Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Second Date Update: Sick of Mozzarella Sticks

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

We’ve heard nearly every reason someone has given for getting out of a date at the last second but nothing tops what the guy in today’s Second Date did!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend Jon Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Second date update. It's the hot new network special, When Netflix and Chill Goes Wrong. Wait, what? That felt right to me.

Anybody else? I thought there weren't enough whip sounds in this mystery music, so I'm adding in a few more. Because everybody knows a good mystery needs a devilishly handsome detective cracking the whip. What? Like an actual whip. A real whip.

It's the whip of justice. Okay, we get it. The whip of justice. One of our listeners, Jessica, is looking to get to the bottom of what happened on her date night. The mystery of the man with no plan. This is going to be painful. I knew it.

I knew it. Why do I jump every time I hear that? Is there someone else? It's not a fun whip. Fear the whip, Brooke. I say that because they didn't have a plan for their date. Apparently, they just went to her place. Oh.

Anyway. That was a pretty elaborate opening. Jessica, welcome to the show. Oh. Anyway. That was a pretty elaborate opening. Jessica, welcome to the show. Hi. She emailed us like, hey, I just hung out with a guy. Jeffrey's like, I'm gonna whip this guy. Now, don't you worry, Jessica. I got my whip ready. You're so weird.

Wow, okay. Why don't you tell us about the guy you want us to crack it on. What's his name? Stop. His name is Keeney. Okay. We're coming for you, Kenny. We're going to be fun. How did you meet Kenny?

I'm excited. We met on Tinder. Okay. I have a question. No whips allowed on Tinder. That place is pure. Is it Kenny or Keeny? Kenny.

Like Kenny G. Oh, Kenny. Okay, okay, okay. Kenny, okay. Okay, so, okay, Kenny, he's on Tinder. What do you like about him? Honestly, he seemed like a really cool guy, and I guess I'm kind of old school.

Like, we messaged for a few weeks before we actually hooked up, so. Good. That's always good. Right, so we kind of, you know, talked to each other, like, here and there. And honestly, I just got out of, like, a long-term relationship, so I wasn't really looking for anything too serious and he seemed like very friendly and not my usual guy to date i'm hearing safe he seems safe after after getting out of a bad relationship every girl wants to

bounce back with someone that isn't going to hurt them right they're last person he's cute he's nice like why why didn't you guys make a plan well it was kind of like spur of the moment i just ran into my ex random and like he's already moved on you know how it is so i was just like in a state and he he messaged me on tinder and i was just like hey you want to come over so that was a booty call i mean i didn't know normally i'm not that aggressive but that day i mean there's no plan on your side but i don't know from kenny's side if a girl asks you to come over it was it late like i feel like he had a plan he came over around like six six okay so how did it go i mean i didn't like say no plan so i kind of just threw some mozzarella sticks in the oven.

I was like, okay, do you want to watch a movie? He's like, cool. Okay. Yeah, this seems natural so far. What do you put on on a first date when you're watching a movie with mozzarella sticks? I didn't know. So I put on a notebook. Oh.

Wow. You went full romantic with it. Yeah, it's romantic, sad, girly. Superhero or comedy. I know, but it was like last minute for the moment, and then it popped up on my, you know, when you first go into Netflix. Suggested? Yeah. Or like it's on you.

I mean, you're probably not going to watch it anyways, so. Well, I was kind of hoping we did. I mean, it's like one of my faves. Did he enjoy the movie? He seemed like he was into it, but then I got up to go get us some more drinks and check on the mozzarella sticks. And when I came back, he kind of like jumped up and was like, hey, where's your bathroom? Hey, that's weird. I mean, the jump up part is true.

Like, it's an emergency and then i can kind of hear him in the bathroom kind of grunting and like what not like a number two type situation but like i don't know like maybe he was gagging or something i don't know like he was too excited by the like he got sick like sick to his stomach yeah like more like he was trying to throw up or something like that. Oh. Oh, no. That's not good. I make those sounds, too, when I'm having fun in my myself truck.

So, yeah. He could be into some stuff. It's a natural reaction to seeing Ryan Gosling suck face with somebody. But, I don't know. That sucks. Yeah, it does suck. Did he leave after that? Yeah, like he came out the bathroom so quick.

And I had, like, made up some more drinks. I had the little mozzarella sticks set up on like a really cute table. I love the mozzarella sticks. That sounds like one of the problems of this. No, it's so good. Were you able to get

the date back on track after that or what happened? No, like he rushed to the door and he's like, oh, I feel sick. And I'm like, well, if you're hungry,

the food's ready now. Mozzarella. I mean, now it's getting forceful. Your fried string cheese, that'll make you feel better. That sounds like the worst thing to eat. Well, I even offered, like, I can make you another drink. I do have some good ginger ale. That's good.

Next thing I know, he just walked out the door. Okay. Oh, he was sick. Yeah, it's nothing you did on the date like he just got sick bad bad timing right but like by now i would expect a call to say hey i'm sorry you know i ate something bad earlier i mean also he hasn't even said hey i'm okay or thanks for you know being patient with me or anything to you no i haven't heard from him at all. Plus, he doesn't know how the notebook ended, which is... Oh, no! You have to see the ending

of that. Is that how it ends? It does. It ends with a lot of that. I don't remember. Oh, maybe that's the director's cut. Sorry about that, Jessica. So, I'm going to put my whip away. We're going to play a song. Are you? Please. I don't know. I'm just going to be within arm's reach. I want to play with it.

We're going to come back. We'll call Kenny for you. And we'll try to crack the whip of justice right over his back. And figure out why he isn't calling you after your date. I'm ready. I want to hear the news. We'll do it right after this. Hold on.

Second date update. Guys, why didn't we bring this up in the first part? What? We're horrible detectives, clearly. Oh, what did we miss? On a first date, at home, mozzarella sticks. Guy halfway through the movie The Notebook, tummy gets upset, and none of you say lactose intolerance? Oh! He would know that.

Why would he eat the cheese stick? This gumshoe just cracked the case. Cracked my whip right on it. Mystery solved. Why even call him? The thing is, it still doesn't explain why Kenny isn't calling her back. Or why he would eat the cheese sticks if he was lactose intolerant. He just found out.

Some things may never be solved. But I'm just going to pass it over to Brooke Watson, the sidekick to my Sherlock. Oh, Brooke, Dr. Brooke Watson. What do you think, Brooke? I don't know. I just think that maybe, was there anything else in your,

I don't know, maybe the notebook was just a turn off for him. Like maybe he thought, no, I just think that maybe he thought going in that this was going to be like, you know, a Netflix and chill situation. And you put the notebook on and it like throws a whole wrench into the whole thing. He's almost like, I'm wasting my time here.

Yeah. What do you think, Jessica? I don't know. Do you think that, I mean, the notebook to me screams, I want a relationship. I mean, honestly, after seeing him, I do really, really like him. That's why I'm so like. Okay. So I'm accurate. Kind accurate. If he's lactose intolerant, I'm cool with it. I can accept it. You can make chicken fingers instead. There you go. Was it the movie? Was it the food? We're going to find out the answers when we call him right now. Are you ready to do this, Jessica?

Yes. All right. I'm just like excited and nervous. All all right here we go i'm gonna dial his number right now let's do it hello hey is this kenny uh yes who's this hi ken Kenny. Name's Jeff with Gumshoes Incorporated. We got a bit of a mystery on our hands here. That's not how detectives find people. That is so dark. That's what these detectives do. What? Hi, Kenny. It sounds like there's a bunch of you.

Yeah. There's a bunch of gumshoes in the room. That's right. We're all detectives here. And the reason why we're calling is because you went out on a date with a woman the other night. Her name is Jessica. She's not missing or anything, is she? No.

No, no, no. Why would you jump to that conclusion, Kenny? We're not real detectives. Kenny, we're a morning... That seems very suspect that you just went to... Oh, is she gone? Weird. The last time that I saw her was 1107.

Exactly. We've talked to Jessica. She's fine. We're a morning radio show. Okay, if you want to make this not fun. Yeah, that's what we're doing. Boring, bro. Okay, good. So you remember her? Yes, yes, I do. You remember going to her place and watching The Notebook together and eating mozzarella sticks?

Yes, I remember all that. Are those weird details to share with you? Why'd you laugh? Just because it's very specific. You know a lot about my night. Yeah, we're pretty good at our jobs. Or she told us, bro. That's right, because we asked her.

That's how these works. So let me just lay it out for you here, Kenny. After your date, she's confused why you haven't been calling her back. She knows that you got sick in the middle of it, and she feels really bad about it, but she doesn't understand why after what was a pretty decent night, now you've completely ghosted. I don't know. I guess I just thought the notebook was kind of a weird movie for a first date. It kind of threw off the vibe.

See? I told you. You didn't like the movie. Yeah, I mean, it was just like, it's just like a couple arguing for like two hours. Wait. I was like, where's the romance?

It like, you know, reminded me of like my last relationship except none of the love and just like all of the arguing, you know? Oh, you're saying, you're saying you didn't like the notebook not because it was like too romantic, that it was just too depressing because they just fought fought the whole time yeah i was like this is what you want

you know this is the relationship you want oh my god okay i wanted to grow old and forget each other i gotta say i feel that because one time i went on a date and i watched the breakup do you remember that jennifer aniston movie yeah with a lot of arctic vince vaughn yeah with vince vaughn and i came out of it and I was like, I don't really want to be in a relationship right now. Oh, no.

Why would you watch a movie called The Breakup, bro? It felt so bad. So, are you saying that the movie was so bad it made you physically ill? Or did you fake getting sick to get out of the day?

Oh, that's a good question. Good question, gumshoe. No, no. I really did get sick. Oh, okay. What? No. Ryan Gosling's performance was that disgusting to you?

Well, she had this fish tank in the living room. Oh, a fish tank. And she went to go get some more mozzarella sticks. It was really good, by the way. And, you know, while she was in the kitchen, I took my empty glass and I dipped it in the fish tank and I chugged a glass of scummy fish tank water. What? Why would you do that? Why?

Why didn't you just say, hey, man, I'm not feeling it. I'm going to go. Yeah, gross. Oh, you were trying to make yourself sick. Well, I guess I thought that was better than being like, hey, I'm just going to go because I don't I don't want to be here anymore. I don't know. Hey, could we watch another movie? I mean, that's a solution.

But now, I mean, look what you've gotten yourself into now, Kenny, because not only have you told us, but you've kind of also told Jessica that you faked it because she's been on the other line listening. Wait, what? Yeah, she's been listening and she wants to talk to you. Jessica, you there? Oh, my God, dude. Yeah. I really don't even remember the last time I cleaned that fish tank out, y'all. Okay.

So he genuinely was sick then, probably. Ew, I'm going to be sick. I told you I really was sick. Oh, we believe you now. Who would have thought drinking fish water could make you sick? So you drank my fish tank water and now you don't want to talk to me anymore? I don't understand. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, I really was sick for, like, actually a few days after.

And I was like, you know, I don't know if these are the kind of movies she likes. I don't know if that's the kind of relationship I'm looking for. Please leave. What? Wow. You're basing this all on one movie choice? Oh my god. Jessica, how does that make you feel

that he hates The Notebook without even seeing the whole thing? I don't know. If I thought he was my Noah, I don't think it anymore. This is one of the greatest movies ever. Yeah, let's slow down. Let's slow down, Jessica. That's a bold statement. I didn't really enjoy it either,

but I don't think that that's a reason not to call somebody back. Like, you liked everything else about Jessica, right? Right. I mean, it's not just, you know, it's not just like the one movie. It's just if you like movies like that, then you probably like a bunch of them, and I just really don't like movies like that. Romantic movies?

So don't make watching movies part of your relationship. Wow. See, I think that's fine. Just don't spend any movies part of your relationship. Wow. I think that's fine. Just don't spend any time or do anything together. My husband and I, he has terrible taste in movies. His favorite movie is Patch Adams. It's all he wants to watch over and over again. Oh, God.

It's a movie that goes on about three hours too long. I can tell you that. See, doesn't that sound like a loving, happy relationship? Don't you want to be in a relationship just like that, Kenny? I drive for this. Like, why is movie selection so important to you? You know, I enjoy watching movies, talking about movies, some of the things that I like to do,

and things to bond over, you know? Okay, so what movies do you like? Maybe Jessica will like some of your favorite movies. Good point. I like the Fast and the Furious series. Oh, I thought you were going to go with like highbrow indie flicks or something. That was not where I saw that going. Jackass the sequel?

Yeah. I like bad movies. You guys, it's crazy because I actually hate action movies. Jessica, you don't like them? No, like Fast and the Furious is probably one of the last movies I would ever pick. But would you date someone who liked them even though you didn't? I would. And I really liked Kenny.

I mean, I feel like we may not agree on the movie choices, but I thought other areas about me you liked. I mean, we don't have to watch movies together, but there's other things that we can do as a couple. I mean, think of the mozzarella sticks, Kenny. They were good. Right? That's true. They were really good. Okay. So there's something you guys can hold on. Maybe our thing could be eating, trying different foods or something. Oh, that's a good thing to bond over. I mean, think about it, Kenny. I mean, the two of you can go out on one more date and you two can lady in the tramp right on a mozzarella stick. What do you say? Go out with Jessica one more date and you two can lady in the tramp right on a mozzarella stick what do you say

go out with jessica one more time and we'll pick up the bill uh you know i mean it really kind of bothers me that she's not a vin diesel fan but i could probably overlook it and give her a second chance okay don't get hung up on the vin diesel thing i don't think even vin diesel is a vin diesel so that's a yes from you, Kenny? Yep, that's a yes. Okay. That's awesome. Look at that, Jessica.

Jessica, you still up for this? Yes, definitely. Okay. Congratulations, you guys. It looks like we got a second date. Yay! You guys can meet up, throw some mozzarella sticks

in the oven, put an action movie on the TV, and put a lock on the aquarium. Okay, Jessica? I'm going to clean it now. Okay, and put a lock on the aquarium. Okay, Jessica? I'm going to clean it now. Okay, that's a good girl. Clean it so Kenny can actually drink some clean water when he gets sick of the beer watches. Change the filter.

I'm not drinking any more of that stuff. That was a bad idea. Okay, you just eat the catnip next time. Gotcha. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. We're getting tons of texts into 78592 with people giving all sorts of other excuses that this guy could have used to get out of the date. I mean, so many options. People are texting in like, my apartment flooded.

I forgot to pay my parking ticket. My grandpa escaped again. Oh, I mean, any of them. Any of them could have gotten him out of the date. But no, he decided to literally drink dirty fish tank water to make himself physically ill so that he would have a legitimate excuse to leave. I don't know what that says about the dating status of the world that she still wanted to date after that. Like that wasn't a big red flag. Okay, algae boy. We can come back from this. But, you know, I wish them luck.

Yeah. I mean, maybe he'll get one of those superhero powers. Isn't that how it happens? Yeah. Drinks that mean toxic. Right. You're radioactive. Yeah.

That's how Aquaman was invented. Yeah, exactly. But remember, if you want to get a second date update, you can always email the show. We'll call the person who isn't calling you back. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning john stewart is back in the host chair at the daily show which means he's also back in our ears on the daily show ears edition podcast join late night legend john stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines exclusive extended interviews and more now this is a second term we can all get behind.

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