Bulwark Takes - SNL Just Made Kristi Noem’s Week Even Worse

Episode Date: October 12, 2025

Trump wants you to think he’s inevitable. He’s not. Jack Cocchiarella takes on how Trump and Kristi Noem are turning ICE into a private army — recruiting extremists, spreading propaganda, and selling power through fear.

Donald Trump wants you to think that he is inevitable, that him and Pete Hegseth, Pam Bondi, Christy Noem, they will ultimately get away with whatever they want, that they are in power and they face no pushback or accountability. That's just not true. Donald Trump is fundamentally weak. He is losing every single day in court. And Christy Noem can't even get anywhere to go to the bathroom when she's in Chicago. So let's not pretend like she rules with an iron fist. These people need to be mocked. They need to be made fun of. And we need to be. need to break the idea of inevitability that we should just give up or pre-capitulate like Columbia or any given law firm, ABC. We shouldn't do that. We should mock these people, make them look like the clowns that they are. And that's what S&L did last night with Christy Noem, who's just had herself a tough week. There's a lot that we need to get into about ice and how their takeover of America is some deep cultural rot. But I want to start with a little bit of fun. That's Christy Noam and Pam Bond to get in mocked on SNL.

You say that the troops are there to protect ice facilities, but why is ice there in the first place? I don't know. You'll have to ask Homeland Security Director, Christy Noam. Well, she isn't here. What if she is, though? Hold my gun. That's right, it's me, Christy Noam. I spell my name. with an eye, because that's how I thought it was spelled. And I'm the rarest type of person in Washington, D.C., a brunette that Donald Trump listens to.

I'm here to tell you that this Democrat government shutdown needs to end now. Well, the Democrats are even more eager to end this shutdown than our Republican colleagues. Ha, that makes me laugh more than the end of old yeller. When the dog get shot? Dogs don't just get shot. Heroes shoot them. Speaking of heroes, our government agents are working without pay. Luckily, my boys at ICE don't mind.

They're in it for the love of the game. And how did I find them? By running ads like this. Do you need a job now? Yeah. Are you a big tough guy? Yeah. Tough enough for the army or police?

No. But do you take supplements that you bought at a gas station? Daily. Do you like to use zip ties because people in your life don't trust you with keys? You know it. Then buckle up and slap on some Oakley's big boy, welcome to ice. Does that answer your question? No.

Not even a little bit. Then our work here is done. We laugh because if we didn't, we'd cry. It's spot on, unfortunately, when you're talking about the parody of the recruitment, who is joining ICE. It is originally just the most depraved people in our country who are just seeking out violence. I'm sure y'all have seen the frog guy or the unicorn or anyone else making a mockery of this administration. They should.

They should make a mockery. I think it's a good strategy in response to this protest to show. No, what is happening in Portland? That's so scary. Like, people are drinking macha and everyone has bangs. Like, that's the big deal. That's what we're worried about. I'm just not necessarily sure that resonates.

But some, like an ice thug, went up and pepper sprayed, like the ventilation hole so that all the person was breathing in and was in their eyes and just everything was pepper spray. For being in a fucking frog costume, these people are disgusting. They are looking for any opportunity to self-actualized through violence targeted at minorities, women, people of color. the Supreme Court has now told Donald Trump's administration that racial profile away, it's not okay, of course, to look at someone's background in the systemic struggles that people of color have had to face in America when deciding who gets into college. But no, if you're Brown, Kristina Hohm will bust you. That's how America works now. But these ice raids, they need to be mocked as idiotic as they are, as useless as they are, and how much money that they

waste. And I think it's kind of an underreported element of what's happening with ICE right now, the private army that Donald Trump is building. When we're talking about the National Guard being sent to Chicago coming from Texas, I don't want to say civil war, but what do you call it when a Republican state is sending people who lean right to a Democratic city to cause chaos? Axios reported this the other week. Donald Trump sees his invasion of Portland as in, I win, you lose, right? If he shows up, all of his thugs, as they already have, and nothing happens because nothing was happening, then they say, big win for us. We've calmed the crazies in Portland. But if they go and they beat up women and people of color, and anyone, anyone fights back,

as I think probably you should, considering these people have busted into your community, trying to rip families apart, of course, no one's encouraging violence, but to protest, is your right. And if you do, and if there's any pushback in any way, any small little response, Donald Trump will send more troops and say that it is needed. But what I think needs to be talked about right now is who's actually creating that provocation. And it is a very targeted recruitment of some of the most depraved individuals in our country to join ICE. I want to talk about it right here in this report that I think covers everything it needs to be said. Trump's private army inside the push to recruit 10,000 immigration officers. There have been fears that are exasperated right now

by the message in the DHS's online recruitment effort, and as the DHS has celebrated its harsh treatment of immigrants, whether with the Department of Secretary Kristy Noem, filming herself at an El Salvador prison with men jam-packed into a cell, or the DHS posting a meme of Alligator Alcatraz. Recent DHS recruitment advertisements have used language like defend your culture, secure the golden age, and want to deport illegals with your absolute boys. One online user posted talking about the recruitment showing an image of Uncle Sam, which said, Which way American Man, which observers quickly pointed out was similar to the title of a 1978 white nationalist book that defended Hitler. The DHS said it was conveying that Uncle Sam was at a crossroads pondering which way America should go.

In its desperate race to staff up and meet the aggressive goal of 3,000 immigrant-related arrest a day set by Donald Trump's deputy chief of staff and the most disgusting bald man in America, Stephen Miller, the DHS is now advertising substantial incentives for ICE recruits that includes a signing bonus of up to $50,000 and as much as $60,000 in student loan repayments. So while Donald Trump is making everything about your life more difficult, more upsetting, more uncomfortable, and more fucking expensive, ice is getting, what, 110K, just probably dumped in a Tom Homan-style cover bag full of ones and 20s, like some cigarette buds. I don't know what was in the bribe bag that Tom Homan got, but is this not embarrassing? And again, the racist memes they're putting out, the racist recruitment posters, they are targeting specific individuals. It is former proud boys, former oathkeepers. That is who Donald Trump wants. He wants his supporters to be baked in to his private militia. This is about politicizing the

military as much as possible in normalizing the idea of troops in the streets. And troops that are supporting the president, that his directives are what override everything and has nothing to do with an oath or getting the job done. It is about Donald Trump. And if you can't recognize that, I don't know how you can't because Joe Rogan can. Let's just talk about the immigration thing. The way it looks is horrific. When you're just arresting people in front of their kids and just normal, regular people that have been here for 20 years, that, everybody who has a heart can't get along with that. No.

Everybody who has a heart sees that and go, that can't be right. They can't be right. They can't be the only way to do this. Right. Because you have to think, look, yeah, we have to have a border. Yes, it should have been secure. Yes, they should make sure you know who everybody is before they get in. But when people have been here for 20 years, like, come on, man, that's crazy.

Yeah. Let's find a way. If they've been productive members of society for 20 years, no criminal record, they worked the entire time, they paid taxes, find them a pathway to citizenship. Find a way where you can do this thing we want to do. How did we not see this before? terrorists and cartel members from getting across the border with drugs to kill 100,000 people a year. Okay, but also have a fucking heart because if you don't, you're not going to get anybody on your side. If you're doing this stuff publicly, throwing women to the ground, handcuffing people, just for existing on the wrong side of the dirt.

Yeah. Not a criminal. Not the only crime they ever committed was coming over here as a kid. Yeah. They probably didn't even know what the fuck was going on. Yeah. Yeah, man. You know, a lot of kids got snuck across when they were already born in Mexico.

When they've grown up their entire life in America, they can't even speak Spanish. I really struggle with the come-to-Jesus moment that Joe Rogan seems to be having, like, biweekly at this point. Because on the one hand, obviously speaking to the very large audience, it's great, change people's minds. But how much more fucking predictable could this have been? Like, are you serious? Wow. People are getting thrown to the ground in the streets. Donald Trump is talking about.

people like they're the enemy from within? Huh. I wonder where those words came up. Maybe in the presidential campaign, you endorsed. It's difficult to reconcile with these people who are having their come-to-Jesus moment when it doesn't really seem like it sticks in any real way. Like next week, Joe Rogan is going to get tricked by an AI video of Tim Walls, like fighting back an ICE officer like he already has before and say, oh my God, we need to lock up the Democrats. It's difficult to believe that these people have really changed. And it's also difficult to figure out who we give this leniency to. Who do we welcome into the fold to say, yes, your mind has changed. I guess we allow you to keep your platform. It's not like we can take it away from Joe Rogan, but there are so many. And I talked about this at the beginning of the Trump administration, why I always bring up this idea that we need to dispense with this inevitability that Trump brings. It's because so many Democrats, voted for the Lake and Riley Act. They signed on to what Donald Trump is doing, not knowing or maybe not recognizing that it would become this. But you should have. We need our leaders to lead and not wait

until there's enough videos of women and people of color being thrown to the ground by these disgusting former proud boys for you to wake up and say, yeah, that shit's fucked up. We know it's going to happen. We know what they want to do. You don't have to see it. You have to see it before it happens to stop it. And so it is difficult for me to laud the Joe Rogan, to celebrate the person whose mind has changed. It just is. You shouldn't need these images, which of course should disturb you, to know what's happening is wrong. And maybe you should have been paying attention the whole time, Joe. But yeah, I don't know if that's going to happen in the future.

But I guess it is then a comment upon us to make sure that these people actually pay attention to what the fuck is going on. I'm going to be doing that, like I said, in the last video, if you checked it out on the bulwark with y'all on the weekends, hanging out a little bit. So thank you all so much for joining me in this kind of inaugural weekend with the bulwark. I'm Jack Cottrella, and I'll see you soon.