CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT - The Court Gave My Estranged Mother-in-Law Access to My Kids

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of suicidal ideation, child abuse and neglect, childhood sexual abuse, and abortion.Whitney answers two questions about accepting a family situation you never chose and never asked for. First, a mother whose family just lost a three year grandparent visitation case. She is being mandated by family court to send her children on unsupervised monthly visits with a grandmother she doesn't believe is safe. Second, a listener who has been 15 years no contact asking the question: should the adult child be apologizing for how they behaved as a kid?In this episode, you'll learn:- How to separate what the court controls from what you actually control as a parent- How to prepare a child for time with someone you don't trust, without making them afraid- Why a child's behavior during abuse is never something to apologize for- When accountability between an adult child and a parent is genuinely useful, and who has to go firstWhitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Have a question for Whitney? Send a voice memo or email to [e-mail] the Family Cyclebreakers Club: https://callinghome.coFollow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhitFollow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmftOrder Whitney's book, Toxic Positivity: https://sitwithwhit.com/toxic-positivitySign up for updates on Whitney's new book: https://cmnyyv4kpyt.typeform.com/to/PHMzjy0oThis podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to the Calling Home podcast. I'm Whitney Goodman. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and the founder of Calling Home. This is the show where we have honest conversations about the family relationships in our lives that are complicated, painful, and don't come with easy answers. Today is a Q&A episode and I'm going to be answering two caller questions. As a reminder, if you ever have a question for me, you can send me a voice note or a written email to Whitney at callinghome.co. And I just might choose your question. to answer on a Thursday episode of the Calling Home podcast. The two caller questions today really are about accepting what is and dealing with issues

in our family that we would have never chosen and never asked for. And these are perfect questions today because for the entire month of August, we are dedicated to working on radical acceptance in our families. The month of August inside the Family Cycle Breakers Club at Calling Home is all about how to accept your family for who they are, what radical acceptance is and isn't, and how to really practice it on a daily basis, especially when things get difficult in your family. You can join our membership community at Calling Home, the Family Cycle Breakers Club, anytime at www.callinghome.com.

You will get new resources on radical acceptance every Monday, specifically created by me. and we also have unlimited support groups for anyone that is looking to improve their adult family relationships. All right, let's go ahead and get into those two-collar questions. I'm going to start by reading you the first question. I just want to warn you this question is a little bit on the longer side, but I think it's important that we hear all of it. There are also mentions of suicidal ideation, abuse, and abortion in this question. So just take caution if those are things that you feel would be upsetting or not helpful. for you to hear about today. We would love for you to come back and listen to a future episode,

or you can go ahead and jump to that second caller question. Hi, Whitney, I wanted to share my story with you in the hopes that it helps someone else to potentially connect with others going through a similar situation. My husband and I have been dealing with a grandparent visitation case for three years now, and yesterday we heard the verdict from our trial. My mother-in-law perjured herself on the stand 20 plus times denying her mental health issues that we have evidence of, which include multiple suicidal ideations and taking depression and anxiety medication. She also admitted on the stand that she tried to abort her son, my husband, and that it is my husband's fault for forcing her to tell him that. She also did not feed him enough during his childhood to the point where he was underweight

and also dropped him off at movie theaters and arcades at five years old where he was almost kidnapped. She also repeatedly favored his older brother who never became successful in life, likely due to a meshment with his mother, and would constantly push my husband to help his brother no matter what cost. My husband is a successful doctor, and my mother-in-law pressured us to co-sign a mortgage for $600,000 house for the brother. His brother had no job, no assets, and no credit. We politely declined and offered to help with a smaller home, but we were met with a lot of guilt-tripping and threats from his mother. She also interfered with the will his father left behind, who she was divorced from for many years,

to try and illegally give the older brother more of the inheritance. All of this we have email evidence of and was presented in court. I struggled with infertility and miscarriage for many years, but when I got pregnant with my twins in 2018, I was ecstatic and was determined to try to bring peace to the family. It was around the time that I got pregnant that my husband started to estrange himself from his mother. They had many issues through the years and he tried to speak with her about them, but he was always met with denial from her and a total lack of accountability. Everything was always everyone else's fault. It was around that time that she told him she tried to climb a mountain to abort him

because she didn't want him. When I had the twins, my mother-in-law essentially forced herself on me and started coming to my house every week for two hours to see the boys without my husband present. She never helped with child care during the visits, and I never ever left her alone with them. My husband was against the visits from the beginning, but I was trying to be a peacemaker, and I felt it was important to at least give her a chance to be a good grandmother. I did not know it at the time, but by letting her come to my house each week, I was giving her what the court defines as standing. Slowly over five years, the relationship and interactions between me and my mother-in-law started to deteriorate.

She would constantly ignore my boundaries and parenting wishes. She would often leave garbage all over my house and film the children naked while I was potty training them, even though I asked her not to. She also never reached out to her son during this five-year period to try to reconcile. One day, while I made a quick phone call, she let the kids spray paint all over my outdoor furniture and patio, even though I had given everyone rules for a paint activity. I walked out to her saying, it was okay to spray paint everywhere. I gently asked her what happened and immediately she blamed the kids. And then she blamed me for providing the paint. I knew the conversation was not going in a positive direction.

And one of my sons was crying and needed my full attention. So I gently suggested she leave by saying, maybe you should leave. And then she screamed at me in front of the kids, slamming doors, making derogatory comments, and making threats at me, wishing me harm. She then proceeded to leave my house and we didn't hear from her for 10 weeks. She texted me 10 weeks later that she left the country, said her last visit was cut short, and that she wants to see her grandkids immediately. I did not know how to respond, so I held off. When I didn't respond, she turbo emailed my husband who she hadn't spoken to in five years making threats

and saying she was going to take us to court if we didn't let her see our children. The first year of this process with the court, we were essentially pushed by the judge. judge and lawyers into settling for once-per-month visits in a public place for two hours. I think this was a mistake. The visits proceeded for two years and were not great. She forcefully held the kids against their will, brought them energy drinks, touched them when they told her not to, gave excessive gifts against our wishes, and yanked them by their hoods when they tried to walk over to us to ask us a question. She would lift up their shirts in public and blow raspberries on their bellies. My kids are currently six and eight. My kids are currently six and

eight. She's adding context here. She would get flustered when the kids took off in a different direction and lost track of kids occasionally. She also did not bring enough activities for them to do so they were on, they were often bored and asking to go home. She even fell and could knock it up on her own. All of this is on video and was presented to the court. We do not feel our children are safe with this person for the above reasons. Combined with the fact that she has mental health issues cannot emotionally regulate and is physically not well either. We thought we were winning this trial. We were very wrong. New York State awarded my mother-in-law with five hours of visitation once per month, unsupervised anywhere she wants, can even drive them, even though they have never been to her

home before and they have never been alone with her. The system is broken and the five hours is apparently standard here and they give it to everyone who does not have a criminal background. My husband and I were told by the judge to, quote, respect our elders and that we were overreacting about our issues with his mother. The judge said his mother is just, quote, annoying and reference the Bible and his own experience with his mother to justify his ruling. I want to warn other families that if they plan to estrange themselves from their parent, that they should do so before they have children. Because once the door is open and visits begin, grandparents can automatically be declared as having standing. And the court system is not proactive.

they are reactive. They don't care about mental health as long as the grandparent is not wearing a tinfoil hat. They don't care about the parents' constitutional rights. They don't care about what the children want. It's very sad, and I'm trying my best to navigate how to accept a horrible situation that my kids will be stuck with until they are 18. Any suggestions or advice are appreciated. The first thing I want to say here is that this is an incredibly difficult situation to be in. And I really, really feel for this parent, especially if you had difficulty conceiving your children, you had miscarriages, you went through IVF. All of these things can lend itself to increased anxiety, especially in those first years of the child's life and make it feel like everything is just so much more fragile.

And I also want to validate that when this is happening with a mother-in-law in front of, instead of your own parent, that can also feel quite different and overwhelming and can make it feel like you have even less control over this situation and that you're dealing with this, like, unknown entity that you are not related to. Now, I do not believe that there is, like, a universal standard, at least that I can find throughout the United States when it comes to grandparents' rights. So depending on what state you're located in, there are different rules here. There are certain states that seem to be a little bit more grandparent friendly than others. And I would definitely say this with a caveat that I am not an attorney and anything

that you hear here, you should absolutely check with your lawyer or your representation if this is something that you are dealing with. But I do believe in a lot of states, for example, I do know that in the state of New York, you can petition for visitation. And if the grandparent does have a pre-existing relationship with that child, so let's say they were able to have a relationship with them for several years, and then now the parent has removed the child from their life, they might have more standing in order to argue that. Now, I think, that a lot of these cases, the reason that these laws exist, and there's a couple of cases outside of estrangement where this would be important, right? So let's say two people get divorced,

a mother and a father. You might have a situation where the mother is not allowing the other grandparents to see the children or the father isn't allowing other grandparent to see the children, especially if one of those parents has sole custody of that child and the grandparents feel like they need to use the court system in order to continue having a relationship with their child. There have also been instances where one of the parents has died. And then the surviving parent is not allowing the grandparents of the deceased parent to continue having a relationship with them. There could be situations where a child was adopted. And then grandparents would like to have a relationship with that child that is biologically related to them, but was adopted by another

set of parents. These cases can be incredibly complicated. And I think there are people that sit on both sides of the fence here for if and when those, you know, that type of deference should be given to the grandparent and they should be allowed to form a relationship with the child. I think there are certainly situations where the grandparent is having a positive and good impact on that child's life and the court does need to step in to make sure that those grandparents are able to be there as a solid role model and presence in their grandchild's life. Now that being said, these situations where there is estrangement going on, there is a grandparent who is trying to potentially, like weaponize their rights or find a way to stay in the child's life even if the parents are not

allowing it and saying no. That is a different subset of these types of cases. Now, a lot of these things are left up to the judge's discretion in many states. And so they're typically trying to see, does this grandparent have a reason for the court to, to step in, has the grandparent had a real and legitimate relationship with the child? And has there been a strong bond between the grandparent and the child? And efforts have been blocked for the grandparent to be able to form a bond with that child for no reason, right? And the parents are saying in this situation, there are many reasons why we do not want this. grandmother to have a relationship with these children. And unfortunately, the court, and this happens,

you know, this happens in custody battles. It happens in child abuse issues. Like, there are times when the court gets things wrong. Hearing what I'm hearing here, I'm going to give you some advice about the present and what I think somebody can do in a situation like this without giving you legal advice, right? Because in an ideal world, the courts would not just be so reactive. They would be thinking about what could happen, what they need to protect the children from. They would be integrating more of this family's past into this case, but it doesn't seem like that's what's happening here. And so now we have a parent, a set of parents who are saying, this person has access to my child, my children, and I do not want them to. I don't feel like it's safe,

and this is very overwhelming for me. And I understand why you feel that way. So these things can be changed and modified over time. So I want you to take this feeling of like it has to be like this till they're 18 and instead try to lower that a little bit and say, This is something that I can continue working on. The absolute worst case scenario is that this stays like this until my children are 18. But the likelihood is that at certain points in your kids' lives, they are going to be able to make complaints about this to say that they don't want to go anymore with the grandmother. The grandmother is likely going to grow tired of this.

I would imagine since she has disappeared for weeks at a time. I don't foresee a situation with a person like this as children get older being sustainable long term, just going off of this information. Okay. So I want you to separate what the court controls from what you can control. And I hope that this feels empowering in some ways. The court can control the specific amount of hours, the frequency per month, which if I remember correctly, it's like five hours once a month, right? And your children are now

eight years old. So there's some things that you can do to empower yourself to be a sturdy leader for your children and control what you can. First thing I want you to think about is how you and your husband can be a team in all of this. And how can you make sure that both of you feel supported. I don't want to put words in your husband's mouth, but I would imagine that because this is his mother, he might feel some very strong feelings about feeling guilty or ashamed or like this is his fault. And how can the two of you make sure that you both don't like this? You want it to be different. You're on each other's side. You're supporting each other and you're not doing a lot of blaming and sort of throwing stones at the other side as a way of dealing with

your own frustration, that you both have a common goal here, which is not just to be against the mother-in-law, but to keep your children safe and protected in all of this and to make sure that they come out of this relatively unscathed. I will say that kids will respond to your energy in these situations. And this might require you to be a little bit more collaborative with your mother-in-law than you would like to be. The personality type that I'm hearing here sort of lends me to believe that when you challenge this person more, they become more adversarial.

I mean, they've gone as far as taking you to court. So that might mean trying to collaborate on what do the kids love to do and sneaking in things, you know, that would be safe and enjoyable and easy for the kids and even things that you are able to kind of monitor or know what's going on, right? You also want to remember that you are collaborating with her to the best of your ability for your children.

It is not that you're giving her a get out of jail free card. You're acting like all of this is normal. But just that you know that if this person is going to have access to your children, you're going to want to find a way to have conversations with them. and get them to trust you and collaborate with you, even if you hate their guts and are actively trying to get them out of your life. The number one area that I think that you can be a really sturdy leader here for your kids and help them is to make sure that they are prepared for these interactions with their grandmother. And it sounds like you've already started teaching them some

things. You know, they are allowed to have boundaries around their own bodies. If there are certain things that they are not supposed to do without a parent present, talking to them about that, talking about your relationship with secrets. You know, there is nothing that you guys can't tell me. I will not be upset with you. If you do something with grandma that you're not supposed to do or that you don't like or that made you uncomfortable, I want you to talk to me about it. Reviewing some of those like body boundaries people are not allowed to touch you without your consent. You know, really making sure. that they feel empowered and that they can come to you with anything that might go wrong in these

situations. And hopefully nothing goes wrong. But I think it's important to empower your children in this way, rather than scaring them, make them feel like they know what's going to happen, how long they're going to be there, what they're in charge of and what grandma might be in charge of certain situations that you absolutely do not want to put them in. I know that you might not want your eight-year-olds to have access to a phone, but it might be something that they need to have, you know, in a situation like this, that they can contact you if anything goes wrong. They can send you a message or telling them how to call you, making sure they're equipped with your phone numbers, or maybe you guys even have a code word that they use if they need your help.

I think knowing also that the kids are always going to come home to a safe, calm, and reliable home can be very, very helpful. So making sure that their home base is really reliable, stable, calm, they feel loved and supported. That is going to make up for any of this tenfold, right? Also, the conversations that you have after they're with her are very important. So making sure that they're able to talk to you, share what's going on, they feel comfortable with that. Like, they can really be honest. And if they're responding to you saying, I had a lot of fun with grandma today, things went really well, trying not to get overreactive to that. Because we do not want our kids to interpret that them doing something, especially at this age being this young,

is wrong or bad, unless, of course, there is something that is abusive. or unsafe or neglectful happening, then absolutely you intervene. But if they say, like, we colored with grandma today and we had fun, it's best not to shame them for that because they are children. They do not have the understanding here that you have. They don't have the history. And remember at the end of the day, like, you're wanting to keep them safe until you can get out of this situation. And every time that they're able to have safe, positive interactions, is a win for everybody. How you speak about their interactions and about the grandmother matters. I know that it can be tempting to talk about how horrible this person is to them, to make them kind of this

scary figure. This can backfire sometimes. And I think you really want to walk the line of being honest and truthful without over intensifying things. So of course, if your children are saying, we don't like when grandma pulls us by our sweatshirt hoods, she blew raspberries on our stomach and that made us uncomfortable. You validate that. People shouldn't touch you without your consent. That was wrong of her to pull you by the hood. Calling out behavior rather than your kids coming home and not telling you anything and you saying, well, your grandma is an evil monster and, you know, we're going to get you away from her. Respond to what they are telling you and what is actually happening and the behavior and equip them with the tools. And let them know that if anything bad

is happening, you are going to protect them and you are going to do something about it. That that is the adult's job. I think you also really have control here over doctor. documenting what is going on, reporting that to the court. You know, I think there will be hopefully regular opportunities to appeal this in some capacity, whatever they're calling this in family court. And if there is ever more evidence that your children are in danger or unsafe and this arrangement is really not working, you need to do something with that information. You absolutely should not just allow this to continue happening because,

the court said so. Unfortunately, like you mentioned in this question, a lot of times these systems are highly reactive and they're waiting for more evidence that they feel like has risen to the level of not allowing this grandmother to be around her children. Now, I will say personally, if I was a mother here thinking about my kids, I would want to try to find a way, that I can be involved in these outings, even if that means I have to bite my tongue and make nice and hang out with somebody that I hate. And so that's also something to consider. It's like, if these meetings are going to happen, you know, five hours out of the month, is there a way that you can be there for that and make that happen? I also would lean heavily into the fact that, like,

I think she's going to get tired of this. And that might give you guys a break. And the kids are going to get older. And it would be difficult for like a, you know, 13, 14, 15 year old child to be forced to spend time with a grandparent by the court. Anything can happen. But I'm hoping that this is something that will be time limited. So again, while I know this sounds like, oh, it's like you just have to tolerate. it. I think it's more of how can I prioritize safety, make sure my kids feel empowered and seen and

understood, and like they feel like we have a clear line of communication, if anything goes wrong. Can I tell them things to look out for that aren't even specific just to this grandmother, but to any person that they're spending time with family or not, that is not appropriate behavior for anyone to engage in, how they can set boundaries. how they can stand up for themselves, how they can reach me if anything goes wrong. Can I try to be involved in these outings and have a collaborative relationship, even though that's very difficult? And at the end of the day, coming back to, I'm doing this for my kids, I'm doing this to keep my kids safe. I'm doing this because I love my children and I want to protect them. And we have

been dealt a very difficult and bad hand right now. But I am going to try to serve my role as the parent. in these situations to try to mitigate as much of the harm as possible for my children. Thank you so much for sending in this question. And if anyone is dealing with litigation like this or in court with a grandparent, I would definitely suggest consulting with an attorney and figuring out your specific options in your state, country, county, etc. All right. Now I'm going to go ahead and read that second question.

I'm wondering what is considered developmentally appropriate when taking responsibility or taking accountability. Are adults supposed to be accountable, responsible, and possibly regretful of how they were as minors? I come across a lot of estrangement content on social media. The comment comes up often. What about the kids? Why don't they take responsibility or accountability too? It's not just about the parents.

I've been no contact with my parents for 15 years. There was one failed reconciliation attempt that I initiated with my mother about seven years ago. I was the scapegoat in the family unit. I was blamed for things that I didn't do. When I made a mistake, like forgetting my homework was the most common one, the discipline I received was over the top, including screaming and sometimes physical abuse. I spent most of my childhood being grounded for things that other kids my age would probably just receive a lecture about.

I was also being essayed by a family member regularly, and I did not handle it well. Who? I have to pause there. There is no way anyone would handle that well. You should not beat yourself up for that. That's gosh. Despite all of that, I attempted to reconcile with my mother at one point. She was not interested because she took the entire meetup as an attack on her. The feelings of shame must have been too much. She made no apologies at all. Was I supposed to take accountability or responsibility for how I was as a kid? I moved out and went no contact when I had only just become an adult. That means most of the family issues that caused our division was when I was under age. I don't know if there is something I should have apologized for that I did as a minor. I was never into drugs or getting into fights or anything like that. If anything, everyone knew me as someone very shy and quiet.

Gosh, questions like this really, really, really break my heart. Because, and I want to say this so plainly and so clearly, you do not need to apologize for develop mentally appropriate behavior that you had as a child. You do not need to apologize to your parents for that. You do not need to apologize to anyone about that. Now, sometimes, let me, I'll get to that coffee out in a second. You do not need to apologize to anybody for that. Developmentally appropriate behaviors are behaviors that the child has not been able to gain mastery over the skills to accomplish that task yet.

Okay. So when a child, for example, a two-year-old cannot put on shoes and tie them successfully, okay, they might get very overwhelmed and cry and feel frustrated because the task is above their skill level. And that gap is where there is frustration and tantrums and overreactions that seem like overreactions to us. But really what's happening is that there is that there is. is a task that I need to accomplish and I do not have the skills to accomplish it. And that gap is causing me to react. Now, that's a benign example, right? That happens to pretty much every child. But this person is also writing and saying, I was being actively sexually assaulted by a family

member at this time. There is no one who is supposed to react well to that, supposed to handle it well, supposed to be okay with it or supposed to be responsible for all the ways in which they were impacted by that if they were a child at the time. And I saw this, I saw something about this the other day, and I'm going to paraphrase it, but it was something along the lines of like, children are not supposed to report abuse. Parents are supposed to notice, and adults are supposed to notice that it is happening and do something. something about it. So we have this mindset that like if a child is being abused by another family member, the child is supposed to report it to the adults, have the adults do something about it,

have them take it seriously. That's not how it works. A lot of these children do not even know that what is being done to them is wrong or is abusive. The parents and the adults in the room need to be vigilant and recognizing. And yes, things get missed in families. But to then retroactively look back and say to like a nine-year-old, why didn't you tell me that was going on is crazy. It's just more victim blaming of that child. Okay.

So you do not have anything to be sorry for. The caveat that I was going to give is the only time that I feel like those conversations can be helpful is when siblings or cousins, people who were children at the same time, who may have hurt one another, can have conversations about their experiences as children and say, you know, we were both kids doing these things to each other. And I feel like the parents or the adults around us should have stepped in and helped us. And we can still kind of have this awareness that maybe we were both suffering and hurting each other. And there's a different power to dynamic there or even an older sibling who was parentified and maybe exerted their power

over a younger sibling in a way that was not good for the younger sibling, they can have those types of conversations, right? But having those conversations between a parent and their child, no. You're not supposed to be apologizing for that stuff. And I see so many adults be like, oh, Oh, well, I was a bad kid. So I understand why my parents beat me because I was just really, really difficult. Guys, I have news for you.

Every single child is difficult at times. The ones that are showing no difficulty ever are usually they have been conditioned to hide it to some degree. Because children are difficult. They don't have skills to do things. They need a lot of help. They need everything. done for them, like changing diapers, potty training them, feeding them food. These are tedious, tedious, challenging tasks, and you're dealing with someone who also typically has no emotional

regulation skills. They cannot control how they're communicating. They don't have full command of the language. They get very frustrated. That's all difficult in some way. And so for you to think that if you had been, quote unquote, less difficult, your parent wouldn't have acted this way towards you is not correct thinking because there are a lot of kids that are very difficult who don't get abused. And all kids are difficult at certain points in their life. We are all difficult as people, adults can be difficult. So this whole mismatch of like accountability really bothers me. Now, I talk about adult accountability, that there are some adults who, the relationship with their parent have behaved in ways that they do not like. They are not in line

with their values. They've yelled at their parents. They've used substances. They've stolen from their parents during their addiction. They have brought people around the home that were unkind, you know, whatever it is. And while, yes, these can be a result of systemic issues in the family. They can be reactive types of abuse from the adult child. There is also. a lot of power and vulnerability and healing that can happen in saying, hey, I don't like the way that I was acting towards you. And I want to take ownership for that. And I think that adults can absolutely do that about their behavior within the context of any family relationship. They can do that within the context of their relationship with their parent. But the parent needs to lead

the charge in a lot of these situations. A lot of the time when these issues are coming up, the parent has historically had power over the child, has exerted that power in certain ways, and the behavior that is popping up with their adult child today is not new. It is something that has existed within the family. Now, I will always give the coffee ought because I know people love to say this. Like, yes, there are certain serious persistent mental illnesses that especially can show up in an adult child's early 20s. Addiction can happen. And these things can be no fault of the parent. But how the parent acts during those moments matters. And a parent that is essentially saying, I'm not going to apologize to you until you apologize to me, I think is exploiting.

that dynamic. And so if you want your adult child to take accountability, to apologize for things, to have a mutual exchange of accountability in your relationship, in my experience working with adults who have done that with their parent, I believe that the reconciliation and accountability process works better, is more efficient and more long-lasting in my experience with thousands of these cases when the parent goes first. and they model it. And so if you were an adult child saying, asking like this person, what do I need to take an accountability for?

It's a red flag if your parent is asking you to take accountability for how difficult you were as a child. It is a red flag. And I say that as a parent of children who have 100 difficult moments since I walked into this office this morning. Like they are learning how to live in the world. it is my job to help them with that. It is not their job to apologize. Now, of course, you can teach your children how to be accountable for their behaviors. We do not hit in this family.

You know, if you hit your brother, you need to apologize to your brother. These things all should be modeled and practiced while also holding space for the reality that little kids hit. and they are reactive sometimes. So I think also if, in this case, if your parent is aware that you are being sexually abused by a family member during this time and they're asking you to be accountable for your behavior and they knew that that was going on, they do not have an understanding of how this relationship works. And I think that there might need to be quite a bit of intervention in terms of learning about

childhood development, how abuse affects children, before that. relationship can be adequately repaired. Thank you so much for sending in that question. I hope that answer was helpful for anyone that can relate. If you ever want me to answer one of your questions about your family relationships, you can always send it to Whitney at callinghome.com. And remember, we are spending the entire month of August on radical acceptance here at calling home. So if today resonated, there is a lot more coming. The first week is already up and there will be new articles, worksheets, videos, scripts, and groups every single week until the end of the month. You can come join us inside the family cyclebreakers club at

callinghome.co. That is where we will continue this conversation and actually do the hard work to make radical acceptance a integrated part of your life. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for trusting me with your stories and your questions. Please don't forget to like, subscribe, leave a review, or comment on this episode, and I will see you on Tuesday. Bye, everyone. The Calling Home podcast is not engaged in providing therapy services, mental health advice, or other medical advice or services. It is not a substitute for advice from a qualified health care provider and does not create

any therapist, patient, or other treatment relationship between you and Colling Home or Whitney Goodman. For more information on this, please see Calling Home's terms of service linked in the show notes below.