Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Counterfeit. Costco. Floppy. Gaping Goose.

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

Did you know that there's a bunch of people out there showing up to airports thinking their Costco card is an acceptable form of ID? That's silly. Let's talk about that, taking a trip to the Gaping Goose, finding a briefcase full of cash with a severed finger inside it, Bryan having no clue how the show works 157 episodes in, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/jDp4PPkNFukSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Counterfeit. Costco. Floppy. Gapingcoose. One five seven. Brian. Yeah. You okay today? No, no. It's kind of been feeling like a wet noodle in a tuna can lately. Oh yeah. Still one of the funniest things. I mean, I'm not sure, like, can you wear a T-shirt around

that says I'm feeling like a noodle in a tuna can? I don't know. I mean, you could. You could. No one's going to stop you. I think I'm going to buy it. Maybe pull the audience. Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, but episode 157 of Can You Don't, thank you for being here. A reminder that the Honkathon is on. Thank you for everyone who's jumped over and joined the gaggle Yeah, yeah, it's grown. It's growing. I just want to put a little I mean maybe a little call to action out there For the ones that have joined our patreon for free like we see you we know you're there and if free, like we see you, we know you're there. And if even 50% of the ones that are there for free made a jump over and join the gaggle, we would hit every single goal that we have set for the Honkathon so far. I mean, the goals aren't going to stop, but we've gone up to 500. So if you guys just jump on over there, join, see what's going on, get the bonus content, get the exclusive

deals, get it early, get the ad free versions, all that stuff. You guys would really help us get there. I had a little panic attack the other night. Yeah. Granted, I had an edible, but I started thinking about the honkathon and I was like, oh shit. If I end up with a Toyota, I'm going to be pissed. No, Toyota is a great great brand okay no I was thinking about the hot air balloon ride and I was like and

I started thinking like holy fuck can I actually go through with this well you have to I know but I but on an on an edible when everything's like oh fuck you're already high yeah yeah exactly I exactly Go higher than this. You can't pull over any further for me Oh, so I kind of had a moment and then I was like you should text you and say I don't know man I don't know how to do this. I got to cancel the honkathon. Yeah or change the Joke goes no one's yeah, no one's subscribed for the me to go on one again. Hmm Everyone's like skip that goal. Maybe if that goes with us. No, come on. I'll go with you, but not up in the thing.

I'll be on the ground filming. Well, your head would probably catch on fire. Exactly. Something stupid would happen to me. He'd be like, oh, fuck. Too tall. I act like an idiot whenever I'm up too high. I get all like stupid in the legs and in the brain.

Well, that's so do I. That's even better. It's not though. Can I tell them to just be like, hey, do they have to get up into the jet stream? Do they have to go a certain height? I mean, I think for the experience, but I'm sure they could just go up 20 feet. Let's just do that. Just skimming above the ground, dodging trees. Bouncing off power lines. I mean, you gotta get clear power lines. We know how that turns out. I'm sure they know the sweet spot where

you gotta be to not just turn into a, like, even more of a, like, just a for sure way to catch on fire and die. I'm guessing that's like, I don't know, 10,000 feet. Jesus Christ, dude. Anyway, so the honkathon is on. I had a little like, ha moment right there. It's not as bad as you think. It's fine. We'll just sedate you, lay down. 400, Brian and I are gonna get a silly goose tattoo.

425, Brian gets his eyes checked. 450, we go on a hot air balloon. 475, Zach gets his own camera. 500, we go on a hot air balloon. 475, Zach gets his own camera. 500, we're going to be putting out an extra Patreon exclusive episode every single month. So again, patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. There is a link in the episode description. Content you want to see on the show, send it into the email address at heyguysat can you don't podcast.com. We do have some new merch stuff, dropping some of that, but this is stemming from a lot of you guys fell in love with the story of me telling Cassie's ex-husband randomly

that I love him. And I just keep doing it. And I'm having a hard time stopping, but we have, I love Brad on a t-shirt available right now. Can you know podcast.com? It's basically a reminisce of the I heart New York. We just swapped out Brad. We just narrowed it in quite a bit. From all of New York to just Brad. Just guys named Brad. So that is available and I'm sure you're going to love that. And then you're going to walk by some guy named Brad. He's going to be like, hey, you love me? We just hear a story. It's like, this all happened three years ago. I was walking around with an I love Brad shirt on and here I am five kids later.

Yeah. Well, I'm not sure the math lines up for, unless you have, just have triplets and then quad and then twins. Quintuplets. Quintuplets. Pete Slauson We let something kind of fall through the cracks. It was our bad. But there was a big thing that happened in your hometown over Memorial Day weekend. Pete Slauson Big thing.

Pete Slauson I mean, absolutely. Pete Slauson That's a big weekend in Moses Lake. Just let me tell you. Pete Slauson I mean, what I'm about to show you is going to prove how big of a weekend this was. But just for anyone who was wondering, they do have the brand new, really, or newly done, but they did shrink it down. I'm not sure if they just did, like, it was too cool before. Pete Slauson Bigger is not always better, Joe.

Jared Sienaar Hmm. Jared Sienaar I can speak from experience. Pete Slauson No, I don't believe you. Hmm. I have a hard time speak for me from experience No, I don't believe you but they did have a whole ceremony To reveal the new Moses Lake fountain Should have went back for it. I know are you ready to check it out? Yeah, I can't I'm gonna go to the countdown part I think let's find out here one second. Oh, there it is. Yeah, Christ fucked it one second. Here we go And so with all that being said I'll go ahead and we start a countdown from I know that guy sounds like a doodly going

That's pretty pathetic, dude. The other one used to shoot 30 feet in the air. I knew you'd have something to say about it. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Look at everybody's probably thinking, Jesus Christ, we came out for that? In that situation, is bigger better? Yeah, because it used to shoot up and we used to drive the boat underneath it. Yeah now we can't get underneath that

What a fucking waste of time Just feeling the complaints Sitting in the Moses like so like this is something I've always found funny Doesn't matter what the situation is like. Well, I think we talked about it before imagine Grand Theft Auto being released and Then it being like not good. Hmm and the bill went down. Yeah, it's like people been waiting for Entire generation of people have been waiting for this game. Yeah, I don't think Ezra was like born when 5 came out. And so all their knowledge is just the ones that exist, like in this huge build up. Same thing, like, wait, we're getting it back?

I mean, for most, like, it's basically the equivalent of GTA 6 come out. Oh, what a letdown. So if it, so now it goes up like a third of how high it used to go. Mm-hmm Fuck that dude It used to be like a fucking ponytail like a rooster tail Well, there's a problem. Do you remember like a speedboat and you see the rooster tail coming out the back? Do I mean like that but going up and that would just look like a little like a little sprinkler? No, know budget cuts

You know that just don't even do it Well I'm gonna be back there in a couple weeks For some birthdays, so i'll uh, let them know how you feel. I'm gonna let them know I'm gonna take a video of it too or You go swim out to it before after yeah before after All right, let's get the show rolling hey shut up start the show already um so are you ready for this yeah uh i don't know what

prompted it but i came up with something for you guys. Okay. Okay. Oh. It's a beautiful summer night. It looks perfect for a sunset walk through the park. So that's exactly what you do. And it's stunning. Reminding you of why you live where you do. Are you talking about the fountain? Then you see it.

A briefcase stashed under a tree just off the walking path. It looks worn and abandoned. But not like it's been years and years. More like a couple days. Maybe a week tops. You look around to see if anyone's watching. No one. You slowly pop it open and discover it's completely full of $100 bills.

The big bills. For some reason, you know that a standard briefcase full of hundreds can hold $2 million. I know, because I just looked it up. However, you notice something a little strange off to the right, under a stock of bills. It's a severed finger. So you look around again and see no one.

Do you take the briefcase? Or do you shove that severed finger right up your fucking ass? Or both. OK, so the ending part, I was kidding. But do you just take the briefcase in this situation? Okay? Pete Slauson So, there, I mean, there's a message in that briefcase.

Pete Slauson Mm. Pete Slauson Severed finger, that's a message. Pete Slauson Yeah, but for someone else. Pete Slauson It was like opening the wrong mail. Pete Slauson Right. Right. Pete Slauson It was like current resident. Pete Slauson Whoever was there, supposed to pick up that briefcase is late. Yeah. It was for them. You don't know what happened. All you know is that you have a

briefcase with $2 million in it. Probably a little less because I mean, obviously that separate finger is going to take up a little space. Yeah. And then after tax. I don't think you're going to be reporting this one to the The IRA Yeah, I gotta tell the NRA the IRA and the the Wildlife Foundation Yeah, brother back when I was a kid I was wrestling Man, I mean that's it's tough cause $2 million gets you a lot,

but it gets you a lot of trouble too. Because if I know anything about the movies that I've watched growing up, somebody is going to come looking for that cash. Because that cash was important to some people. I mean, but for how long, right? Like you have a, you have a briefcase. If it was just like sitting perfectly clean next to like a park bench, I'm not taking it.

Right? Like that's a drop. Right? But yeah, it's being stashed. Something happened and you don't know. And it's a little, it's a little worn. Oh, it's been there for a bit, but it's not brand new It's not just sitting there and you're like, oh shit. What's this? Someone didn't just forget it like someone was trying to hide it. I Completely spaced on all that the the setup what happened. Mm-hmm. I can please that had been sitting there for a while

I just would jumped right to been sitting there for a while. I just jumped right to, you got there before the guy was supposed to pick it up and you're like, oh, I could grab this. Gotcha. But now, okay. Okay. So it's been sitting there, the person that showed up for it probably, maybe, maybe their head's in a bucket somewhere.

Right? Like maybe he put it aside, he was like, I want nothing to do with this. And then got the hell out of there. They tracked him down, he wouldn't crack about the briefcase and where it's at. You know, you don't, you have, there's a whole world going on, and you're just out there being reminded about where you live. Or whatever. Pete Slauson You're feeding a geese.

You're walking through the park. Pete Hsieh Yep. Just had a little, like, little, just a little, like not even a big deal, but just like a little argument with your wife, your partner, and you just need to get out there some fresh air. You bring $2 million home and a finger. I mean, that's- All is forgiven. Yeah.

You think so? Maybe you toss the finger, but- Can you imagine? You bring the $2 million home, she's like, why am I, wait, what is this? And then you pull a finger out of your ass Yeah, yeah, this was actually in there too Why is it in your ass you like? Finger ass, what do you I mean? Come on? I mean it fits it fits. Try it

Yeah, what do you expect me to do with it? Pockets for full? Yeah It's nature's pocket But again looking around you see no one But is there really no one course you're not gonna see anybody and like some guy with like a leaf poking up But it's how it's binoculars Fucking titty fuck You know, mm-hmm. He's either watching me or he's watching this blue-bellied ball buster over here. Yogurt guzzler.

Wouldn't a finger signify a kidnapping type thing? See, I was thinking of Big Lebowski. I can get you a toe. You know, like they're missing it. That's why I was thinking it's a message to whoever. Right. Like you, like exactly. Like what's running through your head? Are you supposed to pay this money back? Is it some sort of loan? Is it a reminder that if you don't go and drop this at the next place, then this is going to happen to you? Jared Slauson The finger changes things for me. If it's just money, it's been sitting there a while, it's like, maybe someone stashed it, they're going to come back for it. Maybe something,

something, they got spooked and they're like, fuck it, I got to throw some leaves over this or whatever. But if there's a finger, now you're talking about people that are willing to go through, you know, what's the phrase I'm trying to think? They're willing to go through quite the lengths to make sure that their shit is safe and taken care of. Yeah. Yeah. They're not fucking around about whatever business they're in. They're not just dipping their toes in. No, you get it. They're dipping their fingers in. Yeah. They're all in. They're dipping their Dunkaroos in it. You know what I mean? I do. I always do. I feel like you'd want to ditch the suitcase because that's where maybe a tracking device Yeah, I'm as you get a garbage bag fill it with cash get the fuck out of there

Leave the suitcase and the finger or what if you leave the briefcase and you just sneak Couple just take the finger Leave the money and take the finger. Oh, this will go great with my Halloween decorations You bring that home to your wife like you're not gonna believe this you just pull out a severed finger She's like what the fuck like yeah, I've got a briefcase with two million dollars I'm not stupid. Where's the money? Well? I'm on I'm gonna take the money anyway. What do you want you think we can cultivate this finger? It's dip it like an avocado seed and some water try and grow a human I

don't know it's a lot of risk you're taking on like I said maybe just you maybe don't take the whole thing you just reach in grab a couple of stacks with each hand hmm and throw in your pockets and walk away like nothing happened. Pete Slauson Sitting there counting stacks of hundreds in a park. I mean, you gotta act. This is gonna be a split second decision. Jared Slauson You sit down, act like you're maybe taking a little nappy time or like a poop or something.

Pete Slauson Oh, that's a good place to rest my head The geese in the local pond are too loud so you take the severed finger out stick it in your ear Just one ear That's a toughie is it a male or female finger is there like is there like some fingernail polish on there or is it like an old? crusty Mechanics finger or something. I'm I'm not fucking Shakespeare, dude I guess whip this thing up in about ten minutes Which even seems a little long you guys would have laughed at the amount of times I went back and rewrote this fucking thing So dumb I would read it and be like, yeah

Like too obvious I do that and then I go too hard the other way. I'm like, ah, too obvious I'd do that. And then I'd go too hard the other way. I'm like, well, none of us are going to touch that. So I had to go back and balance it. I think you found it just right. The recipe. Thank you. I think I'm leaving it just because-

You're tired. I've seen too many fucking movies. Okay. And, and then you toss in the finger, like if it's just the money that, uh, I don't know. And then you toss in the finger. That's just too much. And there's both sides of it, right? Either you take it and then you're constantly paranoid that someone's going to find you. See, I would be. That's my brain. And then the other side is you fucking leave it,

and then every money trouble you have, you're like, I should have just fucking grabbed it. Could have had that tax-free two million dollars. Yeah, and a free finger. And a finger. I'd worry it was counterfeit. Okay. Fucking Zach.

Okay, hold on. Let me go back and re-read it. I didn't even consider it being counted. Go back and re-write it. And for some reason you're free. You checked all the bills and they're all real bills. God damn it, Zach. All right. Nine sequential bills. Can you imagine you're going through one, you're like looking up in the sun. That's good.

One second. You take the finger, are there veins in there? Yeah, that's a real finger. It's a beautiful summer night. It looks perfect for a sunset walk through the park It's exactly what you do and it's stunning reminding you of why you live where you do then you see it a briefcase full of 100% non counterfeit money Stashed under a tree just off the walking path money. Just be clear. Just off the walking path. Now what's it?

So if you had the guarantee that it's real, you're taking it? Yeah, I think so. I don't know if I could help myself because of what Joe said. It's like thinking about your bills later. Like, oh, it's kind of like that Michael Jordan rookie card I bitch about. Yeah. Wouldn't you it's kind of like that Michael Jordan rookie card. I bitch about yeah Wouldn't you always be thinking though that that? Whoever left that briefcase there and then found out that the person never got their money That they're gonna be like there's gonna be a fucking

a ring doorbell somewhere You never know gonna go around and try like hi I'm with blah blah blah, and they have to, they're trying to find anything. Businesses across the street. You pick it up on a Google street car drive by? Yeah. Fuck! Look, you're going like this,

with the finger in your ear. You're shoving a finger in your ass? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Click This blur imagine that picture though you're like Hold the briefcase finger in your own ass with someone else's finger Anyway a car drives by Good I got what I got about three months before that comes out money to hire someone to kill him That comes out. It looks like I have enough money to hire someone to kill him. Oh yeah.

Um, man, I feel like I would take it, this option of taking it and then just holding onto it for a bit. So that if someone showed up, you still had the money and they'd leave you alone. You're like, I'm just, I just wanted to make sure I hit it for you. Cause I knew you'd come looking for it. Or yeah, just hold onto it for a bit. Make sure you have that money, give it a couple years or hours. You're going to sit on, you're going to sit on too many of those for you. Or yeah, just hold onto it for a bit. Make sure you have that money. Give it a couple years Or hours

You're gonna sit on I don't know Give it a week like if no one comes to find you at that point Like something has happened. You probably have money for free, but I would hold on to it Hold on to it because they don't want to kill you You didn't do anything and you just hope they had some sort of empathy that if you were just walking, if they were just walking through a park and came across a briefcase full of money, of course you would take it. Exactly. But you just have to be like, I still have it.

Please don't. They're like, where's the finger? And you're like, one second. Do you have, okay, do you still have the finger? Yeah, but I can't get it up past the ring. You want to give me you still have the finger? Yeah, but I can't get it up past the ring You want to give me a hand with this finger? Give me a hand with this finger

I don't know. I mean I I see your point but yeah anybody that's In that business. I just feel like are they gonna have the empathy like To because now you know too, so they're not gonna let you out. Yeah, you know too much. You're you're a loose end a loose end oh man that's true they don't have they guess they don't have time for loose ends no they're knee-jerk they're like well you can't just go around talk about this fucking briefcase of money right I'm not I promise I won't mmm I don't know you have a podcast dude you're not gonna bring up a finger and two million dollars in your podcast no you're all embarrassing us what are you thinking and two million dollars in your podcast. No, you don't embarrass It is what are you thinking about two million dollars are found in the position. Did you play?

You get what position did you play? Yeah, what are you thinking about thinking about that money? I'm gonna take it Zack You take it Brian. What are you doing? I? Think I'm leaving it All right That's all right. I just I Alright. That's alright. I just... I had to worry too much.

I used to want to be around. I don't need that kind of fucking worry going on. I'm already worried enough about hot air balloon rides. Yeah. I don't need to worry about that too. The thing that sends me over the edge that gives you a panic attack is hot air balloons yet alone a briefcase full of money. You'd live in the hospital. I gotta get back on medication. You had a little briefcase full of money?

You'd live in the hospital. I gotta get back on medication. Oh god. Alright. Moving off, Zach. Next thing. Do it! Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about?

You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Man. That'd be such a mess. You'd show up for podcast recording, fucking sneaking in with a hood on. Like, what's going on, Brian? I'm like, can't talk about it.

Yeah. It's a finger and money thing and I can't talk about it. What? You expect me to hear that not one Okay, have you guys heard about the one with the briefcase and the finger in the park? No, and you're like good good No one nothing about it nothing Is that the joke you like that I don't know if it's a joke No, man All right, so at the time this episode comes out, Father's Day is gone, right? Yeah.

I'm sure we all got something amazing. But you had something you were thinking about. Yeah, it's just, I just see ads all the time and it just cracks me up. It's, this thing happens at like Christmas too. Yeah. So it's not just Father's Day. But it's- Oh, sorry. at like Christmas too. Yeah. So it's not just Father's Day, but it's, oh, sorry. Back to you.

I feel like the guy's bearing down on me. Now that I remember, I had that. You gotta, gotta touch it. But it's just the funny, the difference between like what men get for presents and what women get for presents has always, you know, women say there's no equality, you know, they want equality and all that kind of stuff. I want equality in presents for- Oh, like a Lexus with a big bow on top. Yeah, Lexus sales event is only for moms or wives.

Get your wife or the mother of your children a brand new Mercedes for the Mercedes-A-Thon. Jared Slauson And, I mean, there's been some, like, there's, and it's not, like, I hear what you're saying, but I would- Pete Slauson I don't think you do. Jared Slauson I do. But I would, I'm blaming, like, the whole marketing idea, right? Like, it tells you what you're supposed to be getting. And it tells, like, the difference is when you see Mother's Day roll around and what you're being told as a, as a, as a fella of what you're supposed to be buying versus when Father's

Day comes around and it's like, how about two pack of khaki shorts for $19.99? It comes with a hammer. Yeah. And you're like, he'll love it. Jared Larsen That's what it is though. It's like a pack of ties or a pack of socks in a new pair of khakis. Pete Slauson Six pack of ties? Jared Larsen Yeah, but it's always like, it's like a, it's

a variety pack, or it's always on sale. It's the one, the mom's thing. It's like this $5,000 diamond necklace because get her what she deserves or whatever. And then for minutes like get him what he deserves. Which both could be true. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying there aren't some dads that don't deserve it. Yeah.

It's not cool to buy your wife something on sale. Kirkland brand, Kirkland brand's gray sweat pants for dad. That's what he'll like in summertime. And the things that are bundled together also in advertising is funny, especially when it comes to this particular situation, like you're right. For like Mother's Day, you'll get like, I'm not even sure if they're still in business.

I feel like I know they filed for bankruptcy, but like bed, bath and beyond. Right. So it has the whole beautiful basket and it comes with all the things that make sense together. And I feel like when it comes to like dude gifts, they just put shit together that like, what are we doing here? It was like, you're going to get like a, like a seven pack of, of underwear and it's going to come with a sozol.

And you're like barbecue sauce, some barbecue sauce, some knee high socks. It's all the things, all the things that he like every category, one thing of every category when it's wives, it's like all skincare. It's like eight different skin cares. Because if you look in a shower, what do you see? You see shampoo, can you tell me? Pete Slauson In every shower, in every house where there's a man and a woman married or not married, whatever, there are, they're like one of those stand up things or

something hanging and there are body butters, scrubs, there are things that you scrub your body with hanging all over this kind of stuff. Jared Slauson Arm scrub, leg scrub. And there are body butters, scrubs, there are things that you scrub your body with, hanging all over this kind of stuff. Arm scrub, leg scrub. Every kind of scrub you can think of, face scrub. And then off over in like the corner, there's one bottle of 50 in one. 50 in one. Old spice.

Yeah. It cleans the house, cleans his body, cleans his balls. Cleans his car. Everything. It does all of that. And so that's TV, it's TV cleaner. Yeah. So it's, I mean, it's that to me, that's always summed up the difference between, cause women have 40 things for one specific thing. Men have 40 things that encompasses their entire life. So the same thing with the gifts. You're like,

go get mom a $50,000 car. And dad, it's like, yeah, we'll give you, you know, two pairs of, it'll be like some cheeky sock to like a, and a discount refinancing your house. It's, you know what it is? It's, it's it's uh, what's the word it's um, Product it's not product is not the right term It's like get dad a hammer so we can go fix the deck that mom's been asking him to do for six months. Mm-hmm Because it's like you don't you don't want to buy your wife a vacuum. I mean Because the vacuum really does suck.

If it doesn't. You get it. But it's like you because it seems like an insult. Like, I'm not going to get my wife something that she that she uses to clean the house. That's insulting. But it's like, well, get data drill so we can fix the fucks and things new will post on the clean the house. That's insulting. But it's like, we'll get dad a drill so he can fix the fucking Newell post on the stairs. Yeah. I mean, I've never had an issue with getting like, like, I mean, using the works.

I can't find it either, like production gifts, like work oriented or things that you'll actually use to get things done, especially if they know that you'll actually use to get things done, especially if they know that you're complaining about them. Or you've always wanted them. Things like that. Yeah. Like, not like the story I've shared where for one Christmas, and it was a great Christmas,

my stepmom and my dad definitely didn't fight, is when my dad ran to the store in the morning, came back and got me Windex and a toaster Best Christmas in my life. I Love them not a good gift giver. Yeah, and did we just happen to need both those items? They're free him but he got them for you so you could use them Yeah, our toaster was broken. I mean, I love toast as much as the next guy. Yeah Anyway, um, like that stuff, I get it why you'd be upset about it. But if I was complaining, I was like, this fucking drill! And it's like, then I get a new drill, then fuck, like, fuck yeah. And that is like, you know, in that same realm. But it's like, yeah, if I'm going

to be building shit anyway, I'd love to have a drill that worked. Pete Slauson I agree. Pete Larkin Yeah. Pete Slauson And I, maybe I'm wrong. But the stigma, there's a stigma around like, don't get mom something that she needs to clean the house because it's insulting. But at the same time, like, if you, if dad will, he'll take a new leaf blower because it's something. Pete Larkin Yeah, he will.

Pete Slauson Because he's, it's like he's not insulted by it. It's like, fuck yeah, I need a new leaf blower because it's something because he's not he's very simple. It's like he's not insulted by it. It's like, fuck yeah. I need a new leaf blower. It has this pedometer on it. You're like, yeah, hell yeah, bro. It's got a compass on the side. It's come. Hell yeah. We floor with a compass.

Which way am I? I blow this. Honey, how did it work? But goddamn, I blew all those leaves fucking east, east, west. Yeah, true east. True east, baby. Yeah. That's in a flashlight. Oh, God.

But I think that the caliber of gifts that are marketed, yeah, that's it. So like the packaging, and then you were talking about like the, like the expensive jewelry cars, like you're just the expectation for dad gifts is real low. And I don't remember what commercial it was, but it was like, it was too realistic and kind of made me a little sad. I forget what the gift was, but they gave a gift and all dad did was he went, like, he just smiled. He just smiled. And then it was like, give him the gift. He really wants to see it.

He's like, yeah, it's like, all he did was not go fuck you. But the same thing is when, and that's all, like, that's all you expect out of us still like clowns. Yeah. Um, yep. You got a expect out of a stoic clowns. Yeah. Yep. You got a smile out of me, sweetheart. You win gift of the year. But that is a funny, that's a good observation.

But go ahead. I was gonna say, my parents fought every Father's Day because my dad would receive presents for my mom that my mom wanted. So she got him a bird and he hates birds And it was a bird for her that lived for 20 years He loved football, but she bought him Season tickets to the Cougars and he didn't want to ever do that Yeah, it was for her because she wanted to go to the game and they just fought every year over it was fully shit

It is kind of funny. Oh, well, I got these tickets so we could go together, but I don't want to go Well, why couldn't just be yeah. Well, Zach you wanna go? Yeah Yeah, so it was like what did what did dad get he gets it got to say bye to his wife and son As they left to go the football game. He got some peace and quiet He got some peace and quiet to go use his leaf blower with the compass No one's gonna get in my way this time. Ah, that is good. That's funny and quiet to go use his leaf blower with the compass. No one's going to get in my way this time. That is good.

That's funny. Anyway, I hope that whatever we got for Father's Day is great. So here's the thing I found, I think by accident, I realized I got the delivery. It's like, your Bing has been delivered. And I said it out loud and my wife goes, your Bing?, I was like blank, you're blank. It was being the Amazon. And it goes, you can't say it. Well, it's a hat. I think it's a hat rack for all my hats. Well, yeah, this episode is already up. No, you can't get in trouble. Right. Uh, and, but I was like, and it showed on the end of the echo was like,

your hat rack has arrived. And she just goes, I was like, and it showed on the end of the echo is like your hat rack has arrived and she just goes, and I was like, what? And she goes, also, that's why you can't use Amazon. I know. And it's just like, hat rack. And at first I didn't know. I was like, what do we need a hat? It's funny because I've been asking for a hat rack. So she, it's, she's got me a hat rack basically because I want one, but I also think so my hats aren't all over the place. So it's like she got me a hat rack. So I'm not making a mess. That's a great gift.

It is a great gift because I talk about all the time, I've never bought one and she's going to do it. But I think she ended up getting something else because I found it out. Just to return, what's the next gift? You're like, no, we should have a hat rack. I think she's probably going to keep the hat rack and then get something else. That isn't going to be notified on Amazon? Yeah. Yeah. Come on. I know. That's gift giving 101. She looked at me like I was the asshole.

Yeah. I go, hat rack is the right thing. For having eyeballs. She just looks at me like, I just, I heard a ding yeah I go hat rackers for having eyeballs just looks at me like like I just I heard a ding and I looked yeah that's all I did sorry for having eyes yeah sorry for having ears and eyes and wanting to be no one was going on in this house all right let's move Hey Zach, please. Thank you. So we don't need to spend a lot of time on this one. Okay. I just thought it was really funny and then there's a line in here that we use a lot and it just

It's just a quick thing. Okay. Wanted to joke about it. A quick hit. So The headline says coming man goes to prison after soliciting teen for sex. And his last name is spelled, you know, coming. Like, like you would think it's spelled. Is it his last name or where he's from? I think it's, it's where he's from. Like coming, uh, gotcha. Wherever he come and go from. Like this, when this story came across the news vest,

they were like, this one wrote itself. Yep. Yeah, sometimes they do. Yeah. Anyway. It's like this cheese ad that we're seeing on repeat. This guy is everywhere. He's everywhere.

This fella? Yes. Oh, man. Heart surgeon begs seniors to eat more of this. And it's a block of cheese. Yeah, probably not. But anyway, this dude, he also sent the text message that says, I'm not a molester or a child abuser,

but I hope to molest you. So this is the kind of guy we're dealing with. Oh, man. But there's just a line in here. I thought I had it No, I have this Shit where's the line that I was gonna read god damn it. That's all right Let's do that. I mean those two sound effects together. You don't hear very often while I'm looking I'll just see when he arrived or, it rained a meetup spot, police officers

discovered he had brought $400 in cash, two guns, condoms, sex toys, alcohol, lubricant, and other items. And he just escaped from a Lowe's parking lot storage shed. I am not seeing the line in here, but basically it was, listen, we, uh, Brian entertain them for a second. Hello, honey. Hello, Dolly. That's all I have.

Where the fuck is it? That was the whole point of reading this. Yeah. Zach, anything else? Nope. What do you have going on today? What the fuck is it? That was the whole point of reading this. Yeah. Zach, anything else? Nope. What do you have going on today? I got the Dave and Angus show later. Oh, okay.

What are you hoping to get for Father's Day? Not a damn thing. We've talked about that. Like, if I don't get a gift, I'm not, that's, all right. I feel like Father's Day is too new, even though I think it started in the 80s, and it started here in Spokane, if I'm not mistaken. You are correct. But Father's Day is it's too new even though I think 80s and it started here in Spokane if I have not you are you are correct But Mother's Day is old like I think they celebrated that who knows right in the 70s, but yeah, I'm gonna say 1770 I play I mean I feel like fathers just started doing anything pretty new. Yeah

Like they started just not leaving and doing something else Like around what the 50s? Probably. Maybe 60s. They're just like, you know what, I'm just gonna maybe I'll stick around and see what happens. Suppose you're like, this sucks. I'm out here.

I'm gonna do this somewhere else. I'm gonna make the same mistake somewhere else. And then I'll just leave there. Maybe I won't go to the store and get cigarettes. I don't know. Maybe I should quit quitting or quit quitting. Maybe I should quit smoking. Nah, I guess I'll sit here

You know what I just realized what I went back to the script and realized it's in a different story Line, that's why I can't find the line. Hmm. Okay Well, that's funny anyway What should we do you just want to move on? Yeah, I mean if you want. Fuck! Alright. Hmm. Is it coming up or is it not part of the show?

I think it's in the next story. Episode 157? I mean we've been doing this for a bit bro. Yeah. And it's right there in the script. Yeah. Huh. Okay. Well what threw me off is I had this just as it was that story was supposed to be at the top when it just going to touch on it real quick. Gotcha.

And then you moved it. Yeah, that's one of the texts that you skipped. Yeah. I wrote it right to you. It threw me off. Yeah. I had a plan and then Mike Tyson always says, Mm-hmm.

I'll bite your ear off? Something like that. This story is, I mean, we have so many TSA stories. Like, I mean I haven't gotten in trouble for a bit at TSA, but I also have something to follow up on this one. But if this is a prank, this is so funny to me, but Costco cards are not valid forms of ID at airport security Shocker I know and I like the fact that they were Like people are showing up doing that in this poor guy

You know not already not happy to be there like it's very rare Would you say maybe five ten percent you get a TSA agent who? Actually has a little bounce in his step? He's pumped about being there. Outside of that, they just wish you were dead. I wonder if that's part of the thing. They're like, we don't want you to show, like, we just want you there to do your job. Yeah, and I think one of the easiest tactics to have like authority and power is to just

be a dick. Mm hmm. Right? Because people, if you start goofing around, then now you're, you've just leveled yourselves out. But if you are not entertained and you're a little bit of a dick, nobody likes being treated like that. And it instantly puts a little notch. So like, oh, okay, this guy's not not doing it. That is why it was one of the main reasons I could not be an elementary school teacher. Mmm, right cuz I get that I'm like I Have a hard time setting that bar. So if I'm around a bunch of little kids I'm like down in the pits with them goofing off and then they're they're very drawn to that Mmm, and then it's hard to like alright. Alright guys. right guys, let's, let's, let's yeah, let's

get out of it. Cause they're so pumped. I'm an adult. Yeah. Yeah. You're teaching you kneel down between like two laughing students and you're like, Johnny, that's not how you draw a dick. Give me your pencil.

Can you help him? You got to shade it. You scratch a dick into his desk. You're going to look at this dick every day. You look at this dick. This is what a dick, real dick looks like. That's right. So this clarification from TSA comes amid false rumors circulating on social media suggesting that the wholesale club cards can be used to clear security. And I get it because when you get your

Costco card you do have to show like your driver's license and stuff. So like the checkpoint makes sense because in order to get this you have to show like your driver's license and stuff. So like the checkpoint makes sense because in order to get this, you have to do this. You would assume that you have a valid ID because you have a valid Costco card. Yeah. Because the logic is there. It's right there. It's airtight. Yeah. But TSA officials say the claims are untrue and could cause delays for passengers who show up without valid identification. Here's the line you wanted to read. Yes.

So I'll let you read it. Okay. This is the line that I was pumped for. Okay. I hope you nail it. Listen, we love hot dogs and rotisserie chickens as much as the next person. It said person, but I like the idea as much as the next person. It said person, but I'm going to, I like the idea as much as the next guy, but please stop telling people they're a Costco card counts as real ID because it absolutely does not.

The TSA posted on X. Listen, I mean, I feel like Zach, yes, sir with the Constitution, okay and the Bill of Rights whatever one that like Where do you stand on the technicality of a Costco card? Because you have to use what would be an accepted form of identification Which would be your driver's license in order to get your Costco card? Would you be like, no, this doesn't work? I think maybe because it could be faked easier

than an actual ID, maybe. Boom, you get it. You know, because they're not trained on the same type of, I mean, what am I trying to say? Like the same strict, the guidelines in order to get a driver's license isn't the same as getting a Costco card. They don't have the holograms and the chips and all that shit. Okay. What I'm curious is where does the constitution fall into play here?

Well, I mean, forms of identification, like if you're getting arrested, like, no, it doesn't work. So this is where my story comes in about the real ID because I have a stance on this shit, right? Like you've you already make us get a driver's license Which really if it is issued throughout the entire country and has been for how many years? and what you have to go through to get your driver's license and the amount of work they put into it like Zach put like holographs, I mean holograms and like markings on it that supposedly should not be faked, right? Hard to counterfeit. Why all of a sudden does everybody have to go get another form if it's not a fucking

cash grab? Mm. Yeah. It feels like a cash grab. It feels like a cash grab. And the real ID thing, if you've been traveling for the last, I don't know, five years, they've been, they have signs that have been threatening this real ID for a really long time. And they just keep pushing it back.

And I think it's because everyone's like, fuck you. So unpopular. Yeah. Yeah. So my, my question about, I mean, the Constitution and what they have, like, they make you have it. First of all, like, isn't that kind of go against it? Like, you have to be able, you have to identify yourself,

you have to do all this. Like, I feel like maybe there's an argument that driver's license are already a little weird, like, let me drive my car. Papers, please. Yeah, so all of that, that whole world, and you've seen all the videos about like, I don't have to show you shit,

I don't have to show you, like yes you do, like no you don't. Feels like another version of tabs. Yeah. It's like, I think we could get some extra money off every single other person that's traveling at all. Tabs are about the most ridiculous. They're awfully stupid.

I mean like saving an industry, supplying money, like that's where all of that comes from. And it feels like with Real ID, they're kind of doing the same thing. Like I didn't have one. And this is a funny story. So you're supposed to have it by May 7th. I've traveled after May 7th and I completely forgot about Real ID thing. And I went there and as we were driving there Cassie remember because she has like a whatever it is the global entry thing like she has it for work to just speed shit up and I just have not that and we she was like did you think you have your I was like I don't have shit and she goes well fuck and I'm like well there's got to be like grace they've had a grace period for

five years now I was like all of a sudden they're just going to bankrupt the airline industry. There's no way. Cause so many people would be like, I don't fucking have it. And there would be a real- Turning away so many people? There would be a real rough patch for an industry that already is trying to do, I mean, they're profitable, but they really have to work at it to make it all work. So just turning people away for a month is going to be a hard thing. And I was like, they gotta have a grace period.

We looked it up and she goes, well, it says here that you're going to, that you will get searched and like, it'll be like a, like an extra search, like an extra intense search. I forget the exact wording on the website. And I went there and they're like, you know, they have your real ID and I was like, no, they're like, you're going to get one? I was like, yeah. I'm like, okay. I'm right after whenever when I get back. So they gave me, uh, my normal TSA pre-check and they gave me a red card that says I don't have a real ID and I've never gone through faster. No one touched me. You sped up the process. No one touched me. Nothing happened on all flights, Never searched. And all I did was hand their card back like, thanks. Like, it's just like, if this isn't a money grab, what the fuck are we doing? Yeah. So anyway,

For real ID? Yeah, is it to stop some sort of, I have no idea. I don't know, maybe. I'm guessing it's just maybe the technology's advanced to a point. This is the only, I guess the positive that I could think towards it is that technology's gone so far that maybe IDs are super easy to fake and there's something in a real ID that is the next step that is stopping people from faking it. But it's not, I don't know, it just doesn't feel like that's going to stop shit either. No.

No. Yeah. People are smart, they'll figure it out. There's always a way around something. It's just plastic, right? It's kind of like, let's say, buying a new iPhone every year, every two years. I mean, think about how much money- Programming them for it.

How much money they would make off of whatever it costs. I haven't looked it up. But that many people traveling have to get it. Like, I mean, you're going to make, what, billions of dollars? Jared Slauson Good Jillian. Pete Slauson Yeah, it'd be really helpful. And then we'll have the real ID. And then, okay, last little rant on this. But if you do have and you travel a lot, they have TSA Pre, and they've had the TSA Pre check for a long time now. And then now they have Clear, which is another step, which is a different entrance into the

line. And then they have TSA Pre plus Clear, so you have to have both of them to go through that. And it's the same goddamn thing. It now gets to a point where everybody has all these things no line is longer than anything Yeah, I cuz I always said it's 80 bucks for five years. Why wouldn't you have pre-check? Yeah, so I did it as soon as I could I was like, yeah, obviously it makes sense But and then I think now people realizing how cheap it is and they're like, oh shit

So yeah, you go to do pre-check and half the people are in pre-check. And then there'll be another thing. It'll be TSA pre plus clear plus six lines. Yeah. Plus, uh, slightly foggy, slightly foggy, slightly foggy plus. And you're like, what am I fucking doing? Crystal clear. Crystal clear and you skip around. It's just, I don't know. It's, it's ridiculous. So, um, I'll probably end up having to get one. I mean, just travel too much. So we'll figure that out. I think I got a new ID last year. I should be good, right? Last year. Is it a real ID? It has to be fake one. Nice. No, it has to be the big, whatever the brand real ID is, not a driver's license.

I have a, does a passport count? For the grace period, but no. Can't even do it with a passport? I don't think so, you can look it up. Maybe they said no passports, and then maybe they opened it up. But again, that's why if you're not clear on it, then what the fuck are we doing?

Plus to get to Canada and Mexico, you have to have a special ID too. And that doesn't count either, huh? No, I mean it sounds like maybe the real ID. Like it just connects and everyone's trying to get on the same page. I don't know if they're trying to stop. I guess probably looking into it. TSA doesn't work to Mexico, or doesn't work from Mexico because they don't support it.

So you can do it the way down but not on the way back. But if there's another one that you can do or something, I don't know. Anyway, that was my little rant on that. Whenever the government wants a list of people, I don't want to be on it. Almost always. Yeah, like sex offenders. I find that hard to believe. I'll play that one.

Alright, let's move off to Petty Beef. Let's do it. Zachy, thank you. Silence in the court! You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real, the cases are real, the rulings are final-ish.

This is Petty Beef. Nice to feel a little dumb going on little rants like that. Hey man. Hope you care guys. I do it, so you gotta do it too. So this Petty Beef is a perfect one as we head into summer. Hmm. It's a perfect summer night.

You're going on a walk. You got a finger in your butt. You got a finger in your butt and dropping off a briefcase under a tree. Two million dollars richer with a finger in your butt. Hell yeah. This was sent in by our son John. He writes, what's up fuckers? That's great way to get on the show

Order in the court Contempt John just stands up in a courtroom. What's up fuckers? Was it what is the devil? Yeah, but what is they say order? Yeah, I will hold you in contempt I'm a bitch. I have a petty beef with my wife Yeah, look at this man over here man that I'm sure a ton of our listeners probably also have Let's talk about the air conditioner

and just fans in general Anything that blows in a circle, it blows air It makes me colder, I won't talk it makes me come I got my wife. I just feel like it Probably also have let's talk about the air conditioner. I'm gonna sit this way. It's just fans in general I Run hot-blooded and my wife is always cold Can't get to see if I'm at home anything over about 70, I gotta have a fan on or AC. I can see that.

This next line, my fucking wife is constantly. In that voice, my fucking wife. My fucking wife is constantly complaining about the cold. God damn bitch. Big dumb bitch in her fucking hot ass body. It could be a hundred and five. And when we drive together, she'll try to put the AC on the lowest setting. And direct it to the windshield in defrost mode.

Instead of just blowing in the car. It's fucking pointless and unbearable. You're just wasting fucking air at that point, ain't you? Ain't you? My point is this. She can always put on a fucking sweater if she's cold. I can't just strip down naked while driving to feel cooler. So what do I do? Use the AC whether she likes it or not or just divorce her.

Or start driving naked. Thanks guys, John. Yeah, I think that's pretty pretty common. It is it is and I Definitely can relate. Brian you witnessed a little bit of this yesterday. You were over here. We is, it is. And I definitely can relate. Brian, you witnessed a little bit yesterday. You were over here, we were filming a vid. Yep. Not that kind of vid, but you know, both got us hard. You get it. And while we were doing that, I asked for you to help. We had some heavy shit to move around the house and we did that. And when we got done, it was fucking hot. Because this household, the downstairs, it's not unusual for the basement to be colder

than the upstairs. In this house, it, honest to God, it's like 20 degrees cooler down here than it is upstairs. Pete Slauson If I thought the AC was on when we were downstairs yesterday. Pete Slauson Yeah. Pete Slauson And I was shocked when we went upstairs. Pete Slauson Yeah, just, I mean, what an older house, I mean, the basement isn't completely under, it's like, what, like the half covered, architects and designers would probably know what that is, but we're just gonna call it the basement.

And since we've moved in this house, it's been a constant argument about how to make us both comfortable. You've been here, what, two weeks? No, like a month or so. Bullshit. Just because you've been here twice. It ain't been a month. If a Joe lives in a house, does he even live there? He's been crashed in here.

It's like a tree fall in the forest, does it make a sound? Only if you're fucking, you get it. So I mean- Only if it's got a finger in it. And it's been a little bit, like it's to the point where we've had to discuss it more than usual where the, like, it is unbearably hot in here. She goes, I'm good.

I'm like, go over- She always wears a sweatshirt too. Which makes it even worse. And leggings. She's always in leggings and a sweatshirt. And how'm like, I go over- She always wears a sweatshirt too. Which makes it even worse. And leggings. She's always leggings and a sweatshirt. And how are you fucking cold? I, but like I'll look at it and look at it. It's like, it says 75, 76. I'm like, no wonder I'm grumpy. I'm living in a fucking sauna. Sweat box. You try to get your work done in a fucking sauna You know something like that. Hmm. Yeah, I but it has been coming up more and more. I

Never had the argument about the car Situation like you just kind of you just kind of figure it out Luckily for us both of our cars have like it's divided down the middle So you can pick you can pick which side but I side but that hasn't been my whole life. I know that there's plenty of cars that you get one temp setting and that's what you have to roll with. I mean you're still, yeah you get different airflow but you still get the same temperature in the car. Like once it all blends together? I mean it's all blending, it's all the same space. Like I just need that initial like cold hit. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I get you

Yeah, I get you Like something that's kind of that keep me comfortable like I enjoy being a little colder. It keeps me alert Yeah, like it doesn't like it. I don't want to just sweat and be hot. Yeah Well warmth makes you kind of makes you cozy and tired. Yeah little little lethargic. Do the little yeah you cozy and tired. Yeah, a little lethargic. Do the little- Yeah. Yeah, I get it. And then we have lights in our bathroom, in our room that, I mean, whatever, like the Edison lights, is that what they're called? What are you doing?

My back. Oh, I thought you were like trying to steal something from the ceiling. Yeah, like trying to be subtle about taking the stick. No, that's yeah totally Sillygoose CEO sticker. I've just been eyeing it for weeks That's crazy about air and stuff No, but in the bathroom she has like I I think it's called like Edison lights, or we have. They radiate heat. Like, she'll stand-

Do they make noises too? Yeah, a little buzz, a little buzz, but you walk in there and it's like she's in like a terrarium. Like a little lizard. Or yeah, like little lights that go over the top of chicks. A heating lamp. Yeah, a heating lamp. Like I'll walk in there just be like

It's so hot and she's like to do to do I'm like anyway, I was gonna give you a kiss But I don't want to die in here. Yeah, I want to sweat on you. I don't want to sweat on you I make your fucking mascara run. Oh anyway so but we never really fight over the car thing, but I get it. Like just wasting it. And when you're uncomfortable at like a temperature level and then someone is just throwing the thing that would make you happy into the windshield, you're just like, what are you doing? Help me.

Yeah, I mean, it's weird that you guys don't have more of an issue, to be honest. If you're that extreme here at the house, you'd think the car would be even worse. Running into a fan issue? You guys wanna hear me vent about everything? So I, okay, I'm- TSA! We have a window unit in the bedroom,

because our house doesn't have AC. So just count yourself fucking lucky. One, two, lucky, four. Not you. So just count yourself fucking lucky one two Not you What was I say? Yep, so we have one of those old-school window ones, you know and to make a good sound I try to bring oh It's great for sleeping. I love it. I try to bring it in as early as possible and Take it out as late as possible

Mostly because I like I like the cold the room like yeah I mean I like April I was like you ready for that yet she's like no um but I I like it like being like a fucking meat locker in there and then you can bundle up with blankets and then if you get hot you can stick a leg out or whatever and but so like last night she's like cuddling up because she's freezing underneath the blankets i see what you're doing and uh yeah sometimes it's an opportunity yeah let's take a finger in the butt or something you know uh but when that's if that thing was before i brought that in there because it's only been been there for like a week maybe.

It's fucking unbearable. Cause there's no way, see, there's no air, like zero airflow in a hot house is fucking miserable. Sleeping when it's hot. And then our little dogs get hot. So she's getting up, she's crying. She's getting up and going down to bed, trying to find a spot to lay down. So she's driving me fucking nuts. You're holding your dog into your wife's crying. She's getting up and going down the bed trying to find a spot to lay down So she's driving me fucking nuts. You're holding your dog into your wife's face. Yeah, look what you've done

Somehow Panties like this what you wanted is she's fucking is this worth five dollars a lot She just doesn't she doesn't like to be. And I don't, I hate being cold too. But when you have the availability to, like he said, like put a sweatshirt on or something, if you're cold, you can't just strip down and get naked. When I sleep, I'm naked. If I hit that point, I can't start shaving my skin off. Yeah.

But you can put clothes on. Mm hmm. But I can't rip my skin off to be more cold. I think what tends to happen is guys just don't want to hear about it, so then they'll fold. So then they'll just lay there miserable. Yeah. So like he's doing. Sharp pivot. That was fun. Uh huh. Was that out loud?

So what I think I'll do is I'll just fucking shut up. And fucking be miserable my whole life. Be miserable and I'm just thinking about, is this what I want when I'm 50? Is this what I want when I'm 60? When the kids are out of here. Should I do it, should I divorce her now or wait till the kids are out of school? I don't know. I had a hard conversation to have.

That's where we're at When we haven't we were empty nesters do I fucking love her so much. I want to be miserable Anyway, mm-hmm. That's where I'm at. Yeah, Zack hot cold. How do you run? Uh, I don't know on diesel Yeah, basically. I'd prefer to be, like Brian, I'd prefer to be cold. Yep. Then bundle up. Yep. Have the nice cold air on my face.

It's kind of nice. So it's weird though, in the winter time, I don't like a cold house because then it's just when it's winter outside and it's cold, it's not the same as when it's summer and cold. Because if you, when it's summer and cold and you make your room a fucking, and I don't necessarily, I don't like the whole house cold. I like to be, you want to be able to escape cold. So I like to sleep when it's cold.

Uh, cause then you can, you know, what a bundle up or whatever. So if it's the house is cold and then there's no escaping the cold, then it sucks. Yeah. So it's during the summers when I like that winter, I don't, I fucking hate being cold. Pete Slauson Have you noticed how the AC is on in here today? Pete Slauson You feel good? Pete Huston I mean, it feels good. I didn't know the AC was on. It's quiet. Pete Slauson Wow.

Pete Huston Or is that gate doing a really good job of canceling out the sound? Pete Slauson I think we're doing all right. So, we stand with Jon John, like you gotta figure out a way, put some, put some clothes on, but you can't, can't rip your skin off. So my dad used to always say, isn't this, isn't, isn't this something like this? Just like it's marriage, like compromise. Yeah. It were comp marriage. It sounds like John's done. compromising. It shouldn't be one way or the other way. It's like you find a middle ground. Like that's the way she would be with everything. Yeah.

Yeah. Or else it's not an equal marriage. She's got to be willing to give too. I mean, temperature's tough. That big dumb bitch. With how much, like how much moving and working and like just getting the house all it's good, you know, take it, take a bit. We're working through it. But like, if it's hot in here, I'm like, God damn, like I'll feel like my whole energy and kind of personality drop. And I'll be like, Oh shit. Yeah. It's cause it's 81 degrees. It drains you, man. Like I need to just, it

does have an effect on me during the summertime. If you go outside, it's fucking blistering hot. And so you want to be able to escape blistering hot by going into and walk in your house and be like Yeah, like that's what how is that's how it should feel when you walk in your house, you know, that's not how our house feels so Yeah, until I get inside then turn the AC on stand stand in front of it, lift my shirt up, and fill it with air. And then I'm like, oh. Regain your sanity a little bit.

Yeah. All right. Well, John, I stand on your side. Oh, my shoes. Yeah, you can put a sweatshirt on. That's the play. You got to both be comfortable. Or you can divorce or whatever.

It's your life. And we'll see you in divorce court. Yep. We'll be there for that too. All right, next thing, Zack! So you're telling me there's a chance? Hooray, we are doomed. Yeah! I don't think we've ever talked about it on the show,

but I mean, I was aware of this. And again, did not. It feels like once the airport airplane stories Kind of a pattern with the show like we have like a block of these that happen and it disappears for a long time And then it comes back Like didn't anticipate talking about today and the FAA but uh fucking here we are But anyway, I feel like I knew this bit of information But this is really good news. Because I can't imagine, especially with all of the stories that we've heard about airplanes

running into each other, helicopters getting hit by airplanes. You remember that little run? And now I'm just reminded like, oh yeah, well, of course that's happening. FAA finally replacing floppy disks and Windows 95 and air traffic control systems. Oh, you know what? I think Mr. Nathan Fielder may have had something to do with this. Okay. But go ahead.

In 2025, the FAA, sorry, that's a different organization, never heard of, has decided it stops- That's Feature Farmers of America. Oh, yeah. That's my department. You tasted the milk wrong. That's why that helicopter ran into the airplane. heard of has decided it starts future farmers of America yeah this is my department you tasted the milk wrong that's what that helicopter ran into the airplane yeah it's time to stop using floppy disks and windows 95 for air traffic control yeah I can still hear the sound of windows 95 starting up super

loud when you're trying to sneak onto the computer to play Minesweeper or FreeSki. And then trying to get on the internet, get the fuck out of here. The head of the agency, Chris Reshula, wants to replace the Achaic system with something that belongs in the 21st century. The whole idea is to replace the system system no more floppy disks or paper strips Well, I didn't know the FFA was or the F fuck No, fuck fuck ass We got to write down that I know but for weight

I didn't know that they were still doing shit like my elementary school library in a Rolodex Hmm federal government still has this kind of crap too. Yeah, it's fax machines and they send shit by mail And that's why everything takes so long. Well, it's cuz they spend the money on another bullshit bombs bombs and $6,000 toilet paper holders So anyway, they're gonna get rid of the paper flight strips, the pieces of card stock on which key details of a single flight, such as a call sign, aircraft type and altitude are printed or handwritten.

Did you guys know this was going on? Not with the FAA. Did you know someone was sitting up there, writing down where the airplane is? He's like, I wasn't aware, but it doesn't surprise me. Does that make sense? Yeah, no, I mean, I get it, but same thing. They pull out the protractor and shit, they're like, well. But they're just like, they're like, what altitude was that one airplane flying at?

And you're like, hey shit, hang on, I took it through my pocket. Thumb through and they pull it out, they're like well 45 minutes ago it was at 40,000 feet, where is it now? A squared plus B squared. Well it took 10 minutes to print so it's actually. Ripping off the perforated edges. God damn they rip it and they're like. Ah fuck there goes that flight. But just like pushing in a floppy disk for, I get it.

Like there's certain data, you don't need to over engineer it. It just, it has done its job. Like it just does what you need to know. And I get it. But I mean, 95 and as far as technology goes, 35 years on the on the dot what did Sega come out like the Genesis what is Sega Genesis come out gotta be right I want to know 94 okay let's take a look here Sega Genesis released it because I'm just picturing earthworm Jim what really the genesis are regular so they're August 14th 1989

the Genesis maybe it wasn't like it didn't get popular till a little bit later because I wasn't playing it when I was four no like it was way later but like I guess I have to remember console like cycles were a lot longer right yeah like they they stuck around for a bit and then Jaguar and dreamcac I remember console cycles were a lot longer. Right? Yeah. Like they stuck around for a bit and then Jaguar and DreamCat, they were pushing those things at the Sega Saturn. What a flop that was. I liked it.

Gamecube. Gamecube, I mean that was a hit. But like it seemed like they lasted a little bit longer. I think my first one was, I forget who made it, but it was the TurboGrafx. Fuck dude, Bonk's Adventure. I still have my Atari. Yeah. So just a just a little bit above that was the TurboGrafx because it had 16 bit.

So anyway, that running all of the FAA information and writing stuff down being like, I got your call sign somewhere. One second. Just that's not it. Makes you wonder about like the nuclear bombs and shit. If the missiles and stuff, they have the green screen computers. Yeah, that's a hit sir. Like, don't we have higher? You sank my budget. I guess not.

I don't know. Fuck me. You sink Hiroshima. I'm sure someone has an answer. We might give the government a little too much credit maybe. Yeah. And I think, I mean, I know that we do have a lot of active or retired military listeners. If you have an insight on what's going on in there on the technology front, please do write in at heyguysatcanyonopodcast.com.

Because again, like you build these massive ships or whatever aircraft and it's going there on the technology front, please do right in and hey guys, it can't, you know, podcast.com because I get like you, you build these massive ships or what, you know, whatever aircraft and it's kind of, that's what you're, it's a time capsule. Yeah. You can't really go through and rewire, read everything. He's going to use that. Yeah, I get it. Yeah.

But something as big as the fucking airlines, it seems like an update could have used happened at least 10 years ago. It's 25. 2005. Fuck. So much has changed. Anyway, so that's the hooray we're not doing because they're finally updating their systems and maybe they'll implicate some sort of tracking to. To stop the aircraft from smashing into each other would be nice.

I remember Windows. My dad had the computer Windows 95. It had a trailer for Rob Roy on it. Okay. The movie Rob Roy. And then Weezer's, what song was it? Blue album. What did we not do?

I don't know. The blue and yellow. I look just like Bud. Buddy Holly. The music video that when they did the happy days Interjection those were on that computer It's built in. I think they came with Windows on you five As long as it wasn't that we're like Rob Roy, I don't remember Rob Roy. Yeah. Yeah I don't know if I I don't think I ever saw Rob Roy. I don't remember Rob Roy. Yeah. Yeah

I don't think I ever saw Rob Roy. I just had the trailer for it I don't think I ever saw it either and hardball 95 is a baseball game That was one of my that was my that was my energy my introduction to computer games the original Warcraft. Hmm Hardball 95 just do miss lemmings missed. you know that missed was that a mead? Yeah Yeah, yeah, I fucking blew my mind Diablo and what's Revan? What was Raven? What was the name of the sequel for mist? I remember King's quest. Yeah, you get it. So so anyway, everyone working for the FFA was playing those games leisure suit Larry Oh, yeah, I do remember that. What a letdown.

Larry, Larry Laffer. Alright, well one of our kids found something this week for Look What I Found. Zack, fuck! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool, or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found

Hey Hey, I told you I was gonna leave you know, baby What do we got? Well, we got a gaping goose. I'm sorry, what? Yeah. Okay. You'll understand in a minute. Sent in by our son Duncan. Okay.

The gaping goose public house in bed and breakfast. What? There it is. There's the sign right there. It's like this was made for our show. This is, you can, it's got a 4.3. This is a public house in bed and breakfast. And where it's got a 4.3. This is, so this is a public house and bed and breakfast. Yeah.

And where it's located in England. Okay. Or is it in? Selby road in Garforth Leeds. Yeah. What? We can check the availability. Look, it looks, it looks like there's a couple of pictures here.

There's the inside. Guaranteed. It doesn't have AC. It's big on the inside. It doesn't have AC? No way. Nice. It gapes on the inside. I get it really opens up. Mm-hmm

But yeah, you can you can book. Let's see Sorry hotels not available TripAdvisor from Sunday. See if we could get in there this weekend. Okay What's this weekend? Yep. No availability this weekend. God dude. So many people want to get that goose I mean I get it through that thing I mean, it's like I think I don't think we talked about this on the show, but I posted it on our Patreon, where I was at Ace Hardware a couple weeks ago, and just kind of looking for things, not this, because who would be looking for this? And I peeked over and I saw all the birdhouses. So I didn't know they had an adult toy section.

That's a weird place for it. Yeah. So I went over there and looked and there was a hot air balloon birdhouse. Mmm. I was like, yeah Fuck yeah, I was like sometimes, you know, the universe is it's listening and just like a place called the gaping goose Like is this not made for us? Hey, what are you trying to say? We need to take a little vacation could be a What are you trying to say? We need to take a little vacation? Could be a- 1,000 patrons. Yeah, could be a future honkathon goal.

Maybe we have a little getaway and everyone meets us there. Meets at the gaping goose? Yeah, we'll meet at the gaping goose. Well, to check availability, but- Nah, just- Get some bangers and mash and some spotted dick. Have a little contest. you can buy some tickets. We all just go Hang out maybe do a little show performance Zach and play music. Yeah, there are parking RV up front

I'll check and see if there are any RV How close is the nearest dealership RVs near me? Feel like a search from inside the gaping goose is the leads a place where a lot of RV shops, a lot of RV. I can't imagine leads being like a hotbed for RV. I don't know ships, but I know as much about leads as the next guy. And it's not a lot, but I'm sure they've got something, but that would be, I mean, come on, what a party that would be.

Just get a, get a room, get the whole place booked out, put on a little show. It says gaping goose. It says right here. That's the number one of BNB in Garforth. One trip advisor. How many, how many are there? Just one. The one and only go up.

That's it. No wonder it's number one. Oh man. 33 reviews. I'm sure they're saying great things. Oh yeah. Oop. Never, never gaped, never seen a goose gape this, this hard.

Couple, couple haters there. Call before you go. You don't want to walk in on someone else gaping your goose. Lovely pub. Joe and the landlady gave us a very warm welcome. And their name's Joe. There call before you go. You don't want to walk in on someone else gaping your goose lovely pub Joe and the landlady gave us a very warm welcome and her name's Joe. Mm-hmm. Oh my goodness This is just getting better and better. Look at it. We like the pub and we know it's dog friendly It's the owners that are a nightmare. Why can't they keep their dogs on a short lead? Hmm. Oh They must not call it a leash over there, but it's spelled different spelled lead. Hmm

Two different words spelled the exact same way. Thanks English keep on a short side of them Some idiots think it's okay for their dogs to come and sniff around people they smell and not everyone likes dogs Five stars for service, but three stars for value three stars for Joe Three stars for gape five stars for service, but three stars for value three stars for Joe Three stars for gape five stars for goose Terrific goose It was good for the fucking that's good for the game is good for the gaggle the gander whatever it is. I don't know Duncan you might have opened up something terrific. It was great until they introduced whatever, you know, everything's great until they changed something. Just get a picture next to that hanging sign. I know. That'd be tight. It was my turn to gape and it was already gaped. Two stars. I couldn't even

gape it. I couldn't gape it. It was already gaping bigger than my gape. How am I supposed to gape if it's already been gaped? Hell yeah. I get you. I know that problem. Yeah. I can't even gape because somebody already gaped it. Come here son. Mommy said I could gape it. But she was already gaped. Alright, let's hear it from the kids. Hey Zach, would you be so kind? Thank you guys!

Alright, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Hey Zach, would you be so kind? Thank you guys! Woo hoo! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really?

You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. All right. Let's see this one. Oh, there it is. Let's hope I've. Our first email coming in from our son, Anthony, who writes, hey daddies, and beautiful tree man Zach.

Hello. I'm 6'7, so I feel his pain. Wow. His back pain? You're outgaped. It's the son who never bothers to write it. We've been wondering what the fuck happened to you Anthony. I was at work tonight and at my job we have about a million fucking geese out here!

Well upon walking past these ballsy bastards I caught sight of something that I figured you guys would get a kick out of. Yep. Not very often you come across an albino goose. We've had some, I mean, we've had a great motif of themes on today's show. You'd almost think we knew what we were doing. But then you watched Brian read his article and dick and realized this actually is a complete coincidence. It's the wrong story. Oops. Where's that line? Well, in my defense, Joe fucked it up.

Okay. Albinogies that I've ever seen. So I figured share the fun little tidbit that made my day. If I can get near it without one of these fat bitches taking a bite out of me, I'll send a video of me feeding her. Love the show and hope you guys keep it coming. P.S. I have to thank you guys for getting me through my mom's death. We watched her lose the fight with cancer last August. Sorry to hear that, man. But when they came to get here, I couldn't help but laugh. I wonder where this is going. I knew other people said it would happen, but never in my life did I think a baby blue Dodge Caravan would be what picked her up.

No, it's shocking. It blew my mind. As my sister was beside herself wailing because she was gone, I was laughing through one of the hardest moments of my life. So thank you guys. Hope all is well in your lives. Pete Slauson That's only for a listener of this show. We'll get that too. Pete Slauson Yeah. Pete Slauson Like, you see someone's crying, you're like, why are you laughing? Like, it's a fucking van. And they're like, so? Pete Slauson It's a minivan. And then they open the back,

and not all the seats are down and you're in you having to move shit out of the way like moving soccer balls This humbling is like your beach chair ah fuck forgot take this stuff out you guys you guys mind if I make her sit up Have you guys seen weekend at Bernie's yeah, why do you ask? You're about to see the three, the threequel. Yeah. I'm about to add to the series. Anyway, so you guys down at the factory goose, the reception. Oh man. Anyway, we got some pictures that Anthony set in.

I don't think I've ever seen enough. I just would have been like, oh weird. It's a duck hanging out with the all the geese You know we have Like down by our house. There's so many families of geese right now. They shit everywhere and it's a little annoying like they're cute I like I like watching them fight each other I like watching the little goslings grow up like it is fun to watch them get a little bit bigger and bigger and And then they start like kind of chasing each other around. It just embedded in their DNA to fucking fight each other,

which is fun. But yeah, they shit everywhere. You can't walk. No. Unless you want to just like, just accept the fact that your shoes are gonna be covered in shit. I know. All right, let's just get to our next email.

Go ahead, sir. So, this one's coming in from Skad James. Skad James. And it's pretty simple. All he says is here's another installment of the urban dictionary segment. And being from Northern Idaho slash Eastern Washington, this is standard Friday night. Okay. You're welcome.

Skad James. What do we got here? So this is called the Tennessee muzzle. Musle? So this is called the Tennessee Muzzle. Muzzle? Muzzle Loader? Muzzle Loader. I'm guessing the L just got left behind. Yeah, it was like an extra L.

It is Urban Dictionary. It's not like, like, Mr. Webster wasn't proofreading this. The whole team of Webster Dictionary staff. They forgot to gape the Muzzle in Loader. Yeah, gape the Loader. Maybe Muzzle Loer is one word. When you're talking about that. Oh, that makes sense.

Anyway, you want to know what it is? Yeah, more than anything. All right. When a guy has a dip or chewing is fucking someone in the ass, and he pulls out and then takes the tobacco out of his mouth,icks it in his partner's asshole. Oh boy. He then resumes fucking his partner in the ass using his dick like a Rod to ram tobacco deep into the other person's anus Simulating how one would load a musket or a muzzle loader in a deep southern accent I

Was did almost did like an Australian. Oh, it's fucking him I'm just gonna do an Australian accent I was fucking Dixie in the ass in the ass and I gave her the Tennessee muzzleloader. She squealed like a piggy That's fucked up I know we've talked about boofing on the show. We just like you shove things in your butthole. Never heard of shoving tobacco in your ass. It just doesn't seem healthy. No. For your dick or your ass. Is it ever a good idea just to put things? Wow, I'm gonna retract that statement. Yeah, but I agree with you on this one. Like just because there's a hole doesn't mean you have to jail something in it. Like you sound like my dad. You know what I mean though?

Seriously. Like, so I get, I get why people like anal and I get why people like oral and people like chew it. Right. But, uh, I mean, I mean, it's funny because like the dick and the vagina makes sense because it's the way you make a baby. The other holes are for fun. It's like, let's try something a little different. And but shape the same beyond beyond that, like jamming the things that like food and just shit that doesn't belong in there is just that's where I'm like I just don't get it. Yeah, like maybe I'm just not experimental enough

But jam and chew in someone's ass and then sticking your dick back in there and jam it further up Hmm, I don't think I'm I don't think I'm Align by saying no, that seems ridiculous. It seems like a really bad idea. I'm with you. I follow your... The fact that it has a name, that's kind of scary for the human race. I know, I'm gonna have a hard time

not thinking about doing it though. Know what I mean? Maybe if it was a... Maybe I was gonna say maybe if it was a pouch. You get done, like you're... Like laying there like, that was great. And then Cassie's like, yeah. Oh man man, it came so hard. You like me too. Oh, shit, I forgot the tune. Can you shit my zen out?

I didn't get a chance to finish my zen. When you feel like you gotta poop anytime soon. She's like, God, I'm feeling a little dizzy. It's like, oh, yeah, with your green shit my zen out. You're gonna feel a little dizzy. It's like, oh yeah, winter green shit. My Zen out. You're going to feel a lot better. Why does my butt feel so fresh and sparkly and winter greenie? And I'm like, check out this Scott James sent it in.

You're going to hate me, but God damn, is this funny to go as she's reading it. You just staring into her eyes. That would have to burn, right? Yeah. It would be terrible. I don't, yeah. Maybe we should invent one for a geek bar or for a vape. Mmm. To have a vape. Blowing it in there?

Yeah, because it might even work a little bit. Gate the butthole and throw it in there. It would work? That has to be. The colon, the colon will suck that right up. Yeah. Talk about an O-ring. Alright, well that's 157! Yeah, it is. Hope you Talk about an O-ring. Hey.

Uh, all right. Well that's one 57. Yeah, it is. Hope you guys had as much fun as we did. We're going to get off to the bonus content here. And if you subscribe to us on Patreon, you get that and so much more reminder that the honkathon is on head over to can you don't podcast.com or head over to our Patreon directly directly. You'll find links also in the episode description for the Patreon.

Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast content that you find on the world wide web. Email that into heyguysatcanyoudon'tpodcast.com. Write and review us. Go check out what Uncle Zach's doing over in the scatcast universe. I wouldn't recommend that. scatcast.com that is scat with a K and a big thank you to the babysitters that moderate the Can you don't playground on Facebook it is growing every time I pop in there you guys post the most insane shit And I'm not sure how we're not shut down. I did get a notification the other day that it's like

you got Not in those words, but that's how I read it was like, you guys are pushing it, man. Like, like it just said, disappointed parents. It's like any day this is going to go away. Listen, I am hovering over the deactivate. I have not pressed it yet, but God, my fingers shaking above it. You can send back an eggplant emotion eggplant emoji and go fuck yourself nerd

You sound like my mom you fucking nerd you big dumb bitch Why it's a group of people who are at all thinking the same I know That's why you're in the group for stuff like that Yeah, and they allowed it on there at one point then you flag us for it. No, isn't that your fault for it? I don't know. I hope I get shut down. That's why you're in the group for stuff like that. I don't know. And they allowed it on there at one point, then you flag us for it. Isn't that your fault for it? It's your own content being shared. And then we're in trouble.

Sounds like a you problem. Yeah. It's like we're just like uploading our own content into it. It's like something that's on your site and then gets shared into the group. And then we get in trouble for it. Doesn't that sound like regular life though? It's like, wow, you make this awesome drug and then I go use it and then we get in trouble for it. Doesn't that sound like regular life though? It's like wow you make this awesome drug and then I go use it and then I get in trouble Yeah, or like if you punch back if you get punched then you get punch and you punch, but then you're gonna get in trouble

Yeah, yeah, so it's it's on your site go fucking whatever Anyway, I hope it keeps going you ready to wrap this thing up. Yeah. All right. Will you tell Zach to push the next thing? Can you push the deactivate button? Good God wrap it up already You didn't get deactivated. Yep, we're back. Whoo, and I have a joke for you. Okay, tell me about it Well, it's kind of a joke. It's just something that happened the other day and I thought it was funny Okay, so the other day my wife asked me why I never buy her flowers. Yeah, I get it.

She was pretty bummed. Yeah. I said, well heck hun, I didn't even know you sold flowers. That was a nice one. I have to do this one more time. Alright guys, we'll see you in the bonus stuff. Bye! Bye!