Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Farm Noises. Dry Toes. Violence. Shipwreck.

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

IT'S SIMPLE. DO YOU WANT A GUN AND DRY TOES, OR NO GUN AND WET TOES?! Let's talk about that, how much would it cost to have a peacock as a pet, trying to convince your partner that your favorite show isn't more violent than her favorite show, talking in a cartoon character's voice during sexy time, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/AdM184-7GVYSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Farm noises, dry toes, violence, shipwreck. Brian and I did something! What did we do? We played catch! Oh yeah, we did. Forgot. No, no. That was fun.

We both love baseball, and we have mitts and balls. And so, I guess I answered the door and handed you a mitt today, and you knew exactly what to do. I walked right up, and I was starting to knock, and the hair on my knuckle hit the door and the door swung open and i have a mitt in my chest fuck i guess we're doing that brother play a little catch that was fun anyway let it rip a little bit oh god what you got there well this is a knife you're not gonna try to take that on an airplane are you no one would take shit for me if i walked into tsa with this fucking machete i mean what what and what size does it turn into a machete this size a little bit bigger that's bigger that's a knife that's

not a knife that's a knife yeah so anyway we were obviously packing a bunch of shit up and then what is that whale whale bone whale bone a whale bone knife yeah that thing is i don't know i don't know what's worse the blade or the fucking handle to get hit with. The spiky antler handle. It looked like a bear tooth sewed onto the sheath. Yeah. The wharf. The wharf.

A lot of body parts on that knife. Cassie and I were just losing our shit out to dinner. Saying wharf to each other. The wharf. Wharf. We need a wharf to each other. The wharf. Wharf. We need a... Your face looks like that Jurassic Park one thing when they take the bottom half of his jaw off. Oh.

And it says Jurassic Park. Wharf. Did I already say episode 152? No. Okay, well, fuck yeah, dude. Feels good. Sunshine's out. Support us on Patreon.

Patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Remember, you can gift Patreon to a loved one or an enemy. Doesn't matter. That might be more better. Yeah. Send in all your content suggestions to the following email address. Hey, guys, at can you don't podcast.com. Joe.

Joe. Send them in, Joe. Send them to the call. Hey, guys, at can you don'tcast.com. Joe. Joe. Send them in, Joe. Send them to the... Hey, guys, at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com. Joe. Kootenai County. We have some new merch. We have a shirt that just says,

What's next? Oh, what's next? And then another shirt that just says, It says, Just Let Me Fat. Just Let Me Fat. God, those are good times. I just want to fat. Yep, yep.

You Crisco fat dick dick And we did send off We're not saying exactly what it is We're assuming that Mike will take some pictures Just a reminder that he chose To have us sign something And send it to him So we did just that And it's shipped off

And they were like Yeah this is what it's going to cost Jesus Christ fuck Never mind this. Yeah, you just smash it cancel the merch giveaway here I will I won't describe what what we got or what we did with it But well, I will say it was a little embarrassing to take that into the UPS store Yeah, and and ship it off. Yeah, you know cuz And the guy was a true pro, but he had to be looking at it going,

what the fuck? I don't like you. Yeah. I don't trust you, buddy. What am I doing with this? They've got to see weirder shit being sent around. Yeah. Sometimes you've got to remember that,

but it's hard to remember in the moment. It is. Zach, you have some scat cards. I do. To promote. So we have a picture here yeah it has a bunch of characters that's most of them that's most of the characters and every single one of them has a card if not multiple cards this time just like not youtube these are just the fictional people in

my brain oh and it's growing number of them so every time i meet you i feel like i'm talking to a new character what do you know? So these cards are available now Where? Skycast.com in our merch store, of course There's three different ways you can do it I think by the time this comes out The VIP, where you get your name on the back of card 151 Is probably done

You can spend $16.99 or $24.99, I think And you can get yourself a tin Or what we call a slapper pack Slapper And that's got two packs of 151 cards in it $24.99, I think. And you can get yourself a tin or what we call a slapper pack. Slapper. And that's got two packs of 151 cards in it. $16.99? Are you out of your mind? I am out of my mind, yes.

He just mentioned all the characters. What was that commercial for? Do you remember that? I don't know. $1.99? Are you out of your mind? I hear it, but I have no idea what it was for. Let's just get the show rolling.

Yeah. Let's just get moving forward. Zach you push the button hey shut up start the show already how's your uh denny's the grand slap the grand slam breakfast that's what it was from yeah fuck yeah oh i see yeah it's still just 199 are you out of your mind crazy two eggs two i thought it was way cooler than that yeah in my head i vision like a lot of really ripping yeah you just played it so much it's in there yeah it's in your neural pathways yeah that's uh you know how you always play it up a little bit more than it deserves. Yep. I remember that commercial, Never Fake the Funk on a Nasty Dunk.

That lives in my brain and it was epic. Alright, well, you were doing some internet stuff this week. What'd you pull out of there? Yeah, I wanted to, sometimes I'll just search for like, naughty would-you-rathers. Ooh. Big tits.

Big tit threesome sex. Cum covered milf threesome sex. Would you rather tit fuck or boob slap? Would you rather jizz on my cum slap? Cum slap jizz or tit fuck milf teen? Enter. Milf teen. I don't know.

Yeah, that's funny. He's putting an or in there. Yeah. AnF teen. I don't know. Yeah, that's funny. He's putting an or in there. Yeah. An or on a porn search? Yeah. You're like, big dick or big boob. Yeah. Just give me the best of the.

That's funny. I never thought about that. Maybe if you're lucky, they'll give you a big dick in big boobs. Red headed, big titty fuck or. Come couch guzzle fucker. Enter. And then it's like, what am I gonna get? The Mr. Miyagi.

Let's do it. What did you find in your naughty adventure? This one just, it was, I tweaked it a little bit just to fit the show, but it makes me giggle, think about. Alright, since we like to talk about sex on this show, but it makes me giggle, think about. All right. Since we like to talk about sex on this show. Yeah, sex is cool.

It's fun. Yeah. Can be. Can be. Not always, but it can be. It can be a little depressing sometimes. We had very let down sex not too many days ago. All my fault.

Like super fast cum. Like 15 seconds. Couldn't even stop it. What happened? I don't know. You didn't have like round two or anything? It was just everyone laughed and we just stopped. Everyone had a good laugh and we turned the game show network back on.

Come too fast or go to dinner. Well, the faster you come the more the earlier bird dinner you can get there you go what not out of your mind my dad always said yeah yeah quicker you come quicker you can get out to dinner listen babe we can have i can prematurely ejaculate or we go get a grand slam which-hmm she's your choice grand slam for sure yeah yeah super let down sex anyway back to you um yeah anyway so this one is makes makes me giggle and think about it um would you rather only be able to make farm noises or or like tractor you're making like fence fence post pounder noises every time you every time you thrust it just

king king is that in deep enough is it gonna hold is that gonna hold Every time you thrust, it's just, King! King! Is that deep enough? Is it going to hold? Is it going to hold? Because the rainy season's coming. You're going to get wet. King! Farm noises, and it's just like a peaceful like... You just hear a tumbleweed rolling by. You're doing like ASMR

and all that shit. Yeah, that would be annoying sex get the fuck out of my ear like wow wind's really picking up out there the rustling of some of like fucking uh spurs like a cowboy walking into town with some spurs clinking that is has that uh comedy sketch been done you know the the foliage what are they called foliage foliage foliage yeah them but they're sitting off to the side of a like two a couple having sex and they have to recreate all the

sounds just having fucking like hitting sandals together. Oh, follies, follies, follies. Yeah. Yes. That I forgot. I forgot the word foliage. Like the plants. No,

like you add the sound to the movie. Yeah. So those dudes are sitting off to the side with their little, all their little tray of side whistle. But the scene itself is dead They have like a They're just watching intently And like opening and closing a door

So it's like I thought you were like Painting for gold there for a second I don't know what they do I'm just thinking that'd be really funny You'd have to get like Like macaroni and cheese or something Yeah, you're like stirring it

You're dipping your sandals In macaroni and cheese and slapping them together? Gross. Making the perfect sound. You guys are high like, like the two dudes that are doing it have their headphones on and like are nodding at each other. Does that sound good to you? Oh, it sounds perfect. Yeah, he just gives you one of these.

Yeah, yeah. While he's like hitting his bare thigh with a sandal full of mac and cheese. And they're both like, whoa, yeah, this is realistic. Anyway, so farm animal noises. Yeah, that's just a little insight to Hollywood there for you. Yeah. In case you were farm noises. Okay.

Farm animal noises. Is the truck going to start? Yeah. We're on the farm. No, it's not. Just hitting her from behind. Give me more gas. And then.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And then the sound of a door opening and the hood going. And a cowboy going, fucking God damn it. Yeah, the hood opening up and the clicking of the little hook to hold the hood open. Oh, God. Farm noises. So dumb. Okay, so farm animals.

Gates opening and shutting. Anyway, yes. What's for dinner? Hey! You're doing all of it While she's just laying there She's just having sex going Need more gas Need more gas

I came, did you? need more gas need more gas king i came did you uh anyway can we get past this part yeah let's get past it yeah let's get past it again and we could just switch it to that hey how about we just do that okay we'll see if the other one's not funny well i mean this is going to be, it's similar. It's animal noises. Okay. So like any animal you hear on a farm.

Yeah. Which now I think the farm noises might be funnier. It's just farm noises. Let's just do that in general. Farm noises. This is the best reading. This turned into the, like your reading skills just turned into one of the best parts of the show.

Yeah. Yeah. So what we're changing it to just sounds you hear on a farm. In general. Now you sound like the Game Show Network. And 20 seconds and go. Clang.

Okay, so farm noises or Spongebob character voices. So this is all during sex. Squidward! Is it in yet? Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! ! Oh! Oh!! Oh!!! Yeah, there's Mr. Krabs. Let's just change it to, since we changed farm noise, let's just change it to cartoon character noise. So any cartoon character. It could be Yosemite the Sam. He's like, whoa, I'm going to give it to you real good. Whatever shit he yells. I say, I say, that's a real good titty.

Foghorn Langhorn. Yeah. And then there's the all-time sexual assault uh pepe le pew he's just a he's just a uh god that'd be the worst like i mean whatever i'm just thinking in general if the person you're having sex with has like a cartoon character voice kink and like not only do you have to perform sexually, but you also have to bring your impersonations to the fucking bedroom.

That'd be awful. You're already just trying to not come in 15 seconds? Yeah, exactly. And then you're gonna be like, I'm gonna kick out jizz! That's all, folks. That's all, folks. I've seen it.

Suffering. Fuck my cock. Fuck my suffering cock. And then you got like Mickey Mouse character. Yeah. Oh, make me bitch. I'm gonna come. Whoops. Wrong hole.

Whoops. Whoops. God damn it. What's that character uh uh it's from henna barbara jesus sorry scared me i had it i'm gonna be really good and again this is not the would you rather but i'm now i'm just thinking like impersonations in general, obviously. Like, I don't know why, but this one bothers me a lot. You're George W. Bush while you're fucking me. Really bugs. It really bugs me.

There's always a little chuckle. You like to put it between your titties. But I like it. Like your partner demands that you do george w yeah with that fucking eyes get out of here i hate you little squinty ass yeah it's just like the the closet lights on because you want to see but not that much yeah like you hit that stage of like you know the older you get the more like the less lights you have on in the bedroom there's just a lot of skin everywhere you don't really care for anymore.

But you have to have like a little light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're actually getting really good pounding. You're like loving it. And all of a sudden the moonlight hits you right and you just hear. And you just see him up there like.

You like what I'm doing right there? What I'm saying is you can't fool me again. Can't come again. So it's going to have to do it't fool me again. Can't come again. So it's going to have dude all first time. Can't come again. Such a terrible impression. Zach, I can't see you.

What? But I'm hoping you're laughing over there. I am. Because we both hate him. Zach always asks you to do that impression. I love that one.

Oh my God. But would you like that one pounding your ass? Nope. All right. That's just a one pounding your ass? Nope. That's just a normal question dudes ask each other. If you want to do any impressions, I've always done bubbles

and stuff like that, but I'm trying to keep it strictly to cartoons. Just because cartoons generally are really high-pitched. Woo-hoo! So bringing something like that into a like, a, ah, what's up, doc? What's up with my dick, doc? Just, like, and then the chomping of a carrot.

Yeah. Like, I just, I visualized, like, the moment being really sensual. Not, like, a full-on pounding, but like maybe some set in the mood, got a little candlelight, and just all the touchy, all the pre-stuff. All the pre-cum? All the pre-cum stuff. And then you just drop that out of nowhere. That would be awful.

Yeah, because the second it goes in, then you have to turn into this other character. Because then the sex begins. Make me, bitch! But I'm trying to think of what, as far as farm noises, what is, like... Is there any acceptable one? Because it says you have to...

Like, you can just stick to the same one. Like, I'm thinking, like, aggressive sex, you could do, like, a bowl. Yeah. Can you imagine mooing at a poor girl or just the chewing of the cud is this oh my god tell me when you're close what other fun animals are on there on a farm sheep chickens and you got yeah yeah yeah you're a bad girl bad boy yeah cock-a-doodling i don't i guess just to have

some sort of normalcy i'm gonna have to just pick a find a character that's a cartoon character and just hope it doesn't make everyone not come uh is there a character out there that like yeah i guess that is there a cartoon character that actually makes sense there's got to be just not somewhere well pepe lepew is probably because that's this whole thing is it i I will kiss you in your name. I mean, but even that would be like, she's going to giggle. Yeah. And leave you. Yeah.

So there's that. Well, you can't. I mean, you've seen Pebble of Pew. She tries to get away. I mean, I guess she does get away. But he's totally sexually assaulting her. Yeah, he's in it. You could do like Brock Sampson or something from Venture Brothers. Boys, what are you doing over there?

Yeah. That sounds like Joe from Family Guy. Hey, Peter. That's the same guy. Same guy. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Warburton or whatever his name is.

Patrick Warburton. Yeah. Boys. Hey. Oh, yeah. All right. Giggity, giggity, giggity. Full on creep again.

Hey, you like when I... Is that Peter? Yeah. It was an attempt at Peter. Oh, yeah. You like when I stick my fat belly? Does it have to be... It has to be a different character every time?

I don't know. Because you're going to hone your craft if you're picking one. Yeah. It feels like it has to be just like They just pop in And you can't even control it Just run with it I'm still picking cartoon character

Over farm noises Cause at least I can say words Patrick going back to the Spongebob thing Oh yeah It's so wet Oh Fucking Nelson from the Simpsons you're just oh kids i don't think so that's me oh what were you doing oh i see oh okay yeah sound like it i thought because at the same time yeah there

was a footstep upstairs it sounded like a kid just came in um i'm picking that i'm picking cartoon character i guess cartoon character you it could if if the other person is into it it makes a little bit more fun yeah uh because the farm animal thing is i don't know yeah it's a little much plus just the farm noise engine i still would like to explore that like Like an old, like a fucking front-end loader. So I'm pushing the throttle and the exhaust is coming off. Just yelling. Yeah. Can you just imagine playing out scenes while you're having sex?

Like you end up doing a scene from Fiefel Goes West while you're doing doggy style. Yeah. You're like Coyote and fucking Roadrunner and Coyote, but you're like trying to please. That's your character? Maybe. Well, I guess Coyote doesn't really talk except for one episode. Yeah. He did in one episode where he talks very sophisticated.

Classic. Tasmanian Devil would be kind of fun for sex. Oh, yeah. He's just down there licking away that might be a good move you never know yeah it could be a little bean the little uh little at the end fart on that bean you know what i mean i gotta vibrate the bean gotta vibrate the bean love you know what i mean you know you have to vibrate that brain you know that shirt we had on the show that that me mean, fuck, I don't know, half a year ago now where it says, I remember I got my clip pierced at Claire's.

Yeah. Still funny. All right, I'm picking cartoon characters. Samesies. Okay. Brian. What are you picking? I'm going to go animals.

Okay. Yeah, fine. Just because. Just to mix it up. Just to mix it up a little bit. Just to be a bad Okay. Yeah. Fine. Just to mix it up. Just to be a bad boy. Yeah. Yeah, I've always wanted to be a cowboy. All right, Zach, let's do the next thing.

Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? I don't know.

I'm not even sure if I did a good job of explaining this gigantic knife. You moved on pretty quick. I was pretty disappointed. So I have this giant knife. And the reason it's in the studio is because we're packing the fucking house up. And you just find things that you don't remember having. So that was one of the things that Cassie has picked up along her life journey. So anyway, there's a lot of that.

There's a lot of packing this past weekend. That's pretty much all we did was just pack as much as we could. The garage is a disaster, but we're just working our way through it and packing everything up. Things are great. Yeah. So as we've talked about on the show before like if you if you really need to test a relationship like move shit together yeah like doing something that nobody wants to do and you have to do it together and you do it differently yeah exactly you just have to know when you're gonna call it and you're like i don't

know why you care which vacuum i use right now but i'll just use the vacuum that you think i should use uh like just little tiny things start picking up this particular day nothing had happened everything was fine we were backing up everything was great and then we had to run out to lowe's we're picking up some giant bins because we got to put all the tools in a in a nice heavy bin those bins get so fucking heavy joe i know they do this one has little wheels on it i think okay uh so roll around my tools so we picked that up and on the way back as you guys have seen like the kitchen there's no way you can cook anything in that fucking kitchen uh you can but you'd be it'd be shit so we're grabbing some takeout aloha grill

good yeah good place yeah got that Got that teriyaki chicken. Did you deliver it to yourself? No. No. Well, I guess we wouldn't have got it. Does that count? Sure. Yeah.

So I guess I did deliver it to myself. I've been using, like, I'll go get food and I'll put it in my dash bag. What? Keep it nice and warm. That a boy. Hell yeah, bro. Smart, dude. I think smarter, not harder.

You know what I mean? Shut up, brother. Anyway. So I say all that. We come home, and we've been at it probably, I don't know, fucking eight, nine hours. No wonder you came in 15 seconds. You're like, I can't stand the sight of you. Dude, this is terrible.

I just need to fucking cum. Trap. Now get out of here. Go get. Go get. Hey. That's also what you would hear. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. get. Hey. That's also what you would hear. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Ah. You know, farm stuff. It's all vowels. Farm stuff. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

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Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

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Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. This is just like the separation between like men and women in a lot of ways. And we're sitting down and we're divvying up the food and we're eating it. We've moved on for the time being, which I've never watched this much fucking HGTV. Right. But because we're looking at houses and we're gonna have to do some renovations, like now it's fun to look at and see what they're doing. So we're chowing down some Aloha grill and watching HGTV. And I did, it just said there's a breakdown of communication.

I didn't know that Cassie was ready to go back to packing. Like I was enjoying the break, watch some TV, like fucking ugly light, eating some food. Like why would you do that? Who would do that? Why would you do that?

Kitchen sucks. Squeeze some more fucking teriyaki sauce on my rice. I'm just sitting there and just enjoying this little break. And Cassie just gets up and walks out, like, out of the, I don't know what she's doing. I'm fucking watching TV and food. And she walks and she goes, she goes outside. And what I didn't know is that I was supposed to be back in packing. And this is where things get funny.

So I didn't know that she was upset that I was just sitting there eating food and relaxing. And I didn't know that she went back to packing and I just abandoned her to fucking. So I don't even know how this came up, but picture this. I probably got like some food in my beard and I'm just sitting down at the coffee table. Judging people's houses. Shit all over the place, judging food. And she walks back in the house and she stops in the kitchen and looks in the living room. And she goes, what are you doing?

And this is what I was doing. And I don't know how I got here. But I was looking up how much it would be to have a peacock as a pet. And I mean, this is like five minutes, but it's a nice day. So she's already sweaty. And I'm just sitting on the couch, slamming food in my mouth. And I'm like, I'm like 150 bucks to get a peacock and she goes what and she goes god and then so she leaves but like i just thought it was like funny so now i kind of

get the picture that like okay i need to get up she's doing something i didn't know that but i just didn't know how much it irritated her so So as I talked about with the knife, we're finding different things on the way out. Again, not knowing that she was irritated with me. I walked by a bin and I see balloons in it. So I'm like, that's funny. So I grab a balloon out and I blow it up as I'm walking out the back door and I walk out and she just like comes out of the garage and looks at me and I'm holding a bag of balloons and I have one blown up and I don't know that like how irritated she is with me

and she just like drops the bin and looks at me and I just go and let it go shoots around and you're just standing there just standing there and she goes you're just standing there. Just standing there. And she goes, you're going to fucking help me? And I'm like, oh. Like, I didn't know that it had crossed into irritation. And it just went from how much peacocks cost to have as pets, and then blowing up a balloon thinking it was going to be funny. And it was not funny.

It was like polar opposite. The worst time. I didn't know there was a bad time It was like polar opposite. The worst time. I didn't know there was a bad time to blow up a balloon. But if you think about how that works, let's say you guys are messing around. It's a good day. And you do the balloon thing or with a peacock thing. It's fine. Yeah.

But the situation was different. Did the exact same thing. I didn't know it turned. Yeah. I was unaware that I was being like, I wasn't keeping up my end of the deal. Probably because there was no communication. Yeah, both of us. But it was not like, hey, I'm going outside to start packing now.

That's probably what should have been said. Should have happened. But I also could have read the signs and been like, oh, shit, she's going back to work. All right, well, I guess break time's over. And that's fine, too. Yeah. Because that's what we were doing. And just the fact of polar opposite looking up how much peacocks are for pets like i was actually gonna do it like what and her just

being like what like what's 150 bucks i don't get why you're so upset no i said 150 i didn't say 2 000 right i thought you'd make 2 000. She's like, walks outside and I come out with a big ass balloon. Didn't know I was in trouble. Hey, honey! You're like, what do you want? You want me to make a peacock? She's like, no, I want you to pick up this

fucking bin. That'd be helpful. Just let it go. How long do you think you were, your break was? 10 minutes. See, that seems quick. Yeah. So in your defense, that seems a little quick. I mean, we were both just, it was just that representation of two people doing two completely opposite things.

And I couldn't have been more opposite. Not looking up, like, if I was looking up something maybe moving related. Yeah. Maybe. But just how much are peacocks was that even a top part i have no idea she was gone i don't know how yeah she wasn't a part of it yeah it just walks back in and i'm just sitting on the fucking couch looking up peacocks i wish i could think of the the specific thing that i'm thinking of but this hat that happened recently with me too Like Amber was out doing something In the kitchen and I just come out And I just start talking about something like

Oh it's in like joking Kind of like ha ha in a playful joking way And she barely acknowledged And I remember thinking at the time like That's rude like I thought that was kind of cool What I was talking about And then later on in the day She was still upset And then so I was talking about. Yeah, what the fuck, dude? And then later on in the day, she was still upset.

And then, so I was like, what's going on? And then she started what she was upset about. But I didn't know any of that stuff. So I was like bringing up weird conversation pieces too. The same thing. Like, I don't understand why she's just not acknowledging what I'm saying. She doesn't get'm saying she doesn't get it she doesn't and it was like she had been mad for hours and she was just i'm like okay yeah

i mean this one settled it got settled i was like i didn't know i was like i had no idea because what the fuck what do you think i was doing out here i was like i was really paying attention to what you were doing i was clearly looking up how much peacocks you're like i don't know i thought you were just like stepping outside for i have no idea coming back yeah exactly there should probably i mean you yeah you could have read signs different but there there could have also been like a well what do you think we should get back get back to moving it's not just that would have solved everything it's not just go do it but sometimes uh ladies will do that they'll they'll just be like they're annoyed at something and move on and then want you to notice what's going on every other before like she'll start cleaning the house and then i'm you know not and then i realize oh shit and i gotta get up start

cleaning and then it's like i thought we were cleaning the house today. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we did talk about it. I didn't do that. I thought you were kidding. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you could just say, like, you ready to clean the house? Yeah. I get you. Relationships, right? Yeah. Am I right? I mean, I wasn't looking up pricing out peacocks, but. How much to have a pet peacock?

Usually what it is, it's like, oh, yeah, that's what it is. I'll be like, she'll be out in the kitchen. I'll be like, oh, no way. The Huskies, they stole a four-star safety from Oregon. She'll be like, cool, can you chop some lettuce? We've been recruiting this dude for a long time. I thought he was going to end up at Oregon.

And he's decided to stay home. It's always big when you can keep a don't care just keep going and she's like uh-huh can you open the fucking doors and get the dinner out to the patio please and i guess and i'm thinking and then i think about later i'm like i probably not good i'm one of the few people that actually care about recruiting of that so like she's really not gonna care so why would i even bring that up to her because i was excited about it because you're lonely yeah but i was excited about it and because when you're into niche stuff like that you don't have anybody you signed up for this yeah you knew that yeah welcome to hell yeah that's funny anyway there

you go just polar opposite stuff yeah just letting a balloon go and watch them fly across the yard i just i just picture that just you she you walk out and she can't even see your face you just see this giant balloon yeah all i see is her and she just looks at me and just puts down like the bin nice go it's been funny if it's fluid her face yeah it's her i love how it all just hit you. It all hit you right there. I was like, oh, shit. Okay. Let me get that bin for you.

The balloon goes in the bin. Oh, that would have been perfect. All right. The balloon has spoken. I guess go pick it up. Balloon never lies, brother. Balloon never lies. Slap her ass and walk inside.

Go back to eat. When it's time to eat, I don't like rush eating. I've talked about this before. Yeah, but you're in the middle of shit. Yeah, but it's like we went and got some loha grill. Let's enjoy it. This is a fancy. Let's enjoy it.

Let's enjoy each other. I could have just made a sandwich if I wanted to rush through this. You know, like, I want to watch some HGTV and... Yeah, just on little different pages, timing-wise. No one likes moving. No one likes packing heavy shit and moving it around when someone's just sitting down. Like, if I was just sitting there watching her through the window, like, that's what it feels like. I get it.

Yeah. Yeah, I get it. I get it, too, get it I get it too But I just I don't know She's like She She could just eat

And do something I'm like I wanna eat And watch something I just wanna chill out For a minute And enjoy this food I think that's

This reminds me of I think Yeah early Can you don't When I was talking About the Christmas tree Right And Cassie asked me

Like hey Can you grab the Christmas tree And then before I knew it She was flying to the kitchen with a fucking christmas tree yeah you took too long god damn it still so funny dragging it through the door like i'm like what the fuck she just has the whole christmas tree i'm like oh whoops when they bring it up they generally mean now yeah yeah that's. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a tough one. But it's... Can they really expect you to be on their time frame? Yes.

They can. Seems a little unreasonable. Yeah. Relationships, right? I would never expect that. Yeah, I know. I get you. Anyway, that was funny.

All right, let's move on for some dick. Okay. You ready to gobble this down? Zach, shove it in my fucking ass! Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick. Dick. Crisco fat dick dick dick Bless you this story has got

It's got inch drama intrigue Realtors, oh wow foot fetishes It's got a little bit of a little bit of everything in it and it kind of reminds me of wasn't who's that was it something date or nail or something wasn't it that dude the foot fetish guy oh that tickled yeah uh dave dave dave something yeah what's he doing not dave nail sucking no but it was something Noel or Neal Dave Neal, David Neal

Is it David Neal? Fuck yeah It says David Neal written all over it Yeah, it does He's got his toe prints all over this one It does Not his toe prints Nope, someone else's

Oh, at Florida, weird Yeah Tampa Bay area realtors say man is targeting women to touch their feet during showings. That's adventurous. Yeah. Okay. More than half dozen women have now come forward with similar accounts of encounters with the same man touching their feet.

Pinellas County, Florida. Several Tampa Bay area realtors have raised the alarm about a disturbing pattern involving a man they believe is targeting female agents during the home showings in order in order to touch their feet how how did they figure out that he was doing it to all these women like they're just like sitting around like you're not going to believe what happened today like that's funny you say that yeah i was going to say you're not going to believe what happened at my showing today but here you go first. Okay.

And then she starts talking and she goes, and he sucked your feet? Yeah. And then other people walk up like, oh my God, you're not going to believe what the day I just had. What, that guy sucked your feet? Yeah. Yeah, let me go. The guy sucked your feet. And it's just a table of 14 women realtors, all with wet toes.

I imagine something like that would, something like that would spread faster than gonorrhea. Yep. Web. What? I don't know. Why'd I just do that? I just went web. Web. What are you, Spider-Man? I have no idea. I was just like the webbing between toesies. No. But I just didn't have any context.

I just looked at you and went web. It's not acceptable? No. We're going to act like that never happened. Hey, web. Web. Web. Anything else?

Web. Web. And then like a dub. Yeah, web. Anyway, back to this article. Oh, that's kind of cool. All right. They described his behavior as sexually inappropriate.

Yeah. And it has prompted an urgent call for increased safety measures. Go ahead. More than half a dozen women have now come forward. Why do you repeat yourself so fucking much? So he's not being identified because he hasn't been arrested or charged. They say he allegedly used fake house tour bookings or

drops in open houses to get to female agents, specifically to make contact with their feet. What do you got? What are these 10 foot ceilings? Let me see your feet! He's a little more subtle than that. Tell me more. So this woman, Angela Julian, a Pinellas County Yeah, he's a little more subtle than that. Okay.

Tell me more. So this woman, Angela Julian, a Pinellas County realtor, said the man told her there was an ant on her foot before heading down and grabbing her shoe. Bending down. But you get it. What did I say? Heading. Oh. Like he's on a journey.

Well. He's getting down there. He bends down. All right, heading down there. I guess. All right, I down there. He bends down. Alright, heading down there. I guess. Alright, I guess so. Oh, Jesus. Alright. That doesn't belong there.

That doesn't belong there. Head down. Sir, you're bending over. Yeah. Betcha. Web. Hey, web. He bends down and starts unbuckling my shoe and caressing my foot.

And I just thought, that was really weird. That is weird. At the same time, he's fidgeting with his phone, petting my foot. And looking up how much peacocks are. And I think he's trying to take some type of video of my skirt, up my skirt, or of my skirt. You got it. It was really alarming. Excuse me.

Oh, my God. Just try to get away with that. Yeah. Oh, my God god there's a web there's an ant on your foot he just goes down there and trying to disappear and like

and he's like rubbing your foot you hear the phone unlock and he's unbuckling your shoe and has his phone out just looking up at him oh man it's a fast ant sir what the fuck are you doing Alright I'm gonna head up Coming back up

I got it I'm gonna head up now Gave her a squish And head on back up Make room The unsettling interactions date back To at least July of last year in Pinellas County and have continued as recently as last week in Manatee County.

Getting around, touching feet. Yeah. More women are speaking out as word starts to spread about the encounters, which have left many feeling violated and vulnerable. Very vulnerable. Instantly, you can sense that something's not quite right, but you can't really put your finger on it. Thanks, Julian.

Yeah. This is going to be a weird house showing. I'm not sure what it's going to be, but something weird is going to happen. This guy going to head down? Is he about to? Oh, no, he's heading down. God damn it, he's heading down.

He's heading down. Les Hain, owner of Tampa Bay Photos and moderator for the local realtors group, says the man appears to be exploiting publicly available information to locate agents. He's searching Zillow. He's using everything that everyone has public access to, and that is concerning. Thanks, Hain. He warned that open houses where up to 30 people can attend.

That's 60 feet! Yeah. Jackpot! That's 600 toes. He said something. Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck, dude. This fucking heyday.

That seems like a lot. For David Neal. 30 people, 600 toes? Yeah. I did my math right, right? Probably not. I don't know., right? Probably not. 30 times 10.

Yeah. 300. Well, 30 people, 300, then times 2. That's for what? That's feet. Two feet, but there's five toes on each foot. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Wait, what?

Doesn't matter 30 people To have 10 toes Yeah 300 Right Right Why was I wanting to double that?

Because of the feet Yeah I was following for a second You're just licking your chops Yeah I just wanted their mean born toes You just smile and nod Yes That's right

Yes that is 6,000 toes 6,000 toes It's not the first time we've all said something Grossly incorrect on this show Just smile and nod. Yes, that's right. Yes, that is 6,000 times. 6,000 times. It's not the first time we've all said something grossly incorrect on the show. We're killing it. He warned that open houses where up to 30 people can attend with little to no vetting make a vetting especially vulnerable. Hayden is now urging local agents to make proactive steps.

Get it? Yeah, I get it. Steps to protect themselves. I love that. They jump straight to. If you're carrying a firearm, you need firearm safety in practice. It's not about buying a gun and think you're going to be Annie Oakley. She was good, okay?

Yeah, that's right. You're more apt to get hurt than actually protect yourself. I love how he's just like, wait, we're talking about guns already. He's just like, now you're gonna need to go to a gun safety. Yeah. What the fuck? I need to own a gun. Well, go get one. That's the next step.

What? It's either own gun, toes suck. What do you want to choose? Which one do you want? If you have a gun, you can stop the toes sucking. If you don't have it, you're gonna get your fucking toes sucked. It's a likelihood of Mr uh gun safety 101 yeah half gun dry toes no gun wet toes that's right what are you not fucking get i don't why aren't you following what you fall this is fucking easy gun dry toe no gun wet toe fuck god give me your gun get the fuck out of here if gun have fun with your wet toes loser

if the gun topic was only that black and white he's picturing like a presidential debate like and that's what they're talking about it's i don't get it it's clear clear as day got gun dry toe no gun wet toe what are you voting for what are you voting for you want your fucking toes all wet you want wet toes or dry toes well obviously i want dry toes well then you want guns well then you're a republican that's we i think we just basically summed up the way they do bills in real life you got it and then somebody sneaks in a little little something on the side you want wet toes or dry toes well obviously i want dry toes okay well then vote for dry toes then also this will fund the school district yeah this is pretty simple it's pretty simple decision and then also we're

gonna cut some programs at the school district right well why does that have anything to do with toes i don't know i just put it on the bill i don't fucking get it to make it easier for people yeah i just put it all on the same one it's easy so do i have your vote? Dry toes? Okay, yeah, great. Yeah, pepper spray. Yeah, that makes a little more sense than a fucking gun. You can't even just go show a house now. Well, let's not let fucking David Neal over here just control the whole housing market. I think the whole thing is crumbling.

I bet you if we talk to most real estate agents they're not worried about the toes worried about their toes getting sucked i i'm just gonna go out there i'm gonna say less than one percent of real estate agents are worried about their toes getting sucked but after the story came out you i bet you can't you can't ask someone they're not thinking about it it's a beautiful day but then i have to wear fucking closed toe shoes yeah can't ask someone and they're not thinking about it. It's a beautiful day, but then now they have to wear fucking closed-toe shoes. Yeah. Can't let those piggies breathe. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, it's closed-toe policy now. Yeah, you get it. That's all. Instead of buying a gun, just wear closed. Yeah. You have to lock your boots under your feet. This guy's like, God damn it. This guy shows up to see the house and he comes walking in. She walks in with closed-toed shoes and he's like, fuck damn it. This guy shows up to see the house, and he comes walking in, and she walks in with closed-toed shoes, and he's like, fuck.

This house sucks. Yeah, what do you think of the house? He's like, how about fuck you and fuck this house? And fuck your shoes, lady! She's just like, what? I came all the way down here for this? Walks in, he goes, yep, big ceilings and no toes. Fuck you!

So confusing. Wait, what? Fuck you. He skips across the lawn. God, unbelievable. Check this other open house. I remember when real estate agents would have fucking their toes out. It wasn't for Dave Neal, brother.

Dave Neal, screw it. Yeah, we don't know this guy's name because he hasn't been charged. They'll get him. All right, let's read the next story. What do you got? What do I have? So do you remember the story we did about the guy who wasn't supposed to drive and then he drove to court? I think we've had three or four stories of this type of thing.

Yeah. Because it's very funny. It's similar. Yeah. Yeah. This is very, cause it's very funny. It's similar. Yeah. And this, uh, it's similar in a ways, but this guy,

so next level prolific fair Dodger tried to avoid paying for train on the way to court. You have one day, one day to follow the rules and you couldn't do it. Just pay for the fucking ticket. Just do it one time, especially on this. This is a big day. Well, they, so there's some onions to this. They've started couldn't do it. Dude, just pay for the fucking ticket. Just do it one time. Especially on this. This is a big day. Well, so there's some onions to this.

They've started peeling back some layers to this guy. Okay. Charles Broheri owes 30,000 pounds and will be sentenced in August for 36 counts of traveling without paying. That's a lot. That is a lot. Okay. One of Britain's biggest fare dodgers who owes 30,000 pounds in unpaid fines for train fare evasion was allegedly stopped without a ticket on the morning of his court appearance. What the fuck?

Oh, you didn't sign in? You don't have a subscription to Telegraph? Dude, I fucking had this story open all this time. Unbelievable. God damn it. What a letdown. Are you fucking kidding me? I had this open yesterday just reading the whole thing. God damn it. What a letdown. Are you fucking kidding me? I had this open yesterday just reading the whole thing. I got it.

Want me to pick it up from here? Yeah. I had to turn off my ad blocker and then it let me read it. No it didn't! It just popped back up! Son of a bitch! So I can kind of sum this up after reading it. This guy basically, he says that he's homeless

and he's just trying to like he's just trying to get by um and so that's why he can't pay for trains all stuff but they looked into a little bit more and he's like he's like a rapper and has a tiktok account like a big following and all this kind of stuff so they're like they're finding out all this stuff. So the guy's been lying this entire time about being homeless and he's like a popular rapper, all this kind of stuff.

He owns the record now for his fair. Their record, he's beat it by three times the amount of, someone set the record for fairs avoided. And it was just his record again.

That'd be funny. Like each year they just keep crushing his own record and then he raps about it yeah so that so the thought that i had was this guy like what if his whole rap career was just about dodging fairs okay so like he's he's known for this and he's just like all the songs he writes another day, another fucking fair dollar. I'm not paying. Yeah. Something like that.

And so they, they pull them up in court and they, they're like, oh, we actually found this account. And they go and it's just like him, how he's scamming the trains, the, like all this, he's just lays out exactly what he does. Like in detail, how he beats the system. He's like, he's like your honor no i would never do that well like exhibit a and you just play the song he's like i'll never pay a fucking train ticket yeah i ain't no bitch i know bitch i ain't paying for shit and then you pause

the song again now it says in that in this lyric, you obviously state that you will never pay for a train fare. And everything he says, it's the next line in the song. He's like, no, I didn't say that. And I would never say I didn't. And he's pushing. He goes, of course I fucking said that. They trying to say I never said that. Oh, you know I said that, bitch.

And I'll say it in court. And they just pause it. And he's just that, bitch. And I'll say it in court. And they just pause it. He's just like, fuck. Okay, and then, I mean, was that you on the record? That's not even, I didn't even record that song. Please play. My name is Jesus. That's his full name.

And I'm the voice on this song. They pause it. He's like, all these other I'm the voice on this song. They pause it. He's like, All these other whack-ass fair dodgers trying to say that it ain't me. This ain't me, motherfucker. Look at my face. I'll say it in court. Every time.

Like a mug shot. That's his profile pic. It's a mug shot. Yeah. Dodging fairs, dog. He's like, You guys don't have any video footage of this. And they're just like, exhibit B.

And he's playing, he's flipping off the camera and jumping over it. Get a good look at my face. Fuck you. Exhibit A is all the song lyrics about it. Exhibit B is just tons and tons of videos of him just jumping over the fair thing. Somebody following with the phone and just as he's leaping over things. And the judge is just like, hmm, just watching it.

It's got to be the most damning. Your Honor, how is this relevant? Exactly. Lawyer's throwing it all out. Yeah, he's like, this is badgering the witness. It's like, no. No, this is court. Yeah, he's admitting to everything yeah bullshit erroneous

erroneous on all accounts erroneous that's that's the genius of lawyers though too is they'll find like some loophole like the the footage well you took it off of his tiktok and that's copyrighted saying so you're this and the judge is like cool alright we'll take that out so the other 4,000 pieces of evidence are good to go yeah guilty

um that's funny well I'm glad he got caught I I just yeah like I guess

when someone is so blatantly it's one of those where it's like if everybody did that the train system couldn't exist so

why do you get to do it and everyone else doesn't so there's that it all it's also weird though i found it really weird like when you watch old movies or shows where people they get on the train and then the guy comes through and he's like show me your ticket and then if you don't have the ticket like why don't you show your ticket why don't they just do it like you purchase a ticket beforehand yeah i think different places do it because you can get cards that you have it for the whole month or whatever the hell it is yeah so i don't know different trains do different things so my dad always said web

all right should we eat some petty beef yeah all right zach thanks you are now entering the petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated the people are real the cases are real the rulings are final ish this is petty beef from a real courtroom to the candy don't courtroom yeah sent in anonymously would like to submit an argument between my fiance and i juicy this is in relation to a tv show i love and that love is undying so much so that i will never see another show the same way I see it. Why was that capitalized? I don't know. All right. Probably to make me yell at me.

It should be the way I see it. Yeah, I see it. But I is already capitalized because it's grammatically correct. The show that I'm talking about is Breaking Bad. I'm sure you all understand why. It's a great show. One of the highest rated shows of all time won several awards great story great actors great everything you get

it it where this petty beef comes into play is between my fiance and fiance and i yep she complains that the show is too violent and every time she walks into me watching it something terrible is always happening i think that me watching it something terrible is always happening i think that's breaking bad something terrible is always happening and that's why it's so good anyway she doesn't understand why i love this show she must think i'm a psychopath who loves watching dudes get shot and having their throats slit with a box cutter yeah yeah she seems to get offended anytime i watch the show i tried one time to get her to watch it uh but she made it to the halfway point of season two and then she stopped i get that frustration when you're like

this is the best thing on the planet she's like i'm over it you're like okay well it hasn't even gotten good yet it won all the awards now i have evidence that she's a hypocrite she watches shows that have relatively the same tone and violence gray Grey's Anatomy, for example. Hold on. Writer. I was going to go on a little tangent here. If we're going to compare the violence of Grey's Anatomy to Breaking Bad. For example, they have several episodes where violent or gruesome things happen. Yes, they do have several episodes where that happens.

But not every second like Breaking Bad. Like an episode where a disgruntled patient husband goes on a murder spree through the hospital because his wife passed away. Or she watches me play Red Dead Redemption 2 or Grand Theft Auto 5. Now, I've tried to defend why I love the show, but she just doesn't see it. So who is in the wrong here? Me, who sees the show as a work of art that it is, or her, who essentially is judging the show based on the violence that she sees and nothing else?

Judge Joe Paisley and Judge Brian with a Y, all presiding. Presiding. Presiding! I was drawn to this petty beef because I finally got finally got to my wife to watch breaking bad she actually was enjoying it and then when the series ended she was like i wish i wouldn't have watched that because it because it went so dark and the funny

thing is gray's anatomy is one of those shows like every few she'll just watch just over and over again okay and it was like because so perfect because uh I went through this and but I I do have to say it is it is different so like with with my wife and Breaking Bad it's like she's like it's too it's too real like the with the drugs and stuff it's, it's like, she's like, it's too, it's too real. Like the, with the drugs and stuff, it's not, it's like, it's not fictionalized enough. Depressing.

Yeah. It's like, it's like real and depressing. And which I get, which it is, which is what makes it so good. And, but that's what the rawness of that makes it.

But Grey's Anatomy, um, also has very raw and different takes, um, on things, but it is kind of, it does that where they'd throw in the uppity music to kind of change the scene. And I just like, something about Grey's Anatomy bugs me because they're like right in the middle of a fucking brain surgery and they're fighting over, well, we went on a date last night and you,... Yeah. Like, I watched it, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? And you'll watch... So, yeah, you'll watch that, listen to someone trying to get their aorta repaired while they're... And then you watch something...

Because there's the drama in it. Yeah, but it's like, it's not even... It's like, it's... It's like reality TV show. It's a stupid drama. I know, reality TV show drama. Because you're fighting a relationship while you're trying to save a dude's life. It's like,

just hearing about relationship shit anyway is annoying. Yeah. But you masquerade it into a doctor show. So, I agree with him. Breaking Bad is so fucking good. And I try to get my wife to watch Ozark,

which I think is on the same level as Breaking Bad. And she won't do it because she made the mistake of watching Breaking Bad. Yeah. Cassie won't watch Breaking Bad, which is not for her. And I get it. What's the issue here? What's the deal? Is there only one TV in the house?

So if you're watching Breaking Bad, she doesn't get to watch other things. And so she's like, it's about something else where it's like, it's just too violent. Blah, blah, blah. Or is it because you're fucking taking up the TV, watching it, and now she can't watch anything with you? Because she doesn't like the show. I think it's more of that where he's just like, he, I think it's, I think it's the thing that you so you'll watch that but you won't watch this so it's a i think to me it feels a little bit like that like you're judging this show that i think is amazing but think that this show is amazing because i said that kind of thing to her before i was like she she's like i don't like watching shows where

people do the same shit over and over and don't learn from their mistakes or whatever like you're married to me and then yeah i'll say you watch me fuck up everything every day yeah yeah that's a good line to use yeah that makes them feel great according to you i do nothing right it makes them feel really good about their decisions yeah it's a good way to win them over in an argument it really calms things down yeah uh so i mean i i it's funny because i i get this like i get why gray's anatomy is so popular but at the same time i just when i watch i'm up. God, stop bitching about like my wife loves the Bridgerton and stuff and she watches. I'm like, God, all these people

do is just complain about their status. Go sell some meth and fix it. They're like, they were watching, she was watching Queen Charlotte and like, to me it sounds like she's complaining about her situation where she's has to be this queen and she has to be this.

And it's like, God, shut up. Yeah. And Amber's like, she's not complaining. She's just talking about how it feels. And I'm like, that sounds like complaining. You know. Oh, you too, huh? Yeah.

It is. Oh, fuck. Here we go. Wow, wow, wow. Which probably isn't a great... Like, this just happened this last weekend. Good. Yeah. We...

I haven't gone back and watched Breaking Bad. Because the end of the day thing for Cassie and I is like, yeah, watch a show together. Like, that's... Get in bed, watch a show. And so we just try to watch. I mean, of course you run into the thing. We've talked about it in Petty Beef before where she falls asleep. And then I end up watching two more episodes and then we can never get back on track and we just abandon it.

Nor are they going to get in trouble for watching two more. I shouldn't fall asleep. Yep. Like, why don't you just go to bed? Why don't you focus the day away? Because we're watching the show. But like that. So we try and get through ones that we will both watch together but i would feel weird just like being

like nope breaking bad night bing bong fuck you i love it like i couldn't do that yeah i saw you don't like the greatest thing ever made just turn the volume up i hope that's not what it is i hope it's more of the you're judging my show this thing i hope that's what it is because yeah if that's the case if you're just like shoving like you i'm turning it on because you're gonna suffer through this that's that's a little bit different level yeah you guys can both watch your shows but i get it yeah it's about the judging thing there's but violence is violence is. Violence is different parts. Breaking Bad is relentless. Yeah.

Relentless nonstop fucking tragedy. Grey's Anatomy is not. Well Grey's Anatomy. This has some episodes of like someone smushed by a bus. Like that 20,000 people got smushed by buses on the other show. Yeah. Like in one episode. So it's like it's a little more spaced out,

but they usually figure out a way to make it come around in a, it's so like the, the emotional factor of like breaking bad versus to me, like versus it's kind of like grazing. And he's kind of like, Oh, it's sad that someone died or, or like,

and, but then they save someone's life. So you can kind of bring it back around and make something positive of it or something. Where Breaking Bad is just like, fuck, dude. Like, God. How? And so I think that for my wife is like, it's hard. There's not a lot of positivity. Yeah, they don't, there's not a whole lot of like, okay, at least this happened.

So like. Yeah, like a show has the climax and the resolve. And then Breaking Bad just never, the roller coaster just keeps climbing to the top of the mountain. Yeah. Like how bad can this get? Yeah. And so, and then, so I was like, you have to, because that's a show that, you know, I watched early on and I had to wait each week. This can't get any worse.

I tried to get her to watch. She wouldn't. And then it ended. And then I, I watched it all through again after it was over. And then you're a few years back. I was like, I think I want to watch it again.

Do you want to watch it with me? And she, I, she finally came around and then she was like, God damn it. I shouldn't have done that. And you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Yeah.

And then in Ozark, I have tried to get her to watch that i was like i couldn't and she's like no because if she's like if you're talking about it like it was like breaking i don't want to go through that again but in my head i'm like i get that but it's so fucking good like ozark is so good it lost me it started good and then i just got bored of the same thing happening over and over again. It's just too much of the same thing. Family run, hide, find them.

Run, hide, find. Run, hide, find. Run, hide, find. Run, hide, find. Over and over again. Well, so. Run away, hide, they find you. I think it was the third, the beginning of the third season or second season. The, the, the cartel blows up like a children's party. And I remember mentioning that to my wife.

She's like, why on earth would you think that I would want to watch something like that? Why on earth do you think they're going to grow up and be anything? You're assuming these kids are going to be good people. Maybe the best thing that's ever happened in this world is them dying on this birthday, at this birthday party. Yeah. She's never thought about that. you ever think about that you think about that and turn it up such the ultimate little a little silent insult yeah someone's talking to you and you're like huh and then just turn it up sorry you're in the way there there is something to though uh oh shit what was i gonna say oh boy? Oh boy. Run, hide, find. Run, hide, find. Oh!

Having kids, how it changes everything. The way you view things. So like we used to watch the what's the fucking guy? Marco Polo. There was a show on Netflix. I don't know how long it ran. A couple seasons. But we watched that first season and we're like yeah it was pretty good and then the second season he like fucking smothers the little kid who's gonna he's like the emperor

of China or whatever and he holds this kid and he like suffocates this kid and it was like that changed normally like that would suck but having your own kids it was like we never picked the show back up nope just how it changes your perspective of of everything yep like you could

suffer through maybe your kid dying but then when you start picturing oh shit what if that was my kid you're like can't do it like if it's drone footage a bunch of kids dying dude i'm in but if you get make me go in that room with you up and, like you make me feel like I'm in the room. All right, I'm heading out. All right. Heading out. Heading out. Heading out.

I don't think we solved anything there. I don't think there's any way to solve it. You just have to think your show is great and watch it when you can. But you can't force someone to see your point of view on something like that. Yeah. Even as much as you love that show and as great as you think it is because I agree with you,

it's just, you know, there's somebody who's not going to like it and you can't force them to. Can't force them. So. Well, you can't tie their head to a turtle. That's what my daddy used to say. That's right, brother.

Just because they won't watch it with you doesn't mean you can cut their head off and put it on top of a turtle. Okay. As much as you may want to. Right. You get where I'm going. That's right, brother. Just because they won't watch it with you doesn't mean you can cut their head off and put it on top of a toast. Okay? As much as you may want to. Right. You get where I'm going. All right.

Next thing. Good news. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! Web. Web.

Web. Sorry about that. Let's go around to the people say dude web web web dude that reminds me of like a mid-2000s like a vh1 show what's up bro web my friends call me web why do they call you that because i do this right there and then the graphic graphic comes out of your finger and hits the screen and writes, Coming up on YouTube. Coming up on Webhouse. Web-alize. Oh, my God. Web.

We all would like our dogs to live longer. Yeah. My dog's getting old. It looks like there's going to be a pill to make dogs live longer. Available maybe next year. I know. I just never really thought about this. You think about your food, what you eat, and then when you think about longevity

and extending life, for the most part, doesn't it seem like the focus is people? Yeah. How can we make humans live longer? Medicine, technology, whatever it is. And then the dogs are just like, I'd like to think about us dude i'm 12 years dude i'll be here for as long as you let me be here and so

now someone's like yeah how about we just make these things live longer uh any dog owner knows the signs the muzzle graze naps lengthen walks get shorter and that dreaded day marches even closer a san francisco biotech startup called loyal is working on a radical plan to give dogs and their owners more time together with a once a day pill that promises to give most dogs at least another year a healthy life a year better than nothing i guess i i mean i don't have to read the whole article for you to get the idea but that's your dogs live longer by giving them a pill every every day but it looks like, again, that product, the company is called Loyal. Love it.

Look, keep your eyes peeled for that. Keep funding that shit. Yeah, a little doggy life extender. Cats, I'm sure you're next. You know, there's actually a study. I'm not sure if it's a legit study because it's internet shit and I didn't check into it. But there's actually a part of your brain. when humans die, they're close to you. It lights up a certain amount of neural pathways.

I don't know how they did the study, if they did MRI or whatever, while somebody's grieving. But dogs actually have almost twice as many spots in the brain for how sad you get. And they have one specifically, according to this research or whatever, that only works for dogs when they die. And it's actually because they love, because it's a feeling of being loved without having to earn it. Yeah. It's a deeper death. And in the thing that they talked about, they even said it's more painful and it doesn't go away more than people that you're close to, which is pretty hard to believe.

God, stop talking to me, Zach. Right? But dogs, Zach. Right? But dogs, man. I know. That's why we feel so sad for them, because they love us without us having to really earn it. And that's so unique for a human to go through, because you really have to work to find love. Yeah, true. For most people.

Yep. Okay. Anyway, yay, cheery. Yay! My dog's 14, so I know it's like... This is called good news section! My bad. I'll wait for the bad news

that's every other section okay sorry we have one section where it's supposed to be happy and good well now you know

that when you're really sad for your dog it's because your brain your brain does it to everybody so gotcha every time I yell at my dog

for doing something and then I see a video of like a dog's unconditional love that I immediately like i'm so stupid why don't i do that i don't want to be around anymore i don't deserve you yeah it really is like i don't deserve you how loyal you are your dog barks you go shut up yep i'll deserve you they're like fine i won't

say anything next time someone comes in the house. Yep. We'll think about that. I'll just let David suck your toes. We'll think about that. All right. All right. Next segment.

Zach, play it. Yeah. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple hey look what i found yes that's awesome

web web web that's gonna stick around a bit my webbers and webettes dude web i i don't spend a lot of time on facebook marketplace do you guys no nope i don't like to fucking deal with it like even if you have something i want i don't like you i don't want to talk about what you have and i want to be like i think you're too much i think the thing you want to sell is too much and they're like i don't think so and you're like sell is too much. And they're like, I don't think so. And you're like, all right, bye. Because it holds sentimental value to them. Yeah. So anyway, I don't buy shit off of Facebook Marketplace.

But apparently. You start should. You start should would. You start shouldn't. All right. Head down. You start shouldn't. Bing bong web.

So man buys World War I shipwreck for $400 on Facebook Marketplace. What? When I think of ship names. It feels like it's missing a couple of zeros. Yeah. Yeah. Like this dude just wakes up every day, gets on Facebook Marketplace, and he's like, honey, no shipwrecks today.

Well, maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. Yeah, that's who he kidding. It's his mom. Mm-hmm. Mom, there's never any shipwrecks on Facebook Marketplace. Sorry to hear that, dear. Would you like some butter on your toast this morning?

You have a big day ahead of you. When I think of ship names, don't you kind of have a cool ship name? I don't know. I don't have any examples. I'm sure Zach knows of ships. Crack and Pone. Yeah. It's always some name. Yeah, this don't know. I don't have any examples. I'm sure Zach knows some ships. Crack and Pone. Yeah. It's always some name.

Yeah, this is the SS Almond Branch. Illuminati scum fucker. The Andrea Doria. No wonder it was 400 bucks. It's the fucking SS Almond Branch.

No. Fucking sick. Coveted. I'm sure that was full of pirates. Arr! Arr! Almond Branch.

It's not fucking scary. Get out of here. Anyway, it was hit by a torpedo back in 1917. This dude bought it, I guess, in the 70s. The British government, like, had it. And then, I didn't even know you could sell shipwreck. Yeah, who owns it? Well, the government did.

And then they fucking fucking someone bought it and then now he gets it um it's 3 300 tons 330 foot long cargo ship and it sank off the cornish coast during world war one uh and it was a bargain it's only 300 pounds 400 us money uh he's he has video of him going down there and exploring it that's nuts uh you would there's gotta be more copper in that than the 400 i know you'd also be shocked to no he's not finding shit it's not full of coins no it's full of fucking nothing but it says i mean 400 is probably it's probably worth i mean it's all corroded you know what the fuck they're gonna do yeah but you find one thing that's worth 10 grand.

Proud owner. You have a bumper sticker. Proud owner of the SS Almond Branch. My other ride is the SS Almond Branch. My SS Almond Branch is in the shop. God. That's so funny to me. Picture this dude cruising around, and he's like,, one day he's like, dude, 400 bucks.

I can either buy booze or a fucking cargo ship that sank in World War I. He's also got to buy scuba gear or rent scuba gear to get down there and check it out. I'm sure he already is a scuba guy. Yeah. So he lives in this world. Imagine that's your first time. You're just like, you bought like a hammer and maybe like, maybe you bought like a drill from a guy and then you bought a plant thing and then you're like, I'll buy a fucking shipwreck.

And you know how that works. I think I've bought like a weed whacker off marketplace before and you meet up with the person. You both stand there and look at his weed whacker. Det it's worth this is this is the one right yeah okay and you give him the money and you take your weed whacker but in this case like you just go out to the coat like to the with the cornish coast and you're standing there with some member of the british government and you're just standing looking at each other it's probably windy and you're like and he's like up in the water.

He's like, so where is it? He's like, out there. About a mile down. You go out a little bit and then down. Yeah, how deep is it? You think it's worth $400? Oh, for sure. So you're set.

Could you do $350? He's like, nope. Not going to budge on this one. No, this is hard. $400. Take it or leave it, brother. I got a fucking ton of people. I got a line of people waiting for the...

I got a line of scuba fucking nerds. I got a fucking whole fucking line of scuba nerds looking to buy the SS Allman branch. I'm trying to extend an olive branch here. Olive branch, dude. This is a bargain. You know it is fucking get out of your shit 350 he's all pissed and walks off i'm not gonna negotiate with you sir this is a fucking cargo ship this is a world war one cargo ship yeah but it's it's at the

bottom of the ocean i know you want it or not imagine all the good stuff it was carrying it's probably gold coins in there Did you find anything? I haven't seen it in years I never been down there Last time I was down there Yeah I found tons of gold Gold doubloons I found gold doubloons

Man you name it I found it down there You think there's anything left left probably probably 400 bucks you go find out i was watching i was watching a thing about cargo ships how they drop a lot of those big cargo crates yeah that they're so expensive to get them that they even if there's ferraris and giant crates of watches like rolex and shit it's still more expensive yeah and so at the bottom of the ocean all over are tens of thousands of crates filled, like the most expensive and weirdest mystery boxes of all time.

Oh, man. So this guy's going to have to have – he bought it for 300 pounds, but he's got to spend a million and a half to get it out of the water if he wants it. To get something out of it. Anyway, there you go. Let's move off and hear from the kids. What? Real quick.

What? So instead of, like, renting a thing to go bring the shipwreck up, can you imagine this guy like diving down and like grabbing something and like coming up and he's like sets it on the, on the dock or whatever. More rusted iron. Oh, himself the bends. He's like got to swim all the way back down. This sucks.

No wonder it was $400. This fucking sucks. Other guys, like, eating an apple and you sold them the ship, watch them like, idiot! Alright, let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. This guy's an idiot. Let's go sell another shipwreck. That we don't even own.

We got the olive branch, the almond branch, the fucking walnut branch. Yeah, the executive branch. Whatever. I'm i'm 400 rich that's all i know fucking idiot chucks the chucks the core into the water maybe you'll find that with your stupid shit nerd all right emails All right, emails. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. You want to take the first one? You want to take the second one?

I'll do her. All right, this first one's coming in from our daughter, Cassandra. And her name was Cassandra. Wayne's world. Hey, guys. As you obviously know, my dad died in a van. Here's a short story long. I was given up for adoption four times by my dad.

Spent my whole life in foster care. Yeah. Flash to my 28th birthday we finally meet in person let me just turn the music off the first thing he said to me was i just paid my final support final support payment for the state for you are you drunk dad guess what guess what? Guess what? Chicken butt. Chicken butt. I don't have to pay you anymore. I haven't seen him in 20...

28th birthday, get in the car, guess what? You're all paid off. What? Get out. Get out. You're all paid off. Here's a certificate. Bye.

Get out, nerd. Yep. Endearing as fuck. Mm-hmm. Anywho, he came to my house to visit about three years ago in the throes of some kind of psychosis. They're following me, and I can't tell you why. Sounds like Ozark. Yeah.

Then fucked right off and cut all contact. All right. See you next Christmas. They're following me. I can't tell you why. Well, tell me something. He's like, I can't. I can't.

I just said that. Bye. I gotta go. By the way, you're paid off I know You told me that last time You told me that last time Did I?

Shit They're listening See you later Happy Thanksgiving I got the call that he was found And surprise I'm thrown into the next of kin role Even though he was a daughter

That he raised That he has a daughter That he raised In a whole ass family So he was a daughter that he raised, that he has a daughter that he raised in a whole ass family. So he was found dead. Surprise. So I pay for the cremation. Fight with the funeral home when they lost his remains.

Oh boy. Colorado. Am I right? Does that happen in Colorado a lot? I have no idea. Cassandra, does that happen in Colorado a lot? Is that something idea Cassandra, does that happen in Colorado a lot? Is that something Colorado is known for? They get sucked into the Denver airport

Into the ducks She's not answering Oh yeah, it's email Find the cremation place And pay more money to have his remains sent to me Because no one in the family wants him You've got to fuck a lot of people over to no one even want you're like no you want him he's like no that's good i can't

think of a good you should have dumped him in a landfill with the dogs and the cats oh yeah that was bonus episode content so you don't know what we're talking about go support us on patreon we had a good laugh okay so I had this man's remains to do with whatever I want. After thinking about it and going through the phases of shock and grief and all that, I settled on a plan. I'm going to buy a nice urn, take him on

my adventures, and make sure to post on online. Even though he was crazy, someone should have given one fuck. That's true. My friends think it's dark and borderline offensive, but fuck them. But fuck them. Yes. Okay. I mean, I support this wacky idea. What do you guys think?

Is that in bad taste or do I really rub it in the family's face? They're kind of shitty and gave the man to the wrong daughter. Let me know. But i'm doing it anyways loves cassandra i think that's great yeah i think you've wrote yourself a fun little indie film that that's one of those things that like kind of could take off yeah like my dad always he was never really a dad for me but there's my chance to spend some time or whatever whatever however However the angle you want to take. Yeah. I mean, I feel like there's a movie kind of like this.

Maybe not. But I can see it. I can see it. Like Juno style. Urns to Alcatraz. Yeah. By the end of the movie, she knows him. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. They go all these places and she loses the urn. It gets knocked over in a bar. Somebody ashes it. You have a whole adventure. There's a roller coaster and the top opens and a bunch falls out in her face.

It just goes, and just covers everybody else on the roller coaster. Yeah, we'll help you write this movie. That's the climactic scene. Yeah, that's a good one. But it turns out, they loved each other all along

Yeah you get it Go do it Can't wait to see the pictures Our second email Is coming from another Dasher Our son A.A. Ron Says hey sexy daddies and Uncle Zach I've been a Dasher for close to 7 years now

And let me tell you I've seen it all From wild encounters to unforgettable deliveries It's been a ride next summer i thought i'd share a few standout moments from my experience one of the craziest things i've ever seen was a woman in my apartment complex just casually masturbating on her couch in a towel taco bell am i right uh she wasn't a she wasn't even the person I was delivering to, just some random tenant.

She apologized. I said, it's all good. And I kept it moving. As you do, you got to get the next stop, brother. Sorry I had to see that. No problem. Smoking a cigarette with her twat. Sorry I had to see that.

It pays the bills. Next story. I once got the store manager at our local Popeye's fired after reporting him to corporate for hiring his girlfriend slash baby mama as the assistant store manager. That's always a bad situation, but hey, he shouldn't have been an ass to me. What are you going to do? Hey, what are you going to do, huh? Yeah, well, he's just a little mean with the delivery, and he's like, I'm going to ruin your life. Yeah, shouldn't have done that.

Next story. Whenever an order gets canceled or has no clear destination, I give the food to a homeless person. I used to eat them myself, but I was gaining weight, so now I try to pay it forward instead. Nice. Over the years, I've watched fast food employees jump around between places this is this is a funny one i've seen workers go from mcdonald's to taco bell then wendy's and even to panda express the turnover in the industry is real have you ever gone somewhere and been like hey i've never i don't know like wait a second hold on weren't you just at wendy's last week yep fuck them there was a gal that works at a restaurant that we go we frequent and then yeah she was at a fast food place so i don't know

if she just does both yeah uh we're just bouncing around yeah uh next story i don't mess around when it comes to road rage a few people have tried to start something but the second i step out of the car at six four 290 pounds they change their minds real quick and drive off. That's a big fucking dude. Yeah. Good God. Zach, how tall are you? 6'4".

Okay. How much do you weigh? 190? 235. I also don't take crap from customers who try to game the system. A few have marked their food as not delivered, but I've confronted some in person And usually dispute those violations successfully It's so shady when people do that I know

Can you imagine being like Fuck yeah dude free food And then ding dong This motherfucker Aaron is above your door jam And he's like Make it right Clearly your food is here

Show me that you're making it right i see you have wendy's in your hand how did it not get delivered there's so many videos online about that shit people cancel and it's like you're gonna get me fired and they're like no it wasn't me and it's like you're a liar too they you can you can get deactivated and screw up your whole thing some i made i just was joking around with a gal one time i thought i was just being fun and the next day i'm like i saw this thing it was like the whatever the delivery yeah but it was like it was like a big ding and it dropped me off this whole thing i was like i was just kind of being jokey and but it was like an unprice she didn't think it was professional. It's like, fuck, you don't know the power that you have by doing that.

One star. Used his mouth. Was person-like. He was a person. He used his mouth. I didn't care for it. I think some people just want you to give the shit. Get the fuck off their porch.

Yeah. Goes on to say, my favorite place to deliver is the airport. I often get to go behind the fences and deliver directly to flight crews near the planes. It's a unique part of the job that I actually look forward to. Just wanted to share some of the behind the scenes of what it's like to be a long time dasher. It's not always easy, but it's never boring. Best,

A.A. Ron. P.S. I use chat GBT this time since talk to text fucking blows and I suck at using grammar. P.P.S. Please tip better. i'm so glad you brought up that we get fucked yeah someone's gotta bring it up brother so we gotta stick together gotta stick together we're out there all right well that's it that's episode 152 fuck yeah keep setting the content in seems like we got a nice little boom in emails over the last

couple weeks yeah hey guys at can you don at canyoudontpodcast.com. Rate and review us wherever you listen to this show. Sign up for Patreon, patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. Of course, there's new merch available. Head to canyoudontpodcast.com. Thanks to Uncle Zach producing today's show. Yep, good job, buddy. And you have the 151 slap scat. Scat cards. Slapper pack. That's show. Yep, good job, buddy. And you have the 151 Slap Scat.

Scat cards. Slapper pack. That's right. $16.99, $29.99. And then I think they can still get the VIP thing if this is coming out today. I think it is. I got you, man.

You can still get it. And you can get Brian cards. You can get Joe cards. Oh, my goodness. You can get a triple autograph of all three of us. It's good times. And Zach gets all the money. I do.

So give him money. We make so much money yeah it's just so much money i am loaded if you don't want to give us money give it money to zach give money to zach we don't get it he deserves it uh and thanks to the babysitters that moderate the candy don't playground on facebook just his wife gets it oh yeah because she is better with money we actually don't pay zach we pay monique yeah i don't even trust him with money than he is. We actually don't pay Zach. We pay Monique. Yeah. I don't even trust him with money, so I guess give it to his wife. Makes sense. Yep.

All right. Play it. Sit here. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Web. So I, yesterday I was driving, doing some deliveries, actually. That's, fuck yeah, dude.

Yeah, that's very topical. Very cool. So I dropped the food off and got in my car and I put the car into reverse and I thought, oh, wow, this really takes me back. Oh, yeah. Wow. And then I put it in drive and drove off. And that really took you forward.

And picked up Taco Bell, delivered it 14 miles for six bucks. For Denise. For six bucks. I've screenshotted some of the offers that I've got recently. It was like, drive to Coeur d'Alene for four bucks. Drive to Coeur d'Alene for four dollars, swing by Cabela's, pick up a gun, and fucking kill yourself. And you're like except dude i got one the other day real quick and then we'll be we'll be done i got one that i had to go to the general store and get a uh zippo lighter nice but they didn't have the zippo lighter in there. And so I get in there, and then I was like, I had to call them, like, can you try to get a different Zippo lighter on Norda?

And they're like, well, they didn't have any of the things in there. So I couldn't get it, because I couldn't just swap it out. You can't cancel it, because she ordered McDonald's, too. Oh. So I ended up having, after 20 minutes of trying to figure that out. Being unprofessional. I had to. He called me with his mouth to try and fix it.

What an idiot. No, she was actually very, very appreciative. Okay. But I ended up having, and it was, the whole order itself would have been, that's what made it worth it. It was like, yeah. But then I spent 20 minutes and had to cancel the one that would have actually been made good. And then I was like, looks like you ordered McDonald's.

You still want me to stop and pick that up? She's like, yeah. So then I had to run across town to pick up McDonald's for four bucks. She's like, no, I don't want that anymore. Big Mac's only good with a Zippo lighter. You're like, what? She's like, what? And just hangs up on you?

You don't know my life. You've never had a Big Mac until you've toasted it with a Zippo lighter she didn't know i don't think she'd ever had a zip-up letter before because i was like do you want like the traditional kind or the one with like the torch she's like i don't know yeah see i don't know unprofessional quit talking to me i just visualize knows too much about lighters one star yep i was visualizing this woman it's just like a she's like a just a chain smoker and mcdonald's fanatic that's i was like, she's like a, just a chain smoker and McDonald's fanatic. That's what I was like. Okay.

Like I could visualize what I'm doing here. And then it's, it wasn't that at all. It's the opposite. Uh, all right, let's get off to the bonus content. Let's do it.

Let's fucking roll. Love you guys. Bye. Yeah, that'll work. Zach? Zach? Zach? Did, yeah! Zach? Zach?

Did he die?