Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Arial Depression. Chocolate Tube. Swimming. Camel Kick.

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

For the most part, going to church is a pretty chill experience. And most definitely not high up on the list of places you'd expect to get kicked in the face by a camel. Let's talk about that, having a serious conversation with someone while wearing a wildly inappropriate shirt, barfing up chunks of ham onto a dong you're blowing, doing your best Elvis impersonation in the back of an ambulance, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/h4cnX9_8VUASend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Aerial Depression Chocolate Tube Swimming Camel Kick Hello Everybody That kind of sounded like Was it Rip Taylor?

guy that went Rip Taylor he used to have little confetti thing and carry around remember exactly I know you know who he is

I don't no I didn't have cable was it a cable thing what the fuck I didn't have cable growing up so

look this guy right here pull him up oh yeah yeah oh yeah absolutely hi everybody yeah

oh okay he'd carry like he was always in the jackass movies and stuff oh yeah kind of okay he just like

he would just show up randomly yeah always had A competitive canon? Yeah. Okay, all right, fair enough. A little mini canon.

Now I know who it is. I wouldn't, never see that guy at, uh, fucking, what? Golden Corral. I'm sorry. Um. Um. Okay. Oh, I went there.

Segway. Yeah, well, fuck, we talking about Golden Corral. Oh, I just, I burped a second again. Yeah. And I was like, hmm, that tastes like bourbon chicken from Golden Corral that's on my mind. Okay. It's been a, been, it's been at least a decade. What was the occasion?

Was it like your anniversary? No, not that classy. Okay. No, we dropped a kid off at birthday party. At Sizzler? And the head down to Golden Corral? Chad, bro. Oh, Sizzler.

No, there's this basketball place up north. And so we were going to go eat. My wife's like, where you want to go eat? And she goes, you know, we could do Golden Corral if you want. And I looked at it. I was like, what? See, she knew. It's a big deal.

I used to eat there all the time. I grew up eating there. before it was a buffet back in Moses it was like a regular sit-down restaurant Silver Corral Yeah it wasn't quite golden The bronze corral The bronze corral

The copper corral I've been to that saloon It's just like It's a little shanty attached to the back end of a golden corral All the food they don't want to throw away They just thrown a different buffet at the copper corral All this stuff that's been sitting out too long

They just shifted over Yeah anyway No we were So we're out in the area Because we usually go to like maybe Texas Roadhouse Some up there All the gardens up there You know all the classy joints

And I was like thrown off I'm like Golden Crowds She's like well you've mentioned it a few times Because I was joke about it You know we'd go to Golden Growl Because I would eat like three or four plates Basically become a bulimic Not on purpose where I would eat so much

That I would just vomit They eat so much And our youngest Perry was with us and he'll eat anything We told him about it's like You could just pick whatever food you want and you get as much as you want all the desserts you want and he was like let's do it um you had me you had me at whatever i want right he spent a lot of time at the

dessert counter uh so we walk in there and i mean i went straight to my usual's got a steak mashed potatoes suburban chicken and some green beans and loaded up and just and went and sat down and started eating and I started looking around. I was like, I kind of... This is the highlight. No. It was the opposite. And I was just kind of like, man, I remember it feeling this gross here.

And my wife's eating and I was like, started talking about it. She's like, don't want to hear it. Don't talk about it. Look at me. Yeah. And I was like, no, I was just because she's like, I don't want to know. No, I... I just want to...

God damn it, Brian! Yeah. She was eating the salad bar. She's like, you keep talking. She's like, you keep talking. out she goes look at me quit looking at everyone around us

look at these tits covered in shrimp dude is just I uh I did I guess honey walnut tats it's benefits since I've been there honey walnuts it's benefits as I've been there and when I used to go

it was with buddies like on our dinner break from work or something we'd go eat a ton of food and go back to work and just feel gross but now going to like sit down with the family it was like it felt it felt different yeah um and I'm looking around like this just it feels gross and it's I'm looking around just watching people and I'm just watching people just like stuff their faces and it's like rolling down their face and I'm like I'm getting grossed out that's like I got to run the bathroom and the son went with me and we both go in the bathroom and I there's a dude just in there just just like wet shitting in the thing and I'm like

and you hear plate scraping and you hear plate scraping Hmm Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, he puts it down and just kicks the plate across to the bathroom floor. I love this fucking plate across to the bathroom floor. And then you just hear the toilet paper That sound that like is an innocent sound

You realize that all you're hearing is paper against the butthole You just hear the Yeah it's fine until you really picture where it's coming from So I will you be going back Well so I No So I came back out Do you think Golden Crowell will be sponsoring this show anytime soon

Okay no So we go back and sit down and I was like And I was looking at Amber, I'm like, so we was going back in the sky. She's like, stop. What are you doing? And I was like, no, and she's like, she's like, no. And it wasn't like, oh, you're being like goofy. She was like, stop.

It was kind of, if she was like sincere eyes, like, stop. I'm trying to eat. Stop. And so I. You're describing me. Stop it. Stop. This is a personal attack.

Just juice running off her chin. Stop. Stop right Stop it right now Are you to finish that steak? No This was This was not

And so then I I basically said Yeah I don't think we'll be coming back here And she's like that's fine What's the highlight of the entrees I mean just the steak We went on Friday night So there was steak

Steak night Steak and mashed potatoes I'm not all caught up on the rotation there When I used to go When I was younger, the bourbon chicken was what really drew... Because you can get a steak and mashed potatoes anywhere, but the bourbon chicken is what kept me coming back. That's good.

So, yeah, I probably won't be going back anytime soon. That's all right. And if we do, just add it to the Patreon goals. No. 525. That's what Golden Corral and E20 throw up? That sucks. Anyway, yeah.

Like I said, if I went back with you, it'd probably be fine. It was just something about sitting down with your family and like trying to have a dinner. It's not the same as like a, you know. That's all you're going to eat? Chicken nuggets? You see what's up there? Dude, he got cotton candy, ice cream, cookies. What?

They had cotton candy. Amher was like, she's like, go grab me some cotton candy while they still have some. This place just brings out the beast and everyone. And I was like, what do you just calm down? She's like, they might run out. Like, that's what she was excited about. You never know where they're going to have it again. And then this family comes in and sits down and the kids go,

we're going to get conundating the mom's like, get me some. I didn't know this must be new. I didn't know they had that. That's fun. Yeah. So that should have been my, what are you thinking about? That's all right. This is perfect.

This is beautiful. And I cannot wait to go to Golden Corral. I. But yeah. Now I'm kind of hungry. Let's get the show going. We do have a hogbone, hogbonita fully flonged dick. Hell yeah, brother.

show today. So get ready for that. I don't know what's going on. I'm not sure if like the moon and raccoons are you know, just fucking with each other. It's a raccoon moon. It's a raccoon moon. It's a raccoon moon. Rec moon. Something like that. But again, something's going on

with raccoons right now. And just the headline you need. Raccoon falls through ceiling at Grand Geneva restaurant and bites a guest. Thanks for coming in. Give me your booze. But was it drunk? Yeah, they're all in hammered.

This one wasn't. Doesn't say that. Just fell through, landed there. Raccoon doesn't know why it's there. This lady doesn't know why it's there. And one of them, did it land on the table where they're eating? Yep. Flopped on down there.

I think it's bit the lady. Grabbed an olive and took off. He's like, dude, you get to eat all this trash can? What? What? All right. Let's get the show rolling. Hell yeah.

We got a big show today. Zach! Hey, shut up. Start the show already. We could, but we're not going to, but I am not exaggerating. You're going to have to trust Brian and I on this one. If we were to open up our email right now, and we look at, we have a bunch of files in there, right? So we have the main one.

Hey, guys, at can you don't podcast.com. That's where you send in all your segment suggestions, things you find, stories, confessions, whatever it is. That's the email address. Then from there, one by one, we read you, and then we file you. We put you in different little categories. Put you in buckets. And one of them is start the show. And at this moment, I'm not kidding, it's at least three little trackpad flings.

And it's just nothing but Shane sending in Woodrow. That's where we're at right now. I think we covered this last week or maybe the week before. Not sure what's going on in Shane's life, but he is dialed in. Awesome. Like he is chat GPT for ideas right now. But better, because chat GPT won't go dark enough for our podcast. Sorry, I can't do that.

Yeah, he's like, sorry. Suggestion. Good suggestion. Do you want me to call the police? Exactly. Try again. But put it in a newsletter. So Shane is a part of this, but we went half and half.

Went on the internet, and then of course Mr. Shane is involved. Do you ready for this? Yeah. Would you rather be a traveling musician who rides around in an ambulance playing live music for the patients and the EMTs? Depends on how to pay. You also empty out most... You say depends on the pay? You also empty out most of the cabinets to hold your different musical insurance.

Get rid of the defibrillator. Not going to need this. I have a metronome. Oh, my God. Or be the proud new owner of the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory. But you're required to completely be hands-on in all aspects of the company. And you have the final say on all decisions company-wide. Every single one.

Oh, what a nightmare! How many rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom? HR, a fight between the oompa-lupas. And you have to be involved. He grabbed my ass. Can you put it in a, in a song for him? He grabbed my ass and Grab my ass and even though I had a boner.

That's a sexual assault. That is also sexual. All of it. Like, down to, like, do we're running loin, chocolate. Brian? Should we order more? Always! Always more chocolate.

It's the chocolate factory. All right now. And it runs away and something comes back. Like, we need more jelly beans. You're like, oh my God. Well, you'd have to learn how to play, like, a clarinet. Sure. Yeah, the shortcuts, right?

And they don't talk. I don't think do Blupas talk. They sing. They do. damn sure they sing yeah so they dance everything every HR incident's gonna be have to be yeah in a song and the thing is this is what like got me with this part because you read it and you're like yeah whatever fuck i'll be the owner of the willie wonka chocolate factory but that's if you base all this experience around uh the movie okay which shows you uh a grandiose candy bar fueled giveaway just surface

where he he is the he is entertainer he is doing doing a tour if you know the back end of running a business that size be a fucking nightmare like you're you're not just sitting there giving tours and kicking candy balloons no they're giant warehouses there's a leak somewhere yeah yeah and you're there yeah you are the hands-on boss or like like someone should we call a plumber yeah get the fucking plumber in here dude get the plumber in here the chocolate tube there's a kid stuck in the chocolate tube again what should we do bury the body fuck

like you would have a gun in your hand so fast trying to run that shit show I feel like for the holiday season we should come up with some new dances I don't have time do you like it when I do this now you're a choreographer

you have to be in fault your passion was chocolate and now you're a dance choreographer and a plumber Yeah Like you're on you're on hold With like some tire company

Cause all of your distribution trucks Tires are shredded And you're on holes like And you're teaching oompa oompa's a new Christmas number Oh Janet's on line one I'll be there in a second

Fuck Oh And you have to think about, like, at the time, Willie Wonka, that was, it was like the biggest chocolate supplier of the world. Yeah. So, think about, we're talking Amazon here for chocolate. Yeah, if Bezos was just hands on. With every aspect of. Yeah.

You got to be involved. Well, you could dial it back. You could bankrupt the company. I get that. You can make those decisions. Like, hey, we're, we're shutting it down. And now you just have a big, stale chocolate factory. No, you have a board.

What you have is a bunch of clinically depressed oompa lupas to deal with. Well, no, you have, you can't just bankrupt the company. You have a board to answer to. Oh, you know, brand. Do you think the Willy Wonka factory has a board? I know they do. In this day and age, yeah. And they have an IPO.

Yeah. Just, I mean, first this business isn't I would be hang myself. You know, like that's straight out the gate. And then, you know, my shoes are chocolate. You can eat them or something. I don't know. It sounds like you're trying to come up with a loophole. No, the loophole is around my neck.

No, but it's just, so that's a total headache. That's too much. A lot of stress and things are going to start falling apart really quick. You have chocolate whenever you want. You'd get so sick of it. Dude, day one. Yeah. As soon as that factory opens, you have to be sick of chocolate, right?

Because you've been obsessing over your, you've devoted your life to it. You inherited the fucking Willy Wonka, chocolate factory. And you're like, I'll give it my best. You just walk in and it's like, hey, just like, oh man. I'd be, I would be out of there. I'd be overseeing. I got a test drive the Wonkavator again. Like, it's all you've done today. It's all I'm going to do tomorrow. It can only, it goes, yeah, it goes this way and diagonal and this ways and that ways, but there is a limit to where it can go. Enough test driving. Yeah. No, there's another way. There's always another way. There's another way. There's another way. There's another way. I'll be back

tomorrow. Right through the glass. my god, I don't have any self-service up here. Yeah, so there's that. Or, like, traveling around, playing music in the back of an ambulance. They're trying to keep, they're trying to get... I wish you would. Yeah.

This dude was just like, he's having, you know, I was going to go heart attack, but, like, he was just shot several times, and they're plugging up holes. They're pumping his heart to get, but they're, like, trying to keep blood in him, trying to get his heart going. you're in the corner what's the song would you sing there's the hum of the ambulance

and the dials and stuff is like a certain key all the time you know so you're like What's that song? Come on guys where it has like the beeps and stuff Love something Tainted love

Tainted love Mapa Yeah it has all the beats and stuff Sure No but you're Or you've got to have a keyboard. Yeah, you have, where the defibrillator is supposed to be, you have a, you have a fender amp. Sometimes I feel I've got to clear.

Like you're tapping on the shoulder. Like, last time I sang this, you jumped. You jumped. You were off, you're off tempo. Let's try again this time, right? Just sit there with the defibrillators waiting for you to get there. Guys, like, we got to hit it. him hurry up

it's not in tune I've got to run away like a little high five and the guy's just a little face you made me like you ready

you're ready uh huh here comes you're nodding them in like like moving your guitar to like give them the cues just watch me

I'll guide you through this one it's gonna be in B just guide me for the changes and try to keep up uh... do lae do you chaotic. It sounds terrible.

Because you got... I've had worse gigs. We know. Yeah, we're aware. There's no... Because the family... Showing as he's been here before! Oh, Jesus, great. Who's seen me before? The guy in the bed's like...

If you were my neighbor... All right. Where'd you see me? That's where... Dude... Here! Sir, keep the oxygen in a little. My neighbor's... she's always got she's going to the hospital for some it's been a bit but i think three or four times since she's lived there in two years um there's an ambulance over there and it's usually for something minor but i think she just her default is to call yeah them and so they show up and she's

always back a couple days later she's gonna call way more if you're have a killer set yeah dude that's what i'm thinking like she's just she knows the songs i love this one encore uh i ain't know the Picture Just dancing Like an Elba's dancing Oh Oh my god That's the last thing you see

Like you're gashed open Like a Like a table saw accident And some guy's like Oh Standing over the corner Just Gushing blood

Like We don't have got to bleeding And he's like Ain't off a bottle of hand Dogg Oh Helva Oh, oh, you ain't no friend of my.

Oh, thank you very much. Taking requests. All right. I'll pick myself. I'll do it myself. If you leaned into the medical aspect of it, like, this song's called breathe or whatever, you know. Like, you just. But now, picture, like, so you're in the back of the, you get a call.

It's like, we got it. We got. Guess where else You get a call We got a cardiac arrest At 457 Johnson Drive And you're listening in Yeah

And you're like And you start Open up all the cabinets Like getting a perfect setup Okay heart attack Fake wig on Just turn around And

Turn around hitting the hitting the side of the for all the snare hits hitting the fucking closet but so what I'm picturing is the guys in there they're going

they're doing the in the wife so they're going she's riding to the hospital with him and so you're trying to get her involved and she's concerned for her husband's heart starting again yeah and you're trying to get her involved in the action from an yeah yeah you're like come on come on clap with me

she's like she's in charge of holding the auction mask on she says I can't you only need one hand to clap I'll take it just crowd work oh god where you're from sir what are you from for living all right all right

I don't come to your place to work and die it's a good gig get the tip suck. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. So the endless comedy in that situation, Willy Wonka's Stress Factory,

because of my personality, I'm going to be a traveling musician in the back of an ambulance. Same. I'm not running Willie Wonky's fucking shit show, dude. They'd both be really interesting, but playing music would be more fun.

Yeah. I think I could handle that better. At least you're like, you're a part of something. Just the business side of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory is no. No way, no, no, no. We can barely run this, dude.

That's true. You had a lot, yet alone an international chocolate factory. Yeah. Like, yeah, right. I mean, you're not wrong. I love big dreams as much as the next guy. That's too big. I think the, the obvious one, and we're all musicians, so playing music, the idea of playing

music would be fun. But I know my personality, too, and how stressed out, I would be on, like, my first, I have to do it for my first performance. Mm-hmm. You know, like just the anxiety That I probably have a panic attack And be in the ambulance Next to the guy

I could change in the words to match it I'm just back with Elvis Like you just got done with like an overdose pickup He's like Degu-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-g. I'm all meth-up Do-do-do-do-do-do. Yeah I'm all-meth-up

God All the, yeah, you just become like weird owl but for ambulances For ambulances Hear me out hon Weird If you're out to the bank for a loan Great idea

I'm gonna be weird out But for ambulances You're like Get the fuck out of here I'm asking for a hundred dollars And I'm not giving it to you I'm not giving it to you I'm not giving you this hundred dollars

I'm not gonna let you even get started I'm not gonna I'm not gonna What's the word I'm not even gonna Entertain entertain this pipe dream of you I couldn't sleep at night

knowing I just gave you a hundred dollars to maybe be the weird weird owl of ambulances get out of here would you like to open a checking account here's the thing if tomorrow you decided to do that and for whatever reason an ambulance would let you do that you'd be an internet sensation you would overnight even if you faked that scenario like just for like had a whole fake ambulance set up and people rolling them in and it's just a musician in there I'm sure that's a skit isn't a skit somewhere

is Shane just like he's just watching old comedy shit yeah we haven't seen yeah um all right you ready to get out of here move for the next thing sure okay all right looks like we can't for the golden geese Rayla Anunnaki

Maggie Stokes Matthew Leonard Jason Clacer Daniel Smith The Sofa King Jordan Holliday

Daniel Collier Neil Daphony Matt John Storm Thanks everybody Thank you guys We love you Newest member Welcome Rayla

Oh yeah The Golden Goose tier Rayla Thank you so much We got that personal Thank you video By the time this episode comes out You're probably in your inbox

I really hope it's Rayla And not something else I know If it's something else Is it Rayella Can we can see Ray Leota Ray Leota

Reminds me the Rayalians. The Raelians. The cult. Yeah. I remember them. And Ananaki are aliens too. So that works. Yeah, it's all coming together.

It's all ties to gilers. But yeah, that's awesome. Thank you so much. To you guys currently, and of course the ones that have come and gone on this journey of the Golden Goose, we appreciate all the support. Oh, yeah, brother. I got something I'm thinking about. Okay. Zach is that's the push.

Thank you. Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? you know nothing actually you know what I'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about I just want you to know Joe that you appreciate me well I want you to know that how much you should appreciate me

actually I'm flipping around on you that's fine what should I be thankful for I just have to look down to my phone it said 1159 oh and I started internally panicking yeah we're trying to remember if my alarm was off or not was it washed and it hit noon and it didn't go off and I was like wow Now I just keep missing other appointments. Do you have a party horn over there still? Yeah.

Okay. We've had some visitors, a lot kids lately. So I wouldn't be surprised that the party horns, they vanished. I'm down to one. But I've been obsessed with this goat since I got it. I know. It works. It does the trick, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does. It tickles the spot. So satisfying. If you remember how to use it. Yeah, you got to push it a little funny. And I always miss the timing. I'm like, no, I was dumb. Every time I go in there, I grab it, and I go,

I turn it upside down and go, where's the button? How do I make it scream? Every time. And then I do myself, I go, Ah! Yeah. There, got it. Have you guys ever toilet paper at a house?

Yeah. Okay. Brian, no. Definitely not. What did you do? No, I think your whole childhood, you're just like, no banks. Hey, Brian, would you like to go have some fun? You're like, nope.

You know what? But I have to drive a tractor tomorrow. I know what this is going to sound lame, but I had a very young. age, I thought about that kind of stuff and thought about how much it would suck for the people to have to take it off their house. And it would, and it, the guilt of that wouldn't let me do it. Yeah, you're right. That's, that's, that's fair. And I know that sounds lame. It doesn't, because, uh, I recently had to pick up toilet paper. So, let me explain. And this isn't the,

the, the, the, the what I'm thinking about. But it does involve all of this. And it is so good. And it was so hard not to share it with you guys. when it happened, because you're going to love this. Okay, so, um, some friends, they, you know, you know how teenagers are, right? They're just looking for attention. They're just out there and they're bored, like they think they're grown up, but they also want them crest off their bread. And they're just like, they're ready to move out, but don't know how to do laundry, right?

Like, it's just a weird time. I could do this all without you. Yeah. Except none of it. Yeah. They're like, no, you, I'm not. doing that. Like, I can, I get, I almost have my driver's license.

Then they also, like, need help tying their shoe. Mm-hmm. It's just a weird thing. So, anyway, um, a little spat between, um, page and some friends. Okay. And, uh, unfortunately for us, some of those friends were over at another friend's house that is in the same neighborhood here. Mm-hmm.

And they were, they were boys, right? So these, uh, these boys. With peni. These boys, this is my understanding of the story, but again, I have no idea if I've gotten all the information. And I don't care. I'm not going to keep digging. I don't care neither. I'm not, what am I, a judge?

I'm going to take my jacket off. So, yeah. So some kids showed up. And this is the funny, the funnier part of it was that they were mad and they decided that the best way to get back at Page for what, nothing happened. And I've seen all the text. Nothing. It was not toilet paper worthy. It was teenage drum.

It was teenage boys being like, we're bored. She wasn't even at our house. I was. Not her. And these boys decided to come over here and teepee the trees and everything over here at our house. Great. You're just watching them?

No. So here's the even funnier part is that I just got back from playing Joseph in a live nativity. play performance about 15 minutes I'm playing the guy theoretically I am named after yes so theoretically the person

in which my name comes from I was playing him in a live nativity scene walking a donkey and taking pictures with children as if I were Santa but the Jesus version I don't even want to know how you got that gig I'm just helping out

Okay So I'm there I did that And I'm not gonna brag Fucking nailed it Alright Kind of hard to fuck that one up Isn't it

I don't know You ever walked a donkey That's true Yeah So There was a point in there The donkey wouldn't move And I'm like

Thank God I grew up On a fucking farm And get a little Yeah I was like I'm not hurting this fucking thing But if it was someone else

Who was like It won't move It will move Put it into gear I'm like Let's go fucking blossom That was the donkey's name.

Blossum? Yeah. Tried to stop and I was like, we're not doing this. I'm just, yeah, it just got it going again. And it just goes, and it's funny,

like if you've written horses, have been around horses, donkeys, ponies, whatever, like you know that stubbornness. And then you know that moment where you,

like you do a little thing and they go, okay. Yeah, all right. You can feel, they're not mad. You didn't hurt them.

Right. And you just let them know like, no, I'm not fucking around here. And they go, okay. And they just kind of go back to what they were doing.

But they're just kind of testing their boundaries with you. Oh, yeah. It's like a kid. See what they can get away with. And this donkey decided as I'm dressed up as Joseph in front of a literal thousand people. Oh, God would have been sweating so hard. Anyway, so I'm doing that. I get home and I'm sitting down and then they didn't know that I was just doing that.

Get home. They teepee my fucking house. I had nothing to do with anything. It wasn't done before you got home. It was done after you got home. And I heard like some noise and stuff outside. Some rustling. Russeling, but the neighbors, like, they have people over, and I just thought it was that, you know?

And I was just kind of relaxing. I think I was watching some basketball. And then, like, it got a little bit louder. And I was like, what the fuck is going on out there? So I, you know, pick up the blinds a little bit, and I peek out. And I see, like, some teenagers and looks like an adult in my lawn. And I'm like, what the fuck? So I slide on some slips, you know?

Actually, I think I put on some boots. And I go. And I go to open the door, and it's a fellow grown-ass man who's walking up the stairs. And he goes, oh, and I'm like, hello. And he goes, hi. So some kids just teepeeed your house. And I went, oh. And he's like, yeah.

He goes, I heard about it. I heard they were going to do it. I'm at a Christmas party down the street where all these kids were at with their parents. And I caught wind that they had just teaped your house. So when they came back, I got them and I drug them back down here to clean it up. Oh, shit. Right? Hell yeah.

It made them clean it up, but it's pitch black, you know, because it's two in the afternoon. That was a daylight savings joke. It was not, but it was like six or seven. That's so early. What? Six, seven. Yeah. I don't know.

Around there. I wasn't watching the clock. No, not for you. I'm saying, like, to go keep for someone. That's so early. I mean, when the sun goes down. You're not even eating dinner. Like, some houses aren't even eating dinner by then.

Right. Maybe that was their play. So he made them pick it up. They did a shitty job. Like, there was still T. be up, way up, that they couldn't reach. It's like, well, how did I reach it? Oh, my God.

You ever heard of a ladder? Um, so, whatever. They probably sue you, though, if they fill off the ladder. Don't care. I, the point is, he walks up, um, I mean, whatever, like, in shape, in shape fella, he has a gorgeous mustache. He kind of looks like you.

Nothing, nothing like me, but more like you. Oh, got it. Yeah. He looks like you. So striking. And he's just stunning fellow. And he walks up, he does this whole thing, And he's like, I got him to clean it up, blah, blah. And he goes, just so stupid.

Like, they don't understand. Like, you said, like, how much of a pain in the ass it is, especially when it's raining to clean all this toilet paper up. He goes, I don't know why they did it. Blah, and he's like, tell me about it. And, like, when he got done, I don't know if he expected me to be like, yeah, fuck him. But I was just like, okay. And he's like, all right.

He's like, how's your night? I was like, this is good. Just got back from work. He goes, oh, okay. He's got back from being Joseph. And he's just looking at me and I'm listening to him. And then I look down to this shirt. Okay.

Oh, because he's at a Christmas party, right? Then I look down to this shirt. My eyes finally broke the captivation of the mustache and made their way to his shirt. And his shirt just says, eating pussy cures depression. Is there a cat? Nope, just plain aerial font. Just eating pussy cures depression. And I'm looking at him.

And then he sees my eyes go down. And he looks at me. Then he goes, he goes, oh, yeah. He goes, that's embarrassing. And I said, well, it's not wrong. And he goes, yeah? And I was like, yeah. Now you're connecting.

And he's like, he goes, I'm so embarrassed. Like, I totally forgot I was wearing this shirt. And even funnier that he's out in my yard yelling at teenagers. Yeah. Be like, you fuck. Yeah. You get it. It's just like eating pussy.

No worry, officer. I got it. Just trying to lay. like send down lessons to teens and trying to be like a life isn't just funting games okay mustache shirt you can't just be fucking about

yeah you can't just do you can't go around doing whatever you want wear whatever you want cutting your facial hair however you want there's rules and he's wearing that he's like I'm so I was like dude you have no idea

how much better That shirt just made Yeah I was like my sense of humor So dark And he goes All right You get it

He goes good He goes He goes there's still more I'm gonna send him back down here To pick some stuff up And then I can Mr. Pussy Depression shirt

Just walk down this there Isn't the last time I ever seen him Just disappeared into the street Right down to the darkness Mm-hmm He went down That's right brother

Go eat some post Yep Eating pussy Cures depression Just you know great That's not the shirt That's not the shirt that I expected you to say I bet it wasn't

I thought I was going to have something to do with Christmas. Like, you know, sure. Like something about... Like fucking deck these walls. Yeah, yeah. Something about elves.

Egg-k-nog headbub. What? I like the women how I like my egg-nog. For my cum. What? With my dick in it. Merry Christmas. Get up here.

this shit up. I'm so sorry about that. And he was so nice. He was so pleasant. So anyway, not all heroes wear capes. They just, so whatever he's doing.

They don't wear capes. They wear funny t-shirts. Thanks, man. You saved me a lot of clean up by doing something. Made me laugh wearing that shirt. And here you are on a fucking podcast. You'll never listen to him. He just disappeared in the night.

We don't even know if this guy actually exists. Right into this whole thing up. Right into the 5 p.m. pitch black darkness. Yeah. All right. Let's move off to some dick. Great stuff.

Yeah. Let's let's get this thing ripping. Is it dumb, is it interesting, is it cool, then it's dick, big. Would you like to take this first one since I've been talking a lot? I just like to listen to you. Oh, wow. Are you hitting on me? Okay.

All righty. This was an interesting one. Thanks. N.J. Man. New Jersey, man. Yeah. NJ, man Newton Jordan

Newton Johnson Okay Back to you I don't know Virginia man pray Jesus Christ Were your glasses They're not

What is happening I took him They're in my car I think Yep they're in the I'm just gonna leave them here At the desk Cassie

No it's fine I'll get through it Is it fine For who Here's the thing Virginia Is in this thing It's in there

I just happened to glance down See Virginia and then moved it up. Yep. Just glanced down two full lines of text. Yeah. And grabbed a word from there. That's just me getting excited, though.

New Jersey Man prays for trying to save neighbor in fire is now charged in her murder. Plot twist. My goodness. Virginia Cranwell, 82, was pronounced dead. Yeah. The guitar did it? The resonance for the guitar was like, ooh. On the day fire broke out

In her home in July Official said Okay This poor guy Look at this guy's picture You think poor Huh But back to you

Well I mean It's just like He just looks like A really nice guy That's just the one That's making the news rounds right now Yeah like Look at this guy

He was such a sweet guy Oh A man with a shirt That fun Can't be a murderer Yeah Yeah Okay

All right New Jersey man who was initially praised for trying to save his neighbor in the fire in July is now accused of killing her in the blaze in blaze of glory William Ehil

Aho 70 was charged with first degree murder first degree felony murder first degree burglary and second degree aggravated arson The Union can that's quite the rap You don't just brush that up

No. You're like, well, we can settle, right? No. We don't have to, we can settle out of court. We literally cannot. You're looking at 14 life sentences. You're looking at 14 life sentences, Mr. Hall. He goes, yeah, but like, happens all the time.

Like, he just opens his wallet. He's like, what, like four or 500 bucks? No. You have, you're looking at five class C felonies. All right Tough bargain Here's seven You got me

You got me You're 700 It'll cover your gas money At least huh It is weird how you do see That kind of stuff Go away though Sometimes

Yeah If you're killing With certain people You know what My favorite is when they They get out on a loophole And it's like The evidence was

Mishandled Like the guy standing there With blood on him And he admitted To killing the person But they're like Ah that evidence was transferred wrong.

The handcuffs were too tight. Yeah. Wrong bags. He's out. Did you read him as right saying like if you said stuff then we wouldn't be used against him? No. Then he's free.

Yeah. And he's standing with the still with the blood on my, so I can leave? Holding a decapitated head. He's like, he's like so. I can just go. It's like, holy shit. Yes, but we're going to need the head. We're going to have it.

Yeah, I fucking have it. I don't even want it. I have the body. That's what that's part I really wanted. You guys got me off guard. This was going to be gone. Long gone by now. I didn't fucking want it.

I'm more of a body guy You can have the head See you guys in the community feast Bye Let's see A bunch of legal jargon On July 25th police

Fire units were dispatched To a house Fire In Fanwood Yeah I don't know why my brain Just made like a fanning wood Fire

You know Just a weird connection You know New York City suburb The Prosecutors Office said First responders found Virginia Cranwell 82 in the home and she was pronounced dead Dead

No how do you How do you say her name? How do you pronounce it? I've never thought of it that way Virginia How do you pronounce her? Dead No you said her name was Virginia Cranwell

How do you just Sound it out Dead is how you say it D-E-A-D. Uh, all right. Very confusing. Back to you. Deed.

Like lead. You mean like lead? Lead, lead. Ale's son told NBC, New York in July that his father tried to save Cranwell. He did everything he could. Yeah. He just looked, saw the flames, and went in. Apparently opened the bedroom door, and all the flames just burst out.

Backdraft. He fell backwards. Kurt Russell. And I guess that's how he got all his burns. This son is like you're bothering him. Like he's in the middle of a like a call of duty campaign, dude. I don't know, he said it. It's like the door opener or something. What do you mean? No, what is he saying? That's exactly what happened. He just looked at a shot of flames. He went in there. Please drop a shield. Are you the deadpacked? You're my mic's muted You might's muted You might's muted Friot Final circle

Yeah he's just doing that I don't know He just looked I fucking saw the flames He went in God He opened the door And I guess that's how we got the burns

Fuck dude Just puts his headset back on All right I'm back guys Some fucking cops here Sorry There's a nerd with a notepad here Anyway so And we're dropping a marker

we have one more question Jesus hold on one second you guys what the fuck do you want the circle is closing I'm happy you tried he tried his best that's actually in there I'm happy he tried he tried his best I can't imagine anyone else who'd do that

all right guys I'm back That's actually Can you give us something more? Yeah I'm fucking happy tried No one else would have done him He ran in there and it's funny crazy All right guys I'm back Where we going?

where we drop it in we're dropping in and they're just like Jesus Christ um um okay so god I felt it's so fucking annoying

why are they there I don't know my dad's a hero or something where we drop it it's gonna be in the paper I don't know some old lady died I guess

how he goes Burns Matthew Ayl said in the immediate aftermath of the fire I'm happy he tried He tried his best I can't imagine anyone else He would do that

But try their best It's not how it was said Trying? He tried his best I can't imagine anyone else Who'd even try? What do you want him to do? He tried his best He's 70 years old

Who let you in? Ailes family declined to comment Okay Stephen Wachovitz Ails attorney said that his client maintains his innocence Wachovitz Described

ale as a family man and said he had a terrific friendly relationship with his neighbor who was killed. Okay. There's no motive here. Absolutely no motive whatsoever for killing a neighbor that he and his wife knew for over 30 years, what COVID's told NBC

news. Several neighbors also declined to comment. This neighborhood is like, uh-uh. No fucking way. Dude, yeah. Snitches get stitches. That guy's picture does not scream Snitchers get snitches neighborhood

No, it does not You guys have anything to say? Go fuck yourself He told WNBC New York We're going to write down Declined a comment Whatever

Whatever dude Like every Every one of the neighbors Just playing Whatever, Merry Christmas God In a brief phone call Cranwell's daughter

Elon McManus Decline to comment Citing an ongoing investigation. We're not saying shit. I'm just trying to help. Then go home. No one wants to get involved.

Your kids miss you. Will anybody talk? No! It's like a chorus. It's my money. The guy goes out of the street. Will anybody talk to us about the fire? Go fuck yourself.

What's your name? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you, Alan. Let's see. The Union County Medical Examiner's officer later ruled Cranwell's death a homicide, according to the news release. An investigation led to officials to believe that Ail was a suspect. Officials said he believed Cranwell's home was intentionally set on fire, the release says.

The motive remains unclear. I mean, I'm going to, as we go through and collect things for this show, as we do. I'm going to be keeping my eye out. Like, I want to know what the fuck is happening. And if this guy actually was, like, tried to save someone's life. And just because he happened to run into that building, he's got to, you know, he's like, oh, fuck, I can't. And he's like so sad.

And they're like, you try, man. And then later, like, you fucking killed her. Well, like, he dropped his phone and he went back into there. Yeah. And it's like, you're the only, you're the last one that saw her. What? Like, yeah, on fire. I just got here

I blew back The fire blew me back I just burned my best I mean maybe he went in there And killed her and then like Oh I forgot that that's the neck Maybe it was having a fair Who knows?

Who knows? And then forgot his wallet Recovered something from the phone Who the fuck knows? I don't know Something but I will be keeping my eyes glued And hopefully we get somewhere information here Moving off to our next piece

of this fucking fat-ass flung. This has been a fun one so far. Cocaine wildly detected in some of N.I's major lakes and rivers. Hmm. Huh. Northern Ireland. It's a lot of people just getting rid of.

So we're heading over to Northern Ireland. Scientists found the Class A drug and its byproduct in 91% of almost 140 water samples. Jesus Christ, that's high. It just keeps coming! Collected in different locations from five waterways. What?

Ketamine and amphetamine. Two class B's drugs were also found as pharmaceuticals in the painkillers, antidepressants. It's all in the fucking water. I know. Can you swim in this water? No. But that is where my brain went. And I'm guessing, yeah, you can.

Just don't drink it. But think about it. But doesn't it get through your skin and your blood? Yes. Yeah, ketamine. I mean, cocaine's not, like, if it's a high percentage, it's going to have an impact, right? Like, it'll soak through, but usually you have to, like, get it in your body. Like, no, it's just rubbing cocaine in their skin.

That's a waste of cocaine. Like, all you did was waste your cocaine. You put it in your nose. Cheap, brother. You can fucking smoke it. Boof it. You can boof it. And honestly, I said ketamine.

You can smoke cocaine. Interesting. Saw that once. Never done it, but I know you can do it. You know, and that's how you live life. Yeah! If you just know you can do it but haven't, you were in the right spot. You made...

I chose not to, but I've seen it. You made a business decision. You're like, I didn't know you could do that. Not for me. Yeah. Actually, I've been in a lot of that in my life. That's good. You made the right decision.

Be like, whoa, I didn't know you could do that. I'm not. Bye. Yeah. Like, now I'm thinking about it and like, what the fuck was I doing? I'm glad I'm alive. Yeah. That's fun.

But thinking about, like a, I don't know, there's a husband or a wife, pick, it's just, let's pick the husband. And he's like, hey, babe, I'm going out for a swim. You know, it's a morning, going to the lake, going for a little swim. And, like, he doesn't even like it. Like, it's taking a really hard time. It's just a form of exercise. And then now he's fucking a different day. Yeah.

He always comes back. Woo! Feeling great! No one never told me how great swimming was! You know what? I'm going to get a couple more lapsing. Must be the cold water. Babe, you're going back every 30 minutes.

I know. Yeah? I mean, it depends on how fast I swim. You're not supposed to drink the lake water. If I swim fast enough. I want to know if it raises or lowers the resale value of those homes. I think it depends on the customer maybe. Yeah.

It sounds like you'd be that's a type of lake for a neighborhood of people that don't want to say anything. You know what I mean? Yeah, I hear you. I ain't saying shit. Yeah. I mean, that was, you know, just little thoughts, thought experiments there, but there is no risk to human or pet health from interacting with the water. Whenever I hear interacting with the water, just like, hello.

Mm-hmm. How are you today, Lake? Don't you see that same thing? Just say getting in the water. I mean, if you said an interaction with a person, you would think, or you had a conversation. Just anything. Did you guys interact? Like, I mean, you're in the elevator together.

Like that's just an interaction It's so broad Like no risk to human or pet health From interacting with the water It's like you looked at it Am I safe? That's an interaction It is

It's a part of your world Maybe you dipped a toe in Yeah see don't get in the water To see how cold it was If you touch the water Interact with, come on The study does raise concern For ecosystem health

And reflects why the fish are so fast Oh God Can't catch it thing in here. The fish aren't biting. Why? They're not hungry. You're not hungry, yeah.

Oh, cocaine jokes. Oh, yeah. One of the interesting things... Didery supplement. One of the interesting things is actually the fact, God, if I would have got this fish outside cocaine season, would have a world record.

This is a skinny-ass fish. Put me back. I promise I won't do it again. Sunking cheekbones. I promise I won't do it again. One of the interesting things is actually the fact that it was showing up quite strongly in places like Lou is. Very strongly. Which is maybe because it's a recreational hotspot.

So I'm guessing are the toilets going to the lakes? Sounds like it. And the cocaine, the drugs, it stops a lot of pollutants like peep. But cocaine and ketamine and amphetamine can sift through the filtering process. House is getting raided and they're dumping their drugs out through the toilet. Every house just comes with a kilo Coke. And they're like, we didn't wax for this. Yeah, it's in the medicine cabinet.

Just give us flowers. God damn it, dude. I'm sick of just getting kilo after kilo of blow. I love me, I love a good housewarming gift as much as the next guy. The next guy, yeah. But I'm sick of these kilos of blow, dude. Get them out of here. Thousands of dollars, though.

So they keep on, you know, monitoring stuff. But I know that these water levels and drugs in the water, it's just something that pops up pretty much all around the world. That's gross. I'm going to take this next story. Okay. Okay. And it also ties into a little bit that I just shared with you guys about playing Joseph in a live nativity scene. Because this is what just happened.

The video of it is not great, but just imagine this happening in a giant church. So, shocking video shows Camel Kick Woman in face knocking her out at Texas Mega Church Christmas celebration. Before we get into this She's fine Good Okay she's gonna make it Okay The camel was just like

He's not gonna make it He was just proven a point Right He was like I can know I could do this right Just gotta remind people every once in a while You're lucky I have it And when you walk It's kind of like a pimp

Yeah You know Yeah And when you watch the video Why Why her He walked by hundreds of people Before he kicked

Just this chick in the face. He's like Annie, me, me, my he's like, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Fuck you.

Merry Christmas. This is something he didn't like. You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. What is? Fuck you.

We got to go on it. We got going on here. Shouldn't wear white after Labor Day. It was a real hump day surprise. Have you ever seen a cannibal run, too? Yeah. Awesome. I'm picturing like him kicking her

than just fucking bolting. Just booking it. Yep, got kicked in the face. A woman was injured during Christmas Spectacular. Christmas Spectacular. It was a real spectacle. Get it? Face kick.

Celebration, which involved a real-life nativity scene with the live animals at the Champion Forest Baptist Church in Houston. If my donkey kick someone in the face during that live nativity, I already got right on that donkey. Are you responsible? no no no no no no no there's waivers there's a line okay you guys you guys can you guys can see for yourself here it's hard to see but they slowed it way down okay coming up here back leg kick ready fuck your face oh my god oh and there's another shot you ready yeah right here

Fuck you. Dude. It's like an old lady. It's like an old lady. And she was just chewing while he was doing it too. What did she do? She turns for her friend. She goes, never really cared for camels.

Yeah, not really good camel fan. I heard that. I like, I like, look nothing like Joe Camel. I used to smoke Joe Camel. Quit smoking. Yeah. Anyway. So that happened.

Oh, my God. I mean, what runs to your head? if you were that lady why me camels why me you'd go full I mean

Lord works a mysterious ways Carrie's not Carrie Strug Go for Full carry Underwood Carrying Carrying in your Underwood Yeah

What the fuck's your name Not Strug The other one The one that got smashed Jack help me out I'm not sure You're You're putting yourself

In a corner Strug Struggle to get out God damn it Yeah Like The woman who seemingly took a hoof to the face appeared to be instantly knocked out by...

Oh, no, my. My, Carri Stry was... Sorry. What? I'm in my own brain. I forgot... Carri Strog was a gymnast. Yeah. She was the one that snapped her ankle

in the 96 Atlanta Olympics. And... I'm getting off track here. I'm trying to keep us on... Trying to be on Camel track. I'm trying so hard to keep us going. The second camel was shown striding down the aisle along the more

confused performers right behind the first camel who said, I've had enough. I wonder what that camel, like if that camel saw something, and he was like, oh shit, and he starts kicking?

Or if it was just like a, do you think it was just kind of a weird? That mole looks benign! Go get it checked out. Maybe that camel saved that lady's life. She went to the hospital, got an MRI, found a cancerous mold.

Fucking that is. I mean, that's, that's crazy things have happened. The power of Christ. The woman was taken to the hospital for treatment and she's been. released. Church communications director Stephen Morrie told NBC News in a statement that an unexpected incident occurred when a camel used in the production struck a guest in the audience. Yes,

we know. We've covered that. It does go on to say that for the remainder of the live nativity, Christmas, spectacular performances, the camels were no longer walking down the aisle of the megachurch. Good decision. They're like, maybe having them right here isn't the best idea. Yeah. Keep them on stage maybe where they belong Yeah Or in the desert Yeah And not part of your

Little play Or whatever Inside the arena We couldn't I had a donkey Because we couldn't afford a camel So Well they used donkeys too

Yeah But we didn't have any camels We had a cut There was a cutout Of a camel So We're still We're working our

Yeah Working our way up That's good Yeah All right moving on You want to move on Well yeah But real quick

I just remember It's Nancy Carrigan Oh yeah, that's easy Nancy Kerrigan was the one that got smack I still for some reason can't remember the one that ordered the hit though Tanya Harding Jesus, thank you We're right, we did it Did you hear anything I said in the last story at all?

Yeah, yeah, yeah We just thinking about figure skating accidents No, I heard it Fuck yeah The reason this whole thing came from the why me That was what Nancy, Nancy Kerrigan's famous quote Why me? Yeah, I get it Remember baby Jessica

All right Zach let's get going Play it So you're telling me there's a chance Hooray We aren't doomed Yeah Okay

You take this one It's great We're not doomed It's a good story It is So baby Jessica is actually saved I'm kidding All right

Strippers Are now the number one Donor of toys to children in hospital in Portland this year they broke their own record way to go ladies

I love that little stereotype crashing stuff like when not saying that I support everything they do but like it reminds me when support a lot of stuff

when like the the satanic church like out does everybody else in a community to raise like things that are needed just like what are you supposed to do you mean like not

just parading camels into an arena. Yeah, sure. Sure. And you look at strippers, you're like, there's nothing. It's like, well, they're showing you that. Oh, oh my God, we're all people? They're real people. They have hearts. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Crazy. All right, back to you.

The 15th annual event held Tuesday night at the Alberta Rose Theater broke previous records, making it rain with 60K in donations. A tradition started by a comedian host Aaron Ross, The very first tattas for toys was raised, raised $500. They'd have to fill a small wagon with toys. But now the North Pole dancers have even more to show off. Okay. I love it.

Portland showed the fuck up for kids at Tatas for Toys. I love it. One Nintendee, Ryan Castro posted on an Instagram story. They raised more tonight than the whole first 10 years combined. Woo! Hello Oh Back to you

The money raised At each annual event Is used to buy toys From the local Portland businesses Stocking the hospital's Child Life Therapy program And this year's event kicked off With a chant of

We're number one As the group Celebrated their donation milestone With the hospital Nobody donates more toys To doork Children's Hospital in us, Ross said, cheering to the

crowd. A dancer from the show Carly Morel also shared a video from the evening's festivities, which included sexy variety acts, live music auctions, drinks, and all around merriment. Honestly, speechless, Merle, who works

as a personal trainer by day and a and a what? Dancer by night. I added that in. Where was I? shared in an Instagram story. I feel so lucky and so grateful to be part of such an amazing event and watch it grow

over the years. For Ross, this year's achievement reflects 15 years of dedication to the cause and a future good waiting to be done. So I guess I love it. I love all that. Just, you know, if you are sick of people, whatever your industry is, of being like some stereotype or judgment about it, go ahead and do this shit and show them. You know what? How about fuck you?

Mm-hmm. Because why not? You have the power to do it. And they're doing it. I've got the power. Yeah. And they did it in a very Portland way. And they did.

And that's what I like about it. I got something to show you guys. Next! Zach! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool, or go to prison.

Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes, that's awesome. All right, so, Brian, I can do it for you. Or I can walk you through it. Okay.

And this is a thing that I can't believe I didn't know that it exists. But then there's an also, or there's also a part of my brain that is like, maybe I did know this and then I completely forgot. And then it's still like finding a shiny new toy in a box in the back of the closet. You're like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Baseball stuff. We head over to Google. for me

Click this link Right here you put Yep Yeah Zach go ahead And share that screen For the ones that are watching And I want you to type

In that search bar right there Type in Do a barrel roll Do a barrel No You forgot A What So you go back and add

A There it is Barrel roll And then push enter What? what fuck yeah google

if you type in do a barrel roll in google the whole screen does a barrel roll are there other things you can do that there's a lot of things but that's just what I wanted to show you today that's hilarious yeah and amazing we show me we show me one more time

okay just push oh do a barrel oh there it is roll get the fuck out yeah yeah i mean guys eases into it too Oh, that's good

So anyway, you want some cheap entertainment Head on over to Google right now, you guys Everybody do it at the exact same time Yeah, everyone do a barrel roll All right, moving off, let's hear from the kids Zachy Penn Oh, good All right, let's hear what you guys

Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool You want the first Or the second And I will say, I pulled the emails this week And both of them are sex which one would you look well this one says good luck brian okay so i'll do the first one good luck brian windstorm in cootney county cootney county high gus we had a big storm of 75 yeah you didn't have power

for a bit yeah knock the fucking tree right down across the tree brother who that'll happen our first email sending by our daughter jamie k hey may i help you guys blah blah blah blah stuff stuff stuff Daddy's uncle, et cetera. Good luck, Brian. All right. I'm pretty lit, but this hogbone stuff has been going on long enough that I give up and right in. Hogbone drew her in, huh?

That's right, brother. She's like, all right, finally! Brian asked if anyone called their boner hogbone? Well, kind of. It was a drunken house party night. Hmm, pattern. My ex and I had a ton of friends over and a huge dinner and had all drinks and Yep, so close.

I've been doing pretty good without these glasses. Had all drinks all night. Everyone leaving is time to fuck. Can we talk about like that feeling though? Right? Get out of here. No, no, no. You know you're going to fuck.

Yeah, yeah. But yours can't wait for people. The vibe is right. Something hasn't happened. You can tell. We haven't fought. You haven't fought. Like the energy's up.

Like been playful all night. you're like, I think there's like a forecasting a 99% chance of laying some some hog bone. Yeah, so someone's gonna come. Like we might not both come, but one of us might. Might. Yeah, might, yeah. But that vibe.

And you're like, all right, huh, and you close the door. And you're like, hello? Want to do dishes and fucking come. So I get it. Well, it's getting hot, and he's basically skull-fucking me. Yeah! Hanging in there pretty good. until he goes a little too deep

and hits my drunken ass gag reflex I try to keep it together but start gagging next thing you know I puk a little yeah okay maybe not a little but not a giant flood okay so

what he recognizes something is off and stops what a gentleman checking in with you you smell like vinegar what's on his dick what's on his dick

yeah I kind of like the other way what's on his dick what is that okay I know that's what you're thinking right now what's little chunks of ham from dinner

he's like he's standing there with a full he's like hmm hot pocket just flicks it off pizza in the morning pizza pizzas on a cockle

When ham bots on your penis You can have handbots anytime Handbots on your hog bone Oh my god I puked ham up on his dick We cleaned up and kept going But we had a very long running joke Calling his dick

Hambone So yeah Hogbone, not hoggbone But kind of seamsies or whatever Well thanks for making me relive that, Jamie. Oh, yeah, that's a fun one. You know, love.

You better have been puked on. Uh, yeah. On purpose? What? No. Not for, not for funsies on accidentsies. Exidencies. Yeah, but yeah, that's happened.

Oh, well. You can't undo it. No one wants to throw up. It just happens. sometimes I never had like a like a identifiable meat that's definitely ham ladies and gentlemen like they didn't go like is that sausage is that

no it's ham like I've never had that oh my god corn never had like an identifiable food product on my hog just kind of like an icky sticky yeah just a just the thing let's wrap this show up we're heading to Seth oh boy yep that one

that Seth. It's been a bit. Yeah. And he writes, Here's some quick stories I'll tell. I'm not going to read him quick, but I thought about it for a second. One time my son's mom and I were 69ing. Oh, okay. That sounded way different than it actually is.

He knew exactly what he was doing. My son's mom and I were 69-9ing while she had a butt plug in. I pulled it out and she shit on me. Not a lot. Just a dollop. Dollop a daisy Do a dollop

Do a dollop, yeah And she also punched me in the face pretty hard Yeah, we're both drunk Good Lord Times Huh Still with this Majestic beast

Next paragraph I got into a pee fetish for a short while And you'd be surprised what drunk girls will do So my dad used to always say Yeah, son, you'd be surprised what drunk girls would do While in that sesh For a couple bucks I had a girlfriend piss on me

And she pissed in my mouth And I swallowed more than a mouthful It tasted like water Because she drank a shit ton of bud light Yes, we were hammered Yeah I'm sensing a theme here And the theme is Seth

I love every minute of it Seth and booze Next paragraph Another girlfriend I had We were starting a threesome Threesome sex Starting a threesome Like it's a lawnmower

All right You gotta You gotta choke it first You gotta choke it Pushing the little How many times you push it? Five Okay I'm gonna start

Start this threesome one more time Fus Threepid three three three Threes a piece of this Thich See, I was thinking the other way, you'd just start choking them both. Oh, what? Jesus, Brian?

Oh. Am I the only one that went there? Mm-hmm. Another girlfriend I had were starting threesome. They were 69ing, and I was getting ready from behind. Dude, I want to live Seth's life. My girlfriend was on top, so the other's grilled head was right below my nuts. I couldn't go through with it because I was,

that was so high. When I saw her face below me, I thought her eyebrows were moving. Her eyebrows were like really thick and looked like caterpillars. And it weirded me out. The caterpillars are going to go with my butt. Can I help you with anything?

They're just browsing. Just browsing. Just looking down. It's like, whee. Wee. Yeah. Anyway, those are the only good stories to tell. set for my Verizon

Samsung Galaxy smartphone. Get Outlook for Android. It was a pretty good story, Seth. Yep, Seth. I always enjoy a good Seth story. Never. Never disappoints. Well, that is episode 184 of the Can You Don't Podcast. Something you want to

see on the show. Send that in to hey guys, say can you don't podcast.com. The Hawkathon is on. Keep it climbing. Thanks to people that are joining. We know it is a tough time of the year. People start pulling back. I mean, just like a little transparency. but for at least every type of entertainment platform

I've been a part of, whether it's radio or podcasting across every... It just all kind of falls apart right now. They're doing other stuff. Their normal routine falls apart. So we understand that. So when you're ready to get back on the hawkathon train,

we're there for you, Patreon.com. Ready to get back on the hog bones. Slash can you don't podcast. Rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcast. We signed some more cards had to put on a welding mask. Yep. To sign the hologram cards that Zach

plopped in front of us today. Everything's getting shipped out today. I mean, yeah, they're out and about at the time they hear this shit. Maybe in some houses. They're probably in your front, right in your front. They are radiating mail boxes. Your liberty medical in your front door.

Check your box. You're like, do we have any mail you look out of it? You're like, Jesus, it's just as bright as the sun. I've got diabetes. Looks like the cards are here. Yeah, the cards are here. Just can't even look at your mailbox. I have to wear like the oven mitts.

Go check out what Zach's doing, scatcast.com. And thanks to the babysitters. I peaked in there the other day. It's always a shit show. So thank you guys for... I don't know how that things... I know we say this every week, but every time I get in there,

I saw another notification that it's like, dude, we're serious. Hey, bro. I've given you plenty of chances. Hey, man. I'm not upset. I'm just... I mean, I mean,

I would say I'm not mad, but I'm mad. I'm mad and disappointed. The next thing I'm going to do is I'm going to fucking kill you. It has to be at least like six to 700 warnings. So thank you guys for dealing with all that. Let's wrap this show up, Zah! Good God. Wrap it up already, huh?

Good God. And because this episode does come out the week of Christmas, I figured it's our last chance, at least for a full calendar year, really, to do the Christmas spirit. How does Santa have the energy to fly to every house on earth in one night? Well, it's magic, Joe. No, he smokes a lot of cringle meth. No. You got to turn it in the cringle mouth.

Does he give it to the... Just the toothless Santa? Passing it around with the reindeer. Coming down your chimney? Kids like Santa? Yes! What are you doing? I'm like, little boy.

I didn't think of there. Thanks for leaving out the cookies I'm not hungry Gotta go Woohoo Shirts off Yeah Is it hot in here

Just me It's only one night But I've been awake for six You guys think I work one night a year Not when you have this Blue Kringle meth There are now 8 billion people people in the world.

You guys all get two gifts. All right, let's get off to the bonus stuff. Say bye. Love you guys. Merry Christmas. If you're hearing this. All right.

On the day you're, bye, I'm going to be. Thank you.