Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Fake Name. Begging. Lefty Loosey. Sperm Racing.

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

Nothing really brings the boys together like wearing racing jackets, being obnoxiously loud, and cheering on your sperm as it races against your buddy's sperm on a tiny sperm racetrack. Let's talk about that, your stance on giving kisses after someone goes down on you, having an absolute meltdown in front of the police after giving them a fake name, the best place to crash your car if you're having a heart attack, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/fGY3bwW-7h0Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Fake name. Begging. Lefty Lucy. Sperm racing. Today has the makings of a wacky episode. But first of all, try to ignore the banging. So the kitchen Remodel, just the way that things go The kitchen directly above The Can You Don't Studios

In beautiful Liberty Lake, Washington The people working on it are going to be wondering what the fuck we're doing But anyway, the flooring has to go back in today We could not move it It was the only day that worked So if you hear some banging of hammers and stuff

Throughout the episode And a party horn We gave them all party horns and a hammer What does the dude like cuts his foot off or something? Not my problem What I say is bad day to cut your foot off I'm recording a podcast

Can't help you Can't just stop What's the number for 911 one I send in your content suggestions As always that email address Hey guys A can you don't podcast.com We had a weird morning

A part of the whole wackiness Yeah we woke up and Patreon was all fucked up Yeah It was it was weird We emailed them We're trying to figure it all out. But overnight, the Patreon subscribers jumped up like 108.

Yeah. And crushed every goal that we have part of Honkathon. But we didn't have any notifications to support that this actually happened. So we just waited it out. And now it's backed out. But we think, because we couldn't check the numbers, we are going to say that we did reach the 425 goal before we hit the new month and Patreon lost its marbles and claim that we hit a ton more subscribers than we actually did.

So we're going to honor it, Brian. You got to make your... Working on it. Your eye appointment. Go get your fucking eyes checked. I might need help reading the website. I'm here for you. To make the appointment.

If not, we can just drop it in like a text to whatever it is, a text to talk. You know, like the start of every episode has the voice, the robot girl. Yeah. So maybe we'll drop it in there. I'll help you get the... Good idea. Joe. Good idea, Joe. So, yeah, 425, let's call it.

We'll go get Brian's eyes checked. 450 is the next one. That's that hot air balloon ride. 475, Zach, it's its own camera. Why do you say that was a little giggle? Because I felt your heart skip from over here. No, that's your heart that does that. That's true.

I have medication for that. Thanks, COVID. And then, again, at 500, that's that extra bonus episode exclusive for The Gaggle on Patreon. And speaking of Patreon. At the time that this episode comes out, if you listen on a Monday and you get it the early release, because that's one of the bonuses of being part of the gaggle, our next, The Pond. Episode two is happening Tuesday, October 7th, 7 p.m. Right there in Patreon.

The first one was very, very fun. We just kind of open it up. It's live. We do whatever. Answer all your questions. Just hang out there. Get naked. Yeah.

Get naked. Get our dicks out. What if that's all it was? Like, you just tuned in. It was just us sitting there with dong. Like just a little. overweight like not like a scary amount just looking at us sit there with our dicks out on the end of the bed yeah exactly like berry yeah yeah yeah you know that you know that meme yeah yeah

none of our dicks are that big if i if we were doing it on purpose and i was like i'm purposely letting madong hang out i don't know if i could keep it soft i think it would just naturally like get excited if i'm sitting next to you yeah just in general like you know yeah it's like it involves your penis like your brain it's they're talking to each other so it's gonna get ready whether you want it to or not exactly it's gonna get stage ready yeah it's gonna get camera makeup on camera ready yeah feels the air on its face my balls need shiny it's kind of like you know it's like a bodybuilder getting ready to go up on stage doing some push-ups getting it getting that fake tanner on you know that and that fucking smile whatever that is but there it is and we also have a

very big announcement. Zach, you want to help us out with this? We have the flyer here if you are watching the video version. It's Can You Scat Fest? Woohoo. So this is coming up here November 1st. Hit it to the details. It's One Cruiser's Boulevard, State Line, Idaho.

It's Candy Don't and Scatcast together. All the hosts, all of you guys. Yeah. It's going to be a blast. And there is a QR code that you can scan. Yep. But I'm guessing for all the information, just scatcast.com, right? Tickets for sale, all that stuff.

Yep. So part of the festivities, we're going to be doing like just a ride panel with all of us. And if you're familiar with the Scatcast universe, we just tackle various topics. Dumb shit. Yeah, dumb stuff. And because it is live, the audience will be involved in that as well. We're super excited. Lots of music, some video games.

Yeah, tell us about it. It's all Scat tunes artists. So we've got Jake Rozier and Nathan Chartre, Rusty Jackson. Shaden and I'll probably play a little bit too. I might get you two to play or one of you to play. I don't know. Yeah, we'll see. It comes in how many sprits I had.

Fucking me, bro. I just, I have an eight ball. Not of Coke, but like the magic eight ball. Oh, that's a nice, good one. And then that's what I, that's what I go to. I'm like, should I play a song tonight? And it's like, asked again later. Yeah.

Joe. Like, everyone needs to know right now, actually. Yeah. It's like, I'm busy. I'm high. Eat shit, Joe. I did an eight ball. I will say, I will say, if you come out to this event, there's going to be very exclusive

scat cards just for this, too. Maybe some autos, some hollows, all that. shit. Okay. Yay. So again, that is... Could be some exclusive merch. Yeah. Yeah. We're still working out all the details to make sure this little Cany Scat Fest is amazing. It's our first thing! Yeah, so we're giving it a ride. It comes up quick when this comes out too. It does. Three weeks from when this comes out.

If you can make it, we'll give you hugs. Yeah, there's going to be meet and greets. We'll sign shit. Again, that's Saturday, November 1st at Cruiser's Bar and Grill in Stateline, Idaho. If you're from this area, if you're traveling in, that's where it's at. But more details again, scatcast.com. there's a strip club right down the road yeah yeah why do we just yeah no one needs to headline anything let's cancel our little panel and it'll just be go down to state line showgirls just titline why do we think about that in the first place yeah i hadn't even considered it i haven't been

to stay line and since you were 18 since last week when was sweatpants night is that tuesday's yeah i that seems about right i need new sweatpants so you rip a hole in them yeah Yeah, just like that. See, the address for this, the one cruiser's boulevard, like that's the address. It trips me out. That's the name of the place, too. I know. It makes me laugh because every holiday season, my brother's address is like that.

It's just eight. Fuck you. Grow up. Like, that's how you know your life's going all right if you have a single digit address. Right? Close to ground zero. Oh, it's eight. Elm Street.

Okay. Big deal. Oh. That's either the floor's going in or a giant knocking at the door. Somebody really wants it in the house if that's a knock at the door. It's a Yeti that works for DoorDash. You want your pizza? I'm on a time constraint.

All right, let's get the show rolling. Let's get the show. Hey, shut up. Start the show already. I feel like I need a water today. Oh, what you got over there? Oh, you just rubbing it in? I thought you were offering

No, I don't have any It's just ice Okay Fuck me And that's why we're friends A little bit of coffee That was left in there All right

It's not working though I need a little something else Would you rather All plants and trees scream When you cut them or pick their fruit So is this like cutting the lawn Is that why it smells

I think that's kind of where This all stemmed from It's just thinking about it And I think it's like the universal you. So not like us personally. It's like any tree trimming, anything like that, any fruit being picked, these things are screaming.

A winery is a fucking massive. You're grabbing an apple off the tree. Yeah. The goat's dream. Oh, fuck. That would really take the fun out of like heading out a little apple picking or berry picking with your kids. Brian has the perfect goat scream.

Yeah, you guys. Yeah. That's perfect. The Baja, baby. Huckleberry picking up in the up in the mountains and you're eating them Mm hmm they clip that Yeah you go out with your

Just a little family outing Going for that fall photo shoot Get the perfect thing for your socials Let's get one of these apples And your kids have to wear ear plugs You're like just ignore them This is louder than a demolition derby Just like you have to ignore the banging

On the floors for today's episode You'd be out there like Be like I'm having so much FAA! Today Like, yeah, it would really fuck with your emotions, right? It would fuck a lot. Yeah.

So all that, or animals beg for their lives before they're being killed. Wow. What part of the dark web did you find this question? I don't know. So, let's say you're not there to kill the animal. Does it even make a scream? Yeah, right. But it's before you're about to eat it.

Like if it screams at you. Is that what you mean? No, I think it's just. As you cut into the steak. Before they're killed. So like a slaughterhouse, they don't, they're not just being killed. They're begging. They're like, you don't have to do this.

Oh. The cows are being led to slaughter, and they're just like, please, dude. It reminds me of the eat more chicken ads. Yeah. A little bit. Like, that's kind of what they're doing. But they are fully aware of what's happening. That's fucked.

Did a vegetarian piss you off, Jeff? Jeff, excuse me? Sorry. How long have we noticed? I haven't slept for days. Oh, man, I got this already. Didn't even play it. Can I play it?

One second. can you scott fest is going to be really super cool guys guys they will be showing pictures of yellowstone national park wow wouldn't that be great wow whoa joe okay jeff you can so better late than never yeah better late than never god i fucked that you did all right now i fucked your name so yeah that's all right brad yikes i'm brad i love bread okay so trees, plants, the grass, just a chorus of like, oh God! Harmony's.

Yeah, while you're mowing, yeah, dying in perfect harmony. Just it's, this hurts so bad. The quartet. It's like Scriz you stills and Nash. Yeah. Yeah.

Or animals begging. I mean, even old dogs at the vet, too. because we have we Jesus Christ dude hear me out because we have decided which I always have thought is a little

presumptuous of us that we're doing the best thing by putting him down and I think a lot of times we're just not having to deal with it we're like tired of you shitting on the floor dog yeah I'm tired of you shitting on the floor

and doing all this it's just too much for us so so we are we are we're projecting those emotions of like this is what they wanted and I don't think that's

always the case you're sitting there like no it's just it's what's best you have to do the right dog's like please don't yeah it's not what's best I'd love to lay here a little longer like I'm fine laying here and they're like closing the door on him and he's like he's like I'm fine

he goes my yeah my legs hurt a little bit but I love you guys so much I don't want to leave you guys I don't want to leave you guys can we just saying and you're just like shut the door The arms of an angel You're shutting the door You just wait Remember

All the times I'll get the ball I'll pick up after my phone I'll stop chewing I'll never leaving my toys around Yeah I'll In the doctor

While he's doing You're hearing that through a muffled Like through glass The doctor's sliding you an invoice He's like you got two weeks He's like Don't worry this It gets easier

God But chickens? No, man. Chickens. Already the noise of a, like, a fucking chicken warehouse. Okay, but here we go. Here's my, here's another wrinkle I want to throw into this one. Haven't you done enough?

I have. I have done. I've done plenty, but we're going to keep pushing it. The amount of times that you have to face these things, I think it should be a huge factor. Right? So not a whole lot of times am I around the slaughtering of animals? right so like every now and again it's going to be really sad if you watch them plead for their life but if plants and trees every time they get cut or screaming that's going to be really

disruptal like that's going to disrupt a lot of my day just walking down the street and there's like a leaf hanging down from a tree and you walk by like you do and you just pull a leaf of a tree is like ow what the fuck dude you're like this fall sucks this used to be my favorite season every time Just a leaf falls off. Oh, around fall. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. You think that hurt? The maple shoe's like, you think that hurt?

Look how big my leaves are. It hurts more. No, it doesn't. Ow! They're just bitching the whole time. We have, like, ponderosa pines in our backyard. So you'll hear a pine cone and like break off. It goes, think, t' tink, clink, clink all the way down.

But it's just like, oh, oh, ow, ow, ow. Like, it's whining. Yeah. God, today's going to shunk. Suck. That's pretty far down there. It's supposed to be a little windy today. Hold on tight.

Oh, man. Another windy. Ow! Annoying whining. Yeah, it's like an annoying wine. Oh. Yeah, it's the wine that you're just like, come on. That didn't hurt.

Oh, good morning, Brian. Good morning, tree. Looks like I'm just another day in your beautiful yard. Ow! Sorry, tree Me too Have a good day at work I'll be here

Bet you wish money grew on trees At least I'd be worth something to you You're like sorry I'm sorry you're a tree Me too A chainsaw Cutting into a tree Zzz

Oh Oh God Can't Okay so that's The agony Just the annoyingness of it I think I'm going to go with animals begging for their life

Which I think is going to have a really big impact on people. Yeah. And maybe we'll just stop putting them down. Kill shelters would probably go away if they wouldn't just go peacefully. Peacefully into the night. He's, this dog, I mean,

just whatever. I guess always picture a lab because they're so friendly with their droopy ears. Yeah, he's laying there and he's like, no, I'm good. I don't want to, he's like, why am I so tired? Wait, did you guys already, you guys already poked me? God damn it! God, you guys, I just loved you so much.

You don't have to do this. Oh, Jesus Christ You guys already did it? Oh my God Fuck you guys, dude Fishing would be interesting Fishing would be interesting Yeah, the fish gets out

And you're like, so like you ever Put me back, put me back, put me back You're trying to get like a hook out of a fish And sometimes they swallow it And you're kind of wrench around on it And they're kind of moving And you see the gills moving but if it was going like

just ignore that if the fish was like oh god oh oh no no no no oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh and then you drop me and don't leave me here put them in the cooler with all your other friends and they're talking to each other we're all gonna die

can't breathe you just like make sure you get a jetty cooler so you can soundproof it open it up and please don't kill us please don't kill us please Yeah, you open it up and say, Hey, I don't kill, don't kill, go, go, go, go, go. I was just about to come with so many eggs, you fucking have. Open it up. I had a big dinner coming on eggs, you fucking prick. Lock it back down.

This is my only job. I swam 37 miles to get here to come on some fucking eggs, you dick. Just lock them in. Dude, that was, it's so funny telling these jokes with this hammering. Like, the comedic pause is just gone. Yeah. You take any little silence instead of the job. Just you just, gung, gong, gong, gong.

Okay. One of the reasons I just, I just didn't really want to fish anymore was because... Yeah, it was like, no one was throwing the fish in a, in a cooler, you can see him flopping around in there. And then eventually, like, you get the fucking, uh, the, what do you call it, the... Mallet? The, basically the, yeah, but it's like... The masher? What's the...

What's the... The fish bonker. Yeah, the fish bonker. But now I'm thinking like the old mafia, the little, what are those called? Jimmy stick? Do you hit him in the back of the head? Billy Club. No, no, it's like a little, it's like a flimsy thing with a hard end that they walk up and like smack you in the back of the head and knocks you out.

You don't know what I'm talking about? Ah! Is the same thing the doctor tested your knees with? See, mafia knockout. Ball stick. Oh, a penis. Stick. What is it called?

Damn it. A wacky, a wacko. You'll find it. Come on. I can't, I can't ask for, I can't, I don't have a lifeline. And the internet doesn't even have it. Jesus. Was that a bear upstairs?

Moving our furniture wasn't part of the plan. Fuck. God. I know it's out. I know it's out there. People are going to yell at me. You stopped fit because you had to. Bonk the fish.

But yeah, it was just like, I was like, I don't like this anymore. I wish that went a different way where you're like, then, of course, like you have to mandatory shoot every fish individually in the head with a shotgun. Like, Brian, you don't have to do that. That's just how you grew up in Moses Lake. People blasting fish with shotguns. It was shallow enough, like catfish and carp. Yeah.

Probably could do that. Or dynamite. Yeah. No chummin. Okay. I'm going to pick the animals begging. for their life just so I can, it's going to be very sad when it happens, but I can't just have plants and trees screaming all the time. So if you just walked in grass, they'd be screaming,

right? Nice. Like, if you walked, if you walked in grass, would it be screaming? It says cut them. Okay. So being like, trying to be all cute out of, like a picnic. And you're like, here, let me get this flower for you. And just like, oh, fuck. Yeah. Wow. But like a back of death scream. And then he just shoved the sunflower behind her ear. And it's going, like gasping for air. You look so pretty. Fuck you, dude.

I'm not telling shit. Now, can she hear that, or is it just you? I don't know. I want to say everybody. Because if she can't hear it, she thinks all you're doing is something very sweet. But you hear, so you're like looking at the flower and it's like, and so you're reacting to that? I can't breathe. Ow, my statement.

Yeah. Because that's kind of fucked. Yeah. I'm just going to, I'm just not around enough killing. And who knows? Maybe animals being able to beg for their life will put humanity in a little more of a path of empathy. We'll eat less whoppers. And we'll figure it out.

They're not going to stop me from fucking them. You know what I mean? Yeah. Good luck with that. You started go fund me to stop me from fucking whoppers. I still wouldn't stop me. What are you guys picking? I don't want to hear animals.

I'm sad. I think I'll just look with trees and plants. I'll look the plate of grass in the eye and be fine with it. Yeah, okay. You're not, yeah, it's not an easy decision, but there's something about an animal begging for its life that I just don't think I can handle.

Yeah. Especially if you give it a name. It has a name. Like meat? Okay. T-bone? I wouldn't name it that. Okay.

But here's the thing. Like, you know my weird thing for just objects, too. Like, can't leave the football out of the back because it feels like it's alone. I'm still getting, like, If I hear a plant screaming, if I, trying to sleep. Yeah, I mean, the tree's like, oh, somebody can help me. Brian? Yeah, I don't know if I could handle that either.

God damn it. It would drive you crazy. Yeah, so I got to pick the super sad thing just to have any hope of keeping my sanity. That's why I'm going with the super sadness. Maybe I'll choose that one, too, because I'm just not around a lot of animals that are about to die. There you go. Now you're doing it. Zach, have we persuaded you?

No, I don't want to hear a dog guy. Whatever. Have a heart. Whatever. I think there's a whole other sidebar we could do, but I think to really fuck you up is if you're about to eat something. You don't hear you all of a sudden have a flashback of that thing's life. Like you see it alive. I feel like we did a would you rather along that line.

Fuck. Yeah, your food can, your food screams when you eat it. I think as a would you rather we had, which is funny, too. Just cutting into a chicken. Oh, God. All right, let's move off to the, what are you thinking about? Hopefully you guys had fun with that little thought experiment. Hey, Zach, please, please.

Hey, hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? I think I kind of planned this subconsciously knowing that the floors are going to be going in today and there could be a little bit of some overlap while we were recording.

But I just wanted to talk to you guys about our kitchen re-bottle. So it's a big one. Like we're not just replacing some stuff. We gutted the entire thing. And that process has been a lot. And I think at the time, I don't know, we're probably still a couple weeks out from having our kitchen done. Maybe a little longer. It doesn't matter.

What it does 100% is suck because we have like this makeshift kitchen where we can't run a hairdryer and the microwave at the same time because it'll blow all the breakers and have to peel the panels off the studio wall in here to get to it to reset it. So we're very excited to get the kitchen done. Here's the part that is really funny to me and it's been a little concerning. But I will say so far it hasn't been like a huge issue. So we are going through Like a kitchen remodel place I'm not going to give the names because what I'm about to do Is talk a little bit of shit about it

I love him like he's great I just didn't know this was part of it Maybe you guys have you guys ever been through a remodel or been Like in like kind of as a contractor job And not while you're trying to live there And stuff like that you know It's weird enough when someone comes to clean your house and you're there And like I grew up like my dad was a you know

Did construction did finistry carpentry And so I've been on job sites and helped out growing up like more he probably just didn't want to find a babysitter so I had to go fucking pick up nails or something for a little bit of money while he worked that day um so I've been around it but not really like to this degree of living in a full remodel this is my first experience with it now like when you go through these companies and they kind of act like a like a general contractor which means that you come up with everything that you want and then they are in charge of finding the different people to come into your house and like do drywall do the electrical

move wires the flooring like we just put new flooring in but then we're doing this then all the flooring had to come back up which means we're moving all the all the baseboards and then all of that like so there's always different people and he was totally fine with us finding our own what was that that was me oh what'd you do i almost die oh jes i'm choking on my own race it almost sounded like a drill came through the ceiling. I was expecting to look up and see a worker be like, you fucking talking about us?

You guys all right down there? You better watch what you're about to say next. I heard you talking shit. So you can get this and we, he's been told to the opening. He's like, if you want to do it because he's going to find these people and then mark up the price a little bit because he had to do the work to get them in. So it's generally

more expensive, but you can't find your own people to come in and we have done plenty of that and then that just get taken off the list of of things that he charges us for when we get down to the final payment for the kitchen remodel. Anyway, so when this started, I don't know what my expectations were. And again, if you've been through this, please send in and tell me if like, this is normal, but it didn't feel very normal to me. So we are working and work from home and the people are in here working and doing what their thing is. And so one of the first steps was we had to,

rip all of the flooring out to make it so that when we did all the demo we weren't going to ding up the floors because we were keeping the new flooring because we just put it in so he's he's talking to us and he's super confident and he's like okay so we're going to we're going to rip this flooring out get the baseboards off blah blah like here's how much it's going to cost and I'm like yeah yeah sounds good and then we had a giant piece of plastic up at the time that was dividing the kitchen from the living room so that dexter's killer room yeah so all the dust wouldn't just come in and cover all of our electronics and our workspace. So I don't think that they knew that I was on the other side of the plastic, like working and I just had my headphones on.

So he's confidently telling us everything he's going to do. And then as I'm sitting there and working, I can kind of hear him talking. And he's like, yeah, of course. And then he has to teach them how to do the things that we're paying for them to do. Does that make sense? Like we would almost expect, Caleb, let me break it down. So in this particular, one that I will remember for the rest of my life is that there's a bunch of screw noises and banging as they're ripping out the cabinets. And then the guy, the main guy, stops him.

And he goes, which way is your drill going? Okay. And he goes, you know, he goes, what? He goes, which way is your drill going? And he goes, I don't know. Left you loose? He goes, I don't know. And he shows him.

And he goes, no, no, no. Exactly. He goes, no, no, that's right. He goes, that's tight. he goes left you go left lefty lucy to get the screws out and then it's a pause

and he goes how do you know which way's left and there was like a huge pause like I mean it felt like 40 minutes did you bring his kid to work but it's probably like

no grown man it's not his fault and the contract you hear him go and he sighs and he goes because he just said how do you know which was left

and then he goes he goes because of that's what it is he goes because that's left like that's i don't know how do you and that got me thinking how do you explain directions how do you explain left and right that's something you learn when you're a toddler yeah yeah you can't be like well why is that left like because it is yeah yeah so that was one i overheard and then the other one was when they were taking the floors out and he's talking to him and he's pulling on it and i think it was the same two guys and he was

They're like, it's not coming up. And he goes, okay, well, what's happening? And he goes, well, this piece of woods in the way. And he's talking about the baseboards. And he goes, then you have to get the base. He goes, we've got to pull the baseboards off. And he goes, well, they're stuck. And he goes, yeah.

He goes, yeah, you see this? And he's talking to the calking. He goes, it's culked to the wall. And he goes, so you just rip it off? He goes, no. He goes, see what you're going to do is you're going to have to cut this. And then, and he goes, you guys, you guys. got to cut all of it and he's like yes and i'm over here just going how much are we fucking paying

right like i'm not like it's still getting done yeah but just like the very and so he popped that out and then it was like and then he's like okay and he's picking him up and he goes well they're all coming up at once and he goes because there's a tongue and groove that's putting the and i'm just sitting on the other side of the the plastic going they're gonna i mean what are we paying for Like I could have been just doing this And is that guy having to hold hands all the way through with everybody? No, he just explains it and then they figure it out because left is left. But why?

Who did they hire? I don't know. I'm guessing it's a whole like tier of money that whatever labor you're hiring, the cheaper that is, the more money you're going to make on the other end. So you just hope that they're going to do a really good job. And then you are going to make. more money because you're able to pay your new starting laborers less than if you like to bring somebody in that had 20 years of of getting the floor out right maybe they hope you won't notice

the shit job and and i have to say it's not like it's not bad but that just blew my mind and open my eyes to a a realm and contracting that i didn't know existed and so i'm kind of throwing it out to the kids like is this normal like in this are you a because there's a lot of general contractors out there right that are put in charge of jobs and you find it and i don't know that that world very well. So what is the payoff to like have someone who's super brand new that doesn't know left or right or how to get floorboards off? Like how much of a pain of the asses is it to babysit that just to make a couple extra hundred bucks on the back end? I don't know. I don't question. Yeah. I mean, I guess it depends on yeah. Do you need money or do you want efficiency?

Yeah. And again, I don't. I think it's going to look really good because the company is like well reviewed. They really know what they're doing. And maybe we just got a job at a time where other people maybe left and were doing their own. And he had to hire some other people to come in. And this is on the same thing of us looking at this. And this is part of it is we're like, well, we're going to get our own electricians to come in. So we had a couple, I think three or four different electricians come in and take a look at the project. And this one group came in, and I'm not kidding you, the like country accent on this old man looked straight from like

an Adam Sandler comedy Like it would It would be there Yeah, would do Then Matt Wooden And his name would dead there And like, you were like, what are you And like his son worked with him

And he almost acted like a translator And he'd walk in and be like Yeah, no, there out here You took flood cut And uh To have to pull that out Move that down It can sound like a fucking banjo

Yeah He's like what you say we got it yes he's like i'm not even kidding and then that's not even the part that like got me about the whole contracting thing is that we're like okay like we're just kind of getting uh estimations right now and this motherfucker stands in our kitchen and look it's in shambles and he looks around and he goes yeah he goes i think it'll be about 3,000 bucks and we're like okay like that's not crazy right for the what we're asking for and we're like okay but also like he's just looking at shit

he sends over the proposal that night like three hours later for exactly $3,000 I was like you were the best estimator of all time dude and there's like there's no price there's no product list there's no itemized

list for what the fuck we're paying for and we're like how did you look at this and be like and just rack up in your brain exactly how many pieces yeah but he was so far off I think I would talk like there or didn't know. It was his translator.

It was his son. And like, they were nice guys, but we're like, there's no way you can just be like, yeah, and just go. And calculate exactly what it was. So then we asked for an itemized list and they sent it back and they dropped their labor like per hour to like an unheard of low just to make it so their 3,000 thing would work. Like we wouldn't notice that now they were charging 90% less than. their competitors for labor,

but it was just so they didn't look like assholes for sticking with $3,000. So they just made up their own prices to make sure that their estimate was accurate. You're like, yeah, we're gonna lose money on this. Yeah,

and then we just went with someone else and it was like $600 less. Like, you can't just walk in and guess that. But that's so mean, like what's the integrity? Like, God damn, guys.

Just look around like, yeah, it's about $3,000. And we're supposed to be like, yep. I guess maybe people do. I mean, I'm not going to deal with it. I'll just pay whatever you

They're the expert. Yeah. It's, I mean, you go to the doctor, and he's like, we're going to have to cut that spleen out. Yeah. You're not like, oh. How much you charge it for neosporin? Yeah. Neospline.

Yeah, one tube and neosporan, uh, $6,000. Sound about right? Yep, let's do it. Cut me open, doc. Whatever, whatever fucking gets me to stop. It's what it's. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, you trust the, you're supposed to.

I mean. So I know. And you can send it in as a confess. or anonymously too, right? Like, if you are doing this and this is how you price stuff, I mean, tell us, because this whole world's new to me, and I'm just fascinated. So if you want to send that in again, hey guys at can you don't podcast.com, I'd love to love to hear it.

I used to work on houses. You should work on reading. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's funny. Was that a good time for a stab like that? It made no sense of what we were talking about, but I don't want to hurt your feelings. I was thinking for Canadian.

can you don't fest or can you scat fest we could just have brian read for an hour 50 bucks take a shot every time he messes up 50 bucks the whole place gets alcohol poisoning all die just starts on fire and brian's trying to read the defibrillator instructions he's putting him on his head he's like it's not not working all right sorry brian back to you did you have something important to say i don't remember sorry about that sorry brian god that was fun he had nothing do with anything? No. I'm sorry. Anyway, I got that. Used to work on houses. I did. Okay.

Yeah, it doesn't matter, though. That was too specific. It doesn't matter. Oh, okay. Keep your secrets. All right. Well, can you come around. I just remember all the different people showing up all the time.

You go to one house, you build one, you're framing, and then all of a sudden you got the electrical guy showing up because he's got to drill holes and run. tables and then the drywall there's different guys and they all they're each personality is unique to their profession oh yeah and it's just a crazy world when you especially when you go from and they all hate each other it seems oh yeah fucking everyone everyone's better than the next person

like who the fuck did this drywall you're like I don't know Chris fuck like they're like fuck I hate that fucking guy look at this shit they all like it's our house dude we can't we're not going to rip the drywall out now and redo it just move on I feel like the electricians on another level because they're dealing in magic and shit they're like you don't even know how this shit works i'm a wizard this one has to be 15 amps and they look at you like you're supposed you're not understand what they're saying

like it's supposed to be 20 and i'm like i don't know that i'm sorry that one dude probably has a um regular voice he just does it and that and he's just like it what's his name boomhauer yeah it was it was right there even on the phone it was just like it dad dad dad and i'm like Hello? Yeah. You ever, do you. Yeah, but daver do.

Hey, blah, blah, blah, gave me your number. Yeah. So I was wondering if you come and take a look at the project. Yeah. What day? Good day. Come on by and then look out.

Look at it. I'm not even exaggerating. I'll be up here in that morning about air cock, get called there about dirt a minute before I go up there. Yeah. And I still somewhat understand, which is also a testament to my upbringing, I know. Yeah. Yeah.

I know that, I know that guy. Yep. And then you catch your tone changing a little bit to match him. Like by the end of it, you're like, yeah, no, I'll see you down there. Yeah, no, I'll see you right there by a cock there in the Monday. You're going to get him. Yeah, no, you're going to get it. Yeah, no, you go out there.

I can take it a little bit. There's a guy that used to work with my dad. And then he also, my grandparents were part owners of this little hayfield with him. So. That's what Moses like shit I've ever heard. it's like they're selling a timeshare dude and with a little luck you can be part owner of this hayfield

what what an opportunity yeah pretty good money yeah I mean it's yours two weeks in July yeah this is your hayfield

yeah just go to the website sign up for the weekends you want that's right you can be a proud owner of this field right here in beautiful moses lake here take these binoculars you look see is you over there that's the fountain right get a get a fountain side view hayfield it was quite a wise quite a ways away from the oh okay sorry that wasn't the selling point of the hayfield no okay back to you it was the uh yeah so that was the oh but we were responsible for going on changing the hand lines yeah you

making sure it was all watered up changing um but he was that guy like he he he he he he would talk through his dip and you would dodge it he'd massive dip in and he talked and it was just like it was all

you just talking all got and you're like you just ask me for a subway sandwich no can you go

dig dig dig yeah you want what chips you're mine what chips what kind of chips

what kind of chips you want you wanted Doritos No, I just said None, yeah. I said it done that. This crazy said it louder. It doesn't mean I can hear it.

God damn it. I heard that. Yeah, you fucking shit. Did that? Ding. The crazy thing is, I don't know what you're saying, but I know you're upset.

I didn't even think it was that weird. It was just a, just who he was. Elvin, mom, then. When I moved away and met other people, I was like, God, pronunciation. Yeah, that guy. That guy was something else. I didn't think it was weird.

I just thought all bosses were like that. Yeah, I thought I was talking about a good one. Nope, you're going out the best you did that. Ding. All right. Oh, shit. Oh, God damn. For the golden geese.

We've got a new golden goose. George. Saddle. Neil Duffery. Jason Glaser. Maggie Stokes. Daniel Kaya. The Sofa King.

Daniel Spats. Jordan Holiday. Matthew Leonard. Thank you guys. We dropped the one dropped off and George Swiped it up. Pounced on it. Flew in.

Like just left the pond and the goose was like fucking finally. Wings were tired. I was thinking of doing a. special card for the folks that are both fat cats and golden geese. I think that's kind of a neat thing. I think you're right at right. You might be on something every we'll tell you what. We do have 7,000 card things going on.

So maybe a couple weeks or so. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. But thank you guys. Yeah, thank you. Love it. The next time we read it. Golden fat cat. Before we read the golden geese, put in a fucking fat chew.

And there's a girlie. What are you? I won't get that new dope me. Yon-a-di-l-a-day-y-y-y-pakey. Daniel Pancake? Sounds like a cartoon character. Oh, my name Dave Pancake. I don't want to down to John's Corner.

Don't flip me over. Before we go out and look at all the dead bodies, let's go visit Daniel Pancake in the bakery. All right, moving off to Dick. Zah! Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool?

Then it's Dick. All right. You want to take this one? I'm going to take it, buddy. Okay. Put it. Spirm racing Investors blow $10 million

on seed round Get it? My goodness. For sports venture. Hmm. Venture. So, I mean, we've heard of e-sports, but what the fuck is going on here?

C-sports? No, D-sports. You get it. D-sports. The instantly viral F-1 races for semen are given a big boost by backers who see fertile future in the

health meets entertainment company. Okay. It's a lot of words. Just say coming in a lot of words for just meaning one thing. Just call what it is. Fuck, cum race. I want to do the color commentary for it. Yeah.

In this corner. In this sack. Coming around this corner. In this sack. Team size of 17 trillion mini Joe. I think you zoom in. Like, his sperm is wearing like a Olympic swimming metal. Showing.

pictures of your sperm on a podium. Jerking off in this petri dish coming in at 5-9! I used to have a video idea way back called the jerk-off Olympics. And it was like, it was coming for distance and speed.

So it would be like eight lanes and eight dudes just at the end of a table and jerk and see how far it would splat. Wow. Kind of like the javelin. Was it hard to get funding? How could no one Yeah, I never made it

I never made the video We did a little skit-skat of a porn Olympics You can just imagine people fucking on beds Around a track Never bed races? Yeah You know the You guys remember those?

Yeah Okay You guys know those Those whatever Sometimes in a mall Sometimes in a house But they have the toy horses That bounce up and down and move

Oh yeah yeah With spring Yeah they bounce on them And it propels them forward Just do that with them Yeah do that with a mattress And people are fucking Yeah

Exactly. And racing around. God, that's awesome. Every time you get a thrust is, fuck me faster. You hear the leg scooting on the grip. Steak, spreeze,

me, trying to pass off a baton to your friend who's just waiting to fuck. He's like, hurry up, and he's rock hard, and you're exhausted, trying to freeze a baton.

Your beds are bunking their buck butts. Just fluffers everywhere. Oh, yeah. Sounds hot. Keep it hard. Have you ever looked at your buddy across the couch

and thought, gee, I wonder if his semen is faster than mine. I mean, I've been, like, really high before. This will never cross my mind. I don't know how fast it's semen is. God, you're kind of mad about it? You're like, I bet you're seeming super fast. What am I?

Another thing I, another letdown. Yeah, another thing I'm fucking disappointed in. Oh, let me call my mom. Let her know my cum slow. I will right after I eat this fucking whole box of free pebbles. what am I wonder why am I semen sluggish

Captain Crunch have nothing to do with it okay Eric Zhu ZHU okay 18 turn that strange curiosity into an actual

sports and entertainment business one that investors are valuing at 75 million what dollars after pouring in 10 million into a seed round

get it we get it for zoo nine month old company sperm racing this is the highest fucking idea and it turned into a company where 75 million we're living in a cartoon I think we're living a fucking lie like what are we doing we're like let's try to be funny and help people

no what do we idiots I can come in a thing let's do this come let's figure out this business I bet you get my sperm still got some fucking legs in it I got a couple of years left. I may be 40 of my fucking come. I mean, I've just proved it. I've had the jerk off Olympics idea for fucking 15 years.

We should have done this long time ago. Yeah. Okay. Fucked it. You can start crying. It's going to sit here and be disappointed for a minute. That's all right. It didn't even try and,

I didn't even try and, like, have a cool name, just sperm racing. You know, like what is it? What do you think it is? I mean, at least you're not beating around the bush. Bingo. Hey.

Ah, yeah. Uh, the startup has rapidly garnered hordes of fans and lavish media attention for its rowdy in-person events in which young men compete to see who's got the fastest and hardiest sperm. The picture they're wearing racing jackets? Mm. Okay. That's, I mean, well, it's a little broy. Is it, yeah, is it like a fire suit, too? Or is it just, uh, what do we have to be able to be in a sponsor sound? Yeah, they got sponsor sounds.

Yeah, they got sponsors. just as sperm racing across the front K-Y jelly, pearly presents Yeah Astroglide Last weekend Zoo flew to YouTuber David, oh David Dobrick has

Slick White Los Angeles Mansion collected the sperm of three influencers and injected it onto a small racetrack as a crowd gathered in the living room

The competitors Harry Joussey Okay Sorry Jason Nash And Ilya Fedorovich. That sperm sounds fast.

Sorry, I was laughing because I was thinking of, you know, how they have those memorabilia cards. I've got cards on the mind. Yeah. I could get you guys to bust in a little thingy and put a little window in the... Sorry, I know. I should just go home. No, you should. Yeah!

I'll be at home. Because this could be a $75 million idea. I know, a bunch of sperm cards. And I'm just jerking off on cards you make? It's a sperm card hollow premium. Brilliant. We're fucked. It just comes frozen.

Like suspended in liquid nitrogen. Is it kind of like a Game worn jersey? Yes. But it's a different. Yes. Come cards. Come cards.

Com quats. Hmm. Uh, watched the video of their swimmers overlaid with animated tadpoles. Zoom the finish line. Okay. Imagine F1 race crossed with humiliation ritual.

Uh, a humiliation ritual. The boys donning racing jackets cried out as Fodorovich. sperm finished in two minutes just like Fedorovich yeah how long it'd take him uh well Nash just trudged a whole

seven minutes behind it was really bad this track is confusing it's like a maze yeah his sperm's complaining the wayfinding is terrible this is not a fallopian tube I can't smell an egg where's the eggs

do they take one of the eggs from a gal and like put it in a little live thing and put it at the end you know how they have the dog tracks and the rapists yeah the right Like a An unfertilized egg

Going around the track Ripping around the sperm Like Little numbers on the side of them Get it And they don't fit And they're just like Getting whipped

Like little tiny whips in the back Sperm faster It's easy to ride off Sperm racing Is a manosphere content Mill Runoff It sure is Yeah

But Zoo insists Tell me how I'm wrong He has a deeper more profitable mission to gamify health and to build an empire around male fertility. I say we challenge him. So he's trying to change the world. Oh, we've got some new competitors in the field boys. Yeah, they have age groups.

Oh, my God. Like we're in the 40 plus sperm racing group. Kind of like in golf, you got the senior tour and all that. It's like the horse racing, they put you out to stud. This would literally be like, well, he's got good sperm. You should give him. And all our sperm just die on the racetrack? Yeah.

That was my champion. He died for the victory. My sperm could hold its breath for four hours. It doesn't need to, but it can hold its breath for four hours, monsoon. Oh, man. I'd love to hear Jesse Ventura at a sperm racing. I bet you would. The announcer?

Yeah. Sperm racing? That's a, I mean, and they're off. Wow. that's quite a season what do you say jesse hell of it's hell of a showing competitors tonight wagging their little tails down the pipeline

heading to victory I left my house in the bar reminds me that was pretty good reminds me me more about how this isn't a mansphere content, no runoff?

Oh, yeah. Oh, you can't. The Vision has a convinced number of backers, including DJ Three Lau. Okay. Pudgy Penguins founder, Luca Nets. I know what that is. Acoustic artist, Tom Jilaby.

The athlete names, I think there's a lot of potential there. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Figment Capital. Mm-hmm. Now, and Figment Capital. James Pareill, partner at Figment Capital, called

Sperm Racing, the perfect blend of entertainment and health I love how there's like we're just trying to make a fuck ton of money so we'll say it's about health and to but actually just about jerking off and wearing jackets to make it not sounds

so ridiculous we got sponsorships this isn't weird this is money involved this is legit now this is legit I got a patch pointing out that many people have aura rings and track their biometrics anyway

so why not compete seems like kind of crazy right now He said, I think five years, it won't sound as crazy. And he's right. People have biometrics. Why not get your dick out? You're already wearing an Apple Watch. Get your dick out.

Why don't you come on this dish? It's sound, I mean, I know it's different, but it's basically, I think last week, did we talk about the, the idea of a limp biscuit just coming on a... I think so, and the bonus. It's like, it's essentially what they were doing, but now that. they're just fucking filming it. Yeah. So there you go, guys.

While everyone's focused on AI, these guys are going old school and just jerking off. They got a whole other business model. Yeah. Wait till the AI sperm, enter the sperm racing. Nutsack. All right, let's move off to our next story here, and then we'll get to our petty beef.

But man reportedly, this is wild. It's just a really funny situation. Man reportedly couldn't spell his own fake names, plural, during Shulkal county traffic stop. If you're from this area and I'm fucking these names up

definitely did. Just fucking leave me alone. This is real. A cuntstown name our man is facing a stack of charges following a recent traffic stop in Shulkal.

What kind of town? Was it Kuntstown? What position? What position did you play? Kutz town? Kutztown in Shihalukul during which he couldn't spell and remember his own fake names.

Court records show I'm going to, from now on I'm going to call it C. County. Court records show that on August 27th, police in Oweigsburg, is this? Dr. Seuss Bar!

No wonder he can't remember any names. No one can't. People that named him can't. He's like, Hanskinvig! He's like, our language is a joke! Yeah. And so is my name. Name. Me.

He received a report from an off-duty officer regarding a vehicle with an obnoxious exhaust sound. Which also ironically sounded like the county. It was the same way the exhaust sounded. You'll definitely hear it when you see it, the off-duty officer said. In the area of herb in North Warren streets, oh, that's easy.

Police indeed heard what is described as a loud, constant growl emanating from a vehicle as it drove by. A traffic stop was initiated on the vehicle, a gold Saturn. That's funny. Who's driving Saturn still? Because whenever I see one out there, I'm like, who are you? Didn't realize that was still on the road. Yeah.

So if you drive a Saturn, please ride in, I would like to know you. After stopping the driver, got out of the vehicle, began walking around a house in the area. Not a good sign. Do you live here? Who are you? Excuse me, what? Do you live here? I don't know.

Do I? I don't know. I just got out here. Yeah. The driver was later identified as 46-year-old Christopher Michael McCray. But apparently it would take a bit of trying to reach that point. according to the police affidavit. So here you go.

So police say they asked McCrae for his driver's license, vehicle registration, and proof of insurance. McCrae reportedly said he didn't have that on him and asked why he'd been stopped. The issue of the exhaust with the reason for the stop. McCrae responded that he was fixing a car and taking it for a test drive. Okay, the lies just beginning. Police then asked him to identify himself, and he reportedly answered, John Matlin. That's so different. Matlin.

He's just looking around John. Looked at his welcome Matt Lawn. Yep. Asked for his day to birth. He's quoted saying, what is it? 9.272. Police later learned that it's actually November 20th, 1978. No record was found of John Matlin, born September 20th, 1972.

Police say they returned to the vehicle after that unsuccessful search for McCray's fake identity. McCray was inspecting under a rocker panel of the vehicle at the moment. He goes, oh shit, you guys. still here? What? I gave you my name. What else? God, it throws his tools down.

Pling, Ling, Ling, Ling. What do you want? So they asked him to spell his name. The officer said, he said, hey, I just want to make sure I got it right here. So, M-A-T-L-O-N-E, and McCray responded, O-N. What are you spelling? What is it?

The officer responded, M-A-T-L-O-N-E. McCray said, yeah. police say he then intentionally read back the incorrect date of birth to him which September 21st, ID 72 and McCray said 72 that's all falling

apart. Yeah. Police then let on that they knew that was not McCray's current birthday. The driver was then told that he was under official investigation at this point. We're just getting started. McCray was then asked to write down his name and date of birth on a piece of paper. He did so, but the writing was

completely illegible. Like, you could not read it. Illeligible. Illeligible. Police asked him to try again, but print it. That too. Illeligible. This happened a third time, and again, he failed to write his name, legible.

The next time... My hands just hurt, dude. I'm fixing shit. I'm fixing this rocker panel. Fuck! The next time McCray gave police, the last name was Rarden. Rorden. He said it was his middle name.

Police asked him to write that name down on paper and reportedly warned him that failing to provide his proper name and date of birth a result or his arrest. Once again, the writing was unable to be read, police said. So they had to spell out his name. Well, the name he was now using as his own. He spelled out J-O-H-N-R-N-D-M-A-T-E-N-M-A-T-E-N-R-M-R-M-R-M-M-R-M-M-R-M-M-R-M-M-R-M-M-R-M-M-R-M-R-M-R-M-R-M-R-M-R-M-R-M-R-M-R-M- Macrae was spelling out Ronned. He reportedly enunciated it as Rindal, police say. For his last name, now he's pronouncing as Madeline. And that name came back empty too. So at this point, McCray is just sitting on the

curb during the traffic stop and he was once asked to get to spell his name. And he said, Randale, and then spelled out R-O-N-D and was taken into custody. R-O-E. All right, get off. He's like, too fucking, you guys. During the search for this person,

police said they found a cigarette pack from one of his pants pockets inside the pack police found a small baggie that contained a substance that later tested positive for meth. You don't say! Didn't see that one coming. My favorite part of this is he was just sitting on the

curb and like he started like crying and moaning to himself. He was sitting down an unnatural and uncomfortable position and that his left arm was perpendicular across his lap holding it to his right elbow. His right arm was extended

to his right ear and his right wrist at 90 degrees It's like a broken fucking Barbie doll is what I'm seeing Police say that McCray was also

emitting a low high-pitched wine similar to that of a crying dog and he would also twitch for periods of 20 to 30 seconds Good God

Just going R-O and D Dude that guy was F math McRay during a sobriety testing

was still whining and also mimicked a state trooper's finger movement during one of the exams. Fuck. He's like, following my eyes. He's going, follow. They went on to find drugs, weapons, two other bags of pot. Anyway, he fucked that whole thing up. Just pictures. Like, he came in with such confidence.

And he's just like, he's like, yeah, yeah, here's my name. Just go, yeah, whatever, go run it. He's like, getting back to work. He's just like, you guys are fucking here. And he just, in his brain, he's like, oh, God. He just made it all. Even when that first lie. It seemed like he still somewhat had it together.

Yeah. And then by the end of it, he's just like, eh. By the end of it, he's like in a broken doll thing, whining and mocking people. Yeah. What does this happen? What the fuck? You almost had me.

Rondale? You could have gotten away with that. But you fucked it. All right. Let's move off to Petty Beef. We got to get in here. Zach. Silence in the court.

You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom. where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. All right. You want to read this, Weller?

Sure. Okay. Out Petty Beef for this week coming in from our daughter, Teddy. Hi, Teddy. What's up, my dudes? Hello. Here's some Petty Beef for you. I'm not sure if you already read this one.

Or if you're ready for this one. Should we throw this one in the text generator and see if it does? Yeah. Just save you some trouble today? Okay. God. I said, what did I say? Not sure if you've read this one on a show.

This might suck, but we're going to give it a ride. What's up, my dudes? Here's some petty beef for you. Not sure if you were ready for this one. When I give my boyfriend a slobby slob he won't kiss me after until I brush my teeth. Now, this doesn't matter if I swallow or not. He says it's gross and weird. But when he eats the clam I am not the same way and will kill him immediately after.

For some reference, I have dated both genders and he seems to be the only one with this issue. Is this normal? I tell him to suck it up all the time but he doesn't listen. I just trick him into kissing me, rolling on the floor a laughing emoji, smiley face emoji, rolling on the floor a laughing emoji. Help me. P.S. Brian, I don't proofread my shit yo. If there is typos get the fuck over IT. I am that girl who will type how I speak for authenticity. Respect the way I talk slash type jerk. Zach, I hate how you spell your name. Fix it. Joe, you haven't wronged me yet. Keep doing. and you, yo. Keep angry, you're confused daughter. Teddy.

Okay. Not bad, AI. Yeah, not whatever you are. A.I. From the 90s? Yeah. O.G. AI. Yeah, no shit.

All right. So, boyfriend won't kiss after getting some head. I mean, that's the least you could do. Where do you guys sit? Suck it up. Suck what up. No, maybe not that right term there. Yeah.

Not after just talking about sperm racing. Yeah, I don't give a shit, actually. Yeah. I think if she's going... I know where I've been. Yeah, if she's going down there to do all that, the least you could do is give her a kiss. Give her a kiss. Now, what type of kiss?

Normal kissing. Like licking tongues. Yeah, I guess so. Okay. I agree. I'm in. I mean, I guess it depends if she's got come in her mouth. Yeah, if I'm tasting it, I don't know if I want to taste it.

Like, did she go, if she's going to spit it, did she go spit it? Did she go spit it in the sink and then come back, or did she come in her mouth and she swallowed it, but there's still jizz remnants. Yeah, there's still a little glaze, an inner glaze. I don't want any calories if I'm kissing her, if I guess that's what I mean. I want to burn calories, not gain them. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I guess it's the last thing that, I mean, do people do that after, like how? Yeah, it's called snowballing.

That's like spitting in the mouth and stuff, isn't it? I don't know. I think that's what I just tried to pull out a cool term. Yeah, I think it is, but I think any sort of kissing after coming in the mouth. I thought that was like snowballing. Well, at the truck stop last year. That's not what the guy in the truck stop shop shop has to have a name. Why does everything have to happen at a truck stop?

Why is you always coming my mouth? What's going on? Woo! So we're all, I mean, I'm fine. Okay, what if you come in the mouth and she swallows it? Are you still kissing her after? Yeah. Like, it doesn't weird me out.

Like, I don't care. If she, I'm not going down, maybe not going down there, like, give a kiss. I'm not going down there. Where are you? No, I mean, like, I'm, I mean, are you on a ladder? I'm not, I'm not, like. I'm not coming all the way down there. If you come up here, I'll kiss you.

And you're just like, with naked with your pants off on the top part of a ladder you're not supposed to stand on. Just fucking half a wreck come. I'll kiss you if you come up here. I'm not coming down there. No way, Jose. I'm on my cum ladder. Just proudly standing there with your pants down. Not coming down there.

Yeah. Nope. You know what I have to stand here on my cum ladder. I'm not coming down to kiss you. This is my cum ladder. You know how this works. No, I mean, I'm probably not going to initiate the kiss, but if she's wanting to kiss you, I mean, there's probably the least you could do.

I mean, you had that happen where you're like, oh, she's kind of. Coming in, okay. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah, you don't dodge it. Like a weirdo. You got something in your teeth there.

That's a day, bitch. What's that in your teeth? My peeps? Woo. But going back to what... Her issue. Later on, she said... Well, it's the clam thing.

I am not the same way. I am not the same way. I am not the same way and would kill him. I'm guessing she meant kiss him. We'll kill... Oh. Kiss him immediately after. Yeah.

Get him. Yeah, get him. You just get him. And I'm keeping my name, by the way, the way it is. I guess, let me, let me, let me try to give him the benefit of the doubt here for a second. He has gross cum. Yeah. So, like, overly thick pudding cum.

Right. Viscous. So, like, I guess the, maybe the difference is, like, you're licking down there, you're, down her in a clam, you're eating some clam soup. Yep. So there might be some, like, tasty stuff or, like, but with, if you're fucking, Kim, and then now you're like you have a mouth full of jizz that's a little different yeah yeah she's just holding it like a little cum chipmunk yeah i'm against that yeah she also

said in this thing that she's dated both jeners and probably has had this experience a lot and he's the only one he seems like the outlier well i mean you just talked to us three yeah we've never we've never talked about kissing after coming in each other's mouths we just do it all right oh yeah no but we just unknowingly said we do it like it's fine not going to stop it so she's not wrong I feel like just based off the sample audience he's not in the normal

does he not know where he's been is he just that grossed out by it grossed my jeez he's like you can have AIDS I don't want it it's kind of weird we can't both have AIDS if someone if you're if you're what are you do about the kids yeah only one of us can die

of AIDS if you're if you're letting if that person's willing to go down but you're not willing to go up yeah yeah exactly you don't deserve you're not willing to climb the cum ladder do you even deserve a kiss that's what daddy's to always say it's that's weird now that I think about it's gonna write that you're not willing to climb the come the come ladder to me is hilarious because it's like what are you doing up there it's the only way it's like that's how you always have to jizz I can't come unless I'm up here but I can't

Like having sex? I just can't come if I'm not five feet off the ground. Yeah, I got to, you like, you have to maneuver yourself onto a ladder. Yeah. And I'm not going to come to the morning again. You bring a ladder into the massage parlor. Excuse me. It's the only way I can come.

What did you? You guys do happy ladders? Do you guys do happy endings five feet off the ground? Are you walking with a ladder? Yeah, you walk in with your ladder. You're like, oh, hey, quick question. Do you guys do happy endings five feet off the ground? They're like, yeah, you're like, sweet.

And you just put your ladder out. You climb in bed? You walk in over with it. Once I gets stuck, it's a little bent, you bang it down. Like, okay. All the different things that it takes to set up a ladder. They have the ones where you have to put the little things down or the one that's like that slides up.

But it's got the little hooks so you got to go up to go down. Ready to jizz. And adjusting the feet out. You have the little legs that are, they hang there. And you get to kick them out so they're flat on the ground. The no slippies. Yeah. Um, yeah, I don't know.

I think just have a talk with him and ask what is so weirded out. Like, why is he so weirded out by it? And then spit cum right in his fucking mouth. Tadda! What's a magic show I want to go to? Or whatever. Yeah, I think maybe we need to sit in on this and just kind of see. Yeah.

We'll get you guys some plane tickets. All right. Come on in the studio. I got to see this all in action. Yeah. It'd be great. It makes it easier for me to come up with a ruling. Yeah. If there's, like, you know, photo evidence and things like that.

Gotcha. I don't actually send in photo evidence. We don't want to get in trouble. Thank you. The lawyer and me just said, she just takes a picture or so on the podcast. He just like, this is the okay, Gassah. Would you kiss me?

Yeah. I kiss me. I kiss me. Hopefully that helped, Teddy. So now at least you know, he is definitely in the minority. Just have a conversation with him And then it's come in his mouth Alright next

I want to need a lot So you're telling me there's a chance Hooray We aren't doomed Yeah All right I don't need yours already So we covered

A heart attack That was just on last week's episode Did we? Yep And we got another heart attack For good things Heart attacks I can't think of a better place

To have a heart attack We do need a call doctor We need a doctor on call to answer all these doctor-related things that we got here. Oh, I thought you meant just on here in case someone has a heart attack here. Oh, yeah. We just talk about so many medical issues. Are we going to do this into our 60s in the show? And then, like, what if one of us dies of a heart attack?

Like, we need a doctor, Phil. Or something. Dr. Phil. What are you thinking? We got Tancredi. I mean, given who we are as people and the content of the show, do you think we have a whole lot of doctors to pick from in our listening audience? I know of one in the scatcasts world. He's a great guy.

No, I know doctors. They have the darkest sense. humor. Yeah, they do. Virginia man's miracle survival after massive heart attack crashed his car and cardiologist's doorstep. Fuck yeah. If we could all be so lucky. If you're going to plow into some... Yep. So about a month ago, a guy in Virginia Beach driving had a heart attack despite working out regularly, luckily the spot where his car crashes right next to the Centara cardiologist office who ran outside and took swift action. Now, Jeff Garasi is sharing his story so others aren't taken by surprise so suddenly, potentially deadly heart issues.

Jeff says he has a second lease on life, especially given how serious the heart attack was. My widow maker, the lower arterior descending artery, was he's talking like a doctor. Yeah, he is. Holy shit. Look at him. We get one heart attack. And all of a sudden, you're talking like a genius. It was 95% blocked.

In the upper part, he forgot the name of that. Hmm, the one, the higher, the upper, the up one. He, he nailed the lower arterial descending artery. He had to go deeper and they're like, he's like, 95%. And then the fucking other one was 90% blocked on the lower part, he said. So Jeff was driving home after working out at a Orange Theory fitness in the hilltop section of Virginia Beach when suddenly he stopped breathing. The confusion when I woke up with things in my arm, fucking what a time machine, dude. you're just like

listening to it listening to the new Lincoln Park Hang out loosely Don't let go Don't let go He's like Ruhn

Like please just peel it out He's like Fuck yeah Today's awesome And he just wakes up Hell of a workout I'm unstoppable And then just wakes up in a hospital

The people doing the floor right now are probably like What the fuck is happening downstairs um so confusion woke up things in my arm people running around it was like a dream a muddled dream and foggy i asked the nurse what happened and he said you have a heart attack you crashed your car jesus dude like what yeah no but he's oh my god you see like what happened he goes you have heart attack you crash car thanks doc like a little more loving would be great yeah yeah like i know this must be like this must be a lot for you right

now. So here's what happened. You have heart attack. You crash car. You lay still. You lucky be here alive. People I love die. You live. Why? Who's God? What is God? It makes no sense. Where is God now? None of this makes any sense. You're lucky. I fuck.

This is fuck. I am go. Thank you. Nurse. This is fuck. I am go. A 64-year-old financial plan I remember is exercising on the rowing machine, lifting some weights, followed by some time on the treadmill. Hmm. Hold on the hell of a little workout there. I sat in the car because something didn't quite feel right. God, I can relate to this because this is what happened to me.

I worked out, and I was driving back when I got in the car to go home, not knowing that COVID was about to kick the shit out of me and changed my life. That's exactly what happened to me. I was sitting there. Something just isn't right. I was sitting there and my heart rate didn't go back down. And then it just started like skipping beats. And I was like, oh, God. It had to make the decision right then.

I was like, do I get home and be around people and drive this car? Which I guess in hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have. But luckily it worked out. But instead, I just got on the phone and talked to my ex-wife while I drove home and then walked in and then I guess woke up to paramedics. So that was cool. Fun! COVID! You could have crashed into a building.

Five out of five stars. Yeah, next to a COVID testing site. They're like, you have it. Not helpful! In a hazmat suit? Yeah. This is fuck, I am gone. Yeah, it didn't feel right.

So, sitting there, close my eyes for a few minutes, but instead, I decided to drive home. He was driving down. No one cares. Had a heart attack, crossing over multiple lanes of traffic. Didn't hit any cars on the busy roadway before running into a sign of a nearby business. Shortly after, his vehicle came to a stop in the parking lot. It just happened to be that he crashed right near the medical office of Dr. Deepak Talregia, a chief of cardiology for the send, Deepak. Sintera Health.

He hurt the crash, ran out, and he immediately started working on him. Saved his life. So that's that's the hurry. We're not doomed. Guy has heart attack. No one gets hurt and happens to crash into a cardiology building. And they save his life. Pretty lucky.

Yep. What if that guy just? Like wasn't working that day. Yeah. He was on lunch break. Yeah. Like, you're not going to believe this.

He goes, I don't. Click. Do not disturb. Goes back to his chick flay. Hmm. This better be important. Yeah.

Can I just get fucking 20 minutes where he's like, licking the soft oven. Hello. It better be good. And then they're like, you're not going to believe this. Someone goes, Don't care.

Click. Click. well don't you understand about lunch Vanessa click turn off phone turn off notifications that's a nice segue for our next thing you ready for it yeah Zach please be so kind the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what I found yes that's awesome This picture looks so sad. Which one is it?

The raccoon laying there. Oh, you're clicking on the raccoon one? Oh, I was doing the other one. Oh, never mind. That had to do with phones. Oh, do it. Do that one? That was my segue.

How the fuck do you think we're getting to raccoons? Oh, shit. I didn't. Jesus. This is a nice thing like, yeah, it is. Speaking of raccoons. I didn't scroll far enough. Whoops.

God damn it. Look what I found. A dead raccoon. Perfect segue. So this doesn't happen very often. and but a lot of people out there like you just kind of you live by yourself kids go to school and you'll lose shit we're all human did you guys know that there's a website out there it's called call my last or call my lost phone.com I did not that's all it is okay you can set like a time

frame I'm guessing because it would also work great just for annoying your friends so do you want to put in your your phone number then not really because I I'll do it because I'm out of pussy All this seems like is more fucking span calls that I'm going to get. I will tell you that I already did this already. Don't show my screens, Zach. That'd be a bummer. It won't hurt to put your number. So right now, and I'm going to click call me.

So let's make it ring. So if I were to lose my phone, okay, now it's ringing. Let's turn on the ringer. Oh, I can't do it at the same time. Okay, let's just pick it up. See what happens here. Oh, is this working? This is not a great tech demo.

It was. I could hear it. This reminds me of like when Bill Gates was showing off Windows 98 and it crashed. So I'm not doing a good job of selling this. Or the bulletproof cyber truck. Yes. So just put that up there with not a great tech demonstration. But if you live by yourself and no one's around and you need to find your phone,

you can go to call my lost phone.com, enter your number, and it will call it. So that way you don't lose it. How many spam calls will you get after that? I did this a week ago, and I haven't gotten any. So that's good. It's coming. Maybe it just removed me from the call list. It's coming.

Yeah, just threatened it. All right, you ready to move on? Let's hear from some of the kits. Let's fucking do it. Yeah. Zach, thank you. Hey, you guys. All right, let's hear what you guys think.

Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. You don't be crazy as if that, if it's some weird way you did put your number in there. Yeah. And it did go. through and just removed every number. It take you off all the call-ness.

Dude, how sick would that be? Instead of just coming up with endless technology to combat robocalls, just come up with something to delete it all immediately. That'd be great. All right, you ready? I'll read this first one. It looks like we're going to be victims of the Mandela effect. Although I think

there's a lot of that out there. Yeah, it's him. This is set there by our son Adam. He says, hey, daddy's and Uncle Zach. I'm glad to be finally caught up on episodes and can reply episodes that are current. Hell you. I'm a non-official goose, but have been a listener for a very long time.

Well, thank you so much for your support. I'm listening to Inside Out Goose Men, Traffic, Airplane, Pasta. And you mentioned Ed McMahon. What's his name again? Ed McMahon, yeah. Yeah. Ed McMahon, the public, for publisher clearinghouse with his big-ass checks. I was happy that you remember that.

I'm sure you know about the Mandela effect and all the bullshit that they're trying to tell us is untrue. This is one of those. My favorite Mandela effect is that Fruit of the Loom never had a cornucopia in their logo. Fuck, they didn't. I know. And that Shazam wasn't actually a movie. A fuck it wasn't.

And Shaquille O'Neal wasn't in it. Fuck he, it wasn't. They are saying that Ed McMahon never worked for PCH and we did not realize that he worked for a different company that we've never heard of. Don't believe me? Google that shit. And this is what you'll find. He's a little AI summary. Ed McMahon was never affiliated with Publishers's Clearing House.

How fuck he wasn't. He was a spokesperson for. American Family Publishers, a competitor of PCH, that ran similar sweepstakes, and is now defunct. The two companies were often confused. Let that sink in, and I hope to hear you discuss this on the next episode. I'm sure there are a lot of us goosees that will get triggered in a discussion if it hasn't happened on the previous discussion board. Anyways, keep the last coming to my ear holes on my commute from Beautiful Spirit Lake, Idaho. Ooh, I used to go to Spirit Lake when I was younging.

To beautiful Cortal Lane, Idaho. Both of those are beautiful. And maybe someday, I'll share my poop story on the Hiawatha Trail. You don't see that one in the advertisements. No, you don't. You can see about how beautiful it is,

not about Adam's shit story, his Skidmark trail. To all the younger gooses that say they will never shit their pants as an adult, just remember you are not a man until you do. Yeah. Sexy goose Hank, and I'm out.

It's supposed to be honked, but Hank's fine. Hank. Hank. I hope my grammar was good enough for Blyin to read this if he does. Sent from my butt. I didn't read it, so. So there you go. It was good enough.

Oh, good stuff. Hell yeah. Yeah, Adam, thank you for his support. And yeah, I don't even remember that other publisher thing even existing. Uh-uh. Ed McMahon was. Probably right, though. He has to be.

That's how this thing works, yeah. I know. We just, we tie him to the main one that we remember, but he actually was not a part of that at all. Crazy. Somebody broke the world. Is that true? Yeah. Do we confirm that?

Yeah. I confirm your mom. All right, you want to read the next one? You can do it. Our second email is coming from our son, Joe, who really helps us put the whole airplane pasta. Saying we covered a few weeks ago into perspective. Okay.

Hey, fellas. Just listening to the last episode and everyone was going off on a lady making pasta on the plane. I just flew from Europe to the states with my two-year-old, and he was puked all over me. My wife and... Why am I reading? I don't know.

My wife in the sweater... Why am I reading? Why am I reading? Not the voice. I can't even... Why am I doing it? Why am I reading? Oh.

I was actually reading better with the voice, so I'm going to go back to it. Okay. My wife and the sweater of the lady next to us. That lady for sure wishes we were just making pasta and maybe spilled a little flower on her sweater instead. Spetter? On her sputter? Oh, I'm wearing a suffered waller's shirt underneath this one, by the way. Oh, that looks good.

Yeah. Just want to make sure you saw that. Is that a pocket? No pocket? Print on the pocket on this guy. Gets print on the pocket. Suffered Warris. You see it.

Available now at can you know pockets.com. Segway. Raccoon. The man next to her who is dry heaving because of the smell probably also the guy in your plane. Yeah.

Because the smell also would have chosen the pasta and flour. Good news was the flight was only an hour and a half long. The bad news besides all the throw-up everywhere was that we had

10-hour flight to catch after that thanks Joe that really does put it in perspective I feel like I would be so annoyed if you were rolling pasta on your little pasta shaper next to me while I'm flying I would take that over a baby rancid baby

throw up all over me I wonder if people thought about the thing here just hear me out real quick I'll do it if you if every situation you're in people put things into perspective so let's say for instance

you're like you go to the doctor and they're like you have hepatitis and you're like fucking and then and immediately what everyone does is like how am I going to deal with hepatitis what if you immediately just went like well he said I don't have AIDS

and then hepatitis beating sounds so bad yeah like what if you just did that if like if you were actually able to do that in every situation it's a good practice on life on how to achieve happiness hi you have terminal brain

cancer. Oh, man. At least your sister didn't die. That's good perspective. So at least there's that. All right.

So that's episode. hope you guys had fun today something you want to see on the show email that into hey guys at can you don't podcast.com honkathon goal number two has been complete we will get

Brian in to get his fucking eyes tested ASAP get a video recorded share that with you guys keep working on it keep honking keep thonin

because as we grow that thing we'll be adding more and more goals but the support so far has been amazing right and review us wherever you listen to your podcast head over to scatcast.com at a scat with a k tickets on sale now for the can you scat fest that we're doing november first at state line at cruisers in state line Idaho Idaho not the details we'll be there we're talking doing a little form thing doing jar if you're familiar with what the hell

that is over in the scatcast world but again tickets on sale right now so we'd love to see you November 1st, go check out the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook. Still, to this day, it is a miracle that we have not been shut down, but we're still going. I keep seeing notifications that are like, dude. They're just going. At this point, it's like, we're just disappointed. Yeah. It's like, how have they not shut it down?

You keep saying you're going to. And a big part of it is that the babysitters are kicking ass in there. So thanks to all of you that babysit the playground. All right, let's wrap this baby up. Zach. Do it! Good God. Wrap it up already, huh?

And speaking of getting eyes checked, did you guys know that every sea in Pacific Ocean is pronounced differently? I actually did know that. Pacific, oh shit. What the fuck are we doing with this language? Let me just since you mentioned that,

just the other night I sent a text to my sister to myself. That said this. Get reading lessons. So when the mayor was clinched the AL West the other night I few days later I was talking to my sister and she was like Why are you crying? She said she goes well when that happened she's like all she can think about is that my dad wasn't there

And that how probably sucked for me I was like yeah I cried like a baby when it happened And then I said I didn't want to reach out though thought it might be too tough And then I looked back on the sentence, and there's the word, though, T-H-O-U-G-H-T. The next word, thought, T-H-O-U-G-H-T, it might be too tough. T-O-U-G-H. One of them is a though, O sound. One of us an a ought, and the other one is an uff.

And they're spelled exactly the same. What are we doing? That's a disaster. All those words were in the same sentence and they pronounced differently and they're spelled exactly the same. Hooked on phonics more like hooked on fuck this. You know what I mean? We're just inventing too many words.

You look at languages like Spanish where they just, they use N or S and it means in, at, on, all those things. Just context. It just means, depending on the context, it means every one of them. But no, we have to have a different fucking word for everything. I know. I thought it's even more important that we're going to get you in there. Get those eyes checked.

Let me just set you on the path of success. So you can see the ground when we're in that hot air balloon. Yeah. Being 4K, baby. Oh, perfect timing. Yeah, it is. Knock knock. Hold on.

Giants home. Okay, great. All right. Let's wrap this thing up. Off to the bonus stuff. All right. See you later. I'm going to go to.

Bye, bye, bye, bye. I'm going to be.