CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT - Q&A: My Mom Didn't Protect Me From My Dad

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

In this episode, Whitney speaks with two callers. She explores the complexities of parent-child relationships, emotional neglect, parentification, and the challenges of navigating relationships with disabled parents. She discusses the emotional struggles faced by children of abusive parents, the responsibilities of parents to protect their children, and the nuanced perspectives of both victims and perpetrators within family systems. Additionally, Whitney addresses the impact of family businesses on emotional connections and the anxiety that can arise from financial responsibilities placed on children. You can join the Family Cyclebreakers Club at Calling Home here. To learn more about Whitney and her work, visit her website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. www.ca slash yamex. Hi, everyone, and welcome back to the calling on podcast.

I am your host, Whitney Goodman. I'm so excited to be back today with another Q&A episode where I answer two questions from two different callers who actually had really similar issues going on in their questions. So we're going to cover a lot of really important topics today. We're talking about when one parent is abusive and the other one doesn't protect you from them. and what it's like to start viewing them as, like, more of a perpetrator than a protector

and how difficult that can be talking about one parent caring for another disabled parent when you only want to have a relationship with one of them. And we're also talking about finances in the family having to be responsible for your family's financial future or being involved in the family business. This month, I calling home, we're talking about childhood emotional neglect. So I'm running groups for adults who experience that everyone. Wednesday at noon Eastern time for the whole month of November. And then I always upload a new article, video, script, and worksheet every Monday to help you work through a history of

childhood emotional neglect. So if you want to join that, you can visit callinghome.com and go to the content page or check out our membership to the family cycle breakers in the club. All right, let's go ahead and dive into those questions. Hey, Whitney. Thank you so much for the opportunity to chat with you. I'm calling about my parents who I have a complicated relationship with and is made more complicated by the fact that my mom is disabled and my dad is caring for her and has for many years. I say complicated just because when I was a child,

I dealt with a lot of issues, especially from my dad, in terms of yelling, anger, expressing negative feelings toward us three kids, and then really kind of ignoring us if things were going well or not really paying too much attention to us. And some financial things too where he quit his job for a few years because he didn't like working. And then I ended up kind of. of doing the job he was getting paid for for taking care of my mom. I ended up doing a lot

of physical work to take care of my mom. That was really hard as a teen. And I think they have a great relationship with all of us. And I think all of us have struggled as siblings as adults to process what was a pretty difficult childhood in different ways, but not like a traditional like abuse situation where it's like, yeah, you hit us. So obviously that was bad. my dad especially really doesn't understand. So the issue is that my mom is disabled and has a complex disability that, you know, it's hard to know how much longer she'll be around with us. And I can't really access her without also accessing my dad.

So if I went no contact with my dad, I would have to go no contact with my mom. So I guess just thinking about coping strategies or ways to connect or, I don't know, just keep a connection with my mom. And I also just worry a lot about when she does pass away, what then does my relationship look like with my dad? And I think he would be very surprised if suddenly it was a lot more distant, even though I think that's kind of how I'm feeling lately. So I don't know how to communicate that or go about living my life. I guess in trying to still have a relationship with my mom, but have it be more limited with my dad, even though, like, she can't visit me on her own. When I called on, it's always both of them on the phone at the same time.

It's like I can't get her alone because he's retired and always there. So just, yeah, experiencing that. So thank you. I appreciate your advice. Thank you so much for calling in and asking this question. I want to use this question to talk about a couple of different things that got brought up here. So one of those is having a relationship with one parent while the other parent is still involved and trying to manage how different each of those relationships look when you almost

have to approach your parents as a couple or as a dyad when you probably wouldn't if the circumstances were different. This is something that we were talking about actually in our adult children of emotionally immature parents group at calling home, I think last week. So this is very fresh on my mind. Also thinking about the future relationship with one parent when the other passes. And I think that this is a common thing that people go through when they don't have as close of a relationship with one parent when compared to the other and thinking about how that's going to impact things. So I'm definitely going to touch on that. And then I also want to talk about this idea that it wasn't quote unquote abuse. And so that makes it harder.

and talking about things like parentification and emotional neglect or emotional abandonment, which is what it sounds like this caller was referencing. And then I also want to touch on this part about having a disabled parent that is caring for your other parent and what that can do to the relationship. So I appreciate you calling in with this because I think you're hitting on a lot of really important pieces here that can make our relationship with our parents in adulthood, more challenging and relations with siblings, and this caller brought up the sibling dynamic of like, you know, my parents would probably be shocked to hear that all three of us feel a certain

way about this relationship and that we don't really feel like it's as solid as maybe they think. And I'll touch on that as well. So let's first talk about this idea that it's not abuse and why that can make it harder. So this caller might be. mentioned that, you know, there was some yelling, some anger, some emotional neglect, you know, the child having to take on maybe what would be considered parent responsibilities. So that's working, caring for a sick parent, dealing with finances in the home, feeling like a parent could not complete or fulfill their duties. And so the child had to step in and take care of that. And this is a type of parentification that we typically refer to as logistical parentification,

where the child is forced to step in, like I said, and manage certain parts of the household that a parent should be taking on. And the key point here is that these responsibilities are not within the child's developmental abilities. So they're really overpowering what the child should be doing at this stage of development. And it's making it impossible or increasingly difficult for the child to take care of their own responsibilities for their age and developmental status. So prentification is not giving your child chores or having them have responsibilities in the house. It's when you give them tasks that are overwhelming for them and inappropriate for them at that stage of life. So an example of that might be giving a child the responsibility of

paying all the bills for the household, of taking care of younger children, of being their parent, making sure that they always get to school on time, feeding them, making sure that they get to bed, that they get their homework done, you know, really playing this role of parent instead of being a kid. And what ultimately happens when kids are put in this position is that they don't have time for their own homework. They can't take care of themselves as far as getting enough sleep, making sure they're eating the right foods. This also really often impedes their social life and their ability to interact with their children because they are simply spending too much time trying to carry the weight of what their parent should be carrying to actually participate

in the daily activities of their life for someone that age. Let's say if we're talking about a 12-year-old or a 13-year-old. Now, just to clarify that a little bit, if you had a 12-year-old that you said, you know what, when you get home, you're responsible for cleaning out your backpack and getting or close out for the next day. That would be something that was totally appropriate. But if I gave that task or tasks like that consistently to a three-year-olds with no intervention and no help from a parent and they were failing and overwhelmed with this task, then that would start to negatively impact them. So this is all about the weight of the task and how it's being implemented and what's being expected of the child. And it sounds like for this caller that there was a little bit too,

much pressure and overwhelm with some of these tasks that they maybe felt like they could not complete these tasks. And also I'm hearing a little bit of like I felt like I was being let down by my parent and they were not keeping up their end of the bargain. And so this kind of stuff can really weigh on you and it can make you look at your parents in a certain way, right? And it can make you feel like, okay, maybe I had to grow up too fast. I had to be the parent.

My parent wasn't there to take care of me. They were not carrying their weight, like I mentioned. This caller also brought up, you know, yelling, anger, emotional neglect. And this is important to touch on because I think when a parent does not show up emotionally, it is much more challenging to pinpoint. And we're talking about childhood emotional neglect all month at calling home this month. So a reminder, we have groups every Wednesday for adults who experience childhood emotional neglect and are trying to work through that now. I also have a ton of resources and content up on the

website that I add new stuff every Monday for the whole month of November to help you with that. And if you are a member of the Family Cycle Workers Club, you get access to all of that content for as long as you keep your membership active. So we've been talking about this a lot, how much more difficult it is to recognize the signs of emotional neglect and to admit that that's what you experienced. And a lot of time when we are recognizing this and admitting it, it can come up as this feeling of guilt and resentment of like, wait. But I love my parents. And I think that they provided for me. And I feel like I have this duty to them and maybe I have affection for them and I care about them. But I also feel like things were missing from my life. And it can kind of, you know,

I might be putting words in his caller's mouth, but I can hear a little bit in the tone of this message of like, am I allowed to feel this way? Is this permitted? And I hear this a lot from survivors of childhood emotional neglect and also adult children of emotionally immature parents. And when you look at the two major books that have been put out on these two subjects, adult children of emotionally immature parents by Lindsay C. Gibson and Running on Empty by Dr. Janice Webb, you'll see that weaved throughout both of the books, sorry, you'll see that woven throughout both of these books, that it is this feeling of like, I'm not allowed to feel this way, this is not an appropriate feeling, I should feel

guilty that I feel this way, and I need to think more about what my parents did for me and not have this resentment towards them. And what I want you to really take away from this and from what we're doing at Calling Home this month is that you can have both. You can feel that feeling of resentment. I feel emotionally neglected. I feel like I didn't get everything I needed in this area. And I have love and care for my parents. And I understand why they did that and why they may have struggled in these areas. You know, particularly for this caller, let's kind of move into this disability piece that Dr. Webb talks about this in her book running on empty. That parents who are grieving, who are taking care of a disabled child or a nil spouse, they

tend to be emotionally neglectful, not because they are evil or wrong or bad people, but simply because they do not have the bandwidth to take care of their children in this way. And some of them often feel that, you know, their fatigue and their overwhelm gives them a pass in some ways. It's like, I just don't have anything left to be able to take care of this need for my children. And I'm going to do what I can do. And what I can do right now is keep a roof over their head, make sure that they are taking care of physically, that they have food on their plates. And after that, I've got to check out. And I know parents like this. There have been times in my life, you know, when I was dealing with postpartum depression, after I had another child that I've been like, wow, thank God. I have all these other people in my life that can provide my child with that emotional love and care because I'm running low right now. And I can't be all that for them. And I'm very grateful for that. support. But there are single parents. There are parents who have lost a spouse, who have a sick

child who do not have that support because their parent is away at work. They're disabled. They're sick. They're providing for the family in other ways. Or they're deceased. And they're grieving the loss of this person. And they don't have that village to step in and provide their child with these other needs while they're not able to to kind of fill in the gaps. And so you're going to see this come up in families that we do not want to frame in a negative way. You know, obviously, if you have a parent that's caring for your disabled parent, they are caring in some ways. They're showing up, they're doing what they need to do, and they still might be deficient. And I think there are a lot of people who are very good at meeting physical

needs for others. They are good at caring for people up to that emotional point. And then And they cannot provide that because they weren't provided it when they were children. They don't know how to do it. It makes them feel uncomfortable. And none of these are reasons that ultimately mean that the person doesn't want to do it for you, that the parent doesn't want to show up in that way. But there are more reasons for you to have an understanding of why this isn't happening. And again, that does not negate the wound.

It doesn't erase the pain. It just gives you a sense of, okay, if this is why it's. happening and I have an understanding of this, what do I want to do with that information moving forward? And I'm not hearing any information in this particular story. It hasn't been shared with me if that information is there that tells me that this is like a malicious type of situation. So you can see here how there can be kind of that conflict between like, am I allowed to feel this way? Am I allowed to have resentment or upset towards this parent, even if they didn't mean to do it, even if they're not skilled or resourced enough to do it.

And I'm here to tell you, like, yeah, you're allowed to have those feelings. It doesn't mean that you're going to want to yell at your parent and necessarily, like, cut them off and blame them, but you're allowed to feel the loss and you're allowed to feel the grief of not having that met. So now let's move in to the next thing that's at play here, is that this is an adult who cannot have a relationship with one parent really without passing. through or interacting with the other. And a lot of you are in situations like this. You know, I think of stories that I've heard from people in the past of like, every time I call my mom,

she's like, oh, I got to call you back when I'm with dad or I have to put you on speakerphone with dad. And we have to always be in conversation, all of us together. And it's very difficult to set boundaries around that because these parents are like united as one. And you don't want to have a relationship with one, but the other is making that impossible. And so in the this case, the disability is what kind of complicates that, right? That if you have a disabled parent that the other one is caring for, it's very difficult to separate these relationships. And I don't know the context of this disability, so I'm going to speak to this very generally, but if there is a physical disability where the person cannot leave the house where you cannot

separate physically and that other parent is always around, then this makes it more challenging to maneuver around. There are parents or family members who have a cognitive disability that makes it difficult for them to have conversations. You know, there are certainly parents who are in hospice, who have Alzheimer's, who have dementia, where you have difficulty interacting with them in an intellectual or emotional way, and the other parent might be there to translate or to monitor or to help, or they're the one fielding all communication. And so in this case, I would really want to get back to just a basic understanding of like, what can I control? And what can I do in this situation to continue having a relationship with my parent that I want to have a relationship with

under the circumstances that I have? And so if that means that I can only see my parent or talk to my parent with the other one present, you know, what's that going to look like? How can I do that in the safest, most enjoyable way for me? There's also this piece. piece of like if you have a disabled family member that you know your time with them is limited, you might be willing to stomach and, you know, entertain more than you normally would. And that's okay. If you're saying, you know, the only way that I can see my mom is in the presence of my dad and I'm going to try to set boundaries with my dad as much as possible or I'm going to come to an understanding with myself that this isn't going to be perfect. This isn't going to be how I want

it to be. And I wish that my family wasn't in this position. I wish that I wasn't having to navigate these types of dynamics in order to spend the last days of my mother's life with her. And it's terrible that I have to do it like this. And you can kind of contend with that grief and face it on your own. And sometimes just getting real with yourself that this isn't how you want it to be. This is an ideal. And you're just dealing with the cards that you were dealt can be very helpful. all of this to say that I think the situation that this caller is dealing with is very, very relatable for all of those reasons, right? And so I hope that you can take something away from this when it comes to dealing with parents who are still in a relationship with one another

and you have an issue with one and what will those boundaries look like, really getting clear on how you were impacted by parentification or emotional abandonment in your family and allowing yourself to feel the grief or resentment or upset about that and knowing that you can have a relationship with your parents in adulthood while also dealing with this. Thank you so much for calling in with that question. I really appreciate it. And let's go ahead and get to the next voicemail. Bank more on course when you switch to a Scotia Bank banking package. Learn more at Scotia Bank.com slash banking packages. Conditions apply.

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Adventureous side journeys together with third The new Outlander. Bring out your adventurous side. Mitsubishi Motors, drive your ambition. Hey, Whitney. I grew up the youngest daughter in a family of four with an older sister. And while there was always a level of anger, aggression, and verbal abuse with some light, physical, I mean, to laugh at that, it's just such a silly thing to have to say about your childhood. You know, there were mixes of abuse. There's also a lot of love. I had a lot of my basic movement. Besides all the anger in Reza, I know comes from something I'm resolved within my father and something I'm resolved with my mother with her inability to confront that anger or leave the home with that anger. My family also owned a business.

So from a very young age, from the time I was nine, I was working in the family business alongside my parents and my sister. And it really affected our relationship. We stopped being family and started feeling like coworkers. And it drove an even larger wedge in between us. And during this time, my mom was also ill with cancer and not around as much because of her treatment. So we were alone with my dad at work. And my sister and I were experiencing some pretty specific abuse while at work with my dad. And it wasn't until a few years later that I circled back and I asked her,

hey, why didn't we leave? Why didn't things change? And she really pretended like she didn't know any of it was happening. And I know she did because I told her when I was a kid and I was very vocal as a kid. And now as we've gone on, I've been trying to find some reconciliation with those memories. But I always thought my mom was a victim with us, and now it's feeling more and more like she was a perpetrator because she didn't get us out, and she left us alone with him. And I'm having a harder and harder time forgiving this person who I've always put on a pedestal and really felt a lot of empathy for. So I guess my question is, A, do you have any advice on working with estrangement when it comes to?

in part, not only from abuse, but also from just the financial dysfunction of a family and having to participate in the family income from my young age, how do I cope with that? It's been giving me a lot of anxiety around money and a really hard time seeing my parents as people and not people who used me for their personal gain. And also, how do I reconcile the feeling of blame I now have toward my mother, who I used to feel a lot of empathy and sympathy for, where I felt like she too was a victim, but now I see her as my perpetrator. Thank you so much for your time and for this long voicemail opportunity.

Wow. It's so interesting how much both of these callers have in common. I don't know if you all know this, but I listen to these voicemails blind. Like I just pick two for an episode, listen to them, and I sit down and I just record my responses straight through. So this just happened today. And that's exciting that we can kind of stick on topic here. So I want to think this caller so much for calling because I think you're bringing up a lot of wonderful things that we can discuss on and some things that we can even continue on from the last question that came through. You described a childhood, you know, with light physical

abuse, I think is what you used in. And I understand the kind of laughter at that and why you would describe it that way. I think it's deeply uncomfortable for people to like admit this. And we also want to clarify, you know, what it was like and not really make our families look a certain way. And so I know that it can seem like, oh, what a, what an unusual reaction. But it's actually like quite normal in my experience. And you also said that there was lots of love in the house, too. And it seems like there was a lot going on with, you know, illness, family business, dad really not being there in the right way, not showing up in the right way, and inflicting harm on the family. So there's a couple of things that I want to talk about here.

I want to talk about this, you know, family working together, financial issues, and this idea of like going from family to coworkers. I think that's very important. Also about seeing the other family member that didn't leave. as a perpetrator. It's very important that we talk about that and also talking about the anxiety around money and some of the financial issues that are coming up for you that you ended the question with. So first, let's talk about, you know, the role of the mother in this situation. And some of you might be able to relate to this in a different way. So I'm going to speak about

this generally. But let's imagine that you have a family where one parent is the abusive or volatile, neglectful parent. And you have another parent that decides to stay with that parent. And they decide to stay for a variety of reasons, right? And we likely would have empathy for these reasons. It could be financial reasons. They could believe that that's the way that they were keeping the children safe because custody would have been split. They could not have the resources or the infrastructure to leave or the support within the community. Maybe they were denying the abuse. They were saying they didn't see it, which is brought up in this situation. They were just kind of in denial about it. They could also be too weak emotionally. They could

have a disability or something wrong physically that doesn't allow them to leave. And I think when we look at all the reasons why people, especially women, do not leave abusive relationships. A lot of us, most of us, I think, listening to this podcast would have empathy for those reasons and have understanding. The problem is that when we're looking at this issue from the perspective of the parent who didn't leave and the child who is now an adult or a child who is in that situation. Now, it's very difficult to validate both of those perspectives at the same time. And so when I speak about this and when I'm responding to the child's in this situation, it can sound like I am invalidating and dismissing the pain of the parent and the difficulty of that. And I'm not. I see

that. And if I were to meet with the parent who was in this situation, I would be sure to voice that. When I'm talking to the child, it's really important to say to that child, like this caller, your parents are supposed to protect you. They have a duty to protect you from abuse, even if that abuse is coming from their other parent and even if they are also being abused by their partner because they are an adult. And while the dynamics at play in abusive relationships are very, very complicated, and women are most at risk when they decide to leave these relationships, and we know this is true and we can validate that all day long, they are still the ones that are responsible for protecting their children. And the parent who is doing the abuse holds that

same responsibility. They are also to blame. They should not be, you know, inflicting abuse. They should not be creating this relationship in their family. And so when we think about this, you can kind of imagine this in like a trickle-down type of way where you should have this diagram that has two parents at the top with their children below them. And those parents are responsible for caring for those children. When an abusive parent becomes abusive to their spouse, they then are asserting power over that spouse and inflicting abuse on them, which makes them abusive to their children, even if they are not directly inflicting abuse on them. And then that parent that is stuck in the middle, kind of becomes both victim and perpetrator.

And they do this by unknowingly, unintentionally, or just out of bad luck, lack of resources, lack of ability to protect their child. They do this by not prohibiting the other parent from abusing their child. And I know that this is so deeply complicated and so deeply nuanced. that there are things like the court system and the police and the community and our legal system, all of that, that complicates a parent's ability to protect their children from abuse. And this is not to assert blame, but this is for any parent who feels like, hey, I was abused too, and now my children are blaming me for not protecting them from the abuse.

And that is because your adult children can look at you all day long and understand my parent was abused. I understand that she was also a victim. And I understand that she did not deserve that. And I believe that about her. And I was still the child. I was still the child that could not protect themselves that had no rights, that had no ability to leave the home, had no way to protect themselves, whether that was because of size physically or because of my position in society and my ability to get out of the home.

I couldn't work. I couldn't escape. You know, we're talking about a five-year-old, a 10-year-old, a 13-year-old. These are completely disenfranchised citizens in our community that cannot do anything without their parents. And so they are even more at risk and even more victimized than their own. parent when we get into this like comparison game. And I know that it can be very, very difficult for the parent that was in the middle to hear that because they probably protected their kids from even more abuse. I would bet that they did that. And maybe they made choices that were the

only choice at the time and they were the best choice. And no matter what they chose, their kids were going to be exposed to abuse. And so they felt like if I stayed and if I did it this way, things would be better. And maybe they were right. But I still think that their adult children are probably going to have some resentment and some grief about that and maybe some wondering and questioning like this caller of, why didn't you leave? Why didn't you do something different? I don't know how my life could have turned out if you didn't do X, Y, and Z. And sometimes these adults are really just looking for understanding. They want to know what you were up against. They want to know why you couldn't leave. They want to know what you did

to protect them because they probably weren't privy to everything. And maybe you as the parent also didn't really understand what it felt like for them to be in that situation. And so we have to be able to hold space for both of these perspectives and understand that there can be multiple victims and multiple perpetrators. And sometimes victims can also inflict harm on other victims. And it doesn't mean that one is worse than the other. It just means that in these types of family systems where there has been abuse, we have to be able to listen to everyone's perspective and everyone's story often if we are all going to heal together. Otherwise, you are going to see fractures within the family dynamic because people are going

to pull away when they feel like they are not being understood, listened to, or validated, especially in the wake of abuse in the family system. So I hope that that helps anyone that has been in that type of position kind of start to work through why they might be feeling the way that they're feeling. The other thing that this caller brought up was this idea of working in the family business and being financially involved in the family's livelihood from a young age. We heard from the caller before this about some of that parentification and some of the ways that she also had to be so involved in the financial success of the family.

But this caller said something interesting that we went from being family members to coworkers. And I think this happens in a lot of families where there isn't a lot of emotional connection already. And so this is the common ground that the family members can share. We can talk about work and we can be co-workers and we can have this common bond because without that we might not have much else. And so there is a chance that in this family system you had a father who was able to inflict a different type of abuse on his children. This caller mentioned there was specific type of abuse going on in the workplace, and they were also able to have this be their point of connection with their children. And I know that that can sound confusing, but I think

in families where there is a lot of emotional immaturity, where there is abuse, where there is emotional neglect, this will make a lot of sense to people who grew up in that. That you can have a parent who enjoys connection with you over something, but also uses it as a way to abuse you. An example of this would be for any of you that have watched the Netflix show about the Menendez brothers, I'm thinking about how the father was the tennis coach, and that was the way that he could experience both connection and dominance with his child. And if we, you know, separate all the other abuse out of this and just look at it at that example is that this can be serving both for the parent and it can be a safe form of connection for an emotionally

immature or abusive or narcissistic parent because it also allows them to achieve dominance while being emotionally connected. And so that's something that you're going to see in family systems like this. But when you are a child that is involved in the business, or financial workings of your family at a very young age and made to feel responsible for that, you can develop a lot of anxiety around money, financial success, your livelihood. It can become the center of your universe because it is the way that you connect with your family. It's the way you keep yourself safe within your family. And it's what you've been taught to value most. Now, that being said, there are of course ways to involve children in a family

business and to teach them about things in a developmentally appropriate way. And so that's what we really have to look at here. Is like, were you involved in a way that was abusive, overwhelming, scary, really overwhelmed you with anxiety? You did not have the tools to cope with it. And it was the only way that your parents were connecting with you or spending any time with you was when you were doing that. In that situation, you might grow up and come out the other side and say, wow, I don't really like that my parents did that. And I think that it could be the cause of me having X, Y, and Z anxiety. And that's when you would have to take a step back and kind of say, okay, how do I want to orient my life around this now that I am an adult and I have power and I

have control over my involvement in the family business, over how I handle my finances? Maybe I don't value the same things as my parents. Maybe I don't want to be involved in the same way. And it's one of the biggest challenges of this type of family system is being able to say it is okay if I don't agree with your value system and the ways that you are prioritizing this in your life. And it is okay if I do something different. You have to make that okay for you. Your family may never think that's okay. And for some families, there is an expectation that you will work in the family business and you will not do anything else. And if you aren't going to work with us and help us, we are going to exile you. You also might find that if you don't work for your family and if you

don't engage with them in this way, like I said earlier, there will be no other way to connect with them. There will be no other way to have a place in the family. And so that can be very scary. is like what's going to happen if I remove myself from this and what will the consequences be? We've talked about so many important and salient things that happen within adult families today. And I really appreciate both of you calling in and leaving me these voicemails because I think this is going to be helpful for our callers to hear this. Just a reminder that for the entire month of November calling home, we are talking about childhood emotional neglect. So we have weekly groups on that, and I upload new worksheet, article, script, and video every Monday

to help you. So if you related to anything in these episodes, I think you'll really benefit from what we're talking about this month at Calling Home. We also have our adult children of emotionally immature parents group two Thursdays a month at 12 p.m. Eastern time. You can now go to callinghome.co.c.com backslash groups to learn more about our groups and potentially sign up for the Family Cycle Breakers Club. I also want to let you know that on November 21st, that's a Thursday at 5 p.m. Eastern Time, we are going to be having a special Thanksgiving group for members of the Family Cycle Breakers Club. If you have any concerns about Thanksgiving with your family this year, and you want to come and be among people that totally get what you're talking about can give

you feedback, advice, or just support, and you want to meet with me and ask me any questions about this. You can sign up for that Thanksgiving group at Calling Home. and you need to be a member of the Family Cycle Breakers Club in order to join. I hope to see some of you in groups this month. As always, thank you so much for listening. Please do not forget to leave us a review on Apple or Spotify and to subscribe to the podcast that helps us a lot. And I will be back next week with another episode.

Thank you again so much. Thank you so much to everyone. that called in this week and asked questions. I love being able to help you with these family situations and hopefully help you find a way to better navigate them with your adult family relationships. You can always call and leave me a voicemail and I may pick your question for an upcoming Thursday episode of the Calling Home podcast. Just call 866-225-4-66 and leave me a voicemail. I do these episodes every Thursday and I love being able to get to help each and every one of you with your family relationships.

If you're ready to work on your adult family relationships outside of this podcast and take what you've learned to the next level, we do have the Calling Home community. You can join us for weekly groups and watch videos, take courses, get access to worksheets and more, and those groups are run by me so we can actually meet. And you just need to go to www. calling home.com and join the family cycle breakers club. Thanks and I will see you all on Tuesday for another episode. The Calling Home podcast is not engaged in providing therapy services, mental health advice, or other medical advice or services. It is not a substitute for advice

from a qualified health care provider and does not create any therapist, patient, or other treatment relationship between you and Calling Home or Whitney Goodman. For more information on this, please see Calling Holmes Terms of Service linked in the show notes below.