CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT - Q&A: AI Therapists, Reality TV, and Sibling Estrangement

Episode Date: July 31, 2025

In this Q&A episode, Whitney discusses why AI can't replace real therapy and the privacy concerns with using ChatGPT for mental health support. Whitney also addresses a caller dealing with sibling estrangement - feeling alone and resentful when their brother cut off their emotionally immature mother while they chose to stay and work on the relationship. Have a question for Whitney? Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to [e-mail] Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome back to The Calling On Podcast. I'm your host, Whitney Goodman. Today we have a Q&A episode. I'll be getting to those caller questions in just a couple of minutes. But first, there's a few headlines and things that I wanted to talk about. I get asked a lot if I think that AI is going to take over therapist jobs. And I weirdly believe that this is one of the only jobs that we really can't totally replace or, replicate with AI. And the reason I think that is because I think most people in the end, they try to use chat TPT or some other kind of chatbot as their therapist. And they may like it for a little bit. They're getting some really good information. It's much in the same way that people used to use Google and blog articles and Instagram, like to get health information, to get diagnostic information to figure out resources and tips. and tricks. Like, I think that has all existed for such a long time. And people are using chat GPT for that same reason. But you're not going to get that human element. And I've heard

about a lot of people, like not a lot of people, I don't know what the actual numbers are, but I've heard about people using chat GPT or like some of these chat bots as romantic partners, right? They're forming relationships with their chat bot. And I don't think that that's going to replace relationships or marriage or partnerships because ultimately people are getting a watered down inefficient. It just doesn't measure up that version. I think it can feel good for a minute. It can meet a need in a moment of desperation or in a crisis, but it ultimately does

not measure up to what we get from real actual human contact. And we actually had someone come to one of our groups at calling home saying that they were using chat GPT as a resource to help them with their estrangement. They were looking things up and chat GPT told them to come to calling home. And I do think that there's something so different about being on like a computer or in a room with 35 other people who are real human beings going through a similar situation that you're going through and they're looking back at you and they're talking to you and you're having these real interactions. I don't think that we can replace that. Human beings need connection. We need to be able to see ourselves in others. We need to know that we're not alone. And I think

that even if you get that need met for a little bit from the internet or from chat GPT, you're ultimately going to feel unfulfilled by that in the end. And we see people wanting more real legitimate connection that they might get through a therapist. The other thing that this headline just came out that Sam Altman, the CEO of chat GPT, has recently said, don't use chat GPT as your therapist. And I really agree with this. And I know there's a lot of nuance to this, but as it stands, you do not have any protections when you share all of this deeply personal information with chat GPT. The information that you give to chat GPT is being stored. It's being utilized in future models. And you are not legally protected in the same way that

you are with a therapist. So if you go to therapy and you give me information about your family, I cannot disclose that information without being forced to. I would have to be subpoenaed. I would have to give my notes over. I would have to testify, but there are a lot of protections in place. And I have had my notes subpoenaed in the past for court cases. And even in those events, I didn't necessarily have to give every single thing over. It had to be things that were pertinent to the.

the case, sometimes it's just diagnostic information. Other times they're requesting all of the notes. We have some control, at least some of the time, over the scope of what is requested and what has to be handed over under those circumstances. In these cases, you have no protections. And so you really need to be careful about what you are disclosing and know that these types of systems are often meant to only give you support, validate you, not really do the things that a therapist does. And therapists are trained, obviously, in a very different way than we are training AI. And I'm just kind of like wary of the whole thing when it comes to therapy because I think we're going to see the weaponization of some people's very private and intimate information.

being utilized in nefarious ways. And so you just need to be very cautious about what you hand over and give to these systems that may not have your best interest at heart. I've been doing some TV segments on this show, and I wanted to talk about something related to reality TV. If any of you watch The Valley or watched Vanderpump Rules, you probably know that Jacks Taylor, who was a, you know, very prominent person on Vanderbup Rules for, I think, like a decade and now has been on the Valley, has officially been removed from the show. I think that his

narrative is that he is stepping back in order to focus on himself and his sobriety. And it was making me think about what role we play in people's mental health, in them damaging themselves and their lives and the lives of others when we continue to give certain people a spotlight who are very clearly engaging in abusive behaviors to themselves and to others and who are potentially putting children at risk. And as someone who consumes a lot of this type of content, I sometimes have this weird feeling about it where I'm like, is this the right thing to be doing?

Like I know that these people are consenting to this, but also sometimes production is involved in making things play out in a much more extreme way or taking advantage of certain people. And in this show in particular, in the Valley, we see this person, you know, clearly needing to go to rehab, saying that they have a problem. And this is well documented for the last decade. It was obvious to everyone that has ever seen this show. And then after the person leaves rehab, they're back on the show saying that they're not going to be sober and that they're going to continue drinking and other people on the show are drinking with them. And it's like, to what degree are we complicit in enabling someone?

I think it's this very fine line between personal responsibility and also our role. in kind of bolstering up these types of people who have very real legitimate problems that have consequences that ripple to several other people, right? And that can cause extreme consequences to those people, to their children, to their spouses, to their family members, who are deeply affected by our desire to kind of consume this type of content and to continue putting people on TV screens that are very clearly struggling. I think we see this in so many areas of celebrity culture that we watch people deteriorate and struggle before our very eyes. And we do nothing about it. We speak negatively

about them. We keep pushing them out there to do more and more and more because so many people are dependent on those people for a check and for their livelihood. And so it just always makes me think like, what role are we playing and sort of like the overall culture around mental health and addiction and domestic violence and abuse within couples and families when we continue to put these people on a pedestal and give them vast amounts of attention and prestige and money and access to opportunities, even though they are hurting others and themselves. And so I don't know if you've ever felt conflicted about that or thought about what that really means for our overall attitude towards mental health.

But it's something that I'm constantly wrestling with, even though I do think that this type of content is often a vehicle for a lot of really positive things to enter like the cultural zeitgeist. And we have a lot of good examples of that and a lot of great conversations because of things that have happened and been brought up on these types of reality shows and then that enters popular culture and we're able to have good conversations about that. I think actually people are even more skilled at assessing abuse in relationships and addiction and domestic violence and all that because they've seen it play out on their TV screens and they can see how people are reacting to some of the stuff that is happening

within these other people's homes and they're able to say, whoa, that looks like what I've experienced in my own life. And maybe I'm being abused or maybe I know someone that has a substance use issue. And so it's hard to decide, you know, is it really a net positive thing? Or is this something that we need to look at and evaluate as a culture? All right. Let's go ahead and get to that caller question. I'm going to play one voicemail today because it's on the longer side. I'll let you all listen to it. We'll listen to it together and then I'll respond. Hi.

I'm calling because I wanted to get some clarity and advice on how to handle my current situation with my family. I am the youngest of two. I have a much older brother who's 10 years older than me who is currently at the moment estranged from my mother. My father died a year and a half ago and for all intents and purposes

he was the favorite of the family. My mother is very mostly immature. She's got some narcissistic qualities as well but all my life and all my brother's life

he's known authority by yelling and running to my dad and trying to paint the picture that we were the bad kid and not her. Previously my brother was estranged from my mother for

17 years and he has not been very pleasant including me and he's got a lot of rage issues towards my mother and while I can't

to control his behavior. The behavior is really bothersome to me because I'm in therapy, and while I know I cannot control what other people do to heal or to not heal in whatever choices they make, I find that it is leading me in a really tough position because I chose to stick around, to be in therapy, even though I feel like I get re-traumatized each and every time I'm around my mother. So I just want to know what ways can I establish peace within myself and continue to move forward knowing that I'm not going to have any help and that I'm going to have to navigate these painful encounters with my mother, especially alone, and also knowing that my brother is expecting an inheritance, even though he's staying away. And he's mad at me for that, too. So I really feel like I'm being punished. Please help. Thank you.

You wish that your brother could be different. And maybe you wish that your brother could approach this the way that you're approaching this. And I think you use the words, like, I've chosen to stick it out and be in therapy. And that might feel like you've made a choice that is ultimately more noble or more morally correct or more in line with like preservation of the family. And I think that that's a really common thing that I hear from siblings who have chosen that path of like, I am going to make this work with my family. member, even if it is an ideal, even if it's at a cost to me. And I feel like that is the better

choice. And I see how some resentment comes up in that, right? Because it's like, why can't you make that choice too? Why are you running away and leaving me here to deal with all of this? And especially when you're in a family system where there's two siblings and you're the only one that's left, it can feel very lonely and very isolating and it can fill you with resentment of my brother should be stepping up and helping me with this or he should be working on this in the same way that I am and he doesn't deserve to inherit anything if he doesn't. With that being said, my biggest reminder in family systems about siblings is that a lot of times siblings are reacting in fundamentally or drastically different ways

to the same stressor. And this is where it can get very tricky is that we feel like the way that we are responding is the way that everybody else should respond. And maybe your brother, I don't know your brother, but maybe he feels like, why is she sticking around? Why is she trying to do this? Like, it's not worth it. It's not what I would do.

I think I deserve to take distance and to have space from my family. And maybe he feels like that is the right thing to do, where what I'm hearing from you is that you feel like there's a different approach. And so if you can kind of get into this mindset that, like, we experienced things in our family in completely different ways. and we've had different responses to that and we've ended up on opposite ends of the spectrum and how to deal with this, that sometimes that can bring you to this place of acceptance of like, this just has impacted me differently and I want to do something different about it.

And I don't want to live the way that my brother is living and I don't want to make the choices that he's making and you don't have to and you're not. And it's okay for you to be angry and upset about that. But I wonder if what's actually causing the pain here is the holding on so tightly to the idea that like he should be doing something different instead of releasing that and saying this is what I'm doing and this is what he is doing. And we're both struggling and upset and we both don't like that things are the way they are, but this is how they ended up. Because in truly highly dysfunctional families,

you rarely see alignment among siblings. Sometimes you will get this case where all the siblings agree that their parent is terrible or that their family system was terrible. And so they all decide to all be estranged. And maybe there's some unity in that. But otherwise, there's typically a lack of closeness, lack of consensus and agreement among siblings that grow up in these types of dysfunctional family systems because all of them are trying to cling to a life raft that's going to save them. And for some, it's learning how to get along and be close with the family and find a way to make that happen. And for others, it is like, I need to get as much space from this family as possible. And sometimes there's shades of gray in between depending on how

many siblings there are and what happened in the family. So your brother may never see this the way that you do. He may never be impacted in the same ways or have the same outcomes as you, when it comes to what you all experienced in the family, especially in the week of your father's death and the way that your mother is acting today. And so I think each sibling has to very much stand in their truth of like, this is what I am deciding to do. This is what's right for me. And that doesn't have to be right for everybody.

And I could maybe, maybe I don't want a relationship with my sibling because of that. Maybe I don't agree with them. I feel angry. I feel left alone, isolated, upset. And I know that if I wanted to cut my family off, I could. And I'm not doing that. And if my brother, my sibling wanted to have more closeness with the family and go to therapy, they could.

They're not doing that. And so if we all come back to this realization that we all have reasons for doing what we're doing, and we're all allowed to be upset that other people aren't doing the same thing as us, sometimes that can bring you to more of a place of acceptance, right? That it is okay for all of us to navigate the consequences of our dysfunctional family in different ways. That being said, this consequence is so sad. It's very, it's very upsetting. And no one wants to come from a,

family that is broken like this where the siblings don't get along where one is estranged from the parents and one isn't like it sucks it's not fun it feels very isolating it's very debilitating and again this is unfortunately what happens in the week of dysfunction and this is why we do this work so that the next generation doesn't end up that way and doesn't have those types of consequences. And so I want to say this to wrap this up that I have deep empathy for anyone in this position because you would love to have the support in the week of all this chaos and disruption in a family.

And if people are doing something that isn't inherently bad and unharmful and they're not being abusive and they're handling their pain, you know, through silence that they've communicated that I need space and I can't be around the family that we have to let them. We have to let people live their lives the way that they want to live them. And it can be painful and harmful and maybe we're so angry about it. But we have to stand in our truth that like that's not how I want to live my life. I want to have a different approach. And they're not stopping me from doing that. I think we all go. through these these grieving stages when you have a dysfunctional family that you have to move through

them all like okay now this stage isn't what I wanted it to be like like I know that what's going on with my parents is shitty but I thought I would have my sibling in it and now I don't have my siblings so that's something else to grieve and like each layer is just like more grief of like wow look at all the ways that this dysfunction in my family has rippled out and affected me and that is very, very hard. Thank you so much for calling and leaving a voicemail. Just a reminder, you can always send me a voice note via email to Whitney at callinghome.co, and I will choose your question for an upcoming Q&A episode on the Thursdays of the Calling Home podcast. This month in August, we are talking about adult children of emotionally immature parents. That is our

topic focus for the month of August at Calling Home. If you join the Family Cycle Workers Club, you'll get access to a new worksheet, article, script, and video every single Monday in the month of August. You'll also get access to unlimited support groups, including six opportunities to meet with me for my adult children, emotionally amateur parents support group in August. I also do monthly Q&A's where you can ask me anything. They're recorded and they go up on the site. We give therapists recommendations how to find. Find a therapist that works with this issue as well as book recommendations and more. I would love to see you all in one of our groups.

It's been great to see how many new members joined in July, and I look forward to seeing you in August. As always, thank you so much for listening. Thank you to those of you that have been leaving reviews, subscribing to the podcast, following us on YouTube, or watch on Spotify, YouTube, or Apple Podcast, and don't forget to leave us a review. subscribe. Thank you again. I appreciate you all, and I will see you next week. Bye. The Calling Home podcast is not engaged in providing therapy services, mental health

advice, or other medical advice or services. It is not a substitute for advice from a qualified health care provider and does not create any therapist, patient, or other treatment relationship between you and Colling Home or Whitney Goodman. For more information on this, please see Collingholm's terms of service linked in the show notes below. Thank you.