Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Daddy Bath. Camel Lips. Celibate. Weather Apps.

Episode Date: March 18, 2026

I didn't think I could ever give botox or implants to a camel... until I learned it could be worth MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?! Let's talk about that, yanking ponytails for funzzies, waiting your whole life for some free oysters with your dad, are weather apps getting paid to put up questionable forecasts, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/KKh_slgWMJcSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Daddy bath, camelips, celibate, weather apps. I had no idea. And maybe some false hope about like just 90s TV in general. But before we got in here today, a crossover that I'm not sure anyone asked for, that we, it just showed up. Like if you have a Samsung TV,

they give you that free shit, right? They get the free live Samsung. And before we started recording today, there was a fucking WrestleMania or wrestle WWE Baywatch crossover It wasn't God

No one cares It was WCW back then Yeah that's really important It was bash at the beach Oh wow So Hulk Macho man Rick Flair

Some other dudes Big Van Vader Big Van Vader And Kevin Sullivan The Taskmaster Yeah And of course Kevin Bacon

Was he He was there. He was sizzling. He was the ref. That was Randy Anderson, actually. And I mean, if you, if you've never seen that episode, I wouldn't, like, I'm not coming in here with a recommendation as like, this will change your life. But it changed mine.

Like, I didn't know that you could have a boner that long, Brian. Yeah. That was cool. It's still like half. It's a semi still. Like borderline, the, what the commercials say, like call a doctor. Like, you're on four hours right now. If it's still hard when we're done.

Then we'll just... You just need to go straight over to Cootney Medical. Mm-hmm. Get that taken care of. Any magazines? Yep. You guys got any magazines? Is this where I make a deposit?

They've got a, they have a magazine. It's a Baywatch fucking wrestling crossover mag. Yeah, dude. You're like, no, no! It's walking in the emergency room. You got any Pam Anderson mags? Got any Pam mags, dude? I got a 90s boner.

I got to take care of. Yeah. This one will not go away. Yeah. Anyway, so if you want to dive into that, I mean, it's a classic. It's a great episode. The acting, wow.

Yes, it is. I mean, it's that episode and many of Baywatch episodes hold a special place in my heart. Heart, that's what you call it. And wrestling. Heart on. Episode 196 of Can You Don't. Thanks for being here.

Supporting us on Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash Can You Don't podcast. Honkathons on. Help us reach these goals. We got to push through. Top of all that, you get ad-free episodes. You get the episodes early.

You get the bonus content, exclusive merch, merch, merch discounts. So go check out that tier. And the pond, which we're going to get ramping back up here. And I think at the time that we are recording this, we have already done the last pawn. We're aiming for next week. We said to, you know, make sure our lives were falling back in place. All right. Oh, shit.

Man, he's coming in quick. For the golden geese. Neil Daphney. Maggie Stoke The Sofa King Matthew Leonard Todd Zootenhurst Jordan Holliday

Jason Clacer George Tasado Just a little bit longer Stephen Grera Daniel Aki Daniel Spats Thanks guys Last name Spats

And it makes all the sounds You want it to do It does Spats Yeah it just sounds exactly what he said So those are our golden geese. And they're the highest tier over there on Patreon. Only 10 spots.

So people come in there. If they fall off, they fill out pretty quick. So keep your ice peeled for that. But yeah, thank you to everybody who supports it on Patreon. It's pretty much the number one way to make sure this show keeps going. Should we roll? Should we get doing it? Zach, what you say?

Zach's like, let's do it, man. Zach said, yeah, all right, Zach, fuck. Shut up. Start the show already. We had that moment. We had that moment. It was like a couple months ago where we had like Seth and Shane, right? Yeah.

They were having a little battle. Would you rather off? God. It was like, there's still at least 40, probably from each one of them that are still just sitting in there. And as we were putting together today's episode, I just did like a little, you know, like when you're scrolling on social media. I just did a little flick. Close your eyes. Yeah.

And went down into the archives of our emails. and Seth popped up. I clicked on it and so fucking here we all. The odds are pretty good at this point. Would you rather have to pull on someone's ponytail every time you see one or always have to shop out of other people's grocery carts? Oh, God.

At the store. And I read that. And guys, I have to tell you, I saw a glorious, greasy, greasy, construction worker ponytail at Taco Bell. Dude or a chick? It was a dude. Right out the back of the hat too.

Like Tony Little style? Or he goes out the... Yeah, baby. Like, he, and he, he, he, he, he had, he had a rough morning. Okay. He's still wearing, you know, the construction, uh, vest, right? Sitting down enjoying what looked like three Doritos, Locos, Supreme

Tacos. Just getting the day started off. God. I mean, he was in, he wasn't happy,

he had a big ass beard, his construction worker shit on, and then a hat, and then right over the top of the buttons in the back was just this, I mean, it was a forefooter, dude.

Like, he was probably sitting on it. Like a horse. Maine is what it was. He was a horse. Yeah, he was a workhorse. Nice.

Not a Maine, like a horse tail. Yeah, like a full length horse tail. Yeah, it was wet. It was, there was a lot. And I was trying to eat and look at it.

I miss my greasy ponytail. You had a greasy pony tail? Fuck yeah. What? When I had long hair, I had to wear it back when I worked a couple jobs. So I had the greasy ponytail of Steven Seagal look going on. Do you have any pictures of this greasyy pown? I hope so, maybe.

And you're always wearing that hat. You have a full head of hair still, right? No. Do you have, is it light on top? It's getting pretty light, yeah. I was going to say, because you should grow that back. I miss it. I miss it.

Those were the days. What if we all just grow ponytails? I'm not sure if I could. Let's make a pact. A pony pack? I'd look like a sick pony. We would all get arrested. Dude, we would, but we would all...

Look cool. Look, yeah, together. We'd all look like that together. Fingarless leather gloves, balding on top. Well, if we're together. Middle-aged pones? Like, dude. We can't just go out.

All three of us just go out like that. It's no longer a pony. tail it's a pown tail it's a bone dude oh my goodness I'd have a hard time being around us I'd have a bone bone bone have you ever had long hair like down past the shoulders oh yeah I've had it down

past the shoulders one time I want to see that bad that'd be fun to see what you guys are crazy you've never had long hair though Joe I've had I've had you know back in the 90s it's probably you know down to the ears because that was the popular look men don't take care of their hair when they get it long that's what I was told I'd let it down

and I wanted it to be greasy because it looked like the movies or something. And women were like, I don't think you should take care of it. Hey, it shouldn't look like that. I shouldn't be able to smell it in the other room. It looks wet always. Steven Seagal is disappointed in you. It's called beard oil.

He's not wet. It's not ponytail oil. I just said, let yourself. So if I had to imagine myself pulling that poor man's pown, dude. just he's trying to eat a supreme it's already a little you know it's a bit much and if you get those Doritos logos they put the cover on it because they they care about your fingers right so he's already using protection and having a rough day and I just walk up and

just fucking that you're gonna get in so many fights yanking ponytail's yeah think about going to go into a bar just girls how many biker dudes are rocking ponytails you know like that but like you go out to the bar and you're like like hey i'll get you're just going to a bar you're like I'll get a fucking whatever. I'll get your, what do you guys have with your seasonal rotation? I'll have one of that and fucking this and just yank some chicks

pretty tail. She yank her off the bar stool. You're going to get in so many fights. Well, how hard do you have to yank? Maybe just this pull on it. Just a little, little, this one where it's kind of like,

ah. You're still going to get, yeah, you're going to get fucking yelled at and punched. Well, yeah. And it's a felony, I think, so. It's a salt, Jack.

It's not just, but if you're in a, area where like she's with her boyfriend. Can you imagine? You're just like, you're just sitting there like you're drinking a beer at a bar. You look over and like you're like, oh fuck. You're like, God damn it.

You're like, really open it out to do this. Can I get two shots of well whiskey? He's like, well, you've already had five. Two more. I have to pull this ponytail. Well, you know where you need to go. And that giant dude is going to kick the shit out of me. Please give me two more well shots. And he's got a ponytail too.

Oh, just go to a gay bar. it's a bunch of butch haircuts oh okay strictly strictly gay box yeah don't go to like a bar where there's going to be chicks with long hair just oh my god's stuck in traffic and like you're just trying to look forward and you glance over and you see a ponytail and you're like fucking you have you put it you get out of here like the process of like unbuckling your seatbelt like this is gonna go well you're looking in the mirror you're fixing your hair trying to look charming after you do it you're like sorry have a good day you have to go up to the window and knock and she's like what and you're like she rolls it down just a little bit and you shove

your fucking hand in and pull her ponytail and then run back to your car that sucks the light turns green you're also gonna you're gonna get weird looks but you're gonna have a little more forgiveness I feel like shopping out of other people's grocery carts yeah they haven't paid for it you're just an asshole mm-hmm like you just why walk up like fucking thank you I also needed to refried beans these are mine now you ever you're ever at the store with your mom or your wife or whatever, and they're like, your mom. I don't go to the grocery store a whole lot with my mom these days. Well, when we were kids.

Oh, yeah. So like, but you're, whatever, you're out, you're out with your wife, your husband, whatever, and you're like, will you stay with the cart? You know, like, I'm going to go grab bread. Will you watch the cart? Because what are you worried about? Someone's just going to come steal from your cart? I love it.

I know that's like, you could have your person there, but I still, without a person there, I've still heard people say that before. Like it'll disappear. Like people are just They're walking by like Yeah now I don't have to grab milk And take it out of there Yeah

That's a lot of pressure You're gonna get in some fights too With that But not nearly as like Assaulting someone But it's not even just that It's like what if you go What if the person has terrible taste

And what they're buying And rice Or expensive taste Yeah Or the expe yeah You're like fucking Why don't you just get the generic bag of rice You fucking boogey

As you're taking rice out of there You're criticizing their shopping habits as you steal their shit. God damn it. There's a special on salsa, you fucking idiot. Just take their stuff? You're seriously talking down to them while you're stealing the stuff You had to get brand name fucking pasta. Jesus Christ.

Mumbling to yourself as you're stealing the stuff out of their cart. 90% lean. They make 95 fucking. be fucking idiot. Or then you see, you go and you see another cart, you're like, oh shit,

they have the one you want. So do you put that one in their cart? You swap it? Yeah, you can do a little, I think, in and out. You just can't,

it just can't come off the shelf. And could you be a gentleman and get away with it if you show up with the alternative? Or is that a loophole? Feels like a loophole. You take theirs and you put another one in there.

Feels like a loophole. You're like, sorry. And then walk away. I think you have to, you're like, in my ear like frosted flakes

flakes flakes of frosted yeah the generic one and it's like fruit loops loops of fruit fruit rice crispy is crispy rice what if they just did that what did they just did that

there has to be legal there's loops of fruit what is an actual cereal oh I didn't know that yeah there's rice Krispies there's crispy rice made by somebody else should have had Loser.

Cheerios is like cheery hoes. Like you can't like they're sadios. They're living on the edge. Yeah. Depressios. Is that

a Cheerios? I don't want to be around any Morios. Mario's. Oreos. Morios. It's just Mario on the front. I don't want to be around any marios.

To Marios. Okay. So that I don't know. I mean, you're physically assaulting someone versus is taking someone. Stealing something that they actually don't own yet.

Yeah, one's a felony. If you went to their, once you're a dickhead. You go to their house and take it. You're in a different situation. But people will still treat it like it's theirs though because it's in their cart.

Yeah. Oh, man. I'm not saying the situation would happen, but let's go through this together. You're on a walk and you see, you know, because sometimes you can see in people's windows. And you're just like,

and you look up. And there's just, just a mom washing dishes with a ponytail. And you're like, how am I going to get in there? He's got a ring doorboat. Oh, shit.

You grab a cat off the street and you're like, you walk up there. Did you lose a cat? She goes no and you're like, right. And throw the fucking cat. I'm like, sorry!

But having to get in there. So like she says, no, sorry, it's our cat. You're like, okay, well, I thought I'd ask. I'll try the next house. And you walk away. You just chucked the cat. And you're like, I still have to get in there. I still got to get in there.

So now you're breaking in it. No, not again. You're like, what did you lose? You go to court. The judge has a ponytail. Oh, man. You're a lawyer? Stenographer.

Yeah. Stenographer, yeah. Yeah, you're in court and the judge's talking to you and you're just kind of reach over and just yank a little yank. As she's trying to defend you. Mm-hmm. Your honor. That's obstruction.

He would never do the owl. You just sit there like so much shame. You're like, I had to. Mm-hmm. I have to. You don't understand. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And in courtrooms are a very ponytail prone environment. It's a business look. Yeah. Looks nice with a suit. It looks nice with a suit. Yes.

It's going to be a lot of problems if you find yourself on a... Well, the big of the. ponytail the bigger problem. That's since the beginning of time. I'm going to pick grocery store thing. I'm not, I don't, I'll piece something together. This can't be, this has to be in, what? Every time you see you in a real life, right?

Yeah, ponytails. Because like, I'm just saying it like, you're watching, it's three o'clock in the morning, you're watching the gazelle. You're watching a W-E-W, W-C-W-C-W-C-W-C-W-C-W-C-W-C-W-C-W-C-W-C-C-W-C-C-W. And you see a phone, and you don't think a hunt to, down. You're like, that woman's 60 years old now, but I need to find she's got You're digging up her body

to pull her ponies out? But now she's got she's got like silver top curled old lady hair, probably. Yeah. A little cotton top, as they say. No, this is real life pones. Yeah. And for that reason, I'm out. I'm going to go with stealing shit out of people's grocery carts.

Because you can probably do it without people noticing a lot of times too. Oh, sure. And you get caught and you move away, and now you're just an asshole. And that's a you had to live with, but I can't be just pulling pulling ponies. You know, every time when you go to the store and you inevitably end up going the opposite direction of someone, so you pass them

in the same aisle, every aisle you pass them. So you take a jiffy peanut butter out of their thing, and then you go back around, you're like, got to hit it again. And take their jelly? Yeah. Next lap, you take bread?

Thank you, ma'am. God, I just got a full square meal. Oh my God. I'm out of here. I'm out. I'm out, dude. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches this week. We need something about pulling ponies.

That's my pick. What are you picking? Zach, weigh in. I'm stealing out of the cart. That's a boy. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the trifecta. All right.

Well, I got a, I got something I've been thinking about lately. Oh, okay. It's not that crossover with very much. Go, Zach. Whoa. You just did a fake out. There it is. Hey.

Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? Uh, you know. Nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? This is, this just came into my world, and I've heard this saying, and we all have. Countless times. Countless times in our lives. And it never really dawned on me about how much freedom you get when you use this particular phrase. This was probably a couple weeks ago. Lunch break, I was going to be.

you know, is that work? I'm going to be driving to pick up the kids. So part of my lunch break, I decided to get some gas. Got to fill up, you know, get ready. I didn't want to deal with it. But if I was in a time crunch later, you know, going to get this. What? I don't know what. What lunch break is or gas? Is this a Tesla thing? Okay. I see. I see where you're going with this. Um, um, and I was getting getting some gasoline. Had to get filled up. And because when I was even work. I didn't want to be in a time crunch and be out of fucking gas. So I used lunch break to get some gasoline. As I was doing that, I was like, you know what? You know, getting like a little getting some electrolytes back in my body feels good. So I went inside instead of just stand there

and watch the number go up. I was like, I'm going to go, you know, add a little more to this and get like a Gatorade or something. And I went inside. And this area, and we were talking about this and we were driving around, I'm not sure if they're across the entire country, but a big gas station in our neck of the woods is nom, nom, nom, no. And you never know what you're going to get inside a nom nom nom. I have a good idea. But it does vary, but I have a pretty good idea. Sometimes you get like a gas station.

You're like, yeah, you know, you're going to, but sometimes it is off the wall. They will put these nom-noms. They will, like, they'll put it on top of a 7-Eleven. Like, that's the kind of vibe. Like, seven-dums, like, we can't do it anymore. Nom-knon's, we'll take it from here. And, like, that's the clientele for certain nom-n-n-n-n-s. What's also the fucking ridiculous name?

You had to nom-n-nom-n-n-gat. You got that rewards program, though. Just grown-ass adult. Nom-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-h. Yeah, we're going to stop by num-n-n-n-n-n-n-m. We'll meet you at like 5 o'clock, but first we got to stop by, num-n-n-n-n-m-m. Is that right across the street from the nom-n-n-n-um?

So I'm in there, and this one's not that bad, typically, and this situation, I guess, isn't that bad. But I grabbed my gator-a, worked my way up to the counter, and there was two women who were clearly having, it was either a carryover from the night before, or they woke up and decided, you know, what, today we're not lifing. We are, we are having fun today. And that's fine. So probably like late 20s, early 30s kind of look. Maybe college? We're in those sweatpants. No, there's no college in Liberty Lake. Oh, Liberty League. That's how you meant, sorry, I thought I meant CDA. That's all right. So they were, you know, they had the sweatpants and the

boots. So they just looked like they were, they just needed to keep the party going. And they're standing there and they drop like two full cases. Like not, I think 20, I wasn't paying that close attention. They weren't like the boom box course lights with like 30 or 40 over the fuck they make in there. And they plop these two things up there and the cashier. This guy who had a ponytail should have yank the fuck out of that thing, dude. He goes, oh, he was on a Tuesday. Right. It's, you know, it's like 12, 20. And he goes, on a Tuesday. And one, she leans in, her hair is like in a messy bun.

And she goes, it's our Friday. And he goes, oh, yeah, it goes, well, never mind. And I'm just standing there. I'm like, it's Tuesday. I was like, but you can get, like, how much you can get away with with, it's my Friday. And everyone's like, all of a sudden, they do understand. Yeah. They go, oh, okay.

So you're going nuts, basically. So now there's no rules. It's my Friday. rules are. And he's like, like, like, if you're saying that to a police officer. Yeah. He's like, is that meth? It's my Friday. Mm-hmm. Have a good day, sir. Like, where do you get? Like, where does it stop? You're, like, you murder somebody. Hey, whoa, put the gun down. It's my Friday.

Okay. All right. Okay. We'll get, we'll take up. Sorry, we, sorry, we had no idea it was your Friday. Because to us, it's Tuesday at news. We'll send the negotiator home. Yeah. You can turn around. Because to us, it's Tuesday. at lunch. But for you... To most people, it's Tuesday. But you are in an alternate universe, and today is your Friday.

So here's your meth. Please holster your weapon and quit doing wheelies on your fucking segue. Have a good day. Like, have a good weekend. Have a good weekend. I'll see you on my actual Friday. Yeah. And I'm coming.

I'll have a warrant by my Friday. Because it'll be your Tuesday. It'll be your Tuesday. It'll be your Tuesday. But I'll show up on your Tuesday on my Friday. with a warrant to search your fucking house, Ashley. It's my Friday. It was just like that, too.

It's my Friday. Like at least five to six mimoses or something deep. Just that lean in. Yeah. You see it. We just had brunch. Like Friday had the Friday. Friday.

A little twist on it. I'm just standing there with a Gatorade. Just like working. Yeah. Because it's your Tuesday. It's my Tuesday. And it's noon. I mean,

you know, whatever. It made me laugh. But just like thinking that that has a sense of just, um, uh, but it's not, not relief, but like, it's like a, it takes away all accountability. Yeah, you have no responsibility when it's a Friday. And we all kind of accept it. Yeah, we do.

Why? We're idiots. But, but it's pretty funny. Uh, oh, no, no, no. It's my Friday. I mean, I don't. It's my cheat day. Okay.

Oh, yeah. It doesn't count. None of this counts. None of this counts. It's my Friday. All right. I didn't consider, I hear that saying all the time, but I hadn't considered that it's like a free pass to do whatever. It's usually just like I'm at the grocery store buying something.

Kind of like your situation. And it's like the cashier or the person, it's usually the person bagging the groceries. And they were just like, oh, it's my, it's my Friday. I'm so excited. And I'm just like getting. groceries at a four o'clock on a Wednesday. Cool. And I'm like, no, it's not your, it's no, it's your Wednesday, it's Wednesday.

We're sharing Wednesdays. Yeah. You just have different work days than I do. Is it possible that that only works for girls of a certain age too? Because if you can imagine a construction, it's my Friday. Yeah, I've never heard of a dude. I don't, I feel like I've heard it. And why, but why is that saying also on the tip of our tongue, like as a society?

I don't know. We're always looking for that, like that, a reason to justify your bullshit in the first, like, the words are, it's my Friday. Are right there. It's like saying, don't judge me. Life is hard for me, too. Yeah. Kind of. It's my Friday.

I don't know if I've ever, I've never said it. I don't think I've ever said it. No, I've never said it. But I felt like saying. Because my Friday is my Friday. Yeah. It's always been my Friday. It's Friday's Friday.

I take that back. When I worked in TV, I worked weekends and stuff. And that was your Friday. But I was like, no, it's my day off. I never said it's my Friday. It's my Friday. I remember when I first started hearing people say that. I remember like, what the fuck are you talking about?

It's your Friday. Just say you don't work tomorrow. That's exactly what I would think. Oh, so you don't work tomorrow? Because it's not, you don't own. It's still Friday. It's still. The calendar still exists.

Yeah. You can't just shift it around smashly. And Friday isn't a, a whole it's not like a thing Friday is a day it's not like it's my it's my independence day or whatever it's like no it's it's still a day of the week why did you steal it's my day just say tomorrow's my day off not it's my Friday it's my fourth of the July it's oh my yeah exactly it's my independence day is my I have to work so today's my fourth of July I'm getting holiday and that's why you stole this motorcycle yes it's January Judy it's January Judy quit pulling my ponytail I like fireworks

I like fireworks so much. I have it all the time. Today's Fourth of July, motorcycle. Motorcycle jump duty! It's usually someone at a gas station, though. Oh, yeah. It's the person bagging at groceries or... Because they're like, they've just seen so many people today and they're just over it.

So many people just doing fun stuff. And they're putting all the other people's fun stuff and bags. And then when it's actually their Friday, they're like... Fireball. They get... Like, you're there. getting your can of chew or zen and uh because you're going back to work and there so they it's a little brag it's a little humble brag they get to do it's my friday it's my friday i'm not sure

if you knew i don't care yeah that's that's great so what are you doing on sunday on your sunday yeah what are you doing on your i mean sunday i mean your monday but what are you doing on my sunday like you know whatever now we're now we're just talking about different days what are you doing tomorrow can we just start there. Anyway, I want to share that. That's fun. It's fun.

It's my Friday. Again, it's, I like this angle, because it's always, it's usually people that are just tired of working and they're like, oh, it's my Friday. It's like,

I'm almost done. Yeah, they're almost done. They get a day off. I hadn't heard it like, oh yeah, do whatever you want because it's your Friday. You know what?

These are free. Go nuts. These are on nom, nom, nom. The great sorcerer nom nom, nom nom has bestowed upon you when we we were talking about numb numb on the way here like you said and i was trying to bring it up and i i was like what's that gas station with the purple and i've been there

a hundred times i was like ymy-num-n-n-n-n-you-n't i was like ymmy-num-n-n-money and you're like nom-n-n-n-n-mn-mit's what you make where you eat a gas station burrito. Fuck, yeah. Numb, num, num, num, numb. All right, let's slide into some fucking dick. Ew year, brother. Zach! You know how I like these things.

I like just, you know, economical connections. And I know Zach loves them. Brian, I know you love wrestling Baywatch cross-off. Yeah, brother. I see why he does, though. Give me some more Pam Anderson. We get boners over this. you get boners over spandex.

The tighter to span, the bigger the decks. That's right, brother. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Tourist attraction hit out. I don't even know what that means. I'm guessing this is a term that, but you don't need to know what hit out means.

But I'm guessing it means like they miss out. They're losing business. So hit out at misleading weather apps that are costing them millions. I have never thought about this, and it makes so much goddamn sense. So a group of Britain's most popular tourist attractions has hit out at weather apps after complaining they are costing them millions

by putting off visitors. Chester Zoo. Fuck, they're pissed, dude. Do you realize what you're doing to us? Do you know? Do you have any idea? Do you care about Chester at all? Is spearheading a campaign

to change how forecasts are displayed on popular apps complaining that misleading rain icons could be losing some of the venues up to 137,000 pounds in a single day. That's specific. 137. Fucking what? The zoo has coordinated a joint approach on behalf of more than 80 outdoor attractions,

including the Eden Project, RHS Gardens, Blackpool Pleasure Beach. That sounds like fucking hand jobs. And other places. They warned that a single rain cloud icon Summarizing a 24-hour period Can create the impression of a washout Even when there's most of the time

It's gonna be a dry day I mean That makes so much sense Yeah Like if you don't go in Let's just this is a great This is a great little analogy here Think about going out

You're like fuck dude Should we head to Silverwood this weekend You get the app out And it just shows a rain icon For Saturday Sunday I'm skipping Silverwood. Oh my God. I have,

okay, let me finish this thought. And I'm going to blow your, your dick off. This is a great story that I totally forgot. And I was actually probably going to save it for another time, but now's the time. Okay.

Just the blowing the dick off. You would skip. Oh, that's what that was. Like, you would skip Silverwood. But then you click on it, and it says rain at 2 a.m.

to 3 a.m. But then the whole day has a rain icon. You got to dig, deeper, bro. I know. You got to do the research. People don't want to. I know. So I get it. They're fucking pissed. Plus, imagine a world where big weather is

in cahoots with like big museum. And they're like do fuck theme parks. How much to put a rain icon on Saturday? Everybody come inside. Everyone. We got a roof. We got a roof. We got history. It's boring, but we got hard

candies. You can read the walls. And you don't, I mean, You don't have, it's free to get in today. There is like a mandatory donation, uh, situation to look at the things in the glass. And popcorn. But there won't be rain on your head. Like, I could totally see that happening. Because why wouldn't they?

Everything's fucked. Yeah. Everything's for sale. Uh, they claim that around 70% of people check forecasts before heading out. Well, some sites report attendance dropping up to 30% following an unfavorable forecast. I love that they paid an accountant or, an economist to do that. Just make sure every day.

It's like, see, we lost some peanuts there. We like, fuck. We can't feed the fucking gorillas. Yeah, having to run that fucking equation. The group stresses it is not, it is not challenging forecast accuracy. So nothing against big weather man. Just against big weather.

Gerald Anderson is doing a fantastic job. We don't mind what you're saying. We just don't like how you're saying it, you cunts. Fucking weather man has a rollout. He's wearing like a platinum suit. Rain everywhere. If you think about heading out to the racetrack, ooh, unfortunately,

ooh, 100% chance of thunderstorms. Head over to the racing museum. Just down the street, five guys has a hamburger special. Clear day. Clear day. Instead, they're calling out

for the Met Office, government and major weather app developers to explore practical improvements to show forecaster to how forecasts are shown on screen and give families more clarity when planning trips. I'm all for it. Okay, back to the story I wanted to tell you. Guess what fucking Ezra called me about last night? Well, uh, this one you're not going to be able, well, you might be able to have anything

do with the weather alert system? No, no. Cootney County. Hootenie County. Have you seen pictures of Yellowstone National Park, as Yesterday was his day to shine. We kind of needed him. Oh, he was ready.

Okay. Yeah, he was the wind. I didn't get a call. Yeah, we had a, but people that don't know up here, I mean, I had a hard time leaving the neighborhood early this morning. Trees all over the fucking road. Anyway, he called me last night. And he goes, guess what?

I went, what? And he goes, Silverwood posted their playlist on Spotify. No. And I said, what? And he goes, yeah, two of them. and he goes, I'm going to send him over right now. Like the banjo bluegrass shit? What?

Is there another one? He goes, and I was like, what? And he goes, yeah. He goes, I'll send him over right now. I was like, all right. Like, I'm laughing. He's not laughing. You know how many times I've used Shazam to try to figure out who that is?

Well, I'm about to cure everything. Dude, this is. And he goes, he goes, have you checked out track five? And I was like, well, you just sent it. So no. Chill out. I'll get to it. And he goes.

Oh, which one was it? He goes, I think it was this one. Is that the entrance? It's listed by different places at the park. Is that the entrance right there? Fuck yeah, it is. Yeah, I recognize that. You walk in there and we always go to hit the restroom first.

God. And then which one, it was, which one of this one, he, let me go read his text messages. He was so fucking, I think he just wanted. I want to know by, uh, fucking Thunder Canyon. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. What do you want to know about? Thunder Canyon?

Is this Thunder Canyon? No way. We've joked about this on so many occasions. And it's so funny. But I love it. When your kids are worn out and you and your partner just at your end, I said, I'll get the hot dogs. You're all chafing and this is playing. No, he needs to nap.

I want a divorce. I know, I know it's hard to carry pops. Ask for a drink holder Crying Exhausted It's 98 98 degrees You've been in line for four hours

You just fucking I'm sleeping with your sister Is there Is there A tremors Like do they have Oh let me find Beka beca beca boob

Beupiboo Pippin Ugh Get ripping I think this is the courtyard. Oh shit. Buba banger. If I had spoons, I'd be playing.

Well, them old Duke boys ran it again. Damn. This is the piece over by the bathroom and the kids. I hope this is a popular download. That's right next to the crazy coaster. Yes. Blatter is full.

And my kids are crying. Crying. This sure was expensive. You were dying. They have the same right. They just renamed it. Yeah. And put it over there. Brisket!

Oh, but... Blin-Bel-Bim-Lam-lim-lim-m-m-m-m-m-m-m... Anyway, so he was so pumped. He's like, they posted it. The kid wants to go to the arcade? What? Well... Well...

He won what? And we're going to carry it around all fucking days. You can't bring your backpack on the water ride? Back at the end. So all our shit is going to get wet. Like my camera, and then it's like, And there's a little bit of law.

Well, ma'am, so this ride comes back to where it started. No, it ends a mile over there. So forget to bring all your shit out. Why does it just come back to the same place? I don't know they didn't think of that. No, they put it as ends at the other side of the park. That doesn't make any fucking sense. Like a wheelchair.

please. What do we do with our wheelchair? Not my problem. He needs it. Like, we can't just, we can't leave it here. You should have thought that when you came in.

Oh, what do we got here? When you're on the train? Anyway, there it is. That's robbing the train. They've had that same show for 30 years, dude. Raise your hand if you've seen this before. Of course I fucking have.

We come here every summer for the last 35 years. Write some new jokes. You have a change. So we've joked about that several times on the show. That's why he was so pumped. And now all of you have now heard. Exactly what it is. Not something similar, exactly what it is.

Yep. Oh, God, that cracks me up. God damn. It's just, Yeah. How do I find this list? Or is it just silver? If I search Silverwood?

Five bucks. I'll send it to you. What did you say? Flam. Nom, nom. Nom, nom. If anyone out there's ever played Cuphead, it reminds me with that video game. What is this one for?

It's just been, like, the food, food area? Rack time is some, but let's see where it's at here. maybe over by the magician show or something um this one doesn't say how many songs are on this you don't want to know not enough

if you spend one hour that's gonna be my new go to bed I'm just gonna hit that just relaxing alright good night honey good night is there anything more annoying than here barely hearing that like through someone else's AirPods

just you're on the phone where are you we're by the bathroom by the roller coasters there's two ways to get down are you Trevor's way do I go around

the far way to end up by the wooden coaster right over the top it's so fucking loud it's so loud dude He's like, God,

like every time you think you're going to die. There's a, there's a spot where tremors go right over the walkway. And the camera's flashing. So people are like, you can hear the camera go, you can just try to find a bathroom to change a shitty diaper. Like,

fuck. Where am I? Yeah. Some dudes eating an elephant ear and other guys, eating a whole corn of, or a whole ear of corn. Yeah. It's in his teeth

You just have fun, kids? Man, ma'am, ma'am. Yeah, of course, I have to have to throw this back for people that remember. But yeah, that special needs night with the corkscrew going over the path. Oh, fuck this. Fuck this. Fuck this. This giant man clearly was some kind of disability.

Oh, no. Fuck this. All right, let's move off to our next story. We got to get moving here. Oh, what do you have here? Man, what do we got? Okay, well, when I saw this story and put it in here... Go ahead.

I wasn't anticipating watching Baywatch. So now I'm like, it kind of all this kind of ties in in a weird way. Camel... Here he! Here he! Camel pageant thrown into chaos after 20 competitors, disqualified for using hump plumping injectables. That's a sentence I never thought I'd hear.

Camel owners. Who figured it out? Like squeezing fake, squeeze and tits? It doesn't feel right. This is an injectable. Are you doing hump plump and injectables? No. Usually when you move, there's some movement to it.

You know, like natural bounce. Yeah, you've got to have some natural bounce to it. Camel owners use injections to enhance the camel's lips, dermal fillers around their noses, and silicone wax to enlarge the humps. What are we doing? We've moved on from... The prize must be substantial if you're willing to do this to a fucking camel. I mean, just picture...

Now, picture like a Hollywood actress or someone who just has tons of work. And now... I look normal, right? A cam... Like, just a bunch of camels. Like, a fucking lip filler. Yeah, a sexy fucking camel. A camel beauty pageant.

and Oman has been has plunged into chaos as 20 of its competitors. Chaos seems like a tough word. Oh, God! Oh! 20 of them were disqualified after their owners enhance their humps. Good. Get them out of here. Their lovely lady humps. And other features using injectable fillers, silicon wax, and Botox.

Last month, veterinary inspectors at the 26 Camel Beauty Show Festival, and Al Musana. What? What? What are we doing? This is fun. Discovered that camels had undergone several cosmetic procedures to enlarge the size of their humps using a mix of injectables similar to dermal fillers used on humans. Okay.

I mean, I get it. Real quick, this is so weird. I grew up in the dog world with dog shows. And I always thought, you know, when a dog did something in agility, like jumped over shit really well, you're like, that's a good dog. But most of the shows are just like, look at its teeth. Look those teeth that had nothing to do They hold the face and the tail up

Look at those paws Look at its tail root That's fucking amazing Well anything that's just Based on looks is weird Right like It's so weird When you have talent-based stuff

Versus like looks based stuff It's always weird to me They didn't earn it And like other countries Did not earn that Other countries and such as And such as the Iraqs That's a blessed

Yeah such as use as many big words and complicated things you can and such as you don't worry of putting them in order just use them if you forget what you're saying

just put it in such as in such as the Iraqs that's stuck in my head I still use that all the time the such and the such house and such and the such as the Iraqs a camel beauty

don't last month veterinary inspectors at the oh you already did that one discovered that Camels had undergone several cosmetic procedures to a large... Oh, my God.

According to Vice and Forbes, there we go. The disqualified camels had received a mix of injectables. I love how they were disqualified when they had nothing to do with it. Yeah, they're like, no, you're out of here. I didn't order this. I can't do this to me. Hyleronic acid injections for pouty lips. Oh, my God.

Dermal fillers around their nose. I like my camel with pouty lips. What my fuck? It's not even duck face anymore. Just camel. Can't even spit anymore. Botox to soften their faces and silicone wax to inflate their humps. Hot.

Festival organizers said that they are working to halt all acts of tampering and deception in the beautification of camels. You know, it's probably not right, but it sure is a pretty creature now. It ain't right, but I'm hard. That's what my daddy's always saying. why I mean maybe because they're like Are there any rules for like an American beauty pageant against this kind of stuff? I'm sure there isn't Yeah I think you can do all the plastic surgery

Oh my God look at that sexy fucking camel Look at those lips I get it now This one That is hot The one in the middle Is all natural Before and after

the one's like, ugh, you'd fuck me. I haven't spent enough time around a camel to know what's a sexy camel and what's just like a like a fucking dime a dozen camel. That is ridiculous.

Fuck are they? What are you guys doing over there? I want to know what the prize is. Yeah. There's got to be a substantial for sure. Yeah. Whoa. What? Okay, keep reading. What? Are you talking about what their prize?

Oh, what? 60 million? What? No wonder they're fucking... 60 million what? They're pulling out. 60 million fucking orgasms. Okay.

I don't know if it's dollars. At the festival is usually more than 60 million of prize money at stake. No wonder they're getting their humps pumped, dude. It's a 40-day, long festival. 40-day camel fucking festival? King Abdulaziz. Camel Festival in Saudi Arabia, the largest, the world.

Barring only one in the world. Huh? Seems like it might be the only one in the world. Yeah. That's, it's not the first controversy. Dude, that picture is so ridiculous. Back in 2018, 12 camels will disqualify it from the event for having Botox injections. Dude, steroids.

From horse breeders? While 60 camels were disqualified back in 2021 for allegedly having stretched noses. Rubber bands were also used on animals to make body parts bigger. That's what I do. That's a cockering. That is a cockering. Fuck yeah, dude. A camel cockering.

Yeah. Camel ring. Anyway, that's pretty wild. A whole lot of drama over there in that camel beauty pie pageant. All right, well, I'll be damned. Burning new things every day. Yeah, we are. Let's hit that petty beef.

Zach fucking you! Silence in the court! You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef.

You want me to read it? Sure. This is not your typical petty beef. But we're going to have some fun to explore it. Sent in anonymously by a previously disqualified camel breeder. I'm not sure if this will make it on to the podcast or where it would even end up. But I'm in a bit of a pickle. That line represents petty beef.

I'm in a bit of a pickle, like we know exactly we're putting this. I'm 19 and in a relationship. The girl I'm with is amazing, beautiful, great personality, huge camel-pounty lips, the works. I'm the type of guy that wants a relationship to last. I may be young, dumb, and full of cum. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That never ends.

but I don't want to be a man whore. There's less come, though, as you get older. That's how you're judged on your level of jizz output. Imagine if that was a man measurement? Well, like, you have a camel festival. It's like the jizz festival. Yeah. So you're like, are there supplements you can take to get more giz?

The ads tell me there are. Now, here's the problem. We've been dating for about a month now, and we've already talked about our futures. We've agreed on a good list of things. I did, however, completely forget to bring up sex in the relationship. I figured sex was so common that it would just come up naturally. Yeah! We both agreed on no kids.

Oh, come on. When I was 19, I also would agree on no kids. Because you're a kid. Making the pact at 19 be like, yeah, no kids ever. Our minds will never change. How much the next five years you're going to change? Our minds will always be the same. We both agreed no kids, but I figured there would be at least some form of safe sex.

Well, we somehow got onto the subject of sex, and I told her that I feel like sex is an important part of relationship. She then proceeded to tell me that she wants to be celibate. Now back to being young, dumb and full come. I'm now scared that me and my hand are going to be great friends for a very long time. However, she's saying this with no experience in a toxic past. I'm just wondering if I should stay strong in hopes that she changes her mind eventually, or am I just fucked? No, you're not fucked.

She better have a real good personality. She better, all those things you mentioned earlier. She better be so funny. They better just keep staying that good. I don't think there's any personality that could just like 100% take away sex. Yeah. Yeah. For me.

If you're a very sexual person, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can turn it off. I don't want to just fuck everything. But a big part of my connection is like, that's a moment. Like, that's a thing. If she's dishing out handies or something, maybe, I guess, to supplement. Ugh.

Forever? I'm just saying, just to a ring on it. Then you can have marital, you know, relations. But celibate isn't tied to rings. So she has a toxic. They're married. they're probably going to have sex, I would imagine. She has a toxic pass, though.

So maybe she's got, like, sexual assault and abuse issues and just... Which is why she's funny. Oh, yeah. So maybe it'll just take a while. She's got to have to get to know you and trust you more before she can... You'll take that dick for a walk. Yeah. Really get to know it.

You know what I mean? Take it for a spin. I don't... Anyway, I just think I'm going to be celibate forever. I'm in my cock are lonely. I don't know. First of all, you're young. This commitment of no kids.

This is what I want my life to look like at 19 is ludicrous. You're a child. And he probably doesn't feel that way. He thinks, and I remember feeling that into high school. when you're like, I got this. Like, I got life. I know what I want to do. I'm going to go do this.

And you're just an idiot. Yeah. You're just an idiot. No offense, buddy. Yeah, we love you. Like, you are a grown man. Technically. Good taste and podcasts.

You don't start figuring things out until you're 30. Yeah, that's kind of worth. It starts settling in. I mean, you might be lucky in like mid-20s, really find something and lock it in. But you're forever going to be changing. And so trying to make any, sort of lifetime goals at 19.

That only works for baseball players. Even then change. Even they were like, yeah, I'll be with you forever. Here's your check for 200 million. I'm leaving. Ow, my ankle. Oh, my ankle hurts. Life is just like there's too many variables.

Sure, maybe you just really fucking hate kids. Fine. Have a good life. I mean, when you're saying, yeah. I mean, you already said it. It's just like you're like, you change from 19 to 29. You're a whole different person. It's a completely different thing.

You finally have a chance to go out and do your life. And you're going to learn so much. And if you don't change, that's all that's even more concerning. Yeah. If you just are locked in and you're the same person you are right now at 19, no way. So my, my advice would be to bring this discussion to bring this discussion to, uh, to the table again and see if she, because he is in love, he loves her, and we can't stand here and be like, you fucking idiot, because his reality is he loves her. And that's, that's

completely fine. But you need to have these talks and be like, well, like you're willing to adjust these parameters, right? Like right now we agree on these, but it's not like this is forever. And you have to make sure at least that door is open. Because yeah, to me, it's number one, not number one, but one of the top, you know, whatever, love languages for me is touch, is intimacy. Especially men is touch. Yeah. It's just like, I need to be able to show you how much you mean to, and that's a big part of it.

I bustin a dollop of load on a girl's face. I love. I love the idea, though. You're like, I need to show you how much I care for you, loved you. And then just. And the dollop of da dollop. And then it cuts to foot of you. You just like, you fucking, you fucking slut.

It's my love language. No, but that much I love you. This is my love language. You fucking. No, it's loving each other. Yeah, that's what it is. It's love. It feels like a strap on in my ass, but whatever.

Loved us? Yeah. But if there, is that what love language? I'm like looking at a list of love languages and this one's not on the list. This one's not on the list. I don't see it. Fliping the page over. I don't see a strap on my ass on here.

How about that? And there's another, again, there's another thing that kind of keeps standing out to me, too, is the toxic past. I don't know how toxic or what specifics in there. But aside from the sex or the kids or whatever, if you're dealing with toxic past, we don't know how what she's still working through too. Like they're

how toxic and how past. Well, maybe anonymous could write in. Let us know. Let us know about it. And we'll continue giving. Well, he may not know the full extent of it either. So.

Yeah, get that out in the open. Yeah. I'd go ahead and discuss that. If you're planning the life together, I want to know what the past has been. So you know how to handle it and it'd be the person she needs to fucking suck it. Can I go back in this real. just real quick.

Did he say... Let's go back to camels. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go back to this story. Let's go back to those sexy ass camel lips. Bob Ross. Let's go back up here.

Let's go back up here. Oh, here's where you're going to see how brave you are. Yeah. I'm going to put a big old happy tree right here. Big old pouty camel lip. So the guy, the type of guy that wants a relationship to last, I mean, what does that, what does that mean, though? Like, you just want like a, like a monogamous, fun relationship.

or is he ready to like settle down and start doing the family thing? Like how? I got nothing against that. If you can pull the trigger and people do pull it off, uh, my experience and the experience of many people around me is 19 to at least mid-20s. You're going to change so much. Yeah.

So if this guy's wanting to settle down and maybe this is the person he wants to marry or whatever, again, I go back to the toxic past. Like let's figure out, let's, let's drudge all this stuff up, figure out what's going on. it's work. What if they commit and do all the stuff? And she's like, oh, by the way, I'm never going to change because I had all these things happen. And you're like,

what did I sign up for? Like, what did I sign up for? Like, I feel like you've got to know what you're signing up for. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, right in anonymous. Let us know. Let's get off to some good news now. Zach, if you push the button, we'll So you're telling me there's a chance.

Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah. Brian, are you reading it or am I reading it. Oh, shit. I'll read it. Alabama father, 99 years of age. And son, 80. I'll do the high harmony if you wanted. And son,

80 years of age became first ever to redeem decades old promise of free oysters. At local oyster house? They're like, shit. It's happening! Yeah, it's happening. It's happening.

File bankruptcy! Get the form out They have like an emerge Like break glass If anyone takes advantage of oyster Oyster feast Jimmy Rush And his 99 year old father Jim

Classic Jim Rush Finally achieved one of their Lifelong goals For over 50 years Jimmy 80 would visit Wintzels Oyster House in downtown Mobile Alabama

That says something about that company It's a long It's a long oyster run Right Alongside his dad And his youngest brother Carl Carl didn't get the gym name.

No, no. They're like, nope. Fuck, I don't know. What are we going to call him? A tradition that continued even after he moved to Florida. My dad and I started riding in a parade at Mardi Gras on Friday nights. It seems like not, I don't know yet, but it seems like not an important part of the story. It's my Friday.

You never know. It is. It's my Friday. You know, sir, you're on, there's not a parade. It's my Friday. All right. Yeah, let's change the entire city schedule for your Friday. So we would come down here on Friday afternoons and eat oysters.

And that started back in 1970. God, 50 years ago. Every time the Rushmen would visit the oyster house, they would see one sign among dozens that hung on the walls that promised free oysters to any customer her turns 80 and walks in with their father. Since no one had claimed the reward in the past, Jimmy knew he was about to make history as he approached. the milestone birthday. Don't die. Don't die. Don't die. Please don't die.

Fucking please. Just taking such good care of them. Dude, they do that. Gym of oysters. Love you dead. And then it turns into a fucking weekend at Bernie's thing. See, he's totally alive. I love oysters. I couldn't wait to get in here.

I couldn't wait to get in here and claim my oysters. Dude, not pass up. He loves them. Slurping him into his dead mouth. And he gets a digger that out of his mouth and taking them. Oh. I can quote it by heart. Free oysters to any man 80 years old.

accompanied by his father. Carl, the younger son said, so in seeing that sign, we felt like our dad was going to make it to a hundred because he's in great health. We've been talking about it as a family for 25 or 30 years. God. The importance of setting goals.

Matt, if you just lived a hundred, we can take, we can, fuck. I think those oysters like, you can bankrupt the company. Yeah,

we can take them down. That's, I mean, I love it. I love that little tiny family goal. And, And Dad was like, all right, for 25, 30 years. Good morning, good morning.

Oysters? See you in 25 years. You taking your medicine? Yeah. All right. That's what I want to hear. Oyster time. Oh, that's just good stuff in life right there.

All right. Let's move off to something that you were finding or you found on the interweb. Intro web. The www.w. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool. or go to prison. Crazy, right?

Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes, that's awesome. Yeah, still love that intro. So we're going to stay in the food realm. Oh, we are? Yeah.

Okay. You know how... Oh, my God. Have you noticed how everything... Everything has protein in it? Yeah. Like, everything, everything... Even bread.

Huh? Even bread. Even ranch. You go to the grocery store, Costco, whatever it is, and it shows you a little circle that says it's got 10 grams of protein. And there's just a... You're like, it shouldn't. Yeah, right. But it does now.

Everything has protein in it. I tried a bag of chips. They were protein chips. I was like, I want to try something a little bit healthier. Maybe not eating just fucking Doritos or something. Just awful. Are they? Just the protein baked potato?

It was, it was chocky. It was just terrible. Maybe some people like it, but I fucking hate it. but I fucking hated it. As a person who likes chips, I fucking hated it. As a chip lover myself? Yes.

So. So with that said, you know, everybody's got to get in the game, Joe. Yeah. Buffalo Wild Wings is, as they say,

not, what do they say? What do they say? What's that old saying? It's about Buffalo Wild Wings? No, just the old saying. It's,

and they're going to get on the trend or whatever the, whatever the fucking saying is. Getting on the wagon? Yeah. Buffalo Wild Wings unveils, wing flavored protein espresso martini.

Oh my God. Where's the goat? Please hold. Sorry. That was my gut reaction reading that. I've tried a martini once before, and I remember like almost gagging just on the martini. Okay.

So that alone was like, blah. And then the idea of an espresso martini. I don't know. I've never had that, but I mean, I've had an espresso martini. and they're good. It's like coffee. It tastes like coffee. Yeah, right. Are you shocked? No.

Okay. I'm not shocked. I would like my martini buffaloed, please. Yeah, shaken nut buffaloed. Bacon, ranch. I mean, and then it's like, you picture, okay, espresso martina, then you're like, well, we need to add protein. So now just adding protein to that. So now you have a protein espresso martini.

But it is Buffalo Wild Wings, and they're known for their wings and their wing flavor. So Buffalo Wild Wings is launching a wing flavored espresso Proteini. Proteini? Get the fuck out of it. A protein boosted espresso martini with buffalo with buffalo sauce. Yikes. Guarantees.

This includes muscle milk protein powder and provides 10 grams of protein per serving. Guaranteed this is bug protein. Just throwing it out there. Espresso martini will be sold at participating Buffalo Wild Wings locations from Friday, March 13th to the 15th. So you missed it by the time this episode came out. Right. If you did get it,

uh, fucking let us know how much you hated it. It's $12 for the, for the drink itself and it can be ordered with a six count of boneless wings for $20. And again, going back to, I've never saw the idea. Dipping your wings in your fucking espresso

martini. Oh and it comes rimmed. It's with flavored with like wing. If I'm going to get in a fucking protein shake, proteinie, I want a room job. You know what I mean? There's worse ways

to piss away your money. There's worst ways to have a fucking boner in public. Can you imagine getting the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, and, like, an order of wings, too? Like, can you imagine

being a grown-ass man ordering a protein in a Buffalo watching, watching football or basketball, whatever,

watching the tournament. Another protein for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep them coming. Keep them coming. Oh,

$6 or a 12 of the spiciest fucking buffalo sauce you got, they're protein. Protini. To go. To go. I'm going to go drive around. God. I'm sorry.

Just because there's a trend of something doesn't mean you have to force it. Or we should. It'd be good for the show. Maybe she'd have to Buffalo Wild Wings. I mean, I'm willing to try it. All right. Well, maybe we do. It's not available to her tomorrow.

You'll be gone tomorrow. Um, all right. So that's, I'm not going to be around anymore. I don't want to be around anymore. All right. Time to hear from the kids. Zach fucking got. All right.

Let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow. That's cool. All right. Well, I'll take the first email. Okay.

First email coming in from our son, Jack. Hey, daddies. You freaky freaks, Brian Joe and chill, Uncle Zach. Chill. My grandpa died yesterday. Ah. Dead grandpa. And when they came to collect his body, these two dudes who looked so stereotypical to someone whose job would be touching dead people,

showed up in a black minivan. Hello. Yes, they did. Fucking minivans is not the vehicle to put dead things in. Why did it become the official dead thing vehicle? I don't know. It's just disgraceful. Astro vans have an awesome payment plan.

I guess. I'll give you all a bigger update on everything since the petty beef I wrote in at the end of, the summer and maybe something of more substance to read on the show. I've been beefing with pretty much everyone lately. Oh, boy. He's on a tear. He's got two fucking these five proteines deep. I know this email is short, but you still need to read it on the show, please.

And make Brian read it. Oh. Because I didn't use punctuation or capital letters. That's why I didn't read it. I was struggling through. Sexy honk. Much love to you all, your sleep deprived child, Jack. I think Grammarly hates me.

Except from my Grammarly account. I sent him an email back. Like, you can't just tease us. Like, you'll give us some updates. I'm like, when you're worthy.

We need stuff now. Just let it go. Stonehold. Just rip it. Come on. I have so much to tell you, but I'll save it for a better time. I'm going to tease you.

Now's the time, Jack. It's never been better than ever right now. All right. All right. What's our next one? All right. The second one's coming in from Breana.

Brianna. Hi, Daddy. To the stage. Coming up next. We got Brianna. That was rainbow. Oh, she just dropped her kids off at daycare. Gentlemen, get your umbrellas ready because it's time for sunshine.

Sunshine. You just fucking come out to this? Shake them tidies, sunshine. Our next dancer, Wanda. Bridget. Bridget. That's a name. Get your bridges ready.

Just swinging, kitty. God. A strip club scene of just fucking knee-slapping dudes. Yeah. That's hard to have happened, right? Ding. Ticks. Two-for-one lap dance.

It's the longest song ever. She's fucking just fucking just. She's playing the spoons on your lap. God damn. Handing you a fucking coupon for dipping dots. Tell them Bridget sent you. Do you like a refill? Put your cowboy boots on and jumps over out of the fucking lap dance zone.

Cartwheel. Pitchfork. When's the last time you went to this trip club? I'm going to go tonight. Oh, yeah? No. I don't know. I don't know the last time I went.

Long time. 90s, I said. Probably the 90s. It's been a long time. Yeah. Bachelor party in Vegas. And it was a short run because we all just got bored and rather go do something else. Yeah.

There for about an hour. We're like, oh yeah, so these guys have tits and stuff? Bye. Oh, these are more expensive. Let's get out of here. They all had last time, yeah, when I went down for a wedding, I got forced to go in there and they were all camel. They got camel jobs. Big pouty camel lips.

And humps, fake humps and everything. Yeah, when you're talking about a strip club, camel lips just, there's a couple different ways your brain could go. Oh, yeah. Packering up their camel lips. Back to you, Priana. Interesting. Yeah.

I don't know what's section in the show this will apply to. Everyone's just writing in like, I don't figure it out. Put it wherever you want. I have a screenshot story for you. Oh, okay. For you! Also, I actually need a dad advice. So a dad advice.

Dad's put those things together. moment for dads to answer my questions. Gladly. You're real dads, and I have a real dad, but I'd never ask him for some things. Okay. Car things aside, duh. Yep.

A dad moment like a dear, would actually improve mine and everyone else's life, L.O.L. Okay. But anyways, oh my God, if you read this on the pod, we have zero answers about the situation. Okay.

I have many stories. I'm just getting started. I also wondered her with like, God, stop teasing. Just tell us. Love you, BBS. What's that? I don't know.

Babies. Love you babies. Okay. So this is a text exchange. Okay. And it must be, was it her, I forget, was it her friend or her sister or something? I forget. I think it was a friend.

Yeah. Am I good to show it? Sure. Or you just read it. Yeah. Okay. Remember, so this is from her friend coming to her. Okay.

Remember how I told you? Don't show her name. Shit, I just asked. about that. I don't think that's a real name. Oh, that's a stripper name. Yeah, and she also put her name on the title of the fucking Zuma. Well, it was the friend, though.

Remember I told you that lady who met a guy on Tinder, they wanted to shit on her far. So I think it's supposed to be face. I got the rest of the story from her today. Are you ready? Are you ready? She says, yes. The one.

Yeah. They go on a date, like normal. Eight food did what the, fucker ever, keeping in mind that later on he wants a shit on her face. So anyways, he has her get into her bra and underwear and ties her up, which means, which seems fine so far. But when he, uh, what then starts talking to her like, you want daddy to shit on your face? Huh?

You fucking yeah. You fucking, you want you. You want your fucking poop on it? You want my poop on your nose, you little fucking slut. I want to rub it on your little nose. Yeah, you like it. You want daddy to fucking poop. Which makes me

LOL He said other things to her Along the lines Those lines but she didn't really get too specific With the dirty talk Then that motherfucker pulls down his pants And shits on her chest And wipes it on her face

Fucking you I told you was gonna do it I told you daddy had to take a poop Daddy had to poop I had buffalo wild wings protein I had a protein I poop on your boobs I wipe it up for two tears Like I can't even imagine that

Let me remind you that she's tied up And he's dirty talking the fuck out of her So he wipes shit on her face And has sex with her while she's tied up And covered in shit You didn't put this on your dating profile Just her Brown face

Here's me in brown face I'm fairly like I'm athletic like long walks on the beach and I want to poop on your chest and rub it on your face and then fuck you daddy has to poop and then like rubbing on her and then getting pumped like it doesn't smell like shit I don't know um okay so it's not over yet okay after that what'd you say what are we doing oh yeah gross thought you were running away that's kind of what's because it echoes made me gag after that Uh, happens. After that happens, he runs a bath and carries her to her bedroom and gives her a picture like he's carrying her like a prince with a princess that needs to be kissed, you know, like he's, she's limp body. Do what you have to do, sorcerer. Like Hulk Hogan and that kid that he saved from the swimming problem. He was laid. He was by the rock. Fuckin me.

I'll get the rock, brother. Uh, so then he gives her a bath. Okay. And they fucking cuddle and act like all of that was normal. and she told him she's in love with him. I'm fucking horrified. Oh, boy. What are we doing, people?

I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not shitting on chess myself. Not for me. No. But if you, if you are fine with that, I can't, okay.

We can't be friends. You're not, you're not going to force me. I don't have to be around it. If you guys are going to shit on each other and fucking come and call it love, fuck yeah. Just like I didn't see strap on on the love languages.

I didn't see shit on the chest. So here, question for you. Question for you. It's not your thing, but if you, it's got to be your bowl. If you went, uh, over on a date and that was requested, would you do it? No. How would you say no? Bye.

You just say, no. I would say, hey, no, that's, that's too much. And I'd fucking. What if she wanted to shit on your chest? That's what I thought you were saying. Because I'm not shitting on chess. Oh, she wants me to shit on her. Yeah.

No. I just can't I'd be laughing the whole time and it just smells so bad it's one thing to like picture her face in it and all that kind of stuff

but but like the the actual act of where he's like she's laying down and he's squatting he's like hang on daddy hang on

daddy daddy's stage fright yeah daddy daddy can't shit daddy's got a little stage fright daddy thought he had a shit but you know daddy's getting stage fright daddy he said well daddy daddy's got farts

Oh, wait, something's moving. She's just watching the brown cave open into like a fish mouth. She's on her phone, just waiting. And he's on his phone. Swiping on Tinder. God, I guess can't. I can't imagine it. I'm not into it.

Scatcast. And we're not into it either. Oh, man, I guess can't. I can't do it. Poop is out. I mean, two girls, one cup. That was, that's like the OG, right, of when people, I feel like when people.

Mainstream. Started talking about, like, actual shit stuff. Oh, I just got the visual of them. Nope. Out of the cup? I'm going to gas. Out of the cup? Like, I'm good.

The cup part, huh? Yeah. Soft serve kind of vibe. Oh, God. I think we, like, if I let myself, I could start gagging and throw up. I am lightheaded. All right. We got to move on.

Let's stop talking about it. What are we doing? Hate it dumb. Glad you come. That's episode 196. Send stuff into the show. Hey, guys at can you know podcast.com. support us on Patreon.

Go check out what Uncle Zach's doing at scatcast.com. That's scat with a K. And thanks to the babysitters at the Monterey at the Kenyon Playground on Facebook. Joke time, Zach! Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Did you guys know that if you're cold in your house,

all you have to do is go stand in the corner? It's always 90 degrees. Okay. That's a geometry joke. Oh, geometry joke. Okay. That's a cute. Geometry.

That's a cute joke. Nice. Yeah. That was on the fly. Yeah. Way to bring it around. Bring it. Oh,

circle back. Yeah. Circumference. We both went for circle. Yeah. Something about pie. I got tea. Yeah, blah, blah, blah.

Pie sounds good. No, not anymore. No, it doesn't. Nothing sounds good. I need to take a break. All right. All right. We're heading off to the bonus stuff.

Holy shit. I'm going to go gag. Love you guys. Bye. Bye. M. M.