CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT - Bonus Episode: Surviving Thanksgiving

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

Some tips to help you survive Thanksgiving with your family! Expect your family to be the same as they are every other day, complete with their flaws and positive traits. Remember that you are an adult and have the power to decide how you spend your day. Get clear on your limits and plan for when those limits are reached. Identify what is important to you on this day and align your actions with those values. Avoid picking battles or starting a healing journey with your family on this day. If anything goes wrong, remember that a holiday is just a day and it will end. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everyone. How are you? I wanted to record a bonus episode for this week. I was going to take the week off. And then I was like, oh, I feel like people really need help before Thanksgiving. And so I wanted to record this podcast episode that you can listen to before your Thanksgiving dinner or before you go see your family members. Expectations go up around the holiday season, and this is the result of messaging, right, that things should be a certain way. We see influencers and mass media pump us with images of happy, smiling families for months leading up to this part of the year. And we are told what our homes should look like, how our families should be, and what we should do on this day. When the things don't live up to expectations, it hurts. So I want to give you six reminders before Thanksgiving Day. You can think of this like your own personal pre- Thanksgiving therapy pep talk, and I think that these reminders will help you whether you're spending the day with your family

or you're choosing not to today. Number one, expect your family to be the same today. Expect them to be the same people they are every other day of the year. Prepare for them to come with their flaws, idiosyncrasies, and positive traits. Prepare for the full breadth of who they are as human beings. Reminder number two. Today, I want you to remember that you are an adult, not a child. Returning to our parents' home or spending time with family can make slipping back into those old childlike roles easy. but you are going to try very hard to resist that today. You are an adult. Remember that. You can leave at any time. You can decide how you spend your day. You can hop in the car and go home if things get bad. You are not a child trapped in their home. Now, I do want to note, if you do live with these

family members, you still have some agency as an adult. Hopefully you can go to your room, go for a walk, put on some headphones, or go to sleep. remind yourself of the agency and power that you have. Reminder number three, take a moment to get clear on your limits today. Is there a specific behavior that you won't tolerate? Is there a sign that you need to leave the event? Get clear on your limits and plan for when those limits have been reached. Number four, ask yourself, what is important today?

What is the significance of this day for you? Is there a person you want to prioritize like a child, an elderly family member, or even yourself? Is there a goal you have for the day? Is it to rest, have fun, or see as many people as possible? Get clear on your values and what is important to you this holiday season and try to align your actions with those values. Reminder number five. Today is not the to pick battles or start a healing journey with your family. If you decide to spend the day with them, try to be present. Can you enjoy the food? Can you put on an outfit you like? Can you hang out with kids at the party or a family member you really enjoy? I know holidays can make us emotional and may inspire you to bring up that big issue with your dad, but I promise this is not the right time.

it will not go well. And lastly, reminder number six. If anything goes wrong today, remember this. A holiday is a day. I get through 24 hours all the time. I can get through this. This day will end. I hope these six reminders are helpful for you. I hope that you're able to spend the day exactly as you intended to and wanted to. And please let me know. if there's anything else I can help you with as we head into the new year. Happy Thanksgiving and have a wonderful week.