Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Cannibal. Carpet. Milk Truck. Psychopath.

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

Remember that time you had sex with an old friend, then your girlfriend, then your fiend's sister in the back of your girlfriend's car... all in about 20 hours? Let's talk about that, masturbating on an airplane between two strangers, your dad telling you to do some questionable stuff with your step-sister, throwing an alternator at another car wile going down the freeway, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/cSOboD8pXPYSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cannibal. Carpet. Milk truck. Psychopath. I was thinking about this, BriBri. Mmm. How long do you think we'll wear the fingerless leather gloves? That's a good question. It's right now we show up and we just sort of casually put them on like we're putting our earpieces in. We're getting ready for what's a normal job thing, like some sort of cubicle, put your suit on, and you just kind of tie in your tie. We're kind of doing that. You just put it on.

We don't even realize we're doing it. Well, it's kind of like a person that's, like, say, a telemarketer. Okay. They get to work. Like, they have to drive to get to work. They get at their desk, and they, like, put their headset on, and they're, like, you know, snap their knuckles, and they get ready to make some calls.

Another big day. It's just like that. I know. It's something you don't even think about doing. You just put your headset on. We'll have to find, like, a new fad or style point i think we should get early like the logo on it so you can do this like the football players put together it says like cyd yeah which is sky daddies sky dad ooh i like that across the front uh episode 46 recording a couple weeks in advance uh i hope

by the time this played i had a fun time in San Francisco. I do hope you do, too. You deserve it. Hey, thank you. It's the nicest thing you've said to me today. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? Yeah. Cool. If you want to keep listening to more content at the end of every episode, support us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast.

We got confessions on today's show. That's the glove clap yeah it's you know what it does it deadens it a little bit so it's not such a piercing we don't want the mic to pop it's like a flap yep yeah it's like it's like a really what it is it's kind of like a golf clap but just with one one it deadens it to you know it's a muffler it is yeah it's a mute it's a silencer silencer yeah on your claps yeah. On your claps. Yeah. Clap silencer.

And then something you want to see on the show, whatever you find on the interwebs or in your own life, you can send that in to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com. Those are always fun to read. That's where all the confessions come from. So, pretty excited about it. It seems like, I don't remember, this week, as far as confessions go, there's some sex stuff. A lot of sexy stuff in there well a lot of people uh like the sex and a lot of people it's the taboo thing yeah really and they're afraid to talk about it but they like it oh everyone does why did why is it such a taboo thing everyone well not everywhere but just not everywhere for sure we're Some people are just so, like, we deprive ourselves all the time of so much pleasure.

You bury it, it just gets worse. It is a primal instinct. Just talk about it. Explore it. Get it out there. Be open about it. I was talking to my wife about it the other day. Just like how the idea that some guy's not out there just plowing anything with a hole all the time.

It's like, that is a miracle. That's not out there just plowing anything with a hole all the time it's like that is a miracle that's not happening because that's what we naturally just go to the local donut shop like i'll have anything with a hole in it and he goes all right and then just fuck it right there on the counter do you want to want to have it like any filling like now i'll take care of that yeah yeah and the thing about that is not humping the donut on the table like you had to tell yourself not to do that because your natural instinct i don't think women um women have women are sexual women like sex and some are more sexual than the others but i don't truly think that they understand the male sex drive and what that really is and what it consists of i know i think back at uh other talks

and emails and discussions of just the contraptions that people come up with or just that dudes come up with yeah to fuck yeah it's so funny like what was one i'm recalling from years and years ago um where someone went out he's in the woods, he's melting down fishing lures to make a pocket pussy. That is it. That's up there, top tier, where I am so horny, I'm going into the woods and melt down fishing lures so I can fuck a hole. These fucking gummy lures. Yeah. meltdown fishing lures so i can fuck a hole these fucking gummy lures yeah well oh man we can get we don't have to stick on this too long but just another example of this would be like someone

that's going to prison who's not like a man who's not attracted to another man but still wants to fuck something so bad that they'll plow a dude just because they they need that urge like something you're not even attracted to i don't even i don't know why this thought of this is so funny but yeah you got a butt right it's a man's butt you don't normally fuck man's butts and like you just you decorate the lower back with like a little wig like some yarn like little ugly eyes some nice like like pouty lips you're like yeah fucking like right on the ass cheeks so like the you think you're getting a blow job just a butt with fake eyes on it you know what'd be funny too is like if you like if you had this bitch in uh in prison and you had somebody tattoo like a tramp stamp on this guy's lower back so you could visualize it being being something being something not it wasn't it's only

for five years this is only for five years then we're we're back out there buddy they won't tell anybody they won't tell anybody right right if they do they're getting shanked in the shower right i'll call in a favor yeah all right let's move on let's get this the show on let's get it started hey shut up start the show already this question sent in by our son mark mark do you have a mark mark marcus how many kids do we have? I'm sure Mark's a lot. I don't know. It's hard to keep track of all the children we have. But here's the question.

It says, how much human do you have to eat before you're considered a cannibal? That's a good question. It is a good one. Because, I mean, by definition, any human, right? Any human. You eat any human, then you are considered a cannibal. But if you really go down to it, like, is that, and Mark brought up these two examples, which kind of fired off the other parts of the question and other questions that I have.

But it was, you know, biting your fingernails. I mean, you technically, it is human. But are you eating it? I don't know well eat your own boogers so mike is mike tyson a cannibal for chewing an ear he didn't eat it he spit it out so like if you're if no one was watching i bet you would eat it if you're chewing fingernails like i bite my fingernails but i spit them out so i'm not consuming them i'm just biting them so if i was just like biting your skin but if yeah well that's a good question yeah do you have to swallow someone else's like i mean if you're just gnawing on them are you a spitter are you a swaller and you're not yeah you're just spitting

out human well if you're giving a blow if you're giving a blowy and you chew your dick off no you ingest the semen yeah it's still body stuff is that cannibalism let's see well you just ate thousands of potential children and then mark said like you get a bloody nose so you're you have you're swallowing your own blood is that you're a cannibal now i'm very i get it i get what he's going it's just like the the fringe concept where it makes you think you're like hmm but he's talking about eating himself here yeah like is that i mean cannibal you are a human i feel like i don't know i don't know what the definition of the cannibal is but i feel like a cannibal is someone who like frequently eats and enjoys eating people right hold on like you have to enjoy it why because if you're say you're on

an island and you're trying to survive and you're just eating out of survival that's one thing but if you're just like you enjoy like you have the option to go to safeway and buy steak from a cow yeah but you choose to eat human meat yeah like now you're a cannibal right well yeah the short version is a person who eats the flesh of other human beings so human human it's all obviously about the same species yeah but cannibalism cannibalism is the act of consuming another individual of the same species as food cannibalism might be within the animal kingdom blah blah human cannibalism is well documented both in ancient and recent times so that has nothing the enjoyment level not a part of the the definition

that'd be so funny it's like it's like if you eat a member of your same species and you like it like if you don't like it it's like oh you're fine yeah well so easter island yeah they ate each other, right? This is back to the internet. These are things I don't know a whole lot about cannibalism. I'm pretty sure the people on the tribe, like on Easter Island, they were so remote and they couldn't get any new stuff in that they all ended up consuming each other. The internet off the top says there is no evidence beyond historical word of mouth of cannibalism but on easter island yeah okay but

i mean that's like well that's not important um yeah i i think what part of a human would you eat i think you have to enjoy i think like if if you have the option to to eat something else and you choose human to me that's more that makes you a cannibal if you're if you're eating a human out of survival like i wouldn't eating i wouldn't enjoy eating a human maybe i would maybe humans taste good i don't know probably but uh some better than others yeah but mean, I feel like that's what it has to be. Like, you have to just start, like, you invite neighbor Steve over for dinner, and you end up having him. You fantasize about. Yeah.

You're like giving him a massage. You're massaging the meat a little bit. You're pouring salt on the arm. Hypothetically, say that you're on a rugby team. Okay. And you're flying through the mountains. And your plane crashes. Yeah, I guess that joke didn't work. Have you seen the movie Alive? No.

Oh. Never mind. The plane crashed in the mountains and they had to start eating everybody to stay alive. It's a true story. Fucking crazy. So is there one guy that was like the last survivor? I haven't watched in such a long time but there's there's multiple that survived but they had to like cut up the people that died in the plane crash oh and eat their butts and stuff like that so yeah that's that's

survival so that you're not a cannibal right not a cannibal after that i don't i like i said the definition might say otherwise but i feel like when i think of a cannibal, I think of someone who is choosing to eat someone and gets enjoyment out of it versus someone who's out of necessity. I remember reading a story about a group of friends and one of them had to have their leg amputated. And just being the weirdos that they were they got it from the hospital i didn't know you could just take your leg with you but they did and they made like tacos out of the the chick's foot or leg and just had human tacos i guess it's i mean is that a funny thing yeah is that a funny thing or now they cannibalisms or cannibals because they even they did it just because it was weird and funny to do uh well i well that you're assuming that being a cannibal is weird yeah you're making an assumption or you're making uh i would say so

i would say the majority of the planet would consider that a little weird uh i don't know they they didn't kill a guy to eat him so they didn't do anything wrong but you're still eating another human yeah that's what it is but you're doing it for funsies you're doing it for the story pretty much maybe it was good though that's what i'm saying what's the where do you draw the line but this is this well it's not up to me. I know that. I don't have a problem with it. Never mind. As long as they didn't kill the guy to eat him.

If the leg was just going to be thrown away to the alligators anyway, they might as well eat it. Yeah, I'll fucking eat a thigh. I don't give a shit. Yeah. What are you going to do with it? Like, I'll just throw it away. Well, then I'll take it home. It's kind of like the restaurant that throws out the leftovers in the back like just give it to somebody give it to the homeless someone wants it yeah or like you see a dead animal on the side of the road like why why is such a big

deal to go pick it up and take it like why do they care so much if you like it it's weird but no the same concept does carry over to other things and i of course being um the person i am just thinking about how much dick or pussy you have to fuck to be considered gay or eat sure all that if you're eating the vagine touching it like i mean maybe not be considered gay but maybe just even buy so let's say at some point you know like you were telling me you were in that gangbang the all-male gangbang right yeah and Yeah. But you only did it once. And you kind of, you're like, ah, not for me. But there was that one point you did have like five dicks around your face.

And you were in the moment. You're like, I'm just trying to live a little. I think if you did that and you decided you didn't like it, then you're not gay. So that didn't even, you went in one time, didn't like it, and went out. Yeah. So then you're not gay so that didn't even you went in went in one time didn't like it and went out yeah now you know if you like it and you keep doing it then yeah you're into men so you're gay what about uh being like a stalker like if you stalk one woman like just for a little bit i think i think if you do something one time you're just trying it out you know like i'm just gonna like i'm gonna follow this woman around murder like you get you like i didn't i'm just seeing if i like it i'm kidding but that is funny

well i mean not for me you're such a mess you're a murderer then but if you keep doing then you're a serial killer right so yeah well serial stalker or just a stalker yeah i mean if you if you stalk somebody one time to see how it was and then didn't bother anybody after that, and then you went back to work and then nothing else happened, it's like, well, this one time I stalked this chick. Right. Which a lot of people have done. It's exhausting. If you're stalking multiple people or if you're stalking this person ongoing for years and years and years and years. But you only do it for a week or two?

Yeah. You know what I mean? I thought I'd be into it but fucking exhausting it is so it's not for me i'm not a stalker right i'm too old for this shit yeah hanging out in bushes and this just isn't for me i think that that's a stalking isn't for me the thing about all the things that you've tried that you just like yeah it wasn't for me yes would you consider yourself that thing when you were trying it i don't i don't know i died that's these are all the what i want to know i think if you're if someone's confused and they're like um let's say you're a male and you're like i don't i i have these weird feelings i'm

confused i don't know what these feelings are and you go out and you like have a sexual sexual encounter with another man you're like oh i didn't like that then you just proved you weren't yeah yeah you could safely say i'm not gay i'm okay but if you were like i enjoyed that and i wanted to do it again then it's probably like okay i'm into men i mean i think you anybody should try something once like i know that i'm not attracted to men so i have no desire to plow a man um but some people don't know that right out of the gate they know true so um i same way with cannibalism do i think um human meat would taste good i don't care enough to try some people. Maybe the people with the calf were curious.

They wanted to try it out for size. If you had the chance, let's hypothetically put you in a situation where there was just human meat for you to try. Would you try it? Sure, you could pick other food. Is it just a hunk of meat? Sure. Or it's whatever. I don't care.

They'll prepare it the way you want but you have a chance to eat human would you do it and then would five beers change your decision you're like now give me that fucking give me that lower back so i have a for me eating stuff it's all about the presentation. If something like a crawdad or something like that, if it looks like it did when it was alive, I don't like it. But if it's just a hunk of meat and I can not picture what it looked like living. Dangly legs and appendages. You never know. You never know. If it looks like a nice hunk of steak

i think i would do it i think i would do it throw a little uh worcestershire on there just ketchup that's all you do the ketchup that's all we need there as long as whatever helps you get it down your gullet i bet you it would taste really good uh and last one we don't have to enter or uh actually solve this but like yeah the slut Yeah. Like how much of one thing, what makes you a slut? Where do you find that line? Like when officially determined, you're like,

you crossed 20 in 20 and 60 days. Well, I'm going to say this again. We got to define what slut means. Because slut is like a negative term term but if you're just out there laying pipe or you're out there receiving pipe and you're enjoying it then good for you i've said this and i've i don't long time so if you are talking to a buddy and they they go oh my god we had the craziest night first question back say were there sluts there and if they go no you're like then it wasn't that fucking crazy there's no way your story is gonna be the craziest

night if there's not some sluts i'm telling you so what what's your definition of slut awesome people and party enhancer for humanity i think no i think it's just i don't know slut is just yeah i guess you just fuck everything i don't sure but i also don't give a shit like that's the that's the fun one of the funnest parts of being a human so being you know judged over that nope not for me it's what the interesting thing is that if you're a man and you're a slut you're awesome but if you're a chick and you're slut you're awesome you're a slut so in my book you're awesome uh we need we need to uh ladies like to to have the sex too so come i think we need to turn the slut the frown upside down We need to turn slut into a positive word and say someone's out there getting some.

Congratulations. Congratulations on being a slut. Because I'm streaming some Netflix thing, eating some popcorn. Yeah. And you're out there getting pounded. Yes. Yes. Getting beat up.

Ugh. All right. So back to the original question. How much sheen would you have to eat before considering a cannibal? I'm going to go with. Oh, man. to the original question. How much sheen would you have to eat before considering a cannibal? I'm going to go with... Oh, man. Just trying it out. You're not a cannibal in my book.

I'm going to go back. When you go to for seconds. Yeah. You're like, hey, is there any more? Yeah. Cannibal. Yeah. The first time it's like...

Has everybody had a slice? Yeah. Wait. Now, wait till everyone's had a piece but they haven't had a piece okay and you're sitting there like okay i think everyone's got it and you're like yay and you go up there and take a rib yeah okay i think that that's that's it seconds seconds boom we just solved it all yep love it okay let's move on okay okay hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking

about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about you know what's funny joe what nationalism yeah yeah i think that's hilarious. No, but I'm in. Being good setup, where are we going? I don't know. I just find it really weird to be really, really, really prideful to live somewhere, but have really nothing to do with where you live. You were just born there. And then just got super defensive

yeah over it like why and there's a border here so i hate whatever is on the other side of that invisible border for no reason nope other than i'm here and you're there yeah just uh things you were taught you know the whatever propaganda or different things you were told by your family or surroundings growing up. You're like, yeah, fuck Washington. Don't go over there. And that's such a really funny thing, too. But just between Washington and Idaho, we're in border towns. Yeah.

And you go to Spokane, it's like, fuck, man. Sucks over there in Idaho. And you come over, what, 20 minutes this way? I'm like, fuck. Spokane, what a piece of shit. Yep. yep and you're like you're all the same people and then and then it's someone that from those things like what are you talking about suck dude chill out do you like why do you care that much what i think of your city i don't know and what's funny is like i'll drive into i'll drive across the border the scenery is exactly the same and i'll be told to go back to china or wherever sure yeah

like dude i live in eastern washington i'm just down the road yeah i live like 10 minutes away from here it's not but i'm a i'm a seattle tesla driving. Mm-hmm. Liptard. No, I just had a giant tundra three months ago that I was ripping gas through here. Like, chill out. I was doing all the things you wanted me to do with the greenhouse shit, you know? I was throwing all the emissions out. The next day, I come in here with an electric car, and now I'm fucking the worst person ever. Still the same guy.

Yeah, but. But it's just, it's so, it's so bizarre. Whether it's your country, your state, your high school, where you went to school. Like, you just happen to go to this high school, and you play Eisenhower, which is a another city in washington and like i'm supposed to hate them like absolutely not just be like we want to beat them the fan we're supposed to hate them right like if you get a chance like kill the whole family yeah yeah like fight after the game for why because we wear maroon and gold and you wear red and blue. That's why. And you're from a town that's 20 miles away. Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck that. It is. I mean, looking at the college sports, professional sports. I mean, what's one of the biggest rivals? Michigan, Ohio State. Oh, yeah. They fucking hate each other.

They would. They would stab you. Yeah. They would kill you with no, not even second guessing anything. They would slit your throat in an alley because you're wearing uh ohio state jersey yeah what you could get along like you could meet somebody and have it get along like we're just talking and chatting you see that person later on and they're wearing a michigan shirt and you want to murder them you're like we just had a good time an hour ago but oh no you wear that you're dead i'm trying to think of i know

there is examples i've gone through in my life like this where if i would have met them in a different context just on the cert i probably would have not given any sort of chance at a friendship but that you met in these certain circumstances where you didn't get to see this other part before you got to know the other part but you did so you became friends and then later you're like oh fuck well i didn't know that was what was happening here like marriage right away yeah i could get a couple decades in you're like shit this is not that's what you look like without makeup right oh man um but yeah like i just find it so so bizarre like we were you know we were in mexico and like we're in mexico but i you wouldn't really know you're in mexico there there's a flag i think at the uh at the airport and then maybe i saw one other one that's uh and then you come here and there's six 67 flags between my house

and the airport no more than that it was i don't know what happened we're only 10 minutes away from the airport at some point the whole flag discussion got brought up at work and at this time i was driving from cordolani to spokane for know, doing that commute for work, which is, you know, 40 miles or whatever. And I just started counting just in sight of what I could see. And it was like 218 flags. And that's just like, I'm going 75, so I'm not really counting flags. And yeah, you missed a lot. Down the freeway, once you get to Spokane, it's like a straight shot up to work.

So just on this little L bend there's 200 over 200 flags and i do remember these conversations with uh like foreign exchange students growing up they that was one thing they 100 noticed number one was our food loved it so sweet and fat and amazing and the other one was like so many flags like did you guys forget where you live like why just in case you need a reminder like we are the biggest fan of flags yeah and it's it is pretty when you really look that's pretty goofy oh it's i find it totally bizarre it's and if you don't like in some cases you feel like i mean being here in cordelaine like i'm proud american but i don't have a 4 000 foot flag on a flagpole outside my house.

So I'm like, I bet you they think I'm a fucking loup d'oeuvre. That's the thing. You know what I mean? I'm happy that I live in this country. Like, it could be so much worse. None of this conversation is about it's anti-America. But if you do say something like we're talking about you sound anti-america to but it's like no i want this country to be the best it can be that doesn't mean put more flags up that means

like let's do some other stuff let's make the country better focus on some other things yeah like that's just our concentration of flags yeah because that to me that doesn't make you a better country the more the more love you have for flags doesn't make you love this country like if you when it comes time to file your taxes and you have a flag budget that you have to put in that means that's too many flags yeah that is way too many in the best of the giant ones like the a car dealership? Yeah. How big is that flag? The one out, yeah, right at almost the border. I mean, it takes a good amount of weight or wind to get that thing to move. It has to be gale force winds to make that thing stand out.

Outside of that, it's just a droopy ass 400 foot American flag. But no, I totally get it and it's them yeah sports teams uh you know hating other countries just because you happen to be born in this one now you just that's it is really weird that's my and that's my premise of this whole thing it's not trucks it's not anti this anti this anti-america it's purely you just happen to be born wherever you are, what state you're in, whatever country. Your dad drove a Ford, so you drive a Ford. So you hate the guy down the street that drives a Chevy. No other reason than it's a Chevy.

That's it. Brand loyalty is really funny. It's so bizarre. Like Sony, Microsoft, like they give a fuck. Yeah. They don't care about what you're doing. They love what you're doing they they love what you're doing because it makes you loyal to the brand it makes you go back and buy that thing

more and defend it that's what all the they're playing you you're playing right into defending them yeah and they don't fucking care at all yeah I mean same with politicians it's a whole oh yeah politicians don't care about us but they make us think that they do so we back them you go to bat yeah you go to bat for him yeah you would you're willing to die for him and they wouldn't do the same for you no i mean are you kidding me not even not even close uh yeah i mean it's it's really weird like i when i you know i go to a lot of sporting events and we do the national anthem all all the time and it's like fuck i get it like jesus christ and so like now i just you know if i'm sitting down like now i have to stand up and it's like fuck i'm i just got this hot dog right and i'm supposed to

stand up and salute this thing and take my hat off and do all this stuff. And like, I just did this yesterday when I was at the other, like, do I have to do this every fucking time? Embarrass myself against like put my wrong hand over my wrong heart. And, and, and people will say, Oh,

you don't support the troops. You don't support America. And like, how do you, how do you get that leap? Because I didn't stand, put my hand over my heart. That means I hate the troops.

Like that's such a stretch that doesn't, it doesn't, it's not, it's not part of it. But, so, like, I don't, I just leave my hat on now. And I get stares from people like, take your fucking hat off. I'm like, why? Why does me taking my hat off make any fucking difference whether or not we salute this thing how much i'm proud to be here yeah i used to have to take my class my hat off in school and fucking piss me off because i had acne i was insecure my i had a horrible hair bowl haircut all i wanted to do was hide under my the bill of my hat and i'm in school and i have to take this hat off when i'm

in there and these girls are wearing their hat because it's not offensive when a girl wears a hat. So, you know what I mean? Like, I wear a hat every fucking day, and I have to take it off, and this girl just had a bad hair day. No worries. Why is that a thing that your hat has to come off? I don't know. You're saying all the same things I've thought my entire life.

So bizarre. And then if you don't do it, you're a fucking asshole. Mm-hmm. I mean, it comes back around to, last one again, but like the Pledge of Allegiance and stuff. It's one of those things. It's creepy. It's so creepy. And people are like, well, they didn't fucking say the Pledge of Allegiance.

It's like, we never should have. Yeah. It's weird. Dude, really look at it. It's really weird. Really weird. When you think about it it's very culty oh yeah like you there's a lot of people that think like you know i'm a kindergartner

i'm dedicating my life to you yeah it's really like when you like if you if you're from a side that like likes the pledge of allegiance you see it as it's showing respect to your country all blah blah blah but if you step back and you really look at it and you watch someone do it it's very very creepy everyone's staring the same direction with their hand over their heart reciting this thing it's so bizarre it makes you feel like it's culty or like a that communisty that's what's funny that's ironic about this country is they're like anti-communist but that seems like a very communist thing to do to like i i dedicate my life to you to you it's very china and very north korea

north korea korea and i know there's going to be people out there who are yelling at the they're wherever they're listening to you right now but but that's that's how i that's my perception of how it looks uh it's really weird and um so knock it off yeah or like let's just let's just not be so if someone doesn't want to do it who cares they don't doesn't mean they hate something they just don't want to do that they don't want to do it and if you're all about freedom and doing what you want to do don't yell at someone when they are doing something they want to do. Right. I agree.

100%. Everyone needs to look at themselves in the mirror a little bit and say. A little self-reflection. A little self-reflection can go a long way. And dog darn it, people like me. Yes. Whatever that fucking SNL skit was. SNL skit, yeah.

And gawk dong it. Gosh dang it. Gosh darn it, people like me. Gosh darn it, people like people like me oh man all right we'll just stop yelling at each other people just let it just let people do what they want to do let's do this together yeah and you know joe you you mentioned something uh and i think we should touch on it briefly you're like the whole like pandemic thing we you always like i like to believe that there's uh humanity out there that if aliens come down and they're gonna destroy our planet like that we're

gonna come together and how did you how did you say that was it like we'll come together and unite like as humans as a species and figure out how to how to defend ourselves yeah defeat the aliens and then after everything went down with the pandemic or just everyone hated each other more somehow i was like god damn it yeah it's like this like all right how are we gonna figure this out planet and everyone's like fuck you like it's just like what and you know what i just thought of as you were saying that that is the ultimate nationalism right there if you're born in uh whatever state or whatever country and you want to defend that state or that country against all coming in

do the same thing against the planet right if aliens are coming down that's the ultimate border right there we're all on this planet we should be standing up with each other against the evildoers yeah right they wish to do us harm and yet we wouldn't do that nope that was that was a sad realization i was like god damn doesn't matter what the fuck happens we're gonna find a way to hate each other so everyone on your own maybe maybe someday another galaxy will try to attack our galaxy. We'll see. And then we'll see if our other planets on the stars will team up. Try to give it a chance, yeah.

We'd still be like, yeah, fuck them. Fuck that planet. Well, what's funny is the Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies are going to end up bashing into each other. I can't wait. Here in a few billion years. It's right around the corner. We'll see how that goes. Okay, so we have a lot of confessions okay ready to turn it around yeah see we can get to get some shit dick poop pee yeah all right yeah confessions oh sorry confessions

first confession oh yeah ready okay here we go says i'm 43 i have recently started dating a First confession. Ooh, yeah. Ready? Mm-hmm. Okay. Here we go. It says, I'm 43. I have recently started dating a younger gal. Nice. 20 years younger. Good for you. So, 23 years old.

She works for the same company I do. She just graduated management training and is in a sales rotation, so we don't see each other every single day. So, A, no one at work can know, since it is technically a no, no, not to tell me about it. And then B, this is the big one. I used to work with her mom when I was 17, 18, 19 years old. Her mom was one of the managers and 10 years older than me, but she and I fooled around

for a little while. Oh, geez. We never let it go to full on sex, you know p in the v to be fair her daughter and i haven't gone that far either yet so there it is i'm seeing a gal i remember being born had once fooled around with her mom thanks guys for all the laughs so not sorry for the long email can't wait for the next one keep on keeping on that's such an inner entanglement it really is like it's there's so many moving parts there like i remember congratulating your mom when you were born and right now it's like it's that's so so weird when he says i'm uh like when i first read that remember like her being born

my brain put him in the like the yeah the room delivery room yeah like that's her maybe that's her daughter like how weird can you know that's happened yeah where you caught you caught the baby and you're like oh congratulations and then down the road you had sex with the baby that you caught and that is just humanity in a nutshell, isn't it? There's some dark stuff you could really get into there if you wanted to. Maybe he can get like a three-way thing going on. Yeah. Because he's never plowed either one of them. So maybe.

So, yeah, I'm not sure about the legality of it, but I think if you plow them both at the same time, then it's not going to be a problem, right? They just can't touch each other is that incest yep oh i see like the mother and daughter i see yeah but yeah they're just side by side word i wonder where they worked well he didn't say it but yeah that might be too much information what a fun little love triangle tmi yeah i want to know uh keep us keep us surprised uh keep us surprised keep us posted is it a prize keep us surprised uh keep us uh j i don't even know what you're trying to say it's it's well it's basically it's keep us um updated appraisal keep adjacent a prize yeah there it is

keep us a prize app to give information to someone to inform. Oh, perfect. To apprise me of any changes in the situation. So that would use the perfect word. You did it. Yeah. Fuck. Okay, you ready to read the next one?

Yep. All right, let's hit it. All right, let me get it here. Okay. All right. This story is not my own, but I was given permission to send it to you. Strap in. Or strap on.

It's going to be a very disgusting ride. Oh, God. So my best friend is a sex-positive ginger girl who loves the dating apps, a.k.a. a red-headed slut. Nice. I like that. Well, there's the definition that we were looking for. She gets dick whenever she wants it.

She's safe about it. Whatever. So she meets this guy on an app and agrees to go on a dinner date with him. They hit it off and decided to retire to his place to get down and dirty. Nice. And boy, does it get dirty. She said he had a nice ass house. Nice ass house.

Oh, perfect. I thought you were going to say he had a nice ass. Nice ass. Nice ass house, nice ass car, house i thought you could say a nice ass nice ass house nice ass car and obviously his shit together they end up starting to have sex and he's got her bent over the foot of his bed with her standing uh and him behind wait yep you got it bent over his bed with her standing and him behind her going to town got it got it she thinks uh she's going to squirt, so she goes to release and ends up shitting on his floor. And when she called to tell him about it, I asked if it was at least only like a little bit.

Nope. She, through tears, tells me a pile, a whole freaking pile of poop. He immediately tells her to get in the shower and then she and that she got sick she ran to the bathroom to clean up and this man cleaned her shit up her her own shit he cleaned cleaned it up his white carpet she ends up leaving obviously uh he says that he can go out again sometime and start over and forget it happened how do you forget that no we don't because you just don't know what's going to happen again he then ghosts her and she realizes she left her whole makeup bag in his house she wants it back makeup is expensive he finally replies and says she can come get it and he

will leave it out on the porch she shows up gets her bag and looks right into his ring cameron says call me amber turd call me amber turd bitch that's right i shit on you fuck you and flips him off i fucking love my best friend thanks for the show it's one of the best highlights of my week y'all are both hot oh yeah let's get her turned on a little bit man now she just pooped on the floor that's one that's that's an embarrassing situation to waddle out of what's interesting about that is i guess talk about a stinky penguin yeah so the guy must the guy must not have any problem scoring because if he met this chick and they were just right in his house just plowing like that um to

be able to just be like she's shitting the floor and be like nah you're not coming back like not again chances are it's probably not gonna happen again wasn't love well i mean have you ever gotten ever had any little poop situations in your your journeys not during sex no i have i've had a couple really were they was it anal though uh no one was but one uh while back i yeah i got i got poop like on my chest on your chest yeah doing 69 and that was fine um and i just moved on with my life that was it never saw that never came either that was the end of that and then just never brought it up ever again and that's where we are you still know this person just a a little memory. No, not really. I mean, I fucking know who it is. Yeah, but I mean like.

You don't just forget that. No, I mean like. Who was that? Hmm. Who was that one that sexcapades? Who the one that shit on my chest? What the fuck? And it wasn't like a ton.

The one who got away. It wasn't like a ton. But it was like. Enough. There was enough. There was shit. And I was like, this is not fun. Like luckily I wasn't in i was you know

doing finger work and i was getting hands on finger but i wasn't i wasn't like i wasn't licking okay i was just sticking with my fingers so my face was out of the way or else i might got shit on my face but i didn't i escaped that one um but there you go so just are we sharing stories or not okay um you have anything else to say nope okay another confession now i'm clinically diagnosed sociopath psychopath so this is this this was actually i remember reading this email and it's fucking like it's it's brave it's cool and just's cool. And just, I don't know. We'll get into it. Okay. So I'm a clinically diagnosed psychopath. So my morality is questionable at best, but I try to be good and do the right thing. That being said, I did let some friends talk me into killing small animals in front of

them just to see if I would react. Note, I did it as fast and as painlessly as I could and never killed an animal who wouldn't have died soon anyways. What? Okay. As well as put cigarettes out on me that's you know another friend thing they stopped being my friends because they could tell i wasn't lying i've always had to be honest about it as a warning to others even including it into how i introduce myself to new people example hi i'm blank i can't feel emotions just so you know imagine that this like this dating profile yeah uh i think my hobbies are killing animals on the beach yeah and letting my friends put out cigarettes on me telling people you are a psychopath goes worse that's when i adopted this for the strategy but people assumed it was a joke

till proven otherwise i know that can be a lot to unpack, but that isn't the big confession. So that was the setup into this next one. Building a base. Yeah, right out the gate. Here we go. I dated my stepsister before we were related. The family only found out when she sent nudes and other explicit content to my phone

at a time she knew my father would have my phone. I never saw what she sent, but my dad did. So then use this information and try and convince family that my dad was perving on her and was holding back slash hiding his intent to molest her this of course was not true when this tactic did not work she started messing around with my older brother she then was caught in the act of giving my brother a blow job by my father and now stepmom this way wait wait what yeah can you read that again yeah so brother was getting a blow job from this girl and he was

he was caught doing that from his father got it yeah got it i had to reread that one to it for i was like fucking what i was like what brazzers my fucking U-porn fantasy is this? And where can I find it? Where's the full vid? This may sound like the end, but after everything was official and she was my stepsister, I was informed by my dad and stepmom to do whatever I had to do to keep her happy without limits. What? What? I'll use a quote.

I don't care. You have to take her down to the beach and fuck her brains out keep her happy with that being said i think i picked the right path and ignored her existence as much as i could and tried to make sure that she hated me even setting up her up with a new guy it's been over 10 years she still would pick me over her husband uh who she has a kid with she was even told her she has even told her husband an exaggerated version of the tale including sex losing her virginity to me and us spending most every night together. I was 13 at the time of all these events.

The most I've ever got was a few licks, dry grinding, and a few makeout sessions. Hope that tickled your fucked up fancies, your friendly neighborhood psychopath. That's funny. He's very self-aware. Wait, is it? Yeah, it is. He's very self-awaited is it yeah it is yeah he uh he's very self-aware i know that's what i didn't realize psychopaths were that self-aware like it's yeah i'm sure there's people they're like i know i'm this yeah and you just have to if you don't face it and you fight it

but this just come to terms like i just don't feel anything yeah sorry but it it all comes back to what we said in the past like just a little self-reflection like even like even someone diagnosed like that can still go okay like i know when i'm like i know i probably shouldn't be killing these things but so i'm doing in a humane way yeah that like trying to make it quick not getting like enjoyment out of it but um you know he's trying to make some friends here which you know if you want to be part of our clique kill this cat yeah okay uh but what can you imagine your dad and your stepmom sitting you down like hey son go and have a talk. Like, that took a turn.

Like, okay, we want you to fuck your stepsister's brains out. Make her happy. Thanks, dad. What? Who the fuck? That's a conversation that, you know, if that didn't help the psychopath stuff. Yeah. Seems like the family wasn't quite on the

same page yeah that's kind of fueling yeah fueling a fire there like yeah just that typical sitting around that we got it we've got a serious conversation to have with you but he never did fuck her brains out right no no he just nope because some dry couple licks couple licks yeah how many licks does it take to get to the center of your psychopath's penis? I don't know. Okay, do you want to read the next one? Thanks for that confession. That was a fun read.

Wild ride. Okay. Hello there. Hello. I have a high-flying confession for you. But first, I just want to tell you that Brian with a Y is much cooler spelling than with an I. Okay. I agree.

There's that nationalism. You're right. You're with an I. Fuck you. Fuck you uh it's kind of mysterious and a little sexy there now for the conf oh wait that was being with a y is mysterious okay yeah yeah i thought she's talking about her confession but she's talking about my butt about you i was traveling alone for a few months a few months ago sitting in the middle of three cramped airplane seats between two male strangers. Oh, here we go. The lifeful tower action.

With no one but my own thoughts for company, my mind slipped for a brief second into pornography. As you probably know, when that happens, there's no point in fighting it. Just gotta roll with it. So I placed my jacket... What? You're getting it. Okay. So I placed my jacket on my lap and carefully got to work.

I pretended to be asleep so that in case I couldn't hide revealing facial expressions, it could be interpreted as dreaming. Once finished, I felt a strange sense of wicked joy. I bet you did. Smiley face emoji. I tell you this not because i feel great that uh need to relieve my burden wait i tell you this not because i feel a great need to really leave my burdened mind but to inform you that i did it so others so so kind of jesus christ you're killing it

you were so you're killing it for so long i know i get in my head uh just a nice thought and wanted to plant Your sneaky daughter That's fun I thought I thought she was Gonna say she was Gonna do some skiing Hit the slopes

Yeah Yeah well Like could you imagine Just being on an airplane Like sitting next to Two dudes And another dude You don't know

And all of a sudden She's just like Ski pulling you Yeah And then you look over At the guy And you're like Is it And he's like Is this Yeah Do you know her Yeah Excuse me sudden she's just like ski pulling you yeah and then you look over at the guy and you're like is

it and he's like yeah do you know who this do you know her yeah excuse me what do you know what a fun ride that would have been he's not even trying to cover it though just getting ski pulled like out in public on an airplane um yeah i actually know quite a few women that have masturbated. It's obviously easier on public transportation things. It's easier? Than a guy, sorry. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

I can't do it at home. I have to be on a bus. Of course it's easier on an airplane. I mean, who can not come on an airplane? But with that said, have you ever jerked off on an airplane? No. Oh, I have. You ever jerked off on an airplane? No. Oh, I have. Have you ever jerked off on a train?

No. Tractor? I was by myself. Man, that's funny. We're just the opposite side of the field. You can see the family home about, you know, about one, 1.2 miles away. About two clicks. About two clicks. About two clicks.

Yeah. And just parked it. Parked it? Or was it going? Parked out by the lake. It was parked. Oh. So, I mean, not.

I think, like, dude, what other farm equipment would be so funny to be jerking off in, like, a combine? Massive. Air conditioned. Half a million dollar machine. And you're just jerking off. Getting all the wheat making some bales just plugging yourself oh man anyway i mean i like to hear places that people have

have masturbated yeah you've heard plenty it's a lot of the confessions but i know there's a lot more out there so send those in well i can she's just on an airplane and she's she let her mind wander that's what happened like i was driving tractor and you let you start thinking about something your mind wanders and you're like now you're deep into thought it's like gotta go punch the car like just a huge bulge in your pants like i take care of that gotta plow the field or whatever farm jerk off lingo yeah what would they say tame the bull i don't know i'm just trying bring the cows home yeah yeah milk the udder yeah i like to bring the cows when they bring when the cows come home hey you uh okay let's move on to another confession i've got two more

uh this this opening is a little gentle it says fuck you you fucking fucks i have a confession of something that happened this morning, and I don't feel guilty at all. This one's fucked up. Going 75 down the freeway, I was neck and neck with a Lamborghini SUV. My driver's door on my truck was lined up with their rear passenger door. The person then started to merge into my lane, so I honked my horn a bit. They slowed down to the point where my truck driver's door was in line with their front passenger door. Okay?

This cunt saw me, and she began to quickly merge over. And I slammed on my brakes on my four-wheel drive 250 HD, making all four tires squeal. And this bitch just went over. She did it again to the next lane, so I sped up and grabbed an object out of my passenger seat which was an alternator from an old small block Chevy. Rolled down my window and just teetered the

shit. What? Rolled down my window and just teetered that shit. The amount of damage it did. I've never heard teeter as winging or hucking or heating yeah you can teeter on uh like a balance a decision but i've never heard teeters as a throw uh the amount of damage it did about triple hop from hood to windshield to roof with simple

perfect what was simply perfect and i don't feel guilty as that bitch didn't you know she didn't own the road and just because your vehicle is worth six figures don't mean shit anyway maybe keep me anonymous yeah probably should but as i don't think she got my license plate or anything so we'll see that is frustrating though fucking but you could have killed him yeah yeah not not a not a good decision on his part but i know that feel like and all I know that feeling of wanting to do that. Because I'm on the freeway to come here every time. And I know the feeling of just like you want to murder the person. Or how bad do you want like a cool Batmobile, gizmos and gadgets on your car?

Like fuck you and just shoot a missile? Like a tiny one that just like pops the tire my dad uh when we were i remember we were driving one time and he had like he always had kind of like a new silverado and i remember him talking about he's like one of these days i feel like i'm just gonna like a buy an old beater just to drive around town that if i get an accident who gives a shit right there's so many fucking idiots out there they aren't paying attention we just go smash into them there's no reason there should be any accidents if you really think about it you know there's if everyone was paying attention and not fucking around giving proper space there should yeah there should be no accidents not going 40

miles an hour over the speed limit it's not even an accident it's it's uh unconscious yeah yeah there's no such thing as an accident somebody fucked up okay right sure unless their tire blew up that's the only the brakes went out yeah uh or a deer came on the road yeah sure though okay okay so what do they call it but like yeah but but someone like rear ending someone because they slam on the brakes, either that person wasn't paying attention or the person in front of them wasn't paying attention or they're way too close. Yeah. Falling way too close. I've never, yeah, I've never thrown anything at a car, but I haven't thought of this story

in a while. I was just driving back from Spokane to Coeur d'Alene one day. And as I was driving there there there's a trailer that was in front of me and it was it was like it was losing stuff like things were coming out of it they didn't tie it down properly and one of the things i was kind of teetering in the back and floating a little bit teetering you got it was uh it was a pepsi can so it was just like you could see it wanted to come out but the the wind wraparound was keeping it in yep but it was kind of like just it was right there i know exactly that yeah so i'm looking

at it and so eventually it comes out and it goes and it shoots out and of course it just hits my fucking windshield but it's like top right corner of the passenger side just goes bang and i'm like god damn it and i'm looking up like trying to see if it chipped anything and then this car comes up next to me and they're honking like fuck you like flipping me off and i'm like what like i thought they were trying to get my attention i'm like my fucking tires popped or something so then i pull over and then he comes right behind me again and i'm like what the fuck is going on here and it wasn't for a while that i realized that he thought i just threw the pop can out the window because from the perspective it looked like it came out of the window it looked like i just went and just and why would you throw it out the

passenger side roll down the passenger side to throw it into the street i was like i couldn't because i couldn't tell at first if he was mad or just trying to he's like you know yeah trying to give him i thought something was wrong and then i realized that that was what he thought happened who would do that just ah just throw their full can out the fucking window oh man oh man having had a truck most of my life i do know that can thing because when i would be drinking a pop or whatever a lot of times i just throw it over out the window into the bed of my truck and so i've been driving on the freeway and you see that whatever it is it's like stirring around because the wind it's like spiraling in there you're like shit when's that thing gonna come out every once yeah and then it

takes off you're like oops sorry about that doesn't kill anybody. Sorry about that. All right, so we have one more confession. Okay. You ready to read it? Yep. Okay. Okay. Okay. Brian with a Y and Joey Dangles.

Nice. All right. So I was in my very first... Jesus Christ. All right. Never mind. Let's just wrap up the show. Let's pretend.

Let's start over again. All right, Joey, here's the last confession. Okay. Brian with a Y and Joey Dangles. I was in my very early 20s. I almost fucked up. That was so close. That was teetering on you. I had a girlfriend, but I was also kind of a scumbag.

A girl. What? What? What? More succinctly, the girl that got away calls me one night and tells me, hey, I'm in town right now. What are you doing? Mind you, this is around midnight. Ooh, a booty call.

I tell her, not a damn thing. Swing by. We had a fun night and she leaves around seven in the call. I tell her, not a damn thing. Swing by. We had a fun night and she leaves around 7 in the morning. I go back to bed and crash. Now my girlfriend swings by and wakes me up around 8 o'clock to wake me up and say, Good morning, baby, and happy anniversary. I know. I know.

I just came by to get some before I go to work. I'm thinking, fuck, i'm a dick and also fuck i also haven't showered yet so i just got this other chick's juices on me yeah so i try to i try to do just that and she's like nope there's no time he's like trying to get in the shower notice come on out i'm ready to go yeah my breath it, yeah. My breath. My breath. I just take care of it. It's like a whole thing. Yeah. So like the true piece of shit that I am, I do because if I don't, I'll look bad. What? So like the true piece of shit that I am, I do because if I don't, I'll look bad.

Had sex. Got it. Right. Okay. Again, I know. So I feel like an ass, but ugh, fine. I went to walk her out and she says, just take my car for the day and just pick me up after work. I just have to... Oh my God.

Okay, I'm taking over. I'm over. I went to walk her out and she says, just take my car for the day and just pick me up after work. I should have just told her no, but I didn't have a car at the time and I did have shit to do that day. So I run some errands.

And of course, after I finally shower and my friend Laura calls me and asks what I'm up to today, I told her driving my girlfriend's car around running some errands. She said, cool. Do you think you could take me and my friend to the gym so we can sign up? At this point, I'm like, fuck it. What could go wrong? Wait, is this a different chick or is this the original chick? Different chick.

Different chick. Okay. I think. Long story short, I ended up fucking her sister in my girlfriend's car in the parking lot of the 24-hour fitness while her and her friend toured the gym and signed up at this point i mean you can only hang you once right this is a horrible story and to this day it's all caps that's a weird weird to put in cash this day I feel like complete shit about it, but I'm not Catholic. So I didn't need to confess to my fathers. I've never done anything like this since.

My current girlfriend, Erin, knows about this story. So I'm not scared if you guys use my name. We're not, we're not going to. Don't worry about it. Love the cast. You two beautiful bastards. There is a perfect example of the fact that that isn't happening all the time. It's guys resisting that urge.

That's a perfect example. It's a miracle. What a fucking... That dude plowed three different chicks in the same day? Yep. Without showering? Yeah, just letting it go. And he's like, now I'm with a different girl and I'm going to fuck her in this car while her friends are...

In this one, but it's like her sister and not even your car yeah jesus christ man but what a day what a day like i wish i that's something i wouldn't i could never do but sometimes i wish like i wish i could do that just let it go for a whole day yeah and just like plow yeah even even when i was uh single i wish i that's what i mean like not now yeah when i was single that i could that i could just do that pull something off like that that's pretty wild that's a yeah that's a that's one for the diary that's so funny mm-hmm i mean just and then i just love the idea that he gets he he gets a call on his phone it's like another another chick he's like god how many it's like god it's just so annoying yeah it's like yeah I'll be over there in a second when he calls he says like five six girls and you

just plow them all mm-hmm without showering just spreading imagine if the first chick had AIDS or something yeah he just gave it to all those people. Yeah. I mean, but he is saving on water. That's true. So he's helping the planet and, you know. Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Yep. Something like that.

Those are some pretty funny confessions. Yep. That was fun. But we'll do more of these. What a sexy time. Oh, yeah. So send it in to heyguysatcanyoudontpodcast.com. All right.

Ready for some good news? Yeah. Okay. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we are doomed. Yeah! Here's that happy, happy joy joy. Yeah.

Right here, right now. Right here, right now. On his day off, Vernon Jackson still goes to work, opening up his Cincinnati barbershop, which is Noble Barbie and Beauty for VIP clients, and that's children with special needs. God damn these ads. I'm trying to read along with you. This website's shit.

It's something he's done since 2021. I was hearing so many horror stories that parents were going through with other barbershops, and just the barbers or stylists having no patience with their child. I can relate. That's why we found one with ezra who gets it it's not a a fucking asshole our kids have never been to a got to get a haircut when's that gonna happen i don't know sometime uh anyway so patient the child jackson told cbs news so i figured i would compromise by coming in on my day off so there were uh at least some place to go when no other barbers or stylists in the shop and i could give them their full attention or my full attention that they needed jackson said having an empty shop helps on some children who are sensitive to new environments and sounds his goal is to help the children get acclimated to the

barber shop so they can feel comfortable coming in when other employees and clients are there so he does this i know he does it all for free and having that spot very cool that's amazing especially having a you know a child with with special needs who his sensory disorders have gotten not disorders sensory issues have gotten a way better than when he first started like there were so many times we had to set up appointments with this guy and you'd go in and then he as it would just lose it yeah and then you're like fuck no haircut and they like someone would be so fucking annoyed you're like well we don't want we didn't mean to do this like that but that same time like that guy's running a business too right right but

they just don't they don't fucking care yeah like they don't within five minutes they're over it they wish you weren't there uh so he's getting he's gotten a lot better at it you know talking and letting them actually cut his hair so it's been it's been great so knowing that that is a uh something that is happening in your community changes so much for those parents it's so hard already so that's uh hats off to that fella for for doing some good work out there hats off and a good haircut boom and then hat i'm not taking my hat off haircut hat back on yeah i'm not but i'm not taking my hat off for anybody you didn't even say i have a good haircut did you even notice no okay the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience

something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes that's awesome joe have you ever heard of wiper tags yeah i have have you now those are the things i'm assuming they're like the covers, right? So like on the back of the, they have a cat, there's a cat sticker and the wiper is a tail. I've seen that one out there. So I'm guessing, I think that's the only one. I know there's other ones of people waving. Yeah, there's like, they have a Yeti waving.

They have the Grinch. They have all sorts of creatures just waving. But there's one that's just, it's far above every. All that. The cream has risen to the top with this one. Okay. It's a very macho choice. Oh, all right.

I see where you're, I got it. I'm in, I got the refute. I don't have any other references. Oh, yeah. There's another reference. This one is Hulk Hogan laying on a mat, but he's laying on his back. Like a sticker on the window? Yeah, a sticker on the window. He's laying on his back.

Macho Man is on the wiper, dropping an elbow. So everybody that knows Macho Man, his signature move was the elbow off the top ropes. So he's just continuously dropping an elbow on Hogan over and over and over again every time the wiper goes. Fuck, that's amazing. And it's out of stock where I would get this. I know. I'm looking at the link now. It's on Etsy. So if you want to look up i'm sure you just put

elbow drop there can't be that many options out there for you uh that'll pop up but it has amazing reviews almost a thousand reviews and it's all five stars how could you rate anything other than that i have no idea but that's really funny what a genius idea i found there's on amazon you can get on amazon uh and it what it is in stock on amazon for 17.95 what are some of the other uh wiper covers out there i guess we don't have to do this on the air but there's got to be some really really funny ones out there are you were you watching a promo vid i just yeah i'm watching oh i see a couple more there's a couple more options this is fantastic there's like some nacho libre yeah uh wrestlers too lucha libre oh yes that's right yes it's right man that

is funny that's perfect look at those nacho libres. Sweeto burrito. That's like the... How many terrible stereotypes can Mexican wrestlers... I just, I didn't know what I was doing. I tried. I tried to get into the ring. You get it. Yeah, I got it. Squared circle.

All right, let's hear from the children. All right. Okay. All right, let's hear what you guys think really you want to talk to me wow that's cool the first email is coming in from our child jj says hey dads i have a choke story oh my god meow took my kids and wife out to eat with my for my fucking second kids what is that my second kid's birthday with my okay here we go took my wife and kids out to eat with for my second kid's birthday with my in-laws no wonder it's a fucking train wreck i was holding my youngest baby at the time

when my oldest started to choke on a mozzarella stick like a constant cough choke like it was moving up every time she coughed but slid back down to block her air pipe when she didn't cough everyone at the table just stared at her like man the flighter fight or flight thing is so funny everyone just i know the waitress that took our order was staring across the applebee's. I'm trying to hand my baby to my wife since I'm sitting next to my oldest. My mother-in-law, nurse, sitting on the other side of my oldest is just staring wide-eyed. Oh, God.

I placed the baby in my wife's lap. Nothing. Hey, take the baby. Nothing again. Irritated, I yelled her name and told her to take the baby. Linda, take the fucking baby i'm gonna throw it when i finally had my hands free i stuck a finger in her mouth and scooped out the mozzarella stick aftermath she swore off mozzarella sticks for two years probably you know good health decision

or just chew it before you eat it but she loves them again now i really want to throw that chewed up mozzie stick at my mother-in-law for talking about how she could have done better afterwards. The waitress did come by with the manager afterwards, making sure my oldest was okay. Sorry, it's not the funniest story. That was pretty funny. Maybe it will make a whole bunch of mozzie sticks and just chuck them at my in-laws next time I see them. Bye. I love that.

She's afterwards. She's like's like oh i wish i would have jumped into action yeah me too bitch stop talking about how you wish you would have done it i had a baby yeah and you're a nurse get over here she's just oh no what do i do oh no what you would do for anybody else to do at work okay you want to grab the final? I'm going to give it a shot. Okay. All right, it's coming in from our daughter, Nicole. So, listening to the podcast that you talked about, Hoarders, that's my father on crack, LOL. The only reason my parents' house inside isn't Hoarderville is because my mom won't let my dad ruin it.

He was like, five broke down boats, a truck a big truck two suvs five motorcycles with no title a van that hasn't worked since i broke uh broke down when i was in high school 13 years ago and has been turned into one of the two sheds that are crammed full of stuff it's not so much that he likes it but that if he uh if he doesn't have stuff, he gets paranoid like something is going to happen. And he will put in a position that he needed the stuff he got rid of. I know that feeling. So he is crazy, she said. He has picked food out of the garbage and eaten meat that has turned gray because it's still good, in quotes.

It has turned all of my siblings and me in minimal into minimalist and we all have a little ocd about things that having to be clean i will send you some pictures when i get a chance that would be an old van that's just a storage unit stuff full of shit uh i mean yeah it's the cables box thing it that syndrome. But it gets to a point like I never known you're going to need a milk truck. Yeah, that's that's like, yeah,

it goes a little bit too far. Like I told you, I cleaned out the cord, my cord box the other day and I put it, I organized everything. My tar,

it's all organized in bags now, but it's still in the same box. But I threw away like 200 feet of coax cable that I didn't need

that I kept. But it was like, it was hard to do, but I threw away like 200 feet of coax cable that i didn't need that i kept but it was like it was hard to do but i still kept like my nokia charger yeah you never know i don't know why but it was like it's not taking a ton of room i don't ever play my atari but i don't want to get rid of my atari because i still how many people still have their original Atari? I don't have one. I got the Sega but I do not have the Atari and when someone comes over and they're like

oh Atari, I still have mine, being able to just go see here's mine it happens once every 10 years but when it does it feels good because I have it. The mental damage that would do Knowing me too

If I was in a hoarder house Oh yeah It just stressed me out so much So I get it I get it While the kids are like Fuck no way No way

Alright well that's show 46 Good time I have nothing for 46 either No sports thing Nothing that like stood out Instagram, Facebook You can find us YouTube you can find us Send something into the show Confessions for 46 either. No sports thing. Nothing that stood out. Instagram, Facebook, you can find us. YouTube, you can find us.

Send something into the show. Confessions, Petty Beef, Beef, and just other articles for dick. Hey, guys. At CanYouDon'tPodcast.com the show will continue like it does after every show. If you support us on Patreon, the Silly Geese, get that bonus content. You can support us too.

Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Podcast. Got another, got a joke for you. Okay. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? It's a joke kind of, but also just a funny thing. So if Bruce Willis dies from a viagra overdose are you pretty excited

the headline can say bruce willis dies hard dies harder that's pretty funny pretty funny little thought uh most likely gonna die with dementia yeah i mean yeah no matter how he dies he's not gonna remember it it's so sad that's what i don't know why that's so i mean yeah no matter how he dies he's not gonna remember it it's so sad that's what i don't know why that's so i mean yeah the whole tie with the valley that i grew up in in bruce willis owning everything so he's always been around town but i don't know why it's so sad i mean dementia is so fucking sad sad for anybody but for whatever i don't know what it is like people always say like oh it's a celebrity what's a big deal? Well, because we grow up watching their movies or whatever. It's sad.

When the wrestlers die, I get sad. Because that was my childhood. It brought me a lot of good memories, just like Bruce. A lot of good memes. And he's so innocent, plays the same fucking character. Just all he's ever done. Sorry, Betty down the street didn't have the same effect on me that Bruce did. Bruce did.

I can't. She's a lovely woman. One of the best. Great grandma to somebody. Great mother. Great sister. But no effect on me because I didn't know her. Bruce did have an effect on me.

No diving away from explosions. So I don't care. Yep. All right. Let's move off to the bonus shit. Okay. And the kids, we'll see you guys next week. We'll see you in there.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.