Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Dumpster Lady. Commie Cows. Hat. Plastic Bags.

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

Have you ever been forced to pay for a service you never intended to get in the first place? Was that service giant balloon hats for you and your entire family? Let's talk about that, getting compacted in a garbage truck four times, being saved from your sinking car by a floating sauna, shoving your entire arm up a cow's ass and using it as a puppet to talk about communism, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/OnQcVEAsAjUSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dumpster Lady, Commie Cows, Hat, Plastic Bags Just a quick question before we get going Did you guys know that you can shave your ball sack with a butcher knife? I mean, you can do anything with a butcher knife. Should you? I just want you guys to know you can do it. Did you do it? Welcome to episode 88, everybody.

Good to be back. Did you do that on... I didn't think you were going to ask that. How do you not ask that? I have to... You know, some guys got to keep a secret. Let me see your balls. Okay.

I just... Whip them out. Listen, I'm not going to tell you if I did or not, but you can touch these balls. You tell me if I did that. You tell... I don't know. You tell me. You tell me if I got up in the morning and shaved my nuts with a fucking butcher knife

that was in the hotel room. Oh. I don't want a butcher knife anywhere near. In the vicinity. Anything for a laugh. Am I right? I guess. We're going to talk about our vacations here in just a second.

Thanks to everyone who has signed up on Patreon. That's how you get the bonus content. And on top of the bonus content, we do have exclusive merch. And we know it's only available to people that are part of the gaggle on patreon patreon.com slash can you know podcast you also find a link in the episode description but i want to just show this because i i love just the concept of it right now i'm typing in the password so no one look at my computer little honk squad yeah look at the honk squad and if you get in there close look a little honk he's Look at the Honk Squad. And if you get in there close, look at the little honk.

Look at the little honk. Look at the little honk. And we've got all the colors. We've got black, blue, purple, yellow. So anything. And you also get merch discounts if you're a part of Patreon. So I'm just giving you extra reasons to sign up. And I just wanted to give a big old thank you to everyone that has done that so far.

Because it's a huge way to support the show. You know what would be cool is seeing a big group. They all have different colors. It's like a rainbow of honk squad. Rainbow of honkies. Or whatever. Honky rainbow. Honky rainbow.

There's another shirt. Is that a redneck gang bang? Yeah, right. Fucking honk. Honky rainbow. Come on down to the honky rainbow. And then we have additional content on the end of every episode. If you do subscribe, do subscribe on Patreon.

We have lap time on the show today. Boo. Communist Uncle Zach, what are we talking about? We're talking about communism through cows. Cow communism? Through cows. We're going to explain economics and government through the two cow system. I just pictured showing up to a farm and using a cow as a ventriloquist puppet.

All the kids are sitting there on makeshift wooden benches. And this farmer walks up and just shoves his hand through a cow's ass. This here's the invisible hand. And he's making the cow talk. Communism. That's a horse. It's a bad move. Move on over, kids yeah move on over time to talk about

communism so it's gonna be cringy as fuck no it's gonna be great we just have to communist uncle zach is my the new son of a bitch he's milking this lap time today hey uh so yeah vacation you were in mexico i was in haw Hawaii. How was Mexico? It was muy bien. Oh, nice. Yeah. I remember about a year ago, you were, I think that's kind of where all the Rosetta Stone thing. Maybe it was a year before that. But you were learning Spanish.

Yeah. And we were like, maybe you should learn English before you start diving off into other languages. Yeah. What English is? I'm no good at this one. I'm going gonna head over to spanish so all the comments that i've made about how ridiculous english is yeah um i have a friend in mexico that's learning english and we've been chatting and he's been telling me how

confusing some things are because in mexico and like in spanish when they say something you can just say one phrase and it means all this shit. With us, it's like have and has and had. And he's like, he's in school learning the difference between all of those. So I'm like going, he has, I have, he has had, I have had. And he's like, his brain exploded. So he quit. He just went back.

He's never leaving the country. Yeah. So Mexico stuff, highlight. I saw the kids in the water doing some body surfing. No, man. It's just like it's two weeks of just like this routine where you get up and drink some coffee and sit by the pool. And after a while, I kind of, you know. Yeah.

When I got back, people were like, how was Mexico? I was like, it was good. I was ready to come home. I really, I'm like, yeah, I mean, how many times can you just go sit at the pool or like go to the beach?

I'm like, I realize how that sounds. No, I do realize that. I get it because our vacation in Hawaii was split up to two different islands. We went to Maui first, just Cassie and I.

And then after that was over, we flew over to Honolulu. So we, you know, we skipped around. But when we were in Maui, we stayed at this resort, and we only lasted about three days. And we were like, how often can we just get up and go sit down by the pool? So we just said, fuck it, and rented a car and started driving around the island. We just got sick of the resort stuff.

How many times can we not pay to see a luau but still see the luau from the bedroom window? And the answer's three. I have an answer for you. The luau guy caught himself on fire one night? I have so many stories. I have a quick one. I think it's really funny.

I don't know if you'll think it's as funny, but we had this fiesta. It's called the Fiesta on the Beach. that means party on the beach yeah in la playa oh so um we're so we're it's this big dinner and there's all you can eat you pay a fee and then it's all you can eat food and all you can drink and stuff and so we're having we're having drinks or having food all this stuff and and there's these waiters coming by and they're giving us lots of stuff. And my wife Amber's like, oh man, she's like, I, these people are doing a really good job. Like I want to tip them more, but she's like, I don't have that.

I didn't bring that much cash. Should I go back to the hotel? And I was like, ah, yeah. I mean, if you find a little time or gap or whatever, if you want to. And she was just sitting there like, oh, I feel like I should go back. I need it. They're doing a really good job. so she's contemplating this the whole time should i go back should i go back should i go get more money i want to be able to pay this guy this guy this guy this guy i just want to give everybody my money i know that so that was like that's that was her thoughts

and like yeah well you know we'll we'll figure it out and then it's and then at a random point this dude walks up with balloons. And he doesn't even say anything. He just walks up and goes. All the sounds. Gets you in the face. He's like, what the fuck is this guy doing? And he, like, makes this huge crown thing.

And he, like, sticks it on our oldest's head. Yeah. Mouse. And then we're like, oh, that's cool. And he's like. He does another one. And he puts it on our youngest's head. And then my niece's head. Yeah. Mouse. And then we're like, oh, that's cool. And he's like. He does another one and he puts it on our youngest's head. And then my niece's head. And then he's like.

Puts one on Amber's head. I'm like, oh, God, he's going to give us all thing. And so then he does. He wraps it, puts it on my head. And then he's staring at us and we're like, thank you. And he's like. And he says, I only work for tips us and we're like thank you and he's like and he said and he says uh i only work for tips and we're like oh okay so amber no thank you amber was like he's ripping off everyone's heads go give to somebody else pop them she so she goes oh okay so

she gives so the money that she was trying to figure out if she should get more and like disperse among all these waiters and all this kind of stuff, she ends up giving all of it to the balloon guy. And then he just walks off. It's so funny. We spent an hour deciding whether she should walk back to the hotel, get all the, like, who should I give the money to, all this. And then the balloon guy walks up and just doesn't even say, do you want a balloon? He just heard money and just walks over. But you may have made five different things.

They weren't even balloons. They were condoms. He just, it was an experience he had. Yeah. Right. There's an opportunity. That's a, that's a wet balloon. Yeah.

It was, it was, I just put a long wet balloon on my son's head? But she goes, that was all the tip money. We have to go home. And I was like, oh my God, are you kidding me? You stood over this for an hour and then you gave it all the way to a guy that was here for 60 seconds. You let balloon guy take it from you? He walked up and took all the waiter's tip money. Oh, man. balloon guy take it from you he walked up and took all the waiters tip money oh man just like whatever the sound of fucking

and then we and then they we wore them back to the thing and they just they just stayed at the hotel we left them it's kind of like a yeah that's pretty good thank you oh that's so funny it's the same equivalent of the guy that just starts washing your windows at a red light and you're like no I don't want it

yeah I just went through the car wash and he's like five bucks yeah like I didn't want you to do it

I'm not gonna give you money dude every time we're in Vegas or something I walk by and this guy's like hey do you like hip hop and I'm like I mean yeah so I listen to something

he's like oh sweet bro he calls you like all of his boys surround you and he's like dude hey, do you like hip hop? I'm like, I mean, yeah, I listen to some. He's like, oh, sweet, bro. He calls you. All of his boys surround you. And he's like, dude, we're donating money. I'm like, now you're donating? No, he just wanted me to hear your songs. He's like, hey, I got a quick question.

You're like, yeah? He's like, beatboxing? He goes, I mean, you're like as much as the next guy. He goes, cool. He just puts his hand out. He's like, god damn it. And then he's done. He's like, what did you think of that?

What did you think of that That was pretty good You think that's worth five bucks At least give me a mixtape Balloon guy's like I only work for tips You just take your You squeak your hat off And put it on his head

And then rub it Squeak squeak squeak squeak Dude the one that he gave me Was like It was like a longhorn bull You know it was So it stuck out Three feet to either side of my head. So I'm walking to get another thing of food at the buffet.

And I'm walking through tables in my horns. I'm like, I had to turn my head. I'm like, excuse me. Look like Bo Winkle. Walking through a crowd of people with my head turned sideways. Hitting people's forks. Shit. Rubbing on their forks.

And then, bing. He bounces back. Oh, man. Worst $40 ever. That is really funny. Dude, it's crazy how much money you can spend on vacation on stupid shit. Especially when I was in... I was going to say That is really funny. Dude, it's crazy how much money you can spend on vacation on stupid shit. Especially when I was in Hawaii. I was going to say Hawaii is so expensive.

When I was in Hawaii, we stayed in the North Shore, so there wasn't a lot of tourism up there. But Mexico, it's just all tourism. So wherever you go, someone's trying to sell you something all the time. It's so crazy, dude. I mean, just a quick story just going bouncing back to getting tired of the resort right we did everything we could in this resort beyond three times like it was just we were having a blast and then we decided to call it quits and leave and go drive around the island which was so much fun if you've been in maui i'm sure there's listeners that have we drove everywhere

like there's the road to hana and it's just a sketchy ass road right and then you keep going because they have like road closed signs, but they're not really close. And we knew that. So we kept going and it gets, gets sketchier and sketchier until you go all the way around the Island and loop back around. By the way, we went through Lahaina. That is so sad. But just so in case you guys, some people have to like, it's not real.

No, it's real. And it's really sad. But anyway, we drove around the other way in that road. You wish you were on the road to Hana. It was so bad. It was crazy. Scary. It had to be like six feet wide.

Your car barely. It was a 300-foot cliff off to the side. Anyway, so we got sick of the resort. We did everything. We went to go drive around. And then the second night of driving around, we started looking up places to go and eat. And Cassie found a spot. We're looking for sushi.

This place has great reviews. I actually had a friend tell us about it. So I want to go check it out. And I was like, okay, great. So we got all ready and got in the car. And we're driving across the island. It's like, you know, whatever, 30, 35 minutes to get across, you know, the shortcut path through. And we're driving.

And we start driving. And I'm like, this looks pretty familiar. I'm not saying it out loud. I was like, this looks familiar through and we're driving and we start driving i'm like this looks pretty familiar i'm not saying it out loud i was like this looks familiar and we're driving and then we pull on this road and i look turn to cassie i'm like i was like is this restaurant like right next to where we just were she goes i don't think so and the directions took us back to the resort that we were staying in how long were you driving like 35 minutes i we went to the same place that we got sick of and left. No escape. And just pull up.

She goes, I'm so sorry. And I'm laughing. I'm like, this is so funny. I mean, luckily it was one of the restaurants we didn't eat at in the resort. We ate at the other ones, but didn't go to this particular one. So it was still a new experience. But while we're eating, guess what we got to watch to watch the luau that we've already seen three times it's like siri do you have any new ideas for me all the time she's like i'm so sorry i'm like this is funny i can't

wait to talk about on the show yeah yeah that's that's what's funny about having like this as a career it's anytime something happens you're like, oh, this sucks, but... But, not that bad. Yeah. Because I'm going to get to talk about it. And I have quite a few from this trip that I'll be able to pull into the shows as we move forward. Nice.

All right, let's get things going. Okay. Let's just shut up about being on vacation. Yeah. We'll start the show. Sound good? Mm-hmm. All right.

Zach! Hey, shut up. Start the show Sound good? Alright Zach! Hey, shut up Start the show already It is so hot in here today Anyway, so Sweaty The studio kind of It's because your kids were stripping

That's why I know, all the kids are here So we couldn't just crank the Crank the cold to get the studio Because they gotta apparently be alive and comfortable That was wild I didn't see those kids in months i know and they were all here and excited i know pretty fun they were actually stripping not stripping hard to explain yeah yeah yeah you had to be here how do you explain that situation to the beverly hills cop theme song yeah yeah it was all right this was sent in by our daughter Debbie. Okay, it says what's Debs?

Says would you rather have a horizontal butt crack hmm or a vertical mouth? That's so funny Horry, I mean the horizontal butt I understand it's like some people have butts big enough that when they walk down the stairs like they clap Mm-hmm, but if it's horizontal it's clapping no matter what right it's just gonna go yeah all the time it'd be like fucking pac-man yeah it's pac-man ass pack that ass or like what was that i picture like i don't know what that hamburger mascot from mcdonald's back in the day oh yeah like just whatever his name was uh-huh hamburger hamburger was one that stole yeah he was the stealer guy but they had like just a fucking hamburger yeah remember yeah i did a cop no cop was he a cop no that was grimace mayor mccheese mayor mccheese i like that mayor yeah um but a horizontal butt crack

it seems like a a messy situation because you're giving your poop a shelf. My poop shelf is dirty. That's true. Babe, please go back to the bathroom and wash your poop shelf. It's getting all over the bed. Sorry. God, that would change a lot of things. Wouldn't it though?

I mean, but you're sitting down. So, I mean, butt's open. I'm doing, like, the origami thing. Remember that? Pick four. Pick four. Blue. Four.

Open it up like you have AIDS. Those old, like, little fortune teller origami things. Yeah. So, that kind of thing, but your butt. So, it's open in this way. How big of a difference is it than open in that way? Besides just making... Would you get more or less hemorrhoids?

I think it's all coming out the same chute. But it just seems bad, right? The split in your pants is going to be a problem. Because pants, just as they are, are made to be tailored and they go up your ass crack. So what kind of pants are you looking at it'd be a lot of flat asses in pants you get squished in yeah the whole idea of a butt crack is because we have two legs right yeah like a like a dog doesn't have a butt crack it has a butthole but it doesn't have a crack i know i think our well if we if we just never stood up

yeah i think it'd be kind of the same right but we do stand up yeah we just got some we got some fucking hams on us yeah as the human race dude there was some hams and on the beach um fucking sandy hams am i right there my what's funny is that my first thought didn't necessarily go to the butt it went to the mouth. And I visualized like kissing or like going down on a lady. Well, if you go down on a lady, at least it's the same symmetry. That's what I'm thinking. Which is cool. Orientation.

It's not like a perpendicular thing. It's like it's parallel. So it's almost like it's like a docking of the spaceship. The docking of two clams. Yeah. Which sounds like a documentary. Right. Like some Sundance film, the docking of two clams.

But like, does your tongue go this way too? And your teeth? Like all of it, right, is this way. Right. Oh yeah, I guess everything would be. Imagine being in a position of power, right? Like being a boss or a world leader but your mouth is fucking vertical hitting the table you're like that one's just like oh my god i know what he's saying is important but

his mouth is the not the right way you just look like a like a venus flytrap or something like a vertical venus flytrap just something yeah just something you can't take seriously Right? It's too different If you're the only one and you're rolling up to a microphone To speak to everyone And your mouth is going like that Going this way instead of up and down That's so fucking weird What are some other drawbacks of having a horizontal butt crack?

That's what I A poop shelf is a big one Yeah, right Farts would be the same Pants, clothing would be an issue That's what I'm... A poop shelf is a big one. Yeah, right? Farts would be the same. Pants, clothing would be an issue. Your ass always clapping. Well, you know, like... You see a G-string or a thong,

how it goes up and it just accentuates. But it would be like a sideways thong. Yeah. It's not going up your ass, correct? You'd pull it up over your waist, but then it would be like a sideways thong. Yeah. It's not going up your ass, correct? You'd pull it up over your waist, but then it would have like a, it'd be like an eye patch, right? Yeah. Or if you said to wear a normal thong and it comes up the back and like almost look like overly overstuffed, a bale of hay. It's just more Hawaiian rolls that are being loafed up rolls like that little pack of

rolls you can get that's what it's going to do with your butt oh yeah right because it splits it yeah in four divides it into quadrants yeah yeah four ass cheeks at that point i mean that could if you if you're into butts, that could be sexy. It seems kind of fun. Like the bongos? Like I don't already? Oh, man. I love slapping ass, you know what I mean?

Which is the next guy. But the vertical mouth, you can't... Like, you can pretend it's always COVID and wear a mask and just hide your face. But imagine going out into public like that. can't there's no way you'll be everyone's just staring at you vertical ass mouth what is it goatee seriously looks like a hairy pussy like oh it would your mouth is this way yeah it would i think i've already shared on the on the show but way back in the day like i will never forget it but one of my brother's friends at the time like called my mouth a prison puss and i just that was so funny i was super young and i was like that is a prison puss because you get your mouth fucked in jail but if you turn that sideways and you have facial hair come that is you just have a pussy on your face You would

There's no beating around the bush Oh nice You get it Ah yeah Woohoo Ah yeah But there's That's exactly what it would look like

And your tongue like You're rolling your R's And like it's going It's going left to right Instead of up and down Uh huh Just a whistle? Well, imagine eating like a hamburger.

You're holding a hamburger vertical. You wouldn't have to turn a taco. You wouldn't. Wow. Yeah, any food that you have to turn your head to get a bite, like a taco. That's about it. And another taco. That's about it.

Three tacos. taco uh that's about it and another taco that's about it three tacos you know like all these other foods like three tacos in a row yeah you never have to change your that's okay well now you've now i'm back that's in the pro the pro that's worth a life of alienation it's just being able to eat a taco without turning your head i mean if you ever watch someone eat a taco it's it is funny because they they it's like, they go like this and then it's like falling out onto their plate.

It's a whole fucking spectacle. It's a mess. I'm picturing Vertical Mouth Guy on like America's Got Talent and there's so much talent around him. He's just eating a taco.

And all he does is sit down each time and not turn his head and he's going, and they're just like golden buzzer. He doesn't spill anything. He doesn't spill anything. He doesn't do anything.

He just gets a million bucks, Vegas show. It's a three-minute Vegas show. Yeah, he got a residency. Yeah, there's 250,000 people in the stadium. It's a new sphere. Yeah, he just walks out and just doesn't turn to talk to them. And everyone just goes, no way. What?

The fuck? Yeah! What kind of David Copperfield shit is this? But just be able to keep on living a normal life. I guess I'm going to try and I'm going to see what happens to the horizontal butt crack. Yeah. And guess where we have to go with this. I feel like that's the safe play.

Otherwise, it's just too much. I mean, I love tacos as much as the next guy. I really do. I could probably eat tacos for a meal every single day, including breakfast. You know what's really crazy about it? You could probably disguise your face. Some people have small mouths.

Trying to paint lips the wrong way. Imagine... What's her name from Pretty Woman Julia Roberts or like Cameron Diaz when they smile they have like big mouths you know like you see their mouth but some people have tiny little mouths so like you could get away with it until you start

eating or talking so you're like you look like a normal person and then your mouth opens like everybody smiles for the picture everyone's like the end of your mouth goes teeth photographers are like oh my god okay everyone smile but you jesus fuck you almost made me throw up i'll fix this in post fix this in post you just crop it and just rotate just rotate it rotate his mouth all right all right let's move off to what are you thinking about because uh it's off to what are you thinking about

Because it's something we've both been thinking about for a long time But going back on vacation it got re-sparked Zach Hey What are you thinking about You know nothing Actually you know what I'm thinking about a lot of shit What are you thinking about

Alright What What the fuck is with with court like electrical cords just okay you know what the fuck's going on what's fuck with them what's what's the deal what's the deal with the toothbrush is there like i thought about you're in a lot of predicaments where you you think about things and you're like god it's kind of annoying of annoying. But so when we were at the hotel in Mexico, I wanted to watch Desperado. It's one of my favorite movies. I fucking love it.

And being in Mexico, it was sparking thoughts. And I was like, fuck, I got to watch it. I got to get out of my system. So get my laptop out, HDMI, all that. Plug it in. And I need power for my computer. So where the TV is, there's no other outlets except for the one behind it. Perfect.

And it's a two-prong, or it's a two thing. Two-prong, two-stack? Yeah, two-stack. Okay. And so I'm like, okay, gotta use this so there's a behind there there's for the tv and there's another one for uh the lamp that's plugged in over here so i'm like i unplugged i pull the thing back unplug the lamp and then i plug in my thing and it kind of pops i'm like whoa like that that was weird no bueno i'm like what's what's going what's

going on and i look at the the plug-in for the tv yeah i mean it has to be years of this table being pressed up again it the the wire was opened up and there were exposed electrical wire in this thing and i was like holy shit like what the what the fuck is going on here this is like a nice place yet i'm gonna get electrocuted or i'm gonna burn the place down yeah and i it in that moment i was like okay what what are we doing seriously what are like how come our our houses are the bed that we have in our house it's uh the the only way that we can orient orientate the bed is in the way that it is because of windows and all this kind of stuff and where the plugins are our bed covers up two plugins and so we have to keep it out just far

enough but we don't want to keep it too far to get the plugins. But I've broke the outlets. I've frayed wires because of the angle. So what I'm asking it's very simple. Why can't they have them? They have plugins that just come out the side. So they've got a flat top and then they come out the side. So it's not sticking straight out from the wall. Why can't every... Why is my wife calling me?

Even just that, oh yeah, and she's super sick. Yeah. Okay, well, if she calls again, you can... If she's like, hey, I'm dying, you're like, I'll get to you when I'm done doing this show. No, but it's not even just, for me at least, the flatness of what's going on it's super annoying that they plug into these plugs and you have to have a two inch buffer in order to yank

the the cord down to make it run wherever you need it to go without but whether it's behind a dresser or a nightstand or whatever the fuck is behind it's just nonsense like on top of that there's there's no other better way like you can't have um i don't know a cord coming out of the wall because that would work instead of having an outlet have a cord come out that hangs down and you plug into the fucking cord it doesn't have to go directly into it who we have made these rules like us as humans have done this we've been like this is what it is and all of us are going to do this forever and then you were talking about in a text message showing like the flatness

and i was like the flatness of this plug going in is twice as wide as my iphone so the battery and the screen and all the technology that goes into a goddamn phone and you're saying we can't figure out we're like oh no we just can't squish it anymore it's like i think we probably could it should be completely flat yeah like it's just a patch basically with some prongs on it you just go boop and the cord itself flat as fuck just push it into the wall disappears there's no reason because then all the tables like every table you know i know everyone everyone can relate to this some way where you can't put a table somewhere or you can't put something somewhere because of where the plug-ins are. Of a plug. Yeah.

Which also the word itself is a problem with me. Plug. Oh, plug. What? What year is this? What year? Can we change it? Yeah, we can say outlet.

Yeah, sure. But what am I putting into it? yeah we can say outlet yeah sure but what i'm what am i putting into it a plug you're putting a plug in it dumb anyway you can plug a toilet yeah yeah you sure could that shouldn't be associated with electricity no but there's got to be a way to flatten this shit out i'm with you there is a way i have them at home i know but i think they could even be flatter oh they could be could be flatter. Or even not even exist. So, like, I mean, your watch charger with a magnet. Your computer has a little magnet charger that snaps into it. Yeah.

Why isn't there not a little magnet plate? And you just go, and just throw it on there. And it goes, boop, and snaps into it. Just fucking great idea. Fucking plugs. I know. And I love the idea of, like, the MacBook ones, they're their magnetic where that was to me that was fucking genius when they started doing that because if you step on a cord trip it doesn't fucking rip it out of the wall or

bend the prongs or whatever it just pops out right so the technology is out there let's just fucking do this i'm so sick of I Every Fuck Like Look at this What looking at it I know Even this dongle That's plugged into this iPad

It sticks out How big is my dick Two and a half inches Two and a half inches Yeah Even that's way too far And it's It's putting stress

On the cord By having to bend Like that It's big plug bro Big plug I My My Big like that it's big plug bro big plug i my my um big rubber in bed with big plug i i have a um what do you call it uh like a fuck the pin the for a computer you know you can plug it in whatever drawing pad yeah the pad and so the the usb or the usb mini that that charges it it comes out and it has a little box and it drops straight down so there's no it's not sticking out

the technology is there why are we not doing it i know and as we started talking about this i looked at all the appliances around me those all come with the shitty plugs we've had since who knows how long. Like, just put a, charge me $5 more and just put a flat one on there. So it doesn't get in the way of everything else. I would happily spend a little bit more to not have to destroy or change cords and destroy. The outlet behind our bed, the actual outlet cover, I have to get a new one because every time the bed moves,

it hits the charger and cracks the thing. Yeah, I've had to replace numerous... This goes to USB shit, too. You have the USB plugging into some charging block. So now you have 5 inches of shit you have to scoot your couch

away from the wall to plug a goddamn phone charger in it's like guys we're so far past this we are our ancestors and be like dude they didn't figure that out yet dude these idiots like they're gonna be flying by in a hovering car scanning through our walls laughing at us they're gonna be looking at certain things like

oh that's wow that they they figured that out earlier than we did that's that's pretty cool cool what are they using what they're oh they're still on those plugs they move their furniture to plug their phone in they have the burj khalifa in dubai but they still run power like fucking peasants it's sad anyway so if you're out there you're an electrician you can explain to us why there's still this super shitty way besides cost it has to be cost but the technology exists yeah but the flat ones in my experience are just as the same amount as the fucking shitty one so it's just a design thing it has to go back to tiny ketchup packets man

they've just made so many of them. And right now they're just trying to get rid of them. Yeah. They've made enough for 50 years. Yeah. They just have silos full. They haven't made any in four decades. Yeah.

They just have. They were all made. Amazon warehouses full of these fucking old plugs. And they're like, just keep putting them on the coffee makers. We're going to be swamped in these old shitty plugs unless we keep using them. Alright, let's move on to some dick. Here's some funny stuff in here. Okay. And I'm gonna shove it in your mouth. Hey, Zach! Is it dumb?

Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick. This would fall in the interesting column of DIC. Just the situation itself and then the chances of being saved by what they

were saved by headline reads saved by sauna boat helped save our lives okay that's a bad headline what man well it's in a different language so i had to translate it to get to here at the same time that the tesla was on its way to the bottom of the Oslo Glyph God, a floating sauna came to the rescue. What? It's exactly what you think. And there are videos, if we can watch them. But the police in Oslo received a report

at 1539 that a car had driven into the water at Akonikos Shurah Ronda. It was reported that a car had driven into the water and there were people in it. Eventually, it was reported that a car had driven into the water and there were people in it. Eventually, it was reported that the two who were in the car had managed to get ashore via a boat that had been on the scene. Says operations manager to VG. The two were rescued from the water by a sauna boat with the help of a skipper and two French sauna guests.

Worst day of your life. I don't know. The article doesn't say. They just went full throttle and just went flying into this goddamn lake. I didn't get from the article whether it was a malfunction. We've talked about people that just drive into water for some fucking reason that no one really understands like they followed a map and then the map was like i don't know keep going straight and you're looking at the ocean you're like i don't know

there must be a road google map says go straight it's like fucking looney tunes when he paints the the arch the train train arch yeah you're like i don't know it looks like a fucking train tunnel then a train comes through it and hits them i I'm going to go hit this at a hundred miles an hour. But so you drive your Tesla into the lake and you're like, oh my God, this is so bad. And then just, you look over in a fucking sauna boat. It was like,

what's up guys? Is there anything better to be saved by than a sauna boat? No, I didn't know those existed in that situation. You've seen the hot tub boats, right? You never seen a hot tub boat it's a you're gonna get a boat with a hot tub in it

will you let me tell the story oh okay it's a boat with a hot tub sorry i screwed that up yeah i didn't want you god damn it brian so yeah it's a boat can i just say something really quick yeah i quick before you get into this? Yeah. Why do we do this? Like, sinking Tesla. Why isn't it just sinking cars saved by floating sauna? Because it's big gas. Big gas with big rubber.

They're all in cahoots. And big plug. Yeah. It's like every time a guy gets robbed or something,'s like white man robs black person or something like how about two people wrap each other yeah you're just trying to start some shit oh just so funny i was just thinking about like some giant murder scene like someone like it's a mass murder it's like the killer who was a tesla owner you're like that if that has something to do with it you're like what's a fucking big battery in here is big battery have something to do with this which is tying in unneeded details yeah who also

drove a ford mustang you're like why just get that out of there had nothing to do with anything yeah i mean let's let's talk about ford mustangs but i picture the sauna coming over and they got strict rules so they're coming over to save the people they're like hey and they're just like you know they got a sauna boat everyone walks out i mean so it's in towels foreign country so they're coming over to save the people they're like hey and they're just like you know they got a sauna boat everyone walks out i mean so it's in towels foreign country so they're probably just dicks out yeah and they're just like hey and they're like you're like do you have you weren't anything underneath that like i'm sorry no you have to shower is required and the shower is back on the dock. It's a whole process. It's a whole thing.

Good luck with dying. And they just turn around and just get back in their sauna, their floating sauna. No, they're anti-Tesla, too. They're like, does that thing just fly or something? Can't you just fly out of the water? Is that an electric car? Yeah. They're like, bummer.

And just turn around and zip out of there. Should we be in the water? We might get electrocuted. Just judging them, or you had to have a bathing suit you had to cover up. You'd be like, by any chance you guys got a bathing suit with you? And they're standing on top of a sinking car. They're like, no!

They're like, bummer, dude. All their clothes are floating away. I had some. I had some over there. We would love to pick you up. I mean, I only have one bathing suit like I didn't bring a spare so if you guys don't have one can't pick you up so do they like these floating saunas is that like you sit in the sauna for a while and then you come out and jump in the water I'm sure it's just a fun it's a fun thing I've

never heard of it have you heard of a like a hot tub boat we're gonna do this again and we just do the same idea that hot tub would be just fine on land but it's pretty funny to have it in a boat everything's cooler on the water right so you just have that's a whole reason to have a pontoon boat i think barbecue on the water i think lake cordelaine i hope i might be making this. I think there is a hot tub boat that sometimes you can spot fucking around. And it's like basically water level. But they're just sitting in the hot tub, just reaching back and driving their hot tub around the lake. Which is just funny.

They're sitting in like 100 degree water. They're like, oh, if I reach out. Yeah. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. Good thing I'm not out there. Fire up the trolling motor. Just fucking fishing out of the hot tub yeah you've got a you got a

fish finder and everything on there yeah dude below the dude right below our hot tub there's a whole school of fish a giant school of fish like good thing we're not out there i know i hate fish me too i mean if you're gonna to have a lake, Lake Coeur d'Alene is probably one of the best places you could do that. Yeah, you're right. It's always just a little chilly. It's always a little chilly. You've seen the picnic table that people have turned into a boat. They're all sitting at a picnic table.

What happened? The fuck? Why am I wet? There's something wet on me. I've had a dollar for every time. Holy shit, why am I wet? I don't know you tell me just can't you tell me but yeah they have a picnic table that someone turned into a boat it's a bunch of bros at a picnic table just ripping it 55 miles an hour oh and the opposite there's a guy in that lives on the south hill here and spoke beautiful yeah it's a boat car uh-huh he drives around it's

a freaking boat i mean going back to plugs i mean shouldn't all cars float they should because then you wouldn't have this problem no like you're you're like oh fuck there's a there's what ah no dude we're cool no this is cool it is you just push a button and the tires like they turn sideways and you just float i guess cd used to be able to fly out of there but we're not holding our breath. Yeah we're not there yet. Alright let's move off to this next piece of dick. Do you want to take a look at this woman that was stuck in the trash? I want to. Type of situation?

Yeah. Go ahead and take a peek at that for us. Gosh dang man. Just any situation like the best possible thing that could come and save you. And if it involves water, a sauna boat floating up you'd be like this is sick like went from the worst day ever to be like i guess i'm getting i'm in a sauna now well if the water is really cold you get to jump into a song you

know when they rescue you they put a towel on you and they're like even if it's not cold why do they can we talk about this for a second sure you. You know in the movies, whenever something bad happens, and then they show ambulances and fire trucks and police running around, and then they go over and talk to the person. Okay, what happened? They're always in a blanket. I wouldn't be cold. I'd be hot as shit.

I'd be pumped. Get that fucking blanket off me. My adrenaline's flying get the fuck out of here it's the least i could do it's like poor decision i want things to happen to your sauna then you don't need a towel you just hop in the sauna like being super picky about what you're saved by is funny too like a helicopter's coming in you're like god damn how old is this helicopter yeah dude you get in the seats or i kind of ripped you're like i'm not getting in here you look you lay a towel down yeah you guys have a towel i can lay. You're like, I'm not getting in here. You lay a towel down.

You guys have a towel I can lay down. You're like, the seats are all ripped back here and there's no seatbelts. He's like, do you want to get in? Dude, I just pulled you out of the middle of the ocean. He goes,

no, I'll wait for the next one. This thing's hideous. That's such a, and he's like, okay. He's flying off. He's like, he's flying off. He's like, God. He's flying off. He's like, he's flying off.

He's like, God damn. I know this helicopter sucks. I told my wife I needed a new helicopter. I can't even save anybody. It's not a school bus. You're turning the wheel like a school bus. You don't know what kind of helicopter this is. Well, maybe it's a really old one.

Yeah. Maybe they got in. He's like, are you steering this helicopter? The steering wheel? Aren't they just like a lever? It's like this. They're not what I just did that's for sure do you remember that helicopter show iron eagle or something or was it not airwolf airwolf yeah that's the reason not to get in you're like oh my god thank you guys so much i was about to die and you're you're stepping in you see a school bus steering wheel on the front. You're like, cannonball!

Jump back out of the fucking house. I'm like, I'm not getting in this thing. He stops and says, I can't even save anybody anymore. No one takes me seriously. Turns his helicopter around with a big old bus wheel. One of my impressions that I love doing, like obscure impressions, is just a guy that drives like a city bus or a or a thing and this is what they do yeah if you're if you're not if you're only

listening you can't see it but you can visualize this so they're always like they're talking to like the guy in the front row he's like yeah and then i took the kid and they do like this this is this wing it's huge because the front of the bus is just going. It's just swinging around. Like when you're in a car, you feel every little turn. But in the front of a bus, it's like you're on the. It's like on the end of a thing. You're sticking your neck out.

Yeah, he's doing that. You guys a little crack in the window. He's doing that number. And he goes, yeah. He goes, that's why I told her I wanted a divorce. And then, pop the doors open. Dog 25. See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow. No, that's why I told her. Figured I'd have crabs. You got to tell somebody. Just whipping the front of the bus around. Get that front of the bus. It's coming in hot, hot dude i told her i can't even spell chlamydia gonorrhea hardly knew her just fucking flying around the no parking zone okay all right let's move on to this next story. Oh, fuck. Okay.

Okay, lots of questions here. A woman tossing trash falls into dumpster. Survives getting compacted in garbage truck. What? This is, I think, in Manchester, New Hampshire. NH, probably. A woman fell into

a dumpster while throwing out her garbage and was later rescued from a trash truck that had compacted the contents while she was inside, fire department officials said. Luckily, neighbors heard her screams and the trash compartment was equipped with a camera.

The driver spotted the woman stuck inside and called 911. By then, the driver reportedly compacted the garbage up to four times. He's like, quit screaming. This is the loudest trash I've ever smashed. I'm just picturing Shredder from Ninja Turtles. Remember that?

Casey Jones walks up. He's like, oops. Pulls the lever. It'd be a bummer if someone did this. Rescuers used a basket ladder to reach the top of the truck and lift her out. By then, she was standing,

talking, yelling, but was not alert enough to answer questions. What a lunatic. Lady. Are you okay? You ever see a video of something chaos happen

and it's just people screaming like that I can't stand it It's just some woman going It's like you know what's not helping the situation You shut the fuck up You sound like the freaking zoo monkeys That are just like Just like how out of touch

Are you with your emotions Where you just go Oh my god Like people are fighting Like how out of touch are you with your emotions? Yeah. Where you just go. Oh my God. Like people are fighting. It's like fucking do something. Yeah. Other than the scream.

Scream. All you're doing is making this so much worse. Stop it. You are loud. But yeah. So it says the woman was taken to the hospital after Monday's misadventure. Her name was not released. Probably because it's fucking embarrassing. Yeah.

I have so many questions about this story. Like, this dumpster location. First of all, how do you manage to get into the dumpster, but then you can't get out of the dumpster? Like, how out of shape do you have to be? Like, to be in a dumpsterster in the dump truck is like, and you're just like, well, guess I'm going in the dump truck.

Like get out of the fucking dumpster. How terrifying that would be being lifted up, knowing you're going to be dumped into a truck, a dump truck, garbage. And then once you get put in, you're just like unable to get the fuck out. They're not made to not like sucking the trash in.

The dump truck doesn't have like arms like hold all the trash down the second it gets in there. Get the fuck out of the dump truck! And I'm assuming the only way to get in that you would do that is you're swinging over a giant heavy bag and then it flips the momentum flips you over. Like a would do that is you're swinging over a giant heavy bag and then it flips the momentum flips you over. Like a cartoon!

Yeah. But if you're strong enough to lift a bag heavy enough and whip it for the physics to throw you into the dumpster on the back end of a microwave you're throwing in. Just do it again to get out. Then you're strong enough to get the fuck out. Well you should just flip

the trash bag over again. Yeah. I just be like, well, I guess not throwing this away. I just would rather not be in this dumpster. I will say this about a trash, a big trash though.

Like, have you ever, I've never been, I will say this about a big trash. Yeah. I've never been in one, but I've seen it like, like the idea of walking around on an unstable ground that's giving away and like boxes and trash

if you're like if you're not in a decent shape that would be pretty hard and plus she's probably going you just have to be in a shape like if there's a bunch of trash in there you just have to have a shape put your arms up and then grab the thing and then get yourself out. Yeah, but you're making that look really easy. A former high school athlete college. You're telling me that when it comes down to it, if you're in a spot in your life and you get into a dumpster and you can't get out of the dumpster, you've got to reevaluate your life. Sure. Maybe she's sitting in the hospital reevaluating right now.

She's like, man, that's the motivation. She needed to. Yeah. It's either. Go ahead. It's fight or flight or freeze. Right. So she probably froze.

And then that's also the other thing, the timing. Like, what was she throwing it away the second the dump truck was backing up? She probably heard it. And she's like, oh, shit. She ran out and panicked and just grabbed all of her trash and jumped in. Dude, I. She's like, this has, the boss didn't kill me if I don't throw this microwave away. And then she does the high jump in.

Yeah. And she arches her back. Yeah. Over it. And then maybe she heard her back. She didn't. She couldn't get out. Just fucking yank.

But just the idea. Carl Lewis didn't do it. And then the other side like they said that the the dump they have cameras in there and so the dump truck guy after compacting this woman four times was finally like oh shit there's a person and he's like man it sounds like a person what's going on dude i didn't microdose, did I? I guess I meant to just take a little bit of shrooms, better pack this one one more time. But then just the scene where he's finally just like, oh shit, that is a person.

Oh, that person's in there. And then she just stands up and can't fucking answer questions. And everyone's like, are you okay, ma'am? Oh, are you okay? Like she's mocking him. Oh, am I okay? Oh, because I'm Like she's mocking him. Oh am I okay? Oh cause I'm in a dump truck. You're like what?

What's next? What's next? Shopping for dresses with a dick in my butt getting sucked into a garbage truck getting compacted four times with a dick in my butt. You're like ma'am

just climb down the ladder. Ma'am get in the bucket. Jump into the net ma'am just climb down the ladder ma'am get in the bucket we have a jump into the net ma'am get in the net jesus christ oh what's next i'm jumping in a net i don't understand the physics of how this works in 32 years i've never seen anything like this my whole career italian chief bob bidet told her some tv station the dump truck driver said as he compacted for the fifth time yeah man i just never seen anything like this i can't believe she's still alive so we haven't we haven't rescued her yet yeah well i hope you don't because she clearly deserves to go this is a woman that could probably go.

We could probably do without her. Probably do without her. Like, was the dumpster in a giant hole? And she fell into the hole, and then there's huge concrete barriers on each side, so she couldn't get out. How did she end up in there, Joe? I don't know. I don't know how you get in the dumpster on accident because if you can get in it in any way i think about it unless it was in a monster hole like some sort of hamster tube situation where like there's a huge pit and you're trying

and you're like whoa you slip on a banana peel and fall 30 feet into a dumpster then even then the timing starts screaming immediately i don't't know. Maybe just she fucked something. Something's not. Maybe she fell. Maybe it was like an apartment complex. They had that trash. Little chute. Chute.

And she fell through the chute into the. And knocked her head. Yeah. Yeah. And she passed out and then woke up when she got compacted for the fourth time. That seems more likely than her climbing into a trash can. That story wasn't mentioned in the story. She just got in a dumpster. That's what they said. She got into a trash can. It wasn't mentioned in the story. She just got in a dumpster.

That's what they said. She got into a dumpster. Did she say she got in the dumpster? Well, how the fuck else did she get in the dumpster? Maybe through the trash chute. Maybe someone threw her in there. Okay. Because she was screaming.

But that's a cooler story. Yeah. Yeah, they would have mentioned that. Well, when did this story come out? Are we going to? January 31st. Maybe we'll learn some new stuff. Learn some new things about the fucking dumpster lady.

Dumpster diving. I don't get it. The physics of throwing yourself into a dumpster and not being able to get out just fucking kills me. Something's missing. Oh, yeah. Something's missing. She's like, just don't say my name. Like, she wanted to get smushed. I don't know, some fetish or something.

You ready to learn about some communism? I would suck if that's how you wanted to die. And it took four times, you still weren't dead. And you stood up and started yelling at everyone? Like, fuck it! It's not working! It's not working. It's not working.

All right, it's communism time. All right. All right. Zach! Hey, little chitrons. Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zachy's lap? Gather around, boys and girls. It's lap time with Uncle Zach.

Sit on my lap, you little shits. Alright, Zach. Alright. You've been waiting for this day since you started working here. Have I, really? Yeah. It doesn't feel like it. It doesn't?

No. Let's talk about communism, no no let's talk about communism buddy let's talk about all and other stuff forms yeah other bisms well we gave the monopoly of force to some random folks who really want to be in charge so we get to deal with the consequences let's deal with it i think about what you say a lot oh shack i'm sorry to hear that it's okay and i i do like fists in my butt no, it was when you said we were working at another company and we were talking about police and all this kind of stuff. And then one thing you said was just like, there is something about wanting to be in charge of people. That's it, man.

And I always think about that. It's like, you're like, I don't want to be in charge of people. Well, think about spending. Like who wants to tell people what to do? How about spending millions of dollars to get a job that pays a couple hundred grand yeah that goes against everything almost anybody does yeah so it's a weird institution it's almost like a religion but so with that in mind this is a weird experiment government we've been doing it for a long time but here's the world's governmental and economic ideologies explained poorly by me, Uncle Cringebag, using cows.

Using cows. Yeah, my grandpa and my father would talk about this with the cows, so I'm sharing it with you guys. Okay. And hopefully it's useful. So we'll start with some of the basics. Feudalism. Cows and crowns and kings. So in feudalism, you, a peasant peon pauper cunt, have two cows.

Your lord, who likely smells better than you and is wearing a funny hat, periodically has one of his men come and take some of the milk your two cows produce. That is your life. That is feudalism. Okay. Okay. So you also might be called to fight a dragon or some shit. Over time, people got more sophisticated with government. So on to socialism. Socialism. There are lots of flavors of socialism, but it can be probably best described as state capitalism, where the government owns the means of production in various or all sectors and centrally plans at least a portion, if not all, of the economy.

But according to the cows, you have two cows. Well, not really. The government takes your cows and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They're still your cows in a collective sense, but they aren't really your cows. You are allowed to name them, but it's frowned upon. You and your cow bros spend your time taking care of all the collective cows, and then the government gives you a glass of milk when it's deemed appropriate for the greater good. So that's socialism in a nutshell, kind of. But there's lots of different flavors of it. All right, let's do fascism. And go ahead and come on in any time. It's weird to read a blog to you guys.

All right, let's do fascism. It's another century. Sorry, I was just listening. Sorry. We'll do a Waka Waka or something. Waka Waka Waka. Now, so fascism, another centrally planned system, but instead of government controlling the means of production, they allow for some private ownership. But generally under the dictator's strict controls and in the hands of a chosen few.

So it tends to be nationalistic and or ethnic or racially motivated, obviously. It's not good. But to the cows, you have two fascist cows. The government, which all have matching armbands, belts, and shoes, come to your farm and forcibly take both cows. Then they hire you to take care of them and sell you the milk like cunts. Nobody's allowed to talk about how the milk sucks and everyone is sad. Is that China? No, that's... That's Nazis. Nobody's allowed to talk about how the milk sucks and everyone is sad. Is that China? No, that's...

That's Nazis. That's Italy, Nazi Germany. Okay. There's a few other countries that have decided to go down that movement. All right, now let's do pure communism. Nice. All right, and there's lots of flavors of communism, too. But pure communism is...

What's your favorite kind? I like reading about it, but I don't like any of it. Okay, that's exactly what a communist would say. Yeah, yeah. So the Marx and Engels version that started all of it advocates for the means of production to be in the hands of a collective or workers. So the workers of the world unite, right? It's another centrally planned system. It has the motto from each according to their ability to each according to their needs.

So it's about equity, that kind of thing. Just to note, communism has evolved a fuckload since Marx and Engels, and a lot of people have gotten a hold of these ideas and turned them into many, many other things. But to the cows, there are two commie cows, but you share them with your neighbors. They are our cows. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most ability and who has the most need.

Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the majority of cows drop dead of starvation. So there's another version of communism, the Russian communism. Yeah, I was going to say. It's fair to say that Lenin and Stalin took the ideas of Marx and Engels and gave Russians a unique taste of hell on Earth for several decades. But what do the cows say? You have two cows in the peak of Russian communism.

You still have to take care of them, but the government takes all of the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can, and you sell it on the black market. Also, you get thrown in the gulags for writing about milk. Then comes the Russian perestroika, the reformation of the Communist Party in the mid-'80s under Mikhail Gorbachev. So you have two cows. You still have to take care of them, but now the mafia takes all the milk. Is he the guy with the thing on his face? He is.

Yes, the guy. So the mafia takes all the milk. Is he the guy with the thing on his face? He is. Is he the guy? Yep. So the mafia's got your milk. You steal back as much milk as you can, but now you sell it on the free market instead of the black market. And now you probably have the mafia after you. And you invest in Adidas tracksuits. So Russian communism, all phases of Russian communism.

You eat salted meats. Yeah, I do. And some vodka. All of communism in Russia was pretty fucked. Even with its mixture of capitalism, it was a nightmare. But places like Cambodia, it was really, really fucked. In Cambodian communism, during the Khmer Rouge, you have two cows. The government takes them, and then they shoot you. And that's it.

That's my favorite kind. It's not ideal. When you call me a commie, I think of that, and I'm like, I don't like that. I mean, unless you're the one with a bunch of cows. Right. Then it's pretty cool. Commie cows are pretty nice. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Enough commie cows. What about democratic cows? In a pure democracy, the best analogy I've heard is that democracy, as it, I can't speak, at its essence is two wolves and a sheep voting on what's for dinner. But in a pure democracy, according to cows, you have two cows and your neighbor decides who gets the milk. So it's the 51% tell the 49% how it's going to be.

So the ancient Greeks realized that that kind of system just became the tyranny of the majority over the minority or mob rules. So they souped it up and they gave us representative democracy. So what's that? In a representative democracy, you have two cows and your neighbors get to pick someone who tells you to get the milk how much milk you get still the same problem but now with additional problems the assholes in charge probably wanted to be in charge why do these all sound terrible they're all terrible it's a dumb religion that we're all kind of stuck in it's like letting pandora out of her box and the only way to put pandora back in is fucking

armed revolution so good luck with that but that doesn't work good either but right like so just this is my ignorant brain talking but aren't we always just kind of trying to choose the less bad out of everything because if we don't do any of these things then there's just pure chaos there's got to be some sort of yeah but what we did is we said everybody's crazy and can't be trusted so let's take some of those people that are crazy and can't be trusted and put them in charge and trust them you know it's like so it's really a stupid idea but we've been doing it so long just like religion the reason we talk about all these things is because it's old we've been doing it well before you know recorded history basically but all right but if we didn't have if we didn't i am i'm not speaking

this because i support it but like if we didn't have some sort of structure like hierarchy is like and rules are like natural to humans if you play dnd you're going to make rules and everybody's going to follow them or you're going to be a dick. So, I mean. Even in tribal, like ancient tribal that still exists, there's still. Any group of anything. You still have some sort of. There's all sorts of flavors. And really, if you look at history, there's some anarchic societies and stuff that just don't use coercion to have a structure. But that's a conversation that's long and for another time probably, right?

So, we want to talk about anarchy systems. All right, but how about bureaucracy? A government is run by a bunch of unelected officials with a lot of meaningless departments, rules, and regulations. It's like the waste of government is bureaucracy. The poo. So to the bureaucratic cows. So you probably have somewhere near two cows, probably 1.83 cows on paper. At first, the government wants to regulate what you can feed them and then when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both cows, shoots one, milks the other one, and pours the milk down their drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. That's bureaucracy, and almost every

government has that. Sounds good. All right, on to capitalism, you pig dogs. This is it. Yeah, we're almost done. So there's a couple ways of explaining capitalism. The idea of capitalism is that the means of production stay in the hands of private citizens and groups, right? People get into mutually beneficial agreements for their own rational self-interest by way of trading goods and services and their labor. In the laissez-faire version, the free enterprise system, the idea is that consumers have the most power to regulate what goods and services are made or offered based on voting with their dollars. So it's the most powerful thing in theory. Supply and demand is an important factor for regulating prices and wages, and government has limited roles in pure capitalistic economies, which we've never seen.

All right, to the cows, we have a couple versions. In Adam Smith's basic version of capitalism, you have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. And your herd multiplies, and then you sell them off and retire. Because they have sex. Yes. Sex makes more cows. Sex is more cows.

Yeah. All right. For many capitalists, it isn't that. It's more like you don't have any cows, and the banks won't lend you any money to buy cows because you don't have any cows as cow lateral. I shouldn't have said that. All right. That's okay. Current American capitalism is often described as corporate capitalism, crony capitalism, or richy-rich-cunt capitalism.

And it looks like this. This might be weird. You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You take out a huge loan on the cow and ignore both the cow and the bull from that point on. You lobby the government to guarantee to buy the cow, even if it dies, and then you try and milk the bull and blame the lack of production on left-handed people. You also wonder why the milk tastes bad.

I think it tastes good. It's semen. Yeah. It's a kingpin reference. I drink it. It is, yeah. All right. Another version.

We don't have a cow. We have a bull. It's me. I got a bull, though. Another version would be you have two cows. You rent a bull and build a herd of cows. You pump those cows with shit to make each cow produce the milk of four cows you buy out the bull rental ranch and marry the rancher's daughter who you knew beforehand is your third cousin twice removed doesn't matter you inherit that fortune and merge it into your

now industry-leading cow empire you expand it into selling bovine bovine manure to heat hospitals bulls testicles for stew to feed the army and cow eyeballs through by the bag full to children You're living the dream you're a cow tycoon, right? All right. Blah, blah, blah. There's a lot more of these, but here's the last one for today. It's about anarchy. So you have two cows and you got two options here. Either you sell the milk at a fair price on the market, but you fuck them. Or your neighbors are part of a Mad Max post-apocalyptic road warrior gang and are constantly trying to take your cows and murder your family. So anyway,

there's lots of two cows ways to understand the world. I hope this helped at least one of you guys out there. Yeah, that's funny. So, Two Cows, did you learn anything? I did. That was funny. What kind of cow system would you prefer? Well, I'm in the second to last, the modern America cow system. You're in crony capitalism. How's it going? That's where we are.

How does it feel? I think it's, we're young and we're still figuring it out. Well, if you look at it like an experiment. Like as a country, we're young and we're still figuring it out well if you look at it like an experiment like as a country we're young yeah for sure but if i mean democracy is thousands of years old the greeks invented if we're looking at it like an experiment if this is science we're doing the scientific method we've tried government thousands of ways and every single time even in the united states was meant to be the smallest government with a representative republic. And that turned into a bloated bureaucracy. One of the largest governments.

We imprisoned some of the most people on earth. All that stuff. So it's like, if we run the experiment, how are we doing? Overall. I think we're, I mean, not great. It just seems like it's turning into something that's already happened. But if you compare, you have to compare it to something. It's going to repeat itself.

You have to compare it to something, though, right? Like, would you rather have our society here in America versus, like, China? Compared to what is a smart thing to do. But we could do, we're still doing the coercion. Like, it's force. It's a monopoly of force is what government is. And because we've just decided that there's no other option, that's what we're stuck in. And that means that we're going to have corruption.

That means we're going to have people that want to be in charge. And do you guys want to be in charge of anybody's lives, tell them what to do? No. Most people don't want to do that. No. So if you feel like you're called to government, I mean, some people are obviously awesome in government and have their heart in the right place but if you're called to it i mean that what is that it's kind of like a hall monitor being like i should be the hall monitor i'm the one that should be the hall monitor you know what i want two halls i can do check and monitor two

halls give me another hall yeah well it's there's a deep conversation there's a lot of really interesting intellectual conversations about this. I mean, even J.R.R. Tolkien was like an anti-government in this sense. We can do better than coercion and putting people in charge that want to be in charge. And lobbying. Yeah, dude. That's a cool trick. Yeah, when the government has something for sale, it's like they're going to be corrupt.

Isn't it kind of dependent on your status in the society, though, too? I have to stretch to find something to complain about. Where there are people that have real things to complain about, that have real uphill battles every single day, their view of all that you just said is way different than what mine would be. Because I feel like right now, in our society, I've figured out a way to build a little niche where I'm not dependent on. And I don't get affected a lot, but that's just my perspective, though. And the system we're in promotes don't be a part of the system and in a way it's like if you don't want to play this game you have you have a way to avoid it and just go through your life and not and somewhat not be a part of the game like play the game but don't

have to worry about a lot of this shit and they're counting on you to just shut the fuck up well you know what out of our way it promotes that our our government promotes that it's like just don't hey you know what just don't, don't worry about it. Like, you're going to be fine. You're going to be comfortable. Just shut the fuck up. Like, it really does promote that. Just be quiet.

We also. Because it's better than communism. It's not like, you know, not in China. It's like, you have it pretty good, don't you? Yeah, yeah. As long as you just don't rock the boat. We try not to centrally plan things in the United States. Yeah.

That's our system's best thing, is we let people keep some of their money and do that. Most of the countries want to put intellectuals or whoever, you know, nepotism people in charge in these bureaucratic positions. And that's where we get all these dumb ideas that people are not accountable for. If you're a politician, you can just try something like, well, let's just just try this weird economic idea and then it fails and people die or they can't eat and then what happens to that person nothing that's why our system partly why our system has so many flaws in it no matter what system you have in government there's going to be cunts that want to tell you what to do and i feel like that's that's the whole thing right like we could sit here and you don't need a leader.

Where are you going? Are you going on safari? Why do you need a leader? I don't need a leader. I don't want a leader, but that's just the way it is. If I met the president today, I wouldn't be like, oh, my God, it's the president. I don't give a fuck that someone's been, you know, like. There would have been a rubber glove up your ass, so you probably would have been a little different than that. To meet the president we we also we haven't we as in sign me up like this country i don't want to sound i'm like i don't want to sound like a patriot but we're pretty

oh how terrible if you think if you think uh where things are in other countries and where we used to be, for other people, for most people, it's gotten a lot better. Obviously, things can always be better, but it's way better than it was. Is it possible that we got better despite government? The government had nothing to do with it. We forced the government to do it. The ingenuity of this country, because we take the world's brilliant people come here, and invent things and they create stuff despite government yeah sure i mean government gets in the way of modern technology and medicine so are you saying just get rid of the government i mean not because what would that do i think that we as people in the modern society could learn how to cooperate

without coercion or at least minimize it to the point i mean we're not children some of us are we have to run at the lowest at at the slowest pace, I guess. But there's a lot of really cool ideas that we don't talk about in the United States that don't have to do with government taking care of us in every way or even in many ways. So it'd be fun to have those conversations as Americans. To me, it just seems crazy. Like, it's like you have to start over with that ideal. You know what i mean like there's no way that happens now like what you're saying is all great but how do you undo

what we've done to get to that that's the place you can't do it i think that just encompasses the whole thing every cow example sounded fucking terrible yeah yeah unless you start over with what you're proposing and everyone's in agreement that that's the way it is then you i think yeah i agree you have a fully functioning system but you have to undo thousands of years of everything to get to where you're at and you expect everyone to get on board it's just not going to happen yeah i don't expect anybody to do anything i expect us to keep repeating board, it's just not going to happen. I don't expect anybody to do anything. I expect us to keep repeating history over and over again and keep beating those dead cows until they're glue.

All right. Well, thank you, Zach. My pleasure. Sorry for all the cringe. No, thanks for dragging some cows in here. Good times. Yeah. I mean, I like a glass of milk as much as the next guy.

What kind of milk do you like? No, I don't. When's the last time you just had a glass of milk as much as the next guy. What kind of milk do you like? No, I don't. When's the last time you just had a glass of milk? 20 years. Yeah, you used to glass of milk type of fella? I used to. Yeah, I used to. I used to.

Back in high school. I think that was just all marketing. My parents were like, it's for your bones. I actually liked it. You know what else it was? This one pill would do that. But if you're having breakfast, a cold glass of milk is pretty good. Have you ever thought about how weird it is that humans drink milk?

Oh, yeah. It's so weird. We're the only creature that drinks the milk of another creature. Of another animal? Like an almond? Oh, that's what I was going to say. Oh, yeah. I was going to say.

I've got nipples. Can you milk me? I was going to say that. So like we all agree that we're animals, right? Yep. Hell yeah. So. Bunch of fucking animals. like we're we all agree that we're animals right yep like it's that's hell yeah that's so if you look at the other animal the animal kingdom look at how other animals are like what if we what if we were like that what if we had to suck the milk straight from cow's tits no what if we were just out there like i'm hungry i'm gonna go kill this guy and there was no repercussion for it well i think we've had some periods in

time where we were like well yeah i'm talking about now because essentially like we're trying to take this ideal and then jam it into today's society like that doesn't work right no let's go kill a guy because you'd what we've learned is that none of this is as simple as we all wish it was well most of our most of our lives is anarchy like you didn't choose your wife because someone coerced you didn't choose your your friends you didn't choose your occupation or what you're going to eat 99 of your life is anarchy and it's a natural human state to have anarchy and just our ancestors decided we're all crazy and can't be trusted and so here we are with crazy can't be trusted people in charge of us

that's my two cents i gotcha i gotcha okay okay well let's take a look at some good news for this week let's let let's let everyone let our listeners sit with some cow talk and do some good news for this week does that sound good good? All right. Hey, Zach! So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! So you guys know about the plastic bag ban, right?

Right? You guys live in Washington. You have to pay for bags? Oh, yeah, yeah. I live in California. They did that a long time ago. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's eight cents. Come on.

Okay, great. I like that. I like that i like that but i'm just gonna throw a little stat out here because i know how it's it is annoying and it's a new habit and it's nice to come on the back end of zach's lap time with this topic um but the plastic bag ban these are stats that show that you know it's actually working it has prevented billions of bags from being used oh great, great. Billions of bags. And then I started doing research about like, well, how many bags are there?

So it turns out billions of bags is not a lot. It's not? Not even close. Compared to what? Trillions. Yeah. Yeah. But still.

It's something. I was reading this and i was like that sounds good and then i started looking up other like the single-use plastic bags that are used like worldwide it's just trillions and the difference between three billion and even just one trillion is so small yeah it's a thousand billions to get to a trillion, right? But it's not just one, it's trillions of plastic bags. It's a fucking disaster. But over the past several years, U.S. cities and states have passed hundreds of policies restricting the sale and distribution of single-use plastic bags.

A new report says these laws have largely succeeded, I'm going to put an asterisk right there, in their goal of reducing plastic bag use. The report, co-published by three non-profits, Environmental America, U.S. Public Interest Research Group, Education Fund, and Frontier Group, draws on industry and government data to suggest that plastic bag bids can eliminate nearly 300 single-use plastic bags per person per year. And I will say, at least here in Washington, even just eight cents, I will stuff more shit into one bag. For sure. It does make you think. And I'm not going to be like, I'm just going to use more bags.

Because it's just a checkpoint to be like, I could just bag this up and put it over here and then lie about how many bags I used on the self-checkout. It hasn't changed mine. I would never do that. I know, but isn't that just what I want to talk about, too? It's there, and it's not about the eight cents. It's about it. You're like, all this shit from this bag, it could fit in this bag. That's how I was before the ban.

I want to take the least amount of bags so i just jam the bread with the right the bananas and but the uh the the point of this is it goes back to like just talking about the way things are right and you mentioned a little bit about like well that's the way it is like would you rather it's like but also this is gonna be one of the things from our i mean not just our uh generation but a couple generations from now they're gonna be like everyone just got fucking plastic bags from the store like that you just couldn't bring your own bag i could totally bring my own bag and i fucking don't doesn't it feel weird to bring your own bag you feel like you're stealing.

You're like, I didn't steal this bag. I brought this canvas bag. It says your stupid store on it, but I bought it yesterday or 10 weeks ago. I mean, before we know it, grocery stores aren't going to exist. Like that's just, they're just going to get phased out and all your shit you want is going to get brought to your house and it won't get brought in fucking plastic bags. Right? So, I mean, I know that this is a short-term fix banning plastic

bags but i mean our kids and then for sure our kids kids aren't going to be going to fucking grocery stores anymore there'll be a three-day print in their groceries it's just it's they're going to be out just like everything else you just don't have to go anymore it'll show up at your fucking house within one hour of the time you tap something on your phone or just think about it and a banana will show up at your house an hour later i wouldn't have a banana ding dong ding dong banana hi banana guy took you so long hello banana joe here only the freshest bananas from banana joe joy banana bag uh but so i mean this is a short-term fix, but yeah, I will say that how weird is it that we can't just, all of us, bring a bag to the store, leave it in your car, and you're

like, you're like, you're telling me I have to bring a canvas bag into my house and then get my groceries out of it. And then you want me to remember to bring my canvas bag back out to my car. All that with a dick in my ass. All that with a dick in my ass. All that with a dick in my ass. But it's just so petty. But just the way we're raised, you're like, I'm just going to use the plastic ones that are at the store. We have them at home.

I just forget. I know. It's not that I don't want to do it. I just forget. But it's so dumb. It's such a dumb excuse. All of us just dumping plastic bags everywhere it really is dumb but it's just the way you're raised like

the store has bags i'll put my stuff in the store bags i remember in california just bring your bag when they passed that law i watched a guy kind of flip out at the lady and he just carried like two carts worth of shit out he's like i'll carry it i'm coming back for the second time it's like all right that's fair okay weirdo i think it's healthy for people to move past the way they're they were raised oh absolutely um like you say oh just sorry it's just the way i was raised it seems like that's just your excuse to keep doing whatever that thing is reject the two cows it's like just if you don't want to do it anymore, you don't have to do it. Right. Just because you were raised that way.

I know. But I don't have an excuse. I do the same thing. I don't have, I have some canvas bags. They're not in my fucking car. It's so dumb. Well, here's the thing. You can't just leave it in your car.

Because if you take it into the store, you bring it into the house to drop your groceries off. So you would have to put the canvas bag back in your car because if you take it into the store you bring it into the house um to drive your groceries off so you would have to put the canvas bag back in your car that's what i was just making a joke about oh were you yeah and you're like i'm like i'm fucking going back out there put bag back so i don't forget it next time i go to the store i didn't say that no i did oh that's what i was joking about okay you're like so i bring the bag in and i put the groceries in the fridge like fuck i bring his bag back out to the car. You could just hang it by the door. Yeah, hang it next to your keys.

There's so many things you could do, and we all don't fucking do it. I know. It's so dumb. All right, let's move off to a website I came across, and I'm so excited to show this to you. Okay. All right. Zach. The internet is pretty wild.

Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes that's awesome this is a wonderful website not going to be able to cover a lot of it i recommend that you go to this website which is easy to remember because it's called things my girlfriend and i have argued about dot com it looks like 1996 oh my god it looks like something built in geocities days yeah dude and it is so fucking funny uh it is 100 biased written by the husband and like just like some examples and then he gets into more lengthy arguments they had but like he's like um he has like a little setup what the page is around he goes oh examples okie dokie

we have argued about the way one should cut a kiwi fruit in half leaving the kitchen open door three times a day that one minimum best way to hang up washing those little toothpaste toothpaste speckles you make when you brush your teeth in front of the mirror uh two-fingered kit kat or yeah i eat two-fingered kit kats like i eat any other chocolate bar of that size without feeling the need to snap them into two individual fingers first margaret accused me of doing this deliberately to annoy her the amount of time i spent on the computer okay that's fair that's that's and that's what's funny about that is if she's got a problem why why do you have why don't you break them in half of course you're going to keep doing that our first born's name jonathan then when when that was settled the

next one that says how to pronounce our first born's name our telephone number but it just goes on and on it is so the TV remote and where to put it. And he goes like into some investigative journalism about all this type of shit. Which one? Oh, yeah. See if you can spot the difference between these two statements. A, those trousers make your backside look fat. B, you're repelling obese old hag upon whom I'm compelled to heap insults and derision.

Depression. The font is so small. I can't like when I plug it into my computer, it fucking shrinks away down. Depressingly far removed from the stupid, squeaky pocket sized English woman who make up the vast catalog. Maybe the acoustics are really bad in the dining room or something. She keeps making me carry tampons around here. Have these just in case. Oh, why can't you carry

them i got no pockets then of course i forget about them and the next time i'm meeting the duchess of kent or someone i pull a handkerchief out of my pocket and shower feminine hygiene products everywhere she really overreacts whenever she catches me wearing her underwear and he goes on to talk about uh like whenever we go to anywhere it's like the kitchen the bathroom scotland we oh we inevitably want to stand in the exact same spot and he starts talking about how he's he's like my way of dealing with it is i stand behind her and mutter under my breath her way of dealing with it is shoulder charging me out of the way and it just goes on and on and the further you go back in this catalog if you're in a relationship

it is so funny of just having this guy i picture him it's like an argument happens and he goes and he just puts the specs on and just opens up his laptop and he's like what are you writing nothing don't worry about it isn't uh isn't marriage isn't it basically all it is is someone you love but you don't like you know what i mean like it's just like why are we together we love each other but we fight over everything you said just live in separate houses yeah god i love you i don't i wouldn't want to be with anybody else but i don't want to see you right now certain but no there are certain verbal shortcuts to a lot of our arguments sure we could ease into things build up momentum slowly but that's wasteful when you can fit three arguments in the time the slow burn approach would take to brew only one.

So we often favor more of a dragster style zero to argument in one second approach. Thus, over the years, ways to ensuring a spitting, scratching road with just one sentence would have polished to a high shine. That's funny. For example, Margaret once said to me, am I your favorite woman in the world? The world? I mean, really? Other times, she'll lay mines so we can explode into an argument later with a minimum amount of run-up. She'll go all out over her shoulder as she closes the door call you can vacuum the house if you want it just goes on and on anyway so again it's things my girlfriend and i have

argued about.com go check it out there's there's so much there uh way too much to get into it's in the world in the world i've met maybe 200 women yeah and you're not even the best out of those 200 you're talking a point zero zero zero one percent of women you're the one i just we just ended up together i think you're pretty neat yeah right don't get me wrong you're you're a neat gal but in the world probably not like even even your best friend like your dude friend or your girlfriend um they're like if you met everybody in the world there's probably they're most like as a person that you would even be better friends with yeah you're you're the best friends out of the people you know the people you just happen to run into yeah so so there you go you're welcome i love you

good night yeah and if you think there's something beyond that i'm sorry i can't help you i can't help you anyway have you seen the TV remote? If you guys would just put it back where it belongs, I do that with my kids all the time. They're always, we have extra remotes in the fucking drawer. And then I go to find a remote and go check that and those are even gone. Because no one puts it back by the TV.

It's the worst. And I get all upset and then my wife gets mad at me for getting upset. I'm like, I want the remote! I remember that about pacifiers when the kids were small like couldn't find a pacifier she just immediately go grab the a new pacifier it's like but where did the fucking one go yeah like if you're just gonna do this forever that's what she'll go it's here somewhere she's like we have extra ones on the drawer i'm like i don't those are extra those are extra we haven't even tried yeah oh yeah but i know where one is let's go get that one. It's like, no, how about the one that we originally had

that has to be somewhere fucking here. Let's give it a shot. Oh, here it is. Okay, glad we didn't use the fucking extra one because it was just here in the couch cushion. Alright, we're ready to go. Just when you're done watching TV, put it up on the fucking table. Or wherever it goes. Alright, let's hear from some of the kids.

Excited about it. Zach! Hey, you guys! Alright, let's hear what some of the kids. Excited about it. Zach! Hey, you guys! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. All right, Yosef. Hello, tell me about it.

Our first email was sent in by our fucking daughter, Carrie. Or Carrie, I don't know. Maybe she's like one of those people. It's Carrie. It's a soft A. Oh, God. Hiya, daddies and cellar dwe's Kari. It's a soft A. Oh, Kari. Hiya, daddies and cellar dweller creepy uncle. That's a great intro.

Nice. I have a funny-ish hookup story. Whenever he finished, he... She's just running. Anyway, so his dick was... He's like, whoa, what? Anyway, so his balls are up in my anus. So he's fucking my lamp.

Whenever he finished, he would say something totally random but hilarious. To be continued. Good game. Respawn. The first time he says, ta-da! Like a goddamn magician. Well, his birthday was like two weeks after this, so I bought him a shirt that had his lovely catchphrase on it. Well, he ended up ghosting me so i waited a while

and said hey houdini show's over i got a good laugh out of the whole thing you fucked hards better too p.s if anal reads this may be wonderful that's funny what the confidence to just be i mean i say yeah purposefully i'm sometimes after sex when i'm done crying. I'll wipe my tears and I'll be like, you can just go. But have the confidence to be like, respawn! Show's over! For me, it's usually like,

oh, sorry that was so early. Just give me 10 and I'll be ready to go again. You know the second time's always better. Just stick with me. No, they're just like, well, 10 minutes and the mood's gone, so then we don't have to do it again to be continued who is this guy good game slaps her on the ass good game good game make me a sandwich that was i think i've done that one like hell yeah bro what if he dunks her with the gatorade at the end of the game right yeah just yeah. Just ice the whole bed.

If you're together for a while and you've developed that rapport and kind of like inside jokes is one thing. But just out the gate. It's like your first date. You're like, Ta-da!

Ta-da! Anyway. Yeah, you have to be very confident that she got hers too. Because the first time you guys hook up, it's just like a minute of sex. He's like, oh, ta-da. She's laying there like, I haven't even felt anything yet. He's like, oh, to be continued.

Ta-da. I mean, you had sex after those. I mean, just kept having sex. That's a lot of catchphrases. So he must have been good. He must have been doing something right to put up with that shit. Our second email is coming in from our murderous daughter, Nicole, who writes,

Hi, daddies. I want to tell you about something stupid I did at my old job. Okay. I was a project coordinator for a kitchen design company, so basically I did all the bitch work behind the scenes, including the actual design work. During this moment of dumbassery, I was working on a design for a married couple, so both names were on the floor plan.

The salesperson was meeting with them and left the appointment to hand me the design with the husband's name crossed out and RIP, R-I-P, written above it, telling me to change it. I was horrified at the callousness while having a customer who died, but I took the name off and sent it back out. Yeah, he wasn't dead. His name was John or James or something, but he went by Rip. Thankfully, he thought it was funny, but my salesperson absolutely did not. The worst part is I asked multiple coworkers about it before I made the change, and they all assumed the same thing I did. Oops. Nicole.

Just scratch it out and be like, no, he dead. How do you not, like, if you're the person that's making that request, how do you not be like, I know this seems weird, but he's not dead. Right, he's not dead. I would lead with that. He goes by Rip. Yeah. Also, what? Like Rip Taylor?

Yeah, you gotta be doing some cool shit to have it go by rip yeah rip torn remember him rip torn ripped is that a porn star he's an actor yeah he was he was the rip torn was the guy in the wheelchair and you could dodge a wrench you could dodge a ball yeah yeah rip torn i love that name that's awesome he was ripped and torn was it a real name rip torn i doubt? I doubt it. Actor name? Probably actor name. Anyway, yeah. The ripped Taylor was the guy that went Oh!

We've covered co-workers that don't have a sense of humor and I would not survive in those situations. Especially, yeah, something like that. Too much. Well, that's show 88, guys. Good to be back from vacation, back in the saddle. Michael Irvin. If you want to. Well, that's show 88 guys. Good to be back from vacation. Back in the saddle.

Michael Irvin. Yeah. Uh, if you want to sign up, be part of the gaggle and access to the bonus content and access to the exclusive merch and merch discounts, add free episodes, all that kind of stuff.

And more patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Of course we've got the socials. You can go follow us there. I got the YouTube channel for the video version. Maybe should we do a confessions or something maybe next week? If you want to send in your confession, get something off your chest along with anything else,

that email address. Or if you want something on your chest. Oh, nice. Hey, guys. You fucking ta-da. Yeah. Hey, guys. At Candy Dome Podcast.

Where did it go? It's on your titties. It's behind your ear. Hey, guys. At CandyDomePodcast.com. Rate and review us if you listen to us on a platform that allows for that kind of stuff. And then check out everything Uncle Zach does. Communist Uncle Zach.

Nah. Thanks for producing today's show. And everything he does can be found at ScatCast.com. That's scat with a K. New season of Scat Tunes right now. Now every time we're like, oh, Commie Zach, he's going to picture some little... What was the title where are we talking about cows cows no no the you said every time we call you a commie you picture um

cows is that what it is i thought i forgot what i said now i don't even know you were like there was like some little kids in a thing like every time you guys call me i picture that now anyway oh yeah cambodia yeah cambodia yeah i just read about it and it's like the sweatshops or something Like every time you guys call me, I picture that now. Anyway. Oh, yeah. Cambodia. Yeah. Cambodia. Yeah. I just read about it and it's like. The sweatshops or something. Too much. It's way too much.

All right. Let's do a little joke. We're going to try to get a little laugh out of you. Hey, Zach, would you be so nice? Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Hey, guys. Did you hear about the TV antennas that got married? I didn't.

The wedding was just okay, but the reception was terrific. Yeah, I like that one. That's good. You get it? Yeah, I do. All right, bonus content keeps going. If not, you guys don't do that kind of stuff. We'll see you guys next week.

Bye! Bye. Bye.