Camp Gagnon - The Vatican's Most EVIL Popes In History

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

🚨 Make Sure To Rate Us 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟Who were the most evil Popes? Join us, as we cover EVERY pope that you would consider EVIL and their stories of behavioral issues, satanic personalities, and greed! WELCOME TO CAMP! 🏕️Shoutout to our sponsors: Zippix, Morgan & Morgan, and Bluechew. Ditch the cigarettes, ditch the vapes and get some nicotine infused toothpicks at https://zippixtoothpicks.com/ today. Get 10% off your first order by using the code GAGNON at checkout.👕🧢 GET YOUR CAMP DRIP HERE: https://campgoods.co/🏕️ Get Today In History Email Here (Free): https://camp.beehiiv.com/🎟️ 🎫 Comedy Tour Tickets Here: https://markgagnonlive.comTIMESTAMP: 0:00 CampGoods and Looking At Comments!!!3:13 There’s Over 350 Popes5:28 Pope John XII + The Youngest and WORST Pope17:34 Pope Paul IV Forces Jews Into The Ghetto24:46 Pope Sixtus IV Overthrows Medici Family + Selling Church Offices30:11 Pope Sergius III Planned Two Murders40:19 Pope Boniface VIII Salts The Earth + Selling Church Positions For Money44:39 Pope Benedict The IX Sells Position of Pope48:26 Pope Alexander VI’s Daughter Was a Piece54:25 John Paul IIl Assassination Attempt56:02 Pope Leo X and The Protestant Reformation59:39 Pope Steven VI Puts a Corpse on Trial1:04:37 Pope Francis Corruption1:06:02 Pope Innocent VIII Kills Witches + Slave Trade1:11:17 Pope Julius II Was An A**

The Catholic Church, the most holy and moral institution to ever exist in the world, minus all the controversies, but don't look into that. And at the head of the church is the Pope, the holiest man in all the land. But in the church's 2000-year history, there's been a couple bad ones. Good news for you. Today, we're ranking the worst. That's right. We got all the worst popes lined up.

We'll be going through all of them. I mean, we got some of these popes that turned, you know, the Vatican into a brothel, potentially worship Satan. Some of them were accused of beastiality. Others murdered popes just to become Pope themselves. There's a long laundry list of evil popes from back of the day. And today we're going to be breaking them all down.

All that and more will be explained in the next hour and a half. So if you're interested in dirty religious history, this is the episode for you. So sit back, relax, and welcome to camp. What's up, people? And welcome back to camp.

My name is Mark Agdon. And welcome to my Beautiful tent right here where we explore the most interesting, fascinating, and controversial stories in the entire world. I break down all the details, and I explain that to my dumbest friends. And today I have a pretty dumb guy in the tent with me, and my friend David is here. Also, behind the tent, we have Gabe. What's up, Gabe? David, how are you? I'm good.

Enough talking. What's up, guys? So, if you are interested, by the way, we have merch that is available right now. It's at Campgo.com. It's a beautiful barrel. and you can see behind me. I also have a mug. David, what do you think of these?

Honest. I don't know what idiots would buy those. We also have shirts and hats. So if you're interested in any of those products, you can go get those at campgoids.com. Also on the road, you can see me coming to your city to do one hour of what people have claimed as the greatest singular hour of stand-up comedy.

I do 60 minutes on the dot, not a second over or under. Let's go to some of the comments from some of the previous episodes. You guys have been absolutely on your P's and Q's. from the Scott Payne episode where we talk about Scott being an FBI undercover and going into neo-Nazi groups Nick said if Triple H and Corey from Pond Stars had a child So that's pretty good

That seems rude though to Scott Payne I don't believe in that Kevin Fernandez said amazing best video I've ever seen Appreciate that He's lying Yeah I don't think he's lying And then Jerome McClansky said quote, a sea of black leather and testosterone.

That sounds way gayer than he meant it to be. I mean, yeah. And then CIA asset turned killer, the Charles Manson episode. I really like that one. Charles Manson was a wild boy. Dumb friend reporting for duty. Thank you, Adam. N.L. 86. I appreciate that.

Oh, a question or a comment from Bobber Kins. Fuck Miles. I was looking for one of those. Let's get a fuck Miles in the comments here. But we're not talking about Miles or Mercer. or Magic Spoon. Today we're talking about the most evil popes in history. As you know, Pope Francis is on his last legs. Shout out to him, even though my family is not a fan. I'll just get ahead of this. Oof, he's looking a little bloated. Look, I am a devout Catholic, okay? I've gone to church

almost every Sunday my entire life. I mean, minus the last seven years. But I go more frequently than would think. Like of my friends, I'm probably the most religious of my friends. Of my family of actual good Catholics, I am a proper apostate. But I try my best, okay? And I pray every night. And I love the Lord. And I think that there's beauty in the rosary. And shout out to the sacred mother, Mary. But as you can imagine, there have been some evil popes in history. We got 10 of them. We have in the history of the Catholic Church, how many posts do you think they've been? Going back to Peter. Random guess. Oh, wow. Twelve. I told you it was dumb, guys.

I told you he was dumb. He's not even on camera, he's getting the stage fright. This is next level stupidity. 35. 266. I mean, how would you even get 35? If the church has been around since Peter, you've got to estimate about like 2,000-ish years.

I thought they lived forever. They live forever in the hearts of those. 262? 266. There's only 10 evil ones? That's all I could find. 256 of them have been fucking model citizens

but 10 of them have been a little iffy Have you been to the Vatican? I have been to the Vatican. I went into the secret chambers into the crypt and I started looking for artifacts apparently there's all sorts of wild stuff

in the basement of the Vatican. I've never gone down there. I've never looked but I have heard some wild stories. Maybe we do an episode on that that could be kind of fun. But yeah, as you can imagine there have been some poets that have had

you know, less than stellar reputations. So let's just go through them, shall we? I'm pretty sure there was a Pope that was actually a woman. We might get to that later. For the record, I didn't do all the research for this episode. This was done by my friend, Jesus. Why is that funny? That's his actual name.

He just happens to be Mexican. It's not his fault. And his name's Jesus, and he's a good guy. He's a good fucker from Texas, you know, bro? And I was like, yo, write about these popes. He was like, okay, bro, I got you. So he started writing about the popes, and I'm reading this for the first time with y'all. So now who's the dumb friend, huh?

No, there's no historical evidence to support the existence of a female pope. However, the legend of Pope Joan, I almost said Joanne. Is that not Joanne? No, Joanne has an Anne. There's an A&E. You never been to fabrics? You've never gotten fabrics from Joans? No, never.

Yeah, that's Pope Joan. Persisted for centuries that there was a female pope. Maybe you're just queer baiting. Maybe we just had a pope that was queer baiting. No. All right, let's jump in. Pope John the 12th. He reigned from 930 to 964 80. John the 12th was known for his depravity and worldliness. The younger Albaric after the downfall of his mother, Marosia, became the absolute ruler of Rome. I mean, that's pretty wild. Before his death, he administered an oath in 954 to the Roman nobles at St. Peter.

that on the next vacancy of the papal chair, his only son, Octavius, should be elected pope. If you name your kid Octavius, he should have no power ever. That is an insane name to name your child. That's the 12th. The youngest and worst pope in history. Wow.

How old is he when he became Pope? That's a good question. In his late teenage years or early 20s, he was 18 years old, likely 18 years old. Wow. So if he diddled, it wouldn't even... All right. We're not going to go there.

It's marginal. We're not going to go there. You know what I mean? Because as a Catholic, I'm not going to commit heresy against the papal chair. Octavius was his son. That is... Again, if you're naming your kid, Octavius,

you're a psycho. If you're white. If you're black, then you might just have a running back on your hands. But if you're a white... guy name your son, Octavius, you're a psycho. That's an insane name. You cannot name your kid like a Roman emperor name because that just means that you are living vicariously through your kid. You're like, I'm going to name him something powerful, which is quite gay if you have a son and you name him like a powerful name. Who are, what are you doing? Name your kid, Octavius. After the

death of the reigning pontiff at Gapetus II, Octavius then around 18 years of age or in his early 20s was actually chosen as his successor. So he got his wish. In 955, his son became the successor, took the name of John. John the 12th turned the Latyrin Palace, the papal residence, into what he was described as a brothel by his contemporaries. He was accused of adultery, incest, including an affair with his own niece, and having numerous mistresses. That's not great for the Pope. I don't know if any of y'all are not Catholics that are watching this. The priests and every Pope was prior to, you know, a cardinal and then a bishop and a priest. And priests take a vow of celibacy. I've actually heard of described, you actually take a vow of poverty of celibacy.

And I forget what the third one is. It's like an older one. Like I don't even know if they still really include this, but it's like solemnity. It's like you take like a vow of like sort of seriousness and, you know, not just being like a real goofball. So if you want to remember it, no money, no honey, nothing funny. That's what it means to be a priest, all right? So having a brothel on the side or doing incest with your niece, I mean, that's just illegal in general, I think. But doing any of these things, as you can imagine, for a pope would not be ideal. Contemporary accusations claim he reportedly toasted to Satan during gambling sessions and invoked pagan deities before rolling dice. I mean, did he win? I feel like that's an important piece of information that was left out,

Jesus. Because if he was winning, then it's like, yeah, we have, I mean, you might have a point. Toasting Satan. I mean, that's just a hilarious move. If you're out of craps table, guys like, dude, hail Satan and then throws the dice. What is it going on? He sounds like the sickest buff ever right now. He's Loki.

I mean, minus the incest. But even after the episode of White Lotus, I don't even know what's legal. But, uh, dude, he was just jerking off Satan with his fucking dice hand. Just on Molly. Dude, you're at a craps table. He's like, hey, can you blow on it? Hell Satan. And then throws it's like, dude, what did you just bring me into your ritual?

What the hell? I mean, that's crazy. So his son, John the 12th is, he's the youngest and worst pope. That's insane. he was accused of celebrating Mass without taking communion and failing to make the sign of the cross. So again, for any non-Catholics, communion in the Catholic faith is known as the true incarnation of the flesh of Jesus Christ. This is done by an act known as transubstantiation. Only priests can make this happen where basically the spirit of the bread becomes imbued with the spirit of Christ.

And we eat this body as a symbol of his sacrifice. But it's more than a symbol. is the actual body and the spirit of Christ that exists within the piece of communion bread. So to take it, you have to be in a state of grace. You can't be having committed a mortal sin. And so if you're not taking communion, that probably means as a pope, you're in a state of mortal sin, which is not good. But maybe that's actually respectful and reverent, that he's like, hey, I have a baralphal with my niece. I'm hailing Satan while I'm playing dice on the corner with my boys. And so I'm not going to take communion. Sounds like he's actually a good Catholic. He ordained clergy in inappropriate.

settings such as a horse stable. All right. Of the things we've gone through, that doesn't seem that bad. Right? Like, where was Jesus born? Stable. Exactly. Chattel.

I think the audience will like that. If we do inside jokes, they don't know about it. You guys should have been there. That tripled... Don't docks us. Don't docks our hangout spots, please. They don't know where. They know where we are.

They don't know. I'm in the Adirondacks. That's what I say every episode. Deep in the woods. They have no idea where we are. But we took a three-hour boat into the city. We took the ferry. We took the ferry.

And yeah, we just grabbed a bite. Anyway, he appointed unqualified individuals to positions. All right, that's not good. Allegedly including a 10-year-old bishop. Check the hard drive. What the hell is wrong with this, dude, bro? It goes all the way back to the beginning. You thought the hell safe was that until he started being like,

Hey, kid. You got what it takes to be a star. You got the thighs of a bishop. We're going to make you famous. I mean, what a creep, dude. John the 12th. There was alleged in the 963 synod, where there's a council of church leaders,

that was convened in Rome to address these and other accusations against John the 12th. He accepted bribes in exchange for Bishopric and other ecclesiastical offices, undermining the integrity of the church. So you shouldn't take bribes. that's not good. John the 12th was accused of grievous bodily harm and murder. He alleged ordered his godfather to be blinded and had a cardinal castrated before killing him. I mean,

this guy's just King Joffrey. That's the vibe I get. Like he's Pope Joffrey. And yeah, he's just a psycho. I mean, this was crazy. He regained power in Rome in 964. He mutilated his enemies, including cutting off the hand of Cardinal Deacon John and torturing others. After forming an alliance with King Otto I, by crowning him Holy Roman Emperor in 962, John the 12th

betrayed him by secretly negotiating with Otto's enemies, including the Byzantines. I mean, this guy, why is there no movie about him?

Can we look if there's a movie about John the 12th? I mean, this guy is sick as hell. Right? I mean, mine is nothing. He just got my rule,

bro. I mean, for a show. Oh, no, Pope John Paul the second. No, he's a good. Yeah, JP2. kind of a chiller. But, no, we need John the 12th.

I doubt there's a movie about him. Well, we're going to make it. If you guys want to support the creation of this film, we're going to be on a shoestring budget, but go ahead and throw some dollar runies, throw some shekels into the chat, and might have to make this. Played by me.

No intimacy coordinator. Just me and a, just a bishop that will do anything for the limelight. All right. Church just fell into disrepair after his administration due to neglect. He focused on hunting, gambling, and military campaigns, and that overshadowed his spiritual responsibility. Look, it just seems like wrong place, wrong time. Because if you told me that, like, oh, the king of the Holy Roman military, the general,

and all he'd love to do is hunt, gamble, and military campaigns, you'd be like, that sounds perfect. right like this just sounds like this just sounds like any guest on like Sean Ryan's podcast what era is it good okay for the Pope to hail Satan and shoot dice again is it a bit if he's doing it ironically to be like how I'm the Pope Hail Satan you know he's like goofing off like then it's like all right

oh oh like if he's just being a silly goose then it's fine but yeah if he's genuinely hailing Satan probably not a good look but the fact that he's doing it so publicly makes me think maybe he's just kind of being a goofball. He's 25. Yeah. You know, he's a kid. He's just... Are you going to talk about his death? He died on May 14th, 964. Pouring out for the homie.

Reportedly he may have died of apoplexy or at the hands of an outraged husband. Well, we're going to need a little bit more information on that, because that sounds crazy. What is that? What is apoplexy? I just start looking it up at some, like, internal bleeding out. I think. Okay. What is internal bleeding even really mean? Because isn't that where blood's supposed to be?

Like, what the fuck? Like, it can't go. It's like, oh, it's going in the wrong place, I guess. Like, you got, like, a puncture wound and your lung and, like, blood's going in there. Apoplexy refers to the rupture of an internal organ in the associated symptoms. Informally or metaphorically, the term apoplexy is associated with being cured. Oh, that's just the breakdown of the word. I mean, of all the people to fact check, you don't.

You know the least work. It's a hemorrhagic stroke, typically involving a ruptured blood vessel in the brain. What was the word you didn't know most recently? There was one that you said that you were like... Man boy? I mean, that was an all-time one. We were all at a diner, and I was talking about the recent guest, Bob Hamer. Shout out to him.

And I was like, yeah, he broke down to Nambla, you know, the National Association of Man Boy Lovers. And David just looks at me and goes, what's a man boy? It's the best superhero ever. I don't remember what worded is. Just in a suit that's like a little too big for him. She's like, yeah, it's my dad's. I'm just trying to fit in. It's a ruptured blood vessel in the brain.

Oh. He nutted so hard. Oh! That he... Is that true? No. It could be. Could be.

Also, apparently he got... There was something about a husband, that there was an angry husband that was in? So in another version, he would have a male lover who murdered him out of jealousy. A male lover? Mm-hmm. That murdered him out of jealousy? Yeah. Whoa.

What is this? According to his harshest critic, Bishop Lutroponed. the young Pope had been hit by a stroke while having sex with a married lady struck by paralysis John lay in bed for eight days until the devil himself dealt him at blowed the temple. According to another version, the Pope was fit as a fiddle while he frantically fornicated with a friend. Who wrote this? A guy who loves alliterations. It says me in ninth grade. According to another version, he was fit and then the problem was the husband was fitter. Dr. Seuss wrote this? He burst in the room, lifted John by the neck, tossed him from the window, as I said, out with a bang, one way or another.

All right, biography.org. This guy's a little chipper on the keys, if I shall say so myself. So there he goes, that guy, John the 12th. I'm going to put him at number one so far. What do you guys think? Is one being the worst? One would be the worst.

Put him at 10. He sounds sick. He sounds chill, but if all the people we've gone through, I would say he's the worst. Pope Paul. Paul the fourth. His real name is Gian Petro Carrafa. He was born near Benevento in 1476. His papacy lasted from 1555 until he passed away in 1559, just a good short four years. One of his most notorious acts was issuing the papal bull cum numus absurdum in 1555, which ordered the creation of a

Jewish ghetto in Rome. Oops. forced Jews to live in a walled-off area, restricted their rights, and subjected them to discriminatory measures. As a Catholic, my bad. He's number 10. My bad, Jews. Oh, man, that's not great that he did that.

I mean, how bad was it? Let's just see. They were forced to wear distinctive yellow hats. They were already kind of doing that. For the record, he just changed the color, okay? It's hard to defend the Catholics sometimes, all right? try my best, but, you know, you start committing like quasi-genocide. It's hard to support them. They were locked in at night

If it's on Shabbas, they do that anyway All but one synagogue in the city was destroyed That's not good Jews were forbidden to trade in anything But food and secondhand clothes Ugh Not great Bovey

What are you by it? It's not great It's not great That's All right, Paul You racist mofo You can't do that If you're going to be

If you're going to be Pope You can't be racist against anyone specifically the prequel as I call the Jews you got to understand I look at the Abrahamic religion as the Godfather series okay

they're one look Jews, Christianity Islam 1, 2, 3 I like all of 2, 1 3 the 2.13. The second's the best one

yeah that's Christianity yeah I'm agreeing with you so we're on the same page we're on the same page but I'm saying chronologically is Judaism Christianity Islam. Godfather 1, 2, and 3.

Yes. You see my point. But I like all of them. I'm not against. Why are you winking? I didn't wink. I didn't. No, I didn't. Are you on, is he off camera? Because I feel like he's being subtly racist. No, shout out to all of them. Jews, muses, you have a spot here in the tent. And I'm sorry about Paul IV. That sucks.

I'm sorry I did that, guys. That just pissing me off. I hate racism. What? I'm being serious. That shit piss me off. That's how I feel about racism. Fuck. I'm not going to stop until we eradicate racism. Paul IV introduced the Index Librarium Prohibitorium. That's a cute name. To crack down on Protestantism.

That's something we can all get behind, right? That is something that in this tent we absolutely support. But let's just see what he did. All books written by Protestants were banned along with Italian and German translations of the Bible. I'm listening. He imprisoned Cardinal Giovanni Morone, whom he suspected of being a hidden Protestant

despite a lack of evidence. That's not as great, but, uh, look, Protestants, enough. Enough with the, with the loud, look, if you follow Jesus Christ, I support you, okay? I got your back. But it's just a lot of singing. Right?

It's just a lot of like hand waving, speaking in tongues. It's just a lot. Shout out to y'all. I got your back. I support you. At the end of times, we'll all be reunited in the kingdom of heaven. God has a spot for all of us in the choir of angels. But just chill for a fucking, right?

It's just a lot. It's like, oh, the Holy Spirit's in me. Hey, just go to church and then go help a poor guy. You don't need this constant. God's talking to me. I hear him in my sleep. I'm going to put this guy at second. I think the first guy was more evil.

No, this guy is more evil, actually. I take that back. I wasn't thinking. I was just thinking of the process and think. This guy's more evil. You round up an ethnic group that's going to put you at the top of the list. The other guy was just banging out people.

To spare Kresos a bunch of work, these are final, right? You can't have him like rearrange the rankings as we go on. Of course going to rearrange the rankings. I don't know who's coming next. Yeah, but that's like the whole point of blind ranking them. I didn't know it was blind ranking. We are blind ranking them.

Who says we're blind ranking? All right, fine. In that case, we're blind ranking them. The first one is 10. Because what did he do? Because he was sick. Because he was chill as hell. He was down.

He kind of hailed Satan a couple times, which isn't great, but it is sort of hardcore. And we don't know what he did with that bishop. But he was all. But look, we need to get the bishop on the record. And then this guy, Paul the fourth. Number one. Bubby, I'm going to put him. You probably got to put him at like

Two or three Also this guy was like a mafia guy Who? Pope Paul the 4th What do you mean? Pope Paul the fourth's nationalism was a driving force He used the office to preserve some liberties

In the face of fourfold Foreign Occupation Like Pope Paul the third He was an enemy of the Colonna family At this time at 1555 It looks like it How far bag is this going? Italians been fucking whooped out

for 700 years? They were flipping olive oil for hundreds of years. I mean, that's crazy. How are they like that over there? That's so wild. What's up, guys? We're going to take a break really quick because I want to talk to you

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Now let's get back to the show. What's up, guys? We're going to take a break really quick because I need to tell you about how you are potentially entitled for some compensation. That's right. You may have been injured without even knowing it. And I think statistically most Americans have been injured by this. We know that our food is poison. many of these companies, these massive conglomerates,

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Now, I do have to disclose, this is a paid advertisement. Now let's get back to the show. Hey, just take them, give them a yellow hat, just put them in a... This little thing. It's a big deal. Just make sure they, you know, have a neighborhood for their own. Yeah, you know, give them a spot where they can trade and clothes and food. Oh, look at that.

Why do they look like they're in Toy Story 3? Like they got selected out of a bench machine. Come on, bro. See, sometimes there's good in the bat, you know? I think that's a good lesson. I mean, be honest, you wouldn't want to toss a ring on that thing? Yeah, here's a shekel for your troubles. Bewing, wing, wing.

Some loser and Bushwick would wear that today. Yes, 100%. Now, look, we're allowed to joke about this because no one died. I don't look it up, but as far as I'm concerned, that's what happened. Cardinal Giovanni Maron, he was put in prison for being a Protestant, but that's all we know. What is it is so funny? How do you find out that someone's a Protestant? Like he's just wearing like a V-neck.

It's probably letter A. Like back in Catholic times, how do you know someone's a Protestant? He's just got skinny jeans and like quaffed hair. He's like, I just love Jesus. It's my personal relationship. Is that the stereotype of Protestants? That's how I see him. I just love Jesus.

I was also you until like five years ago. No. I'm a Catholic, bro. I'm ritualistic. I have a long liturgy that I support and, you know, proclaim. I'm like these Protestants. I'm just joking Protestants. I love you guys.

Who's the next Pope? Pope 6th the 4th. What's his name? 6thus the 4th. Okay. So you think it's 6thus, but actually he's the 4th. Former head of the Catholic Church. There he is.

Pope 6thus the 4th. Francesco de Rovere was born near Abysola in 1414. His parents were of modest means, and from an early age, he was directed towards the Franciscan order. Francesco distinguished himself academically, studied philosophy and theology. So far, this guy sounds awesome. His intellectual prowess led him to prestigious teaching positions at Bologna, Pavia, Siena, and Florence,

where he counted the eminent Cardinal Besserian among his disciples. When Pope Paul II died unexpectedly in 1471, the College of Cardinals gathered to select a successor. While Francesco's scholarly reputation was certainly respected. His college, his election was largely influenced by political considerations within the college. Various factions saw him in a candidate who might advance their interests, and after deliberations, he was elected in 1471. His consecration took place in August 25, and he chose the name of Sixus the Fourth to honor his papal predecessor of the same name. So far, this guy is great.

Sixes the Fourth abused his position to shower his family with gifts and power. He appointed six of his nephews as cardinals granted his sister's luxurious homes in Rome, bestowed lordship and high-ranking positions upon other relatives. Out of 34 cardinals, he created during his papacy. Almost none were properly qualified. He often appointed individuals based on loyalty rather than merit. He also established a Spanish Inquisition. He issued a papal bull that created the infamous Inquisition, which has sweeping power to detain a tarragon and torture people on the slightest accusation. this institution was targeted mostly towards Jews and any non-Christians. All right.

Oh, and three, I guess. Not great. You can't do that. I thought the Inquisition was against Muslims, like exclusively. Look, according to Jesus, it's Jews and... This is what the Pope's were saying. Non-Christians. I'm just saying, dude.

I don't know. You might have been on X. You might have gotten your information from X. 100%. Six is the fourth, along was his nephew, his nephew, Riaro and Francesco, supported and formed a conspiracy. within the Pazzi family to overthrow the Medici family in Florence to fund his lavish projects and support his family,

six is the fourth, engaged in controversial practice of selling church offices and the forgiveness of sins for money. So, on its face, you're like, oh, this isn't that bad, you know what I mean? Just a little inquisition here and there. Helped out his family, put his mom in a bends. You know what I mean?

You put and get your mom out of the hood, like, put her on a Mustang. Fum. I fuck with you, fam. Yo, you're out the hood, fam? your mom's still living in the hood? That makes me sick to my stomach. But this guy didn't do that.

He went and put his mom in a bends. That's fire. Put her on South Beach. You got to love that. So look, I don't have a real problem with that. I mean, I think eroding the institution of the church is probably not great. No. Wait, did Martin Luther's thing come after this?

I don't even say that name around here. No, but seriously. The Reformation, I think, was shortly after. But he started. Wittenberg, Germany. Let me see. Martin Luther Reformation Date. You're saying Pope 6th, 1517. 1517

is when they say that the Reformation began when he pinned his 95 thesis. So 34 years after he died. Precisely. But that is largely what begets the Reformation is that this guy's selling indulgences, saying that the only way to get to heaven is by giving us your last

golden shekel. and we will get you into Pearly Gates it's fucked up I honestly think you could make a claim that this guy despite not really doing anything that bad I mean I'm a commission position whatever is arguably the worst

Pope ever because he's what ushered in the... The President of the... Yeah, you ushered in the fall of the Catholic Church so we have a guy who gambled and fucked a lot Yeah, he's a lot a guy who gave Jews really cool hats

when you put it that way honestly And then a guy who just put his mom in a penthouse. But also destroyed the Catholic church. This guy, I might put it too, honestly. Oh, shut up. He destroyed the church and made... The other guy was persecuted Jews.

Forced people, I'm saying... I'm saying if the church never broke up, how much better... Imagine what the world would look like with no reformation. Can you even imagine what that is? No, I can't. All right. This is your show. Spaceships.

You and me flying around. They claw. What the hell did you say, Gabe? What do you have it? I put him there? Damn it. All right, I'll put this guy at three then. Three, he goes.

Pope Francis better be number one. What are you doing? With gays? He's letting gays walk around Vatican? What next? They got to like gay people adopt dogs? Ugh. I think Pope Francis is the worst.

I mean, look at this guy. He's got bringing a DJ to the Vatican. It's like, There's a bunch of Funooks running around the square. All right. Perp Sergius III. This guy whose real name is unknown was rife with political maneuvering where lines between religious authority and worldly ambition blurred. Accusations of immortality.

What? Immorality. That's a crazy accusation. I think you're immortal. All right. Well, yeah, he looks evil. Six-knit profile. For sure, evil, though.

He mouth tapes for sure. Oh, yeah, no, is he mewing? Yeah, I mean, just like... Are we sure he's Catholic? Like, we gotta see the face. But no, he looks maxing for real. I mean, he looks unbelievable. I mean, minus the hair, but...

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Are you really? No. I'm working on Hymns though. We'll look into that. I'm actually going to clip this and send it to him to be like Mark loves your stuff. Huge fan. Huge, huge, huge fan. I mean, I have the hair for a hair sponsor.

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I mean, you're going to tell me you're not feeling amazing. Oh, and it's minty flavor. So breath smells good. It takes rock hard. It takes rock hard. Your hair's great. Your betas are blocked. You know what I mean?

And you know who's not depressed? You. This guy. You're going to tell me you don't want some of those? Oh, guess there's a spokesperson. The Rizzler. That's why we have to wait. That's why we have to wait for all the product out.

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His heart's exploded. Nicotine and a blood thinner all in one. It's going to put you on your ass. Oh my God. Can we get back to the popes, please? The most evil pope you've ever seen. This is what some of the posts probably look like. What, it's a young Italian kid trying to make...

Yeah, just a young Italian. So this guy, Sergius III, he was evil. This guy was a bad dude. Apparently became a member of the clergy at a young age. 893, Pope Formosis installed Surges of the Bishop of Sayre. Pope Theodore II made him reconfirmed his ordination. Sergius III is believed to have ordered the murders of two immediate predecessors, Pope Leo the 5th. an anti-poep Christopher

what the hell's an anti-poop dude I already said was there a woman pope and you said no can we look an anti-pope anti-poe Christopher whoa he claimed the papacy although he was listed as a legitimate pope

and most modern list oh his papacy is disputed wow the apparent uncananical method in which he obtained the papacy led to as being removed from the quasi office roster of popes. Wow. So it's kind of like Mark McGuire. There's like an asterisk next to his name. It's like, hey, you did your thing. Oh, he only served for like a couple months. October to January. I mean, come on. It's barely winter. It's like a half a season.

So yeah, this guy apparently killed people, which is not good. Leo the 5th was reportedly strangled while Christopher was also killed under suspicious circumstances. This makes him the only pope alleged have directly ordered the assassination of another pontiff. Surges III allegedly had a fair with Marozia, a powerful Roman noblewoman and member of the influential Thelofalacti family. All right, we'll edit that. Just do AI or something to fix how I pronounced all these words. Their relationship reportedly resulted in an illegitimate son,

which I hate when people say that, an illegitimate son. What's they even mean? Bastard. I guess, but like, bastard at least makes sense. Because it's like, oh, that's what it means. when you have a kid when you're not married. But an illegitimate son. It's like you're my son, but like...

Illegitimate son makes sense in terms of like line of succession. I guess. Yeah, he's the illegitimate error. I don't know. It's not... What do you mean illegitimate? Anyway, this illegitimate son later became Pope John the 6th or the 11th, maybe. This whole thing is corrupt, top to bottom.

What's going on? I mean, oh, that's the girl that everyone was dogging, Morosia? Fat Susie. Oh, fat Susie from around the way. come on and what is she have on her hair I mean what is that

it's just like a box he's got ears on her yeah I mean I can't even look like a Buddha yeah she does she has a Buddha vibe for sure and do we have any photos

of her is it just drawings dude what it's worth asking I don't know yeah it looks like we just have drawings damn

I mean yeah this head situation is cool oh that one's not that bad the colored one on the hey whoa we don't say that anymore

that's wrong with you I mean, yeah, she's got a piece in this one. Wait, that might be Sergis the third. I don't know what's going on. He was reaffirmed the infamous cadaver synod, originally conducted by Pope Stephen the 6th, which involved exhuming and desecrating the corpse of Pope Formosis. He convened a counsel that annulled all ordinations formed by Formosis,

using bribery and threats to secure approval from clergy members. This decision caused widespread unrest and was ignored by many bishops outside of Rome. His papacy is marked by bribery. violence and manipulation to consolidate power. Sergis III reportedly threatened clergy with exile or violence to enforce his decrees during councils. This guy's pretty bad. I mean, he actually was involved in murdering people.

What people, though? No, two guys. Christopher. Christopher. Yeah, and, yeah, Christopher and which would you call it? The other guy. The antipope? The anti-pop is Christopher.

Oh. Oh. Marosia was around 15 years old when she became his mistress. Stierrike. Can't do that. Right? Can't do that at all.

Even back in those days. What were you about to say, David? Absolutely. You're about to contribute something thoughtful? Nothing. Yeah, this guy's pretty bad. He killed two people, the anti-Pope Christopher and Leo the fifth.

Not good. Yeah, we know, we're not going to teach him a lesson. You know? Maybe you're swimming with the fishes or something. I don't know. I think this guy's got to go like one. What? He murdered people.

Bro, oh my God. This ranking system's horrible. What would, what is your ranking? Eleven. Why? He didn't do shit, like, he murdered one person. He banged out of a 15-year-old. Who hasn't?

When they're 15. Wait, when who? All right. So, I mean, why? What do you think, Gabe? You think that's crazy to put him there? Yeah, like number nine. What?

He murdered people. What is your, what do you think is a bad thing to do? Are you saying murdering someone is worse than persecuting the Jews and the Muslims out of the Iberian Peninsula? One person, two people. This is kind of a utilitarian debate, right? Is it worse for one person to be torture for the rest of their life or for all people on Earth to get a speck of dust in their eye at one moment? What if that person, out of the million people that get a speck of dust in their eye, how many of them are like tow truck drivers on the highway? And that veers them into the street and kills.

I don't know, maybe like a handful. Okay, a handful. But who knows if they hit anyone? Let's say they don't even hit anyone. Let's say it just happens to each person while they're doing something innocuous. Well, who dies? What does the one? No, no, but the person that does die in the latter or in the former example, are they bad people?

Wait, who dies? You said it's either what's worse, one person dying or? No, one person gets tortured for their whole life and then they die. I mean, everyone dies. There you go. Or everyone just gets a speck of dust in their eye at one moment during the day while they're, you know, eating breakfast. I think the speck of dust is worse. Because it's the overall suffering.

Yeah. So if you had to choose one, you'd be like, oh, let's just have one person get torture for the entirety of their life. Yeah, just like tickle them to death. No, that's not torture. That's torture. Have you ever been tickled?

Torture for you. It's horrible. One man's torture, another man's fetish? I don't know. All right, fine. I'll put him at three. Fine. Oh, that's still too high.

Five? He murdered people. What's the highest one we have available? Gabe. What? That's impossible. I mean, lowest, whatever. Nine?

Nine, put him at nine. Fine. I've been swayed. He'll go at nine. Pope Bonnie Face the eighth. He belonged to the Katini family. His uncle was a high-ranking official in Italy. He also had a grand uncle who served as Pope,

Pope Alexander IV. That'd be crazy if your uncle was Pope. All right? I mean, just what a world. He'd be like, yeah, my uncle, he's a Pope. Pope. Pope Alexander the Fourth. I mean, wait, hang on a second.

Oh, sick hat. Swaggy. Um, I guess that is a good question. Does Pope Francis have a nephew or a niece? I'm sure he does. I mean, look at this up. Right? Like a good Argentinian man?

No good. No Argentinian man is good. Leo? Worst person in the world? Leo Messi. Horrible. Horrible. He's a midget with autism.

That's the worst take I've ever heard. Where is this coming from? You should never read, man. He has four siblings. I'm sure. one of them has kids. Wow, that's crazy. He's 88 years old?

Yeah, dude. He's got to die soon. What do you mean? Has to? He has to die soon. I wouldn't say, no Argentinian man should have the highest seat in Catholicism. You know he used to be a bouncer?

Yeah. I'm sure he was. That's an honor for Argentinian men. Why do you think of Argentina? Does it break your heart? No. Impossible. I don't understand what is coming from.

December 17th, 2022. That's when my life ended. Argentina won the World Cup. Against, who do you support Ecuador? You thought Ecuador had a fighting chance against Argentina? No, it's, technically we went to penalties with them in the Copa America in 2024, but as a Ronaldo fan, I died that day. Get off.

Anyway, he was working with his uncle, Benedetto, and joined the order of friars and spent time in their monastery, and then he became a cardinal in 1281. Pope Boniface, the eighth, confiscated lands and property belonging to power. carful Colonna family in Italy, redistributing them to his own relatives. This act of nepotism and aggression led to a bitter feud with the family and eventually participated in his abduction in 1303. Whoops. After promising mercy to the people of Palestrina, if they surrendered, Boniface ordered the town to be destroyed and its earth salted an act of betrayal that shocked contemporaries. Damn, salting the earth. That is just kind of wild to do. I mean, that is a grudge.

To eliminate a potential rival, Boniface allegedly imprisoned his predecessor, Pope. Celestine, the fifth? After forcing his abdication, Celestine later died in captivity under suspicious circumstances leading to accusations of foul play. Boniface was accused of simony selling church offices for personal gain. Dante Allegheri was exiled due to Bonif's political maneuvering in Florence, placing him in hell in the divine comedy. for corruption and simony.

He died shortly after his abduction. All right, this guy doesn't seem that evil to me. He just had, like, political enemies? Yeah, he stole land from people and then redistributed it to his family. Just more nepotism, that's fine. Yeah, he promised mercy to people of the land if they surrendered, but then he ordered

the whole town to be destroyed and then salted the earth. What does that mean? What do you mean? Salted the earth. Like, you literally pour salt, all over the earth, so all over the ground, so that the, that's not funny. Why did you actually?

You said literally salt at the earth. Yeah, no, he put salt on the, I mean, you've heard the term. I've heard the term, but I should never questioned it. He put salt all over the earth, and then now you can't grow any crops or goods on the earth. I keep saying earth. Yeah, that's why I'm laughing.

It's just, like, every cubic centimeter. Yeah, it's just the ground, I guess. Okay, that's not that fun. But it is kind of ironic that you call a great person salt of the earth, but then if you want to destroy a town, you salt the earth. Kind of crazy, right? Kind of crazy. But that's it?

Yeah, it's basically all it seems like. I think we started off too strong. But he also sold church offices for personal gain and Dante of Dante's inferno. That way. Really? Yeah, the divine comedy. He put him in hell. Who do you think wrote the divine comedy in the idea of Dante's inferno?

I know it was Dante. I actually know it was that Dante. Dante allegory. So eight. Yeah, but if Dante thinks he's evil, I mean, maybe that was just for his time. All right. Pope Benedict the 9th. Old Bidix. The Count of Tusculum was the father of Benedict the ninth and named him Theophilactus.

The official title was Theophilactus of Tusculum. He was extremely young when he became Pope for the first time and was unprepared for the job. Though official records show that he was 20, monk Rupert Glober alleges that he was as young as 11. That's crazy. How do you put an 11-year-old as the Pope? It was going on back then I don't understand I mean you guys people just die all the time

I mean this must be What was this 10 Like the schism happened right around this time Did they still select popes the same way As we do now I think so yeah They have like a whole Congregation

Congregation light up some smoke Have you seen this Yeah I'm Catholic I know Benedict the ninth Received the position after his father paid off a group of Romans He was expelled from Italy Due to widespread dissatisfaction

With his immoral behavior Emperor Conrad the 2 sent forces to secure his return and put him back in control. He was Pope on three different occasions. Benedict VIII was accused of hosting orgies at the Lateran Palace, involving both men and animals. Ugh. You had me at orgy.

Depraved 14-year-old. What the hell? Pope Victor III described Benedict's papacy as so vile, so evil, so exasurable, that I shudder to think of it. Referring to his R-words, murders. and other unspeakable... Wait, say the first part again? His R words.

I don't want to say the word. Oh, I thought you meant retard. Whoa, no. Hey, kid, whoa. I would say grapes. That's crazy. Look. He was so sick.

It's kind of chill. But no, this guy's doing bad things. He's doing R words. murders and other unspeakable acts of violence and sodomy. This guy degraded the religion, so this could be high. Thank you. Yeah. 1045, Benedict the Ninth became the first person in history to sell the papacy.

He sold his position to John Gratian. Just sounds like a guy. He sold being the Pope? Yeah. Oh, that's not great. And he did it to finance his wedding or establish a pension. Whoa. That's great.

Socialist? What is saying, Bernie, bro? Bernie, bro. A second, all-time, Mernie, bro. Is that what he was doing? 1049, Benedict refused to appear on charges of Simony

and was subsequently excommunicated. Benedict was forced out of Rome twice due to opposition to his dissolute lifestyle. September 1044, he was expelled from the city and Sylvester III was elected to replace him. It's important to note that while these accusations are severe, some historians cautioned

that reports of Benedict's Misties may have been exaggerated by his political opponents. What? Hey, just say he just fucked the sheep, huh? Just say he's banging out sheep, and then we'll just kind of just ruin his reputation. There's nothing.

Yeah, this guy's great. I guess that every post, just Italian. Yeah. We don't talk about that enough. What was that quote from Cuomo? Which one? I'm not creepy, I'm just Italian. Yeah, come on.

What, I didn't bang a sheep, I'm Italian, right? Let's get the sheep's out of the story, huh? Let's see what the sheep had is. How do you know that sheep didn't come on to me? Yeah, right? I'm a victim. You saw that that sheep was looking at me? Um, I mean, yeah, Pope Victor the 3rd said, so vile, so foul, so exasurable.

Exeterable? I don't even know what that word is. They shutters to think of it. I'm going to say this guy's pretty evil. Can we put him at three? I don't think we can. Shall we? What's up, guys? We're going to take a break really quick because, uh, I'm sitting here in my beautiful tent. As you can see, every week, day in, day out. And people always ask, they say, Mark, how do I have a tent like that? I want to sit in a beautiful. beautiful tent and invite a lover, a friend, you know, someone that I appreciate and adore. I want to give them a good time inside my tent. Well, it's easy. Thanks to the good folks over at bluechew.com. That's right. Bluechew is the original OG brand offering chewable tablets. And what do these tablets do? Oh,

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Rodrigo spent many years serving the church in different roles and had experience working with five popes before he became the Pope himself. His church career started in 1445 when he was just 14 years old. His rise through the church hierarchy helped along by his uncle, Alphonse de Borja, who had been elevated to the rank of cardinal by Pope. Eugene. Leveraging his newfound influence, Cardinal Alfon secured his young nephew the position of Sacristin at the prestigious Cathedral of Valencia. This appointment marked the beginning of Rodrigo's long and controversial journey within the Catholic Church, which would eventually lead him to

the papal throne as Pope Alexander the 6th. Alexander used his position to enrich his family, particularly his children. Wait, hold on a second. How do you have children? He carved out fiefdoms from papal lands for his offspring and arranged political politically advantageous marriages for them. Alexander the 6 was known for his extramarital affairs and fathered several children, all of whom

were illegitimate. What are the odds? These kids are just looking at themselves. Like, I'm not even legit, dude. Right? All these people are like, yo, I'm too legit. I'm like, literally, you're not legit. Literally, you are the definition of illegitimate. He allegedly shared a mistress with his

rival, who later became Pope Julius the second. Oh. Imagine that girl. I mean, Eskimo Bros. With the Pope. She has two popes under her body. I mean, that's crazy.

Wait, who was the girl? Was it? You're just... Was it Vanosa de Catan... What you said? Was it Vanosa de Catan... I don't know who that is. Is that someone you know?

Is that someone related to you? I don't know what you're talking about. Look at that is Wikipedia. I can't pronounce this fucking name. Yeah, no one can. I don't think anyone can't. Alexander 6th confiscated property for wealthy individuals, woke, often on false charges, fine,

to enrich himself and eliminate rivals. This guy's a modern day Luigi Jim and John. Right? He's going after the rich, giving it to the slightly less rich. His children? Yeah. Which, if you look at what Robin Hood did,

he did the same. Almost the exact same. What's the difference? Robin Hood gave it to everybody, I guess. No. But this guy only gave it to his kids. But again, take it from the rich, given to the slightly less rich,

I'm just saying, dude, look into it. He might be on to something. There were rumors of an incestuous relationship with his daughter, Lucrezia, but if she's his illegitimate daughter, I think game on. Fueled by confusing papal decrees. See, there's always a loophole, right? You always got to find this. There's always a way.

He allowed his daughter Lucrezia to preside over church affairs in his absence, shocking the Vatican. 1501, Alexander 6, and his son, Cassare, allegedly hosted a scandalous party involving 50 courtesans in the papal palace, However, modern historians doubt the poracity of this account. Who are the historians? Just his, like, grand enough nephew or some shit? Like, ah, he wasn't fucking anyone.

Come on, you guys. I don't want to be gross. But his daughter's a piece. Oh. Whammy! If that was your illegitimate daughter. Let me check. Yep.

Gay son or illegitimate daughter? I mean, yeah. She got the absolute treatment back in the day. I mean, how old is she in this picture? Can we just verify that? Let's not verify that. She's obviously 18. Daughter of Pope Alexander the 6th.

This is a paperback? From Hallward. Why are all these pages stuck together? What's going on? Why you got a book here on the cover? You got a dog here. Come on. I mean, that's wild.

We got some other pics. She got a lynxie? Check her link tree, can we? Oh, that's fire. There's nip in that. Oh. She looks like an illegitimate son in this one. Look like she gets some layups playing deep, too, all right?

I mean, yeah, this is, I mean... She's a fucking baddie. That's the first baddie I've seen from this era in my life. What era, which is this a medieval? I don't know, pre-20th century. Where are we? Yeah. I just feel like you don't know.

Like, you're just saying like prior to the 1900s. Yeah. Even that in 1950. Yeah. Yeah, it was just, it was tough sledding for a long time And then we got filters or something Yeah, yeah, exactly Shot out, she's hot

No, I mean, for sure I mean, we gotta blur some of the some of the stuff Do we have any other, let's go through it, let's keep on scrolling She's got a wiki feet and Pope's daughter All right, not great Not ideal, but we all have bad portraits You know what I mean? Oh, that's a great sad profile

You never had a bad portrait taken of you? Never in my life You never sat down and you were like, oh, that was a wrong eight hours. I just had a bad eight hours. Oh, she was a baddie. Yo, might be a piece. She was a piece. I mean, absolutely all the time.

And your dad's the Pope. You're like, yeah, you know, my dad's Pope, so. Yeah, my illegitimate father. Yeah, my illegitimate daddy is actually the Pope, so he's my father and my daddy. What? What? That's, she's, that's the Padre. I'm just saying, that is crazy that you've got to have, if you're a Pope, you can't

be having kids and then have people know about him. I mean, that's insane. Yeah. I mean, what did this guy even do? I feel like he's not that. Just another nepotism thing. Yeah. He slutted out his daughter.

All right, yeah, I mean, what, eight? What do we have left? You keep saying eight? We ran out of eight since the first fucking one. All right, fine. Go six. Put him at six. Also, let the record show.

Most of these bad popes were back in the day. We haven't had a bad pope since. medieval times. Well, Pope John Paul the second got shot. He must have been doing something wrong. Yeah, what was the whole thing

with that? What was that? Was that a, like a turf war? Yeah, it was like a Turkish guy, Muslim guy that shot him. What? Yeah, he didn't know this. I mean, I knew he got shot.

It was a Turkish Muslim guy. But I just didn't know the details. I don't know why. Like, was it like a gang thing? Um, a Turkish citizen. Mehmet Ali. Oh, I got to talk to Efe about this. This is, this is, you can't do that.

Ali Agha. Agha. Oh, look at the conspiracy theory. Assassination attempt led to various conspiracy theories possibly regarding the involvement of the Bulgarians and the Russians. Oh, he was a Polack. Oh, yeah. You didn't know that? I know. I knew that, but reminded me.

Yeah, I mean, go to any Polish restaurant. You're going to see a giant picture of this guy that's all worn down from when he came to America. There's a statue of him in Greenpoint. Have you ever walked by it? I mean, I'm sure. Like, I've seen the statue. I don't know if I could say I've ever walked by it. I've walked by it.

You know, this was my patron saint from my confirmation. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. Why'd you pick him? Because he loved sports. He was like a big soccer player. I'm like, so am I. Okay, well, that's just because he's like the most recent pope to become a saint.

Yeah. Look at that. Outside, God, I cannot pronounce any of those Polish names. You can pronounce that. Stanislaus, Kostka Church in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, which implores the faithful Nijoncha, meaning don't be afraid. I mean, that's confident. You said all those words, but there's a lot of confidence on a lot of conviction.

All right, who we got next? Pope Leo the 10th. Giovanni was the second son of Lorenzo the magnificent, leader of the Florentine Republic. He was born with the path of the clergy already set before him. His father managed to convince innocent, the eighth, a relative to make Giovanni

Cardinal deacon of Santa Maria in Dominica. When he was only 13, Giovanni would not wear, what? Two things. Number one, Gabe, go to the photo of him as a baby. No way, bro. That motherfucker I've seen that image before. That's in the Met, I think.

I'm almost positive that. That's on my timeline, like once a week. That's on Instagram. His father managed to convince Innocent the 8th to make Giovanni the deacon when he was only 13. Giovanni would not wear any clerical insignia or participate in college deliberations

at tell he turned 16. He received an education in humanities by Lorenzo Court of Influence then moved to studying four degrees in theology and canon law from 1489 to 1491. March 1513, he was elected Pope. This guy sounds great so far, no issues. Leo X, drained the papal treasury with his lavish lifestyles,

extravagant parties, and patronage of the arts. He spent vast sums on rebuilding St. Peter's Basilica and funding Renaissance artists like Raphael and Michelangelo. To replenish the depleted treasury, Leo X, sold church offices and cardinal positions to the highest bidders. He expanded the sale of indulgences beyond previous excesses, essentially allowing sinners to buy their way out of damnation. Later the 10th, allegedly fabricated a plot against himself to eliminate an extortment money from five cardinals that he disliked.

This resulted in one execution and hefty fines for the others. Look, I know you guys are going to say, this is not a big deal. I know you guys are going to say, hey, who cares? This guy just dressed up like one of Sandals elves. It's not a problem. My issue with this is that this is literally the guy that I think caused the Reformation. October 31st, 1517, yes, that is when the 95 thesis went upon the wall. Do you fart?

I did. I'm sorry. I don't know what it is. I've just been protein loading and I think it's doing something in my lower intestines. You don't have this issue? It's because you're not eating enough protein.

I'm just saying. Leo the 10th is, I would say, what's the highest one we have so far? Left. One. Or five. Five, four and one.

I'm putting him at four. He destroyed the Catholic Church. But this led to the Protestant Reformation? Yes. Martin Luther put the thesis up in 1517. right when Pope Leo the 10th was around. So what was the worst thing he did? I mean, sold indulgences and convinced basically all of Europe

that the only way to get to heaven is to give up their money. Okay, that's fine. It's depraved and wrong. You shouldn't do that. So you're saying selling indulgences, is worse than excavating the Jews? Excavating? What does that mean? It sounded right? I wouldn't say, excavating.

Look, I put that guy way higher, Paul the fourth, I put him at like three. So I'm... The process of digging. Yeah. What do you think? They're going through bones? We found Mortimer.

Put Mortimer in the Natural History Museum. You put him up for it. These last two better be fucking horrible. Because since the second one, we went on over, it's just nepotism and selling indulgences. And that's fine. You know? The indulgences part.

I'm just saying you get to heaven through Christ. and also a little bit of works here and there, you know. Oh, yeah, and fucking your daughter. That's not good. After looking at her, he's down. Pope Stephen the sixth. Stephen? Yeah.

That doesn't sound like a pope name. Steve. Steve. Old Stevie sixes. He was the pope from some time. We don't know exactly when. 896 to his death. Oh, 897.

He was only pope for about a year. It must have been fucking horrible. Most have been bad. Scholars have debated his appointment, and they were not sure if this was forced upon him. He was elected Pope in 897, and he followed in his father's footsteps by entering the church and receiving appointment to the Bishafric of Ednagdi from Pope Formosis. Pope Formosus has a whole lot of baggage with him. We've got to look into this. So his father was a priest, and then he, like, is that, was the pre? When were priests not a priest? had to get married. When was that a thing? Because apparently in 897 this guy had a kid and then his kid became Pope and that was not an issue for anyone. I'm sure they went through a period of immorality where like people looked the other. Oh wow. Priestin marriages were stopped on 1123, probably because of these motherfuckers. Stephen the 6th ordered the exhumation of his predecessor.

Exclamation. Excavation. Excavation. I mean, somehow your word came all the way back around. They excavated his predecessor, Pope Formosus, who had been dead for about seven months. His corp was dressed up in papal vestments, propped up on a throne, subjected to a posthumous trial. Say nothing if you're gay. Told you guys. Look at this guy.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. The defendant clearly did not say anything. Therefore, he's a funnook. Put him on trial, and a deacon was appointed to defend the corpse, but Formosis was found guilty. So you can't forget A public defender, dude Because of the Morgan to Morgan.

That's why you can't get a public defender, that's why if you're a corpse going to trial, you need Morgan to Morgan. All right? And call them up and they will get you right. I bet you they could have won it for a dead guy, right? Yeah, easy. They probably could have.

They're America's largest attorney. Trial, whatever. They're the largest U.S. social casino. The wars get so tough sometimes. time. I just want to make my kid proud. His papacy was declared Nolan Void and all his acts including ordination and appointments were invalidated. After the trial, Stephen the Sixth ordered that three fingers from Formosus's right hand used for blessings. No, you got it right. Shocked the world. His body was stripped of its sacred vestments. He was dressed as a layman,

dragged through the streets of Rome and eventually thrown into the Tyber River. This is the biggest hater in the world and I love it. All-time hater, right? Not only did he dig him up. Yeah, we can have bernied with him.

He put some shades on him, they're like, no, that's fine, do it. So are you gay? Yeah. I'm telling you. No, but then, you cut off three fingers and then you dress him as a layman.

He just took his drip. Also, I love that photo because he's yelling at him as if he's alive. Yeah, and everyone just kind of went along with it. God, the amount of people that had have been like, no, that's great. It's phenomenal. Yeah, like it worked.

I mean, that's crazy. This does look like a picture of Trump and Biden debating, though. Am I right, though? Am I right, dude? Am I right? But because he's dead, get it? Because he's seen now. Anyway, yeah, I mean, this guy's an all-time legend.

I've never hated someone so much. I'm going to dig up their body just to ridicule him in front of their family. Right? I mean, that's sick as hell. I can't tell if he's the worst person ever. He should be 10 on the list. Or, yeah, like, who did, how many people did he disrespect?

One guy? Just one. And he was already dead. He didn't kill anyone. Yeah. He just digged up a dead guy. They excavated him. Cut off his fingers.

What did he do with the fingers? You don't want to know. No, go on. You don't want to know. Oh, my goodness. I mean, that's crazy. You hold up your old necklace. I smell these things.

Ew. The dead Pope's fingers? What the hell? She's got a shocker on your neck at all times. And these guys are supposed to be getting people to heaven, and here they are, exhuming bodies and cutting off fingers. I mean... Wait, how did he not get to it?

I don't know how he does. He was thrown in prison and he was strangled to death. Oh. Yeah. I mean, that makes sense. Right? I want to leave the one spot just in case. I feel like Jesus,

wrote this purposefully. Oh, with a closer? Yeah. You put a perfect closer? All right, so where do we put him? What do we got left? I think we have five left besides one. All right, throw it up five.

Let it be. All right, here we have number one. The most evil Pope. His name is Francis. Seriously? No. No, come on. Let's do that.

What did Pope Francis do that was so bad? Look it up. Number one, his blood. What does that mean? It's just who he is. He bleeds, you know, baby blue and white. That's the problem. Let's see what he did

I'm not here To talk poorly about the Pope Okay I love the Pope I love the church But the corruption of Pope Francis Is of a different character His corruption

Is in promoting people Who are corrupt in all these ways And then personally corrupting the faith Whoa Did my mom write those? There's literally what she's been saying This whole time Look I'm not

I'm not of the position To say that Pope Francis is the worst I think that would be hasty. For example, African bishops publicly criticized Pope Francis's December 2023 ruling that allowed blessings of individuals in same-sex couples. No one's more homophobic than the African. Why are they gay? Why are you gay?

Padre Francis, why do they eat a poo? You seen that one. Yeah, I've seen. I got DM that last week. Why are you gay? Oh, yeah. Well, that makes sense. Yeah.

A lot of people are curious about that. A lot of people are curious. Fuck, Miles, in the chat. All right. Who's number one, actually? Pope Innocent, the 8th. Not so innocent. Am I right? He was born in Giovanni Battistaquille.

He was born in Genoa. And was a part of an old... Genoa? How do you pronounce that? Genoa. Genoa. Oh, no, this guy is dying. Throw and through...

Oh, this guy's a huge part of Gennon. Oh, my God. I mean, this guy's nipples are... paparones. He spent most of his youth in a neapolitan court. That was a court with black people, white people, and pink people. Although, I mean, that's a bad thing.

Wait, pink people? I don't get it. Like a neapolitan ice cream? Cut that. Jesus Christ. You got to shoot sometimes. Look, although Sibo was appointed a canon of cathedral of Capua, however, disputes

with the Archbishop of Genoa caused him to resign. He then went to Padua and Rome for his education. Innocent the 8th was issued a papal bowl, the Sumis deserantes affectubus, in 1484, which authorized a persecution of people accused of witchcraft. This guy is awesome. The bull empowered inquisers like Heinrich Kramer to prosecute alleged witches in Germany, leading to widespread trials and executions, including burning women at the stake. The bull was heavily abused for political and personal gain. Wow. So this guy was burning witches at the state.

the first witch trial by the 1484. Did he get any witches? I think we got to look into that. When we look at all this witch trial stuff, everyone's always talking about, oh, all the innocent women that were killed. Which is bad. Sure.

Any witches. If you got one witch, it might be worth it. Right? How do we know if there are any witches that were killed? And everyone's like, oh, I've never seen a witch. Yeah, because they were all killed. Fucking idiot. Like, it seems like no one is critical thinking anymore

to understand how witch-classes. craft and dark arts even work in our world? I mean, look, killing innocent women, I feel like, is probably bad. Probably. I think that it's going to put you near the top of the list. Let's see what else he did. Maybe he redeems himself. Innocent the 8th practiced rampant nepotism, advancing his illegitimate children within the

church and Italian society. Again, seen it, been there. That's just what Italians do. Yeah. To address financial problems inherited from previous popes, innocent the eighth created unnecessary church offices and sold them to the highest bidders. This is called... How do you not?

It's like you're not even listening. I wasn't. We always do this. It's like, I tell, it's like, I just want, why does no one ever ask? Oh, how is Mark doing? And as in the eighth permitted trade with barbary merchants involving foodstuffs exchange for slaves who were then converted to Christianity. All right, that's a wash.

He personally received 100 moreish slaves from King Ferdinand of Aragon, distributing them among favored cardinals. Ouch! Not good. You can't do slavery. But while we're on the topic, can you look up what a moor looks like? Because that's going to really change how much we joke about this. And oh!

Can't do that. Where were the moors living? Where are these moors from? I thought they were from like North African and then they went to the Iberian Peninsula. That's what I thought. I thought they were looking like Macrabia. I thought they'd be like Tunisian. Like a bunch of Mosulans.

I thought it was going to be a couple Zinnadans, a couple Mosulas. They're North African Iberian Peninsula. Wow. You fucking crushing. that let me see if you're on YouTube you pitch. Not your dumbest friends anymore. Yeah, evidently. Wow, okay.

So, look, you can't have slaves. That's going to be one of my rules. And again, I don't like to get political on the show, but slavery, I don't like it. You get pissing me off. So, yeah, this guy then, Innocent banned the Eighth,

Jiovanni Piccote de Marandola, his 900 thesis, one of the first printed books to be censored by the Catholic Church. 900 thesis Wow, that's crazy Martin Luther didn't even invent his own idea fucking dumbass

13, right, what a dip shit He's like Oh, how do I muster have trouble Look, all right Maybe that was a point 13 propositions were deemed heretical

And reading it Was punishable by excommunication Wow, I mean, look I'm gonna say this guy might be the worst Oh God He killed women

You haven't slapped a bitch of hearing that He Oh so for Italians That's like par for the courts He bought a bunch of slaves More slaves Okay

Moorish Moorish Bad Not full Moors Moorish Moorish though And distributed them Amongst the Cardinals

You can't do that I think He's number one I think there's a argument To be made Some guy Fucking unburied a dead body put him on trial.

That's more wacky. If we were doing a wacky list of all the popes, yeah, he'd be chart-topping. Yeah, I guess. But it was the most evil. And exhuming one body, propping them up. Was it chattel slavery or like cool slavery?

Wait, what's the difference? You tell me. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Technically, I doubt that it was of the chattel delineation, but it's still slavery nonetheless, and that I find deplorable.

Now, somehow we've miscounted because there's still another pope to be read. It's the under. Pope Francis comes out. Oh, we're going to have an SS tier. Let's just see about Pope Julius the 2nd from 1443 to 1513. He was born an impoverished family

to a Grecian woman. He was educated by a Franciscan friar, then sent to study at Perugian University. His uncle became Pope Sixtus the fourth. You ever heard of him? Giuliano became Bishop of Carpentras in October 1471, two months later, he would be elevated to Cardinal, and he enjoyed the position of Archbishop of Avignon and at least H-8 Bishropics.

After serving as a papal legate, I don't know, these words are dumb as hell. Giuliano, as it's Archbishop of Avignon, and that would maintain his position until he became Pope. He was nicknamed the Warrior Pope. Julius II, engaged in incessant wars against Venice and France. He personally led military campaigns expanding the papal states through force. Julius II prioritized secular power territorial expansion over spiritual matters, contributing to discontentment that eventually led to the Protestant Reformation. Julius II granted indulgences in exchange for money to fund the building of St. Peter's Basilica,

I practiced that later sparked Martin Luther's protests. Julius II foreign and broken alliances with several European powers, often at the expense of stability in Italy known for his violent temper losing self-control behaving rudely I don't know how he died

but this guy just seems like he was an asshole but it doesn't seem like the most evil he didn't murder any women potential witches alleged alleged witches um yeah I'm gonna put this guy somewhere in the middle I don't know do we have any numbers left he just died of illness

all right so how bad could he really have been yeah I mean he did cause the Protestant Reformation There's been three fucking popes that have started the Protestant Reformation. Which one is it? Look, it's not just gonna be one guy. Okay, let the record show.

And this guy looks like he was the Pope prior right before Martin Luther did the 95th thesis. He died in 15th, 13. So right before Leo the 10th. So I don't know. I think you could probably point to a couple different factors, but this guy had the longest papacy prior to the Protestant Reformation.

So I think he gets some of the blame. All right, so looking at it as a whole, they all sold indulgences. they all had nepotism. Almost all of them had nepotism. Some of them sold indulgences. And only a few fuck their daughter. Only one, really.

So we have to, like, if they're all doing the same thing, but only one of them's fucking their daughter, super hot. But her hotness has nothing to do. Her hot has everything to do with it. Okay. I don't know if that's legally. You had an illegitimate daughter. Yeah.

A piece. Okay. Baddy. Illigimate just means you're not... I thought it wasn't yours if it was illegitimate. I mean, that's how I think it should be, for now. But that's not the necessary, that's not actually what it is.

I don't know. I think the nepotism kind of lost its sting after like the fifth one that we read about did it. I agree. So there's probably way more that did nepotism,

whatever. I think murdering women and having slaves, that's got to put you a number one. I think rounding up an entire ethnic group and putting them together and giving them awesome swag.

Yeah. That's going to put you a number two. Whoa, no. I mean, you just give them swag. Yeah. The other guy fucking cut off three fingers and dressed him as a layman.

He de-dripped him. That is true, but also it was one guy that was already dead. A thousand Jews with cool hats. I'm saying, if you shoot me while I'm alive or you shoot me while I'm dead, I'd much rather you'd do the second one. Okay. Am I crazy? No, you're not crazy.

If you're going to drag me through the city, cut off my fingers, I'd rather you do it. When you're dead? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think we got a good list here. I think we got a good list. Pope John the 4th.

Yeah, that guy's not good. Pope Innocent, yeah, I think we nailed it with that one. I think that one's Who's 10 Gabe In this one? Yeah Perfect Yeah

The guy who was just gambling And fucking whores Yeah Hail Satan I mean what Yeah Right this guy's just like A fucking lead singer

The guy's sick as hell Yeah All right Well that has been Another Wonderful episode of camp Close it out stronger Come on

Where's the energy We're gonna land this thing Nice and slowly Appreciate you guys For listening And tuning To another episode of camp Appreciate

Everyone that has tuned in to these episodes. Thank for everyone that's gone to the merch store picked up some, you know, barrels or maybe a mug or maybe even a shirt or a cap. And all the people that have come to see me on the road.

That means the world. You've made all my dreams come true. And with your contributions to tickets, I'm able to get my kid just a chance and not, you know, being a poor pope. David, anything else, anything you'd like to contribute?

I think I already said my piece about. Gabe, anything you want to say about the popes? Praise God. Peace be with you. And I'll see you next time. If you've made it to the end of this episode, that's because you rock with us. And for that, we rock with you. You are sophisticated.

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