Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Ambulance. Beach Boys. Slackline. Baked Potato.

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

Who hasn't done some drunk shopping on Amazon, amirite? But have you ever accidentally spent $25,000 when you thought you were spending $250? Let's talk about that, a town that uses rollercoasters in place of public transportation, getting blasted in a Walmart parking lot drinking wine out of a Pringles can, getting billed by the ambulance that hit you while you were riding your bike, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/SVchDKwgPeESend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

ambulance beach boys slackline baked potato episode 127 guys i have something that uh that i'm gonna be doing soon that i'd like to share with you oh not another hot air balloon that would never risk my life twice okay like that like a coin flip no people need me brian i got kids the hell we gonna do without you but i'm sure someone's done this before but i Cassie and I, we have a fake tree in the living room. Christmas tree? No. Just like a fake plant tree. You know, one of those

fellas. Filling in some space and looking nice. We're going to plant it in the yard. Wait, it's fake though? So it'll never grow, and it'll just be in the yard. Are you trolling your neighbors and the squirrels? It'll just never grow, and nothing will ever happen, and it'll just be in the yard are you trolling your neighbors and the squirrels it'll just never grow and nothing will ever happen and will never lose its leaves that'll be weird right

in the middle of winter and it's just full bloom neighbors because we're like damn that's the craziest tree ever that's a green tree for fucking february uh we're gonna plant it out there so i just want to let you guys know Unless someone knows We're going to poison the environment But I don't think so As long as it's not stealing oxygen Yeah I don't think it's doing anything It'll just be the same size forever

Sell the house Don't disclose there's a fucking fake tree in the front yard And the next owner Is like that tree's not fucking growing Head over there little metal in it Knock on it. It's like knock on it. Oh, it's hollow leave the sticker on it. That says this side up Because that's on there. It's one of those stickers like who that also who the fuck's doing that? Yeah, we're planting a tree upside down

No When the company puts like stickers on there that are impossible to get off. Oh. Fuck you. Yeah. You get a mug that you have to really scrape. Get the razor out. Oh, yeah.

You got to get it wet. Just use the right sticker. That's to let you know they don't give a fuck about you. I guess you're right. That's why they put in those plastic Things that you'd slice your hands open with Yep you get it Eat dicks customers

What are we going to do not buy it Bonus content On the back end of every single show And you get that plus exclusive merch Thanks to everyone who's picked up the exclusive merch by the way We just dropped some more And you get that by going to patreon.com My body's just honk-a-licious.

It's in there right now. You want to look it up? You look it up while I talk. Oh my god. Oh my back. Yeah, what did you pull your fucking pinch of nerve in your fingers to? Nerd. Alright, patreon.com slash canyounowpodcast

There's a link in the episode description. If you find something funny on the internet, we want to see it. Hey guys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com but also just funny shit that you guys do. Here it is. Send it all in. Yeah, Zach, bring that shit up for them. So here's the regular website and then for anyone's in the gaggle, you go to

the super silly section. Super silly merch. There it is. Oh yeah, I got the honkalicious sweatshirthirt got the new t-shirt also got a mug They're gonna be talking colors on there. Oh, yeah, it's not just it doesn't just say honk a licious if you look closely On that a look at that a little beak there. Yeah, it's got a goose Yeah, a goose on the a what's good for the Gooses Gandals Good for the gaggles Good for the scandals Good for the

Gaggle Handle So close We're still working on it That's what my dad always says We're just gonna trademark all of it Yeah Whatever we come up with

But you send that stuff in Just funny shit Whatever Hey guys At canyounowpodcast.com We're doing lap time On the show today Hell yeah brother

Uncle Zach What are we talking about We're gonna do some weird Technologies that didn't quite Make it into the world Oh and there's a lot of them There are There's some real weird ones I picked this time We'll see how it goes Michael, Zach, what are we talking about? We're going to do some weird technologies that didn't quite make it into the world. Oh, and there's a lot of them. There are.

There's some real weird ones I picked this time. We'll see how it goes. Not everything sticks, you know? Yeah, like before the iPod, there's a lot of other things that came out like, this is going to change the world. The iPad's like, no, it's not. It's not at all. You never realize how E was like E-mail, E-this, E-that, and then it turned into I?

No. When's it going to I? Mm-hmm. No? When's it going to be O next? All the vowels? Yeah. Matt Cooper. Remember that name? Yeah. Yeah, we talked to him. I remember trying to call him.

Talked to Coop. He did send things in, and along with that, he sent in this email. It says, I sent you daddies my first terrible towel. Anybody does know daddy, but there you live. Yeah. So, Steelers, if you're a fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers, this is Coop's terrible towel. Tight. Yeah.

This little note came with it. This is separate from the email, but it says, This terrible towel has been on the field of the old Three Rivers Stadium, games at Heinz Field, and was with me for Super Bowl XL. I thought nothing better for my Seahawks and Browns fans, daddies, and my favorite commie uncle's sign.

Your Yinzer kid. Coop. I remember when the Steelers stole a Super Bowl from us. Yep. He talks a little bit about that. I'll explain. Oh, does he now?

Yeah. I feel like I have a connection to you guys because my actual dad is also dead. Yay! From the effects of a brain tumor! So you guys have

real in common stuff. Except his football team's good and yours isn't. Okay. I lose my shit over the dead dad jokes because I 100% get it. Growing up, he used to tell us stories about how great the super 70s Steelers were.

Well, you missed the good old days. And when they reintroduced the terrible towel in the mid 90s, he explained the significance lure of the towel. I could go on about the lure. The lure. The lure? I switch it to fishing. Fishing lure. The terrible lure.

But that isn't the point of why I mailed it in. My dad is the reason I have a sick dark sense of humor and I believe he would have loved the show. For example, breakfast cereal around the house were known as prostitutes. Yes. Have a nice big bowl of prostitutes.

One of his favorite things to do was stir the pot for fun. It was his way to show affection to his friends and family. I love my podcast daddies and my uncle, so I can't think of anything more than to have a Browns fan, and because of the controversial Super Bowl 40, also have two Seahawks fans sign the terrible towel.

He talked about it. Seriously, have fun with it. Whatever you guys do, I'm going to frame it and hang it on the wall. I'm going to pee on the towel. Yeah, somebody's wiping their butt with it for sure. Your pot-stirring kid, Coop. Well, thank you. I love it.

Anyway, yes, you don't know what we're talking about. He won the last merch contest, and he sent that in. We'll sign it. We'll do something fun with it. But we do have to announce the new merch giveaway. Between now and Christmas. Do-do-do-do. Is that a...

It doesn't. It doesn't quite... That sounded pretty much dead on. It always does, Brian. It really does. Between now and Christmas. If you have no idea when Christmas is, December 25th, anyone who buys a piece of merch

from Can You... You're probably a Jew. CanYouDon'tPodcast.com Buy anything. You'll be automatically entered for a chance to win $250. $250 smack around? Woo-wee!

Holy shit. And here's how the giveaway will work. We have this fun little spinning wheel. We have it set up for the ones that are watching. Right now it gets this giant penis and small penis on it. You spin it. Show them how long it goes for. I tightened it up a little bit.

Oh, did you? Yeah, we spun it before the show. Three minutes, probably. It was like three minutes. I tightened it up. Oh, and it landed. Oh, that would be funny if it landed on a small penis. It's landing in the taint area.

It's just shy of small penis. In the grundle. Paradium. Where the tridary resides. So we have this wheel, and we're going to divide it into three sections. It's going to say sweatshirts, t-shirts, and miscellaneous. Sweatshirts will have the biggest slice of the wheel, because they tend to be the most expensive. Then t-shirts will be the next

biggest, and then miscellaneous from there. So if you want a chance to win that grand prize, no matter where the wheel spins, head over to canyoudonpodcast.com, and you can pick up one thing in each category. But if you just want to give a little raffle ticket, and you just want to buy a little coffee mug, get yourself on there. You never know what could happen. Exactly.

It's a fucking wheel! And it just spins and lands wherever. And then we will pick somebody at random that bought one of those between now and Christmas. And if you're asking right now, like, I just bought something last week, we'll add you in. We're not going to be that dick about it. And we'll put you in there, and we're going to pick somebody at random to win that. And then there you go. $250 richer.

A little holiday giveaway. It is fun. You have your shelf. You have to shop the belt. That's what my grandpa always said. So head on over there. CanYouDopePodcast.com. Pick something up for the holidays.

Makes a great gift. This is your game show love leaking out into the world. Yeah, this idea. I was just laying in bed. I was like here we go i've always wanted a game show every time we get here before the show we watch a little uh whatever that show is trivia trivia mastermind mastermind and and uh wheel of fortune wheel of fortune is very yeah very wheel spinny yeah yeah. Yeah, I was watching Prices right earlier. Who doesn't love a good wheel spin? No one.

Especially if it lands on giant... Just short of giant penis. I'll loosen that up a little bit more. Get a little bigger spin out of it. All right, let's start the show. Nah. Nah? Never mind.

Just let it. Let's do something else. Should I just keep spinning the wheel? Yeah, let's do that for an hour. One hour of spinning the wheel and be like, ah, just short a small penis. Let's see if we can get on the other side of penis. Just short a giant penis. We are literally spinning the wheel right now.

We're going to have to add in the. I know. Oh, small penis. I win. I win. Ah, yeah. Zach, roll it. Hey, shut up. Zach, roll it.

Hey, shut up. It's not the show already. My wife does not win, though. No. Nope. She lost. Here's a would you rather. You guys ready to go to pain?

Town? No. Okay. Let's go to pain town. The answer is yes. We want to go there. Would you rather peel all your nails out of your fingers? Okay. I already know I don't want to do that.

No. I mean, they go in there a ways. That sucks. Or have to manually pull out all your teeth. Ah. Rip them out of your mouth. One thing's for sure, I'm using pliers.

Yeah, pliers. I mean, either one, right? I think I would go teeth. Okay. That's your knee jerk? That's knee jerk, just because... Although,

you have more teeth than nails. Tooth and nail. Yeah. Record label. Yeah, it used to be great. My half-brother, their band was signed by Tooth and Nail. Yes, I remember that. A little something for you.

A little something for you to chew on over there. No, thanks. Teeth. Now, it doesn't say, well, one thing, it doesn't say pull them out yourself in the Would You Rather. So you could have someone else do it. You could be tied down on a Tuesday. On a Tuesday. Have you seen that porn on Pornhub?

Tied down on a Tuesday six. Who would be the star of that? I don't know. Some bunny. So you have no choice and you're locked in and they just get it all done in one day rip all your teeth out i mean i would rather have somebody else do it then you have to pull your teeth out yourself because having having got uh tattoos i mean these don't fucking hurt they they they hurt but having somebody else do it where you feel like

you're just kind of there's something mentally about it where there's nothing I can do about it. It's just happening where if you do it yourself, there's that. And no numbing stuff, right? No. Okay. No, it's got to be raw. Well, there's 32 teeth in the human mouth and 20 nails. So you're going for a lot more pain with the teeth.

Oh, yeah. Was it just, it was toenails too, huh? Yeah. Oh, well, it says nails out of your fingers. Oh, yeah. Was it just toenails too, huh? Yeah. Oh, well, it says nails out of your fingers. Oh, then it's only 10. It's only 10 versus 32, but for whatever switch it up and... I mean, teeth have to

come out easier than fucking ripping your nails off, right? That's what I was thinking. That's why I was kind of leaning towards it. There's something about a nail and they go under your skin a little ways so you're really going to be pulling those out. You ever hit something and you rip the nail back or rip it off? It fucking hurts.

For days. It's for days. Yeah, forever. Fuck that. And yeah, teeth. Eventually, would your mouth just numb itself up? I feel like individual fingers have a little more isolated pain than your mouth. Your toenails or your nails grow back too.

So your teeth ain't growing back. Yeah. You got some dentures though. Yeah. You get the teeth you've always dreamed of. How come sharks get to grow their teeth back? But we don't. God loves sharks more.

Fucking. Those things have been around since before dinosaurs. And they got cool teeth tricks. They've known Jesus longer longer bro oh yeah better relationship um okay so we have to set some parameters someone else pulling them out and no numbing stuff oh if that's the thing i'm going i gotta go with teeth if they're the ones pulling them out then you also have the like the super power of a sick blowjob

like if you ever get into sucking dick I've been trying to find ways to do it reasons to do it someone just wrote an email about that not too long ago should we be a little concerned that like Brian refuses to lick a butthole, but

he's down to get talked in his sucking dick? Oh, yeah. I never thought about it like that. Well, I mean, one poop comes out of one. That's my big deterrent. It's poop. It's poop. Poop!

If poop came out of a penis, I probably wouldn't want to suck it. No, thanks. You know what I mean? Yeah. It reminds me of a fucking ice cream machine. Never mind. Let's get out of that. Or like the cake frosting.

Oh, yeah. That's even better. Yeah. Making a little dollop. Brian, can I get over here? I got to decorate this cake. Here, get on this stool. I'm not putting the cake on the floor.

You got to get higher. Okay. I'm not putting the cake on the floor. You got to get higher. Okay. I'm not putting the cake on the floor. That's disgusting. Get over here with your cake battered dick. Get your penis dick over here. Just like nonchalantly knowing you're eating some Cheez-Its while your wife's just grabbing your dick and spinning the cake and decorating the sides.

What if it was like one of those cheese things? Yeah, cheese whiz. Cheese whiz, yeah. Don't forget the name of cheese whiz. You just squeeze your penis and it's like. It runs out and gets a little sloppy. Yeah. Like little, that shoots shards like 10 feet sideways.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess. What are we talking about? Anyway. What are we talking about? Cauliflower pizza? Shout out to Theo. Theo Vaughn.

Okay, so I'm going to lose my teeth too. I forgot that's what we're going to do. I think it's caused problems. I mean, teeth are just a big problem. Let's just knock those things out, which I think is where everyone will go eventually in the future. Just get some nice chompers in there. They don't rot. Well, teeth, if mouth.

They cause a bunch of diseases. Yeah, if mouth health relates to heart health and all that kind of stuff, let's just get rid of teeth. Get them out of here. So your gums heal up, and then you put dentures in and then you're fine. Why don't we do that already? That's what I'm saying. Get them out of here when I'm a baby. Get them out of my head.

Get them out when I'm a baby. Have you ever seen x-rays of babies' fucking skulls and the teeth are up by their eyes and shit? What a nightmare that is. Yeah, but they cause a bunch of problems. Just get them the fuck out of here uh put in some teeth you don't have to brush your teeth anymore because you pop them out at night and put them in the glass of water we already started taking out uh wisdom teeth let's just go let's keep going just don't stop it's like when

when you're a baby and they cut your penis skin off your foreskin take my foreskin and you can take my foreskin but you can't take my over my dead foreskin you take that take my teeth too do it all at once i know the other teeth are going to grow in so we got to figure that well and less less people are um getting their their foreskins cut now so instead of doing that just do the teeth instead yeah make make up for the loss make up for the profits loss by taking some teeth out but the fact that they do the teeth instead yeah make make up for the loss uh-huh make up for the profits loss by taking some teeth out but the fact that they do grow back would would create a problem yeah so let's do that a little later do it again and when you're like 10 years old or something

um i don't yeah fingernails that's just seems like a lot you get hit in the mouth your whole mouth hurts i feel like eventually it's just gonna to become so numb. It'll concentrate to the area. Yeah. It's like your whole mouth hurts. Your mouth is just fucked and you just go for it like a psychopath. I agree. Like, your mouth is kind of like one piece with the teeth. Where your fingers are, they have, like, you could squeeze one finger and you're like, fuck me!

Yeah, you hit one finger and your whole hand doesn't hurt. And it's their individual. Yeah, that doesn't shoot up. So you're doing that over and over again. You get hit in the mouth, your whole fucking mouth hurts yeah i'm going with that that's the safe teeth i'm gonna play i'm going there zach same all right fuck our teeth welcome fuck teeth for real though yeah i want some metal teeth instead of like purity blockers let's do like teeth blockers okay i'm in there you go you're born with teeth blockers so just get them out

they don't grow in Yeah they don't grow in They stay in your skull Can you imagine the Breastfeeding though If you give them like Chompers that early Oh yeah Well they wouldn't get them

Metal chompers You'd keep You wouldn't get your teeth Until you're like Three probably Something like that Until you're old enough To handle

To respect the teeth The power of the teeth Yeah you don't just get Your first car When you're a baby You know we Everyone thought Yeah everyone thought that it was crazy that, that we would drive cars and like, oh, kids these days in their cars. Yeah.

Back in my day at a horse and buggy. And now, you know, it'd be like. You have real teeth? That's disgusting. Yeah. It's crazy now, but in the future, yeah, it's like. Get these things out of here. They're nothing but problems.

Teeth. Plus it's like get these things out of here they're nothing but problems teeth plus it creates jobs you know teeth manufacturers denture jobs your jobs you get it j yeah jaw i love it all right moving off what are you thinking about zach hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Woo! Sorry. I mean, I had to give it for a ride. Tell you what I'm thinking. You put that fucking thing away, man. You ever given a terrible towel

for a ride? Or given a... What? What sentence did I just fucking say? God, that has... You ever given a terrible towel for a ride? A guy I used to work with was a huge Steelers fan, so he had one of these, and he used to bring it into work. Especially after... You just rip it in half right now?

Yeah, I thought about it. No. It's very worn. Yes, it's been to a lot of games. I'm sure of it. Smelling it? Yeah, well... I forgot that you smell everything.

I want to smell what Matthew Cooper's house smells like. What's it smell like? You haven't smelled it? No. It's the first thing you should do. Smell it. No, I don't want to. It smells like. What's it smell like? You haven't smelled it? No. It's the first thing you should do. Smell. I don't want to. It smells good.

It's wash, base, and fresh. It smells like a terrible towel. Terrible towel. Okay. So here we go. Here's what you're thinking about. So as we discussed briefly, I think on one of the last shows, I went to Hawaii. Hawaii.

A few weeks ago. Great. It's great this time of year. I hear it is. Went to a lot of graveyards. That was fun. I had a lot of pictures of the graveyards. Interesting choice. Old graveyards. And they're cool. They're cool. Could have been at the beach,

but you're at a cemetery. Oh, yeah. We fucked the beach. It wasn't that hot. I'm going to go to Hawaii. Oh, good. I heard Pipeline Beach is so gorgeous. No, we're going to go check out the cem, good. I heard Pipeline Beach is so gorgeous. No, we're going to go check out the cemeteries. And we did. And they were gorgeous.

And I took a bunch of pictures and then unfortunately kicked my phone into the pool. So those pictures are gone. Ah, so. Maybe we should have backed it up. Well, anyway. So it got me thinking. I haven't been to Hawaii a bunch, but the last couple of times I've been. Oh, we get it.

Okay. The first time I went, God, you're impossible to talk to. You asked me to share my feelings and then this is what I get? Your feelings don't fit the narrative. I don't like it and I'm gonna use them against you. Tell me all about your day. So Sandra

comes in. Don't! That's enough. Nope. Who's that? I don't give a shit. Tell me about you. Anyway, first time I went, you get off the airplane and you get laid that that was the first time i went to hawaii you got off and then as you're walking off the airplane they put the lay around your neck and i did not my first time you did not get the flowers on your neck did not get them okay i thought that was the whole thing and it was very disappointed and i'm not sure it was just the rising cost of things and flowers, I guess.

Like they stopped doing that. They stopped giving you the lays when you get off the airplane. Don't flowers just continuously grow? It takes water and manpower. So I just started thinking about that particular concept. Like you get off of Hawaii and you get the flowers around your neck. And then like like what if just other states did that and i thought that was really funny like you fly into boise idaho

and you get off the plane and they hand you a baked potato is it it's in foil ah it's so steaming you like poking the fork yeah you get you get and you're like thank you and you have all your shit and as you're walking down the, what's it called? The jet way that, and they have like a little, like a bar laid out with bacon bits and sour cream. And everyone's just like,

ow, okay. Like their, their fingers and they're unwrapping their baked potato. You guys, it's like a chef, a guy was like fucking chef closing. He's got a pincher.

Yeah. A tong. Yeah. Tong. And he's just handing them to people. Here you go. Ow, ow, ow, Jesus. Hey, careful. Yeah, a tong. Yeah, a tong. And he's just handing them to people. Here you go. Ow, ow, ow. Ow, Jesus.

Hey, careful, it's hot. And why you put it in my fucking hands? Sir? You're supposed to bring gloves. Yeah, yeah, you get off that. Like, what, you go to... What's Washington? They just give you an apple?

Apple. Yep. Like, here's a granny. Florida would be an orange. Yep, give you a little orange over there. Georgia would be a peach. Yeah, but it got me thinking, and I just uh went to have you heard of the internet no so this is a website www joe that the world wide web the world wide web what is internet well you must log in netscape

and it's bigroads.com that's where i went went. And the writer contributor is Greg Parsons. And I'd like to thank him. He's standing in, it's a nice wintry shot. Yeah, it's very wintry. Greg, I don't know exactly when you put this article together. It looks like early. Earlier internet time. But right now, in 2024, you have helped us out greatly.

Because it just has a list of different things that the states are known for. Remember when the internet used to be like that? Where you just go and everything was just slapped on a page. Yep. GeoCities. So, what is Alaska known or famous for? And the top one is bald eagle. And I just thought how funny that would be.

They hand you a live bald eagle. Like just like you're holding onto it. Don't let go of the feet! They're huge, too. Imagine that. And you get out, like, you get off the jetway

and you get into the fucking terminal. It's just fucking bald eagles flying everywhere. Jesus Christ, I'm never coming to Alaska! Running off with baggage or flying off with baggage. This is why I hate flying to Alaska.

Get it? Yeah. It's funny, because we fly Alaska. Yeah, kids are just screaming and crying in the ball. You're fucking picking them up by their raincoat. Just, Someone carrying their little dog onto the airplane,

getting carried off. King Crab, cruise ships, dog sledding. I did a rod. Yeah, you get down off the, I did a rod one time. Oh, hey.

You sure did. Quit trying to suck dick. Oh, hey dick Brian Spin the wheel on the wheel just says will Brian suck a dick Which size we'll check back in later. I think it's still spin my Be sucking a Mulligan's yeah, just licking the tape You get off the airplane and they make you stand on the back of a dog sled with your luggage.

Are you sure? Are you ready? Like you're getting on a roller coaster? Yep. All right. Okay. Yeah! They start hitting you with snowballs.

Isn't that what they say? Yep. Yeah. Yeah, they just go and crack a whip and the dogs take off like, have fun in Alaska. Like bouncing off the walls and flying down the escalator. I like that. Kids, catch the next one! You want an Alaskan

experience? We're going to give you an Alaskan experience. Exactly. What else we got? Well, Arizona's famous for hot air balloons, so I thought that was fun. Colorado would give you a bomb. Yeah, Colorado just gives you a fucking mushroom chocolate Did you say a bomb?

Bomb Oh, I thought you said bomb Not a bomb They hand you a live grenade Here you go Don't let that go You go to Vietnam and they hand you a landmine? Yeah

You're like, whoa Here you go One for you, one for you How old are you? Five Sorry, these are eight and older You get a hand grenade Oh my god Landmine for you, land. One for you. One for you. How old are you? Five. Sorry, these are eight and older. You get a hand grenade.

Oh, my God. Landmine for you. Landmine for you. California, four by four driving, alpine scenery, amusement parks. I've always thought that how fun would it be to be a part of a city that really brought in roller coasters as a mean of public transportation like why not like it doesn't come back to where it started there's a start and a finish and it does loops and twists the whole way there like you're riding to work in the morning yeah like you're waiting for work and you're like come on and it's like whatever the name tremors is a high experience

ride please keep your and you're like fucking come on come on and you're waiting for like the you get the first one to rip your heart it's like clank clank clank clank clank come on enjoy cordelain fire blaster i love that but it's just part of your daily routine. So you have a presentation that day. You're trying to keep all your papers in order. While you're going fucking 150. Upside down. Doing like corkscrew spins and everything.

Your tie is like. You're just hanging on to your stuff. On your briefcase doing a corkscrew. At the end it takes your pick. You have to go through a gift shop. You're in a hurry but you still have to check out the picture right well see that's what makes it funny is like something normally you're like you're not even there for the enjoyment of the ride you're just

trying to get to work and that so the idea of going into a roller coaster with the different the mindset of not for fun but for like just pure transportation is hilarious. So good. Here comes the fucking loop again. You're sitting on a roller coaster with a couple of grocery bags full of food. Trying to get home. Trying to keep your Starbucks from spilling. Head back three, two, one. One of the magnet launches. Holding on to your fucking grocery bags.

Your grapes and your bread. Trying not to smash the bread. Your wife's in the seat next to you. Don't smash the bread. Always. The eggs. You do a loop. You see like three eggs fly out.

You get back. We only lost three eggs this time. And we got this cool picture. In this really tall drink. In this funny shaped bottle. Because they always have the hurricane. Like a twisty straw. Going home, did you get ramen? I did.

I did get ramen. Also, look, I caught caught the camera i smiled this time yeah we lost it on the horseshoe loop oh it has a little water splash oh yeah yeah all of it yeah just that's always funny okay no colorado big mountains canyons ghost sounds state i don't know i mean there's a ton of things in here casinos in connecticut i mean that's just like going to vegas it says connecticut is famous for hamburgers there's a ton of things in here. Casinos in Connecticut. I mean, that's just like going to Vegas. It says Connecticut is famous for hamburgers. It's a very short list for what's famous in Connecticut.

Like, if you went for food, you know, you get off in New York, they give you a slice. You know, but Chicago, it's like a deep dish. Mm-hmm. Yep. But deep dish is messy. Did you guys know that Delaware is famous for chemical manufacturing? I did. Here you go. Delaware is also a place where people put their companies for tax purposes and stuff.

A lot of mailboxes. So they just send you like a, you show up and they give you like a tax form or something. In case you're looking to start a business, why else would you come to Delaware? I feel like Florida, there's not a single mention of meth which i feel like is missed opportunity yeah bottom of the list just has like airboats alligators that'd be terrifying here you go they just hand you a baby alligator when you get off the airplane in florida okay let's let's say let's move past the states. Okay. And think about a country. So, because Hawaii, it's not part of the mainland.

Some people forget that Hawaii is part of the United States. So, to go something that's very- I think it's really close to the mainland because the maps have to cut it and put it closer. Yeah, right. That'd be funny to have a map that didn't move it. Wouldn't it? Just all that open space. They just trim it, and like you have the United States,

there's a ton of water, and then an island off to the side. And then an extra three feet on the map. On the left side. Yeah. But like, think of a, I don't even know. Well, I guess we did Vietnam or... Yeah. I mean, they're famous for other things Well, I guess we did Vietnam or. Yeah. I mean, they're famous for other things, but grenades and landmines comes to mind.

Which is pretty much the best. That's the best of the best. What would Russia give you? I don't know. Sanctions. I don't know. They just like immediately tell you you can't talk to anybody. Throw you right in jail.

Yeah, right to the gulags. Yeah, right to the gulag. Gulash. What if they gave you goulash Yum I've never eaten that They just give you vodka Uh vodka

You get off the plane It's just like Tracksuit Adidas And fucking bottle of vodka Yeah that's what it would be Yeah see there you go See

We've done it Same thing in Italy Do the tracksuit And some slummy Some slummy. Some slummy. Illinois is best known for Abraham Lincoln. That'd be weird.

Get a bobblehead. Illinois is best known for Lincoln. That's what they tell me. All the things that- And corn dogs. Chicago. Yeah, I know. Abraham Lincoln's top of the list, according to Mr. Parsons. I mean, he did a lot of good stuff, but.

I mean, also pumpkins. That's on there too. That surprises me. That surprises me. Iowa would just be like a corn cob. Yeah. You got a little butter. Man, that would be, it'd be a lot more fun to fly.

If these different states just gave you what they were famous for. When we ever go to Mexico, we get off the thing we're walking through there, they're shoving tequila in your face. Like margaritas. Get off the plane, they put a funny hat on you and shake your head and pour some shots in your mouth. Yeah. I mean, it's not far off from what they do. And they try to get you to buy a bunch

of stuff. They give you a blanket and then charge you for it? Just like your balloon story? No, no, no. All set. He's like, I've already made it. I've already made the balloons. Give me that $10 that you were going to give to somebody who deserves this.

Yeah. But anyway, why not? Why don't the airlines just start firing that up? I love it. All right, let's get off to some dick. Okay. All right. Run it!

Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick, dick. This is an example of supply and demand. Supply and demand. Supply and demand Joe. Ambulance hits organ cyclist, rushes him to hospital, then sticks him with an $1,800 bill.

At first I thought you said organ. Like your organs. An organ cyclist. Like a heart? Yeah, he was biking to the place with a heart and a cooler. He almost made it. He's like, I don't have a ride. No, he needed it.

He was hitting somebody else. He got hit by a car. They're like, fuck, we need a heart. And they're like, I mean, we got one right here on ice we just go ahead and take this uh that is fucking i mean that's crazy right that's crazy you guys i mean want me to read more can we agree that that's crazy oh no i see what happened here okay you have to you have to buy some time so i'm not sure if uh the lawsuit that is being filed they but the article that i found and put in here, they took it away.

So I have to go find it again. They took off the... On post of the article. Okay, I found it again. Well, that's stupid. So a cyclist in Oregon has filed a lawsuit after an incident which the ambulance allegedly struck him, causing injuries and destroying his bike,

only to then charge him nearly $1,800 for transporting him to the hospital. The lawsuit filed by 71-year-old William Hosch. Right? Or Hawk. Dude, 71, what are you riding a bike for? What?

You're just asking for trouble. Raises questions about medical billing practices, the cost of emergency care, and liability in ambulance accidents. So the accident occurred back in October of 2022 in the town of Rainier, Oregon. Beautiful this time of year. Yep. According to Oregon Live. Oregon Live! I was wondering who covered this.

Yeah, they hadn't said who covered it yet. Hosch was cycling when he collided with an ambulance that was turning right near the Columbia River Fire and rescue base. Hosch believed the ambulance would continue straight. So who's at fault? Did he have a blinker on? But it turned in front of him instead, resulting in the collision.

So the ambulance, I guess, I don't know. Maybe they were busy. They were saving somebody else. They just recently hit a mile further up the road. I've been around cyclists. We all have been on the road. Some of them are very... They can be a little much.

Yeah. Some of them are like, oh, I follow the rules because that's what I say. Follow the road. Some of them are very... They can be a little much. Yeah, some of them are like, oh, I follow the rules because that's what I say, follow the rules. Some guys are like, they think they're above the rules. Or, my favorite, they follow some of the rules. Yeah. Like, they'll stop at the red light and then go through the red light and then get mad when you pass them. It's like, you can't just pick and choose. Yeah, it's follow the laws or get the fuck out. You are a vehicle. Hosh explained his perspective of the incident, stating, I didn't think they'd be making a turn.

I was following along, assuming they'd go straight. The next thing I knew, they were right in front of me and I couldn't stop in time. He added that the ambulance crushed his bicycle and left him with a broken nose, bloody scrapes, and a body full of bruises. Can I ask a question here? Mm-hmm. I'm trying to visualize how this was situated. Was he following the ambulance? That's what it

says. And it turned right, so he ran into the back of it? It started turning, and then he... Well, if you look at the picture... So he's in the bike lane. I didn't see the picture. Yeah. So there you go. Oh, so this way, and the ambulance turned right... In see the picture. Yeah. So there you go. Oh, so this way and the ambulance turned right in front of him. Yeah. Got it. So then he got hit by the

front of the ambulance. This is one of my favorite details of the story. And just picturing this in court and what, here you go. So police reports indicate that the ambulance driver and the passenger estimated they traveled between 2 and 10 miles per hour.

While hosts believe the speed would be closer to five to ten miles per hour your honor no i hear you there's no way it was two three miles an hour difference well i think they're like i don't know yeah maybe three or four five at least fucking idiots i mean we both agree the top was 10 right yeah we could all agree on that but two to three he's just sitting over there he's like yeah right you just split in spokes at that time you swore in the bible five at least it's so dumb after the collision host was transported

to the hospital in the same ambulance that struck him and then later received a bill for $1,862 exactly I wish they would have

put how much cents like they're a taxi like with a little till going and the New York now the New York Post is involved. Okay, that didn't sound like Oregon Life. That sounded like something the New York Post would have wrote.

To get a bill from the same ambulance that hit me, it felt like I was being hit twice, said Hosch. His attorney, Travis Mayer, commented the charge were an insult on top of the injury, noting that his client had already endured enough without the additional financial burden. I mean, where was the... Of course the lawyer's gonna say that. It's worse than it is!

So, Hoche filed a lawsuit. Guess how much he's seeking? $5 million. No, not quite. He didn't go that high. But $997. Also funny. Million? No. $1 billion! Wait, $997,000? $997,000?

Okay. Yeah. The result included, the suit included $900,000 for pain and suffering due to decreased range of motion, reduced grip strength, and other long-term injuries he reportedly sustained. Well, he probably had visual impairment before. Yeah. According to Oregon Live live the suit also demands compensation for approximately 47 000 for the medical expenses with an additional 50 000

estimated for future treatment how much you think it's going to cost down the road i don't know fucking 50 grand like those are round numbers i actually had when i got hit by a car on my motorcycle i had those conversations um with the doctors and the lawyers about that because they're like well we can give you this amount but uh there could be future issues with ankle arthritis all that kind of stuff so we could both make a killing of these features like we got to make sure that uh we're thinking about the future too, not just now. Right. So that is- That future paycheck. Yeah. Yeah, I hear you.

Did they get a portion of the money? Oh, yeah, like 50% of it. Well, you don't say. It's crazy. They get money for your medical bills that could be in the future. Yeah. Yeah. I can see why they suggested that.

Yeah. That picture looks like it was a little faster than two miles an hour. Yeah, at least five. Bonk! Two. Jesus. But he looks like, is he playing it up a little faster than two miles an hour yeah at least five bongo jesus but he looks like is he playing it up a little bit probably i can't open sir just open your eyes i can't did they just toss him in a garbage bag yeah that must be a jacket right yeah like laid on top of him yeah it looks like a garbage sack and then they charge them 200 bucks for jacket. They do. $100.94.

We bought two pairs of socks from the hospital in California and they charged us 600 bucks. Something like that. Good God. That's how they get you. Yeah. Socks. It's like, well, I have to go to the hospital. Yeah.

Yeah. Creating like their, like, I guess picture in this situation. I don't know. You work in the ER. Right. And you're back there and you're just like, I'm going to go jump some business. Just go get in the car and start hitting cyclists.

I got two coming in. It's been so boring today. You're just like, fuck. You know, it is weird though. So when I got hit, all that happened was the i broke the was it the tibia the the two bones it's the smaller one yeah whatever they're both silly um yeah uh so like it's it's funny because i obviously when you get hit by you're getting in like an accident the smart thing is to go in a it's to stand up and start walking around walk

around and make a scene stretch your back and yell at somebody uh no they i like i waited for the the thing and i just laid there until they they brought a thing and put me in the the ambulance in the thing but the i just keep going with the thing it's in the things i don't know tibba fibba so i broke a thing the whatchamacallit so i broke a thing after i hit the thing and i was just laying there and they put me on the thing and then brought me over to the thing right in the what's he at who's he then the what's what's it called the whatchamacallit and the whatchamacallit stuff me in the thing and they brought me to the place and they did a thing and they put the other thing in me and i don't know five grand they they probably like it would

have been one of those things where my wife probably could have picked like it would have been stupid but you got to be safe and do the ambulance thing but thinking back on it like i could have saved some money yeah probably could have saved some money just had a guy come up and like like get in the car somehow yeah but you don't know what's wrong this guy i feel like he's going to play it up. Yeah. No, I get it. He's going to be like, fuck, my life is forever changed. He's just super worried about his bike.

That's how you know. My bike is totally, how do you feel? My bike will never be the same. My bike is like, sir, can you feel your arms? I don't know. How's my bike it's fucked he ran over the front tire then i'm numb everything's broken oh oh whiplash oh oh your bike no it's it's fucked and he goes oh no my heart really hurts yeah yeah it's really bad really bad it's way worse than it was. I can't imagine what it'll be down the road.

I can't see. I can't even open my eyes back here. Where am I? Does someone have a coat blanket? Anybody got a trash can that I can warm up with? Yeah. And what you just talked about with the skipping the ambulance reminds me of when we're going into the winter season.

And I always think about it, but I know I've shared this, but I'll be brief. It's back in my hometown, something that was fun for the kids to do. If you don't spend a lot of time around snow or around ski resorts, one thing you can do is you can hike up the ski resorts, and then you can take the snow gun pads off. So the things that make snow, they have these giant yellow pads on them to protect people from running into the snow gun pads off so the things that make or make snow they have these giant yellow pads on them to protect people from running into the snow guns and you can take them off and they're like waxed up and they go so fucking fast because you can fit like 10 of your friends on them so we would hike up the ski mountain take one of those off and hike up further and ride those fucking pads down like sleds and i'm not kidding like you're going 50

60 miles an hour down the face of a ski mountain and then run into the the yeah the the the same one you took the pad off yeah and now we're all we take a couple steps over yeah uh but yeah this particular time uh everybody jumped off except for two people and they just kept going and never i don't know what i don't know if they got frozen in fear and they just slammed into a fucking snow gun that had a pad on it. And one friend was okay. And, uh, this other friend was not. And she like, thank God in the moment, the friend that I was with was studying to be a fucking doctor. And she was like, no, I feel okay.

And he's like, no, he goes, don't get up. And we just put her in a fucking doctor and she was like no i feel okay he's like no he goes don't get up and we just put her in a fucking sled like one of the sleds that we had and carried her into the back seat of a car and put her down brought her to the er basically just dropped her off and then you got this right yeah and she fucking shattered a bunch of her vertebrae and like we had like no idea but she had no idea if she got up and walked could have fucking paralyzed her but had to go in there and surgery and anyway so there's that did you learn your lesson no we went right back to the ski mountain and went back up we just knew when to just jump off when you're going to head

towards the shed avoid the snow gun yeah the rule and you're going so fast and there's so much snow that's getting and everyone's laughing and then you just have to have a mind of bailing off and you have to just slide and stop yourself because it takes like a i mean it takes like a hundred feet you're going down a hill yeah like you have to jump off and really put an effort to stop yourself or you'll slide forever and they just didn't do that um catch a leg and rip a knee i know it was fun i mean so many people hit that fucking shed and everyone was okay most of the time that time not so much uh anyway you want to read the next story sure all right go for it read it to me brian read it elliot lake man found dancing

and urinating inside minivan yay that's fun uh driver 49 had crack, fentanyl, rum, and beer in vehicle. Big surprise there. Whoa. An Elliott Lake driver who relieved himself on his steering wheel after treating police to a display of dance moves faces multiple charges. That's a call. I mean, depending on what mood you're in as a police officer, that's the best. Yeah. When you're like, needs to come check this out, and you're like, goddammit, it's another

guy in a van. And you get there and you get fucking, woohoo! You guys ever seen this? It's like doing the helicopter with his fucking dick, pissing on the steering wheel. You're like, I haven't, not today. today not in this context i haven't seen it not not not in this color van yeah and he's like how about this like just twerking like honk honk like hitting the steering wheel honking and drinking with a needle in his arm fucking jerking off of the driver's seat you're like i haven't seen that today sir can you get out of the minivan hold on check this out like does a handstand like wow impressive i'm gonna tase you

so spending time on x in watching videos that get fed and then you get fed more stuff like this doesn't it doesn't shock me at all no like there's shit going down like this doesn't shock me at all. No. Like, there is shit going down like this all the time. Yep. This 49-year-old on everything that he had. Yeah. Gotcha. I can't even imagine to be in a responder job with the shit that goes on, the stuff, the stories you could tell. The things people put inside themselves, I tell you.

Oof. Look at this guy. Okay. Pull this up real quick. What have we got here? He looks like a little Doc Brown Bernie Sanders. Oh, never mind. Like Doc Brown Bernie Sanders. Look at that guy. Yep. He looks like he's got it together. He's like, yeah, and he fucking pissed right on the wheel.

Oh, that sounds so good. Well, it takes 70% of your income. Okay, that's terrible. It might even win screen. An unrelated story. East Algoma OPP said they fielded a complaint Thursday around 5.30 a.m. of a man who was slumped in the driver's seat of a blue minivan on highland place uh with the motor running i love

the setup that he was slumped over basically asleep and they got there and he's just like like how did you get from base done like you're done for the night to pissing all over your steering wheel and you have the second wind that that would take that's a second drug oh okay police attended and tried to speak to the man but he was dancing to music inside the minivan and ignoring police just in there can't hear you if the van is a rocket don't come knocking he then proceeded to urinate all over the steering wheel and driver's seat area the man continued to be uncooperative, the OPP said.

If you're not down with OPP. You know me. But eventually it was... Entry was gained. Entry was gained and the man safely arrested. In his possession was suspected fentanyl, crack cocaine, and crack pipes, police said. There was also an open bottle of rum and cans of beer, both empty and full, inside the van. This guy had, at least had a rager inside that minivan with a bunch of people, or was like...

He's by himself. Yeah. Yeah, he's like, where'd everyone go? Like, he's like, ignoring, here, I have music for this. Here we go. Okay. You hear this muffled outside the van? And they just open it up and just push stop on it.

And he's like, what? He turns around. Hey, who shut the music off? And he's like, where the fuck is everyone? When did you guys get here? Leans back over and turns it back on. Yeah, he's like, no. This DJ is breaking all the knobs off.

Let's go. Let's go. He's just like, oh, fuck. The police officer is like, what the fuck is going on? He starts dancing a little bit, too. Yeah, he's kind of like, of like Alright come out with your hands up One's on my dick You know what I mean

He turns around and he's like what the fuck He's like alright yeah nevermind I'm ready to go home Jerry? Oh yeah Let's see Kevin Mickelson 49 from Elliot Lake Was charged with impaired driving over 80 mgms. Milligrams.

Milligrams. Are you driving over 80 milligrams? At first I was thinking, is that like miles per hour? But driving with pot readily available and possession of hard drugs. No noise complaint, though. No. Well, he had the doors shut. Oh, true. Yeah.

The accused was scheduled to appear before the Ontario Court of Justice bail, according to Blind River on Thursday. And this is in the same vein of just someone going out of control. And this was sent in by our son, Darren. But woman drinking wine from Pringles can banned from Walmart. Okay. We're going to Wichita Falls, Texas for this one. Leaky. Yeah.

Police in Northern Texas say a woman had been banned from a local Walmart after she spent several hours driving an electric shopping cart around the store's parking lot while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Fuck you. Fuck you. Me. Me. Yeah. What do you do?

What's in that can? Pringle! Once you pop, you can't stop! Police tell the Times Record News the officers responded to a report of a suspicious person around 9 a.m. on Friday at a Walmart in Wichita Falls. Yeah. God, people start early, man. Holy cow.

Wichita Falls spokesperson Jeff Hughes says the woman had reportedly been riding the scooter cart around the parking lot for about three hours. That's a long time. Dude. The battery didn't die? Her and minivan guy. Yeah. If they would have met up. Maybe they did.

Maybe she left the party. She's the one that left on her. There's an electric scooter inside the minivan. Yeah, it has one of those electric lifts. She's like, I'll be back. I'm going to get some Pringles. Oh, that's what it is. She left the party to go get Pringles. And he's just waiting for her to come back with snacks.

Can't wait. He's like, this is going to be so good. Dude, can't wait. I hope she gets the pizza flavored ones. And she just forgot and was just driving around. A brand new banger. Where'd all the wine go uh the police say they eventually found the woman in a nearby restaurant

told her not to return to the store that's it please say the woman wasn't arrested arrested her name was not released so i guess if you just want to get away with whatever the fuck you want wichita falls go get a electric shopping cart and a Pringles can full of wine. Maybe she played the disabled card. Yep. She's like, I don't know. I'm just getting a grand slam from Denny's. Whatever restaurants are normally in a Walmart parking lot.

There's always something. Yeah. Yeah. You always got something. Little Caesars. Yep. Used to be in a Kmart when I was a kid. What do we have here in the McDonald's parking lot?

We got a McDonald's, we got a Panda Express Got a Wingstop Got a Subway There's a Pizza Hut Used to have a Sweet-O Burrito, now it's gone, sad I like that place, that's sad In Moseley, when I was a kid There was Safeway, and in that parking lot

There was a Godfather's Pizza Yes, Godfather's Pizza I miss Godfather's Pizza. Me too. Man. And it had the Ninja Turtles arcade game. So you're eating this fucking amazing pizza and just greased up, hands all over the... Buttons are sticky, a little slippery.

We were kings back in the day, as they say online. Speaking of kings, you guys going to a round table? Yeah. All right. Want to jump off to lap time? I would love to. We'll jump off to lap time? I would love to. We'll jump off this lap. We'll jump on this lap, yeah.

Jump on that dick, Zach! Hey, little chitrons. Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zachy's lap? Gather around, boys and girls. It's lap time with Uncle Zach. Sit on my lap, you little shits. Sit on my lap, you little chits. All right, Zachy.

Oh, boy. What you got? I'm going to take a little sip of water over here. You ready for some of the stupidest shit you've ever heard in your fucking life? Yep. Cool. Oh, later on, small penis. Yeah.

Okay. Finally. We're still spinning the wheel in here. Finally. All right, go ahead, Zach. I think I got about eight to ten of these. We'll see how it goes. Okay.

So the first invention that I found that was kind of interesting is when you think of gardening, it's not really a high-tech thing. Dynamite. Yeah. First invention meant to solve the slugs destroying a garden problem. They actually proposed a robotic slug terminator. A little robot. This artificial intelligence from CIT, California Institute of Technology.

It debuted 20 years ago. But, dude, this thing, you'd imagine it would shoot rockets or some shit, right? Slug? Terminator. Terminator robot? It's called the Slugbot. Slugbot. Okay, that might get me there. And it's promised to crawl over

soil looking for slugs using a light. And then when it spots one, it would blow the shit out of it with a little rocket launcher. A little mini RPG. Wouldn't that be funny? But actually, it would blow the shit out of it with a little rocket launcher. Oh, my God. Okay. A little mini RPG. Wouldn't that be funny? But actually, it's even worse. It would pick up the invader and then store it. And you're like, oh, that's humanitarian or whatever.

Oh, boy. No. There's bacteria inside the slug bot that digests the slug slowly, which then can be used as an organic power source for the machine. So it runs on slugs, this fucking robot. Oh, wow. So it eats a slug and then feeds itself and then runs to go get more slugs dude that is actually genius that's pretty that's like fueling a boat with ocean water and sailing across the sea that's like feeling a terminator

with people yeah yeah it's pretty fucked that's pretty cool but interesting but they started doing it in 2004 and now at 2021 they, they started doing a new one. Did you find anything on it? Yeah, I found the Slugbot. It's sweet. I'm looking at it. Wait, well, it's gotten crazier. I was looking at the early...

Whoa! It's got to be crazier. Well, that's some nice... The Slugbot project, which was funded following a successful bid to the RUK Smart Call, has seen the development of an autonomous slug monitor care show me the robot Look, that's big. I'm working alongside. I picture like a little mini. Yeah, it was a Crop I logical show us aside with a person for far looks like a sprayer. I listen it says Reacted swiftly that guy looks like he hates fucking slugs

Maybe something he's dedicated his life to eradicating slugs. I can't fucking stand them. With their blue cum and their fucking dicks coming out of their heads. All right, this one's very strange. But the question on the article on this is, have you ever looked at a glass of milk and wondered how many t-shirts you could make from it? Hmm. Not till right now. Right.

I haven't wondered that. Now I'm in. Well, of course, this is in Germany. German fashion designer Anki something, Gutenabend. In 2011, she unveiled a fabric called Q-Milk, which is made of the protein found in milk. What? So they use dried milk powder, heat it, and it comes out in yard strands, and they make fucking dresses and shit one weird one dress

requires does the body good and on your body uh six liters of milk per dress so that's kind of a waste of milk probably what i would imagine if as people are starving you're like you know we'll just take that food and wear it get our sweaty balls on it and shit do you dip your cookies in your shirt fucking what's that brian would i get moldy? What's that, Brian? Did I get moldy? Probably. There's also one that I didn't put in here where it was really popular back in the day and they thought it would be the future

was paper clothes. I could see that. In a rainstorm or some shit. Or in a fire. Right. Alright. What is the dumbest thing that you could probably have a selfie printed on? That's the question I had when I read this next article. Piece of toast. Dude.

Yeah. Fucking where's my thing? Really? Oh, wow. Fucking nailed it, bro. Hell yeah. Spin the wheel. What do you win?

A small cock. Oh, let's spin it one more time. I already won. Yeah. Well, you get the cock, though. Ah. But how can you? I mean, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, but you nailed it. So to help liven up toast, there's a toaster from the Novelty Toaster Corporation in 2014,

customizing a photo of your face on a little metal plate, and it makes a perfectly crisp toast that you can use to butter yourself up, it says. I think I thought of that because wasn't there a thing where they saw Jesus on toast or something? Yeah, we might have had that. They're getting good at it. You can bring up my computer. Dicks on toast. That was going to be our band name.

Yeah, Dicks on Toast. Toasted selfies. All you have to do is take a dick pic with this device and you've got Dicks on Toast. Okay. Oh, yeah. We might have brought this because now I'm seeing this picture right here. We might have brought this. This might have been on the show a long time ago.

Forgive me if I'm doubling up on you. Before your time, honey. Yeah. Probably. I think maybe that's why you were like, fucking toast? Yeah. Could have been. It's fresh in your mind.

Oh, yeah. All right. So this one, have you ever wondered what your pets are saying? Yes. Right? Wouldn't it be nice to know what your cat, mainly cats, but dogs would say? Your bird. I mean, food.

Hungry. Well, yeah well yeah so you don't instead of guessing what you want to go outside you want food you want to pet you do you want me to what do you want just say hey what do you want hey hey one of the one snack okay well in japan they have two devices that and neither one of them are on the market still but they started out 2012 one of them's called i can't really pronounce it well, Necomony. That's it for sure. That's for sure. But basically you, it's, what's funny is it's cat ears that you put on your head. Okay. So, and it measures brainwaves and allows the ears, the ears that you're wearing to react to the cat's moods. So if it's interested, the ears perk up,

if it's relaxed, they drop. If they're focused, they wriggle. All that kind of shit. It didn't work very well, apparently. You think? No. But then there was another one called the Meowlingual, which is even more creative, I think. But it's literally a machine in Japan that you point it at a cat's face and it tells you its mood. And it went out of business because they found out that

cats just hate people. And they're like, it's always the same mood. You're like, what are you thinking about? It's like, hate. Yeah. And they're like, eh, it's always the same mood. You're like, what are you thinking about? You just put it, it's like, hate. Yeah. And you're like, well, it's like a little thing.

We used to be emperors. Get that out of my face. Get back to worshiping us. That'd be a funny gag gift. Every time, just like, get it out of my face. That's all it says,

over and over. Here's another fun gag gift, perhaps. It's called the ostrich pillow. And this was funded on Kickstarter 10 years ago. But it's literally what it sounds like. It's a pillow that you can stick your head in. It's a fluffy hole pillow, yeah.

You've seen it. Hold on, I've got to bring it up. I've got to see this. I probably have. Yeah, this motherfucker. Oh, yeah, yeah. So if you're sick of the world, just be like, nah, I'm going in the hole. I'm going in the hole.

Going in the cushy hole. But you can still, like, scratch your head from the side, I guess. Looks like it. Put your phone in there or some shit. Yeah. Or have somebody have sex with it. With a dick in it. It looks like an alien head with like eyes on the side or something.

Look at this guy. Ah. And it says, create an oasis of calm anywhere. He's in the hospital wearing that? He's on a bus, I think. Oh, I thought that was one of those rolling IV bag sticks. Like, sir, you have cancer. Just pull your ostrich pillow over your head.

Not anymore, don't. Not anymore. It might create calm for him, but not for everybody that's looking at him. Not in my world. We're trying to give him his diagnosis, but he won't take his fucking ostrich pillow off. Did you tell him yet? I'm trying. We need your husband to take his ostrich pillow off.

And you said, no. From inside of it? Uh-uh. No. No. Well, I got a couple for parents out there. There is the Bad Mommy Baby Helmet. And everybody's heard of that. And it now comes with Wi-Fi.

Okay. So if you drop your baby, you're fine. Okay. Love that. That one's not real. That wasn't real? No. What was it then?

I invented that one. It's on SCATCAST. Shut up, cock. It's a little, yeah. This one is crazy, but this product asks, what is the earliest age you can start your kids doing chores? And apparently it's as soon as they start crawling. Oh, you can't pick up shit off the floor yeah it's a baby baby mop so you just have them do a little cleaning while they're wearing a onesie made of mop heads can i see also i'm looking them up yeah which which one is it there's a few different not the first one to think of this

this one's the cheer it's it's pretty much a joke thing, but it's pretty. I mean, why not? Why the fuck not? It's just one of those novelty, funny things. Do something. But that's funny. Japan has a super sense of humor, I think. Yeah.

They do a great job. Yeah. All right. A couple, when we talk about TV and stuff, this is an interesting one. There used to actually be a smell-o-vision. Oh, yeah. So when TV started arriving in American homes, movie studios realized they needed to fucking spice it up to get people back.

So they made smelly films. And they made it odor drift through the cinema with fans and all that shit to match the action. So there was a producer there, all that shit. This debuted in 1960 with a movie called Scent of Mystery. And yeah, so there was 30 smells that they would smell. And part of it was like clues in the show and all that stuff. So like the killer had a distinct cologne. The problem was, can you guess?

He couldn't clear it out. Yeah. Just didn't go away. You start the new movie like, wait, we can't have the cologne smell lingering because it's supposed to smell like popcorn. We're in the streets now. It's supposed to smell like piss and garbage. The piss and the garbage are mixing in with the garlic popcorn.

That's not good. You know what's funny about all this is I hear all the time that it's, you just hear all the time like, oh, kids today, or like today you just can't. Everything was so much better back then because they didn't overdo everything. It's like, dude, that was the 60s. They were getting crazy doing that kind of shit. That was forever.

The people that invented that are dead. Yeah. You know what I mean? That was a long time ago. Go ahead, Joe. I was going to say, just adding to the list of issues with Smell-O-Vision, on top of the just fucking name. Yeah.

It didn't work well. It's inconsistent or distracting smells from the audience. So, like, the smells would linger. Yeah. It didn't work well. It's inconsistent or distracting smells from the audience. So like the smells would linger. Yeah. But then here's what I didn't think of is that the aromas were arriving too late. So the front row is like, you're in the back and you're like, you're still smelling cologne.

You're still smelling a fart. Yeah. And the rest of them are like back to something else. You're like, ah, this is nice. This is nice. And then you're like, wait, this doesn't match stab scene that would be like watching a

movie with the sound traveling you know it's like you're watching something the people in the back are just there it's a completely different movie yeah than the people in the front yeah imagine listening like a you and your friend are listening to a song that are 10 seconds apart from each other you're like oh do you like you do the thing and you're like i'm not even there yeah the breakdown didn't hit yet what possible movie would you want to smell i don't know willy wonka all right that might be the only one yeah willy wonka is a good one uh yeah i can't think of any off the top of my head just every action movie gasoline and fire like sweat it's kind of dangerous. I mean, like that movie, what's the end of the wild,

where it's just like you smell the Alaska wilderness. The brisk. All right, that's pretty good. That would be pretty nice. Something like that. Picture them trying to get the smell out with the huge industrial fans.

You're trying to watch the movie, but you focus. Because sometimes when you're in a movie, you hear the next movie over take just black you're trying to watch it we have to work you're in a fucking wind tunnel just everyone's hairs flapping trying to get this it looks like that commercial that was that Sony or what yeah or the guys in the chair yeah all right I got one for VR movies.

Okay. We kind of heard about them for a second, and they went away. But that was supposed to be the next big thing, getting immersed in VR action. We talked about VR porn. Yeah. But the VR headsets didn't sell that well, and a lot of people didn't give a fuck about movies. They wanted to play video games. Yeah.

But a California tech startup did spend $100 million to try in 2015, and they got these cool cameras and all this crazy shit. They filmed a bunch of gigs and sporting events. Yeah, I remember that. And Disney even created a VR version of Coco. So if you have VR, you can watch Coco from Disney. Okay. I've never seen Coco, but it's good.

Coco's a good movie. It's really good. I'm not sure if that would be the one I'd pick for a VR experience. Well, that's my next question. What would be the one i'd pick for a vr experience but well that's my next question what would be the movie that you'd want to see the most in vr again like some kind of an action avatar like a natural like you get to one that's all about environment because if you're looking around and missing the movie at least i want to see some cool shit yeah because the actors are in front of you and the whole time you're sitting backwards

they're staring at the camera guy's chest imagine watching lethal weapon something like that where it's just like action or like gold uh fucking james bond and because when you watch it now all the actions in front of you but if you did like that and like there's this explosion going on you're just looking around look at how the birds react seagull it's all green screen but the vr experience like if you're not looking forward and seeing the movie you just look to the side and you see the camera the production crew off the side yes eating popcorn stunt doubles yeah waiting there like somebody like somebody's fighting someone's making a sandwich off to the side daniel craig's daniel craig's sitting in his

chair while his stunt double's doing the thing and and he's having a conversation with the director. Smoking a cigarette. That would be fun to watch. That's like the director's commentary, but better. The director's cut. Yeah. All right, this one's very quick. It's called The Foldy Mate, and it didn't last, but it should,

because so many people hate laundry. Oh, yeah, yeah. This doesn't clean laundry, but it folds and irons clothes. I know. I can't believe they haven't figured this out yet. They were close. This is so close. I know. I can't believe they haven't figured this out yet. They were close. This is so close. I know.

I think you can see it there. Yeah. It was so close. What am I on, Reddit? Reddit. Yeah. Yeah, but that's all there is to that. Yeah, and that had to be.

That would save a lot of people a lot of life. Shit. That doesn't look right. That's dishes. And don't forget the part of cost. But it doesn't wash the thing, this guy. You have a lot of uh if i still have to pick up my clothes and put it in the machine yeah look at her she's got

work still they cost tens of thousands of dollars and usually they can fold only one item very well yeah so if i own if i was running a hotel yes that's about it your resort that'd be fucking sweet but they did try and make a commercial version. Something like that in your house. You have a whole bedroom dedicated to the machine. Your entire second story is a foldy, mate. Well, I think that's probably it. I think they just continued it because it probably ate a kid. Folded him up. He's like, it's a kid.

So this one is less tech and more like we just discovered some medical shit here. Less tech and more titties. So have you guys ever heard of interral ventilation via anus? No, but I like the sound of it. Do you? I do too. It basically means, I'll skip all this shit, you can breathe through your butt. Nice.

Almost a lot of mammals can breathe. Yeah, I was going to say, some already do. It's a thing, we talked about it on Jar a couple weeks ago and Shaden gave us the whole thing, but basically they thought that only bottom feeding fish could do this magic thing by breathing through their butts but they found out lots of mammals can including us and so in the future and i think they've already done this a little bit on testing and stuff it's very you know most scientists are like what we're not going to do that yeah pumping air backwards into your stumps you need a stomach and your lungs you have to add a filter in there Can you imagine that

Like a little 3M filter You cut open a slot in your gut And you like You need to update your filter You like zip it And pull it out It's like god damn This is full of shit

Bring it out Or get a new one Dude Just blow air in your butthole And then like burp farts It's going to be a weird one. Just in reverse. But it does give us some hope in case you have lung problems and stuff.

Maybe you can breathe through your butt. Yeah, or if you're a Navy SEAL, you just keep your head under water. I was a Navy SEAL. I could breathe through my anus. If I could breathe through my butt, I could breathe for 47 minutes. That's worth it just for that. Here's what scientists said. The fact that land-based mammals and aquatic species share the capacity for this breathing is a remarkable finding for evolutionary biology.

It's a pretty controversial idea within the medical research community, but it is kind of kick-ass. Kick-ass. Last two. Sewer mud. I brought that up here before. Sewer mud patties. Meat patties. Yum.

That was reported in 2011, and it's shovel cock. So I just wanted to make sure. But it was picked up by the Guardian, by the LA Weekly, all sorts of. Fooled everybody. It did. I shoveled so much cock down in the bar. That's right, baby. But it was pretty.

While breathing through my butthole. It was a different time for looking up research. Last thing. Gorilla monsoon. And I think we've talked about this one before, too. But this is one of my favorite things. It's a different time for looking up research. Last thing. Gorilla monsoon. And I think we've talked about this one before, too, but this is one of my favorite things. It's a tree coffin, which is basically, when you die, it's a little pod that you put the body in, and you can put ashes in it, too. But a tree will grow through it, and so then you can go see your dead dad tree. Yeah.

And I think that's pretty neat. That is neat. And then chop it down and grind it into a table or like a you know yeah so the the flora and fauna can dine on your body like you had once dined on flora and fauna so it's kind of a nice little circular circle of life shit yeah elton john sings and everything yeah all right that's all i got for you guys Good stuff Blow me That's It is fun to think about Like how many Every time I see like Flintstones

Or one of those old shows They're always The new Something 2000 Like the Jetsons And like I think they were really trying Like they were

Like 60s And they were cutting edge Of like this is gonna be the next wave Let's go to the moon And it's like No that didn't work out That didn't work we try stuff we did go to the moon though maybe if you can breathe through your butthole can you give a blow job and do anal at the same time worth trying buttholes don't have tongues that sounds like a terrible dad joke

now my buttholes are tongues come on yeah only shoes have tongues. All right, well, thanks, Uncle Zach. My pleasure. Good stuff. I'm going to get off your lap. Love obscure stuff like that. All right, let's do some good news. Hit it! So you're telling me there's a chance.

Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! Yeah. So this isn't your traditional good news. Oh. That we normally do. It's actually bad news. It's actually terrible. You want the good news that we normally do? It's actually bad news.

It's actually terrible. You want the good news or the bad news? So it's in the theme of hot air balloons. Oh, so it's terrible news. But slack liners balance between hot air balloons at height of 2,500 meters and breathtaking world record. So the good news is the good news is that this could have been a catastrophic

It could have been your run of the mill. Tragedy. Tragedy. Imagine this going up in the sky. This guy could have fallen off and died. That would have been tragic. But imagine the chaos chaos look how many

people in these baskets in this picture clapping and cheering what if these balloons fucking ran into each other would have one caught fire switch and like that's two hot air balloons going down in flames which happens 100 of the time plus all the people on this thing and the guy slacklining in the middle like this should have been the middle. Does he have a parachute? I don't know. I didn't read the rest of it. I just didn't care. Awesome prep work.

Yeah. Zero prep work. Did he have a parachute? I have no fucking idea. I'm just here. I don't. I mean, what's the point of that? I'm watching a video.

Let's bring this baby up. No, he's attached by a rope. A safety rope? Still would hurt. Whoa, bud! Look at that scenery. I know, and the fucking... Hot air balloons are touching. I'm on that.

That is... Now he's doing it again. He just can't stop himself. Yeah, he can't. Maybe that's a different guy. Once you slackline, you can't backline? You can't go blackline or whatever. I remember your dad saying that.

Yeah, he said that once. Oh, it's his buddy. It's two pals doing it. Yeah. He pushes him. He's like, I'm the only guy. Woo. It's a pretty impressive balance, that's for sure.

Yeah. No shit. Yeah, me too. They just start making out. That's what I was talking about. Okay, what if they set the record, and then one of the things caught on fire, and they all died? What record? Ain't no one doing this.

Yeah, I'd like to see someone break that record. Yeah, no one's. Everyone's like, why? If someone breaks the record, it's going to be them going and breaking their own record. Like, we can do better. And everyone's like, all right. That's what's crazy about Guinness. All the fans, the family are like, we have to go back in the fucking hot air balloon.

Yeah. Just do it on the ground. We should just make up a thing to break the record for. There's plenty of them out there. Let's figure one out. I'd like to see somebody else. Well, I'm glad they survived. I mean, I could never do it.

I would never do it. But that is cool. That is cool. Humans are crazy. They're fucking crazy. We get bored and do this shit. That's the thing, right? It's like crazy they're fucking crazy we get bored and do this shit that's this thing right it's like they're life's going pretty well if you're thinking about your next hot air balloon

that's exactly what i was gonna say yeah it's like if that's your main concern is like i could slack line between these hot air balloons a little further yeah you you got a pretty good life going on comfortable yeah look at his jacket look mean, his jacket looked nice. Yeah, he had a nice jacket. He did. Probably got it for free, too. I'm excited. Let's get off. We have a, look what I found. Yeah.

And we got a couple songs. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes!

That's awesome! Oh, god damn it. Because I'm so terrible. Oh, no, this was sent in by Penny. I did remember to add it in there. Yeah, this was sent in by Penny. And so we've listened to obscure vinyl before. You sure have but it's usually been like old old timey you know like uh whatever tugging my fucking nips

yeah so this was a different genre rubbing and tugging my fucking nips fucking nips okay um so this is uh this is more like 80s Ballad Cheesy ballady Okay And this is The artist is Reina And Should I say the title

Or just let Let the song Oh I see I see Yeah just let it go Okay Yeah There we go The viewers know now

Yeah Let's see Oh Oh fuck Oh fuck me. What happened to you? My bad, my bad. What are you doing?

Oh, you got me fucking dusting off. It's so fuckable. Every whisper tells a story. Just another blast of glory. Oh, you got me fucking dusting off. It's all but oh. Every wheel misplaced makes me gay. You got me fucking dusting off This old world, oh Every wheel makes me get And I ain't even mad

Our love is like a timeless freak And I've gotten more than leather me You'll be picking the shit particles Out of your teeth You got me fucking dusting off me it's be fun to put this in the middle of a reunion dance. Yeah, I was picturing this as the first dance at a wedding. Yeah. What an epic journey we're on Oh yeah It's pretty good

And it goes on There it was kind of getting A little muffled there Kind of reminded me of What's that? Of Joseph Marlowe? Huh? What?

Sex on me? Yeah sex on me a little bit Get a little distorted And blown out there? Yeah, a little blown out. We've got to make another AI song soon. Yeah, we do. I came across this one, and we'll just listen to a little bit of it, but you throw in an AI song and they remind me of this one.

And the title of this song is called My Wiener's Shaped Like a Horseshoe. Also, the name of the album is My Wiener Shaped Like a Horseshoe My wiener shaped like a horseshoe And when I pee it soaks my shorts too It's a real life country man's dilemma All I want is one shit like a car antenna My wiener's peeing on itself I'm crying out for any help Cause baby, I'ma need some jeans

That aren't soaked up with all this pee A normal wiener's all I want I'm stuck with a horseshoe cock I pray one day I'll just wake up There you go. Killing Nashville. It's so funny because the music. I like our AI songs more. Yeah.

I might be biased. Music-wise, you can't tell. But when the vocals come in, you can tell that AI sound. But it's just going to get better and better. Yeah. Pretty good. That's pretty funny. All right, let's hear it from the kids.

Yeah! All right, let's hear it from the kids. Yeah! Hey, you guys! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Wow. Wow-wee.

Beavis and Butthead, right? Wow, that's cool. Yeah, that's... What's his name? It's with an N. Nelson? No, that's... Different show. He's wearing the winger N. Nelson? No, that's... Different show. He's wearing the winger shirt.

Stuart? Yeah, that sounds good. Our first email coming in from our son, Zach. Hello again, daddies and commie uncle Zach. Was listening to your most recent episode where you brought up buying things while drunk. Growing up, my mother helped take care of two very sweet Italian widows. They had moved into one of their son's very nice houses. The neighbor

to those 80-some-year-olds was an old rocker named Ron Who. Although I thought he was bullshitting me as a kid, played guitar for the Beach Boys back in the 70s. He had an amazing house, and his wife had bought an exotic bird of some sort. Ron, unsurprisingly, was quite the

partier and while going ham on the booze, decided to buy his bird a nicer cage. In the early days of online shopping, he found what he thought was a good-sized cage and, quote, blurry-eyed from too much fun, he saw what he thought was a $250 cage. He completely forgot about it after he sobered up, but two weeks later, a large delivery truck pulls up in front of his home. The drivers politely ask if he's cleared enough space that's large enough for the cage. Confused, but

apparently vaguely remembering that he had bought a bird cage, he told them to just put the cage in his living room. When the two workers began to struggle with the giant wooden crate, Ron became even more confused, wondering where they put such a small cage in such a the giant wooden crate. Ron became even more confused, wondering where they put such a small cage in such a large wooden shipping crate. Something doesn't seem right here.

After they managed to set it down in the living room, he signed for it and they left. He opened the crate to discover he had purchased not a $250 normal birdcage, but a $25,000 cage that was large enough for a full-grown adult to fit into. He mistakenly thought that there was a decimal grown adult to fit into. He had mistakenly bought it. He mistakenly thought that there was a decimal where there wasn't one. He was then stuck with a giant perv cage that his wife thought was hilarious. They ended up keeping the cage in the living room was a funny story. His wife would tease him about in front of company.

I know the story isn't graphically outrageous as my previous tales from the landfill or my kfc bucket challenge story from the old show keep up the great entertainment your comedy keeps me going at work your shit covered son zach if he's at i mean he must be doing well financially it's actually like all right we can keep it keep this wife's not even mad i know i mean how how could you be just like, whoops? I mean, how big is it? Fucking huge. I'm looking it up. How big is a $25,000 birdcage? Didn't expect to do that Google search.

Nope, not today. We have a massive birdcage and it wasn't $25,000. I know. The truck shows up. Bring it on in, boys. You sure? Big. i'm just looking uh 25 000 these aren't gonna i mean how do you make that i mean i that's a big hammer drunk yeah i don't know i don't know i'm gonna go with big'm going to go with like zoo animal. Yeah. Zoo animal size fucking bird cage. 250.

Are you looking at this cage going? Wow. Yeah. What would they mislabel is how I get such a good deal on it. Is it prime days? This usually costs like 26, 27 grand. Something like this. $250 fucking birdcage?

Print. Yeah, just drunk, buying shit. That is funny, though. I'm glad they had a... And also a very funny story. When people show up, they have to walk through your front door and then through a birdcage to get to the living room. You're setting your coat up on the bird feeder.

Alright, you want to read the next one? Yes, this is coming from Earl. Okay. Earl. Earl. You're saying your coat up on the bird feeder. All right. You want to read the next one? Yes. This is coming from Earl. Okay. Errol. Errol. I like to call him Errol. He doesn't.

His name is Errol. Okay. Remember that show? They do. Hey, fun guy pappies, Joe, Blaine, and Zach. So, hey, I was in the shower the other day thinking about the show and while it's not weird right that's not weird you're good anyway after i got out of the shower i was brushing my teeth my mind started to wander as it does with adhd and i was thinking that poor

bastard with the tri-dairy thing going on i got the, the old three dicks. Old Joey three dicks. A lot of emails about the three dicks. I decided I was not going out that way. So I started gripping my bean bag, checking for tri-dairy. Gripping my bean? Arrow? My Frank and beans. Started his bean bag.

Sorry about that. Checking for a tri-dairy. Okay. Then figured it would have to be, probably have to be, probably have to have chubby to see if my nuts, because my head, god damn it. You're killing it.

What's going on over there? I don't know. My eyes are blurry. I think I need glasses. Yeah, we've been talking about that for a couple years now. Started gripping my bean bag, checking for a tri-dairy. Then figured it'd have to be a chubby and he wrote cubby. Okay.

So to see if my nuts get hard or if there was a carrot in there. Okay. Anyway, in the middle of this, my loving wife walks in the bathroom for a Q-tip or something. Oh, my God! So picture this. A fat, naked me gripping my beanbag with toothpaste all over my face. Hi, honey! And my toothbrush keeping me from talking English. Hi, honey!

Yeah, that's a good one. I'm normally totally... Oh, my God. Zach, you want to take it from here? I'm normally a total smartass and always have something to say. But I was like a deer in the headlights, frozen like a statue. She spoke and said quietly, what are you doing? I calmly took the toothbrush out of my mouth and said, it's not too much trouble. Come here and grab my nuts.

See if you can find the tridary with that now being said she rolled her eyes and turned around and uh she was closing the door and said this tridary isn't no i said this tridary isn't going to find itself you know with toothpaste all over your face i heard the bedroom door closed as she left needless to say i'm not one for you do it okay needless to say i am not one in five to six million i am just boring me with only one stupid cock run of the mill fuck not even a secondary useless on the upside at least i was not looking for my tri-dairy with a dick in my ass.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. That would have been a tougher explanation. Anyway, love you guys. Thank you for giving me something other than chickens in safety vests wearing plastic arms to think about as I brush my teeth. It makes me smile. Bye. What the hell does that mean?

That must be his ADHD. I think it's an old joke. Unless we, yeah. I don't remember that a lot of stupid stuff errol e-man the uni shaft earl i'm gonna call him earl nope you can't i mean you can't i just did he's just gonna correct you every time though it's fine it's our choice whether the email goes in or not that would be shocking to like be like i wonder if i do have a second dick and and then it's there.

Like, what are the odds? That one in five to six million. What are they? Yeah. Having that secondary posted up with you. My throat's getting a little raw. Zach, how's your throat? Meh. After your talking.

Not great. I know. You know when you got that little sickness where you can feel the fluid piling up in your throat? A little phlegm. All the time. I'm just thankful I didn't inhale a bunch of snot for the poor listeners. I do like that when you, because then you can go, it's like a nice, compact fucking loogie that you could spit 30 yards. Break a record.

Yeah, dude. If you want to hear the bonus content, we're going to keep going. We do at the back end of every show. Sign up on patreon.com slash canyoudon'tpodcast. Again, thanks to everybody that does that. It is a huge way to hear the bonus content, we're going to keep going. We do at the back end of every show. Sign up on Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. Again, thanks to everybody that does that. It is a huge way to support the show. We got Instagram and Facebook. Follow us there.

Get our silly, dumb videos. I know when we drop our merch, you can see the video version of the show on YouTube. And then the email to send stuff in is heyguysatcanyoudontpodcast.com. Be sure to check out Uncle Zach at Scatcast. Probably should. The whole universe. Yeah, they should. They should. That's scat with a K. Scpodcast.com. Be sure to check out Uncle Zach at Scatcast. They probably should. The whole universe. Yeah, they should. They should.

That's scat with a K, scatcast.com. A bunch of stuff over there. Rate and review us wherever you listen to the show. And then a big thanks to our babysitters on Facebook that moderate the Can You Don't Playground. I got some life advice to wrap it up. Okay. Zach, you push the button.

Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? I should have been still talking. Yeah. That's what I tried to get you to do. Spin the wheel one more time. It landed on giant dick last time. Come on.

Come on. I wish I had a drum roll. Come on, small dick. Come on. It's going to be... Just... Right in the grundle again. Right in the taint.

A little life advice today. Okay. Just remember, you're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example okay yeah so if you're fucking everything up just know people are looking at you and being like kind of like my reading yeah right there they're like that's why i like to read a little more get some practice in yeah i probably should the only reading i do is on this show and i mean gotta read a menu.

Yeah, but I usually go to a restaurant where I know... They only have pictures? No, that I know what I... It's like, as parents, we go to the same restaurant. I have this one. I want the one with the pickle! Just tap it. This one. Yeah, I never have to read. We always go to a place where I know what I'm gonna get. I could go into a restaurant, unless it's a new restaurant.

This one. And I'd be like, I'll take the chicken sandwich. it's a new restaurant this one and I'd be like I'll take the chicken sandwich that's pretty much what I get at every restaurant is a chicken sandwich yes you do I've watched you eat

a lot of chicken sandwiches yeah they're just good yeah they are alright off to the bonus shit say bye Brian bye you