Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Cheap Vodka. Oil. Naked. Ethernet.

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

Remember that time your wife left town for a fun vacation and you randomly decided to buy a Tesla without talking to her about it? Bryan does. Let's talk about that, burning your legs off with hot oil, showing up naked to your court hearing, why does every dad have a giant bin of useless cables, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/aJ2feoUINh8Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cheap Vodka, Oil, Naked, Ethernet yeah i know y'all be loving episode 35 right here god i've loved limp biscuit yeah they were for a bit for a bit they were number one number one in my heart yeah i would sit around and watch mtv carson daly whatever the trl and wait for nookie to come on are you kidding me i'll tell you the story about when i uh banger when i was in i think i was a sophomore junior in high school yeah and they had you know mtv or much music whichever one was on when we get to class early enough in my science class oh that's velcro i'm putting my gloves on i was worried that like a cable was coming i was like shit just my Just my finger was close. We would get into class early, and we'd go turn the TV on, and Nookie was always playing.

And my teacher would walk in, and he'd see it on. And every morning, he'd just look over at us like, Omar, what the hell are you doing? What are you doing? And then I saw that guy. I'll tell you what I'm doing. It all for the Nookie. Come on. Everything I do is for the Nookie. This is is. And then I saw that guy at a restaurant in my hometown.

Fred Durst is the teacher. No. Oh. The teacher. Okay. I was like, what the fuck is... And I reminded him about that and he giggled. Fucking Fred Durst doing a Moses leg.

Can you imagine? Dude, he gets around. He does. Oh, man. I never got to see him live. I wish I did. I did. You did? It was okay. Okay does. Oh, man. I never got to see him live. I wish I did. I did. You did?

It was okay. Okay. Yeah. Episode 35. We're excited that you're here. Of course, we'll keep recording. You're excited that I'm here? Yeah.

Or the people. If you didn't show up. Fuck. I think we should do a show like that sometime. You're like, you just talk to me like I'm here, but I just don't respond. Just never acknowledge that you, like Fred Durst is sitting in for you. Yeah. But we just just it's just like that's it you just push a button you're like hey what do you think about that and you just push

the button goes yeah yeah come on i think it'd be funny if you did a show where i'm not here and but you but you talk to me like i'm not responding like what do you think brian are you gonna answer me okay i'm just not here just carry on maybe i have to have like a laugh track though yeah to make or like have you say anything like just a slight anything to acknowledge the existence i'll just record a few little things and you put it on your little little soundboard and you just start sprinkling them in he's like whoa that's crazy you just tell a story and then every once in a while you just push it wow no way you could get through a whole show like that oh it's so funny like just like these little buttons that i know you could get through a whole show like that. Oh, it's so funny.

Like, just like these little buttons that I push. Oh, Joe, you're so funny. Oh, my God. I'm so happy to do this with you. You're so funny. I just have that button. The privilege of being able to do this with you. We will keep recording additional content on the back end of today's episode.

That's what we do now. And if you support us on Patreon, you get to hear the additional content. So head over to patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. Send in stuff you want to hear. We need more of it. Hey, guys, at canyoudontpodcast.com. It's so much fun reading those. And then just a quick note.

You posted a thing today. Oh, yeah, about questions and stuff. When I was driving here, my phone was going. All the questions coming in. Turned into a vibrator. Yeah. So I put it between my legs. Good. did you come no i couldn't quite get there just edged the drive because the drivers were annoying me so i was like oh that feels good get the fuck out of the way

you were mad and almost about to come yeah i mean that's rage come sounds like my sex life i i mean this is we don't normally address this stuff, but this is, it is so crazy. I have no idea where the numbers are at this point, because this episode is coming out, you know, whatever, next week. But thoughts go out to everyone that is affected by the Turkey and Syria earthquakes. It is fucking crazy to think about how many people have lost their lives in this and have been injured and there's you know experts i'm not sure they're experts in dead people i'm not sure like they're just looking at the overall the zone they've cleared so far and then the overall destruction has happened i'm saying like 50 000 plus people 120 000 by the time this comes out i know i mean it really could be that's the

entire population of cordelaine just everyone just gone so that is that is a massive natural disaster and you know we just want to make sure that we recognized it um my wife was telling me stories she was like they were showing they had pictures of like somebody holding the hand of someone that's under the rubble. That person's gone, and they're sitting there holding their hand. Knowing that I can't get this person out. Just heartbreaking. It is terrible.

It is awful. I guess on the flip side of some good news. How do we transition out of that? I don't know. Rotten Sled seems to do the trick. Slip on out of there. But it has been approved on been approved on urban dictionary and a lot of kids have already found it so rotten sled uh entered it to be a part of urban dictionary it's up there it's live right now so if you head over to urban dictionary and search for rotten sled you can give it the old

thumbs up i'm not sure if you can can comment on stuff. I don't know. Inside Urban Dictionary seems a little too complex. You know what? I never thought of it as like a community thing. I thought it was just somebody that ran a site. But now that I realize that, we should try to come up with a bunch of things. Just start throwing them in there and supporting them. I'm assuming the

more thumbs up or support that it gets, then the more it pops up in their whole little universe. Well, we could have a whole Can You Don't section. Just have our own dictionary eventually. You reminded me of this. I just moved on because I got it out of my system. But I had the kids up at a basketball tournament a couple weeks ago.

And I'm not going to name what hotel because it doesn't but I mean I don't stay at a ton of hotels I do plenty of traveling with the kids now for their sports did plenty for music and then did plenty for my own sports growing up so I mean a fair amount of hotels but not like a crazy amount where you've I've been relentlessly on the road for 20 years like they're not that many hotels. But I was checking in with the kids, and we get the room number. Hotel looks nice. It smells nice. The breakfast thing,

it looks like it's going to be a great breakfast in the morning. Like, I mean, just, you know, they got the waffle maker. Oh, yeah. Pumped. Pumped for the AM. And we go,

and we walk down the hallway, you know, thank you so much, nice lady at the desk. You've been a pleasure. And we take off off and i'm walking down the hall with my kids when we get to our room and we do little little baby do they fight over who gets to no the car they're too old for that now well and pepper's not going to fight ezra yeah because that's just his world yeah you don't take that you don't take that from him you can try you're gonna die in your sleep

okay so she's learned that and there's some tiny pleasures in life that you're just gonna let go right because those are ezra's now yeah he owns those and that's a battle not worth fighting in this case it was actually me thank god so it scanned it in like a little motor noise and unlock you know open the door and i walk in and i was just overwhelmed with sensation because i just was hearing things and things were in the room and i was just trying to figure out what was happening so i my first thought or my first thing that i noticed i looked across the room was there a naked man in my room and there's just like bottles of cheap vodka like huge half gallons sitting on the table and i'm like those aren't mine like i didn't i didn't order those i come here last night right it's like oh man are you

my kids just like so drunk already uh those are there there's some bags there there's a bag of something on the bed i don't know what a clear bag it could have been i mean whatever could have been anything sex toys or just shampoo i don't know but it's there um tv is on and now i'm standing next to the shower and the door is open to the shower and someone is taking a shower this only happens to you the door just running and i'm like whoa like this someone is in the shower right now doing shower stuff right so someone's washing their butthole right now and i walk in and i may not make it like whatever it's three feet in i stop and the kids like kind of bump into me and i just go what oh geez and just i take a look i turn it and just shut the door and i did it

didn't really hit me in that moment of how bad that could have been yeah like there could have you could have fucking a couple fucking on the drug deal going down drug deal i mean and hope people get weird in hotel rooms like this feels familiar but it's not mine i'm gonna fuck some shit like just don't, you know, whatever. Hotels get weird. Someone's going to clean it up for me. Right. So we just walked back up and went back to the desk and said, hey, bad news.

Someone was showering in the room we just walked into. It's like the three little bears story. And that person is still there. And she just gives like the textbook emoji, like, yikes, face. She goes, oh, shit. And she starts looking through and she goes oh okay okay and she starts talking to someone else she goes this was the room that we transferred and like they're doing their whole thing like i don't know like someone didn't mark

it and they're we're so sorry about that and what they like the the tone they had was like please don't tell anybody that was kind of the vibe i was like yeah i mean i don't it's an honest mistake you were not you did not willingly send me into someone else's room what if they did it on purpose like oh this is gonna be hilarious and they're filming me for a fucking ashton kutcher surprise show you're getting punked anyway so that happened next room was great but i've never never come across that in a hotel but i posted it on my socials i'm not i think just facebook and some people commented like oh yeah this fucking happens all the time and then other people like i work in

a hotel if this is the craziest thing you've seen like i got some stories for you so if you do have some stories about crazy things that you've seen in a hotel room i think we've kind of addressed that a little bit about just like behind the scenes stuff because i remember reading a story about the hotel and how fucked up that room was that one dude was like shitting in this or shitting and pissing in the the tub and not using the toilet there's cum in the fucking coffee baker i guess the whole fucking thing he was like i'm just gonna go everything that should be this i'm gonna do i'm gonna shift it everything to the right he's like he's like you know what i've never had a honeymoon uh this i'm gonna do i'm gonna shift it everything to the right he's like he's like you know what i've never had a honeymoon uh this i'm gonna treat myself and i'm gonna fuck the tv i'm gonna fuck the vcr slot is that something you do when you're like you're like sitting on

the bed and you're just kind of looking around like what can i fuck or is that or are you like i'm renting this room knowing i'm gonna do this so i mean there's certain moods you get it like i can't wait to get there because this is what i want to do you're not always in that mood but sometimes you are you know what's funny is like uh 100 of people walking into a hotel room have walked around looked around goes oh this is nice like everyone has the same like you never just walk into a hotel room and set your stuff down right and like go to the bathroom every single person looks around and comments on the room a little approval isn't that weird how it's like like hey oh it smells like smoke or you push the bed a little bit yeah you're like is there a fridge not not the best but i mean this

is nice there's a microwave in a fridge we can leftovers we can live here yeah like everyone does that primal instinct like you're walking into a cave yeah you're walking like can a bear get in here can a bear get in here can we start a fire is there a fire pit yeah is there uh is there airflow for a fire pit throw your dead deer down on the bed? This'll do. That's a good spot. This'll do. At least we're not out there. Yeah, we could be out in the elements.

But if you have a crazy hotel story, we haven't asked this question for a bit. Maybe just more on the, I guess if you do work in the hotel world and you know some crazy stuff. That's what I want to hear. Send it in. Hey guys, at canyoudontpodcast.com and I feel like I'm just talking a bunch at this moment.

Yeah. But the hotel that we were staying at also happened in the same area that this next story came from and because of the time of year,

I know that this episode comes out, the Super Bowl already happened. Right? But a reminder of a couple years ago, I think it was in last year i think it was two years ago one of the funniest fucking things uh that i've done i've just like closed out the world and i i feel like you will appreciate this and if you have or haven't heard this story before i hope that you will appreciate as well so this particular sunday our kids had ski school uh at schweitzer mountain okay uh we go and we drop them off blah blah blah we get it

you're loaded joe okay that if that is what it takes to be like all right you're all set in life is fucking ski lessons at schweitzer hey and you't you go to Schweitzer last weekend? Yeah. Okay, so let's go ahead and pump the brakes. Bunny Hill, all right? Hey, me too, this last Sunday. Things have changed. So we're up there, they're doing that. And I wish I would have maybe went back.

The first time I told this story publicly. It had just happened. So I had all the, all the details right then and there. But I believe I just looked up Superbowl because I had not been really paying attention and something popped up on like the DVR on the live TV thing. And it showed fucking Superbowl. And I was like, shit, like you can,

you can set things ahead of time that you're going to record. Right? Right. So I was like, okay, like you can, you can set things ahead of time that you're going to record. Right. Right. So I was like, okay, well, I mean, I don't want to miss that for my kids. Stupid fucking ski lessons. Made sure I looked it up, set record before we took off that morning and then went up to the hill. So we're up there and I've, I have told Aaron and I've told the kids, I was like, when we get home tonight, daddy's watching the Superbowl. We can't use the big TV, blah, blah, blah.

I even talked about going out and getting some snacks and chips and salsa and all this kind of stuff. It was fucking Super Bowl day. I wanted them to know. Which TV are we talking about? I think that one. The one that's upstairs. The big one? Yeah, the big one.

Or the one that was upstairs. The one thing I took? No, it's... So I had this whole plan, and then I was riding up a chairlift with my buddy Tommy, and he's not a big sports fan. And I tell him, I'm like, what are you doing?

He asked me, like, what are you doing tonight? I was like, well, I'm watching the fucking Super Bowl. He goes, oh, it goes crazy. He goes, that's today? And he's kind of like asking me? I'm like, the fuck is that, today? And I was like, yeah. And he goes, oh, shit, man. Like, I didn't... That's crazy, I didn fuck is that today i was like yeah he goes oh shit man

like i didn't that's crazy i didn't even know i was like yeah so i'm you know doing that blah blah and this happens uh i'm in a text a group text with my family and i write them i said hey i'm recording the i'm recording the game don't give me any updates and then i send that and then i mute the group and i i don't want anything from anybody about what is happening nobody talked to me no one talked to me i'm recording it i don't want to do it and i didn't want them to write back or whatever so i just muted them whole day goes by i head home i sit down fucking living room is daddy's like this is this is it and i go and i open up the dvr situation all the snacks i mean i don't remember i feel like i

had some chips or thought about having snacks i didn't have very many but i did like make a run to the store uh but it's like when you're like the kids are just going you're gonna rub one out you're like yeah you're all sprawled out ready to go right like yeah the pants are not around my ankle they are off yeah they're on the floor i don't have to worry about anything but my socks are on because it's cold yeah yeah um but i'm sitting down and i'm just getting ready to fucking watch the super bowl and i click around i'm like fuck it's not recorded and i look around a little bit and i don't know i mean i don't really understand how it happened but it was next sunday and i spent the whole day telling everybody to not fucking bother me so that i could watch the super bowl and i'm so embarrassed i'm oh i'm like what the fuck so i

opened my phone and so i go to that group chat and my brother's like what the fuck game are you talking about he's like is there golf on like i don't know he's like what are you doing he's like what sport are you watching he's like i don't know you love like university of ohio volleyball that much like what the fuck is happening and so they knew but i muted it and had no idea what they were talking about and i spent the whole day ignoring uh just so i didn't spoil the game that was not not happening it's funny to think about like them getting that and if like if you said the super bowl they're like and everyone's thinking like what's next week okay i guess he's just letting us know like next week nobody tell

me what's going on because everyone else is thinking next week i've done that before it's like completely missed this you're just like you think something is that day and you're like hell bent on like this is it this is it and then i think back like were people just thinking that i just lost my goddamn mind right i know but you're just you're in you're trying to you're just being courteous but friendly and just saying like hey like i'm doing this later don't fucking tell me like it's not that crazy but then the people that i just involved in my journey yeah we're not big sports fans like Like Aaron and Tommy and my kids. They don't care.

They don't give a fuck. They don't know when it was in the first place. So they couldn't correct me. Why would they even bother you with that anyway? But you felt the need. I just don't want to get spoiled. So just so you know. Just so you know.

I don't give a shit. No, you got it. You got it, buddy. Whatever you want. Anything else you want to talk about? Because I don't care about this. Yeah. So that was fun. I don't have to talk to you fine great no no problem uh but i wanted to share that one and there was a listener a kid that reminded me of that story i think last week or a couple weeks ago he goes you have to

you have to talk about that again it's one of the funniest things i've i've ever heard i just lived in an altered universe for an entire fucking day. Like I just created my own universe. I'm trying to think. I don't have anything off the top of my head. I know I've done that before, though, where you've basically planned your existence around a thing. And then it wasn't even that day. And you're just like hell bent on details.

Yep. And then come to find out it wasn't that. And like oh my god that's tomorrow like a birth a kid birthday party just everything that you're just trying to make it to three o'clock to head out to the birthday party and you find out it's not today it's tomorrow you're like fuck me i planned i've done that with kids on the weekend before like i got them up to go to school and it was sunday you know like guys you have to get up we're blah blah you know and then i've done that with um with time before like i was so delirious that i didn't know what time it was i was like we have to be we have to get up get up get up and then i look and it was oh i did that when i was supposed to

pick up my son the other day i said no i was tired i set an alarm because i dozed off it went off and i got up and i had to get my other son ready and we're going i drive to a school and i'm like man it's usually more usually more people here at pickup and i look at the time i was an hour early so then i went down to the store and then bought something and then you're a half hour late yeah yeah i'm waiting in line like, come on. We got to wrap this up. I'm trying to squeeze some shit in. Yeah. To cover up my mistake.

Yeah. It's definitely, it's heightened with parenting for sure. Yeah. No, absolutely. Anyway, that's funny. That is funny. Okay. Well, we got, we got a couple of emails.

I know this is going to be a longer opening today, but that's okay. That's a huge opening. I guess a big, like or a gaping opening. But we asked about workplace accidents among our kids last week and we did get a bunch of emails sent in but this one from our son Brandon is next level. Do you have your cringe

pants on? This is fucking crazy. They're pretty loose. They're about to get a little tighter. You know what I'm talking about. It says, Hey Daddy, Joe and Brian. Actually, your name's all caps. Yeah, with exclamations. Hey, daddies, Joe and Brian! I had the episode playing in my kitchen where the guy got sucked into a jet engine.

Oh, that old story. That old thing. And it all started with the worst things that we have seen in the kitchen. I personally have cut the tip off my finger. And it all started with the worst things that we have seen in the kitchen. I personally have cut the tip off my finger. My number two has dropped a knife into his foot. But the worst was about five years ago, an absolute idiot was doing a boil out on the fryers. If you don't know what that is, it's how you clean a fryer, and I'm going to explain.

The oil needs to be hot. It makes cleaning way easier. Like hot, hot. Right feels like you know i gotta spit on it before you though so i'm assuming he's number two that's a sous chef right yeah someone do you i don't know i'm just gonna make a stupid suing joke for a problem and i but he had no grounds to sue you ready this kitchen was old school with an oil dumpster outside. So to dump the old oil means you fill a metal pot with boiling oil and walk it outside. This means you never fill the pot full. You fill it half full and do more trips back and forth. You know, a safety thing.

Yep. Well, this fucking idiot refused to listen to me and filled the oil to the brim of the pot and two steps in he tripped and spilt the boiling oil on his legs he was unfortunately wearing shorts so it hit bare skin and he screamed and ran to a bucket of cold water you know anything about oil and water don't mix we tried to tackle him to stop him but he dunked his legs in the water and boiling oil flesh and muscle oh fuck i i'll get back to the the ridiculous scene of like like you're trying to tackle someone yeah who is screaming for their life and he's trying to go do something he thinks is gonna help He has moves you didn't know existed.

He's parkouring. He's doing backflips and spin shit. So it goes on to say, hitting water shredded everything off his legs, most places to the bone. He looked like a cartoon character that put his legs in a river with piranhas. Oh, that's funny.

The cargo shorts he had on were melted to flesh love you guys brian please do a sexy goose voice for my girl oh god oh that is that is so bad where is he now in a wheelchair i mean skin grafts and stuff i don't know but if you get if it fucked with the muscle can you walk i don't know that is terrible like that's just so gross to think about oil shredding your skin and like what would have happened if they did successfully sack you tackle you like would you have been way better off? Would you put it in the water so it just exploded? So, I have a question about that.

I know oil and water don't mix, but what happens exactly? You're asking the wrong fella. So, like, if you've got... I mean, I can look it up. I know I always hear that, oil and water don't mix, but I've never actually... Well, they separate. I know that from like our tiny science experiments when you're a kid. You have the water bottle with the oil and water.

But in the case of burning your skin off and you shove it in water, I'm guessing it just like tries to separate itself. So it just rips your skin. Oh my God. Awful. That is so bad. Makes me, I mean, I feel terrible for that guy. It's a bummer.

The cargo shorts he had on were melted to the flesh too. So he's just got cargo. He's got pockets in his whatever skin is left. In his thighs. Yeah. That's one bonus. He could be naked. he still has pockets he still has a place to put his feet or like you know his muscles his glumps of skin yeah that's a cool trick you're the only one at the beach that has a pair of pliers. Imagine being able to wear a thong.

So you have your phone in your skin pocket. Reminds me of RoboCop. Remember his thigh? He has his gun in his thigh. Same thing. This guy just has the same thing. This guy's a superhero now. Yeah.

Anything you helped, he helped himself he could be stranded on an island yeah and survive and he's got he's gonna make it he's gonna make it um oh man i'm looking at the looking at the clock we might have to just kind of gloss over some stuff out the gate but um the crazy things that happen at work, I do actually have another story about that. You ready? Is it your story or someone else's? It's my story. Okay. Where it was just in the moment, I mean, everyone was just happy that we got to continue working.

But then later on reflecting, I could have fucking lost my leg. So I used to work for a landscaping company, but we did big water features. So building big waterfalls for rich people in their backyard, which goes into a pond. But then also, you would skim ponds. You would help clear out shit at their house. Whatever, clear their already existing ponds. So it was like a water landscape job which sounds weird it's sorry to be a waterscape job but site is like a little side note here based on what we talked about earlier like with syria and turkey

and third world country is it's are those technically third world country i don't know i don't know it's gonna sound so ignorant right now yeah but anyway people with that don't have like extravagant things you know like someone who's just just trying to live versus someone who has like a water feature in their backyard like the difference between hey i want a waterfall in my backyard can you build a waterfall in my backyard. Can you build a waterfall in my backyard? Right. Yes. Yes. For half a million dollars. Absolutely.

Fine. Whatever it costs. No, I think Turkey is a first world country. So there's that. Maybe second world. Some are saying that. I'm guessing not as strict of building codes that you would have here in the USA. Okay. So we did all that.

And these are massive boulders, tons, multi-ton boulders that you would place as these accent pieces. So working at the headquarters of my employer, what he was doing was all around the shop was putting in examples of things that like that he did uh whatever you wanted here's a pond here's a waterfall and all this kind of shit so you can look at and say i want that yeah or whatever just show them off like they if they pop over and they want to talk to you they look outside like oh this is some like this is some big time shit right it's like your your 3d business card so we're doing that this day and we have a crane and this crane is moving in this massive fucking boulder i don't remember exactly how many tons but a fucking huge rock doesn't matter once it's past a ton it doesn't

fucking matter and i'm under it so i'm guiding it into place i know i could this could have been really bad do you have some of those cones that you're uh no the airplane and then i got sucked into a jet engine this is at the airport you actually buy an airport that's a side quest so i'm under it and it's hard to get the stone exactly where you want it without kind of you know it's in a sling and you have you push it into place okay and then when you swing it in then the crane can drop it blah blah so we're swinging this thing around and for whatever reason the the sling that we put it in the rope like broke like those things are made to carry so many pounds does it look like a giant nutsack yeah kind of okay yeah a little bit like you would hang from the back of a truck in these i don't know what they're made of but like teflon strong

ass towing ropes like you could yank a semi truck out of a river down a cliff like these are big fucking straps and this one ripped and then it slid out so the rock hit the other strap and then bounced out sideways and it's fucking coming towards me as I'm guiding this thing in. Right. So as I see it break, I guess I drop down. I fall down as far as I can. And I fall, I fall in my legs, go between two other big rocks and the rock lands right on my legs. Right.

And like my instinct is to fucking scream because i don't know if my leg's gone like i can't fucking figure it out the the giant rock fell out of the slings came down and it pinched it pinched my leg between the other two stones so was it like a triangle gap and your legs were in the gap so i dropped down and the one that just happened to go between two big rocks and then a big that big rock we were big went on top right okay so i felt it pushing my skin but i didn't know how bad it was and did it hurt a little bit but this is like right right away yeah we're like as it was falling and hit i was like scared the shit out of me because i think i'm something bad is happening your legs are gone and i can't move my leg but then the more time i spent there looking at it and analyzing it

it was just pushing the like the pushing my leg hard but didn't break anything and we had to just basically get a chisel and knock out the other stones so i could slide my leg out and nothing happened no scratches no blood i did not lose my leg but that inches fucking close from just destroying my fucking leg well even even like trying to chisel it out what if you all just carry on what if you chiseled it out wrong and then like it caved in and you he was so worried i mean he's your boss he saw his whole company oh yeah yeah going going not that was your life it was his company yeah lose no but like but there was just like it was a huge moment and then it was you know you're a guy so then they just ask you okay yeah yeah and then you just get another sling and fucking move the rock into place can you walk

yeah i can walk all right uh hop back up there you don't want to be a pussy yeah yeah so i just got back up and worked to the end of the day and then later reflected i was like that was could have been really terrifying really bad and nothing like how many you see you see videos of close calls like on youtube or whatever like a someone something flying in and someone just happens to like pick something up and turn. And if they would have stayed there a half second more, like that's one of those stories. And people wrote in about that first, the plane, the jet engine video we watched.

People wrote in, we didn't watch the entire video, but what happened was he got sucked in and then his helmet came off and stopped the fucking blades Did you remember that so we watch the video? Different video. Yeah, it wasn't the video of the actual story It was the other one where the guy got sucked into the jet engine So what happened was his helmet come came off and stopped the blade. So that's how we lived. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, I know Okay. Anyway, so got one more message. This was coming in

from our medical son, Steve. And I didn't remember the name of the medication about the exploding boner side effect. Remember that? Anyway, it's Trazodone. It's an antidepressant that's used for sleep now.

The side effect is called Priapism. Priapism. Priapism. Priapism. And that's just where the blood doesn't leave your erection. So that's cool. So you're just sleeping because you're using it for sleep. And your dick explodes.

I love how it started as an antidepressant. And it just made everyone so tired that they couldn't be sad. And they're like, ah, we'll just use it as a sleep aid. And then your dick blows up and you become more depressed. Yeah, well. Now it's like. But you're getting great sleep. I didn't have anything to look forward to before. is used as a sleep aid and then your dick blows up and you become more depressed yeah well now it's like but you're getting great i didn't have anything to look forward to before and now i don't have now i can't jerk off getting great fucking sleep though you know what they do is call that freaking dick farm guy remember the dick farm guy from way back wait oh what happened oh no uh fix

it i can't turn your mic off it came unscrew unscrewed. Oh, man, this is going to sound really good. Maybe I'll wait until we take a little break. Let's do that. All right, are you ready to move on? Yeah. Okay. That's the most genius thing ever. We were like, I'll just wait.

We would have sat here for four minutes and listened to you screw your mic back in and then took the break. That would have been that would have been what we would have done i learned my lesson with the the people wearing earbuds and noises right okay let's move on okay all right hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about all right joe yeah we're gonna skip the uh the would you rather today because we're just we came in hot with stories we did a lot of them and now we we have more we have yeah we have a ton of good stories yeah so we'll just save the give it the

proper time it deserves at a later date well and i wanted to uh i wanted to do this uh this would or uh whatever the fuck it's called what are you thinking about yeah i wanted to do this, whatever the fuck it's called. What are you thinking about? I wanted to do this last week, but I thought it was a little bit too soon. The wound was a little bit too fresh. Oh, it's so good. I did something stupid while my wife was on. Well, yeah, it's a matter of perspective, I guess.

I mean, it is stupid. Don't try to defend me. Everyone's trying to defend me. Well, that's because we don't have to go home to your wife right so from everyone else's perspective besides yours pretty fucking cool yeah so i mean of course we're trying to defend you she went on a vacation to New Orleans With some friends Had a good time New Orleans

And before we were I was having lunch with a buddy And we were talking about cars And he was talking about how he just really wanted to get something new And I was like, let's go car shopping Mix it up, mix it up spice it up yeah it's nice to do every once in a while right um so we you know we left lunch went down to a bmw dealership okay and uh you know we're and then it became like well i could you know i

could probably use something new too so then he was like he texted his his guy that works down there and i was like oh i don't know if we should do that and he's like well i'll just text him because we could maybe you know drive something and uh so we go down there we're looking around and i've been wanting um a tesla for years you know like this is something i've been really interested in for a long time and there was uh there was a couple there there was like a model s that's 114k or whatever it's like that's that's what i want sure but that's so unreasonable yeah but they had a you know they had a model 3 there that a long range and i was like god i've been looking for one of these and we go uh and we were talking about it he's like you want to drive it and i was like yeah so i we drove it around and do i and then we went inside and you know and sat down and uh i'm

cutting this way short but you know that he does the old uh you know do you want it yeah all that kind of stuff and i'm like and i'm like well you know like right now i just it's not something that um i would want to do right now because my wife's going on vacation. She's already stressed out about leaving. She gets anxiety for traveling and then leaving kids and everything. So, I don't want to. And he's like, well, what do we got to do to get you in this thing? Or like, I'm like, I'm telling you. Like, well, I'll come back next week or something.

You know, and we can talk about it. I can't do this. And then tell her, no, sorry, I can't pick up my kid from school because i'm buying a car stress her out more so i got out of that and went home and then i was like i don't want to tell her and then i finally just kind of told her because i thought it'd be fun story that we had this conversation and i was like but i knew i shouldn't do anything because i didn't want to stress you out and she's like oh that's funny and it kind of like made her laugh and kind of forget about having anxiety about leaving all that kind of stuff so it's kind of a happy thing and she's like you know it's not that you know like you can get the car look just you know we'll wait to get

back from vacation do all this stuff blah blah blah i didn't know about all this i love this keep going yeah and uh this is why it's probably even worse but uh so while she's gone i take my defending you yeah keep going that's what i'm saying uh so like while she's gone you know we're texting back and forth having fun and i was kind of just looking on the looking on the internet like i always do just for things and then i saw there was one in town a 21 model 3 in town and um it was long it was all the stuff that i've been looking for in in this thing so and it was under price from for what they're valued at on the thing it said uh hidden gem it was like fantastic deal i had all these labels i'm like oh god look at you hot so now i was like

i just want to go look at this thing so i go i go out i go out to look at it and i'm by myself and then i um i i walk up to it i'm like oh look at you i have to have this thing you know like i have to have it and and i'm talking to the guy i'm like well i have two kids i have to pick up from school today so i don I don't know. We'll just, we'll kind of see if this happens. And so, in the middle, I'm like, I have to go. We're like talking. I have to go pick up my son. I have to drive all the way.

It's like a 40-minute drive back home because this is a whale. And then I get him. And then I'm waiting for a call back on details and all this kind of stuff. And then he calls back. Long story short, I have one of my sons i come you know i can go back out and go through the process i'm like fucking we're just gonna do it and then uh i have to go pick up my other kids so we're like you know just it's just back and forth like crazy day but the worst it's the worst part of this whole thing is that i never told my wife that i was

doing this and there's no there's nothing i can there's no excuse nothing i can say they're like she comes home from uh her vacation excited to see everybody and she rolls up at like one o'clock in the morning and there's a tesla sitting in the fucking driveway yeah happy birthday and she happy anniversary she walks in and she's like she just looks at me she's like you got a tesla yeah and i was like oh fuck we got a tesla that's what you should that would have been the best line in my head at the time i was thinking like oh she'll it'll be exciting she likes t T-words, like Tesla. But the thing was, she's like, well, first of all, why didn't you tell me?

I did. That's what she said. That was where she was hurt the most, is that I didn't tell her. Yeah. And which I totally acknowledge. I fucked that up big time. Because if she came back, we waited a few days, I talked about it, and we went and did it, that would have been if she came back we waited a few days i talked about it and we went and went and did it yeah that would have been one thing but just doing it and then not

telling her it's such a massive um such a massive thing well yeah i mean sure i mean there's crazier things that can happen but i just love that picturing you bringing it up like you're not going to believe this the funniest thing happened today i almost bought a tesla without talking to you about it and she goes oh my god that's hilarious and the next day you just go buy a tesla i know like that's the punchline that and she told me she's like this i almost left the kids at school and forgot to pick them up she goes oh no what happened you look crazy and the next day you just leave with school the exact scenario that we were joking around about god that's so good and and she even said like if you hadn't if we hadn't have had that conversation before we left she probably would

have been mess less mad but the fact that we talked about it and she said just wait and all that and then still happened i don't i don't i can't even explain my my rationale you just wanted the car and it was i felt like it was gonna get swiped up does she like the car she's coming around on it right okay after the sting and everything is is wearing off yeah she still likes like she we have a like a nice explorer she still prefers like an suv yeah but so she's gonna let me have it for a while which is fair that's fine uh i have a a very similar story not tesla big uh but a pretty big one so uh aaron was sleeping she was working right i think she was just getting off her work shift and i had the kids and then she

i think she just woke up and i had to run to the store i was like no i don't worry about it it's a big dinner gotta get eggs i gotta get some egg stuff and i was like i'm gonna go to costco they have like the awesome fettuccine alfredo or whatever the great warm up in the oven meals so i went to costco i'm walking in and right up front right up front is a fucking 85 inch television for no light shining down god damn it looked good age like those htr preview screens right like you know give them your card and then you turn to walk in and it's looking at you it is catered to whatever mood i was in the same mood you were in when you bought a tesla was the same mood i was in when i looked at this 85 inch television i did not need it but the more i thought about i was like i mean pretty fucking sweet though nice kind of would be nice to have that i stood back

leaned into it a little bit and i was like god man i was like this i think this will fit yeah you start to think about okay how far is the couch right it's not even about how cool the tv when it's the tv is so big that it's not even about that it's about will it fit on the fucking wall yeah okay great 85 inches is huge thank you and i decide not only am i gonna get the the chicken alfredo but i'm also in a couple gallons of milk that come in the weird shapes at costco for whatever reason i'm not sure why i i'm also in a couple gallons of milk that come in the weird shapes at costco for whatever reason i'm not sure why i i'm also going to come home with 85 inch television so before i buy it uh same buddy that i asked talked to you about the super bowl situation i call my call my friend he's got a truck this shit ain't fitting in my fucking car oh my god and if he would not have picked up the phone or if he had been busy, I probably wouldn't have that TV right now.

It's his fault. And he loves this kind of stuff. Yeah. I was like, I don't know. I'm like, get it. I'll be there in five minutes. I'm like, fuck. All right.

So I buy it. They pack it up. He has a big truck. You have to have a big truck. How big do fords go fucking f50 150 350 yeah so it's a dually it's a big ass truck it's for carrying trailers just barely laid down in the back of it like that's how big this thing is and we squish it in and we get home you're moving out the back of the truck okay so he drove it home and you drove your car so your tv is in his

truck and you're carpooling right he's on going home yeah go going home and you're gonna help me get it out and we park out front and we're like like picking this fucking six thousand pound television out of the back of the truck and aaron walks out just like like all kind of like nonchalant he just goes what's that i? I was like, oh, is that dinner? She didn't say that. That'd be funny. That's the biggest fucking chicken Alfredo I've ever seen. And I was like, oh no, I got TV.

And she's like, where are you going to put it? I was like the living room. She goes, okay. And like, so my buddy's there. So she can't get mad yet. She has to prolong the madness until I get the television inside. So we slide it in and my buddy Tom, he can kind of sense that I shouldn't, he shouldn't be there.

All right, Joe, I think I'm going to dip out. It's so heavy. Like you just have to like, like shove it across the floor. And then he just goes, all right. I'm like, thanks. He goes, all right, just goes all right i'm like thanks he goes all right thank you and he shuts it and she goes where the fuck you're like right there and she goes it won't even fucking fit i was like i think it will so i have to measure the area and it fit in this little space between the piano and the corner by two fucking inches and she had to take down pictures of our family of our fucking friends like art like custom art that we had bought that was on the wall

and move it and just get it all out of the way so i could hang this fucking tv so it's all like set up against the different walls moved everything and then here's the best part this is the worst part if you're aaron best part if you think that fucking crazy shit is funny so i get everything out of the way and it's primed i put the like the mounting on the back i get the bracket screwed to the wall because you have to get a big fucking bracket this thing weighs i swear to god it's hundreds and hundreds of pounds so i can't lift it by myself so i gotta walk to her she's already fucking so mad i like it's one of those things where fine you already did it but this is your thing you deal with it but then you have to ask her for help it was like it was like the little kid that's

kicking the dirt and so the whole time it's really it's heavy heavy like it's a it's a bitch so the whole time we're struggling to get this thing up and she just burning her eyes are burning through my skull just staring at me from the other side of the television i'm like it's gonna be great and she hated it for so long but then every now and again like weeks into it you watch the movie out there and i turned her and be like i mean it's pretty cool right and then eventually she's like yeah what else dude ah we dude, we got rid of the piano because it didn't fit. You had to get a storage unit. It was wedged in to barely fit.

Barely fit. Fucking, and it's awesome, though. You know, that's the funny thing about that kind of stuff is, I've done this before with amber like not the tesla thing but like stuff like that where like i i went and got a projector it's got you know 120 inches and spent money and like got surround sound and stuff and it's like what the fuck are you doing and that that initial sting oh yeah and then after that dies down and then we put on fucking the black the dark knight in 4k yeah and with full 9.1 dolby amo sound and then she's kind of okay this is pretty cool she goes all right okay even driving the car i let her drive it to corlaine a few days ago and that's

what she goes she goes okay it's fun because we got on the freeway and she's yeah and she goes, okay, it's fun. Because we got on the freeway and she's, and she goes, okay, this is fun. Zips off. But it's that, so it's that initial sting. Like, I can't believe you fucking did that.

But because I think I know what I, this sounds awful, but like, I think I know what is fun and what's cool and if I can just get it, like, i'll show you how cool it is the first time

i got surround sound or a big tv she was like we don't need that big of a tv and i'm like no we don't need that big of a tv but then after that comes off she's like okay she's happy that we have it but in the time like what the fuck were you doing just we don't need that you're like okay what's the fine need yeah what does need mean what is what does need mean anyway yeah like in today's world like we don't need ice cream but we buy it like you don't need that fucking shirt yeah she's like what are you doing you don't know three pairs of shoes that look exactly the same we don't need this couch yeah so bear with me for a second how many people don't have couches yeah so i think you're being a little a little much right now back off a little bit back off a little bit she's like what like

she can't hear you because you keep cranking up fucking dark night yeah so what i think we should do pictures falling off the wall you don't have to worry about that because you took all your pictures all the pictures down dude and they just sat next to it for so long. Just reminding me what I've done. What are they going to do with these pictures? The opening of the show has done even 50 minutes. Yeah. In the first two things. Which, I mean, hopefully you guys have enjoyed it.

We just had some really fucking funny stories we had to tell today. Do you want to move on to Dick? We'll get at least a little Dick in here. Yeah, we'll get a slight little Dick in. All right, a little sliver? Yeah. All right, we'll push it in. Is dick in here yeah we'll get a slight little dick in all right what's a little sliver yeah all right we'll push it in is it dumb is it interesting is it cool oh and before we get into it i just wanted to mention i know that what we just talked about

is a very familiar situation so if you have something or an example a story of you going out and doing buying some shit not talking to your partner or your spouse about and then being pissed about it i i want to hear it uh so send that in to hey guys at can you don't podcast.com mostly because we don't want to feel like the asshole the only ones i'm i'm i'm gonna bet that there's some wild shit coming oh yeah all right so what do you have for our for our dick this week, homie? Well, it's funny that it's called dick because the story is Spanish high court backs man's right to walk naked in the street. Okay.

This is from Madrid. A Spanish high court has ruled in favor of a man who was fined for walking naked through the streets of a town in the region of Valencia and later tried to attend court hearing in the nude. So he showed up naked? Yeah. The balls, am I right? Yeah, the balls on this guy. Look at him dangling. Right there.

In a statement, the region's high court said that had struck down the appeal against the lower court decision to annul fines handed out to the man for being naked in the streets of Aldea. Aldea? He's doing it all day. A town of outskirts, a regional capital. Okay. The court, however, acknowledged a legal vacuum in Spanish law recording public nudity.

Alejandro Colomar, 20, was filmed arriving at court wearing just a pair of hiking boots before he ordered to put clothes on into the building. At his trial, he argued that the fines infringed on his right to ideological freedom. He told Reuters he's been again stripping in public in 2020 and received more support than insults when walking around naked, although he once felt threatened with a knife. Oh, he was once threatened. He was once threatened with a knife. Not felt.

Fucking straight up. Guys like like put your dick away yeah so basically the fine doesn't make any sense he said they accused me of obscene exhibitionism according to the dictionary that implies sexual intent or that nothing to do with what i was doing okay so i guess from what i understand i don't read the whole thing like but public nudity has been illegal in Spain Since The 80s Um But they're They're basically saying That what he's doing

Is like a It's with sexual intent What if I mean He's walking around going Yeah Where's the miscommunication Yeah

Like he just has like a He naturally walks With a Hip thrust So his wiener flaps Flaps back and forth Or like just like a weird Twist So it's just like his wiener flaps back and forth. Or just like a weird twist. So it's just like wieners going back and forth.

Left thigh, right thigh, left thigh, right thigh. So if you're just standing there, just like walking normal, you're fine. But as soon as that dick starts flapping, that's the issue. So you can start hearing that thunderclap. That's the problem. This guy showing up to court naked that's what's so funny

to me dude after getting in trouble for being naked it reminds me of a video that has gone viral i haven't seen it in a bit but it's so good this guy i want to say it was like stealing he was a thief and he showed up to court in the exact same clothes that they had on the cctv he's wearing the same outfit like is this you very specific clothes yeah like i mean i don't remember exactly what it was but like just imagine some super recognizable thing like a tweety bird yeah the size of your whole chest with like pink shoes with like beetlejuice pants on yeah like just something like that and for a hat he was wearing like a like a fucking beer beer helmet yeah that had like the you know the koozies in it yeah he just shows up and you're like that's you dude

that's not me that guy's got dark hair or whatever the empty cup noise is that's not me it's just the ultimate i don't give a fuck right because burps that's not me that's not me oh man it's so it's it's funny like the reason i i mean the reason i found it funny is because yes he showed up to court naked which is is like, that's a big fuck you. But it just got me thinking, like, all the things that you could do, like, in situations, like, kind of like you were saying. Like, let's say a guy gets tried for stealing a car or something like that. Yeah. Let's say it's like a, it's a red Firebird car.

Custom paint job. Yeah. And he's like, he's like, I, I'm innocent, all that. And then he rolls up to court in that car. Peels out. Yeah. Just a 180 into the only parallel parking spot available in front of the courthouse. And he gets out, walks in, and he's like, still, I'm innocent.

I'm innocent. And the car in question is obviously in that parking spot. Like he stole someone's dog and he just shows up with the dog walking the dog i've had this dog for so long the dog's like taking a dump and he's like hey get down hey hey hey whatever uh rover doesn't know his name just yelling out i've had this dog for so long so long you have no idea how much he loves me he's like dude i had this dog forever dude Like there's no way

He's like He's growling at you Yeah it's just something we do Or like Like something Like pretty big Like not even an item But like arson

Whatever He's getting tried for arson And the whole time He just keeps on Flipping a Zippo open Yeah yeah He's like doing like the Little Zippo trips Or tricks Where like doing like the little zippo

trips or tricks where he like flicks it around in the court he's sitting at the court in the courtroom he's like oh no uh not guilty your honor and he's playing with fire the whole time yeah it's like fireballs he sits down and before he like gets down his little cherry sits on a backpack full of roman candles it's like shit that like what are you doing like you can't you can't just do that he walks in with a bundle of wood and gasoline nope it wasn't me or a lighter fluid oh yeah yeah he's just sniffing lighter fluid he's like no it wasn't me uh what do you he's like i don't know i guess i always have a fucking i always have lighter fluid in a bundle of wood oh you don't do that you don't do that i never know when i'm gonna like have to be warm yeah you never know like you might get

stranded somewhere and have to light something on fire kind of like a house what murdering somebody that's a fun one you show up like you're just like blood all over you how much do you not care at that point yeah you don't give a fuck didn't even try yeah yeah i like the idea of the person like let's say you killed you killed ted fuck ted and well ted's a piece of shit we can't find ted they've never found ted's body ted's gone ted's dead yeah they think that he's at the bottom of a river somewhere like they cannot find him and then the court hearing is that day he walks up and he's like he's like weekend at bernie's with ted yeah he's like got shades on ted's right here he's like doing the whole hand wave what are you guys all

so worried about like right on the chin he's like i, I'm in fun. I'm having so much fun with Kevin. We're like best friends. He would never hurt me. He's making the teeth noise when he's fucking doing the mouth. We've never had more fun together. He's a terrible ventriloquist with his mouth moving.

Kevin would never hurt me. What a show that would be to watch from the judge's perspective just like am i alive right now what is happening see here's the problem everyone thinks that dead or everyone thinks that ted's dead and thinks that i did it but here's the thing ted's not dead how could i how could i have done it if ted's i'm with ted right now ted has been with me the whole time how can i show him over he's like slung sit up quit slouching quit slouching that's that's a poor posture a little stick on his back you fucking prop him up or he brings a couple of buddies to to help him up to help out there's um yeah i mean There's an endless amount of crimes that to show up and be doing the exact thing is so funny.

I mean, drugs. You're just fucking high out of your mind. You got a literal suitcase of cocaine. You sit down at the desk and you open up your little... Cobain had one. Smoking weed. Yeah. Cobain, he had a a little heroin box you know

so you show up and what happened oh you kicked your my coffee over um he uh like he sat down and you're just like having a conversation opening up the lid you're like getting a spoon out and you're like lighten the however they do heroin they're like like uh like how do you i don't know what they say like how do you plead blah don't even know what they say, like, how do you plead? Blah, blah. And he has like the rubber band in his mouth.

Not guilty. Not guilty. And then like the little cap. Yeah. Flicks the cap off onto the ground. Rolls.

And just. Not guilty at all. I love these. Actually. He's got his mouth. Not guilty. You pull on the fucking tubing

not guilty your honor and he's like sticks the needle and he goes in fact I've never felt better I've never been better and he just kind of

trails off into like and they're like okay well he's like have I told you guys about the time that me and Dave grew up

where they just like start telling stories. Uh, sir, sir, there's just needle holes all over his arm. Too much. It's too much.

Not guilty, sir. How do you plead? This has been a, uh, I have enjoyed just fucking going off on stories on today's episode. I mean, yeah,

I know it means that we're going to have to skip some stuff, but that's okay. That's fine. Uh, and speaking of that, we should probably move on before this goes on forever oh you ready yeah okay so you're telling me there's a chance hooray we aren't doomed yeah hey brian yeah do you have some good news over there you could share with the class i do um we were we were talking about An earthquake Earlier This doesn't

It doesn't relate But it's interesting Okay So this five year old girl Who emptied a piggy bank For earthquake relief Now wins 48 million dollar

Lottery jackpot At 18 What A delightful story From northern Ontario Saw a five year old girl Good girl's Good karma

Wait 13 years To reward her Juliet Lamour Won the state's second largest lottery jackpot in history. 48 million Canadian probably. On her first ever try. Local news from her home city of Salt St. Marie revealed a touching side of the story that had five-year-old L'Amour made a very big act of charity in the suggestion that her generosity has been rewarded is impossible to resist making so cool 2010 and the island of haiti had just been ravaged by the earthquake aid organizations across the world

rushed to help the people of the obliterated country stabilize and recover and basically this this gal at five years old empty, emptied out her piggy bank. Which was useless. Yeah, $61.38, which did nothing. That's a pretty hefty piggy bank, though, for a five-year-old. That did nothing for the people of Haiti. Well, the parents didn't have the heart. Yeah.

People were like, here, hold on. Now we have to buy any fucking... She did the whole hammer to the piggy bank thing. The parents were like, God damn it. Yeah. Do you know how expensive those are? That's going to cost at least 25 bucks because you know they're a ceramic piggy bank. Yeah.

So now you're down to $37. So we'll subtract that, you doofus. And now you got to clean up this mess. I got to clean up this mess. I guess we'll send 20 bucks to Haiti. Go to bed. He's like so mean about it. How much it's going to take to send the money to haiti shipping and all that different fees yeah so five they got

five bucks what you've done is waste everyone's time it's this weird lesson from some asshole but 13 years later she won a lot of million dollars so no i love the idea of uh ezra is very empathetic in that way he gets he cannot watch if something is sad unfortunately for him which we'll have to we're obviously working on forever is if he gets sad he doesn't like it and immediately it turns like anger no matter what it is it could be a movie if the movie makes him sad now he's fucking pissed that the movie made him sad it could be a friend parent anybody if you make him sad. Now he's fucking pissed that the movie made him sad. It could be a friend, a parent, anybody. If you make him sad, but unfortunately for him, he cares a lot about other people.

He always knows what that is. He always asks about whatever sad things going on. He wants to learn more about it. And his intent is to, how can I help? Does he go into a rage fit and hurt somebody? My whole intent is I'm going to solve this problem by killing everybody that's involved with it. Yeah.

I mean, that's one way to solve it. I mean, people could say that that's a, it'd be like some, he's getting, he's enacting revenge. Yeah. On people that are doing harm. Making them sad. Yeah. Don't make ezra sad ever or don't make somebody else sad because then i will murder you i will kill you it's gonna be interesting how this

plays out but we're gonna we're hoping for the best for him and i think it's gonna be okay yeah please don't kill anybody definitely don't want to murder people no thanks but good on this little girl doing a nice thing 48 million at 18 i mean as long as she doesn't have some crazy addictions or she's gonna be set she's all she's all good with investments i imagine real estate you know what's funny not funny but people are gonna be like well are you still uh looking to help people out and they going to start trying to ask her for money. That's why if I ever win the lottery, I'm going to do what some people have done, is you just wear a mask. They always want to do pictures.

Like a scream mask. Yeah, that one guy that wanted a scream mask. But other people have worn just other masks. Darth Vader, that's what I would do. Or like the bank robber mask. They just don't want to know so just do that come out of the woodwork yeah no absolutely they anything what does that mean you have ever done woodwork i'm guessing this out of the woodwork i'm guessing out of the woods but how did that come into i have no idea out of the wood work what is that where was that what is a woodwork uh What is that? Where was that?

What is a woodwork? Appearing to this, to appear or emerge unexpectedly or inexplicably, frequently in large numbers of quantity, core quantity. He won the lottery last year, and he had his old friends and the disreletives coming out of the woodwork ever since. That was the- The example? Yep. The sentence?

I feel like maybe it is only tied to lotteries. You know what? Lotteries and woodwork. Always together. Well, it's because, yeah, it's because you moved to the woods to get away from it. To get away. And they all come out of the woods. We were sent something that's funny on the internet.

Want to talk about it? Yeah. Okay. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes all right bruh hey Bri. This was sent in by our daughter, Jennifer. So funny.

Because, I mean, I know you've got a bin. I've got a bin. I've got bins. I've done multiple videos on this very topic. About the bin topic? Yeah. So you can buy a Dad Chords playset. And what it does is it just grabs anonymous just random cables like uh there's some hdmi some vga some whatever these are called these are some av cables and

they wrap them up and then the packaging just says a bunch of useless cables and you can you can buy it and send it off that your dad refuses to throw out so it just hangs out in that bin because you never know when you need it um so if this is on a website that's death by toys so if you go there and you search for the dad's chords play set it will show up and you can take a look at what we're talking about but it's pretty funny it's i mean i have some success stories with the bin of cords uh-huh do you have some yep uh but it's usually they're not really as cool as i've hoped they'd be a lot of it is exactly what the old thing was that the cables came from and it just kind of gets re-brought out and you're like i have i have the cable for this exact item my atari i wanted to play it and i still have the have the at for this exact item. My Atari, I wanted to play it, and I still have the...

Have the Atari? Oh, yeah, I have it all. But I still have the cord to play the Atari. What if I didn't keep it? What's the dumbest cord that you could hold on to? Well, I mean, like... What do you think? I mean, the AV cables, you know, the yellow, white, and whatever fucking color, red.

Well, a lot of a lot of a lot of gaming systems use those but i would say those cords from like that attach a tower to a monitor yeah the vga vga and then um like a nokia um phone the brick charger which i still have the the extra ethernet cables that come with tons of i have like a hundred feet if the apocalypse comes and for some reason ethernet cables are currency i've got a chance dude i'm gonna make it i my fucking bin it's got all these things but then it's just there's loops and all and it's uh it's like cable coax cable oh yeah that's a good one too it's just entered it's intertwined or wound intertwined interwound whatever in all the other cords if

i pull that out braided it's all attached to that coax cables are pretty good like when you move or change like it's it's always a sign if the cable company is willing to leave it, you don't need it. Because if it was that valuable, they'd take it. Yeah, there's like 50 feet rolled up in the corner. And they're like, oh, you can just have this. Yeah, they're like, I don't. Yeah, you try to bring it back and they get mad. They're like, no, we don't fucking.

You keep it. We're not a warehouse. You're like, oh, shit. You're like oh shit. You're like thank you. And you put it in your prized bin in case you have a television you need to plug in 400 feet away. And the thing is you never like we don't we haven't

had cable cable in so long that I don't need any of that stuff but you just never know. Well with the coax cables. That's my whole thing is you just never know. And it's not, I mean, who's it killing? Who's it hurting?

It's just taking up one little corner. Is it goofy? Yeah. Yeah. But I'm keeping it. But when we need that cord, who's laughing now? Who's laughing now? When we're all about to die, but we got to watch the news.

And the only way to do it is the coax cable yeah what if we need to know what's going on who you're gonna call no one else knows what's going on in the world except for us because i still have that fucking cable yeah you and me and every other dad that has four coax cables in their garage you know what's funny about that is i didn't i just thought i was doing what i should do and then you realize instinctually like i just made a video about it and everyone's like oh my god my husband blah blah blah this i'm like holy shit yeah like that is a thing you know and you don't even i just i'm like i'm just like a dog you knows a dog knows to bury its bone it doesn't no one tells it to it's just in its dna this is what i'm doing that's

actually kind of funny concept i'm hiding this it's like dads just do that it's in their dna i'm saving all the cords and that's why i have 400 sauce packets in the fridge too yeah it just built oh yeah everyone's got a a fucking basket of like ketchup packets or yeah talk about that that i will never use but i can tell you where it is right now but when you do the microwave but when you do it's sitting on top of the microwave right now as we speak i know it is i've come across those moments where it's like fuck we're out of ketchup i'm like no we're not no we're not hold on dude i did forgot to get ketchup in the store it's fine or it's like oh my god we're out of paper towels like well we got good news little cupboard open you got 5 000 napkins or your glarbots napkins like i've got wendy's what

do you want wendy's arby's what do you want what do you want here you're fucking dishing around picking a napkin i got an arby's arby's are a little bit better some of them are really stiff like arby's arby's are stiff if i don't have to use those i don't want to no those are for special occasions those are for your anniversary imagine those are like imagine having to use those in the woods i'd rather use leaves i'd rather just don't just don't use anything at that point uh all right let's hear from some of the kids okay you ready all right let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool.

All right, Joseph. I'm here. This one is in reference to last week. Okay. We talked about having the dad's only bar, like a 35. Yeah. A safe place? Yeah, a safe place for dads.

Basically. Yeah, no kids around. And girls? You just have to be a certain age.? You just have to be a certain age. Yeah, just have to be a certain age. This comes from our high-in-the-sky son, Eric. Okay. Hey, guys.

Airline pilot here. The dad-only bar you're describing is the Hilton at every airport ever. Old-ass pilots sitting around complaining about kids these days. Go to any Hilton at any airport ever. Oh, it even closes at 10. Nice. Second, rampers walk up to the plane and do dumb shit constantly.

Okay. I literally had to flash the landing lights to get some guy out of the way the other day because he was playing the air drums with the marshalling batons instead of looking at the running jet. Dude, that's so frustrating. So he's playing

with those things. It's like you're trying to back out of a parking spot. Yeah. You're like, what the fuck? You look in the,

just the rear view mirror and there's a guy back there fucking playing the air drums behind your car. You're like, dude. And now you're

in an airplane. Right. On a tarmac. A tarmac when the, the thing that could happen is sucked through a fucking jet engine get ran over by an airplane uh i've got people on board that i've yeah don't want to like that yeah their lives and lastly it's pronounced m bray air oh and brayer that's uh

because you were fucking that up last week sure i don't remember how you even said it embraer embraer or something like that sounds very white guy i tried with love your dumbass flying kid eric man that's so funny though uh he's like every every hilton ever it's the same group of guys sitting in that place i bet it is i bet it is i mean there's a lot of the same people in like the the airport situation like if you're sitting and waiting for your plane there's almost every type of person that is around you you know what's funny is it really does seem like there's like they're like a cookie cutter thing like there's this person this guy this woman and they're all basically come from like seven

different people with slight variations. You got sleepy guy who can't fucking stay awake. What does he, this is, I mean, we got it. We'll wrap out the show, but for fuck's sake, the sleepy airport person, how did you get here? And what do you do the rest of the time? You're not in a sleepy airport like are you just always always sleeping on the floor somewhere you're at work you're

fucking sleeping like just people walk in the bathroom you're just like up against the wall sleeping you're always sleeping and what is it so magical about an airport where you're like i'm fucking this makes me so tired why i don't know but I get it because you do, I get that feeling too. The only, the only reason that I could think is because it was like, if you have a layover, that's like a lot of traveling. Crazy. Yeah. But you know, it's, but I've never done that.

I've, I've had some crazy traveling things, but I've never done that. Immediately. It's been like, just zonked out. The first thing. And like, I can't even sleep on an airplane, let alone sleep in a fucking airport where people are walking by. You got overdressedressed guy like he's talking on the phone he's in the fucking 40s or 50s like traveling's a gift i and then you got like the underdressed underdressed family where they forgot like they're in public so they're all just like wearing pajamas or whatever

the fucking flip-flops um and it's december but yeah there's just like all these different classes and then you just kind of pick them out yeah and pick them out and the guy like over tech guy uh-huh who has just everything you could possibly ever need there's always one guy that's like deck you're you're sitting you're sitting at the thing waiting for your day and there's this guy that's like pacing he's up and down the thing talking yeah like talking on the phone making deals yeah you know he's he's making sure that every five minutes he has to make sure he's at the right gate like that would be my mom in an airport just always worried that the airplane wasn't gonna make it like or it's gonna show up

and then be like surprise it's on the other side of the fucking airport run bitch like it's just like no it's coming it's it's fine just sit the fuck airport. Run, bitch. It's just like, no, it's coming. It's fine. Just sit the fuck down. It's so funny. Like traveling with my mother-in-law, she doesn't travel a ton. So she's one of those people that's like, okay, so when this, she's got to ask. Amber and I, we travel all the time. So we're just kind of like, it's just like, just sit.

Just sit down. Get the fuck out of my face. Just sit down. Just push her back in the chair. Like, I'm just trying to sit just sit down like just sit down just push her back in the chair like i'm just trying to sit here and like kill time you drug her with sleeping medication and then that explains all the all the super sleepy people yeah they're sitting around all those people are like the they annoyed somebody at one point and now they're fucking going to sleep they just they should have a room for that yes they get one of the get rid of a restaurant and have like a fucking sleeping area sleep room japan has they not have a room for that yes they get one of the get rid of a restaurant and have like a

fucking sleeping area sleep room jap japan has they not have that here they have like sleeping closets drawers yeah pull out you get it just shove you in like a morgue yeah dude i love that yeah just get your little sleeping drawer like places like japan though if you look at the amenities that they have compared to what we have yeah it's crazy they get it yeah they do get it everyone else gets it everyone else that can use their money to make things that are better get it there's some company there's some countries they don't have the money they can't do it they would love to do it but here we're like no we're not gonna do that no we're gonna sleep in this chair're going to put another coffee place here to make money.

We'll put four more Starbucks in right here. It's going to be great. Three of them right next to each other. They're still all going to take forever. They're facing each other. All right, well, that was episode 35. Please sign up. Free 35.

Free 35. Freedom. Oh, freedom. Become a part of the gaggle. Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. If you are part of the gaggle, the party continues after every single episode. You'll also find a link in the episode description. You can find us on the socials.

You're a flying V. Yeah, you will. YouTube channel. Yep, just search for CanYouDon'tPodcast. Send in all the stuff. Whatever you want to hear. It could be a petty beef. You got in an argument with a friend or your spouse over some dumb shit.

Hey, guys, at CanYououdontpodcast.com. Confessions, of course. Yeah, we need to do another one of those. Some stuff that you need to get off your chest. Send that in. Rate and review us wherever you listen to podcasts. And then a big shout out to the babysitters that run the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook. Because it's a lot of fun in there.

You picked the ending thing today. I did. Okay. Want to do it? Yep. Good God. Wrap it Want to do it? Yep. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Got a joke for you, Joe.

Is it funny? Yeah, this is a joke we told in that Hilton. What? Yeah, that airport Hilton. Oh, right. Okay, so a dad joke. Yeah. I get it.

Where do polar bears keep their money? Where? In a snow bank i mean yeah makes sense yeah no one's gonna look in there no i mean i they're gonna wish they had some fucking opposable thumbs to grab it that's why they have a mouth for. Oh, yeah, just chew it. I guess I'm not familiar with polar bear currency. Is it seals? Giving a seal of approval. It's just blubber. Just throw it up.

It's Coca-Cola. Yes. Coca-Cola bottles. That's exactly what it is. I miss those commercials. We'll come back. We had a little stuffed animal. It was the guy with the little baby.

Are you hanging on to that Just like the cords It's gonna be worth money My sister might have it Like a Like a beanie Baby Baby Yeah

I have a lot of old shit That I should probably get rid of But I don't want to Good Well hang on to those The cables I don't know You could have an entire yard sale

Of just fucking cables Just lay out a table In they're all dads yeah just bring over their bin of cables and everyone just comes in oh all dvd players and shit no dude it's like a ski swap but it's a cord swap yes it's all the guys like oh i'll give you this 50 foot of coax for those three vga cables they're like no no okay fine 5 000 feet of coax cable like no i i got it i mean it sounds crazy i throw an extender i got it i'll give you a 2 000 feet uh ethernet cable 700 hdmi cords but i really need that it's like a charger for something you don't have anymore like some hard drive but god damn it i need that remember those, the, the, they're like, they're long.

They're really long and skinny. Okay. Those chargers. You know what I'm talking about? They like for like external hard drives. Oh yeah. It's not like a USB. It's like a, it's like 36 prong.

It's no, no, not even that. It's like a, just a really long, it's only like this long. It's really skinny. I don't know what it is.

We have to go to your bin. Yeah. Refer to the bin. Refer to the bin and figure it all know what it is. We have to go to your bin. Yeah, we'll refer to the bin. Refer to the bin and figure it all out. All right. All right, kids, or not kids. I guess kids buy. Silly goose.

We'll keep talking. Yeah, this is going to be our VIP club, like the kids that want to hang out. Like the Hilton? You have to be the, yeah. You got to be part of the Silly Goose. The gaggle. You want to come hang out in the Hilton. You know what to do. Yeah. All right. We love you guys. Thanks for supporting the show. We'll talk to you guys, yeah. You got to be part of the gaggle. You want to come hang out in the Hilton. You know what to do. Yeah.

All right. We love you guys. Thanks for supporting the show. We'll talk to you guys next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Outro Music