Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Beans. Lonely. Game Show. Businessman.

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Does the thought of watching someone rub cake in their armpits turn you on? How about the thought of standing naked in the kitchen and pouring beans all over your body? Or how about simply seeing a shoe under some boobs? If yes, you are going to LOVE this episode! Let's talk about that, dragging a dead body around Target, a new shock video we didn't have the balls to watch, how lame it would be to get denied a date based solely off the look of your dong, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/uETg0fyl3xsSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Beans. Lonely. Game Show. Businessmen. Well, I'm a little silly goose today. 69! I forgot to just silly goose today. 69. I forgot to just plug in all my shit. Oh, God. Did you plug your stuff in? Nope. We're kind of rushing a little bit today, everybody. Sorry about that.

You got to get out of here to pick up your kid. I got to get out of here and start packing for a fucking camping trip. I have to pick both of them up. Oh. Not just one. Just leave one. Bye. See, you're good, right?

Yeah, I'm fine, Dad. I can do this. Okay. The kindergartner. I'll leave him. Yeah, episode 69. Yeah. Just to wrap up some more of my legal adventures.

Oh, what'd you get? Well, I got out of that texting and driving ticket, so. Oh, good. I got the proof. I got the proof right here. Proof's in the pudding. That's all I said. Do you need the proof? That's all I I got the proof. I got the proof right here. Proof's in the pudding. That's all I said.

Do you need the proof? That's all I said to the judge. I was like, hey, man, proof's in the pudding. You just brought him a thing of like Jell-O pudding. Pudding! He opens it up, digs his spoon in, and he just, a piece of paper, says, I didn't do it. He takes a bite. He's like.

Fortune cookie? Yeah. I didn't do it He's like You know what That's pretty good That's pretty good Good enough for me With it being episode 69

We're doing a thick ass Girthy hog today Oh yeah A big old dick Right in the middle So And there's some good stuff A big old Joe in the middle

I got the new Fucking studio Keep sending shit in We're gonna get to A nice little gift That Kayla sent in. We've got to decorate Zach's cave back there. Speaking of Zach, go check out ScatCast.

Yeah. ScatCast.com. The Scat Cave? The little Scat Cave? It just smells like piles of shit in there. Scat Cave. Just covered in shit. It already kind of smells like shit.

My bad. That's okay. So Kayla sent this in. And you can see here it's on it's on it's on metal it has the anatomy of a goose the beak is a knife holder chest is a honk box the eyes a shenanigan scanner the wings of doom menacing rump and chaos flippers and she she wrote here she goes i specifically ordered two of these for joe and brian so they can show them off now that we can watch the video form of the bonus content love kayla bibber and uh they sent one so i'm not sure if one is lost somewhere

and they've smashed this motherfucker into our mailbox like i don't know what they're i mean i straightened it out so kayla i'm sorry you probably can't really see it here And they've smashed this motherfucker into our mailbox. Like, I don't know what they're... Let me feel it. I mean, I straightened it out. So, Kayla, I'm sorry. You probably can't really see it here. They just folded it. Like, when you're putting that in our mailbox...

Oh, yeah, there's a crease. Look at that. Look at it right there. You have to know what's in there. Good God. They're like... It could have been anything. Yeah, like, what is this, a family photo?

What if this was like a 300-year-old family heirloom? Right. And they were just like, nah, fold it in the box. Yeah, it'll be good.

God, those dicks. We'll get that thing hung up. Thank you so much, Kayla. And you'll find the, I'm going to put it right here. Oh my God,

what'd you just do? I'm smacking the microphone so much with this thing. I smacked it twice. Oh yeah. You'll find the physical P.O. box in the episode description, so check that out. Sign up on Patreon. As I mentioned, that bonus content.

We do have the video version for it. And damn, we're approaching 50 bonus hours of content. You'll find a link for that also in the episode description. We got new merch! We mentioned it last week. We got the boldface hoodie zip up and not zip up versions looks good on you thank you hon i got one mine showed up um my girlfriend cassie's that one got lost in the mail she thinks i'm fucking with her it's probably with the goose thing the

other one they're hanging out somewhere they're held captive other people are trying to send stuff too and it's just getting lost places so i don't know what's going on with the uh the post office right now are they the writer strikes over now it's a mailman strike yeah like fucking good luck there's a little vortex in troutdale oregon oh yeah that's what happens that's right just gets sucks in everyone's telling you we need we need female people and not just because males get you know we don't think about shit so you got to got to get a female person. Stay on top of it. Female. I get it. Yeah.

They're organized better than we do. I agree. Before we get into our dick-ridden show. What? It's a man's world. Quick email from our estranged son, Chad. He writes, hey guys, love the show. First time writing in, so I'm going to make it short and sweet.

Did you say strange or estranged? Estranged. Okay, that's a big difference. Yeah. First time writing in, so I'll make it short and sweet. A couple strange or estranged? Estranged. Ah, okay. That's a big difference. Yeah. First time writing ends, I'll make it short and sweet. A couple years back, I was out with some friends drinking, hanging out. One of them eventually had the bright idea to go to the local casino we have. Always a good idea.

Yeah, I've been there before. We ended up drinking more there and getting an Uber back to my buddy's house. Once we got to my friend's house, I wasn't feeling very well after drinking profusely, so I went out front to puke. As I start pukinging in my friend's bushes i ended up shitting myself at the same time i had too much shame to go back inside smelling like shit and puke so i decided to call myself my own uber home oh and i ditched the shitty underwear in the bushes gotten the uber ride smelling like absolute shit and puke that's it that's the story chad god imagine the guy driving he's like hey how was your

night you get in just like well you're not gonna believe this i don't know your your night just got worse though your seats are covering shit dude i love it i love we have a guy named uber chad in the scat cast world i wonder if it's the same guy probably related props to uber chad anyway so i figured that was a good email to kick off show 69 um oh wait go back to the uh i just i love the word profusely you just don't see it very often i'm a big fan of it i use it and so when you use when you say drinking profusely like i can picture that i know what that looks like yeah i know what that smells like yeah, it's got a smell and a look. It ends with a stomach pump. It ends with a stomach pump, yeah. Just from his friend's perspective, too.

He's like, where the fuck's Chad? And you're just gone? They're like, let's give him a call. And you're like, oh, man, I'm at home. What happened? Yeah, you don't want to. I'll tell you tomorrow. I'll tell you tomorrow if you remember.

Good luck at the casino. Yeah, dude, win some money for me. Once again, that was sick what you did on the slot machine. Good night. The chips are still at the casino. Yeah, dude. Win some money for me. Once again, that was sick what you did on the slot machine. The chips are still at the table. Love Chad. Okay, let's move on. Get the thing rolling. We've got a lot of content.

Yeah, we do. Hey, Zach, do it. Hey, shut up. It's not the show already. This has been floating around the interwebs. Somebody sent it in. Actually, on our Instagram, the Can You Don't Instagram, there were a few people that sent this one in.

But we're just now holding out, bringing it in for shows over 69. And it's a meme. It's a meme, would you rather, of sorts. And it just says, Rosie O'Donnell or Scarlett Johansson, but she's been dead for five minutes. Obviously, this is implying which one would you sleep with. But also funny to think if it was not doing that. And it was just implying, like, who would you rather go shopping with? Go to dinner with?

Yeah, because that does change things quite a bit. Like dragging a dead Scarlett Johansson through Target. Like, God. Weekend at Bernie's, but the style just. a bit like dragon a dead scarlett johansson through target like god weekend at bernie's but yeah style just and everyone's like oh my god is that scarlett johansson it was yeah it was now she's just fucking dead weight this is what's left of her yeah uh yeah going shopping going to the movies so in that case i guess i'm going with rosie o'donnell i'm not carrying around a dead person what a fucking bummer i I feel like you'll get into some sort of a something with Rosie, though.

Yeah, that's okay. She'll piss somebody off and then... Yeah, but at least she's not dead. But, alright, let's go back to what it's implying. At least she's not dead. Yeah, I think that's important. It's an important little... I mean, Scarlett's probably... What is she, like 5'3"? I don't know. You'll have to look up some

stats on Scarlett Johansson over there. Oh, I'll look up some stats on scarlett johansson over there i'll look up some stats do it let's sit let's get some scarlett johansson facts and then we can and then get some rosie o'donnell facts okay scarlet johansson how height oh wait what happened height weight five three is that what you're going with i'm gonna guess five six i don't know why three inches makes a difference on whether or not I want to fuck a dead body or not. You already knew that, didn't you? You're like, oh no, let me look some up. Yeah, I've never looked up this before.

You tapped on your keys and then went over to your bookmarks? Let's see what her breast size is. Oh, it's a double whatever. Crazy. That's weird. I've never looked at it before. No way. Let me go to my history.

Just nothing but Scarlett Johansson facts. She seems taller than she. Yeah. I mean, the big screen will do that to you. That's what it's there for. Big personality. I mean, people also search for Margot Robbie. She's 5'6".

There you go. And by people, you mean you. Yeah. So, there's that natalie portman's five three i wouldn't see i wouldn't have guessed scarlet and her were the same size she seems so tiny but they're the same size movie magic baby at least in height um okay so that's important for i think i'm going with scarlet either way dead yeah? Yeah. You know what that means, right? Well, it means that you were hanging out with Scarlet Johansson.

It means that you're fucking a dead body. Oh, for the sex? Well, yeah, but it's still warm, right? Yeah, I mean, five minutes. That's nothing in the dead sex world. How long does it take for a body to cool down after you die? Zach, I feel like Zach probably knows the answer to this. After fucking a lot of corpses, I would say you got about 10 minutes or so.

A solid 10? If you guys heard of the movie, I think it's called The Gift, but it's a Perry Farrell movie. And it's all fucked up where at the end of it, he has sex with his girlfriend after she ODs. So Perry Farrell got caught fucking? I got caught fucking yeah i got caught fucking my girlfriend was dead when she was dead weird movie oh i love so you're saying they're warm for about 10 minutes so i mean so you're telling me you're telling me i'm gonna come three times i don't want to search for that because i feel like i just look for scourge

your hands and like how long does the body stay warm after you die you want me to look yeah how about you look it up that way? You split it up a little bit? Yeah, because I know they're watching me. Okay. So what do you want me to write? How long is a dead body warm? Yeah.

Why do I get this one? You got the normal one. Because your computer is already so infested. How long is a dead body warm? Oh, fuck. Well, fuck me running. running yeah we got three hours oh okay sorry that was the idaho fight song uh go vandals yeah they're doing they're doing good by the way are they um yeah they are you know big sky yeah good job kicking ass in the big sky fuck yeah that'll happen when you step down after being in D1 school.

For approximately the first three hours after death, the body will be flaccid. Soft. In parenthesis. We got it. Thanks, Google. I love how we're going to throw flaccid into this whole thing. Ooh. After about three to eight hours, it starts to stiffen.

I don't need that long to stiffen. These terminologies here. And from approximately eight to 36 owls Owls? Parliament, baby It's fucking a dead body What's a group of owls? A parliament

A parliament? Yep Wow, you hear? I see you, my boy I see you, boy Who goes there? 8 to 36 hours. It will be stiff and cold.

I don't know. These are just, these are great. This is like, we couldn't have found a better explanation using all the words we wanted it to. Placid, stiff. Comcave.

Yeah. Some. Comcave. Okay. You know, all the right words words all the science stuff i don't this is this is tough to answer because if you if you say scarlett johansson i mean that implies non-consensual yes but if someone is is dead is it it's like you can't go to court

right i mean you can't what i mean not court you can't like that's, right? I mean, you can't. What? I mean, not court. You can't. Like, that's not. It's illegal to fuck a dead body. Necrophilia is illegal? Yeah. Yes. I didn't know that. You don't need to know that to know that it's probably can't get away with fucking dead bodies. Well, okay.

So let's say, let's say you're walking down the street. You're like, sorry yeah read the law books no i don't i'm not a lawyer i'm like oh you can't read so um let's say you're walking down this you're walking down the street yeah and you you walk down an alleyway yeah and there's it was like it's just a dead person don't mind if I do Let's say they just fell off the building Like you saw them fall And you went over to check on them That first thought is You went over to check on them, you check their pulse They don't have a pulse, you're like, I don't know, it's still warm

You could fuck them back to life So if that, maybe I can get their heart started If that happened Would you get in trouble? Yes! Okay I'm waiting for like there's not okay well what if i mean it's a thought i've never really had as far as like is it illegal yeah

uh-huh but um it is okay otherwise the coroner would just be charging 50 bucks a pop every night Well I think that does happen They did it in Sunny I don't want you to I don't want to search for this Maybe Zach can't Is it illegal to fuck a dead body? Right after you got done asking I'm not scared

Is it illegal? Let me make sure my VPN is rolling Alright we're good i did research for a serial killer podcast for three years so i'm not allowed to look up shit on the internet yeah it's true is it illegal to have sex with scarlett johansson dead no is it have sex with dead body any person who has sexual intercourse or sexual contact with a dead human body is guilty of a Class C felony. There you go. What's Class C?

It's a driver's license. Class C felony. It's a commercial driver's license. You're like, oh shit, I thought that's how I got my driver's license. A Class C felony in Washington is punishable by up to five years in jail. That's it? And a fine of up to ten grand. That's it?

Well, you didn't kill the person. You just fucked him out. Here's some more examples. What did I do wrong? Leaf felonies include electronic data theft, theft of a property other than a gun or a car worth between $750,000 and $1,500,000. I guess you could take someone's virginity. I think this says a lot about just our, either how hot Scott Johansson is or how much we don't want to fuck Rosie O'Donnell. Because she's alive. Like, you either fuck Rosie and you're like, well, let's just, let's work our way through the legal system on fucking a dead body.

Before we're like, of course we'd fuck Rosie O'Donnell. Like, we're just snaking through the books. Being like, man. How long in the books it's it was like man how long in jail is there that's not bad i mean i could do five years i'm still young yeah fuck there's more sex in there too um free sex it's just nothing but free sex is what you're telling me free food hey and it i guess it's not like i don't i don't look at rosie o'donnell and i'm and it's not like oh i despise rosie there's no way i'd want to have it's just that scarlet's so so hot so hot yeah and that i realize that she's not alive but it's like she almost was like she was just alive

you know what i mean like she was she five minutes ago she was very very alive and looking good yeah she was upright and probably doing cool stuff and just because now she's not now she just you can't there's nothing there no it's like i'm you guys i feel like we all have similar hearts in this situation but like even with alive bodies if like you're having sex and it's not like going good it's really it's not like being like i don't care this is my nut i'm gonna get my nut like it kills the whole thing yeah so now fucking it i think i can't fuck a dead body let alone one that's alive it. It's just like, it's not the vibes off. The vibe's a little bit off and you're like,

that's nevermind. Yeah. Yeah. You can't just be like, whatever. Fucking suck it up. I'm a fucking nut. I just don't have that in me.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, ultimately, you put a gun to my head. Fuck a dead body. I think that's what you're doing. I mean,

I have a gun to my head you don't know what that guy's doing what he what his intentions are right he's intentionally i mean he's me fucking your dead body if you don't fuck this one it's just a train of yeah train a dead body fucking um just morally i want to just have a conversation and come with Rosie. Yeah. That's probably the safe play. Yeah. Probably. I mean, Rosie O'Donnell in, have you ever seen Exit to Eden? It's a really old movie from like, yeah, you have?

Yeah. She looked great. Yeah. She's a detective. This movie came out in what? The early 90s, maybe like 92, 93, something like that. And that was old, like Flintstones Rosie.

Wasn't Dan Aykroyd in that or something? In Flintstones one? No, in the Exit of Eden. I don't remember, but John Goodman was in and Rick Moranis were in Flintstones. I think I'd rather have a go at Rick Moranis. Feed me, Seymour. Yeah, a little Steve Martin. Yeah. yeah little steve martin uh yeah uh i'll go i'll go rosie o'donnell and exit to eden

you don't get what you got a time machine i'll visual i'll remember that movie and i'll pick her even just because that's just playing back to the same point. If you had a time machine to fuck the best version of Rosie, I'm still considering fucking a dead Scarlett Johansson. Yeah. And you're like. Okay. I guess that's another one. Would anybody.

Does that play in at all? For me? No. But if what if no one knew? Would you have sex with Scarlett Johansson's dead body if no one was going to ever find out? Would you better live with yourself? Noansson's dead body If no one was going to ever find out Would you be able to live with yourself No I mean jokes

Obviously these are all jokes But that's a line that I don't think I could Plus a dead Scarlett Johansson I'm not going to be able to do the positions I want anyway Right Yeah Bend your leg So I just visual So I just visualized

Was that too far? Was that the end? I just visualized like You're trying to get her to do like Reverse cowgirl She like She's hanging up on the ceiling Like

Okay This is great isn't it Scarlett? Call me daddy Say anything Alright let's Zach do you want to fuck a dead body or Rosie Do you remember Wait hold on

Do you remember Killer clowns from outer space Oh yeah Remember when the The cop gets killed And he's sitting behind the desk And the clown's talking through his back Yeah

And they think it's the They think it's the cop And then he goes Blah And splats on the ground Like you'd have to do that right You're like, you'd like to ask Carla.

Sure. This is the biggest thing I've ever had. You're saying all the, all these affirmations for you. This isn't wrong. This is, this just feels good. It's natural,

Joe. Okay. Plowing frigging, uh, Elmo right now. Yeah. Well, well, Elmo and all of us. So, you know what I mean? I mean, that's what Elmo right now. Yeah, well, a little Elmo

in all of us. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? That's what they always say. Dead body or Rosie, Zach? Then we're going to move on. My wife.

Jesus. Boring. Move on. Or a dead body. Oh, okay. Okay, sorry. It's either my wife or a dead body.

Nothing in between. Well, no, I wasn't going to. Oh, nope. Not even going to go there. Not going to do it. Won't search on your computer but wouldn't be no this was a it was a question that he was gonna have to decide oh gotcha and i don't want to do that put that into him all right let's move on to what are you thinking about zach hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know

nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about? Uh, you know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Love the idea of just like going through a long-winded way of explaining something. Well, not long-winded, but just takes a while to get to what you're getting to. And at the end, you're like, yeah. So anyway, I'd fuck that. So Rosie would go, no. Just like describe some grotesque creature.

And you're like, so if that was dead, I'd still fuck that. That's what I'm rosy. Okay, so what are you thinking about, bra guy? What am I thinking? Yeah, well, I figured since we're talking about sex and dicks and rock and roll. Episode 69, dude. Sex, dicks, and rock and roll. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude.

That's a t-shirt. Like a ponytail. I've been watching this show on HBO Max called Naked Attraction. I've heard of. I've actually never watched it. It seems like something that is very funny. Anyway, you go ahead. Well, it's...

So some dating shows, game shows are... Like, there's drama,'s it's sort of entertaining to watch and i've watched enough episodes now of this show to realize that it's it's really not that exciting it's just that everyone's naked you know what i mean it's like i was gonna say you strip all that away you strip all the nudity away and put clothes back on them. The show's pretty boring. It sounds like yet another English show that we've been to. It is.

It's very English. And what's crazy about it is I didn't realize. I mean, I've never heard about other people talk about accents as much as I ever have during the show. Because over there, there's little countries, pockets all over. So they all like everybody has different accents over there to us. We're like, oh, a British accent. But to them, it's like all these different accents. And what's crazy is like all the all the interesting naked bodies like when you like when you uh

interesting thing about that is just like interesting naked bodies what i find interesting about the english cockenberry accent is that is that when it's naked that's when i see the titties coming out because i'm like whoa that's interesting it's really like you know as the fucking animals that we are, they're just like, that's really what it comes out. It's like, yeah, all that stuff you're saying, it's cool. But if you popped your shirt off, it would make this a lot more entertaining.

This whole thing would make a lot more sense. I love your accent. It's gorgeous. But, you know, make it even better. Help me understand it. Get those titties out. I'm speaking whatever language understand it? Yeah. Get those tits out? Yeah. I'm speaking whatever language you're speaking.

We get those tits out. I learn better with visuals. Right. I'm a visual learner. Yeah. Yeah. But. Visual grower.

Right. You got it. Well, I was going to get to that. Oh. But it's so weird, and I don't know if it's. Can we backtrack quickly? Sure. Give us like a, What the fuck is...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is the show? So, there's a premise like every other game show or dating show. There's one person, and then there's a group of people that they have to choose from. Okay, it's some dating show. So, it's... They don't... The winner gets to go out on a date, so she has to pick them based purely on sexual attraction.

They're wieners. It goes in three stages. The guy or the girl will be standing looking at six things. Six. No, six sarcophagi. Standing sarcophagi. Whatever the fuck they're called.

Stand-up tube things. And then, so they go. On the first one, they lift it up and show their bottom half. Oh, gotcha. So the vag or the dick. And then she has to eliminate one. And then it goes up. How embarrassing.

I know. So then it goes up one more thing. So it's either like abs and chest or tits. And then she's got to eliminate one based on that. And then it goes up to face. What happens when it's cold in the studio? I know. I'm going to get to all of this.

It sounds like you guys are making excuses. Okay, go, go. Whatever, Joe. So then they have to eliminate that person again. And then the last stage basically is like you hear them talk. So they get the voice. Then they have to eliminate someone. Then it comes down to two people and then the

person who was choosing goes in the back, then they come out naked. So now all three people are naked and then that person has to choose between the two, then they go on the date. Can they decide to not go on the date? After they see that person naked? No. Okay. But there has been a couple

episodes where the person just hasn't contacted the other person back oh gotcha which is kind of sad because they do like a month later and the person's waiting there and then they're like yeah he's not coming oh man so it's a bummer but okay so that's the premise of the show but then i was thinking like if i was on this show, and it's, I don't know, like, I, the older I get, it's, you know, it takes more to get an erection. Like, it's, like, the stimulation isn't what it was when I was 13. Yeah. Like, if I was on that show when I was 13, I'm walking around fully erect.

You'd see a muffler and be like, whoa. Yep. That kind of looks like something I could fuck. Woo! I'll tell you what. Yep. But I've never seen someone, I tell you what. Yep. But I've never seen someone get an erection on this show, but I had this concern like.

They're moving the tube up. And it's like. It won't go up any higher. It was set it up. And he starts. It's matted on the thing. Dick rubbing against the tube. Squeak.

Bounces out. Whack. That'd be awesome. But I have, you know, you start thinking about yourself in whatever situation. Like, what would I do in this situation? And I worry, because I've always thought about, like, you know, like a naked beach or, about like you know like a naked beach or like you know nude beach and like if i was in a situation like that where you're just standing around like attractive some not everyone's attractive on the show but some of them are like holy shit and you just can't help it like would i would i be on the show and like start you know growing a

little bit and how embarrassing that would be and i'm, I can't be the only one that would be like that. Right. Yeah. I think that the fear of that and then being in that setting is going to throw your mental psyche off a little bit. I don't understand why it'd be embarrassing to get a boner when you're naked, you're already naked showing off your ween.

You might as well go full boner. This is full size. This is something so funny about a boner. That's an over near a thing. It's going to fuck. Yeah. Just like she comes over and she's looking around and there's one that's just staring her right in the face. There's just something funny about that.

I mean, dicks are already funny. Yeah. But when it's hard, but not like, what are you going to do about it? You're just stuck with a dick by yourself on a stage. It's like, where are we going, bud? You're like, nowhere nowhere go to bed not now the closer an erection is to a thing it's gonna fuck the less funny it is yeah but like that thing's just start scooting away from the thing you just see it on the wild and it's like what

fucking boner in the bushes like out in the sticks yep that's just that's funny what are you fucking out here bud so then i started thinking like, are they taking, like they taking something and just kind of like keeps them for like an anti-boner. Right. And then, so, and, but then I'm thinking like, so what, what Zach said, like, or who, somebody said, I think Zach said it, if it's cold or whatever. So like if I'm, if I'm in the shower or like hot tub, I get out, it's hanging down good. The balls are hanging down good.

But if I'm like on a chilly day, everything, you know, it's, it's like down good the balls are hanging down good but if i'm like on a chilly day everything you know it's it's like up in here yeah it's tucked up there on that show and a lot of dudes like they're like their balls are hanging good they're just their dongs hanging good nice and i just picture myself like in that situation like if it's kind of chilly everything's kind of sucked up and you lift up that thing, and that's all you see. You're going to see this tiny little weenus. Not putting your best foot forward. Not at all.

I wonder if they have fluffers or something. Not full-on fluffers, but just like shove it up a little bit. Some guy that walks by with a hair dryer, like mid-show. Looking cold, buddy. He just goes, meee, and then slaps your dick. Here you go, buddy. Here you go, buddy. Peels your nut sack off your dick, and then sticks a hair dryer on it.

He's like, you need to calm down. I can't do this all fucking show. Dude, this sweaty thing. I'm trying to help you. He's like looking in the tube. He's looking up. He goes, I'm trying to help you. You got to quit sweating.

Your dick looks awful. And then just the hair dryer on the makeup thing they all did make up it's not the guy's baby walk around house oh yeah cat's like we're back in three and all the guys shit and run off the stage the stage hair dryers tripping people and shit. The guys are kind of swinging around a little bit. Like flat men. And we're live. And we're back.

The dicks are all swinging a little bit. There's a little bit of momentum going. As soon as it cuts back. Oh, man. I got to check the show out. You do. That sounds like fun. And it's funny because when they're up in the thing and the girl goes, I want to lose blue or whatever.

They have to walk up out of the tube thing and walk over and, like, give the person, like, a hug or a handshake. And they're like, sorry. And they're like, it's okay. It's okay. But they're walking around, their dongs are just swinging around as they're walking off the stage. And it's, it's so, I mean, everyone's naked. So, like, it's, it's, they're, I don stage and it's it's so i mean everyone's naked so like it's it's they're i don't know but it's just weird for someone who's just watching it's like fuck yeah it's so weird and i don't know there's something there's just something about being

naked that is so yeah vulnerable like there's a cast and crew and everyone around too you're on the show and you gotta go you having a watch party with your friends or whatever it just goes up a little bit and all your friends around you are like and you're like they're like oh my god all the girls are like oh my god that dick's disgusting and you're just like

oh jeez okay turn it off and you get eliminated like fucking so what's crazy your dick like that's such that sucks man what's crazy is like when you like if you go to a you go to a porn website or something yeah you do and you usually like the penis are flat they're flaccid for just a small period of time right like they're sometimes it starts and they're already up so you see like this just erect penis no one wants no flaccid dick so it's weird to see like

a group of regular people not like models or just like regular people and just see their dongs or like even a set of boobs just like regular people's bodies and then you think like if you've ever looked at your own body you're like that's not that bad but then you think about then you think you stand there you think about like just looking at that portion and that's what people are seeing like how maybe it's not yeah yikes man my personality is a big part of this like yeah it's like if i if i could make it to that last round when the thing's all the way up and they see everything and they see that. I ain't got a joke.

Yeah. But if it's just your dick, you think, Zach, if they see just your dick, you think you're moving on? Yep. That was confident. Nice.

Yeah. It's my best spot. Yeah. This has been, I mean, we'll move on to the dick. This has nothing to do with the Naked Attraction Show, but you sharing about being naked. This reminded me of this story that I had completely forgot about.

Back in high school, I want to say, and after some drinks, it was me and two of my good friends and then two other girls. And we were like, fuck yeah, let's play some strip poker. Right? I mean, maybe they didn't i feel like maybe we moved it to a different game because not everyone understood poker uh and so you were like yeah script go fish anyway those are people you want to play with fast forward to a half hour later and there's me and one of my buddies and like we've lost one sock um and then everyone else like has lost one sock and then my dude my buddies just naked And he like only had his socks on

You're trying to play the game and your friends is making Laughing so hard. Do you have a seven? He's like, God, no way. Fucking unbelievable. Fucking rips his shirt off. He's like, you guys have been fucking cheating. And he's like, no, it's just that the universe decided to make a really funny moment.

I've had a couple experiences, I'm sure. We had one about walking in on my buddy that was trying to have sex and he was completely naked and the girl was completely clothed and they're kissing that didn't go as planned there's just something about nudity that's especially with guys yeah like an attractive woman naked is a glorious sight and like an even even a an attractive male you see it maybe Maybe it's just for like, maybe we think it's funny because we think dicks are funny. Yeah. But it's just like,

it's just funny. Like seeing some dude with his ass, his hairy ass and dong swinging around. It's just funny. Okay, let's move on to dicks. We do have a lot to get to. Okay. Okay. Is it dumb? Is it interesting?

Is it cool? Then it's dick. Alright, this was sent in by our son, Bo. It was sent in a while back, but this makes perfect sense on this show. Tasmania police are warning that anyone found possessing or distributing a video showing a Tasmanian couple performing a lewd act with a fish could face criminal charges. Police are also investigating another video showing the same couple engaging in inappropriate activity on the grave of a renowned Australian artist. Oh, my God. People are urged to delete any footage of the couple immediately as possessing or sharing it can be considered a crime.

I'm not... No. Well, I'm not in your country, so... You don't have it, do you? Oh, do I? Are we going to get in trouble for this? No, we're not showing it on YouTube. Click on the link and watch it.

I've already seen it. No. What are you... It's on fucking Reddit. I'm not clicking on it. God damn it. You're already in. Well...

It's not illegal. It just... They just said already in. It's not illegal. They just said it is. It's Australia. It's not our fault it's on Reddit. Corky fuck. Anyway, if you're not going to watch the video, you can look it up if you're interested. It's fucking awful. It's a couple and they're on a boat and they caught a fish.

And then he's just putting the fish inside of his wife's vagina. Oh, I thought it was going to be the other way around. Nope. She's putting his penis inside the fish. Nope. The fish is going inside of the woman's vagina. It is so fucking terrible. Crocky cocky.

And it's one of those shock videos that, like, I mean, given just my history of looking up dumb shit on the internet, a lot of it for this job and past jobs, a little jaded by it. This is the first one I've seen in a bit where you're like, what the fuck? God damn it. So if you are interested in a shock video, you can go ahead and take a peek at that. That's it. That's literally all I wanted to do. Two people, one carp. Yep.

Is that the fish that's in the little circle? Did it live? Something like that. I mean, the video cut off. I wasn't like, where's the extended director's cut? What happened to the fish? I want to know how PETA feels about this. Oh, awful.

Like, I mean, you can't be just like you can't be fucking dead bodies. You can't be catching fish and shoving them in your pussy. I mean, there's a joke in there about the smell You know That's just Yep Stereotype And the comments on Reddit Are so disturbing in some ways

Like no one is supporting it But they're like god damn That sucks That pussy was so pretty You go shove a fish in it And they're like what? Like that was your focus? It was pristine

Was how neat the pussy was You're like oh man What a shame it was a perfect pussy What a shame What a waste of a good vagina Oh man get that pussy out of the way Or get that fish out of the way that pussy looks great God if you sort of left the fish out of it

You're like guys Not the place Like what are you hoping to get from that? I picture this guy's watching. He takes his hat off and throws it down. He's like, goddammit, another fish in front of a perfect pussy. Just my luck. Oh, goddammit.

And he's just huffing and puffing around his house. He's like, just another perfect pussy ruined by a fish. I love how he's just walking around his house still pissed. Just like it ruined his day. He's like, just another perfect pussy ruined by a fish. Olivia, dude, he's just walking around his house still pissed. Just like it ruined his day. Yeah. He's eating dinner with his family. He's like, fuck! What's the matter? He wouldn't get it. He wouldn't get it.

Just tell me. Was something at work? No. He watched it at work. Yeah. He's like, well, kinda. I watched it at work. Takes his hat off. So, okay. Earmuffs, kids. It's like, well, kind of. Sort of. I watched it at work. Takes his hat off. So, okay. Earmuffs, kids. It's the perfect pussy.

Another person would be like, God damn, it's the perfect fish. Why are you putting it in a pussy? It's a great fish. That's it. So if you're interested, you can look it up. It's like clout.

It's like clout for trout or something. I don't know. Whatever. You can look it up if you're interested. Clout for trout? It's dumb.

Okay, Brian, what do you got? What do I have? Yeah, what do you have? What do I have? Well, I don't know. Whatever. You can look it up if you're interested. Clout for trout. It's dumb. Okay, Brian, what do you got? What do I have? Yeah, what do you have? What do I have? Well, there was a couple little short ones to throw in, too, in the middle of this. This is a sweaty hog. One is just, if Zach could throw this up on

the screen. It was the picture with the headline that got me. Florida villages man-charged with Viagra smuggling operation faces hard time. And then it's a picture of him with a giant smile on his face. Yeah, he's pumped. And then the article, you know, it's just what you can imagine, a bunch of hard jokes. I bet.

But that's all I just saw that. And I was like, I i started reading i'm like yeah yeah i get it but just seeing that right there just in that face like it almost looks like he he wanted to be yeah yeah it's a little bit it's kind of like yeah that's me um smuggling operation faces hard time in uh bouncing off of that i figured figured episode 69, no better way. I've always been fascinated with this. We've covered it. Just weird shit that you can buy online, right?

Now, when it comes to things like OnlyFans and CamGirls, and we've brushed on it, just like, what requests are they getting? Creepy-ass dudes, and just, they're looking to have their fantasy fulfilled and we'll put the waiver on the front end. We're not shaming, not kink shaming anybody, but your kink is sometimes really funny. And I just scoured the web, you know, over a bunch of different websites. I've just pulling people. Your poor computer.

I'm just figuring out what the worst and funniest or just strange requests that cam girls or OnlyFan models said that they've gotten requested to do. And we're just going to go through them. Are you ready? So this one writes, smashing a vanilla cake with my ass while wearing a butt plug. Twerking, then eating the

leftover frosting and rubbing it all over my armpits. It was during my first week on OnlyFans. I only charged a hundred bucks. I wish I would have charged a double. That's it. You're reading that. And I picture like all these models.

I could have got another hundred bucks. That's a $200. God damn it. I should have put a fish in it. The butt plug was. I broke even on this. I barely broke even. That butt plug was 98 bucks.

And you factor in my time. No, because women like in front of the camera doing this as a job are different than them not on camera. Right. So I picture all of them, you know, they got their hair up in a bun, got their reading glasses on going through their DMS and be like, okay, so vanilla cake, smash up my ass, butt plug, twerk it, rub it on my armpits. I don't know. Yeah. Checks her on my armpits. I don't know.

Checks her watch. She goes, I don't know. I got a pretty busy evening. I guess I can sit on a fucking cupcake. And in your head, you're like, that seems like a hundred bucks. Well, imagine any profession. Like you take your car to a repair shop and they're like all right you got a spark plugs okay we're looking at about 1500 bucks yeah you're like and then you give them

the quote yeah imagine giving this guy a quote for that all right butt plug okay uh cooking time i gotta go to the store and get a fucking cupcake she learned her lesson though she sure did next time she's rubbing cake on her armpits, it's going to be for 200 bucks. That's the lesson she learned. That's bare minimum. That's business, baby. That's business. One person wanted to book me for an outdoor session.

They wanted me to tie them to a tree in the middle of the deep woods, abuse them with a paddle and a crop, etc., until they were bruised all over. And then they wanted me to smear honey all over them and leave them for the mosquitoes to feast on. I laughed at this scenario, but then I turned them down. Mosquitoes, like me, it's just too much. So I did not want anything to do with this. Mosquitoes like me too much. Oh, mosquitoes like me too much. So I didn't want to do this.

That's why she didn't want to do it? Yeah, that's the reason. She goes, I don't know. I don't want to get bit. I would gladly tie you to a tree and cover you in honey and beat your ass. Listen, I would be happy to do it yeah that's the reason she goes i don't know i don't want to get bit i would gladly tie you to a tree and cover you in honey and beat your ass listen i i would be happy to do all that but but the fucking mosquitoes mosquitoes have you been to the river this time of year have you been down to the river have you gotten spanked out the river and covered in honey this year mosquitoes are really bad this is a terrible idea um this one is very simple and it's so funny one guy asked me to

put a shoe under my boobs multiple times not nasty at all but totally weird just to see if he could if big enough to hold the shoe i don't know just like just picturing these interactions yeah yeah baby all right yeah hold on you're not i know this is gonna sound a little out of place but take your shoe off take your shoe off well you want sound a little out of place, but take your shoe off. Take your shoe off. Oh, you want you a foot guy? No, no,

just put your shoe under your boobs. He's just desperately trying to think of something. He's like, well, put it. He's like, I've seen it all. Not your vagina.

No, put it. Uh, how about put it on your boobs? Yeah. This guy is just seen it all. He has like a dartboard and he's just throwing shit and he's like shoes and boobs first dart just boobs and then turns a little bit throws it it's

like shoes he's got he's got a merch item right there yeah he's got a body part and then like random items and he just hits the thing he's like all right boob and fucking ironing board okay um you have an ironing board perfect can you put on your boobs an ironing board 200 bucks uh okay when i was camming i had a guy ask me to put baby powder on my bed and slap it to make dust clouds while remaining fully clothed i did it and had instant regret because all the dust spread and made a huge mess, which was such a funny concept to me where you're paying people and you're just pranking them. You're like, you're like, all right, here's what I want you to do. I want you to take a bowl of water and a broom.

Okay, baby. Now put that sexy ass bowl of water on the ceiling. Now hold it up where that rock hard broom handle. Do you want to be naked while I'm doing it? No. And then the sex goes okay i got it and you're like bye the old water fucking yeah but just pranking them like oh fuck yeah baby take all your toothpaste and squirt into that wet sink oh yeah just like that now rub it all over the sink drain get all that sink hair in it fuck baby it's so hot now go to the store and get more toothpaste and think about how silly that was.

Bye. That's so fucked up. And she's like, okay. And you're like, and now realize you don't have any fucking toothpaste. Bye.

Just inconvenience all these people. Yeah. Just like, but they're also getting paid. Yeah. Who knows? You just paid somebody 50 bucks, but they're also getting paid. Yeah. Who knows? You just paid somebody 50 bucks,

but you're like, they had to get dressed and go to the fucking store. Mm-hmm. How many things of toothpaste do you have? Just one? Perfect. Perfect.

All right, get it all out. She goes, I got at least three. Grab all three. All three. I went to Costco this week. Fuck. I'm going to need it all.

Yeah. I went to Costco this week and got a flat of toothpaste. Like, God damn it. Never mind. All right. That's not going to work for me. Let's see. God, that's an interesting.

Yeah, concept? Yeah, a prank. I mean, because it's like, I guess at the end of the video, like, she got paid, you got a laugh. We all have a laugh. You have a laugh. I want you to take some Kraft single slices and put them on your butthole. If you go like this, like, yeah, I guess think about how weird this is and then leave. And then that's crazy.

Oh, is that good for you? Not really. I guess it gets pretty funny. You put cheese on your butthole for 50 bucks. Have a good day. I'm sure gets pretty funny. You put cheese on your butthole for 50 bucks. Have a good day. I'm sure it's happening out there. I knew someone who was asked to wear a fish outfit and just lay in a tub blowing bubbles for 250 bucks. And the guy just sat there and jerked off.

What? That scene. Especially for you, the model. She's in a fish outfit and she's like, and wiggling around in the tub and you're just looking up

at this guy going, yeah, on his computer. Yeah. More bubbles. She's like, is a fish fetish like a new thing

or something? I don't know. She's just like, oh my God, like you have to be laughing so hard in your head. Just you are in a fish costume blowing bubbles

and some dude you don't know is jerking off to you. What world do we live in? A great world. A fantastic world. A whole new world. The Matrix is broken. The Matrix is broken.

Isn't that a Little Mermaid song? A whole new world. A whole new. That's Aladdin. Or is it Aladdin? Yeah. Close. Same thing.

Still Disney. I had a guy call me to have him watch... To watch him pour either beans or custard on his naked body in the kitchen. That's it. It was just either beans or custard. And I'd tell him to smash beans in his belly button. And then when it was over, he'd be so thankful and then hang up. What do we got today, George?

Got beans or custard? Beansorge got beans or custard beans and he's just standing there the original post like he's in his he's in his underwear and he's just like beans she goes okay pour those beans on you and he's like how many cans you have three he goes i'm gonna need four he'd be like okay and then And then pour it on his head. Well, that was going to be my dinner tonight. God. I have a baseless 10-inch dildo, and I boasted to a sub, a subscriber in private, that I could take it far enough in the butt to close the door behind it. That's fun. I've never heard that term. He asked me for how long, and that's how I spent seven minutes on camera staring at a timer waiting for permission to pull it back out. It's like a fucking kitchen timer

Oh my god a guy wanted to restrain me over strain them mummy like And put put them in a big enough spot under my floorboards Give them only a funnel to eat and drink through and a way to drain waste and then close them up on the floorboard for a while i refuse this one uh it's not realistic especially where i lived at the time like this hear me out hear me out you have a floor yeah you have a wood floor do you have a wood floor no god damn it what's this thing gonna work we're gonna read it he's already dressed in mummy shit talking to you? Hey, yeah? Do you have a wood floor? No.

God damn it! And then disconnect. He's like, oh, fine. Starts unraveling the mummy thing. Oh, what a waste of toilet paper. I already pooped today. It's the worst day. God.

A guy wanted me to make him foot bread, which means I have a piece of bread that I wear in my shoes so it gets gross and sweaty that I mail it to him so he can eat it. Foot bread.

Come on. You don't see that one on the shelf. Why not? Whole wheat. Honey oat. White bread. Foot bread.

What would foot bread look like on the shelf Just Hairy Seep Hairy and seeping through the grate Little bread holder Okay only a couple more

Few more here Do you Hold your nose on that one I'm just trying Like Just trying to Picture eating that One hour long

So I did a one hour long show Involved doing a blog style of me shopping buying the most dick-shaped fruits i could find washing them and fucking myself with them with a condom on it while also cooking prepping food and only an apron that said slut for cock then after fucking myself with the vegetables he requested i cut them up cook and eat them and they slap your face honestly it was the most fun i've ever had during a custom video and i genuinely enjoyed doing it i genuinely enjoyed it i mean she got to masturbate she got to eat dude okay that's a full day that's a good day right there hell yeah it is i mean uh here's the question says double fist my pussy i mean i know i can spread it open

and fit a good size toys in there but it's not a fucking backpack i shared i shared that one i shared that one with my girlfriend and she goes not a backpack she goes man she was not have kids i was like oh it's nice yeah it's at least a fanny pack yeah you can turn that thing into some sort of holster as a mom you you figure out how to you just figure out how to take you know to bring stuff along you just figure out how to bring stuff along. You just figure out how to do it. Where do I put this extra clump of cheese sticks? I love the idea of someone packing for a vacation, and all the suitcases are pushed down, and then she's like, oh, shit.

God damn it. And then she's like, well, whatever. Here we go. I mean, you got to do what you got to do. And our last one for this, it says, I was asked to dry hump a pillow for 10 minutes with my knickers still on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What did you say?

Still on while repeatedly saying the sub's name and farting. I cannot fart on command, so I just blew raspberries on my arm. Only charged 40 bucks for it like a donut. Another very regular tipper asked to see the video because it sounded funny and I got another 25 bucks. Never thought I'd be able to use that one again. I love it. She's making money off

something she's already done. She's grinding on it and then just secretly going, because she can't fart on command. Didn't, uh, wasn't there a porn star that did that on Howard Stern One time What the fuck The pillow

No she was on the She was on the Speaker Oh yeah That was from Dirty That was from Dirty Parts Yeah I remember that

The movie Yeah Yeah yeah yeah It was Howard Stern though right Yeah She sat on it He just went Yeah

Yeah Yeah Cool Private parts I was young Private parts Yeah You said dirty parts.

Oh. Same. Dirty speaker parts. I remember I was pretty young when I saw that scene. I didn't really quite understand it. And then I was like, oh. I see. Yeah.

Why is she sitting on the speaker? That doesn't make any sense. You guys were just old enough to be like, that's fucking sweet. I think she had her boobs out. I'm only two years older. That's what we saw, I think. Yeah. What?

Her boobs were out, so that's what we saw that's cool that was that's pretty cool at that point it didn't matter it's like boobs was all it took boobs yeah yeah i don't care what's happening as long as boobs are up yeah uh and then you got you got one more for this for this thick dick round it out or do you want to move on what do you got there's a couple things We can just do a real quick one. Okay. Show it to me. Do it. So, let's see. Jokes over. Jokes over. This is the headline.

Jokes over. Okay. Harry Dick Road namesake tells sign thieves. Harry Dick Road? Yeah. Sign of the crime. A steel post marks a spot near Egginville where thieves keep stealing the road sign for Harry Dick Road. I can't see why.

Harry Dick gets the joke. He doesn't think it's funny anymore, though. He'd like the thieves to stop stealing the road sign to bear his name to grow up. All I want is someone to peace and quietness, he told CBC recently from his home in Harry Dick Road near Eganville. Peace and quiet? What the fuck are they doing when they steal it? People think it's very, very funny and the signs start to disappear.

Should have named it Harold Richard. It's called Dick Harry? His name is John Henry, but he's gone by Harry his whole life. Born in rural. He's Canadian, I think. So he lives at this house that that his family's lived there for a century he's lived there for 70 years or whatever

um but he says that the sign gets stolen three four times a year and it just says harry dick road on it yeah well duh i'm didn't change it. It looks pretty. HDR, baby. Do an HD road. Right. It looks pretty rural. So somebody, it has to be like the first time someone just cruised around and they took the wrong turn and they're like, where are we at? I don't know.

Harry. Oh, geez. What? Take it. Dude, you should take that sign. You should take that. That is funny. That's a funny sign to take.

And then it just keeps going from there and there and there. I'd be one to steal it um i'm not sure if this happens everywhere i know i've talked about it before but outside of moscow idaho i believe where it is a college town you know rowdy rowdy little college spot and they changed the mile post marker 420 to 419 and a half so that people could fucking take it so you drive behind it says 419 and a half oh no i think it says 419.9 um uh yeah is that what it says zach i don't know oh yeah i think it says 419.9 just so people could fucking take it they got sick of replacing it so that's worth stealing now isn't it that's a's a rare sign. That's even funnier to me. It's like a rare baseball card. Yeah, exactly. Good find.

Okay. Are you ready to move on to some good news? Yeah. All right. Let's fucking roll it. Zach. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray.

We aren't doomed. Yeah! So was not able to find any article or anything this week but uh i just want to let you guys know i did have anal sex this past weekend so that's pretty neat zach the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes!

That's awesome! I was not expecting that. I didn't even realize that that was the thing. I was just thinking, oh, that's funny. And then you were going to get to a story. Just wanted to let you know. Just wanted to let you know just want to let you guys know i thought that was pretty neat considering the uh content of today's show i think

that's the thing for hurry we're not doomed that's a good story right yeah congratulations thank you it's 69 well i guess i yeah never mind never mind we're about to ask is 69 the same as anal no i swear to god no no okay so hey look what i found this it's we're going back to the tech world the headline by itself i just just the first word i'm not all in on but it says incredible new device allows couple to kiss even if they're thousands of miles apart incredible new device huh yeah it's so incredible. What about just say lonely? This is a pocket pussy, isn't it? You wish.

It's better than that. That girl has nothing to do with it. So this invention has been patented by the Kangzhou, I think. I don't know. I didn't mean to say it like that. Shangzhu. I thought it was going to help me say something. It's probably Shangzhu.

But it's a cutting-edge device. It links the user's phone via Bluetooth through an app and this thing has like oh so you put your phone on it and then it has a little robot lips that mirror the other person as they're kissing the other robot lips so it's using like the camera and stuff. And it gets warm. And you guys just kiss these rubber fucking robot lips. And the guy who invented it said he was inspired by his own long distance relationship. Yeah, I bet he was. We're never going to leave the house in a few years.

I mean, we've already. Can you fuck that thing? Duh. It wouldn't make it if you can't fuck it. But that's what i was saying there's so we're so we made it so far past this like you can get hooked up to a fucking pocket pussy that'll thrust when the other lady goes up and down on a dildo like we've passed kissing a rubber robot mouth on the bottom of my phone yeah the kissing that's this has got to be for like uber religious people or something.

Maybe. Here's a nice picture of it. Not creepy at all. Check this out. No way. And you just kiss it and it kisses you back. Has pressure sensors, tiny motors to react and get the movement of your lover's kiss. Well, what's weird is like, okay, let's say, let's say your kids get involved.

Like you're talking to your kids, like their mom's gone or whatever sure all right all right give mommy a kiss oh and you give it to your kids and there's no way the like the motors are completely silent give me kids like like those foot massagers. That's the sound of mommy's love. That's right. And I did, when I was looking at it,

I was like, please have a tongue. I was like, please have a tongue in there. Just a little robot tongue. He's like, you guys ever deck you fuck around when you're kissing your significant other which like i mean sometimes like that just do something funny yeah i think you're getting like a nice little kiss you've been married for 12 years flap your tongue on their teeth

just walk away you know they're working on the tongue hard and yeah they are. How gross would that be? This mouth opening up and just going... Robot tongue with the massage chair sounds of... It feels just like John! What? No, it doesn't. Just, you can't. There's no way. You can't replicate.

Replicate a kiss. Just jerk me off. Like, you can... Let's just go down there i got a thing that can fucking thrust my penis automatically but if you're hooked up and you're getting your dick long distance fucked and you got a little phone thing you're kissing oh no really i feel so sad let's just figure out a way to mass produce, like easily be able to replicate a vagina, like your wife's or girlfriend's vagina.

Yeah. You can have a little clone of Willie and they have a clone of vagina thing. Yeah. That way it's customized. Mm-hmm. Or the mouth, whatever. Mm-hmm. They have those crazy customized sex dolls.

Yeah, they do. I look those up. But having that thing with this kissy mouth on it? It's your wife or your husband bits going Your wife your husband was just telling you to do shit like other shit they while you're having sex up your pick up the take out the trash Did you write down? Did you write down all my Amazon boxes? What's that your wife prefers

I'm gonna hang out with Zach 2.0. He knows how to kiss me. Yeah, and he tells me when my hair looks nice. Read my lips. Did you get any hair? All right, let's hear from a kid. I think we got one story this week. You ready?

All right. Am I reading or are you reading? You read it. All right. Let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow.

That's cool. All right, babe. You ready to say goodnight? All right. Get your robot mouth. And plug your phone into it. We'll give you a goodnight kiss. Are you ready?

Ready? The whole thing. The whole thing you have to do. It's just a peck on the lips? Yeah, just... All right, have a good day at work. All right, no, get the robot mouth out. I want to give you a kiss goodbye. Okay, ready?

Web. Thanks, babe. Web. Haywires? Everyone's low on batteries Or some shit You're kissing Are you drunk Your lips are moving slow

Have you charged Your fucking robot kisser No Well No I'm not drinking I'm gonna turn you on first Don't I Always have to turn you on first

Change my batteries Always fucking foreplay Alright It's coming from our son Our butcher Jesus Christ. All right. This is what?

Our son, Butcher Bobby. He's written in before. What's up, fuckers? Okay. Butcher Bobby here. I know I'm a day late, but I had to go in at 3 a.m. yesterday, so give me a fucking break. Okay. Anyway, I had to pause the episode.

So when did this come in? I don't know. A a fucking break. Okay. Anyway, I had to pause the episode. So when did this come in? I don't know. A couple weeks ago. Okay. After the guy shoved a wire in his dick. Remember that one? Yeah. The picture of it all balled up in his fucking bladder. Hollywood. Showtime! Storytell. When I was in the Marines, a guy was fucking around

with these two chicks, and they found out about it, and he decided not to fight. They just decided to not fight each other, but to get revenge. He was in his barracks and messing with one chick when she said, I want to try something new. She grabbed some uncooked spaghetti noodles

and put like two or three down his pee hole, and as soon as she did the door open and the other chick was standing there, he was like, what the fuck? Can't you see I'm cooking here? Who wants spaghetti? I'm cooking it. It's a meatball. It's a meatball.

It's a meatball. Where are the meatballs? I got two meatballs and some fucking spaghetti Cooker She ran over and twisted his dick With the noodles in there Needless to say he had to have some surgeries To get the noodles out of his pee hole It was a real fucked up situation

To say the least Never found out his fate but he probably will never Fuck around with another chick in his life Oh my god On another chick in his life Thanks guys. Butcher Bobby. First question.

How do you, who's keeping spaghetti noodles next to their bed? Yeah. Like right next to your fucking, you have a glass of water, your phone charger, uncooked spaghetti noodles. Bug out bag. Yeah. Bug out bag, gun, pistol, uncooked spaghetti noodles. Beans.

Yeah. Like I think we want to fool around and we'll get a little kinky. Yeah. You open up your nightstand. It's just full of uncooked spaghetti noodles. Well, so I was picturing like, oh, we should start getting kinky. Like, she starts with like strawberries and then gives them a little chocolate. You know, a few times down the line, she's like, she's boiling water.

Like, she's going to make spaghetti. And so she's like, and he boiling water like she's going to make spaghetti. And so she's like, and he thinks she's going to throw the noodles in the pot. You're the best, babe. He's like, oh, fuck, I'm going to get spaghetti. And then how does that? I don't know. How does she get away with that? I don't know.

And then for them to come up with that, the girls, like, I'm just, I'm not calling you a liar, Bobby. This is a story that he heard. But like the other, the two girls would be like, how can we get revenge on this dude? And the answer was uncooked spaghetti noodles. And then you come in and squeeze his dick. Yeah. Like, why wouldn't she just squeeze her dick?

It has a whole, oh my God, what are you doing? She just runs over and is like, I know there's spaghetti noodles on here. I love how she's, she's waiting outside the door and she's in there. She's like, oh yeah, it's a me, Mario. She's like, cause he knows he's having spaghetti that night. So he's all, he's throwing his Italian puns out. So, but she's waiting behind the door for the, for the key, the cue for her to come in.

And then, so something about your fucking noodle. Something about a noodle. The key thing she's listening for is, oh, fuck, what are you doing with it? Why the fuck are you sticking uncooked spaghetti noodles in my pee hole? And she goes, that's it. That's my cue. She says it. She kicks the door open.

It's me, Mario. That's my cue. She says it. She kicks the door open. It's me, Mario. He just runs over and squeezes his dick. Mama mia. Oh, God. Really, is the squeezing going to make a difference? Yeah. I mean, it is, obviously.

Breaking that. What they should have done is like, here, I'm trying to think of a better way to do this. What they should have done was tied him down and tried to get kinky and then she comes in and then they both jam it in his pee hole. What a mess.

And then, while he's laying there in pain, they make the spaghetti and they just sit there and eat spaghetti. They put the spaghetti noodle uncooked into his dick and then they jerk him off and eat spaghetti. They cook it. They put the spaghetti noodle uncooked into his dick. And then they jerk him off and cook it with friction. Oh, God. So that's how you cook each spaghetti noodle.

It's just by warming up his dick. We need Neil deGrasse Tyson to tell us if that's physically possible. Right. And then it's like, he just cooked the noodle and then pulled it out of his pee hole. And then that's dinner. No, we need Emeril Lagasse. That's what we need. Hey, bam! What we need is more dasse. That's what we need. Hey, bam!

What we need is more dicks and more spaghetti. Yeah. What we need is some goddamn sauce around here. But I love that. He kicks in the door. It's Emeril. He's like, bam! He's like, what is this?

You know, like it's a fucking show. They're cooking it and fucking Gordon Ramsay comes in. What the fuck is this? He tastes it Shit sandwich This is the worst way I've seen to cook spaghetti ever And he's degrading you for not being able to cook your spaghetti correctly But it's just you have spaghetti in your pee hole

Bloody pee hole You hire these chefs You hire these chefs It's just shit That's what I picture as bloody pee hole. Dude, awful. Exactly. Ugh. Tomato sauce. Hate it. Hate it. Alright, well that

was episode 69. That's cool. That was a lot of fun. A lot of... What? What'd you say? Nope. Boobs? Nope. Hey, we put this shoe under your boobs. Be part of the gaggle. Sign up. Support us on Patreon. It's patreon.com slash canyounowpodcast.

You get exclusive merch. Just check out all the different tiers. You get discount shit. You get content early. Like I said, we're approaching 50 hours or something like that of bonus content just by signing up. Find a link in the episode description. Check out Scatcast. With the one and only Uncle Zach zach a million shows every single week

and you head over to scatcast.com and that's scat with a k don't mess that up you might end up seeing a video of a woman getting a fish shoved in her perfect pussy i think ruining her i think zach should start a another um podcast with monique and it's just basically because he's already doing enough. But do like a basically an OnlyFans thing where it's just you and Monique trying some interesting stuff. That would go over real

well. You think she'd be in for that? Zero percent. Cool. So that's not going to fly. You think you'd find somebody else that would be interested? I was going to think. You interested, Brian? I was hoping you'd say it's a whole pod. The entire podcast is them just in different rooms kissing each other with their robot mouth. So that's just an hour of.

Oh, that could be an only fencing. This guy mails one of those things to her. And then you just kiss her through the robot. Yeah. I mean, that's not a bad idea i mean i mean still sad but at least we've got a we've got a direction to go with this everyone has their way of someone's crying and someone's making money yeah i mean is that not only fans amber was my wife was watching she's watching a show to it's the indian lead girl that she's it's that she's in high school. Fuck, I forget what it's called.

Tell me. Whatever. But one of her friends, she basically had one of those things. And this guy, his whole thing that he wanted her to do was just like ream him. Oh yeah. Like tell him that he's... His cock is small. He's not good enough. Your dick is small. It could never

please me and stuff. And he was just like, oh. And then she started laughing at him. He's like, yeah, keep laughing. and says cock is small he's not good enough your dick is small it could never please me and stuff and he was just like oh and then she started laughing at him he's like yeah keep laughing mhm the cuckold type shit

is getting humiliation is that what it is humiliation kink I think it's a pretty popular one is it not for me but I guess

that's some trauma gotta work gotta work through bud subscribe to our YouTube channel follow us on Instagram and Facebook and then some content you want to see on the

show, you just send that in to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com, and then physical gifts, you'll find our PO in the episode description, then rate and review us, all that kind of good stuff. I want to know if there's anybody out there who has their own channel like that, that does that, and I also want to know if there's anybody out

there who's ever called into one of those things, and like, done done one of those things and what they've requested. Oh, like doing OnlyFans? Yeah. I want to know if people have ever requested one of those persons to do that or if you actually do that. What have you done? What have you done? Yeah.

Tell us. Tell us all about it. Because I want to – the gaggle's probably got – there's got to be. There's some. There's got to be. There's some. There's got to be. Early on, we did have one. I remember that. She wrote in and said this is what she did for a living and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Okay. We got a joke. You ready? I'm going to read it to you. I hope you've never heard it. Okay. It goes for everybody. Zach?

Joke. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Oop. My little table goose fell over. Well, no, I moved him because you couldn't see him. Oh. So let me use this.

All right. I noticed that a little bit ago, so I moved him. All right. Are you ready? I am. Okay. It's a long one. A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip.

He knows his wife is always horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. I mean, that's fair. So he went to the store, the one that sold some sex toys, and started looking around. He thought about a life-size sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation to the old man. Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that

will keep her occupied for weeks, except, said the old man, and then he stopped. Except what, asked the businessman. Nothing, nothing, said the old man. Come on, tell me, I need something, protested the businessman. Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is a voodoo dildo, the old man said. A voodoo dildo, the businessman asked. The old man reached under the counter and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lie a very ordinary looking dildo. The businessman laughed. He said, big fucking deal. Looks like every other dildo in this shop.

The old man said, but you haven't seen what it do yet. And he pointed to the door and he said, voodoo dildo, the door. The voodoo dildo rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, voodoo dildo or voodoo dildo box. The voodoo dildo stopped, floated back to the box and just lay there motionless. The businessman said, I'll take it. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo,

and that to use it, all she had to say was, voodoo dildo, my pussy. He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After being gone for a few days, his wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who'd be willing to satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dildo. She laid down, placed the box between her legs, and said, voodoo dildo, my pussy. The voodoo dildo shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she had ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.

So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car, and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained that she had not been drinking, but that the voodoo dildo was stuck in her pussy and would not stop screwing her. The officer looked at her for a second and said, Yeah, right. Voodoo dildo my ass. Yeah!

Yeah! yeah yeah and that's the end of the joke yeah alright you ready to head off to the bonus content yeah it's pretty funny alright if you subscribe to us on Patreon we keep going

for all the kids we'll see you guys next week sex and dicks and boobs peace and books!