Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Salty Saltine (#8)

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

One of our listeners tried online dating for the first time, and was so nervous she brought someone or some-THING along with her. Find out what it is in the podcast!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ugh, we're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Be more you this year and find them on Bumble.

Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show, and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors. And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups,

this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You don't need another podcast. You've got too many already.

But if you're looking for one that actually changes something, a way to take control of the chaos and find meaning, well, then maybe the one you feed is for you. I'm Eric Zimmer, and I bring real conversations with real people

to help you feed the best part of yourself. No hype, no fluff, just wisdom that works. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine.

A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie,

Johnny Marr, E, Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more. Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You gotta check them out.

Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning, and we are clingy. Oh, yeah. In fact, we want to spend the entire holidays with you, which is why we are counting down our top ten second date updates. Yeah, my kids wanted to do, do like Christmas time and make special memories.

And I'm like, no, children. Not this year. Yes. We want to spend it with our listeners instead. There's terrible dating decisions to try to fix. Yes, that's where we're coming in. Top 10 second date updates. We're at number eight today called Salty Saltine.

As opposed to what? Good point. You'll hear it it your number eight second date update second date update there's nothing wrong with bringing something along with you for a first date depending on who you are could be like a small flask oh could be a taser. I mean, you gotta be safe, I guess. Could be a blow-up Yoda doll for after-hours pleasure. I was thinking also for protection because anyone would leave you alone if you brought that. Or you could also bring

along a real-life human being because that's what one of our listeners, Siobhan, did. She brought a real person on her first date with her. You make it sound like an accessory jeffrey she's just wearing it around her waist it's possible siobhan what's up were they out of inflatable yodas that day or what was the thinking there honestly i hadn't even thought about going that route and i know it's weird but i'm just getting into online dating and

i'm just like trying to be super careful so yeah so make a note of inflatable yoda is what you just did I see who did you bring though is it a friend a stranger it's one of my good friends um in hindsight maybe she wasn't like the best choice I would have definitely gone with a bodyguard instead someone for hire yeah so before we get to the friend can you tell us about the guy that you went out with what's his deal yeah he was super cool like not somebody i would normally go after his name is joel what does that mean what was different about him well because he's a bald guy and that's but i actually told him that and um oh no wait so you told him online that you're not into bald dudes

yeah that i'm usually not i'm just trying to be like honest you know that's what we call brutal honesty he liked it obviously he went out with air sometimes i swipe right on people just to tell them no you're not my type yeah sorry your nose is too big weird what was his response when you said that to him well that's what was so great is he was like i make up for it in other areas he said my armpit hair is three times longer that's good i mean is that a joke or is he serious he's funny oh okay it's funny to some people i guess jeff's like instant rejection mean, he made me laugh and I figured that I would give it a try.

So I said yes when he invited me to go get dinner with him. Okay. Oh, that's good then. I was nervous though. That's the thing. When you're new to this,

like meeting someone and I mean, there's all kinds of like scary stories and... As a guy, we're creepy. Okay, I'll admit that. Yeah, but I like share a a location i don't like bring a friend to the location i like send him a text you know that's smart though alexis well and

hadn't you chatted with this guy for long enough to feel somewhat safe i know but you just hear about like people getting catfished and i was like i don't know dude he's bald he's not gonna catfish you with a picture of a bald man. Maybe his underarm was a catfish situation, where the armpit hair isn't the length he said. But how did it go when you met up with him? Yeah, well, I mean, that's the thing. Like, okay, so I brought my friend, like, just as a security measure, and I did not tell him about it beforehand.

I was going to ask. Why would you not tell him? What was his reaction? Well, okay, so I showed up early, and I was, like, talking with her at the bar, but I didn't see that he was already there, so he came over and he said hi, and I introduced him to my friend Saltine. Saltine? Did you say Saltine like the cracker?

Yeah. Okay. That's her real name, or is that a nickname? That's her real name. Salt that a nickname that's her real name it could be a good thing if you see an extra woman there i would have been like oh is this some other situation yeah i was curious like is saltine hot is it possible that she distracted or just really dry i imagine she's very white yeah yeah i mean she's really cute and joel was really polite about it.

I think he was definitely surprised, but he was just kind of going along with it. Okay. So you and Joel and Saltine all sat down together for dinner. Well, we had a drink at the bar and then the host came to tell us that our table was ready. And he asked if we could get another chair. Yeah. But I had said no like i wanted to eat with him alone and saltine could just stay at the bar she's gonna sit alone why wouldn't she just go home at that point she's still hovering brook i mean she's like really outgoing you know because i mean she makes, like, really outgoing, you know. I mean, she makes friends, like, everywhere we go. She's, like, very talkative. And I don't know.

She was already there. That sounds great. I think most people would be like, sure, I'll just stay here, have another drink, have some food. She'll keep an eye on you from a distance while you and Joel have a good time. That's actually good. How was the one-on-one time with Joel? So it was really nice. But she came over to, like, check on us, which was not part of the deal at all.

I did not tell her to do that. So why was that so bad, though? I mean, like, everybody already knows each other. She even checked on them, Brooke. She's probably lonely, though, sitting over there at the bar. It could get boring. It's kind of weird. I don't know what's happening.

I'd just get an Uber at that point. Is that when Joel's, like, mood changed? I mean, she, like, went back to the bar, but then she was texting me like, hey, we need to leave now. And he handled it well, but then after the date, I sent him a message and I told him that I wanted to hang out again and I got

no reply. I feel like I came across as such a weirdo, you know? You did. You brought saltine with you. Maybe just the name of your friend. But it's been the only reason. Yeah, so I don't know what the reason is exactly, but like, it's been a little

while now, and I've jumped back in the dating pool, and I've gone out with different guys, but no one is as cool as he was, and I really like him. Crawling back to the baldy. Alright, so you couldn't find a better option. We're going to call him. That's kind of what you said.

That's how dating is. That's as good as we can do now. Are we going to have Saltine on a third line? No. I don't think so. We're going to play a song. We'll come back. We'll call Joel and try and get your second date update.

And then tomorrow, we'll do an awkward Tuesday phone call with Saltine on the phone. Oh, okay. I'm into it. I'm just kidding. Let's do the second date update next second date update some strange names that we've heard on this show before include la tigre who you might remember had more than 16 tiger tattoos on his body and was a huge tiger enthusiast yeah we were like came first, the name or...

We also had a young lady named Elizabeth Thur. Oh, I forgot about her. Not Elizabeth. Elizabeth Thur with an E-R at the end. That was a difficult one. It was interesting for when Brooke was trying to make a point, saying now Elizabeth Thur. Elizabeth Thur.

To Elizabeth. Or I stuttered at the end. And now we have a new person on the phone. They're actually not on with us here, but she's a large part of the story. Her name is Saltine. I'll never forget it. Saltine tagged along on the date with our listener Siobhan, who was nervous about going on an online date

for the very first time. And so while she was over at dinner with her date Joel, Saltine sat over it by the bar, just spying on them the entire time until she had enough and actually marched up to the table and embarrassed Siobhan. Yeah, I tried to get her to leave. So now it's been almost a month

and Siobhan's hoping to get back again with Joel. Siobhan, do you have any last words before we reach out to him? I know I messed up when I took Saltine, but I really like this guy. Like, he is, like, the best thing, especially compared to what I've been

going out with since. Yeah. Like, he's awesome. Okay. Okay, he's awesome. Let's get him on the phone. And it was all Saltine's fault. We'll just blame it on her. Yeah. That's true. If you can blame it on her and then you just say, you're so awesome, I regret everything regret everything i think it's easy peasy maybe there's a whole different reason though let's just call joel and see what he has to say you ready okay oh my god all right deep breath here we go Hello?

Hey, is this Joel? Yeah. Who's this? Hey, Joel. My name's Jeff from a morning radio show that you may have heard of called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. Yeah, I think I've heard of you guys. Cool. Thank you for the good review.

Funny thing is we heard of you too. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Good things too about you, Joel. We heard it from somebody that you went out on a date with a little while ago named Siobhan. Oh, you do remember Siobhan? She said like 30 days, like a month ago that you guys went out. Yeah, it's been a punk. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Getting hints from the tone of your voice that it wasn't the best date for you, but. We kind of knew that. Yeah. No, it was not. Okay. Was it funny? You laughed. It's just, so we went out to dinner like a month ago.

And when I went out with her, she ended up bringing her friend on the date. You remember her friend's name? Yeah, Saltine. That's the one. I thought it was crazy because when we matched online, I thought her name was beautiful. I love the name Siobhan. And then on the date, she brings this friend named Saltine. And I'm just like, this is the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my life.

Siobhan said that you seemed to be really cool with it. You were able to basically roll with the evening, which is awesome. How did it go? I didn't want to be a dick about it. It was weird having another person there. But I suggested let's get a table for three. Well, that's polite. Siobhan just said she's going to sit at the bar and watch us.

Yeah. What are you saying? I'm like, that is weird. Immediately, red flag. I'm like, is somebody going to watch us? Okay. You're not into that lifestyle? The chaperone.

Yeah. Because, I mean, I do enjoy watching sometimes when other couples get into it. I bet you watch. Yeah. It's fun for all i'm just not into that voyeuristic lifestyle that's not why she was watching come on siobhan told us just wait you're not but siobhan told us that saltine is kind of a like a fun type

like a outgoing social girl yeah yeah she she seemed pretty cool. Again, I thought we would fit together. Yeah. Us sitting alone only lasted about 20 minutes because then Saltine is like stumbling over to the table. Stumbling? Wait, she's drunk? Clearly drunk. She's alone in a bar. What is she supposed to do?

It's only 20 minutes, Alexis. It's a lot of shots. I was just going to say that. Alexis gets it. She starts coming at me saying how I'm the unlucky one that I didn't match with her. He's the fun one. Siobhan is boring.

Is Siobhan sitting there while she's totally... No, Siobhan had gone up to go to the bathroom. That's even worse. So you're with Saltine now? She's the fun one. No, I'm not with Saltine now? Jeff, don't ask that yet. She's the fun one. No, I'm not with Saltine.

I'm not with any of them. Oh, well, that's good. And that's sex for Siobhan. She thinks she's bringing her most trusted friend with her to help her out, and she's trying to steal her man. Yes. Look, ten minutes later, Saltine is getting carted out of the bar. She was getting kicked out or cut off.

And Siobhan takes care of her. She orders her an Uber to get her home. So we just decided to call it early, and I drove her home. And I don't like to judge people off their friends, but, like, this was a pretty big red flag. Yeah, that's the worry. That's going to be hard for her to hear yeah yeah actually she's already kind of heard that joel because i didn't let you know this before but siobhan has actually been on the other line listening this entire time wow just spying in

on the conversation like saltine did and now she wants to jump in and talk to you yeah hi did you know that siobhan no no i had no idea i had no idea siobhan you know what i don't have any idea about how did she get my number what what who got your number saltine what what do you mean? She's texting me, apologizing about that night, saying how sorry she was, like begging me to go back out with you so much that she offered me money. What? Oh, my gosh. She wants to pay you? Saltine needs to chill.

Yo, this girl's so extra. Siobhan, is Saltine your pimp? Is that what's going on? Oh, my gosh. She sounds like she's a stable person. I don't even really know what to say. I'm imagining that she probably got your number through my phone.

I obviously didn't give it to her and this is not a representation of how I am as a person at all. I had no idea that she would backstab me like this. Backstab yeah talking crap about her when she was in the bathroom that was totally backstabbing what about the part where she tried

to fix the relationship it was like you should go out yeah yeah what type of friend it's not okay that she did that she should have stayed out of it like she made enough of a mess yeah when she came over to the table like maybe i would have had a chance had she not been such a creep and then stolen your number out of my phone, trying to pay you to go out with me. Like, that's so messed up. Right. Yeah. Do you know that she asked me out?

No. Wait, via text or when she was drunk at the bar? She texted me, like, last week asking if I'd be her date to some, like, dental hygienist ball. Oh, she is all over the place. She just wants attention, dude. I mean, she's wild and crazy. And, like, I've seen her do some shady stuff.

But, like, I never thought she would do something like this to me. Yeah, you trusted her. And I bet you've been talking to her about how much you've been thinking about Joel and about how you wish you could go out with him again. Yeah. I'm totally. Oh, my goodness. That is hard to hear. I'm going to get her back.

Okay. No, don't attack her. Let's not fight. Let's just be back. I think to me it sounds like Siobhan is on the brink of cutting saltine out of her life permanently. Which may not be bad. Low-sodium diet? Yeah.

So with... Oh, my gosh. I don't know if that's true, Siobhan, but if it is, Joel, now that saltine is out of the picture, would you be willing to go out with Siobhan just by herself? She's the stable one. The boring one. Yeah. That's a good one. The boring one. Yeah.

That's a good thing right now. Sorry. A boring, gluten-free date with Siobhan and we'll pay for it. I don't know. They're best friends. It's hard to just like... Ex-best friends. A best friend. She's not my best friend. I know I messed up.

I know that it was super weird and creepy what I did. I was nervous because it was my first time online dating. But I really like you, and I would just appreciate just one more chance. Please, I swear to God, Saltine's not going to be there. She's not going to be anywhere near me ever again. Like, honestly, I'm not crazy like her. And I would just really, like, I just lost my best friend. Like, please let this be some sort of, like, consolation prize.

That's a good pitch. Joel, Saltine will not be anywhere on your date, but she will still be tracking your phone. So just keep that in mind. But I say give Siobhan one more chance. You've got to say yes to that, Joel. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. He said yeah!

Oh my gosh! Congratulations, Siobhan. Oh my gosh, thank you. Siobhan's phone's getting slowed. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Ugh.

We're so done with New Year, New You. This year, it's more you on Bumble. More of you shamelessly sending playlists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Gemini's because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too.

Be more you this year and find them on Bumble. Jon Stewart is back at The Daily Show and he's bringing his signature wit and insight straight to your ears with The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Dive into Jon's unique take on the biggest topics in politics, entertainment, sports, and more. Joined by the sharp voices of the show's correspondents and contributors.

And with extended interviews and exclusive weekly headline roundups, this podcast gives you content you won't find anywhere else. Ready to laugh and stay informed? Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You don't need another podcast. You've got too many already. But if you're looking for one that actually changes something, a way to take control of the chaos and find meaning, well, then maybe the one you feed is for you.

I'm Eric Zimmer, and I bring real conversations with real people to help you feed the best part of yourself. No hype, no fluff, just wisdom that works. Listen to The One You Feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine.

A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. People, my people, what's up? This is Questlove. Man, I cannot believe we're already wrapping up another season of Questlove Supreme. Man, we've got some amazing guests lined up to close out the season. But, you know, I don't want any of you guys to miss all the incredible conversations we've had so far. I mean, we talked to A. Marie, Johnny Marr, E., Jonathan Schechter, Billy Porter, and so many more.

Look, if you haven't heard these episodes yet, hey, now's your chance. You've got to check them out. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.