Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update - Textual Healing: Mystery Makeout

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

One of our listeners got a JUICY text message from a random number, and he HAS to get to the bottom of who sent it. He’ll get that opportunity in a brand new Textual Healing!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, everybody, this is Matt Rogers. And Bowen-Yang. And you're never going to guess who's our guest on Las Culturistas. It is Elle Woods, Tracy Flick, herself. Reese Witherspoon. Louise, it must go in a girl's trip. I have to have a tequila. We must.

Oh! Whoever said orange is the new pink. We seriously disturbs. Listen to Las Culturistas on the I-HeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jorge Ramos. And I'm Paola Ramos. Together we're launching The Moment, a new podcast about what it means to live through a time as uncertain as this one. We sit down with politicians, artists, and activists to bring you death and analysis from a unique Latino perspective.

The moment is a space for the conversations we've been having us, father and daughter, for years. Listen to The Moment with Jorge Ramos and Paola Ramos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Umanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom. If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD, oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psycho babble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now. What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced.

He said, you are a number, a New York state number, and we own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's your favorite jersey girl, Gia Judice. Welcome to Casual Chaos, where I share my story. This week, I'm sitting down with Vanderpump Rule Star, Sheena Shea. I don't really talk to either of them, if I'm being honest. There will be an occasional text, one way or the other, from me to Ariana, maybe a happy birthday from Ariana to me.

I think the last time I talked to Tom, it was like, congrats on America's Got Talent. This is a combo you don't want to miss. Listen to Casual Chaos on the IHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Brick and Jeffrey in the morning. Welcome to the second date podcast. And who knew throwing yourself your own wedding

where you marry yourself would be so controversial? Very true. Yeah, what? I think it's the father-daughter dance that got a lot of people. Yeah, I did see a few comments in that one as well. Of course, I'm referring to yesterday's brand new second date. We do have a brand new textual healing coming up in just a minute, but we want to go over some thoughts and feelings in our comment section

about what happened on yesterday. yesterday's show. Yeah, we got a lot of, like, as soon as she was manifesting, I checked out. Oh, really? People aren't into manifesting. It's a negative thing. I guess so. That's what a lot said about her wedding.

But then a lot of people said she needs to re-caption her photos as saying a self-love photo shoot. More like about that. I don't think of that if she captioned it better, maybe it would have helped. I feel like this is just a good example of we don't need to post everything. Yeah, that's also true. You know, like, keep the photos for yourself. Awesome. But she had a wedding.

You would want to post her wedding? I know, because you look so good. True. Oh, and this one, if she's paying for the second wedding, sign me up. Hey. Hey, I hope so. There we go. She's obviously very successful.

She can afford a wedding. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. You know, there's somebody for everybody. Yeah. All right. Thank you so much for always participating.

We're getting your brand new textual healing started now. Yeah. If you get a text from an unknown number, normally you just report it as junk, block and delete it. Yeah. Yeah. Not even report. Just block and delete it. Yeah.

Even if I get a text. from Brooke. I report it. Junk, block, delete. Okay, report that one, yeah. That is not funny. Write me back. One of our listeners got a message from a mystery phone number, but what it said was too juicy

to toss away. In fact, it's very clear that they know each other. Really? And he has to get to the bottom of who is sending them, because if he doesn't, he might miss out on a sweet opportunity. You're going to hear it in a brand new textual healing right after this.

It's getting stronger and stronger When I get that feeling Textual healing Textual There is one place that we need you To be touching right now It is not on each other Or even on yourself

It's on your phones Yes we want you to move those fingers Ever so gently And prepare to type out a message That feels oh so right Dude, I feel like I need to ask for my phone's consent when you talk about it that way. That's right. Shh, shh, I'll unlock you with my eyes.

Because it's a brand new textual healing, the segment where we help a listener craft the perfect message to instantly fix any problem they might be facing. Or if not fix it, at least get out of a weird situation. And an urgent request came in this morning from one of our listeners named Joe who needed some textual help. So, Joe, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for helping me. I am in dire need of healing. Oh, my goodness, you do sound desperate. I don't think that was an insult or anything.

I mean, he admits it, yeah. Okay, well, let's find out exactly how desperate you are. What made you reach out to us for help? Last weekend, I was at a house party with a bunch of friends and also a lot of people I didn't know, and we were boozing it up. Yes. I met a few ladies.

I had a good time. Okay. Next day, I get a message that says, Hey, Joe, I had a great time last night. Winky face. Oh, okay. Something happened clearly. I did hook up with a couple late, but I don't know who it is.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. He might have a different definition. He's one of those people that hookup his kiss. Hookup means like anything. What does hookup mean to you? Like, it's second base. Okay, all right. Okay.

Do you have any idea who the message is from? No idea. Not at all. It's just a random number. I sat on it. I didn't send anything back, and then they sent me a second text. What does the second one say? They're like, I'm up for round two if you are.

Dude. Wait. And how does that make you feel, Joe? I mean, I feel like it's a slam dunk, but I want to make sure I know what I'm getting into it. Dude, especially if you're, like, skilled while you're blacked out? Like, dude, good for you. So, like, what are your options right now? You either show up to a place and just hope you recognize a person.

That's best case scenario Worst case scenario Who knows how bad it gets So have you responded at all Not at all Because I want to figure out what the perfect thing to send is Okay Well let's start off with what we know

You said you think you made out With multiple women at least two Do you remember either of their names? No Oh you don't remember that even Hey I feel you Joe There's backyard and there's bathroom Okay

Backyard Girl and Bathroom Do you have a preference between the two? I like the bathroom one better. Okay. We're hoping for bathroom later. But you're not saying no at backyard girl says hi. I hope this is guys talk about me after a party. Now this is tricky because you're trying to figure it out.

You can't say, hey, yeah, that was fun in the backyard or I'll never enter a bathroom the same way again. So what can we say that's right in the middle that doesn't give away he isn't sure who this person is. But we do want to still get some information from them to try to figure it out. Yes. I think we make a statement. We just say, oh, I think I'm still hungover.

And send a photo. What about you? Yeah. You send a photo back. That's smart. I don't know if he's going to remember what they look like. Well, maybe that's a good opportunity. Here's a picture of my face hungover.

Let's see a picture of yours hungover. Or that's an instant turnoff because it's a picture of his face hungover. Actually, that's a good point. We're back at zero again. So what is something that's kind of flirtatious because we're trying to keep the door open for another connection to happen, but is also like, who are you?

What's the second text she said? Or it was just the one? Up for round two if you are. Okay, this person wants a round two. Yeah. What if you say, where do you want round two to happen this time? Yeah. And then cross our fingers that they say,

not the backyard or not the backyard. Yeah. I want to be on the toilet again. We'll see. I mean, I don't know. Maybe what do you think of that, Joe? I don't know. I feel like I'm still leaving myself open to get screwed over if I send the wrong thing.

Yeah. Okay. Well, what's your idea, Joe? You could play completely dumb. Actually, you're not playing dumb and just say, oh, my God. I don't think I saved your number. Who is this? I mean, that might be a risky one because if you're the other person receiving that text,

they might be offended thinking like, oh, you don't even remember me. You got multiple numbers. I mean, honestly, I hate to say this, but I kind of like, I still like Brooks' first idea. I like that one, too. The only thing we've actually, anyone said anything about. It was like round two going down in the same spot. Same spot as last time. And then you probably want to be suggestive with like a winky face.

Or maybe even the tongue out emoji with the one winking eye. Oh. All right. You want to go with that one? Sure. Or you can go with is round two going down for real in Florida. Oh, no. No flowrider lyrics.

He's still big. Yeah, at state fairs all across the country. Let's not downplay state fairs. Why don't we just say we should go to a flowrider concert sometimes? I think Brooke had the best idea. God, I love when Jeff says that. Can you say it again? I'm saying it with extreme disappointment in my voice.

His arms did cross it across his chest and he slunk down in his chair. So what do you think about typing that? All right. So if I do tongue out, single eye emoji, sounds great. same spot as last time question mark and then the same emoji again why are the emojis first i like i like more emojis is better it's like spanish where you put the question marks on both sides i think you need to do like a ha ha after same spot as last time because it's feeling really serious the way you're responding instead of you know instead of cute flirty yeah okay that's a good point brook i mean i mean

maybe you can even toss in a toilet a toilet emoji yeah but what if you're wrong well then they'll be like what do you what does that mean and you can say oh sorry my my finger slip That's not bad because then you put the toilet and he's right. And then you'd be like, oh, sorry, my bad. I meant this one. And you send swing set. People mistake their text all the time. Yeah, all the people send me accidental toilet emoji.

All the time. You could always say the toilet represented my hangover. Oh, yeah. That's good. I actually like you. Okay, there's a lot of ways to backpedal out of it if it goes wrong, but let's just toss one out there. So you send that. Oh, man.

It's set. Okay. Oh, man. Maybe one of the sexiest text messages we've ever crafted on this show. Is that the first time we've worked a toilet into the text? I think so. Hopefully not the last. I'm proud of us.

We're going to come back. Hopefully this person, this mystery person will respond to you. And we can keep the momentum going with more textual healing right after this. We're in the middle of textual healing with our listener Joe who reached out because he needs our help figuring out who texted him the day after a big house party. Was it the girl he made out with in the backyard or the girl he made out with in the bathroom? Ooh, or is there a mysterious other girl? We didn't even bring up that. He's like, I forgot about the kitchen girl.

He doesn't know because there's no name attached to the phone number. It's just a few messages saying had fun with you last night, up for round two soon. Dude, even if there was a name, he doesn't remember the girl's name. Right. It doesn't be very clear. He doesn't want to give that away, though. that he doesn't know who is texting and asked for our help and what to respond with. The best thing we came up with, and best is in quotations when I say this,

was for him to say, I'm down, same place as last time, wink emoji, toilet emoji. Yes, yes. Because you can always backtrack and say, oh, whoops, that was a mistake. Yeah, yeah. So the question, Joe, is has this mystery texter responded to our message? Yeah, but it hasn't gotten better. What? What do you mean?

What did they say? Uh, let's see, uh, no comprende, laugh emoji. What does that mean? Oh. So it must be the backyard girl. Yeah. Right? Isn't that better?

Doesn't that mean she didn't understand the toilet? Okay. So if I'm looking at the percentages right now, the bathroom girl went down to about 20%. Yeah. Backyard girl has gone up to 60%. And we still have about 20% left for mystery person. Oh, my goodness. So now how do we clear this up?

Because we can always say, sorry, my finger slipped. I meant to hit hard emoji. Yeah. Do you have to say heart? Yeah, the heart feels too soon. Yellow heart emoji. Oh, like friendship heart. I see.

Yeah, I see. Sure. That's just backtracking. It doesn't get us any closer to the answer of this person. So, wait, wait. She said what again? No comprende. He said, no comprende.

Then she put a laugh emoji, and then she goes, what does that mean? Oh, so she actually translated herself. Yeah. Yeah. I don't understand what you're doing. Okay. Oh, are we trying to figure out her name or what she looked like? Like, what are we trying to find out about it?

Bathroom or backyard. Okay. At least a name, maybe a name would jog my memory. Okay, what about this? What about this? You just say, okay, fine, you pick the spot and then you leave her making the move on where to go. I like that. I like that a lot.

You pick the spot and I'll meet you there. But we still don't know who this person is exactly. Sure, but it might get us a little bit closer with her response. Oh, okay. So are we ignoring her asking what he meant? by the toilet? Are we just ignoring it? We're going to pretend like we don't know what that what she's talking about. In fact, you could start with a laugh emoji like

I'm not listening. You should just react. Do you have an iPhone? You can laugh at their comment. Oh, that's right. Okay, yeah. So it's like that was funny. Like ha-ha. That's good. Ha-ha that. Okay, fine. You pick the spot. All right. It's interesting advice from the only Samsung Galaxy owner in the room, but I get crap from enough iPhone people. I know how to use one. That's good. I'm really excited about the idea of using it. I know what I'm doing wrong.

coming in handy. So go ahead. Have you typed that out, Joe? Yeah, I did the laugh emoji and I just sent the okay, fine, you pick the spot. Okay. Awesome. All right. That was so stressful to say something so normal. Yeah, she's going to say clapping. All right, you pick and we're all like, oh, sorry. Texting is so hard. It's not even our texts. We have nothing on the line here. Oh, my God. I would overanalyze this so bad after a party and making out with dudes. She's got to give us something after this. I just got an answer. Oh, you already got an answer. This girl. invested in you. This was a good sign. What did she say? She's a quick decision maker. Yeah. Good for us. She said, not sure what you're on. What?

That's it? That's it. And then she said, Alyssa said you're coming to her thing on Friday. So let's rewind last weekend over there. Okay. Okay. So you're going to another house party and you're going to make out with another girl that you don't know. Who's Alyssa? Do you know Alyssa? Yeah, yeah. She's in our friend group and she's throwing a rager this weekend. Okay. So does that give you a clue of who this woman is that's texting you? Well, yeah, but the thing is, now that I know if she's in our friend group, that just is even weirder. What? Does it give you

any clue to being backyard girl, bathroom girl? Do you know? No. It's not pointing either way. Darn it. Oh, my God. You're starting to feel useless to me. I don't know if you know if you belong in this friend group. What if he kissed somebody else who also has like a boyfriend or girlfriend? Like... Yeah,

actually, Jose, maybe that's the reason why they're texting from a brand new number because they're hiding it from their significant other. Oh, And Joe, you're the secret third piece. They were at a party with all their friends and cheated in front of everybody. Yeah, they got a burger phone. It's not texting us. Inside a bathroom, Alexis.

Or in backyard. Yeah, it makes it kind of naughty and fun. But is it, I mean, at this point, do we need to be more direct and, like, start asking for a name? I really think we just go, who is this? Yeah. I mean, something like that, but it's a little on the edge because you still are risking offending them by saying, I don't remember your name. Yeah, that's true. They're talking about round two of a party then, right?

They're not talking about hooking up. They're just saying run it back, like. Run it back is fine, but round two means something else to me. Yeah, see, same with me. But maybe they just need round two, like, drinking. Yeah, now and actually, now that that's been presenting. Maybe they didn't, maybe this isn't a person you made out with at all. This could be one of your, like, anybody, one of your other friends.

I've made out with a lot of people, so I doubt it. Okay. Okay. Well. I don't know. I feel like this whole thing has just been some humble brag to tell us everybody on the radio, how many people you make out with at parties. I am jealous for sure of you right now.

so it's working, but we still need to figure it this person out. Would it be a good hint to ask, like, who are you coming with to Alyssa's event? Would that give a clue of which particular friend they hang out with the most? I like that, Jeff. Okay. They could just say my wife. Oh, that's not good. Fun.

Okay. Well, that would give you a little bit of a clue. Yeah. I mean, that's the best idea we have right now. How do you feel about texting it? I'm down. Let's go for it. Yeah.

Okay. All right. This is the probably riskiest one we've sent. For real. Let's see. Well, I mean, I think it's going to give us the most information. Yeah. We probably should have just started with this, to be honest.

We didn't know. Okay, he sent it. But, yeah, at the time, we didn't know that this person was also going to Alyssa's house party, and it's someone that's in the tight social group. I haven't been in a house party in so long. I want to go to Alyssa's house party. I'd say I'd invite you to my next one, but I won't do that. Brooke, I bet you would be a good backyard girl.

Oh. What does that mean? Dude, I can guarantee I'd meet out with more people than this guy, didn't. Parties. Who's like my hobby? Why don't I think you'd be offended by that? Okay. I love making out.

I got an answer. Oh, you did? Okay. Yeah, yeah. Are we any closer to knowing who this person is? Do you know? I mean, not a, yeah, yes. I mean, there's a nickname, but that's as close as I can get.

Oh, close. What does it say? It says, if we play Angus and his girlfriend again, let me shoot first. We'll dominate them. Play them like beer pong? Play what? Or basketball? It's beer pong.

Brooks playing basketball at parties. Did you play beer pong with the girl that you made out with? I didn't make out with her. We just played beer pong. Oh. Okay. So it sounds like it's not the backyard girl and it's not the bathroom girl. It's mystery girl number three, beer pong girl.

Beer pong girl, yeah. Who we didn't make out with? No. Not really my type. Wait, what do you mean she's not your type? You said everybody's your type. Well, if I had to rank them, Toilet Girl goes, first, then backyard girl. But beer pong's

not even in the game. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's not on the list. Wow. You're feeling really ungrateful right now. We're helping you out for next weekend. Drunk, you gave her your number. You called this on yourself. Yeah, so are you going to actually meet up with beer pong girl?

Yeah, I guess, but I'm more disappointed that backyard girl and toilet girl don't want to do round two with me. Okay. I'm sure you'll find a new bathroom and backyard girl at the next party. Yeah, if you text us the address, Brooke will show up. She can be all three for you at the same time. It's like a triple kiss. Don't worry. I'll bring my husband too

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning Hey everybody, this is Matt Rogers And Bowen Yang And you're never going to guess Who's our guest on Lost Cultureistas It is Bradley Jackson Elle Woods, Tracy Flick herself Reese Witherspoon

It must go in a girls' trip I have to have a tequila We must The Q rating When they run diagnoses We can run it on you guys. I'd be scared. I'll run the Q rating.

No, on the Q rating on us. My resiliency score is down to adequate because we were on a red eye. My resiliency score. My grit. I got to get my grit score up. Now, don't think that you're going to come out Los Culture East. That's the podcast. And we're not going to at least bring up Big Little Lies season three.

Whoever said orange is the new pink. We seriously disturbed. Listen to Las Culturistas on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jorge Ramos. And I'm Paola Ramos. Together we're launching The Moment, a new podcast about what it means to live through a time, as uncertain as this one. We sit down with politicians. I would be the first immigrant mayor in generations, but 40% of New Yorkers were born outside of this country.

Artists and activists, I mean, do you ever feel demoralized? I might personally lose hope. This individual might lose the faith, but there's an institution that doesn't lose faith. And that's what I believe in. To bring you death and analysis from a unique Latino perspective. There's not a single day that Paola and I don't call or text each other, sharing news and thoughts about what's happening in the country.

This new podcast will be a way to make that ongoing intergenerational conversation public. Listen to The Moment with Jorge Ramos and Bolton. Paola Ramos as part of the MyCultura Podcast Network on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, you know what they say, beggars can't be choosers. And unfortunately for Joe, he's kind of trying to be too beggy. Yeah, he is. Too choosy, whatever it was.

He's got the begging down. He doesn't care if he knows his name. He was really disappointed that it wasn't bathroom girl, his top choice. It wasn't even his backup choice. backyard girl. Now he's stuck with beer pong lady. Which honestly, she could be the cutest and the best out of all of them. He just doesn't remember because he's drinking too much. I just hope she never finds out that she's ranked lower than toilet girls somehow. Yeah. That is messed up. I don't know why. It just rubs me the wrong thing. It's not a great nickname. Totally. It's weird that he suddenly had

standards out of the blue. The thing is we don't have any standards on this show. Not for our listeners, not for ourselves. We love you no matter where we may have hooked up with you. That's right. That is right, Jeff. And we know we probably have. Yeah. And so, hey, follow our socials at Brooke and Jeffrey and shoot us a DM. You're already in there. Remind us where it happened.

Hey, everybody. This is Matt Rogers. And Bowen-Yang. And you're never going to guess who's our guest on Los Culturistas. It is Elle Woods, Tracy Flick, herself. Reese Witherspoon. It must go in a girl's trip. I have to have a tequila.

We must. Oh. Whoever said orange is the new pink. We seriously disturbs. Listen to Las Culturistas on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jorge Ramos. And I'm Paola Ramos. Together we're launching The Moment, a new podcast about what it means to live through a time as uncertain as this one.

We sit down with politicians, artists, and activists to bring you death and analysis from a unique Latino perspective. The moment is a space for the conversation. We've been having as father and daughter for years. Listen to The Moment with Jorge Ramos and Paola Ramos on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, my name is Enya Yumanzoor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And we run a podcast called Emergency Intercom.

If you're a crime junkie and you love crimes, we're not the podcast for you. But if you have unmedicated ADHD... Oh my God, perfect. And want to hear people with mental illness, psychobabble. Yes, yes. Then Emergency Intercom is the podcast for you. Open your free IHeartRadio app. Search Emergency Intercom and listen now.

What would you do if one bad decision forced you to choose between a maximum security prison or the most brutal boot camp designed to be hell on earth? Unfortunately for Mark Lombardo, this was the choice he faced. He said, you are a number, a New York State number, We own you. Listen to shock incarceration on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's your favorite jersey girl, Gia Judice.

Welcome to Casual Chaos, where I share my story. This week, I'm sitting down with Vanderpump Rule Star, Sheena Shea. I don't really talk to either of them, if I'm being honest. There will be an occasional text, one way or the other, from me to Ariana, maybe a a happy birthday from Ariana to me. I think the last time I talked to Tom, it was like, congrats on America's Got Talent. This is a combo you don't want to miss.

Listen to casual chaos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.