Camp Gagnon - Every Demon From the Bible EXPLAINED

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

Some of the most TERRIFYING creatures and demons surprisingly come from the most holy scriptures, and today we're breaking them down from A-Z. I invited my good friend and hilarious comedian Geoffrey Ausmus to dissect demons like Lucifer: The Fallen Angel, Beelzebub: The Lord of Flies and Titivilus: The demon of .... typos? Discover how these demons shaped ancient beliefs, influenced moral teachings, and continue to impact interpretations of good vs. evil. WELCOME TO CAMP! 🏕️ JOIN S'MORE CAMP INNER SANCTUM HERE (FREE): https://camp.beehiiv.com/ Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 1:05 Meet Geoff + Fellow Catholic 3:09 Catholic School Drama 8:16 Are Demons Real 10:03 What Is A Demon? + Aliens 12:39 Origins of Demons 14:46 Virgin Mary 16:23 Fermi Paradox 17:37 Asmodeus + Apocrypha 22:10 Story of Tobin 23:05 Ancient MDMA + The Last Supper 24:43 The Lesser Rings of Solomon 28:38 Azazel + The Book of Enoch + Samyaza 33:40 Invention of Mirrors 37:25 Belial 38:33 Chemosh 40:49 Dagon 44:25 Sean Kingston + Akon 46:06 Exorcisms + Legion 48:48 Fallen Angels + Lucifer 51:20 Baptismal Vows 52:55 Prayer To Saint Michael 53:52 Catholic Food 54:38 Grimoire + Reptilian People 57:59 Hades 59:00 Jezebel 1:00:28 Kokabiel + Astronomy 1:02:14 Lilith + Book of Sirach + Witch Trials 1:07:45 Mastema + The Book of Jubilees 1:10:40 Ornias 1:12:15 Pseudochristos + Anti Christ 1:14:08 Qeteb and Deba + Wolfgang Puck 1:17:11 White Cookout 1:18:13 Ruach + Bathsheba 1:24:00 God's Plan 1:25:18 Sheep's Ass 1:28:00 The Destroyer 1:29:29 Titivillus 1:32:04 Unclean Spirits + Baptism 1:33:08 Foreskin + Nazi Flag 1:36:41 Aunt Jemima 1:37:28 Vampires 1:38:41 Witches 1:39:36 Xezbeth 1:40:37 Yam 1:41:46 Zedek 1:43:41 What’s Your Favorite Demon? 1:45:16 Do You Reject Satan?

Since the dawn of time, mankind has been tormented by demons. Beelzeba. Osmodius. P. Diddy. All right, not the last one. But in every Abrahamic religion, demons are a common theme. Forces of evil that prowl the earth seeking the ruin souls. And today, we're ranking them all.

That's right. We're going from A to Z. We're going through every single demon explaining the lore, what they did and what makes them so evil. We explain all the stories, all the crazy details, demons of three, demons of lust. There's even a demon of typo. I mean, heck, there's one demon that became a demon because you tried to do reverse cowgirl on Adam.

I mean, look, the Bible, the Torah, even the Quran, has the most insane stories of demons. So come join me on a journey explaining the dark secrets of the other. So sit back, relax. Welcome to camp. What's up people and welcome back to camp. This is the tent talks. This is basically the show where I explained the most fascinating and interesting stories

from the internet and around the world to my dumbest friends. And oh boy, we got a good one for you today. We got a dumb ass here today. He was kind enough to join me on the show and it was very punctual. He came by the minute. One minute or in.

I'm always on time. That's one thing about me. I can't stand it when people are late. We have Jeff Asmus. I'm here. What's up, thanks for having me. Thanks for bringing me into this little payout.

This is sick. No problem. Can you describe the smell? It's the sage smell and there's a smell of like their sex has been had in here. Let the record show no sex has been had. No, you've never had sex in the tent? Wow, okay. Not until, not until this episode.

A faint like plato come smell. Your cum smells like plato? Come smells like plato. It tastes like it too. Everyone knows that. You've tasted. That's disgusting. You have to taste your cum wards. Oh yeah, you ate it as a kid, didn't you? No.

No. I'm never taste it. I'm never taste it. Play-Doh, disgusting. Come. Num, num, num, num, num, num, num, give me more. Well, you and I share this in common, actually. We're both Catholic.

We are Catholics. Thank God, the one true faith. You've tried to distance yourself from the Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church? No, I like Catholicism. I like it. I think it's a good thing. Okay. We have some, we've got a few tough things of PR, but I think it's a good thing.

What, the Crusades? The Crusades were good. The Muslims had it coming. They needed, they needed to be, you got to thin the herd every once in a while. It was a fair fight. It was a fair fight. Like that one isn't as bad because it's like, look, we all got swords. You know what I mean?

It's like we're all battling out. It wasn't like the colonial like coming in like slaughtering the Incos and stuff. Yeah, that was a battle of swords. And, you know, it was the oldest institution in the world, too, the Catholic Church. I think it's the longest running thing in the world. There's got to be some credit for that. Longest running thing in the world. I can't imagine what would be longer of running institution that's still going.

Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola. Yeah, some of 6,000 pieces. somehow has been going. Nestle, I think. I think we might be the oldest. Love the Catholics. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to them. Did you go to Catholic school? I didn't go to Catholic school. You didn't go to Catholic school? No, my family got into a big lawsuit with the diocese of Central Florida.

Really? And so my extremely Catholic mother was now pitted against Catholic attorneys. For what? Like, not the touching or anything? I wish it was the day. I wish. You got like some lame thing? They yelled at my son. Well, we said they didn't fuck. That was their defense. Every other parents, like, we didn't complain when they fingered Donnie. That was the defense.

It could have been worse. Yeah, it could have been worse. Yeah, you know, I feel that's a good point. Dang. Did she win? Did she win? She did? She did.

There we go. I got a litigious family, too. I love it. Really? Oh, yeah. They sued a few people when I was a kid. They won. That's the best part of America.

You can sue people and you can get money. Yeah, exactly. It's fucking sick. Yeah. Oh, I wish I could do that. Yeah, we sued like a couple corporations. It was great. Class action thing or something.

They, like, poison the water or something. Yeah. Like RFK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're young RFK. That's true. Yeah, it was fun. I like that.

3M, I think. We sued 3M. Bro. They had some floral carbons in our water or something. So what's the deal? Do your parents have reverse osmosis water filter? Oh, we've got well water and they got a bunch of filters too, for sure. Yeah.

So much in common. Yeah. I'm afraid of the water. I get that one. Yeah, yeah, on that. That's why you got to drink whiskey. That's why I'm, yeah. Whiskey safe.

Wasn't that in the old days they drank beer because they knew it was processed or whatever? you couldn't drink the water. Exactly. They boiled her or some shit. No, my mom is so strict on it. She only drinks distilled water. Oh. And then she was starting to feel kind of bad.

And then she looked it up, and apparently you're not supposed to drink distilled water because it's so pure. It has so few chemicals and minerals in it that it leeches minerals from your bloodstream. And so... Oh, really? If you drink distilled water,

you actually have to put minerals back into it. Oh, fascinating. So if you're... So you're going too far. It's always too far. It's always too far. It's always too far. It's moderation.

And we are sponsored by distilled water. Really? Is that true? The lobby. Yeah, the distilled water. Big water. Exactly. Big water.

Shout out Nestle. What's up, guys? We're going to take a break really quick because I need to tell you what's going on with camp. Yes, this is just a camp behind the scenes update, no script. I just want to tell you what's going on here at the wonderful campsite. Two things. One, we got merch. Check it out, baby.

Looks beautiful. It looks absolutely amazing. It's up on the website right now. We got this shirt and we got this shirt. They're absolutely awesome. I love them. I think the logo is beautiful. And we did very limited orders.

We didn't make that many shirts because, you know, I don't know what the heck I'm doing. So they're probably going to sell out if you want to check it out. There's also a link in the description. You can also check it out at campgo.com. That's right, campgo. Check it out, grab a shirt, join the campsite. On top of that, we also got Smoor camp. What is Smore Camp?

That is the InterSankton. Okay, that is our weekly newsletter, sometimes multiple times a week. And it's absolutely amazing because it gives you every single update directly to your inbox of what's going on with this show every single week. It'll give you cool updates and interesting things that are happening in history just to keep you more updated on the world to make you a more interesting human being for every room that you walk into. Things like, you know, religion, the mafia, war, crime, things that are just, you know, make your day better, you know, start in your day just reading about a terrible crime that haven't. Look, there's also some good stuff. We're probably going to be doing some giveaways for people that sign up within the next 48 hours.

Probably be sending some extra, you know, merch to maybe some sneak peek deals, maybe send in some episodes that haven't come out yet. There's all sorts of incentives and cool things we're going to be doing with that community. So join the campsite. Now let's get back to the show. But yes, we're here today to talk about demons. Demons. I love it. Have you ever seen a demon?

I have not. I'm not a supernatural guy. I don't think I've seen demons. No. So you're Catholic, but you've never seen a demon. Never seen a demon. I don't know if I don't know if that's ever what became part of my faith. You've seen a demon?

You think you've like, no. I guess I don't. Right now. Yeah, I've been the demon all along. He can't shitan. There we go. Yeah, I mean, I could believe that demons are real. I don't think I've seen one, though.

Yeah, I've never seen one. I think that some people are possessed by something. There have to be. Like, when, like, serial killers, like, those voices they hear, that has to be demon adjacent. I'm with that. Dommers, like, eating these kids or fucking their skulls. I can't imagine there's not some supernatural.

Yeah. I can't believe that that's just me, same person I am. You know what I mean? I can't be like I'm just kind of Dom or could be Dommer without a demon Or involved or something Well the whole thing with that is I'm like yeah sure A demon was talking to him but he didn't have to agree

That's what I always thought I have voices in my head They're like saying oh like you're driving They're like drive off the road or whatever I'm like I don't do it Yeah you just just be a fucking man These guys are just weak minded bitches Yeah, and murder kids

We've all thought of murdering someone Yeah I've all seen the guy like When you the plane lands and someone gets up right away Or they like clap It's like, I want to kill them, but I don't do it. No, I hate that guy. They got to clap something. Oh, or when a movie ends.

That shit's embarrassing. I do boo sometimes. When a movie? If a plane has a rough landing. Oh, boo! You suck. Or when it lands, you're like, I wanted to die. I keep flying Spirit Airlines hoping to die.

Exactly. You become a spirit. You know. Yeah, that's what I call it. But no, I've never seen a demon. But I do have a weird sort of ambient fear of demons. Okay. For no reason.

Is a ghost a demon? Is that separate? If you ask my mom, she would say they're all the phenomena, the high strangest phenomena, is all satanic. Okay. So like aliens, demons. Cryptids, likely demons. Redgate poem musicians, demons. Yes.

So look, it all is one big umbrella. Blue-haired women. Yes. They, them, demons. Okay. No, no, not all of it. But she does think like all the high strangen shit. Okay.

I could see aliens. Okay, that makes sense. She's like, it's all a part of the phenomenon. Okay, I could get behind that. So as a result, growing up as a kid, I was like, all right, I've never seen a demon. Have you seen aliens? Never seen. My mom claims she's seen aliens, but she claims she saw, like, some weird object in the bad lands in South Dakota or something.

She'll talk about it constantly. Really? Yeah, she's big in on that. It's like the culminating moment of her life. She's telling the story every time she meets someone new. I saw a demon in 1977. She meets your girlfriend? Yeah, she's like, I have the most embarrassing pictures.

Yeah. Look at this demon I saw. Yeah, it's her with like a demon. Oh, God. They're like, tell me something embarrassing about Jeff. She's like, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, it's a knee time. Yeah, she loves the alien story, yeah.

I believe in aliens. So I guess demons, if that's a demon, I believe in that. I believe in that. That's what my mom would say. I'm kind of out on that. You're out on aliens? I'm just like, I've never seen anything, but I'm open to all of them. Sure, sure.

I think there's a cryptid, too. I believe in the cryptids. Yeah, I mean, in the ocean, probably. Yeah, in the ocean, there's just no way we've served. Those are pictures of the giant squids. That shit seems, that's, that's accrupted. That's crazy. Yeah, I don't, so I'm not necessarily like, oh, aliens are real, but I wonder if there's

like a, like, a consciousness thing that happens. You know what I mean? Like, almost like interdimensional shit. Oh, that they're like breaking through the parallel universes. Yeah, like they're flying through space on a ship, but I do wonder if they get into your brain. Oh, like a tesseract, like in interstellar or whatever. Okay, I could see that. Yeah.

But this is all just. my crack-headed theories, okay? Nothing to do with the actual demons that I've spent hours and hours and hours. It's been researching this. On Wikipedia and having my friends send me stuff. I love Wikipedia. There's go. This was largely inspired by the YouTube

channel Hachelga. Okay. Hachalaga. Okay. They're, they're demon-based? They're, like, being in the demon-based? Yeah, yeah. They're like big in the demon community. Okay. And, no, they did a video recently, or I saw it was actually like two years ago. But it just, I thought it was a fabulous,

fabulous expose on demons. Okay. And inspired me to. to start this discussion. Love it. So basically, I was just curious in, like, demonology at large. Every major religion,

specifically Abrahamic religions have some form of, like, dark, evil power. And I'm always interested in how, like, the Old Testament demons are a little different than the New Testament demons. People use demons,

like King Solomon, allegedly, if you read the keys of Solomon about an apocryphal book that was never included into the Bible, that literally he gets a ring and is able to control demons and allegedly, according to Jewish history,

and again, I'm not a Jew, okay? We don't believe everything. they say. This comes from Jewish media. Yeah. No. The IDF says this.

Yeah. That apparently the demons under King Solomon's rule helped build the temple. Oh, he had like an army of builders. Literally. Isn't that suck like you die and become a demon and you're still a slave? You still gotta just do this king's bidding.

Yeah, exactly. I'm still lifting up stones. I was a slave in real life. I got crushed by a stone. Like what? That would be a terrible ghost life. If demons were ghosts, but as we know.

Or they're not. So demons are always been. They're not ghosts. Fallen angels. Oh, okay. We'll get to that. Right. Iblee's or whatever.

Isn't that? What is that? Eblees. Isn't that the name of the devil or one of the names? Dude, we don't say that. Oh, my bad. I thought Shaiton and Evelyse were like the same Muslim name. That's the English actor, bro.

Eblis. Eblis. Is that who you're talking about? I think, I'm pretty sure Eblees is a devil. I'm going to, I'll be vindicated. Yeah. I hope so. I hope so.

My computer's not connected to Wi-Fi, so. Oh, well, there's no way to know. There's no way to ever know. Never know. But there's all sorts of crazy stuff. I mean, God use demons, technically. Have you ever heard of this? Oh, how do he use demons?

My God, my beautiful God, who I believe in and pray to every day. There's ways that you can interpret the scripture. Yeah, okay. They kind of give you that out on this. Yeah, doesn't Jesus, like, send, like, demons into, like, 40 pigs and they, like, run off the cliff or something? There's all sorts of wacky. Isn't that a wild one?

I remember that one in the Gospels for sure. That's a good one. That's a good one. That one I like, and it's like, why did the pigs have to die? Why do you have to send these pigs off a cliff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just mindless cruelty. I love that about the Bible.

Right? Yeah, that's the best part. Okay, it actually. Not mind. God has a purpose for everything. It serves a greater purpose and you just don't understand. That's true. Let's start with Asmodius.

Okay, Asmodius. This is how dumb I am that literally, even just saying the demon's names, I'm like, that one's a little, that one's a little scary. It's a scary. It's a smoteous. That sounds like someone hellboy was trying to kill. That does, yeah. It is like I was so afraid of demons growing up that I once had my mom pray with me that I wouldn't get an apparition from Mary.

Oh, wait, you thought Mary was a demon? No, I just didn't want any supernatural shit to happen in my home. That's so funny of Mary. Like, I'm trying to visit Mark and he just keeps praying me away. Literally. Because you're trying to be the new Fatima or whatever. That's what we were studying. We were studying the apparition of Fatima.

Yeah, and you were like, I don't want the attention. I don't want to be famous. Yeah, come on. I just want to tell my jokes. Yeah. All right. Or I think it was the apparition of Guadalupe. Imagine how many tickets you'd sell off Guadalupe.

You're like, Marks the Kamakou, the Virgin Guadalupe came to see. Yeah, exactly. We got to see him at the Pittsburgh Funny Bone. We got to see him. I would have been in Orlando, too. That's the best part, is that I would have been, it would have been the Virgin Mary of Orlando. Oh, right by Disney World. It's like if people are going to see Mickey Mouse and the Virgin Mary of Orlando.

It would have been a pilgrimage. But I had my mom. I was like, Mom, just pray for me that Mary doesn't appear. Did she prayed? Yeah, she was like, Mary just maybe for the next couple weeks just kind of let the lawn run cold You know what I mean like we don't need

Like we're busy we got we got We got tests coming up We got a history exam So just maybe lay off Prayer is so funny It's like how like It's always like the smallest thing It's always like my mom like

Help Jeffrey recover from the flu It's like you think God has nothing else Going on in the universe Like make his sore throat go away Well I wonder this about aliens bro That like what if there's aliens under the planet right Hypothetically sure Oh like the deep in the earth

aliens. Okay. There? I've heard of that one. Or anywhere. Okay. I'm not necessarily subterranean, so to speak, but I'm saying if they're anywhere in the universe, okay, Fermi Paradox says that there's likely other life out there. Right, right. Did Jesus die for them? Oh, is he saving their sins? And if he died for them, do they pray also? And if they pray, is God also receive an inbound from aliens being like, he's like, help my fifth arm grow back? Why is my third penis Not working God.

Isn't that crazy? I'm worried about the flu and the aliens over here being like our whole planet's exploding. Yeah, yeah. Super nebula is like engulfing our universe. God, please. And Steph Curry's like, help me hit the three tonight against the kings. But that is the omnipotence to the Lord. He can do anything.

That's true. And he exists outside of time. And he is a man, though. That is one thing. He's infinite and omniscient, but it is a man. We all know that. And we all know the race, too. We won't say it out loud.

but we know that about God. He is infinite, but he does like Steely Dan. Yeah, he does. No, he's a Zeppelin guy for him. Yeah, exactly. Asmodius is from the book of Tobit. All right? Now, this is something that we have

in our Catholic Bibles. That's the Middle Testament, right? Or whatever they call it? Sure. I always, that's why I call it. What's the name for it? It's like the... Some people call it the Apocrypha?

Yeah, but it was like a middle part of the book. There's like four books or something. Parts of the Hebrew Bible that's specifically Martin Luther. Ugh. Those Protestant pigs. Not King Jr. We like him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The original Luther. But the OG Martin Luther and the prots. They try to get it out. 95 complaints. What a bitch. Right? 95. Round up.

Becces. Get to 100. Have you never read a BuzzFeed article? Like, have it be a proper number. He got to have triple digits. Oh, my God. So yeah, he cut it short not only on that, but also cut the Bible short. Try to take out a bunch of stuff.

Try to take out James. Oh, look at James. Because James is like, Faith Without Works is dead. And obviously. The Luther's against that. Luther being all, you know, Solofides was like, oh my God. And they tried to take it out

and the early church fathers were like, you know, chill. We got James. It's not even early church fathers. It was like mid-century, like middle ages. Okay. And they were like,

keep that shit in there. But this was like the council of Nicaea. Is that when they're picking the books, right? Nicaea was when the Catholic church originally kind of put together. Oh, that was the Catholic books. Okay.

But then this is Reformation like probably 1400s. Oh, yeah. Wittdenberg, Vittenberg, Germany. Okay. What have the Germans ever done? We've done a lot. Stop.

We did a lot. Philosophy, Einstein. Destroyed the church. Tried to kill Jews. We almost got rid of the Jehovah's Witness. People don't know. They were a target in the Holocaust, too. Really? If it was just them, probably wouldn't have fought a war.

Hitler got rid of the door knockers. You hear? Oh, man, we're safe. Yeah, no. I bet you Churchill would have been like, yeah, we can't argue with that. He helped the economy. He got rid of the door knockers?

Neighborhood's quieter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cut out a few gypsies, too. They got them too. Yeah, the Jews are great. Don't get them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But everyone else.

The door knockers. We could look. I'm just not saying you should kill anyone. Genocide against anyone is bad. But if you're going to pick a group, the Jehovah's Witnesses are up there. I'm not going to argue with it. I think they're up there. They're bad people.

They're actually good people, but they're just annoying. Yeah, that's a good way. Don't know. My mom almost got converted. That's why I don't like them. We had a lady named Fran who came to our house every dinner, it seemed. And my mom was inches away from converting. And my dad was like, I think he said he'll divorce her if she converted.

So she, Fran had to go. My mom's the exact opposite. She conversed to everything. I would go over to my house after school. I'd walk in and my mom would be at the dinner table with three Mormon guys. And she's schooling them on the Bible. Oh, hell yeah. She's like, give me your book.

She's like going through it. She knows where all the points are. She's converting them. They're like, we love Jesus. Or guess Jesus is in Mormonism? I don't know much about the more. Right. It's the American thing.

Yeah, yeah. even though there's no evidence any of it happened, like, archaeologically. That's never stopped me. Yeah. That's never stopped me. You're a devout Mormon. We know that about you. I mean, I watch it fucking ancient apocalypse all the time.

Like, come on, Grand Hancock. Oh, that guy. Tell me what's going on. Right, right. I don't need facts and just give me a fun time. Yeah, yeah. And the Mormons did that. The Mormons are fun.

That's true. As Modius is a fascinating guy. He's in the book of Tobit. And he basically, he falls in love with a woman named Sarah, but Sarah's already betrothed. In a fit of jealous rage, as Modius slays the groom and repeats this every time, Sarah remarries seven times no less.

Jesus. She keeps remarrying and he keeps killing her husband just to like think maybe next time. Yeah. Take a hint, man. The original in-cell demon. Why won't you fuck me? I'm such a nice demon. Nice demons do finish.

Yeah, no woman ever wants a kind demon. That sucks. But he's eventually banished with an unusual spell. The heart and liver of a fish are placed onto a bed of burning hot embers. The smoke it produces smells so bad. that the demon flees and goes into the deserts of Egypt. Isn't that so funny? You're like an immortal being,

but like the fish liver is like, oh, I've got to go. There's no way I can defeat a rancid fish liver. I'm an immortal creature. Have you ever smelt fish liver? It sounds terrible. I guess it's like when you take those fish oil pills, those are disgusting.

Yeah. You get that little burp. I get it, man. Run to the desert. It is crazy too because she married her eighth husband and there was no issue. So he's done. That's the end.

They just, they tried everything. and then like, by the way, fish liver, this guy hates it. That worked out. I love that. That's very, like, not Christian. That's a bizarre story. What you mean?

Just like those weird, like a weird, like potion. That doesn't really fit in to Catholicism. The book of Tobit has another one that's quite interesting. Really? There's another potion, too. Tobit is going to see his, I believe, is his uncle, Tobias. Okay. And Tobias is very ill.

And the Archangel Raphael descends upon Tobit while he's on the road back to his uncle and says, what you need to do is get the gallbladder of a specific fish that you can find in this specific lake and rub it onto his eyes. And with the rubbing of this gallbladder like puree onto his eyes, he'll be able to see again. And he goes and does it and saves his uncle. Dang.

What's interesting is that they've looked into the story and apparently some people believe that the gallbladder of this specific fish that exists in this specific region, even to this day, possesses like chemicals that can help with like optical syphilis, which some people believe is what Tobias. Whoa, and that's crazy.

Therefore, Raphael is the patron saint of sight of healers. Oh, okay. I'm into that. And of travelers. Okay. The Christians were on to something. That's what I'm saying. Early medicine. Yeah, yeah, right?

They didn't, yeah, they didn't have that. That's all a potion is. That's what a potion is. That's true. It's just like Zoloft. It's the same thing. It's just like three eyes of a witch. Imagine. It's no different than Paxlova.

You gave someone an oxy back in the fucking B.C. They'd be like, you're a, what the hell? Yeah, right. You give a peasant like NdMA. I want the heart of a newt. I don't want to fill. But think about how crazy they would feel. You gave a guy Molly.

Oh my God. They'd be freaking out. 10,000 BC, they'd be like, you're Jesus. Didn't they have shit like that? They had to have had like drugs. They had drugs like that for sure. You're opening a whole can of orange here. I'm sure you must know about this stuff.

Some people have looked and they believe that the last supper of Christ was actually psychoactive. And that's why like... They saw shit. Oh. Oh, okay. But then the question remains by doing psychoactive chemicals. Are you just seeing this sort of apparition from these molecules going into your brains and connecting?

Or are you seeing like the deeper truth or something? Or does it open you up? Oh, really is there. Interesting. Jesus was just like a dead head. I'm just trying to follow God to the end of the tour, man. That's my God loves Steely Dan. Yeah, God loves Steely Dan.

It all connects. Thank you. Thank you. All that to say, I don't necessarily believe that story. Yeah, yeah. But some people have looked at like basins of wine and they believe that there's psychoactive. the chemicals and the early basis. Okay.

But maybe the wine. I believe that. The wine that were drinking was dosed. I mean, that's what you need for 12 men to have a good time. They're not just going to have wine. We want to like do some drugs and stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Listen to a drum. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Judas is just going, Dung. Pretty good guys, right? Asmodius is mentioned again. Oh, okay. And this is like I had mentioned before in the lesser rings of Solomon.

Okay. That's not in the Bible at all in anyone. That's like an apocrypha. Yeah, exactly. That's a deep apocryph. This is found in the Dead Sea Scrolls. Oh, okay, hell yeah. Let me lure you.

In the narrative, Solomon receives a magical ring from the archangel Michael, granting him the power to summon and control demons. Using this ring, Solomon interrogates various demons, learning their origins, weaknesses, and motivations. Each demon is named and categorize contributing to the later development of demon-in-a-n-law-ological. Demon-a-law-old. That's a tough word. Okay. Okay. Solomon started this.

Yeah. The guy, that's the guy. He cut the baby in half. or he was going to He wanted Did it and they tricked the woman Yeah that's the story I always remember That's how you got to trick a woman

I'll cut your baby and half you dumb bitch No no no please not my baby I feel like if you did that now Both women would be like yeah Kill yeah we don't I only had the kid because I lived in Kansas We couldn't get an abortion I didn't want to have the kid

Yeah if we did it for like a welfare check And now I guess we got to have his own But if you can take care of this problem This is great We can't even go to trivia anymore much as the fucking baby. Yeah, we get a cruise lined up. Yeah.

Everything's screwed up. Asmodius. In the Testament of Solomon, it introduces various demons. Of the demons and their weaknesses include Ornius, a demon who drains the life force of young men, symbolizing ailments are unexplainable. Orneous. Okay. Beelzebub. That's a classic.

Described as a leader amongst demons. Beelzebub is portrayed as a prince who boasts about his power over false prophets and idolatry. And, of course, as Modius. Wait, Beelzeb. Ope Yelzebo has power over Asmodius? He's like a... He's like the cooler... God, you're an immortal being,

but you're still, like, have a boss. Like, I'm alive forever. Got to clock into Osmodius again. He's still a bitch. You're not even like an all-powerful demon. I do wonder if there's, like, kind of like, you know, angels that are sort of like not super down.

You know what I mean? Like, you got to think, like, Lucifer is the all-time angel that was rebellious. Sure. And he took a bunch with him. You got like seventh ring down. You're like,

really like to be a demon anymore, man. What's the point? But you gotta wonder, like, let's say all the angels are ranked on a hierarchy of, like, most rebellies to least rebellious. The top third went with Satan. Yeah, there was one right on the edge. Yeah, he's like, maybe I'll be an angel. Maybe I won't be. Yeah, yeah.

It was like joining a frat. He was like, listen to both sides. He's like, everyone's got a lot of offers on the table. Are there, like, turncoat angels, like double agents? I mean, Lucifer's. I guess, yeah, he, yeah, I guess him. Yeah, dang. So they're fight, these demons are fighting against angels. Right? Is that kind of the end?

I guess are they fighting in a way? I don't know if they're even battling each other. Yeah, you don't ever hear about them battling. They just like exist at once. It's more like a turf war. Okay. Like they're, they're battling for the hearts and souls. Souls of people, okay.

That makes sense. Okay. So it's kind of by proxy. Sure. There's a proxy war happening inside you. No one's like ever like, I saw Michael kill Asmodius. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But every time you jerk off to Milf Porn. That is modius is like, yes. Asmodius specifically. Because Asmodius is the demon of lust and sensuality. Oh, Asmodius. He confesses his influence over those who are drawn to sensual pleasure, foreshadowing his role in later Christian demonology as a tempter. Dang.

So if you're like, get caught with like child porn, Asmodius made me do it. I didn't want to Google those. He controlled my fingers. He controlled high school prom. Yeah, literally. He made me Google that. He must be having a field day now.

Probably. He's probably the king of what's that eye. Lolita Island. Yeah, yeah, little St. James. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, he's his king. He's the one. So every time you're tempted, just remember, he's in your ear.

That's Modi's, he's in my ear a lot. Okay. There we go. How often? Yeah, not too much. Well, if we have more of this whiskey, I don't know what's going to happen. Jesus. I get another great A demon for you.

Okay. This is Azizel. As Azel. Asazel, he's singled out as the primary corruptor of humanity in the book of Enoch. Okay. That's another of the Gnostics or something like that. I feel like that was in the Da Vinci Code or something maybe. Probably.

I think they mentioned that. The all-time greatest book that is not in the great book. That, okay. Yeah, yeah. The book of Enoch's in Genesis, I think. He's mentioned, but they don't really say much about him. Didn't he, like, go to heaven? Isn't it like Enoch walked with the Lord or something?

I'm pretty sure in the Genesis is like a cryptic verse, like, and then Enoch walked with the Lord, then they never mentioned him again. Well, if they did mention him. you would see what they were trying to hide. Oh, did he have a crazy story? His whole thing is crazy because the book of Enoch, I've discussed Enoch at length on this point. Oh, really?

Because it's fascinating. But basically, in short, the book of Enoch basically recounts the fall of humanity. And it kind of goes through like a creation story, but specifically with the Watchers. Basically, a group of angels that fall are known as the Watchers. These angels are sent to Earth to observe and protect humanity, but ultimately transgressed divine bound.

hundredies leading to their downfall. Isn't it, they fucked humans? Isn't that kind of implied? That's kind of what I'm getting to, all the humans. Like the Nephilim or something like that? The Nephilim. I remember. It's all coming back.

Vacation Bible school worked. They talked about vacation Bible school. I feel like we went through every book and we learned just a little bit. And that always fascinated me, the Nephilim. They always go there. Weren't they like giants and they lived like 800 years or something like that? They were so large. They made regular men look like grasshoppers.

That's what it says. That's what it says. Damn, imagine you're trying to court an angel, but there's a nephalim with a nine-foot-long penis. Yeah. Like, I have no chance. There's no way. Me and my buddy Christop going to a big argument with our, we had a fat friend who was like, dude, the nephalum are real. The Smithsonian threw away nephalum bones.

Why would they throw away the biggest find of all time? Because it's a cover-up, okay? Because it proves the Bible true. And therefore Christianity reign supreme. Oh, that's like a, that's like a, like historians are trying to cover up for the bike. I don't understand. We're ruled by scientism. All right.

The scientists are now the philosopher kings of our time. Right. When it should be the Pope. Okay. It's like they're like the young earth creationists. Like the, those rocks that are four billion years, God tricked you into thinking they were that old. Isn't that one of their things that like God imprinted carbon dating, but he's just

tricking us or something like that? Yes. I love that. Precisely right. What a weird God to believe in? Why would he do that? Why would God trick us like that? Yeah.

I like that he puts like a little bit. clues. Yeah. See if you're gonna fall It makes no sense. But I think our fat friend was just bringing it up because he was like, no, there's giant. He's like, I'm like Nephilim, kind of. I'm like 10% Nephilim. If Ancestry.com had good software, they know. I'm

descendant. I think he's basically being like, if Neflem were around today, I'd be so skinny. Yeah, right. You wouldn't be calling me fatty bumbleady. Yeah, yeah. You would say to a Nephlim, or would you? Yeah. Yeah, probably not. That'd be the new N-word. Fucking Nephilim moving in. Oh, my God.

The giant house. Yeah, yeah. No, making us look so cool. Yeah, they're so good at sports. God, they can jump so high. Jesus Christ. I mean, Shaq is... He's Nephilim, adjacent.

He's close. He's close. He's got, like, shoes are like 19. Yeah, he's giant. And he played for the magic. Shout out to the magic. Shout out to the magic. But yeah, the Nephilim were fascinating. They were created by the washers that are descended and were basically entranced by the beauty of the human form.

Can't blame them. I don't blame them. Yeah, I'm assuming they landed somewhere near Columbia. If I didn't get. The Nephilim were all like Colombian guys I don't think they were in San Antonio They found Shakira Yeah yeah

And they were like wait We're gonna have sex with her Yeah I'm sure it was pretty easy to convince A new human They're naked They're naked, they have nothing I'll give you some fire

If you fuck me Not too hard You won't look at an iPad Yeah yeah right And one of the watchers in particular Was Azizel Oh I don't want to leave out

Shem Haiza Shemhazziai. Shout out Shem Haiza. Shem Haiza. Yeah, okay. He always pales in comparison against Azizel. And I feel like he doesn't get his flowers.

Remember we talk about sort of demonic beings like that come and fuck humans. Give him his flowers. Exactly. These giants symbolize the chaos resulting in divine disobedience. And Azizel in particular

basically gets down there and starts corrupting humanity. Not only does he teach forbidden knowledge, such as the art of weapon making and cosmetics, but he also spreads practices is associated with vanity, violence, and lust. Cosmetics was a, that was a thing we were, you can't have guns or foundation. Concealer will ruin.

Honestly, though, that's a good thing to ban. Right. Not having cosmetics would be good. It makes us vain and it makes us deny how God made us. That's actually not kind of a based idea, honestly. A crazy base idea that I was thinking about the other day is the fact that we have mirrors. Right. We should have mirrors.

A new invention. is it was probably like 200 years that were like everyone had a mirror yeah I mean of course there was probably like the king had a mirror or whatever sure but like you looked in a pool that's the only time you saw your face and did there's a great quote about it is interesting yeah they never saw

who what they looked like or anything they wouldn't care if they were ugly there's a fabulous quote about about mirrors specifically this is I don't know it's probably dumb that I'm even like no I like this man shouldn't be able to see

his on face. This is from Fernando Pesoa in the book of Disquiet. Okay. Man shouldn't be able to see his own face. There's nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it and of not being able to stare into his own eyes. Only in the waters and ponds could he see his face. And the very posture

he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, and commit the ignimony of beholding himself. The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart. Wow. That's a great quote. Because it did make us like vain And every time I go out to a show, I got like, oh, look, make sure, put some, put some fucking face lotion on or whatever.

That's, yeah, it's a waste of our time. Interesting. You had to trust people. He'd be like, dude, do I have a fucking milk shaking my beard? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you look good, man. No, you look great. Yeah, yeah.

Nobody just morphed you back in the day. Nobody just morphed. Think about it. Who is the Greek guy who's kept staring? Narcissus. Isn't that the guy who just kept staring? Yeah. Into his own reflection.

Yeah, right? We're all just obsessed with it now. Isn't that what a get ready with me, video is on TikTok, the ultimate narcissism. Yeah, I just love to like Instagram chicks and TikTok chicks like flip the script. Like it's amazing. Like I originally got Instagram to see women take their clothes off. You know, that's about putting them back on. And now they're like, watch me put my clothes on. I'm like, yes, I love it. I love it. And then you, you, there should be a way to like make it go backwards. Like we could, can I just get the opposite of that? Dude, we should do

that. You could just flip all the get ready with me. We can make those, those, that Instagram channel. That could actually be huge. Yeah, exactly. It would probably be. easy. You just flip it and you turn their vocals or whatever their voice would be backwards. It'd be like a demon undressing. Just a Beatles song? Yeah. It's Revolution Number nine. Hell? Exactly.

Did you say the letter B by the way? I did not say B. B is for Beliol. Belliol. Not Bielzab, Belial. Belial. Okay. But Belial never chose the demon life. What do you mean? Demon life chose him. Oh my God. He appears throughout the Old Testament, but not as the name of

demon instead, the Hebrew word for wickedness. Okay. Over time, people began to read this word as a name. It's not exactly clear why Beliol became Beliol. And poof, you know, he kind of just like becomes a demon. Basically, the demon appears throughout the Dead Sea Scrolls. Okay, okay. So the word wicked basically just became like anthropomorphized or something kind of. In a way. Okay. And Beliol is kind of like the blueprint for Satan in the New Testament. Oh, okay. He's like an embodiment of all wickedness. Okay. I don't remember him from the book. Okay. he didn't make an imprint on me No well it was Dead Sea Scrolls

Oh that was Dead Sea Scroll I didn't get around to reading those yet He needed to do that vacation Bibles Yeah you never get to read the scroll There's hands shaking Degenerating to your fingers The kid who I didn't take my riddle in

It just did all disintegrates That would be fun All right let's talk about Chemosh Chammash This was He appears in the Old Testament He was the chief god of the Moabites Okay those are bad guys

I remember they were fighting them a lot. Yeah. They were in one of the Canaanites or something, weren't they? Or nearby. Yeah. I don't know. I think they were always slaughtering that Moabites or that Amalkites or whatever. I feel like there was always some shit like that.

They were a lot of battling the old town. A lot. Like Joshua and judges is just like battling. It's like, and then 50,000 Israelites slew 90,000 Canaanites. And God is good and the blood flowed for weeks or something. It's like, hell yeah. God. But basically, he's the god of the Moabites.

He's associated with military success and fertility, but is viewed negatively in the Bible due to the Moabite's antagonistic relationship with Israel. Second Kings portrays a battle with Israel. The Moabite King sacrifices his own son to Chimash, an act portrayed as horrifying and ultimately futile. Doesn't stuff like that, though, doesn't that mean that they're admitting that their gods are real?

Like the Israel started being like, Chumash is real, but we hate him. Yeah. Like they're basically saying they're all. multiple gods. Oh, I think that's kind of fascinating. They're like, our God is stronger, but your God still exists. This is the distinction that I will make as a proud Jew.

I will say that ultimately they're worshipping demons, who worshiping false gods. Oh, so they think they're a God. They are an entity, but it's not a God. Precisely right. What makes a God a demon or a demon a God? What's the difference between a God? This is a Kanye West song? Yeah.

What's a God to a demon? What's a demon to a God? Just quoting Yeh, yeah. That was Frank Ocean. Oh, yeah, yeah. No church in the wild. That's right. For the Israel,

Chamash epitomized the brutality and moral corruption of rival nations, and his worship was condemned as violation of the covenant with Yahweh. I really think this is just

like Bible speak for when we call people Nazis. Yeah. I mean, everyone I don't like is a Nazi. Yeah, yeah. And every other God is the devil. You're just a fucking Moabite

piece of shit. Yeah, yeah. You're a little annoying. You're a Chumash worshiping. Yeah, exactly. Everyone I disagree with is a Satan. Exactly. Yeah.

Exactly. It's like now we have like people like, I'm going to go punch a Nazi. Back then I'm going to slap a Chumash worshipper. Yeah, exactly. And do my part. We got Dagon. Dagon. Ooh, the Italian demon.

Come on. Yeah, hey, fucking Dagon from the block. Gabagal. He's the god of Gabagul. And, yeah, no, he was a pagan god from the Old Testament. He was the god of wealth and prosperity. And for some reason was depicted as a mermaid. Oh, okay.

Interesting. The Philistines worship Dagon as a god of agriculture and fertility depicted with the features of a fish symbolizing prosperity

and abundance. 1 Samuel 5 after the Philistines captured the ark of the covenant, they place it in Dagon's temple. Oh, this is like

Goliath, David and Goliath era kind of. Isn't it? Isn't it? I feel like that's what I remember about the Philistines

when I was a kid. They were always fighting the Philistines. It was in that era. David came through. It was in Goliath's generational run. Yeah, yeah.

I love Goliath. He feels like a Nephilim kind of. probably. You would think, right? He probably was, yeah. Yeah. It's like Dekembe. It's like if Steph Curry killed Dekembo or whatever.

I feel like that's what it was like. It sent Mugsy Boggs against him or something. It would be Curry. It might be like a Mugsy dunked on Dekeme Motumbo. That's what I feel like David and Goliath was. I feel like Curry is a closer one because it's the perfect shot. Like he just slings this rock so perfectly. Right.

Yeah, he's got the perfect angle. It just hits him in the Sylvallum. I love that. Fucking instant replay. I always love David. And Samuel 1, verse 5. after the Philistines capture the Ark of the covenant, they placed it in Daegon's temple,

where Daegon's statue was later found toppled over and broken. This is act as symbolic demonstrating Yahweh's supremacy over Daegon. By portraying Daegon is powerless against the ark. The text degrades him from a revered deity to a defeat. That's so funny that they think only God could have knocked over its statue. No one else but our all-powerful lord could topple over an unwieldy stone structure. How big was it? Yeah, they could have just tied a rope.

pulled it over, but it must have been God. That's what I always assume. If I ever see a structure come down, I'm like, God. You have to be God. Yeah. Things like that are so funny. It's like, why would God just knock over the statue and not save the Ark of the Column?

Why does he, like, do these weird symbols thing, just like be God or don't? That's why I don't understand about the omniscient God. Just take control or stop leaving like hints. Yeah. That's what I've never understood. Like when an NBA player is like, thanks God, it's like, you think God, it's like, you think God helped you shoot threes but couldn't stop the Holocaust?

Like what like a weird weak God? He's like, I can't stop the Holocaust, but I'll help your 3.1% this season. Well, you got to think maybe Hitler's praying harder. Yeah, yeah, maybe he just knows a special prayer. He doesn't know. God's taking prayers from both sides. Like, they got a lot more. I mean, I don't agree with what Hitler's

doing, but the man knows how to pray. He knows how to sell himself. He's a salesman. Dude, this whole Holocaust thing, but a lot of people want Clayakin to win American Idol, So I can't, my hands are tired. He is gay, and I don't like that. The other guy's black, so it's a tough to pick.

What was that guy's name? Ruben Stutter. How could I forget Ruben Stutter? King, gang. I was talking to a friend of mine about guests for this exact podcast with this very program, not the demon episodes, but it's on the show. And he was like, dude, I have a genius guest. He knows Rubin Stutter?

No. Oh, he didn't have any connection. He just goes, you should email Ruben Stutter. Life After American Idol? He's like, dude, we would. break the internet. That's a man who no one's asking. Like, where is he?

Except me now. Now, now I'm like, where is Rubenstudder? Didn't he have that terrible song? Like, sorry? Like, yeah, like, I'm sorry for 2004. Like, he had this terrible, like, breakup song. He's like a melody. That's another fat black man.

That's Sean Kingston. That's not Rubin's Stutter. No, that's not. They do look similar. I believe Sean Kingston's in jail now, actually. What? I'm pretty sure he got arrested and is in jail right now. or just got out free Kingston. Free Kingston. What did he do? I can't, I think it was bad.

No. I don't remember exactly. You could look this up. I hope I didn't make this up, but I thought he like, they misused fun. Oh, that's a classic. Look, that's good. It wasn't like Acon grinding on a 13-year-old. Wait, what? Oh yeah, Acon's like on stage grinding on like a 14-year-old and like some concert in the Caribbean. No. And now Acon's building his own city in Africa. Yeah, in Senegal. Yeah, yeah. Acon Topia or something. And what do you get to do there? What's in the Constitution? I'm guessing it's fuck A-Con. I'm guessing the number one amendment is, you must fuck A-Con. Did you see

the video? I'm pretty sure it's A-Con. They do one of these like catch-a-petophile things on the internet. Oh, yeah, yeah. A-Con is in it. And he's like, locked up. Oh, you're saying. And the guy's like, on the one end, like, damn, I'm a pedophile. My whole life is over. But also it's like, wait, A-Con? Can we take a pick quick?

And he starts singing to the song and, like, put his arm around A-A-con. Like, locked up. And then you're that we're singing. And did he not know what was about to happen? It already happened. He was just like, make the best of a bad situation. Literally. Like, life gives you lemons.

Acon's like, if they're not going to lock me up, they better lock you up. He's a patsy. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I love that Acon literally kind of puts his arm around him for a second. He's like, yeah, a lot. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He like takes his home on. He's a petapult.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a great song, isn't it, though. Yeah, it was a banger. That is a banger. All right. E is going to be kind of a cheap shot. Okay. This is, there's no real demons with E.

But, uh, exorcism. Okay. All right. So, uh, obviously, exorcism. Okay, gotcha. I've never seen the exorcist, but. Me neither. It seems too scary.

I hate it. I don't need horror. I'm, the horror movie for me would be called like, eye contact. Making eye contact with the Walgreens cashier. That's what scares you about saying Bloody Mary three times. Yeah.

Is that a woman's going to look at you? Right. Or I look myself in the eye in the mirror. I don't need that. Yeah, your shirts. So I feel like, oh, this is bad enough. You're like, where's that quote about mirrors being bad? I don't like them.

The exorcisms happen a lot in the Bible, apparently. Some of Jesus' miracles were exorcisms. One story, he sees a guy living in a cave. And inside this man is not one but several demons, gay. And when asked their names, they respond, Legion. Oh, that's sick. That's sick. I am Legion.

Legion, for we are many. And realizing that they're just, we are. they're going to be forceably ejected from their host, the demons persuade Jesus not to be destroyed. So what does Jesus do? Is this the pig thing? Let's fucking go. Let's go.

He puts them in the pig. He transfers them to nearby women and sends them off a cliff. The pigs. That's what my transaction has. I agree. I agree. That's what it was. I read the New American version.

Okay. He sent him in some fat pigs who practice body positivity. You are fat. You're ugly. I will kill you. some protesters. Yeah. Some fucking fat protesters.

That's what they got. And they go off a cliff. Yeah. This is why. Okay. Interesting. So he tricked them kind of. They are destroyed.

Jesus lied to them. Classic. Is it a lie if you admit the truth? We could have a whole episode on that. Ask my wife. Okay. My wife disagreed. Yeah.

I was out with the boys. And some sluts. Sure. We went to a strip club. Yes. Whatever. But I was out with the boys. Yes.

Let the record show. I did not purging myself. The story establishes a quirky tradition in modern day exorcisms, asking a demon its name. This is like the whole thing of like once you have the demon's name, you can now control it. Right. Why would that, how could you trick the demon to give you its name? They must know the deal.

No, you just. They know it's their only weakness. Oh, I'm Frank. Oh, fuck. No, you, that's, I did it again. This is a classic thing. They always get tricked. Steve, you never heard of this?

Who the fuck Steve? You're Steve. Oh, my, not your power over me. And then you go, wait, I'm not Steve. I'm Jeff. And I go, gotcha. Right, right. Okay, okay.

Yeah, it's a classic. So, yeah, that's just an old vaudeville prank, basically. Wait, Asmodis is on first? That's an old habitant cost of all. Exactly. F is for fallen angel. Fallen angel, the big guy. Another keyword demonology.

Obviously, Lucifer, the big one. But also the Watchers in Enoch. Is that in the Bible when he becomes a fallen angel? Or is that kind of like in between the Bible? I think it's in philosopher's stone. Oh, okay. It's in the first book. It's in the Harry Potter.

I was like, oh, yeah. The British version, right? Right, right. It's in the British version of Harry Potter. That's where it's originally found. But some people have found earlier texts from Jake and Rolling's other musings. I can't remember who's the comic who is. Luke Monez has a great joke about Harry Potter.

He's like, why do they, they still celebrate Christmas in Harry Potter. It's like, why would they think Jesus is like a nobody. It's like you turn water to wine. Like we learned that year two, man. Like, why are we celebrating your virgin birth? Yeah, that's hilarious. I thought that was a great joke. That is an excellent joke.

But yeah, Lucifer goes rogue. Obviously, it's the story of Lucifer thinking he's better than God. Pride came before the fall. This isn't related to the snake thing. That's Lucifer right too, isn't it? Tricking them into eating the, what, the fruit or whatever? Opening a can of worms. It's starting to really fucking piss me off because it depends.

Oh, is that a, that's a dependent? The Gnostics. Right, right. Gnostic tradition. Believes that potentially the serpent, Satan, is not Satan at all. He was actually, the light, bearer, which is where Lucifer gets his name, Lux, loose, meaning light in Latin.

Basically, the serpent came to Eve and was like, hey, if you eat of this fruit, you'll have knowledge of good and evil. God said that you will die, but you will not die. Surely, you will come to know all that there is to know. Sure. And Eve was right. She ate the fruit and didn't die.

True, he didn't lie. He didn't lie. But perhaps God did. Because God said you would surely die. Satan said, you won't die. And they didn't. Oh, so Lucifer is the good guy. That's what the Gnostics would believe.

That's what they would say. For the record, I don't believe this. I follow one holy Catholic Catholic. Thank you. Thank you. 2,000 years, not a single mistake. Shout out to Peter, the first pope.

I believe all of this, okay? Yeah. But it is interesting. Isn't that like the lilith? Isn't that in there too? Like the other. We're not an L yet, dude. Oh, he's a demon.

He's a demon, isn't she too? We're going to get to that. Yeah, because these are all men so far. Yeah. God, another male-centric. Oh, my God. You came in female demons? No, no, Jezabel.

we're going to get to Jezebel. Oh, Jezebel, true. Okay. Wasn't she just a woman? She was a demon? She was technically a woman, but maybe... Some women are so bad, they're demons. Yeah, we've got a couple in our past, I'm sure.

There's... Speaking of, actually, I'm glad that there's another Catholic here because there's always a thing that happens in church. Baptismal vows. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you renounce Satan in all of his evil something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time I was in church and they would read this,

it started off really easy to renounce. And then eventually you're like... And then it gets it quick. kind of like this. It gets quick and you're like, this is how it goes. Do you reject Satan? Yes. And all his works. Yes. And all his empty promises. Sure. Do you believe in God, the Father or Mighty Creator of Heaven and Earth?

I guess. Do you believe in Jesus Christ? His only son our Lord, born and the Virgin Mary crucified died and was buried rose from the dead and now seated the right hand of the father. Yes. And you're like, you're adding a like it started so easy. Yeah. At first it's like, do you hate evil? And you're like, okay, yeah, I can get along with that. Then it's like, why does it have to be the specific brand of belief? It just gets so, they just pack in so much. Yeah. It feels very like like, lawyery.

Right. I mean, like, it feels like legal speak where it's like, you rejects them, like, 100%.

They're like, and you need to just say yes. You actually have the legal to say yes. Okay, yes. And then do you believe in the whole spirit or the whole Catholic Church

community of saints? For getting them, sin's resurrection of the body and life everlasting? You're like, whoa. Can we take out the saints? You just put in

so much stuff. Man, I haven't heard that in a long time. That's so crazy. I used to hear that probably twice a week for 10 years of my life. Oh.

I haven't heard that for a long time. I remember that, what was that one prayer? Remember the litany of the saints? Remember that prayer? It's like once a year they'd be like, St. Ambrose and everyone would go pray for us. Oh yeah, yeah. No, they'd go through every,

it would take like 17 minutes long. It was one of the longest songs of all time. My favorite one is the prayer to St. Michael the Archangel. Okay, a badass. St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle and be our protection against the wicked snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we hope.

humbly pray that thou, O Prince of Heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl the world seeking the ruin of souls. It's so like fantasy Lord of the Rings. It's so like, Aragorn, will you save us from the King of Mordor, or Sauron or whatever? I read this very, it's very, it's like, dude. It's like a clash of like good, I love it. Yeah, it's great. Send them back to Middle Earth where they belong.

Yeah, exactly. Destroy the ring. Hell, yeah. It is definitely the same. Dude, the ring, the Ring of Solomon. Right. It is from that, isn't it? Isn't it from that in like some Persian thing or something? I think it is. Persian stole it from probably.

Honestly. Non-white people steal everything from Catholicism. So annoying. Cultural appropriation. See, now that we're on the Catholic kick right now, this is making me so happy. Best food in the world? Can we be honest? Oh, is it Mediterranean food? Is it Greek food? Is it Italian food? Catholic food. What is Catholic? What do you consider?

Mexican. Italian. Mexican, Italian. Envenatas. Filipino food. French, Filipino, French, yes, Haitian. Oh, true.

Oh, wow. The Haitian's in there. All that is Catholic food. I mean, all Central and South America, basically. I want to open a Catholic restaurant.

That's, you never see that. Lutheran food would suck. It's like English food, German, Polish maybe. Yeah. Oh, God.

Yeah. Yeah, you never see a Catholic cuisine. Yeah, we're having Catholic tonight, babe. Let's order some Catholic. Yeah, yeah. It's super good.

It'll destroy your asshole, but it's so good. All right, G is for grimoire. Have you heard of a grim war? That does sound familiar. Isn't that something, that's some demonology thing, right? That's not funny that I say,

obviously it is. That's what we're doing. But it's like some like spell thing. It's a spell book. Isn't that what it is? That's what it is. That's what I meant. Hell yeah.

Did you just read that? I don't know. I didn't. I don't know why I know that. The grimoir is an occult textbook full of magical spells and dark incantations. Oh, I love that.

One of the more famous ones, as we've kind of spoken about briefly, is the lesser key of Solomon, a comprehensive compendium of demons. It's a staple of demonology. If you're looking to talk about demonology, you can't not bring up the grimoire. Okay. That's where he interviews all the demons. Okay. Basically, look, it's like a... It's like Larry King interviewing all the demons. Yeah. It's a LinkedIn for demons. Yeah. It basically has what their names, their preferences, pronouns, all that. And it also

has advice on how to summon them. Oh, and people are doing that. Of course. And we're going to do one right now. No, are you have one? You got scared. I've gotten him a little bit. It's one of those things are like, you don't believe in it, and then someone says they're going to do it. It's like, I believe in it. I think demons are real.

I feel where I'm like, okay, I don't think if you go in the mirror, you say bloody merry three times, the demon will show up. But then someone says it twice, you're like, cut it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But someone's like, I'll give you 20 bucks if you go do it. I'd be like, no, I don't need 20. No, it's not worth it. It's really easy.

Because I'll be the one guy where it opens a portal to hell. And then I'm immediately cast into hell. Yeah, exactly. My mom's like, what happened? Jeff said Bloody Mary for $20. And you would go on a grim war somewhere. He wanted to buy another dime bag in college. Of ditch weed.

The grim war would be like, look, you have ismodius, Dagon. And also, Jeff Asmus is one of the newer additions to the Demon Legion. He sold his soul for 20 bucks. If I get possessed by Jeff Asmos, I'll be pissed. He's so mad. In Biden's America, $20? He sold for $20. You can't barely buy a fucking salad for that.

What a loser. So yeah, this is an interesting little book. There's many of them. So they're still making new grimouars or they've rested in their laurels? I don't know what the current sort of like cultural economy around demonology is. Right, yeah, I don't. Is it a grimway has to be demonology or is like spells too and stuff? It has to be demon base.

I mean, I think in order to get the power of a spell, you need the incantation. Okay, sure. It's like those old, like when they were searching for like the philosopher's stone. Because I didn't realize that was real. I always thought that was like just in Harry Potter. you're like, God, they were doing this for hundreds of years. I want you to know some Harry Potter's documentary. I mean, probably.

She stole everything, I'm sure, from, like, medieval stuff. And it all happens to be true. That's the thing. My mom will go through these books and be like, you know this shit is real. I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, not literally real, but like spells, spels, oceans, incantations, demons, Satan. That's stuff so funny.

It's like, why wouldn't we all use the spells then? Because they're evil, I guess. And the people that are at the top with the most power. So that's the conspiracies that, like, the lizard people or whatever, know the spells, but they just won't, if we gave them to the plebeians, they'd be going, Akio pussy all the time. And grabbing pussies all over the place. But maybe that's where the reptiles are actually from. They're not reptilian.

They're snakes. Oh, they're like the snakes from Genesis. The Eridge, the Eridge. Okay. Now you're starting to see the truth for what it is. I'm going to come out of this, a changed man. H is for Hades. Oh, of course, the Greek guy.

Greek mythology. But also, it's in the Bible. Luke 16, Hades is described as a place of torment, suggesting that those who suffer there are bad people. Oh, oh, yeah. Is Hades? Not good people in Hades. It's not sending their best.

That is true. They're eating the dogs. They're getting cats. If Trump just did a full Catholic heel turn. They would love that. It was actually more like a face turn. Yeah. And was like,

he was like, honestly, we need to repent. I'd be like, wait, I'm going to bring Catholicism back. We need a strong Catholic. We need a Catholic president. Biden was only the second Catholic president,

I think. Whoa. To Kennedy. And look what they did to him. And look what they did to him. They sucked him of his life, for us. Yeah.

Exactly. Dude, Kennedy and Biden. That's true. They both, they both basically died in office. They lost their rents. Yeah.

Dang. Isn't that crazy? That's what they're trying to bring the pope, popish people down. Think about it. All right There's I But I is kind of a weak one

I ain't it I ain't it Kind of whatever Jay's Jezebel We're getting to the woman There we go This is a character From the Old Testament

And when I say character I mean a real living person That tried to trick King Ahab I remember this one She was the wicked wife She wasn't a demon So to say

But there is a demon In her name Baal Jezebel Oh Jezebel Is like Oh interesting The Lord of the underworld

Oh okay The name Jezebel is from the Hebrew phrase as a ball where ball is a prayer used in ancient funerals to encourage ball to claim the souls

of the deceased. What a name. You're named after that? What a bizarre thing to name someone after. They're like, we can't name her after a woman. Yeah, this is my daughter

the souls of the deceased. Nice to meet you. Her various crimes include ball worship. She gets defenestrated thrown out of a window. One of the greatest words of all time.

A word that is so specific, there's no reason it needs to exist. But I love it. You think it's specific. until you started looking into mk ultra oh are they defense trading all the time a lot of people fall out of windows oh

that's like where they like they teach him drugs or something and they push them out or they learn the truth and they push him out there's a great document on Netflix actually right now wormwood we is it about what's that guy who got killed it what's the he got thrown out of a window and what's his name again I can't I know who you're talking about

you're talking about errol Morris Errol Morris yeah yeah yeah okay wormwood I'm in yeah just check it out he gets defenestrated probably because he went crazy from the drugs they were giving him. Uh-huh. Or he learned the truth. Let's go. Kays for Cacabio.

Actual name is Cacabio. Cacabiel. One of the fallen angels from the book of Enoch. This angel is responsible for the corruption of humans with the dark arts of stargazing. Okay. The dark art of like looking at the sky. Oh, like predicting like Taurus and zodiac and stuff like that. I like, that should be punished. We should punish white women for that. If you talk about the stars, you're out. I'm out.

The demon should come to you. Yeah, it is quite a... I'm a tourist. Oh, you're dead, bitch. That would be great. That's another thing that, like, is completely heretical, but I also sort of like... Astronomy? Astronomy.

Astronomy. Yeah, no, yeah, no. I don't believe in astrology. I always get them confused for some reason. Astronomy is bullshit, okay? A telescope. There's craters on the moon. It's all just a flat sky.

It's a firmament. It's just painted on, of course. It's just a ceiling. Yeah, yeah. It's like the fucking Caesar's casino. You know what I mean? It's just a flat. sky and you're like that's what it is I guess it's funny like the astrology women they're like

the type of women who are against like cultural appropriation but they're basing their lives around Babylonian zodiacs it's like yeah leave the Babylonian culture alone babe okay you're stealing from them too I mean this is a joke that I feel like I've heard a million times but like uh like these astrology chicks like they don't they like it's racist to not date a guy based off their culture yeah yeah but when he's born my dad nutted to my mom in March and now I born December and I'm a bad I'm flighty and can't commit. Yeah. I'm flighting I can't commit because I have trauma.

Yeah. Because I wasn't love on my parents. Maybe it's because you're not hot enough. Maybe that's why I can't commit. Yeah. You consider that. Yeah. Take a look in the mirror, pal.

So, yeah, basically, Cacabelle was teaching people astronomy and was trying to make them look to the stars. Okay, okay. Evil. Good. Look down. Now it's time for Lillith. Lillith. The demoness.

Lilith. Yeah, she was in Genesis, wasn't she? Or they took her out? She's the oldest one of the list. Really? She appears in the Old Testament in the book of Isaiah, lurking in a ruined town. Lilith is surrounded by creatures of the desert jackals, owls, goats. Oh.

But she goes back further than this. To a Mesopotamian demoness called Lilithu, a shadowy being who prowls the night. References to her reach back to the epic of Gilgamesh. Dang. The world's first written story, Lilith's name also appears an old pottery. Even the Catholics, they're stealing from the Mesopotamians. We're all stealing from someone. The Mesopotamians are just on the early truth. They just got the glints of God. But they didn't get a full package. Yeah, exactly. Lilith, Lilith, who, okay. She's a mean bitch.

Exactly. She's a bad one. What'd she do? What's her evil? Is she just a damn woman? That's all you need in my book. Okay, let's find out. Yeah, I don't, I don't remember what she. I feel like she was involved with Adam and Eve. somehow. I feel like I remember that she's in some one of the Gnostic Gospels, I feel like. All right. Let's let's let's go to Christianity Reddit. There we go. Oh, they have their own, they have their own. I love that. What do you mean? I thought you meant Wikipedia for a second. They have like Christian Wiki. Christian, Christian Reddit's so funny because it's all people posting like, if I am gay, will I go to hell? And then like half the comments are like, yes. Sorry, sucks to suck.

It literally sucks to suck. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Somewhere around 700 AD, this person wrote a series of acrostic poems while pretending to be Ben Surrah. Okay. It included stories about how the Sultan's daughter was cursed with perpetual flatchulence.

That Ben Surah was Jeremiah's son and grandson because Jeremiah was forced by thugs to jerk off into a mikvah, which is a ritual bathing pool in the Jewish tradition. Okay. And then his daughter took her to a ceremonial bath, got pregnant. And one story goes that God made Adam and Lilith,

and Lilith thought she should be Adam's equal, and so she should get to ride him cowgirl style some of the time. Adam didn't put up with that, so Lilith shouted the tetragramon in outrage and abandoned him. She became a demonic entity like a succubus. Wow. And then God made Adam and Eve. That's what happens when feminists.

That's what they deserve. You want equality in the bedroom? No, no, no. No, no, no. That's really what it says the cowgirl thing? It's not Adam and Eve. It's Adam and Eve. It's Adam and Lillith.

Really wanted to be specific. And Lillith wanted to come. Yeah, and she was trying to throat Adam a little bit more. Sorry, babe. That's not how sex works. Turns out that's the greatest, that's the greatest thing ever. Where is this originally even found? This is in Jewish mythology.

Dang, that she just like, yeah, can I eat two cowgirl? No. No. I want to look at you. I need eye contact. Adam's just like a really like. little bitch. I gotta look at you, babe. I want to look you in the eye.

Dude, she quote did not lie on her back and submit to Adam, so Adam made a second submissive wife from his own rib. Wow. Oh, wow. This is so embarrassing, but I thought until maybe I was 20, I thought women had

one more rib than men. Because, like, we made... They don't? I thought they, I thought they did. And apparently they don't, and the Catholic Church It's a lot of us, but I thought... Have we looked into this? I've never counted.

There's all these things like, oh, they don't have different numbers of ribs. Oh, the witch trials were of hoax. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, right. Look, if they got one witch, is it not worth it? True, true. It's like if we get one terrorist, we had to take out that whole compound. That's what I'm saying.

It's worth it. They always talk about the witch trials and they're like, oh, there's a whole shame they kill all these innocent women. What if they killed one witch? How do we know if any of them were witches? Yeah, what if that stopped, like, the witch line, the blood? They had to kill that Giles, whatever. That dude they killed.

They killed a man too, which sucks. What? There was a guy with Giles Corey or something. He was the guy who was, you think they put like stones on him and they crushed him to death or something. Because he like was friends with the witches or something. Jeff, Giles Corey was from the crucible. That's from the crucible, but I think it's based on the actual thing. I'm, I'm positive.

He's a real person. Giles Corey. I thought Harry Potter was real. Right. like an hour ago. So yeah, it turns out of Lillus is actually the sexiest demon probably. Okay, yeah, I mean, she sounds like she wanted to have a good time.

A bit of a suck of this. Sounds like Adam was like me. He's like a little scared in the bedroom and he can't handle a free free woman. Yeah. He needs a submissive gal. No, good for Adam. There we go.

He was getting dominated. You're vindicated, Jeff. Giles Corey was a real person who was accused of witchcraft and executed during the Salem witch trials. There's nothing in life better than being right. There's no better feeling. That was huge. I'm going to think about that later tonight.

Wow. That was huge. Lilith is the hottest demon that try to ride reverse cowgirl and couldn't do it. You're fucking whore. That's crazy. And they're like, she also wanted Adam to find her clit and then God banished her. It's like, I'll roam the garden of you. I'm not looking between your legs.

Not going down on you. What the fuck? Oh my God. Oral sex is satanic. Yes. Thank you. M is for Mastema. Mastema.

This one is very interesting. This comes from the book of Jubilee. Okay, that was another Middle Testament one. Yeah, a powerful book. I believe still found in both by Ethiopian Jews and in the Ethiopian Catholic Church. Oh, the Benet Israel or whatever? That's the Ethiopian Jews, yeah.

Is that the restaurant where they cooked for you? Yeah. Benny Hana, Benihanna, Benih Israel, or the black Jews. Yeah, yeah. And this was a band biblical text that has some juicy demonic lore. Okay. Mastomah's job was to punish people.

but strangely gets his orders from God whether that be sending plagues to wreak havoc to torture folks who may or may not deserve it he's like the hitman of the Lord okay okay God needs a little bitch he can't do it himself he's too scared to do it himself it is interesting God I'm not saying this God for the record this is Jeff yes this is just we're just riffing God you know humor you invented it after all

yes let us use it please but yeah he he appears Mastom appears as a demonic figure who assists in the trials of Abraham, allowing certain challenges to test his faith and obedience to God. Oh, like when he tries to sacrifice his son probably? Isn't that Isaac or whatever? Yeah, he tries to get him. But then he finds a ram in the brush. Yes, yes. He kills a ram instead.

How could you look to your dad after that? Your dad's about to kill you? He's like, I didn't do it. I would never respect my dad again. He's like, you want to play ball? You almost killed me, man. You had the knife out. Yeah, I'm actually good on ram.

Sam would have got stuck in the thicket. I'd be dead right now. That would have ruined my father-son relationship. Oh, absolutely. Like, no matter what my dad ever did, my dad was a great dad. He never tried to kill him. Yeah, exactly. Like, at no point was he ever like,

hey, I'm going to murder you in the backyard. And then our relationship would be fine. I don't remember why he was trying to kill him, but it wasn't a good enough reason, probably. Well, God told him to. Oh, sure. Okay. Seems like the best reason of all.

That seems like the best reason of all. So, yeah, in the book of Jubilee, God allows masterment to carry up punishments that are needed for divine justice. Massim was tasked with sending plagues, temptations. And this is a bit paradoxical. It's like, you know, which side is he on? God's trying to, like, tempt people to see if they're, like, loyal to him.

A little Job situation. familiar with the book of Job. Yeah, yeah. Which I called the job for quite a long time. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. Job is crazy. Yeah, that book is wild.

That's one where you're like, oh, yeah, I can't really believe in this guy anymore. It's just. Why did they put that in the Bible? They should have been like, this makes God look pretty bad. Maybe we take this one out. It's a PR nightmare. How is that the one they kept? Well, I think it actually helps poor people

Because they read it and they're like, wait, having nothing is lit Oh, yeah, yeah, it's God That's why we can't hold on a job Yeah, that's why I work for seven hours a week Yeah, because of job God is testing me, exactly, oh, that's true I can't get a job Yeah, that's why I call it.

And obviously for Nephlin, we talked about them Yes, we love them Ornius, we know Ornius, he was the guy from Esmodius Exactly, we're learning all about this And yeah, he was a, he was controlled Sounds like he must be about sex. You would think. Sounds like he's like, gives you boners when you don't want them.

Eh, you would think. It gives you, gets you hard when you're hugging your grandma goodbye or something. Bluechu. Blue Chew. One of the sponsors of this program. Shout out to Blue Chew. Okay. Are they really?

That one's sponsor? Absolutely. I love that. Go Blue Chew. There we go. This program specifically. Absolutely. It is, if you want to get hard-ons by the Lord.

Yeah, you don't need a fucking demon when you have Blue Chew. The demon is you. Yeah, exactly. You become that. If Lilith shows up in the night You know you pop a blue You can teach her a lesson You'll do the reverse Cobbrow

She'll do it wow Oh you're so hard Adam was never hard like that Dude you could murder Lilith Yeah And avenge Adam Wow With your heart deep

My boy Adam Let's go So yeah he he was harassing a man Stealing his money And draining his life energy Okay Orneryus was Ornius

Okay Sounds more like Yes my wife Am I right I'm like every woman I've met Am I right Yeah so some demon stuff Demons nothing nothing big

But he was controlled by Solomon How is there gonna be a cue Is there gonna be a cue? There's no way Is there a demon for every fuck There's no Q There's not a Q There's no X X Xana do that gay movie

No Zulu bro Isn't Zulu a thing? Is it that X? Is that X? Oh is that from Ghostbusters? I think so Oh you're right you're right But we're not there you're red P Right And P is another stretch.

P. P. Oh, okay. We'll allow that. We'll allow that. The false Messiah. Okay. So this is also like the Antichrist.

Oh, okay. So, obviously, Christians like Jesus. But eventually, there will be a false Messiah. In the book of Revelation, the Antichrist takes the form of a monster. With horns. Oh, is this the six-headed sheep or whatever? And all people will follow him. That's basically it.

Why would we follow this? Don't look, look, it's maybe NFTs or some shit. Yeah, that's my mom. It's a neuro-wink. Oh, she thinks it's like AI or something. I mean, I actually, I'm actually on board with that. Or as my Muslim friends believe, the Dejol. Oh, I've heard that.

The one-eyed man. Oh. KFR written on his forehead. What does KFR mean? I think it literally means like a deceiver or something. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's so funny he puts it on his forehead.

Oh, now you know. Not really a secret anymore, is it? KFR. Oh, it means like, isn't it mean Kaffir? Kfir. Kfir, isn't that like an unbeliever or something? Exactly. Precisely right.

Oh, because they don't write the vowels in Islam. Unbelief. Yeah, because they just write the now, the consonants, yeah. Exactly. I took two semesters of Arabic. I remember that, yeah. That's all I remember. That's pretty good.

Yeah, I can't say anything. Atta calumua, Luga al-Arabia. Whoa. I can speak Arabic. That's what I said. That's all I know. Are you sure? Or I speak the Arabic language.

That's what I said. All right. Can we get a fact chat? That was true. Atta-Kalemua, Luga-Arabia. That's true. That's right. That's all I know.

All right. That's it. Yeah. That was worth, I probably spent $3,000 to learn that. That was like two semesters. Worth a though. University of Wisconsin. That was worth it.

Q is for Ketab. Oh. Back to the Old Testament, the demon of disease. So, Katab appears in the book of Psalms alongside his brother Deba. The poem encourages readers not to fear these demons, whether that be Deba that stalks in the darkness or Katab that destroys in midday. Okay. In Hebrew, the word Katab also means plague and Deba means pestilence. So depending on how you understand the translation.

You shall not fear the pestilence that stalks in the darkness or the plague that destroys it. Those are the four horsemen. Is that two of the four horsemen right there? Yeah, it is. Like death destruction, famine, plague or something like that. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, I think that's exactly right.

Okay. Which, actually, speaking of plagues and shit, I didn't realize this. Did you know that technically locusts are grasshoppers? They're the same thing, right? I had no idea. I guess I didn't think of that, but I knew they looked the same. I thought maybe there was some quibble between them or something. The locust becomes a grasshopper when they get hungry.

Oh. No, no. Grasshopper because of locust. Oh, when they're like descending in like the match of clouds? And, like, they literally change their physical shape. Oh, really? Those locust clouds are, so... I've read books about, like, the dust bowl and stuff.

That shit's so scary. Crazy, right? They're, like, we have to board up... They had to board up their houses, but they'd be, like, sneaking in through every crack, and they'd, like, they wouldn't eat the people, but they'd, like, eat their clothes and stuff. They eat their blankets.

Also, makes you wonder, why not just eat the locusts? True. It's like, there's no food. It's, like, there's food everywhere. We just don't want to eat bugs. It's, like, sauteing it. Sorry, that's what you got to do, babe. Appreciate Peruvians, like, could figure out how to make ants taste amazing.

Yeah, I had chocolate-covered grasshoppers. That was good. And they're great. Yeah, it's great time. You're just like a lint dip away. People think that people in the Great Depression had it hard. They were just prissy little. Yeah.

We want meat. Yeah. Not locust again, mom. If you could whip up a locust, I bet you it could be amazing. I'm sure. And Wolfgang Puck could have made a good locust. He could have made locust pie. The greatest chef of all time.

I don't know why. I don't even know anything about that guy. He just has soup. What do you mean? I don't know what he looks like or anything. Is he alive still? I went to one of his restaurants. Is it good?

At LaGuardia. I just remember they would make my soup. It was like the better than Campbell's and it was Wolfgang Puck. Wolfgang Pug is one of the greatest cultural innovators of our time. Is he? I believe. I was a culinary master. I was at a local airport and it was eight in the morning.

And I was like, where am I going to get a sandwich with no meat in the middle and just bread on either side? And I found a Wolfgang Puck Express. Wow. And I was like, this is what I was looking for. He put some fucking vegan thing in the middle. Whenever you need. needed it. Wow.

Whenever you needed it. What a name too, Wolfgang Puck. That's a great name. Not his real name. Damn. His real name is Adolf Hitler. What a rebrand. We're all eating Hitler soup?

What was Wolfgang guy? Yeah, he's really good. Yeah, no, he, I think it was a Nazi, actually. Allegedly, I don't know. Don't sue me, but I do, yeah. I think that came out of Mendelais's experiments. He was like, this is how you make a better steak. Sorry, we had to grill a couple Jews to figure it out.

Here we are. Can't make an omelet Without crackdown No one can make an omelet I thought that's how they quote ended Yeah Omlets are bad Can't make an omel

It's one of the worst foods Amlets suck It is a little It's just always bad A frittata Those are nice What's the difference Is that a keats?

Like a keesh Oh yeah I love a keesh But an omelette is trash Yeah But that's just shape Right No Keish is bread in it

Is that true? Oh yeah There's always a crust My mom makes a killer Kish Oh yeah My Joan knows What's up

With a key More Catholic food. Oh, that is a Catholic food. Yeah. Hot luck. Yes. Did you eat like hot dish and stuff? That was a big.

What is that? Hot dish, it's like, you cancassero bowl with like tater tots and cheese and meat in like a tater tot pie kind of. This is the white cookout. That's a real Minnesota Wisconsin food. Yeah. Hey, you're invited to the potluck. Yeah.

Yeah. What do you bring to the potluck? Yeah. Jello salad is big. Oh, that's awesome. Like whipped cream salad. That's what you got to say to a black guy that list is like Nirvana. They're like, dude, you're invited.

the pot. Yeah, you could have want to try some jealous out of the fucking pot lot. Our food was terrible. Oh, I got a good one for R. R, okay. Ruck. Ronald Reagan. The legend himself.

Was he Catholic? No, I don't know. It's just Biden and Kennedy. Those are the only two Catholic ones. America's a very Protestant nation could have something to do with many of our problems. Yeah, right? We should be more Catholic. We were discriminated by the KKK, too. Dude, my mom.

Does she always bring that up? She's like, you know, Catholics were killed in the Holocaust. Yeah. Oh, yeah. A few of us. Few of us, yeah. Maximilian Colby. Respect.

Oh, yeah. That guy. That's the ledge. Yeah, they'll always be like, we were persecuted too. We're just like black people. It's the same thing we went through. Basically. Yeah, it's the same thing.

Literally. No different. My mom was like, another church burned down. Like, she'll send me a cryptic text 6 a.m. Yeah. Another church burning. You hear about this? We're being discriminated against.

Didn't hear about that. But then also you listen to it. You're like, just kind of spit in fact. Yeah. Yeah. The war on Christmas is getting ugly this year. It's not the war on Christmas with the war on Christians. Oh, true.

They're burning down churches, bro. If one mosque gets burned down is a whole thing. Right, right. One temple, one synagogue, but a million churches burned down, and everyone's fine with it. The Coptic people in Egypt, they're getting discriminated against their Christians. The Uighurs, yes, yes. Famous Christians. That's a tough one.

You can't say that one quickly. You kind of go real slow. Weeager. They're also technically Muslim, but no one knows anything. No one knows. So I just say, like, yeah, they're Christian. There probably are. Yeah, they probably love Jesus.

They have to be Muslim so they don't kill them because they killed the Christians. That's true. It's a mind game. That's what it is. Issa. So, Ruach Elohim, Iraq. Okay.

This is obviously a Hebrew phrase. As we saw with Mastima, M, just before, when God wants to punish someone, he sends a demon to haunt them. And in the Old Testament, this happens as well. So, one story,

evil spirit of God is sent to torment King Saul. Okay. The guy, the guy, guy before David, right? Precisely right. And so Saul is disobeying God. He's going against God's word and is not being observant of the law, which obviously God is pissed about it. God doesn't like that.

I made a law. Could you please follow it? Yeah. Rules are not meant to be broken. Actually, they're meant to be followed. Don't covet your neighbor's wife. Quit doing that. Yeah.

I'm trying to reverse cowgirl with Lilith. I can see this. Every night. She's calling out my name. Yeah. It's like, of course I'm going to hear it. And no. So basically God sends the spirit to torment King Saul.

Okay. And this is a difficult verse for many Christians. I actually got in like a little wormhole on this. Really? Okay. This is like controversial? I mean, duh. Because God is sending it to like trick this guy basically?

Yeah. I mean literally not only trick him, but like in 1st Samuel 1614, Saul disobeys God and quote, evil spirit from the Lord comes upon him driving into states of distress and madness. Wow. Oh, God. So that's like, this probably means like he had like bipolar disorder. And they're like, oh, it had to be a demon.

Oh, Saul got got by a demon. But the only thing that would cure this demonic possession was the music of King David. Oh, his liar or whatever. Yeah, yeah. He'd play a little ditty. Yeah. Play that song again, boy. It's like, what's that Chinese?

I need the. He just plays that over and over again. Yeah, exactly. And the demon got scared. It was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. This music sucks. It's the beginning of fucking Gremlin's. This hurts my ears.

God tricks all. I don't remember that one. Yeah. Didn't bring that one? Then David, like, then he becomes king. Somehow, I can't remember how. But then he, like, is this woman he wants to fuck? And then he sends her husband into war.

Bath Sheba. That Shiba. Yeah, he gets her husband killed. That's a baller move. I like that. That's cool. He didn't kill him. The guy died in bed.

Don't be a bitch. God a hero. Yeah. Yeah, died a hero. Yeah, exactly. How great for Bathsheba. The first husband's a hero,

second husband's a king. Yeah. Like, what a come up? You get a purple heart on the wall. What do you want? His literal heart probably. Probably. His heart.

David was like, yeah, give it to me. Bashiva. Yeah, he saw her on the roof bathing. Oh, that's right. I feel like we watched like, porn. Something,

but it's like something in school, but like she was like really hot. And like this retelling of Dave. And we're like, can we watch the Bashsheba scene again, Miss Johnson? Yeah, so we know what temptation isn't. You know what I mean?

Like how we can stop being so turned on? I'll always remember when one of our teachers like a substitute, like show us a movie. It was about Cleopatra for some reason. And there was like this graphic sex scene, but they like weren't paying attention. And so that we were all just watching it. This woman's like giving this guy a blow job in a hot tub.

We're like, what the fuck? So we're in like fifth grade. And then the teacher like never came back. I'll always remember that. She was like jacking him off in the hot tub. And we're like, what the hell is going on? We were too young for it to be cool. It just didn't make sense.

It's just traumatizing? Yeah, we're just like fourth or fifth grade. That's wild. I can't remember the name of the movie, though. Something about Cleopatra, though. What is it? Cody does Cleopatra? I don't know.

It's like Debbie does Dallas, but old-down. It was just a porn. Yeah, exactly. This doesn't seem historically after it, but it's really good. Yeah, I'm actually a, I'm like a real history guy. Yeah, I love the historical porn. Yeah, yeah. Genghis Khan, his victims.

Yeah, dude, Genghis Cock, the greatest warrior of all time. Yeah, I'm a history buff. I just love history. Just specifically hot chicks. Watching Genghis Khan, 5,000 women. Love history. Dude, just love that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just, you know, like a study history in school, so, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, so basically this evil spirit goes down and torments Saul. And people basically are like, how is this possible? Yeah, how can God create an evil thing? And let me remind you in the Old Testament when God hardens Pharaoh's heart. Oh, yeah. And we'll let Moses convince him. Right, right. Exactly.

Doesn't he like, yeah, he like kill. I mean, there's so many times where he slaughters an entire people also. People got to die. People got to die. That is not outside of the morals of the Lord. But tempting or hurting Moses. That doesn't make sense. He's your fucking guy.

It's your boy. Why are you? It seems like God has a plan that we're not entirely privy to. Yeah. Sometimes the plan involves, some girls trying to ride your reverse cowgirl and you got to get rid of it. Sometimes God

bandage her into the desert. Has to ruin your entire life. Yeah. Sorry, man. Well, that's why I had to do the flood because he had to kill all the giants. Oh, is that? Is that one of the things? Because the giants were fucking the people. The nephilum rolling the intermingling, right, right, right. So you got to...

But you know, Noah was fucking the animals. Is that a part of it? I know. I imagine that happened. You're with some fucking corgi with a fat ass for six months. They are caked up. Some corks are donking. Dude, I get looks.

I'll be in Williamsburg. I'll be like, can I pet your fat ass dog? And they're always like, no. That's why the queen kept a herd of them around. Is that what? It's some fat ass bitches around here.

They are fucking dump trucks. There are some thick dogs. There's some, what's that, like a Burmese mountain dog? They have massive asses. And it's crazy. I mean,

you've ever seen a sheep's ass? I have not seen a sheep's up. This is one of those things. Like, you hear, you hear, you hear, you hear like,

goat herders or a sheep shepherd like fucking a sheep yeah it's like a stare at they oh the welsher da da da da da da da da da look at the fucking unit oh wow god damn that's what i'm saying oh my god what the fuck they're like perfectly it's the perfect ass b b fucking it's probably it's probably big big booty lamb and the b stands were meh man it probably feels so smooth too that's what i'm saying oh they oh my Oh my God. They got a fat black one, fat-tailed sheep. Oh, my God.

That could be in a Chingy video. Oh, my God. Is it turned to by plot? Yeah, it's that like yin-yang twins video. That's crazy. Holy shit. So I think we owe the Welsh and a policy. Yeah, they,

yeah, is that a stereotype that the Welsh are sheep fuckers? Now it is. I guess it makes sense. I feel like that they're like the, like the retards of Europe or something. I tried to think of a better word than I just said. But that's who they are of Europe.

I feel like West Virginians or Alabama. Dude, well, I get that. That's crazy. See the vision. I've never seen a... I guess when you shear them,

yeah, they're hiding the ass. Yeah. That's what the wolves for? And also, what's the softest thing in the world? Think about, like, the inside of a nice jacket you have. Think about how soft better?

They used to use sheep skin for condoms. That's true. The intestines. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? Yeah. I mean, I could never. I've never done that. Too small.

Those intestines are so small. Couldn't fit me in an entire intestine. Oh my god Dude only one sheep get me in a sheep's guts. It's gonna rip it. Oh my god There's not enough intestine for me in that. I do think the guy was a fatter that Sheep colon could be used to have been in there. Yeah he's like guys do that it fits perfectly It felt amazing. They're like how do you know he's like I just look The dog told me the dog told me you just look I bet you it does

They don't do that they look inside the colon. Like someone's already been in here. He's like no no no The sheep's bleeding confusedly. Oh, God. I tell you slaughter him back in the death. I'd tell you to do it. Fuck off. You want to eat tonight? I've got to be alone with the sheep for about an hour, okay, kids. Not proud of what I have to do. I'm a man, I'll provide for my family. We're all hungry. That's why I don't drink goat milk. I'm like, you never know. You don't know what's happening. You never know. But yeah, the evil spirit torment

is it possible that God just let a spirit torment him? I mean, God could do anything. I mean, God could let it happen. Maybe God saw it was evil and he needed to be removed. God had to do that. How did you get in there? My favorite one, and this is on topic, is the destroyer. A destroyer. That's just the name of a demon.

So this is kind of like Qatab, okay, but also related to this one, Ruhak Elohim Rah. Okay. Exodus 1223, For the Lord will pass through to strike the Egyptians. And when he sees blood on the lintel and on the two doorposts, the Lord will pass over your door, and he will not allow the destroyer to enter the house to strike him.

Oh, that's like the firstborn. That's like Passover. Yeah, okay. But it does make you wonder, like, wait, God just has destroyers on that? Yeah, what? He's just... Playing battleship? What the hell?

Just a little blood's all you got to do to stop him. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, God just has, like, some mercenaries. Like, he's just petting him. He's next to him on his throne. Think about it. We're going to let you kill, destroyer. It's one of those things that, like,

When I was reading the Bible as a kid, I was like, yeah, of course. Like, God sends a destroyer. He fucks up all the Egyptians. Right. And they're like, why does God have this guy? He's so nice and merciful. But why can't God just do it with his own hands? Why is he have to have minions do it?

But why can't you get his own hands bloody? But if you're God, it's like, you don't want to go through all the paperwork. You have to file a report for all of them. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I killed 50,000 ameltites. Oh, my God. Just send someone else to go do it. I don't know.

True. These are the great mysteries of, of my faith that I wonder about frequently. God works in mysterious ways. S is for Satan. Of course. We know about Satan. The big guy. The big guy.

The big one. Love him. T, this one is actually quite funny. T, I don't know if it's necessarily found in the Bible, so to speak, but kind of came up through Christian lore. Okay. As they were writing the Bible. Sure.

This is a guy known as... Of course, they were writing down God's word. It was not a human invention. Precisely. Exactly. Thank you. But how would the devil like to... metal in the writings of Christ.

Oh, and he's tricking them. Precisely. Okay. So this is a little demon called Titavillus. Titivilus. Tidivis. Tidivis. Tidivis.

Okay. There we go. Tidivis. Don't laugh because Tidavillus might visit you. And do you want to know what he'll do? Gets in your ear or something. He is the patron demon of typos. Not funny, Jeff.

Because if you write a slightly wrong. thing, it ruins the whole religion. The whole joke. You're writing a joke. I'll just have an extra syllable. You're like, oh, right. I'm going to differ in one. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'm talking about Nigerian. Yes. Be good to your neighbors. Yeah. But I accidentally fucked it up. I said go fly a kite. Yeah.

What the hell? If Michael Richard just came out and said that, like, look, when I was on stage of the laugh factory. Titavala smoked me. Tittavis smoke in my hair. I was possessed by Tittalus. I was like, okay, okay. He is the saint, or the demon, rather.

pardon me, of errors. And basically this was done about the time that they were kind of rewriting the Bible. Not rewriting, not rewriting. Not rewriting. Changing, making better. Not, no, making it more accurate

to the word of the Lord. Yes. And they would write it and these scribes would go through and they'd rewrite the whole Bible prior to the printing press, shout out Gutenberg. And as a result,

Titavilus would come through and he would change things. So you would write like, thou shall not bang my neighbor's work. But then you would leave out the knot and then everyone would read the Bible. I'd be like, wait, we have to ban our neighbor's wives? Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, I believe in God now. I would be very against it. I'd be like, I don't want to do that. That's true. If you have a wife, that's not cool. But if you don't have a wife yet, that's pretty cool. Yeah, and you got the green light from Bob. God said I did this, me.

Sorry. It's actually in the Bible that I have to dog you about right now. Oh, God. Yes, that's Titivalus. Titavillus. I didn't know about that guy. Okay. Good for him.

So just consider that. So if there's anything wrong in the Bible, it's titillus's fault. Precisely. God probably said love gay people, but he changed it or something like that. If you lay with a man as you lay with a woman, it's pretty cool. Yeah, and this guy was like, actually you got to kill them all. Cool them all. They get them second class this.

Yeah, exactly. So they rewrote that part. Use for unclean spirits. Okay, okay. So these are basically the idea that there are demons that are dirty and that if they touch you, then you're spiritually contaminated. Those clean demons? Yeah. Okay.

There's like demons you're like cool to hang out with. There's some that if they touch you, they're not dirty. Like you have that friend who's racist, but it's like, he's fun to drink. It's like whatever. Just don't touch him. Don't hang out of them too much. Don't put him in an Uber. Yeah.

And then or else all of a sudden it's going to start flying. You know what I mean? But yeah, this is like partially the, some of the philosophy behind baptism. Oh, that would have like this original sin. Obviously, it'll clean your original sin, but also will clean your spirit. Yes. Unlike these demons, these dirty-ass demons. Did you do adult baptism?

No, of course. I got baptized month one. Exactly. Good, good, good. Because some people do it later and, like, you... You're too late. You're too late. You already had 12 years of sin, buddy. You're not making it to have another.

Not at all. And that's why I just had a son. I'm baptizing them pretty soon. Are you really? Oh, wow. Hell yeah. There we go. Got to get them washed down.

Did he get circumcised? Never. There we go. Good. I'm an uncut, Jim. You're not... I'm cut. I don't like that I am, but...

Are you doing restoration? Can you do that? Can you do that? Yeah. You can get a... Dude, sheep's got huge asses now. You don't think you can get your foreskin put back on. Their asses didn't look like that 50 years ago.

In Joe Biden's America, you can get your force to run. There's trans people. You know this, right? That's true. Yeah, like that's why that's true. People have like a new pussy and new dick. Yeah, right. There's dudes walking around with fresh dicks on.

Wow. You don't think you can get your foreskin put on. Maybe I got to get a foreskin put on. See what it's like. I'll sell you one. I got an extra one. I'll give you mine. It's been used actually, but not at all.

I'll be honest. It's got very low mileage. Ever cleaned. Never cleaned. Never been cleaned. I didn't know you're supposed to pull it back. This is actually an embarrassing thing. I didn't know that that was a thing.

I didn't know that people weren't circumcised so I was like in college. I had no idea. I didn't know the opposite. Oh, right. I was never taught about my genitalia. Right. So I was just on the bus going to a soccer game and I saw David Bradley's dong and I was like, what?

I did you see his dick on the bus. We're trying to win a state championship. Okay. You do what David Bradley tells you to do. It doesn't matter what happened on the bus. Okay. Also, your people are always whipping their dicks on in sports. No, of course.

We were always doing that. No, you would, like, fucking, the team would shower, got a football team. They did a thing called they would check each other's oil. They would put their finger up each other's ass. It was like, you were just ripping each other. No, no. No, it was camaraderie.

It was camaraderie. Yeah, the board. If they were bad, it's right. They were bad. They were really bad. And you may want to look at that. There might be a class of action. That's like full of assault against our lady immaculate insertion or whatever school you went to.

Insertion. Is that what school was? Conception. Yeah, yeah. That's right. Come on. But yeah, that was my whole journey and I was literally talking to the midwife that delivered our baby Yeah, and she was like yeah, you know obviously with the with the foreskin of a newborn you don't touch it really

You just kind of leave it because it's still connected to the glands of the penis and They call it the meatest which is actually the funniest term That is the top of the penis Oh the meat is they call it the meatis You can look that up. That's not me making it love that So that's the meatest of the penis and she was like yeah don't pull it back but around like you know five or six like they'll pull it back themselves and they'll show you like a party trick. It's very funny. You're like, I never did that.

And I was like, five or six. And she was like, yeah, like round five. That's when it separates naturally and you pull back and clean it. And that's when you should do it. Oh, until then you can't move it. No. Oh, I didn't know that. And I was like, five or six, I didn't know that it was a fucking drop top until I was like 14. I was like well into puberty. I didn't, I didn't know until after that. And no one taught me.

They never teach us this shit. That I have a moon roof on my leg. They didn't tell me why I had a German army helmet I just thought that was our culture I guess we're Prussian I guess that's what we have Yeah I didn't know Dude I had another friend in high school I go to his house

This is insane I don't even know if I should share this but it's crazy I go to his house he's a nice guy He's regular regular fucking guy okay He's like sells insurance now he's a good guy I go to his house and there's a giant Nazi flag In his bedroom what? And I was like what is that

He's like oh my grandpa fought in World War II Like for what side He's like the Americans And I was like what? And he was like, yeah, he killed a Nazi and took his flag. And I was like, oh. That is kind of cool, but still a bold move to put it up. Very bold.

That's a long story you have to explain. That's every time. You bring a girl home and you're like, yeah, this is... No, no, it's grandpa. Yeah, that's not what it means. Because he was killing Nazis. Yeah, yeah. And she's like, sure.

It's just draped in his bedroom full on. Jesus. Blood flag. Just like, red. That's tough. Yeah. And on the one hand, I was like, that's sick. On the other hand, I was like, maybe just in a cupboard.

Like, like, my family had one of those Aunt Jemima, like, cookie jars. That was like a black face thing. I didn't know that that was bad. How did you get it? I don't know actually. I think it was my grandmas or grandpa. Who was killed? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I didn't know it was bad until high school and I was like, ooh, this is really bad. But we got to get rid of this. I still have the old... I used to get excited to reach. I was like, oh, that's where the fucking cookies are. I'm like, I love my black grandma. Yeah, I love this. It's great. We still have the old Aunt Jemima maple syrup. Oh yeah, great. That's a classic. That's a classic. Keeping in the cover. The liberals tried to ruin that. We can't let them win there. I'm keeping

it right there. Come on. I'm not touching. We're never finishing the syrup. You keep refilling it. It's for the environment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're trying to cut down all waste. It's like decrepit, it's melting, microplastic Cpian. It's good for you. V is for a vampire. Oh, those are demons

in a way, I guess, yeah. Apparently there's vampires in the Bible. Hmm. Really? Quote from the book of Proverbs. Let me let me pull up this example. Let me, let's go hear the word of the Lord here. I didn't know. Proverbs, that's a regular Bible book.

That's a regular Bible book, I think. The vampire, also known as Alucca. Proverbs 3015, the word Alucca appears meaning leech or blood sucker, which some scholars interpret the early reference to a vampiric figure. Hell yeah. The Alukah is a demonic spirit that drinks blood. It's depicted as a shapeshifter who prays on human beings trying to get their blood. Okay.

Did not know the Bible had that going on. I love that. Right? Everything's stolen for. from our fucking book. Yeah. All this mythology, every culture. They wish they could be us.

Dude. The Leach has two daughters. Give, give, they cry. There are three things that are never satisfied. Four that never say enough. Wow. The first vampire. Huh.

Okay. Give, give, they cry. There are four things that are never satisfied. I like that. Kind of boring. Yeah, that's good. So there's a vampire demon, so just watch out. Okay.

Good to know. W, obviously, for witches. Oh, duh, duh. Yeah, very many biblical rules. Yeah, they killed some witches in the Bible, absolutely. It wasn't like the witch of Eden or not Eden? Something, it sounds like there was a witch in the old estimate. Yeah, definitely.

You're teaching me now. Yeah, I'm pretty sure there was. I've never even heard of that. But yeah, there's witches, though. And obviously, there's witchcraft. Yes. Furthermore, which people, my mom always likes to point this out. She's like, actually the Hebrew word for witchcraft is pharmacia.

Oh, so they're saying it's the medicine that we're being given. It's no different than a potion of witch bitch. She's like, just be careful. Let's be careful. You see, you try all these mushrooms, this MDMA. Might be witchcraft. This ketamine might be witchcraft. Yeah, you've been seeing a lot of John Summit, and it's kind of freaky me out.

This purple cocaine you kids are doing. Watch out Liam. Liam did it. You might be defenestrated. Yeah, he was defenestrated. X is for Zezbeth. The only demons out there beginning with the letter X. Yeah, I didn't know that one.

Yeah, and basically, there's not a lot information on him. But perhaps he's... Maybe he'll visit us one day and we can learn. Hopefully not. Yeah, no, it'd be good. I'm good. I want to get a Wikipedia somehow.

If a demon has to visit me to get a Wikipedia page, I'll do it. No, you're going to be on there. You got sucked into the mirror after saying bloody mirror. Yeah. Now you're tortured by Zezbeth. Sure. But yeah, basically Zezbeth is the demon of lies and deceit. Okay.

Seems like a common one. Yeah, it's not really talked about it's noted in kind of a grim war. Okay. The Dictionaire Infanel. French. A French demon. Probably the most annoying demon of all. Oh, listen to my poetry.

You can die from boredom. Yeah. That's how he kills you. He's the demon of lies and deceit, so just keep in mind. Okay. Next time you tell a little white lie. I never would. Commit some type of fraud.

Wise for Yam. This is a Mesopotamian god of the sea. I thought it was a reference to the Kendrick song with the yams or whatever maybe maybe could be oh that's right yeah yeah what is that about it's about a book named things fall apart I think it's a reference to that

it's where they're all trying to fight for whoever has the most yams is kind of the king didn't you read that I thought everyone read that in high school Chinua Chabee things fall apart getting accumulating yams is a big part I'm fairly confident that's what Kendricks is referencing God, I hope I'm right. I think that's what he's referencing.

I think so. Well, there you go. To the Babylonians, it was... Oh, no. So the stories take form of a giant battle between Yam and his giant sea serpent, a heroic god. And basically this shows up

in a bunch of different cultures. The Babylonians had Teammat versus Marduk. The ancient Hebrews had Leviathan versus L, aka Guy. Oh, yeah, Yam's sea beast is vanquished and God creates Earth out of its body. parts. Oh, okay. So this is Mesopotamian lore. A little monster

thing, okay. And Zee is for Zedek. Zedek. A.k.a.kah, A.kazadek. Oh, that's a name in the Bible for sure. Absolutely. So basically, Malkisadek is Angel

of righteousness. His big moment is in the Dead Sea Scrolls and the War of the Sons of Light against the Sons of Darkness. Okay. Why is he going demon? Well, I'm getting Oh my God, I just want to, I don't know, I always like to see the fall. This is like a behind the music when they like start cool and then then Vince Neil found heroin. And that's how he fell from grace.

Mention in Genesis 14 as the righteous priest king, he's not a demon, but he later appears in the Dead Sea Scrolls in opposition to Beliol, symbolizing righteousness against wickedness. Okay. In the War of the Suns of Light, Malkisadek is an angelic figure who will defeat Beliol. And yeah, Mokazek abodies the triumph of divine order over demonic chaos symbolizing the victory of light over dogs. So he's a good guy. We end with a good guy. Yeah, we go.

Good. Go out with a... Have you done angels? Are you going to do an A to Z on angels? No. No, that could be. There could be... Good isn't as cool as evil, though.

No, evil is way cooler. There's a few. Michael is cooler, Gabriel. Raphael. All the archangels. Whichever one... Mary. You know one slid in before...

That's heretical. That's heretical, okay? You know. I condemn that. She fucked a lot of ancient aliens. You know it. God's going to play this clip. He's like, when you get to the gates of heaven.

You were a pretty good guy, but when you said, Mary fucked an ancient alien, can't let you in, dog. Can't let you in, and I'll be walking in. I never talked to him. I've never seen that guy. Then he plays the podcast. Oh, God. They were just joking around. It's got a water more.

It's like it is a podcast. What, I condone everything. You're allowed to rip. You're allowed to riff. That's what I'm saying, dude. That's basically all of them. That's all the demons. I learned a lot.

I love these demons. A to Z. The typo one, I like Titty, Tidivis. Tidivis. Tidivis. Tidivis. I like him. Are you a little bit more afraid of demons now?

Do you think he'll change your ways? I do. It does make me want to read the Bible. I'll say that. I remember I read it front to back in college for some reason. I thought it would be funny, which is not funny. It's serious business. But I thought it was funny.

And what was the very? read it front to back. I was like, it's a good book. God needed an editor. He just had to, he needed a friend to be like, maybe we don't need the genealogy. Put that in the footnotes. We don't need some of these genealogies. Some of the stories are repeated, but it's a good book. Yeah, and put Enoch in there. Put Enoch in there. It's a good book, not a great book. That's why they call it the good book, you know. Yeah. God's humble. He knows. It's not, it's not great Gatsby, but it's a good book. Yeah, it's fun. Pictures would be nice. Pictures would have been nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good, there's some good shit in there.

Yeah. The gospels are great, good stuff. You can do Bible in a year with Father Mike Schmits. Is that a thing, but you read like a certain chunk every day? Chart topping podcast. Oh, okay. And it's so awkward. He does these ads for Bluetooth.

Oh, way, he does. Oh, that'd be amazing. If the Lord will not give you a boner, Bluetooth's will. So, yeah, I feel like I got closer my faith. I, it does make me think of all the, because we had to go to church, every Sunday, school, probably every other week we went to church on Wednesday. It's bringing me back to all those songs we used to sing and stuff. I'm going to ask you one more time. Do you reject Satan?

I reject Satan in all of his works. And all his evil show. And all his evil prom, empty promises. And all his empty promises. I do. And all his slutty women. No, I can't say no to that. And all the video games.

I loved a game, Lord. Sorry. And reading Harry Potter books as a child. Why would God make civilization five if he don't want me to book? Do you reject that? I can cut out. I can cut that one out. Oh, my one gay friend, I'll delete his number, I guess.

Well, there you have it. We did it. I did it. I converted another one. I have a very specific goal of making more people Catholic, and I'm doing it more. Because it is dying, and we need to save the faith. Churches are burning all over the country. Yeah, yeah, no good.

The evangelicals are growing with the Catholic faith is stunted, plateauing. No good. All their charismatic nonsense. Oh, I'm speaking in tongues. Shut up. Go to communion. Austin. Go to confession. They're better at PR with like the televangelists

and stuff. Yeah, right. Like the Catholics didn't get into that. EWTN. Oh, EWTN, that was one. Tune in? Yes. That's how I was raised. My mom would turn on EWTN. Oh, really? A Rush Limbaugh. Was he on that? No, but she would just play those two back in course. Oh, or Rush Limbaugh. And then she were going to Home Depot and leave me in my car seat. And I was just getting blasted with Rush Limbaugh. I couldn't get out. I was chained up. You're like, he didn't die from the heat. He just didn't want to listen to Rush Limbaugh

He's suicide. He hung himself on the child seatbelt. This is why I am the way I am. Every now and he got, I feel this conservative urge starting to come out of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was an early classical training in Rush Limbaugh. I mean, that's like the demagogue of,

he's like started conservative talk radio. That's the guy. He was the one. Fire and Brimstone, good guy. Or maybe he was the light bearer. He was, the Prometheus. He was Melchidic. He came down.

He came down from the mountain to give people fire. He died, right? Who, Prometheus? No, Rush Limbaugh. He never die. His memory is forever. You can kill a man. You can't kill an idea.

That's... And we can end on that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. Thank you, Jeff. I appreciate you doing the program.

Hell yeah. I had a fabulous time. I loved it. And at some point in the future, I'd love to have you back. Let's do it. Let's do the angels. Let's do genocide.

List of genocide. I'm in on that, too. That's more more on my alley. Top 10 Genocide. Yeah, I would love it. I could rank them. Well, peace be with you. Hell yeah. Peace be with you all.