Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Canned Salmon. Verification. Penguins. Comforter.

Episode Date: May 13, 2026

Doesn't it seem like the older you get, the sadder visiting Las Vegas becomes? Bryan just went there and returned with some wonderful examples of the sadness. Let's talk about that, having a giant black sex toy glued to your forehead for five years, drawing on fake mustaches in order to bypass age requirements online, raising money for brain cancer treatment through a lemonade stand, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/YbHL_2K6678Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Can salmon. Verification. Penguins. Comforter. I think I'm showing right there. Holy cow. Nice. Why, did you just get back from Vegas or something? I just happened to look up and there it is. Vegas will do something to a man.

It will. You'll show up there. You come back. You're like, I can show a little more leg. God, that's a lot of late. I'm just going to keep it like that. I don't like it. Huh?

I don't care for it. Incident report. Are you getting turned on? His pants. getting tight. Before I even started, I filled out an internet report. Mm.

Yeah. What was it about? Your leg. Mm, I think you're gonna say, don't worry about it. Oh. That would have been funnier. Mm-hmm. Fuck.

That's why I asked you the question. You thought it was teed up. Yeah. Like, Joe is not going to miss this one. There's no way you could miss this one. I. New things are happening in my life that require me to start my day at $350. So,

I don't be damn. Yeah, big adjustments. This will be like, seven hours on a microphone today. Number 204. That's pretty exciting. We're a whole month past being high.

Huh. Are you, I think you're still a little bit. I haven't gotten high. It's going to be a bit before I dabble back into the gummies. Joe goes on the day I was head now, he's like maybe bring two in case I want to keep it going. Yeah, and I did after I woke up.

I took another half. Did you? Yeah. Because what are I supposed to do? Get over the first. one. Oh, that's like a non-addict response. Yeah. That's smart. You're like the guy that's, you drank too much the day before you wake up. I might as well drink again.

You have to. That's a terrible idea. Whatever, dude. That's big beer, that's big alcohol telling you that, oh, the best medicine is just more booze. Man, they're right. Couldn't possibly be correct. Things are going great. Send in shit you want to see on the show.

Hey guys, at can you know, podcast.com. It feels like we got a ton of emails. We promise we're trying to get back to you. Trying to get back to them guys. There's like 5 million of them in there. We mixed up the honkathon Patreon thanks to the new ones that signed up. You guys are awesome. We're slowly growing.

But as we hit new months, of course it falls off because things get denied. We were 10 away. Our people were like, fuck this. We were 10 away from 4.50 and it dropped. So the most recent update to the honkathon is that 450, Brian and Zach are going to eat this just roaming. The first

fermented herring. And we're going to do that outside. That's just regular fish, right? Good luck, bud. At 475, Zach gets its own camera. Why? So that's fun. And then 500, at least still in there for right now, is the extra Patreon episode every

single month. I have no idea how Brian wiggled his ass out of a fucking hot air balloon ride. He sure did. I don't, I... After months of conversations. People didn't want to see it because we never got there. You told them that you, like how much you would kill them? you. And they're like, well, now they feel bad.

We don't want them to die. Yeah, because they care about us. I mean, I, uh, so my anxiety has been at a great level. It's been, it's been at a pretty high level lately. And so when we flew to Vegas, leaving the kids, my whole, the anxiety takes over. And I'm thinking, if we both die, our kids don't have parents. So like every, care of them, every little bump in like, in the airplane, it was just, if I'm flying by myself, it's fine. But it was like, holy

shit, dude. So then I was thinking about, I'm looking at the wind, I'm like, there's no fucking way that I could do a hot air balloon. There's no way. I just love that it's invaded your life so much. And I guess that another funny thought that you die, and I'm taking care of your kids.

And I'm like, we're going to baseball games and shit. And they're like, no, this is my dad. Your dad's a fucking idiot. Like, I'm just showing new techniques. Yeah, that's not how you draw a curball. He told you that. Hold on. He said,

he said to throw it like that. And I'm like, God, what a fucking idiot. No, here's how you really get one to dive. No wonder you're only hitting 200, dude.

Your dad's a fucking idiot. Thanks, Uncle Joe. I'm dad now. Yeah. Please call me dad. All right. We had an update sent in.

We asked for a clarification about our petty bee from last week from our daughter, Yo. Do you remember there shoving tissues behind the mirror? Yeah. And we didn't really.

quite, it was hard to picture what it looked like or how this could happen. And she sent in a series of videos, only going to show one of them. Boom. But here you go. Okay. How come the volume's not fucking going up? There we go. Oh, look at this.

Oh, my goodness. How? Hiding the shame. I know, but why's the volume not working? It was working a second ago. Joe, before the show is like, oh, your computer's plugged in, right? You can make sure you plugged it in? Mine's plugged in, dude.

I don't know what to tell you. That's what I say every time. And then she went through and sent other videos from like the other side of the mirror that's equally packed with just tissue. So it looks like he's getting up. He's got a, I mean, it's one thing if you're laying inside of bed and you just reach over and set it. Yeah. And he's not like throwing them behind the mirror. He's stuffing them behind.

Getting up and stuffing and then not knocking off the mirror means you're having to be a little bit careful. Like just throwing the trash He's trying to protect the mirror Yeah he's doing like some sound Maybe they're yeah Yeah soundproof or something He's playing chess yo He's playing long game

Okay let's get the show rolling I think she'd rather play checkers Zuck Fucking push it Shut up Start the show already So Shane is back He took a little bit of a break

It hasn't been like quite Not all 400 Of our emails have been would you rather is from Shane. He took a little hiatus. He's back to rethink his life a little bit. It's a mouthful. Here we go.

First scenario. You own a zoo. Your family helps you run it. Anytime your kids name an animal, you have to go fuck it. You're allowed to keep it a secret or tell everyone, but no in between. If you keep it a secret, you get nothing.

If you tell everyone, you get $50,000 for each. animal. And it's a business move. It buys a lot of zebra feed. I'm retired. Did you also know I fucked 300 zebras?

Or have a 12-inch black dildo glued to your forehead for five years. You can make up any excuse you want. You only get paid $2,000 every four months. Shit.

Fucking. That's a side gig. So 6K a year? Yeah, one of them I'm coming, and one of them, I'm going. You know what I mean? So my dad.

Oh, yeah. I feel like he could make some money just off of owning the zoo. So you're already going good. But you're not fucking animals. You don't have to. You got some money. You got some ticket prices. What?

Oh. Oh, yeah. No, but it's not about you. It's if you're a family, your kids, name them. I know, but you don't have to tell anybody because you're already making money as a zoo owner. If you're doing a good job promoting the zoo animals. So you just keep it down. Keep it to yourself, Bucco.

I mean, if you are having to fuck animals. you might as well tell people about it, though. We don't. And then turn the zoo into a circus attraction for degenerates. And you're going to go straight to jail. On account of bestiality rules. Depends on which state you're in, I think. You could get away with one to two penguins before someone's going to be a little upset.

Get your wiener out of that cloaca. One to two penguins. I love how you went to penguins. Yeah, because those are the best. If your zoo doesn't have penguins, I don't want to be at your zoo. He just had a boner the whole time he was watching Happy Feet. You have no idea. Dude, if you had to get in there with the silverbacks, that's a different story.

Oh, they name it. If I'm, if I'm fucking a silverback, I'm talking about it. Yeah. That's an accomplishment. Mm-hmm. You have to tranquilize it. Like if you, might as well start an only fans at that point. Double up the income.

Double up the felony. You're not only are you performing bestiality, but you're tranquilizing. Yeah, you're just roofing animals. so you can fuck them because your kids named them. How do you... And then getting a paycheck? How do you present yourself in court? Impossible.

Your honor, this is going to sound crazy. And I realize... I wish this never happened. I know how this looks. I know how it sounds. Pepper named the camel Kevin. So, of course, I tranquilized Kev and fucked him. And got $50,000.

Anything else? Everything else. I have done this through every animal in the zoo. And now a word for my lawyer. Now a word from my sponsor. Peter. Yeah, you can have a ton of money. There's no way you're getting away with it.

Like, you guess that's no. Because you have to tell everyone. So we have to bring in the legal side. It'd be hard to fuck. I mean, you'd have to be pretty disconnected mentally. The first few times would be a little rough. The first few times would be rough. What the fuck was that?

Nothing. Was that an oven? I have a keesh going. Yeah, cookies are done. You got an easy-bake oven going? I caught it. I know you don't cook. So it's got to be at least played out.

Remember, what was that one where you got to, it was like easy-bake oven, but you cooked bugs? No? I don't remember that. Creepie crawlers? What? How poor were you? Really poor. Yeah, enough to

But they're like jello things That you could make And cook them into centipedes Get the new cockroach Easy Bake oven, you poor piece of shit We're getting side check Let's get back to fucking animals Yeah, come on

Yeah, back to you, go ahead Priorities What I say it was called? Hmm Easy Bake I can't let this go Easy Bake oven Bug

But, but That cooks bugs It's bugs But it's bugs? But it's bugs But it's bugs. Easy bake oven, but it's bugs. It's creepy crawlers or something, right?

Yes! Creepy crawlers. Magic Maker from the 1990s, often referred to as an easy bake oven for boys. You motherfuckers never saw this? No. I never had one. I was too poor.

Supposed to murder it bugs and eat them? Yeah, it was the same, like, it was like an easy bake oven, but it was gross and it had bugs that you'd cook and then eat. Go ahead, bring it up. Check this out. See it. Yeah. Does that look a little familiar, though?

You know I'm right. God, what a time. Real molding oven. What year was that? It says the 1990s. Of course it was. We loved our bug eating back then. That looks a little bit late, like maybe mid to late 90s.

That doesn't look like early 90s. Yeah, I don't think I was watching cartoons. They had to have had a great theme song. You guys know it. It had to. You couldn't have a commercial without a great theme. Okay, let's find out. Is it a show then?

I'm just a normal kid. I'm sure what they are. What the fuck? Look, they're totally bizarre. My name's Chris. Let me tell you about a new lighting night. When creepy crawler group mandos came in a flash of life. Nice song, dude.

I was wrong. This is not a good song. Maybe do a second or third take on this. This might be. the worst song I've ever heard my fucking life. Yeah, I'm eating my words for sure. I'm mad. And it wasn't a good song, and the characters were just complete rip-offs of other characters

from other shows. And that 90s rap commercial, oh. Come on, sing it, kids. Come on. Say it with me. You tried to jam way too many words in at the end where it would rhyme to it, so it just didn't flow. Then I would rather do to that. My name is Danny, and I'm here to say.

I cook creepy crawlers all fucking day. In a special way. In a special way. In my butt. In my butt. I don't need no oven. I got bugs in my butt. Ask me how much?

Creepie crawlers. Let me tell you what. Sorry about that, everyone. Yeah. So that's there. Back to us. Dick on your forehead. No.

Not just a dead. It seemed like enough. You know, between 50K for fucking an animal. and then telling people about it. You're going to have a lot of lawsuits and not a lot of friends. But you're also not going to have a whole lot of friends with a giant black dildo glued to your forehead for five years.

So tonight we have Mike Youngest's little musical choir thing. Congratulations. It's going to be terrible. But, you know, it would be even worse. Creepie crawlers. Fucking wake! The cool dance moves? Creepy crawlers.

Oh. Skitt'a-wap-bop. Funny. Thanks. But, no, I'm just pretty, so like, we have to go to this thing, and now imagine me walking into the gym, all the kids sitting down there, like, you know,

the parents, and I walk in with a giant, foot-long black dildo sticking off my forehead. You'd have to wear, like, the cat in the head. Hat hat hat. Yeah, you could decorate it maybe. Yeah, that whole, yeah, for Christmas, there's like lights around it. With a little sign on, hold on, hear me out. You have a giant black dildo on your forehead. And your t-shirt has the FM frequency that you dial into to watch the light show. You dial into 89.7. 89.7. Merry Christmas.

and it's just like but it's kind of fuzzy because you're five feet away and da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da whao wheeo! Weeo!

Weeo oeo whee o'e o'e o'i o'em. Weeooo! Fucking dick lights just bouncing around. and this song ends and every time goes it's fucking static everyone knows what I'm talking about God make them more powerful

and don't cares fuck you FCC the uh I mean the unicorn you can do something with that where you just kind of play into Halloween set yeah but

just oh god just your everyday regular stuff you're going you order at the like a trying to talk out just do anything

talking out the window smacking it around on things just turn your head and look at something it's just like wee wee wee wee

web web web web web it's not made of you know steel like no but that's the sound I wanted to make

I think you can turn that into some sort of billboard on your face yeah brought to you by Boost Mobile by Adam and Eve yeah that's even better

yeah Adam and Steve yeah I don't know One of these I just have a black dild on my face. The other way I'm going to come. So that's going to be... Yeah, but you're also doing something...

Can you tell everyone in a funny way? Like, you still drop the information, but they think that you're just... The BCLity one? Mm-hmm. Afa pandas. You're like, oh my God, you should have been over your last night. I had sex with a grizzly bear. And you're like, just...

No way. That's not possible. But you still... You divulge the information, but every... At every gathering... You have to. It reminds me the time I was fucking. I fucked.

I fucked three penguins. A commoto dragon. Yeah, I was fucking a commoto dragon. Just kidding. I would never do that. But you have to tell everyone at the party. So you have to walk around and say the same joke. And I get 50,000.

That's too much work. Is this 50,000 tax free or are we paying? Are we getting 25,000? I would assume it's under the table. Okay. Yeah. That'd be a hard one to fill out on a W-2. It would.

You get audited? Fuck. It says here. It says here What do you do? You fuck the kangaroo Or whatever Could use some receipts on that

And spent Six million in gas Come on It's your own zoo You're not traveling to zoos Yeah well those kangaroos are fast I'm gonna pick the big ass dildo Can it at least be a female

Animal? Yeah but unless your kid names a male one Yeah it's up to them It's not up to you You can just take their mouth shuts. They could never teach them how to speak. Stop talking about the zoo!

They don't want names, they don't need names. My daddy always told me never name an animal. If you name it, you claim it. Trap, brother. Fucking. Ah, yeah. Okay, 12 inch doledo. That's where I'm going.

God. It's okay. I would just keep the zoo and not fuck the animals and see if I could make a living. You're missing the whole thing. No, you have to fuck the animal. It's your kids name them. My kids are going to name them. I can't stop kids from naming.

Oh, yes, I can. I've heard a duct tape, buddy. I've heard a duct tape. Have you heard of CPS? Yeah. Well, then I don't have to name animals if I don't have my kids anymore. I'd rather deal with CPS than fucking an animal.

Yeah. Okay. That thing is, like, you could tell your kids not to name an animal, but then you show up and they're like, they were hanging out with their brother or whatever. Like, oh, we named, yeah, but. No, I told you not to name the animal. It's a giraffe.

You did this. As you're fucking up. You're up on a ladder, fucking a giraffe. Fucking a snow fox. You did this. this. You're gonna watch. Quit naming the animals. You did it.

You make daddy sad. You make daddy come. What are you doing it, daddy? Quit naming them. You name it, I fuck it. You pepice? Kids are gonna grow up so fast. Yeah, watching their dad fuck a parrot. Yeah, it's gonna be a whole thing.

want you murder a couple of parrots you killed it you did this you killed it i didn't kill shit i'm just doing my job yeah you'd probably kill the first few parrots that you'd figure out how to do it but what what? I don't know like what like an incision

maybe just the tip I don't know that's gonna be a lot it's a lot for a parrot that's a fun question for AI how much dick and a parrot take it might win on award. Yeah.

Weirdest question of the day. I bet you it won't tell me. Let's find out. I don't care. Unfortunately, how many dicks can a parrot take? Almost one. See you back in the corner. Is this going to give me any trouble?

Yeah. How many dicks can a parrot take? Well. What size? What size? Yeah. Chase, Jake, can you fuck a parrot? Yeah.

Well, maybe just say, can a human have sex with a Can a human have sex with a parrot? This is, mm, nope. It just said no. It said content removed and he said, you can't do this.

Actually, no, it still answered it. It deleted my thing and then still filled it out. Oh. No. A human should not have sex with a parrot. Should or can or different.

That's what I'm saying. There's several reasons. Animals cannot be, can give informed consent to sexual activity with humans. It is considered annual abuse And illegal None of that matters It can seriously injure the bird

Parents are physically fragile All compared with humans He's also health risks Like bird dick Well you just put a condom on If your question is about unusual animal behavior Or curiosity about biology I can explain how parents reproduce

Yeah we're not doing this Maybe it was a kid asking the question So I risked it You're on a list Oh, who cares? Fuck it. Can things get worse? Go shows.

Speaking of a fucking stop. The Golden Geese. Matthew Leonard. Todd Seton host. And our latest Golden Goose EM3. EM3. Jordan Holiday.

Jason Kleaser. Daniel Spatz. Stephen. Guerrera. Neil Davide. Daniel Akai. The Sofa king. And Maggie doesn't fuck parrot.

Stoke. I want Stoke to Perl. We don't know for sure. I'm going to assume no. I mean, you're right. She could. Yeah.

That's our top tier. So, yeah. It was about an hour before we started recording today's episode that EM3 showed up. So we'll get to that video here in the next week or so. Zach, next thing. Fuck! Hey.

Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. shit. What are you thinking about? Show off that fucking leg. This one was going numb, so I just switch it up.

It's too cold? No. Was I too hard? Low blood pressure and getting old. All right. I went to the doctor and they said, not low. It's not like unhealthy low, it's just lower. But it's good cardiovascular health.

Then what are you complaining about? well it's still it's my if I just a lot to deal with no if I if I sit weird it'll cut the blood off and make it all tingling you want it to be higher can you tea higher um yeah blah blah blah blah so you were in Vegas tell me about huh yeah what'd you do what'd you do we do in our went down there for a concert yeah which one what was it Morgan Wallen Idiot Yeah

No my wife He said he got some good songs My wife loves him Yep He puts on a good show He does He does have good music He does have some good music

He's some Hell of a songwriter It's not my It's not necessarily my thing But I get why people like it And there's a few songs that I enjoy I hear you The ones that sound more like

The ones I like Yeah The ladies love them Fuck yeah He's a bad boy He throws chairs Did you get hit by a chair Oh my God

What if that was like the best thing It could happen to you At a Morgan Wall in concert Does he hits you with a chair Just write a sign Just hits you in the face With the chair And you're like thank you

Thank you Morgan Thank you You got it Yep So down there for that Yeah it went down there It's been a bit since Did you get a hand job

Or anything? A little bit Is it too much information Yeah by the The share Lookalike on the street I thought about to say sheriff. I was like,

hmm? Flag for sheriff. As you know, Vegas is just, it's, it's a bizarre place. It's not a real place. It's not a real place.

It doesn't exist. It's just this weird fantasy thing that you... Everything. Yeah. Everything about it. Besides the people, everyone knows it's not real. Even the people that are there

and live there and work there. Yeah. Also, just wish you weren't. It's just the whole thing. It's fun. And the people, People, it's one thing just when you're there, it's weird, but it's also like the people going to Vegas, the people you ride on the airplane with, there's just a different vibe. The plane ride down is always different.

The crew is always a little bit. A little spicy. Yeah, a little spicier, a little looser. They got jokes. That's true. I've said this before. There's nothing more depressing than the departure section. Oh, yeah.

at the Vegas airport. Yeah, everyone. It's literally no one is sitting straight up. Yeah. And if they are, you, they're the ones that are, you're skeptical of. Everyone else has hoods over and they're laying there. They have dedicated people to walk around and wake you up. Fuck yeah, dude.

America. That's exactly what it was like. It's exactly what it was like. You get it. Okay, back to you. And it's, so it's not just the, there. It's the getting ready to go. and going through security and stuff like that.

And there was just this one, it just reminded me of the way that started out. We were going through security. And there's a guy a couple. In Spokane? Yeah. A guy a couple clicks in front of us just, who the fucking measure shit and clicks? Thank you for your service, Brian.

Kind of get to the HZ, the LZ. Yeah, Chad, brother. About three fortnight. three, four yeah, now we're heading down to Vegas about three fortnight

it's a month and a half that's six weeks yeah month and a half yeah uh a couple clicks a couple clicks in front of me

um I mean that's not even the right term measurement it sounded right um but he's he's there and he looks like he's never flown before

he's standing there with all of his stuff not in one of the trays and carrying plastic bags like a grocery bag and he's just standing there and he's going

through the thing and he's trying to put his bag and they're like you can't just put a I'm pre-checked not anymore yeah I don't know how no you were pre-checked you have your shit in grocery bags sir

like by law come over here with the switchblades mm-hmm okay And, which is weird, because the pre-check is just sometimes it's there and sometimes not. And they'll just, they'll put you in the normal line and say, here's this little card to give. So I still have to wait in the long line. I just don't want to take my laptop out. Thanks.

Awesome. That was so much. You saved me so much work. Right. So glad I paid $400 a year for this. So I don't really know what this fucking guy's deal was. But I just, I just, I just remember. him handing her,

him putting the bag down and then her going through this bag and holding up the line. And she pulls out, not a tuna can, but like a can of beans size can, like a bigger... Of tuna? No. Oh. It was pink salmon.

In a can, but not like in a little... Yeah, not a saucer. Saucer. It's in like a... It's too tall. motherfucking fish on a plane. Yeah, too tall for a salmon. A giant can of pink salmon. And there were multiple.

And so he, but she goes, what is this? And he's like, pink salmon. And he starts trying to grab it back from her. And she's like, no, sir. Give it back. She's like, this is my pink salmon. I know you want it. You'll get it.

That's $200. I don't know where you find that or where. I don't know if you can even take that. I think we all got to go past him because he was just holding up the conveyor. So we were like, this is all ready. We're already on the right, we're heading to Vegas. I don't know if this guy was heading to Vegas. Maybe he was connecting somewhere.

I mean, we're talking about something like this? Yeah. Is that it? I think that's, that might be it. But I think the label is. This is not. What? What?

It's not the highest quality, Pink Sam. Yeah. 30 cents an ounce. Tell me that that's not 4.50 for that. Organic, just fresh. Pink salmon in a can. Bumblebee

Seafoods. What? I can't. Bumble B tuna. Yeah. What is that guy doing? I don't know what he's doing. Imagine cracking that open.

He's got a like waiting for the plane. Eating with a fork or like, or like a You guys watch some of that? Yeah. That's like choosing the thing with the most odor.

Yeah. Oh yeah, he's going to clear out of room for sure. Man. So I don't know, that was just, that was the one thing. And so then we're, you know, there's little shit like that. We get into Vegas. A little pricier, but check this out. Look at that design, dude.

It's three times as much. Why? How? Double Q. This is from Alaska. Yep. A natural source of omega-3s. Yep. Premium 100% natural quality.

Wild caught 418 fucking grams Wild caught If you use that That just seems like you're You're trying to trick me Right Because shouldn't you just be able to say

Like if you just say salmon It should But then you get to have to say Farm Salmon If you don't say that It should be wild You don't want to eat sad salmon Just jamming that into an aluminum can

Wild caught salmon Those are only two I really see here Oh chicken the seed does a little bit of it Oh signature Safeway was like, we're fucking getting in the salmon game. You got this one. Who designed that?

It looks like if you ripped out, like the inside of oysters and just put them in a pile. You're like, this is appealing, right? Buy it. I'm not buying this. What the fuck is this? So that one sucks. That's, well, hmm. Mmm. Yum.

Yeah. Well, there's no picture on that one. Is that creative? Yeah. With a little hook. Kroger. Have an actual salmon stacked up in tiny cubes. That's one of the most unappealing things I've ever seen.

It'd be like if you're buying beans and they showed an asshole farting. And you're like, love it. Love beans. Look at this flageant ass. print, put on a can in the store. We're going to get that in Costco. This is great.

Let's make 10 million of them. Are they wild caught? I don't know. I got to say, the guy that was, he looked like the guy that would like pour that out on a plate and heat it up. Like a microwaved,

canned pink salmon. I can get behind that. No, I can't. I had a girlfriend that made hot tuna fish sandwiches. Yeah. Yeah. You don't care for it?

I was the first time I ever had it. I liked her, so I ate the sandwiches and I always asked for more. I don't mind like a hot, like tuna grilled cheese. I'm fine with that. It wasn't bad. It's fine. I wouldn't ask for it ever again, though. Tuna and rice is also really good.

I'm down with that. Yeah. Anything rice. Anything rice. Put some tuna in there. You guys are welcome. Okay, so that. Let's not get caught up on that.

What else is going on? Well, so then you're down there. and there's just you know you know how it is it's just like people trying to sell you every

every fucking thing you can imagine one of the one of the things that always makes me laugh is the people that walk they dress up and walk around

they'll dress up like Michael Jackson or Batman or whatever force a photo and they'll go up and people and people will take pictures with them

and which is free right and they're like yeah then afterwards you're like He's 30 bucks, dude. Which, who is the person that's going up to the Batman on the street and getting a picture with Carney Batman on the streets of Vegas?

You're the real deal, right? Yeah. You're Christian Bale? Sure. Yep. Got free tickets to the Flamingo show at 930. I sure do. Head on down to fucking peppermints.

So what's even funier to me is when it's... That's what it was. And it's like a group of them hanging out. And they're kind of out of character. So they might have their mask off or something. But they're like, what are you doing later? They're huddled down like smoking a joint. And we were walking down.

And I'd seen these characters. Like there was a bluey walk around. Just a blueie going walking down the strip. Do you how much I spent on this? 90 fucking degrees, mind you. And a couple other characters. and we're walking around and then we come around this corner and it's like the blueie's there there's a chubaca and another and they're like standing around

just standing around having a conversation just take the picture no they weren't even working they were standing in like a semi-circloth they're having a conversation and you could hear them just like talking about whatever and it's like bluey but in like some guys like oh yeah and then we went down to the whatever the fucking strip club and blah blah blah's the stocks you want to invest it. Right. Thanks, Chewbacca. Thanks, Chewbacca.

I will fall my 401k tomorrow. But they're like, they're just like smoking weed, drinking. They're like taking poles off a little, little alcohol bottles and stuff. Like one guy walked out of Walgreens with a bag and like handing those guys drinks while they're like sitting on a bench. Cookie mantas like yum, gnom, gnom, gham, gham, greg. Vegas is more. fun with weed legal there, I will say. We got there the first year it was legal.

That's scary. How long ago was that? It's strong. 2017, 2018, something like that. Okay. Oh, yeah, it's like everywhere. They're not hiding it. It's crazy. And so then we went down a little farther and there's the dude that was that was Chewbacca, I'm pretty sure was homeless. Because he's, we're walking down. There's like some guy, there's, they have these guys that just, they set up a speaker and an iPad and they're doing

karaoke. And they're, so they're like, it's a little mobile station and they're standing there terribly singing karaoke with a thing out front for you to give them donations and money and stuff.

I mean, it's... I wasn't planning on doing this. Hang on. Hanging. That's such a... It's a balsy business move. I can see that they're getting a lot of donations. What key is that?

Look at that guy. What the fuck? That's the key of drugs. That's the key of please. But anything help. We're coming down the escalator and that guy's... You're fucking coming down. Escalator.

And some of them would do that. They would just sing about people that were going on. I got shoes. I got shirts. It was terrible. You have money. I am poor. But there's like that guy and then another 100 yards, not even that 100 yards.

That's a big. That's like six clicks. 100 feet maybe. There's another guy doing another version of that. He's like, don't listen to that guy up the road. He sucks. He's actually rich. Don't give him money.

I'm actually poor. Give me all your money. He's got tons of money. He's bored. Fuck him. So in the middle of that is a bench. And the guy that was Chewbacca... You're selling earplugs?

That's how you make money, baby! Create the problem and offer the solution. Just sit directly next to him and sell earplugs for a buck. God, that would kill. I would do it. I'm like, I don't want earplugs, but here's $4 million. He just made me laugh so hard. I respect the hustle.

Or he's holding like the power strip. You can turn it off for $5. Somebody should do that. Yeah, hopefully someone does. Man, there's a lot of money in that. Shut this guy up for five bucks. I'm going to sing to you. No.

Having fun on it. You just do. He just don't. A whole light set up fog machine You hear the power down? And it's just him now. He's just like, and then

I got to hear it. Five bucks have shut him down for 30 seconds just to get by. Yeah, exactly. I got a Vegas question for you guys. What's the maximum amount of time you would spend in Las Vegas before you? The time that I spent down there.

It's a weekend. Yeah. Yeah, I think I did three, four days one time. That's a lot. Yeah, I did seven. I think we did eight. time. Yeah. I did a week. It was I was done by the third day.

I was done by the third day. We just ran the clock out. We were playing music too, but I was like, yeah, I'm done. It was 120 degrees. We're all in our sovereign gear for the whole time. Oh my God. Yeah, we've got guys in fur and shit. It was not fun. Can we just wear shirts? The bus ride on the way home was... They're going to notice. They'll know. You have

to wear your clothes. What about the mask? Do I have to wear the mask? Yep. Yes, you do. We didn't look into your fugly face. We didn't come all this way for you to take your fucking mask off. Yeah, Vegas is wild. Anyway, the guy, so the guy that was Chubaka was laying across the bench was the helmet laying on the ground and he was just sleeping. So he like wakes up, goes, takes a couple pictures and goes and lays back down.

Because I'm pretty sure he was homeless. Yeah. So the money he made, he went and bought a Chubaka costume. Just ratty. Terrible. Madded. Dude. Fucking sex hair, Chewbacca.

so bad. But do the sound. Fuck you. That wasn't what it was. Fuck you. It's not, no, the fuck you.

Fuck you. Lay down. Chew bench. I mean, that's it. There was a couple little things. There was this fight that almost happened and this drunk dude ripped his shirt off and the other dude

flipped up his shirt like because the other guy went this dude was like fat just his stomach hanging down and he goes he was like like he's like I'm gonna pop you boomer boo down and the other guy lifts up his shirt like he was gonna show a gun but I'm pretty sure he didn't have a gun and the other guy

was like we do what should imagine there Harry Potter it was dude it was just like this is just happening in front of us and you're standing there with that six foot long drink just All right Hurricane You're just going to New York

New York You're going to New York? That's where we stayed. I like that place Yeah I bet you do But it's just shit like that Everybody that's been to Vegas

Has their own little stories that they know And stuff And it's just I can't wait to go back I don't I only go down there For events now

Like a football game Or whatever So I don't do like Vegas So when I go down there, it's just Not to lose money It's just the older guy, Vegas thing. Not like crazy, and you just see what's going on.

Like, fuck. This is different. You took the glasses off. You're like, oh, shit. It's actually kind of sad. Yeah. Yes. I get it.

All right. Well, let's get our dicks out. Okay. I think it's time. Zach, please. All right. Well, here's a couple. I have two stories.

I think, actually, I pulled three stories that all have to do with children. but here's one being a parent I felt I don't know let me just read it to you guys and we'll see if we have the same feelings

let's head over to Kentucky which is always good holy fuck Kentucky woman arrested for allegedly giving toddler a tattoo that's a note when you read it I get it

but you need more information and I'm about to give it to you do we okay yep yeah a Wayne County woman beautiful this time of year has been arrested for allegedly

tattooing a toddler according to court documents law enforcement and Adar AIDAR County I dare I don't know were called to a child abuse complaint at the residence in Columbia

back on Monday Upon making contact with Brooke McDaniel 27 years of age police asked if she had been if she had given a 22 month old a tattoo on its arm McDaniel confirmed that she had done so

while tattooing her own leg when the child walked up and stuck her arm up in the way of the tattoo gun. Sure, and that's how it got a butterfly. You wish, okay? This is where it gets a little dicey, okay? Police reported that the child

had a black tattoo dot on its right forearm with redness around the area. Several witnesses at the scene confirmed that McDaniel gave the child a tattoo and that the child requested it. Baddest-ass toddler in the nursery. A little pirate, less than two years old.

McDaniel was arrested, taken to jail in charge with one count of fourth degree assault child abuse. She is currently lodged at the Adair, county regional jail on a $5,000 cash bond. It better be fucking cash. We're sick of you, McDaniel. That's how tattoo artists like it, too. McDaniel does not have a court date. Okay. Kids, think about it.

On the surface, this shit seems pretty crazy. Right? It was just a pixel. See? He's there. And this kid, like, you're in the middle of doing a tattoo, and kids like, no, mind it. And you're like, you don't want this.

You know what none of this, Dewey? Like, this is not. And the kid's like, come on. And you're like, fucking fine, dude. And you're like, see? Get the fuck out of here. What are you doing? You don't know what's right for you?

Do you think any of that happened? Yeah. Okay? Me too. Because kids. Yeah. You ever done some shady shit with your kid? Not like that.

Knock it off. But like they're like, if you, you could probably get arrested by CPS for throwing your children. Like you pick them up when they're tiny and throw them 14 feet onto the couch. But they smash their head into the window cell. Like idiots. Put your arms up.

What are you doing? God. Learned to protect yourself. Nope. Not getting anything from Brian. on this one. I'm just thinking. Can you think faster?

I'm trying to process before I say anything. What do you want to say? I don't know. Okay. I just, I don't know. I kind of wish the kid got like a tiger tattoo or something that we could see the picture of it instead of a pixel. Yeah. And that would have been more powerful.

Yeah, don't pussy out. How did the, how did this, how did they find out that this happened? didn't say in the article because the mom was like this isn't a mole or the grandma or somebody somebody was mad I don't know a friend was like that was fucked up and so

because what I'm wondering is like what kind of situation what's this house look like what's going on in this house it was a poor decision by Brooke all around to even however it happened

tattoo guns have off buttons and also weird just be giving yourself a tattoo. That's... Or giving a tattoo. And I know that that happens. I know plenty of people. Hell, I've been to parties where I almost ended up with a tattoo.

Thankfully, I'm like, nah. And I have this one. I have a flaming hot air balloon with silly geese in it now. Yeah, but you went to a place that is a professional workspace. Yeah. But, I mean, how many tattoos are done just at home? I know so many people that have gotten just tattoos in the wild.

Well, that's, I guess that's where I... Even at a party, like just this past weekend, there was a celebration at this restaurant here in town. And they had tattoos there. So it wasn't like a professional. They were professionals, but it wasn't a professional environment. It was just in a restaurant. So what's the difference between that and just in a house if you clean the skin up? Anyway.

You ever been to a tattoo house? And there's little kids walking around? I used to run a magazine, right? And we had some of our clients were tattoo shops out of their house. It's a different scenario. Yeah, it's a little diff. It's a little less clean when the cat's like hanging out. I don't know if the cat should be here with my blood.

I don't know if I should be grinding cat hair into my arms. I guess that's where I'm trying to be careful here. Okay. I mean, I've only had tattoos in a tattoo shop. Well, yeah, you have a Tesla. I've spent hours in there. I just haven't wanted to be in a situation. where I'm getting a makeshift tattoo at a random place.

Has anyone asked what the kid wants? What if he's like, I'm just starting my sleeve. What are you talking about? I'm just getting a jump start. Yeah. Yeah. I got an opportunity to get a jump start on my sleeve. Who knows her kid better than the mom, right?

It's the mom. She knows. Yeah. Like he's a little wiker in the making. I've done things where, you know, like I flick, you know, like you wrestle with your kid or give him a little punch or whatever. And they're like, oh, that wouldn't hurt. I'll be like, you don't think it would hurt.

And then come over here and I'll paint, you know, like something where, but I don't know, when you're a needle is a different. For me, it's the needle aspect of it. It's not a, it's not necessarily like, I get the kid thing. It's the needle. Yeah. Like, and you take it from your skin and put it in. So that's, you just dab them. It'll be like, yeah, you want, here you go.

But it's still, it's still, you're still jamming a needle. It's a needle from one person to another. It's a port of it. It was a very poor decision. But isn't it funny that in this situation, you can see that little shit running up and be like, give me it. No, no. Get out of here. Come on.

And like hitting them. And you're just like, fine, man. And they're like, ah! And you're like, see, fucking told you. Get out of here. See, I think there are levels to, like, that's a version of maybe what I have done with my kids. It's just a little bit further version. It's not child abuse per se.

She didn't like maim, try to maim him or hurt him or punish him. It was more of like, fine. You want to see what it feels like that? Yeah, here you go. I get that aspect of it. But it's just, I don't know. I have a thing with needles and cleanliness and stuff, though. We got you.

So, let's move off to our another child story for this week. This is amazing. This is ridiculous. It's so funny. And I'm going to tell you why. Just a second. Some children are drawing on fake mustache. to bypass online

age checks. Can't stop the signal. Oh, God. This is so funny. So they're using it and then entering fake birthdays to bypass online age gates and access social media, gaming platforms, and I'm

sure... porn! something else. Yeah. I found more than a third of children in the UK have found a way around age verification measures implemented as part of the Online Safety Act, which requires all pornographic sites, social media, and online platforms likely to be accessed by children to check their age. Social media websites usually require children

to be at least 13 years of age, and users of pornographic sites must be over 18. The new research suggests one in six parents have helped their kid bypass the age verification checks. I've done it. I've done it. Like logging into some shit? Like, Ezra loves you YouTube? Fuck yeah, dude. Like, there's certain things that it's like, yeah, sure, you can find him fucking around and making a video and posting it and sharing with your friends.

I think that's the acceptable part. It's the kids sign. They want to, they're aspired to do it. But it's like, you know, like an 11 or 12 year old girl signing up for Snapchat or Instagram without their parents' knowledge, that's scary because you don't know what they're getting into.

But if the parents monitoring things and stuff, then yeah. That doesn't seem too bad. So anyway, children are reporting that they're tricking platforms into thinking that they are older. Parents also say that they have caught their children drawing on facial hair in a bid to evade the technology. One mother said, I did catch my son using an eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on his face. And it verified him as 15 years old. I can't imagine a more awkward situation than catching your son jerking off of the fake

mustache. Like, there's what? Like, you used to like a little knock, you know, before you open. Like, you just get him a chance to know that you're coming in. And you just open it up and just fucking EZE with a fake mustache.

God. Dad! What? We won? Like, what are we doing? I'm the asshole here. Okay. God.

It's like kind of, kind of worn off. Yeah. Sweaty. He's just going to see how he's at a bender with a fake mustache on Pornhub? Fuck. The bender. All right, two things to talk about.

One, that mustache looks like shit. Wipe it off and also put your dick away. Those are the two. Let's start with that. Yeah. The report from online safety organization, Internet Matters, found around half of children said that they had recently been asked to verify their age on social media. or on a gaming platform, from a sample of 1,000 UK children, 46% said they believed age checks are easy to bypass,

while 32% admitted to having done so. Researchers also found 49% of children said they had encountered harmful content online recently. Welcome. Us too, kids. Welcome to the W-W-W. We're all being abused. What's harmful? This shit's wild!

What's classified as harmful? Anything. thing. Like you, you don't have to try very hard to have something harmful to be thrown in your face. So, yeah, look us out there, drawn on fake mustaches and getting into porn sites. And I can't, God, that's funny. I feel like I could see myself doing something like that for sure. Yeah. When you just...

When you find out there's free titties online, there's nothing going to stop boy in puberty. Nope. There's nothing to stop, I mean, a lot of things. Those early days of the internet where you're just searching. stuff. Just accidentally finding beheading videos. Trying to find a limp biscuit song. You're like, oh, I'm downloading Nookie. And it's

like a war guy getting his neck chopped. And somebody's adult is laughing about how funny it is. And a nine-year-old is like fucked for the rest of their life. Thanks, Kazaa. Lime wire. Do you guys remember LiveLeak?

Oh, do I? God, that's, they just got in trouble. Did they? You were around forever. Yeah. Oh, the comments. section in that was just classic worst ever on the internet. It was funny as shit. Super way!

Just waiting for the right time. Found it. You guys have anything else to say about this? No. All right. Should you petty beef? Yeah. All right. Zach! You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated.

The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final is petty beef the same font like a t-shirt idea or a hat or whatever the same font as wave race or whatever it was that title you just have a say super awake petty beef is coming in from mike

it's a long one you want to split this one and a half sure you want to take it uh take that dick okay we'll go ahead then i'll take it yeah whatever yeah it's a long one okay I think I listen to Can You Don't and Scat way too much. All right. Well, thank you. We're thankful, though.

Yes, right. Thanks for poisoning your brain. This morning, in a fight, I dropped a word that I never used in a fight, and I think I really fucked up. Cunt? Yeah. Super Cunt. The word was cunt. It's pretty popular in our universe, isn't it?

And as soon as Cunt left my lips, I knew cunt was the wrong word. You cunts, especially Uncle Cunt, drops the word cunt so much that cunt has become a word that slips without thinking. I have a history with the word cunt. I watched my dad call my ex-stepmother a cunt and swore never to use it in anger. What, just in pleasure? However, I'm gonna fucking get your cunt. You want me to fucking come on your cunt. Feels aggressive when you use it in a romantic way.

It never works. Yeah, you fucking like me cunt. No and don't. Get the fuck off me. There are words that... I've tried to explain this to my wife before. There are words that you can use

or things that you can say when you really want to cunt through. Cunt through? Nice. Like, you could be... You could be a not a racist person. Like, you know what I mean? Like, completely not racist.

But let's say something terrible happens. And it's a... And it's a person of a different race and you like you effing blank and it's not that you think any less of that race it's just that you want a word that will show how angry and really cut through yeah you know what I mean I yep sure do he's like getting out of this shot so his hands are tapping um so like I feel like Cunt is kind of that thing where it's like, this isn't a word I would normally use, but I need to say it because I need to show, express how angry I am at this person.

So you fucking cunt, like, because you really want to cut through. Yeah, you want to make it happen. Yeah. Okay. That's the, I'm trying to use that as a, like an analogy of just certain, sometimes you just feel like you have to cut through. Right. I feel like it's better to call a guy a cunt than a gal in almost every situation. Yeah.

There are situations where you need to use the C word for a gal, but mainly for your guy friends. Yeah, but what if she's being a cunt? Then you should use it, you know, sparingly and strategically. Yeah. With your guy friends, you can throw it out like it's confetti at a party. Yeah. It's an appetizer.

Okay. Okay. However, if in context, I'm a person that doesn't pussyfoot around a word. Mm. The word, fuck. For example, has many meanings and can be used in different contexts. In school, I learned to fuck the ground. I thought he was going to say fuck around and find out.

Fuck the ground was the original context as fuck was planting seeds for crops. We changed the word to be a curse word. Then over the years, different forms of the word gained new definitions or context. Fuck you! Who the fuck is that? She's fucking hot. No fucking way. You a little fucker.

Shall I go the fuck on or are you fuckers fucking listening? Fuck! Okay. Love it. Lots of fucks. Ah, yeah. Okay, now that I offended you or made you piss your pants laughing, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I want to go back to the word cunt. We all know it is very offensive word to females, a woman's private part, or a curse word used in an insult in other countries. I've also known not to say the C word because it's on the list of bad words you never say. Okay. In Australia, I think they have a stamp with the word cunt on it. Yeah, it's their stamps for their mail. Yeah, why not?

Yeah, just cunt. However, yeah. The word cunt. I like the word in a normal context, i.e. how uncle uses it. Stop being a cunt, you idiotic moron. As a guy that likes a good acronym, I've always hated mommy is being a C-U next Tuesday. Instead, over the years, I began preferring. You can't understand normal thinking, can you?

Yeah, cunt. I use it so much my prediction text types It out for me But I have never used the word Cunt in a fight with someone I love Until this morning Whoops And P.S. Did I say

I possibly have undignized Oh Diagnostics I've never heard of that way Diagnostics Diagnostics Diagnosed Touretes Okay

You remember speaking of old internet You remember Touretz guy? Yeah. Oh, Bob Saget! Yeah. It was a great video. With his neck brace? Puck and pipe.

Yeah, I had seen, yeah. I had signed with twitches, noises, and very, very, very rare words, rarely words. My mother was more severe twitches than I do. Has. My girlfriend knows me and puts up a lot of crap. But I fuck the dog on this one. Because you get 50,000? Yeah, you told us about us.

You got 50K. way in will you what your thoughts should people be offended over word should the others feel guilty over word they accidentally said should friendships or relationships because different people view the same word differently uncle Zach I know you have something to say hopefully this doesn't lose you listens or get you canceled but I'm really sorry not said it sorry for the length as always much love the family of crazy is dumbass big Mike I'd probably say cunt 30 times a show so I'm probably okay at this point yeah I was gonna say If that's the, a listener email about the word cunt is the thing that gets us canceled. I'm in love with English and Australian curse words. I think they've mastered it. I think they do it well. And anytime we can borrow one from them, you know, they have so many good ones, you know, punta and fucking you wanka and all these wonderful things.

So, yeah, we, they use it so simply and easily and nonchalantly. I think we should do that here. Cut doesn't slip into my brain very often. Same. When I'm angry. it's not it's not one of the words that pops up come listen to skack i like bitch that's a good one too you a big dumb bitch no i think words are words and and when it comes to to fight in situations things are going to fly around um i mean what's the what what is why is cont way worse than another

word you know that's why it's fun though is because it has this extra power to it people let the people let it have back to you people let it have power yeah if you give power to something yeah exactly I also I'm not a someone who likes to police what people say yeah so

if you I'm not going to use the word but I'm not going to get mad at you for using the word it or be like you know what you shouldn't say that I'm I just won't say it but I'm not going to tell you you can't say it yeah I'm sure if you don't say it very often, then it creeps in. It's going to, it's going to shock someone who's with you. But if your wife or your spouse or whatever hates that word, and then you use it against her in a heated moment, that might be, even though you're like, you're used to it, that might sting

a little bit harder with that person because they're like, you know, I don't like that word and you called me it. I have a mother-in-law who has a mother that's still alive. She's almost a hundred and she's a grandmother-in-law yeah and she stumbled across scatcast and she thought you know I'm a nice young man I've been a nice young man for 17 years married to Monique how do you stumble across scat fest she's just interested yeah I think somebody tagged me in something and she's like oh my god he said these and it was I called somebody a con probably one of you guys actually probably and that was it was a lot of explaining to do I had a lot of explaining to do I'm going to continue I'm going to continue

to say it. Give me your devices, Grandma. It's just ruin in your life. I will block my show on all your devices and you will never have this conversation again. That's a good call. Yeah, pretend that I am not a cunt and kiss her on the forehead. Good night, cunt. Good night, you a little cunt. You a little cunt. I don't know. I never, I think some people get, some things can be trendy and things like that too where it's like it's it's like people hate the word moist and they'll be like oh i hate that word moist but like but do you really hate it like why yeah it's popular or it's it's it's like fun to hate it because you get to be like oh i hate that word do you really like does it really bother

you yeah if someone says moist is it like oh or cunt does it really make you want to cry or like yeah cuddle up and in offense i don't know I think if you, the person that you're with hates that word, then don't say it. I think that's a good one. It's a good thing to do. Like if you're like, hey, please don't bring that up. It sucks. It has nothing to do with this.

And then the next time they keep doing it, you're like, okay, you don't care. Or maybe don't take shit so personally. Jesus Christ. Well, just don't act so cunty and I won't call you a cunt. Don't be a cunt. Because if you say like, well, don't use the word, don't call me a cunt. And you just be like, well, you're acting like a cunt though. It's like a cunty.

Does this thing, I'm calling you what you are. I don't want to call you a cunt, but just don't act like a cunt. Oh, that makes sense. You know what I mean? I guess you. I'm dying. How are you guys doing over there? Let's get through this.

We are. We're making it right through. We have good news now. Do we? Yeah. Let's fucking do it. Come on, Zach! So you're telling me there's a chance.

Hooray. We aren't doomed. Yeah! You've heard stories similar to this, but it's been a bit since I've seen one like that. A boy with cancer. started the lemonade stand for brain tumor research. He raised $22. Then an anonymous donor gifted $100,000.

Fuck, yeah. I mean, also sad out the gate. When he's just out there, he's like, dude, I'm going to make a difference. He's got $22. That will buy you a couple of coffees. Yeah. In the lobby of the brain cancer. treatments.

12-year-old boy in Metro Atlanta with brain tumors raised $22 from a limited stand he set up. The selfish act inspired an anonymous donor contributed over $100,000 to the cause. I think you meant selfless. What I say. Selfish.

Is that the same thing? Why do they have to be so close together? With that lemonade stand, Rowan chose to give to help those who are dedicated to eradicate cancer and kids. His parents, Charlottin

and Bob, told people in a statement, People magazine. Not just... Just went and told people. Yeah, we've been telling people. We were just like, someone's got to know about this. CBS affiliate. WSB was first to report on Rowan's story.

The most important thing. We did it first. We did it first. Hey, we found out first. Fuck you guys. Ha! According to the outlet, Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation, Rowan went to the emergency room with the children's health care of Atlanta when he was eight years old after feeling ill and apparently drained in gunk. After he underwent surgery, Rowan's family learned their loved one had... Can we skip this story?

Why? Because you're sad about it? Yeah. Why? My dad had cancer, not yours. Right, Zach? Yeah. You don't get to get sad about it? My mama died of cancer.

Uh-huh. Anyway, so... Kids shouldn't get cancer. I'm just glad that he was able to show up with more than $22. Thanks, God. Because they've been like, thanks, Rowan. You would have burned all your gas money just getting to drop off the money. So whoever that anonymous donor was, that is absolutely amazing.

Here's something that was found on the internet. Zach, would you be so kind? The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, You can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple.

Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome. Okay. So, first of all, the website cracks me up for this. It's smartduve.com. I mean, it looks pretty gimmicky, the further I go down. But these are like smart covers, where you can cool one side,

heat the other. So instead of the mattress being the cool heat part, it's the top part that does the cool heat part, which sounds awesome. And I'd really like it. And what really kills me is the further down you go, is this little gift right here. The one, yeah. The bed makes itself. The bed makes itself, as long as you kind of make it before him. As long as you don't have anything else on it. Nothing. But this last flap. Yeah. If your partner was laying down. It just smacks him in the face. Hey, Kay, don't wake me up. Don't worry. And you accidentally push the make bed thing. Shit.

And it just like whack. And just hits you right in the face. But this is a cool idea. You guys, I'm a hot sleeper. Like, I will lay down. And middle of the winter, windows open, no covers, no sheet, nothing.

I keep the AC on through the fall, like as long as I, because I like to get under the blankets and be snuggled and then have it be, like, ice cold outside. You can stick a little leg out there. Now, it's going to cost you a pretty penny

for the Smart New Bay. They have, they have version two now. So version one. Did it make the version one make, I don't know what happened. It hurt someone. Yeah. Yeah. So to avoid further lawsuits for broken noses. It's hard to explain how this bed makes itself,

but you just got to look at it. And they keep on showing this like projector thing that's under the under the bed. I'm guessing that's tied into it. But it's 800 bucks. So maybe not jump on this technology right out the gate. But I'm looking forward to having some smart blankets. I'm sick of smart beds You know Everyone's just been focusing on smart beds

And someone's Sorry Someone's finally like How will just make the blanket smart So that's the future Yeah and that would be cheaper than the whole bed Being smart So that's future

I want my bed to be stupid Just make my blanket smart All right time to hear from our kids Zach please All right Let's hear what you guys Really? You want to talk to me? Wow

That's cool. Uh, I'll take the first one. Okay. Why not? It's coming in from our son, Dave, who writes, hey guys, been listening for a while. Absolutely love the show. Love the show. I just have to say my favorite parts of any show is when Zach loses his shit laughing in the background.

Yeah, case in point. Uh, the story Joe told about the ridiculous noise he made when his lady at the time almost caused the car accident. I'm trying to think of what, I think I just went like, Yeah. He's like, uh-huh. No, that's what it was.

Yeah. Trust me, that story is funny enough. But I was absolutely wheezing, listening to Zach laugh his ass off. Just had to pass that along. Can you get the good work? Thanks for continuing to distract us

from late stages of whatever gong show we're all part of. Cheers, brothers. Dave Werner. And then he listed his cell phone. What's Dave doing? Give him a call. For a good.

time call. Let's see if I can bring it up. You go ahead and read. Sent from his neighbor's Android flashlight too. Oh. Okay. All right. Second one is coming in from our Coondick lover son, David.

Whoa. Hey guys. I'm listening to the latest episode and you guys are talking about Coondicks. Hmm. As we do. Growing up, my dad would stop at Roadkill Raccoon and cut his dick out. Wait. Hold on.

He would also do this, just like RFK, would stop and cut raccoon dick out. What part of the country are they from? Is this a Massachusetts thing? I don't care for this. I want to fill out an incident report. He would then carve it, clean it, and sharpen the ins to use it as a toothpick. Yeah? I'm attaching a link to Etsy for Coon Dick toothpicks, not sold by my dad. Love the show, David.

I couldn't hate that anymore. Coon Ball is sold separately. Oh my god What the fuck That's a baculum God that is something I'd like to pick your teeth with I like to stick my coom dick two pick right up in your teeth I'd like to fucking pick my

Pick your mouth Oh shit See if Dave picks up Who's Dave? Hey Dave it's Joe Paisley and Brian how are you? Shut up You're live You are live

We're recording right now and just read your email and you put your cell phone in it for whatever reason, so I figured I'd call you. Well, that's fair. How are you? Oh, great. You guys? Good. Oh, great. We just learned you can make toothpicks at a raccoon dick.

That's the best thing I heard all day. So next time, include your address. We'll send one to you. Where do you live? Northern Minnesota. Okay. So right over there. We're on the same kind of line.

We're on the same plane. Same plane. but you're a little further over there. How's the weather today, Dave? It snowed this morning. Oh, snowed? God, it's like 70 degrees here. Yeah, it's nice.

Almost 80 degrees, yeah. No, summer's like still four months away for us. All right. Just in time for fall? Yeah, exactly. Well, when it gets you, right in and let us know, okay? Deal. All right, we're going to go.

Sounds good, brothers. Thanks for calling. Love you, bye. Bye, Dave. Two chairs. Bye-bye. That was silly. What a nice guy.

God damn that accent dude gets me every time just fucking just fucking lay it on the snowbank just laying on the coach just out for a rip are you but just out for a rip

oh my ripa uh all right go have a dirt yeah so send in content you want to see on the show to hey guys at can you don't podcast dot com reminder the honkathon is on

if you want Zach and Brian to eat this is throming we just got to hit 450 and we'll pick that shit up and I'll watch them throw up yeah probably well I jerk it and pick my teeth The fucking raccoon dick.

Oh. Super. Do it. No. Rate and review us wherever you listen to the podcast. Go check out what Uncle Zach's doing at scatcast.com. Operation splatterscat. Ooh.

Operation splatter. It's getting splattered all over this nation of art. I'm stealing that. Super scat. I need you to say it, though. Yeah, just take it. Thanks of the babysat that moderate at the canyon don't playground. Super scat.

Do we do it? All right. Let's wrap this shit up. Zah! Fuck! Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? So you guys might...

I'm low on energy, but it's not my fault. A man stole my milk, butter, and cheese. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? Oh, man. All right. What's it?

We're out for the bonus shit. Okay. All right. Do it. Bye, guys. Bye. Me.