Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Baseball Bat. Speed Bump. Flick. Yard Sale.

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

What would you do if you woke up one day, looked outside, and someone had set up an entire yard sale in your lawn selling none of your items? Let's talk about that, hitting 5th graders in the head with a baseball bat, headlights for your Crocs, being run over multiple times by the same car, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/UsJoN6yNiqsSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs :)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

baseball bat speed bump flick yard sale brian Brian! Joe! That's a harder one to... Yeah, it's just... You have an R in there. It's just... Joe! Well, having the multiple syllables helps.

Brian! Exactly. You're like... Joe! Like, goal. That's it. Just... Joe!

Not nearly as funny. I want to do it like that soccer announcer. Maybe that's what they're saying Joe Episode 21 of Can You Don't I'm going to wake the dogs up I know And even Aaron maybe

If she's sleeping I was just thinking about that Whoops They're up now Thank you guys for tuning in And again thanks for Supporting us on Patreon It goes a long way

Head on over there patreon.com slash can you don't podcast um you got anything you want to see on the show that email once again is hey guys at can you don't podcast.com and speaking of the emails there's somebody who wrote something and you want to read brian yeah this is uh regarding last week of the the would you rather the slap in the baby our shady son Richard he said well why not just become an obstetrician and slap all the babies you want

new baby smack to cry clear those lungs of fluid y'all never said the slap had to be on the face boom loophole I love a good loophole I didn't even think of it but I did think about slapping babies over the last week. Did you get a chance to do that?

No, just seeing a baby. Oh, I did think about sneaking in a slap. Because there was a baby that just happened to be parked in a stroller, like within distance, within slapping distance. I was like, how mad would they be if I just gave them a little smack? Were the parents turned away because you smacked? They wouldn't even have known. I mean, it was a hard one yeah you're like what the fuck was that you turn around i just punched your kid yeah but if the baby's crying

it's just like well kid's crying again they don't know you have time to get out of there babies there's probably a camera somewhere though yeah i'm sure it would come back on me uh in one way or another so thanks for the loophole richard i love a good loophole. I love a good Richard loophole. Dick loophole. How was your weekend with the kiddos? The Halloween one. I know this is a week after that, but did you guys have a good time? Yeah.

Kids do anything fun? Well, trick or treating. Yeah. And I'm still eating shit loads of candy. The weather was pretty shitty. I never buy candy. Uh-huh. And this time of the year, there's just an abundance of it.

And I don't know how to handle myself. The best way to handle it is just eat it all. Get it out of the way. Don't let it hang out for weeks or months. Just, I guess, eat all 5,000 pieces and then that's it. Then you get the diabetes. And then you've got to get your Liberty Medical sent right to your front door. Got any plans this upcoming weekend?

Because I just saw a warning that came through. I'm not sure if you saw it. Well, no. The high winds are going to snow. Oh, it's wind. It's that time of the year. Wind in my neighborhood is not a good match. And I don't know what happened. I'm sure scientists could tell us.

But over the last five or six years here in the Pacific Northwest, the inland... Inland Northwest. Inland Northwest. For whatever reason, we've just gotten at least a few, two, three windstorms

every single winter. Fall, winter. And you know what doesn't do well with wind? Our pine trees who are hanging out in wet-ass ground. And it didn't happen for the first 10 years I lived here. And then the powers got knocked out multiple times every single year ever since. Yeah, we'll get a foot of rain, and then the wind will kick up and our our two houses down a tree fell over onto the neighbor's rv just destroyed their rv our power i watched our power pole get snapped in half all the breakers were popping that is fun though yeah so we're gonna get the hell out of town

okay this weekend we're heading back just running to the hometown oh yeah okay we got to clear out some stuff at the the pa's house oh yes we trying to get that sold let's yeah we kind of we haven't even done we haven't done that either but it's a different situation because uh my stepmom 2.0 i was like as i call her she's going to remain in the home we're not like kicking her out or anything um so we have we have a little more time to figure out what to do with all that stuff but man yeah it's a it's a whole process and it's a weird one i know it's a lot of people a lot of our kids out there are listening and they've been through it it's like what it's just so much stuff so many things that you know it's your it's your whole childhood

yeah a lot of memories just sitting we were in uh going through some stuff a couple weeks ago when we were down there just going to garage and i found i actually found a card that we gave my dad when we were probably i think i was probably eight nine years old as a father's day card and it was on this shelf that i mean that thing is 30 years old and it was just sitting on the shelf it was like oh god so the wind's gonna come through there yeah the wind's going to come through there. The wind's going to come through there and take stuff like that and just send it into the neighbor's yard. See, that just gave me one of the best ideas I think maybe you've ever had in your entire life. Here's what, I'm going to go back down. I wish the windstorm was happening down in my hometown because I would just go through my dad's stuff.

And if I didn't want it, we'd talk among the siblings like hey do you want this chair no no and you walk outside and just go and throw the chair up into the sky it's caught in a jet stream and then the 75 mile an hour winds we just whip it into someone else's house and that's their problem and not ours i love that and he has so many tools that's fun like hey do you have a do you have a need for 46 screwdrivers no i'll take this one okay you just go outside it's like throwing it into a fan and just sends it yeah it's not your problem anymore uh maybe tools is a bad idea that would kill somebody yeah yeah just throwing like a giant wrench and it would probably throw a little bit depending on the size of the wrench 75 the way that the wind's blown the last few years i could see a hunk of

metal moving a little bit it wouldn't just fall straight back down yeah i mean there's definitely more surface area on a you know what a sheet metal because those are the ones that really really get going yeah sheet metal from a roof hold it sideways and flip it up and let it catch let it go have you seen slices somebody in half there's there's plenty of funny videos out there and it's more like hurricanes and stuff of people that get hit by oh hilarious and i don't know why they're so funny to me it's only if they're not hurt they just get smashed by something it's funny but there's one that is so scary where some dude is out on the back porch and then just decides to come back in because it's funny but there's one that is so scary where some dude is out on the back porch and then just decides to come back in because it's like lightning or something and a

trampoline comes in and smashes the back porch and misses seen that inches from just smushing this person just came out of nowhere well what would happen if the since it's a trampoline it's bouncy would he have hit that and gone with it or would it bounce him well this was like a metal beam would have cut his neck like it was it was yeah it was not a well so it doesn't matter that it was a trampoline or not no because i was just thinking how funny that'd be if it bounced them bounce them whoa it's a comical launching yeah and it bounces you up into the air and now you're flying along with it you're're racing the tramp. That's you in the sky. Super convenient if you're moving just a few houses down.

That would be nice. Could you imagine the neighbors? Like they walk out the next morning, have a cup of coffee, and there's like a lawn chair. Just one lawn chair. Just random stuff. You're like, whoa, yard sale yeah it's a reverse yard sale instead of selling shit out of your yard you just get a bunch of other people's shit that's pretty cool you know you you actually could do like you know what i've done lately

is stuff that we didn't want in the garage or the house i've just been taking it out in the in writing free it's a it's shocking how many things people will just take. We've never put anything out that somebody hasn't stopped and taken. Yeah. I don't even know where we talked about this. It was some study that I read. Or it was a friend, maybe. He made it up.

They're just making it up right now. They couldn't give this barbecue away for free. Because they saw free and they're like, what the fuck's wrong with it? And so they charged like 10 bucks and then it was gone because now it has some value. Right. And they're like, oh, 10 bucks. Well, it must still work because if you just put free on it, they're like, yeah, fucking. Yeah, right, buddy.

I'm not taking this to the dump. free dump run. There's some people that will, they they'll take that stuff and go back and have a garage sale and sell it for like two bucks and somebody will buy it. To me that is the effort is gone. I remember we went to we had a garage, my wife loves having garage sales and get rid of stuff. I'm more of a

put it out front, let someone take it. I don't want to have to deal with setting up fucking tables and shit. I was like, is it worth the maybe 90 we're gonna make yeah yeah i mean really is it worth it and so i put some like old jeans they were like a brand new pair of jeans with a tag on it and i think i put them out there for like a buck or two bucks and some guy was like i'll give you a quarter i'm like just give me two bucks for the fucking thing they're they're 50 jeans unworn you can't give me a dollar for it can i give you a quarter yeah you can give me go fuck yourself yeah and just there you go kick

him in the butt there's a quarter go call someone who cares go call a ride home get off my property what you steal his car yeah you steal his car that's where that joke was going you distract him you bought you sell his car for a quarter while you have him locked up in your basement i love that this is a good movie and this was actually at a house that was like a dungeon basement. So it would have made sense for there. So we just came up with a new horror plot that hasn't been done yet. The Yard Sailor. Or whatever.

And he tortures people. He's dressed up like a sailor. So it's like the Yard Sailor. He's like a scary pirate. I like that. Yeah. And he has yard sales and then kidnaps people who show up and don't pay the asking price.

And he's very reasonable. So that's how he justifies everything. He's like, no, no, no. Officer, it was reasonably priced. And he still tried to lowball me. So yeah, of course I cut his fucking head off. I put a TV out there for 50 cents. He wouldn't take it. He offered me a a quarter we couldn't find a common ground so i killed him so

i cut his they cut his fucking dick off yeah oh and then okay fed it to his wife and then sold it for a quarter i don't see there's there's different ways this guy works actually you know he sells on the black market yeah he sells their body parts on the, okay. Well, there's, it's going to be great. It's a lot more common for like sex changes now. It's, it's much more acceptable. So like, it used to be just like, you know,

Lorena Bobbitt. Yeah. She just cut her husband's dick off. Right. And then what she do is she just like, yeah. Threw it in a river or something. But now she did.

Yeah. They found it. Oh, okay. Yeah. Cause now you wouldn't just waste that. You could sell that. Waste the healthy dick.

Yeah, that's a donor dick. Can you imagine? What are prices of a dick go on these days? Don't lowball the yard sale. Lowball a dick? Don't lowball the yard sale. He's going to fucking get you. No, but I just picture you're in a relationship

and you have like you started a relationship with like the penis that you currently have right and then you went yard sailing and then you came back he goes whoa where'd you get this dick you're not gonna believe this babe the hell of a deal i got on this thing and he just like attached on perfectly and he's like so now wait does he have two dicks now or is it a longer one dick it traded it in he had to trade it in to get the 50 cent price but he had it cut off that i don't know see i don't know how this works but he dragged in my brain he traded it in he upgraded and everyone's happy yeah but what's the process i don't know that that didn't go that far

i just because that's gonna be a lot there's not a doctor of the art sale i don't think this has to be like a guy i love the logic of people who get they like they shop with coupons and buy a lot of stuff they'll be like well i bought it i bought um this much stuff for the next five years because i saved two hundred dollars but now we have you know way too much stuff way too much stuff there's nowhere to put it so it's like the same thing like well i could have got a new dick um or i didn't have to get a new dick but i spent thousands of dollars to get it cut off to get a new dick when i could have just this is this making sense i'm waiting i'm waiting for it to turn around right now i'm just picturing like a coupon for dicks and i don't know if that's helpful well because

you said you got it for 50 cents So I was thinking well no Because you actually have to pay for it to get cut off and sewn back on You're thinking of the whole process So I was like was it really worth that money Because Because you got a deal on it Right that's what it was

Because you had to spend 10 grand on getting the dick attached So it was getting a good deal On the actual dick. Just going skinny on the... Yeah. Go get real skimpy on the actual penis, but the process is getting there. Yeah. There it is.

I knew it would come around. There it is. I knew you could cup it. You get it. All right. Well, let's move past this. Let's get into the show. That was a wild start, though.

Came in hot. Hey, shut up start the show already can't stop thinking about the yard sailor it'd be great I think it's a fantastic idea we'll look into

developing that so this is the question for today and it's from the catfish we don't know what that who or

where it came from dude or chick we don't know um says here if you have a baseball I bet you they don't know what that, who or where you came from. Dude or chick, we don't know. Says here, if you have a baseball. I bet you they don't exist. I get it. Catfish. If you have a, have you heard of reverse catfishing, by the way?

No. You put up shitty pictures of yourself so then when they meet you in real life, you look great. That sounds like most people's profile pictures on social media. But it goes the other way with the, it just filters and you look the best you've ever looked then you show up and you're like fuck yeah that's what i mean like oh yeah every first that's what i'm saying the the overdone yeah washed so flip that yeah and just put like oh god it you do bad pictures of you so then when they see you in real life they're like whoa but if they have the bad picture they they might not get the date i know you got to find the right in between.

What if you had some guy that just doesn't like pretty people? He's like, oh, I wanted an ugly chick. And he shows up like, well, no, I'm not good enough for you. I was good enough for your profile picture. I don't have the patience for this. All right. I don't want to tell my friends, hey, how'd you get her? How'd you get her all the time?

I wanted to be more attractive than the person I'm with. Fuck this up. If you have a baseball bat and one fifth grader is released at you every 10 seconds, Fifth grader? How many fifth graders would it take or could you take out before they overwhelmed you? Why is it a fifth grader? What's the significance of a fifth grader? I think they're just, they have.

I'm smarter than a fifth grader? Is that on the show? Yeah, used to be. You are the wing is linked. Goodbye. Goodbye. they have i'm smarter than a fifth grader is another show yeah it used to be you are the wing is linked goodbye goodbye um no i think fifth graders just has that like they might have some sneaky power okay they're not a middle middle school kid but they're not like a third grader yeah not a high schooler or a kindergartner like because you know those then we have a fifth

grader it's in there there's some big fifth graders yeah um but i know how to swing a baseball bat i'll tell you that yep i know how to swing a baseball bat. I'll tell you that. Yep. I know how to really swing one. And that's going to be something for the therapist. So. How'd your week go? I'm not going to believe this.

87 fifth graders. She's like, what are you talking about? You're like, check this out. You got videos. You got like the Apple slow-mo. Yeah. You're like, watch it. No, hold on.

Right here. Right here. This is the part. Bang. Watch what happens to his head explodes. Yeah, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 10 seconds from now. One, two, and pong!

He's watching kids' heads get beat in. She goes, I don't, I'm going to call the police. No, I thought this was, it was a whole would you rather thing. Mm-hmm. It was a whole would you rather. I thought there was like a confidentiality thing. Yeah. You couldn't, so.

Yeah, doctor, patient, confidential, or. Talkie, no, no talkie. No talkie, okay.y no talk it's patient doctor no talky that's what it is so every 10 seconds with a fifth grader i mean 10 seconds is a pretty decent amount of time but you're gonna start getting winded pretty soon yeah pretty quick because you get i'm guessing you get to prepare for it you get the baseball bat do you get like a camelback and i bet I bet you I could kill a fifth grader. It's an aluminum bat or is it a metal bat? Let's go aluminum. And if it breaks, do you get another bat?

Do you have like an arsenal of bats? I'm going to go with yeah. If you go aluminum, you're probably okay. It's going to dent. Ooh, sweet spot. And it won't vibrate as bad you have just baseball gloves on those you murder do you get pine tar yeah you get all this stuff because the cleats yeah whatever gives you the advantage it's just gonna be you a baseball bat

some fifth graders um but i mean i feel like i could eat a sandwich or like a pita and still hold off some. So fueling up to keep myself refreshed every 10 seconds. You know how I picture this though too? Because we go pick up our kids, you know, pick up our son. And after school, like all the parents are there. The kids are running the class, running to their parent. So I'm just picturing like this being at a school. The playground or the area that's Fenced off

Is empty And then there's like a ring ring ring The door flies open Some like zombie 5th grader running at you And you're like what? And you're like you're feeling good And then another one comes out The problem is if you're not

Finishing the job on that first swing. They're getting back up. They're going to get back up. They're going to come at you. And that's another thing that was not in detail or whatever explained in the question. Are the fifth graders trying to attack you? Or are they just like running at you with their hands down? And you get a nice clean swing.

Like they want to give you a hug they're excited to see you they're calling you dad uncle brian like fuck oh man i mean yeah that would make it so good to see you if they come running out like to tell you about they're running out with like a coloring that they made I had the best day ever oh my god oh that's so bad I gotta tell you about show and tell today right oh my god

I had the best day at school look at my grades I can't buddy I can't I can't um how'd you do in PE what

this is gonna hurt me way more and it's gonna hurt you I promise it's gonna be over soon buddy uh you gotta you gotta yeah so I mean how if they're like zombie It's going to hurt me way more and it's going to hurt you. I promise. It's going to be over soon, buddy. You got to. Yeah. So.

I mean, how. If they're like zombie, like World War Z zombies where they're just like running at you. Really going for you. You don't have time to think about it. You just got to blast them. But if they're running out, like bringing their report card, like excited to see you. That is so much worse. Lord, Brianrian i know you were picking me up today oh yeah come here yeah fuck whack i'm gonna go i think i get a full day in and it's gonna be a mound of bodies yeah and you just have to like move or move your area around

you gotta move around And spread out the fucking Exploded heads Although if they're piling up in front of you Now you have like a barricade You can build a fort around you Kind of Yes that But then they'll start falling on top of you

And are some kids faster than other ones So like they catch up and now you're hitting two at a time But no I was thinking You could take the bodies and make a maze. So they have a starting gate and you just slowly somehow construct a maze so they get lost in it. Come around the corner. Wrong turn, bitch! Make a whole box. They can never get out of there and you can go get a good night's sleep.

So you're sitting with your back up against this pile of fifth graders and they're trapped inside a dome of other fifth graders with your bat sitting right next to you somehow weave together that right that makes me think of like uh the walking dead what's uh negan i never want to know something about me you've never seen walking dead i think i saw an episode and i was like i guess and it was at a time it was just so much zombie stuff i was like i was over it i was over the zombie stuff and then that one came and i was like i don't want to do it i'm out of here yeah so i never did i mean i feel like sometimes when i say that it's like when someone says i've never

seen lord of the rings no i've never seen lord of the rings like fucking what have you done that or game of thrones like all that you're like i'm sorry i don have you done that? Or Game of Thrones. Like all that. You're like, I'm sorry. I don't know. It just didn't happen for me. It's like being a, you know, like I had a chance to have sex. Just didn't happen. Now I'm 37 years old. And it might not ever happen for me. Might not. Okay.

So back to killing fifth graders. Oh, yeah. Baseball bat. Are you stronger than a fifth grader? For sure. Majority of them. There's got to be one that can beat the shit out of me. There's always those freaks of nature fifth graders that they come coming at you that you're gonna have to take

a couple swings at named bradley or derrick or something yeah jason jason jason's are always big big old jason i can picture a big jason that was at my elementary school me too and a justin too this kid was big um but so you're whacking on that kid to keep him down and then you've got another one what if two back to back big kids come out so you're dealing with one and the other one's yeah if it's a

cookie cutter every kid and they're running up you trying and they love you they have no attack in them they just want to hug you. I could get a full day of punching these, or whacking these kids in the face. So basically what happens is they come up to give you a hug. And you get a free shot.

Well, I'm thinking like, instead of like, they're not like trying to take you out. They just want to give you a hug. And after a while you get overwhelmed to where you would suffocate and die. You couldn't stand anymore i mean yeah i mean you can only stand for so long you can only stay awake for so long so i bet you i could get one full i'm gonna go 24 hours and kill every single fifth grader and then after that it's gonna get a little little weak it's so hard without without some sort of a base to compare this to i don't even know this is you know this just goes back to last week we're just slowly getting older we had slap a baby hit a fifth grader with baseball bat next week we're gonna visit middle school and have something

then after then we'll maybe go to high school i feel like it's gonna get real dark like if this isn't dark enough it's gonna it's the the best one's gonna come out right around thanksgiving and it's gonna be real then we're gonna be so thankful for whatever shit we've come up with If this isn't dark enough. The best one's going to come out right around Thanksgiving. It's going to be real. We're going to be so thankful for whatever shit we've come up with in our heads. We're going to eat so much. Okay, 24 hours. That's my answer.

What's yours? I don't know. Oh, fine. Oh, sorry. What I was going to say was we have to get this tested out. Just like slapping the baby, we're going to have to get a couple fifth graders that are down. Give them football helmets. Why is that so funny?

Over like two big football helmets. The giant football helmets. And they're sideways. And their face masks are kind of sideways. And they're running at you. And you're just like, no. This is the cutest thing. Well, that's the problem.

The first is survive with the fifth. The first couple are going to be, if they're coming out to give you a hug or show you their grades, it's going to suck. Because, you know, they're not trying to threaten you. If they're coming to kill you, that's a different motive. Daddy, I got student of the month. Fuck. Whack. Oh, I remember to find out when the photo retakes were. It's like, oh like oh yeah they kept running

out with their yeah with their school pictures look dad an eight by ten wallet size you're standing around a pile of school pictures of different kids okay all right whatever let's just move on a giant pile of school pictures and stay warm you could burn make a little fire to stay warm while you beat all these heads in oh geez oh geez um okay let's let's get on to the next part of the show okay okay hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Before we get into some of the stuff that we were thinking about this week, currently can't stop thinking about the idea of a reverse yard sale.

Like, how funny that is. Because take all the shit you don't want, roll up to someone's house, and just put it in their yard, and then fucking leave it. Be like, see you, buddy. But not just throw it in their yard and fucking leave it be like see you buddy but not just not just throw it in their yard oh yeah you lay out tables and you you lay it out with price tags and everything little departments so the guy gets up to get the newspaper and a cup of coffee in their yard sale he doesn't recognize any of the stuff because you know when you have a garage there or something you go out and you're like

why is the stuff that's normally in my bedroom in my lawn but you're like oh yeah I'm selling it but if you saw someone else's stuff

that you didn't recognize can you imagine that like you go like stretch at the window got your cup of coffee and you lift the blinds up it's just someone else's shit it was like a rack

of other people's clothes it was like one of those like gazelle workout things and a treadmill. Or a Nordic track or whatever they were called. An ab flex.

Ab roller. Yeah. And a bunch of dresses and you're like, what? I forgot. Kids toys. All the exercise equipment

that people sell at garage sales. They get it and they're like, all right, dude, I'm going to work out. Get it for Christmas and then it gets gone that summer.

Just yoga mats. Sweaty, disgusting yoga mats. You're walking around and you're like, all right, dude, I'm going to work out. Get it for Christmas, and then it's gone that summer. Just yoga mats. Sweaty, disgusting yoga mats. You're walking around like, what the? Oh, my God, who want to get rid of this? It's like a gazelle. It's a gazelle. It doesn't work electronically anymore, but if you still use it, it's good enough. Good enough.

Yeah. Remember that guy that would sell that with the big old ponytail? Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby. Yeah. I forget his name. It was... I always remember it.

Why can't I remember it now? Yeah, baby! Let's just call him Yeah Baby. No, no, I know it. It's... Oh, man. Hot. Damn it.

Here, I'll look it up. You set up the next thing. No, we're not... Don't look it up. Okay, okay. At some point during the show, I'm going to remember his name. Don't tell me what it is because I know I know what it is. show, I'm going to remember his name Don't tell me what it is, because I know I know what it is I'm going to hurt you if you tell me

Because I know his fucking name I can see when this ponytail is curly hair Oh my god I forgot what this guy looked like It's Tony Little, isn't it? It's Tony Little Yeah, baby

He's like this, and then it leans back still running on it like just the goofiest piece of workout equipment but he's always he has that hat with the ponytail yeah baby dude i just pictured you yank you yank that blind open right and on top of you're just like what in the fuck and it's like a bow flex and you're like that's pretty sick you're like wow who's who the hell would sell a bow flex oh man it's a weird ass day it's a weird ass day weird ass day all right okay let's get into the what are you thinking about we gotta oh okay we're taking a while out the gate here this morning yeah you got things to do Or this morning

Yeah I know If I don't get out of here Ezra's gonna die Right So Somebody's gonna hit him With a baseball bat When he leaves school

Dad Oh it's terrible I don't want him Imagine all your own kids No the parents The parents showing up To pick up their kids From school

And they They just see all their Their kids Well first of all They're like Who's that? Cause like running to someone They don't really know Yeah yeah from school and they just see all their kids. Well, first of all, they're like, who's that? Because it's like running to someone

they don't really know. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's going to talk to a stranger and whack. And they can't, or they're like behind a fence,

they have to watch it all? Okay, now, we have so many horror movie ideas today. Okay, back to you. I don't even know what I was going to say. What am I thinking about?

What are you thinking about? Well, you mentioned Thanksgiving and Halloween and all this shit. Yeah. So when we were trick-or-treating the other night. Yeah. I just think it's so funny that on certain days how something is acceptable on one day. Okay. And not on another day or in a certain place and not in another place.

Yeah. For example. Yeah. For example. Yeah. Halloween. You're walking around neighborhood just randomly going up to people's doors, which people just don't do anymore ever. Now, if you knock on someone's door or ring on the doorbell, they freak out. Like, why are you at my house? They're going to be like, you hear the guns cock.

And you're like, I'm just fucking seeing if you saw my cat. Exactly. Yeah. But now people are sitting on the couch waiting for the doorbell to ring which never happens but on this night it does and then you open the door and there's kids on your doorstep and you just give them candy and no one thinks that's weird at all unless that happened on november 1st yeah then that's super weird now it's like dude get out of here yeah get off get off my lawn kayla i think her name was kayla wrote in and she was so sad

kayla we love you she was like i did not think it was gonna go that way of course what did you think was gonna happen people are writing in uh but maybe we'll get into next we don't even know if we get into it this week maybe but they're like they're defending her like no i get it like i don't want your stupid kid around me i don't care and what's like all right so but she was she felt like she was embarrassed don't be embarrassed it was just really funny to take it to an extreme i was listening to back to that that section because i i wanted to hear what you and when you were just like when you were like see it could have been i could have been a crazy person next time you never know who you're been i could have been a crazy person next time you

never know who you're gonna get it you might get a crazy person okay so back anyway so uh yeah so like how fucking weird that is that on any other day like one day out of the year it's just it's acceptable and then like you mentioned thanksgiving where people just eat as much as they physically can't you're sick. And no one's like, oh, you're going back for more, huh? All right. You do that another day, like, dude. Whoa.

You need to think about your life choices. You're eating the whole fridge. Please stop. Any other day, that's the way it goes. But on that day, and then the next couple of days after Thanksgiving, it's fine. I don't know why this reminds me of Christmas.

A lot of the traditions and holidays that we have around the entire world have some weirdness if they're not on that day. Like Christmas. I mean, first of all, super weird that we go outside and we're like, I love this tree.

And you just chop it down and you put it in your living room. Like... And then when you're done, you throw it in the front room like that when you're done throwing the front yard it just sits it's brown and dead it is so weird every year every year i laugh thinking about it i'm like what are we doing and it's like a ton of houses not everybody but a ton of houses they're going out there chopping down some innocent fucking tree and then decorating it and sitting around it. And then when you're done with it, you just throw it back out. Like, fuck you, bro.

But no, like if you have a Christmas tree up in July, like that's weird. But if you have it in December, it's like, oh, yeah, of course. Of course you have a tree in your living room. It's exactly right. Christmas lights, people will take them down. Some people leave them up all year. Some people wait six months, take them down. And then it's like, oh, shit, I got to put them up again a couple months anyway. So I'm some people leave them up all year some people wait six months take them down and then it's like oh shit i gotta put them up again a couple months anyway so i'm letting us leave them up that reminds me of the toy story situation remember when uh ham

what's his name piggy the pig ham and he's pushing the button they're trying to find the toy salesman and he clicks on the tv like stop he goes no too fast and go back around and he just keeps on clicking no it's the same thing with the christmas lights oh well somebody does once you go too far pork chop pork chop uh no it's not oh whatever you know what's funny about you said the cutting down a tree and bringing inside here's another thing that's just kind of weird so like we'll go we'll go camping so we'll take stuff from our house drive into the woods or in the middle of nowhere with the stuff that's in our house and then live like we're living in our house and kind of sort of you know just like a harder version of life yeah and that's an adventure and then what we'll

do is we'll bring plants and trees into our house right like why can't we leave those things out there just separate oh they do make you feel we, though. We got to bring a plant. We can go outside and look at them. My wife has a poster. It says pothead. Because she's got plants. It's edgy. That is edgy.

Because she's got plants all over the fucking house. It made me laugh. And the thing is, they're all over the house. And I bump into them. And then I get in trouble when I bump into them. You just spill the... You break the whatever the fuck they sit in. You just bump the leaf, and it starts killing it or whatever.

What? And we have two little kids. The pussy-ass plant. And they'll touch a tree and like, easy on my thing. It's a fucking tree. It should be outside. What's it in here? If I run into this tree outside, oh, be careful.

You might hurt yourself. If I run into this fucking tree in the house, careful, you're going to hurt the tree. You know what I mean? We'll flip a roof. What the fuck? I don't know. That is weird. Shirtless in public.

Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Like, if you're at the pool or the beach, you take your shirt off, you're fine. You walk into a grocery store with no shirt on, people think you're a lunatic. Yeah. No shirt or shoes, same thing. Yeah. No service.

Yeah. You get it. And then thinking about back to the traditions, I'm not sure if this is too far of a stretch, but of course, there's certain things that, of course, it's not fun. You don't lie to your kids, right? Especially if you're trying to show them, to be honest. Oh, I lie to my kids all the time. I know, I know, I get it.

There's also white lies and lies that protect them, and then lies that just get you out of doing dumb shit you don't really feel like doing. That's the one but this one that i was thinking about bingo baby um is how weird it is that you lie to your kids like about the tooth fairy it's like no no never no don't it's not good to lie now lay your head down because if you don't go to sleep the flying fairy is not going to come collect your teeth okay good night dad for money yeah and he'll give you give you a dollar if it's a good big one who the fuck was i talking to you they get like 20 bucks a tooth it was me that was you so was it

on wait was it on the show or we just talked about it outside the show my wife the other so when my son lost his tooth he was like he comes down the thing he's like oh how much the tooth fairy give he's like 10 bucks i look at her like, Jesus Christ. Inflation. You realize this is going to happen several more times. He's got so many more. Yeah. So, yeah. So, I remember getting like 50 cents. I'd just get a quarter.

A 50 cent piece would be like a big one. Back when those were more around. $2 bill. Oh, I have some. And I pass them down. Pepper has one somewhere. I have a $3 bill. What?

It's a CD. No. I remember that. Here's a one for you. Say what you want about Limp Bizkit. That shit came out. It was fucking perfect. Okay. Well, that was before they were Yeah!

Chocolate starfish! Oh, yeah! I like Limp Bizkit, though though So I'm not saying anything about them Okay Speaking of face paint Oh Wes Here's the guitar player

Wes Borland Got it So Here's another example You paint your face At like a sporting event Baseball game Football game

Whatever That's fine You paint your face To go work at an office not fine not fine that's that's weird unless it's on halloween and that's the that's the loophole getting back around to the loophole here yeah one day out of the year you can wear the fucking skeleton or even picturing like face paint or just that type amount of cheering that you would see at a professional sporting event and then putting that like a kid's event and that's funny too where parents are just like

yeah like scream get loud and they're just watching their kids play soccer or t-ball well that announcer that's like let's make some noise what's the it's okay to be as loud as you want oh what's a dumb, what's the thing they always play? And then we just charge. Oh, yeah. Isn't that one? Yeah, it's one of those. It's the Calvary.

Something like that. Casey Calvary. Yeah, so that is weird. And I bet you there's a ton more. Oh, yeah. And I wish I could think of more right now. Because I know I'm in situations all the time where I think like, it's weird that this is happening. I mean, this isn't,

this isn't really, so it's sort of in that vein. When you, when you see someone that you work with at work, you're like, Oh, Hey Joe. Hey Fred.

Oh, Hey Brian. But if you see Joe or Fred, let's say at an event, you're like, Oh, Hey, go up and shake the hand or,

or hug. If you're a hugger you do all that kind of stuff it's this big thing you just fucking saw him at work but you're in a different environment in it that but i'm not i'm not a greeter person as a lot of times people think that i might be an asshole because i don't say i generally don't say bless you no and i don't say bless you? No. And I don't say hi, really, or say bye. If I just show up to a thing, I'm just kind of just there. And if people say hi, I'll be like, hey, I'll chat. But I'm not like, I don't walk up to people and be like, hey, how's it going?

If someone comes up to me and starts talking, I'll talk. If they talk first? Oh, yeah. I'll jump right in. We'll have a conversation. But I'm not a big like, and then I can just leave and not say bye and i'm cool with that the old irish goodbye back in your partying days we the what were you the friend that just vanished no i was actually always well if i just yes i was i was the last one to fall asleep at a party of like if it was our house or whatever but then we'd be at a party at someone else's house and i'd be like yeah i'm done i just

leave it's easier walk home because if you tell somebody you'd be at a party at someone else's house and I'd be like, eh, I'm done. I'd just leave. Just leave. It's easier than walk home. Because if you tell somebody and they'd be like, oh no, come on. It's like, I'm just going to put this in my thing.

One more shot, man. There's going to be so many hot babes on the way, man. Check out this text. You're like, I just want to go home. And then you walk,

like I'm walking home and then I get seven calls from eight different people. Dude, where'd you go? My friend who listens to the show his name's craig and he was that guy fucking craig he would and he had some vanishing stories some crazy ones like magician and i don't know worthy um i'm gonna whatever i'll say it right now this one is so good and so ridiculous i think about it all

the time and I remind him of it all the time too um but yeah again Craig you listen to the show what's up man hope you enjoy the story so we are Craig what's up Craig we are out at a canyon party we are like two miles at a canyon party so the canyon party a party in a canyon yes okay so growing up in the mountains you wouldn't like go to the desert and if you didn't have a house to go to you just picked one of the canyons and went out there and had pallets of wood and had a giant bonfire and everyone had music and drank around the, that was a canyon party. Right?

So we are at one of those with a bunch of our friends. And Craig was out there. He rode out, I believe with us. So he didn't have a car. Now at some point in the night, Craig just disappeared. And this is not like just leaving someone's home, like a party in town, and then going somewhere. He's just fucking gone. And we're two or three miles out in a canyon, and Craig's gone.

So we don't really know what happens. We couldn't get a hold of him. And then the next morning, I find out, Craig just took off. And he started running back into town from the canyon party. He just ran into a barbed wire fence. Oh, my God. Split his stomach open. So now he has to walk another two miles with his stomach.

With his guts hanging out? It was a big cut. Like you can see the fat and everything. I think he had a sprint and then he got a hold of his dad once we got back into cell phone range. I feel like the story went, Craig, you have to write in or text me when you get this. But I was like, then just go to bed. Like, you had nothing to do. He was just like, bye.

I can relate to that. He's like, I just want to be in my own bed. I can absolutely relate to that. Not the back of a car, but not that far out. And just sprinting into barbed wire. It's just in the pitch black. Like, he's just running through the fields. I get that motivation

though because i i was i'm a big walker so anybody that's from this area i walked one morning from i mean way the fuck out in the valley in spokane that is like 12th and whatever it's way the fuck out in the valley i walked all the way downtown one more because i just didn't want to be there anymore that's like 15 miles isn't it it was about that yeah and i it was like snow yeah and i was like i think i was in my underwear like i just i just wanted to be home i don't know why i knew when you said what i forget what you said i was like you were that guy you're just like always in my underwear fuck this i'm out yeah yeah i just like i want to be home home and I've, I've made a couple of bad decisions driving wise, but I have, we have this buddy that we were, uh, anybody that knows the area like twist Pateras Bridgeport, North central Washington, small little towns along highway.

Yeah. And one night, um, he was always driving home, but one night we were in in a cabin north of Twisp in the middle of nowhere. And we're all partying and stuff. And we're like, hey, where'd he go? I won't use his name. Like, where'd he go? And no one knew where he left. He left.

And then come to find out, he drove all the way home, which was like, I don't know, an hour, hour and a half. Hammered. Yeah. I'm out of here. God, that's such a here on a two lane windy highway, but you're just so used to doing that, it was like whatever, it wasn't a big deal

anyway that was good, if you have any examples going back to things that are okay in one situation but not another we want to read them please send those in, because I know there's some that I cannot think of right now and I know you got some good ones. Hey guys at canyoudontpodcast.com

On the interwebs. Interwebies. The worldwide web. Yes, it is. All right, let's look at our man parts. Some genitalia. Is it dumb? Is it interesting?

Is it cool? Then it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick. Dick. All right, Joe. You ready to see that deal? Yo, flop it. All right. This one was sent in from our son, Robert Bisa.

Joe. Yo. Oh. Hopefully he's okay. He used his whole name. If he's not, fuck him. Well, he wrote in with it, so that's what you get. Yep.

All right. Headline. Driver runs man over in Salvington Strip Club parking lot. All right. Talk about a total boner killer. The picture has just got this pink light. It's lighting up the whole building. It's just like in a neighborhood.

Okay. Looks like a townhouse, but with pink lights. With naked people inside of it. I think the guy died, which obviously isn't funny. But basically, this guy was so drunk. So a man was charged after police say another man, he ran over another man several times. Fred, I'm shaking my leg. Several times?

Police say it happened around 1140 p.m. in the parking lot Of Hollywood Cavern on Queen Street A man identified as Jason Feldbaum Was trying to park his Honda Accord Into one of the spaces when he ran into another man That was walking through the space Right Southington police said Feldbaum then proceeded to drive forward And backwards over the man Several times

Officers that responded to the scene described Finding the man with a large open wound In his stomach and severe injuries to both of his legs. Yeah. He's being treated at an area hospital and always in stable condition. Oh, he made it? Yeah. At this time, Feldbaum is being charged with DUI.

It's unclear if additional charges will be filed. Anyone with any information? Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Dude, you have to be so out of it. Mm-hmm. You have to be like, oh, man. Could you imagine like trying to back, you know, when you can't back up and you're like, what's going on?

So you start doing the whole rocking thing. He's like, God, he's like, what is this speed bump yelling? It's like talking to his friend. He's like, is this speed bump yelling or am I really high? I think you're just high, bro. I keep going. I keep going. There's no way that's a this speed bump yelling or am i really high i think you're just high bro yeah i keep going i keep going there's no way that's a musical speed bump but this poor guy just because getting hit once where it's like oh god damn it that sucked and then he's oh fuck he's coming back again did you see the reverse what the fuck he runs over you're like oh that's gotta be it right and then what and this keeps happening several times

but i'm gonna go with at least two or three right i mean several is limitless okay a couple is two a few is three few and then several i think several just covers all of it more than once at least it has to be a few is like three to five no a few i think is technically three i think i don't know what's the word that you would use to for four that's still a few to me that's still a few yeah okay uh several is you're getting up there how yeah you gotta be you got to be, you got to be out of your mind. And think about what if he. And he's leaving, right? He wasn't pulling into the spot or was.

It doesn't say, just walking through it. He said he was trying to back. Man, was trying to park. Okay, he was trying to park. Yeah, he just ran into the guy that was in the parking space. I picture that guy that, that unfortunately got smashed a bunch he's had the huge celebration promotion at work

he's like the only thing that can be better than this is blue balls at the strip club maybe getting some hot lady to grind on my on my pants and he's like great that's all I needed walks out and gets ran over several times by the same car and he's like, great, that's all I needed. Walks out and gets, gets ran over several times by the same car.

And he's like, I knew something was going to ruin this day. I never have one good day. God. Can I just go on the head something one day? You know,

what's, what's crazy about that is, is the weird fortune cookie. You're going to get run over. Well, actually let's think about, I don't know. It doesn't say whether the guy was also

going into the club. He could have been coming out, but he could have been going into the club. That and that's sad. Maybe he's having a terrible day. He's like, this can't get any worse. I'm going to go to the strip club. This will make it better. This will make it better.

God damn it! That guy was just so excited to get like i wonder if there was like nobody that you know what's really sad is when you like there's like one guy at a strip club he's just sitting there and just watching naked women yeah like in the middle of the day multiple ways to look at it yeah one is like i mean fuck yeah dude the other one's like that's sad and i usually pick like the fuck yeah dude because if i'm seeing one's like, that's sad. And I usually pick like the, fuck yeah, dude. Because if I'm seeing him, I'm also there. So it's like,

what's up, dude? And I've never, actually I've never done that. I've never been to a strip club midday, but I'm sure it's great. And I wouldn't judge you if that's what you do. It's fine.

I don't care. Your money. I imagine this guy like walking in. So the reason I brought that up was, let's say it's sort of empty. No other cars in the parking lot really. The guy's walking in there and the let's say it's sort of empty. No other cars in the parking lot, really. The guy's walking in there, and the guy's driving. He's like, uh-uh.

I'm not going to wait around. Just runs the guy over. You don't get diamond. Not tonight. You got to have sunshine. I don't want diamond. She hits the stage in two minutes. Got him.

Is he dead? Rosa went on down. Hey! Oh, fuck. Hey, you're dead. Why did you do that? He's not dead. He's not dead.

I gotta kill him. Yeah, that's terrible. That's a terrible way to... I am happy that he won. And of course, it was a Honda Accord. Sorry if he won. He didn't die.

Sorry. That was so weird. Ew! Hey, Joe, are you paying attention? Yeah. You realize what happened, right? And I'm glad he won the game. Touchdown!

Touchdown wins the championship. What are we talking about? Home run. Home run. Touchdown. Face mask. Flag guarding. What's a good leg panel?

Traveling. That's a good one. Because that relates to his legs are smashed. Unnecessary roughness. Unnecessary roughness. That's a good leg panel? Traveling. That's a good one. Because that relates to his legs are smashed. Unnecessary roughness. Unnecessary roughness. That's a good one. Roughing the passer. Targeting.

Targeting. Yeah. All right. Well, I think that's it. I think we're only looking at one dick today because we're going to hop off to the Petty Beefs now. Okay. Does that sound good to you?

Yeah. We spent too much time on other shit. We did. Fine. Silence in the court. You are now entering the petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated the people are real the cases are real the rulings are final ish this is petty beef all right you better do some judging joe got my

make-believe imaginary tie on got my brief my briefcase. Bring your briefcase in. Yep. Got your vodka and your coffee cup. Fuck, I forgot my pen. Fuck, vodka, man. Cheapy Chong reference. Got my fucking briefcase or whatever. So our first case is coming from our battered crotch son, Cora,

who has some petty beef with his wife and his son. Okay, this is a whole family affair. Yeah, and this is one I know I can relate to, and I'm sure you can too. All right, lay it on me. So this was, he said this a while ago, so he says last night, so not last night. I was born at night, but not last night. He didn't write that. I didn't. Okay, last night as I was walking out of my bedroom, my two-year-old son came running up to me.

You didn't hit him with a bat.'s good you're up you're moving forward i thought he was going to give me a big hug like he always does oh it's just the greatest feeling ever right so i held my arms out expecting a love embrace he stopped about a foot away from me closed fist punched me directly in the coin purse i inadvertently yelled you little jackass my wife believes that overreacted what are your thoughts i mean you know me yeah you i love throwing kids in the yelling good nightstand toss love a good middle of the morning nightstand throw um so i get it when you get when you get punched out of nowhere i'm not sure how much responsibilities on the initial reaction, especially when it's, it's your, your downs,

your nether region. Cause that's not you. It hurts. It hurts. And you, you're all of a sudden not the rational person you normally, it's fight or flight situation where you just, I've had several situations where I've oh i got hit my son he'll run up and just double smack me in the nuts and i was like what the fuck are you doing and like i want to punch him back and i remember or anytime i get hit in the nuts my wife is always like oh you're language

oh you're just you know we cuss around our kids she's like but she's always like oh uh dramatic much and i'm like you don't you don't know what it's like i'd be like oh my god she's like but she's always like oh uh dramatic much and i'm like you don't know you don't know what it's like i'd be like oh my god she's giving birth that's exactly what i would like the joke that i would make she's in there going oh god i'm like oh dramatic much little drama queen over here like you're side talking to the doctor like she always does this yeah she's she's this is this isn't anything new she's always like, crying about something. Everything hurts. It's always something with this one.

I love her, but... I shit myself in front of people. Pushing the whole baby out of them. Alright. Anyway, so, when that happens, I immediately go into,

I want to punch whoever that... It doesn't matter who it is. i want to punch whoever that it's not it doesn't matter who it is you want to punch them back but then you you keel over and you start trying to keep the vomit down the the tingly like stomach pain that comes along with getting punched in the nuts it is the worst yeah i i tend to if i if I'm not throwing somebody into a nightstand or a table, I usually shut down. I'll get hit and just go, and that's it. And then the next thing that happens, I mean, obviously as I get older, it's more of like, okay, well, I can't unpunch me in the nuts. So now what am I going to do about this? But in that moment, yeah, your initial thing is to throw him through the fucking window.

That's what I want to do. As soon as I can, I'm able to stand up. He's going through that window. If the flame's still going. Yeah. I tend to shut down. I don't think, what has, has there been a situation where I've been really hurt? Oh, I have.

I have had that happen and it was uh it was actually it was with aaron and we were at a wedding and she was dancing and she accidentally like fuck like clocked me in the dick and i just went i was like god damn and she's like what and i was like i was like nothing i was like you accidentally hit she goes oh come on and i was like fucking what like and I was like, nothing. I was like, you accidentally hit. She goes, oh, come on. And I was like, fucking what? And it wasn't like a shoe kick, but it was like one. I had to go sit down. And it was like, well, the dance party's over for me.

I just got whopped in the dick. She goes, oh, come on. I'm like, nope. That's not how this works. I'm barely able to stand up right now. I've heard women say like, oh, it doesn't feel good. Oh, man, I'm making so much noise over here What do you have over there?

It's this chair They're squeaky Noisies What are you God damn it Is that It's like you're working on Like a

A table saw I am Oh Gotcha Um Well I'm whittling Whittling Uh

Uh what was I saying Uh Baby sponge balls Oh yeah No that I've heard women say like well it's not it's not uh comfortable or it's not does it hurt the fricking shit not even trying to read um to get hit in the the vagina and i just i find that this is what i i don't want to say because i don't because they have a lack of perspective of what it feels like for us, so I don't want to assume that it doesn't hurt them, but I can't imagine

it's worse getting hit in the vagina than it is getting hit in the ball sack. Yeah, because they're out external, they're hanging out on the outside. I know there's plenty of pain in getting kicked in the, what do they call it, a cunt punt? Isn't that what it is? I don't know. Twat punch? Something like that. A beaver dam? No, that's the other one for cock block that's funny um yeah i'm sure it hurts but you know your your ovaries aren't hanging outside of your outside of your body yeah your nuts are just hanging there they're just waiting to get punched and boxed around a little bit yeah it's like one of those boxing speed bag whack uh so you know he's not wrong he's not wrong it's just like men don't have uh perspective

on period cramps uh and giving birth you do not have perspective on how much it sucks to get really hit in the nuts it sucks like a good you know what's weird is like it's almost better to get a full-on smack than it is like a little flick is worse than like a horse kicking you in the nuts well i want to put this like a mythbusters episode and i want you to be the one that tries this out i will i'll flick your nuts and you'll be like okay and then i'll scoot you over and then we'll have a horse kick you nuts and you'll be like you get to weigh the two options. I think the flick's worse. I do. If you even have a dick and balls left after a horse kicks you in the dick. It's just going to blow up. It's more area to cover.

The flick is so precise. It's targeted little smack. Walnut. Pop, pop. So that means that we're on, yeah. Sorry, your wife and son, they're wrong. I feel like that should be a jackass thing. Getting kicked in the nuts?

No, they need to do that. Didn't you see the last movie? He freaking... I never actually went and saw it. Dude. Was it something Steve-O did? The worst, no, it was David England, I think. The worst nut things I've ever seen.

I don't like it. Like swinging stuff into your balls. Well, yeah, well well a pogo stick oh fucking on his nutsack you can't do that why would you do that there was two other ones that were off i can't remember what they are now like it's you're gonna it's not even funny it's not even pain anymore yeah it's just blowing up your testicles yeah that's not funny for any reason i hate it someone did post the um the video of bam getting hit by the giant hand that we talked about i think last week and it is even funnier than i remember it it's just so good if you i swear if you have

not seen it you have to look up jackass high five and then bam margera and what they did is they taped bags of flour to the hand right and that's why the explosion happens and you know it added so much more weight and pop when that hand went around. So anyway, go look it up. I promise you it'll be one of the funniest things you've ever seen. All right, let's move on to some good news. Okay. Because we do have some.

Okay. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! All right, so here's our good news for today. This, I mean, I know you can't do this everywhere, but just the idea that they're even trying this,

I think it's pretty cool. And it can spark other topics of conversation around the world. But it says Maharashtra, Indian village, goes offline daily to help people talk. So the village, they have a siren that goes off at 7pm every evening in Vaggown Village in the Sangli District, indicating that

all residents to switch off their TV sets and mobile phones. The two instruments of addiction can be switched on when the village council sounds the siren again at 8.30. So basically, it shuts off for an hour and a half every day it's like that's it hang out with people that are around you quit checking out everything else

and just talk to people so power goes off basically or what well they know i'm guessing you don't get i'm sure it's not like a like a raid where if someone hears like bob barker they kick the door openings fucking kill the family it's's probably more of an option in type situation. But they have an audible siren that goes off. Maybe dinner time. And then everyone puts their shit away. So there's a family that lives by the siren.

The siren code. No, it's the guy with the triangle. Turn off your phones! Riding a horse. Turn off your phones! The English are coming! english are coming little triangle turn off your phones why does he talk like that it's in india um like that's why they don't do it what the fuck is he saying they just hear some crazy guy on a horse with his triangle going turn off your phones they have no idea what he's saying named brad uh but i i this is a

cool concept to me the population of that gown is says 3 000 people made up largely of farmers and sugar mill workers and i know i mean yeah you can't certain professions but everybody we did it before i mean the the world existed and when we didn't have all this shit. So you could do it. You just have to grow accustomed to it. Yeah, but you just don't want to. I know, but what's the worst that could happen? If you had to talk to some people that are around you. I think that's an interesting experiment, though, because you could say, well, we didn't always have cars.

So maybe for this day, we just don't have cars. We go back to horse and buggy and like no i gotta get to work well we didn't have shoes so take your fucking shoes off one hour every day yeah which i mean i say i'm being i'm being cynical yeah i i get the coolness of it i just thought that was a neat concept and then to have it actually not just an an idea wonder how many people actually do it i don't know i i tried to find it i read the article i don't remember how many people participate in it i don't know if they can actually count how many people participate in it well i mean there's 3 000 people in a village of course the family

either does it or they don't and i'm guessing with a community that small if something catches on like this big enough for a siren to be installed maybe the whole town does it yeah and i feel like that'd be really fun even just like in a neighborhood think about a summer night and the little siren goes off and everyone shuts their shit off and goes outside um i would hate that i don't want to be told that i've got to do something there's plenty of people that probably don't they probably don't do it at all um i can make time for that i don't like schedules so if i know i have to turn this off it'll be like no fuck you fuck you i'll turn it off when you guys turn your shit back on i'll

turn mine on yeah i'll turn off when i go to bed like it that's right yeah i'll turn it off when i'm sleeping over my sleeping body i'll sleep when i'm dead all right i found something funny on the internet i'm sorry i ruined that that's all right you're on everything the internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right?

Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! All right, a quick hit for the look what I found this week. But it is Crocs. You know, they started off as kind of a joke, right? Kind of.

Whoever was making them was not joking. But when people were buying them, they're kind of like, yeah, whatever, they're Crocs. And then they became really like, I was like, these are fucking. It's like a Snuggie that took off. Yeah, like, oh, yeah, no way. No way, this thing's stupid. Or like those potty squaddies or whatever or like those uh potty squatties or whatever other way around anyway so these are headlights for your crocs i don't know who needs

them and it's probably a pretty i mean think about walking that's you yell at your kid for not holding the flashlights now you just put them on your feet but i can see walking around the house like it's like the light's gonna go up to the ceiling and then on the floor up to the ceiling on the floor but if there's two of them doing it at the same time i don't know people say that it's awesome uh for going to the bathroom in the middle of the night it's just so goofy to me you're like oh man did you like swing your legs over the side of your bed just put your floor yeah like you still have to put shoes on just put a little teeny light next to you on Just put a little teeny light Next to you

And shine it at the floor When you go I would rather do that than Have to put shoes on to go to the bathroom But if you showed up to a party Or a concert or a rave With headlight Crocs Dude you're getting so much action

If you go to Amazon And just look up headlights for Crocs You're, you're getting so much action. If you go to Amazon and just look up headlights for Crocs, you're going to find it. And it's going to be about $30, $27. So these are sold separately from the Crocs? Yeah. Do they clip in the hole or something? Do your kids have Crocs? No.

Okay. So they make customizable pins and stuff that go inside the holes. And then like a button, they go in and they don't easily come back out. Oh, okay. So you stick these in and then you just have fucking headlights on your Crocs. Maybe we should get some and try them out. No, the headlight Crocs stay on during sex. No way.

These are not coming off. Okay. All right, let's hear from some of the kids. What? All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool.

All righty. Our first email comes from our son, Jason. He writes, hey, dads, you didn't pay child support again. Sorry. Sorry. Whoops. I usually leave whatever. Lazy bums.

Anyway, I work for Fry's grocery store in Arizona. Kroger for you in Seattle, I think. Well, I'm sure they love it over in Seattle. Yeah. Everyone in the Northwest lives in Seattle. Everyone thinks we're always in Seattle. Must rain a ton. Doesn't matter. What comes next is pretty damn funny. Okay. I was stalking not stalking, Brian.

Stalking. Eggs. When a woman came over to buy some and I noticed she was wearing a Can You Don't shirt. What? Awesome. Awesome I thought. Good choice. Then she asked me what aisle the cereal was on. Knowing that swearing to customers is a no-no and risking getting earful and right up for my boss I said

fuck it and said to her like one of my dads taught me in the highest voice uh it's on fucking wait. Yeah you got it. Is that what I'm supposed to say? Yeah. It's on fucking... Wait. Yeah, you got it. Is that what I'm supposed to say? Keep going. It's on fucking aisle 18 or whatever. Or is that supposed to go... I'm sure it's that.

So fucking aisle 18 or whatever. Yeah. She busted out the laughter and said, oh, fuck yeah. Gave me a honk honk, a fist bump, shaking her head and laughing as we walked off to continue shopping. It's one of the funniest things I've ever had happen to me in my 25 years of working there. Hope this story gave you some chuckles. Made me laugh like crazy lunatic. Love the podcast. Makes me tear

with laughter. Because of the English. And dribble some piss in a little time when I hear, you're loving high as fuck retail workers on Jason. That's awesome. That is awesome. I wonder who it was. If you were that person, go ahead and write in. This is like one of those things like, hey, I saw you at the store. Misconnection.

I saw you at the store. Your hair was so beautiful. You were wearing a Can You Don't shirt. Yeah. And you said, fuck yeah. Oh my God. But that is a good time to say it. Someone's like, hey, do you know where the eggs are?

I think they're in fucking aisle six or whatever. All right. Thanks. Bye. Because you put the whatever on the end. Even if you're wrong, it doesn't matter. Right. So our second email is coming in from one of our children who wishes to remain anonymous

for obvious reasons. They write, hey, dads. Oh, it's an exclamation point. Hey, dads. Hey, dads. Joe's story about going through airport security reminded me of a story about my ex-husband He's ex-special forces And rarely goes anywhere without his gun

He divorced special forces He's like XXXXX He's a porn star So yeah he's Johnny Sins He's just all these different It's only funny if you know that He's ex-special forces and rarely goes anywhere without his gun in his backpack, but never

when flying. One time, he flew from SoCal to Canada, went through security, no problem. When he was returning from the Canadian airport, he sent his backpack through the x-ray machine and they found a gun. Yeesh. Obviously, it created a lot of problems, especially for TSA for missing it when he flew out. It was an honest accident on his part, but created a lot of hubbub. I'm sure someone back in SoCal got in big, big trouble.

So, Joe, your pocket knife, switchblade, is nothing. At least you didn't fly with a loaded gun. Thank you for all the funny content. You bring me so much happiness. Love you. Anonymous, but loving daughter. Aww. That's cute. That is, that that would be that would be not fun to you like oh shit the difference did i leave oh my god my

nine millimeters in there i knew it i was looking for it i guess i didn't check my backpack the difference is there's a there's a motive like oh i'm x special forces there's a motive like, oh, I'm ex-special forces. There's a reason, oh, I usually carry my gun. I spaced it. There's a backstory that makes sense for that guy. For you, it's an illegal knife versus some asshole that has no reason for having a switchblade other than to cause some havoc. Other than they're awesome, which I think is a pretty cool reason. they don't know that no he opened it remember in my story he popped it open went oh no remember he's like because he knew he he knew it was so cool he had to pop it out yeah then he would do

take it away yeah but he wanted to at least feel the switchblade so feeling his hand the kickback and i think i've mentioned this probably with the the switchblade so you had to feel it in his hand you had to feel the pop of it um the kickback and i think i've mentioned this probably with the the switchblade story but like yeah aaron once made it through security with a 10 000 watt taser two and uh two and back from new orleans like no he was like oh yeah no no problem that's fine those are the people that are keeping us safe yeah that's totally fine just stick it up your ass next time. Well, that's our show. Episode 21.

I think we had a blast. Did you have a fun time with me today, Brian? Oh, yeah. I forgot to say episode 21. We're going to go on our 21 run. Oh. How we would not get the runs. No.

Well, that'd be weird. Or 21. Yeah. That'd be a, what's that? Different Taco Bells? In Arctic circles? I don't know. I was in my hot tub this morning i was farting okay and it was one of those things where i fart and

nothing and then the bubble came to the top and it went it popped in the bubble and then i could smell the fart but i have mixed with like minerals and chlorine so it kind of had a weird smell to it nice so you should know that i love the great visual the bubble running up your pant leg support us on patreon number one way that you can make this show happy and keep it going patreon.com slash can you don't podcast and then facebook and instagram what's that where do you go find them where do we go there for that do you know remember talking to me yeah um i think it's that at sign oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you don't? Yeah. Podcast? That's it.

I think. That's it. And same thing on YouTube. If you have something you want to see on the show, email that in. Hey, guys, at canyoudontpodcast.com. I think we'll be doing a confessions maybe next week. We're kind of filling it out. Rate and review the podcast wherever you listen.

Of course, thanks to the babysitters who are the moderators of the Can You don't playground on facebook go hop in there a bunch of funny stuff i have a very uh a funny a funny ending to today's show that i think we're gonna have a have a hoot with okay okay good god wrap it up already huh daddy joke tell me daddy my wife caught me jerking off to an optical illusion. I told her it's not what it looks like. And this joke came across. I don't know. I found this joke somewhere. And I thought the visual of someone walking in on you. And you remember those magic eye looks?

Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking of. And you're just, yeah. You're just looking at it like kind of cross-eyed. Yeah, you're cross-eyed. Oh, God. You slam it shut. And you guys get the whole. And your dick in it and whoever finds it you're like no no no there's nothing there you have to hope they don't know how to do it and then you're you're out of there but if they do know how to do it this could be some 3d well it's funny because it was always

like a it was like a silhouette yeah so you couldn't see the definition yeah just like yeah you just have a dick like A dick and a mouth. That's all you see. That's the silhouette of that. Some ears. That's not what you think. I don't know why. It's so funny, but it puts it into other little magic show situations, too.

Where you're like, oh, and you close the little curtain. Oh, you put your dick in a hat. Nothing there. Just a rabbit. Who didn't? You pull a rabbit out nothing nothing oh no of course

I wasn't doing that honey or the door opens like shit like doves fly out of your you're like ta-da basically all the tricks

that a magician has is this your card she's like what is this your card anything just sleight of hand that's what you're good at I thought I saw a dick

no that was not a glove that was not a that was not a glove and is this your card it's actually not that's the joke that's the joke get out of here please good night thank you good night thank you so much um yeah thank you kids thank you guys well bye all right i guess that's it then see you next time all right hope we don't die what? Hope we don't die in the windstorm. Windstorm. Yeah. Why are you so far back from your microphone right now?

My back hurts. I'm trying to stretch. From that awesome chair? Yeah. This sucks. We just got to get you a new one. All right. Bye guys.

Bye.