CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT - Estranged Parents Keep Threatening to Report Me

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

Whitney addresses something that's been getting to her: the constant threats from estranged parents that they're reporting her to the licensing board. Then she answers two listener questions.Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [e-mail] the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic PositivityThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.00:10 Therapists losing their license12:32 Listener question #120:56 Listener question #2 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome back to the Calling Home podcast. I am Whitney Goodman, your host and founder of the Family Cycle Breakers Club at Calling Home. Today we have a Q&A episode, but first I'm going to talk about something that has been getting to me that I want to acknowledge. I want to state this from the start. Therapists don't lose their license for quote unquote promoting estrangement. I have been a therapist for, quote, unquote, promoting estrangement. I have been a therapist for, for I've been practicing for over a decade. And I've been creating content online about family relationships, probably for the last, I would say five years. I think I started doing more of it during COVID and then really accelerated my focus on that in 2021 and 2022. And I founded calling home and started this podcast at the end of 2023. So I want to talk about something out of here constantly. I have been told, I don't know,

I would put it somewhere between like 50 and 75 times by estranged parents on the internet, primarily on TikTok, that they are reporting me to the licensing board for promoting estrangement on the internet. And if you, and I want to make this clear, I've never lost my license. I've never had my license suspended. I am licensed as a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of Florida. I still do practice psychotherapy with individuals on a very small basis. I used to have a large private practice for years after I started calling home, started writing books. I sort of bumped that down. I haven't taken on new clients in about two to three years, but I still do see some longstanding clients that come in and out of therapy as needed. And I probably see

about five to six clients for sessions a week, any given week. And I take that work and my license very, very seriously. The work that I do at Calling Home and on this podcast is not therapy. And is not the work of therapy does not constitute a therapist-client relationship. and so that work is very different. That work is primarily psychoeducational, but I am still bound by the rules and laws and ethics of the board under which I am licensed, which is the Florida Board for Marriage and Family Therapists. I have never been investigated, suspended. My license has always been kept current. I keep up with my continuing education, etc. But I it's really slowed down. I did have someone that was, you know, sending me messages pretty much every day saying that they were reporting me to the board. Nothing came of that. And the reason I'm even recording this is because I feel so confident in the fact that my workaround estrangement is not something that is going to be actually investigated at all that I want to record this episode. So,

So I think that this is part of kind of the culture of let's find a villain, right? Let's find someone who is responsible for the downfall of my relationship with my child. And therapists, especially therapists who create content on the internet, have become a very convenient and I think likely spot. for us to put that blame. And I've recorded many episodes on this and I actually promised in a recent episode that I was going to stop talking about promoting estrangement. But I do want to clear this up because there are a lot of new therapists maybe wanting to create content online. And there are a lot of seasoned therapists doing that. And anytime I see one of them talking about estrangement and I go and look in their comment section, I'm going to find. And there's some usual suspects.

that I recognize. But most estranged parents have blocked me now, like the really prolific ones that are always posting and have accounts, they've all blocked me. And so I don't see their stuff and they don't comment on my videos anymore. But I see other people in these comment sections, you know, saying things like, you should lose your license, you're unethical, you're so biased. I'm going to report you. Like, it's a pretty, like, consistent narrative, right? But therapists do not lose their license for talking about estrangement, okay? And I don't want therapists to be afraid to talk about these issues for fear of that.

Because when it first was happening to me, like, it freaked me out a little bit. I didn't really understand. No one's ever reported me. to the board before. I've never had that interaction with a client ever. And so I was like, what does this mean? What does that process even look like? How far can someone take this? Different states have different investigation standards or different reporting standards. And so it really depends on your state. I know that there are some states where every single report is investigated. I think in Florida it has to be substantiated first before there is like a formal

investigation and then you have to provide a lot of information. Now, I also have looked up like the Florida reporting process and you have to often provide details about how you are a client of this therapist. And so for estranged parents to go online and say they're mass reporting therapists on the internet to their state board for talking about estrangement, you are not clients of these therapist, it's very difficult for you to demonstrate harm, suffering, mistreatment, etc., in these contexts because there is no client therapist relationship. And those ethics boards are mainly there to protect clients from therapists that are engaging in mistreatment, practicing outside of their scope, violating boundaries, et cetera. Now, I think that most of these parents, you know,

are trying to report therapists to the board because they ultimately view what the therapist is doing as unethical. But what I typically see is being called promoting estrangement is actually validating harm, supporting boundaries, and acknowledging that repair might not be possible, right? And the ethics codes are different in every state and for every different license. You know, I mentioned I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, but there are, of course, licensed psychologists, there are psychiatrists, mental health counselors, licensed clinical social workers, there are licensed counselors. Like, there are a lot of different degrees that can all become licensed under different boards and ultimately practice psychotherapy after becoming

licensed without supervision, but they are all sort of bound by the rules and ethical codes of the board under which they are licensed. And those licensing boards are typically state dependent, but there are some that are more of like a national type of license as well. I believe, like, for psychiatrists and psychologists, they all follow the same code no matter what state they are licensed in. But typically the reporting, I know for mental health counselors, social workers, marriage and family therapists, it goes through the state board in which that therapist is licensed. Now, therapists cannot coerce decisions. They must support autonomy. And they are expected to name abuse and neglect. And saying that estrangement is an option is not the same thing as

telling someone to become estranged or coercing them. And in fact, therapists need to promote autonomy and self-determination among their clients, not blind loyalty or following of someone because of their relationship to that. I want to talk about what therapists actually lose their licenses for and gosh, I follow this girl on, she's a girl, she's a woman, she's a therapist on Instagram and she used to do this video series. I am totally blanking on her name. I think her name is Emily something. She used to do a video series about like therapists that lost their license or didn't and had these formal complaints about them and it was kind of crazy actually how hard it was for some of these therapists to get their license taken away for some pretty egregious violations.

but typically it's sexual misconduct, boundary violations, confidentiality breaches, which some of you need to stop almost breaching confidentiality on the internet about your clients. Like, I hate when therapists get on, like, what seems like five minutes after their session. They're like, I was just talking to a client about X. Just make stuff up. Like, you don't need to use an actual client story and especially like minutes. after the session, it would make me uncomfortable if I saw my therapist doing that. Fraud is also a big one, like insurance fraud and failure to report abuse against elders, children, things like that.

There's no ethics violation that is called, you know, promoting estrangement or acknowledging family harm. Like that doesn't exist, at least certainly not for my licensing board. I think we need to remember that estrangement is an outcome. It's a personal decision. It's not a decision that a therapist can make someone make. We can't, we have no way of executing that of forcing someone to cut off their family and people are allowed to leave relationships that harm them, regardless of if they're in therapy or not. And so I think that this narrative, of like, I'm going to report you to the board. I'm going to, I think you should lose your license, you're unethical, you're biased. It's just this roundabout way of saying, like, I don't like

what you're talking about. I don't like the fact that you're bringing it to light. I think you're trying to scare and intimidate people into no longer talking about actual problems that exist. And it's not going to work. There are actual real things that therapists should lose their license for. Talking about estrangement is not one of them. And I will be the first to say, and I've said this on many episodes, like, they're a bad therapist out there. There are therapists who intentionally and unintentionally cause harm to their clients. They're a therapist who manipulate their clients, who try to engage in sexual activity with them,

who blur boundaries, have outside relationships with them, who take advantage of them financially. like that happens. And those things should be taken seriously and they should be reported. But reporting a therapist because they're telling people like, hey, you don't have to maintain a relationship with your parent or ex-family member. If they are harming you, abusing you, they're a bad influence in your life. It's not a reportable offense. I think it's a misuse of time and energy and resources of places that are actually there to protect people from true harm and mistreatment. All right, let's go ahead and dive in to those caller questions for today.

I'm going to play you the first question. Hi, Whitney. I'm not going to say my name. I'm going to say my name. This is your podcast. Stay back to the person. And you mentioned twice that you want people. Came from families where the parents was the sporting events.

Upper middle class were wealthy. They say, my house is like this. Everything was perfect. and then when they became an adult, they met this person or XYC happened. And I said it's interesting because sure my parents would, we're not known in New York Times, there were a lot of, for everyday lives, like identity or who you're in a relationship with people you're around. At what point does that become interacting with people who deny your reality if that's what you want to do? If I'm in a relationship with someone who, I don't know who's that lifestyle.

I'm not going to come to your wedding. Like, at what point is it to have a better relationship with my name? So the end of that caller's question got cut off there, but I think there's a lot of good things that we can talk about. And thank you so much for calling in. I felt like the core of this question was like, at what point do policy? politics become such a central part of our identity, that they then trickle out into our relationships and become disruptive to those relationships. And the reality is, I think this is something that we've seen happening progressively,

certainly over the last decade, right? That political affiliation has become much more like being a fan of a sports team. and people identify so strongly with their political identity that it shapes their relationships where they spend their time, what they wear, what they do. You know, we are all kind of being indoctrinated into this like us versus them mentality. And I think a lot of people are very fearful of losing their membership within a specific group and so that causes them to make concessions that impact other relationships in their life. And this caller is right.

I think that when it drifts into being like, I don't approve of your lifestyle or your partner, and I'm using quotes around lifestyle for those of you who are just listening, you can always watch the video of the podcast on YouTube. I think that's no longer politics, right? That's directly impacting your relationship with this person. And if you choose not to support their partner and who they love and who they're marrying, like, there are consequences for that. And people have to choose.

Is it more important for me to be right for me to be part of this specific group to have membership and validation from these people? Or are my family or are my family? relationships or my specific relationship with this person more important. And if you say to someone, you don't support your lifestyle, I'm not going to come to your wedding, like, don't be surprised if they cut you off. That's not politics. That's not difference of opinion. It's you explicitly stating, I am not going to support one of the most important parts of your life and then getting mad when that person doesn't want to have you around. Like, it's weird behavior, I think.

I don't understand why anyone would want someone like that in their life, no matter what it is. I am in a heterosexual, like, traditional marriage. And if someone said to me, like, I don't support who you're marrying and I'm not going to come to your wedding and then got mad at me because I didn't want to talk to them anymore, I'd be like, that's weird behavior. Like, you should expect for that to happen. And so you have to make a choice on what you're going to prioritize in your life. Is it your beliefs over here?

your membership in this community, whatever it is, or is it that relationship that you have with that person? And so when these things start to sort of reverberate into other areas of our life and cause us to make those types of decisions about relationships, of course, that's no longer politics. We're not talking about like taxes and, you know, who should be mayor. Like these things have longstanding widespread consequences. and to pretend like your certain beliefs like that are not going to disrupt your relationships is frankly naive. And I think that people want to act like, it's just my opinion.

Well, it's an opinion that can make you lose a relationship sometimes. And we can't fault people for not wanting to hang out with people that tell them that they don't like or approve of their partner and don't want to come to their wedding. Like, I could see why that would make someone not want to have somebody in their life. It's not exactly like friendly or family-like behavior in that regard. So it makes sense. And your comment about my description of like these estranged adults, when I give that report, I think that a lot of those parents who are talking about their children that had these, you know,

perfect lives with a roof over their head and food and they went to the same. sporting events and all that are often leaving out a lot of very key prevalent details. And your child can have all of those things and still experience emotional neglect, disconnection from you, instability in the home. It does not make up for all of that. And I wish that it did. I wish that it did as a parent myself. It would be very nice to be able to look around and be like, oh, my kids have these five things. And so I know they're going to be perfect. And our relationship is going to last. but that is not the reality. And so when I talk about this group, it's more that, you know, I think that is a population

that a lot of parents are speaking about and that it's not always the full story when we're talking about estrangement that happened in adulthood. Thank you so much for calling in and asking that question. All right. I am going to play our second caller question. Hey, Whitney. My name's Morgan. I just had a quick question about.

I guess mother-in-laws and feelings towards them and how to deal. Basically, my issue is that my in-laws are the first people to say that they are willing to help or do anything to help. And when it comes to helping with my kids, and when it really comes down to it, they aren't. They don't help. They have very strict schedules in terms of availability of when they can help if they aren't out of town, traveling or doing whatever. It's caused a lot of resentment on my part and, like, built up animosity. And honestly, it's just, like, terrifying knowing that, like, we have – I have another child on the law. way so we're going to have three young children and I just like the only people that we kind of

have in town and close by to help us really don't help and aren't available. It's even more so annoying because they help with their daughter's kids all the time who are older. But anyway, so yeah, I mean, I guess my question was kind of like how do you deal with the resentment of knowing that they won't really help even though they say they will. And how do you deal with, like, just knowing that that's kind of our life actually. Because it causes issues, especially when we have to see them for dinners and stuff. It doesn't, it causes issues with me, just like me being personally angry because they are not as supportive as a,

at like they are. Anyways, thank you so much for your help. I love your podcast. All right. Thank you so much for calling in and for this question. I just answered another question similar to this last week. How do you deal with the resentment? You deal with it by accepting that when they are constantly saying,

we will do anything, we will help you, they are typically doing that for their own benefit and not for you. people who do that and don't back it up with any action, I think often just want to feel good about offering their help, saying things like, we're always here for you, we're around, we'll help you, but they're not actually having to do anything. It's just for them. It's not for you. It feels good for them to say that. You know, it's the kind thing to do to say, let me know if you need anything, but not actually do anything. And so once you realize that, like, they're just saying this stuff. They don't actually mean it. They're not going to do it. They're saying it for

themselves. When they start saying that stuff, it just goes in one ear and out the other, because you know that you truly can't actually rely on these people probably. They're not going to be around, and they're certainly not going to help you at the frequency that you want. The other thing here is that you're experiencing some disappointment and the resett. is coming up probably because of the discrepancy between what you thought would happen and what is actually happening. And I think sometimes when we enter this process of having children, you know, as a parent of small kids myself during this stage, like you kind of have this idea of, okay, well, these people are saying that they're going to help me. And so I feel comfortable

making this decision and having this many children because I think I'm going to have all this help. and then the health isn't there. And that's very disappointing. And I think that's why when you decide to have kids, it sometimes comes back to this place of like, can I handle this if I don't have support from anyone? And it seems deeply unfair when you were promised support and then it didn't come or it was taken away from you

and it can kind of feel very overwhelming. And I hope that you can trust and find peace in your ability to figure this out a different, way and your village and your system may not look like what you thought it was going to look like, but it can still be good and potentially even better than relying on these people that are not really around to help. And they have their own schedules. It sounds like they're kind of strict. They're helping other people. It may be that the ages of your children are hard for them and they don't want to say that out loud and that's why they're helping, you know, their own daughter with the kids that are older.

It's, you know, I'm making a lot of assumptions here. But I think at the end of the day, it's really about you and your family accepting that like these are not the people that we can rely on right now. And even though they're saying that they're not doing it. And so I need to accept that that is the case and stop looking to them for help, stop thinking that they're going to help me, stop asking them and kind of just like remove them from that role in your life because they they cannot fulfill it and every time I think you think that they're going to or you ask them or you want them to and then you get let down it just intensifies that disappointment right and makes it so much worse and so if you can kind of operate from this place of like I accept that my in-laws

are not able to be helpful to us they are not not willing to help us, they're not going to help us. Then what would I make different about my life? Who would I ask for help? Would I hire someone? Would I rely on other parents or the community or my own parents or whatever it is? And then grieving this idea that this isn't what I expected. I thought it was going to be different. I feel let down by people that I trusted or that I thought would have the capacity to help me with my kids. And it hurts. And it's it's painful. and I feel very resentful about it. And then I think you try to stop putting yourself in situations where resentment can grow,

which are really situations where you have expectations that cannot be met by these people, and then you are continuously let down. Again, not easy, but I think resentment decreases when there is acceptance of reality on people's capacity, you know, and we stop expecting them to be able to, to meet certain requests or conditions that they have consistently been unable to meet. And then that opens the door for, like, grieving that reality, which is a whole other task in and of itself. Thank you so much for calling in and asking that question.

I think it is a great one. I just want to remind you all that this month inside the Family Cycle Breakers Club, our membership community at Calling Home, we are focusing on parental, abandonment and rejection. We're about halfway through the month. So there are several weeks of content already up there, but you can still join and join us for groups. Members of the Family Cycle Breakers Club get access to our private discussion boards where you can talk to our members from anywhere, anytime. We have separate boards and questions and I'm on there, you know, providing resources and things like that. It's a really active community. Highly recommend joining

honestly just for that perk. We also have therapist-led support groups, all led by licensed therapists, including myself. And we focus on a different topic every month and you get new content delivered to your inbox and on the website every Monday to help you work through your family relationships and build a better family. You can join the Family Cycle Breakers Club at Calling Home at www.callinghome.com. I would love to see you there in a group or to chat with you on our discussion. boards soon. Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you next week for another episode of Calling Home. The Calling Home podcast is not engaged in providing therapy services, mental health advice, or other medical advice or services. It is not a substitute for advice from a qualified

health care provider and does not create any therapist, patient, or other treatment relationship between you and Calling Home or Whitney Goodman. For more information on this, please see Calling Home's terms of service linked in the show notes below.