Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Fake Job. Golden Ticket. Suffered Walrus. The Letter B.

Episode Date: June 11, 2025

Half marathon? Hard. Full marathon? Very Hard. Ultra Marathon? Insanely hard. Ultra marathon while breastfeeding a baby and still managing to win your division? WHAT IN THE F**K?!?! Let's talk about that, IOU a rimjob Willy Wonks candy bars, accidentally spilling 70,000 lbs of bees on the highway, Joe smashing his head into the ceiling in an airplane bathroom, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/f5-70tzYJP0Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Fake job. Golden ticket. Suffered walrus. The letter B. Oh my god! Hello? Hello is this thing on? Helium balloons! You can't... Hello! Oh there it is! Hey Joe! Welcome to the show! Wow that's so fun! If you leave a helium balloon around a couple of dweebs like us... Oh my god!

Joe's done this before! Oh yeah I'm gonna fucking come hahahaha make me bitch no he's actually dark hello you want me to come in the net

I'm gonna come in the net I'm gonna come in the net you want me to come in the net yeah you can't let healing go to waste. Anyway. Thanks for the... I'm sure the sound of... God, how it... That was probably terrible to the listener.

No, it's good for the show. Thanks for handing me the knife back blade first. Blade deep? Yeah. You fucking dweeb. I was just hoping you'd make a mistake. Jesus Christ. I... Did you ever handle a knife before? Yeah. but usually they pop right back in, you know? And switchblade. I'm used to that shortcut switchblade, baby.

Yeah. Episode 156, reminder that the honkathon is on. The Toyota honkathon is on. You almost seem like a special sounder. That's not this. What position did you play? Because that is special. Yeah.

But whenever we say honkathon, then we have a little thing that we can play. Look at my leg. I'm just going to take a peek. Wait, what do we... It's just the tightness of the studio. You can't tell me to look at your leg and then hide your leg from me. It's like, oh there we are.

It's just so prominent. Well you don't have to sit like that. Well it's comfortable though. We should not sit like this. I feel like that. Man, we've had that crochet geese goose. Yeah. Who made that again? Wow, man. Dude, I don't remember what we talk about the second we talk about it yet alone.

I know. All the gifts that we've got. But we still have it. And whoever made it, please, please remind us. Know that we love you. Yeah. All right. So again, the reminder of the Honkathon on the Can You don't to Patreon page again, patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. We have set different tiers and as we hit these goals, different things will happen. Unlock. Yes. All right. So at 400,

Brian and I are going to get a silly goose tattoo. We'll figure it out. We'll figure out the placement, figure out exactly what it is, but it will be goose centric. I think I'm gonna get on the side of my face to match like a real goose. It just comes out of your, it's just the wing, the wing of a goose. Your ear has like the goose is on your ear. That'll look good, wouldn't it? Sure. At 425, Brian is going to get his eyes checked. Yeah. So a little trip to the...

It's a win-win. Yeah. Or lose, lose. It's good. They're how you look at it. Yeah. If they're like, your eyes are fine. You're like, then I'm done. I just can't read. I just can't read. If I just can't read and then if they're, if they're bad, you get glasses, come back, still can't read, but I could look good. Maybe I'll get looking glad. What? What'd you say? Joe, let me see your glasses. Okay. Let's see how it looks in glass.

You get it? Because I was not having my glasses on. Yeah. Well, with this with this mustache. Whoa. You look kind of like you. You're up to something. You look like I'm not sure.

What position did you play? Yeah. You look like you're you're ready for something, but i'm I don't trust you. You know who I look like. Holy shit Is fucking zack bagans from uh, yeah Uh ghost adventures right now dude look this look right now. I see a little bit of it Show me right there in the site Hi, well, I bet you come scratch me. Oh fuck

Oh, fuck. Oh, won't you come on? Uh on try that try that on me try that you caught me off guard So at 425 Brian will get his eyes checked of course we'll document all of this stuff at 450 Although I've already done it and survive in the glasses now I will risk my life and Brian has never done it. So at 450, we're going to go on a hot air balloon ride together. I still think that's a terrible idea. 475, Zach's going to get his own camera. So be able to say what? I hope it has a wide lens.

No, yeah. It's just, it's just, uh, it's the only part of the show that's in vertical video format and it still cuts his head. Halfway off. It's his head off halfway off. And he's sitting. He's not even standing. And we should be able to, that would be even funnier if we got him a camera and then we were in control of switching into it. Yeah. I like that. Just random times. It's a little foot switch. You never know what he's doing. We just check in. And we don't know

either. We just hit the switch. You just push it and see what he's doing over there. He's just asleep with a vape. He sneaks someone else through the window that he's doing over there? He's just asleep with a vape. He sneaks someone else through the window that he's paying to push buttons while he takes a nap. And then at 500, everyone will get an extra Patreon episode a month, exclusive to The Gaggle. So please consider, head on over, let us hit these goals. Again, that's patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Those are reasonable goals too. I know they're right there. They should have been higher.

We kind of lowered it. I know, we're just... We're giving them away. We're giving away to do stuff, dude. I send in stuff for the show, the email address, heyguysatcanyoudontpodcast.com. We do have some new merch. This one is very simple, but it's one of my favorite quotes

and the listeners have latched onto it as well. So if you head over to canyondompodcast.com and over to the merch store, you'll see a shirt that just says, art is art and I don't know what to do about it. Look at the guy wearing it too. Yeah. He has no idea what to do about it. We all don't. You just said it. Like you said the quote and we all were like, that actually makes sense. Yeah.

The picture of that guy looks like the guy that was taking the picture said something funny. Yeah. Instead of looking at the camera, he was like, oh, that's so true. And then click. Yeah. He was like, hey, don't say that. I'm trying to model.

God damn it. And they're like, sorry, we had a film. Sorry, we got someone else coming in here with a shitty shirt on. But again, the art is art. I don't know what to do about it shared available now Can't you know podcast calm on today's show? We got a sweaty flong hog just a fucking so just stay gaped. Okay We'll get there and you got to be ready. Just a quick update People still out there doing this shit and I don't I don't I don't quite get it. You don't know what to do about it. I don't know if you're still making art.

Like, listen, a foot fetish is a foot fetish. I don't know what to do about it. But a man is accused of breaking into a house and licking women's toes while she slept. This isn't David Neil again, is it? No, but it's probably a protege. Studied under. You mentioned that on the resume. Just like the, like, do you have any recent work? Cause like, I've

been studying under David Neal. I'm an understudy for David Neal. The toe sucker? All right. How you feel things are going? You've got to collect call from David. Don't bring it in the house. Just, there's probably a job for you. You don't have to break it in or anybody's house.

To accept this call. No, imagine going through, uh, like you're hiring and you're going through the, what the credible sources, whatever the, I forget their call, the contacts, the references and you're going through and you just call up a number. It's like, it's like, hello, you've reached the South, the dry county correction facility for one, David Neil. And you're like, yeah, you push it. This is like now connecting you to David Neil.

Now you can take two David Neil, David Neil. I can't like your toes from here to accept this call, but calling references and you have to call a fucking prison. You're like, maybe shouldn't have put that on the old resume but the headline pretty much says it all a dude was sneaking in a woman's house and Fucking sucking on her toes while she slept. That's exactly what he did. Mm-hmm. Well, no, he had a hotel He worked at a hotel is not David Neil. Yeah, and he was sneaking into hotel rooms

Sucking like oh, yeah, that's different. That's different. Yeah. Like everyone starts off at a house and you're like, I can't get enough of these piggies. That's when you open a hotel, he's got a skeleton key and he just can get into your room. It gets in and sucks on toes. So that was like, he was next level. Okay. Suck it. I'd forgotten that it was at a hotel. So many piggies, you called a farm. They went wee wee all the way home. So this guy, apparently, break it in.

He can't do that. But how he got caught is he was sneaking around the house. He broke in. And then the next day, he just went back to the house again. And they're like, there he is. Don't they say people return to the crime? You've seen the crime after the? Went back to get one more whiff.iff and they're like, oh there he is

Fucking arrested. He's like, oh, I want seconds He's a guy to go back and see those make this a chance. Those toes are out the window I can't miss a new little chance to see some toes Anyway, that's still happening out there. Maybe don't do that. Are you ready to get the show? I think it's happening more than we know. It is two people have been arrested to well that we know of. We've done toe licking updates quite a bit. David, yes. Oh yeah. There's a lot of toes. And we just did one about the guy that was fake checking out homes and licking toes and taking pictures. Remember? Yeah. You remember last week, summer around there, Maybe the week before

All right. So on top of getting your eyes checked. We'll get your short-term memory checked as well. I think that's that's a full MRI Just a full brain scan. You just need to get a checkup. Mm-hmm. Take a peek. Like the problem is your mustache Alright, let's get the show ripping Alright, let's get the show ripping. Zack, fuck! Hey, shut up! It's not the show already! Alright, this is a fun one that I thought of for no reason.

But I feel there's going to be a lot of input around the table here. So not a would you rather, but one of these fellas. You will receive 500 million dollars. Okay? We're talking you will receive $500 million. Okay? Okay.

We're talking half a billion. It's a lot of clams. I know. And you hear that number. It's a lot of toadies. And you're like, okay, well, what's the back half? It has to be pretty big. There's gotta be a catch, right?

It has to be. And here it is. But you have to donate 490 million of it to a charity that you hate by the end of the week Into the week on so it's a quick turnaround quick turnaround you get to do some research You get ten million dollars, but you are setting up a charity you despise for life To continue doing work you can't stand.

Is it worth, is 10 million worth that? That. Yeah. Giving the power to someone who shouldn't have. Shouldn't have it. And there's a lot of shitty charities out there. I'm not talking like just not giving a solid percentage to their cause. There's a lot of those.

And that might be when you read that, I don't know why this popped in my head, but I thought of like, um, I don't even know if this is true, but let's just pretend it is like the Red Cross. I think they are actually a pretty good charity and they do give a nice percentage of their stuff, supposedly to where it's supposed to go, but imagine they didn't. And they only gave like 30% to the causes. And then just the CEOs and everyone else running it got the remainder of the money Okay, there's that but then let's like Looking at how bad like there's got to be Like for me, I think of like a white supremacy fucking charity, right? And probably not on a national Recognized board of charities, but it exists and they just, and you hate

them before the end of the week, you've done your research. You came across this Nazi white supremacy group that you can't stand. And then you have to ask them, who do I make the checkout to? Like, I hate all the Jews.org is like their website. Yeah. Fuck all Jews.gov. Not ink. You're like, you're not an incorporated bit. I love the idea of typing that into go daddy I don't see this is taking already taken. It's available Fuck off jump on it. Grab it. Fuck all the Jews is it's already taken. Are you guys giving fuck all the Jews to?

Jews gov or not net you can pick whatever you want these days. We can do.tv if we want to die. But like this charity exists and you hate them. They hate everything that you stand for in that you have to give $490 million to them just so you can get 10 million. And then you know, with a donation that big, they're going to name shit after you. Oh yeah. They're going to put you on the wall. Like this or this building this library made possible by Joe Paisley this neo-nazi library It's possible by Joe Paisley. Mm-hmm extra large shower 10 million trying to disappear Everyone's interview like how could you do that? You can't escape that type of donation like they're they're actually trying to bring back the Nazi party

Yeah, like that's how bad it is. You hate him and you are you're like the guy that made it possible They have parades with your head. Yeah, you're a fan of paper mache. Mm-hmm. And you're just They call it the paisley parade, oh my my God. Just rude. And you're just like sitting in your mountain mountain house. You're just like, fuck, you got $10 million. Oh, I didn't weigh this out. I know. But trying to explain that, like trying to explain a donation, like, why would you do it? You'd be like, I had to. So I hate them so much. I had to give them 490 million is your, you have a big enough yacht to be to sleep well at night,

to run from the people that want to kill you. Yeah. For giving these people this much power. 10 million bucks isn't getting you that much of a yacht. If you buy a house and a car. Yeah. Naked shit. Well, maybe you don't want it. Maybe just live on the yacht. So you put all the money in the yacht and you live on the middle of the ocean. I mean, if you did something, a little, little something right with 10 million, you would never have to work a day of your life. Have a dream home, have the car you want.

Your kids are set. Like you can't do a lavish spending spree for whatever you want with 10 million, but you could be set for the rest of your life and set your kids up. Yeah. So there is that. But also the charity is set up for generations. Yeah. It's your last name is responsible for the next uprising.

I mean, your kids, his kids will be growing up with the same burden. So it's not just you. I mean, in the contract, you could even say you can't mention where this came from ever, like would it disappear? He set the hope for the best, but in today's digging whistleblowing society, would you be able to escape that or someone find a way to expose who gave? I don't think you can anonymously give $490 million. I know.

Right. So that's the things you have to factor in. Is there a charity that you guys hate? Yeah. You said no. Yeah. Oh yeah. What is it?

All the ones that spend 99% of their money on their administration and 1% on the actual cause, which is a lot of them. Yeah. It's a lot of those. Well, there's no, why people just kind of start up foundations and shit so they can just kind of hide their money NGOs Mm-hmm like the research process Of trying to find the charity that you hate the most by the end of the week is so funny Like you've got the whole stack of papers. You're you know, you're been

Burning the midnight oil just sitting up all stressed out kids are like hey dad. Oh, yeah what? Sorry, I We have to leave now to get to my softball game. I can't make it I told you I can't make this softball game for the rest of the year. I'm finding the things I hate I'm neglecting the things I love and finding the things I hate and you're just going through finding the worst shit And as you find a new one like some terrorist group I mean So terrorist group has a charity and you're like fuck

God damn it. You said you try to find a worse one You just hate it so much and then write a check for 490 million Like wouldn't that fuck you up? 490 million dollars. Yeah, there's a lot of money to do some damage. Mm-hmm and The the the option was you just don't take it, right? Yeah, you just don't use move on with your life Yeah, is it so you could just move on with your life like nothing happened or you can be $10 million richer and could be doing some damage. But you got 10 million

bucks. I mean, think about, I'm just trying to think about like, uh, like the blanket charities people have had problems with like PETA, right? Like you can't, you just can't stand them. Whatever the reason is this way or that way. And then you get 10 million and then just imagining the advertising campaigns they'd be able to do with it. They'd be invading the rest of your life. And would you have enough, like every time you saw it, you'd be like, well, at least I got 10 million. The Super Bowl ad brought to you by Joe Paisley. Yeah. Would the, would $490 million going to PETA make it so they could get rid of meat. That's, I don't think it's that much money, but I'm just trying to play out a

scenario like what if you just, you just all of a sudden now you can't, they could probably pay off a lot of stuff. But I, I, I gravitate towards, uh, having like enough money to do some really big marketing campaigns that will will inevitably just annoy you but you have ten million dollars so does the annoying hurt a little worse what if the charity was less rounding up dogs and stuff and just putting them down yeah that kind of is Peter. Like yeah, a dog, like a pet population control thing that like has a history of unethical killings. And you're the face of that.

And you write $490 million checks, like just clear it out. So they're out there just like putting down Cogger Spaniel's. Setting you Christmas gifts. Yeah. You've killed 38,000 dogs this year. Congratulations. Congratulations. You've you killed 38,000 dogs this year. Congratulations. Congratulations. You're our hero. You want, they want you to be like the grand marshal.

When you just throw it near a million dollar fireplace. You're like, I wish they'd quit sending these to me. It really does bum me out. Anyway, Lambo time. Who wants to go do some burnouts in the driveway? You can buy a nice house, a Lamborghini. I wouldn't want one by yourself. A decent size. Let's say you get it. Let's you get oceanfront. Invest house. Yeah. Um, and in the investor rest and live on dividends. Now you have your, your ocean front house with a nice boat and a big, and billboards

everywhere that says that you responsible for killing thousands of, I mean, you have enough money for like plastic surgery. Maybe you just turn yourself on recognizable, get the 10 million, change your name. Make yourself look like a dog. Sure. Then that way you can fight the stigma. They just put you down mm-hmm that's a fucking lame lame loophole so ten million dollars to go against your

principles as a person yes okay I mean what do you think no could you do it no I mean cuz how how impactful is that can that charity be with that money what would they do too much? Okay. Fine. A billion dollars to do that. I don't know, man. I feel like $490 million. But how much good could you do? Money anymore. How much good could you do in your community with 10 million?

Could you go out and fight the, so like you, you make it your, you don't have to work anymore. Your own investment. Yeah. So you, the, whatever charity gets that money, but you spend the rest of your life like fighting that charity You got the time that I just wouldn't take the money because I don't want to fight the fucking charity Yeah, but you don't have to work anymore. Well, yeah, you spent all your time The not all your time

just a lot of it a nauseating balance with a company that has All of your money to fight you with your tiny bit of the money you had, take you to court or see in court, Mr. Paisley, you're like, fuck, didn't see that one coming. Or you could just go on with your day. Like nothing, nothing changed. I think the, the, the guilty side and having a conscious and trying to just like move on knowing that you gave all of that money and not and having a conscious and trying to just like move on knowing that you gave all of that money and not really having a grasp on what it's done or the damage it's

done. It's not worth having $10 million. That's a lot of money. It is a lot of money. 10 million dollars, a lot of money. Less and less though. I like, I think, I think the, the less less money you have the more principles you have Is that does that sound right? So like I don't know I've always been poor so like yeah, but it's what I'm saying So yes, that's what I'm saying. Like you don't have a lot of money So it's like yeah my my dignity means more than that because I don't But if someone offered you ten million dollars, could you be like maybe principles aren't so important? I Don't really have important. I don't really

have principles. I had one. I could pay off those morals. Yeah. You say mortgage. No, I said morals. I mean, mortgage and morals. Cause I, cause I think it's really easy when you don't have a lot to say that I don't, I wouldn't give that up. But if you had the opportunity to have a lot, I think, I think, I think decision becomes more difficult. Well, yeah. And your family's taken care of like, I don't know, and hated. You get, yeah.

We just hope the charity fucks things up and you gave a bunch of money, but they still messed everything up anyway. And they disappear. So there's that possibility. The idea that you helped fund al Qaeda or something like that is kind of crazy to me Yeah, that's too much, but it's also not a charity, but I'm guessing there are charities that do terrible things They just say the equivalent like the equivalent of open up a nonprofit right then you can do some anything you want Yeah, I'm sure there's like some like

Charity out there for pancakes here to here it is You give the money to the charity you hate and they pivot and they become a terrorist group Can you skinny go to bed at night? Like oh, but you you weren't I mean you were responsible, but you didn't know that they were gonna do that You just thought they were just gonna you know, you know, like not give veterans The money they deserve opening the paper and your your giant ocean front house who snap it open. Like, God damn, God damn, uh, pancakes for Patty turned into a terrorist group.

Oh, they really did it this time. Yeah. I mean, let's say you, let's say you chose, let's say you hate veterans. Well, maybe not. Probably damn pals of pause turned into a terrorist group. Yeah. Probably damn. Pals of paws turned into a terrorist group. You would have seen that coming. Oh, geez. Maybe the charity you hate.

Anyway, Pepper, I got to get you to Harvard. Get in the Lambo. I'll let you do a burnout on the way down the four mile driveway. Butler, where are my Lambo keys? I don't think it's a good idea to dude. Harvard would take half that money. I know I'm just spit balling here. I just thinking about Harvard would be, I don't think I would take the money.

Cause I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing I gave that much money to an organization. I don't sleep very well now. And again, a reminder that it's not just any charity. It's the charity that you hate the most that you've researched to find by the end of the week to give 490 million to So you hate them? It's not just any charity Like they have they're doing some terrible shit or stuff that you don't agree with and you're just giving them ammo to further destroy your life

The older I get the less I mean, I just don't there's nothing I get, the less I, I mean, I just don't, there's nothing I really hate. You know what I mean? And I'll tell me that 490 million dollars later. People, people say I should hate a lot of things and I just can't, I can't find it in me to I'm sure they're good guys. The fucking, it's not even that. It's just like, I'm just kind of indifferent. I'm just going to try and make it to the baseball game tonight.

I'm just trying to, yeah, I'm just trying to do my thing. Like gonna try make it to the baseball game tonight. I'm just trying to yeah I'm just trying to do my thing like I wear this like this husky hat I walk into cougar country and they're like fuck the Huskies. I hate the Huskies and like cool, dude. Cool I like I like you it's like I mean I used to go to career games when I was younger I just get good games. I used to go to games. I've been there for and it's like but they want you to hate them So bad. I'm like, I just don't like I'm in didn't but they want you to hate them so bad I'm like, I just don't sorry. Yeah, so it's hard for me to Even I don't know. I'm trying to think of something off. You'll find one You'll count if it was the most corrupt charity. Yeah

I feel like they're all sort of corrupt in their own weird ways all the people that work for that charity Hundreds of millions of dollars and then you're just sitting there with 10 knowing that work for that charity hundreds of millions of dollars. And then you're just sitting there with 10 knowing that you did that. People have just been fucking over people forever and he's made him filthy rich. Yeah. But they were probably going to get rich anyway. That's one way to look at it. I'm just trying to justify it and not take any of the money. What are you guys picking? Same. OK.

Not taking any of the money. Zero money you guys picking? Same. Okay. Not taking any of the money. Zero money. Brian, what are you picking? Oh man. Lambo would be pretty nice. That's true. I get it. Yeah. Ah, I'm not going to take it. Oh man. I wanted to. I know. I really did. Well, now that you're not, I'm going to take it. You're so going to have my Lambo by your house. Yeah. Should have taken the money nerd nerd. Well now that you're not I'm gonna take it. You're fucking drive my Lambo by your house. Yeah Hey, hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? Uh, you know nothing actually, you know what I'm thinking about a lot of shit What are you thinking about? You know, I'd hate to do this

But I'm gonna do it anyway Going back to an airplane. No, okay. I mean mean, when you travel, it's just hard to ignore all of the things, the ins and outs of the fucking airport environment. Okay. So, this last week... Don't say something I don't know, man. Went down to Texas! Went down to Houston!

Never been before. Well, that's a lie. Because when I was in Austin, we had an Uber to Houston in order to fly back. Jesus Christ, that's a long Uber. It was. How much was that? It was just, I think it was like a hundred bucks. Did you stop at Bucky's or anything? No, nothing that cool.

But in order to get back, because we had to get back, that's just the circumstances. There's no flights out of there because apparently everyone else like solar eclipse So but never really quick into Houston doesn't matter was down there. It's hot as fuck Human as fuck and then I looked at the population and this is all just a side quest that I'm telling you guys right now I was like how the fuck do eight to ten million people just do this All the time and then I went back up here and I was like, oh cool. You know why? Why? Because they love Texas.

They love it. Fucking good baby. So he went down. You can move out of here. No man, I fucking love it here too much man. God bless Texas. I got the whole map. AC unit to AC unit.

I go from here, I die, and then I'm safe. It's like a zombie movie. Okay, well, if we go back to the beginning, I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to the beginning. I'm going to go back to AC unit. I go from here. I die and then I'm safe. It's like a zombie movie Okay. Well if we go here, it's 15 minutes away from an AC unit

We're all gonna die. You know, you can leave and survive. I love it here too much If you just go a little farther up you know, I fucking love Texas Okay, Jesus Christ I fucking love Texas! Okay, Jesus Christ. Bap ding! Um, so in Houston, a lot of people live there, big city, and we're down there because Cassie's family lives in Houston. Ah, sister's down there, nephew, big day.

I'm talking graduation. Okay. So we head down there to support him for graduation. Get the Airbnb, got the grandparents going down there, all that kind of stuff. We're pretty excited. Uh, as we're moving into the new house, it's got to down there, all that kind of stuff. We're pretty excited. As we're moving into the new house, it's got to put things in hold, relax, try and let it all go. And then the hard thing about just relaxing and letting it all go is you're going to a

fucking airport. Is that why the decor is like that upstairs? Yeah. Why it's just not done. Yeah. Thanks, Brian. Interior decorator. What position did you play?

And this, the flight, first of all, from the, this is, and I even texted about this to you guys. So the flight from beautiful Spokane, Washington to Seattle, they actually airway heights, but they loaded us on the airplane. And then as we were all in, then they made the announcement that we're going to be sitting there for an hour. So they didn't make that announcement beforehand. They just waited for everyone to get on the airplane, shut the door, and then say that

we can't leave for an hour, which felt kind of like I was like a mouse. You could have been sitting in an air conditioned airport. Walking around, buying a, you know, whatever for another neck pillow for 700% more than I would normally pay for it. But I'm, what am I going to do about it? Neck pillow says God bless Texas on it. Yeah. So the first part of the leg, not, not off, not to a great start. So we sit there and then we fly out. And the reason they gave us was because they said That Seattle Airport was too busy what you're talking about Spokane. Yes I was thinking you were in Texas now and that they would never have a pillow like that over here in Spokane

Okay So first of all, the reason they gave was that the Seattle Airport was too busy Which it was very funny to me because I think you guys know how many airplanes are expected to come in that day Yeah, didn't you make this schedule two months ago? I could have bought this flight which we did three months ago And you guys knew how many airplanes were there did magic airplanes show up and you're like shit This is way better than that one This is there are so many more airplanes than expected today coming to the airport where they come from

There are so many more airplanes than expected today coming to the airport where they come from Yeah, it's like shit. It's like lost. Yeah, so whatever that reasoning was That wasn't the real reason but anyway, we finally got there and that that what part I want to get to is Seattle to Texas So board up first of all, we had this is Whatever. Let me just share it and I just want to get too lengthy with it. We landed and the flight was delayed and we were going to miss our connecting flight from Seattle to Texas. Okay? And then there was little glimpses of a miracle taking place. Okay?

Which got your hopes up because we were like, there's no way we're making this. Even if we land and we all had hoverboards, there's no way we're making it to the next gate in time to get on the plane and Then come to find out they got delayed because the pilots were on our airplane Mmm, that's convenient very convenient. However Flying standby we're at the back of the airplane guess where the pilots were there at the front Yeah, and because there were so many connection flights, they weren't letting us go up. There was like 105 people hitting connection flights. They're like, we can't tell everyone to sit down so you guys can off the airplane because everyone's

missing their fucking flights. So we homed alone it through the fucking airport, ran up there and it was like comical, like just in time to watch the door close as we popped around. So we spent five, six hours in the airport in Seattle So then we get on the next flight and we're flying from Seattle To Houston and this is where the fun began There was a guy sitting sitting down in the terminal and old guy wheelchair I believe maybe not wheelchair because old guy and he had a shirt on and he said it's funny It's funny how all the old people look the same age as me, which is a funny T-shirt because he was like 85 and I was like, I didn't say anything to him.

I was like, that's a funny T-shirt. And then we get on the airplane and he's sitting behind us. Uh, when's the last chance? When's the last time you guys have had someone throw up in the throw up bag in an airplane? Have you ever witnessed it? My mom, your mom did it? Okay first class first. So is a gold bag Yeah, she put it in her pocket rolled it up and use it as a pillow like

Pinched it off and it's a nice little jiggly little pillow. Yeah, it's got a little cooling foam in there Hmm. It's a nice little jiggly little pillow. Yeah, it's got a little cooling foam in there Anyway, so this guy behind us not a big fan of turbulence and so we take off we hit a little turbulence and then he just starts just Like throw up into the bag a little bit of the smell no and Page is with us. She doesn't do well with that So now she's like you can see her eyes watering up like she's like crying Because she's it's like starting to make her feel like she's gonna vomit I'm laughing

Because this is ridiculous Looking at the whole thing and then this old man He didn't fucking stop for the last two hours and he wasn't throwing up But you know when you throw up and I know this gonna be a little graphic But it feels like you have that, like a little slice of pineapple stuck in your throne. Everyone knows that feeling. He must've had that feeling because for the next two hours he was going, I just want to stand up and be like do you want some fucking water?

Where's the water lady? I was like he wouldn't ask for water But again, I'm laughing like I'm almost crying because it's pissing everybody off so much and he's directly behind us Mm-hmm and like just like you get a break and see like everyone especially this lady across the aisle And like just like you get a break and see like everyone especially this lady across the aisle She had her book out and then like there'd be a little bit of a break and she'd fold her legs dive back in and open up the pages and then just And she shut her book And just put it down in her lap. She wanted to say something so bad everybody did but nobody said anything So we get a break

from it. We're getting used to it again, like page the whole flight, just try not to throw up because everyone knows that tingle. Sorry. Yeah. For two hours, just halfway through the flight. So I paused like the laughing thing and I have to go pee And it was like it was like a movie. I walk in, you know, shut the door Click and shut the light turns on and then Alright ladies and gentlemen, we're expecting some turbulence. Mmm. I have you guys keep your this we've illuminated the seatbelt sign Good news. It's hot as fucking Houston. Not sure why so many people live here.

He said that? No. Oh, no, but he did say, Oh, what the FETA pilot. The good news is your thighs are going to chafe. All right, I'll see you down there. I'll see you down there. Nobody. It said the turbulence thing, blah, blah, and I'm standing in the bathroom and I'm like, I mean, I've, I've peed with turbulence before. I've done this, done this a hundred times. And if you are a human with a penis, you know how, like, maybe you don't, but well, if you do have one, you know, but if you don't, maybe you don't know how vulnerable you are when you have one hand holding your pants down and then your other hand is on your penis.

Like someone could walk up behind you at any point and hit you over the head with whatever they wanted. Like there's nothing, you have nothing you can do. So I get my dick out and I'm standing over the toilet and like, ah, and like right before I pee, like it starts getting like a little, a little bumpy and I'm like, Oh, nice. I swung again. Like the buzz of the light and I was standing by myself waiting for the night. I'm like, man, nice. Right. I swung again. Like the, the buzz of the light and I was standing by myself waiting for the night. I'm like, man, that's probably pretty good.

You hear the people behind you through the wall. Just because he's sitting right next to the bathroom door. And I'm standing there. I'm like, okay. So then I start to pee a little bit and then it bounces in the P and I laugh a lot. So I pinch it back off and stop. No turbulence. And then I'm like, all right. So then I start peeing like a normal, like a normal pee. And

as I'm peeing and once it really starts going, you can't just, you can't just stop it. You know, like you have the little dribbles at first and then it gets going and it's a faucet. Yeah, so it's going I'm standing there and it's starting to get a little bumpy and I'm like I'm like shit. This is kind of intense and then it does one dip Oh, yeah where it goes where it drops ten feet and I guess I'm holding my wiener in like my pee seems to like Defy gravity and it's just floating as we all fall. Yeah. And then it catches and bounces back up.

And so I have one hand on my pants, one on my dick, and I'm wearing a hat, not this hat, but a hat with the button and there's nothing I can do. But if I, unless I wanted to lay down on the toilet and I bounce up and smash the button of my hat into the top of the fucking bathroom wall. I just go super loud. And I'm just standing there like going, Oh, like with P go like, like the last of it. I just look in the mirror and I'm like, this is so ridiculous six inches from your face. I guess turn over. I'm like,

this is just one of those things. Like no one is ever going to get how funny it is to be trying to pee bounce around and then whatever that's called. What is it? It used to be a term for it back when we were in high school. Like I cap them. I always say, just go back. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mash the cap of the button into your head. I'm just like, Oh, I think I'm dying. My pee's floating. And then I bounce up, slam my head. I've got a headache. I'm like, God damn it. And I walked back out and I'm like, looked at Cassie. I'm like, you're not going to believe what happened. And I tell her the story.

And then guess who? Guess who interrupts when she can't hear him. Nope. And he kept going. I didn't have to do it again. So it all worked out, but it gave me a headache. And then now the guy, uh, trying to get the little pineapple throw up slice out of his Adam's apple annoyed me a lot more. Yeah. With your heads pounding, my head's pounding. Like it was a hard cap, just like all the way down, like an amusement ride and then just popping up while boss holding my dick and just like penciling my neck into the fucking roof of the bathroom.

So where my brain went, as I thought you were going to say, is the urine. Cause you, you dropped, I thought you were going to say the urine actually made its way up to your hat. I know I said it up as it's a thrill ride story. Right. You don't know. It was a Shyamalan twist. Yeah. You don't know what's going to happen. You think it's going to be a normal, Oh, we got P on himself. Yeah. Just a classic. Nope. He'd himself. Nope. In the face. Didn't see that's how that's how you, I, I, I set the story up that direction. Yep. So instead, uh, the P went, all right, I guess really hurt. I really fucking hurt you guys. I was, I liked the idea of picturing, uh, zero G's. Yeah

You can see the twinkle. Uh-huh. It wasn't moving. It was it was a nice drop like in a Fucking space. Mm-hmm, like a fucking space like in a fucking space, you know, like Fucking you know like in a fucking space art is art. I don't know what to do about it driving tractor wearing mustache. I just want to share that with you guys because could have easily just took that one and pocketed it away and or I could tell everybody and that's what I'm doing. I mean the the hitting your button in the bathroom isn't as relatable but the guy coffin on it like there's always You can hear the little flim you have a little flim Dude it's like it doesn't matter where you are when you hear that sound and it does that when you get the little gurgle

It's like you're like no Immediate reaction so just imagine two hours of it. Just right behind you. The most direct seat. And I had the diagonal one so he was making, the sounds were making their way through the spacing of the seats. Here's what I'm really hearing though. I have a couple different things that I'm picturing. One is that he's kind of got his glasses up on his nose looking, like maybe looking at

his phone and he's just kind of like, or he's that guy that's got his iPad hanging from the front seat and he's, and he's got his arms crossed with his thumbs poking up like this out of the, and his armpits. And he's just back there. He was, he was third option. I shut head back on the seat, try not to throw up anymore Oh, so he was dealing with that. He was just laying back just going See I was picturing he got the throw up out of the way and then now he's comfortable and he's he's still coughing it up But he doesn't realize

That he's good now and everyone else isn't good. He just needed some fucking water Yeah, and he wouldn't do it You should have just said I know ding thing and said can you get this fucking guy some water? It's gonna fucking water. He sucks Imagine saying that to the this the Front of him. She goes, okay, which one sucks you stand up you're like, yeah This this man's get him boys. Get him, boys! Pour water, I don't want any water!

Ugh! Ugh! Sir, you need water. No! I'm going back home to Texas. I like things the way they are right now. I drink nothing but Texas water! You're not giving no airplane water?

Ugh! Ugh! Fuck, sir. Fuck you. All right, let's move off to that thick ass flong hog we were talking about. We got something coming out of Washington. Oh, yep. Is it Interesting, is it cool? Then it's Dick. Ooh, don't mind if I do. Where's my little...

Hmm. All right, Brian, would you like to take this first story for us for Dick? I was gonna say I should try to read it like that, but that would be even more annoying. Oh, yeah. Just stuttering at a high-pitched cartoon- What position did you play? Warning after millions of bees escape overturned truck in US. What a nightmare.

Okay. I was trying to buzz off. No, that's all they were trying to do. I get it. Millions of bees escaped from an overturned truck in the US. The US. Jesus Brian. I messed up on US. On the use the US. Jesus Brian. I messed up on US. On the use.

So at 425, we're going to take Brian to get his eyes checked. So the honkathon is on and for the love of God, the honkathon is on. If you want the, the US to not be pronounced use, go ahead and help us up back to you Brian yeah go ahead and finish your story go ahead and finish your story the US state of Washington oh you're missing a letter in there Washington Washington and that's such a weird where where was this written from like the UK oh it's BBC that's why yeah cuz if it was here why did it say it? The US state of Washington. The US state of Washington. On Friday

Sparking warnings of authorities for public to avoid the swarm. That's a scary alert to get. I didn't get the alert did you? It's like one of those amber alerts, but it's like bees are loose AVOID THE SWARM! What the f***? That would be terrifying! Trillions of bees? Millions of bees are loose! Avoid the swarm? Avoid the swarm!

Go Gonzaga! Jesus Christ! Go Zags! What? Emergency officials were helped by several master beekeepers after the truck, which have been... Imagine getting that call. He's on call.

He's like, my beeper is... He's eating dinner. Gotta go, hon. One been, you imagine getting that call. He's on call. He's like my beepers, he's eating dinner. Got to go on one second. Yeah. How many of them millions? Um, how many nets do I have? I'm, you know, appropriate beekeeper amount of nets. Why? How many bees are loose?

Okay. Think, think, think, think, think, think. OK, you guys, you guys call Brad the bee. Yeah, I was just going to say you called Bill, right? Like, is he on it? OK, he has the biggest night I've ever seen. He's already there. OK. Oh, OK. All right, buzz buzz. I'll be there shortly.

Thanks for buzzing me, honey. He says, got to go. Get it. right. Buzz buzz. I'll be there shortly. Thanks for buzzing me, honey. He says, got to go. Get it. Yeah. Buzz buzz. Yeah. Oh, thanks for buzz. Buzz and me.

Okay. I'll see you down there. I like that the beekeeper had a beeper. No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. Ah, it buzzed in his pants.

All right. Back to you. Uh, where was I? Several master beekeepers. Yeah. After the truck, which, uh, had been hauling roughly 70,000 All right, back to you. Uh, where was I? Several master beekeepers. Yup. After the truck, which had been hauling roughly 70,000 pounds of active honey bee hives flipped over on a road near the Canadian border. Man.

The goal is to save as many bees as possible. And that's how World War Three starts? Right. You did it on purpose. Just like COVID. Mm-hmm. They released it everybody else's fault What come County Sheriff's Office said shortly after the incident? They say you said the goal is to save as many bees as possible. Okay. Sorry. I was

Screaming over the second goal is to save as many people as possible. Yeah, but first of all, we want to save the bees Hashtag save the bees. There's the charity right there. Mmm Save the bees people. Here's 490 million dollars Good luck. I realize we need to save the bees, but we didn't fucking relax. That doesn't make comedy funny. So right. I get it The authorities said the side of the crash will remain closed until the rescue is complete. Look at this picture of the semi bees everywhere I Don't like that. I mean, I like bees, you know, who doesn't like that who McCauley Culkin. Mmm

Him dying in a movie. I remember we all watched that as a family one night. That was a mistake Yeah, just a bunch of crying kids. All right, go to bed. Didn't they make a second one? Like is it? I don't know. What was it called? My Girl? My Girl 2. That actually happened? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it did. Like, can't you just... This is a whole nother thing. Just let it be.

Yeah. But it's like, we had a really great movie. Now let's make a cash grab and make a sequel after one of the main characters fucking dies. Anyway. This is nuts. a cash grab and make a sequel after the one of the main characters fucking dies anyway this is nuts um the wcso urged people to avoid the area due to the potential of bees escaping and swarming and initially said 250 million bees were loose some guy counting that how many think we got fred hang on what he has a little clicker do you think like one How many things we got Fred? Hang on What? He has a little clicker

Do you think like, one, two, three Hahaha Shit Some guys that Don't ask, don't fucking talk to me I'm counting the bees Hey Brian God damn it

I was at 176 million What? He goes, I was just gonna ask how many bees you've counted God damn it I told you to wait till I'm done He goes, one second resets the counter We're losing them we're losing them god they're stinging everybody Yeah, but that warning avoid this warm 250 million bees on the loose

Did I would never go outside again like I wonder what? 250 million bees what how much like if they were to clump together, how much space does that take up? I probably like truck worth. I was going to say like, maybe this room, like if they were all clumped together. Oh, more than I mean, I think so without, yeah. I mean, we smooshing their bodies together. Yeah.

We're just jamming them in here. Like a sardine sardine fucking can like no room pushed into each other. I don't know Gonna ask the kids remember we had this we had a whole math off early on with candy down that giant bumblebee No, we did. Yeah, so many people sending in math. That was so fucking Like you guys are idiots and then we fact-checked it We're like, there's no way somebody writes in like that guy's a fucking idiot And then does the math and someone else writes in like I think eventually got to someone who worked at NASA Because you guys are all fucking idiots

No, you'd actually do it no one knew the equation to use After receiving information for one the beekeepers during recovery work It said that were more accurate totals conservatives considerably lower closer to 14 million Way off. I love how everyone's good. I think there's 250 million. He's like Shit already counted like I know in theory the idea is just like how many bees can fit into an area and we'll do the some math the Times at all, but the idea sometimes when you hear Like guesstimations on the amount of something it sounds so crazy. Like how could you ever fucking know that? Yeah, right according to AI It would be 40 to 50 feet in diameter for 250 million honeybees

They come together a foot by foot. If they were clumped together in cubic inches, can you get a circle in diameter in a ball and a ball? Okay. Okay. So that's a big ball. 50 foot ball. Yeah. So much bigger than this room.

Yeah. Okay. Yep. Yeah, that's right. Joe nailed it. Nailed it. Damn. That's like half a football field. No, no, I know that's your, it's a dumb ass callback joke. Nailed it. Damn, that's like half a football field.

No, no, I know. That's your it's a dumb callback joke. Oh, OK. Yeah, so back to you. This is my chance to get on you. Couldn't do it. Then stick the honey joke. OK, the plan is to allow bees to re-hive and find their queen bee. When or where she went, she was like, fuck, I'm out.

This is so many bees. That's a lot of bees. Dude, I'm not sticking around for this cleanup. Oh, that's a lot of bees. Yeah. The authorities say they hope this would, let's see, the plan, fuck. Authorities said they hope this would happen to happen within the next 24 to 48 hours. In an update posted on social media later on Friday, police thanked the wonderful community of beekeepers saying over two dozen had

turned up to help with the rescue. One of the guys showing up, he doesn't have his equipment and they're like, well, dude, where's your fucking bee suit? And he's like, oh, I thought it was going to be provided. You know, you're supposed to bring your, on an outbreak. It's BYOB suit. It always is. We're beekeepers. We keep all the equipment. We keep everything. Do you have an extra one in your truck? Yeah. Of course. In it has a hole in it. If you want to fucking risk it. Oh, okay.

No. Can I use it? I guess. God. I'll get expert beekeepers over on your fucking nonsense. That was like the hero moment. That was like Marvel movie for beekeepers. Hmm. Yeah. Just assemble. Oh, it's Armageddon it's one of the guys that for gonna go fucking blow up the Comet or whatever the hell they just get there and they're like hero moment And they just put out a fake hive and save the day and they walk in slow motion and their beak bee suits And they just walk up there and put out a box now bees are like cool. Come on

Get it over here vacancy right right here. Get in there. You're you're crazy in there. Nerds. Oh, look how sexy she looks. And big. I'm a bee. Oh, look at me. They have a bunch of beekeepers like a normal beekeeper shit. And then someone dressed up as the honey nut Cheerios bee

with a bow on. You're like, come fuck me. Yeah. like, yeah, what do you think about that? Stick your stinger in me, you little fucking slut bee. Yeah, you want to take some of this slut bee ass, huh? You like that slutty bee ass? He's like, flying all over, and he's like, yeah. Yeah. I'm a little dirty slut bee.

Oh, you forgot to put the under armor on. Shit, I like it. Oh, I like to be my ass gets stung But as that driver how scary that is to drive around 70,000 pounds of bees he just stops at a stoplight news here in the back But maybe like a little miscommunication, maybe you thought he was like just hauling a bunch of like the letter B. Oh, yeah He's like, all right for signs. He's like, he's like, all right, you got letter B. Oh yeah. He's like, all right.

You got signs. He's like, he's like, all right. You got 250 million B's in here. And he's like, why so he's like, what, how many, how long don't these put all the letters together and the alphabet and then deliver them like that? He's like, God are all the, he's like, what? No, you got an hour. Go. The bagel breakfast sandwich must be back. The bagel breakfast sandwich must be back! It's a bunch of bees! It's all the McDonald's They all needed more bees!

That's funny All these McDonald's chains They have the bagel sandwich back They're like, dude we need bees so bad We need at least 70,000 pounds of bees he's like weird job, but someone's got to do it Just all nonchalant running intersections Didn't get the didn't get the memo that it's full of fucking honey bees. Why you guys so fast? What's the big deal? Just letter B's back

B's god damn do let a guy work. It's like big deal? Just let her bees back bees. God damn dude. Let a guy work. It's like who's bringing the A's or they must be behind. They must have plenty of them. Yeah. But yeah, those bees are tricky. They'll disappear on you. Anyway, let's move off to our next one. Nothing else worth talking about in there. There's plenty. Oh no, it's doing what it always does. One second. You buy us time. You make another joke. Well, I was trying to think. Let's see. There's actually an update. Let's see. By morning, most bees should have returned to their hives. I love how they're just like, they throw things out there and the bees are like, I guess we'll go back home. Yeah. They're back to their giant apartment complex. It's cold out here. You guys want to go home?

Go home find that fucking sick slutty queen ass. Oh, yeah Okay, just get ran over like Bonnie blue. So things always go a little crazy I mean, it seems like Japan China got some weird ideas. We do too, but it always seems like we get out weirded Yeah, and this would be one of those examples many citizens who don't want to explain their employment status pay to rent a position in a fake office with some even assigning fictitious tasks and organizing supervisory rounds. Okay. Okay.

So you got everything that I just said, because these aren't normal words that you would hear together. So it's a fake office building that you pay to go to, to work a fake job. And they give you fake tasks that don't exist while you're there throughout the day. And then you go home and don't make any money. What do you do for real work? Maybe at another board, they retired or independently wealthy, yeah. Yeah, independently get inherited money or they do something online and now they just have money coming in. They don't have to do it, but they want the same work environment. That's really weird.

For almost a year now, Zong He has gotten up early. That work ethic over there is just crazy. I mean, it's a fictional level of work ethic. Gotten up early, head to the office and returned home late at night. Sorry, honey. Work my fake. I know this time of the year, this is my crazy time of the year. Do you get Christmas off this year? Unfortunately, no.

God, they really got you grinding over there. Don't they? Sure do. Yep. Where do you work now? Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Just doing fake things and fucking coming home, pretending like I

worked all day. Don't worry about it. Oh my God. I've returned home late at night. Apparently she's repeating the same routine that millions of people in China follow every day, but her day has a precarious, uh, precarious larity. No one pays her to do it and no one demands results.

So it's like working an office job that people kind of forgot about you If you've ever worked in a corporate setting you can see I could get away with this shit It's like working a normal corporate job on like a lower tier like no one cares you there. Mm-hmm What to do and above all what to say well looking for a job has become a headache for more and more Chinese Who don't want to provide explanations or expose themselves to uncomfortable questions from those around them. How do these questions are getting asked anyway? So worried about last night. It's like, that's not a normal office question.

Like what's an embarrassing office question? What's your favorite sports team? How dare you would you do this week? This weekend for me to know that's my own personal personal information how about you focus on the memo brian sorry i'm just trying to fucking build a team over here these people are arguing over fake things at a fake business for no pay but in the country's large cities spaces that offer the solution have begun to spring up companies that allow people to pretend to work I

Can still not I'm still not getting it. Okay. I mean I get it Well, I'll get I'll get to the get it here in a second for a daily fee of between 30 to 50 yen 47 bucks and you have to pay for it. Yes. That's what I told you You're not getting paid. You're paying to be there. You get it. That's fucking Crazy these company offer desks Wi-Fi coffee lunch and an atmosphere that mimics any work environment It's just a fake environment work part Like actually everyone's doing shit somebody walking by going the bathroom But we got plans for this weekend.

Put that thing on my, this is like an alternate universe reality show of people fake getting mad and fake. Okay. It gets worse. According to a report in Beijing youth daily, although there are no contracts or bosses, some firms simulate them. Fictitious or fictitious tasks are assigned and supervisory rounds are even organized. For a fee, the theatricality can reach unimaginable levels from pretending to be a manager with his own office to staging episodes of rebellion against the supervisor. They're lar- Or having a walkout?

For like, if you pay like $50 more, the boss will come yell at you about shit. You're pretending to do. Oh my god All right, Johnson. This sounds like a nut house. Where's that fucking? Okay, where's the where's the Johnson file? So like you said like they're making money they're going there and I get the like we've we've all been All three of us working from home for a long time and it is a weird environment All three of us working from home for a long time and it is a weird environment Right when you work and you have an office to go to and there's tasks and there's drive you also get like that Like that like that office friendship and interaction with just other humans Yeah, but you don't get when you work at home. Mm-hmm, right?

I mean first off the way I'm fucking paying you to go sit in here and pretend to do shit But I get the social aspect of it like just seeing people that are outside of your family or restaurant sure That's still not the same. You're usually going with your family. There's better things to LARP ass. Come on. Yeah But like just that that like that social talking and Bantering back and forth or whatever it is that you don't get unless it's with the same fucking people every single day It's your kids or it's your partner or if you're by yourself It's literally just you so getting to a spot where you get to actually have some sort of human interaction It's probably pretty important for your mental

status sure Hell yeah, I mean this does that for me. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But I'm not paying to be here. It's enough for us. Yeah. But is it enough for other people or are they just sitting at home and they get so fucking sad? Why don't they get a real job?

Yeah. See, you make actual money because I don't know, the pressure of having a real job is too much. They don't want to go that far. Fake pressure is. It's just right. God, what the fuck? Is too much they don't want to go that far fake pressure is just right? What the fuck? Like we just don't do anything you get an email. I need this by Monday, and you're like you good

What if you started getting overwhelmed by your fake job, please see the attachment below on an email I need this by Monday. They open it up. It's like a fucking flip you off a mojie It's like I got it's just like your point of fake HR fake fake HR for your fake joke you didn't have a fake drama someone in your same cubicle space Paid $50 more for me to yell at you. So go fuck yourself. You're like it was a tip. It was a tip man, so Like living out some weird office fantasy, it's funny and but also there so anybody that knows Nathan Fielder in his show the The rehearsal. Mm-hmm. The new season just right a little plug new season just wrapped up. You can watch it on max. It's hilarious

But it's he simulates all these things. So you do it ahead of a time and you rehearse this. So you rehearse for your main thing that you're going to do. And this is what that sounds like. It's almost like, I'm going to go do this. I'm going to pay to learn how to be in an environment and then go get a job. Then you're like, then you're ready for it. Like, ah, I've been trained. I've been trained to deal with all this sort of shit. Exactly.

And now I can deal with it. Like I know what this environment is like, but just like the lengths that we're going to, to like alleviate basic stress causers as a human, the anxiety of going to the first day on the job What's like paying for it? You're like, that's too much I need to go for a couple months to a fake job. So I'm not weirded out by a new environment Like what the fuck

That's so scary to me. I mean it makes sense. But like sometimes things are scary, you know here But here's a funny. Here's a funny thought like people that go to a job like that and fucking hate it And they must they hear something like this. They're like, I want to get out of this so bad and you're paying to have this experience it's kind of like the no Larry David jokes about like people shave their heads, you know It's like you're shaving your fucking nice hair that you get to have Hmm to look like I do and I can't grow and you know much

I would love to grow hair right like this is like you're paying for this fucking experience that people hate Mm-hmm Exactly, but I get it if you don't get it if you don't have it then you want to experience that I get it. If you don't get it, if you don't have it, then you want to experience it. I get it. It's like, you know, like, what's that all about? Like a lot of shows, fantasize like the office environment and you just work from home and you're like, what's it all about? So having worked from home by myself for five years now, that the idea of like, that's why I started doing like the deliveries because I just wanted something To do other than to like just be sitting at home be sitting there with your own thoughts. Yeah sadness So I like I I get it but the stress going to like a stressful environment

When you don't have to just picture me you and Zack in a fake office where nothing really matters. Yeah Fucking chance and sending an email like yeah, I need this done by the end of the day I guess be safe with shit to your back doing it. Yeah So much shit I've been doing and walking exact Zach paid more to be the supervisor that day I just walk in and push his computer off the desk And pour fucking pours coffee down my pants like see you Monday nerd I mean, it's like they rip his door off the hinges in your cubicle. Yeah. Like nothing matters. Nothing's real. I'm calling HR. Yeah. And then hit the fucking fire alarm and take the stairs down. Like that's what you're

going to get if I'm working in a fake office environment. No repercussions. Keep me on track with fake shit where nothing matters. What am I? If I was delivering people's food for no pay, that's how it would feel. Yeah, that's weird. I'm paying to deliver your food. Fuck you. Yeah, that makes sense. Although, I mean, some fun experiences. That's the thing you don't get is the experience of the office. So it'd be fun. Yeah. What's the cliche thing they say for when they want to hire an artist to come play? Exposure. Oh yeah. You'll get exposure. Yeah. Yeah getting you're getting paid 50 bucks and all the exposure. Yeah at fucking one world coffee shop. Mm-hmm Like awesome

So the five people that wish I wasn't here. That's what you're paying. That's how our RV got me You got all the exposure It's Memorial Day weekend Zach dude, it's gonna be crowded listen, I got good news get all the exposure you're gonna get. It's Memorial Day weekend, Zach. Dude, it's gonna be crowded. Listen, I got good news. You get all the hot dogs you want and you're gonna get a ton of exposure. All seven people that come through today. All the people that are here that are looking to buy an RV that are gonna now

not care about that and go buy your stuff and buy your albums. Like, oh, that guy was good, but fuck it. Is he do I say his name to get a discount on this RV? Why is he here? Just entertainment exposure center. Zach, like it's not working. It's with a Q. Zach was an H no K.

No, no. Blow me. It's Zach with a Q and they're like, I'm leaving. Like a Q you, do you eat? No, just ends with a Q. It ends with a Q. We ignore those rules. Love you Zach. But your name would be an awful promo code.

It would. No one would ever get the promo. So it's a great promo code. All right. All right. Well, that's ridiculous. Let's move on to the next one. Brian, you want to read the last thing for our sweaty flog hog today? Yeah, I'm going to try anyhow.

I think you're going to be able to do a fine job. I believe in you. I haven't done that in a while. A little mouth pop. Deadman comes alive after ambulance hits pothole in... Oh, I thought it said hernia. No first Dead man comes alive after ambulance hits pothole in harry on a family. Okay, her yana harry, Anna. I Knew her. Mm-hmm

family members said the 80 year old grant I Read that as 80 year old grandson 140 grandson grandson Family members said that 80 year olds Grandson who was returning home with the body Notice him moving his hand after the ambulance went over a pothole. It's a medical miracle Indy is much derided. Sure.

You did. Potholes which have caused everything from annoyance and exasperation to injuries and even deaths. Can you imagine dying from hitting a fucking pothole? Just about as much as I feel coming alive. Mm hmm. It's wild. Turned out to be a literal lifesaver for an 80 year old man from hariana on thursday his

family has claimed declared dead by doctors yeah he's dead nothing to see here nothing we could do do you have anything no i mean i could try driving over this pothole but you fucking tell me i'll have a speed bump yeah a speed bump coming up. Clear. Clear. He's alive. Told you. Sometimes it works. Anyway, that'll be $6 million. You got to pay for the repair on the suspension as well. And in the pothole. Declared dead by the body, Darsha Singh Brar was being taken from Patiala to his home near Karnal where mourning relatives had gathered. Not the morning, like they were mourning.

They're not mourning relatives, like they didn't get up early. Yeah, they're not mourning people. They were mourning. They were sad, yeah. Gathered food had been laid out and wood had been collected for his funeral when the ambulance hit a pothole Wait, so we had the whole spread they were how fast is the funeral that must be the fastest funeral I've ever heard like he's dead like roll up. Yeah get everything out That's like so why they're trying to hide something they had all the food in the oven warming

They just kept it in the warmer. I got the colleague yeah he's dead like okay everyone move it turns out to the scene from fucking polar express hot chocolate you don't know all right I get out there that I'm there's kids out there that got that one I'm picturing like a funeral director, kind of like a wedding planner. Alright! He's dead! We're on, we're on! He's dead!

He's finally dead! He's finally dead! Alright, get the biscuits! Got the turkey wraps! Get him out of here! Use the other tablecloth! Nope! Yeah, that one right there!

Get him out of here! That's for the weddings! That's for the... The black ones are for the funeral! Pigs in the blanket! They're in the oven! Get him! Come on now. Come on now. He's dead. Hold on. They hit it. The pothole saved him.

All right. Pigs in the blanket. Put it back in the oven. Yeah, we're off. Someone else will die soon. You know that. All right. Here we go. How do you get, how do you get saved or how do you still live? Pothole. Oh shit. Yeah. So get, come on, clean it up. Someone else is going to die. Let's go. Let's go Brars family said his grandson grandson who was with him in the Avalon's noticed him moving his hand and on sensing a heartbeat Asked the ambulance driver to head to the nearest hospital. The doctors declared him alive They declared him dead first. He is alive

What position did you play how was his grants? I mean probably older if he's checking for a heartbeat Yeah, he's he's got a little got the wits about him. I just picture that scene in Independence Day when they're messing around with the the alien and he's like Mm-hmm his hand starts going. Mm-hmm. The hand is moving. Yes. Did he hit a pothole? No, he crashed his fucking spaceship. Despair to hope. Nope. What? 80 year old heart patient is now undergoing treatment at a hospital in carnal where his condition is said to be critical.

All right, get the pigs in the blanket back out. Yeah. Where are we at? We're, we're at critical. Well, he's alive because the pothole a critical All right, just put him on the warming table. Come on. Come on. Oh shit. Come on now. You do that. Come on Family has hailed the incident as a miracle and are now hoping for speedy recovery. He hit a pothole. Yeah They're looking for some sign he hit a fucking pothole. Mm-hmm.

Despair to hope. One of Brar's grandsons, Ball One, sing. What? Ball One. Sing! Cat counts one and oh. Ball One. Sing it, sister. Said the 80-year-old lived in Nicing, near Carnal.

Oh, I know exactly where this is. Can this just be in America? No. You can't. Where's the world that stuff happening? I just want to just be in America. So I read, so I read good. We all know that it hasn't helped you. Where an entire colony has been named after him. Brar had been not been keeping well for a few days and Balwan Singh's brother took him to the hospital near his house in Patiala for treatment.

Took him to the hospital near his house in Patiala for treatment ball once his grandfather ball Was on a van Was bound a ventilator for four days. No wonder the food was ready. No shit. Yeah, dude Thanks, last night when you pull the plug get the pigs in the blanket out Yeah, just text me text one just text me the number one. We'll get them get the pigs of the blanket out All right, he wanted lemonade. Oh, no Kool-Aid. Okay, we'll get the whole thing ready. Just let me know when you pull it All right. Love you. We got the Kool-Aid on ice. Yeah Kool-Aid on ice picks the blanket on fire

I mean, I don't know if there's much else to yeah I can talk you was taking off the ventilator and declared dead right and then hit a pothole came alive Dude that that's so just in the transfer just just and just that much of a compression. Yeah, just fired his heart back up Who was the guy that for a couple more days of suffering? So this is I've always thought this is kind of a weird thing, you know in the in the shows movies whatever they're like Claire mm-hmm, and then like they do it three or four times and they're like that I quit there There's like this is too much work. Yeah, they look at the clock and they're like time of death 705 and then there's always one guy That's like what more just one more man one more One more but like why'd you guys run out ofEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE EEEEE EEEEE EEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E he shocks is bad. He's already dead. But right.

But after that point, maybe it makes whatever other options you have obsolete. This just fucking says right here, a pot hole saved him. If they put that in, like, can you imagine hospitals having a little pot hole runway? Yeah. Like there's nothing we can do and like get them down to the pot hole track. Well, no, just running about the building. He just, the pot hole is one last ditch effort. They don't, okay fine. They don't want to use electricity. I'm fine with that. Maybe they don't want to do that. So the doctor calls it. The bill is already astronomical that year.

Yep, TOD 716. Okay. Alright, get him down to the morgue. He's like, you want to take the pothole road? Yeah, just might as well. Do you want the dirt road or the paved road? The paved road. Might as well hit the dirt road and see what happens. Yeah. been really nice. We'll hit the dirt road See what happens. Yeah He's alive. Oh good shit bring him back here. We'll put him on a ventilator again Okay, we got those pig in Blake and see the heat back up get him back in the oven

Come call call the family call the family. No, just let him down again. No one gets me Alright, let's move off to some good news. Let's roll it right now. ZACK! So you're telling me there's a chance? Hooray, we are doomed. Yeah! So this is wild. I can't, and I have never, and I don't ever plan to, run a normal marathon. Maybe someday. I get it's not just about like you don't have to be trying to set a goal or trying to what I meant to say was I know it's like you know trying to win it not

everyone's in it to fucking get first place in a marathon. If I ain't winning I ain't doing it. Okay but with a marathon it's about the preparation and the focus on yourself to be ready. It's the journey not the destination Joe. You get it. Fuck yeah you do. But's a journey not the destination Joe get it fuck. Yeah, you did But then there's like and the winning the ultra marathon runners Okay, the Kenyans and that's the shit that will never just not even on the radar whatsoever Mm-hmm. I will stop at marathon you put ultra in front of it. I'm fucking out. Mm-hmm, right? Even if you put like ultra orgy, I'd be like, I don't think so. Can I say something real quick? What? So like crazy marathon people like Kenyans, they just seem like Kenyans who are marathon people. White people who are crazy marathon people, they're like, they're,

they just seem different. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like psych. I don't know. There's something just off like the Kenyans like they just, they just like to run. That's what it seems like. Okay. It's my perception of it. Like from the outside looking in from the outside looking in. I don't know. I don't know anything about these people.

I have no idea what I'm talking about. The Kenyans seem normal. They just seem like normal people who can run really good. White people. It's like that that there's something wrong with that guy. Gotcha. You know what I mean? I get your option. I get what you're going for here. And that's just me from the outside with not looking in researching or anything. I'm on the outside. So anyway, this ultra marathon runner also managed to breastfeed

her baby three times on her way to winning the whole fucking thing see that's what I'm saying So in this sport don't I just zoomed out and it went dark What's trying to do to me in a sport of ultra running athletes often defy human limits? But in a recent 100 kilometer race in Wales One runner took it to another level. That's a lot. 100 kilometers. Yeah, I don't know what that is in miles, but that's a lot.

Far. As seen in photos that quickly went viral, runner, a new mom, Stephanie Case, sat down at three points along the demanding race course to breastfeed her six-month-old daughter. Case not only finished the race, she placed first among the female competitors imagine like and also um pumping while she's running she's running like throwing the bottle off to her husband on the way by he throws it in the freezer tucking her boob back in i know but like the somebody had to chase her with a baby waiting for the next time that titties popping out there. There's a guy in the motorcycle Yeah, with the hose attached to it. Yeah Like refueling a jet plane. It's a guy on the motorcycle

Then the husband's on the back holding on to the guy with his one arm and the baby in the other arm I guess dipping the baby down on the boob. See that would be effect. I like the the other arm and just dipping the baby down on the boob. See, that would be effective. It's kind of like the military that like we have here in beautiful at the military base. The C7 is refueling the units. That's basically what they're doing. That's what I'm saying. Well that was a surprise. Case wrote on Instagram, posting photos of herself feeding her daughter while wearing her racing bib and gear and just said, I won? Case had no idea victory awaited her at the Ultra Trail Snowdonia race in Northern Wales. After a three year break from competing, she was just happy to be running again. I have

to have a daughter, Pepper, after a long journey that include two miscarriages. So again, just fighting through all of us. And then of course, funny that named the daughter Pepper. Yeah. Cause you don't, that's not a very common name. What does that say about the other women competing? See that's what they read that they're like, dude, I suck. Back to marathons for me. Yeah. I can't, this lady's fucking feeding babies and kicked my ass. Like Matt, wouldn't that just kill your, your motivation, your fucking motivation.

You're like, Oh man, I could have won. Matt, wouldn't that just kill your- Matt your motivation? your fucking motivation? You're like, oh man, I could have won, but this woman that just had a baby three months ago and has stopped her breastfeed several times won. Matt I still got last place. Matt She won? Matt Holy shit. To her, the photos show an athlete being a mom at the same time and those things not actually competing with one another. We don't have to lose ourselves to becoming a mom and we can keep setting big goals for ourselves, she says. So this lady definitely just- What does that say about other moms too?

Great motivation. Like you are terrible and I am better. It's not great. See, I don't see that as great motivation. Oh. I don't. Oh, because you just can't do it. No, well, yes. One is I can't do it. But then how does that make other moms look who are just like, I just can't do it. But then how does that make other moms look who are just like, I just can't adult today?

Maybe that should be them. I think that is on them today. I think that the motivation is whether you pick it up. But if you're going to look at this story and be like, God, she's making me feel bad. No, but having, it's funny because one of the content things that I do with the videos is a mom and I've had so many comments of moms just being like, oh, that's so me when I'm doing something mundane, you know? And then- Your next video is you breastfeeding a baby at an ultra marathon. You're like, that's not me.

But if I showed this article to all the moms that comment, they would be like, wow, I feel- Like I'm not doing enough. Yes, exactly. Well, maybe they should do a little more. Is that the beauty of motivational stories? I mean, there are ways you can take that. You can take as motivating or like, fuck, I'm a failure in life. Exactly. So pick the other one. The motivation one is that it's self hatred.

There are moms that are just like, I just I showered today. Yeah. And there's running 60 miles. They're like, I just, I showered today. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Instead of running 60 miles. They're like, I finally was able to shower today. Or I was able to have a hot cup of coffee and not heat it up 28 times in the microwave. Yeah. That was a success for them that day. Yeah, it's a personality thing.

I wonder if it does something to the milk to run 60 miles, if that baby was like, ah, it's more like a milkshake than normal. The baby just started running immediately. It's curdling. She breastfeeds her, and then more like a milkshake than normal. The baby just started running immediately. It's curdling. She breastfeeds her and then now the baby's running next to her. It's growing as she's running. Magic powers.

Anyway, Mrs. Cass, fucking good job. Maybe I'll try for a half marathon sometime. This next one, just in time for Father's Day. Zack! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together. As a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! Let's venture over to the beautiful world of Etsy! Love it!

So if you're looking for a Father's Day gift that is affordable and funny, we've all seen and are familiar with Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. One of my favorite movies of all time. So you got a candy bar, and then when you open the candy bar, what's inside of it? A golden ticket. Or what are you hoping for? A golden ticket. So on Etsy, you can buy Wonka bars that have have golden tickets in there and this one is for a blowjob

Oh, that's sweet Fuck yeah, dude blowjob ticket lap dance ticket Handjob all that you go through a fucking pack of wanker bars for a handjob. I want to force His fantasy ticket that's a fun one. Anal ticket. Here's a massage ticket.

I found one right down here, rim jump ticket. Nah, I would probably turn that one in to see if I could get another H.J. out of it or something. Just two RJs equaled H.J.? Nah, I don't know, man. Opening up a wooly Wokabar walk apart like you're, oh man. So I'm picturing like the way that Father's Day and Mother's Day go because kids are selfish and can't afford anything. Like the gift just says like from you and your kids

and you open it up in front of your kids and you pull out a ticket and your wife and kids and your rim job ticket. Ass fuck. Mom, what's a rim job? Oh, that's when, Ass fuck mom. What's a rim job? Oh, that's when that's when your daddy grabs his ankles and I fucking suck his ass Wow, we wow, we want to try that Wowie. Did he come? Yeah, I'll let you know as soon as he turns it in you it just be this dusty gold rim job ticket Is there anything setter? Like underneath the couch or something like half of the TV. Oh, honey, I think you lost. She's

you. Oh, pulls it out of the rim job ticket pulls it out of the vent. When you guys are remodeling, you're like, Oh, man, how'd that get up there? He's like, Well, here you go. Like whenever you're ready, give you a little and you're like, shit, you're trying to hide a golden rim job ticket. So you don't have to get it. Anyway, that's still one of my favorite, uh, positions. What position did you play? No Valentine's gifts like early in a relationship. Oh, yeah. The IOUs. Yeah. It was like, there's like 10 of them, like whenever, whenever you'd like turn this in it's time Mm-hmm, and they never use them they get lost in the drawer. I

Think I use them all within the first week One day you just go all in yeah I'm all in you get it. He's terrible and you can use these whenever you want your face You like yep, guess what I'm fucking your ass while you lick my, while you lick mine. And you clean the house. This is gonna be the best day of my life. You sure you want all this today? Holy shit, I can't wait. I can't wait for you to lick my ass while you cook dinner tonight.

No, honey. One at a time. I don't see, like you're reading the fine print. There's no, there's no stipulation that says they have to be. It doesn't say anything about one of the, I'm pretty sure it's implied. Well, I'm not breaking any rules here. Oh, well, it's got to be on if it's, it's got to be on the ticket. So it looks like I'm getting a hand job, a blow job, a foot massage while you make me dinner. Here you go. Oh yeah, and clean the house. She's just like, fuck. She just followed her around with a vacuum while she's sucking her dick cooking dinner. Jesus Christ.

Anyway, let's hear it. Let's hear from the kids. Let's do it. Zach, fuck! Hey you guys! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me?

Wow, that's cool. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Alright, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Wow! Wow, that's cool!

Alright, this one, so first one is coming in from someone who can relate to something that I do. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. She says, um, this is from Molly. Oh, okay. It's from Duet of Molly.

This one's for boy. Oh, I can totally relate to him feeling bad for inanimate objects When I was a little kid, I had suffered walrus what? God When I was a little kid, I suffered walrus. What the fuck? When I was a little kid, I suffered walrus. Suffocated. A wall was driving tractor suffered walrus.

Yeah. God damn it! Yeah, no, I get it. I was a little kid. I suffered walrus. As well. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something I don't know. Who hasn't suffered walrus? Oh, fuck man. Alright, back to you, hon. When I was a little kid. I had this stuff walrus named Wally that makes way more

I lived in the mountains in California And we would drive down the hill to the valley I would for whatever reason Think about what if he made his way out of the car window and was left on the side of the mountain? Oh poor that's suffered walrus. Yeah. Yeah on the menu tonight. We have We have a Alaskan halibut got king crab we've got suffered walrus Like shit yeah, it. Yeah, it suffered That's suffered walrus Was they clean kill absolutely not All right for hours for hours actually

States the suffrage. Oh my god, I can taste the stress in this walrus. Oh back to you I would think about how lonely and scared he would be the pain would eat me alive I know that feeling even though it never happened Another ridiculous thing that I would do we was always scrape every noodle out of the can of chicken noodle soup So as not to make the noodle feel bad. I called it NNLB, the No Noodle Left Behind Initiative. What the fuck? It's fucking soup. That's so funny. Doesn't matter what it is. It's the object. I totally get it. That said thing is-

Nope. What? Go ahead. Oh, that thing. Yep. That said, it's sad. Nope. Yep. the sad thing is 38 years old I finally come to conclusion that it's fucking soap

And I shouldn't feel bad for fucking noodle to be left in the can and not be eaten call me crazy I probably am but the concept still sticks with me Love you Brian and love that you may be just as crazy as I am or not I know that feeling though. It's the I don't want the noodle to be alone It doesn't matter what the object is could be a football in the backyard or a noodle in a tuna can There's the noodle noodle in a tuna can Will suffer like a noodle That's a fucking lawsuit.

That's not a thing. Why is there a noodle in my tuna can? That's the first question. Listen, son. Waiter, what's the noodle doing in my tuna can? Listen, son. Life gets hard. Doesn't matter if it's a football in the backyard or a noodle in a tuna can

Nice full of surprises. All right now get out there. Good luck somebody's dad used to say that Yeah, all right, I gotta we gotta write that down as one of the things my dad used to say in there. Our second email is coming in from our daughter Catherine who writes, hey daddy, this is my favorite uncle, Zach. Hello. I just finished listening to the show, got all caught up until Mother's Day of this year.

Then I decided to sign up to be a super duper silly goose. Woo hoo! Cause I wanted the largest and tightest genitalia. I always forget that it says that in there. I know. Whenever people write that in I'm like, do we promise something? And listening to all the bonus episodes that I missed. Sorry, I don't write often so I never punctuate. I'm trying dammit.

Not really. Anyways, you said in that episode peanut butter butter and UFO rock baby cocaine hot dog. Pete Liesveld God, we said a lot of weird stuff. Jared Liesveld God, there was a workplace accident involving the death of an 18-year-old boy whose head was smashed by two cages and you asked what that sounded like. I do remember that. Pete Liesveld We did do that. Jared Liesveld Well, I don't have a comparison of two cages smashing ahead, but I worked

with this girl a while back and she told me that her best friend's son blew his head off with a shotgun in the kitchen while she was in the living room. And she said the sound she remembers is that it was like a mirror smashing into pieces. That's sad. God. Fuck. That's I can hear. Also, also, would you rather question on one of the episodes?

Just a quick pivot. Yeah. Anyway, enough about that. I can't recall it was like, would you rather hit the water at 70 or the road at 50 and vice versa? I do remember that there's this girl in town. I know the family and she's crazy, like mentally not stable. She got in an argument with the driver traveling on the highway and jumped out. She survived. Yeah. She was just mumbling about how something about a, or stuffed animal would be on the side of the road.

stuffed animal would be on the side of the road. It'd be a suff, she was like, suffered, suffered walrus. And then she jumped out. She survived, but was in the hospital for a bit. And also she had kids and she had them taken away. Later on she had her son and she was walking across the highway and she got hit by a truck. Zach, not a big one. You're closer now.

You can be, we can hear you. We can hear you. I can hear you. Not a big one. Like an F one 50 going around 50 miles per hour. And she survived as well. But I think that changed him forever because now he's gay. Knock something loose in his brain. Anyways, love you bitches.

Bye. Can you imagine if, if watching your parents get hit by a truck was how you got turned gay? Like you're in a gay bar be like how big was your dad's truck? They all have the same story. Yes, that's the origin story You walk in there just an icebreaker like you're sitting there swirling around your neat whiskey you're just looking at a nice hot fella and you're like hate to ask you but how fast was he going?

Was that a two ton to hit your mom? Cause you're really gay. Yeah. He's like, Oh, stop it. It was actually a Chevy. It was actually a Chevy. I remember it like yesterday. Mine came from a pothole. Yeah. Yeah. Callback. My dad and mom got hit by, got hit by an ambulance.

So I am super gay. All right. Let's episode 156. Let's get the hell out of here. Off to the bonus stuff. Reminder, the honkathon is on. We've got the different tiers. Just head over to canyadompodcast.com slash canyadompodcast. As we hit the different goals, we will do the different stuff. Rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcast go check out what Uncle Zach is doing over in the scat cast universe. I wouldn't. We just had to sign some cards. I did. Just today before the show so you got lots of cards going on. Yep they're all going out this week. Woohoo! Head over to scatcast.com that's scat with a K. And a big thanks to the babysitters that moderate the candy don't playground on Facebook.

Let's wrap it up. Facebook. Zach. Good God. Wrap it up already. That was just for us. Now I just layered it up. Everyone got a little taste of that baby.

Do you guys know that Sylvester Sloan wrote the screenplay for Rocky in just three and a half days? I did not know that. And he wrote it by hand inspired by the Muhammad Ali and Chuck Wepner fight. The film was shot in 28 days on a budget of $1 million. The producers wanted Burt Reynolds to play the lead, but Stallone refused and accepted huge budget cuts to star in his own film. A year before, he had $106 in the bank, a pregnant wife, and a dog that he couldn't

afford to feed. Talk about your life, fucking turn it around. Or I mean, and putting, and like trusting yourself. Yeah. Putting everything on the line. And then you think of him and his acting skills, like, oh, Kim and Keanu Reeves, like they're just, like, I mean, not like comedy Keanu Reeves.

Like if you look at bad ass John Wick, Keanu Reeves, I got it. But even like in the matrix, like it's just, it just worked. Yeah. But like that, like it works for them and no one had any idea that I was going to work for them. They don't expect anybody act good. I know, but it worked out.

It worked for Arnold Schwarzenegger fit work for him at work room. But so if you're sitting there on something that you could just do yourself right now, you got a good idea. Just do it Don't wait. Yeah, don't wait could turn around your whole goddamn life put it out there. You never know what's gonna happen All right, let's get off to the bonus stuff say your goodbye What that would sound like with the helium You're gonna poke a new hole I don Where'd my knife go? Gap it! You're gonna poke a new hole?

I don't remember where the other hole went. I think it was right at the top. Oh, I just poked myself. Okay. My... Oh, that went... Oh. My...

It's the same thing! It's the same thing! Team team!