CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT - Changing Your Parent’s Expectations with Mindhappy Founder Darshita Raval

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

In this episode of The Calling Home podcast, host Whitney Goodman speaks with Darshita Raval, founder of Mindhappy, a wellness platform dedicated to bringing fulfillment back into everyday life. Darshita shares her journey of moving from India to America, climbing the corporate ladder, and then quitting to move back in with her parents and pursue her dream of building Mindhappy. She discusses the challenges she faced in navigating cultural expectations and maintaining a respectful relationship with her parents despite differing views on her career. Darshita also talks about the importance of self-belief and trust in oneself when making significant life decisions.  Visit Mindhappy.com and use HOME15 for 15% off first monthly subscription! Have a question for Whitney? Call Home at 866-225-5466.  Join Whitney’s Family Cycle Breakers Club for further support and discussion on family dynamics at CallingHome.co. Follow the Calling Home community on Instagram or TikTok.  Follow Whitney Goodman on Instagram or TikTok.  The Calling Home podcast is not engaged in providing therapy services, mental health advice or other medical advice or services, is not a substitute for advice from a qualified healthcare provider, and does not create any therapist-patient or other treatment relationship between you and Calling Home or Whitney Goodman. For more information on this, please see Calling Home’s Terms of Service. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. Hi, everyone, and welcome back to the Calling Home Podcast. Happy Thursday. I have a little bit different of an episode in store for you today. Today I have a guest on the podcast, and my guest is

Darshida Raval. She's here to tell her story about moving to America from India, climbing the ranks of corporate America, and then quitting it all to move back in with her parents and pursue her dream of building Mind Happy, a wellness platform dedicated. to bringing fulfillment back into everyday life. I'm Whitney Goodman. Welcome to the Calling Home podcast. I'm so glad you're here. I think a lot of people, and especially those who have immigrant parents,

can relate to this feeling of wanting to live up to the expectations of their family. And in a lot of cultures, a person's success is based on having a high-paying job and a stable salary and maybe linked to having a certain career title or being in a certain field. And there's often little regard paid to whether the person is out. actually happy or passionate about their work. Darshita's story is really inspiring because she talks about how she navigated, leaving her steady corporate job to start the Mind Happy project, which ultimately meant that she would move back into her parents' house at 30.

We've talked about adult children living at home with their parents before on calling home, and we've also talked about cultural influence and what it's like to disappoint your parents or not agree with them on what you're doing for your future or your career. So I thought it would be interesting to bring on a guest who's lived this experience and can share how she maintain the loving and respectful relationship with her parents and navigated challenges with them despite differing views on her career change, on boundaries, and maybe even on how they handle emotions. Where I want to start is, you know, you made a pretty big,

pivot that I think a lot of people are scared to make, like going from corporate America and really identifying that you were feeling like unfulfilled by what you were doing. And I'd love to just hear about that process, you know, how you identified that you were feeling that way and how you decided to make the transition into entrepreneurship. Yeah. So it was definitely challenging and there were a lot of fears around that period of my time, of my life, where things didn't feel good. I think that's the way I was able to identify, that things are not on the right track. Because for me, there was a period, there was a phase of my life where I felt as if I was existing, then living. I felt as if I wasn't really working on things that brought me joy, as if my actions weren't as meaningful.

even though I wanted and I had the intention to give my all, I just didn't know if I was feeling as if all of the things that I was adding to was adding back to my life. So that was how I was able to determine that things need to change. And I had reached that breaking point. It had been a few years. So I was after studying engineering at Purdue and then moving on, I moved a lot of cities.

I moved from America when I was 18 to come to Purdue. And then after that, I started working at Amazon, which was great, very challenging, very exciting, managing a large team, running operations. But I was on my feet for 14 hours a day, the responsibilities and the expectations were very high. So I came from this very stressful background to another job after three plus years, where the pace of work was very, slow it was not the same it was more of an individual contributor sort of a role in this company and that's what i wanted i wanted to see all sides of operations and um that was the reason why i chose that position but because the pace of life and the pace of work was slower than what i was used to i had all this time in the day um where i felt still fatigued and burnt out from my role at amazon but i didn't know how to

and how to actually feel as if I could finally take a step back. I was happy about the fact that I could take a step back, but I didn't know how to go about that. So I found myself relaxing, which was predominantly watching a lot of movies that I felt as if I'd missed out on, nostalgic shows that I used to enjoy watching. But it was not very challenging. So at the end of the day, I would feel very guilty about not doing something.

thing that contributed to my career goals. So there was this push and whirl, living through Guild, was very fatigued and burnt out, needed to really relax, but didn't know how to go about it. It reached to a point where I was sort of engulfed with like unhealthy coping mechanisms. My screen time was out of control, maybe averaging about 10 hours a day, because of which my sleep schedule was also disturbed, so I wasn't getting enough sleep. I would wake up the next day, and everything that I decided not to do the day before, I was not really able to work on that because I was so tired from the previous day

of not getting enough sleep. The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. That's what I believe. So with that came my personal relationship with myself, with food, with just anything that needed to be in balance. things were not going as I would like for it too. I mean, I remember going through a point in my life where it felt as if it was rock bottom. You know, I was trying to go to bed and I was trying to sleep. And I remember thinking, which is a good thing. I had a positive outlook even at that

point of time. So I was thinking, oh, well, I mean, it can't get worse than this. There's only one way to go, which is up from here. So I had the intention and I had the motivation that I wanted to build a life that felt meaningful, that felt as if I was genuinely living and experiencing all that it had to offer. So the shift came when I was able to decide, okay, what kind of a person do I want to be? I went through, I was reading a lot, I was trying to see how brain works, how the body works. So I saw that your thoughts lead to feelings and your feelings lead to your actions. And I realized that I wanted to change my action. So I had to change what I believed in and what my thought processes were. So it came down to what my values were. And I read

that in your book, Toxic Positivity. And I wish I had this resource back where I was in this situation. But I realized that I needed to adopt a different value system. And that's when the change happened for me. I was able to think through what are the values that I would like to live by because the person I was then was not the person I wanted to be. So thinking through, I didn't really come up with very many values. There were a few things that I came up with, which was a honesty, which is a good value to have. Just be transparent with yourself. So I was like, okay, that's something I can live by. All of my actions, all of my thoughts need to go through this lens of honesty. Okay. Second thing was kind.

because during that phase, people who were kind to me stood out and I was very appreciative of that. So that was the quality I wanted to have in myself. Okay, let's be kind to everyone. And then it was doing things as an end in itself. A lot of times we do things because we think there's another benefit to it or something that would complement, whether we're learning something. And I wanted to not have any of these expectations. I wanted to do things because they just brought me joy where if I'm talking to someone, it's because I wanted to just get to know that person better, not because maybe they'll have like a benefit for me or maybe I'll get something from them or any of those thoughts I just would remove them where I would just

not think about something along those lines. Play and creativity were huge. I would lose myself for hours when I was a child in some of these activities and through the chaos of life, I knew I got away from some of these simple pleasures of life. So brought that back because they were joyful. And family was one of the values I decided. So it was a short list, but this is what I settled on. And from there, I began to reframe a lot of my thoughts through this lens. And yeah, I think these were two of the most powerful things that I could have done during

that faces my life that led to the most amount of changes. I really want to hone in on that value of family that you identified because you mentioned that, you know, you moved to America at 18 and your family came with you, correct, when you made that move, your parents. Yeah. And so for you to, I'm just thinking about you moving at 18 to Purdue, which is in Indiana. I mean, that's a huge culture shock, right? Like, that would that would be a culture shock for me. And I'm America. you know, to move to Indiana. And so I'm wondering, like, what that transition was like for you and your parents,

just thinking back more towards, like, the beginning of your story of how you got to where you are today. Yeah. So I remember when we got the opportunity to move to America, we were getting a treat card. It was such a long process. We didn't, we forgot about it in the sense that my auntie had applied for us. And it just came through after 10 last year was. and my parents, like, told us about it.

And we had an entire life. And I say we, because I'm thinking of my younger brother as well. So we had our entire lives. We had our friends. We went to school there. We, you know, we had activities and hobbies and sports that we were involved in. So the idea of moving to America didn't feel as if it was the most exciting thing. Sure.

But I knew my parents were interested in doing that because it was, you know, better for us in terms of education. So we make that move. And as we make that move, you're right, I come from a tropical country like India to Indiana. Even though it has India in it, it is nothing like it. Completely different places. It was so cold. It was, I mean, the diversity was available in the sense that Purdue as a university is good for engineering. So there were a lot of people from international communities like India, China and just some other countries as well. So I could see the diversity. And I'm glad that I was able to find friends and community of people while we were studying. So it kind of made the transition better. But I always knew that

I didn't come from the same world in the sense that I needed to take up many jobs while working. At one semester, I had three jobs that I was working. And so it was definitely a transition in the sense that I was looking forward to the life. I was learning so much about the people around me. I was trying to assimilate. And just to touch back on the points that I made earlier during that transition phase, I realized that the person that I was back in India sort of got lost when I moved here because I was trying to look at what other people's values were. What did I need to do to sort of fit in? I still maintain the sense of into visuality, but there were definitely changes in the way I, maybe I was doing things that

I wouldn't have, like maybe having conversations about other people. I was always interested in talking about ideas and events. And I despised having to talk about other people and what they were up to. But I remember during Polish time frame, these were what, you know, kids that age are thinking about. So I remember having some of those conversations, that now I probably wouldn't have, but I understand myself then and I understand myself now. So yeah, yeah, it was definitely challenging. For sure. I mean, I think as an immigrant child or even as a child of immigrants, it can be so hard to balance like assimilating with the new culture and also balancing who you were,

where you came from, and who your parents want you to be or their ideas about. like what is success? And so when you decided to go into engineering, you know, was that something that you wanted to do? Was that something that had always been instilled in you in your culture or your family? That's such a good question. Because I like why you asked that and I understand why you ask that. So I was good at math and I was good at science and I was good at my studies. And you're Right. Culturally, it is something that parents want you to do is study either engineering or medicine. A lot of my family has doctors, has engineers. So I was actually going to be a doctor for the longest time. And then I realized that it just takes so many years of your life to be a doctor.

And I don't think I thought about all of that when I was making those decisions, because I would just go with my auntie to the hospital every summer. And I would see she was a gynaecologist. So I'd see these little babies and thought that this was amazing. The job satisfaction that comes from being a doctor, helping people and, you know, making their lives better is the aspect that I was most attracted to, but not everything else. So like biology was not my favorite subject. So I decided, okay, if not medicine, I'm going to do engineering because I like math and science, you know. So that's the other option I have. When I did an aptitude test in India in 11th grade, they said that I should go into fight arts just based on like my answers and the way I was like, you know, using my hands, the skills that I had.

And I didn't even think about asking this question to my parents because I knew the answer was not going to be yes, a very encouraging, go ahead, do that. So it was engineering. That's what I decided. And then when I decided it was engineering, I wanted to go to the. the best university in America that had the program that I wanted to study and it was the best in the country. So that is what success looked like, making sure that I was studying and I was working towards the goals that culturally were taught to be more successful. It can be so hard to balance that. And that's why I'm so intrigued by your story because I

think to make this transition from doing what is expected. of us in our families. I imagine that your parents are and were very proud of you, you know, following this path and you were achieving the things that they had set out for you to achieve and had worked hard. That I wonder, like, how did they manage you deciding to make this transition after you had achieved so much? Yes, so it was a very difficult conversation with them for me because telling them that I needed to take a step back and I'm not going to keep climbing this career ladder that I was on that was that felt right to me from other people's point of view. I knew that something was just so missing from the work that I was doing.

The kind of person I am, I want to go all it. I want to give my all to whatever it is that I am doing. And it's very important. So work sort of becomes important because I wanted to feel as if it is meaningful. Like I said, when I was younger, the idea of making people's lines a little better making a positive impact in people's life was something that was always important to me. And somewhere along the line, I would create this meaning for myself, even when I was working at Amazon or other roles that I had. If I'm packing a package, I would tell my team that, you know, this is a medicine. that we're sending to someone's grandma. This is a gift that we're sending to someone's little child.

So there's meaning and everything that we do. So I would sort of create this meaning for myself. But when I decided that I needed to take a step back and I needed to think through what my actions look like, if I were to, I had this crisis almost when I went through this transition phase where I was like, what am I going to look back at when I am done, like say 10 years down the line,

or 20 years down the line, what am I going to feel proud about the work that I've done? So I took a step back. I decided that I needed to approach my time with a sense of curiosity, not with a set of expectations from anyone, whether there are parents or society or friends or anyone. It doesn't matter because it put a lot of pressure on me. And I didn't want to feel that pressure. I knew that that sort of pressure did not align with the values. I had created for myself.

So it was good to have that sense of direction. So I took a step back. I decided to approach my time with just a sense of curiosity. What is it that brings me joy? What is it that allows me to give back to the community in the way that I envision myself doing? It took time to come up with this. It took time to find something that just felt so true to me.

I think it was about six months where I was thinking through some of these questions in my mind and having conversations with my parents at the time was very difficult because they would ask questions like you're still thinking what are you doing what are your next steps like how can you take so long the thing and so I had to fight back and tell them that this is important to me what I'm going to do is going to be very important to me so I want to think through all of my actions I want to make sure that I'm doing it for the right reasons So I was able to fight like those questions. But then when I decided that I wanted to pursue mind happy full time,

I wanted to focus everything that I had all of my attention in building mind happy. They told me not to do it. They told me that I needed to have some sort of savings because I was going to put all of my savings into building mind happy. I don't come from a wealthy family where I was not going to be able to ask my parents for money to fund the company. So it was going to come down to my savings. And I was prepared because I believed in the mission. I believed in the products. I believed in the idea so much that I was happy to put everything I had.

But according to them, that was not a good decision. They thought that I should think about it because I would have nothing to fall back on, which were all valid fears. but they were their fears, and they were fears that they had from the lens of caring for their child. But I was able to discern that. And I was able to move forward because it was just something that meant so much to me. Yeah. I'm so glad that you bring that up because I think we can all empathize with parents having that fear, right? Especially if you are someone that doesn't have an intense level of security in your life as a parent. You don't have a safety

net to fall back on and you don't want your child to end up failing. It's like instinctual as a parent to feel like I want to protect them. And then as the adult child, deciding when to listen to your parents' fears and when not to is really tricky. Like when they say like, oh my gosh, don't do this. You could blow up your life. It's tempted. especially if you respect and care about and admire your parents to be like, oh, maybe I should rethink this. So I'm wondering, like, why in this moment did you decide to say like, oh, I'm not going to listen to that? I'm going to move forward with this. You are so right.

I think we are wired as human beings to pay attention to what our parents say to a degree where it is actually going to help us or, you know, sort of push us back. So to hear that from my parents often was very disheartening. I have to be honest, because I really wanted their approval. And I think the way my culture works, we are sort of wired to seek their approval even more, maybe. Totally. Yeah, it was always challenging to hear that. And it just meant that I needed to develop a sense of self-belief. I needed to develop a sense of trust within myself.

And I realized that those were all things that I had set out to do anyway during this transition phase that I was going through. I was building that sense of trust within myself. I was building that sense of confidence, that courage to do what feels right to me, not what society is expecting of me or not what my parents are expecting of me, not doing things out of obligation and doing things. things as an end in itself. You know, these were some of the things that I was already beginning to see through my life

and through my actions. So during that time frame, when my parents would say some of these things, it would just serve as another opportunity to think through my values and then to cement them even more within myself, to be the person that I am today. So it was not easy. But I'm just so glad because I am more confident today. yeah it's not easy at all like i don't think that we can remotely downplay the confidence and like the strength that it takes to say i i love my culture i love where i came from i love these values

and i cannot let them dictate how i live my life especially because i think a lot of people listening can relate to this idea that you are living in a completely different world than your parents did And I think a lot of immigrant kids feel that way or children of immigrant parents of like you, I don't have the same threat that you did. I don't have the same risk to look out for. And it can be a weird dynamic with parents because sometimes they can be trapped in that survival mode that comes with being someone that grew up the way that they did. And so for you to be able to like so eloquently balance that and I think have empathy for. your parents and listen to them, but also not let it dictate your life is something that I think a lot of people listening to this podcast struggle with. So I appreciate you highlighting that. The next thing I want to touch on is that when you decide to then go forward with Mind Happy, right? You're like, I'm not going to listen to these fears. I'm going to dive in. You moved back in with your parents, correct? Yes, I did. Okay. So how old are you at this time when you move

back in with them. So that was two years ago. I am 30 at the time. Okay. And I didn't move. Yes, I moved back because after COVID, I kept going back and forth. I used to go home and then I would move back again for work. I was traveling for work a lot. Because I moved around jobs so many times I never was able to build a community around myself or friends of people that I could rely on. It was either work or it was my family. And every time I would go back home for maybe a month or two months, things would get so heated and so chaotic that I needed to find an escape or I needed to just leave because it just got too much.

And you said eloquently and I appreciate you saying that, I think now when I look back, I can maybe think that I was able to balance it maybe well, but at the time, it didn't feel so much, I didn't feel so much eloquence around the situation that I... Yeah, what did it feel like at the time? Oh, I mean, it was chaotic. I had to have a conversation with myself many times where I remember when I finally was home,

it was because I had decided that family is important to me. It is something that I value. So there was a time where I was like, it's enough. I can't be running from home anymore. I have to find a way to make this work. I'll value the relationship that I have with my parents. I know they care for me and I know they love me a lot. This is something that I don't have to debate.

But there are certain ways in which they communicate. They are, like you said, they grew up in a very distant environment. They grew up in a very different time. So through the empathy that I had created for myself, that I felt for myself, the compassion that I was able to see for myself when I was failing and I was getting back and I was trying to be the person that I am today, I could also understand them better. I could feel compassion for them. I could have the sense of empathy for them. So it just came down to realizing that I want to make this work. it is something that I will figure out. And whatever happens, whether it's depreciation, perseverance,

I am not giving up on these relationships that are important to me. So I stuck through it. There would be countless fines. There would be things that they would say they would still treat me and even my younger brother as a child, even though we are now grown adults with our own processes, with our own ideas and the way of life that we want to bring in to our actions. So it was difficult.

I think at that point of time managing all of this, being able to have a conversation with them, helping them see reason because a lot of times when you're 65 and older, you don't want to change and you don't want to see another person's perspective. Or that's how I felt for the most part. So I have to employ different strategies where, you know, I will tell them, okay, either we have a conversation when you have calmed down because even I am hurt in this scenario, I understand you are hurt. And that was never the intention. But let's come back to it when we both feel better. Most of the times it didn't work. But over time, it made it death. You know, over time, things started to change for the better. It's still not the rosy picket. I had. And my, like, it's not, you know, the relationship that I want where you see in movies, what you see in TV. It's not that kind of a relationship where we're like laughing and chatting and, yeah, just sharing so many different things. But it is, it is a

picture where I have come to accept it. It is still beautiful in its own way where the kind of problems that we had, we don't have anymore or we're still working through. So progress, as a perfection is my new mantra and that's what I've been looking at. Yeah, I love what you're saying because I do think sometimes this middle road gets lost, right? Where it's either like we have to do whatever our parents want, not change anything and be that version or we have to like cut them out of our lives and not have a relationship with them. And there's this middle road that you're talking about of like, these relationships are important to me. I want to have my parents in my life. And so we are going to do like the messy work of trying to make that happen.

And that's not possible for everybody. But I think when it is, it's ideal. And you see it as a work in progress. Like you're saying that like it's not what I want it to be. It's not what I expected to be. But it's getting better. And maybe there have been these small changes. But I think, you know, thinking about like you being an independent adult, moving in

with your parents while you're trying to build a business and them sort of still having you in this childlike role in the hierarchy could be really challenging. I'm wondering if you can tell people how you navigated like maintaining your independence while building this and living there. That's a good question because like you said, it is finding that balance within the way that My parents see me, the way I see myself, the way I want my actions to look like in the world. So throughout this, I remember that it was important to keep my values as my guiding star. And it meant that when my parents expected certain things out of me, I was not going to just accept it if it didn't feel right to me. It was, I would either tell them how I felt in those moments or maybe when things were feeling better,

then I would come back and have a conversation with my mother mostly. So my relationship with my mother is much better than the relationship that I have with my father. But, you know, so sitting down, having a heart-to-heart conversation, honesty is my value, which means that what I think, what is on my lips and what's in my heart is in alignment. So if I'm not feeling right about something, something that they said, maybe it's the words that they used, especially Indian parents, I don't want to obviously speak for everyone, but I know that my parents can sometimes use words that are so hurtful, that are so disrespectful. In the heat of things, they can say some things that they probably don't mean, but they don't know any other way to express themselves. They don't know what alternative ways of coping. looks like they don't have any way in which they can sort of take a step back and de-stress and come back. So knowing this about my parents and knowing what I know about myself, I would decide

when to approach a topic, when to not, and then have a conversation truthfully, honestly, about what I felt, how I felt. And doing this overtime made the difference, helped them see me for the person I am today, bringing back situations when things were different. Yes, I understand that the way you grew up, life was like this. I have appreciation for it. I'd love for you to tell me more about it. I was always very curious throughout this relationship building process.

I have now found more about my parents than I ever did before. So I've learned more about their childhood because I would have these conversations with them. I would approach them again with a sense of curiosity. what did you do when you were this age? Oh, what kind of sports did you play? These are such basic questions and my parents and I never got around to talking about. So I think that these are these honest conversations,

open conversations allowed them to see me for the person I am because it meant that I have to speak up. Because during this speaking up process, it could also turn into a fight if our ideas and if our opinions don't match, then it's not like they're going to take a step back and they're going to say that, oh, I'm wrong. Thank you for telling me this perspective.

I had no, you should not do this. This is not how you should think about it. So it would get into a fight situation. And then my brother would like, why are you doing this? Like when I'm going to Lord, when are you going to just stop trying to change them, trying to have them see your point of view. They are not going to see it. So he'd obviously live with them for far.

longer so he had come to this point where he just accepted the situation and he didn't want it to like change it for the better but i yeah i had a vision for what my relationship needed to look like so i was going out with these different strategies like one day i'll try this sort of a conversation after a few days i would self-reflect and then think about what went wrong and then maybe try something else but with the intention that i wanted to make this work so and i have to be the person who is more understanding, maybe more flexible because I'm younger and they are much older. So, yeah, I think eventually they were able to see me for the person I am. And all of this transitioned to what I was building because this has helped me be so honest.

This has helped me build relationships with people that come from a solid foundation. They are working on mind happy because they believe in mind happy. All of the challenges that I faced at home have just improved my conviction for the work that I'm doing. And that has, that has shown through in all of my interactions, whether it is finding the right suppliers, whether it's finding the right team of people, whether it's working with the right partners. All of that has led to an intentionality, which has translated to the kind of results that we're seeing today. Yeah, I think that's such a good point. And you know, obviously, I wrote a book called Toxic Positivity, so I hate always having to, like, put a positive spin on these things. But I think that there is this silver lining in some of these situations when you are in a home where you're having to learn how to navigate generational differences, cultural differences, differences of thoughts and ideas and boundaries, it does translate really well into these areas of life or business where you have to interact with a lot.

of different types of people and learn how to like get what you need and what you want, you know, in these situations that it seems like you've built up quite a skill set that will help you, you know, even if the way that you learned it isn't always ideal or the way we want to learn that. Yeah, I mean, life never really works according to our plans is what I was able to gather very early on. And throughout these situations, when things got tough especially, I would tell myself that this is the challenge and there's something for me to learn

in this situation, in this scenario. I'm doing this not because it's supposed to be easy. I'm doing this because it is meaningful to me because it's something that I value. It is how I want to live. So I think keeping that in mind was very helpful and seeing it as a challenge. I talked about how during that,

transition phase, I would reframe my thoughts. And doing that kind of work over time has helped me see situations for what they are. And that has been the most powerful thing that I think I've done. Yeah, I love that. So tell us a little bit, you know, when this episode comes out, I think you will have just launched Mind Happy to the world. So I'd love to hear a little bit more about what Mind Happy is and what you hope that people get from it. Yes. So Mind Happy is about bringing simple pleasures back into our lives, things that we used to do maybe when we were children,

but now have sort of lost in the chaos of light. It is a mystery box which allows you to experience different products, very high-quality products, like building kits, whether it's a car, a 3D model, a house that you're making, a music box that you're making, or whether it's painting or knitting. The idea of mystery box is because it's about the commitment that you make to yourself, the time that you want to spend using what you have in front of you, so as to create something that's just beautiful.

So yeah, it's about taking that step for yourself. It's about being open to different skills, different challenges, and different hobbies maybe, adding play and creativity to our lives because it's such an amazing way to think through problems in a very different way. It has helped me so much in my work, but it has helped me so much in my personal life as well. I always have this little, I have these, like, trions in front of me that I would recoloring.

Every time I take a break, instead of going on my phone or instead of doing something that I, you know, possibly don't want to do, it's not adding to my life, I will make sure that I have something in front of me where I'm expressing myself through colors or through any activity it is that I have in front of me. So that's what Mind Happy is about mystery boxes. You get them every single month. It's like a little mental workout for yourself. And we have services for businesses as well. We have some amazing partners that we're working on. My corporate journey also inspired Mind Happy. A lot of times at workplaces, things get so stressful.

We have so many deliverables at deadlines. There's no room for play or there's no room for relaxation or rejuvenation. So mind-happy, team boxes and services are here to bring that childlike play to our lives so that we can collaborate with people better, deepen our relationship with ourselves or with those around us and just smile through anything that comes away. Yeah, I love that. It sounds like something I really need. So I'm excited to get my box because it's hard to engage with that like creative part. You know, I have I have children now. So it's easier for me to do that because I can do it through kids. But if you don't have that like that force isn't there, it's hard to engage with that part of you. When you're talking about it, it sounds like you so perfectly combined your engineering background with that. you know, fine arts part that they said you would be good at, you know? Like, it's really come full circle.

It's wild how that happens. Yeah, eventually moved towards what I was, I guess, good at when I was young. Yeah. But yeah, I'm so glad because today, the day like this was a dream day for me five years ago when I was just in this phase of my life when life didn't feel as exciting. a day where I'm working on things that meant so much to me, I had a sense of balance, I had a sense of peace within myself.

So all of these things were something that I imagined but wasn't able to experience. So over time, building mind happy from a place of authenticity, from a place of just pure intentions, has been the most incredible journey. that I have been on. And more than Mind Happy, of course, it was the journey that I went on for myself and through that King Mind Happy, which again is just a wonderful way to see people, smile, just see people come together instead of happy hours or instead of like restaurant outings,

you can take a Mind Happy box to a park or a picnic and do something with your friends or your family. And making it part of your ritual is so important, like you said. If there's no force, if there's nothing that is guiding us to do something, then it's very unlikely that we're going to stick on that path. So when you make that intention of prioritizing yourself, when you make the intention of prioritizing the relationship with others and have something where you don't have to go to a store to gather everything or watch YouTube tutorials for hours,

then committing to that process for yourself becomes much easier. So that's what we're here to do. I didn't have this when I was going through this phase. And from that need, it has my happy has been born. I so appreciate you sharing your story with us today because I think a lot of times we hear from founders about their process building a business, but not necessarily the way that their family life or their family relationships impacted that along the way. And it's certainly we can see through your story and another story that I know my own,

that it impacts us a lot. And it has a huge role in how we get to where we are today or how we don't end up where we want to be. So I really appreciate you sharing that. And one of the last things I like to ask guests on the Calling Home show is what cycle are you breaking in your family and what pattern in your family is ending with you? So the cycle that I'm breaking is looking elsewhere to fulfill my needs, my personal needs. I have come to the realization that if we understand what it is that we need, whether it's love, security, safety, we're able to give that to ourselves. In the last two years, the relationship that I have with my parents, the relationship that I have with others with myself, has improved because one of the patterns that I saw

through my past relationships, was that I would look for love in other places than myself. When I realized that it was a pattern, I decided that it was time to just give all the love I needed and prioritize that relationship with myself. So the last two years have been about that. And today I stand much stronger. Today I stand much happier because I'm able to give myself everything that I need. So this is what I would definitely pass on to anyone that comes in contact with me or anyone that is, you know, about to come before, after me, want to make sure that they

are able to, yeah, provide themselves with everything that they need. That's wonderful. And I think a lot of people will benefit from hearing that answer and hopefully implementing that in their own lives. Thank you so much for being here today. I really appreciate you sharing your story. and I wish you all the success with Mind Happy. I hope everyone that listens to this podcast goes out and gets a box for themselves

or a family member or someone that they love. So thank you again. Thank you so much with me for having me. This was such a wonderful conversation. I've been able to share things that I haven't before. And this was a wonderful platform. I do want to say one thing before. Yeah, go ahead.

Hop up is I have said a few things about my parents. but, and they may not always be very positive, but I do want to say that who I am is because of my parents. My dad is, you know, he's a risk taker, he's bold, he's brave, he does everything with purest intentions, he has a heart of gold. My mother is meticulous, has an intense work ethic. She is just so caring and loving. So, you know, everything that I have learned,

all the positives and the negatives, they have all helped me to be the person I am today. So I do want to mention that I'm so grateful for the law and support. Of course. And I want to affirm for you that the whole time I think that you're speaking about your family, I can tell that there is a genuine love and appreciation for them. And it's so helpful for people to be able to hear someone navigate this process of loving and caring for your parents and appreciating them and even feeling indebted to them for some of your success while also saying, you know, maybe there aren't things that I want to listen to or that I want to carry forward in my own life and that all of that can exist at the same

time. And feeling that way doesn't mean that you don't love and appreciate and care for them and think that they are wonderful. And so I think that's going to be so helpful to hear people here like a real person, you know, not a therapist actually navigating this and saying I feel all these things at the same time and all of it makes sense. So thank you for adding that at the end. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you so much Darshah for being on the podcast today. And I hope everyone here goes and checks out mind happy. I know I am really excited about using my mind happy box and maybe doing it with my family together. I want to just let you all know that on April 1st, we are starting a new topic inside calling home,

which means there will be new content, new groups. We have seven groups meeting this month that are facilitated by me, and we are going to be talking about parents who won't apologize. So if you're waiting on a parent to apologize, you want to communicate to your parent that you want an apology or you're grieving an apology that's never coming, this is the month for you. To register for groups, you need to sign up to be a member of the Family Cycle Breakers Club at callinghome.co or you can sign up for the Emotional Home Improvement Association and get access to just those weekly articles. There will be five articles this month because there are five Mondays in the month of April. I add new content to the website every Monday of every single

month depending on what topic we are talking about. I'm so excited to tackle this topic and I hope that many of you will join me at callinghome.com and I'll see you there. Have a great rest of your day and see you guys next week. The Calling Home podcast is not engaged in providing therapy services, mental health advice, or other medical advice or services. It is not a substitute for advice from a qualified health care provider and does not create any therapist, patient, or other treatment relationship between you, and Calling Home or Whitney Goodman.

For more information on this, please see Calling Holmes Terms of Service linked in the show notes below.