CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT - No Thanks, Santa: How to Handle Unwanted Gifts and Set Boundaries

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

In this episode, Whitney Goodman explores the complexities of gift-giving and receiving during the holiday season. She discusses the emotional weight of gifts, the pressures of navigating family dynamics, and the impact of estrangement on these interactions. Whitney provides actionable tips for setting boundaries and understanding the deeper meanings behind gifts, especially in dysfunctional family settings. The conversation highlights the importance of communication and self-awareness in managing expectations and emotions around gift-giving. Join The Family Cyclebreakers Club, here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. www.ca slash yamex. Hi, everyone. Welcome to The Calling Home Podcast. I'm your host Whitney Goodman. And today we are

going to be talking about gift giving and gift receiving this holiday season. Just a couple of updates, though. If you are listening to this episode on the day that it comes out, which is going to be on Tuesday, December 10th, then I want to let you know that this. This Tuesday and this Thursday are going to be the only additional episodes of the podcast for the month of December. So in this episode, we're going to be talking about a couple of things that seem like they have been coming up for a lot of you. I know that these are things that we've been talking about in our groups at Calling Home, and there are things that a lot of you have been DMing me about on Instagram. So we're going to talk about why gift giving in families can feel

a little bit tense and uncomfortable. We're also going to talk about common scenarios where conflict or hurt can arise when we're giving gifts. And really the goal of this episode today is to provide you guys with some clear, actionable tips that you can use when it comes to setting boundaries around gift giving and gift receiving. When it comes to how you're feeling about giving gifts and receiving them, we're also going to talk a little bit about estrangement, gift giving, and gift receiving. And I want to make sure that everyone on both sides of that issue feels equipped and like they understand how they can go about handling this really challenging time of year when we all feel like we should be doing

certain things. And sometimes that can get in the way of our goals for our relationships or make them more challenging. So some of you might have seen that I put up this post on Instagram and TikTok about a girl named Jenna. And Jenna is just a fictional composite of a client of a character that I put together. And this post got like a million views on TikTok and there were a lot of comments on it on Instagram. And so I want to share it with you here because I think that it is a good jumping off point for this conversation about gift giving, especially when it comes to estrangement. So this is what the post says. And you can go look at this on my Instagram or my TikTok as well. Jenna hasn't spoken to her parents in nine months. After years of trying

to set boundaries, she finally told them she needed space. On the Monday before Christmas, a package appears on her doorstep. Instead of a return address, it reads simply, Your Mom and Dad. Jenna recognizes their handwriting instantly. A familiar pit forms in her stomach as she sets the box on the kitchen counter untouched before leaving for work. It will sit there, for days. What's in the package? Why would they send this? Are they expecting a response? She can already hear them twisting the narrative. We sent her a gift and she didn't even acknowledge it. By Christmas morning, the inevitable text from her mom arrives. Did you get the gift? We

haven't heard from you. Her parents have an uncanny ability to make her feel trapped in a cocktail of guilt, fear, obligation, and resentment. She knows the rules of their game all too well. If she doesn't respond, she's the villain. The selfish daughter. Their justification for the estrangement will be reinforced ready for any audience willing to listen. Gifts should be kind gestures, but when they come from someone who has ignored the boundaries

you've fought to establish, they feel more like an attempt to wipe away the past without addressing it. Eventually, Jenna opens the box. Inside, she finds a sweater. It's the wrong size, a color she's always hated, a sweater that seems to scream, I don't really know you anymore. She stares at her phone, knowing there's no right move here. If she says thank you, it opens the door to more of the same dynamic. If she doesn't, she cements their narrative of her as ungrateful and cruel. Either way, she loses. The sweater confirms what she already knew. Her parents can't understand her needs, let alone meet them. All I wanted for Christmas was an apology, and instead, I got this sweater. So this post seemed to

resonate with a lot of you, and I think that's because gifts come to mean so many different things within a family. And they are not ever really just gifts, especially when it comes to those who are closest to us. Gifts often have this extra layer of meaning that lets us know that we are seen by someone. We're known by them. They consider us. They want to make us happy. They want to listen to our needs to abide by our boundaries. And all of these little messages are often being conveyed when we give a gift, right? And you can say a lot with a gift. You can say, I love you, I understand you, I see you, I thought of you, I considered you. You can also say with a gift, I didn't consider you at all. I only thought of myself. I did this because I wanted to.

You know, a gift can be given with a smile and done it in a nice way and it can still be really loaded with a lot of passive aggressive or even aggressive meaning. And it's no wonder that all of us have so many like emotions around gift giving and what it means in a family. So let's talk a little bit more about like the emotional weight of gifts, right? A gift is a measure of being seen, known or valued. and they often can reflect misalignment in relationships. So like unwanted gifts, impersonal choices, et cetera, like I just mentioned.

There's also this idea in a lot of families that gift giving only comes up like once a year. And it's kind of this way to like absolve us all year, of all of our like sins as a family all year long. And I know that can sound a little bit dramatic, but think about this. Okay. There are a lot of people that are in families where they don't really know each other very well. There's not a lot of closeness. There might be a lot of tension. There's been a lot of fighting, a lot of drama, a lot of chaos. And then after all that happens throughout the year, typically in these families, there's no discussion of those dynamics. There's no repair. We're all just supposed to get together. and sit around and then give each other gifts. And if you are already feeling tense and like you

don't know these people and you don't feel understood by them or even like they don't like you or they've hurt you, and then you have to sit down and act really grateful for a present or you have to think of something to get for this person that you don't like or you don't know, it's really challenging and it can be really overwhelming emotionally because you get to this time of year where you're like, I have to sort of perform something very different than my family is doing every other day of the year. And this is what makes dysfunctional families so challenging around the holidays is there is this pressure to be other than we have always been throughout the year and to perform in a different way. And I think that as the day approaches, a lot of people have this growing

level of anxiety about doing that. Getting gifts for people who are hurtful to you can also be very stressful. So if you have a parent that is highly critical, can be verbally abusive, tends to attack, you never really know what their mood's going to be like, they're emotionally immature, imagine what it's like to give that person a gift. And some of you may not have to imagine that because you know the anxiety that comes up when you're going to give your emotionally immature, verbally abusive, highly critical mother, this gift that you've spent months agonizing over. And she might say like, I don't even like this or cry or throw some type of tantrum because she didn't get what she wanted or she didn't feel like you put enough thought

to it or it wasn't wrapped in the right way. You know, you didn't give her the right thing, whatever it is. That I think for a lot of you that have been in this situation, this sounds highly possible, right? Is that like I am handing over like a ticking time bomb in this wrapped box and I don't know how this person is going to react. And honestly, it probably doesn't matter what I get them or what I do for them. They're going to react negatively. because if they are emotionally immature, they might be trying to bring the attention back on them that day. They might be upset about something else and they are channeling their frustration into that. A very common dynamic that I see is that when one spouse does not feel seen or

appreciated by the other, maybe the spouse, one spouse did not get a gift for the other one, did not say thank you, did not show up in the right way. The pressure gets all put on the children. And the adult children may then need to fill in for the spouse and show up in this way that's kind of like making up for the other parents quote unquote bad behavior. And so they're already doomed from the start because their one parent is coming into the holiday feeling unappreciated, unloved, unseen, and nothing anybody does is going to be able to fix that because it's ultimately about something that's totally out of their control. So I say all this to that gift giving is not just about like sitting down and it being commercialized and buying stuff

and giving things to each other. It is about so much more than that. And that is why it makes sense that it feels kind of uncomfortable for you. Another dynamic, I think, that we don't consider much that might happen in families that are well off financially. But I think this can also happen in families that can't even like afford to do this type of thing. They do it anyways, that I mentioned this before, like this sort of like the holiday is going to absolve us of our sins throughout the year and gift giving kind of comes from a place of guilt instead. And so if you are a family member who's related to someone who has hurt you a lot throughout the year and then on Christmas or Hanukkah or on your birthday, they're like, here's all

these elaborate gifts that I'm going to give you, you suddenly feel very indebted. to them and very much like, oh, well, now I can't complain because they did all this stuff for me. And that's why I did this, like, funny tongue-in-cheek, you know, kind of meme series for the Calling Home Instagram about, like, a parent giving their adult child a gift. And they're like, oh, is there an apology in there? And the parents like, no, silly, it's socks, you know, and that you're getting all these gifts, but it's not what you really wanted. And so that can create some tension, too, of, like, how do I show a level of appreciation and gratitude for this person who is giving me so much, but is also, like, very hurtful to me and doesn't try to repair.

And that can be really challenging in these family systems as well. I want to touch on a couple other, like, family specific dynamics that came up in the DMs that you sent me about gift giving and receiving. And one of those that I have come. kind of touched on is like a cultural or family emphasis on generosity and gift giving material generosity, gift giving in this way can be really overemphasized in certain families. And it could be how people show one another love. And that can be uncomfortable for in-laws, for people coming into the family who are not used to those types of displays of generosity. Or maybe you feel like when people do not show material generosity, do not give a lot, that it's a sign that they do not love

you. And so there's a lot of norms from our childhood that we're navigating that you may want to also discuss with like your spouse, a co-parent, you know, the people that you're friends, the people that you're around. So you can be on the same page and not have resentment about gifts because if you are someone that grew up in a home where this type of generosity giving gifts was not really overly emphasized and the holidays were more about like togetherness and other things you might not consider that for your partner who grew up in a home where the holidays were like fraught with tension but there were a lot of gifts that you're going to have very different approaches to the holiday and a lot of different like preconceived notions about

what certain things mean and how those days should function. So this is just a good thing to kind of discuss and be like, oh, what do you think about giving each other gifts over the holidays? You know, even thinking about like, do we need to set a budget? How do we want to handle gift giving so that one of us isn't disappointed or we don't have these like hidden expectations that we haven't discussed with one another? The other thing that you all sent me that I think is really interesting. And this is something I made note of before I looked at my DMs about this topic and then I was like, wow, a lot of people are feeling this is resentment from a perceived lack of gratitude. And so I've talked about this before that I think that parents who overextend

themselves and do not get enough back in return and do not prioritize themselves, do not have the ability to care for themselves because of a partner who isn't available or other things, they often project onto their children that their children are very ungrateful. And really, it's that they are doing too much and they are overextending themselves hoping to kind of fill that bucket and to feel better, right? And so I'll give you just a little bit of like a narrative example of this. And some of you might relate to this story. I had a client once who I'm not going to share any identifying details here, but let's imagine I had a client once who grew up in a home with a mother who was very, very giving and who did a lot

without being asked. And so she would decorate the house for Christmas. She would buy a ton of gifts. She would wrap everything. She would plan all these activities for the kids. She would do holiday cards and the Santa cookies. And I'm talking, would just go so above and beyond that the Christmas season for these kids was really like magical and wonderful. And it was great. But it was something that had been happening since they were very little kids up through their adulthood. And around their teenage years, the mom kind of snapped and was like, I feel so unappreciated. You guys are ungrateful brats. You know, you don't care about me or about anything I do.

You don't help me. And there was never a communication of needing help throughout these kids' entire life. They didn't even really have an understanding of everything that their mom was actually doing to keep all of this alive. they didn't know really to the extent that their father wasn't helping and wasn't participating in any of this. And I think that this client had a feeling that the mom liked doing all this stuff and wanted to do it and was doing it out of choice. And so when there was this huge blow up with like yelling and screaming and throwing wrapping paper at Christmas, the kids were all like shocked, you know, was how this person felt and feeling like I had no idea that this person, you know,

that my parent felt this way. And this is a really similar dynamic that I've heard from many, many clients of like, my parents did all this stuff. And then when they didn't feel fulfilled by it or it didn't feel good or how they expected it to feel, they kind of flipped it back on us and made it our problem. Like we should have been more grateful. We should have been more understanding. And yes, there is something absolutely to be said about teaching your children to say thank you, to be grateful, to be appreciative. But in order to do that, they also have to have some level of understanding of what you're doing, why you're doing it, how you're doing it. They have to like see how the sausage is made, for lack of a better word. Like they may not really

fully conceptualize the stuff that's going on around them and what it takes to do that. because kids are really egocentric. And also, they're not responsible for making sure that their parent has the bandwidth to do the things that they're doing. So if you are a parent who is overextending yourself and you feel resentful of that, it's your job to dial it back. It's not your kid's job to look at you and say, mom, I really appreciate what you're doing, but you should stop doing so much because you're going to get tired. A lot of times kids are just not going to see that typically until they are much, much older and maybe have experienced something like this themselves or like witness the toll that it's taking. And so I find that a lot of adults grew up

with this like wounding around gratitude being told that they are unappreciative, they are ungrateful. when really I think a lot of the time that feeling for the parent is coming from them really overextending themselves and not feeling like they're getting enough recognition or enough of like this feeling of accomplishment that they want for themselves. So for any of you that grew up, you know, in a home always feeling like you were just too ungrateful, not appreciative enough, I think that you have to remember. remember that like kids can't just be spoiled. Someone has to spoil them. Someone has to give them too much. And it's the parent's job to set boundaries around that and to teach lessons around

stuff. It's not just something that you innately learn and have in you as a child. And kids only know what they know. So you can't know more than like what has been your immediate experience. All right. Bank more on course when you switch to a Scotia Bank banking package. Learn more at scotia bank.com slash banking packages. Conditions apply. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. Summer's here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered.

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Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. So let's switch gears here for a second and talk about receiving gifts from a parent that you're estranged from. If this situation is not applied to you, you can skip ahead to the next thing. The next thing I'm going to cover is gift giving to a family member or adult child that you're estranged from. And then after the estrangement stuff, we're going to talk a little bit about grandparents. Okay. So in the example that I gave about Jenna at the beginning of this episode, I talked about how this is really like a lose-lose situation for the adult child.

And I think that if you are an adult that is receiving a gift from an estranged parent, it is very likely that you're going to feel some confusing feelings. You know, guilt, anger, confusion, obligation, even gratitude. You're probably going to feel a lot of feelings that don't make sense together. And so I just want to validate that for you and let you know that if that happens, that's okay and that's normal. You may also be worried about, like, is this a manipulation? What does this gift mean? Are they trying to just get back into my life? And for any of you that grew up with narcissistic parents or parents who may have a personality disorder that is untreated or undiagnosed, this is common and this is something that's called hovering, it is kind of like love bombing. And it is a manipulative. And it is a manipulative. manipulation tactic where someone will kind of come back in and around your life, typically under the guise of something positive and nice like a gift or checking in or, you know, sending a nice message. But it is just to pull you back into that dynamic. And I think this was the biggest, and I think this was the biggest like preconceived notion about this dynamic of an estranged parent giving someone a gift that I saw that kept popping up in the comment section on this post was like, it's just a gift, just say thank you. And what people have to understand is that

when someone who has been abusive to you, manipulative, controlling, highly critical, you know, that you've had to really cut out of your life comes back around with a gift, most of the time it's not just a gift. It's something else underneath that gift. It's something else underneath that gift. And so if you're feeling kind of this uneasy feeling of like, what does this mean? It's probably because this is a person in your life that doesn't really just come out and say exactly what they mean or they're not ever doing exactly what they want to do. It's probably because they have been manipulative in the past. And so it makes sense why you feel that way. And this is where I would take a pause and think about, is it safe or the right decision?

for me to respond to this person and to say thank you for this gift, to acknowledge it, to even open it. Because what is the risk of me putting myself back in communication with this person? Is it really just going to end at thank you for the gift? Or are they going to then start asking you more questions, telling you that you're not grateful, ask you to meet them in person to say thank you? And this really all depends on your unique situation. You know, and like, is this a person that I can respond to or engage with without getting totally looped back in to this toxic, abusive, or scary dynamic? There are a couple of reasons why estranged parents give gifts.

And I think if you're wondering, like, well, why are they doing this? I don't think all of these parents are doing this out of being knowing. manipulative. And I want to be clear about that because I think a lot of estranged parents actually are very unaware a lot of the time of what they are doing. And that unaware or lack of self-reflection is kind of what has ended them up in this place. But sometimes the gift can be an attempt at reconciliation. And sometimes that attempt can be genuine. Like, I'm sending a gift because I don't know what else to do. And I think that this is the best way to reconcile parents. I will talk about that in the next section of this episode. I caution against that, but I understand why some

do it. They're saying, like, the gift is the gateway to the apology, right? One of the other reasons why estranged parents might give gifts around the holidays is because they want to brush everything under the rug, right? They are kind of denying that the estrangement exists maybe to themselves. They're trying to pretend like nothing happened. And so they're just going on as they always would. I think that sometimes this is happening in like a boundary violation type of way. It's happening consciously. And they're saying like, nope, it's the holidays and we're just moving forward and we're still getting a gift. But I do also think that for some parents, there is a fear that if I don't acknowledge the holiday and I don't get a gift for them, that I am contributing to the estrangement, it's going to go on

longer, and then they're going to blame me for not reaching out. And I understand why a lot of parents feel this way. And I think that as a parent, I am a mother, I think it has to be heartbreaking to get to a holiday and feel like, wow, another year where I'm not seeing my child or I went this whole year without connecting with them. We still haven't fixed things. I just want to act like everything is normal. I understand that desire. And I think we have to remember that giving a gift does not make things normal. It might make it feel more similar and consistent. But it doesn't make the pain of the estrangement go away and it's not going to make them feel better and it's probably not actually going to make you feel better. I also think that what's actually going to

make the estrangement worse and maybe last longer is the giving of a gift. Because if and if you are in a situation where your adult child has said to you, do not contact me, do not speak to me, do not text me, do not call me, any of these types of varieties of saying, I am estranged from you, we are in no contact, and you're deciding to bulldoze past those boundaries and to not acknowledge them. It's a sign that you're not listening. And I think that's really the biggest problem here. So I want to give you a couple of options. If you were an adult who receives a gift from your estranged parent like Jenna in that situation. You know, you can accept the gifts and maybe set boundaries for future interactions. You can reiterate, you know,

saying thank you for the gift and saying, but I want to reiterate that I'm not ready to connect with you right now. I'm not ready to speak. You know, whatever the conditions are of the estrangement, you can accept the gift and not speak to them still. maybe you want to say thank you, maybe you don't. And by accepting the gift, I mean that you can, you know, bring it off your doorstep into your house. You can meet up with them to get the gift if that feels safe to you. You can go by and pick it up, you know, whatever the conditions are for receiving that gift, you have to decide if that's something you want to or are willing to do. You can also decline the gift. You can do that assertively, politely, can say,

I do not want this gift. We are not speaking at this time. I have told you what is wrong in the relationship, X, Y, Z thing. Until X happens, I cannot have a relationship with you, you know, reiterating some of those boundaries. And we have a lot of great scripts for those under estrangement on the Calling Home website. You can also donate the gifts, give it to charity, return to sender, re-gift it to someone else. else throw it away. These are all options depending on your situation and what is right for you. Okay. So now I want to speak to any parents listening briefly about giving gifts to a family member or an adult child that you're estranged from. And this isn't just for parents, I guess,

is for anyone who is estranged from a family member and might be wanting to give a gift. I talked about some of those motivations about why someone who's estranged might give a gift. And so for you, it's like, I want to validate that you're probably seeking connection, reconciliation. You want to maintain a sense of normalcy. Maybe you're feeling guilt or regret. And a gift seems like a good way to manage some of those feelings or even to repair. And I just want you to think about that the biggest risk here is that your gift does not come

across the way that you want it to. And instead, it comes across as manipulative or boundary crossing. And if you genuinely feel guilt, remorse, you want to reconcile, I know that you don't want to come across as manipulative or like you're trying to brush things under the rug or like you're violating a boundary. And so I would just kind of think about that really intently before doing anything. What I recommend that you do instead of sending a gift is that you wait. You wait until after the holidays. And if you feel like you do not want the holiday to pass without saying anything, I think it's okay in some situations. And each of you will have to address this on your own to reach out under the assumption that this person

has said they don't want to hear from you until something is going to be fixed or resolved in the relationship, or maybe they've said they don't want to hear from you at all, no matter what, that you need to be ready to address that and to make it known that you're not only doing this, so that the holidays can be like smooth and good and normal, right? So the goal here, if you are going to communicate with them before the holidays or over the holidays, I think would be to say that you have been reflecting on the relationship. You've been doing X, Y, Z work. The end of the year has made you think about a lot of things, has made you want to repair,

You are going to do this thing to help work on the relationship and that you hope they have a wonderful end of the year and that in the new year you would love to connect and potentially work on your relationship in these ways. So I don't think you should just send a text message that says like, Merry Christmas. I love you. I'm thinking of you and I miss you. I don't know that that really does much, except show that you, like, wanted to reach out to them. It's not an attempt at repair genuinely, and it doesn't address what it actually gone on in the relationship. And I think that a lot of people who are estranged and who have set boundaries with people in their life that they feel harmed by are very on guard around this time of year because they feel like any

type of reconciliation is being done out of like loneliness and nostalgia and not out of a true desire to fix things. And so that's why I kind of recommend that you wait if you can, you know, because it might be perceived differently. Okay, now I want to talk about grandparents sending gifts to grandchildren. And I'm mainly going to talk about grandparents who are estranged from their adult children, bypassing those parents and sending gifts to the children. For some reason, whenever I talk about grandchildren and grandparents online, people go wild. This is a very, very touchy subject, and I understand it, primarily the grandparents who seem to get quite upset by this. And so I always want to clarify my stance here that

I only believe that healthy relationships are important for kids no matter who that title is. I don't care what your role is in the family. You need to be a healthy influence on the child. I know that there are of course situations where there are parents who are not doing the right thing parenting wise and there are grandparents who have to intervene. There are parents who use substances. There are parents who hurt their children. There are parents who are not in the right based to parent, and sometimes grandparents have to step in and raise those children and set boundaries, and it is a very difficult dynamic. That's not the dynamic that I'm talking about here. I'm talking about parents who have set strong boundaries with their own parents, the grandparents of their children, and who have decided that those grandparents are not a good influence on their children's lives, or that those grandparents are not treating them with kindness and respect, and they do not want their children to witness that. I think that a lot of estranged grandparents and parents send gifts for a lot of the same reasons that we've already talked about in this

episode, right? So wanting to connect with grandchildren, trying to bypass the estranged parent, wanting to avoid any negative feelings, maintain their legacy, appear like they are a good, quote unquote, person in the eyes of the grandchild. There is something about a grandparent's not being able to have a relationship with their grandchild that I think makes people behave in ways that they normally wouldn't or that are not always relationally sound and healthy. So if your parent, who you are estranged from, decides to send gifts to your child, a lot of this depends on the age of the child, how you're going to approach this and how you decide to move forward.

but I do think that if your child is a little bit older or developmentally able to have these types of conversations, that it is okay to involve them in it. And, you know, especially if the grandparent decides to send the gift directly to them, I know some grandparents will bypass parents by sending things over the phone, like gift cards telling the child, oh, I have a gift for you, but your mom won't let you come get it from me, even trying to, bribe them in a way like, oh, I bought you a new iPhone, but your mom won't let me give it to you and identifying something of the child really wants. And so sometimes this is a good opportunity for you as a parent to have these discussions with your child about what is allowed and what isn't,

what is appropriate and what isn't the types of behaviors that maybe their grandparent is exhibiting that you want to teach them about what you're trying to protect them from. And your kid might not always get it, but it's your role as a parent to be like that sturdy leader and to show up in the way that makes them feel like I've got you. I know what's going on. I'm protecting you, even if you don't fully understand it and you're allowed to be upset about it. You're allowed to have questions or to be confused, but this is ultimately what we have decided, you know, as your parents to do. I think with younger children, it's absolutely okay as a parent to not give them the gift to not tell them who it's from, donate the gift, return it, et cetera.

If your parent is violating boundaries in such a way that they are showing up at your house with gifts, they are contacting your child when they are not supposed to be, you may have to set stronger boundaries in that area. You may also have to have an open dialogue with your child, especially if they're a teenager, they're older, about how they can have a relationship with their grandparent that doesn't include you if you feel like that's something that is safe and viable. But these are just some options that you have in these types of situations. So just to summarize everything that we've talked about today, I want you to know that it makes sense if you have a lot of weird

kind of conflicting different feelings around gift giving. And it totally makes sense if giving gifts feels good and bad and like it has guilt and resentment. and all this stuff kind of loaded into it, right? It makes a lot of sense if you feel that way, probably given your family history. It is okay to set boundaries around gift giving. And this week inside of Calling Home, I added a bunch of boundary scripts and examples of boundaries

and types of boundaries to the website. If you go to Callinghome.com and click on content, you will see under the December module for Family and the holidays, that there are a lot of different boundary resources. We're also going to be having a group on Wednesday, December 11th at noon Eastern time, where we will be talking about boundary setting during the holidays. So if you're still having issues with this, you want to talk to other people. You want to get direct feedback from me or talk about this in the group. I would definitely join the Family Psychopakers Club on our website and come join us for that group.

Remember that you are allowed to enjoy the holiday season. You're allowed to set boundaries that help you enjoy it and that help you feel safe. And we are always here at Calling Home to help you do that. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope that it was helpful and I hope to see some of you in our groups soon. Have a great rest of your day. providing therapy services, mental health advice, or other medical advice or services. It is not a substitute for advice from a qualified health care provider and does not create any therapist, patient, or other treatment relationship between you and Colin Holm or Whitney Goodman.

For more information on this, please see Calling Holmes Terms of Service, linked in the show notes below. Thank you.