Camp Gagnon - No Fap & Creatine Jacked: Matt McCusker's Life Lessons

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

Matt McCusker, the legendary comedian, writer, actor, and co-host of ‘Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast’ with Shane Gillis, joins us today to talk serious business. We’ll discuss what it means to go no-fap for life, the power of semen retention, the porn industry, girls at the gym, meditation, and other interesting topics… WELCOME TO CAMP! 🏕️Shoutout to our sponsor: Morgan & Morgan and BlueChew👕🧢 GET YOUR CAMP DRIP HERE: http://camp-rd.com🏕️ Get Today In History Email Here (Free): https://camp.beehiiv.com/🎟️ 🎫 Comedy Tour Tickets Here: https://markgagnonlive.comTimestamps:0:00 Intro0:55 Matt’s Green Thumb + Hunter Gatherers2:50 Covid Era Pediatritions4:35 Ai Trainer + Matt’s Racing Competition8:28 No Fap For Life11:43 Taliban’s In U.S. Tanks12:39 The Power of Seamen Retention 17:01 The P*rn Industry21:24 Repression + Girls At The Gym27:13 Meditation + Overcoming Your Inner Thoughts35:05 Matt Is JACKED + Creatine Intake39:31 Fasting47:19 The Zombie Killer48:47 Matts Skateboarding Days + Adult Injuries1:01:27 Matt’s Writing a Book1:06:23 The Desert Fathers + The Aghori Monks

Oh, I feel the resonance, do you? This might not be 4.32, though. This is Matt McCusker. He is truly one of the most fascinating minds in stand-up comedy today, and I absolutely love him. He is a stand-up comedian and author in one half of Matt and Chain's secret podcast. He's kind of just like a hilarious Buddhist monk

reincarnated into the body of a young black conservative. And today we go through everything. We talk about semen retention and fasting and Eastern philosophies and why suffering is actually good for. you, we talk about the testosterone and steroid allegations, which Matt vehemently denies and even his, you know, mild challenge that he's doing with Haas. This is an absolutely amazing episode.

If you guys are fans of Matt and Shane like me, you're absolutely going to love it. And I hope you guys enjoy it half as much as I enjoyed having it. So without further ado, sit back, relax and welcome to camp. The Wild Wild West. Matt McCusker, what's up, brother? What up, bro? What's up, Mark? How you know, thanks for joining me?

Dude, thanks for having me, man. And this beautiful Narcoe Paradise. This is awesome. Yeah, not too shabby. We're just going to be out here cooking up a sweat for a little bit. I love that. Drinking Topo Chicos, you know what I mean? Yeah.

I think we're officially Landscaper's. Yeah, for real. I like how when it's hot, the landscapers wear more clothing, though. They dress like fallout characters down here. It's just like full on, full sleeves, face covering, visor.

You got the shi on? I'm like, I like that. I like seeing them out there. I guess you got to keep the sun off you. Yeah, literally. It's got to keep the sun off and wear like lightweight fabrics, I guess. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm waiting.

more years i'll probably start wearing a shiasty have you been doing doing some yard work now that you're officially a homeowner little gardening little gardening are you a green thumb uh not really honestly i wish i was better but i don't know i'm i'm good enough what i do is i just plant a ton of stuff and it's just kind of like whatever thrives naturally i kind of just roll with that because i just don't have the time of patience to be like you know i'll read the seed packets it's like you you should plant it this time it's like bro it's getting planted right now i'm not gonna I like they're like measure them like you know one per inch it's like I'm throwing these everywhere he's got to leave it up to God sometimes pretty much that's how I garden I had a wild sunflower

take root and that thing's been going nuts so that's been cool and that's God's will you know I mean you just throw some seeds out there and just be like Lord whatever you destined for my art I for real I farm like a guy from like 3,000 years ago I just stick my thumb and holes in scatter seeds and I pray I go please let my stuff grow I actually took some radishes in that was my one yield I got some radishes I feel like I feel like after, like, I tried doing this just on my patio one day, just like getting little heirloom tomatoes.

Yeah. And you do that for a little bit, and you're like, dude, farming sucks. Like, I feel like we, I feel like farming, we really, we really messed up.

That's hard. It's to be the hardest thing in the world. And then if like, like, so many things can go wrong and you're just. I feel like we peaked at hunting and gathering. Is that a crazy take?

Yeah, definitely. Why? For sure. We were, hunter and gatherers, we were so dumb. For real, we didn't have any time

to figure anything out. What do you mean? I feel like it was mostly time. I feel like it's mostly just like walking around, grabbing a berry. You know, you find a beaver, hit him in the head, eat him. Imagine if you got hungry and you were like, this might be it. Every time you got hungry, you're like, this might be the time my whole family and I die. Yeah, but you're also fasting and you're getting shredded along the way. You're definitely shredded.

You're definitely shredded. No one's denying that, but if you twist an ankle, like your whole family died. Do you like twisted an ankle and fell in the woods? That is true. Fried. That's true. That's true. No, that's true.

I mean. No, that's true. But then, like, yeah, they were, like, keeping their ancestors skulls. Like, you'd have, like, your house, you wouldn't have a house.

You'd have a mud hut with, like, your parents' fucking skulls. Yeah. Laying there. Your wife, stinks. Your wife,

who smells so bad. Dude. I just went to this doctor. I didn't go to the doctor. There was a pediatrician we went to. And he was like, oh, yeah, well, a lot of kids

are vitamin D deficient. Yeah. And I was like, oh, really? He was like, yeah. And it's not because of lack of sun. because of all the soap we're using. And I was like, hang on a second. Damn, your pediatrician sounds actually cool.

Yeah, no, he's kind of like. No, he's chill as well. Yeah. We had to seek him out. We had to find them. That's not, yeah, true. They're kind of a rarity. A lot of them are like, if you don't do all this stuff, your kids are going to die.

Yeah, yeah, no, we didn't have that. Because did you have pediatricians with your kids? They were like, yo, if you don't do this, your kids are bad kids. Yeah, well, ours in Philly was actually very good, but she was like pretty gung-hoves. We had COVID babies, and they were like, jab them. I was like, yeah. Wait. Let's just see it through. You know what? Let's just see what happens.

But they were, she was good. Other than that, she was good. She was just heavy-handed. She's like, if you don't, I was like, ah, we're going to wait on that. She's like, well, that's fine. It's totally up to you guys. Your child runs a higher risk of dying. So we're just want to let you know. And I'm like, all right, thanks, lady. Yeah.

A nuanced take. But she was good. Our kid got sick a couple times. Went to the hospital. And, uh, that's like super. Yeah, like two things at once. And then like, you know, they're giving you the old like, eh, like, we don't really know what it is. and then the pediatrician would call us,

being like, what is it? What did they say it was? And they were like, they don't know. She was like, dude, put me on the phone. And she just reamed them out. Really? And then they actually ran the right test and figured out what it was like a double.

It was like two different infections at once. That's why it was so bad. Damn. So they were able to figure out like bacterial versus viral and how you treat. And, you know, and again, the hospital, children's hospital. Have you been there yet with your baby? No.

Praise the Lord. That's, see, to answer your question about hunter gathering, that's when you go, oh, okay. Yeah, actually society's not all evil. The fact that we have children's hospital. is pretty fucking awesome. It's terrifying. It's so scary.

It is sick as hell, honestly. But I'll just, at this point, I just go to Chad GPT. True. I just talk to Chad TBT and just like, yo, here's what I'm going through right now. Yeah, what should I do? My kid's coughing up a storm. Is that chill or not? I think it's pretty chill, actually.

And the Chad GB2, it's like, nah, it's pretty good. I don't like the Chad GPT will, like, just stroke my ego too much, though. You got to ask for brutal honesty. I will, and then it'll give me, like, two answers of honesty. And then by the third one, it's like, be here a good dad. Do you lock, you say lock in? And you can just be like, bro, stop fluffing me. I know I'm a piece of shit.

Yeah, did you stroke my shit right now? I know I'm a piece of shit. I need you to be a little more real. I did that. I tried to use chat GPT to be my personal trainer. And I was like, hey, be David Gagins. Be jaka willing. What did it say?

It was like, yo, you're a little bitch. Like, get up in the morning. But then after like three days, it was just like, be. I thought you said beat them. I'm like, damn. I was like, whoa. Yo, for real, set a cyber attack immediately to Goggins. No, I said, be them.

I was like, pretend you're David Goggins. Okay. And it was like pretty sick for like three days. But then it got very, I don't know, became very sycophantic immediately. And then it was just like, yo, you're good. Just chill. Yeah, that's nice. But you can use it.

I feel like it's good for doing like I want to run the mile and this time. How do I train for that? And it'll give you a good program. Yeah, what's your mile time right now? Right now, I might actually retest tomorrow. But as of like a couple weeks ago, it was like $6.58. I mean, that's solid. It's not bad.

I'm trying to get down to like low six. Sub seven? I mean. Sub seven, yeah. I got down a sub-sav. I mean, are you cooking for like 5Ks? Not really. I'm just trying to like,

I just like giving myself little fitness goals and like, rather than just work, if I just work out without like a point to it, I don't, I just won't really do it. But if it's like, let's see how low I can get this down.

It's like I'll actually do it. Oh, there's an article I read about this dude. He talks about this Japanese word for like a difficult thing to do. Like a challenging task. It's a specific Japanese philosophy. I forget exactly what it is.

But it's basically like every year try to create a super difficult task. if it's like, hey, run a marathon in two and a half hours. Like, just like set a goal for every year. It's like a physical task, like some type of like personal thing that you want to achieve and just lock in on it for the year. And it makes things so much more fulfilling. Because now your diet is not just like, oh, I do this forever all the time.

It's like, no, I'm working towards this one specific personal goal. Yeah, man. I've been trying to get shredded for like five years now. And it's just not been happening. I can't stop pigging out. Oh, yeah. But I've actually, I've shifted it. I don't do, instead of aesthetics, I go just performance base.

That's what helps me. Because if I start seeing any results, I go, dude, I can totally pig out again. So now I just go performance base where I just pig out, but I'm trying to step the performance up to where like the physical goals are so hard that obviously aesthetic will just follow.

And I don't even care. You're in a contest right now of running battle, a duel? And what is the context of this duel? Me versus my fat cousin? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, I'm going to win. If I don't win, that's going to be great shame in my family. But he is a psycho.

He was a D1 wrestler. I think he was D-1, I'm not sure. But he was definitely, he wrestled in college, and he is an absolute psychopath. What weight class? Heavy way, I told he's a fat. I mean, I feel like cars are in your favor right now. You know what I mean? I don't know.

I don't know what, I don't know. He probably wrestled because I know wrestlers are kind of weirdos where they're like really shed a lot of weight. Yeah. If I had a guess, he would wrestle at like one, you know, back in his prime for his fat and like 40-something. He probably wrestled at like 175-ish, if that's a thing. Yeah, and he's pulling sub-seven miles right now? No. He's getting closer.

He's doing like eight, but it's a, if it were three miles, he could have a chance to beat me. Because I'm not good on the distance. And when is this going? When is the thrilling in Philly and Philly? I'm doing a show in Atlantic City, I think August 16th or 18th, I forget. So then he's down the beach right around Atlantic City. So I'm going to get a beach house there like a couple days after the show and chill with my family and just race him. And just lock in.

Just lock. I'm already locked in right now. I might skip the show in AC just to run and train. You see more dialed today than I've ever seen you. I'm dialed, dude. It's crazy. I don't know what happened. I mean, dude, everyone hates it that I talk about this, but, dude, I gave up masturbating for life. I'll never do it ever again. When was the last time you got a stroke?

Dude, it must have been like at least a month and a half, two months ago. Respect. Yeah, and it's like, that's another thing. I've been trying and people are like, we're sick of hearing about this. It's like, I mean, dude, imagine if you stop jerking off for the rest of your life. It's great. Every day. You're preaching the choir over here, dude. I've quit masturbating. It's pretty easy to do. It is. I've quit masturbating a hundred times. Like every couple, every time I do it. Dude, I don't know what happened. A flip switch and I go like, yeah, I'm never going to do that again. And it's like, dude, that's kind of weird. Don't even.

I mean, do you remember the final beat though? Yeah. It was like any other one. It was just kind of like hotel room. Obviously, I'm fucking traveling for stand-up. I couldn't sleep. I beat myself absolutely silly. And it was just kind of like. that's not it you gotta frame that video whatever the final beat was yeah right dude this is the final spillage you know even put it up in your office

in your compound you gotta hang it really I genuinely don't remember it was just like it was just be I was just in a porno I was in a goonhole online just fucking just

scrolling through dude I've been trying to get off it for a while dude when you have kids you have to that's my thing wait why you can't be here's you can jerk off

if you don't have kids it doesn't matter yeah once you have kids you can't cannot watch porn and masturbate. Because if your kids catch you doing that, it's going to fuck their whole life off. Yeah, it ruins everything.

It ruins everything. Yeah. And it's also like, just gross. There is a little party. Again, if you don't have a kid, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You're living for you. You can do whatever you want.

Catch a beat on a weekend. Whatever you want to do. Every day when you wake up, it literally, there's no pressure. I mean, the morning beat. I mean, you might as well just go back to sleep. You know what I mean? It kind of sucks the wind out of your sales. Yeah, you should call a doctor on the morning.

Talk to chat, TBT. It's like, dude, keep beating, dude. Stroking it. No, be David Gagins. Keep stroking it. Yeah, people are mad. You don't want to hear about this anymore. It's like, that's fine. Again, it doesn't matter. You can do whatever you want. If you don't have kids, knock yourself out. But it's like, once you have kids, you can't be a porn dad. It's just weird. It's just weird. It's just weird. Yeah, yeah. It's not a great look. No, yeah. Did you have, like, friends who's like dad's had porn. Like, dad's had porn that you could, like, find porn. That's had, like, hidden that you could, like, none of respect. It's just weird. It's just a weird thing. Yeah, I never liked it. We would sometimes find porn omags in the woods. That was kind of chill. That was fine. Like, as a little kid. That was also because of porn. That was also because of porn. That D's had a hide think about that. Yo, that's a good point. So many children would see weird porn because fucking porn dads would go out in the woods like cowards and beat off. Actually, going to the woods.

Actually, that's kind of... I can respect that, like, taking it outside of the house, like a dog that shit's, like, really far away from... Yeah. This is the me time, you know what I mean? That's why so many kids found porn. Like, literally, and that's what I'm trying to say, it's like, those porn dads back in the 90s or whenever literally gave children porn.

They didn't do it like a pedophile. while would do it. But they gave it like how we gave weapons to Afghanistan. Yeah, in a way. We just deserted. We left them there. And the Taliban was like, dude, how do you turn these things on? They're like, it's too hot. We got to get the fuck out of here. Yeah, man. And the Taliban was like, dude, free tanks. That's sick as hell.

I know. They didn't, they weren't ready for them either. They shouldn't have them. Dude, I want to see that. I feel like that's like 2001 Space Odyssey. You know what I mean? When the Taliban got all the tanks? Yeah. Didn't they do some videos of them? Like, fucking around with them? Yeah, they were just like, dude, how do you? Also, I'm

Charger for this. I feel like, do they still have those tanks? Because I feel like someone swooped in there and just snag those things. Because if I'm Russia and I hear the Taliban has tanks, I'm going, they're mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I had a guess, someone was like, yeah, give me that to get the fuck out of here. Probably. I mean, that's what I would do.

Yeah, if I was any other, I mean, maybe America did it. I don't know. You can't be letting these boys roll around or sick whip. I don't think they know how to use them either. I mean, I don't know how to use it. That's what I'm saying. I don't know how to fucking. If you deserted a billion dollars worth of the tanks in my yard, they would just still

be there. Yeah, I might. Yeah, literally, I don't know how to think. I would sell them in an antique shop. I'd be like, do you guys want these? I don't know. I don't know. Scrap them. You could scrap them. I don't even know how to do that. You just have to have someone come by, you know, honks moving junk and be like, do you all want this? I wouldn't know what to do with it. But now, I'm with you on the porn thing, dude, I don't know. It's not a popular take. No one. It's not like a cool position to take. People get mad. They get mad. They go, we don't want to fuck you. This is all you ever talk about. I'm like, dude, it's crazy. It's great. Did, like, literally turn the page of your life for you. Yeah, like, because I can never

understand it when I was younger. Like, dude, if I had porn, my parents would freak out. And I'd be like, why are they so fucking annoying about porn? Like, shut up. Oh, yeah. Then, you know, once you have kids, you're like, yeah, this is bad. You shouldn't have that. Yeah, I mean, there's the seam of retent, which is nice. You know what I mean? You get a little boost, little

focus. That's, dude, that's the bigger thing, really, you know, whatever. Porn is whatever, but it's like, especially being in a long-term relationship, for me, that was always the wedge. I was such a pussy brat the entire time. I'm like, No matter what was going on. I'd be like, I should be having sex more.

And then being able to be like, and I really think it's just getting older, but being able to like, in a relationship like that, be like, I'm not even going to apply any pressure on that front. I'm just going to retain. And just,

and also, again, it's an effective reverse psychology on your wife to be like, yo, I don't even care about. For real, you just let me know, tag me in.

Yeah, this note is mine. Yeah. If you don't want it, I'm going to keep it. Almost kind of like... I'm taking my ball and going home. I guess we... Well, it's that.

And it's even. even like, yeah, I guess we can have, I guess we can have sex. Like, I'm going to lose some of my power, which I'm kind of not exactly stoked about, but, you know, I took a vow and I will break you off. Technically, I swore before God that I would load you up with a nut every night again. It's like, you know, you don't have any of this stuff, so I should, I'll give you a little bit, but don't get used to it. But, dude, I'm telling you, it's a, I don't know, man, it's just a weird thing.

And it also, I feel like it streamlines your mind, too. Like when you're like Because you know I'm like I'm in like an office I sit there all day and I write When I have a goon brain It's just like I'm writing writing writing

And then it's like every 10 seconds Like it's a time to goon And it's like no come on man It's not time And then it's just like writing writing right And you tell yourself You're like dude Once I just crack a bee real quick

Then I'll be good And then you get back there And it's like an hour later And you're like I'm not doing anything Yeah But your goon brain's like No no no

You just need one rip And then you'll be fine That's what I'm trying to say man I don't know The main thing was was like for some reason I had a deep-seated belief that like if I were to reach a level of like

you know if so many days would go by without me spilling I would be like so angry like it was like a deep injustice that I'd be like how how dare you know my wife or if I wasn't with anyone like I should be spring like why and then like when that goes away you're just like yeah I'm just free to do my thing and then and then it comes around and you're ready because I don't know if you ever been

there before if you're in a relationship, and you're like, I don't think I'm getting any pussy tonight. I'm gonna fap. And then what you do, and then it's, you know, just some weird coincidence, your babe's like,

let's have sex. And you're like, fuck. Oh, every time, dude. Fuck, I fucking good. Yeah,

that's every time. We haven't had sex in a week. No. Yeah, yeah, that's every time. I, like, yeah, I've got caught slipping like that. I'm like,

I can't get caught slipping like that ever again. There's so many times with my, with my, my sweet lady that I, if I'm, if I'm on a retention wave and I just, like proposition that she's like yeah for sure and it kind of catches me off guard i'm like wait

that's all it took and she's like yeah dude 100 100% that's what i'm saying but if i just go the easy way they get the cheap dope you know what i mean they know when you're gooned they absolutely know and they and they catch you on it you know i mean i just think that's god's will once again i remember i remember my uh my wife hit me with that she was like i was like dude i'm traveling i'm by myself obviously this is when i had goon brain but i'm like i'm just gonna like she would be like, she would tell me, like, don't jerk off in the hotel. And I'm like, I'm going to jerk off in the hotel. She was like, fine, if you do it, don't look at porn.

I was like, what the fuck's the point of it then? She's like, why do you have to do that? And I was like, what are you talking about? No, I did that for a little bit. I just did just fantasy brain. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And that's, that also doesn't feel great, you know? No, it's weird. That can take, well, two things, it's like, when you go pure imagination mode, it's like, there's no safe search on it. You're like, nobody knows what I'm off to. Yeah. You don't have the FCC blocking you at all. Your also is remembering porn in your brain.

I always be you're trying to remember porn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's just your own AI. It's your own internal AI. Just coming up with stuff. But either way, sorry. That's how girls. I get tons of shit for talking about.

People always like, we don't want to hear about their shit anymore. It's like. I mean, not to mention, I also am like, porn is a pretty tough industry to defend. It's really evil. It's a... Name one woman who's thrived and came out on the other end. Sasha Gray was in an M&M video.

That's best case scenario. Best case scenario is to appear beside the rap devil. That's top of the mountain. Other than that, it's like suicide, drug overdose, or you just look, they get wrecked, dude. Porn stars, it literally, I don't know what it is, but like they age so fucking fast. Yeah. No, it's an insidious industry. And I do think it is a little bit of a, there's some depravity of the human will that goes into it, you know?

Like there's a little breakdown of what it, is this really what's good for humans? I don't know. But I also grew up Catholic, so I've, I've, I have a bad compass for this stuff. Like, I never had a guilt-free nut in my life, you know? Never. Even now. No. You know what I mean?

I'll have consensual sex with my wife for the purpose of procreation, and I'll get off of it and be like, yeah. Is that good? Yeah, I got to check. I was too loud. I was too loud. Yeah, we ripped doggy on this one. Like, I don't know if that was in God's divine plan here.

No, for me, that stuff is fine. I don't, it's the, the thing that, the thing that, kind of freaks me, especially with the OnlyFans, because now it's like, I don't know many, like, you know, smoking hot college age chicks, but I imagine there's got to be a temptation. If you're, like, a super, super hot, and your Instagram's kind of popping, I'd imagine there's a temptation that's there to monetize, like, sex stuff that really wasn't there before Onlyfans. Oh, yeah. And that's, that's where I'm like, that's evil. That's bad. And then the pipeline is, like, you get into it and you're like, I'm just going to do feet. And you do feet for a little

And you're like, all right, the followers are falling off. You know what I mean? I got to create shareholder value over here. You know, I'm a pure capitalist. We have Q3 KPI's I got to lock in on. And then you turn to like a business magnate and you're like, all right, fine. I'll just get into, you know, some like lingerie. Yeah, well, dude, what's...

And then you're getting triple D.P. You know what I mean? Yeah, that all comes. And it's also like, dude, if you're like, I'm going to do that for some quick money and get out. Again, I don't, I'm not like sitting here. Like, like, it's fundamentally evil, but it's like, if your goals are like, I don't want to have kids or whatever. It's like, okay, whatever.

Again, whatever, do whatever you want. But like, if you have done porn before and now you're having kids, it's like, I don't know, man, that's a rough sell. Unless, like, your kid is just so cool and understanding, which is like, I don't know who's that chill about naked mom. Yeah, no, naked mom's a tough sell for any kid I imagine. Naked mom, DP, possibly. But also, like, you do hear these women that are like, I gain financial freedom. And, like, I live in a penthouse in Miami. And this is exactly what I want.

And I'm like, all right, if that's your thing, I'm not going to say no. I question that too It's like Okay, yeah Financial freedom It's cool if you're like running from a pimp But if you're like You're like fucking like if you go to college

It's like yo dude you can do this You can totally do this by getting a job too You don't have to show your butthole to strangers Yeah No I mean You're preaching the choir here dude You know what I mean? Yeah

But again I always acknowledge I grew up Catholic So I feel probably like I am sexually repressed So I'm not always the best person to discuss You know Like I was just telling my buddy the other day I was like dude I've I used to be still horny when I was a kid

And I would try to catch a beat. And I used to, like, I would pray for wet dreams. I still do, but, yeah. Like, the wet dream. Like, I remember, like, checking it with, like, my pastor. And I was like, dude. Yeah, is that, like, what's the ruling on this? What's the verdict?

Yeah, what, is there precedent for this case? What do you say? And he was like, dude, that's just a freebie. And I was like, all right, sick. So I would go to bed just bricked and I would just, like, my parents when I was 14, they got, like, an apple eye touch for me. Oh, dude. Which is exactly what I did.

The apple I touch. myself. That's like, dude, this is like Steve Jobs wanted me to do this. Dude, the video, I was just talking to someone about this. Yeah, the video iPods were just porn machines. Yeah, they were porn machines.

They were like a tiny thumbnail. Porn machine and then you can sometimes listen to music if you want to. But it is a porn machine. Yeah, it's, I never had one. I mean, that's not to say I didn't want one when I was younger, but it was like... Your parents knew.

No, they didn't. I just didn't have it. I never had an iPod until like my brother gave me one. It was like an old, you know, the big boy. I don't think I had video capabilities. Damn. But, yeah, I mean. That shit rock my world.

And I would just lay in bed, just be like, God, just please, anything. Just back up a Latino army. I just, I need this right now. True. Please, I've been working hard. My thing is like, you know, because there is like, you know, maybe it's just my Catholic guilt, but it's like, I'm not particularly, like, dogmatic about any religion. But if you just, for me, when I look at stuff like that, I'm like, all right, so we,

you do have to repress. There's no way. You can't have, like, a society. without being somewhat repressed because you got to repress some things like you have to repress violence like you can't have a society without repressing violence you have to repress sex because it's like first of all like you can't obviously it's like everyone can agree like yeah you can't do that yeah so it's like it does have to be you know like you have to set boundaries and limitations and like yeah this idea or people are like i read some thing on substack where ladies like people tell me i shouldn't do this i shouldn't eat as much as i want i shouldn't have sex whenever i want it's like yeah you're you you shouldn't like I'm not like I'm gonna sound like shame on you but it's like just not a good idea especially if you're a lady it's like dude you get knocked up you're fucked yeah yeah yeah a guy should be there but some guys don't and it's like yeah and it's not only on women like like I think obviously women feel the brunt of it largely because society we live in but I do

think men hold the burden as well where they're like yeah you also shouldn't just be like raw dog in every seven you see you know no that dude that's why I'm the I go to the gym around here and it's just like I mean it's like almost a joke. You see just like complete yoga wedgey pants with like the butt cupers. And I think they're doing it for the guys because the dudes are so desensitized that it's like I think you need to now

just keep. You got to be like almost naked to have a guy be like oh wow. Dude that's my biggest fear. At the gym I go to it's like you get a lot of influencers. Yeah. A lot of fitfulencers. Hit in the back squat and then they got the camera set up. Yeah. And then my dumb ass is just in the corner just belly hanging out. I'm like oh god I'm gonna be on some girl's TikTok lip. Just jaw open like Exactly.

No, I got to ask you, can you blur my face? Yeah, can you? Yeah, like, I didn't sign a release. No, I go to my gym and I keep it just completely dialed in. I just try to just ignore everything because it, you know, because it's also just like, I don't know, it's totally understandable to be like, because I, when I could see a woman's nipples when she doesn't wear a bra, my brainstem shuts down for like five seconds.

And it's not like, oh, I fucking, I'm fucking, it's just, for real destabilizes my thoughts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not like one of those things like, oh, it's wrong. You shouldn't do that. But I'm like, you're punching me in the head. You put a fucking, yeah, you're putting a burden on me. Like, I didn't ask for it. I'm just trying to like trying to, I'm trying to, I'm trying to, I'm trying to work out.

I might say work and say jerks before he didn't slip, obviously. But I'm coming to the gym trying to work out. And I'll go to the gym with my wife and she'll be like, the fuck is going on here. I'm like, babe, just fucking. Only gym in the area. We get a discount. Yeah. Like, we need to come here.

So just be chill. Just look me in the eyes the entire time. We'll make it through this. We will do curls facing each other. Yeah, but then they have their male counterparts. It would be guys shirtless, juiced up. Yeah. Fucking just absolutely jacked.

Yeah, yeah. People have been fucking stale on the dick print lately, and that's got to stop. That's fucking, for real, got to stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a weird arms race. It's like, dude, nobody's going to win this. Dude, the baby arms race. It's a crazy look.

But yeah, for real. It's fucking bullshit. When do we stop? You know what I mean? I mean, it'll probably, like, everything kind of goes in cycles and reverts, so I don't know. I am just I am just act like literally getting old because I'll see women now who are like somewhat conservatively dressed at the gym and I'm like good there we go there's a good girl

you see all this like conservative Twitter shit where it's like Muslims are taking over America and you're like nice hell yeah that's what we need we need more nakibs we need more hijabs I mean again it's like I don't ever have like I don't really feel like the moral outrage about I'm not like shame on you I totally understand the drive towards all that Just your monkey brains lighten up. Yeah, just exactly. It's like, bro, my monkey brains lighten up. I'm trying to, I don't know.

I feel like that's, that's one of my number one goals in life is like just to. I'm not like, you know, I don't like to try to like sound like, because a lot of people talk about like, you know, spiritual stuff or they're like, I want to like completely shed my ego. Get out of the Matrix. Yeah, whatever. I don't think about it like that, but it's like if there is, if there are some inner adjustments I can make just to make my life like 20% easier, that's what I'm after.

And it's like, I do think as you get older, like, again, I'm fucking, I'll be 40 next year. I have two kids. It just doesn't fit into, like, what I'm doing to be, like, an absolute pussy goblin and be like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. It just, it would literally fuck my whole life up. Yeah. And it just, like, it's one of those things where, as you get older, like, if, if, if, and this is just my perspective, but if it's, like, if I were at 40 to be, like, orienting myself

around purely worldly goals at one point you just become kind of a joke because like you know if you're like an old you can become an older wealthy guy but it's like what I'm gonna fuck college chicks so it's fucking pathetic it's just weird it's just kind of weird and then it's like

I should be hanging out with my kids and I'm like I have a hot new girlfriend girl girls please understand your daddy yes it's just like yeah you kind of missed it if you work on like shedding that now I think you can have actually a better life as an older person which nobody really cares about everyone wants to have like a cooler life

now. Yeah. But I'm kind of over-indexing on like the, a very chill life as like a 50, six-year-old. That was kind of my calculation. I don't know. Like I was like, dude, I'm going to have a kid at 28. We were going to have some earlier and then, you know, some issues. But I was like having a baby at 28, all my friends were like, dude, you're psychotic. No, it's a move. I was like, this shit is awesome. I'm still young. Yeah. I still got energy. I can, I can wrestle with them. I wish I had kids earlier. That was my thing. I mean, it's like, I'm glad I didn't because I was an absolute maniac, but it was like. You also need the right gal. You know what I mean? The gal them is big on So you got to find the right one.

Like, I would never pressure someone to be like, yeah, dude, have kids young and it don't matter. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. No, it could get very bad and very ugly. Yeah. What's up, guys? We're going to take a break really quick because we got merch. If you don't know, we got camp research and development merchandise.

You can see it right here. Also, my buddy Andrew Schultz was actually just out hanging with his fam, having a good old time. All of a sudden, a dude walks up and he goes, yo, what's up, Schultzzie? And guess what he was wearing? This shirt right here. So shout out to that legend, whoever you are, you're the man. I appreciate that. And if you want to copy your very own Camp Threads, go to Camp-R-D.com.

We're dropping all sorts of new gear. You can see some of the images here of some of the products that we got. And anytime you buy a T-shirt, you help this show directly operate. It is a huge, huge lift. And I'm very grateful for everyone that reps the gear, especially at the live shows, seeing you guys wearing the T-shirts at the shows, truly makes my life is the coolest thing ever. I cannot believe people are actually wearing clothes

that me and my friends are designing iMessage chats like, you know, you think this is cool? It's the craziest thing in the world, and I'm so grateful for everyone that does it. Check it out. We got the link in the description. Now let's get back to the show. What's up, guys?

I'm on the road. That's right. I'm going to Chandler, Arizona, San Diego, California, Burlington, Vermont, Montreal, Toronto, Detroit, and a bunch of other dates that I will be adding to my website, mark agnon live.com. I would love to see you guys there. Obviously, if you don't know, I'm a stand-up comedian,

and stand-up comedy is my passion. It's the thing I love to do. And seeing you guys all come out to the show. shows truly makes my life. I hang out after the show and say what's up to everybody. So if you want to come through, check out the show, say what's up to me. It would mean the world. You can see me at all these dates and more on my website, mark Agnon Live.com. And I'll see you guys on the road. Do you meditate or you big meditation guy? I like it. I used to do it a lot. I don't do it as much anymore, but I do try to do it like every night before I go to bed and like, or just like if I catch like

10 minutes, I'll try to just like actively work on slow in my mind. During COVID, I did it like a lot. Yeah. And I got like way better at like, dude, I used to like for real like break shit. Like I would get so angry. Oh, really? Oh, dude, I was a monster. I would like, especially with me and my wife were first together, we first were like living in a house. We were like having our, she was pregnant.

Dude, we did an arguments. I would fucking like throw an olive oil bottle at the wall. I was bad. I was fucking maniacia. I was an Italian domestic violence. I was just an Irish spas. It was so bad. You grabbed the olive oil. I was so, I dude, never smash olive oil. They never came out. I put primer over. it, I put spackle, I did everything. And those little oil spots would bleed

through, and every now and again, she would just go, yeah, it didn't work. And it just remind me of my rage, and I'd be like, fuck. That's like a serious problem. It's only poetic about it, though. It really is. It's something beautiful about seeing the oil seep through. This is a remnant of your anger. I had oil in my

ceiling, and I actually chipped. We had, it wasn't hardwood, but it was like, you know those, like fake hardwood floors that are like composite plastic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I spiked a mug and I fucking chipped the floor. had a chip on my floor that I covered shamefully with a rug and I had a fucking olive oil splatters in my ceiling that would like bleed through paint. It was just some weird thing. I just never really figured out or dealt with and then that's where meditation helped me because I learned to

like I would get angry and I remember vividly. I'd be on like we had like carpeted steps in her house in Philly. She would do something that would piss me off and I would just be like, you know, you get angry and you're like, you don't even think about it. You're like, I'm about to say a bunch of shit that pisses her off now because fuck her. Now I'm mad at her. Yeah. It's, you know, Obviously, like, it's all her fault, you know, whatever. That's what you're thinking. And then I do remember, like, learning how to, like, stop and just, like, especially when you want to break shit and just letting that feeling, like, course through your body. And then the first couple times that it, like, comes and goes, you're like, holy fuck.

I just averted, like, a three-day drawn-out argument. Wow. Just because I was able to go, like, slow down and be like, yeah, dude, you're piss right now. But you're not a fucking toddler. You can't spas. Interesting. It's kind of the same thing as Goon brain. You know what I mean?

It's equal opposite. It's just lizard brain taking the helm. Yeah, I'm grateful I never had that. I never had like anger. I always went internal. I was just like, oh, I suck. I'm an idiot. I'm the worst, you know, which is not healthy either.

I would externalize that. You're a fucking idiot. I'm going to break something down to show you that. You're an idiot. I'm doing an end zone dance, dude. I'm fucking spiking this thing. Yeah, that's tough. No, I'm telling you, the meditation helped.

I got real into like, you know, it's like that cliche thing where they're like, I got into Eastern philosophy, but like, dude, some of that shit is fucking awesome, man. There's a reason it existed for 4,000 years. Yeah, dude, and like, there was the one thing, there was, uh, I forget, I forget what it was from. I, like, I read, obviously not all the Epanishads,

but I read, like, a book that had, like, selected different things. And there was one thing, like, a passage in there that I thought was fucking awesome. It was like, this guy, I don't know, there was always, like, two deuce was, like, talking, but he was explaining the self as, like, a horser on carriage, and there's, your senses are the horses. So you have the horses are pulling the thing. And if, you know, if your senses are running,

the show, you're going to crap. You have horses going this way, one horse going that way. It's fucking chaos. So then you have a guy just kind of whipping horses. That's like your ego being like, hey, guys, knock it off and it's just like this you're just like kind of just, you know, it's like this violence on violence thing. We're just kind of like angrily trying to get these external or these internal impulses that are completely out of

control trying to run in the show. And it's like this feedback loop or, you know, it's just like, it's just not working. Yeah. You have an ill-equip person who's, he can like, you know, he can hold the reins of the horse, but he has no idea how to like like truly navigate. And the whole point of the story was there's a rider inside of the caravan. And that's your like, they call like your real self or whatever. And you need to like wake that inner thing up that can actually watch your mind work from within your mind. Yeah. That makes sense. You can watch like, oh, I'm thinking this thing, but just because I'm thinking it doesn't mean, A, it's, you know, reality.

It's like, this is just my thoughts. They could be so wrong. They probably are. And that like, like, getting that ability to like get distance within your own mind and be like, yeah, I'm pissed right now. I'm having all these things. I want to do all these things. I'm noticing myself having them and then you can just kind of like let go and that's you know, they say it's like your higher self or whatever. Yeah. I mean, that's that one, that struck. That one was like a gold mine for me. I was like, oh yeah, I should maybe have, you know, I need a deeper level of myself.

Get these ponies under control. Yeah, these ponies under control. These goad horses are. The gung horses, the anger horses are all out of control. The person that I'm, you know, my level of awareness is just like, expassas. Like, stop, stop, stop. Yeah. Yet the rider has to wake up and be like, bro. basically it's like this is outside of your pay grade for like steering my life consciously yeah of course because like now you're just angry at yourself for being angry like your senses spike up you're angry you can't control your emotions these are external things that get put into

your subconscious now you're mad through childhood trauma just the way that you are and now you're mad of yourself for being mad yeah and then that doesn't help yeah you go oh fuck I fucked up again yeah and then you're pissed off dude I mean Daniel conman you ever read him he's like a behavioral economist he has a similar thing where it's like system one a system two thinking system one It might be flip-flop, but system one is basically like, he describes like an elephant and a guy on top of the elephant. Yeah. And like your system one is like, that's the, that's the rider. That's your active thought.

Yeah. And that's like what you like ought to be, almost like Kant. It's like that's like who you aspire to be. And then you have the elephant, which is like your system two. And that's kind of like your passive subconscious. And eventually the rider will get tired. And then your system two takes over. And basically you have to train your system two into doing the actions of your system one.

And that's through like, you know, immerseousy. and like sort of constant behavioral constant behavioral like repatterning. Yeah, that's the same. Zen has the same thing with like the ox herding. Did you ever see that like there's like six pictures and it's a guy in the woods being like just chilling? Then he sees like the footprints of an ox

and he discovers the ox and he's like, what the fuck is this? He has to tame the ox and he gets to ride the ox back home to his village and he's like, I've, you know, conquered my inner weird stuff. So it can be possible. It's one of those things where I think people, the trouble is, people go, I've conquered it. 1,000 percent and it's like no you didn't so you never conquer if you can get if you can get five huge victory yeah you know what I mean especially with like nerve that's the other thing with

anxiety it's another one where it's like especially for doing like when I started headlining I would do shows and like I would get to a green room and their my initial thoughts would be like this is wrong I'm bad this isn't the right place I'm going to ruin this I'm going to fuck this up yeah and then I'd have to go perform and like make people laugh and like that's how I feel I'm like this is not good. So just learning how to be like, yeah, I actually am very nervous right now, but, you know, it's fine. I'm just going to do what I got to do. And, you know, eventually that, like, it just all goes away. It's just, I feel bad when people never learn how to, like, get past that stuff because you genuinely can. That's my big thing. Because everyone's like,

oh, you just think you become like a floating on a cloud math. It's like, no, dude, your life will still be very hard, but you can definitely make it better for yourself. Yeah, you never reach, what is it, in Hinduism, the, what? Enlightenment or, like, more. Mokhti or Moksha. Mosha, yeah. Like, you never, like, reach it ultimately. Like, you reach it when you die. But, like, the whole purpose is trying to, like, get it close to that perfect form.

Or maybe some people do. I don't know. It's like, I'm going to try to do it. That's my goal. But it's like, I don't know. Again, it's just for me, it's just one of those things where it's like, like, I did it last night. I, like, woke up in the middle of the night to get my kids. I'm like, fuck.

I'm not going to fall asleep. I'm going to be tired. I don't know. And then what I usually do is go, fuck, dude, chill out. Stop freaking out. And I try to make myself not spaz Which just freaks me out even more Of course, you're trying to tame the horses

Yeah, I just lay there and I was like, yeah, I'm fucking spazing I might not fall asleep and I just lay there And I just was like, whatever, and then fucking pass out. Yeah. So, yeah, that's a big one man, like learning how to... Well, that's how... I view fitness the same way because I love working out. But like, I don't do it for women.

Like everyone, all my friends is like, dude, like, you're already married. Like, what's the point? And I'm like, well, the point is just like daily, like doing something difficult every single day and like trying to get better at doing hard things. Yeah, dude, and it's like, I also just feel like shit if I don't work out. Oh, yeah, of course. And I will say, I love, I flexing my wife all the time.

When I'm getting any gains, I understand it. Because we have like, you know, the setup in a bathroom was like her sink, my sink. I just stand in her mirror as she brushes her teeth and I'm like, bro, we're fucking back. You are so lucky. You got this fucking barrel of snakes. Literally. That's literally verbatim, but I hit her with. I'm like, how do you deal with this?

She's like, shut the fuck up. Shut up. I actually, I was talking to her last night and I again, I have been lifting. I'm just because I, you know, I'm obviously goals oriented in terms of like performance and maybe my body's adapting. I don't even pay attention. I don't know. But people have been like, dude, you're getting jacked, man. And like I've been, we went out last night with some of our friends from the neighborhood and some of the husbands were just teasing me being like, dude, dude, what the fuck, man?

What are you doing? And I was telling her we were like, you know, end of the night. We just got back from hanging out. And I was like, dude, I was like, I was like, I was like, I. I really wish, like, you know, our friends would stop, like, pointing out the fact that my shoulders have gotten bigger. It makes me feel really weird. I was like, can you send a message to, like, all their wives to, like, tell them and stuff? She's like, you're such a fucking idiot.

Shut up. No, I need to put it on Facebook immediately. Just like, you put it in, like, the HOA group. You know what I mean? Just be like, hey, guys, been getting a lot of compliments by my jacked physique and my godly body. Everybody Paulson would just kind on that. You know what I mean? Like, I don't comment on your fat, fuggly body, so maybe it's returning kind.

I kept telling her, I'm like, I feel like a girl with huge tits. I'm like, it's not cool. I'm also not, I do not have that like crazy. You're never being the trend allegations. I'm telling you, I swear you God, I'm open for the test at any time. No, no, no, no, no. We're getting usada out here. Please.

Imagine if I pulled out, if I just got the, if I got Dana to come out and test you a quick? Dude, right, I will do it right now. No, we got it, we got to check. You're on the creatine? Yeah, I'm on the creotose? Yeah, I've been fucking with a macro. You saw the, you saw the same Instagram post I saw? It was like, dude, 20 grams a day.

You're never going to be tired every year. I know a guy that was 40, but. It was just from Twitter My friend was ripping My friend Egan He was the one who opened my eyes To the Cree He goes, because I was doing like

You know, the regular five It does do something to your brain You're doing bitch shit, dude, five? Five's nothing. I started bumping it to like 10 It's supposed to be five This is not medical advice If you're taking five, stick with five

Talk to Chachshadipat All the experts do say five is totally fine They say like it just builds up over time Yeah But there's a study I don't know how true it is They say if you take heavier doses It whatever it does in your brain

combats sleep deprivation Like the actual physical theft That's the exact thing that I saw So I've been bumping at like 1520 Damn Yeah and it's awesome I one time I tried to buy creatine on Amazon It wouldn't let me because I didn't have my ID

And I had to like put in my ID on Amazon What? Yeah it's like watching porn in Texas You gotta like lock in with the feds You had to put the fucking ID in there? You had to put like my license To prove I was over 18 I didn't have it on me

So I was like whatever So I kept on clicking different ones Trying to find one to get through None of them went through And then a week later my wife calls And she goes what did you order I was like I try to get creatine.

You got the FBI to your house. Legit, we got 10 boxes of creatine. Just stacked up in my lobby. My neighbors think I'm just some psycho. Just stacking creatine. Like, there's a recession coming. I know someone who tried it. No, you know what?

I've seen people bring protein powder on the airplane. It's like a white powder in a bag. It's like, bro. I can't bring it on the plane because I get swabbed every time. Really? TSA comes over and goes, hey, excuse me, Jack, dude. Can you just open your bag real quick? And they go, what do you got in here?

I got, it's creatine. They can mind if we swab it? I got to test me right now. bro. Yeah. Take it, I'll take it to the face. I'll snort it.

Actually, you didn't get good night's sleep. You might have to take 10 grams out of the real quick. Yeah, you seem sleep deprived. You mean there's this 4 a. Does it fuck your stomach up? I don't know.

I've just, no, not really. When I took like 15 to one morning and it doesn't, but I notice I'm not hungry all day. Yeah. If I have like a ton of it in the morning. Yeah.

I don't know. I thought when I was little, I thought it was like the most serious shit in the world. I was like, when people don't creatine, when I was like, yo,

he's on creatine. Yeah, the linebacker on the high school football team. Yeah, yeah. Taking creatine, you're like, boom, who. Like, you know that stuff comes out of your skin, right? People tell me, like, if you don't drink enough water, like, you just break out and crazy. It's like, it's not true at all. Yeah.

You can take so much of that shit. I think worse comes to worse, you just get diarrhea. Yeah. Just like, whatever. Dude, honestly, the thing that's, like, been so helpful, and I do this on the road specifically, I've been reading the work of Dr. Jason Fung. Who's that? Oh, dude, you're fun daddy.

You're going to love Fung Dad. He's sick as hell. He's, uh... What's his thing? So his thing, he's a big fasting guy. Nice. And he's just like, his whole thing is like weight and like weight loss is completely connected to insulin spikes. That makes sense.

Which is controversial. A lot of people are like, no, it's just calories in calories out. Obviously, it's just, you know, laws of thermodynamics. But his thing is like, increased insulin will create insulin sensitivity. And then increased insulin sensitivity will make your body not be able to process food and nutrients properly. You're just going to have huge spikes. So his whole thing is just like one meal a day. sick high protein high fats nice just like steak butter vegetables how's that once a day like three o'clock

and then you'll get if you can get like 180 grams of protein in there in one meal you'll rock you'll be rocking and i've been doing that over the past like six months it's been like transformative really i feel amazing did you blood work and all that stuff yeah and everything's great i got like kind of high like cholesterol i don't worry about that yeah but then i'm like i don't know my whole family got high cholesterol yeah that shit is nice for your brain stops Alzheimer's or Yeah, I'm not worried about that. My dad has type 2 diabetes. And I was on the doorstep of, like, pre-type 2 diabetes.

Did you get a glucose monitor? No, I should get one. They got one on Stella. Really? Stello is the one I use. It's just like a non-diabetic kind of like... I consider myself like the scooter brawn of like medical quackery. Yeah.

Like I just find... I just do it all. I find shit. I'm like, dude, Vegas nerve stimulator. I'll buy it. You know what I'm just going to sleep with a contraption on my neck. I just fucking shock at me in the middle of the night. Yeah, I did the glucose monitor and that shit was awesome.

Connected to a app on my phone. fun. Really? I wear it for like two weeks. And it's just like every time I eat, I can see my glucose go up and down. Every time I work out, I see it go up and down. Like, I can just track it throughout the day. And then like, I can see how different foods impact me. So like, I didn't realize food that I thought my whole life was like nutritious and super delish. Yeah. It was actually terrible. My mom made shepherd's pie, all time favorite meal. So good. Dude. Dude. Dude. I think it's the greatest meal ever invented. And I would, I would, I went home, I crushed it and my insulin was like higher than ice cream. What? And I was like, boy. And I was like, boy. And I was like, really. And I was like, What is this? And she's like, oh, yeah, it's all the corn. Corn, mashed potatoes, a little bit of protein. Yeah. But, like, his whole theory is just like, only natural foods, one meal a day, high fat, high protein. And I'm not hungry for 48 hours. Yeah, you don't really need.

I did a, I did like a four, it was a four or five. No, it was four. We were supposed to do a five-day fast, but I had to do a show and I broke it the day before. But I did a four-day. By the way, too, I did stand up on a two-day fast. I was ripping. Bro, that's what I do on the road. You really don't eat that much until you just don't eat when you travel, pretty much.

Unless I'm eating like high quality foods Like today we've went to like a healthy food restaurant In the domain It was like true food I think Oh yeah yeah And like it was great I just got like salmon steak vegetables And like I feel great

That's the only thing I'll eat till tomorrow Probably tomorrow evening And I might even just push it if I feel good Doing a show on a fast I don't know if that's just like Dude I'm telling Might be a bias but I feel good No I did it I was worried

I did it at the mothership And I was like worried That I was gonna like pass out Just in my head I'm like what if I fucking just completely glitch course. Then after the first, I was kind of nervous for five minutes. And once I settled down, I was like, you just feel so sharp. Yeah. So my, I, fasting-wise, what I like, because I did the four-day, I was like, that was a bit much. Two-day and then break with bone broth on the third day and then eat on the fourth. Dude, like, trying to get better because I can pig. That's the other thing. Oh, dude. That's my ultimate vice. That's my biggest vice of anything in my life, truly, is just the sugar crash out. Yeah. And the only thing that curbed it, my whole life, I've been trying to figure out ways to get off sugar. I'm like, oh, I only do this. That's, I don't. I don't. it's just high fats satiate me and I just don't crave sugar at all

Yeah that's actually yeah I just don't eat them anymore I just like For the most part I used to just like kind of criss Especially with kids you're like You guys want some cookies And then you just eat seven cookies

Well dude a wife is the worst thing It's like unbelievable Because women have self control I don't know how or why Kind of My wife will get like a cookie And then just I'll open the fridge And they'll be like half a cookie

I'm like what is this She's like I'm working on it Yeah We ordered this two days ago She's like yeah You know I'm just I'm nibbling That makes sense I always call it my fridge as my wife's food museum.

She just like saves all this takeout and shit. I'm like, we have to eat this right now. Yeah. That was the other thing too. I'd be like, I have to finish all this food. And it's like, because I don't want to throw it out. It's like, I don't want to waste food. But at the same time, it's like, also shouldn't treat my body like a trash can.

Like if I can't, if I'm going to like feel sick from eating all this food, I should probably just let it go. I literally have a note in my phone from the last time I crashed out on sugar. And the note on my phone literally just says like, hey, you feel bad when you do this. You don't like doing this? Like, it's literally like, it's like a suicide note to myself. It's like, hey, you're going to regret this. You're better than this.

That's my thing with sugar. It's like, I don't like it. Like, I don't, the feeling I get after. First of all, like, if I'm eating ice cream, first two bites, awesome. Like, this is fucking awesome. I love this. Diminishing returns, though. Yeah, by the time I finish, like, a cup, I'm like, A, I feel terrible.

My mouth feels all fucking weird. And then I'm like, damn, I really wish I didn't do that. Yeah. So now that's what I just like, same thing. I'm like, we're out to dinner last night. And she was like, my wife's looking at the dessert menu. It's like, I'm not getting anything. I'm not eating.

I don't eat. You can't do a bite because if I do a bite, I'm spiraling. Yeah, yeah, I don't. Share it with me. I'm like, first of all, no, I'm going to make sure I get more than you if we're doing that. Yeah. Second of all, it's like, no, I don't want it. I don't want it at all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're able to just do a little bit and just move on, not me. Dude, it's almost like, I've, like, I've tried it because I've tried to tell her, like, stop eating sugar all together. And she's like, I get my period. like I have to eat something fucked up and it's like, why? She's like, you don't understand I'm like, whatever, fair enough.

She wouldn't get it, dude, you're just full of semen. Yeah, exactly. You're jacked. Dude, literally. They have no idea. The full of semen thing, they have no, they have no fucking conception of that. They think they know.

But it's like, dude, that wasn't even half of my power. Yeah. I mean, what I gave you was just a, that was just a taste. Yeah, that was not, well, they also, they have no idea. My brother was explaining it. He was like, he was telling his wife, he's like, look, you know, like girls have anxiety.

all the time about like 100,000 things. You guys are like, oh, fuck, I got to get a calendar. He's like, I have that with coming. Just all the time. I'm like, when am I going to bus? Dude, the panic bust is crazy. Just being just anxious, just like a squirrel in the woods. Just like, dude, I gotta get this one off.

That was my move traveling. So I'm like, I can't sleep. And it was just panic bust. Hit the button, pass out. Bro, the thing with not sleeping that helped me so much, one, take a little supplement. Yeah. Take a little, what do they call it?

It starts with a G. I can't wait a forgetting. Gaba? No, it's a glyph. G.H.B. No. Trend. Yeah.

No, I can't believe I'm... I can't believe I'm forgetting the name. But yeah, it's just like a supplement that people take... Oh, magnesium. Yeah, I take magnesium. I do magnesium and el-thianine. Yeah. I started fucking with the dark arts of...

Now I'm blank. Melatonin. Whoa. Yeah, you got careful with that. Yeah, it's super... It's not habit for me. I'm like, yeah, it is. Yeah.

Because I would take it. And first of all, like, I'm, like, sensitive. shit so I would take melatonin and it puts me in like a weird twilight state for like 20 minutes where I'm like I just feel weird especially if I have like caffeine in my system yeah because then it like fights against the melatonin the caffeine are battling yeah I just feel wretched and then I do get like a wildly fitful night of sleep but the problem is like I didn't want to take this every night so yeah I had a stuff I was like I'm traveling I should take melatonin to reset my circuit and it was just like I would get home like I should take it again

and I would start taking it every night and it's like I can't have this start sleepwalking and shit though I would just You know, I sleep like a, I'm like dead. I take it. I don't, because I have, I have, like, I have tons of dreams. Anytime I've done, like, sleep tracking with, like, aura rings and stuff, I'm in REM sleep for, like, four, three and a half, four hours a night. I don't really get a lot of deep sleep, which is probably bad.

Right. But. You ever heard of the zombie killer? This is a guy that took a sleep medication in Canada in the 80s. Crazy story. Psycho, right? So he, the corner of the story, he plays a rugby game. He's exhausted.

He takes a sleep medication, like a prescription. Yeah, yeah. knocks out, wakes up in his truck covered in blood, calls the police. He goes, I don't know what happened. I'm in my truck. I've been gone for the past eight hours. I think I was sleepwalking. Someone sent help.

His hands are all cut up. Turns out he, like, murdered his mother-in-law and his father-in-law. What? He drove to their house, killed him. Goes to the courts in Canada, typical Canadian courts, you know, Trudeau's Canada. They basically say, yeah, it was just a mistake. He didn't mean to. Gets off and creates precedent for, like, this sleepy zombie killer that just, like,

murdered people and his alibi is like yeah i was sleepwalking i have no memory i took a sleep medication i don't know what happened i killed my in-laws the perfect the perfect crime i'm guessing the marriage didn't last i got to double check the date on this this is back in the 80s you know damn crazy right so it could happen to be careful with melatonin i was a sleepwalker back in the day i used to walk i tried to jump out the window when i was little no way where we yeah screen stopped me i was just i had my i shared a room with my brothers and i had my foot pressing against the screen trying to get out no way i was just like yo bro You got fucking, you might have been MK Ultra

Did you? I might have been See I was trying to take care of you dude You chapped into your sleeper self I was just trying to kill myself At night time It was like two story I would have been falling from like

Yeah I would have been dead for sure I would have been severely fucked up Maybe I would have lived I mean it depends you were inline skating back then True I was I was boreded back then I when I was younger I was a skateboarder But I had a secret passion for rollerblading But it was just like completely taboo

You caught the end wave of it Yeah it would have been like if I bust I was way better at rollerblading than I was a skateboarding And I was like okay at skateboarding, but I was, like, nasty at blading. But if I, like, busted out the blades while my boys were all bored in, it would have been...

Yeah, you can't. They would have kicked me. I would have got exiled. I mean, the worst part is you've got to put your shoes in the skate park. You know what I mean? Like, you gotta just, like, leave your etneys just, like, on the rant.

First of all, they'd be like, we're taking these etneys. You can't win them anymore. Edney privileges denied. You're going home barefoot, dude. Dude, I started skateboarding, like, after years and years of not doing it. There was, like, a pump track.

Oh yeah I've been ripping that thing on a skateboard It's the greatest And you loosen up the trucks real good Oh you have to Oh no no sorry Mine were way too loose When I bought it

And I like I remember I like They're building around my house So like they're always building new houses Around it still So like I got my skateboard home I didn't realize the trucks are so loose I hopped on it in front of a bunch of construction workers

Wheelbite Completely had to like It flew out Went 40 feet away And I just like walk away Like I'm such a fucking loser Yeah there's my kids I was a fucking kind of fat 40 year old

just falling off a skateboard. Dude, I had an adult fall after picking up skateboard after not skating since I was a kid. It's fucked up when you fought scary. Dude, it's insane. Yeah.

Like, I like, because I skate when I was a kid. Yeah. Just like normal shit. I would just like drop in like bowls. I only did vert skating. I never like street skating at all. That's pretty sick.

I just loved like going up ramps and fucking, you know, hitting like. You should hit this pump track. It's literally. How far? It's not far. It's,

it's 20 minutes from here. I would love this. It's, dude, you hop on it. You literally drop in and it's just, you know you have like these little concrete waves that you literally pump your legs yeah yeah yeah they used to have one in williamsburg they they patched up they they drilled over it dude the gentrifiers took over our town it's heaven i i put in i'll like play music i used to listen to when i skateboard it as like a seventh grader like

311 shit dude it's like it's amazing just rap metal the whole time dude dude just amber just crushing amber just literally dude it's i do 311 music the first album it's so fucking sick and then i'll you just kind of like it's like it feels and I've only surfed like once or twice but it's like it's similar where you're just kind of like I mean it's totally different but you're kind of just like locked in a groove where you're like oh yeah you're not pushing off you're completely being propelled by the course and you got to like you know like get good at like coming up on a big quarter pipe coming down drop it and there's a there's like all these little turns and there's one way if you do it you gain speed and there's this thing it's like probably as tall as like that tree like where

things diverge right there and if you're going fast enough you catch a little bit of air and then come down really I mean like I'll see pro skaters do it and they'll get like full like six feet up in the air yeah I'll get like I'll get that much dude I'm in heaven I get like an inch of air and I'm like holy fuck I mean that's so sick it's awesome but also a lot of you can even air out without

even going up like if you just kind of like pull the board up when you're on the wall like you kind of you still catch the wave a little but it's scary as an adult you're like dude if I fall I'm dead so I went back to the skate part there's one right next to studio we record the pot at and my buddy Andrew has it it's called substance skate park it's sick and I was just going through cruising around and I would just like listen to music

and I was like I'm gonna go to the big one drop in and it's like a 10 foot pipe and I dropped in on it and just like hit the sidewall and I'm like 190 and I just crash into it and like people walked around

and they were like are you okay I was like yeah I used to fall when I was a kid and it was fine and now there's a grown man I just had to like my knee was fucked up yeah you're fucked for a while my left knee

is still fucked up I've gotten hurt this year more than like the last 10 years combined I went on a Zip zip line pretty much again like it was about let's say like the height of the top of a six foot ladder like those those like lights would be the zip line my kids are there I'm like it was like an Airbnb we ran it and we've been there before and I've done it before no problem so guys check this out the second time we went there jumped on it it just completely snapped out so I like

literally jumped from six feet up and just landed ass first luckily in like soft grass and there was bolder like giant boulders sticking out of the ground I would have been fucked but my knee was like right here was just It was my right knee, I don't know. It was over here. Pride for like... Could have been a good settlement. Four months.

Yeah, I can't, man. My dad drilled that into my head. He was like, you can't sue people, dude. He can't litigate when you're being dumb. He's like, yeah, he's like, you also jumped off. Yeah, it's one thing if you get like side swipe by a truck. It's like, dude, you jumped off a zip line. You're fucking 190 pounds.

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I remember, like, zip-lined as an adult. Again, my parents had one as a kid coming off the tree house. It was so sick. It's awesome. But, like, I was on it and then, like, I let go. And it just whipped up immediately, like, hit my chin, just knocked my whole shit back, rock them, sock them. Yeah, it was tough. But, dude, yeah, as, like, you know, late 30s, falling from six feet, it felt,

I thought I was like, I was convinced I broke my neck and, like, I was Christopher Reeves up. Like, when I hit the ground, I was like, My little nephew was laughing at me. I'm like, it's not fucking foot. I was so mad. Just rage quitting? Yeah, well, I was just like, dude, stop fucking laughing. I might have to go to the hospital.

And I was like, walk around. My kids are looking at me. I was like, fuck. They've seen me get fucked up so many times. Really? Yeah, I broke my nose, boogie boarding. Body surfing, I broke my nose. Just at the beach at a sandbar?

No way. Made them line up. I was like, guys, watch this. My wife's like, come on. I'm like, we're done. I was like, watch this, guys, before we go in. And I rode one way if they weren't paying attention. I was like, guys.

Final wave Pay attention My family stood Right at the edge of the surf And I was like Stand right there And I just came in flying And I went too fast

And I think it was like a young lady's Boogie board flew up And it cracked my nose And dude It was like broken in three places No fucking way Yeah we'd leave the beach We had to like go home

Yeah I'd get my nose fixed You're officially done You gotta get a reset and everything Your eyes were all black and shit Completely black eyes Dude for like a week It sucks so bad

But that's the worst way to do it too It was like hey I try to show up From my family Yeah they were scared You gotta say you got to fight I came out of the water and my nose was like moved over. My daughters were like crying. They were so scared.

And I was like, it rang my bell. So I was like kind of like concussed a little bit. Bro, I did that on a wake skate one time. I was wake skating behind my friend's boat in high school. And I fell just like on the wake and then like came up out of the water and just just wake skate to the face. I didn't break my nose, but it split me real good. And then I was just bleeding everywhere.

And I didn't even know. I was like, no, I'm fine. and they're like, no, you're ruining the boat. Yeah. There's blood everywhere, swim back. Yeah, dude, I was recording my special like two weeks ago, I think. And a lot of the intro, a lot of it shot in POV. Yeah.

So they have like a guy, like a body double to operate the cameras. It's like a pretty, it's like a serious rig. And one of the shots, I was like, let me do it. And they were saying they're like, rule of thumb. Like, we don't let people do it, but they're like, fine, dude, just like, whatever. I went so hard. It was like, I did a thing where I was sitting down. I kicked my leg to be like because I was like angry.

the thing. Dude, the camera just came right at the thing came up. Night two of filming, I had a giant fucking wound in my forehead. And it was like a big deal. So you gotta like match the footage and everything. I was like, fuck, because I had, we're still figuring out now, but I have for the night too, I had a, like literally as an

active wound, they had to put liquid bandage and it kind of just like kept it in place. No way. Yeah, I fucking rocked myself in the head. With the cam. With the cam. Dude, these POV you guys are real warriors, huh? They are. How are they gooning it with that? You know? how are they even do that? We gotta look at the science

I think classics just camcourt This was like it's made to look like You're it looks like you're like seeing out of the person's GTA shit Yeah so it looks a little like You just see arms and legs running around But I wore it for five seconds And hurt myself

And it's the same thing Like it got I have they sent me the footage Where I'll show you after it It was like I hit my thing and you hear Clonk in the head And you just hear my wife like

Are you alright? I'm like Yeah I'm fine Why relax I'm fine So you just hear people like Oh shit dude Sit still It was just four straight lines of just a cut bleeding on my head.

I was like, nothing worse than injuring yourself than having to, like, sit in it for a little bit. You know what I mean? Like, I was being a dumbass. Like, I've done that before. Like, I was, like, hit a ramp, like, when I was a kid. And then you fall and everyone's watching. And you're just like, oh, well, this is going to be a whole thing.

You got to lay there. Yeah. People are going to tell my mom. She's going to be mad of me. Dude, I could have, like, for real, ruin my special. Because it was like, I have this giant. And I'm like, we'll see what happens. But I have this giant woman.

Did you have to address it? No, they, they, uh, it was really funny. So they like, they put liquid bandage over it just to see like, because they, we had, we taped one night, so we're taping the second night. And the idea is to like get the best footage. But if you got a splice, you want to look exactly the same. Right. So I have like one night where it's normal and the other night where it's just like,

you can totally see it. But it's like they, what they do is they put liquid bandage and then they try to like cover it with makeup. But then, which was fine, they got it to kind of match. But then as soon as I start doing standup, the rest of my face turns red. No. There's just a white, pale white bag. In the middle of my head. Just the reverse hindoo, just full, just white dot, the middle of the forehead.

You didn't sleep at all that night. You're on 50 grams of creatine. Juice to the gills. You're just jacked and white dotted. But it was honestly, it was funny because, like, it was a big deal. It was like, you know, it's a second night of filming and it's like, they're trying to get it to match and everyone. Like, it was like kind of a freak out. It's like a collective freak out.

And I literally had to just be like, guys, there's nothing we can do. We have CGI. Yeah, that's the thing, too. I was like, guys, I'm pretty sure if they make sure. transformers explode. They can cover up a tiny patch in my forehead. But it was just another, again, it was like, thank God. That's the thing too.

And you try to sell like the meditation stuff on people. Like, I don't see the point. I just sit there and I get angry. It's like, yeah, why are you fucking getting that annoyed to sit in a chair silently for 10 minutes? That's a major problem. Yeah. You can't literally just exist in yourself for 10 minutes without having a absolute kind of like borderline psychotic, like a light psychotic episode at the point where you're like, I tried that shit. It's not for me.

It's like, yeah, you have fucking problems. dude. You can't sit in a chair without bugging out. That's not good. But luckily I had done all that stuff to where like, you know, it's like it's kind of intimidating. You're on a big thing. There's a crew of like 30 people. There's all these cameras. They're all there for you. I've sold this special, all this stuff.

And I had to like, it was just one of those things. I had to be like, they're like, oh man, if only we didn't, I'm like, dudes, we literally talking about what we could have done is totally pointless. Patch me up. I'm going to just rip these shows. I just need an eyepatch. Yeah, just fuck. Dan Crenshaw. Get me out there.

Dude, I could let this thing fly. It would honestly help. I'd be dead serious. If you just had a full black eye, it's special, never addressed it. People might think, they might think you're Illumani though. They might think your black eye club.

They might be black guy. They're like, dude, Claude Schwab got to him, dude. Dude, I was like, it was a huge victory for me to be like, I just kept my cool and it was just like, guys, let's just do it. Like, there's nothing we could do now. My forehead is fucked.

Yeah. We're crossing the Delaware, boys. It is what it is. Yeah. And it was one of those things that made me laugh because, you know, I get in my head with that shit. And it was like, just the first night, you know, you're all nervous and shit.

I was more relaxed after cracking my head because it was just a reminder like, yeah, dude, you're a fucking dumbass. Like, don't be that serious. Like, you're not built to be serious. If you try to be serious, it's just bad for your body. Because you cracked your head,

just go rip it and do your thing. Yeah, it kind of takes the pressure off. It really, it kind of did in a weird way. It was just like, well, fuck, all right, well, I might have fucking, I might have blown this. I've done that before I go on stage. Like, I get in my head where I'm like,

is this outfit? Like, I'm not a hat guy. I can wear hats. That's not funny. Also, no one can wear hats on stage. Only black comics. You can't wear a hat. I've tried the baseball hat thing.

Even just, like, trying material out. And it's like, I was in my head the entire, I'm like, who am? What am I, Jerry Seinfeld with a fucking hat on? I was like, take this thing to fuck off your head. But, like, I've spilled, like, mustard on my shirt before. And it's the best sets ever. Yeah. Because I walk out there, I'm like, nothing matters.

Who cares? Dude, my, I think this was the last time I filmed my special. I was taking a shit between shows. And I don't know if it was doing the special. and I might have just been like headlining at heel I don't know what it was but I was doing a show

and it was like you know kind of high at the time high pressure situation and I was taking a shit and you ever like you're not like angling your dom correctly and you pee through the toilet seat yeah I've been there

I pissed all over my leg and I just had it go I had pee soaked just a full peeze just all yeah I had like a I would say like a four inch in diameter patch of piss soaked jeans

and I like went out on stage and I was like I literally pissed all over my jeans before I came up here and everyone was like ew and I was like oh I'm just kidding I literally did I was like I fucking pissed my pants kind of effectively I effectively pissed my pants

But again it just kind of just shows the absurdity of life Yeah exactly It doesn't matter what's that fun Exactly it's like what am I trying to look cool I just pissed myself I banged my head It's like I'm not cool This is what it is

Yeah you'd pull a daddy daycare or whatever What's the Sandler movie? What's the Saternity? Oh Mr. Deeds Yeah No no that's uh Billy Madison Billy Madison Everyone piece of pants

Exactly But yeah that's uh Yeah you just got to let it rip Okay before we dip I just wanted to ask you as an author Are there any books that you recommend or any Wikipedia wormholes you've been going down? Currently, so two prongs. So if it's like, I've been writing a lot of fiction lately.

I've been, I wrote a book, I self-published. I actually took it off Amazon because now what I've been doing with writing, it's like, I love writing. I do it. I literally do it kind of like all day as much as I can. But it's like I also want to produce, I want to start like producing books. And I've recently, with like the, so my whole point is like, I've teamed up now. So I like, I had that first book.

I did it. It was okay. I like reread it because I wrote it so long ago. I reread it. I'm like, I got to like, I've gotten better. So I don't like, I just felt kind of like, not embarrassed, but I'm like, I could make this better. Sure. But then like, I started working with one of my friends who's like, for real, fantastic writer.

So now what I, what I've been doing with him, his name is Pedro Salinas, he's a man. I took like my old book and I'm like, you know, tear this thing apart. And then we're going to let's re. imagine this book, keep all the characters of settings, let's just like, almost like a version 2.0. Well, it lets us brainstorm, but he kind of handles a lot of the kind of high level, like, pro

stuff. So it's like, I can, now I can just sit there and just be like, this is what I want it to be about. He can be like, well, that doesn't make sense, this is great, and we just go back and forth. That's so fun. We're writing, like, two books right now, like that. Which is kind of sick. And then now I just do a substack where I just write, like, just like essays and shit and put them out for free. Well, dude, I was even

going through some of the articles in your website. Oh, yeah. So fun. Thank you. Like, they're like, They're like, did you read Dave Barry growing up? No. He's like just a humorist. Just like a funny guy. I read him when I was a kid. But like, just like I didn't realize until I read his shit that like just words like pros can be so funny.

Oh yeah. And like reading your stuff, it had a similar energy. I was like, I'm laughing more at this than I do like a lot of comedy specials. Because like there's something about like internalizing and reading in my voice, the words that is funny to me. Maybe it's just like an innate narcissism. I don't know. But like I'm just reading. I'm like dying laughing.

reading an article. Well, that's, that's been my mission for a while, especially with like the podcast and stand-up is, again, you get so in your head and you're like, oh, like, entertainment's one of those things where like, you know, you know, comedians, everyone, people, if you, once it works out for you, like, so many people do it and, you know, you make no money at all, then it works. And, like, stand-ups one place that always freaked me out where, like, you'll see people making, like, doctor's salaries who are miserable. So, like, I should be making 50,000 times this. And that's, to me, is like a track. If you get on that, you're just going to be miserable forever. Of course.

So I try, you know, again, I'm not perfect to this. I try to be like, let me just genuinely make an effort to like make people laugh at their, give them little things that can like just escape the absolute torture in hell of like a regular job. Yeah. Like 90% of regular jobs. Some I guess could be fun. But it's like, let me just focus on that instead. And it makes, it's like, you're not like, you know, I'm so nice.

It just makes me, it takes the anxiety off me, really. Dude, the hard boner test is so far. Hard burner test. Someone turned that into a video with like, Subtitle, it's my, because I forgot I wrote that. And then I saw a thing on Twitter or something, and it was like, someone took it and turned it into one of those like Hope Corps type videos. Dude, it's, it's awesome, man.

But I've been like, that's, my whole point was I realized like, all right, novels, I'll get there one day, but I'm not there yet. Let me, like, really work on, like, the things that are truly in my wheelhouse. And then, like, books that I want to do, I write them with my friend who's actually equipped to produce, like, a publishable, like, you know, like, professional-grade thing. because novels, it's like I could eke one out, but it's not going to be the level I want. I need help to do that. So this fiction book, is it fantasy?

No, the fiction book, so the one I'm doing right now is like the original one that's like a 2.0 was like a kind of like a crime novel that I wrote based. It was like I came up with it when I was in Philly like loosely just like I didn't make up a lot of it and some of it was like somewhat true stuff or whatever. And then I did that and then I'm reworking that one now to make it just kind of better. and then the other one is more kind of like a weird fantasy kind of sci-fi one it's not sci-fi but it's like more fantasy than kind of grounded in reality

that's sick but but in terms of answer your question sorry for the long tangent but to answer your question for fiction what I've been doing is I read I've been reading Elmore Leonard a lot he wrote get shorty he wrote like he wrote like 45 books and a lot of them have been turned into movies

but he writes in like a very clear like because when I wrote my first book what I did was I try to like prove I was a good writer by just like over explaining things like the classic thing and like and the sun was beautiful and dazzling you know shit like that he kind of does like the opposite where it's like very lean and you know so I like I just read books that I like and I like actively dissect them where I'll like that was a really cool passage I take a picture of it and I'll like kind of break it down so that when I am writing I have like a toolkit of like here's all

the things I like here's why I like them how do I what are better ways like show you know X Y and Z so I've been doing that with fiction books just like reading them breaking them down. Nonfiction right now, I'm in like a bit of a slump, but I have been reading about the Desert Fathers, and that's like my favorite shit right now, where it's like the guys who I guess it was like the fourth century, right when Christianity became the official religion of Rome, these guys were like, this is fucked up. Because it really was like they were kind of, I mean, it's kind of like we were talking about in the very beginning. They were clashing against a pagan society where they're like, again, it's not, I don't like to talk about this

being like you're evil if you would do this or do that like not at all we're all pulled to do that kind of stuff but they their philosophy of the world was like the only thing that only you know treasures and pleasures that can be had are in this temporal worldly existence you know that was like rome like glory to your family riches subjugate everyone becalian orgies yeah literally like yeah we're gonna pack this thing full of like ladies we're gonna have some freaks we're gonna laugh at them might fuck the freaks too it was just like it was just you would try to gain worldly status and just make yourself as comfortable and kind of like titillated as possible. And these early Christian

guys were like, it's not it. And they ran to the desert just to be like hermits in the desert and just figure out like just a better way basically. I've been reading. It's like the book is full of, it's called the wisdom of the desert and it's full of just their little like sayings and aphorisms. This is Martin? Yeah, Thomas Merton. He's a man.

He was all, he was a monk as well. But that's as I get older, I just like reading about monks. I'm like, it's such a crazy thing to be like, literally everything in the world. You're supposed to just swear it off. Yeah. Just. Just pure ascetic lifestyle yeah it's fucked up and i'll never do that but it's cool i like to read about it and you ever read about the agori of india these are like the dudes that they're they're typically like shivite like mystics and so they like have a devotional path to or no maybe they're vishnavite

yeah i think they're vishnavite which one's the destroyer shiva shiva shiva shiva shiva no there's shivite ascetics that basically see death as like pure escape and so they're like they like just live out in the wilderness and like they cremate their dead and like bathe in the ashes like you might have seen pictures of these guys they're just like they're just like coded in the ashes of the dead and they see it as like they're like sort of like temporal gaining of like enlightenment and in moxha that they're able to like connect with the ultimate destruction which then leads to enlightenment and like all death is rebirth that flowers die then they grow new flowers and like they're just pure aesthetics that just live out there and just just

bathe out in the cremation. I just, I don't know what it is. I love hearing those guys' thoughts. When they're like, because the book, the desert book is, it's kind of similar where they're just kind of like chilling in little huts. And the whole thing was like, you know, if you're fasting, cool. But if you get like attached to the fact that like how sick it is that you're fasting, they're like, you're doing it wrong.

Right, you missed it. Might as well as eat a meal with their boys at that point. Like, so it's like, I don't know. There's something to be said. The reason I like to read it is like, it's not a stretch to be like the way. things are going now, it's not very great to be like, you know, addicted to social media, addicted to like only fans, porn, it does, it does kind of strip away, you know, if you're a young guy, it's like, I want to have a family at one point, but you're just like in debt because of like,

you know, online gambling and only fans, you're like, there's, you got to break out. There's some, there's need to be some like breakaway thing. We're just like, you know, just a reordering of, you know, how do you orient your life and like, what is a, you know, how do you exist in a way that doesn't make you fucking like furious and feel horrible all the time. Yeah, of course. And all like the cheap hits of dopamine are just going to basically just lock you into sadness long term. And that like kind of

detachment from worldly pleasures is kind of a better long term bit. It's like we're pretty locked into that. Like it's, I, with kids too, it's like I catch myself all the time. I'm like, all right, everyone put on TV. So you guys can watch TV so I can stare at my phone and it's like probably not the best. I mean, I wouldn't, I'm not like a purist on it.

Obviously, you need your little breaks to fucking chill. Of course. But parenting has shown me like it does reveal the double standard that I hold for myself. You know, we're like, I'm like, you can't look at the iPad. But I can go on my phone all day and just doom scroll and just like a war and horse.

I'm gonna do it in front of you too. Yeah, yeah, you can't though. And you can't eat sugary food. But I can order cookies at 3 a.m. It's crushed. Don't try. I'll be on my phone. Like, what's that?

I'm like, oh, you just, you guys, don't even look at this thing. This will fuck you up. I just hold my kids at such a different standard than me. Yeah. I mean, it's like not fair. And so it calls me to be like,

oh maybe if I'm going to make him not eat sugar maybe I should be a little more disciplined with my diet and if I'm going to like encourage him to go be active and play outside maybe I should be outside you know that's my thing yeah that that's that's that's pretty much it it's like yeah what did that like if I had to boil it down it's like again I'm with my kids tired

I'm like annoyed because I've been like you know hurting them around all day like heard the fuck up stop and it's like if I can catch myself in those moments being like huh huh I just want to look at my phone I just want to break I have to do all this stuff for work If I can learn to shut that down and be like, no, man, I'm chilling with these guys. Like, it's literally up to me to come up with something fun to do.

Be present. It's cool, be present. And, like, you know, just like, you know, so I've been really, and just reading about the Desert Fathers does help me. I'm like, damn, these guys were in a fucking hut that they built in the desert with literally nothing. Yeah. It's like, I can figure this out. I don't have to be such a bitch that I'm like,

I haven't had any time to check my Twitter. It's important for my job. I have to look at it. It's all bullshit. Right. Dude, Chris Ryan wrote a great book called Civilized to Death. And basically he just sort of explored. is like our modern compulsion

towards like just being happy in the present and just not ever really being actually present but just constantly seeking like other hits of happiness. Yeah, I do. Dude, I literally just wrote a substack about this. Really? Just about harvesting joy. It's like you have to,

it's all about like, and again, I say this, I always include myself on this, but it's like you grow up with the idea. Like if you can arrange your external circumstances in a certain way, there's going to be like, you know, those movies,

like we got the missing piece and it like unlocks, everything starts glowing. blue and we've opened the gate the portal it's like it doesn't exist like there's in my opinion it's like you can make your life better and you should but it's also like what people don't focus on is like how do you train the instrument which actually experiences happiness which is yourself yeah like there's no external circumstance that is truly going to unlock that but you can train your mind to have like a steady slow drip of like just kind of contentment that wasn't

there before furthermore is suffering inherently bad you know what I mean like we have such an version of suffering and like obviously gross suffering like at scale is like atrocious and obviously is terrible but like minor forms of acute suffering in your daily life is it actually always bad no way i think it's good man because like before i had kids i had all the free time in the world and i'd be like oh i'm bored what am i doing with my life and now i have no fucking free time so when i get it i'm like oh yeah if i get an hour that i can just like do whatever i want. Yeah. It's fucking amazing. Yeah. So I'll, it's like yeah, I, yeah, you have to kind of, you know, eat some shit in

just in life in general. Because if you never had anything bad happened to you, I can't even, I can't imagine that. Yeah, what is the point? Yeah, truly. I mean, this is like, uh, the nice thing with kids is also gives purpose to the suffering. Like all suffering is sort of purposeville, which is very much like a, a Victor Frankel idea. It's like, yeah, dude, like you're suffering for a reason. And as long as you're suffering for a reason, it's, it's, it's endurable. You know what I mean? Like, you can get through it like you can sort of rationalize that's dude again that's what the desert fathers are all about a lot of their sayings are like dude if your life's easy you're fucked you need a hard life if your life's

not hard like you're fucked you need a hard life and you know and again not to like fetish fetticize your own suffering but just to be like just what it is dude yeah no of course it's fucking hard it genuinely doesn't feel good a lot of the time yeah but you know if you can use your kind of like creative powers to like somehow turn it into a thing that feels kind of like good and beautiful. It's like huge, huge W. Yeah, of course. That's the way I look at. Like, life already has so much acute suffering. You can just try to rationalize that. You don't necessarily need to like self-flagellate.

You know what I mean? Like, you'll see some of the radical boys getting after it. The Catholics do this all the time. They'll just whip themselves in the back. And you're like, all right. It's not necessary. I don't think you have to do that. And it's also, you know, this is like the people say this. And it's like true, but it's also like whatever. It's like your levels of suffering. If you like mash him up against people all over the world, it's like, it's laughable. But it's still, you're still suffering. You're still like, well, dude,

Look, I haven't starved to death my whole life, so obviously I can't, I wouldn't, you know, I can't appreciate this meal as much, but it's like. But suffering is a gas, as they say. It consumes a space that it exists in. So like, you know, not to like a quaint, I think it's like, you know, like, you can get into like a point where you're like, dude, my suffering isn't even worth anything because there's people that really suffer. It's like, well, to you, like, your mom dying. Yeah, it's fucked up. Is, is objectively terrible regardless. You know what I mean? Like, the death of your dog is terrible. Perhaps someone has worse suffering, but to you in this exact moment. It's a bummer. And like, you're able. And like, you're able to be able. And, you're able. And, you're able. And like, you're able. And, you're able. And, you're to kind of like sit in and like and cope without having to ideally just jump to like cheap pleasure to fix it. That's the, that's the, I wish I'm gonna call it,

Schopenhauer. It was like a pessimistic, uh, German, whatever philosopher. And his big thing was like, yeah, the way the world's set up,

it's fucked. Like you're gonna be fucking miserable, no matter what, even if you somehow arrange things in a way to where they're like favorable, you know, compared to everyone else say, like you become super wealthy or whatever.

It's like, then you're just bored. He's like, best case scenario, he's like, no matter what, it's like, if you free your,

from like the abject suffering that just comes with let's say you know seven-eighths of the world you know if you're the if you're like one you know if you're like the one-eighth that like is somehow lucky to have decent circumstances the hawk of boredom just going to circle over you and just peck at your head for the rest of your life you'll just be bored and distracted whoa that's kind of heavy yeah he was no one everyone thought he was kind of a bummer but he's also like not a free will guy either i'm pretty sure he's like yeah dude you free will's not even real I don't know I don't know what the guy

His whole thing was like He called it the will Which was just like just the animating force Of the universe And that was the thing driving humans forward But yeah I guess he was just like You're I think you would have said Like you have free will

But only to like Only to the point where to realize It's like Shit's fucked up As good as you can do He's like literally his His like prescription was like Find some books man

He's like find something cool to read And otherwise Find a cozy note You know what I mean Just curl up Find some cool shit to read And just fucking elastic book fair and just go to town.

Yeah, he was like, save, yeah, do your summer reading, get the pizza book, get the pizza club, and fucking... And let it rip, dude. Matt McCusker, this has been wonderful. Thank you, man. I really appreciate it the time. It's been a pleasure getting to know you better. Thank you, man. And, yeah, this is awesome.

We gotta shred the pump track. I actually would be completely down. All right, maybe... Today or tomorrow. I'll hit you. Let's figure something out for sure. Hell yeah. Thank you, brother. What's up, people?

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