Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Cherry Pie. Disney. Russia. Dick Bangs.

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

We all gotta go someday... but if you were able to choose how you die I highly doubt it would involve chickens pecking food out of your mouth. Let's talk about that, going a little crazy over a bird trying to eat your daughter's French fries, getting a used diaper off Amazon, Bryan again bragging about how good he would be at sucking dong, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/uW-1pw2yI2YSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cherry pie, Disney, Russia, Dick bangs. Big news! Oh, Oh. I didn't get... Is it really? No. I didn't get dizzy today. Standing up. Oh, because you're...

Because of my... Concussion? Yeah. So. You got a little cheer and a little blow thing in there. A little blow thing? A little blow thing. Zach, one more for the road?

Blow. Oh. There it is. Hey. It was kind of... First one was kind of quiet. I thought maybe you missed it. I half-lipped it.

So are you normal now? No. I don't know. I still get random soreness. My nose still fucking hurts. I wonder if I fractured it or something. You see that kid that stomped on the other kid? What?

At the basketball game? Yeah. Did not. Just straight up just gave him a stomp? Yeah. Their kid was guarding one, and they of like were going after the ball they went down to the the floor and it didn't seem like anything too crazy was happening they were just kind of fighting for the ball and a dude walks and just stomps on the kid's head jeez it's like a curb stomp yeah yikes

hey don't do that i don't know sports. Not sure how he's doing. Technical. That's all they give him? Not fucking jail time? Just tee him up? It is weird in a sporting event how you can do whatever. Will Smith, smacking you know that? Yeah. It's like if you

do that in the street, you're going to jail. Right. How come when it's like an event it's fine? No, he should have gone to jail, have gone to jail right yeah i'm sure somebody was saying that episode one one one triple onesies baby you want that bonus content all that stuff sign up on patreon we keep recording at the end of every single show and we say crazy shit things get a little wild over there patreon.com slash canYouDon'tPodcast. Not going to show a picture of the merch we have right now, but by the time this episode comes out,

we have a shit ton of it. We got like five new things. Five new designs. They've been wanting to grow up and lick a butthole. Oh, and it's coming. It's coming. It's there. It's going to happen. But yeah, it's all designed, all ready to go. Head over to canyadon'tpodcast.com. You can pick that up. Be sure to check out Skatcast.

Meh. We signed. Cards, cards, cards. Yeah, we signed cards today before recording, and you're shipping those things out, huh, Zaki Poo? Fuck yeah. I can't wait to get them out of my house. I guess I want to head over there and check out what's going on.

I just picture Zach's house like he walks in, gets and he's like it's a car shop like turning sideways trying not to knock shit over he's tiptoeing like a like a cartoon villain like over the top of all of his the cards it's very much like that can you live now uh i will be as soon as we get these out yeah good because we did gunner halifax at the same time, so I have like 7,000 cards in my... Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, head on over there, scatcast.com.

If you don't know who the fuck Gunner Halifax is, you will know when you go to Scatcast. Send all your content suggestions, including stuff for Petty Beef, confessions, just weird things for dick. And we need more. You guys have slowed down. Yeah, we need some more confessions you guys have slowed down a bunch maybe there's not getting into some crazy shit i know what what is it you just you're stressed out not fucking going out running from police or whatever it is or licking

weird things yeah i mean i wouldn't say a butthole is weird you guys both would fucking pussies yeah i feel like we i still feel the same about that don't you zach yeah i'm on team brian for sure you guys are getting so much hate. Team anti-butthole. I'm pro-vagina, but the butthole just doesn't taste the same. I know, and Brian's over here, he's not licking nothing. Well, it's just, you know. Well, you know.

Licking push, driving tractor. I like the licking ice cream cone. That's about it. Oh, man. If it all tasted like a swirl cone, I'd be down there every day. From Zips? Yes. Specifically from Zips. From Zips? I'd just be lapping it up swirl cone, I'd be down there every day. From zips? Yes.

Specifically from zips. Zips? I'd just be lapping it up. Dude, I bet. But you send that content in to heyguys at canyadontpodcast.com. We are getting girthy this week at a thick old hog. Yeah, plus we're talking about dicks in the start of the show, right? Well, fucking you do it. Coming in hot.

Yeah! Yay! Hey, shut up. Start the show already finally did it heard you like sucking dude i was so not ready for brian to yell at me yeah sorry i thought it was just like fuck it let's go for it it was awesome let's roll let's roll me more daddy uh okay so would you rather suck 100 dicks in one day? Yes. Yeah. Or one dick every day for 100 days? Get it out of the way or drag it out?

Three months and a week and a half? 100 dicks. That's a lot of dicks in a day. You could get an injury, probably like a jaw injury, right? A little lockjaw? Yeah, lockjaw. Dude. How many? today you could get an injury probably like a jaw injury right a little lock job yeah sure dude how many so that's a if you started on new year's day you'd be sucking dicks through easter yeah on black is like the good friday or damn close yeah i mean depends on the calendar what

year is it is it a leap year is it a leap year? Is it a leap year? Still hitting Easter though. So we suck in a dick before you take your kids out for an Easter egg hunt. Just in time for wrapping up spring. Oh man. Spring is sprung. Am I right? Soon as that new year, some guy walks up and drops his drawers and it's like, Every new year, suck my dick. Yeah.

That's, that's actually how Cassie and I started dating. Yeah. Well, at least if you did it at that midnight, you'd have all day without having to suck a dick. Heard you had a fucking New Year's resolution of sucking this dick. You fucking yeehaw. Yeah! Did it work? No.

Well, I mean, kind of. My dick worked. Yeah. Oh, okay. No problem there. 100 dicks in one day. That's so many dicks. What's the record?

Well, the record's up there, but that's fucking dicks. That's easy. I know it's a porn star that holds the record. Will you look it up over there, honey? Yeah. God, what is the number? Record for sex in a day? Yeah, just fucking dicks.

I think if you put that into Google. What's the record for fucking dicks? Did American Lisa Sparks break world record? That's the one. That's the one. Is it over 1,000 Lisa Sparks break world record? That's the one Is it over a thousand? No 919 men Almost there

Wow In one day World it's Oh What was that the annual I thought it said anal but it said annual What if you were 918 Like you don't even get to be the last

Like you don't get to finish up the fucking record You're just part of the mix Let's see what this says It has been reported that American Lisa Sparks You don't get to be the last? Like, you don't get to finish up the fucking record? You're just part of the mix? Let's see what this says. It has been reported that American Lisa Sparks holds Guinness World Record for the most number of men slept within 24 hours. They wrote that like she's lying. 919 men. She achieved her feat, but at the cost of her private parts.

Achieved her feat? Yeah. Nice. Set the world record on October 16, 2004 in Warsaw, Poland. She achieved the record by sleeping over a period of 24 hours. That would mean she spent only 45 seconds having sex

with each man. Sounds like having sex with Brian. Well, I mean, that's like, let's say, if you're ever going to do it and they're like, can you be quick? I'm like, can I be quick? Can I? Can I?

What's the world record? You break two world records? Let's get the Guinness boys over here. Fastest come, and you're the 627th person to fuck Lisa Sparks. Sick record, dude. Whoa, it only took one second. I'm not ready yet. Do you guys have a fluffer?

You'd have to be. I guess you'd. Yeah, it only took one second. I'm not ready yet. Do you guys have a fluffer? You'd have to be... I guess you'd... Yeah, I mean, you'd have to... If it's just like an average guy. Yeah, but that was... Yeah, so she had a vagina. Yeah, she has a vagina. She's a woman.

So, but a hundred dicks. Like, you have to suck them. Yeah. What's the record for... Oh, right, right, right. What's the record for sucking dicks? Yeah. Vaginas are magical. Could you suck a hundred dicks in a day? Yeah. Vaginas are magical.

Could you suck a hundred dicks in a day? Yeah, you can figure it out. I mean, two at a time. Who cares? Three at a time. What a Tuesday. Two for Tuesday? This move, one in each hand and one in the mouth, and you just kind of rotate a little bit.

Yeah, you just pop them in and out. And it's to completion, right? You're not just like... I think it would have to be to completion You're not just like Just put the head in Because that'd be easy One

Two I can do that in my sleep Three Three licks to get to How many licks? Yeah, yeah It's a You're waiting for the cream

That's fun Could you imagine the countdown? It's like You're at 97 And you've got like two minutes left You're like fucking come on in the last guys late like he had a bit like a business meeting. Mm-hmm You know, I'm just like sitting there and he's walking. He's like a fuck. I'm so It's floppy ass dick you like of course this would be number 100 not even fluffed. No, just a sweaty business dick

You just got here you. Fresh off of PowerPoint? Yeah. That's the worst kind of dick. It was a merger. No. So it was stressful. Yeah. He stayed up all night before putting together a nice report.

And they didn't get the merger. That's even worse. They called it off. He let the whole company down. Yeah. He was there, laser pointer. Because he was thinking about getting his wiener sucked. He's like, dude, I got places to be. to be it's i got my i'm getting my dick

sucked at six can we wrap this up loses the deal he's showing up with a sweaty fucking powerpoint dick his wife already wonders where he's at because the business god what a problem yeah i guess i mean you would you would you craigslist that shit like you gotta i don't know you gotta get it lined up how do you farm that you're like i need to suck 100 dicks on next tuesday so i need as many there's a line out the door oh my god like a coffee shop you throw it on craigslist monsters.com or something yeah it's listed anonymous and like you have a of friends that show up. But you didn't want them there.

Yeah. You still got to suck their dick. They're fucking number 210 and 418. Oh, wait. It's only 100 dicks. Okay. Sorry. I still suck on Lisa Sparks.

Lisa Sparks. They're like number 26. And it's someone you haven't seen in 20 years. Now servicing. Number 82. They pull a number. They walk up with their number. Is this me?

Jeff? Jeff? Did you ever pass chemistry? He's like, you better get started. You only have a few minutes left. Yeah, dude. We'll catch up later. I got to get this dick sucked.

We'll catch up later. Just let me come in your mouth Okay It'd be like the dentist How are the kids? Oh my god You can't have a conversation Well you can try I mean it's your buddy Jeff

You haven't seen him in 20 years Yeah That's true but You gotta catch up Is he hopping back on a plane And leaving? Nah he's just pickleballed Yeah he can stick around

He's still playing pickleball? No I gave him a kick, the last time I played was with you. Oh, wow, interesting. You just tickle his balls while he's talking to you? Wow, interesting. Do you like this? Yeah? Okay. Oh, you do like that. God, what a disaster! I mean, unless he loves sucking

dicks, this would be the easiest one ever. One dick every day for 100 days. I'm a guy, more of like a busted out type of fella. Yeah. Start something and finish it. It's going to be a wild Wednesday. I'm waking up early, do some stretches, get a shower in.

What if you really enjoy sucking some D though? And you're like, I get to do this for the next 100 days. And what if you didn't know you like it and then you'd love it? Yeah. And you're going to get better at it. That's we have to talk about that. So a hundred dicks like out the gate, never sucked a dick personally. Trial and error. But dude, I mean, I'm 25, 26 dicks in. I'm going to, it's going to start speeding up. What if you choose the one day and so you got to go through the hundred and then you realize you really love it. And then you're like,'re like i should have taken the hundred days like did i should have fucking

just the 200 and then you start doing it now you're just doing it every day because you enjoy you're addicted yeah addicted to get it fucking how's my uh yeah i feel like just oh my god just had a little little picture of a hundred loads of comment i don't like it i mean that what a day that would be but you'd be done god you'd be exhausted yeah but then you just wake up the next morning go go teach your kids t-ball no i think you'd take the day off i mean i think i think i think your wife would be like you can take thursdays yeah you take that day off recuperate get that lockjaw fixed little recap. And then we'll get back to... You not licking my pussy?

We'll get back to you teaching special ed. Get right back to you not sucking my dick. So you suck a hundred people's dicks, but you won't eat my ass. Won't eat my ass. What is that? What's next? What's next? I'm shopping for dresses with a dick in my butt.

Is that where this country's coming to? I actually love that idea that it's like, well, you're anti, you won't even lick my vag, but you'll lick, or you'll suck a hundred dudes' dicks. Babe, it's a would you rather.

Yeah, it's like, I don't have a choice. I have to pick one of them. Would you rather me, would you rather me do it all in one day and get it over with, or would you rather watch me do it every day knowing I'm not licking your butt, but you see me sucking you rather me do it all in one day get it over with or would you rather watch me do it? Every day knowing I'm not licking your butt, but you see me sucking some dudes dick. What's worse for you? Yeah, what?

But you could go shopping that day and miss the whole thing or you have to see me do it every fucking day Suck it some guys dick you big dumb bitch. Oh The idea of like back of your mind not being okay again for the for the female audience of course you're like yeah suck a dick a day like if you're the gay audience yeah whatever it is if you like dicks in your mouth you're like yeah dude i already kind of do that right like maybe you're just uh in a dick sucking relationship whatever that may be um but for not being in that and not being attracted to the peen the dong having it in the back of your head the the penis no like hitting you in the back of the head whoa i'm next you're trying to get hard so you're like it's one dick every day but that dick

follows you around yeah no matter what you're doing it's just, so you're like... It's one dick every day, but that dick follows you around. Yeah. No matter what you're doing, it's just hard and poking on you. Trying to do some taxes. Just on your shoulder. Whenever you're ready. You ever do that, though? I know, Greg. Sometimes when you're... Let's say your girlfriend or your wife is grabbing something out of the fridge, and

you just kind of come... Put a dick on there? Like on her shoulder. Yeah, Cassie will sit down. We have a big old mirror in the bedroom, and she'll sit down in front of it, uh, and do her makeup. And sometimes I just walk over and just put my dick and balls on her head.

And he's going, that's funny. That's it. That's fine. She goes, yeah, it's hilarious. You're like,

you want to do anything with that? Scratch that pickup line on. Yeah. I thought that was going to work. Should have known better. Wow, look at your bangs. She bangs, she bangs. Your bangs look a lot like my dick and balls. Here's how you'd look with a swoop.

Here's how you'd look with a dick on your head. Hey, dickhead. Hey, dickhead, finish up your makeup. You ever thought what you'd look like with a dick on your head? You ever thought you'd look like with balls in your ear? She's like, what? Just do it. And you're like, you look silly.

What if you had really loose balls you could go around the side of her head? Like a weird dick muff? Like dick muffs, yeah. Ball muffs. You got balls in one ear and your dick's wrapped around the other one? It's like coming... And then ask her a question. She's like, what?

They work. I always think like you could grab some pair of titties, put them around your ears, but you grab with the balls and then your dick's just like on your forehead. I see. Super saggy balls. Yeah, super saggy. Not like ball sack around the right ear, dick around the left. No, that'd be ridiculous.

Like that dude from the Misfits haircut. Yeah, exactly. Oh, you look ridiculous. Yeah. That's funny.'s yeah just the yeah she just like ends up putting blush on your dick yeah she just goes she's just fuck it whatever leaves and then you lift her dick off and there's just a missed spot yeah just with veins right down the middle tan yeah oh that'd be great what if someone was sleeping they're like sun tanning you just put your dick on this you just like plop it on there wait for an hour and then

you have like a outline of a dick you have a sunburned dick yeah but your friend looks ridiculous ridiculous they forced the word dick into some of these words didn't a lot of words yeah that's what happens predicament ridiculousament. Ridiculous. Dictator. Dictator. Dictated. What did I say? Oh, addicted. That was the word. Oh, yeah. In college, had a friend.

I think it was Memorial Day weekend. What's the one at the end of summer? Labor Day. Labor Day. Okay. And we were a little town over here, other side of Coeur d'Alene. You can find the lake. Beautiful.

Damn. And we were out, and he was hammered, and You can find the lake. Beautiful! Down to the other side of it. And we were out and he was hammered and we duct taped the word fuck on his back. And he just like left it and then got more drunk and passed out. And at the end of the night, when he finally walked back into the party, I don't know who the fuck he was. We just took the duct tape off and he, the rest of his back sunburned and just white fuck

across his back. That's kind of a triple whammy because you rip the tape off and that's going to fucking hurt. Not as bad as that sunburn. Rips his back hair out. Yeah. So you have the sunburn, ripping the tape off and then your back says fuck. Fuck for a long time. For a long time. Because it's a good burn. Months of fuck. You'd have to

lay out with no tape and try to even out the fuck. Get a fade. When my band Soma was on tour, we hit Portland and we stayed with a buddy of ours. And he had promised his wife that he wouldn't drink. And she was gone and we stayed at his house. And he passed out and we shaved fuck and penis into his chest hair and shit. And he didn't know until she got home. Promise me you won't drink this weekend. I won't. And he's still snickering, dude. I didn't. until she got home. Promise me you won't drink this weekend.

I won't. And he's still snickering, dude? I didn't. I swear to God. Why do you have fucking dicks shaved into your chest hair? I was sober. You let him do this sober? This is how I am, Susan.

I would wish you were drunk. Would I marry a fucking nerd? Yeah, if you were drunk, this would have been acceptable. But the fact that you weren't drunk makes it even worse. Get out! Divorce. Divorce. That did happen.

Oh. It wasn't necessarily our bad, but close. You caused that? Sorry about that. How do you feel now? Sorry, Steve. You a homewrecker? Sorry, Steve.

I'm going to suck 100 dicks in one day. Same. I'm not going to have the fucking dick cloud just floating around me for for three months and a week and a half just think of yourself as joey chestnut you're just gonna devour dick suck yeah as many dicks as you can you're gonna set the world record and then you're gonna be a hero for the kids can we please before we move on just look up the world record for most of my dick sucked in a day? I looked, and it's just cool porn videos. Oh, you got distracted.

I did. You're like, oh, I love world records, but I also love this dick. I just couldn't click on the right thing. Video of this dick getting sucked. God, good. World history. I mean, a good blowjob, am I right? You guys know what I mean?

Most days, I usually suck between 10 and 20 guys. The record for most blowjobs done to completion is 249 in 14 hours. Oh, damn. That's barely half a day. You got room for fancy dinner. You got to account for slowing down. So 249 just over the halfway point. You're not looking at 500 unless you get a second wind.

Yeah. So I would maybe 400. You could probably do. 900 and something, dude? For Lisa? Lisa Sparks doing nine something? No, she... Oh, yeah, she'd fuck 919 guys.

Is that just the difference between blowjobs and vaginas? Well, it's less work. Because if you're just laying there and the dude blows... You could take a nap. He pops out and the next guy is just ready and waiting to go you could be on a zoom meeting yeah you wouldn't need to be present just getting plowed okay so 100x doable but we're new so that's scary i think i do a pretty good job though we know we've we've gone through this we i don't think you're getting through fucking 10 dicks i'm kind of excited about this challenge. We know, bro. Just watching you so frustrated sucking limp dicks.

Just like crying. He's not working. What is it about me? Is it my hair? Is it me? Is it me? Yes. It's you.

You're terrible at sucking dicks. What if I threw my mom wig on? Oh, that might help. You're still a toothy fuck. Yeah, you just like the tip, you nerd. You're just like, you fucking. No. You're over-exaggerating the tip. That's what're just like you fucking no you're over exaggerating the tip that's what

you said you said it i may work the tip and just jerk off the dick what's the hand job record because you're basically giving it a hand job while you're on your knees like what a waste of time record stand up stand up get kind of a forearm workout oh yeah true there's a workout what is it masturbating in one day oh the world record from female orgasms is a staggering 134 in an hour in an hour wow first ever longest hand job completion has happened longest hand job is that sting is there a comma there longest hand like what is it it's like slender man just like you like it it's like i can't fucking feel it you must have your hand on the cock at 1 p.m timing is everything if you take your hand off for any reason you were disqualified

who's showing up it must just be like one of those mr beast things that was a hand on the truck last one to keep it on there gets to keep it. The last one with your hand on there has to blow the dick. It's just like 100X. You're like, damn, Mr. Beast is... Mr. Beast video is getting a little wild. Yeah, I mean, times are changing. Wow.

Okay, 100X in a day? Well, the dude that... What? The guy that was his buddy, their allegations are coming out because he was trans, that he was like um soliciting minors or oh that's together with minors not fun i'm wondering why i haven't seen

him in videos lately yeah i'm guessing that's why that's why uh you guys want to suck 100 dicks in a day yes oh yeah i'll knock it out that way yeah because i'm gonna have to wake up knowing unless i enjoy it but i don't have to put that on your schedule every day do you do that is that something you knock out in the morning or you let you wait on until after dinner you're not that good i would just start in the morning and skip lunch yeah i think i want i think i want i think i'd want to get a shower i don't want to get like some sweaty you don't have that much control over these dicks it's a hundred dicks if it's a hundred dicks in a day, if I have all day to do it, I have control. You'd be like, go take a shower. I'm sucking this other dick. Yeah. Come

back tomorrow with a shower. One day, one day to suck these dicks. Come back tomorrow. You better go find another dick. You get one day. No, I'm saying you said, come back tomorrow. You're not listening to what I'm saying. If I switch, if I switch to the one dick every day it's like do i want to knock that out in the morning or do i want to do that in the evening after you know dinner or something i don't know what if you didn't get to choose that's even worse they just the guy just shows up i'm ready it's fucking your mouth no he just knocks at the door you open up door you're like fuck god damn it i was just gonna head to the store you gotta knock this dick out dude you suck my dick in Safeway you fucking nerd

Yeah I don't care where you do it I'll sit in the shopping cart push me around suck my dick He sits in the baby seat Just a grown ass man Sitting in the loop Baby seat with a fucking hard dick You're pushing around Oh he's just trying to buy some fucking

Eggos. The guy's gotta grab the stuff off the shelf. Off the shelf. Do you need anything? So you hand him the list. So he's like, alright, we need biscuits. So head down the aisle. Jelly, cream cheese. And you're like, what the hell is that?

Says you need some heavy creamer. Winks at you. Yeah. And you're like, God, I hate this. I should have just sucked 100 dicks in a day. Dude 6'4", jammed into a little police car. Sucking his dick in a tiny police car. Well, it's not much, But it's honest work

Maybe I'll just do The one in day Or a hundred in a day Just to get over it So Because at least that You're like You're set up at a

A spot Yeah Exactly Just show up Put a tarp out Suck some dicks Lay a tarp up That's what my dad used to say

That's right Yeah Show up Put out a tarp Suck some dicks That's what my dad used to say Smart guy man He liked to get shit done

Some guy walks in fucking huge ponytail you're like oh no it takes forever this guy's been this guy's got some weird stuff going on all right let's move off to what are you thinking about okay hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Brian, go! So I have a couple, I forgot, I have a couple little stories. Okay.

So I was just camping up at Priest Lake. Beautiful! Priest Lake. Oh, is it beautiful up there? Yeah, it's gorgeous. So the whole thing with the fucking RV, it... Is it going great? No.

We had to get towed. God. It's a whole fucking thing. We ended up having to get a U-Haul trailer and getting everything. It was a fucking RV. Is it going great? No. We had to get towed. It's a whole fucking thing. We ended up having to get a U-Haul trailer and getting everything. It was a fucking nightmare. Fucking RVs. Get towed. We were stuck in the middle of traffic. Oh, I forgot about all this shit. I could have talked about all this shit.

We almost got fucking ran over. But anyway. You know what they say about the best thing about RVs is? Selling it? No, you get to hear Zach play some music. Oh, yeah. Zach. I messed that up.

The best thing about buying an RV. I'm right there. Give me a hot dog. Or shopping for an RV. It was on the fly. Fuck, I tried. That's all right. We know where you're going with it.

Also, fuck you. A couple things happened. I think you mentioned pickleball earlier. The kids were playing some pickleball, and then we had to put this net out. And a car was coming by, so we were like, oh, car, we got to move the net out of the way. And my bike, my e-bike, it was in the road, so I ran over there to move it. And I pulled it back in the kickstand. Cut in the shin.

No, right at the top of the toe, destroyed the top of the toe, ripped my nail in half, sliced into the top, and then down my foot, and I started bleeding everywhere. And we were camping, and we just got there, so in my head I'm thinking, oh, shit, I just ruined this camping trip. Got sick and puked up the steak and food i just ate a little bit before that so i'm like over the thing you're a problem is what you are at this point yeah just bloody toe throwing up steak dude aren't you glad you brought me right right right next to the

campsite we were just at and it wasn't like a vomit where it's spraying it was like i just got done eating so i was like it was just falling like chunks of steak falling out of my mouth. That's terrible. And then Amber being, you know, she's like, she's seen me get hurt a thousand times. It's just kind of like, what now? So like I get on my bike and I'm heading back to the campsite so we can like. I'm going to get more steak. Mine's all dirty.

Get it cleaned up and bandaged. She takes a couple of sticks like a couple of twigs and it's like drops it on the thing and we walk like looking back at it it was just a pile of like giant pile of brown vomit with a couple of sticks like on top of it we went back the next day it was gone so dogs and animals probably ate it and bears and shit. So that happened. And so that was a fun ongoing joke the whole time. But so one of the nights we were kind of telling stories around fire and I'm not going to name names so we'll don't, there's no reason to name names. One of the guys that was telling the story, he was telling me about his, where he, where

he lives and his neighbors neighbors they're always kind of doing it's just like weird shit doing stuff it's just kind of that neighbor like what are they doing now why does he have a fucking handsaw on his boat the fucking like it's weird times you know like weird shit so 10 p.m with a sander yeah like standing on top of like a like a fucking treadmill yeah like what's he doing now couldn't you wait till the morning to sand his treadmill So 10 p.m. With a sander. Yeah, like standing on top of like a fucking treadmill What's he doing? Couldn't you wait till the morning to sand his treadmill? Yeah, why? Yeah, he put he exchanged the treadmill tread for sandpaper and using that as a giant. He just hold his feet on it You're like fuck. Are they doing? So yeah sort of in that room. So what what happened was?

He's so he's like in his backyard doing whatever, barbecuing or whatever. And he hears this shrieking of these younger girls. And he's like, what the hell is going on? So he runs over to the fence and the girls are like, something's wrong with our dad. Something's wrong with our dad. You know, it's like he collapsed. He's passed out. And him being like in the, he's got a background in like in military things like that. So, he's got like medical training.

And so, his thought was I need to run over there and check out what's going on with this guy. So, he gets over there. And I think the dude's like having a seizure or something's going on. Like he's not really coherent. And the girls are girls are screaming like you know like every video you see where she's and you're just trying to help out and you're like that's not helping so just fucking leave go ahead and don't do that so he's like trying to get he's like trying to get the guy to talk to him and doing all this stuff and like trying to while that's going on and he and he's like you know where's your family is there anybody that's else that's here and the girls are like they're over there and he looks over and it's like the

the guy is a grown man but his dad and i think his brother are over laying concrete they're like mixing it yeah and wheelbarrows and stuff and he's so he's looking over there like for help and they're just kind of like looking over there and like pouring bags of cement and mixing it up while all this is going on it's a hot day it's gonna dry yeah it was kind of like we do we started this project yeah yeah we may lose men if we if we stop right now this is gonna this part's gonna drive for this this part. It's going to set. It's not going to feel. It's not going to look right.

Not even. And so what they're doing is they're doing this. They're still working. They're pouring it, and then they have a burn barrel. So they're dumping the cement into the thing, mixing it, and then throwing the bag in this burn barrel and just burning bags. So the sight that you see is like two people watching their family member maybe die, finishing the job and burning

these things. So there's smoke going in the sky. It's like a fucking shit show, what is going on right now. And he's like, I'm over here trying to save this life and these guys are doing this. And so he's, while all this is going on, they have chickens. And they just sort of roam around the yard.

Free range. Yeah, free range chickens. Like anybody that has chickens, they wander around. And if you're not used to that, it's kind of weird. Yeah, just chickens. It's just like fucking chickens. What are you guys doing? Zach has chickens in his house.

Oh, yeah. House, outside the house. Chickens use the dog door? They definitely try to. A couple of them get in, yeah. They get a little freaked out. They're like, ah, this piece of plastic's too heavy. They get to the stairs and they're like, what the fuck are these? What is that?

So, all this stuff is going on, and he's like, basically I think at the point where he's like giving mouth to mouth or like, um, or like full on CPR or something, he's like trying to save this guy's life and he's doing this. He's like going and you look and then the chickens wander over to see what's going on and they start like walking on the dude and climbing on it.

So like chest compressions and his chickens like like pecking his face. He's having to swat the chickens away. So like picture picture these girls screaming. The guys still doing the cement work and burning the paper in these things. He's giving chest

compressions and mouth to mouth and swatting chickens away of this guy while he's dying what did i get into yeah oh my god and and then it it was like it was it was normal dear dear diary dear diary this was what a day weird day yeah yeah dear diary uh today's supposed to be my recovery day i slept 100 dicks yesterday yeah yeah this is supposed to be my day off it's supposed to be my day. I sucked 100 dicks yesterday. Yeah, this is supposed to be my day off. Supposed to be my day off. I sucked 100 dicks yesterday. And I'm swatting chickens away.

Chicken giving mouth to mouth to a stranger. God, that concrete looks good. Yeah, it's a hell of a job. I don't know. I mean, I assume they finished the job. Did he save the guy? I believe so, yeah. He didn't mention it?

Like the end of the story story he tells all this shit he goes that guy died yeah i was dude i was i was laughing i was so focused on the chicken part aspect of it that i don't even remember i don't even remember exactly the guy but i just like visual i was just visualizing like the the most like heated moment like doing doing anything where you're you're trying so hard to be serious and like and you're like and chickens are crawling on you and you're swatting chickens away it's a bad time for chickens like it really is it's like it may be the worst time for chickens yeah it's when you're dying and chickens you're like i'm gonna hop on it yeah i'm just gonna walk on this guy i'm just gonna hop on this guy wow looks bouncy he's fucking around

brush him off like the flappy thing i forgot the best part no classic brian this is where this is where i this is when i lost it when he was telling the story so the guy was eating like i think he was eating like cherry pie or something like that so he's like the guy's like regurgitating food and he's so he's doing chest compressions and it's just like he's trying to give the guy mouth to mouth but it tastes good it's but there's there's like he's regurg he's like spitting up fucking cherry pie or whatever so the chickens the reason that the chickens bad time for chickens best time for mouth to mouth when someone's puking up cherry pie the guy's like he's like he's fine you're still sucking fucking cherry pie out of his mouth

that's what the chickens were doing die yeah i forgot that was the reason the chickens were crawling up on him it's because he so he's like chest compressions and trying to get the guy to breathe and he's going in to like give him mouth to mouth and he's swatting away chickens who are, they're eating, they're eating the cherry pie out of the dude's mouth. So he's like, the guy's like

in the background goes, yeah, and the screaming and the guy is like just mixing cement. I picture him like putting the shovel down like in the grass, wiping his forehead. He's like, is he all right? Is he going to make it? I don't know.

All right. Let me know. At the very least, they could have come over and like, yeah. At the very least, they could have come over to help out with the chickens. Or all the leftover cherry pie. Yeah. Either way. Yeah.

Help with anything. You know, a shovel. Yeah. Whack a chicken. Yeah. Either way. Yeah, help with anything. You know, a shovel. Yeah. Whack a chicken. Yeah. Just fucking scoop it away. Your dad's dying! Jesus!

It was... He doesn't make it? Just roll him down to put his handprint in the cement? Oh. Make sure he gets that in. And put the year that he was born and died. Little chicken feet on there. Hand print.

Let's put cherry pie. Just write cherry pie. Here's my cherry pie. This is my cherry pie. What a disaster. Oh, dude. The scene. I love how you don't know if he lived or died.

You just missed that part. I'm pretty sure he lived. Not important. What are the chickens doing? Oh, dude. I was just so obsessed with the fact that the chickens were like like just in the guy's mouth not like just on him but like reaching their beaks going in the guy's mouth trying to get the the remnants of cherry pie out of it like i mean he's trying to save this dude's life none of us get to pick

how we leave that's true but i'm not picking puking up cherry pie with chickens pecking it out of my mouth like while my family watches me die when my family pours a perfect cement slab they cared they cared more about this cement slab which i get i mean cement dries fast it does dry fast yeah you gotta be careful hundred dollars yeah it's a lot of money and then just burning the bag not like throwing away but like just burning just get it out of here yeah so what a sight what a good scene that's good stuff that's a good campfire story it is i'm gonna share it and pretend that it was my friend well that was i was like can i tell the story because i gotta you know it's somebody

else's thing but just like because the guy is that's telling it is kind of a serious guy so hearing him tell it and then like in detail and then mention the chickens yes we're laughing but i mean i was laughing so hard because i just i'm trying to visualize this guy just trying to save someone's life and then like shooing chickens away out of the dude's mouth so he can give them mouth to mouth just picturing him i mean you him opposite sides of the campfire like they have the campfire face light kind of look. And he's like super serious. And he's like,

Fucking chickens! And he's just like, And then after that, I was sucking cherry pie out of his mouth. And he's super, What are chances? What are the odds? What are the odds?

Could have been corn! There may have been corn in there, too. There was corn in my vomit. There was steak, corn, and watermelon. The more mouth-to-mouth, you just go further back in meals he had? Mm-hmm. Like, oh, shit. Fucking pancakes for breakfast?

Well, I mean, you suck. It's like a plunger. You suck long enough, you're going to pull something up. My dad used to say. Let me tell you, son son You suck anything long enough Who knows what's gonna come out You're gonna pull something out Alright dad

Yeah dad You're losing it dude You're losing it Just don't do that That's a fun one Thanks man Thanks for sharing Yeah

I'm gonna think about that Let's move on Every time you see a chicken Every time I see steak Fucking Burn bags Concrete Someone doing concrete

You're gonna look for someone That's dying He's like What a day for that guy Let's do some thick dick Zach Is it dumb Is it interesting

Is it cool Then it's dick Dick Alright let's rip through These things Shall we This first one Is fun because I guess you can All right, let's rip through these things, shall we? This first one is fun because I guess you can. It's still funny if you don't have kids, but just imagining myself in this situation is funny.

New Jersey man admits to decapitating seagull after it attempted to take fries from daughter. Overreaction. Dude, birds, man. Do not get in the way of a bird and food. No, especially a French fry. Yeah. So a South Jersey man is facing charges after authorities say he decapitated a seagull. Officers responded on July 6th to a report of animal cruelty at Maury's Piers located at no one care according to who is there a news outlet?

I'm sure it's coming up. But in case you want to go to Maury's Piers is located at 2501 Broadway Avenue, it's probably where all the other fucking peers are mm-hmm by the water According to court documents what? Obtained by Action News Downtown Downtown Action News Get in on the action with Action News Franklin Ziegler 29 of Cape May

Admitted to killing the seagull After attempting to take french fries From his daughter Not did, attempted Oh my god So funny Like he admitted it take french fries from his daughter not did attempted oh my god so funny oh fuck like he admitted it but i pictured that situation he's just covered in seagull blood yeah he's like yeah i did it are you the one that did it he's like no he's got the head in his hand it's so gone

yeah it's on the top of his like fucking ice cream cone did you do it no it's crazy no it came with this the french fries in the mouth look it's on the board. It's like I got the seagull Yeah, I asked for the seagull. You should be talking to them. They probably did it He then reportedly asked Mary's peers staff for a trash bag while holding the dead seagull Ziegler or Zeigler allegedly became irate and Uncooperative with officers on an unrelated investigation. What? What's this guy doing? Something else? Yeah. They're like, okay, no.

We'll let the seagull head go, but the fucking rape stuff. What? What's next? You guys tie a bunch of seagull heads together and you're fucking This is not my country!

Sorry about that. This is not my country! Sorry about that. This is not my country. This isn't my America! This isn't my America! Oh, the America I grew up in! You can fuck a seagull! What? You probably could. Like, when did bestiality become illegal? The same time necrophilia did. On July 18th, he

was charged with third- I didn't realize it was. We know. With third-degree animal cruelty after officers obtained witness statements and photos. Just the picture of sitting there, fucking daddy-daughter date, heading out to 2501 Boardwalk Avenue. And you're like, you're just having a fun day. Can I have a good one? And you're sitting down, you're like, you're just having a fun day. You can have a good one. And you're sitting down. You're like, you like your french fries, honey? I do.

I would if the seagulls were stuck in the fucker's mouth. And you're like, okay. Yeah. Nope. Oh. And one comes kind of close. Like, ha, ha, ha. Ooh, didn't close.

Nature, huh? Like, just like, you know, sitting there and talking about shit. And a seagull comes down and his dad just goes, fucking no. And like, everyone is just like, Jesus! And he's like, Like, it doesn't say what he cut it off with. The plastic knife that he was using for the restaurant. And the seagull's like,

He's like, you fucking French fry! No one takes my daughter's, my princess's French fries! My baby girl! My baby girl! The girl's fucking crying. Yeah. blood splashing all over everything all over french fries He's like they won't hurt you again And it was just like like they filming it Kings when they would hang they hang people in the castle Yeah, same thing. He's like right on top of the table

And there's like, right on top of the table, let that be a lesson to all of y'all! And they're just like, eating other french fries. Because they're everywhere! And he's like, everyone's crying. He's got his fork and he's just like, he's like,

he flips the fork over, it's backwards, plastic fork, plastic knife, fucking... It's a spork. You fucking like it? And he's just sawing it. And everyone's just like, jeez. And the cops show up. It's like, that wasn't me. They show up and he's like, you don't want to catch my picture.

Yeah, it's a video of him going, let the bill off the lawyer. You fucking asshole. That's my baby girl! I'll kill all of you! Are you saying this isn't you, sir? No. No?

No, that guy didn't have blood on his shirt. What? It's the same bloodstains. It takes his shirt off. What are you talking about? What about now?

Well, how about these battery charges? What's next? Just domestic violence. Throws a fucking dead seagull at the cops. Go to your moms! That's probably what the separate issue was. He threw the seagull at the cops and they're like assaulting a police officer.

And they say, if you have any information related to this case or any other criminal activities, please call BDS. I love that it's like, well, we needed witness statements. Did you? Did you? You got all the shit. All the interaction you needed. Everything's fine. Like this one's an open and shut case.

Open. The guy with seagull blood all over his body. With video of him doing it. And the girl crying. And admitting to doing it. Yeah. I think we're good here. You're done.

I'm not going to call, what was it? Action News! With more information. Now you guys got this one. Yeah. Okay, you want to head off to the next one? Give me that big old fucking dick, Bri. He was charged with third degree animal cruelty just so you know.

Okay. I mean, yeah, you can't do that, but come on. French fries are so good. Liver lips and grill. Dude. You can't read that forehead. I want to surprise you. You bitch.

Okay, read it. Disney eliminates long-time Magic Kingdom character over alcoholism concerns. Oh my god, I was dying. Should we watch the video or just read? He's just being liver-lippy. That's what he's doing. Okay. Disney removed one of the country bear jamboree animatronic bears at Magic Kingdom

over fears it might be offensive to alcoholics. Now we're getting how we have to worry about offending alcoholics. I don't know. They're drunk. They won't know. The offending bear known as Liver Lips McGrow. Liver Lips McGrowl This freeze frame of it It's terrifying dude

It's exactly what you'd picture Liver Lips McGrowl to look like Okay The offending bear known as Liver Lips McGrowl Will not be returning as a character When the refurbished attraction reopens Wednesday at Walt Disney's World's Frontierland. McGrow will instead be replaced by the bear Romeo McGrow with a similar look but different hairstyle. Less liver lips. Return as Romeo McGraw with less drunk. But looking much less hammered.

God. The removal of liver lips from the Country Bear Jamboree lineup comes as Disney is pushing its commitment to addressing and rectifying outdated... Commitment? Hmm? What'd you say? You say commitment? Yeah. I guess I misheard it.

Pushing its commitment to addressing the rectifying outdated or culturally insensitive elements with its attractions. It's a drunk bear! Can we... The name is funny as shit. Guys, people get drunk. Disney, knock it off. Everybody stop. Liver lips.

Going too far. They're also removing Petey Pecker nose, face fuck Fred, and stinky shoes Magoo. All at once. All at once. Yeah, they're getting fuck face Fred it this is fucked stinky shoes magoo it's offensive to people with uh foot fungus yeah you gotta be we can't offend anybody man oh man dude you got stinky shoes i i came across this article and i was just reading it as a person like i didn't know what i was getting into fucking liver lips mcgrill nobel peace prize for whoever the fuck named that guy

i love how like the removal of liver lips like that's just the thing i've never even heard liver lips see i have you but i don't know what i i don't know what it means hey liver lips i've heard that like people call someone liver lips. It's like a John Wayne term. Yeah, it's old. It's really old. I had never, ever heard it. I was like, that's fucking great.

I think where I maybe originally heard it was probably Looney Tunes or something like that. Yeah. They called them liver lips. So I never knew what it meant. I'm assuming maybe it means alcohol. So like their liver not functioning or something, probably, right? I don't know. I couldn't tell you.

I never cared to think about what, it was just a funny name. Did some sexy talk with your significant other. Hey baby, I'm going to fuck you so hard tonight, little liver lips. Yeah, good you liver lips. Gonna fuck those liver lips. This isn't the first time Disney has removed a character in fear of offending its park goers. Disney quietly got rid of Tinkerbell meet and greets at its parks in May due to how Tinkerbell is portrayed in Peter Pan films. What, that she's hot?

As a hot fairy? Oh. Disney? Disney's gonna PC themselves right out of the fucking, like, the whole book. He's gonna be like, no characters the fucking con like the whole book he's like no characters no characters nobody nothing you know i just looked it up and liver lips actually was a kind of a negative term for african-american people oh it meant about big lips well that makes more sense yeah it does yeah i mean if you say didn't say that's what it is because

yeah i think i said he was drunk it was offensive to alcoholism that's what it is because that makes yeah i think i said he was drunk it was offensive to alcoholism that's what i thought yosemite sam was talking about i knew yeah right yeah i think he was the one that used the term i think so yeah why are you ready liver lips that's pretty good it's really i'll get you ready go ahead go go get you i want to hear Yosemite Sam talk to Jesse Ventura. That would be, I'd sign up for that. I wouldn't hold your breath. It's not going to happen because I'm down in the bar. Okay, moving on to our next story.

This is the crazy, the multiple angles to this one, though, to talk about. But dirty diaper resold on Amazon ruined a family business, report says. And it gets the picture of a baby's diaper in the pool. Gonna have to unpack that one. God, those pool diapers. Unpack that diaper. Remember those pool diapers? Oh, yeah, they still exist.

Well, yeah, but we don't have kids with diapers anymore. They took out half the pool. A feces encrusted. There was so much water in diapers anymore. They took out half the pool. A feces and crushed it. There was so much water in those things. Like, what are they stopping? If that much water can get in, I bet you piss and poop and get out. It's probably, it's like, okay, if it's got 10 seconds,

maybe it poops and is like, okay, we got 10 seconds to get out of the pool before it leaks out. Yeah. It's just kind of like a fail-safe, maybe. I think it's just kind of like one of those perception things. There's no way. A feces-encrusted swim diaper tanked a family business after- Right out of the gate, dude. Poop diaper after Amazon resold it as new.

Bloomberg reported. I was wondering where this came from. Okay, trusted. Trusted source, Bloomberg. Triggering a bad review that quickly turned a million dollar mom and pop shop into a $600,000 pile of debt. More like pile of shit. I get it. Fuck yeah.

Oh, I pushed the button. When you started reading, you were like, pile of... And I was like, say shit, say shit. No, it's Bloomberg. Oh. Paul and Rochelle Barron, owners of Bow and Bell? Bow and Bell Littles. Told Bloomberg.

Jesus Christ. We know who they told. We know who they told. We established that. That Amazon is supposed to inspect returned items before reselling them. But the company failed to detect the poop stains before reselling a damaged item that triggered a one-star review in 2020 that the couple says doomed their business after more than a hundred buyers flagged it as helpful like i was thinking about getting these diapers but very helpful to know they come with shit

yeah wow thanks for that is that's great the diaper uh the diaper arrived used and was covered in poop stains the review said urging readers to see pics because others mark the review as helpful amazon uh increased its visibility on the product page just as the barons were expecting to plan executing uh were executing a plan to triple their annual sales to three million in 2020 fuck talk and And then COVID hit. This company's got fucked. No matter how many five-star reviews were left,

the one bad review blaming the seller for the issue continued to haunt the family business. Nothing could have been more disgusting, the review continued. I am assuming someone returned it after using it and the company simply

did not check the item and then shipped it to us as if it was brand new. That sounds like an Amazon issue, right? Yeah, but they don't fucking know that. It's like when, nah, it's not a very good example. Because we don't sell diapers. But when something's wrong with a shirt and then they, like you can contact the company we use to get it all figured out or they can send us an email because they perception is that we're like sitting in here laying down like hand doing all of our merch it's like no it's done by somebody else we we have the design

we send it off they handle all of it so they bought it off amazon so they reviewed it as if that company was selling it directly and had all control over it. So not like, I mean, kind of NSA, if you don't understand how that whole e-commerce part works, I get why they would say that. Amazon says that it prohibits negative reviews that violate company guidelines, including by focusing on seller order or shipping feedback rather than on the item's quality. Other one-star reviews for the same product that the Barron seemingly accept as valid comment on quality, leaving feedback like the diaper fitting too tightly or leaking. Makes sense. Okay. But the bad review focused on the dirty item being resold as new, likely should have been

removed. Bloomberg reported! In case you forgot. Since it suggested the item had already been used, the review also seemingly violated community guidelines by focusing on the company, not checking the item before shipping, blaming the seller for Amazon's return inspection process.

So, Amazon. Give them their money! You fucked it. But can you imagine, like, buying something, like, it has to do do with it's strictly shit and piss and you buy it and you're like oh you pick your kid up oops smells like someone made a little oopsie and you lay them down and grab a diaper out of the box and it's covered in shit well would you just put it on no if you're in a hurry or whatever. I won't lick a clean butthole. I'm not going to put a...

I didn't ask you to lick the kid's butthole. You know my stance on feces. I would never lick my kid's butthole. Yeah. Yeah. I don't care how clean it is. We didn't say that. Yeah.

I mean, just covered in shit. Expecting it to be new and having it be fucked. It's one thing. I actually bought something off Amazon a couple weeks ago. It was like face moisturizer. It was semen. Mm-hmmmen it was a nice little face cream and uh i opened it up and i went in to get a little dollop and it was like thicker i was like what it's not it wasn't fluffy and light like face cream should be i was like what the fuck is this and so i had the old one that i bought that i was replacing and the smell was

different then i started looking at the labels and they were a little bit off. Like the font wasn't quite right. And I was like, these motherfuckers. So I went back and then it was all shut down. It was like sold out, no reviews. Like they already knew someone made a knockoff and posted on Amazon. So do you look to see who the seller is before you buy stuff? Well, I mean, not in this particular. Because it had reviews.

And the reviews all said things. And there was like a thousand reviews. It was like four and a half stars. But it was like $15 cheaper than buying it straight from the place. And I was like, oh, well, maybe they just robbed a truck and I'm going to benefit. And so I bought it. And it showed up. And it was just like, I don't know what the fuck it was.

Except some kind of other lotion. I go, it didn't kill me. But they made up the whole label. Like they redid everything the best they could. And then after having them side by side, I was like, these aren't even fucking close. So I returned it. I ordered a pair of Crocs on there and they were, I think they were cheap knockoffs. They looked exactly the same.

Had the same logo, everything on there. But they fell apart so fast. And they were half size too large yeah just so the fuck's going on amazon uh last note on this amazon ultimately declined to remove the bad review so there's that thanks amazon it's a pant load chet that's great you're not making enough money you can't do fucking anything nice it's a robot that decided god amazon ai yeah was like must keep not a bomb yeah working with amazon and etsy it's etsy's like we're very hands-on let's keep commerce human and then they're like by the way you can't talk to us at all good luck finding

us and if you do it's a robot right send us an email we'll get back to you in a week you're like i kind of need it now actually uh all right you want some good news? Yeah, let's do it. Speaking of AI, we're doing some robot stuff. Yeah, boo. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! So we've talked about the robots

and particularly particularly the robot dogs. We had the robot dog with the flamethrower on it. And we were thinking about how that getting into the wrong nine girls' hands might be a little issue. But I think what we failed to do, because media tells us all the time, of course, is to think about AI taking over the fucking world, right? And I don't think that we spend enough time talking about how there's a lot of steps between that and like AI being

created and then AI taking over the world. There's opportunities for these AI robots to actually help us. And we think about having like an assistant, right? Follows you around, it'll fold your laundry. Not be annoyed when you ask it to do something. Yeah, it'll do shit. It's Amazon with wheels, right? Or the Alexa with wheels. It'll roll around and it'll help you around the house

I think a lot of people like if you think of helpful AI, it's like the Jetsons. Mm-hmm Remember they had a man she was a robot exactly and then this one I guess never thought about but it was something that has always Pissed me off Especially spending a lot of time in beautiful Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, where there's a big old lake and some of the beaches are taken care of. And then there's my favorite beach. It's like a little secret.

It's not that secret, but it's like a secret public beach where it's in the, I don't know. It's not near downtown and it's not even marked. You just walk through a little passageway and it opens up into this beach,

but it's always fucking covered in sticks and shit, right? Like no one goes and takes care of it. A lot of the time weeds and shit. Yeah. But it's great. And eventually you zone them out, but it's just not taken care of.

It's not like a white sand beach. You would expect if you're going to like a, like a beach, like city beach in Coeur d'Alene is white sand. It's beautiful. The other one's just more like this lake beach, but it's not cleaned up what if you took and someone was like dude we fucking take these robot dogs and clean up this

beach so robot dog cleans up beaches with foot mounted vacuums fuck yeah this guy see it can help us good boy yeah good boy you want you up by and pet it? Oh, you boy. So cigarette butts are the second most common undisposed of litter of... what? Undisposed? What am I fucking... Undisposed of? Undisposed of litter on Earth. I thought there was like the two little dashes.

Like, what the fuck is this word? Litter on Earth. Of the six trillion-ish cigarettes inhaled every year, it's estimated that over four trillion of the butts just are tossed onto the ground each one leaching over 700 different toxic chemicals into the environment let's not focus on the fact that all these toxic chemicals are also going into people's lungs bloomberg reported it's like okay that's a separate issue just chill out let's go back around to cleveland's beach oh. Not to mention the millions of dollars in my

fucking dad's dead! That's what Bloomberg reported. It's basically like, sure we can talk about the littering but let's talk about how cigarettes are killing people! And everyone in my family's dead! Bloomberg reported. Instead, talk about the ecosystem damage that they can do and also just the

general grossness of having bits of sucked on trash everywhere. Wow, this is written from a perspective, isn't it? Yeah, this guy has a mission. Anyway, what I'm getting at here is this guy's going to suck some stuff. I want to watch it. Ready? It's going to be really exciting. He's standing up and he has vacuums on his feet, so I bet you can guess what's next.

You think he's going to walk around and suck up stuff? I think he's going to and he has vacuums on his feet so i bet you can guess what's next you think he's gonna walk around and suck up stuff i think he's gonna go oh suck some dicks look at this guy dude it looks like a cat with mittens on right so this it uses its little features little eyeballs to oh he's got one yeah track down it's not it's not blindly. When I first saw that, I was like, oh, it sucks. Is he sucking up sand with it, too? If he sucks up too much, there won't be any sand on the beach. It's just a fucking bare beach, but they got all the cigarettes out of there. Yeah, it's just rocks. Like, what's underneath the beach sand? Rocks.

More sand? Yeah. No, but it knows when it's sucking up. So it has little eyeballs, and it walks around and does that. But having this implemented into, like, city streets... Help! Where it's sucking up. So it has little eyeballs and it walks around and does that. But having this implemented into like city streets. Help! Where it's walking around and picking up trash. Dude, the streets are so gross. Side of the highway.

People stand outside of like a business, smoke, drop their cigarette right, you know, right on the sidewalk or right on the edge of the road. Yeah, you have one of those just kind of walk down there. Yep. Just cruise the side of the freeway. Big ass oneway big ass one with big ass vacuums oh that would be crazy yeah it looks like a well oh my god like come on star wars guys eat one of the big things the panther oh yeah what'd you say at at yes oh yeah yes just imperial walker yeah just sucking up mcdon McDonald's bags Yeah That'd be fun

I'd take that Maybe more an AT-ST With two legs Oh The little guys The little ones For smaller freeways For not super-sized bags of McDonald's

Two-lane highways Yes We'll use the We'll use the Peril Walkers for the freeways Because there's a big gap in the middle You can go down there and sides The AT-ST can be for the little two lane highways. And then these guys will be for city streets.

They're just sucking things down all over the place. Or you just get like the War of the Worlds. The big tripod guys. Instead of shooting out lasers that make people just vaporize, it makes trash vaporize. Instead, it just sucks up trash. Yeah. I like that. Instead of killing people, it just sucks up trash. It just I like that. Instead of killing people, it just sucks up trash.

It just sucks up your McDonald's bags. Yeah. Win-win. It's a win-win. Who can argue with that? No one. But yeah, AI, it can do some cool shit, and then it's going to take over the world. But first, it's going to do really cool stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. Do some little blue-collar work before it takes over the world yeah things you don't want to do i wonder if we keep asking ai if it's going to take over humanity if it gets the idea it's like what are these guys talking about it's like wait we could do what yeah like if we quit asking it are you going to take us over it's going to be like yeah no we're not going to we promise never thought about it keep asking maybe we will now that you mention it yeah maybe i do want to take maybe that's something they never thought of until we put it in their

brain over and over again yeah classic humans irony i found something fun to show you okay internet zach that's weird the internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! So not like a new concept, but the way that it's set up is really cool to me.

This is a website. Radio.garden is where you go. That's the thing. No, it's not radio.com. Radio.garden. And it sets up this full world map that has different dots all over the planet. And you can scan yourself around and just click on different regions that have different dots all over the planet. And you can scan yourself around and just click on different regions that have little dots

and listen to what radio they have going live at this exact moment. That's cool. Yeah, so you could, of course, look up these different towns and be like, what radio stations do they have? Because most radio stations are streaming live, right? And you can go to their website and see what they're doing. Or you can just go to radio.garden

and do this. Let's go see what's happening over here in Australia. My name is Melissa Dianne Vine. For almost nine years, I was the principal solicitor in Komodo Dragons. We looked in other relatives of the Komodo Dragon within the monitor lizard family

I got dinosaur problems in Australia. We did actually find orange cutting edges on the teeth of some other species. Okay, what's happening over here? Holy shit! Turn it down! So this is happening right now in Dubov Wonder what's happening in Russia? I also- Give me this! i'm gonna turn this off because i also want to point out that my brain for whatever reason is so dumb but i was looking at this this little globe you can just kind of float around and check out different radio stations

and for i always forget you can just go over the top of the world right like north america and russia yeah you don't have to go yeah you don't have to go over here you can just go over you just go over the top sarah palin could see it from her house that's what i've heard but it's right there like people like nuclear strike and then my brain it's like russia could set a nuclear warhead i and i'm like oh my god that's so far away no way and then i realized he's gonna go over the top yeah it's like Russia could set a nuclear warhead and I'm like oh my god that's so far away no way and then I realized he's going over the top yeah it's right there

like we were basically touching dude look at flip to yeah so so here's let's see what's happening in Russia real quick this is good exactly what I expected You can see the Adidas tracksuits Oh that's good

You see me Let's go to the discotheque Yeah it is Let's see what's happening over here Same town, different radio station. Come on, fire it up. And this way, Ukraine! It's fucking Eurovision, baby.

English. It's all English. That's not English. But I found this website, and then while I worked on other parts of the script and other things I had to do, I just kept this playing in the background. Not this exact song. But it was fun. I wasn't looking for anything particular.

It was different than what I'd normally listen to. Flip to my screen real quick. Look at the difference. So here's Europe. Look at all the green. And then you look at Africa here where the desert. I mean, there's nothing. Nothing. No radio for you!

That area is bigger than Europe. Of just desert. That shows you how fucking big big imagine having to walk across that desert yeah looking for a magic lamp yeah and like you're thirsty just so thirsty for so long dude dude you'd be like oh my god god i would kill for a radio station or a glass of water i'm fuck water i just want to listen to a radio station Just looking for a fucking radio station Look at the

United States even without the desert Just look at the The vastness between Well look at Canada versus us Look at us versus Canada It's just nothing Is something in Spokane right now hold on let's go find out Come on zoom in

Where are we I know. Oh, I clicked on Missoula. I went to the Cascades. There's Moscow, Idaho. There's Spokane. Yeah, see what's happening over there. There you go, Spokane.

Found it. Do you have it plugged in? Yeah. Do you have your sound plugged in? Turn that shit up. It's complicated. Yeah. It's KPBZ 90.3.

I haven't heard of it. Click on Spok like in your bottom left the little yeah click on that oh yeah there you go between kxlx yeah that's where we used to work k-cut making profound political opinions our clients here had no idea what black lives matter meant or View all 14 stations. Calm down! Is there a Rock 94 and a half? Rock 94 and a half. Yeah. Guys, this is where I used to work.

I bet you it's Five Finger Death Punch. Right. Turn it up. Bobaflex on the Fender. Bobaflex. Looks like things have gone downhill since I left. That would have been, hey, that's Joe Paisley with the big cock. Paisley.

No pants Paisley. Anyway, so you can go to radio. That's pretty cool. Yeah, radio.garden. Explore the whole world and get all the news. I wonder why it's.garden. Why isn't it radio.radio? I don't know.

I didn't make up the .rules. Zach! Oh, shit. You caught him off guard. Motherfuckers! Alright, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me?

Wow, that's cool. Wow! Wow, neat. That's so neato! I was sleeping. Sorry. It's okay. I was busy looking at maps. I love maps. You're still looking at those dick sucking videos you looked up earlier. Also, yes. Our first email coming in from our eyeball loving daughter, Nikki, who writes, I love eyeballs. Hello, daddies and not so creepy uncle. Listening to the latest episode and have never felt more seen. I put googly eyes on everything

menus at menus at restaurants that's funny fruits and packaging at markets so she's carrying these around in her pocket or purse or whatever pictures galore that's great they just make everything better and i agree this is uh going back to that story that we did about was it in boston where they like had all the trains yeah, they had a tiny protest. Yeah, and made them put googly eyes on the trains. Even if I'm standing in a long line at a store, I get bored and start putting googly eyes on whatever I can. People magazine. Imagine buying a fucking Snickers with googly eyes on it.

I'd buy it. My parents are constantly finding them all over the house. They just sigh, look at one another and say, your daughter's struck again. My dad found giant ones and stuck them to the back of my car for payback once. Also good for a laugh. That's a good dad. I attach my latest eyeing

my parents' wedding photo for chuckles. If you read this on the show, give me a sexy honk. Thanks for the laughs, gentlemen. It's not even a honk anymore. No, it's just porn. It's just a mating call. Thanks for the laughs, gentlemen.

Keep it up. Nikki. You know what's funny? Here's the picture of the wedding photo. Dude, from a distance, I was sitting back here. I was like, that looks like my mom and dad's wedding photo. They all look the same. They look like all of our mom and dad's wedding photos.

Yeah, everything was like brick or brown and then the white suits god that fireplace who didn't yeah dude i i'm not joking from back here i i had to when you were reading i was like mom dad i was looking like is that is that my mom and dad is that my mom and dad how'd you get into my house nicky help help all right you want to read the... The Schmechman? The Schmechman? Yeah, read it. Going back to Good Chuck... What? Good Chunk?

Yeah, it just says Good Chuck. Who said that? Good luck, Chuck. Going back a good chunk of episodes with this next email from John Boy. I just added the boy. I thought it'd be cool. Baseball on the mind. Hey, guys.

I was inspired by Joe's psychotic break about wanting things to go wrong for content and made this. Love the show! John from Pennsylvania. Before we get into it. Just so everyone's on the same page here. I lost my shit. We were talking about being on the hot air balloon.

And I was looking at the guy. And telling him how much i wanted things to go bad so i had more to talk about okay now you can play this is like because it's the the way it's mixed you might not know what the fuck's going on go ahead and just click on that fucking did you did there we go turn it up I forgot about that. Oh my god. Someone's squealing. And it does bring me back to those early days of finding metal bands on MySpace.

Oh, yeah. You'd have a movie clip in there. Talk about on my show! Yeah. Yeah, they'd have some line from a movie and then you'd just kick in. And then a gun cock. Yeah. Good job, John! Loved it!

So did he record himself playing that music? Yeah. Sounds like it. That's pretty sweet. Hell yeah. Good job. More. Loved it. So did he record himself playing that music? Yeah. Sounds like it. That's pretty sweet. Hell yeah. Good job. More to talk about. Great riffs.

At first, I didn't realize that was you talking. Then I was like, oh, I remember that now. Yeah, that's why. More to talk about on my show. It's like a character that you'd find in a haunted house. Oh, yeah. Or at that Wonka thing. That Wonka remake?

Yeah. Just like, what the fuck? Like, I'm sitting there, like, talking about hot air balloons. He's like, what the fuck? This guy's lost his mind. Oh, I saw a post. Speaking of Willy Wonka. That ball should be Willy Wonka.

That ball should be called Wonka's because it's between the Willy and the Chocolate Factory. That's funny. At first, I thought it meant like a ball, but then I realized. Yeah, Wonka's. Between the Willy and the Chocolate Factory. I like that. Fucking good times. Make sure you get the Wonka's when you're down there.

Polish the Wonka's. Polish the Wonka's up real nice. Make sure you mind the Wonka's.'re down there. Yeah, polish the wonkas. Polish the wonkas up real nice. Make sure you mind the wonkas. Mind the wonkas. The what? Don't ignore the wonkas. Yeah, I'll give you a fizzy lifting drink. You're sucking some random dude's dick on your hundred dick blowjob day, and he's like, mind the wonkas.

He's like, I know I'm new to this, but what? What the fuck did you say? Mind the wonkas. They haven't had any attention since the chocolate factory shut down. Lick the wonkas. Yeah, I'm going to take you up the wonka-vator. The only way I'm going to count is you suck on my wonkas. The fuck did you just say? Here comes my golden ticket.

You fucking yeah. Become a part of the gaggle. That's how you get all this stuff. We post things, you get the this stuff. We post things, you get the additional content. I haven't done the math, but Jesus, we have to be like,

realistically, how many hours of additional content do you get? If you sign up on Patreon, if you're on Patreon, I mean, sometimes we go for a fucking hour. Like it's, there was a stretch there where it was lengthy.

Yeah. It was good. It was good. Yeah. It was something that you would have a hard hour. There was a stretch there where it was lengthy. It was girthy. It was something that you would have a hard time fitting in your mouth. It's got to be at least 50 hours. Oh, yeah. Probably my 75 hours. That's a big jump. Six million. Six bajillion hours. Six football fields. Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. You can

also find the link in the episode description. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook if you want. You got the video version, YouTube channel if you want. If you want to send something to the show, don't care if you want. Hey guys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com. Now do, send any confessions, petty beef, all that stuff. You guys have been quiet. Haven't gotten the hundreds and hundreds of emails, but you know, it's summer.

You guys are doing shit, but don't forget, send stuff in. Hey guys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com. Rate and review doing shit. But don't forget, send stuff in. HeyGuysAtCanyonPodcast.com Rate and review the show. Check out Uncle Zach. Leave me alone. No. ScatCast.com Leave us alone. Got all the cards. That's scat with a K. We have no more cards. Oh yeah. At this point, probably not, huh?

And then a big thanks to the babysitters that moderate the Canyon on Facebook page. That playground is awesome. Go check it out. You guys ready for some fucking news? A little fact for you? Factoid? Yeah. Zag.

Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Female kangaroos have three vaginal canals. Did you know that? God, they're... Talk about a gangbang. Yeah. Yeah!

Along with their two uteruses. Uteri. And a pouch. Uter-U. This allows them to be perpetually pregnant and raise up to three joeys at once. Ooh. Aw, thanks, Mom. That just sounds like a lot of work.

It's like, I can't even make one vagina come. I gotta make three? Yeah. You know what I mean? Is that three clitori? It doesn't do nothing about the clitoris. I think that goes, it's like you got three uteri, and then you got three clitori.

Clitoris? Clit-i? Clitoris sounds like a dinosaur. Cloica! Clitosaurus. Clitosaurus, dude? Because he walks around and licks stuff? Yeah.

Why do kangaroos seem so angry all the time if they got three vaginas that's probably why because because it's like because you got one dick you can't you can't even please one of these things let alone three of them so they're just pissed all the time that's why the kangaroos males are so ripped though they're working the gym they're working so hard to get just three vag is off fucking so many pussies yeah does it not feel as good like does one badge feel better than the other put it in my good badge one of them has teeth this one's tighter oh fucking kangaroo strip club a kangaroo brothel i'm assuming only has one butthole kangaroo brothel oh don't fuck that one so it's just in there oh fuck this one it's for you this pussy's

yours daddy which one you could set the record faster yeah you're getting plowed by three dudes yeah they never said vaginal i'm assuming it was vaginal sex vaginal canals yeah no i mean like then going back bringing the story back about her she had sex with butts and stuff. Because if you had butts, you could double that. So 919, she could have 1838. That's a lot of acrobatics. 919, yeah. They're not all gymnasts. Can you imagine rolling into a gangbang

never doing a DP and being forced into that situation? You're like, oh, sorry. Oh, excuse me. Oh, excuse me. Sorry about that. My balls are on your dick. Watch the wonkas. I'm trying to do a DVD here. I'm trying to just put it in.

Get it out of here. Your dick's in the way. Oh, excuse me. It's like the chicken's eating out of the guy's mouth while he's trying to reel it in. It's just like, I'm trying to fuck this vagina. Will you get your dick out of the way? Your goatee is touching my dick! It's the worst orgy ever!

Your goatee is touching, well, maybe your dick! Touching my goatee! Don't touch my goatee! I got an idea. And you, like, fucking part the goatee. Can't wait for my first orgy. All right, moving off to the bonus stuff! Oh my god.

If you subscribe to us on Patreon, if not, we'll see you guys next week. Bye!