Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Deaf. Coyote. Mexico. Sick Burnouts.

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

When going on a date with someone new, what would you consider a good gift idea? Flowers? Chocolate? A dead animal you just shot earlier that day? Big yikes. Let's talk about that, failing your driving test and showing disapproval by doing burnouts down the road, finding your dead husband in the closet 8 months later, using a dating app to find a lost pet, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/JZMmYQZEsAUSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Deaf, Coyote, Mexico, Sick Burnouts hola joe hi suntan yeah unbelievable it's actually come down a little bit too that fast well i mean it's it's dim or dulled a little bit yeah dull shedded it you're a chameleon now yeah wherever i leave a different country i always speaking of that there were iguanas all over the place isn't it wild yeah mean, that's like squirrels to us. Yeah, we were sitting by the pool and there was just an iguana walking by. Hey, what's up? Sorry, am I in your way? A little more, it seems a little more scary than a squirrel.

Yeah. But I don't think it really probably is. I don't think they're scary at all. I wasn't like, some people were freaking out. They don't bother me at all. We'll talk a little bit more about your fun vacation here in just a second. I want to remind everybody who's listening, you can follow us and support us on Patreon. Get that additional content on the end of every single episode.

Just head over to patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. There's also a link in the episode description. So where exactly did you go in Mexico? What'd you do? We were in the Puerto Vallartaallarta area hell yeah nuevo vallarta nuevo is that balls new that's new oh that's huevos oh and that those are eggs is there a difference those are eggs huevos are eggs people just call balls eggs yeah because they look like eggs it looks like They're shaped like eggs Oh one of those Gotcha So down there

Had some fun Yeah it was Every We were there for 15 days And every single day Was 83 84 degrees

Man There was one day There was clouds One day And when we left They de-iced the wings And it was snowing What?

No We got a late start Because they were de-iced Not in Mexico Oh I was like When we left, they de-iced the wings and it was snowing. What? Yeah. No. We got a late start because they were de-iced. Not in Mexico. Oh, I was like. When we left for Mexico. I was like, you fuck. I was like, what?

It seems like. The airport is really high elevation in Mexico. Should have made the news. Yeah. Yeah. A swing from your next day, it's 20. Yeah. That would be concerning.

Yeah, it dropped 60 degrees. That'd be very concerning. That's awesome. I'm happy for you. It was gorgeous. Yeah, I bet. I would be concerning. Yeah, it dropped 60 degrees. That would be very concerning. That's awesome. I'm happy for you. It was gorgeous. Yeah, I bet. I bet it was. How have you been?

What have you been up to? Been a couple weeks. Yeah. I started getting into pinball. Pinball? Yeah, I just thought that. Okay. That'd be cool.

That's not what I was expecting. Do you know how, and I kind of snapped out of, I was laying in bed and I was looking up pinball tutorials and I just zoomed out on my life. Is that your low point? No, you know that. But I'm sitting there watching. I learned a lot. I learned a lot about what you do And how you punch The whole table around

Which I thought was Something you're not Supposed to do Turns out you're Supposed to do that And Wait you're supposed to Or it's a hidden

No You're supposed to It's part of the game Every pro Is going to bump That board around Or the table around To make the ball go

Where they want it to Like if it's going Is it built to do that though? Yeah Like there's a little weight See how much do I know About fucking pin is it built to do that though yeah like there's a little weight in the see how much do i know about fucking pinballs right now there's a little weight thing in the middle of every single pinball machine okay i guess not every single one there's probably a time before this existed and then they why they implemented this but if you hit it too much the little metal thing hits a ring and that's what

sets off like the tilt warning so there's a certain play you have to hit these things and you have a certain number of warnings so if you're in a really rough spot you can pound the shit out of it and get away with it you just if you do it one or two more times then your game's over is that why the who wrote this song was there some dude that figured all that stuff out and there's like he was the guy that was like dude this like no one knew that the game was supposed to be played like that yeah have a whole thing but like barely missing

a little flipper yeah fucking give it a little nudge the dolphin no that flipper we actually have a dolphin update here in just a second no with the

like the paddle the paddle flipper ah it's gonna barely miss it and go down the middle just bump it over and hit it oh that's sneaky

and there's some crazy stuff I didn't know that what i'm saying is i tuned out or i zoned out from what i was doing it was like one o'clock in the morning i was like dude go you should have gone to mexico with brian yeah because right now you are that's sad i didn't see a pinball machine in my at all i bet you didn't there's it's there's no electricity on the beach yeah there was not like a pinball machine inside your margarita? No. Ah, fine. Alright, well let's get

to that dolphin update. Because this one and not the only one, but it's a quick correction we're going to get to. A handful of our beautiful children sent this in, but this particular one is coming from our son Nick. I have no idea how I never knew this. And I hope you didn't either. He says, hey there, daddies.

I was listening to episode 37, and you guys were talking about Hootie and the Blowfish and Darius Rucker. I think I called him Darius Ruckus. Yeah, he really causes a ruckus. Just like a metal guy. You know, singing about the dolphins make him cry. Well, he was actually talking about the Miami dolphins. Yeah.

I didn't fucking know that. What? I just thought about dolphins. I thought we were joking. No. I thought that was the joke is that we were talking about real dolphins. So now I'm just alone? Yeah.

I knew that he was talking about the dolphins. Both of them came out of nowhere. You really thought they were talking about actual dolphins? I guess never took the time to think about it. I wasn't... for hootie and the blowfish i was never sitting down you know like you you have a song that's like powerful impacts you and change your life i never doesn't have any of those so i was never dissecting the lyrics i was like what do you mean by that i guess took it at surface level dolphins make them cry

and that i would see world i don't know where he goes and how much he cries no when i the first thing i heard when i thought when i heard that was that he was talking like his sports team fuck me like that made sense to me right out of the gate yeah i mean dolphins are scared well nick goes on to write he goes hopefully that helps you make the song make more sense sure she says now that i'm thinking about it though considering how rapey dolphins are i guess they probably do make people cry nick yeah because they they'll just fuck someone's blowhole that's what they do and they'll always do it i mean how far are they gonna have to evolve a long ass way imagine like you can't take him to court and cry foul you could but do you

have a rape kit for dolphins is there like a special courtroom for dolphins? I feel like there's a joke in here somewhere. There's great. There's tons of jokes. But the amount of time we spend talking about dolphins and silverback gorillas is a little concerning. Yes. Dolphins seem to find their way in to the blowhole. Yes, they do.

Come on in. As they always do. Okay. Should we get this thing going? Yeah. All right. Episode 41. Let's fucking go. Yes, they do. Come on in. As they always do. Okay, should we get this thing going? Yeah. All right, episode 41. Let's fucking go. Cuarenta uno.

Hey, shut up. Start the show already. Nothing I can do. Only want to be with you. Sorry. I thought that you were going to do a completely different song. I didn't even know what I was doing. I only want to be with you.

Okay, Joe. Yes. This one is sent in by one of our wonderful kids who goes by Amore or Amor. Amor. Okay. Amor. Amor. It's not Amari, probably.

No. Wish it was Maristatomar. It'd be funny. He says, or she says or they say say every aspect of your life uh was kept track track of like stats in a video game when you die if you were able to see three stats of your life what would you most like to see like total number of steps taken total weight of all turds produced okay which i would love that one total volume of semen ejaculated etc that's a tough one there i mean there's so many options and then really depending on how

much you cared about what you thought was funny or how important you thought this little this tracking system was it's gonna vary largely from person to person is there anything that like when i immediately like the turd one sticks out to me because i'm shocked i make a lot of poop jokes what no way and people have brought to my attention and going back 15 years making videos half the videos i ever shot are me or on the toilet so that that one immediately sticks out is there anything like that you see about yourself like something you're always kind of constantly thinking about yeah i think the biggest one on a serious note would be the

semen ejaculate see how much how much have i come on my own shit that would be number one no but it'd be how many people i've impacted positively or verse negatively okay i thought you were just gonna be like how many people so what my time on earth did i come out with a net gain or did i just fuck a ton of shit up and uh because that's i don't know that's where I find a lot of my happiness and purpose is in helping people through either like laughing or if I have a chance to, I don't know, like volunteer my time or help you out. Almost always I'm going to do it. I mean, there's certain times that I just can't do it or it's just way too hard to do it. It's like, oh, yeah, no, I can help you, but let me get a babysitter to drive my kids around.

So, I mean, yeah. Or you got to get off the couch. Yeah, get off the couch. I got to quit taking a poop. Quit jacking off. And that's, no thanks. That is, that's probably, that should be number one for everybody. Like, if you, I mean, that's the whole idea of the pearly gates, right?

And getting into heaven. It's like the bridge and you're like ultimately have you done positive in your life search of the holy grail what is your favorite color what do you say goes blue no green and then just blasted that's how i picture the pearly gates are you just a little little trap door that sends you to hell yeah if you're not if you didn't come out with a net gain and you fucked up a ton of shit I love that they're like they gotta crunch the numbers and you're just looking on the computer you're watching

it's like that Matthew McConaughey meme where he's got the cigarette you're looking at the numbers and then it's like you're tallying up you're tally ho they go they all look at it and then he holds the calculator over the top of the monitor upside down it says boobs and you're like oh get up here yeah come on get in

here i had you though for a second i had you i honestly i thought i was gonna be on fire for eternity you had me you fucking got me i'm gonna go have some crab legs and probably some sex with some spirits or whatever. Crab legs and sex? Just having stuff. Are those two your favorite things? Crab legs? No, I don't even like crab legs because people do. They're expensive.

Lobster? I would pick so many things over lobster. Well, lobster and crabs are different things. They both are scary. Sea spiders? They're both scary. And we eat them. Why do we eat them?

Don't they just hang out on the bottom of the sea bottom the crabs you have in your crotch and the crabs that just are super bigger and in the ocean are pretty much the same thing there's more meat on them so you technically could eat those if you wanted to isn't it weird like what people have deemed food yeah well not just food but like what's a valuable food? Horse, dog. For us, it's like, no! The rest of the world, like, yeah. Yeah. And like, for some reason, lobster or the delicacy.

The crustaceans. Their delicacy. We've talked about this a little bit, actually. I have no idea what episode. At this point, we mentioned like how many times you've made a decision in your life or you've left at this time instead of this time and you avoided a gigantic catastrophe in your life so looking back how many times were you barely avoiding getting either killed or seriously injured without knowing it just some left turn you took if you would have either gotten

there five seconds later you would have smashed the kid you know the stereotype uh chasing a ball out into the street that did happen to me on my motorcycle i think that's one of the things we talked about yeah half a second later splat right and so how many of those have happened because you don't know yeah and so that we really and i don't know what the what benefit you get from knowing that but it is pretty wild well if you do know that are you all of a sudden do you stop doing things that you do you stop living uh ask but if every well no i'm asking you oh okay so like you're dead so you can't do shit you're just finding out after you're already dead well as far as this question is let's go back okay to the let's go back to just find out now yeah someone comes up to you right now

and they like and they show you the numbers like this is how many times you escaped death by doing this would you see that and go uh maybe i better dial it back a little bit and so maybe you're not having as much fun as you were before because you don't want to put yourself in positions so in the back of your mind every time you go to do something you're like right did i leave at the right time yeah and then if i overthink it if i freak out and wait in my driveway for 10 more seconds is that gonna be the problem yeah maybe a meteor comes and hits your driveway i mean my brain would be able to just ignore it i'd be like well i'm alive now so see you later but it but it is interesting it's interesting this is a cliche one think about this ready okay how many

socks have you lost a lot and they're always my favorite ones like it's my cool dinosaur socks i just can't find the right one yeah and it is weird here's do you want a little life hack for you no one said you can't do this and i'm i'm sharing it with you now you no one said that you have to take your your little socky poos okay little socks wash them and wash them you can you can lick dry them no so you have your your two your sockies no one said that you have to take them and throw them in the laundry separately you can what you can do is do a little fold over the top so when they're done washing and drying your socks are already paired together does it wash them all the way though sir yeah you don't you don't don't drag into a giant ball

you don't have to ball them up but i mean in a lot of ways what's the fucking difference well but you do a little scoop little little quarter little scoop down the down the top so just on the on the ankle part not on the yes because not on the dirty part and you fold it down there and do a little twist and then every time they're done they're already put together well that's that requires forethought because a lot of times when you take your socks off there it's just kind of like a get them off and get them off and go you're not thinking end of the day you're not thinking it uh okay when this goes through the wash and i get them back you know in a couple days whenever it's going to be you're not thinking about that i mean i'm i'm learning i already know, you don't do laundry at your house, do you?

No. Well. How often? I would do it all the time. I don't mind doing it, but my wife doesn't want me to. Right, exactly. I'm just saying. I used to do my own laundry all the time.

Socks are the worst. Yeah. Where do they go? And why? It's just, and there's so many different sizes and colors. It's a fucking mess. Honestly like i'm excited for the summer because uh i don't wear underwear anymore in the summer and a lot of times don't wear socks so you're just kind of like i'll worry about that and fall so yeah the sandal sandal phase is when i was in

mexico i i didn't pack much but i still over packed i could get away with one pair of swim trunks and then like maybe two pairs of just wearing around shorts yeah i brought socks didn't wear socks a single time and i brought a pair of walking shoes and um flip-flops i only wore the flip-flops so underwear gone other pair of shoes gone i could have have lost another pair of shorts or two. Get rid of those. Just one. Two or three shirts. One wife beater, one tank top.

Yeah. Yeah. A little spaghetti stains. I mean, I could get like a Safeway bag and go for two weeks. I think that's a big part of the appeal of just being in that zone. Well, being a dude. You don't need a whole lot. Yeah.

Well, true. I know. I mean, my wife still had half the bathroom yeah yeah yeah you said you're one shampoo with the 15 in one what are some i mean is there anything that comes to mind right away for you of what you would want to know or feel like would be super helpful outside of the the total weight of your shit. I just love that. That's like anything you want. What would you like to know about your life, Brian?

So when I was younger, I always thought, so I picked my nose a lot. Okay. You still do. But you know, when you pick it and you roll into a ball or whatever, flick it and listen to it for it to hit the wall.

When I was, this was when I was even way younger. I used to think if I was to take a thing and like add it for it to hit the wall when i was this was when i was even way younger i used to think if i was to take a thing and like add it to and just start like a booger ball how how big that booger ball would be by now yeah by now like a rubber band ball yeah but just books but boogers and then like and then i remember like and then the idea idea of having to take a bite out of it or something. God damn, that sucks. But it's like when you pick your note or something, you're wasting it. If I wouldn't have wasted any of them, if I would have saved them all.

Yeah, that's a good one. It's kind of like a savings plan. Yeah, sure. It rolls over. You get it, ball joke. But yeah, um, compound, compound rollover. Uh,

like a jawbreaker. I found, that's, I, speaking of interest, compounding interest, that sounds interesting. Nice.

Um, yeah, that, so that's the, that's one, the, like, it's kind of like a poop one.

One of the really cool is like, how many, murders have you come in contact with? That's a huge one. I love that. So like someone's like last week You said hi To an actual serial killer. He didn't even know it or crazy like a pedophile Mm-hmm. I like you went over somewhere with your kids and then that you find out later or maybe never but that dude is like a giant pedophile and he just had no idea next to him on the airplane yeah yeah shit like that he's got

frozen heads in his fridge like some big criminal whatever it's murder or just whatever it is he's excited to get home and look at his frozen heads and you're he's talking about how much he can't wait to get home and you're like oh were you on vacation for a long time yeah just excited to see and he he's like dropping hints the whole time that you're not picking up on i got a restaurant he leans over he goes the prime ribs to die for yeah and you're like really it's his family in the fridge he goes i get it i get it every time i come here okay thank. Thank you. Thank you. And then he just continues on with his dinner, goes home and then fucks the head out of his freezer. Well,

and it's maybe, maybe it's his, his family is in the freezer or maybe they're locked up in the basement. He's like, I can't wait to see my family. And you just, you don't think anything of it. Cause he's excited to see his family.

I'm going to take these leftovers home to my family. Yep. Yeah. Okay. So we could go on forever with this stuff uh could you imagine keeping your family hostage in a basement no and then you go out and eat by yourself and then you get a doggy bag and they get the leftovers from your restaurant trip toss it in like a fucking lunatic god that's terrible your family has to

fight over it because they're starving yeah Yeah. Try not to eat each other. And you're just fucking having a time of your life at Applebee's. Here's something to think about. If you, this is one, like if you, you're hanging from a building and both your kids are in your hands and the only way you're going to get them up is by letting one of them go. Oh, I just be like like you guys ready and i'd come over the top and all three of us would go out at the same time but i mean like if you think of that hypothetically about it makes you sick right makes you think about like having to make

that decision i know which one i'd save i'm kidding i have no idea yeah i i those i was sitting on the beach in paradise and these are the kind of things that i was thinking about sir one more you're like yeah real quick if you yeah if you had a gun to your head and every time he walks up you keep doing this but he has to do his job one more sir he goes yeah if you can riddle me this and just throw another fucking life dilemma at him. Throw another 50 pesos at you. He's crying from the last question you asked him. Okay, a couple more and we'll move on.

How many strangers photographs have you been in? You didn't know? Yeah. Like you, whatever it is, fucking crazy. How much alcohol or weed or whatever drug you want to put in there you've consumed? How many hours you've slept in your life. I don't know how much pop that I've drank.

How much pop? Mm-hmm. But just, I mean, just shit like that. I think that's where I would go. I think I'm going to, Amber and I are probably going to be in the back of some pictures of. Oh, absolutely. We were in the background on the beach and they were reenacting a fucking proposal. Reenacting? I think, and they were reenacting a fucking proposal. Reenacting?

I think so, because they were taking pictures. They got the camera, and she was going, and then they got up and walked off like nothing happened. So they were reenacting this whole fucking thing to get pictures of it, and my butt crack's probably going to be in the background. TikTok's a weird thing, isn't it? You have to set up your proposal. Oh, my God, that's terrible. And there was a guy, like a professional photographer there what if it was actually just you know that's what happened

could have been i thought that that's what was going on but then they they she was he was on the gun and he got up and he's kind of walked off she would pose and they'd go over together and look at the photo and be like no they go back and do it again that's kind of what it looked like oh man that's she's like i don't like my hair in this one yeah i was oh my god i was blinking you know you know a little a little sign this is when you can tell that a woman is gonna better get her picture taken what what is what's do you know the universal thing um get your picture taken number one like the first thing they do um i'm going i'm going hair back well hair back it is yeah like hair you put your hair somewhere i amber it doesn't matter i've seen so many girls do this but like um so like oh well

you get a picture of me and like you you hand the phone or like they even if they think about they're gonna be in a picture they'll they'll reach for their hair and do like a little hair fluff every fucking time every time spice it up but it's like just the thought of having a picture it's almost like Pavlov's dog just right to the hair it's hair and it's a quick look down to make sure that your boobs

and everything looks good down the front and then you're ready to go and then I'm in a picture just like I'm like just take it like yeah Like in a picture, I'm like, just take it. Like, yeah, can I put my butt out? Like, yeah, dad. Fuck. It's a graduation photo?

Ha ha! Can I hang my dong? Can I put my dong out? Yeah. Fuck, dude. It's weird, though. We're at your funeral. We're at mom's funeral.

Like, she just did what she wanted. Okay, let's move on. She loves my sense of humor. Dude, she fucking loves this stuff. I mean, she loved this dick, am I right? I'm like, let's just one she wanted. Okay, let's move on. She loves my sense of humor. Dude, she fucking loves this stuff. I mean, she loves this dick. Am I right? I'm like, let's just go home. This is over.

All right, we do have some pretty eyes. Some funny stuff for the thinking about. Okay. I mean, we have so much time between us. There's so many things to share. I know. Hey. Hey, what's up, babe?

What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? All right, so mentioned uh daddy getting into a little bit of pinball action okay and for whatever reason not planned out wait where is it was this it no this isn't the fun sorry guys i'm trying to find the oh fuck oh yeah somebody found the actual name of this track he's free to was oh oh oh oh okay No, this isn't the fun. Sorry, guys. I'm trying to find the... Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah.

Somebody found the actual name of this track. I think it was. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, so... I did. I got into pinball, and then Ezra, for whatever reason, just decided that now he loves bowling. I went from not bowling, either by myself or with anybody, for years with no bowling. I avoided it for several years. It just is not something that's in my circle, you know?

And I went bowling. It's not in your alley? Boom. Yeah, I'm usually just in the gutter by myself. Oh. Not getting strikes. But he just loves it, got into it, and we bowled two days in a row from never bowling in three four years i have

no idea whatever bowling it's just bowling and um somebody got a little p webber on your hands somebody's got so mad when i said that like bowling is just bowling bowling yeah some guys like what just bowling unsubscribe just fucking out of here he's a huge p weber fan uh here's who you think you are i am that's such a great quote uh and then quick before i go in the story if you want something fun to do at a bowling alley go there ask the shoe guy you just ask this all you gotta ask what's the biggest shoe you have and then they say the number and then you go i'll take it doesn't matter what they say you could say 19 15 22 doesn't matter you're, I'll take it. Doesn't matter what they say. You could say 19, 15, 22. Doesn't matter.

You'd be like, I'll take it. And then you just wear them and try to bowl with the biggest fucking clown shoes in the world. And all of a sudden, like Shaq walks in, can't find a pair of shoes because you're wearing them. He has to cut the top off

of some other fucking shoes. I know, but it's so funny. You just walk around with these giant flippers. Anyway, that's not what I'm doing. That's when you're like, you're so good at bowling. You're like, I need something to change it up. I, that's not what I'm going with. That's when you're like, you're so good at bowling. You're like, I need something to change it up. I'm going to tie.

I'm going to gag myself, tie this hand behind the back, and then wear a size 27 shoe. Wear my pants backwards. Wear my pants backwards and wear these shoes. So we're going bowling, and this is the second day. No, this is the first day of the two-day bowling bender that I went on. And me and Ezra walking into the local bowling alley here in Coeur d'Alene. I mean,

it's not like I didn't want to take Pepper. Pepper just didn't want to go bowling. Like really bad. I tried. I said ice cream and be fun

and we'll do... Was it not cool enough? I don't know. It doesn't matter. So Ezra and I, we go bowling, just us two. And we walk into the bowling alley.

Just a couple of guys heading to the bowling alley. A couple couple of guys heading to the bowling alley. Rolling some, knocking some pins. What's the cool bowling shit? Beating some, beating drums. What the fuck do they say? Pounding bones. Wait, what does he say in Big Lebowski?

I'm hot tonight. I'm hot tonight. I'm rolling turkeys. Cuba shimmy. I don't know. So we walk in, and when we do walk in, I was a little worried. Throwing rocks tonight. Sorry. What?

Throwing rocks tonight. Okay, gotcha. Fuck yeah. I'm glad that... Yeah, it just popped in. So we walk into the bowling alley, and it was a Saturday, so I was a little concerned that it was going to be too busy. Right?

It's prime. I know. So I'm worried about that, it was going to be too busy. Right? It's prime. I know. So I'm worried about that. And because Ezra's Ezra and autistic, I had to explain to him, of course, on the way there that we might not be able to go today because if it's too packed, I mean, what can we do? Has he ever bowled before this? Yeah, but not, I mean, years ago. Does he run the scoreboard?

No. It runs itself. You didn't know damn well he would run it you know that i but so we walk in there and it is packed it's packed and i'm like god damn it i'm a little worried concerned you walk in these giant groups of people i thought there's like oh wow i didn't know 40 people had a fucking birthday today like every one of the little tables that sit just above the bowling lane, you know where they're at. They're higher up where you can't wear your street shoes and the bowling shoes are down there. So they're all stacked up here and it's table, table, table.

And they're all pretty old and they're all just sitting there. And I'm like, oh man, so I'm a little concerned. Thinking league is going on? Yeah, yeah, whatever it is, right? League night, league day, afternoon, which makes sense because they're all old. They're going to be going to bed soon. Yeah, whatever it is, right? League night. League day. Afternoon, which makes sense because they're all old. They're going to be going to bed soon. Yeah, league night starts at 8 a.m. So we walk by and we go up and we're standing in line behind some other people to go up to the desk where you're going to obviously pay for your time and get your shoes.

And I'm looking over the railing at the bowling alley place too. And I mean mean it's full there's a couple lanes open but not many and they're bowling too right and then as i looked at them like they no one was fucking excited like just throwing the ball and they turned around and walked back and no one was talking no one's hooting hollering over a strike no hooting and hollering doing no things like maybe one high five a hollering. Doing no things. Like maybe one high five. I was like, this is fucking weird. And then the more I stood there, I realized there's no music.

No music is on in the bowling alley. So the whole bowling alley vibe is gone. I mean, you roll in there, that carpet says, you fucking ready? Like you're not even old enough to drink and they'll hand you a tequila shot. Like just the whole vibe is like, you're getting fucked up today, bud. And we're going to have a good time. time you're gonna write in your diary about this and um and i just kind of looked over the other table that we walked by no one's fucking saying anything and i'm getting a little weirded out and i look at ezra he does the same thing kind of looks at me and i just whisper i go i go why is it so quiet? And he goes, I don't know.

We're both just standing there. And as we waited in line, a couple more people in front of us, and I just zoned out a little bit, like kind of, no, not, I zoomed out a little bit, okay? And I looked around, and I looked back over at the, like one of the tables of a lot of people, and there's a lady eating like a pretzel or whatever, and then she's, you know, nod nodding and she puts her food down and then she starts signing like sign language

like paper yeah she starts signing autographs apparently a big deal didn't know that no she starts doing sign language right and i'm watching her and then the rest of the table starts doing sign language okay and i'm like what no for i mean what and then i looked past them at the other table of 20 people all of them are doing sign language look out to the alley where people are bowling and they're all doing sign language to each other and the bowling alley is dead quiet and it's i don't know what happened but there are like 120 deaf people and then me and ezra it's in this bowling alley and like i mean i mean the guy who worked there i mean he wasn't deaf i don't know i mean there's a bus or a field trip or whatever was happening but that every

single person because he went wet when it was open or right when it opened so they you know obviously did too and there was nobody that was besides the staff and me and ezra that was not doing sign language and then ezra like he he's very uh i don't know empathetic so then he starts crying he goes i'm just so sad they can't hear and i'm like it's okay no hugging i was like it's not like blah blah i'm saying it's not sad like they don't they're not looking for you know whatever they can all communicate you know someone comes by and they do like the excuse me and like you know ezra starts he's crying so hard i'm like yes it's fine it's fine and he stops and i look at him and i grab him by the shoulders and i say you don't realize how how unique this experience is right now i was like

but i i hope to god when you get older you realize you don't always walk into a bowling alley and everybody but use deaf like that's just a really unique situation to be in well it's weird because not only is no one talking there's no there's no music and every time you go into a bowling alley the music is blaring yeah you're fucking yeah all the hits you walk in it's just like take me home tonight yeah pin noises and shit yeah just like arcade game ronnie ronnie said ronda said be my little baby fuck we gotta play some heady money we have to put some money money on do you have any uh like have you ever been in a situation where you i don't know you're doing something and then you kind of you know do the zoom out like the cinematic mental zoom out and go oh that that's why that's why something weird was happening

god i can't i can't think of anything where where it's like that where you didn't realize the situation heading in um yeah all i can think about is just like when they're when there's just a like if you're at a store or if you're at a restaurant and they're like just the people that are there are being ridiculous right and you're sitting there and you just kind of look at the person you're with like what how is every like how is everything this insane right now we like that like every table there's something going on something's going on with the employees everywhere you look it's like some weird shit am i in a fuck like is mercury in retrograde yeah right now and you're just like how are we like how are us two people sitting in this moment and like and no one else seems to be thinking things are weird like yeah you're part of the you're the audience and you're just happen to be sitting like on stage

yeah for this big production yeah that's what it feels like yeah and you're just like what is happening and you just you're kind of in this thing to get, you're like, I'm glad someone's experiencing this with me. Yeah. Because you wouldn't believe it. If, if like, if I was just telling the story, I'm so pumped that you're here.

Yeah. I need someone. I mean, you, you and Ezra have a lot of those moments, the restaurant recently. Yeah. Or it's like,

I'm so glad that I can tell a story and go, right. So you were there. You got it. Yeah. You saw this too too i'm not just making this shit up i'm not schizophrenic i do have one more quick story but i can't move on until we fucking play this song so oh if this song's not on youtube sorry this video is not

on youtube uh apologies loading up oh my this song is so good do that yeah. It's coming. All right, chorus. It's got to get there. Hold on. This isn't anybody, is it? Yes, it is. Yeah.

It is? Yes. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%.

100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%.

100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%.

100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%.

100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%.

100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%.

100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%.

100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100%. Ronnie said. He's my little baby. Is it Ronnie? Why is it like a Ronnie said? How important fucking Ronnie is. Ronnie James Dio. Is that who he's talking about? I don't know. Probably.

That's not Eddie Money, is it? It is Eddie Money. Is it really? Yes, absolutely. Because he did Two Ticks to Paradise too, right? Probably. Maybe. I hope you're just fucking this all up.

Because I've done that plenty. I'm like, yeah, this man. Oh, it is Eddie Money. Of course it is. I mean, if I'm that confident, you're going to be like, no, it's not. You don't know what you're talking about. The reason I didn't think it was him is because he also does Two Tickets to Paradise. Oh, yeah.

Two tickets to paradise. So he needs two tickets to take me home tonight. Yeah. I mean, fucking airfare. Home is paradise. Airfare is airfare. Dude, that dude travels a lot. All right. like paradise airfires that dude travels a lot all right my one quick story before we get off

to our to our dick today one of the best i i maybe maybe the top prank that has ever been pulled on me on me okay i from some by somebody by somebody else and it is it's so unique and, uh, it's, I mean, fucking brilliant. Fucking. Fucking, uh, and, um, so I had just graduated college and I moved up to Spokane. Somehow you graduated. I don't know how. I mean, fuck it. You know, I woke up and I was like, whoa, I'm walking across the stage getting my, uh,

my degree. No, but I just. You woke up on stage from the night before my friends were dragging me across the stage and just they just laid it on top of my body i'm like thanks i so i move up here and then my one of my best friends steve we live together in spokane washington spokane's best rock i'm having having a good time right but we're new to the area we don't know the the scene i meet this wonderful human he's a giant which is also he's like six eight six nine he's a huge human he used to play basketball for memphis but a wonderful guy and we got along like right out

the gate at the school that i was working at right and uh so we're hanging out and he's like, hey, let me, you know, let's start doing some stuff. And we hung out a couple times, just him and I outside of the school work environment. And then this particular time he goes, hey, we're going to go out tonight to a bar and it is the Viking, okay? Had no idea what the Viking was, no idea. And I was like, okay.

I was like, well, like well uh my roommate my friend steve like we'll go and he goes yeah fucking great we'll see you guys there we'll you know be there at whatever time it's back when you're pretty young you're younger so eight or nine o'clock at night felt like a reasonable time to go out i feel like oh yeah yeah so we go out and we pull in and we park and we go in and we walk in and i text my buddy and he goes no no he goes i'm on my way i'll be there in just a little bit so okay we settled in we get some drinks walk up to the bar we're playing some shuffleboard and steve and i are you know opposite sides of the shuffleboard table we're playing shuffleboard and then i like these you know these bros walk up and they're

like hey you guys want to team up like we can play some shuffleboard right and we're like yeah of course like no problem of course and so we're doing that we're having fun we're playing the game uh like they're so nice they're buying me drinks all this kind of stuff right and we're like do we just make some best friends do we become best friends this is awesome right now right and so like an hour and a half goes by and i'm like i was like you know text my boss like where the fuck do you live i was like where are you why are you so far away and then he goes no no i'll like i was like you know text my boss like where the fuck do you live i was like where are you why are you so far away and then he goes no no i'll be i'm on my way sorry i got caught up with something okay and like another half an hour goes away or goes by and i text him

one last time i was like dude we got to work tomorrow and he writes back he goes he goes hey he goes how's gay night at the viking right and i'm like what and then i do the zoom out and it's just it's it's lesbian couples and gay guys and then steve and i in the viking and again love gays love them support them to death yeah but so funny to just tell these tell these guys that you're on your way and then never show up and just make them stay and i never noticed and then later it was like oh and of course we didn't leave we're having a fucking blast yeah i mean you're like no way we're loving this uh but it was i mean that zoom out moment was just like there was guy couples and girl couples and that was filling up the entire bar you were just you were so caught up in the game to not even notice it.

No, it didn't matter. It's also not that weird. Well, no. But like, you wouldn't notice that right away. You're like, oh, it's only pairs of the same sex. Yeah. It's just a normal bar thing. It's friends going out together.

Well, what's funny is like these two guys you meet up with, in their heads, they might be thinking, oh, this is leading to something. And you have no idea that's what i'm saying what's going on having a great time you know buying i mean who the fuck buys me drinks yeah i'm like these guys are sweet yeah this is awesome i feel like we're we're gonna be hit we're gonna be going to games together we're gonna do all this stuff and we're new to town like these guys are great and then my buddy's just like i was getting night we used to uh boy we used to go to the bar and just get hammered. And then when the bar would close,

we'd go down to a place called Irv's, which was a gay bar. And they had poles. And we'd go down there and we'd just take over. And we'd dance on that pole. And we'd do like, where I would climb up

to the top of the pole and do like this pirouettes, like swing down. And everyone would be cheering. Dude, I used to get my dick grabbed so much by dudes there, but I didn't even, it was like,

I knew it was a gay bar. We were going there to have fun. And I don't, you know, it was like, I'm not into dudes, but I'm also not weirded out that they might be into me. So it was like, there was just,

there was just like, it was weird just having fun. And the women that were there they're like usually straight women but they just wanted to go dance yeah that's so there were they knew that they weren't going to be hassled yeah i think i've like top five times going out like on the bar scene of my life three of them are in the gay bar just have a blast everyone's having fun there and you know what's funny is like you get um you'll get these people that are like um scared of gay people or whatever or they're like homophobic where they're like i don't want some dude like checking me out on me and checking on me and then meanwhile he's just creeping out on

some chick it's exactly the exact same thing that that the guys that he thinks that people are doing to him yeah i know and like he's so he's so sexually um attractive that he thinks all gay people are going to be into him i know it's a weird calm down dude speaking of gay bars want to do it want to do some dick stuff yeah let's do uh some big girthy is it dumb is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's Dick. How did you do on your driver's test? I was mad I missed one. How'd you do? Yeah, same.

It was like, it's pretty easy. Like I missed a, like a yielding. Wait, the written one or the drive one? Driving one. You know what one I'll always remember? I pulled up behind a car at a stoplight and I couldn't see their tires where they hit the road. That's a whole rule. You have to be far enough back so that you can see

the bottom of their car. I pulled up too close to them and she looked over at me and went, are you a tailgater? Not now. I was at a fucking stoplight. I guess, I don't know. Missed it by a foot, but I think about it all the time. You're part of the problem, Joe. I know. Can I see the bottom of his tires?

All right. Well, this guy. I'll just give you the headline. Okay. After failing a driving test, Brampton man goes crazy nearly hitting four pedestrians. Guessing that didn't help his odds. No. Brampton man's decision to protest a failed driving test nearly, uh, test by nearly crashing

into a handful of pedestrians as ended in charges, police say. Mm-hmm. The Gould police, whatever, called the Plaza Woodland Road, what, God, the whole Friday when man became irate after failing his driving test. Man. Um, after driving, he began yelling at the staff before injuring his vehicle and taking off through the parking lot. Entering his vehicle. What did I say? Injuring. Oh, he began yelling at the staff before injuring his vehicle and taking off. Entering his vehicle.

What did I say? Injuring. Oh, he injured his vehicle. Well, he might have. You stupid car. The only reason I failed. Kicked the door. That's when police say he attempted to drive through a pedestrian walkway,

narrowly missing four people for doing burnouts in the parking lot. Fuck you. Just doing fucking donuts and shit. people for doing burnouts in the parking lot and then what if he did that like he did a sick burnout you're like never mind yeah it's pretty good like that's pretty good car control okay okay and they you know getting the license like this is what i fucking thought that's some shit you do in some fingerless leather gloves yeah that's exactly you took the test without the fingerless leather gloves he goes sorry sir you didn't pass he's like fucking damn damn fuck you i didn't he's like get out you pussy and then he just fucking flies through a crosswalk oh man like the way that you the way that you show everybody that you're pissed that you failed a driving test is by doing everything wrong, illegal, and almost hurting people. I would love to.

That's going to show them. Yeah. I would love to know, what did he do? What did he fail on the driver's test? Was it just tiny, tiny things? Tiny little things. Or did he do some crazy shit? Yeah.

And the driving instructor was i mean just lucky to make it back to the office he's like okay i'm gonna put your left blinker on here and he's like like skidding oh i'm sorry you said left blinker i thought you said rip a fucking don't on two wheels i thought you fucking rip a turn i got rip a don'ty you're like whatever cool shit would be. Rip a gnarly dony. He's like, okay, now I accelerate slowly. He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's the NOS button, dude?

This shit sucks, dude. Fuck, dude. This car sucks. What is this, 97? The guys that say dode. Dode. Not dude, like dode. Dode.

Where's the fucking NOS button? D-O-D-E. Hey, what's up, dode? What's up? What's up, dode? If you're a driving instructor And you get in the car And you like sit in

And you're like Hey how's your day He goes Ah pretty good What's up dude Right there like Put all the seatbelts on Yeah

Or get out Or fail him Immediately Drug test him You walk in You're sitting in the DMV right You're waiting for your turn

The guy walks out And he's like Okay Colin Colin Johnson Or whatever He's like He walks out he's like okay colin is uh colin johnson or whatever he's like he gets out he's like oh what's up he does like he does that whole thing oh fuck this is gonna be a long day he's like oh you're just sick did you hit the slopes today do you skateboard your kids or fucking whatever you're just trying so hard to relate dude i was up early that day, dude.

I just got back. I've been skateboarding for 36 years. I figured I better get my driver's license. You know what I mean? Fucking whatever. Guy's like, fuck, dude. I mean, he failed before he even pushed the gas pedal. Oh, yeah.

That guy failed when he woke up. I mean, not related at all. But here's a little dick I want to show you, bud. Headline, woman finds husband's body while getting Christmas decorations eight months after she reported him missing. What? What? I mean, sad, but also, fuck.

An Illinois woman who reported her husband missing in April wound up finding his mummified remains eight months later while looking for Christmas decorations that she hid away in the closet. The report released last week by the Madison County Coroner's Office confirmed that Richard, and look how they spelled his last name. Is that, there's the way, M-A-E-D-G-E. I have never seen Mage. Mage? Is. Mage?

Is it Mage? 53. He died by suicide. It's got to be Mage. It's got to be. But Mage was reported missing last year. And he left. One day after, he called his wife Jennifer, told her he was leaving work early.

Jennifer told police she returned that day to find Mage's truck parked outside their home in Troy with his wallet and keys left behind but she found no traces of her husband and hadn't heard from him since police initially searched the couple's residence which they described as a hoarder home so this is a lot of it they probably just like dude it smells so bad in here but i don't well it could be a dead body or could just be the stuff we will continue looking for your husband but right now i need to leave i'm gonna throw up also do you know you have 57 cats dead cats cats and all those newspapers are 20 years old uh hoarder home but found nothing

though they did notice a sewer like odor so then someone came over they they plugged the sewer drain hoping to find that blah blah blah but then it goes on to say like is jennifer i decided to put the christmas tree up and i was looking for a tote of christmas ornaments and that's when i discovered him he had committed suicide so to be in a position and again there's nothing funny about this but a couple different angles of this would you if your let's say your wife was like hey i'm staying late her car showed up her vehicle at the house and then you didn't hear from her ever again would you look fucking everywhere in the house or would there's a chance you wouldn't check the spot

where the christmas ornaments were well i guess you also have to pretend that your house is a hoarder house to ignore the rotting human smell that would be that's what i was gonna say yeah like you'd have you'd have to be used to a smell of death to not notice a smell of death yeah yeah you know you know when you smell it it's not it's never like an off brand like. Like, that could be a rotting human body. So she just thought he was missing this whole time? Yeah, I guess left and just didn't want to be a part of that anymore. And just took off. I guess if she thought he wasn't there.

Yeah, just like he just said, fuck it, I'm out. I mean, that's a lot different than dying. It is. I mean, fuck. Do you think? dying. It is. How, I mean, fuck. Do you think, okay, again, this isn't funny. Do you think that he did a little zoom out thing we've been talking about? And he goes, I got to clean this up. And he goes, nah.

And then just. What I want to know is how is he mummified? I don't know. Just hanging out in the closet for a long time. It was dry enough, I guess. I don't know wait wait wait perfectly mummified doesn't necessarily mean like perfectly preserved does it i think this means like you've rotted to a certain state well no a mummification

is you're like you're wrapped up like a mummy i mean that's what i think it's a way of preserving but i'm guessing it passed yeah oh yeah wrapping it in cloth. It's a way of preserving, but I'm guessing, the past. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wrapping it in cloth. There's no way he wrapped himself. And maybe they just used the wrong word. They had to, unless.

Mummified is to embalm and try as if it is a mummy. Yeah. So mummify means that he was like embalmed. It's a process. Yeah. I don't know. It's just an article. Maybe the dude used the wrong word.

Or, I mean, he was thinking ahead that's so sad and he's like dude i'm not first of all this kitchen is a mess i haven't done dishes in 14 years and i'm not and i'm not about to and then he he embalms himself first and then maybe that's how he killed himself the embalm went through his fluid and killed him and then then preserved him yeah preserved him in the closet i guess if you hadn't done grocery or dishes in 14 years i might kill myself too like the idea of am i really gonna have to clean 14 years of yeah when the fluids are dried up or removed from the skin is what he says uh mummified is yeah like the egyptians used to do that way back that's an old process didn't have a strong order at that point it finally went away yeah so they're using mummified as uh not rapping because that would

have been really weird he's yeah he's like i'm out of here and then does the old like it spins like has some toilet paper mounted in the hall and just spins in a circle like in the closet he's like okay all ready to go but i just can't imagine that i just think it's a whole thing that he was wrapped and it was around christmas time i just pictured him being like wrapped in gift wrap he was mummified in gift wrap she opens he opens the closet she's like oh wait there was a present left over from last year and he's got a bow on him yes he's got like the lights are like sun activated he has like a little music chip like she's like opens the door and it's just like that super shitty 8-bit tone. It's like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's like those cards that you get. They play music when you open them up.

We wish you a Merry Christmas. And then the lights are doing a display. It tells you to tune into which radio station to sync it up with the music. An AM station. He has a little bow on his head. And he says, sorry, I couldn't do the music. Yeah. An AM station. He's a little bow on his head. I think it says, sorry, I couldn't do the dishes.

Sorry, just get a bulldozer. Oh, that's terrible. Um, okay. Well, let's do some petty beef.

Hey, real quick, real quick on the back of this. Cause I, I fumbled reading a little bit. Okay. I haven't, I need to,

to read the email again. Someone sent in, I forget who sent it. They said, this is for Brian in the reading. And I think it was supposed to be a helpful thing, which I need to go back and read it. Okay.

And she says, I tend to do this because I have ADHD. So she says when she reads, she looks too far ahead. And that's what I've been trying to explain when I'm reading. I keep saying, I keep looking too far ahead and that's why I get fumbled up. So hearing somebody say that they do it and that's why I do it. It's probably what it is.

I probably, I've always thought I had ADD or ADHD. I bet you do. So it's the, it's not that I can't read. It's that I'm trying to go too fast and look ahead. And that's why I get fumbled. Totally. So I need to go read that email again look ahead, and that's why I get fumbled. Totally. So I need to go read that email again. Maybe we'll bring it back in next week.

And thank her. Thank her for relating. I don't feel like such a piece of shit. Ready to settle a fight? Yeah. Fuck it. Silence in the court. You are now entering the Petty Beef Courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated.

The people are real. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. I got my lawsuit on. That's a joke from I don't know how long ago, because it's a month ago now. You ready to hear the Petty Beef? You think that's how a lawsuit came into play?

Sure. I'd like to believe it is but that's a sweet lawsuit i'm gonna i'm gonna give you a lawsuit and like oh sweet sick dude i needed a new suit and what it was is like i'm giving you a suit to wear because i'm taking you to court and that's how the term lawsuit came into play okay do you think so i don't know we'll have to do some digging that up yeah okay so here's our petty beef for this week. It was sent in by our daughter, Charlotte. Are you ready?

Not funny. That's okay. All fights don't have to be funny. It says, hey guys. Hey. I have a petty beef with my boyfriend. We've been talking about having children, but every time it's brought up, he has a different answer.

Sometimes he wants them. Sometimes he doesn't. That is such a dude move maybe i guess i mean fuck i don't know what do you want to do he already has one of his own that's in there the last time i brought up having kids he said and i quote i already don't get to see the one i have why would i want more his baby mama is a. There's another, but that's another story for another time. I have a problem with this because number one, I want kids. And number two, it's not my fault that she's a cunt.

So my question is, bitch. Well, it's funnier. So my question is, should I call it quits now? Or should I try and work through this? She wants us to determine whether she stays with her. Well, it is her boyfriend boyfriend it's not like it's her husband yeah fuck me meaningless and take his name or anything meaningless right in with something important charlotte dumb this is but okay going back to the guy it's not dinner it's

not a dinner choice yeah yeah and like, difference between the question of like, hey, like, would you ever want to have kids someday? Like, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, probably, or this is that. And being a little loose on that. But when it comes down to like, hey, we should have kids. But then, I'm going to flip this really quick and say, if you, Charlotte, why are you guys not married? I mean, again, like like you don't have to

be married but how serious is this i mean i'm again i'm not all for marriage it's so weird to be like i love you so much let's get the government involved but how in love are you guys how long has it been why is the kids thing you want like want to have has it only been like a year and you're like i want kids yeah i'm that that would freak out a lot of people i'm just like i don't i don't know knowing that okay so i can relate to this in a in this way uh when i was a kid i when you're a kid you always assume you're gonna have kids like i i just like well my grandparents had kids my parents had kids i'll have kids.

I'll mess up eventually. And then you grow up and you're like, well, do I want kids? I never really kept thinking, like, do I want kids or not want kids? And then Amber and I got together. And then we'd talk about it once in a while. Yeah, I mean, I would do that whole thing. And then it was like, you know, we did everything, the steps, though. We got married and then

did all that. So we were ready for it. But if she hadn't pushed for it, like what I have said, all right, it's time to have kids. Probably not. So for me, it was kind of like, I guess if it happens, it happens. Right. But if she's feeling like this is something I really want to do and I want to do it fairly

soon, then i think you need to have a serious yeah what's weird is he he already he's already gone through a child thing so maybe he's like maybe had a terrible experience he's like it sounds like it yeah because he had a kid and he doesn't get to see the one that he has i'm not sure if that's like an exaggeration like never gets to see the kid because the, you know, the ex is doing whatever some exes do. He needs to go to court.

Or, I mean, there might be a reason. Well, yeah, who knows? I don't know. We don't know.

But, uh, that is, that is a tough one. If it's on the, if it's on the guy, if she needs to look at that and go, well,

it's his fault. He's not seeing his daughter. Why do I want to have kids with a guy that's not making an effort already did that once chances are he's probably gonna do it again yeah if it's his fault if it's uh yeah well whatever what it all comes down to to quote alanis morissette is uh how much do you like this guy and if he does keep waffling on this and you don't get a straight answer out of him, you gotta go. I'm curious how old she is.

How important are kids to you? And if it's like top tier, like it is for a lot of people, see ya. How old are you, Charlotte? Tell us. It's weird. I don't see an early 20s girl being named Charlotte.

I know kids are named. You know when you hear a name, you're like Larry. Like I don't, Larry was never a kid. Larry's just always been an old man. So like, is she 35, 36? Cause if that's the case, she's like her clock's ticking now. Now it's biology. But if she's like 19, 20. Yeah. So I think that has a big difference i think she just needs to make a decision like she she's got to know this guy well enough

by now to even want to have kids to be like yeah is this the person i want to have children with i agree well there you go charlotte hopefully that helped in some way you're just gonna have to gonna have to make a choice soon. You can't wait around forever for him to be like, I don't know. And the next time he's like, fuck yeah, dude, let's do it. But that just means he wants to have sex. And the next time he's like, ah, never mind. That part is fun when you're like, when you know you're going for kids and you just don't care.

Just reckless. Yeah. Just let it fly. Yeah. That's a sweet one week. Yeah. Well, once she gets pregnant and then now you still can't get pregnant again. True.

And it's a matter of how much does she want to keep doing that. All right. We got some good stuff. Want to do some good stuff? Yeah. Okay. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray.

We are doomed. Yeah! Well, you like cats. Yeah. You have you like cats. You have a couple of cats. Yeah. I didn't know he's like cats. And they just showed up one day and I'm like, yeah, I guess I like cats now. I guess I like cats now.

Well, Sussex pet owner Sussex. That's in. Where's that? England somewhere. It's in Sussex. Sussex pet owner uses dating app grinder to find missing cat food. That okay. That's awesome.

Twitter user shared a screenshot from his app which showed a photo of the feline looking quite unimpressed among several other grinder user profile pictures registered under the name missing cat the brighton-based moggy moggy is described as goofy chill and curious which interests such as karaoke movies movies, music, and reading. Oh, man. The dating profile says that the feline is a 23-year-old single male with an average body size and specifies that he's looking for dates, relationship, right now. Yeah, things now. Immediately. Tonight, let's do it.

As well as finding his way back home, of course. So they actually have a picture of the cat again like looking like cats do yep cats are rarely looking like they're happy to be there yeah and so they put they made up a whole profile for this cat and so it says a bit strange but our house cat's gone missing if anyone has seen this cat please message me to let me know it'd be great thanks and i put all this ethnicity white body type the the pronouns the gender all the kind of stuff i love the position yeah the position bottom if anybody uses uh yeah they generate most of the power um i've never used grinder

i know i have not either you haven't used grind i know you've been using um just a lot of fun ones see what's out there but anyway and they really but yeah they they long story short short short so the cat found its way back home and it was all because the app creating a profile and that's so that's a creative way and much more effective than printing out flyers and stapling them to a pole yeah like flag or a foul or whatever foul pole he's going around a baseball imagine like you're the staples aren't going in you're at like a pro baseball game and then you go up to the sign you're clicking the people sir what are you doing uh i have a missing cat my cat have you seen him what god damn it uh but that's a great you i never would have thought of doing that for, I've come across some that

are just like dumb meme pages. Like there's just no profile picture, just memes. You know what's funny about that? It's weird. It's like, let's say you're looking for a date or a hookup or something. You're going through there and then you just go through a string of like made up profiles and then you forget that you're there if you're actually looking for somebody and you're just like laughing and reading fake profiles cool it's kind of like a social media thing cool uh okay the amazing great i actually

that'll be forever in the back of my head if one of the animals were to go missing i guarantee you i'd be hopping on the apps and throwing it out there Why not? Yeah Who cares? You never know Yeah Maybe your neighbor will Be on the app Maybe your neighbor's the

The power top That that cat's looking for Yeah The Bear? Yin to your yang Yeah Something

Ying to your dong Did you ever say ying yang? Not Unless I was talking about The ying yang twins Yeah It's the only reason How old were you

When you realized It wasn't ying yang And it was yin-yang twins. Yeah. It's the only reason. How old were you when you realized it wasn't yin-yang and it was yin-yang? Right now? I still don't even know it was that. Yeah. It's yin and yang. But I used to say yin. Obviously, it's yin and yang. Yeah.

Duh. I found something pretty cool on the internet. Okay. I'll show it to you. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes we do some graphic editing, you and I, Bry Guy. We have to do things and edit things and use Photoshop. Yeah.

Heard of it. And programs have gotten better and better. I mean, even some phones do it. But a lot of them don't do it very well. And I have found to this particular website, one, it's available to everybody. If you can get to the website, it does a really good job. Okay. And what I'm talking about is when you want to remove something from the background, any

objects, girlfriend, people, any text or whatever, you want to get it out of the picture. You go and you upload it and you do exactly what you're used to. If you've, if you'd worked with apps like this, you highlight the zone. This one, I messed around with a couple different photos or a few different photos and I didn't have to be even close I'd have to zoom in and like really pay attention to my lines I just kind of flapped around a person and then it just loads and then the person's gone. So the website is cleanup dot pictures

That's it cleanup dot pictures and you go there you upload what you want and then you just Scribble on whatever you want and then you just scribble on whatever you want and it goes away there's a couple examples for you to play around with brian if you're on that on that page but anything here on this table it's it's wild just rub the brush like a like a lunatic over it and it goes away it does a really good job of getting rid of it so uh just following up on more of that ai stuff that we've been doing lately uh but instead of the text vein this is what's going to be happening with pictures i wish i had this shit i know it's fucking crazy i mean obviously every generation

like i could say this and someone be like oh really because i had to blah blah blah both ways but um when i was learning photoshop this was 2003. This was 20 years ago. And it was still pretty rudimentary. You could do all the designing stuff. But if you wanted to get something out of a picture, it was a whole fucking thing. And then, so, when I was at my last job, I hired a graphic designer. She came in, and she was like, at the the time she was like 15 years younger than me so she came in learning the new photoshop which i was still using techniques from the old one right

and we had these things she would just go things were gone like see ya i know that takes me two hours fuck i know and now you can just use a fucking website you just upload it and it spits it out are you kidding me me? Wiggle it anywhere. Just like anywhere towards that book and the book will be gone and the desk behind it. That's insane. Will look pretty good. Like it's not going to be absolutely perfect, but it's, I mean. All you need is pretty good.

I know. It's pretty cool. So if you work in the graphic design vein or just ever come across a photo and you wish somebody wasn't in it, head over to cleanup.pictures. Dude, I tell you what, from going to school to learn that, I wish I would have, I wouldn't even have gone to college

if I had all this shit now. If I had all this stuff. Like, I'm all set. Thanks, though. Yeah. All right, want to hear from the kids? Yeah. Hey, Lugard!

All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Keeping the workplace accident theme going. I mean, they've haunted me. And we got another doozy to add to the bin of just shit that's taking place. Our son Holden says, hey, guys, local son, Oregonian Hayden here.

Holden? Holden, what'd I say? I said Holden the first time Organian Hayden here. Holden? Holden? What'd I say? I said Holden the first time, then Hayden the next time. Hayden's like 15 minutes away. I said local, and I was like, cool, now you're Hayden. Chase called him Hayden. He even put the phonics spelling in.

And there's a Y in his name, which is kind of... Yeah, I know. To me, in your defense, it looks like a misspelling. It does. All right, so Holden. This has got a hell of a safety store for you guys i work in a plywood mill god here in southern oregon won't mention it for legal reasons but this did not happen to me and you'll see if it did like remarkable that he

was able to type it this has not happened to me but we've all had to watch the footage as you'd expect in a mill there is a lot of heavy equipment all around everything it's moving rolling cylinders chain systems with gears all over so there are a lot of safety cages blocking these dangerous areas well sometimes the wood will get caught in these gears normal procedures are lock out shut it down enter the damaged area clear the block and then you unlock it okay i'm sure it's posted in a giant block letters multiple places he goes well a heister driver i don't know what that is uh but it doesn't matter decides after seeing a jam to enter the area unlocked and just quickly grab it just get that little piece out of there. We all wear gloves.

So when you go in there to grab that piece of gears, it grabbed that glove and then pushed his right hand into the gears and the chain and twisted it like a twist tie. His immediate reaction was to use his other hand to grab the caught hand. Which resulted in the freeing of the first hand, but then catches the second hand. That was not funny. But I guess pictures keep going like a cartoon. He's like, ow! And then grabs it. Oh, God!

Then he puts his foot up there. He tries to push his other hand out. He runs over. Oh, God! And he just uses his other foot to try and... And he's like, okay. He tried to bite it. Tried to bite his other hand out. Someone else runs over. Oh, right, right. You've got, oh God! And he just uses his other foot to try and, and he's like, okay. He tried to bite it. Tried to bite his shoelace. Yeah, somebody runs over like, I got you.

And then before you know it, the entire staff is ground into the gears. Okay, so anyway, without laughing, freeing his first hand, but catching the second one, same result, twisted his fingers right off. He lost three fingers. The second one lost two and a half.

And because he did not follow procedures, he got nothing. Got more for you fellas. If you read this one, send it in. I got a man that got scalped, but a barn truss on a demo once. I mean, these all sound cool. Love the stuff.

Keep it up. Much love from Morgan. I wonder if he was walking through a barn or he was kicking really fast or something and it just, oh my God. So that's fun. I mean, it's, it's any construction thing. What's the worst thing that can happen to us in this environment? Yeah.

I trip and like, ow. Stub a toe on a stool. Hit my tooth on a padded microphone cover. Or you get a little shock. My lower back hurts a little shock oh my lower back hurts a little bit my back does hurt or my butt or my tailbone hurts from these stools i know at least we have all of our fingers though that's true well yeah we got to fill out these fingerless gloves imagine a fingerless glove with like missing two or three fingers that's

the only case it would look like this It would look a little cooler Yeah Just always peace sign What's up buddy Sorry Sorry What were you going to say About construction working There's a lot of shit everywhere Yeah just that I mean It's crazy like

That people work In certain environments I know Like it's Yeah And how there Not more people That are

Just gone Well we're learning That there's a ton Yeah there are There are There are But we're learning that there's there's a ton yeah yeah there are there are yeah like it's just it's crazy that like there's i don't know i know there's industries out there that exist that people work in where you make one you go to touch a piece of wood and you get your hand twisted into a fucking twisty tie well think about like think about like uh uh deadliest catch something like that like do we not have a a drone boat that can go out and catch crab do i have to be here like do we need people on this boat that's a good question you know eventually no eventually

you will not so it's just like these boats are built so that oh tip over you know the all the water that rushes over probably fine without you there and the analytics will let you where you put the pots no i know i know we'll get there i don't know we'll get there we'll get there well that's just we're you know that's ai taking over more jobs though so it's all right there's other jobs to do that's a discussion for another time yeah all Alright do you want to read our second email sir? Sure What do we got? Oh who's doing this? Emily

Hi Em Tell us an amazing dating story Hi daddies I don't know why I did that I was thinking about what Joe said about hunting and fishing pictures And dating apps And wanted to share a story about a date my sister went on can't wait out in rural wyoming my sister went on a date with a guy she met on a dating app

he was a typical county redneck type but it was nice enough to get uh to get on a second date he's probably a gentleman yeah open the door and see and such on the second date they went out and had some dinner some supper uh fairly normal date so far yeah once dinner was done he said he'd go uh he'd got her something you'd think he'd uh it'd be flowers or chocolates or some kind of early dating gift this redneck motherfucker brought my sister to his pickup truck parked outside by the lake just added that myself the The restaurant pulled out a freshly killed coyote from the trunk. Not skinned or

gutted, blood dripping out the mouth and everything. My sister was obviously disturbed by this gift. I have something for you. He said he had just shot it out in the field that morning and thought she'd like it for some reason

i guess on his mind this was a way of showing he was a good provider or some some other caveman like thought needless to say there was not a third date pro tip out there for guys gals who like hunting dead animals are not a good date gift stick Stick to chocolates. Love the show, guys. You're not dead animal lover, Emily. Oh, man. I get, I mean, I get. Close your eyes. I get in like, in theory that he's like, you know, like, see, if we get together, you'll never have to worry about a meal. You'll have coyote every night.

Yeah, we're going to be eating. You're going to eat like a peasant. But at least you'll be eating, am I right? You'll never go hungry never go hungry you'll have coyote oh this is what you got to look forward to you know i picture the situation a little bit further than that though like close your eyes puts it around her shoulder or like put out your hands yeah and he just lays a bloody dead coyote okay open them holy shit freaks out yeah what's wrong what's wrong yeah what's wrong hell you don't

like it you know i'll give it back i don't like you anyway good for nothing burnout back to the country see ya opposite his ford fucking cranks up the music and he's just fucking parked out by the lake like a free bird bird Of course it's free bird Well that's show 41 I felt pretty good Yeah You know get back in the saddle We've been

Took a few weeks off So If you want to be a part of the gaggle Remember the content Will keep going After every episode You just got to support us There's three different tiers

To choose from Patreon.com Slash can you don't podcast A link in the episode description We're on all the socials Video version on youtube and if you have something you want to see on the show it's an article uh just some funny story responding to something you know you want to hear it on hey guys whatever it is send it in to hey guys at can you don't podcast.com then rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcast and a big thanks to the babysitters who moderate our facebook page i think we're gonna add some uh some stories to the the patreon thing right some stories or

like we're gonna throw in a couple things like we're gonna spice it up a little bit splash it up put some shit in there i mean some i mean it's a ton of content but i mean we're always down to do more we love you guys that's what keeps this show going so yeah so come on in come on in come on with your bad self and everyone who comes in you get one dead coyote trash you gotta you gotta support our coyote hunting habit that's just what we're gonna do that whole story was just me i'm just telling a story about me and it was the first day and i was me i was the yeah the girl exactly all right let's uh let's wrap up this show okay good god wrap it up already huh it is a not it is a not all right fucking killing it it's not a dad joke this week okay just something i want you to think about and with your love for the

english language we just put this in there too right Don't you think it's kind of odd that the word lisp has an S in it? Yeah. I mean, lisp. Lisp. Yeah. I mean, it just seems a little insensitive. And the fact that. What do you have of lisp?

No, it's the I and the S and the P. Like, those are common, not common letters to be next to each other anyway like you have to correct them i know what it is yeah you can't help but kind of listen to yourself when you say it lisp i know you want to really a missed opportunity there it should be l-i-t-h-p i was just trying to think if there's any other words that have an S-P that aren't at the beginning of the word. Whisper. I'm sure.

I'm sure. There you go. That's a little food for thought for you. You like it? Did you say this little food for thought for you? Mike Tyson? Yes. Yes.

I like that. I enjoy it. My defense is impregnable. I eat children. Bonus part. Ready? Yeah. All right. All you kids. We'll see you guys his children. Bonus part. Ready? Yeah. All right.

All you kids. We'll see you guys next week. Love ya. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Bye.