CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT - The Real Housewives Scene That Should Be Shown in Graduate School

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

Whitney analyzes scenes from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and Love Is Blind to explore mother-daughter estrangement, purity culture shame, and how parents either repair or double down decades after causing harm. She breaks down Whitney Rose's advice to an at-risk mother, Bronwyn's devastating conversation with her mom about pregnancy shame, and two different paths to reconciliation in Love is Blind. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. 00:00 Using reality tv to understand real family dynamics 03:57 Real Housewives of Salt Lake City 15:45 The devastating scene between Bronwyn and her mom 27:45 Bronwyn’s mom doubles down 36:28 A missed opportunity to heal decades of hurt 39:20 Love Is Blind Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Have a question for Whitney? Call in and leave a voicemail for the show at 866-225-5466 Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ Learn more about ad choices. Visit podcast.choices.com/adchoices This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. Hello, everyone and welcome back to the calling home podcast. I went to home goods on the way to the studio today. We are trying to up our production value here. So things are looking a little bit different. This is exciting. There will be more improvements. I know you all are good at giving me feedback. If there's something that you don't like that's distracting, that doesn't look good, just let me know and we will fix it. This is always a work in progress. around here, and we are just trying to make the show a little bit better every day. So

huge thank you to my amazing video and editing person. I know you're watching this right now while you're editing this. And hopefully we can continue to make the show look and sound even better for all of you. But today, we are going to be diving into something that I posted on my stories and I got so many DMs in response to this. So I'm really excited to dive back in. Today's episode is going to be another great episode of Calling Home where we use pop culture to unpack real family dynamics. We're going to have a little bit of a reality TV recap, part therapist analysis today on the show. We're going to dive into two shows that on the surface might just look like mindless entertainment,

but they are actually a mirror into our own families, especially estrangement dynamics, management dynamics, mother-daughter relationships, intergenerational trauma, and the types of norms and rules from religion and culture that can dictate our lives and cause us to experience shame and family issues. That brings us to our two shows this week that we're going to be talking about are The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and Love is Blind. We will start with Salt Lake City season six, episode seven. And this is that absolutely gut-wrenching scene between Bronwyn and her mother. Truly, I've watched that scene like 10 times in preparation for this episode. And it makes me upset every single time. It's one of the hardest, like, to watch scenes between a mother

and daughter that I've ever seen play out on TV, to be honest. And then we're going to look at the scene between Brittany and Whitney, which is a great example of estrangement, seeing one woman who has been estranged from her mother, try to offer great advice to a mother who's really on the verge of estrangement, it sounds like, and what these adult mother-daughter relationships can look like and how we can save them. And then we're going to go to Love is Blind. And I'm going to be talking about season nine episode two. So this is the most recent season, episode two, been up for a while. But if you just started watching, you know, some spoilers about who is kind of together in this episode. And in this episode, we will look at what happens when two adults

are dating. And one of them has accepted their parent, forgiven them, and has a relationship with them in adulthood despite a really hard childhood, while the other person in the relationship has not been able to maintain a relationship with their parent and has become estranged and has some different feelings about that relationship and how the two of them are kind of navigating this conversation together. Now, even if you haven't watched these shows, please stick with me. These scenes are just jumping off points. What we're really exploring today is what happens when you start living differently from your family and the resistance that can come when you stop playing old roles. All right. So first, let's start with The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

This is Season 6, Episode 7, if you would like to go watch these scenes before we dive in, or if you don't want me to spoil it. But if you're not familiar with the show or you haven't watched it, there is a scene that comes first in the episode. between two people in the show, Whitney and Brittany. Whitney's been on the show for a while. Brittany is relatively new. This woman, Brittany, has had a very up and down on and off relationship with her fiancé, now boyfriend. She's shown a lot of this on the show. And now they have broken off their engagement, but they are still together and they're dating. And in this scene, Whitney is talking to her. Now,

Whitney has been estranged from her mother before and they had a pretty long estrangement and she's been open about that as well on the show. And Whitney really takes this as an opportunity to kind of like confront Brittany about her relationship and about her relationship with her adult daughter. We know that Brittany's adult daughter has kind of taken some space from Brittany. Britney has shared this. And it seems like there has been some conflict, especially around the way that her mother handles her romantic relationships. And so when Brittany is asked about this, she says, you know, her and her boyfriend are trying to take things slow in the name of their kids. And this is really interesting because I think we know that their kids probably just want them to break up.

And so Whitney kind of challenges her on this. And she's like, do you have any idea what your daughter wants from you? Like what she wants to see from you? And Britney says, she wants to see me being consistent and not choosing a man over her, but it's super hard. So this sounds pretty clear, right? She wants to see, and I imagine that her daughter has told her this in some capacity, right? That she wants to see her being consistent, which probably means, like, do what you say you're going to do over a period of time. And don't choose a man over me. Maybe make me the priority. And we hear Britney saying, but it's super hard. And Whitney responds to her in this moment and really tries to clarify again, like, is that her boundary? Like, you sound a little confused. Maybe you should ask her. Like,

maybe you should confirm what she needs to have a relationship with you. And she then says, Whitney says this to Britney, is it really that hard to stop for a little bit to prove to her that she's worth it? And you can kind of tell that you can tell that Whitney is coming at this from the perspective of the adult daughter saying like, is it really that hard to prioritize her? is it really that hard to just, like, show her that you can give her what she needs for a little bit? And I was so impressed by the way that Whitney was handling this because I think this is a hard thing to do. And she was doing it in like this really great tone and way of kind of asking, clarifying questions that I found to be both gentle and direct at the same time.

And Brittany then responds to Whitney. says, wow, that would be a big ask if that's what she would need. And this is where Whitney kind of like, you can tell she gets a little bit shocked here. And she's like, whoa, that would be a big ask. And, you know, for you to maybe like take a break from dating, show her that you're not going to pick a man over her. Like, why is that a big ask? And I think Whitney's feeling a little bit triggered in this moment because it's,

It's like, gosh, all every adult child wants is to, like, see that their mom is making them a priority, especially if there is a history of them not being a priority. And we see Whitney say to her, she should come first even as an adult. And she goes on to explain some about her estranger from her own mother. And she's like, even when I wasn't talking to my mom, I never stopped loving her. needing her and wanting her. So don't give up. And she's basically giving her this inside look at what this feels like to be an adult daughter that can't have a relationship with their mother and is still feeling like I really want to, even if it's not possible. I really just want my mom

to be able to show me that she's listening to my needs and what I want. And I think Brittany kind of reacts to this in this moment. And we see her sort of just being like, not confused, but not knowing if she can do this, like if she can put her own needs aside for her daughter. And, you know, she says something really interesting of like, I want to be there for her. But it's hard because she doesn't make space for me. Like, what am I supposed to do? Just sit at home. And so I would imagine if I had to assume that, like, this daughter has pulled away. She has taken space from her mother. And her mother is thinking, like, how am I supposed to not have a man in my life? If my daughter's not talking to me or spending time with me, she can't figure out how to give

her daughter what she needs while also taking care of her own needs and insecurities and probably feeling like she needs to have this relationship in her life. And this is where Whitney is really taken aback and we can see the like estranged adult daughter in her getting pretty triggered here. And she says to her, just give it 30 days and see what happens. If that's what your daughter needs from you and that's all, it should be a no-brainer. It's your daughter. And this is where she like grabs her by the shoulders and is trying to like shake her basically and be like, you should feel like you would do anything for her, even not dating. And she even asks her, do you feel that?

It's your daughter. And she's giving you an opportunity. Take it because she might not again. And so this is a perfect example of an adult child. And the mother is admitting this clearly laying out a path to having a relationship, potentially saying something like, I need to know that you're not going to pick a man over me. I need to spend time with you alone. I need to see that you're being consistent, that you're approaching dating and these

relationships with maybe a little bit more thoughtfulness and care. And I would imagine that this is not the first time, maybe that they have had issues like this. And the mother reacting to this from the perspective of like, that is so. scary for me to think about not dating, for me to think about sitting with myself for 30 days or not having a man, not having this affirmation. And I think it's important that we remember that the relationships that we're talking about here in this culture is heavily influenced and dictated by the Mormon church. And I'm not an expert on Mormonism, but I know that a lot of what they discuss is that women only, I believe this is true, women only get in

to heaven, to the afterlife if they are married, if they are tied to a man. And a lot of women's worth in this culture and in this community is dictated by them having a husband or a male partner or at least be on the path to that. And divorce is highly stigmatized. And it's looked down upon. And so I imagine that this mother is really having a lot of conflicting feelings. I want to be there for my daughter. I want to have a relationship with her. But I also feel like I don't have any self-worth if I don't have a man. I want this man to love me. He's showing me attention when my daughter is pulling away from me. And I feel very alone and like I'm floundering. And this is just my assumption of what someone in this situation might be feeling my analysis.

And so this is a barrier to connection between that adult daughter and the mother. And I don't know anything about this adult daughter, but she's part of a younger generation. She may have different thoughts or beliefs about the meaning of marriage and being with a man and who should get priority. And that can also create some conflict here of like, why are you? prioritizing this person who has come into our life now when I'm an adult over me or child that's been here the whole time. And it can be very confusing for that adult child to feel like my feelings don't get any priority. My needs aren't being prioritized by my mother because this

man is more important. And I don't know this man. And this man is also hurting my mom and leaving her and they're fighting and they're breaking up all the time. And so why is he getting priority? Like, that behavior doesn't make sense. And so these are just some of the things that can be happening that are, again, disrupting that connection. And it's not about who's right and who's wrong. It's more about seeing these moments clearly playing out in front of us that are such perfect examples of a parent being like, well, I'm not really sure why she's not talking to me. And then the more that she gets asked, it's like, well, yeah, she wants me to be consistent. She wants me to take a break from dating.

Like, you know, you know the reasons. You just don't like what it feels like to sit with those reasons and to potentially have to act on them and do something about them. And that is really, really scary. And I think that when we look at Whitney, who I believe is close in a. to this mother, Brittany, and she's saying, I would have loved for my mother to have done these things, to listen to me, to show me that I'm a priority, to try to repair with me. I'm showing you what it feels like to be her, and I want you to listen to me. That sometimes that can be a way to break through this barrier, right?

And maybe for Brittany to see in her friend, oh, I see what this looks like. I see what she's talking about because I'm seeing it in my peer and in my friend rather than only my daughter. But I think still here we have this moment where it's like this mother is going to have to choose between meeting her own needs and meeting the needs of her daughter. and she may not get to meet both at the same time. Okay. Now we're going to talk about the scene between Bronwyn and her mother. And this scene is like one of the last parts of the episode. If you want to go and watch it, I really think it is an important watch.

I honestly think they should play this like in grad schools and have people watch this seen because it is that powerful. I want to give you a little bit of context about Bronwyn's life and her relationship with her mom. So Bronwyn is in, I believe, in her 30s. Let me fact check her age here. Okay. Bronwyn is 40 years old. So she is 40. She has a daughter that is around 20. Her daughter has graduated from college and is living with her. Bronwyn got pregnant. while she was in college at BYU. She is a Mormon. Her dad worked in the Mormon church.

When she got pregnant, this was an extremely traumatic, and I would say, embarrassing event for her family. And in this scene, her and her mother are discussing that as well as what's kind of playing out between them. Because at this time, Bronwyn's father is very sick and her parents have moved into her home and her adult daughter is also living in the home. Bronwyn is married to a man that is not her daughter's father. So we have her parents living in the home.

One of them is critically ill and I believe has memory loss and is not able to really engage. with the family in like a typical way. The mother is living there as his caretaker. They're both in the home. Then we have Bronwyn and her husband. Her husband is closer in age to her parents than he is to Bronwyn. And then we have Bronwyn's daughter who lives in the home. So we've got three generations of family, an illness, and a stepfather or, you know, a spouse, also living in the home. And then Bronwyn's daughter's boyfriend is also living with them. So this is a very mixed and difficult situation. I think any family, even the healthiest of families, would struggle with this dynamic. But Bronwyn, I think, is finding herself very, very caught in the

middle of pleasing her parents, parenting her adult daughter, and doing things differently than her mom did. And she is being a very attentive and I think helpful daughter to her parents, especially after the way that she was treated. And so in this scene, they're sitting down together her and her mother. And Bronwyn kind of brings up, you know, outside of this conversation to the cameras, how living with her mother while her daughter is approaching the same age that she was when she had her is bringing up a lot of shame that she felt when she was that teenager and that she's possibly still feeling now.

And Bronwyn says, you know, my mom has this idea of what a perfect. Mormon family looks like. And I'm never going to fit into that for her. Because once it was out that her daughter was having sex and was pregnant and had this child out of wedlock, not married to the father, I don't know if the father is even involved. She raised this child on her own, basically. It was never possible for them to go back from that. They would always be seen as problematic or wrong. in the eyes of the Mormon church as it stands. And Bronwyn talks about, you know, how it doesn't bother her that her daughter is spending time with her boyfriend and that he's living with them.

And her mom basically starts up. This is how the conversation starts off. Her mom's like, yeah, no kidding. It doesn't bother her because it doesn't bother you. And think of the example that you're setting. And this is the first time that we see, you know, Bronwyn's face, like, really react in such a physical way to what her mother is saying. And I want to, like, show you her face in this moment. Like, she is really, really, like, oh, my God, I cannot believe that you just said that.

because this is a woman who is married, financially successful, has raised a daughter to adulthood. Like, it's not like she's setting this horrible example for her daughter. And Bronwyn really cannot break out of this identity that her mother has cast her in of being this sort of like deviant teen that did something bad. Like she's just forever stuck in that role. And so obviously at this age, Bronwyn was sneaking around, she was having sex, and she's trying to raise her child differently. And her mom says, well, I've never seen that type of parenting work, like this open type of parenting where your child doesn't have to sneak around. And the reason her mom has never seen this type of parenting work is not because it doesn't work.

It's because of the community that she's in. So she is surrounded by other Mormons and Mormon parents, right, who are all, for the most part, raising their children with these very prescriptive, rule-based sort of beliefs of like, we do not have sex, we do not drink alcohol, and we don't smoke, right? And her mother goes on to say this. Like, I never once thought about you doing any of these things because I knew you were told those rules. You don't smoke, you don't drink, and you don't have premarital sex.

And so that's kind of where, like, her mom's thinking ended. It was like, we're giving you these rules. The church is giving you these rules. Your parents are giving you these rules. And when you went on to BYU, they're giving you those rules via the church. And so we never thought like that was going to happen. And you can tell that her mother really sees her not following those rules, not as evidence that that style of parenting doesn't work and maybe the rules don't work or they're not appropriate,

but that Bronwyn was bad and made a mistake, right? And so Bronwyn basically looks at her in this conversation and says, well, did your parenting approach work with me? Because obviously I was having sex and I did have a kid, you know, when I wasn't, married. And her mom was like, well, you know, goes on to kind of just, again, reiterate how she never really thought about it. And you can tell that again, it's not about the parenting not working. It's not about the system, you know, being rigged against these young people. It's about them failing. And Bronwyn ultimately not being able to abide by the rules and live within the

confines of what was happening. And what would I find so interesting in this conversation is that the other person, the man in this, is never brought up once. This is all just about Bronwyn's failure to execute within this purity culture, right? And after this, you know, Bronwyn's very shocked by what her mother is saying. And she goes on to say, like, I know you're a big fan of the tough love mom, but I'm not a big fan of receiving the tough love. And her mom's response to this is, but do you see how much better it works? And Bronwyn says, it does not work. You and I still have very hard days. And you can tell this is where she's starting to get emotional. And I was just so shocked by how committed her mother still was to this belief system.

to what she did and to how she was parenting. Like she was still speaking to her 40-year-old daughter from this authoritarian place of like, I need to give you tough love. I need to tell you how it is. I need to be prescriptive because that's what works even after some of these failures, right? Or quote-unquote failures. They then start to talk about the experience of. Bronwyn hiding her pregnancy. And she tells this story that is so heartbreaking. So while

Bronwyn was pregnant, her two sisters were also pregnant. Clearly, they were adults who were married, right? So their pregnancies were good and okay. And they're at the baby gap shopping. And Bronwyn is there with her mother, clearly pregnant. The person at the check out line says, oh, are you having a girl? Because they're picking out these clothes. And she says, like, I think Bronwyn says, like, yes. And she's like, oh, so grandma is buying some stuff for you. And either Bronwyn or the mother says, like, no. And the checkout person is like, oh, I'm so sorry. I assumed that you were pregnant too. Like, I shouldn't have assumed. And I think Bronwyn is clearly pregnant at this time. And Bronwyn says, I am. And the woman says, oh, so is

grandma buying like something for you? And the mother just says no. And so, you know, Bronwyn goes on to talk about how this moment is sort of like the epitome of her experience being pregnant. And that she never got to go back and redo this. this because she never had another pregnancy. And she says to her mother in this scene, you made sure I never had a happy pregnancy because I never got to go back and do that again. And her mom with a straight face looks at her and says, but that's not my fault. So let's break this down here, okay? We have an adult woman sitting across from her mother who is living in her home while this adult daughter takes care of her father. She's giving her parents a place to live. She's taking care of

them. And I think that they have taken on quite a bit of the financial burden here. Okay. She clearly is committed to her family and her parents and doing good by them. She is sitting here, offering her mom a window into her experience of what it was like to be that child and how she is grieving and mourning the fact that she never is going to get to be pregnant again. And that was her experience of having her baby, was that she was stigmatized and ostracized, excluded and ignored by her community and by her own mother and family. And this is 20 years later she's talking about this. And her mother's response in this moment is, well, that's not my fault. And you can see the pain in Bronwyn's face. She gets that look again that I showed you of like this can't be happening. Like she's just

shocked. I think she's shocked that her mother is saying these things, but not only is her mother saying these things. She's saying them on camera. She knows that this is going to be shown on television. And she says, but mom, you are the one that made it miserable and has this kind of like awkward nervous laughter. And this is what killed me next, is the mother says, do you know how miserable I was trying to hide it? And she's referring to how miserable she was trying to hide her daughter's pregnancy. And so I really think this ties back again to the nature of some of these communities. And this is what really gets me about any type of culture, religion, any type of group that tells you that membership in that community

is more important than attachment and a relationship with your child. And you are being forced to choose between your child and that community. I don't like anything like that because that puts parents in an impossible position and it really hurts kids of any age. And so in this moment, Bronwyn's mother is like, you know, your dad worked for the church. It was very embarrassing for us. It was so hard for us. we had no choice but to hide this. These people have been conditioned to believe that their membership

and acceptance in this community hinges on them making these decisions and having these types of approaches to these issues, right? And so in this moment, I think if you're an estranged parent that's listening to this or one who has struggled with your adult child, I think this is the most important part of this. It cuts to her on the screen by herself and she says that she always thought all these years, maybe I didn't understand. Maybe she didn't mean this. Maybe she would do it differently now. But I didn't misunderstand. My mom still thinks 20 years ago when I was pregnant that the person who was most hurt was her. And this is the truth, right?

Her mom is doubling down. She's saying, we did it this way and it was the right way. Doesn't really matter if you were upset about it. Doesn't really matter if it hurt you. This is the only way that we could do it. And then she goes on to kind of throw some more daggers that I thought were really, really trying to paint her daughter in a very poor light. And she says, you know, you always.

just dropped off your daughter in our care. And she was kind of implying, I think, that she was the savior and that this child, she says this, you know, would have ended up in foster care without her doing what she did. And that Bronwyn didn't want the kid to get adopted. She wanted to keep her. And I think this is really admirable that Bronwyn at such a young age, with no support, you know, really, certainly no emotional support from her family, from her community, or from the other side of the family, the father of this child's family, you know, she took this on and she decided she wanted to take on the burden of being a mother and the responsibility. And she wanted to step up and do it. And I think that it's honorable both

ways. I'm not trying to stigmatize people who make a different choice because I think those choices are also equally valid and a lot of times they're the best choice. But this woman has raised this daughter to adulthood really a lot on her own. And I think she deserves some credit for that. And it seems like her mother is trying to discredit her any way possible, even though they've made it to this point. They've made it to adulthood. It seems like her daughter is a great person and they have a good relationship. And again in this moment when Bronwyn is being hurt about one of the biggest, most important things that she did in her life and this is happening by her mother, she still is showing empathy for her mother again. You know, in the same way that she did when her mother brought up

like her dad being in the church and how hard it was, she says, I know it was really hard for you guys. I know that was hard for dad. She's not denying that. And again, here she says, I understand how hard it is for you to have a child that did the things that you never expected that they would do and that did something different. And her mother says, yeah, especially the last child. You know, I feel like she's digging this knife in even deeper. And then this last part is like just wild.

to me, you know, after Bronwyn has just shown more empathy to her mother by saying all of this, like I understand how hard it is. Her mother goes on to say, I'm being careful so that you don't think you're so wonderful that you're too good. Almost like she doesn't want to inflate her daughter's self-confidence. She doesn't want to inflate her daughter's self-confidence. She doesn't want her to believe that she's too good or that she's amazing. Like, that's why she has to do this tough love thing and remind her of her mistakes. And this was just like, gosh, I can't, I can't even imagine how much this hurts if you've been in this position where you are taking care of your parents, you're helping them

emotionally, logistically, financially having them live in your home. and they're still sitting there. Your mother is looking at you and saying, don't think you're too great. I'm going to knock you down a few notches. You know, there's really no, you did a good job with a really hard situation. You stepped up. You raised an amazing daughter. There's none of that in this conversation.

And I don't know if some of that was said and it was edited out or not included. Like, I can't make assumptions about what they're doing here. but I do know that what we're seeing is really a deliberate effort to make sure that her daughter does not feel like she did too much. In fact, the only kind thing that is said here is like you're doing your best in kind of this like condescending way. And I think this just goes to show that in some families, if you make one mistake and it is the mistake that brings shame and embarrassment and, you know, all this to the family, you will live within the confines of that mistake for the rest of your life. No matter what else you do or achieve, you will always be seen

as that mistake. And that is hard. And this is why I think some parents need to understand that, like, there are adults out there that maintain relationships with their parents who are still being treated very poorly in the present. And I think that Bronwyn is showing. in this scene that she has deep empathy and understanding for how hard this was for her parents. She knows it wasn't easy for them. She is grateful for their help, that they helped, you know, take care of her daughter while she was working, that they did things for her, they were her parents, they kept a roof over her head.

She very clearly has empathy and appreciation for that. and she has empathy for her mother. She's just looking for a little bit of that in return. And I think she's even saying, you know, this is the thing that I repeat all the time that adults are saying, and she's showing it so clearly here that, like, I understand why my mom did what she did. And if today, 20 years later, she could look at me and say, I know that was so hard for you.

I understand that having your daughter in the community that we lived in and the way you were raised, you must have felt really alone. And I also felt really alone. And I was scared. And I was afraid of being ostracized from our community and your dad losing his job. And, you know, that's why we handled things the way we handled them. And I don't know if it was right, but it was what I did at the time. And now I can see that you are such a wonderful.

mother. And you raised a daughter who is a wonderful granddaughter and who we are so proud of. And her mother had such an opportunity here, like literally on a silver platter to say something like this that I think would have healed 20 years of shame and trauma and upset between the two of them. And instead, we see here that it's the doubling down that hurts these relationships. It's not the initial hurt. It's the taking of that initial hurt and shoving it right back in your kid's face and saying, no, I still feel that way. I would have done what I did. And you know what? I'm going to keep doing it to you today. Even while you're helping me, even while I need you. And you're actually caring for us. And the rules have been a little bit reversed here.

I'm still going to take that small iota of power that I have over you, and I am going to weaponize it and use it because I just cannot feel the feelings that come with having to sit in this space and hear that my daughter was hurt and that she was alone and that her pregnancy was really scary. And I cannot imagine what it felt like for this young girl who was part of this community where everything she was doing was wrong and stigmatized and shameful. And her sisters are pregnant. And they're getting baby showers and gifts and clothes. And there she is pregnant, shopping with her mother.

And her mother is pretending as if she doesn't exist. I mean, it's so heartbreaking. And I get why this mother felt like that was what she needed to do. And like that was her only option. And I think that 20 years later, we can all reflect and do something different and learn from what happened. Again, I would go back and watch that scene if you can because I think it's so powerful. It is from season six, episode seven of Salt Lake City, the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City,

and you can watch that on Peacock. Also, I think if you have like it, Bravo with your cable subscriber, you should be able to go and watch it. Now I want to touch on Love is Blind, season nine, episode two. At about 28 minutes in, we see two adults that are on a date. If you're not familiar with the concept of love is blind, it's like these two adults are dating through a wall. They cannot see each other. And the concept is like, can you fall in love with someone without seeing them without having that physical connection? But there's two of them speaking about their relationships with their parents. And one of the people, the man, and this is situation, he says that he's big on making other people my family. And he shares at some point in the show how he had been in and out of foster care throughout his life. And he had had a lot of difficult situations, a lot of different families that took care of him. But then he starts really speaking positively about his mom. And the woman he's speaking to on the other side of the wall says, how did you forgive your mom for what she put you through in your childhood and

still move so gracefully. And he goes on to say, I know she loves me. And I love her no matter what. I don't want her to miss out on my life all because of the past, no matter what, that's my mom. And he brings his mom around later, you know, on in the show with her. And you can tell that him and his mother seem to have a good relationship today. And I don't know what has happened between the two of them to allow that to happen. But his mom does seem loving and attentive and involved in his life, despite what happened in the past. And I would bet that that's what actually allowed them to have this adult relationship today.

Now, after he says that, the woman that he's dating says, I struggle with this. I don't talk to my dad. He was an absent father. I'm having to grieve someone who isn't gone. I'm having to grieve someone that's still here and I really wanted a relationship with. And I ask him, like, why did you feel like it was okay to stop being a father? And he doesn't get it. So when you say it's so easy to forgive her because you know that she loves you, that's

the problem for me. I don't know that for him. It made me have to be strong when I didn't want to be strong. I act like everything is good with that when it isn't. I'm like, I'm okay with him not being in my life anymore. I'm okay with never having that relationship again, but I don't know if I mean that. I act like it doesn't bother me, but it does. I don't want to be tough anymore.

And I just wanted to share this with you guys because I thought that what she said was such a great insight into how a lot of adults who are estranged from a parent who have been abandoned by a parent or who do not speak to their parent feel, especially those that feel like they have communicated until they're blue in the face, you know. And she's saying, I've told him on multiple occasions, I want a relationship with him. I've asked why it's so easy for you to ignore me. And he's not doing anything about it. And so this is one of those situations where we can see, like, it's not always that the adult doesn't want a relationship with their parent. Sometimes is that the parent is not picking up the phone, is not engaging in the relationship,

does not want to be present. And that can be very painful. And we can see reconciliation and repair in the present when that parent shows love and affection. And like, I want to be in your life. I want to have a relationship with you. And that can make all the difference. And so I just thought the juxtaposition of these two perspectives and these two different relationships was very interesting. I want to thank you so much for listening and doing this work alongside me. If you want a deeper place to keep unpacking these family patterns and actually practice the tools we talked about here, come join us inside the Family Cycle Blakers Club, our therapist-led community where we turn insight in to change. And don't forget to tune in next Tuesday. I will be

sitting down with Dr. Tracy Dalglish to talk about mother-in-law dynamics, boundaries, and what it really takes to protect your partnership when family gets complicated. You won't want to miss it. The Calling Home podcast is not engaged in providing therapy services, mental health advice, or other medical advice or services. It is not a substitute for advice from a qualified health care provider and does not create any therapist, patient, or other treatment relationship between you and Collincombe or Whitney Goodman. For more information on this, please see Collingholm's terms of service linked in the show notes below.