Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Dick Fire. Phone Glitch. Green Boots. Banana Girl.

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

We all die. Duh, we get it. But what if how you died and where you died has been used as an example of failure for the last three decades? That's something special. Let's talk about that, blasting your flaps with a footlong hotdog while still on the clock, one of the weirdest videos Joe has ever found on that Internet, loosing the last three years of content on your phone because "sometimes that happens," and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch this episode YouTube: https://youtu.be/MdHUg16_pW8Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dick Fire. Phone glitch. Green boots. Banana Girl. Ask me about my flaky paradillo. Is that the new shirt? I don't know. I mean, that would be one that if you could design it in zero seconds and hope that one person buys it, it might be worth all the effort to go through it. But outside of that, I don't see anyone wearing that. Really? Flaky pee? Flaky pee in the fungus bunch? Flaky pee? Fungus Bunch. I can write that down. Sure.

Flaky P and the Fungus Bunch. Episode 2.14 of the Can You Don't podcast. Happy to be here. It's been a couple weeks as we've seen each other because we recorded way in advance. Just a quick story before we get the show going. We were setting up to record and I was walking up the stairs to the studio. And golf was really loud? Yeah, it was.

It was. And two reasons. Well, let me explain myself first. I don't watch golf that loud normally because of early wakeups before recording. And typically every day, like I try to take at least like a half hour or 45 minute now. Look, just a little something. I need it to get through. And I have fan noise and I was watching the open to fall asleep.

I don't put you in sleep. Nothing's better. Fan noise and golf. Some guy talking like this. Hey, Joey, go to bed. He's on the 14. He's on the 14th. He's doing a flop shot to his penis.

and so I had it cranked up. Get the hole! Get the hole! Masspe Kitas! And so I had it cranked, but then the fan noise was off, and then we've been downstairs, and I came upstairs, and it was blasting out of my room, and it reminded me of just a memory that'll be burned in my head forever, but one of my best friends growing up, his grandpa was so deaf.

And when you approached his home, while grandpa was still alive, it was just golf. whispers at just 400 dB. It was so funny. And he's just sitting there and he wouldn't know you came in. He'd like, hey, grabs! And nothing. You'd walk over and be like, hi! And he'd go, hey!

Like, and then behind it's just like, like the loudest driver's sound you've ever heard. And then just... Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So everything that was supposed to be quiet was the loudest, those movie theater loud golf tournament that he was always watching. And then just to wrap up this story He stole

His daughter's car So my friend's mom One day And no one knew where he went He was going to a girl's house He's not supposed to drive He was too old to be Like sir

Do you know why I pulled you over Huh Who are you Fuck dude Just 90 something Stealing a car Yeah God I hope I'm not badass

I mean he didn't think he was stealing probably He just needed a car Right He had a chance to come and he was like, I'm out of here. That's insane to think. Because you feel like if you're 90 years old, you're still you, like you still, right? Like you still.

You think you are. Yeah. Yeah, you still want to do something about it. The idea of rolling up to someone's house and just hearing me on, we're on the 17th. And it's like, it's like the fucking masters and the soft little music and the subtle talking. But it's at the 100 volume. The Rider Cup is shattering windows. Get in the hole.

Anyway, send your content suggestions in, please. I know, summertime, people doing stuff. You guys are busy, but it always dies down a bit in the summertime. So keep sending stuff in to hey guys at can you don't podcast.com. It hasn't slowed the Patreon down now. It sure has not. Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. We announced this last week, maybe the week before, but we have reached 450.

Round of applause, everybody. So. Thank you to the gaggle. The fermented heron has been ordered. Brian and Zach eating the Cistroming. And we're currently waiting for it to show up. It was shipped all the way back on the fifth, I believe. And it's still in Miami.

Probably because every time someone grabs it to move it, they stop to vomit. And they're like, I don't think I could do it. They quit their job. Yeah. So it's just being. When it shows up, I'll make sure to leave it in the sun for a bit. For you guys, that's not going to change anything, I promise. It can't get worse.

But we'll get that all put together and it'll be a lot of fun. So is it because it's fermented, it's not, it's, it's, it's safe to eat, though. Because it's covered in for, in alcohol? Yeah. I mean, like, like it doesn't go bad per se. I mean, I don't know what we can check when this can was canned. But I'm guessing 400 years ago. Like, it's, it's a fine wine.

So the longer it takes to get here, the better. this is going to be. But we're so excited about that. Thank you guys. I mean, what's another week or two if it's been in there for 100 years? I know. I'm just so excited to do it. So that's a blast.

Thank you guys so much. And we work our way through the honkathon. So head on over and support us on Patreon. Patreon.com slash Candiducolde. So there was a guy real quick. I was talking to and it was a dad from baseball. And he was like, so how's the podcast going? I was like, it's going really well.

We reached this level on Patreon. So we're going to do this fermented herring thing. And he goes, oh, No, what? I was like, have you heard it? He goes, yeah, I've seen somebody else do it. It was me. It probably was.

But he was just like, oh, dude, why? I'm like, you should invite him over. Because we sell out for money. I'm just glad we're not doing it today. Because I would die. Yeah. You guys could tune in to see me die. Oh, fuck.

That's the next goal. Well, if we get the camera for the next goal, we can just watch you die on camera. It's also a waste of them. goal. Just to show an empty chair. Where Zach used to be. Where Zach once was. If you die and then we hit the camera goal, that would be pretty funny. We just switch out to no one

in the chair. Irony, me. Oh, man. Just your vape pin sitting in the, like, where your body was. Forever. Okay, well, on today's show, we couldn't not do a flung. And that will make perfect sense here in a little bit. Flogbone. Yeah, so get ready for

that. Do you guys remember this shit? And then we're going to get into our show. This was a couple years ago, I believe. We were talking about that satellite company that was selling sunlight. Shit. You guys? Vagely. Fuck. You guys. We talk about

a lot of stupid shit. I know, but why do I remember? I don't know. It has mirrors on it, and with the curvature of the earth, it can bounce sunlight down to a, like, a specific spot on the earth's... I remember that, yeah. Yeah. So, the FCC approved it. Of course it did.

Mm-hmm. The extremely controversial space mere satellite that could flashblind drivers and ruin astronomy. That seems like a pretty look, like a very opinionated headline. Yeah. But I mean, we talked about all that too. Like just you're trying to sleep, your neighbors are having a rager all night because they ordered a sun satellite? Fuck.

But like the pros of it. It would turn. What? Like you, you, never mind. Go ahead. Go ahead. No. I want to hear this.

Well, I was just thinking like you could, would there be enough. of those to where you're just like at your house you'd be like I want a little sunlight yes and it turns to your house yeah you can order it so they can point back the the sun to wherever you want to do it you can like rent sunlight how many people at a time I don't know that depends on how many how much of a space does that cover because yeah what if you want it to be dark and your neighbors what's that this particular company I mean if we can read it I think it was three what was it three miles so the pros of it is that you can feed solar farms all the time, right? You can bounce it back and have the sun constantly hitting solar panels. The other one is like disaster relief in that area, like you're looking for someone, then you can shine light down in or you're cleaning up after, I don't know, terrible earthquakes. You can have the sun going all the time. The downside of that is everybody else around you won't be able to see anything.

Yeah. The sky is gone. Habitats are fucked. like insects are going to think it's daytime. So there's all that. Yeah. So I guess we'll see. What's interesting about that, though, is that that's one of the ideas for colonizing Mars. If you can get down there, if you can get the right bacteria, the right little bugs down there to eat some of the carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere.

And then you can burn a lot of that off with mirrors from satellites that you could start warming up. Or, yeah, you start warming it up. Kill them. Get them out of here. You warm it up so make it inhabitable for us. I mean, we'll see how that all goes. You know, the FCC is usually pretty great. But really running things through the study.

They know what they're doing. All the time. All right, let's get this shit going. Zachy Poo! Shut up. Start the show already. Whether or not that that happens or not, just the idea that you could do something like that,

You can ingenue it, ingenue it. You could engineer something like that. That's pretty wild. Yeah. You can take a... I just looked at it. This is going to go with your guys' This throming.

This vodka thing. Help the barf go down better. Come out. Yeah, this... Just a spoon full of vodka makes the stroming go down. The legal beginnings of this distinctive spirit in 1935. I mean, I got to

Sounds like Sam Elliott. Ready? Ooh. You guys have to drive. Yeah. Plus, I don't take shots of vodka. What the fuck is that? Oh, you guys are fucked.

That's so weird because I watch you do that, and I feel like I gagged a little bit. We're fucked. That'll wake me up. All right, this is sent in by our kid, Karma. It's all we got, karma. Would you rather, it's very simple, die in a plane crash or die in a hot air balloon crash? It is simple. Very simple.

Plain crash. Why? Because it will be, it'll hurt less. What? I don't know. It should be quicker since you're going several hundreds miles an hour. And I went the other way. Like if you have your noise canceling headphones in, you took some ambient, I'd go with a plane crash.

right? Because you're just out and then everyone's screaming and praying and then you're just dead. But the whole downfall from 350 to 400,000, 4,000, yeah, 36,000 feet. 35,000 feet. That fall down is a long time to have your brain just start going nuts. Which, I mean, you're going to die, who cares. But a hot air balloon crash just seems like more of a hectic adrenaline rush. A quick panic, because you're definitely not 35,000 feet up. Yeah, but so are you 10,000 feet and then maybe the thing catches on fire and you've, like, what, how, what's the crash like? Hold on one second. Or do you run into some power lines, get electrocuted?

Yeah, this could be burned alive. Yeah. It's burned to a crisp. What are we talking about? So a recreational hot air balloon flight, typically cruise between 500, Pussy, and 3,000 feet above the ground. That's it? I thought it was higher than that.

I don't think so. Commercial passenger flights between 1 to 5,000 feet without supplemental oxygen. Federal regulations and safety guidelines generally cap these flights at around 10,000 to 14,000 feet. No one's going up that fucking high. In an airplane? No, this is in a hot air balloon. Oh, okay. No one's doing that.

So the typical, let's just say you're at 3,000 feet, and just go to the max of a recreational hot air balloon flight. There's the fire part. There's the fall part, which both are falling. One, you just have to keep your tray table up. There's the electrocuted part in the power lines. If you hit a power line. You see it all the time.

You see it all, but no one dies in those. Really? Yeah, it just shocks. And then they hang below the situation. for a bit. But a lot of people don't die unless it's like catching on fire and falling. That typically is how you die

in a hot air balloon crash. Is fire having to jump? It's either burn alive or fall to your death. Maybe that's what it is, is that you the basket, everything catches on fire and you have to jump out to your death. Yeah.

So that or a plane ride with your family. Oh, well. I'm just kidding. I was just trying to spice it. Yeah. If the family's involved, I'm doing the... Hot air balloon with your family, plane ride with your family. Let's get...

Can we... I don't feel comfortable talking about the family here. Just because we fly a lot. That's why I said it. You didn't say family until right now. I know, and I love... We've already... I mean, we've discussed this so much

that you're just all willy-nilly getting on a plane. And the amount of plane crashes, the hot air balloon crashes is like 500 to 1? Because I typically... When you're up in the plane, you're sitting in a seat, I'm watching a show. Got your iPad out. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not staring at the ground. When you're in a hot air balloon, the whole point of a hot air balloon is to get up there and look around and admire your surroundings.

Plus, you can talk to the guy that's flying it. I like the fact I can't talk to the captain. He's doing his own thing. He's just doing his own thing. He's doing his job. Yeah, I don't want to talk to the guy right next to me. It's like, we're dying, huh? Oh, yeah, hold on.

Let me see if I can pull it out. He's not doing like a, let's dip you in the water and then get you out. I just saw a video recently when like crashing through a parking lot, ran into a van or something like that. Hit and run by a hot air balloon? And you start taking off again.

See ya! Yeah, there's just, I don't know, there's, I think I'm picking plane crash. The cops are trying to chase you down

for a hit and run violation. And they're just like, fuck! Trying to get the double thing is it. See an Albuquerque. Yeah. I don't know. There's,

there's something about being an airplane where you could just hunker down, close your eyes and... And die. And where hot or blown, you're watching it the whole time. You're just, you're in it.

You see every... You see the ground getting closer. You know what I mean? Like... But finally get to skydive, though. Which is kind of cool. Yeah. Be short.

Yeah. Be a short flight, but you'd be like, oh, I get why people do this. And then over. I don't know, man. Either way you're dying. Being stuck in the cocoon, even just not seeing around you.

Like if I was in a hot air balloon and there was turbulence, being, like, seeing if you felt the turban, if you felt like, oh, boom, boom, it's just so much different when you can see your surroundings and look around and see yourself like, now I can picture myself falling. in the airplane you don't have a blinders on yeah you got that you pretend like you're not there like you can so that's why i'm just in a prop i'm just in a prop right i'm in a movie when you that's why when you say it's i can get on an airplane no problem with that that's why it's just because like if i was in a teeny tiny airplane the little two-seater old school red baron or something where i'm like my helmets i'm in a helmet and i'm exposed in the air that's different You know what I mean? Yeah, I get you.

Because I can go, oh! I'm trying to think of which one has a better chance of survival. Because I'm thinking about, like, usually, I don't know. There's probably people out there going hot air balloon rides by themselves. I haven't met one. It's usually like a group activity. So now I'm thinking about the passenger. We'll get just board a pilot.

Yeah, no, just you boarding a hot air balloon, like ticket for one. Please. It's just you and the pilot. You're like, we sell it in twos. I don't have to. Yeah. I'll buy two tickets a bit. I'll buy two, but I don't have any friends.

So there's that. But I'm thinking about, like, getting back to the family situation, what if you were the only one that had, like, that had to die? Which one would have a better chance? A hot air balloon crash or a plane crash, and I'm picking hot air balloon. Like, you slam into a building, and then you fall out and die, but then everyone else you're with gets to live. They also watch you die. fucking not your problem you know

we'll talk about it later but a plane crash usually everyone's fucked very rarely is there just like one person that dies in a plane crash it's usually one guy survives yeah it's like everybody except for one guy

he bounced off all the dead babies landed softly on a pile of dead babies he was like I didn't even know he crashed oh holy shit what happened My fucking man, a fucking cornfield?

Ugh. This is a weird airport? So hot air balloon crash, I'd pick for that reason, because I just have to be the one that dies. And then the people I go with are all fine. Even if I don't know them, at least they all get to keep going. And they get to write books and probably have a Netflix documentary made. Their lives are changed forever. And you just have to die.

Yeah, but they get to relive that over in their documentary. Remember my dad used to be alive? Yeah, but you're going back to your kids. Everyone else has other families and lives, too. So what if you're the one that just dies? Like, you decided to fuck around and find out your shirt caught on fire in a hot air balloon. They throw you out. You die.

They all have a great movie and get royalties. The idea of you catch you on fire and you'd be like, well, I can't light this whole wicker basket on fire. So you just jump out. Stop drop and roll. I can't. Can't. I'll kill all of us. Literally the worst thing I think I can't.

to do it right now. Here. Here, just lay down. Well, the air from the jump will put the fire out. I didn't bring my parachute. I'm picking hot air balloon crash. What do you guys picking? I'm going plane still.

I think I'm going plain. Fine, whatever. Just because I can hide. You know, like, when you get under the covers, you know you're not hiding. But I think that's why, isn't that why what's the fucking, Those fucking tall birds Which ones? The ones with the long legs

Stork, No No Oh Arang not a Nope Ostrich Ostrich

There's no way Said big bird Yeah There's a lot of long-legged birds Uh Yeah but The big one that sticks their head in the ground Yeah

Like that I think that's why they put their head in the ground Because they're like All right I'm safe You can't see me You can't see me I can't see you myth. I don't think they actually do that.

I think that's a cartoon myth. I get it, though. Like, that's the kids hiding under the covers thinking they're safe. I think that's where my rationale is here in the airplane is I can just avoid it. Yeah. All right, moving off. Let's go to what are you thinking about, Zach? Please. Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about?

You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking? about. Oh man. Yeah, have some more, Joe. It's so awful. I don't like taking

it's making me feel warm. Shots in general. I haven't done. I've never really been something I like. I can't remember the last time I had some straight hard A.

That's pretty fun. Oh my God, will you guys fucking take care of me? No. Okay. I got to go fix my RV after this. I still have to work. So,

hey, you got want to buy some advertising? Yeah. I can get you hooked. up, you can get on the radio. I know the guy does the morning show. And let me introduce you to him. Hey, this is Joey.

Hey. They're just like, who the, what the fuck is happening? Going back and forth. Hey, Joe, can you do the radio? Sure can. Other Joe. It's just an RV place. Like, be like, if you call us again, we're calling the fucking cops, Joe.

I can also be a police officer. So, I had something shitty happen to me a couple days ago. Let's talk about it. Okay. And we, you know, we love tech, and we talk about tech. And, like, I mean, I've been an Apple guy for a really long time. And a lot of that just came from just Final Cut Pro and just the ecosystem that Apple creates. Right.

Like, they were on the front end of everything talking to each other. And they had the best video and audio editors. when I was going through that whole stage. And I understand now that they all really kind of do the same thing. There's some great video editors out there that you don't need to use like an Apple for. But I may still do Final Cut and I use Pro Tools and the way that it talks to your phone, your other devices and everything synced up. Like that's just where I came from.

So I've been using it forever. But what just happened with my fucking phone pisses me off so bad. I was doing the morning show. on the radio. Radio Joe. And on my phone, while I'm doing the show, I have an app. It's called Pulse Point. I don't know if people know about it.

But it gives you, like, basically live updates on fires and anywhere that the fire department goes without having to listen to a police scanner. It tells you where all the emergency services are going. So when there's a car accident or a structure fire or a brush fire or a medical emergency, whatever it is, it pops up and tells you, depending on what department is responding, how big it is, and when they are there, when it's cleared. And so you use it during a morning show so you can be filled in when you're doing all your traffic reports, mostly. And I was doing that on this particular day, as I have, you know, done for a long time. And it's just sitting there and it's open. And traffic comes around on the morning show. And I, you know, click the sounders,

and I open up the bit and do the voice. And I go to grab my phone to check out if there's any traffic problems. And my phone is on the lock screen, which I have it set to never lock because I have to use it throughout the show. And it says, you just restarted your phone. Please enter your pass code. And I went, I didn't. The first thing I was like, no, I didn't. I didn't do that.

You're lying. I can't because I'm not paying attention to you and I'm doing a morning show. Definitely didn't do that. So I definitely did not restart you. and it says that. It goes, enter your passcode. And I enter it while I'm trying to, like, talk and do the morning show. And I know my passcode.

I mean, you enter it every single day. So I know what my passcode is, and I type it in. It's not right. And I'm still, like, talking and I'm like, what the, it's like, what the fuck? And then I go backwards, and I try an old one, one that was before the new one. Just another combinations. Well, I'm trying to tell people how to be safe and how to not be stuck in traffic. I'll tell you where the traffic is right around the corner.

In one fucking second! And I'm pushing it, and I get to the point where it goes, you got a one minute timeout. You're just going to wait. And so I wait, and I get to the next commercial break, and I get my phone out and the minutes up, and I tap in pretty slow what I know my passcode is. One, two, three. And it goes five minute timeout. Five for fighting. And I'm just like, what the fuck is happening?

I know my passcode. So now I don't have access to my pulse point app to tell me where shit is. I'm trying to do a goddamn morning show. Live. Live. At this same time, for whatever reason, every traffic camera in Spokane has gone out. No one knows why. I've emailed them and they just went working on it. So no one knows. I don't have traffic cameras and I don't have the thing that tells me where car crashes are. Someone's like, this is great. You are dark. You are dark. You're completely dark. So I get through a little bit, trying to use some alternate websites to figure out what's going on. The 10 minutes gets up, and I'm like, this is my fucking passcode. And I type it in one more time, and it's like hour.

And so luckily, producer came over and just unlocked his phone and gave it to me so I could use the app for the remainder of the show. But I know what it is, and I start looking it up. And it says that sometimes he just does this. and you're like I don't know you're there's a trillion dollar company yeah

fucking Apple Inc and they go I don't know just take a little time out just take a little time fuck it fuck you fuck your phone and it said

a lot of things I looked at said the best case or the best way to solve it is bring your phone down to the Apple store and I am working in Spokane and there's an Apple store in Spokane so I go down there and I'm early

because I don't open until 10 o'clock. So I'm like, I don't know, I'll get something to eat. So I park and I keep just sitting by myself eating a sandwich because I can't use my fucking phone because I'm in time out. Are you parked at a meter? Yeah, I had to pay for all this information. And I go into the Apple store.

I'm the first one, obviously. And she goes, how can I help you? I was like, my pass code, I know it's correct. Like, I know what my passcode is. And it was saying it's not. And she goes, Yeah. Sometimes it glitches. Sometimes it does that.

I'm like, okay. I was like, there's nothing you can do. And she goes, mm-mm. And I'm just staring at her. And I said out loud, I said, if I commit a crime, can the police get into it? And she goes, well, and I was like, I'm kidding. I'm not. We're not doing that.

If I go grab one of these computers and walk out with it. And she goes, and you have iCloud, right? And I'm like, yep, I do. I have iCloud. I've been paying for it for years to back up all my shit. So the only option at this point is you have to reset your phone and basically factory reset it and then back everything up from your iCloud. So I do. Turns out my iCloud decided to pause sinking at some point over the last year.

And so I reset everything and lost years of pictures, videos, notes, all messages, anything that I've like anything I've, like anything I done. It went back to, I have 250 photos from 2017. That's it. That's all I got. So at pause, sinking, I didn't pay for EyeCloud a long time ago because I just would always back up

my phone manually. Yeah. Plug it in and just throw photos. And so I lost, oh yeah, all the apps, all the data for the apps, all the fucking passwords, all of it. Because it happens. It happens.

Sometimes that happens. What the fuck? I mean, that makes me so, just god damn it. Well, you start trusting. There's got to be a lawsuit in there somewhere. Yeah, that's the thing is like, it's not only, it's, I mean, it sounds bad like, oh, you lost your stuff on your phone. But it is like that, it becomes, it's an extension of your life. You videos of your kids, pictures of your kids, family events, and your dad, your sister.

And when you're paying for ICloud, my I cloud was not full. Yeah. It was not even close. to full. So it just paused it at some point. It was like, would you like to re-sync it? Like, after I already reset my phone? I'm like, yeah. And it was like, cool, here's 250

photos when your kids were tiny. I'm like, fucking what? Here's Ezra at two years old. Luckily, I didn't lose all of my contacts. I thought I did it first because everyone's number, but it eventually caught up and saved everybody. But what the fuck, dude?

So whatever, the $10 you're paying a month or whatever for the iCloud service I guess I was just giving Apple money that's pretty funny so you gave them all that money didn't even keep your stuff didn't keep it

didn't keep shit and they just sometimes that happens and the conspiracy side of me wants to think that they they know what they're doing they don't do that so that you never not have it again

but in my case I already had it and it still didn't fucking do it I never got any alerts It's like, you know when ICloud doesn't sink and it says it's not, that didn't fucking happen. You haven't synced in a week or you haven't synced in three days. It's just I got the new phone, like this phone like, what, two years ago now? It never said that. It makes me want to go, make sure, it makes me want to check mine.

So everybody out there listening, make sure you check. Go check it. I have no idea why it paused. I didn't get alerts about it being paused. I did get alerts about it being paused on my last phone, but I was still like manually backing it up. So I just fucking lost everything. And I guess I look at it. is like the last three years

of my life I'm fine losing so there's that so those are out of the way and that's kind of fun that never happened three years ago that last three years didn't happen there's a lot of good times in there but I don't have to look at it anymore those are gone and I will never have them again

so anyway that's what I'm thinking about so I guess I have a it's I have a ton of storage that's the outside opened up a ton of space dude I could take like so many I could probably take like 400 five minute 4K videos. And that's so many screenshots of just random shit.

Of just memes. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So that happened. That's scary. Sorry, man. It's okay.

It's okay. And I know I have, like up until probably about three years ago, ish, I have a phone that has shit on it. So I could plug it in and bring all that stuff over. It is safe. Because an old phone is basically a hard drive, right? But I also don't really. care. You know when you

think about throwing stuff out at least I do this when I think about like oh I should just get rid of this old stuff and then I'm looking through it I'm like I don't want to get rid of it it has memories nostalgia whatever it has

you hang on to it but if you were forced to throw it away you wouldn't think you know six months down the road you wouldn't you wouldn't miss it but so maybe that's the same same kind of thing It's like you wouldn't have chosen to get rid of that stuff, but it's gone.

And, you know, it sucks, but in a while you won't even remember it. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. And I have AppleCare so I can get a new phone. Like, there's all sorts of things I want to do. Anyway. That's some fun. That's some fun with it.

The future's looking bright, Joe. Things are great. All right, let's do some dick. Zah! Is it dumb then it's dick, dick, d'all. So you remember at the start of the show when I said we have a, we can't, we can't We can't not be flung. I did some, I did a little bit of research.

Okay? Because I wanted to make sure that this story was real. Because it could not be. I made sure that it was. You ready? Yeah. Costco employee caught pleasuring herself with the famous $1.50 cent hot dog while on the clock. I mean, that's tempting.

Think about if you had a hole. A whole meant for that shape. You can't tell me that's not tempting. For $1.50? She worked there. This is a freebie. Oh. This is a free dildo.

Just on her lunch break or something? Yeah. So a Costco employee in suburban Ohio is facing charges after police say she was caught by a co-worker using one of the store's famous $1.50 hot dogs in a sexual manner while she was still on the clock. Why do they keep saying the famous hot dog? Because it is famous. We all know. we're talking about.

Yeah. It's the famous. I mean, it's the flong. It's the flung. It's the flung. It's the flung. Authorities say officers were called to a warehouse club, to the warehouse club around 445 p.m.

Damn. I mean, can you just take this fucking thing? Take it to the parking lot, lady. Wednesday after a food court employee reported walking in on coal, that's her name, vigorously inserting a hot dog into a vagina. Yeah, yeah. Yeah! That's what I picture. Yeah, brother!

Just slam me, baby! Yeah, baby! Slamming a footy! Just a flong right in your hole? That just seems not healthy, but... It's fine. Are they sturdy? Are they that sturdy? Are hot dogs healthy?

Into her vagina in an employee-only prep area behind the counter. According to police, the store was open at the time, and Cole was actively working her scheduled shift. Dude, that's one way to say masturbating. She was working her scheduled shaft is what she was doing. Sorry, I can't make it. I can't make it. I'm working my scheduled shift.

You're like, I know what that means. Investigator said, 29-year-old Marissa Cole allegedly removed a prepared hot dog from a warming tray and used it to pleasure yourself while standing in the restricted prep area. A fellow employee entered the area moments later saw it was happening, and immediately alerted a supervisor. You fucking snitch. I probably wouldn't say anything I'd just watch.

I just, I'd be like, do you have any more hot dogs? Yeah. Can I have a bun? Can I have a bun to come on? I'm putting my hot dog in some bun. What are you doing with that afterwards? Police said Cole was sent to the manager's office and detained there until officers arrived.

Investigators later reviewed internal security footage. Where's the colds not the brightest? which they said appear to support the co-workers account. I've had weird dreams before. And there's random, at random times where I masturbated in a public space. And then later on in that dream, like we started thinking, oh, shoot, was there like a surveillance camera? Am I going to be on America's Funniest on videos?

In the dream, I'm thinking, I'm thinking like, oh, I wonder if there was a camera in that room. Oh, my God. What dystopia would that be that you win $50,000 on America's Funniest Home videos for fucking yourself with the Costco hot dog? America. America, this is you. You're sitting there in an orange jumpsuit handcuffed while the whole audience laughs at you fucking yourself with the hot dog. We just become so desensitized.

Yeah. Oh, my God. You might be a star tonight, so let that can roll on the red, white, and blue. All the fan's things you do from America. Yeah. You fucking what? What some cold fly? And then Bob's Haggitt's head is going, whoa, wow, woo.

We're not giving it to herself. And to everyone's amazement, it's a compilation of people fucking themselves with Costco hot dogs? it just happens that much it happens that much yeah pretty common around these parts Cole reportedly told officers she made quote a stupid mistake and did not think anyone would come into the area

at that time except for her I got you the hot dog and nearby food items were discarded dude she must have just been fucking horny right I mean I get it I've never you know is it cooked is it just raw

I said it was prepared it was coming off the warming tree. It was on the warming tree, yeah. Did she put onions on it? Which also made it probably more appealing. She's like, I've got a cold hole. I need to warm up my cold hole. Sorry, officer, we had to warm up my cold hole. What? What the fuck did you just say?

Have you ever had a cold hole before? Then how can you speak on this? Cole was arrested on misdemeanor charges of public indecency, disorderly conduct and food tampering. Just throwing the book at her. I mean, she's cute.

So that also plays that. She didn't need that. Yeah. She just had, that just shows you how bad it is the dating scene is today. Fair. If you're willing to fuck yourself with the Costco hot dog instead of go on a proper date. I mean, Tinder or. Yeah.

But, you know, sometimes when you're just doing whatever, it's like you get in the mood, you can't wait around for a Tinder date. Mm-mm. You can't. No, that's why we have hands. That's Grindr. Oh. Yeah. And they ground up meat.

Oh, yeah. Cole was released pending a court appearance next. Explaining this to all the people closest to you. It was unclear whether or not she immediately, she retained an attorney. I can't take this court. I cannot take this case. Why? Just reputation.

Don't you have to move? You'd perhaps move out of your city, I imagine. I don't know. Your country, maybe. Maybe out of your country. You get a fucking Costco restraining order. You can't go within 500 yards of a Costco. Costco. Going to Sam's Club.

Going to Sam's Club. Going to Sam's Club. I like Costco. Just through hot dough. Yeah. You want to take this next one? You won't take that dick? I mean, fuck I guess. All right. We're going to stick with the theme of dicks. Love it.

Few of our kids sent us in, but our daughter's Soenjox. Co-worker used to play pool with this guy, apparently. Okay. So she also left her number in there. Okay. Oh boy Yeah that's quite the picture Indiana man Allegedly cuts off his penis with knife

Sets it ablaze with lighters and gasoline This story was Yeah I mean it's just another cooked hot dog You know that Nice Ah yeah It's

You know that you're doing something When you just get emails and messages Of this kind of thing Like, here you go, guys. This was made for you. The world has catered a story for Ken you don't. Here it is. This guy probably did it on purpose.

He listens to the show. He's like, I'm going to go down in style. They won't answer my emails. Yeah. They won't call me. I'm going to cut my dick off and settle on fire. Here he is. Oh, I'm getting, I got to pop up.

Ah! Get out of here. Norton antivirus. Oh. Okay. That's a weird pop up. You may want to keep your Johnson tucked away. Because Christopher Piedon is out on bail.

The story ain't for the squeamish. A man in Indiana chopped off his penis. That even rhymed. The story may make you squeamish. He chopped off his penis. Dr. Soiss. And set a blaze. What did you say?

What did you say? Dr. Soyth. Oh, I got you. Setting it ablaze using lighters and gasoline, according to his attorney. Yes, this is the attorney. Yeah, he burned his dick off. Yeah, what's it to you? Yeah, big whoop.

He allegedly told the police that he walked inside a garage in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and sliced off his junk with a kitchen knife. His lawyer tells... TMZ. TMZ. Feltz and said Peden then allegedly placed his severed penis on the floor, doused it with gasoline from a container and set it on fire using... four lighters.

How many hands of this guy have? And why does how are so many lighters? Yeah, this is going back to our thumb, Steve. That's the only way you're pulling this off. You've got to have that mutated, reconstructed thumb.

Butt-plugged thumb. But-plug-thum. Beliefers responded to the May 6th incident after receiving a call for a stabbing at the detached garage belonging to the property owners. Man.

What? I know. It's beautiful I can't believe this This happened May 6th I thought it When I was around Fourth of July

When I heard it I thought it was like a Fourth of July Thing He was like I'll show He was like I'll show Yeah Check this out

It's my dick burning Yeah It's little sparklers His tapes his dick To a bottle rocket Send it God bless America

This thing is Spewing blood Out of his severed Dickhole this thing just keeps getting me in trouble fucking send it to the moon that's right

the owners were awakened by a concerned neighbor who saw the garage burning and they suddenly realized Pete and a family member had disappeared oh my god is he cutting his dick off again this guy with his fucking he just got out of cut your dick off again

I also have had dreams before where my dick's falling off yeah it's fun I've ever had that oh yeah what is that what is it what's it mean and like does it will it go back on Why does it? What the hell? I don't know. It's just losing important things. While responding to the scene, Fort Wayne officers bumped into Piedon, who falsely claimed he had been stabbed by, he's bumped in him.

Oh, hey. Hey, whoa, why's your dick on? Mm-hmm. Oh, you tell, that's why I called you. You tell me, buddy. I just got here. Who falsely claimed he had been stabbed by someone downtown and threatened the day before. Okay.

But after he was rushed to the hospital, allegedly told investigators that he lied. I lied! And then confessed to mutilating himself. You guys have a dickless man in your hospital rooms. They're like, we don't... Fuck, check me. Oh, you think I'm bluffing?

You think I'm a fiver? What if he jammed his charred penis in his butt? He didn't, though. But what if he didn't? What if? But what if? He was taken to the Allen County Jail where he posed for a moment.

shot with his bond set at $10,000. How is he just fucking fine? Yeah, seriously. You think he would have bled out or something. I know, and we've talked about stories like this with the, man, why do I have a visual of some guy? He lost his dick, right? And then he put it on ice. Do you remember this story?

Very early on. Like put it and then went to, I don't think it was the same Dick Farmer's story. Was it? The OG Dick Farmer? Somebody called the Dick Farmer. Oh, man. I got fucking big ones, black ones, under his trench coat. No, but somebody lost their dick and then put it on ice, like in snow.

Don't you remember? It's vaguely there. Yeah. And then drove his dick in a cooler to the hospital and had it snowed back on. And it, I mean, it's not great. But it's there. It's upside down. That's kind of how I explained my life.

It's not great, but I'm here. Yeah. Is there better lives? Sure. Sure. but I'm here okay but he's just like taking mug shots and shit

they're like how are you fine he's like where's my dick because that was when I read that I was like that seems weird that they mentioned he posed for a mugshot but I guess maybe it is like a fish picture yeah he's holding his dick dude it was this big it keeps getting bigger and bigger

no we've heard that one before felt said penis currently in stable condition as the lawyer gathers information to mount a defense. Fells tells, in TMZ, the allegations against his client are concerning. And he's now looking in a pedin's mental state at the time of the alleged incident.

It's a little concerning. It's also not really hurting anybody. But he's charged, so $10,000 bond. And he's charged with arson because his dick was so flammable. Yeah. It caught the garage on fire. Yeah. Yeah. And his family has to be the one pressing

charges. They're like, I'm so sorry about your dick and your mental state and all that. But someone's got... You also need to pay thousands of dollars. You also... Like, who's going to... This garage isn't going to rebuild itself. So you, when you get out of jail, you and you're no dick, come back here with the hammer, rebuild a garage. That's fucking crazy.

So real quick, can you throw this up on the screen or up on the TV there? Oh, that has something to do with the show. Yeah, that's weird. So it says stars who love hot dogs. and it just shows people. Is it because the computer's hearing us talking about Jammin Hot Dogs in their hoo-ha or what?

I hope so. But there are a big old set of boobies right above three delicious dogs. Yeah. Just charred. I didn't even see that at first. I guess how the dogs.

Yep. So stars who love hot dogs, everybody does. They're just not good for you. No, they're not. That's it. You did mention that Sonia gave her phone number.

Oh. Should you give her a call? Let's give her a call. Okay. Let's see. Is it Sonia or Sonja? Sonia. Sonia.

Sonia. Sonia, yeah. Somia Blade. All right. Let's see if she picks up. See if she has anything to add to this story. All right. Here we go.

Super. Whoa, I guess transferred it to the speaker out there. Fucking. Come on. Hmm. We may never know. Blowing your chance, Sonia. Was that a hello?

Hello? This is one of those weird messages where it's... I know, are we getting tricked right now? Are you safe? Blink twice. Blink twice if you're not safe. No. Oh.

Oh. Hi. Hi. What are you doing right now? Oh, Bluetooth was on. Oh. You were what? eating Cheetos

Fuck yeah The Cheetos The puff kind or like the Crunchy The twin kinds Yeah The OG Hi

Sonia Hi How's it going Good We just read the story About the guy chopping his dick off And setting it on fire And then has to pay to rebuild the grudge

Yeah I found out a dude I work with I used to play pool with him Was that the end of the conversation He goes Oh dude I used to play pool with that guy He told my son My son

works with us too, and he sent me the story one night and said that you told them about it. Is that just kind of an Indiana thing? You know? Probably. You said everyone's over there's chopping their peckers off?

I mean, seems to be the trend these days. Where do you guys work at a pecker factory? A rubber factory. Oh, nice. How close to How close to Gary are you? Far enough away, thankfully.

About two and a half hours. That's a good distance. Where are you? I'm just outside of Fort Wayne. Oh, I'm going to pretend like I know where that's at. Columbia City. It's also going to pretend like I know where that's it. Nobody knows where that's at.

It's northeast Indiana. How close to Indianapolis is it? Still not going to help me. Two and a half hours from there, too. Jesus. So you're to stop out of your own. out of the way. Is Indiana on the other side of Ohio?

Which side is it on? Below it. Below it? We are really close to the Ohio border, actually. Yep, that's what I figured. You a Browns fan? Fuck, no. Bengals?

What? No. Bangles? No. Just rubber? It's going to be a Colts fan. Look, I like the Jets. Oh, yeah.

See? And they suck, and I know that. It's fine. They'll get better someday. You got Aaron Rogers for one more year. Oof, that's going to be great. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, Ohio and Indiana, right?

Right below Michigan. Yeah. Well, that was it. We're just hoping that you had some extra details. Are you off work at the rubber factory? Yeah. What do you guys? What do you do with the rubber factory?

We make rubber that goes into Axel's for trailers. Are you part of big rubber? She's part of big rubber. She's part of big rubber. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. You're part of the problem.

You're part of the problem, Sonia. Yeah, usually. Well, thanks for the chat. Thanks for the insight. And thanks for listening to the show. No problem, man. All right. Enjoy your Cheetos.

Thanks. Super rub. Indeed. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thanks, sir.

Bye-bye. That was funny. I think I've ever met someone who works at a rubber factory. No, I thought maybe that was a joke. And you said because we were talking about, you know. Like condoms or something. Yeah, works at a rubber factory. That would be fun.

You just get to bounce around on rubber. What's that? What was that movie with Robin Williams? Flubber. Flubber. Oh, what a show. Oh, no, it's bubble boy. I was going to say rubber boy.

Rubber buber boy Rubble bubble boy Rubble bubble Next story Rub my bubble Oh geez the weeds That was crazy Oh shit

All right Holy shit For the golden geese Daniel Spatz Jordan Holiday Todd Zootenhorse The Sofa King

Matthew Redder Danielachi E M3 Neil Duffany Jason Klazer Stephen. That's our golden geese.

Top tier supporters on Patreon. They can you guys so much. Whenever we lose a spot, it's been holding strong. It's been holding strong, and we love it, you guys. Big part of making this show happen. So we have,

at least I do, but as I've learned as progressing through the show today, that you guys don't remember anything. No. So that's a problem. Do you guys remember learning about Mount Everest?

Right? It's a big deal. Like you climb it. and people do stuff. But they would roll in that fucking cart, that TV cart, right? And this person was a part of a lot of the shows that we would watch about the expeditions of Everest. And I remember him. And I hope that you guys do, too.

India plans a mission to recover green boots, the mountaineer whose body serves as Everest warning. Okay. I'm going to show you a picture of this fella. Okay. Okay, this guy. You guys know who he is, right? That's the guy. That's the fucking guy.

It's the dead guy, the famous dead guy that lays along the trail that everyone hikes. And the headline is like, serves as a reminder. More on that in just a second. They just leave him there? Because it's too much to get him out of there. There's a lot of bodies up there. There is. But this guy, he's known as green boots.

Fuck! Indian authorities are looking to recover the body of a climber known as green boots from the upper slopes of Mount Everest nearly 30 years after a fatal expedition. The Indo-Tibetan border police, a paramilitary force, has issued a tender... Easy for you to say. For a specialist high-altitude recovery agency to bring down what it believes is the body of... Mm-mm. Dorje Mourup. M-O-D-J-D-G. Dorj.

What? D-O-R-J-E? Dorje. Dorha. Morp? From the Tibet side of the mountain. Many in the mountaineering community believe, however, that green boots is another Indian climber. Twaswang, Pajor.

God. Murup and Pajor were part of a six-member expedition that was caught in a deadly storm near the summit in 1996. That's so long ago. All six climbers were members of the Indian paramilitary force, while three turned back as weather conditions worsened, Marup and Paljor and Swang Plung continued their ascent. I feel bad.

It was like, all right? I get they died. I'm sorry. I just don't have the tongue for it. They reportedly went close to the summit. before being forced to turn back, all three perished on the mountain. The remains of green boots. Lyingside Everett's death zone above the 8,000 meter zone,

where harsh conditions make recovery extremely dangerous. The Tender invites agencies with experience carrying out rescue or recovery operations at similar altitudes, preferably on Everest in the past five years. That's a weird job posting. being like, listen. And they're like, well, I did it like six years ago. They're like, get the fuck out of you. Don't, why'd you even come to the office?

We are talking about fucking green boots here. We need someone who has rescued people at Everest in the last five years. This isn't just anybody. This is green boots. You have three options. And they're all dead. Can't someone just grab them on the way back down? Just sled them down?

Yeah, like you made it to the top. He's dead. You're descending. You just grab them and drag him out. I get it. Here was my thought on this. This is a person whose name clearly I can't pronounce. But we can call him, you know, John Smith.

And George is fine. Sure. So Mr. Green Boots, he had a whole life. Maybe he had kids. They're 30 years older now, too. He had parents that were like making food for him and he's playing and swinging on the yard. And he had neighborhood for him. friends, and now he's green boots.

And it's crazy to think that he, for the last 30 years, just been laying there. He's just been an example of how to fail. He lays there and they walk by and they go, don't do that. And that is, that is what he's doing. Frozen in fucking boots. He's, yeah, it's like, it's a statue, but he's a failure. He's a real person. He was.

That's a real body lane there. It's not a statue of him. I guess he also kind of a real statue. Yeah. Frozen in 30 years of being preserved on Everest. This family should get some money. It's kind of a sign. Instead of a sign, it's him.

I know. So they're saving money. Like you walk into that death zone and he's a tourist attraction. Yeah. They're taking selfies. Yes, you know they are. He's just. Oh, shit.

Oh my God. It's fucking green boots. green boots. They really are green. Yeah, they are green. It's just... Fucking slow death. Freezing to death.

Like trying to get inside of a cave. And freezing to death. And now with all the technology we have 30 years later, like the amount of people that reach the summit is like astronomical because we've just kind of figured it out. In fucking green boots, just a reminder of how far we've come. As humans?

he's up there and like what's he wearing he's wearing like just basic level snow shit yeah I mean that that's like okay that's what people were wearing 30 years ago you know like that's the outfit

yeah are his pants falling down I bet they are I'm guessing his butts has shrunk a little bit like it looks like his pants are coming down someone's like dude new mission go up there and fuck green boots it's because somebody went through his pockets

do you have any do you have a cliff bar green boots. Guaranteed his wallet's still not on. We try to take it just frozen to his skin. The idea of like his, I mean, because he was probably, I imagine when he climbed,

maybe in his 20s or 30s, probably, right? Sure. So his parents have known this whole time. Their son is just laying up, like he's just up there. They wake up in the morning and think about their son. Not like, oh, we're going to go talk to his grave or whatever.

It's like, he's just like, well, I'm not hiking up there to talk to him. Yeah. I can't visit his grave. It sucks up there. Yeah, it sucks. That's why he died. Dude, it sucks up there. It is super lame.

Yeah, it's cold. But just people like, just, just look over and like, oh, green boots. Green boots. Just like, by your just fucking. just laying there in the fetal position for 30 fucking years oh man well I hope they get green boots down

I don't know why this is gonna show my ignorance yeah I hope so but like why I mean I get that it's hard you know what this is gonna be good no no it's it's like I'm asking on for real here like

I know the conditions are I mean people go up there and climb it all the time how is there not more rescues going on now. Because technology's gotten better. No, I know, but what I'm saying is how how is it 30 years later

are you still there? Well, you can't just fly in there and get them. No, I know. Okay, the system's a little fucking whack. Yeah, just attach them up to a sled and push the sled and let it go down the hill. Let it ride? According to the internet, there are 200 bodies

on Mount Everest. That's a lot. How many are wearing green boots right next to the trail? probably at least one only one oh green boots ew oh yeah it just

I know I know it's that's why I'm saying I'm showing my ignorance here it just it seems wild you have to hike up there and then if you are trying

to get the body out and not sled it down the mountain oh you're worried about the dignity look at green boots you'd have to build you'd have to build like a perfect luge.

Where are you sledding that body? I don't know. Just push it. See what happens. Do you picture like a ski mountain? Sure. Like what kind of ridge you think they're walking up? A snowmobile. How about that? Yeah.

Fuck yeah. I think the trail might be a little bit of a problem for a snowmobile. Someone would do it. I think you could put them on a sled. Where's Travis Mastrana? Get one of the, like a cocoon sled where it's wrapped up and push it and just let it go down the mountain. Put them in one of those balls. Yeah. Like they blow up balls? Oh yeah. Or a sumo suit. Yeah. Or one of the, uh, like the,

one of those balls that they have in Jurassic Park where they're cruising around out in the thing. Oh, newer Jurassic Park. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, one of those. Just get that up the mountain. Put them in a tire. You drop. It's like, like a tractor tire? From an airplane, drop a big tractor tire. From an airplane? Yeah. Oh, man. And then, uh, And then put him in that and just roll the tire down the hill. Can helicopters reach Everest? It's probably really harsh for a helicopter. Yes, a helicopter can fly to the top of Mount Everest.

But it's extremely rare, dangerous, and not done for routine flights or standard rescues. The air is not good. Summit is so thin that helicopters struggle to generate any lift and lose their engine power. Yeah. So they can basically voluntarily stall out. That's why I was saying an airplane as it's flying over Everest. Just like a cargo plane. You can't throw a net out?

No, a cargo plane and it's just the thing drops and you just push the tire out. And hopefully it sticks in some snow or something. It just smashes green boots. Good news. You did way too well. We just shattered every bone in green boots. How high is he on the mountain right now? He's up.

He's in death zone. Yeah, where's, just say, what is death zone? Yeah. What altitude is green boots? The infamous green boots on Mount Everest rest at an altitude of approximately 8,500 meters. So 27,890 feet. God, he's close to the summit, dude. Isn't it?

The summit's like 29,000 something. Yeah, the grim landmark lies in a limestone cave along the northeast ridge route. just 350 meters from the summit. Oh, almost made it. Are those oxygen tanks laying next to him? Yeah, he was like, this isn't going to help me. I just can't imagine your entire legacy just being a reminder of failure. This is what...

Don't do that. Yeah. What did he do, though? I don't know. He just kept going and he shouldn't have. Yeah, he should have turned back. Okay. That's why he had keep on.

Stick to your buddy. The buddy system. Like you know how sports teams will jump up and hit a sign in the locker room? You walk by and just rub green boots. That's why. It's probably why his pants are falling down

because everyone's like tugging at his pants. Fucking egg for good luck. Tug on green boots his pants. Why don't we call him blue pants? I said the same thing. All right. Let's move off with some goodness. That's so high.

It's so high. Fuck that, man. I mean, you think about an airplane flying at 36,000 feet to its destination. Accidentally running into Everest. It's only 6,000 feet or 7,000 feet higher than Everest. Yeah, that's one hot air balloon higher.

As we've learned throughout the show today. All right, let's do some good news. Zach! Would you rather... So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! Would you rather die in a hot air balloon crash

or die on Everest? If you get to turn into a... spectacle of failure. I mean, he's more famous than we'll ever be. Yeah. So there's that. All these countries, all these documentaries about the world's tallest mountain,

I mean, you are, you know, dissolved into being called green boots. What is green boots in other languages? Dude, there he is. Like, this is where he is on the mountain. Verde la Bouté. Yeah. Verde Boutte. That's gonna be my fucking stripper

How to say green boots In French sounds fun You know there's plenty of French people Oh oh damn that was close Botes Verdes Nice Botes better

Let's just hear it There he is Oh I was even close Boatvert Whoa why did you say it's so slow Yeah and sexy That sounds like she's like trying to, she's reaching down my pants and saying this. Boat vert.

Oof. Boathe. So they're like, people over there talking about it. People everywhere, every single language. Boatverse. Let's see what it is in Japanese. Boatverse. I guess I can't just write Japan, although I wanted to.

Here we go. Boots is carrying over. And they're talking about it. I mean, this guy's famous, dude. Okay. Do you want to read the good news story? Yeah. Can it get better than...

That wasn't the good news. What? Can it get better than what? I mean, it can. Yeah, I'm... Whatever. I gave it the cool music. Women who rescued injured

Crow keeps getting thank you gifts from other birds. Aw. Here's a little booby. Verte de verres. And boot a verre. Bouta vera. A butt a vemese. A but a bear.

While there's just one crow flying above her now, Leah Wilson will never forget that day. The sky was full of them. The crows were dive bombing over here. Leah says pointing across the street, circling the house. Over there. Reporting.

Leah was told a crow was stuck in the home's Eustroff Bastaf, but that Eustrof But nobody had a ladder Long enough to save it It was really distressed Or I was, Leah said And I knew I had to do something about it

So after noticing a fire truck parked a couple blocks away That's why they're not saving green boots No one has a ladder Right Leah raced over and stole the keys And drove the fire truck to and use the ladder to rescue the crow.

Nice try. That's not what happened. Leah raced over to ask the firefighters for help. I was like, Hey! You look like you want to save a crow today. Leah crawls with a laugh. I like Leah.

I do too. The firefighters agreed before raising their tall ladders and rescuing the crow. Well, that's today. I'll give you my tall ladder. Oh, shit. The firefighters were so gracious and wonderful Leah sighs. The heart, my heart was so full. Isn't a sigh a bad thing?

Can you sigh? They were so graceful. I don't know. Just like a release of energy. They were so graceful. Isn't that a sigh? I think it's just a... Can you sigh?

Is it positive a sigh? Positive sigh? Yeah, I think you can. Like, something crazy. You were so grateful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Then Leah drove the injured bird to the wild animal rehabilitation center, Sintre, in her car. The pair connected. He latched onto my finger and held on, Leah says. It was life-changing. Leah didn't know how life-changing until a few days later when she was told the injured bird had been released back into the wild. Without her knowledge. She was really upset because she didn't get to say goodbye to the crow.

So she stole a fire truck. Mm-hmm. Okay. That's not what happened. I was going to walk with my dog, Leah says. A crow flew down and dropped his beautiful feathered bundle of shit on my feet. I need to start reading the happy stories. Have I not learned my lesson after four years and two months?

That if I give you a good story, you're going to ruin it. I'm going to shit on it. Definitely didn't feel like a flu. I was like, wow! This crew has given me a thank you gift. Since then, crows have left more than a half dozen items for Leah from sticks and balls and moss and smaller turds. God.

Smaller birds' nests. Leah whose metis was received each... Has? Leah whose... What is that? Mettis. Mates. What is that?

I don't know. I'll look it up for you. He has received each one with gratitude. I grew up with the understanding of the importance of having a relationship with the natural world, Leah says. And now, whenever Leah and her dog go for a walk, all sorts of crows join them. It feels so good. Leah Smalley. Métis.

Métis. It's a distinct indigenous people of North America with mixed European or indigenous ancestry. Oh, that's what she is. That's her ethnic background. Okay. Who's this? It's a weird place to put that. Shouldn't it the...

In the story. The umlau, it's not an umlau, but the little squid, it's above the E, so shouldn't it be METI? Conno, METI. METI. The emphasis should go on that. Anyway, there's the start of the show. Leah points to the crow. She easily recognizes because he received a metal band on his leg after being rehabilitated. He's the highlight of my day.

And thanks to the efforts from the whole community, both the people and the birds, Leah, point out, The crows appears to be thriving. But do they visit the firefighters at all? When we are aware that is happening around us, there's so much potential to come together and beautiful things can happen. I agree. Zach, does Monique have crow friends?

Yes, she does. Yes, she does. Just recently, even, they've been leaving her. God, I love it. Dimes and nickels and an owl scat. So they're stealing money and giving it to her. Yes, and the biggest reason I brought this. story yet. It's because I knew

without knowing that Monique has crow friends. Dude, it's just a recent thing. Aaron has pro friends. Yeah. She's feeding crows. There's like, fuck, it's a whole flock of them, a whole murder. My whole backyard's a zoo now that my dog is gone. So now all the animals are in there and she's friends with all of them. Do the, guys, he's gone. That's it, dude.

You save. Yeah, we actually had one of the raccoons go after one of our chickens. I haven't got, oh, that's not fun. Yeah, not fun at all. Yeah, right. Come up, my poach, my mom and a shoe moth with a broom. That's what I used. I used. I used broom. Yeah, you did. You might not know the answer. I haven't gotten any updates on the Robbins that we saved.

Ooh. Do the Robbins still come back? Yeah. They do? Yeah, we have them. We're almost certain that it's the same family that's, they don't generally go too far away from where they were. And they don't have name tags. No, they don't. So there are some, some little things that you can tell, little white spots that don't show up and stuff. Yeah. I mean, if you don't remember that story, we were leaving and there was a windstorm and a bird nest fell out. Do you remember? So we took the baby birds The only person I knew who to call Called Monique she goes

Fuck yeah I'll take them Yeah And he just gave us and all the kids updates Every couple days that she nursed One of the two right One didn't make it Yeah one didn't make it And then one made it

Yeah My kids were like we'll do it I was like yeah if you want them to die Fucking give him Monique It's not easy that's for sure No god Did she eat worms And regurgitated into the bird's mouth

No, not quite. A little syringe type thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, that's awesome. Just, I love that. The connection to nature. All right, let's move off to, hey, look what I found.

Not much to say about this, but I want to show it to you. Zach! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool. Or, go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together.

as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes, that's awesome. If I could tell you how I found this, I would tell you. I honestly have no idea how I came across this. And from a podcast perspective,

it's not going to make a whole lot of sense if it's just audio form. But if you're watching on YouTube or you want to jump from the audio side over to this, this is fucking art. And it's so weird. and it would be a absolute wonderful horror film the video is called the saxophone man

saxophone man you guys ready check this out Is that penguin? It looks like a Hicktuck Hitchcock Hitchcock? It's a guy in a suit and he has a saxophone for a head with eyeballs and he's like freakously tall.

And has, he's just walking around. He's walking up to a barbecue right now. Oh, that's creepy. I know, right? What the hell? I think I was on Pornhub. Well, I was not Pornhub because you can't watch Pornhub in Idaho. Oh, is it restricted in Idaho?

What the hell, dude? This is so bizarre. I know. Oh, what the hell? Just wait. Hold on, let's go ahead here. So he pulls this out of a chest that looks like a barbecue. It's a little Muppet.

Could be Louis Armstrong. Satchmo. Pet in his head. Their parents are like, man, I knew we shouldn't have sent him to art school. Holy cow. So San Francisco's going well? What have you learned so far? I don't know.

Just share the wink. Is that Louis? I think so, yeah. Mm-hmm. What a wonderful. Okay. So this whole performance happens. And he puts him away.

Mm-hmm. Into your box. Like, wouldn't they scare the shit out of you? He's going to be a horror fucking character, dude. Okay, you guys have to look it up. The saxophone man. Were you guys wondering if you had hair or not? It's so weird because he's in a park.

So there's somebody, people are walking by watching this performance. He's got hair. Oh, he's got a little bald, like the little side. Oh, geez. Wow. What the hell? How many views does this have? Take a peek at it.

I'll take a peek for you there, buddy. Let me shrink the video here. Good God. 23,000. All right. I mean, it deserves a lot more than that. How did you find it? My goodness.

I don't remember. When did that come out? Mm. That's another great question. 12 years ago. Oof. That seems like an early YouTube thing. Ahead of its time.

Yeah. But anyway, the saxophone man. Look it up if you want to be creeped out. All right. Time to hear from the kids. Zat fuck! Shut! All right.

Let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow. That's cool. Super Sex. All right. You take the first one.

Yeah. First one's coming in from our daughter, Aaron, who writes, So, at my previous job, a new girl started and was complaining to HR that everyone was eating bananas in the break room because she allegedly was extremely very allergic. Okay. She claimed that she would go into an anaphylaxis at the sight of, at the sight of someone. Just the sight. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I never witnessed that during the many days I consume bananas in front of her.

Also weird. Yeah, you're going to watch. How's your day? You're going to watch. You're going to watch. You're going to watch me. You fucking like it. You fucking come in the banana.

Anyways, she complained so much about it that HR! Nice. Finally designated our small break room as a banana free zone with the signage and everything. This, see, this is. Because one person, so everybody else has to suffer. This is a banana piece. He says, no banana. No banana.

This is. And no banana? These are the frustrating things. About corporate life. You have 50 people working there, and one person freaks out because they're watching someone eat a banana. And so everybody has to not eat a banana. Nobody gets potassium.

It's a banana-free work environment or, you know, a small break room. Just no bananas. You walk in there because someone fucking themselves with the Costco hot dog. At least it's not a banana. It's not a banana. You see anything about a hot dog.

Aren't you glad I didn't say banana again? Aren't you glad? Just what? Well, you're in trouble. Since she was so new, no one really knew her name. So everyone called her a banana girl, as you do.

like they like hey did you see what banana girl did today banana girl is complaining again banana girl be crazy you get it I wonder what banana girl is up to these days stay lucy goosey Aaron M

I think we found out still up to it probably yeah still walking around making everyone cater to their fucking banana needs yeah it just moved on from bananas to something else he's probably happily married Our second email...

I'm sure he's loving life. He's like, glad I'd made this decision. Our second email coming in from our son, Ty, who writes, Hello, Alive Daddies and Uncle Zach. Hello. After Nick wrote in with his dead dad story, I wanted to share mine. This is a good one.

Come on. Keep your head up, Bray. I was 10 years old when a heart attack killed my dad. He was 27. Woo! So I guess. Well, I guess that means he's in the 27 club. Nice.

Oh, yeah. I've been in the Dead Dad Club. I like to think of it as quite fitting. He loved music and hard rock and heavy metal. What's his favorite? I have all of his old CDs, and I'm pretty sure he still owes Columbia House hundreds of dollars at the least. We all do. Reply stop to opt out of his text message.

But your dad owes us grants. At 32 years old now, I am the oldest of three boys. My mom was six months pregnant with my youngest brother, with my youngest brother, when my dad's heart decided to murder him. We were living in Alaska at the time while my dad worked with my grandpa. He delivered propane. Propane, propane. Sometimes by helicopter? Dude, Alaska is a whole different world, dude.

Yes, it is. I love that, dude. I sell propane and propane successes. He delivered propane. sometimes by helicopter. Catch! You have your net? You have your propane net, Frank!

To remote locations in Alaska Wilderness until one day they were both on the job, him and his grandpa, when my dad turned and looked at his dad, said goodbye, and dropped right there in front of my grandpa. What? Yeah, because he knew something was wrong. Said goodbye? She goes, goodbye.

Just the, in the AOL logout sound? Just cute Fuck The I see cute Uh oh Goodbye Goodbye

Growing up without a dad While watching your mom Raise three boys Has made me who I am today I try to look on the bright side As I have Some memories of my dad While my brothers were still too young

To ever make any Before he passed 27 The company they worked for It was so kind to ship us All of our stuff And our grandparents back home where my dad grew up in the small north Idaho town of Clark Fork.

Hell yeah, brother. About 90 minutes northeast of beautiful downtown Cortal Lane. I've fished the Clark Park for fly fishing up there. If he ain't never done it, you ain't living. So when you guys tell stories of the small town life growing up, I know all too well. It doesn't really have a downtown, but sure is beautiful. Thanks for all the laughs and much love to all you and yours. may we remember the good times and let them roll

Brian let him roll let the good times keep rolling on down to the Baja I'll be down there eating my tortillas could I please get some Jesse the Body Ventura TK TK set from my sweaty waistband on my shorts

All right I was in the Marines I was in the Marines I was a Navy seal I always say Marines but I was a Navy seal. I can hold my breath for 28 minutes.

Well, I'm glad that you're looking on the bright side. 27 minutes, because he was 27 years old. One minute for every year that he was alive. Throwing propane from helicopters. I used to sell propane. And I would just fly in a helicopter and drop propane canisters, 27 canisters,

one for every fucking year. one forever year that my dad survived on this earth I would draw propane That's all you can do is take I have fuck dude His story It reminded I had the weirdest dream

I'm not gonna get into it But like those dream Like my dad And we're at this weird ass house He's trying to show me cool stuff But like I kept losing him And I woke up and I was like Oh yeah

I get it Like the fear Like he's always trying to show me new cool things That he's working on but when I tried to like go talk to him or see him, he was always somewhere else and I couldn't find him. I was like, oh, there it is. Thanks, Brain. Thanks, Brain.

Oh, you're saying I missed my dad? You nailed it. Start there! You don't have to do a whole show about houses and woodworking? Yeah, I get it. I miss them. But looking on the bright side. Love that.

All right, well, something you want to see on the show. You can send that baby in to hand. Hey guys at Candidotepodcast.com. As soon as the Serstroming, the fermented heron shows up, they'll eat it. I'll commentate on it.

I'm going to maybe see if Ezra will help me film it. It's going to be a lot of fun. But head on over and support us. Let us get through the honkathon. Plus, a lot of it's in, you know, a lot of the perks are for you guys. You get the ad-free versions of every episode. You get them early.

You get exclusive merch. And there's three different tiers. So go check it out. Rate and review us. We have you listen to your podcast. Big old shout out to Uncle Zach. My pleasure. Producing today's show.

And check out what he's doing over at scatcast.com. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, baby. The cast of the scat. And thanks to the babysitters that moderate at the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook. I have a neat fact. Let's roll it, Zach.

Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? You know, I'm a big space guy. Never really thought of this. You like that? You like that space? Yeah, looking out there being like, like, what am I doing here?

Every year, about 5,200 tons of cosmic dust falls to Earth. That's roughly 100 tons every week or 14 tons every single day. Every titty. Every titty, dude, dude. Fuck. Oh, yeah. Most of it comes from comets and asteroids with about 80% originating from comets that orbit near Jupiter. The particles are incredibly tiny, less than a fraction of a millimeter wide, so we can't see them.

but every time you're outside there's a good chance a few of those microscopic bits land in your hair or on your hat or in your clothing or your mouth and then you just go take a shower and wash them away just wash away meter dust the god I smell like shit

it's dust from an asteroid millions of miles away that traveled I got a supernova on me oh my god you flick it off your shoulder oh my god yuck space dust we're all made of star stuff I know. It's just so funny when you think about it that way.

Almost every day. You just go and shower and you're just like, get it off. I don't like it. I don't care for this. You're just scratching it off your skin. What is this cigarette ash? Gross. Fuck this. But anyway, that's just a nice reminder.

I'll remember that next time I see a little dirt on my shoulder. Like, is this space? Just Jupiter. Is this Jubopiter? Is this, is this beach sand or is that space dust? Is this space dust, baby? All right. Just space dust.

That's episode 214. We're heading off to the bonus. Yes, we are. Content now. We love you guys. We'll see you next week. Bye, bye. Bye.