Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Shank to the Heart

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

The #1 thing the woman on the phone today says she looks for in a man was SO SHOCKING, Brooke almost fell out of her chair…  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Most of my life in a blackout. I was trapped in addiction. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story. Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts,

to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Second date update. I don't like to call people out, but I am disappointed in each and every one of us. I feel like we go through this on a daily basis, Jeff.

I don't know if you say you don't like to call it out. I'm more disappointed in us than usual today. Okay, that's a difference. I feel like we're not doing a good job of like to call it out. I'm more disappointed in us than usual today. Okay, that's a difference. I feel like we're not doing a good job of getting to know our listeners. Okay. We're just rushing right into the details of the date. Isn't that kind of what the segment... We just want to know what's wrong with them, really.

But we need to be getting to know them more, not just going like, Okay, we get it. You're a person. Tell us where you went. Did you make out with one lip or two? That's selfish us how do you do it with one all right let's go what do you want to know i i want to like get a chance to really get to know them so that we can really be on their side really be pulling for them and understand where they're coming from all right let's go yeah we like that so let's try that out with Lance today. Lance, in three seconds or less, give us a snapshot of your life.

Go ahead. Wait a minute. I'm divorced. I got no kids. Okay, Lance, we don't need to hear every single detail about your entire existence. I just wanted a snapshot. I think he said teacher. You interrupted him, Jeff.

I was trying to. Well, he was going on and on. You don't have time for on okay i caught divorced wow that's all you call no kids that's not all that defines you lance no i mean there's more than that you know of course i'm just messing around with you dude so tell us more all right cool so uh you did get the right thing i am divorced all. Are you new to the dating scene then, or have you been out there for a minute? I've been out there for a minute, but you know what's been interesting? A lot of trial and error.

Okay. I'm hearing mostly error from your voice. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. I've been trying really hard not to get shanked. Like, online dating is- Is that a concern of men? Well, you're meeting strangers online.

Yeah, exactly. So where'd you meet her? I actually met her off of Instagram, and her name is Jessica. Is she like a friend of a friend? Like, how did you come across her profile? I just kind of started looking at stuff in my area. I'm an IT guy. You know, I'm not going to reveal my secrets.

Everybody would do it. Okay. So you're just trolling Instagram to find a hottie. Not in a creepy way. That sounds very creepy, bro. Some of my friends see people on dating apps and then just DM them instead of messaging them on. It's not any different than going to a bar, like, with the intent of meeting someone. Trolling

the bar, like, trying to find someone. Doing it in a nicer way. Yeah, you're just doing it online, locally. And if you don't want people to see you, select private on your account. So Jessica is probably open to this, right? I seem like she was.

I mean, at least she didn't block me after I first messaged her. Great sign. Big win. What was that first message? Well, it was like, hi,

cutie pie. I love your energy. I'm kind of new to the dating single. Want to mingle? Is the cutie pie real? Yeah. Is that word for word? The cutie pie real? Yeah. Is that word for word? The cutie pie thing.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't want to come across as, like, threatening, you know? Like, hey, random guy out of the blue, how you doing? Yeah, but you also don't want to be like, hey, cutie, but cutie. Hey. She responded. She liked it. Sure.

Yeah. Okay. How'd you turn it into a date? Well, I just kind of told her that I was looking for a little bit of fun. And I asked her if she'd like to go and get a steak. A steak? Very specific. Did she agree to that?

Yeah, she did. And we had a really good time. We did a lot of talking. I got to know her she's into some pretty interesting stuff she likes ice fishing i mean i personally hate the cold but you know each their own okay oh yeah but i i kind of felt like halfway through it just you know when you're talking to somebody and they just kind of start nodding and trailing off a little bit yeah brick does that to me all the time in the middle of the segments i i mean i i've

lived through four years of that that's why i got divorced oh you didn't say that right but i kind of started getting the same feeling again like halfway through it just kind of turned into that the vibe shifted well that's interesting then if that's how she treated you and you felt like she lost interest why are you still wanting to go out with her well i mean part of it is just the insecurity of being divorced and getting back into the dating scene and initially over instagram it seemed like we had a lot in common and we really connected and even at the start of the date it was great yeah and by the end like i look i was hoping to get maybe a goodbye kiss but it just kind of turned into one of those really awkward distant hugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where your, like, upper body doesn't touch, but only your arms do. Yeah, she wasn't feeling it, and I just got that huge sense of disconnect, and I'd kind of like to know why. Well, I don't blame you, because if this keeps happening with different women in your life, there may be one common denominator here. Yeah, we may need to find out. Yeah.

Were you calling her cutie patootie to her face during the date no okay i mean that's like a third date thing you know yeah oh that's right yeah you don't move patootie out until later yeah exactly okay well you know i think that that's good that's like good growth for you to figure out what's going on and if if you did something wrong and if you didn't then maybe you get another shot yeah yeah, maybe. I don't know. I'd just kind of like to find out why. That's what our job is. You guys ready to work?

I feel like I know him so well. Me too. Lance, my new best friend. Let's help him out. That three seconds really changed my life. Wow. I'm trying to be enthusiastic. No, we got it.

So what we're going to do is we're going to come back. We'll call Jessica from Instagram for you, and we'll try and get you your second date update right after this. Okay, Lance? Beautiful. Thank you. All right, man. Hold on. Second date update.

I feel like at this point, we're closer to our listener Lance than we are to our own families. Okay, Jeff. Because in the last break, we learned he was divorced. He's on Instagram. He likes steak. Don't know what else there is to find out about him. Lance, is there anything else about you that we don't already know? What more could we possibly learn?

Isn't that all of us in this room? We like steak and have an Instagram. Nobody's been divorced, bud. Lance? Not yet. I mean, yeah, I do computer stuff, you know. Oh, yeah. You already told us that.

I already knew you were in IT. Yeah, I guess we already do know every single thing there is to know about you. Well, no wonder the date got boring. She learned everything real quick and then. knows your whole soul yeah but he did meet a woman named jessica online took her out for dinner and noticed her energy changed during the date where she seemed to lose interest as the night went on and that doesn't feel good no matter who you are totally so and it reminded him of his ex-wife even which we are not gonna tell but he does want to know what happened see if he did anything wrong and hopefully get another date here so let's give her a call what

do you think lance yeah yeah let's do it okay we think you're very interesting so let's go thanks and uh i would appreciate it if you guys didn't mention the whole ex-wife thing too oh okay yeah yes we weren't gonna do it but now you owe us for not doing it i kind of like it stick with it jeff we're holding one over on you but here we go we're gonna call jessica this is jessica oh hey jessica okay sound a little nervous who is this good question uh this is brooke and jeff Jeffrey in the morning. Yeah. And that means... Oh, God. We really don't know, actually.

It means we are the number one rated morning show. Somehow. At least for the moment. Yeah. But yeah, you're on the radio right now. Okay. And why? You have all the good questions, Jessica.

I appreciate that. But we're doing a segment called the Second Date Update. That's where we try and help out our listeners who are having a little bit of trouble setting up a second date. Okay. And, I mean, one of our listeners is basically our friend that you went out with. Yeah, he's like a bestie of the show. Can you tell me who we're talking about? Are you sure you just don't want to guess a bunch

of names until we tell you the right one? Okay, she's laughing. You're on our side. I like it, Jessica. We're funny. Yeah, no, I guess we'll just tell you. His name's Lance. Oh. Oh, she stopped laughing. Not as funny. Uh-oh.

You guys went to, like, a steak dinner? Yeah. Fancy? Yeah. Right? That's what he told you? Yeah. Did you not go to a steak dinner? Well, I mean, yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. I mean, so, yeah.

Yeah, that happened. Okay. Okay. What did you think of him? He said that he hit you up on DM on Instagram. Yeah. You know, and that's, I mean, it's hard not to be flattered, especially when it's not a catfish situation, right? Like, he was a real person, and I did a little, you know, research. Homework.

Yeah. Right. Exactly. Homework is the right way to think of it. A lot of people do. That's normal. Right. Exactly. Homework is the right way to think of it. A lot of people do. That's normal. Right? And so I really thought it was kind of a neat

risk that he took to kind of slide into my DMs. And so I was expecting a bad boy. A bad boy? Well, you know, like a risk taker. Well, because that's a bold thing to do. Right?

I guess. Isn't bad boy what you got yeah no he i mean he genuinely misrepresented himself like oh really yeah i'm sure he told us that his opening line was cutie patootie or cut cutie pie. Oh, cutie pie. Is that what it was? I said cutie patootie. Something like that. Yeah. It was all very, I don't know, like fun until we're hanging out at whatever steak dinner we're at. And he's like, well, it turns out that he's not married.

And I was bummed. What? Wait, what? Oh, you bummed that he got a divorce. I think she just said that wrong. Well, yeah. So he mentioned to us that he was divorced a couple of years ago. So he's been trying to get back out to the dating.

But she's not involved at all. No, but I actually genuinely prefer to date married men. What? That isn't a thing. You're joking. What? Don't act shocked. I cannot be the first person who's ever said that to you.

Nope. I think you'd be surprised if not a lot of listeners have come on the show and said that. I mean, you say it with like pride almost. Oh, absolutely. You prefer to date married men? I'm not looking for anything serious, and there is no better way to guarantee that we are not going to get serious if he's already married.

So is it an Ashley Madison situation? There is plenty of people that will hook up with you that aren't married. Well, hold on a second, because I don't understand. He was divorced, he said, two years ago. How did you not realize he was divorced? Why do you think he was married? Because when I was doing my homework, his Facebook relationship status says that he's married. Oh.

Oh, okay. Dude, my husband's relationship status on Facebook still says engaged. Uh-oh. Yeah. I didn't think people update those anymore. No, I mean, it's not a thing. Dude, that is messed up. You're right, it is messed up. He lied to me about this.

No! Hold the phone! No, seriously, hold the phone. I think that it's his turn. Lance is jumping on the phone because he's been listening on the other line right now. Why are you saying that I lied? What did I

lie to you about? Your Facebook relationship status says you're married and I was looking forward to it. Oh my god. I've been on Facebook for like five years. I don't update it at all. Well, you should update it because

otherwise you're going out into the world lying. You're being dishonest. No. You could probably get more dates, Lance. I'm sorry. You could change it to single dates. Lance, are you not mad? You're not mad that she just said she only goes after married men?

No, I'm not mad. Like, everybody's got one life to live, and I'm just basing everything off of our interaction together. It was fun. Okay. You're not deterred by it. That's amazing. You're the only one who's been able to be in a room, read her energy and vibes,

so you would know more than we do. I feel like you have a catch right now, Jessica. I mean, he's saying that he's into you regardless of your red flags. Controversial likes. We'll go with that. I mean, I do think it's a little bit weird, but I work in IT, so I'm a little weird, too.

Okay. Same Zs. We've got to get that right. I date married men, and I work in IT. Very similar. Well, look at that, Jessica. Oh, wow. He's brushing aside a lot of stuff just because he says he likes you and he thinks that you're cool.

Yeah, the chemistry was there. That's got to stand for something. Oh, if he still has his ring, he could just wear it for funsies. It's like a role play. Would that work, Jessica? Would that do it for you? You know, I like the way you think, but I'm just not into Lance. He's too available.

Oh, my gosh. He's too available? Too faithful? Yeah, he's both available and faithful. That's way too easy. This is nuts. Okay, I could go out of town and turn off my phone. What?

That makes him unavailable. I think she's saying, call me when you get into a relationship. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, that's not exactly what I'm saying at all. I'm not looking for a cheater. I'm looking for someone who's in a stale relationship. Who's in a stale

already? She doesn't want you to be in a happy relationship because that would be bad if she broke that up. I could be bad. I've done a lot of bad things. Lance, I don't know if she's into that stuff. I think that ship has

sailed. I think it really just comes down to your relationship status. That's the number one thing for her. I mean, you're better off, Lance. I mean, am I really better off, though? I've already said I'm trying not to get shanked on dates. This time, I think I took a

shank to the heart, guys. Wow. That seems a little overdramatic. Yeah. Jessica, this call isn't going like we thought it would go at all, but is there anything else you would like to say to Lance

before we end this? That I couldn't believe he could be any lamer than what he was on the date. Oh, why did we ask? All right, she just twisted the shank. She twisted it. I mean, look,

I don't know about you guys, but I'm kind of turned on and fired up right now. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No way. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. You know, we rarely do this, but after we recorded that segment,

I got back on the phone and talked with Jessica a little bit about why she thinks the way that she thinks. What, you were going to act like her therapist for a second or something? I'm not going to try and tell her what to do. It's just because we've never had anyone ever say that on our show before and be so unashamed about it. But she had two main points, and they're kind of interesting. One, she said she's not looking for a long-term serious thing, and that's exactly what married men are going for. She made that clear, Jeffrey. long-term serious thing and that's exactly what married men are going for when they're going for

a thing so it's actually less complicated to date a married guy than it is to date a single dude trying to lock you down i will tell you right now you come up and try to date my husband it is going to be very complicated for you okay but your husband it's going to be a great time plus point number two she says married guys are more fun when they go out because married men never get to have fun at home. Oh, so it's like the one night out. What is that stupid stereotype?

Oh my god. I monitor my husband at all times. I did not say that. I did not say that. Marriage is fun. It really is. And like, this lady sucks. This lady sucks. This lady sucks. I hate her. I think a lot of people are with you, Brooke. No, seriously.

No one in this room is on her side to be clear. None of us are. Cheating's bad. But it is interesting to hear. It's crazy to logic, right? There's no logic. Hashtag single girl logic. How about that? Anyway, we can't say we're always going to agree with you or be on your side

but we will give it a chance and reach out to that person who isn't calling you back just to see what they have to say jeff will listen i'm not very good at that it's brooke and jeffrey in the morning john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast join late night legend john stewart and the best news team Which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show, Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show, Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emi Olea, host of the podcast Crumbs. or wherever you get your podcasts. You had to grab the lamp and smash it against the walls. And then I decided I wanted to tell my own story.

Listen to Crumbs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this meme stock stuff is, I think, embarrassing

to the SEC. Follow The Big Take Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.