Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Brain Box. Speedo. Flamboyant. Flip an Egg.

Episode Date: September 3, 2025

Bryan is so close to shoving something in his butthole. Let's talk about that, the embarrassment of getting stuck in a tube slide as a grown-ass man, why can't we put whatever little pictures we want on our license plates, messing everything up when you're only just trying to help, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/VatYmuRN0KMSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Brain Box. Speedo. Flamboyant. Flip an egg. Guys, I have big news. Whoa! Massive. Whoa! News. Okay. News that hasn't been. news news yeah guess what what i joined the bidet game oh welcome i know did i smell better no oh fuck all i smell is birthday cake oh that's it well that's the flavor of a day i got perfect did that be sweet yeah scented bidet like a little perfect it just dabbles in a little

perfume or butt cologne what would what flavor would you oh oh uh what flavor would you Cheers. What flavor would you? What position did you play? Kind of like a car, like a little tree. Like a freshener? Yeah, like vanilla or, you know, I wasn't prepared for the... I didn't come in with this new news. Expecting to have to decide what flavor of butthole I wanted.

Well, this is kind of stuff I think about. Yeah. And so you're in my world now. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, here's, I've only done it once. This is going to be good. Masturbating on a toilet with it's, with that spring in your butthole.

Like you turn it all the way up. You're so close. sticking something in there. God, you're right on the edge. Yeah, I'm, you know, again, you're on the O-ring. I'm not opposed to doing it. It's kind of scary. But that little, the little pricking of the run-the-butthole.

Yeah. A little stimulation around something new. Gotta say, it's pretty good. By the way, are you guys aware of how cheap, like a adaptable bidet is these days? No. I got this one of the fucking bucks for a fucking bidet. I got to check this thing out. Took me.

Give it a, give it. What brand is it? What position did you play? I have no idea. But it works great. No, it works great. It's perfect. It cleans all the parts.

It has the butt button. It has the self-clean button. And then it has the Puss button. Which is just the one that goes a little bit farther forward if you have a Puss. Mine's old then. Because I just got, it's a nozzle you turn up for speed. Yep. And then it's got a little lever that it props it forward or backwards.

So sometimes I'll go and I'll just go like this with the little button. It'll go, whew. Like a sprinkler Dance up and down the The canal The shit canal? The back, the top of the crack All the way to the taint

Okay, wow, good, see? Does yours have cruise control? No, okay. It does have power steering, though. It does? Wow, that's really cool. Anyway, enough about the butt stuff. Okay.

Sign up on Patreon. Of course, the honkathon is going on. Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. If you're too lazy, then remember that and type it in, there's a link in the episode description per always. Uh, yes, we have our tattoos. Delaer.

Zad's number one. We crossed that off at 400. At the time of recording, I think we're five away from Brian getting his eyes checked at 425. Uh, we're trying to figure out just to be transparent open about the hot air balloon thing, not just because Brian is terrified, but also because by the time we hit 450, a lot of hot air balloons anywhere. The season's going to be over. Season might be over. Uh, so we might be flip flopping 450 and 475 to get Zach's camera first. and then the hot air balloon ride

and then 500 is the extra Patreon episode every month for the gaggle that supports us on Patreon so there is all that we're figuring it out but we're not in any hurry to to really dial it in but the weather changes soon yes it does I feel like seeing my face is not really an

incentive to join the Patreon that's what you think that's what I think but we've seen surprised yeah you'd be surprised how many comments about want to see your dumb face they will regret them and what you're doing that room on the bed when you're by yourself The penis. He just sprawled out in the bed.

Just fucking you like it. You fucking, so you can honkathon. You've seen Burton Reynolds in that bear? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Old school, baby. On the bear rug?

Oh, boy, dude. Okay. Boop. Oh, got to add up. Yeah. Yeah, so head on over at patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Thanks to everyone who has signed up.

The honkathon will continue. We've got a thick-ass sweaty hog-flong on the show today. Hogflong. Yep. Sure. So get ready for that little gape. Send in your content suggestions, including stuff for petty beef, dick. Hooray, we're not doomed, whatever the hell it is.

Hey, guys, at can you don't podcast.com. I also want to throw out a reminder here that Zach's part of the studio is fucking huge. And we know a lot of you guys make stuff. I went and checked the mail, and we didn't have shit like the last couple weeks. So if you guys make some stuff, you want to help decorate Zach's new Zach Cave, you'll find the P.O. box for actual delivery. bring through the snail mail inside the episode description. Especially if we get a camera back there.

You've got to have to be looking good. Yeah, it's got to look good. And if you want to send stuff in to display or whatever, you'll be able to see it on the Zach can. Maybe. Maybe. It's not a guarantee. Yeah. But there's a chance.

Yeah. There's something there. Yeah. There's already some nice stuff in here, I must say. I know. And there's that. And we got some stuff that we can still fucking hang up. But we need more stuff.

So go check that out if you guys make some shit. So all rise To the golden geeks Popped right in Donald Fisher Matt Johnston Daniel Spatz Matthew Leonard

Maggie Stokes Daniel Kaya Jason Klazer The Sofa King Neil Defani Jordan Holiday Can I just take a second That Jason Clacer sounds like a hockey player

It does Oh yeah Like I mean he sounds like someone that's a huge round of applause when he's announced at an NBA game or something. And it is starting in right guard! Whatever position they have these days. An NBA right guard?

I don't know. Sports stick. Shooting dick sports guy. Charles Barclay used to do right guard sports stick commercials. So there's something. Derriferous. There's a thing. O'Darifers.

Affilactigil emancipation. All right, let's start the show. You ready to get it rolling? Yeah. All right, Zach, fuck. Major League two. A. Shut up. Start the show already.

I think someone was just yelling at the podcast where they were listening. They're like, that wasn't Major League. That was Major League, too. That's why I said two right at the end. I wanted to make sure. Because if I'm making reference, it's, I try your best to make it right. Yeah, it's got to be right. Sometimes you forget live, but.

I'd like to just call out. If you're not watching the show, we have the jar peaches on the arcade table today, oh. And we have a little sombrera on top of it. Do you have a little Mexican... Or something in that? Not on call. No, I don't. Maybe I can find something

You can play that while we See if we can get the podcast ding for royalties Get it shut down on YouTube Again Fuck Yeah we had that happen not too long ago It was a weird one I don't think we ever addressed it on the show

It was a hooray, we're not doomed We had that story about the kid that Was his parents died Remember And then his mom I forget maybe he was in foster care and then he was adopted then those parents died and he was like an orphan

again where it had to go with his aunt and then he wanted to make people smile so he went around town and gave them stuff and then ABC flagged it and we couldn't even put it in the fucking episode so instead of chopped the whole fucking load yeah he said to cut the whole goddamn thing out all right

did you find something oh I mean I know I I did find something I just didn't know if I super Mario brothers You had all that time, and that's what you came out with? I mean, I didn't want to just play it. Anyway, that was a cat dancing to Mexico music, but that was obviously Mario Brothers and Daddy Yankee. Check out that song, Real Potatoes.

What was that? What about this one? Oh, boy. Taco Babe. It's the Chihuahua from 97, remember? Oh, man. Yeah, do I ever? this is great

what a cutie oh okay anyway the can of peaches the jar of peaches has a has a sombrough on today so all right this was sent in by our son nicholas

okay it's a fuck merry kill and I don't know what nicholas was smoking on this particular day but within a span of about 10 minutes he sent in like 30 fuck merry kills so whatever he was doing There's some good ones Is this a hodgepodge of those

Or is this one Specifically that he spent Yeah, just one that he sent in Okay If you go to our email folder You'll find the other 400 that he sent in those 10 minutes All right

So here we go Fuck Mary Kill Macho man Randy Savage Oh yeah Cream always rises to the top Richard Simmons Okay And Steve Irwin

Okay Crocky Yeah Oh man They're all dead Yeah I mean, which one's going to fuck you the best? Or whatever.

Macho-mean? I don't know how. I mean, but that's your definition of best. I'm not sure if I could look up at macho man Randy Savage. And you have to, we have to... Just turn around. Let him take it to you. Yeah!

Yeah. Let him give you that old elbow drop. Let me lay it down. That's right. You know, we're going to the top. I don't know if I could... God. He's always doing you.

And then he comes up by you up there, and I want to give it to you. Need a minute to talk to your real smooth and be. So it would be an adventure? Well, you talk, like, imagine having sex, what kind of things with Macho Man Randy Savage be saying? The mega powers. What? Him and Hulk were the mega powers? Oh, yeah.

Well, I didn't know that. Yeah. The creams rising to the top. He's going to. Oh, yeah, a little cup of. coffee and on a big diamond and then he's a pair of

he's giving it to you real good and then he's gonna come back to talk to you Does he ask you where you want it? So here's the thing about macho He doesn't ask He was with Miss Elizabeth

And the story goes Who the fuck are these characters You're talking to him like they're just Like historical figures That we all learned about in high school If anybody Anybody that watched wrestling in the 80s and early 90s

knows what I'm talking about I know Miss Elizabeth Miss Elizabeth and him worked together they had a whole marriage in the ring is a whole thing and then they ended up

splitting up and she went with Rick Flitt is the whole thing and oh wow so yeah this whole episode

just used doing WWE voices finally when Jesse Ventura comes in he's like I don't know Monsoon

sandwich is really giving it to him this time monsoon. Can you imagine a macho man Randy Savage fucking you from behind? Yeah, I can. And then Jesse

the body Ventura walked he's commentaring from the corner of the room. He's really giving it to him this time. See, I'm so much better at wrestling Ventura.

Oh, this is you know the right words to say? Because that's my memory of Jesse Ventura is wrestling. Yeah. Not now. Podcasts.

Yeah, not now, Venture. So going back, so going back to the, he's, uh, it's known within the biz that he was very jealous guy. So like he would actually, he would lock Miss Elizabeth for real.

Like this isn't like a storyline. Like he would lock her in the, in the locker room in the back when he would go out or he was doing something. Because he was very, he was like a jealous person. Yeah. And so he, even though it was all made up storylines.

But he still got jealous. His character. was kind of like who he is. His kids, for real. Little extension of Link Buffalo. Yeah. That's his last name, his real last name. Link Buffalo?

Yeah. He was a baseball player. Yeah, I saw that. Anyway, so he's going to give it to you, but there's going to be some, he's like, you're his. Yeah. So you have to be, you have to remember that. So kill him.

Got it. You don't want to deal with it. Richard Simmons, I mean, flamboyantly gay. Yeah. So at least he's in. Was he? So I was thinking about this last night when I saw this. I don't remember.

Did he ever come out? I mean, I'm going to search this up, but my mind's going to be blown if Richard Simmons wasn't gay. I know. That's the perception. Come on, gay. The perception is that he was, but I don't remember if Richard Simmons was gay. Let's see here. Richard Simmons was a beloved fitness personality known for his flamboyant style and support of the LGBTQ.

Yeah, but you could be straight and support that. But he never publicly confirmed or addressed his own sexual orientation. See? Besides the one time, he was caught gurgling seven dicks in an alley after a workout program. See, that's what I remember. Was that AI generated? No, I just made that up. So that was Joe I.

Yeah. Joe. Joe. Joe I He never He never publicly confirmed he was gay Joe See

Is it weird that I He became a gay icon to many There's no way I know He was like this is fine He used to want to ruin his career He was during a time When you just couldn't

Yeah Gay Now everyone can gay Yeah But back then he could not gay It's like It's popular to be gay now It's like it's

Hmm So I'm going on the assumption That he was gay Why did Richard Simmons never come out and the first response was because anyone with half a brain knew he was gay. He didn't need to come out.

That's fair. I'm gay and everyone's like, what? No fucking way! Just turn the whole world upside down. Get rid of the tapes, honey! This guy's gay! Yeah, we all got it. We all know. So he's, it seems like he's

in, he might be able to show you some moves, guide you through. He'd cuddle. Yeah, yeah. Here's my thought on. He's fit. That's fun. He wasn't fit, though. He's fit enough.

You've seen Richard Simmons? He's fitter than Steve Irwin. He's not cut. He's just... Whoa! Fitter than... Dude... He wrestled the fucking go on.

I feel like I'm doing a fuck-marry kill with three guys that I'm very familiar with. And you don't know who any of these people are. I feel like you're doing a fuck-married care with three men that you want to fuck. No, I'm just very familiar with these three men. Yeah, you are. Because I've actually done impressions of these three men for... In college, I did a whole workout video as

basically, I permed my hair and I was Richard Simmons. Ripped, fine. I loved, I loved Steve Orwin's show to the point where I used to do impression of Steve or my grandpa when there were people over the house, he would go, he'd go, hey buddy, and I'd look over and he'd

go, he'd tell me to get it on the ground and do the, the crock hunter impression. And macho man's one of my favorite wrestlers of all time, so. I don't know, this is a weird spot on the internet that ain't now. I'm trying to find a shirtless picture or Steve Irwin. Impossible. And I just think that's really funny

that I'm searching for the shirt right now. Well, they would have had to lay his shirt open when he got... That's not him. That's something. That's AI, I think. Really bad AI. Yeah.

But he wore short shorts. You can see his legs and stuff, you know? I mean, that looks like maybe when he was younger. So I, here's my thing. I think I would marry Steve Irwin. Just because he's fun. Well, he's, but he seems like a genuinely,

and he always seemed like a really good guy. He'll give you some compliment. A guy that you could spend your life with. I hear you. I think we all agree that we're going to marry Steve Irwin. Yeah, but then you have to wait up late at night, hoping he's not eaten by a crock. That would be rough. That's, you're right.

I show up with an arm gone. You're like, well, there goes that fucking double hand job. Yeah. That was my favorite part of you. Oh, you're so much better with your left hand or whatever. That's the angle. I mean, that's, you know, do better or worse. That's what marriage is, you know?

Okay, we're all marrying Steve Irwin. Yeah. All right. Who we fucking, who we're killing? My instinct says to get, if I'm, well, am I doing the fucking or am I getting fucked? Mm-hmm. Exactly.

With Richard Simmons, feels like you might be doing the fucking. Mm-hmm. Feels that way. I don't know. But I'm going to read between the lines and feel like just who he is, you're going to be the one fucking. No one fucks macho man Randy Savage. Right.

You're getting fucked. That's, and that's so that. That's what it comes down to. Do you, like, I've... Kill him. You're pitching, you're catching. Right. So, I mean, I've never, I've never caught before.

So maybe it'd be worth trying one time. With your high school idol? Never meets high school? Never meet your heroes? Childhood. Childhood. Yeah. I'm marrying Richard Simmons.

I'm going to fuck Steve everyone, and I'm killing Rock. macho man okay that's how i do really i want a nice peaceful life with richard simmons he's just worried they're gonna be up all night with steve irwin what if richard simmons is just a whiny bitch though yeah then what's the difference oh oh oh geez oh boy oh boy um i'm just because of his personality i mean i love animals i'm gonna marry steve irwin yeah yeah i think we we agree on that one But Zach didn't. Right. Zach changed the whole thing.

You want to marry Richard Simmons. I just, for me, it just comes down to, I'm marrying Steve Irwin, but do I want to get fucked or do the fucking? That's really what it comes down to. Yeah. I mean, no. Yeah, I guess. So it's not even about who I want to kill. It's about, do I rather?

I'm fucking Richard Simmons because I feel like he can walk me through it. Like, he can show me. He's like, show me the way. Yeah. All right. Everybody up. Left leg up. Mm-hmm.

And you're like, hell yeah, Richard. I just. So here's the thing. Here's the thing. Nice kick, Richard. I, uh... Oh, my God. It's a tight ass, Richard.

Like, these are all things I could say. Yeah. I doubt it. That's probably the loosest thing on his body. If he was that fit. But, uh... The fattest thing in Richard Simmons is my dick? I, uh, I just, I don't know if I could...

I, this is an Andrew Dice Clay thing. I don't know if I could look at a, another dude's hairy ass and be like, oh, yeah. Yeah, so Machet Man's out. But we don't know. Richard Simmons might clean back there. It's pretty hairy, though. Very hairy.

Curly hair. I can't believe I'm now going to search for shirtless pictures of Richard Simmons. Like, this is, I don't even know, this is great. So, but I've never, I've never been, I've never been had before. I've never been fucked with a penis. Yeah. I don't know what that's like. And I've also, also never.

had sex with a man like me doing the plowing so i don't know what that's like either but just to do it one time maybe i'm going maybe i want okay that's that's that's him that's later in life yeah look at his chicken legs yeah he never did have very strong legs okay never did a leg day i mean cardio he's pure cardio take a take a look at prime prime fad richard like he's a handsome he's a handsome dude cuddle you so good put him next to oh you know we should have done was fucking Tony Little. Yeah, baby! Yeah!

Pull my ponytail, baby! He's behind you. Like, in the video... I like when you pull my hair, baby! He just gets behind that woman on the gazelle, and then leans back. She's going, yeah, baby! And she's just resting on his package. Oh.

Jeez, Louise. I think I'm going to get fucked by... I think I'm going to kill Richard. Wow. Just because... Okay. If... I'll try it one time and I'll let my...

Matureman do it. All right. I would feel dainty in his arms. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you'd be nothing. All right. I'm gonna, I'm gonna fuck Richard Simmons and kill macho man Randy Savage. I like how we, every, this might be the first time in a long time that we've just

slightly disagree. Every single thing's different. Yeah, Zach shook the whole thing up with Steve Irwin. You know? You're gonna kill him or you say, fuck him. I was going to fuck him. I love Steve Irwin. I was going to fuck him.

All right. Well, it's animalistic. Yeah. Okay. But, yeah, that's a face I could wake up to every morning. It's like, oh, good morning. We're going to have a day. Want to fuck?

I'm going to grab you by the tile. Oh, Richard. Have a cup of coffee first? Richard. I mean, Steve. Richard would be like, hey, who's having coffee? Good morning. That might be too much.

Up, up, up, up. Yeah, right. I don't want to always have to be fucking sweating to the oldies, dude. all right let's move off to what are you thinking about okay let's do it is that hey hey what's up what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about all right so there's a couple instances i'm hoping that you guys have some examples of this maybe uh maybe you don't and that's fine that's fine with me that's fine with everybody, you know?

So, let me just set it up. I have a, it's a couple stories, and, uh, I'm never going to forget them. And it's just gold relationship situations, uh, between me and Cassie. Her full name is Casserole. Yeah, a lot of people are God-given name. Yeah, they think it's Cassandra or something like that. No, it's casserole. And her name was Cassandra.

And her name was casserole. Wayne's world. Hmm. So, uh, let's jump back. We talked about it last week, but we had the 80s. themed birthday party here for my 40th. And it was a blast. I was just telling my wife how I completely forgot that it was themed.

I know. It's good. Good for you, buddy. She was like, what are you doing, dude? And so it was a lot of fun. Everyone just partied their little titties off. And then the very next day out here in Liberty Lake, Washington. Beautiful!

Liberty Lake, Washington! They have this lodge. And it's called the Zephyr Lodge. Oh, yeah. And all summer long, they have concerts out there. And Rich Cunts? No. Oh, come on.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, no, maybe back in the day. So I'm looking at the history, and I might completely fuck this up, but it used to be like, like a lodge at some point. There was like a dance hall for a bit. And then it was like a, I want to say like a nunnery, maybe for a little while. And then it went to like a summer camp type vibe. And they built the complex around it kind of summer vibey. And then some local kind of auto giant here in the area bought it and turned it into like a bed and breakfast.

You can stay out there. There's a stage and there's different cabins and stuff. So it's a cool little spot. And we had no idea it even existed. Cassie and I were just driving around exploring the area and came across it. We're like, what the fuck is? Looked it up. Turns out they have a bunch of shows every summer or every Sunday.

And the day after my birthday, running off about an hour and a half of sleep, we woke up and playing out there. that weekend was Alan Stone. If you're familiar with Alan Stone, then you know. He's from here. I think he's actually from Liberty Lake. Like not from... Spokane. He's from Chalan.

He's from Chalan? I think so. I'm not sure, though. So his family has crazy... Yeah. Do I shaland your mom, dude? Is that why she died? Is that why she's dead? She promised to never tell.

She stopped telling everything. Shaland on my dick. Hello. That's her. Hey, baby, want to play a game of Shalam my dick? Will or will she not? Shalana my dick and they come on the Gertie.

What's that fucking? What are you going to come in a girl? That's the sentence that only makes sense on Kenya don't. Fucking Shalane on my dick and I come in the Gertie. That's not English. So anyway, Alston, they had this thing that I didn't know existed where they had a thing

called like the Allen Stone Field Trip, Family Field Trip or something. But it was not open to the the public. This year they opened it to the public. Um, and it was a fucking blast, man. There's like thousands of people out there, food trucks, Allen Stone, and a bunch of great musicians from all over the area. Um, and we head out there and fucking dying, but somehow making it happen. Uh, first thing we do is we're used to going out there for the other concerts that aren't Allen Stone. And no one gives a fuck what you bring in there to watch those. So you show up

with a cooler. Um, I'm sure there's a sign that says like, hey, don't bring shit in, but no one's fucking stopping you. And every. Everybody has coolers of like their own drinks and some food and snacks and whatever. So we showed up with a cooler and drinks in it and they're like, no. And we're like, what? They're like, you can never bring them in here. I was like, we just did this last Sunday. Yes, you can.

And she leans in. She goes, this is a real show. I know. She goes, I know. But this one, you can't. And I was like, okay, he's fine. So we have this. I just want you to know that I know.

That I said. Yeah. That I said, you never could do that. I was like, we just did. She goes, I know. I did. Wink, wink. But today, I'm working, and you can't.

So, first thing we did, which was very fun, is we just opened up this little Yeti cooler and then he started handing out beers to everybody in the parking lot. That's fun. Yeah. I met, like, the new owner of Zola and, like, a couple other places just parting in the parking lot. Because we just, you know, handed all the beer, went and hid the Yeti cooler in the forest, and it got stolen. So that's gone. That's expensive.

Yeah, those are really cheap. So that was fun. Didn't find that out until later. Anyway, went down there, had a blast at the show. Like, it was so much fun watching him. He's such a nice guy. And when the sun started going down, I had like these nice. And Cassie actually bought them for me.

They're like nice wood frame. I think Oakley sunglasses. Polarized, like the whole works. I think it might have been a birthday gift a couple years ago. $400. Fucking maybe. I don't know. More than the cooler.

They like the driftwood ones, right? So anyway, I'm wearing them. I'm having a blast. And then she goes, here, take your glasses off. Let me take them off so we don't lose them. And I said, okay. I know you. I was like, okay, and I hand them off to her, and I give her to him, and then she lost them.

Which just how funny that is to tell someone to give you something, to make sure we don't lose it, and then you lose it. It's really funny. But that's not the funniest of these instances. We don't know where the fucking glasses are. No one's going to return those glasses. Someone's got a nice pair of glasses and a new cooler. It's sick, and a jetty cooler. They just followed us around and clinked up.

That's a good day, dude. But it reminded me of the funniest one. of Cassie, like, just trying to help out. And this was, I don't know, maybe a year ago. So, but I was, she was working. She was on a meeting and I was cooking breakfast for us. And I had, I mean, I had it all into control. I was making some bacon, some eggs, some toast, maybe some hash browns.

And she's on a meeting and, you know, the, the eggs are cooking. And she gets off the meeting early and she walks out. And she's, like, talking to me. And she goes, yeah. And she, like, goes over to, like, to grab some. a spatula and goes to flip the egg and just fucking throws it out of the pan halfway it explodes and

leaks all over and she goes, well, and it just walks back into the room and how funny it is to think that you're like, you're just trying to help and I can't help because I find it so funny that she did that that I start laughing and then

that makes her feel bad because she was just trying to help and then just fucked up breakfast just I was like buttering the toast and I look over She goes, do-to-do, like, it's trying to help and just throws, and she's like, well, I think just leaves. I'll let you deal with that. Yeah, just trying to help. And that happened again here recently, like cooking breakfast.

I was cooking, and she walked into help and, like, did something. And I think it was an egg again. It went to flip it and it, like, folded in half instead of doing a full flip and the egg broke again. And she just goes, fuck, not again. And it walks off. When she's you're going to learn a lesson, just let you do it. That's not the point. The point is, when you were.

walk into a situation and you're just trying to help and you end up making something worse. Yeah. That's always like top tier comedy to me. Oh yeah. They're like, oh no, I'll help you. Let me help you pick that up. And you pick it up and you end up fucking dropping it and hurting them. I think I did that. Just let me help. No, I got it. Yeah. Just let me

fucking help. I insist. Yeah. Yeah. I did that in in high school at my when I did the landscaping, like the like the waterfall and pawn job. It was me and a friend working and he had a giant rock and he was going to put it into the bobcat bucket and then drive it up the hill and i was standing there and i was like oh i was like let me just grab that with you he's like it's pretty heavy and i was like yeah yeah i got it and we pick it up

and we're walking up the hill and he's walking backwards and then he like it starts like slipping a little bit and so he falls backwards and drops his end and it just goes through like Next to his shin, just a puncture wound. It just goes and folds like three inches of his skin into. And if I just would have let him put it in the bobcat bucket and not be like, I guess help you carry it up there. Then his leg would be good. I got it.

He's like, okay, yeah, all right, cool. And then end up smashing his leg in. So I get it. It doesn't always pay to help is what you're saying. What I'm saying is the less you help people, the better off your life's going to be. If you go out there and you try to be a help. you're going to fuck shit up, just let people struggle. That's what you're trying to say.

Yes. That's the life lesson here. And do you guys have any examples of this? I know that our listening audience has to. I know I do, but I can't think of any around the spot. Like just trying to do anything to help. Like clean. I've got one.

Yeah, what is it? From high school, I was going on a date with a girl for the first time. And she had like 20 bucks and she was taking me out. And she's like, hey, I'm going to get gas real quick. And I was like, oh, fill up real quick. And she said, well, just put it in 10 bucks. and I was watching the other part, like the gallons. I spent all of her money on the date on that because I'm an idiot and I was 16.

Didn't know what I was doing. So I was trying to help and she's like, no, from inside the car. And I'm like, ah, so we just drove around. You just have your hands around the gas tank, just trying to suck the gas back out. I'll get it back. Spitting it back in the hose. I'm never going to be. Hope the money goes backwards.

Do you think they'll buy this back? Yeah. Will you buy it out of my mouth? You bring it in in a shoe. How much you're going to get for this? How much I get for this? Well, the only thing you can get with that is the fuck out of my store. Get it?

Yeah, you must have been looking at the gallons. Exactly. So you're waiting for $10 and said 10 gallons. You're like, sweet. Yeah, I think $40. Fuck, yeah. That's funny. It's nice to start the date off being the dumbest guy in the entire universe.

Did that relationship work out? It did, actually, for many years. Oh, wow. Crazy. You're fucking lucky. I did luck out. Okay. I wasn't as fugly back then.

You're not fuddly. I don't have anything specific, but I know, I know that feeling, though, just helping out, maybe around the house, like, my wife's doing something. And I'm like, oh, I'll just, she's vacuum and let me go grab the vacuum. And so she can do something else, then, like, you know, dropping it on her foot or something. Like, you know, there's things like that. And now she's, like, in pain and agony. And I'm like, do I stop to help her? Do I vacuum?

Because, like, people are coming over. So we're in a hurry, you know, type of thing. Quit crying. People are coming over. Right, yeah. Just stuff like that where, I mean, usually it's like I didn't do it in time. So she'll go to do it. And then I go try to do it and then mess it up.

And it's like, you know. I have a memory of like someone asking for a beer and tossing them a beer. And then it just goes through their hands and hits them in the face. But like, that's not your fault. Yeah. That'd be like if you said, here, here, here, just throw me a beer. And then it hit you in the face. But yeah, the sun had caught it.

Sunlasses thing is so funny. She goes, give me those. Like, they're way too expensive. so we can't lose them. And then I just hand him over and then she just left him somewhere. I do love that. It's like you...

You aren't responsible enough. Yeah, you're like, you can't handle this. So let me do it. And then you fuck up. I know there are examples of those, too, that I can't think of. But it's like,

you can't figure this out on your own. Yeah. All right. Well, listeners, if you have some, send them in, hey guys at can you don't podcast. Dot com. Yeah.

Remember what dot com used to be a big thing? Yeah. Everything was just dot com. Yeah, that's dot whatever you want. Yeah. But you don't even need to do that. No, you just type anything in. It's all a search bar.

Yeah. It'll find you. You ready for that big thick flung hog dick? Dude, I'm wide and gaped ready for it. Wow. Gaped is a bidet? Mm-hmm. We'll do.

I stuck a banana in there just to make sure you can get through this dick today. Mm-hmm. All right, Zach! Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick. Big.

All right, Brian. You want to take this one? You want to take all three of them. What do you want to do? I'll do this one. This one's funny. It is funny. Get the fuck out of your ad.

Man, 40. Rescued by Fire Police, EMS, after getting stuck in Connecticut tube slide. Is there a more fucking embarrassing experience? Having a whole town's rescue thing can help you a grown man. Just all the tax money? I think that's a Simpsons episode, too. Oh, I bet it is. Yeah, I remember.

Yeah, I remember when this story happened. I remember someone saying that The Simpsons did this. Oh, okay. Yeah. Makes sense. So, patient was freed within 30 minutes and was evaluated unseen by EMS, according to the fire department. Nothing hurt but his pride. Oh, there it is.

It's right in the episode. In an incident that recalls a similar scenario on a long-running television show of The Simpsons. You know, we're getting old. when you can't just say a similar scenario on the Simpsons because now there's readers coming into play that have no idea what the Simpsons are. So that's weird.

What's weird though is the Simpsons is still going. Yeah, but take cable TV is dead. No one's watching it anymore. Just after 4.30 p.m., the Vernon Fire Department, Vernon EMS, and Vernon Police just laid all of it. All dispatched to Northeast Elementary School

on East Street after receiving a report from an adult male getting stuck in a tube. I just envision like him calling in the echo inside the tube. Is that echoing? I'm stuck in a tube. Are you sure it's a tube?

And he's like, yeah, here listen to this. Oh yeah, that's a tube, all right. That's a tube. That sounds like the one down there on East Street. That's right. Yeah, good guess. Responders found the man had become stuck in the middle portion of the slide

wedged feet and head first. Oh! See, I just like, this kind of stuff I start I start thinking about the claustophobia. And it just like it makes me like feel sick.

Yeah. Thinking about it. And a folded position in a tube slide. Dude, two closed tube water slides always get me like I can do them because like once I'm there and you can see how it would kind of be really hard to get stuck in it but if I think about it I'm like dude

that'd be awful to get stuck in a fucking water slide there's an episode of it's always sunny where they go down and then someone gets hit wedge and then all these people are coming behind them and they're getting stuck yeah and so then you're in it's it's comedy obviously but the scenario is still the feeling is still there if you're wedged and you're just stuck in a spot And how hard you guys would all be so... Oof. It's weird because we've gone to the water slides here, splashed down a couple times,

and there are some tube slides. And I think about that every time I go in there. I know. But they're never bad. They're fine. No, it's just the lifeguards are terrible, and they're not paying attention. They just don't pay...

It's so weird. It's like one of the last vestiges of our childhood. It's like lawless. And so, Lucy, Lawless. Zena Warrior Princess. Okay. The idea of like not knowing if the person's out because they're not paying attention,

so you go. So I always like, dude, I'm like, wait. You do your job for him. I'm waiting. I'm like, okay, that's the same kid in the pink shorts that was in front of me. I should be good. Yeah. Because this guy is like, you got.

Yeah. Yeah. What? Do you have any weed? Yeah, to the bottom of the slide. Go get it. Go get it. EMS personnel provided oxygen to the man

Who was An extreme discomfort According to the fire department Responders also set up ventilation to help cool the space Tower 541 meanwhile Use its aerial ladder to stabilize the section of the slide The firefighters were removing To reach the patient

I love how they're calling him a patient Just say the fucking fat guy in this slide dude The patient was freed within 30 minutes was evaluated on the scene by EMS according to the fire department if I read EMS or fire department or please talk one more time I'm gonna lose my shit

okay the man refused treatment and transport to the local emergency room I bet you did fucking going dude thanks for nothing I would too you're so embarrassed a little embarrassing

it didn't mention if he was there with like his family which would also be crazy if his kids weren't around he was just at the slide But he's like I well I guess I assume that's what happened Like this guy went by himself

I assumed he was like playing with his kids And then got stuck in the slide That's even worse Yeah I assumed the worst And went straight to he just was at a park by himself Just hammered drunk on a Tuesday afternoon He's like I'm going down No I just assumed

It's like a creepy 40 year old dude Is out of park by himself Okay Not even drinking Okay Just sliding Gotcha I mean I assumed other things too

But Are you gonna keep going Is there more? They just go on to talk about the Simpsons episode Yeah the department Facebook posts Said the incident had guarded more than a thousand engagements As a Monday morning Along with more than 450 shares and 400 plus comments

Many of them along the lines of this one from Don G He's going to wish they left him there how do you lift that down oh man it's like small town shit you apply for any job and they're like hmm huh

lean back like do you have any experience with slides yeah it says here that you oh man these pictures are good that's funny uh I just like

I just picture like no one like no one coming to rescue him and it's just like three o'clock in the morning he's still there just like H'r-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hting-h-h-hting-h-h-h Hing his head against the two Yeah singing himself to sleep

I'm just a man in a tube just yeah just completely delirous my feet I am stuck in a slide where I can't get fucking out I am Clapping with my hands

Because it sounds real cool No one help me Slide it in Right to the top We're missing the best one right now Gougu dolls Slide Oh

Why don't you slide That'd be so funny You're walking to your little dogo At night Off the distance here In like a tinny version The dog chains, like, rat a little bit, and the singing stop, he's like, What?

Hey! Somebody out there? Hurry out there. I'm in here. Hey, bang, twang, quang. My feet are above my head. I can't bruise. Head over heels.

Help me. Hell over Heads and don't be surprised if I love you Bing, ring Right, isn't it ironic Don't you think Don't you think Stuck in a slide

When you're 40 years old It's ironic Hey That's poor guy All right, let's move off to our next piece of dick story here. This is going to China, and I just, I'm not sure what you guys are going to think about all this. Because I don't know what the fuck to think about it. But China is building a pregnancy robot to carry your baby for you.

What do you think about that? I mean, come on. So a team of Chinese scientists is pushing the boundaries of reproductive technology with an ambitious project. Can I say something real quick? Nope. That sounds straight out of science fiction. Humanoid robots designed to carry out and deliver human babies. Brian, back to you. I just,

the people that I talk to, some people are like, oh, I hate to being pregnant. Some people are like, I loved it. It was like I miss being pregnant. And it just feels like we're getting...

And I'm over here with my dick being like, I'll fuck it. I love when you're pregnant too because I'll get this fucking... Give that baby some dimples. Look you just coming in it with no fucking... Looks like that baby needs some hair gel. Oh, God. Is that the grossest thing I've ever said?

Might be. Who slick that fucking... Oh, man. Had a hair back. Taking the ultrasound. And you're just watching your baby grease your cum through their hair. Like a fucking greaser. He's like, hey.

Rolls cigarettes up in his sleeve. Hey. Papa. Hey. Hey. All right. Uh, no, just like, let's, let's, uh, remove ourselves. even more from reality.

Okay. Yeah, that's just what it feels like. I know. But there's good, I mean, there's obviously some beneficial things like the health concerns of women. Yeah. And what it does to your body and you just fucking, uh, sidestep all of that with a robo prego. Prego. I mean, I guess.

I get it. But it just removes the whole human aspect of birth. Yeah. Uh, Dr. Hank Quifan. Yay! Dr. Zong Quiffing, founder of

Kai-Wai technology and I'm not, fuck it, I'm not doing it, is leading the initiative to create what many are calling pregnancy robots, RoboPrego. Those sophisticated machines would feature synthetic uteruses housed within their abdomens. It would be connected by

specialized tubes that function similar to the fucking matrix. Can you fuck the robot? We're already doing that. I know, but can you get a robot pregnant? Oh my God, what a nightmare. You can't even... All the coding?

Like, you can't even just... You program what kind of baby you want, and then you're just like... You fucking... You fucking coming into a robo? Coming into Gertie. Anyway, so those tubes would represent umbilical cords, delivering essential nutrients

to developing fetuses. Concept promises to revolutionize how we think about ass. God damn it. Get out of here. Okay. Revolutionize how we think about pregnancy and childbirth, according to Heng, Zan. These robots will be capable of carrying pregnancies for approximately 10 months before...

Even longer than a normal... Well, no, around 10 months on the whole grand total thing of pregnancy to end. Well, here's the thing about that. Approximately 10 months? Like, okay. fine what if I mean late term I don't think it goes that far but like what happens after 10 months

they just fucking hit an ejection button well no because isn't the whole reason isn't the whole reason that humans do nine months is because if we if they stay in there any longer their heads will get too big and they won't be able to get

birthed out because like other animals that sounds like a lap time with Uncle Zach other animals they they spit out a kid yeah and they start fucking walking and doing shit like the reason that our kids can't walk and do all that shit is because they have to come out actually early. Because our pussies are too small? Yeah. We need bigger pussies?

Mm-hmm. Because I think, right? Am I crazy, Zach? Or do you know anything about this? I don't know shit about it. Okay. Because I think like we could actually use more time in the womb. We just can't. Well, we're not forcing every delivery. They guess like come out. Yeah. But I think it's happened over, uh, it's, you know, the evolution.

evolution of tiny Pussy Yeah Okay We just need some bigger Vaginal canals Or whatever I like the vision

I heard the vaginal canals Like as soon as we started cooking our food That's when everything got fucked What? The company aims to unveil A working prototype As early as 2026 With an estimated price point

Of 1,000 yen Roughly $14,000 US monies There's a pricing structure is ad-free version I don't know how I feel about this you guys want to talk about it anything

ad-free baby okay so I'm seeing a picture right here of looks like a sheep or a lamb in a bag of liquid four days of support and then 28 days of support as you can see here it's just bigger still in the same bag

huh it looks like it's you know it's doing okay doubled in size I mean and then the the prototype picture they like they show you of this robo prego robo is like

if what if it was clear watching the baby grow that would be really weird God talk about a fucking chia pet this is all getting a little too weird just the world in general okay let's go back to health stuff for women again with these fucking baby heads ripping their vaj apart

got these fucking titties and then your body like stretch marks mental health what if you just it was your kid but a robo just grew it would you have the same connection

I don't think you would and it would be more of like the way that we're like men are connected to the babies because it's our semen and it's but we don't have that we don't carry it yeah we don't care so we don't have like mothers carry that baby they're like

everything they do they can feel it it's like a they grow it yeah it's a maternal thing and if you just detach yourself from that I just I don't know if you would You get the baby But it's not the same feeling as you like when you

You grow that baby comes out and they throw it on your chest Like there's an overwhelming Throw it Yeah Oh my God It's just like a Velcro splats on their chest The doctor It just like

It goes ew It just throws it at the mom Hot potato Ugh Gross It's so slimy just dry heaving and throw the baby at the mom it's a

boy washing his hands he goes gotta get a fucking new job I love being helpful but I hate slimy babies I love the process hate the results hate the result welcome to the world of hell

yeah I think it's too far some people some people that maybe can't sustain carrying a baby and this is an option for them but I don't see mass adoption for this

get adoption just because of the maternal you lose that maternal factor yeah what about these robots though they're like give me my baby Joe I'm keeping this baby Joe flies off with it

I mean there's you guys can look into it if you want to learn more but I mean I just never thought about that I mean I always I don't know and then why is it

to be in a robot like we're talking about growing test tube babies why do we have to put it in a robot because everything's it's AI baby it's robots so you have this robot

that just like walks around with you and carries your growing baby while you would you like to go to yoga would you like to feel the baby kicking

kicking Joe but it's a plastic or it's a glass thing so you don't feel anything. It's all automated. It's like those massage chairs. It's a fake. The weird thing going through.

Wea. Like fake milk. It's coming out. You're like, this is too far. It's processed milk. This Prego-Robo. Yeah. Zach?

Thoughts? They probably made it a robot to make money. Well, yeah. People are obsessed just like you're thinking. And I'm guessing, yeah. Just having to walk around. with you, maybe? That seems ridiculous because that just puts the danger of the baby.

Keep it in home. Exactly. And don't give it legs. Let it sit in your house so it doesn't go anywhere. Yeah, just make it like a little nest if you're going to do that. Just grow your baby next to your curing. Yes. Like the rest of us. The rest of us. Don't unplug it.

Exactly. Every refrigerator is going to come with like a baby attachment. In case you want to fucking grow a baby next to a to a toaster. Yeah, it's just one of those things where Is the baby done yet? It's the part. Can I get the fridge without the baby thing like well it comes with it because you never know yeah you never know we can't i don't want kids you might change your mind right so it's like growing cambucha or whatever the fuck yeah that's i'm gonna say it's the ultimate chia pet yeah or the tomagatchi yeah

keep that thing alive yeah it just sits in a ziplock bag a baby in a fucking zip lock bag on your counter and you just for nine months and then it's just yours It's like roasting a turkey before fucking How long's that baby been marinating? Six months in, baby. Looks like you got twins. What? Third trimester.

You pick it up, you flip in the bag around and squishing it a little bit. Like, oh, shit, we got triplets. Maybe you'd be able to do that. Maybe you could say exactly how many babies you want. I want five and I want to get them all out of the way. I think that's the first option on the baby menu when it comes down to this kind of shit. Anyway, let's move off to our next story. I just thought that was an interesting thing.

Brian, you want to read about it? it because this one's fucking wild family sues after funeral homes send son's brain an unmarked leaking box I was like what the fuck you can say

yeah wow two funeral homes allegedly gay funeral homes are fucking up lately we've covered them here I've seen more than just this story online uh one funeral home like

this lady I mean sad story lost her kid and then the funeral director just brought it to his house for like a week and the dead baby just lived in his house just put it in there and then dealt with it later oh hey real quick i just i dropped you get a message on your phone hey you were gonna be late for dinner so i brought your dead baby to my house for a week

hope you're okay with that i hope you okay with that anyway do you need anything are you sad or whatever i have no emotions clearly all right bye call you back if you have any motions or whatever anyway your babies i've put it by the mailbox beep and then you get another message has got cut off i put it in the mailbox not by the mailbox sorry all right have a good day thanks for calling paisley funeral home i mean i called you god damn it i'm such a klutz anyway your baby's in a mailbox paisley processing okay back to you two funeral homes

Legit gave grieving parents their deceased son's brain in a box, which began to smell, leaked into their car, and got on the father's hands when he moved it. Let's just sit with that for a second. I can't. We're just looking at this jar of peaches? God, I was doing the same thing. The father, Lawrence Butler, the third. Not really, but it sounds like, said the decision.

Discovery was overwhelming at a news conference on Thursday, leaving a horrific memory that Mars the other memories of a good young man, their son, Timothy Garlington. Okay. It was and is still in my heart that I got in my car and smelled death, he said. Emotion breaking his voice, Garlington's mother, Abby Butler, stood nearby wiping. away tears. Okay. After Garlington's death in 2023, the

Butler's had his remains shipped from one funeral home in Georgia where their son died to another... Wait, he died at the funeral home? Probably in Georgia. That's where he died.

Hey, I don't feel good. You should go to the hospital. I'm going to die in here. Cut out the middle. I can't afford it. It's fucking, I'm going to die right here. I'm going to say, Kais, is his coffin open?

Yeah. Like, all right, just climb in. Lay down for a little nap. I'm getting up Save 50 grand Yeah Um Brian

I forgot where I was Okay Where they're Sunday To another Where the family lived in Pennsylvania Where they picked up his belongings Including a white cardboard box

That contain an unlabeled red box What Fuck At Knicks In Nick's funeral homes Just Nix's Abby Butler tried to

Tried Nix squared Funeral Home Cool guys Nix and Nix Double your refreshment Double W No funeral homes

Freshens your mouth like Nix and Nix Several days later A Red Box Which was in the Butler's car began to smell And leaked fluid Stewart said

When Lawrence Butler picked it up The fluid covered his hands which was brain matter oh my god it's insane Stewart said yep that is yeah he's right

when they called the funeral home in Georgia southern cremations and funerals at Cheatham Hill said they were they were told was Garlington's brain and a mistake had been made oh shit

wait is it red it's a red box oh my god this is so embarrassing shoot you should have got the yellow box We meant to put a couple board games in there.

Farkle was supposed to go in there. Farkle, Yotsie, and someone made a mistake and your son's brains in the red box. That's life. And what do you do? It's what it's. It's what it's. Thanks for calling Nixon next funeral.

Okay. Yep. It was a recording. Sorry, I got cut off there. Your son's brains in the mailbox. It was, they were told it was a mistake of it. said the butler's return the box to nix and nix he said the company that owns southern cremations asv partners declined to comment when contacted by the associate press weird the parents last

memory is holding their son's brain said stewart in an interview with the ap i had to get rid of the car Lawrence butler said i just couldn't stand the idea that the remains were in that car okay so they're getting sued You can't just accidentally ship a brain in a box Dude, I don't I don't, it's weird Like my brain can usually detach Uh, and laugh and joke

So get this guys Oh But see I can't even I can't even go there to barely make the joke Like thinking about your own No Like I don't even want to go there Because picking up like belongings

Like unpacking things like clothes, suitcase You're like, huh, what's in here? Velvet Cupcake? It's just a fucking brain. Whoops. Fuck. Ah. Well, the good news is, I bet you they get a lot of money.

How much is Nick's and Nick's funeral home worth? Have they made this mistake before? Because that would significantly cut into how much money they have you could sue them for. But if they're just going willy-nilly brain inbox, this is like the fifth or six time they've done this, you're not getting much money. It's become a thing where it's like, will you or will you not get a brain in the box? This is either baseball cards. Farkel. It's either Farkel.

Frank Thomas rookie card. Frank Thomas rookie card. Mini-game monopoly or your kid's brain. One of the four options. 25% chance. Well, only one of them leaks. Ah, you got the brain. Congratulations.

See in court. Pa-da-pa-ba-ba. Yeah. how you play brain in box that's just awful i i mean we're we're laughing about it but the i've the parent those four poor fucking parents god dude i you know it's it's funny when when it comes to death in this like there should not be mistakes like that you know a few weeks ago when we talked about the the pet thing where they were just tossed them in landfill and giving fake ashes yeah

When my dog died and we were going to do the cremation, all I could think about was that was that. I mean, it's weird because that's what this show has done. It's made your life better? The night my dog died, they were going to come pick them up when they were going to be a cremation thing. All I could think about was, am I going to get my dog's real ashes? Or just some other ashes. That's all I could think about. And I couldn't tell anybody that.

Couldn't tell my wife that. You can tell her that I ruined it? Like, dude, Joe and Zach are ruining my life. I think about that all the time. But it's weird. Like, death is one of those things. It's just like, there should not be mistakes. That woman's body that was left in the warehouse.

Yeah, I think it's wheeled her off to an off-site body warehouse. God, like, those kind of mistakes can't happen. I know. Yeah. But every job has mistakes, right? It just looks worse when it's these kind of people. When it has this? Oh, yeah, this much emotion.

Yeah. A tied to it, right? Imagine the person that put the brain in the box. He probably feels like, shit. I hope. What's fucking hope? I thought you said put the brain in the box. Why the fuck?

What's in the box? Have we ever done that, Jerry? We've never put brains and boxes. I thought it was weird, but I'd want to question you. What if it was just the whole kid's head? Oh, see? That'd be cooler. Like, I don't know what they, I'm assuming it was for Oregon, maybe Oregon donation.

But why was it in a red box? We aren't a brain donation yet, but I'm not ruling it up. But right now, no one's taking your fucking brain. Organ donor, and they just saw your head open. What I meant by that was for science and stuff. Yeah. A brain. I was like, we just got to lungs and heart.

Yeah. Brain's going to be real tough one to just go flopping around between bodies. God, that suck. Like if we just literally swap brains And you're just a different person Just have a different body But the same personality See that's crazy

Yeah that's fucked up Like you just You get a instead of a kidney transplant You brain transplant And you're a completely different person But in the same body That's wild That's crazy

Yeah no thank you Wild and crazy kids Wild and wild And crazy Donnie Jeff Coke Well I hope that they get a ton of money We'll see We'll see We're moving off to some good news now

Zach, do you think for the first time in three weeks we could push the right button? Nope. For the hooray, we're not doomed? I doubt it. Use your brain. I know you can do it. This idea is awesome

and I hope it's around the entire country. Zach, fuck yeah. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! My setup for that wasn't correct because this isn't even happening in the United States. What I meant to say is around the entire world.

When you guys go to grocery stores, do you guys ever look at like the food that's about to go bad and they put like a sticker on it no i send my wife because that's part of a womanly detail i don't even i've never even been in a grocery store before i've never seen it i've known how to smell it no um so like when like meat's about to go bad and they slap the 50% off thing on it oh yeah right get it out yeah buy one get two call the cops fuck this meat uh more like gross restore but that happens to every that happens to every type of food and so much food is just fucking wasted because no one knows what to do with it. How many cows have to die before we do some about that? Yeah. And Iceland has figured it

out. And I was hoping somebody would do this. I'm just not smart enough to do it. But Iceland launches real-time yellow sticker alerts in national food waste scheme. Okay? So when you go to a grocery store, all this shit in there has an expiration date. And then now you can sign up to have alerts to tell you when it's like you can go get a deal on it or it's fucking free because they have to throw it away and the phone will just pop up and be like hey do we got some free meat and just go get it that is a good idea yes it's fucking amazing uh so iceland foods has become the world's first retailer to roll out a national food waste reduction scheme in partnership with both oleo and gander what's good for the goose it's good for the proctor uh from the fourth of august shoppers across the

UK will be able to find real-time discounted yellow sticker items on over 900 of the frozen food specialist stores due to new app integrations with the same things I just said. O'Leo and Gander. It is understood that the OLEO.L.E.O.

This is W.P. J.R.T. Icelandic. It is understood that... The Hizance! Which follows a successful trial in Bristol and London will allow users of the OLEO app to be alerted to local reductions on

surplus food. You pronounce it three different times. I know. Three different ways. Three different times. Meanwhile, Gananders, tech shows live availability of marked down products in nearby stores, helping households save money and reduce food waste. So the initiative takes another step in Iceland's effort to tackle food waste to support

more sustainable retail prices. Iceland has always been dedicated to tackling food waste head on and extending this partnership with Olayo and Gunuter and another step towards making a real difference. Not only does this help with customers make their money go further, it makes over a positive chain for the planet as well. So, imagine, I don't know,

let's talk about Safeway or something, whatever, Walmart, whatever place sells food, Giant Stain, Fred Meyer, Kroger, wherever the hell you happen to live. How awesome would it be to be able to just be, like, it tells you when something's about to go bad. You just wait

around? Yeah, especially to think about the homeless, right? Think about them all the time. I know. Like, just, we don't have to throw this shit out. And a lot of people don't want to deal with it, right? It's just, it's so much easier just to throw this food away than pay to transport it, pay for this, get it somewhere, and have others, it's like, well, he's fucking throw it away. So what you're telling me is on expiration date of meat, I'm going to be walking through herds of homeless people at the store. No, they'll figure out a different, they're going to put it in the store. What do you fucking? It's just, it's just

a bunch of homeless people walking around in blankets that smell like diarrhea. That's what now in the meat section. How often you're hanging out with diarrhea of blanket homeless people? I mean, I don't know if Iceland has that problem. I'm saying if it starts happening here. Yeah. Well, they'll have a discount food section of the store. Like take it, move it over.

And then if you want that discount food, which I'd fucking, dude, if you're making hamburgers, nothing better than coming across that 50% off sticker at Safeway. fight some dude in a blanket it's not go it's going bad that day dude you're missing the whole point i'm not reading any articles you anymore jack you want to move on no next episode can't just jack doesn't get any articles or brian gets no more articles i thought this was comedy podcast who's this what it is that comedy podcast yeah yeah what do you want me to move no i don't care brian what do you want to say nothing i said my piece you want me to get out of the bed up in a nice blanket.

Yeah. Lay down, eat some raw meat. You looking forward to it? Ryan might be right, though. There might be some animosity and some fighting over it at the end. If it's like, there's four of these and there's 82 people that want them. I know, but get in the, if you claim it in the app. Okay.

First, I want to get it through a notification. Oh, you claim it in the app. They don't. I'm saying that you could. Iceland doesn't have that issue. I doubt a lot of homeless people are on the app. Yeah. I don't know.

I'd be surprised. I saw I do it with like a $500 speaker. whatever these kind of things happen there's always unintended consequences right there's something weird's going to happen we're like now there's a shortage on chicken look what you all did look what happened fucking idiot but trying to help people you morons yep so uh we'll see if that if that travels around trickles around the world quit throwing away billions of pounds of food every year just because you don't want to deal with it when my wife worked for starbucks she was a manager their their policy was to throw away all the food that they have and they have like junk food cake pops and all that kind of stuff and every single night she would just give it to the homeless people but it was against policy to do that and so it was like she could have lost her job all that time but i always thought that was strange it's like he's right there though it's like oh but it's dangerous it's like he's going to crawl in that box as soon as a person leaves anyway just give it exactly it's but it is it does create some situations again when you try and help people

sometimes bad things happen well what's weird is let's say you give a homeless guy one of the things that's going to go bad and he gets sick and sue Starbucks because he got sick for giving him free stuff and all of a sudden now that dude's a millionaire on intended consequences and it's like

because it's funny the idea is there you're just trying to be nice but someone was going to take advantage of the situation that's I know well you put a waiver in the app just like Uber

getting a car accident you can't sue Uber because somebody was driving because you agree to the terms and conditions and these terms conditions was if you get sick sorry bro but it's free food

enjoy all right well speaking of food we have something set then kind of food related from RJ okay take a peek at it

shit the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool

or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what I found yes that's awesome

I love that song that song. Dude, all I just get wrapped up in it. All these songs. You love them all? I love every one of them. So this was sent in by RJ. And it is very funny.

And it got me thinking. I just have a simple question when we get done with this article for you guys. Heading back to Connecticut, same place. Oh, no, that's Pennsylvania. What was the Connecticut story? We had a Connecticut story today. Did we? Yeah.

Yeah, it was the first one. Yeah. What was it? Stuck in the slide. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say back to the, back to the brain box.

But no, that was Pennsylvania. So Connecticut pizza state license plate now available. Can you bring this up? I was going to take a peek of this little quick. No way. Fuck, yes. I think New York has something to say about that. Yeah, probably.

But I mean, they got to be doing this for a reason, am I right? To fight New York. New Haven style is pretty popular over there. Yeah. That's true. Isn't that Connecticut style in New Haven? Yep. Yeah.

So the pizza state license plate says the pizza state and has an image of a slice of pepperoni pizza, as well as a logo for Connecticut Food Share, an organization that works to reduce food insecurity throughout the state. Linkage, got it. The cost is $65 for a standard plate, $134 for the new personalized vanity plate. You can order the plate on Connecticut Food Share's website here, and there's a link. As the license plate things go, not a whole lot of that money makes it to the organization. But, I mean, I just thought this was super cool. and here's my question that I want to ask you guys

is why can't we put whatever little pictures we want in our fucking license plates? Ah. Like everywhere in the state. I mean, fuck yourself. Give us a nice array. Idaho has one of the best. And it's the baked potato with a huge slab of butter on it.

Like you can literally get a license plate with a buttered potato. That's the only sense of humor of the entire state has ever. Yeah. And that is a thing that you can get. And they do have these funny little, options, but why can't you just get whatever the fuck you want? Like, within guidelines.

You can't just have a giant dick. It can't just be boobs all the time. Yeah, it can't just be a titty. I'm looking at the baked potato license plate, right? Oh, it's the best. Pulling it up. Yeah, bring it up for the viewers if you haven't seen it. Look at it. Oh, yeah. That's so good. Want to me my lover?

World famous Idaho potatoes, baby. And they are world famous. But yeah, it's a nice little baked potato. If you bring pot, motherfucker. You're dead. You know, I used to have a little spat with an old co-worker. She's from Idaho. Okay.

And she used to talk about Idaho potatoes. And I was from Grant County. Oh. Which is the country's, the country's largest potato producer. Oh. How about Simplod? Huh? You know, McDonald's, they supply to McDonald's and all that.

Right where I grew up. Okay. Washington potatoes, bitches. I used to drive my tractor. rent those fields that the moisture's right you could go all night yeah anyway yeah so easy idaho yeah really all right that was for her mainly think she listens no no not a chance not a chance on the off chance we're getting a potato ran not a chance go be there's no chance but there's no chance.

Yeah, I hear you, I hear you. All right, but why not? I feel like it's time that you could pick a little picture to put on there. Yeah, as long, yeah, like you said, as long as it's not inappropriate. Yeah. Fuck it if it is improper. I want to put a big girthy hog on there. Like it just coming.

And it just says, it says coming in it? Yeah, and it extends down and it just like to the muffler. I mean, even coming in it with the little water emoji, like the splash. Or just, uh, the eggplant. Yeah. I mean, because you're like, oh, yeah, well, kids, and they'll be a fan. It's like, they don't know. If they know what that is, that's your fault.

Dude, kids know. Yeah, exactly. Just calm down. You knew when you were little, your kids knew even younger. Our kids, or we knew even younger, and our kids know even younger now. I guess we could really brighten up this country if everyone could put some funny pictures on their license plates. What would you put on yours, Joseph? I don't know.

After that, I have to take a look at it. Obviously, I think that you would No advertising I think would be a good place to start Why? I don't know, because you can't have like Pornhub.com Or something like that. Make a little side money, why not?

I don't know. You could have a QR code maybe. Probably not safe, but in a parking lot someone could scan your license plate link you over to whatever you're into. Always networking. Just make a decal and slap it on your car. Exactly.

You could do that. Nothing stopping you from doing that. I don't know. I'm not sure. I have to think about it. But it just feels like why not allow us to just do something weird and stupid on our license plate? I guess, I mean, the straight answer for me is probably no fun.

License plates shouldn't be fun. And they're just for identification. So that's probably the easy answer is just... Then you don't get to have fun while we're spying on you. You know, you can have fun in your car. You can have fun in your car. You put shit on your car, but the license plate needs to stay neutral. pay whatever give us all your money for stuff just don't have fun with it yeah i get it zach

you agree i'm not saying i agree i'm just i'm giving you an answer that i think makes sense yeah i mean you're i saw the tax thing but yeah yeah yeah yeah i think we need to loosen up on the fucking just relax whether i have my goddamn new year on there tabs are not tabs are a lovely scam it's it's a pretty crazy scam i agree like who fucking cares if it's registered. I like when they say it pays for the roads. It's like, well, we live in Spokane. It's not going very far. It's going really not far. That's really

terrible. All right, let's hop off and hear from the kids. Zach, would you be so kind sir? Hey, no good. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. You want to take the first one, Brian.

Would love to Joe. Read it to me. All right. First one's coming in from our forever scared daughter, Danny, who writes, oh, man, I was hoping for like, hey daddy's. Oh, this is good. But it's just, hey, there, podcast fathers. We'll read it in a sexy voice. I don't have a boner now. I was all pumped up to get one. Oh, man. Fluffer! Hey, their podcast fathers. No, it's too much. It's make me harder, harder father. Yeah, it's not the same vibe as daddy. Yeah. It's Catholic, it's like Catholic churchy. Yeah. Disciplining it.

child now. Your hand looks so big, father. Back to you. I'm re-listening to your old episodes and I think it's episode 32 where Joe brings up weird things his dad used to do. That's funny because I was just going to say Joe's dad used to do weird stuff.

Yeah. And he used to spank me for it. Nice. I like to add my dad's cringeworthy weirdness to this and add my siblings and I are scarred. psychologically from this. Quite unfortunately, my dad has always been a fan of the Speedo.

That's all caps. Speedo! But I think the logo is actually all caps, so. It's confusing. Yeah. It's optional? Come summer, wearing his... Yeah, it's back, baby.

Come summer, wearing his speedo around the house was commonplace. He loved to work outside and get a sun tan, so I guess he just got tired of putting clothes on and taking them off when it was time to get some sun so the speedo was it we lived on a four acre parcel of land in the country so our neighbors weren't that close but close enough to i'm sure to see the creep show as those kids got older became weirder and we'd beg mom to tell dad to cut it out tell dad to put his dick and balls away dude i can see his whole dick remember did you got did your dad's have those pajamas where he just didn't bother to fix the hole so it's just cock would hang out there and lunch or dinner. Nope.

Okay. My family is strange. Yeah, just me, I guess. My dad would just be sitting there, like, reading the newspaper, and it's like, hello. I see your dong, dad. What's going on here? You got money. You can get new shorts, buddy. Hey, nice dick. Nice dick, dad. Good to know I was alone.

That's fun. I'll tell my therapist later. That was fun. Oh, yeah. Here's a... You got his dad his dick was always out when he's reading the newspaper, right? No. Right, guys? Huh. Yeah, fuck me. Huh. How about that.

All right. Kids got older, weirder. So, the pinnacle of the cringe, and I have a quick question this sidebar from

this thing. Did you ever play pinnuckle? The card game? No, but I've heard of it. I didn't either, but we used like pinnacle cards,

but we pronounced it pinnacle cards, but is it just pinnacle? I don't think so. But is it spelled the same? I don't know. I see what you're saying, though.

The pinnacle of cringe. Yeah, so is the game just pinnacle? I don't think so. No, I'll help you. I just, it just made me think because I remember. No, not even close.

P-I-N-O-C-H-L-E. Okay. So, yep. Because I know, yeah. P-I. Just a weird thought. It just popped in my brain when I read it. So.

No, Brian, totally different. P-I-N-O-C-H-L-E, Pinnacle. Oh, you get it. Pinocchial. Yeah, I'm kidding. Okay, back to you. The Pinnacle of the cringe for me when I came, when I believed I was a junior in high school, riding the bus home the bus stops in front of my house you just got so hard again yeah dude

the bus stops in front of my fucking house i'm just walking off the bus my dick slap and each seat on the way out think think think think think buckle your seat up can't sit here the bus stops in front of my house let me off and there's dad on the riding lawnmower in his trusty speedo working on that sun tan i exited the bus i thought i said i was excited for us exit the bus oh we know you're thinking kids and did the walk of shame up a long driveway

rock hard driveway he's 80 now in a wheelchair and the speedo is long gone oh it's sad because it'd be it's just a parrot just a diaper yeah not before I got married years later

oh speedo is gone but not before I got married years later and didn't warn my now ex husband who that's why stopped over my parents' house to pick something up and got an eye full of the anaconda in a little spandex pouch. Is it weird that she's calling her dad's when you're an anaconda? A little bit. Yeah.

I mean, she calls it as she sees it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you're not going to make up that your dad's a dick small. He's an old gardener snake. Yeah. No, we didn't divorce over that, but it made me realize just how many decades of cringe that dad's speedo brought me.

We even have a photo that we still talk about of him on a family vacation, wearing nothing but his speedo and dress shoes playing shuffleboard dress shoes yes sir that's fucking great he don't give a fuck

what do you mean I'm not dressed up if I could find it I'll happily send it to you we'll take it fathers don't do this to your daughters or sons thanks for letting me

lay in the psychiatric couch psychiatrist couch and spill my story hope you enjoyed it Danny send it in we'll make it a trading card yeah I still just rock

underwear at home even when kids come over it's just it's boxers but yeah if they don't like it they can get fuck out it's my house if my house get fucked i just hope i don't dangle out of that pouch uh after our second email now this is in from our son tea right so i was 18 a year out of high school i decided to go to broadcasting school i thought how hard can it really be i have a decent voice i enjoy music quite a bit etc but i digress anyway one day

we had a speaker at broadcasting school this person happened to be a makeup artist he asked if anyone wanted to come up and he could make it look like we had a cut or a black eye or something of course I jumped at this idea so I got up and let old dude put a makeup black eye on me

complete with a little cut on the bottom eyelid it looked very real put a black guy on you every day after my class I would drive across town and pick up my friend my girlfriend and another chick they went to school with I always scooped them up for lunch

Don't let her run the black guy For lunch And then took them back To the last two hours of their school day Well, I waited to pick up my friend For a ride home I thought I'd have some fun with them So I concocted a story

About how I got mugged by two dudes And had ended up with a black eye Oh I felt like What's that? It's just it's Great Nothing

Just the I felt Getting mugged by a black guy are you scratching out i'm just thinking of a scenario in my head based off stupid stuff yeah sure i felt like that wasn't quite enough to be realistic so i took my razor knife and sliced my forearm open about an inch and a half christ hello it ended up a little too deep but didn't even really bleed that much because i'm dead inside didn't write that when they got out of the car and saw my face and heard the story they flipped out i tried to play it off like it wasn't that bad before i could tell

my friend that it was all fake. He decided to call his dad, who was a DR, to see if he could see me. I'm guessing a doctor. That would be my first guess. Yeah. Who was a doctor! We went to the John. I told him the truth. Immediately he came up

with a plan that he might that he might could get, what the fuck is this sentence? He might could get out of, what? Immediately he came up with the plan that he might could get out of school early to take me to the doctor.

Doctor! I was against it, but he insisted. When we got back to their school, he went in and grabbed the teacher to show her my face. Of course, she didn't buy it at all. So they had to stay at school. Now I had a problem. I was scheduled to go see this father after they got out, and he was definitely going to see that it was makeup. I had two hours to kill before they got out, so I formed a plan and ran with it.

I drove to a local park and found a parking space out of the way. While looking in the visor mirror, I wiped away all the makeup. My eye looked extremely red, but not bruised in any way. There was only one thing to do. I sat back in the seat, bawled up my fist, and perceived to punch myself very hard in the eye multiple times. I'm kicking my ass. Do you mind? After a minute or so of this, I had achieved a proper color.

Or I was about to knock myself out. Either way, I was done with that. I looked in the mirror and noticed that there was something missing, the cut. Jesus. I took out my razor knife and very slowly. made a small incision on my lower eyelid. That was it. Fuck, dude.

I went to pick him up for the drive home, which is about an hour long ride. We went to see his dad, and though I doubted he believed my story, he still checked me out and deemed me okay. My friend dropped me off in my house, and I went inside and fell out on the floor in the living room and an adrenaline rush. Crash. When my roommate asked what happened, I just said, forget it. This might be the dumbest thing.

I had done my life up to that point. But for whatever reason, I just couldn't let the lie die. Weird. I did eventually tell the girlfriend. After she got over being angry at me for worrying her, she horse laughed me. Do you guys know what that is? I can imagine it. I mean, I, yeah.

He'll be able to the story the whole time. I deserved it. What a dumb ass. I still have a scar on my forearm from that day. Yeah, you're right. Dude, that's like a. fucking George Costanza where he's just It just got trapped

And it keeps going like we'll live the lie And he would do Just live the lie till the end If it needs to be That's a pretty good confession That should have gone on confessions It might have been a confession Oops

But it's here now It works fine Yeah it's good But fucking just Being like It doesn't look realistic at all And cutting your own eyelid Oh dude

Oh Thanks On his face All right Well that's it guys We gotta get out of here. We've got to get to the bonus shit. Remember, the honkathon is on.

The next thing on the list is getting Brian's eyes checked. So, go check that out. Patreon.com. I think it'll help you read pretty good today. You read really slow today. Yeah. Will you try focusing on just making the words or? No, I was trying to tell a story. Oh, I see. I tried to build suspense.

Okay. I got you. I love you. Yeah. I love you. Love you too. At least I don't say et cetera. So, what's, who says that? etc cunts i ex go into the

amplifier that's another good one both of those both both they have bulls down at the wharf I head over

to patreon.com so as can you don't podcast whoa that's a big pop right and review us wherever you listen to the show thanks to uncle Zach go check out what he's doing

over in the scatcast universe scatcast.com scat with a K. Thanks to the babysitters that moderated the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook. You guys, we're going to wrap this thing up with a little math fact for you. Okay. Okay. Good God.

Wrap it up already, huh? Math fact. Math fact. Math fact. If everyone on earth were to play one round of rock paper scissors and the winner goes on to the next round, the last man standing would only have to win 33 matches

shit how fucking crazy is that small world half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half half only 33 times and then he'd be the last one there small one that's weird It's that fucking math facts You know what's even crazier

What is you know Was it on this show we did the rock paper scissors paper rock scissors Where I said I said paper rock scissors. You guys screamed at me. It continues on the internet, yes. Yes, it does. It lives on.

But here's the thing. The other night I was watching Baywatch. Oh, hell yeah. And, uh, because that's the thing I do. That's sick. Uh, and David Hasselhoff was like, oh, ha, ha, we're talking about something. And he goes, oh, yeah, I'll play scissors paper rock for you, uh, for it.

Scissors paper rock? Oh, he's German. What? It's German stuff. No wonder. I'll play you scissors paper rock for it I can't It was either scissors rock paper

Or scissors paper rock but he started with scissors I mean scissors rock paper sounds cool Like scissors rock paper Yeah But I'm gonna scissors rock paper But not I mean that's I feel like one of the first two

Would it be it's acceptable Paper rock scissors is not acceptable Why? Because you keep telling yourself that And you flows Rock papers and paper rock scissors Do you not remember the controversy you caused on this show

Say it There's not a single There's not a single person That's not a single person that said I don't give a shit So that means you're wrong No That's not what it means

What does it mean? Say it Say it and see which one Flows the best Okay rock paper scissors Now say that one Paper rock scissors That flows so much nicer

Because there's a Paper rocks When you start Paper rock scissors If you start a phrase With a kuh At the beginning It breaks it up

Rock paper Paper Paper scissors Paper rock scissors Paper, rock scissors. Yeah, paper rock scissors. Paper rock scissors. It sounds so much better.

The first word, it has a cut, and it breaks the flow of it. Rock paper scissors, rock, paper scissors, paper scissors. Paper, rock, it's like this. Rock paper scissors. It's three words, so that's good. But rock paper scissors just flows like this, watch. Rock paper scissors. It's so smooth.

You should have the wrong way, dude. You're going against yourself. You meant paper rock scissors. No, you were right the first time. It's like rock Rock paper scissors Sounds great Rock paper scissors

Paper rocks Paper rocks It is lost man You do get the paper And then rock And then scissors So that is kind of It's like a

Yeah It's like It's a paper rock scissors Hate it Rock paper scissors Fuck You guys are idiots And all of you listening

Are fucking idiots Do Stand on your truth Brian If you don't agree with me Fuck you That's everybody I don't care

I know there's One or two guys out there They agree with me And fuck yeah, dude, we're in this together. And you're all wrong. I don't give a shit. That's okay. What is going on in Central Washington?

Everything, dude. The potatoes galore. We've already been through this. All right, off to the bonus. You wouldn't have McDonald's if it wasn't for us. What? Thank you. Central Washington.

Pretty sure it was invented in California. Huh? What? McDonald's? Yeah, but you need the potatoes to... They probably had potatoes before they discovered the potatoes in Central Washington. And I doubt it. All right, off to the bonus stuff.

Bye!