real name's rufus but uh my bros call me Roofer, and that's pretty much what I go by. Okay, cool. Is that what you go by to your dates, too? Yep. All right. Okay. Well, I literally know nothing about what happened on your date or who you were with, because all I saw was Roofer.

So why don't you start us off? Tell us who you want us to call today. If you guys could call Diana. Okay. We went to coffee. All right. Roofer, real name. I mean, coffee is almost like a pre-date right yeah keep simple way to downplay his coffee a day roofer yeah i think

that's plenty romantic that counts as a date for most people but not for brooke apparently you say it's like it could be 15 to 30 minute experience right it? It's not intense. Anyway. Sometimes that's all that people have, Brooke. So if you guys could just like stop arguing, it's kind of killing my buzz right now. Your buzz? Brooke, sorry. I'm guessing that's not a caffeine buzz, Fred. He buzzed?

Tell us about what happened at the coffee shop. How'd it go? Yeah, so it didn't start well. Uh-oh. What does that mean? I kind of forgot. Wait, you forgot about the what? See, I told you it wasn't a date, Jeff.

Oh, Brooke is right. Brooke, you better rub this in on me. Come on. You better give Jeff so much crap. How did you forget? I was maybe a little high at the time. There we go. I totally feel you, bro.

So at what point did you remember? When she texted me. Oh. And it's not like you can just go drive now and go like, well, or get an Uber. Hopefully it's close. Yeah, that's true. It was about four blocks from my place. Oh, okay.

You could walk. Okay. All right. So I text her back like, yeah, I'm close. Like, I'll be, I'm on my way. Well, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. Except for you showed up high as can walk. Okay. All right. So I text her back like, yeah, I'm close. Like, I'll be, I'm on my way. Well, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, it's good except for you showed up high as a kite to your date.

We don't know if you even showed up to the date yet. I mean, did you? I did make it there. I did make it there. Oh, good. Okay. Like, unshowered and a little disheveled. And all I really remember is that I got into, like, a fight with my pants.

What? Like a verbal fight or a physical fight? Yeah, I just remember at some point I was like, come on, pants. It just wasn't happening. What? What was happening? Were they on backwards? Were you sitting down at the coffee shop at this point?

No, I am not. This is still home. I haven't left yet. Okay. We're still getting dressed. What happened after that? I get the pants on. I win still home. I haven't left yet. Okay. We're still getting dressed. What happened after that? Yeah, so I get the pants on. I win that fight. So I start booking it down the street. There's only four blocks.

Okay. Running high is such torture, bro. So you're sweating out of breath when you show up. Because, like, you feel like you're running so fast. You're not. Like, I've been there before. Right, you have no concept of time. Time has literally left you.

And you're like, wait, what street am I on now? I feel like his arms are just flailing all over the place his legs are wobbling but don't fail me now did you make it to the coffee shop roofer i thought i did i went into a coffee shop that i believed was the coffee shop and then i text again are you here and i said yeah i think so and they're like oh wait this isn't a coffee shop. This is an empty cardboard box. How did I get in here? And then you got in a fight with the box, and then... No, I'm sorry. What really happened?

I'm having too much fun. Yeah, I know. Did you find Diana? I texted her the name, and she said it was the wrong coffee shop. Oh, my God. Oh, no. There's one everywhere. Dude, how is she even still waiting around for

you at this point you gotta cancel at this point for some reason she did but i finally find it and i find her all right but uh i mean it is not a good situation like no i'm very high what did she even say to you? You know, I don't entirely remember. Oh, stop. That tracks. I do know I ordered a lot of pastries. You ate a lot of pastries.

It was a higher credit card bill than I... For a coffee shop. Okay. Okay. Do you remember anything from your interaction with her? I mean, I stared at her face a lot. Oh, no. That's good.

She's got to be pretty complimentary. But at one point, her friend showed up. Oh, she called in backup is what she did. Oh, that could be. That's not good, bro. Yeah, I tried to introduce myself, but she had to get out of there. Okay. I'll tell you, that's not when they ask for a threesome.

That's not a good reference. That's an exit strategy. Wow. Why do you even want to make this call? Can I say that? Count it as a loss. Yeah, why not move on? I mean, she was super cute, and I feel like an idiot for messing it up.

I don't think I would have messed up, you know, if I didn't get so high. Okay. Okay. That makes sense. If you were sober, maybe this date would have gone really well, and this could have been the girl for you. True. I mean, you could be a really romantic guy, but if you're stoned, I mean, what the heck can you do? We got a big green mountain to climb to overcome this, though.

I bet he smoked a big green mountain right before he got on the phone with us. I will not confirm or deny. Okay. I love it, Rupert. We're just going to play a song. We'll come back. We'll call Diana for you. Yeah.

And we'll try and get you your second date update. All right, Roof? All right. Thanks, guys. All right. Hold on. Second date update. Forget the D.A.R.E. program.

School should just play this segment to teach kids about the dangers of recreational drug use. That's a good point. You're going to ruin your dates, kids. Because one of our listeners, Roofer, admits he was high and forgot he even had a date. But once he remembered, in his rush to make it there, he ended up getting into a fight with his own pants. Yeah.

He went to the wrong coffee shop, ate a dozen pastries in one sitting, and just stared a lot at Diana's face. He thinks. Not not 100 sure about that imagining him like stoned looking at her like just downing croissant after croissant i could see his little bloodshot eyes too in my head i think he's so good rufer i really appreciate you coming on and just being so honest and vulnerable with us on the radio it takes a lot of bravery so good on you, okay?

Yeah. Thanks. In your email, it says that this date happened about a week ago, but I do have a question. Like, at any time, did you ever admit to Diana that you were elevated? I don't remember, but I don't think that I would've. Like, I think I tried to hide it. Is she a

moron? I'm just saying, if you didn't, then maybe we shouldn't bring that up to her. Oh, see, he's right. He's thinking like a good host. Even though she probably knows. I don't know, man. I feel like... It's weirder if he wasn't.

I'm just saying, if she didn't know, she can't be the person that dates Roofer. Okay. You know what I'm saying? If you're that naive, you just can't be in a relationship with him. I'm totally with you on that, but I don't think we should lead with it. We should get her perspective about how it went first and see if she offers that.

Are you okay with that, Roofer? Yeah, that works. I mean, the profile does say I'm 420 friendly. Oh, that's smart. She could probably smell it on you. But it doesn't say 420 forgetful. Yeah. That's true.

We'll see if she even knows what that means or noticed it at all. But we're going to dial her number right now and try and get your second date update. Okay, here we go. Okay, let's do it. All right. Hello, good day. Huh? Hi, is this Diana?

This is she. Hi. Hi. My name's Jeff from a morning radio show called Broken Jeffrey in the Morning. Who are you? I ask myself that a lot. It's a deep question. We're a morning radio show, and we're doing a segment called A Second Date Update, where

we help some of our listeners out with their dating lives. So then why are you calling me? I never signed up for help with my dating life. Good question. Yep, you did not reach out to us, but we did get a call from a guy who says he would love to hang out with you again, because your first date together didn't go the way that he planned. He goes by the name Roofer. Oh, Lord. Yeah oh lord yeah he knows he knows it was a little bit of a rough first date it was definitely the weirdest date i'd ever been on okay but i mean he told us that he was super late and that you hung around so there must have

been some good reason why you hung around, like you liked him a lot. Good vibes. He looked very cute online. Oh. Okay. But there was definitely something wrong or wrong with him or just wrong altogether. Okay, what would give you that impression?

Let's start from the beginning. He kept texting me that he was three minutes away He texted that same text seven times seven times Across a period of how much time every ten minutes every ten minutes Like I was really waiting for him to show up and give me like a really amazing excuse, you know something happened. Okay, that's kind That's good, Diana. But when he showed up, it seemed as if he had just run a marathon. Like in a hot, sexy, glistening on your muscles type of way?

No, like you're the last one coming in in last place. Oh! Yeah. Well, he did tell us that he was running behind, and he was rushing and literally running to make it there. Yeah. So he may not have been quite in his right mind. You know, he's a little bit flustered from having rushed to get to you. Oh, absolutely.

Runner's high! Yeah. That's a thing. That's a thing I've heard. It is, it is. Oh, wait. So wait, were you able to make a connection? Were you able to get over that?

Well, I know that he connected very well to the brick wall that we were sitting next to because he kept complimenting me and saying that I was as beautiful as this brick wall. Okay. What did you say to that? Classic and beautiful. Pretty brick? I said, thank you. Okay.

Thank you. Okay. And you're Thank you. And you're strong. Yeah, you're strong. Maybe comparisons aren't quite his forte. Oh my god. I can tell you that because next he told me that my skin looks so soft it could be made

into a nice robe. No! Oh no! That's a little scary. I think I saw that in like a serial killer movie once. But he said it in a nice voice, not in like an actual,

he was going to make a skin robe. Is there a nice way to say that? I don't know. He said it in a voice that could put a baby to sleep. It was so nice and lovely. Okay. Okay.

Sounds like he's trying to be sweet to you, but the words that are coming out don't match. I could... sounds like he's trying to be sweet to you but the words that are coming out don't match i could i mean emotion he's feeling from her perspective couple red flags so is that kind of the whole thing for you that he you know he was a little bit out of it seeming and compliments weren't coming out the right way well that i could have actually looked past because i don't know maybe he was tired had a long day but then a friend of mine showed up like weren't coming out the right way? Well, that I could have actually looked past because I don't know, maybe he was tired, had a long day. But then a friend of mine showed up like totally randomly

at the coffee shop. And, you know, I just went over to talk to her really quickly. And Rupert came over and he whispered in my ear. He was like, hey, is this person bothering you? Oh, no. Wait, is she talking about your friend? Exactly. I said, no, I said, no, no, that's my friend.

And he whispered back, I would like to fight them. Fight them? Wait, was this a guy or a girl? It doesn't matter, I guess. It was a girl. Oh, okay. It does matter. Okay.

I would like to fight them? He trying to be generous i think i'm sure roofer has a very logical reasonable explanation for his behavior that day and maybe it would sound best actually coming from him because diana roofer's on the other line listening and wants to talk to you what are you talking about we have roo roofer on the other line roof are you there yeah how's it going oh my god oh my god that's your entrance pretty chill i mean i'm sorry you had to hear that but i mean they asked me and i told them the truth that that's what happened oh listen i mean that that skin robe thing is creepy i don't know why i would say something like that do you remember saying that roofer i i don't remember saying that it doesn't sound like something i would say our buddy roofer's got a really bad memory we didn't mention that yeah before you left you

kept yelling like hey i want to show you my furby furby like one of those stuff yeah dolls old robotic toys do you own a furby roofer i mean i do that one that one's plausible okay yeah it makes more sense of the skin robe yeah all right roofer i mean we've kind of danced around this for long enough she's been very understanding throughout this whole call so maybe you should just come clean. I think you owe her the honest answer of what was going on that day. All right. Full disclosure. I was, I was a little high.

I was very high. That was full. That was the full disclosure at the end. Yeah. You don't say. Did you get that feeling? Diana? How often do you get high?

You know, occasionally. Don't give him questions about concepts of time, Diana. It's not good. Not in his wheelhouse. I mean, to Rufus' credit, he did say that he was 4'20 friendly on his dating profile. So, I mean, you knew that going in, right? I did, but I have never seen 420 affect someone in that way that's a good question was it was it just 420 roofer or was that something else

it might have also been like 220 and then 320 what does that mean i don't know are you high right now? Yeah, I should have rescheduled. That was on me. Not a proud moment. And I'm truly sorry. Aw. Aw. That's good.

That was, I mean, that was good, right, Diana? I mean, he is cute. And if he can agree to not be high when we meet up and he can bring some of that 220 360 whatever he was on and maybe we could try it together and learn some stuff together really this is getting really romantic yeah i don't know i don't know if we can condone that but i can condone it okay what we can condone is the two of you meeting up again sure sober at the beginning you know yeah you know what i can commit to that you guys are adults what you want to do on your

own time that's your business but our business is to offer to send you out on a second date and we'll pay for it okay diana sounds happier now knowing what the whole deal was. Diana sounds like she's already... I know. It sounds like you should have just let off with that, Roofer. Yeah, I should have. No. Lesson learned. This whole time, I thought you were like an escaped mental patient.

This is such a relief. Such a relief. Yeah, no, not to keep bringing up the skin road thing, but that is... I am scared of myself that that was even in there. Don't say that. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. We're so done with new year, new you. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want.

And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition Podcast. Dive into John's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. For years, I had to rely on other people to tell me my story. And what I heard wasn't good. You really f***ed last night. It felt like I lived most of my life in a blackout.

I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then, I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.