Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Four. Amazing. Years. Thank You.

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

FOUR PHACKING YEARS? You’ve listened, shared, reviewed, showed up, and kept this thing going. Whether you’ve been here from episode one or just recently found us, we genuinely appreciate you giving us your time every week. We don’t take it lightly. Thanks for being here.*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/VlrstuR67K4Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

for amazing years. Thank you. What the fuck was that? Oh, that may be like hit it. What is the worst party whistle? So we were a little, we didn't know what to do. I mean, we know to do this. But last week, and I think the week before,

we were like, where do we celebrate the four-year anniversary? We never remember. So it's June 1st That's what we launched We know that But Well Our dad's died

And we took a couple weeks off So the episodes Don't quite line up With the math Because 52 Would be one year 64 You know what I mean

106 So it's just Like it doesn't really ever It's not the right spot Not 106 But they also fall within just a few numbers of each other. So it's like, I mean, how many times can we celebrate ourselves?

So we're doing it this week. We're doing it again. We love you guys. Thank you so much. If you are watching on our YouTube, I'm wearing a flamingo shirt, which is nice. And we have balloons. Yeah. I dream big.

I love that. And so what's funny about this is every time I stop a dollar store to get balloons for our anniversary, it's always graduation time. So everything is grad themed. Okay. So I got you did it. Yay. Dream big.

And then we also have, well, number four. A little birthday cake here. Birthday cake candle. We don't have a cake. And then whatever the fuck these are. Yeah, give that a blow. They don't work for shit.

How come mine doesn't work at all? You really got to give it a blow, Joe. I got one that pierced the sound barrier. No. Try. That sucks. Why? Wait, let me try to go through this one into this one.

No, that one is not going to work. The first one will... Try the one that I did. It didn't work. Okay, let's try again with this one. It's the gold one. Something's wrong. Here I got you something too, Joe.

What did you get me? Oh, I have to look at this? Yeah. Fuck, all right. I don't know what I just saw it and I was like, that'll be good. Arthritis and muscle cream. Nice. Can this be lube?

It could be whatever you... It's... I mean, it's clearly arthritis and muscle cream. cream. Yeah. This is the most basic packaging of all time. Like the, you know what they have to always say how much it weighs is almost as big as the label that says arthritis and muscle.

Yeah. This is great. I just walked through a store like, what can I get Joe? I saw that. I'm like, I don't know why. It's just funny. Do not use on wounds or damaged skin. Do not use the heating pad or on a child under 18 years of age.

Okay. On a child. Well, I hope you're not suffering from arthritis. Uh, I don't know. 16 year old kid. Shit hurts. He's getting home from, or 15 year old kid giving him from driver's ed and throw arthritis cream on.

Hey, come here. I know you've had a long day. But thank you guys so much for making four years possible. God, thank you. Put it right back in the bag. You want me to return it? Will you rub it on me? How much was it?

I like a buck. 75. It's a dollar store. That's embarrassing. You bring that back? Didn't work. We know. It was weird enough.

Of course it didn't work. I walked up to the counter with, she goes, I hand her the thing and she goes, what are those all graduation? And I was like, well, sort of. A couple of them are. And the other ones have a birthday. It was kind of a weird theme we're going for. And she just, okay.

She goes, okay. And blow things in arthritis cream. And a number four That almost sounded like just the title of one of our episodes Balloons Dollar Store balloons Blowblown arthritis cream I know

Fuck it maybe I'm Maybe we'll name with that She saw arthritis cream A happy birthday You did it in a number four So like what that We were celebrating a four year old's birthday Who graduated preschool

What is this a fucking disabled four year old's birthday? Yeah What do we do it? Thank you guys so much, though. And we are so close. At the time that we are recording this, we are only 11 away from eating the so throming. So head on over to patreon.com slash can you don't podcast. Sign up.

That's how you get the bonus content and the episodes are ad-free, merch discounts and all that kind of stuff. So much. Head on over there and check it out if we make our way through the old honkathon. We are doing a lap time on the show today. We are? What are we doing? Oh, I didn't know we were doing that. You liar.

Well, we're going to do predictions that did not go well from the past. Very popular ideas that everybody believed. And it's because everybody's so scared of AI and we're listening to weird predictions. So we'll just look at the past where they were also very confident and wrong. Where they thought they had it. They thought they nailed it because they knew everything, but they were round. God, I always love those two when you saw those like whatever articles that would pop up and be like, this is what someone thought like 1999 or 2001 would look like and you're like the future

idiot everyone who was walking around aluminum suits you didn't predict the fucking internet did you whoops yeah i got some pretty fun ones it should be a good good time okay very excited uh all right so four years let's get into it we're going to get a little wild to uh start the show Zach please hey shut up start the show already sent in by oh my God, I went on a, like a little rabbit hole. Was it, whatever, in the last couple days. And I started looking up old Kill Switch Engage live vids. And I almost sent them to you.

Oh, where they're squealing. The live ones. Yeah, I've seen those. The squeal off. So good. I've seen them. Yep. And then you have a guitarist, like, hey.

That's why they're one of the best live. acts out there. They're the best. Stuff like that. So this was set in by our son Shane and it's going to get a little wild. If you've already came today, get ready to

come again. Would you rather find a used condom on the ground at a truck stop? Already no. Slide it on and then beat off into it. You'll get four bucks.

Oh! Find a used wad of toilet paper with a shit smear on it and use it to wipe your own ass. You'll get $3.75. So it's not about the money. It's about the money. It's never about the money. And the fact that that's in there would never play in. But I can't help but think about if you were in a position where 25 cents

was the deciding factor. Deal breaker. When you're like In this economy, come on. Yeah. Like, I have a family to feed. I don't. No.

I mean, what happens if you don't do either? If you're just like, then you die. Shame didn't write in or don't do either and go to bet. You explode or something? Let's start that in there. Yeah. I'd rather explode.

I know. Well, it looks like I die today. I don't know. Oh, God. I mean, I just, I've been spending a lot of time in baseball. fields lately and there's always it's like porta potty there's always a used condom yeah well i've seen a couple of those what like in the in the in the thrown in the corner you know um but it's just i've

used so many porta potty's and walked in there and it's just the lids wide open and you just see the last eight people's shits piled on each other just don't look down yeah and the idea of that I just God damn it you know like the the smell of shit and just someone else's

shit smeared on your ass but it's not always just the smell of shit no that's just that's part of it that's a major part of it sure but it's like the well you brought you said like you know outhouse right

a honey bucket depending on where you're from, what you call it. Whatever brands out there, like Brian's fucking, Brian's box. Some town has that. What's better than a honey bucket, though? I mean, come out.

It even kind of smells like a honey bucket. They got a different kind of cut. Yeah. They got a soap dish. You got deep pockets. You can get the honey buckets. No, but like, it's not just the shit smell. It's also infused with the piss and

the chemicals that are trying to hide it. That is what makes it the plus a myriad of diseases. Okay. But the condom probably has a few of those as well. Sure, a condom could. This is kind of a lose-lose, buddy. Well, yeah, but there's 25 cents on the line, dude.

Don't just toss this around. Like, it means nothing. Okay, hold on. All I have to offer right now is for the people watching the video, seeing the disgust, because I don't really know. I feel like I want to gag And I feel like I could throw up if I really Let myself

Okay Sorry this is Taking a little longer I can search for a better chance of getting an SCD from a used condom or used toilet paper Good question Your poor computer This is what AI is for You have a higher chance of contracting an SCD from a used condom

Oh Shocking What at all Although the risk in both scenarios is incredibly low compared to direct sexual contact. Then just put them both on. Do it all. Oh, man.

I guess, wipe and beat. I guess they use condom, if the jizz is just all in the reservoir. You're not worried about reaching the tip? Yeah. That's kind of where I was going to get is like, as long as you can fucking different problems, bro.

As long as you can, uh, as long as it's pretty loose. As long as you can fucking come. But. Wouldn't your jiz reanimate the other person's jiz though with the liquid and humidity?

Yeah, like shaking up a snow globe. Yeah, not good. Shaking up just a gross snow globe. Oh my God. That's so gross. And the sound. Just as you shake up a condom full of strangers jizz.

It's probably cold. It's a fucking magic eight ball. And you're like, well, I get lucky tonight, and you spit this condom full of jizz over, and it rotates up and it goes, go home.

That's all it says on the magic condom eight ball. You've had enough. You're hallucinating. I think, I feel like we've reached, I feel like we've reached an all-time low. We've hit a peek for the show of like,

of just having a conversation about this on a microphone. Yeah. Like this might this might be the new low. Because I'm like normally my normally my brain can go like

it can scenarios can ramp up my head. But like I'm just so disgusted by both of these options that I'm having a hard time like Speaking of hard times. So you're watching. watching out of like a, or walking out of like a Circle J restaurant, right?

Like trucks drop like just staple here on the Northwest. Flying J. Is that what it is? Yeah, right. Oh, they changed it. Oh, Circle J. Circle K. So a Flying J and you're walking by, you're heading back to your car.

You have a, you have a Gatorade and some checks mix. And you just walk right by a used condom like in a disabled parking space. the contrast catches your eye and you just fuck it for four bucks which covers almost the cost gatorade and checks mix that's not even a that doesn't even cover

a gallon of gas right now doesn't even cover fucking Gatorade checks mix but it will shave off four bucks and that's cool every little bit helps I guess I mean there's the out of sight out of mind about like a waded up shit

Toilet paper. Obviously, that comes down to, like, what type of shit? That is not out of sight. It is. It's your butt. It's your butt. You have to look at it. You have to fucking use condom. You have to look at the shit and then rub it on your shit. Oh, huh. Kind of hot.

I want to know who we have to blame for this one. Is this one of your... No, this is Shane. Shane. Okay. Yeah, Shane. Shane did this to us. Yeah, it's Shane's fault. So Shane brought us the new low of Canyon Down.

Yeah. He's brought a few. I'm not sure if this is the low. I don't think so either. I mean, Brian's having a hard time. I'm struggling. Because then I'm trying, like, I'm trying to say, like, I have nothing to say. So what I'm, my brain is doing, it's like, could I, what would I, would I do this?

Or would I rather jerk off, would I rather, like, use some other dudes wotted up shit to, like, jizzin or stick a use condom up my ass or something? See, that's, you're thinking. I'm just trying to think of something else other than having to pick up. one of these. Well, what you just thought about is not better. No. Using a used truck stop condom to wipe your ass. That's

grosser to me. Is it? Yes. Fuck that. Just Oh my God. I hate it. Or using a watered up shit

covered tissue to jerk off with? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. there's the low it gets worse and worse we had to feel around all you had to do is switch it around a little bit just explore

going off of it and I agree this is fucking gross and you can't answer it I will wipe my ass with someone else's shit because I don't have to look at it and you don't have to get turned you don't have to come about yeah

you just wipe your butt with and then that would be the easiest it would be the saddest three $2.75. Dude, walking over to like, there was like a little tent that they hand over

the money. Would you like it in big bills? Change or bills? I don't care. Do you have change? No, they give you $4. Do you have change for four?

And you have to reach in your pockets and find change. Get the dig and to use condiment pull out a quarter. That is a funny way of bobbing for apples. I think you're, I don't, so like, that aside out of mind doesn't help me in the decision. But I think, like, having to jerk off, you still have to, like, you've got to get yourself.

You got to come about it. Worked up and you got to, like, you got to get there. This is fine. You're not weird. You're not weird. This is normal. This is normal. This isn't wrong.

This feels good. It's normal. People do this. Don't let people kinkshame you. And it's jerking off and a flying. And it's turned me... Parking lot! Just the neon lights like,

like glowing. That whistle. That trucker's like, yeah. Yeah. Their engines are running because they're napping. And they wish they were napping,

but they're watching it jerk off and they're used condom. Fucking shame. Show that condo who's boss. Yeah, you got it. People walking out with their big gulps. Just like,

oh, been there. It gets better. Does it? It does it? It gets better. There's a... Nothing could possibly be better.

There are a few gas stations downtown, Spokane. There's so many people that just hang out like homeless people and stuff. Yeah. That they have those high pitch whistles going to try to deter people from like from lingering. From hangering. So I'm just picturing like... Lingering? Yeah, lawyer.

So you're there trying to jerk off into this used condom while this high-pitched whistle is just like... Over behind the... You're not a bad guy. You're not a bad guy. Behind the garbage can. Some dude's shooting up. You love your kids. You're going to put this $4 towards the college fund.

Fuck. Anyway, I'm picking shit ass. I think I have to. Yeah. As much as I don't want to. All right. We're moving off to what are you thinking about. Let's go.

Thanks, Shane. Fuck. Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit.

What are you thinking about? So we don't know how this is going to go. But we thought it would be funny to just call people. Since we started calling Dave, the crane operator, Minnesota a couple weeks ago now. People have just been sending in their numbers. And we're like, you know what? We're just going to start calling people for what are you thinking about.

And we're just going to find out what happens. We're not sure if they're going to pick up. We don't know. But we're going to call Dave right now because he started this. And it's his fault. You cause this. All right, here we go. See if he picks up.

He's never let us down. He hasn't. He's like, oh, shh. Okay. Hey, what's up, Dave? There he is. What's up? Hey, you're live on the show right now.

Hey, fellas. We're recording our four-year anniversary show right now. No way. Yeah, no way. Is that a crane being operated in the background? Oh, what was it? Is that a crane being operated in the background right now? No, no.

I'm on the whole run. I'm headed out. Oh, okay. So we are calling you first, because you started this. And then since we talked, a bunch of people have been sending in their first. phone numbers. So we're going to go down the list here and you start calling people. But this is for what are you thinking about?

So do you have something that you're thinking about that you want to ask the next person? Oh, I like for the story. Yeah, I bet. We just answered a question about would you rather jerk off into a used condom that you found in a truck stop for $4 or have to wipe your ass with a piece of toilet paper that's already been used by someone else for $3.75 8. The good time's a good time, right?

Yeah. Always. So anything you want to ask the next person? What? Tits or ass. Tits or ass? Good question. Okay. Well, then we'll do tits or ass. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, fuck yeah. We'll do tits or ass. We'll see what happens. There we go. All right. Thank you.

Cheers, brother. Thanks, Dave. Bye. Love you. Bye. All right. So who are we calling with that? Fuck. We're going to call on. Yeah, we're going to call the next one.

The Acese Spades. The Aes of Spades. You want me to call them? I got it. Yeah, I mean, you can call it, but you're better at talking than I am. So if you want to call from my phone. I love talking. And we don't know if they're going to pick up, you guys.

We're completely waking, like, we have not set up anybody. So it's a good chance that they'll be like, listen, we got shit to do. Look, just wearing a Fulmingo shirt This is what This is what we do He's not picking up Oh

Nope Please leave your message He just gives his number out All right Well he missed out That's okay Move on to the next one Do we have any filler questions

Anything else about dicks and butts And come At a truck stop I want to call Austin Yep I'm calling him right now Oh okay I'll do it

Or you do it. You know how to do it. Okay. Oh, God. This is just non-stop. Son of a bitch. They send in their phone number, but then they also shelter it from us. They're like, listen, we don't want them to have our phone number.

Okay, let's see what happens. This is a good TV. This is great. Hello. Yo? Yo? Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? What? Hello? What is... Can you hear me?

What the fuck was that? You weren't on mute, are you? No. Nope, nope. That, nothing. Try again. Yeah, I'll try again. There's no mute.

Can you hear me? Can you? Can you drive hear me? Excuse me. Excuse me. Hi, it's Joe and Brian. How are you? Is that how you always answer the phone?

It's like, excuse you. Yeah, excuse you for calling me, bitch. Recognize your voice. Oh. Wait, what? Oh, she recognized your voice. Oh.

The sultry, sexy voice. And then instantly was mean? Yeah. No. There was a little bit of that. It's like, oh, this is Joe. I can just say shit. I can't, you know, fuck you, man.

So we're just running down a list of, numbers here. And then two people didn't pick up. So you're next. But Dave, the crane operator. I'm number three.

What's that? That's rich. I'm number three. We were going by email. There's no particular order. It was an alphabetical. And so we had to skip two. But Dave, the crane operator

from Minnesota, I had a question for you. Yeah. Tits or ass? Yes. Okay. The whole package. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. You got the I-F. Ah, yeah. Yeah. So just tits are asking, yep. Yeah. You don't have a favorite between the two? I mean, it depends who's.

So I don't know, man. That's a good question. Yours tits. What? What? Yours tits? Brian. Like yours?

Like, we're talking about yours? Do you know that Zach is wearing the corsets that you made for our penises? Right now. currently. Like, like, like on the correct places and everything? I think so. Yeah, he's not wearing clothes, so he's just wearing them. Thanks for it didn't happen, though. It's hot. Yeah, it's so hot. He had to double up, though. He's wearing both of them. He's wearing all three. He's slipping right off. Is he wearing the smaller one? He's just wearing all three. It's a long cockering. The smaller one's saving me, though. Zach said that the smaller one is saving him right now. Okay. It's holding the other ones.

You want to like squish it to get all the blood. I'm squishing it, lady. He screamed that he's squishing it. He's mashing it. All right. So you are responsible for the question for the next person. What do you want to ask? Oh.

Oh, yeah. They put on the spot, man. I know. Sorry about that. Sushi or steak. Sushi or steak? All right. Thank you, yo.

Okay, I love you. Okay, bye. Bye. It's so funny. Sushi or steak is a good question. It is a good question. If you would have asked me, you know, years ago, before I ate sushi, it had been an easy question. But now?

It's the best. You get a good sushi place. Hey, thanks for calling. God, damn it! All right, we'll get one more chance then. We'll see what happens here. Come on, Seth. See what happens.

I know, just calling out of nowhere from a number that you guys don't have. But we didn't tell them. They're missing out. They're going to realize it. That's all right. We're going to get more and more numbers. He's probably just like, what the fuck is that? Probably thinking of a...

What is a 208 area code? Is this a bank? Maybe we should leave a message if it... Yeah, we can leave a message. Your call has been forwarded to an... automated voice messaging system. I would expect something a little crazy. Seth.

At the tone, please record your message. When you finish recording, you may hang up or press one for more options. To leave a callback number, press 5. Please do that. Hey, Seth. Hey, Seth. Hey, Seth. It's Joe and Brian.

We're calling you live on the show right now. Do you prefer sushi or steak? Or tits or ass? Or tits or ass? Or is there a combination of those that would make one better than the other one? I think there is. Thank you so much for all your support. Okay.

Love you. Bye. Call us back. How's that tattoo of the show logo on your ass, Seth? That was early on, too. It was. That was dedication. This came straight in.

I mean, but the whole point of this, what are you thinking about, was letting you guys know that we are so appreciative of the support that is a lot of the support that is a lot of allowed us to do this for fucking four years. It is crazy. It's been four years. Like, through it all. Just here for us. And that's exactly what I'm thinking about.

They're here for us. Four years. I get it. So, thank you guys so much. Because we don't plan on stopping anytime soon. Four more years. Four more years. Yeah. Four more years, I will be...

You'll be in your 50s, right, Zach? I'll be old man. I'll be 51, yeah. Oh, my God! I know. That's disgusting. Hopefully I'll become a real boy eventually. Oh my God. That's so old.

Do you have gray hairs or anything? Yeah. Chest hair? You know, the chest hair is still pretty dark. Okay. But kind of thicker than I'd like. You know, that's all right. Little tray and sees.

Yeah, you can't win them all. No. Have you ever shaved it? I neared it back in my 20s. Ooh. Ever smelled nearing in a bushy forest of chest hair? It's delicious. women love it

sounds like a chemical meltdown is that shit hurts is that one you put on and you just wipes off or do you have to rip it it felt like I was in a laboratory doing something for Project mk ultra something is ridiculous don't recommend although you know sometimes the women like the you know

clean nips the eyes yeah all right we love you guys we're going to slide off for some dick now let's fucking go zah is it dumb interesting then it's dick Okay, with it being the four

Beed-de-beep with the big four. I just thought this was funny. Because it's the same amount of work that goes into this. Okay? And I love that humans just do stuff like this, but scientists find yeast in frozen

mummy's gut. And then they use it to make sourdough bread. I mean, since we have it. God. In that discussion, like going through all of the steps of an archaeology, just a dig, right? And then someone's like cuts them open.

Like, what is that? Like, I don't know. It's like yeast. And someone stopped and said, can I make some bread out of it? And that is why humans will be humans. Like they must be going on some sourdough bread, you know, a little trip right now, doing what's best for them. But yeast has been growing.

Go ahead. Hold on. I was just visualizing. So let's say they do that. Let's say they extract the yeast. And then they're figuring up, they're doing all this stuff and they're like, what do we do with this?

And they're like, well, there's nothing really we can learn from it or whatever. So we'll just toss it. And some guys, like some guys in the back guy, like, oh, whoa, whoa. I'll take it.

My wife is on a sourdough bread kick. You want the yeast. Yeah. I mean, if we're just throwing it out. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to sound like a crazy person. to waste. I hate wasting food. I hate nothing I

hate more than first of all. Mummy yeast. Wasting yeast. Second of all, wasting mummy gut yeast. I just I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we threw this out. I almost started a non-profit to

make sure that this would never happen. And I'm considering it, but come on, hand it over. Save mummy. Yeast has been growing in the guts of a frozen mummy called Not Gonna Try. What is... How do you even?

O-E-T-Z-I. O-E-T-Z-I. Oh, this? The Ice Man, for thousands of years. Shouldn't it be sourdough bread already? It's a baguette. Scientists have discovered telling AFP, they used it to make sourdough bread.

more than 5,300 years ago. Dude, like you get queasy off of truck stop use condoms. This shit makes me a little queasy. It reminds me of that just because you can doesn't mean you should. Should, yeah, exactly.

So more than 5,300 years ago, I also heard your phone go off, by the way. You're not going to hide that. It was just notification. I heard it. Before the Egyptian pyramids were built, A. A.N.C.

was strolling through the Alps on the border of Austria and Italy when he was killed by an arrow in the back just walking along I was like fucking so cold out here that's way worse God that's worse What the fuck God

I love the idea of walking around like we do We're like oh man it's cold today Like you don't I don't think about Ancient people going Man, it's cold out today Should never left that fire You just feel like they were just

You're just used to out and they don't actually go Hoof I can use another skin Weatherman said it was going to be like In the 50s today My cave neighbor said 50s today Did you put Dokey on that? Just turn around

Why? The hell man God Just let me go out on my own terms God. He remained frozen in the ice until two German hikers. Stumbled across... Votivier.

Stumbled across his mummified body remains in 1991. Just 10,000 years later? Like, that is the definition of sport hunting. Like, he got hit with an arrow in the back. 5,000 years ago. That was 5,000 years before the pyramid was... Yes. That's 10,000 years ago.

And it was so cool. they were like, we're not going down there to get him. Yeah. And he is frozen the ice. And then 1991, fucking listening, listening to Rancid. Some German hikers found him.

I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think. So, yeah. Sex pistols? Yeah, sex pistols. Rancid. Yeah. Listen to Pearl Jam and Nirvana.

Yeah, but not in Germani. Oh, come on. Oh, what we have here? It looks like there's an arrow sticking out of the snow. Oh, we've got the body here. So just wait, because you're going to see why. Maybe you guys weren't getting just the same sick vibe that I was, until I show you where they pulled the yeast from.

And someone was like, let's make bread. Since then, his stunningly well-preserved remains have been kept at the same temperature. It looks well-preserved. Minus 6 degrees Celsius. What the fuck's a kilometer. This has allowed scientists to carefully study who offers an incredibly rare window into ancient human life.

For the latest research, published in No One Cares, what we did expect to find was yeast. Lead study author Muhammad Saradn of the Research Institute in Italy city of told AFP.

Look at this. Is this a yeast factory? What the fuck? What are you? Sour-go starter right there. Why? Why would you look at that and be like, let's make some bread?

What the fuck? And I get it. For how old it is, this is well-preserved. That's the only standard. that the word's well-preserved hold up it looks like a rotten mitt it's like a rotten piece of lawn

look at his leg this isn't sourdough bread leg this is leave it alone this what I mean fuck you think this guy would be upset that he knew they cut him open made bread

10,000 years later or wish he was like where was the that when I was getting shot by arrows. I could have energized myself the fuck out of here. I would love to have some bread. It is cold out here. Oh my God. That is so

gross. Next part. Quote, very good sourdough. That was the logical next question. Was it delicious? Did you have it with butter and cheese or jam? Batsad and cheese? Dip it in mammoth cheese?

Fuck. Oh, it's his gut, skin, and brownish water. The scientists discovered four different yeast that can survive sub-zero temperatures and the gut skin in brownish water that melted off his body when he was partially unfrozen. Just lapping

up that brown... You think we need eggs? No, we should use this brown water. And some sour-crow. Is it moist enough? Yes. The brown skin is melting and making water. Let's eat it!

Genetic analysis revealed DNA damage levels very comparable to original microbes in the Iceman's guts. Oh, now you leave out his first name. Suggesting the yeast entered his body soon after death. This is how you bring back an ancient plague. It's just all of this. The scientists then reproduced the gut yeast in a fridge. It was almost like they were scared to go back to the researchers and come back with this.

they're like we got to come back with bread that's not good enough last time we were hired to come up with mummy shit we wasted $15 million to make a 3D printed vocal cord

and presented this we have to come back with bread I'm kind of disappointed they went with bread instead of beer couldn't you do beer with yeast isn't there something better with yeast yeah you could have both mommy beer

do you want to answer that question for you dude? The scientists, so this is what Sauron said. If you, you tell anyone you have yeast, they immediately ask, can we use it for bread? Sarhan, that's what everyone always asks.

So they had, so they tried to make a sourdough loaf. Initially, it didn't work. But after three months of effort, we had very, very good sourdough. And $6,000 more of research. Sourhood, said with a laugh. When asked if scientists were considering,

using the yeast to brew beer, he responded, it's on the list. It's coming. Smart people, their first thought is bread. Normal people is like, can we drink it? Yeah. Okay, that makes sense. But these Egyptologists are the dorkier, I think. So they're like, nah.

Yeah, they're just like, can we make bread? That's not. The first thought is beer every time. I feel like that'd be safer, too. I don't know why. You guys want to see the picture of what you look like, just laying on the ground? Sure do. Bread!

You guys, it looks like... So you know what a used condom? Looks like in a truck stop parking lot? It's like that, but instead it's beef jerky. Like, look at him. Super wig. Look at his arms. Ow!

He's... Ow! Ow! guy, a lot colder. Oh, it's getting real cold. Can this day get any worse? Fuck! And they never thought they're going to hit the shot, because they weren't going to get them.

They're like, I bet you can't hit him. He's like, fucking, yeah, right, and they're drinking fucking some other dead bodies, beer yees. And just, just shoot an arrow across the tundra. And just this guy's, these guys like, ugh. Leave him. He'll be great bread. He's gonna make great bread in 10,000 years.

Big great bread one day. Is they warm their hands up in their cave? Fuck, humans. Fuck them. He's not even trying to find us. Yeah, well, I'm drunk. Well, I'm trying to find him. Oh, go gog-go-go-go.

A-go-go-go. Pussy God! Fuck! We've always just killed shit, dude. We've always just done this stuff. And that no one cares about them. And now fucking has an article in 20206.

And those cave guys that are warm don't have shit. Don't have bread conversations. So sad. Ow. Ow. Ow. I just love him. He's like,

He's like this. Oh, he's dragging something back. You know, he's like, ah, almost there. Fuck. Fuck. Ugh. Oh, fuck. All right.

We have to keep moving. All right. Here we go. For the golden geeks. Neil Daphidey. E.M. 3. Daniel Spatz.

Jason Clayson. Matthew Leonard. Daniel Hach. The soap. foot king. You're in Alady. Stephen Grittenholz.

But thank you guys so much. Those are our Golden Geese, the top supporters on our Patreon. Thank you guys so much. And yeah, we have a limited amount of spots, but when those things open up, it is so nice. Again, like the gratitude of being four

years in. Like, if somebody has to leave the Golden Goose here for whatever reason, it hasn't been more than a couple hours till it's full again. So thank you guys so much. It means so much. And we have discussed opening it up, having some more.

But we'll see. Okay. So we've all been mad, right? Sure. Okay. Have you been this mad? Pennsylvania man tried tearing down his house with an excavator after his wife said that their marriage was over.

I've been as mad, but not as in. Maybe not as motivated. Yeah. Okay. Let's talk about that. This is therapy now. Being that mad. Okay. And let's just read a little bit. We'll learn some more. So a 48-year-old man is facing charges in Pennsylvania after he allegedly tried to destroy his home with an excavator after his wife said that their marriage was over. Police in Buffalo Township, Butler County. What? Lovely this time of the year. I said they were called to a home on Monday after a woman reported that her husband was attempting to tear down their house with a piece of machinery. Imagine that 911 call. And I just don't, I don't feel like the 911 call was that, was not phrased that way. Just like, 9-1-1-1-1-2.

Yes. My husband is attempting to tear down our home with a piece of machinery. Nope. No way. Yes, he's trying to tear down our home with a piece of machinery. Yes, he's trying to tear down our house with a piece of machinery. Like a... What kind of machinery?

Like a hammer? Like, there's no way. It was like, he's fucking got the excavator. The woman stated to police that she told her husband, Eric, that she wanted a divorce after he had returned home from a night of drinking. Which is the only time that you ripped down your own house with an excigator. They don't do that in the morning after you've slept up. off. You don't wake up

and have a healthy conversation about how maybe this marriage isn't working out. You're not being happy and you don't feel like forcing your way through it to make it like a healthy relationship. No. It was a night out with

the boys. And you came home and you have access to an excavator and ripped down the house that you own. Oh, really? You don't meet me. Oh, really? Oh, I bought this house. I can, I, I brought this house into our life.

Take it out. Take it out. It's just fucking, Eric, you're overreacting. It's just overreacting. Just whipping the arm up and down. Fucking hitting a playground. Throwing the neighbor's swing.

Ging. You don't even know it overrun. the looks like. You're about to see it when I ruin my future. I'm to take all finance responsibility. What? I'll call 911. Oh, fucking call 911. Put the phone by the excavator arm. Oh, you don't think I can dial it with my excavator? Shuffle. You know, you know how search. I can be search goal with this machine. Watch, I can do it. So funny.

But do it again. Put the other phone in there. But you haven't, I know you have more phones. Bring out the landline. Come on. This is why it's never going to work. Because she won't bring out the landline for me to dial it. This is why I go out with my bag.

Because they have landlines. And they let me dial them. Fuck this marriage. The weird. rational drunk guy in an excavator yeah

tearing down his own house officials said other family members were inside the home at the time of the incident

oh my god you got 10 seconds get kids out of house people 9-1-1 you know so they have the

playgrounds that have like to sit down fucking oh yeah back-o excavator arms, that's how it has to feel when you're drunk. You're like, I mean, the, the things you do when you're drunk, how you're just, you're just, the caring goes away.

You mix that with like, just anger and access to machinery. I don't care. drunk mad and access to machinery yeah that's a weapon no one

no one is drunk and mad and has access to like a like a I don't know like a jackhammer and then respectfully redos the front side lock

they don't redo the stairs no no that thing's going to the bedroom and is ripping the floor out and then left there and then pop sleeping in the cross and then

And then again. Oh, you couldn't sleep through the jackhammer. I'm sick of sleeping on the couch. I'm sleeping in the cross base. You can't walk us. Eric, stop! And he's wearing the big ass noise cancelling headphones? You don't have to do.

I can't hear you. Oh, you had four beers. More like fucking. fucking more like floor beers what and that shit happens floor beers

he's charged with recklessly endangering another person creating a catastrophe and disorderly conduct I don't know that creating a catastrophe is a loss

I'm just going to type and creating a throw the book out catastrophe What does that remind me of? It's like when you already do something terrible and it's like whatever DUI

hijacking a vehicle and then the charge on the back end is like operating a motor vehicle while drunk and you're like, you already said that. The first two are that. Like, you don't have to put it in there. And not listening. It's like, yeah.

Yeah. Duh. Weird. Yeah, resisting arrest. It's a, it's a, I was like, I was not a fucking tearing down my own house with an excavator. Am I listening to you?

Off, officer? A catastrophe charge can refer to severe criminal offense or a specific type of financial insurance fee. The contacts including location and penalties. Great.

Intentionally or recklessly creating catastrophe using explosives, fire, flood, collapse of a building or releasing biological chemical agents. Shit. Got him on it. That's what?

It's a bio-warfare. Also charged destroying financial future? Here you go. Flood, fire using explosives. Clas from the building. Got them. Got them. Purposely ruining own financial future.

Oh my God. Buck them. In other related news that we're going to jump off to our lap of time, or lap time, lap time. but this just goes back in the same bank but bizarre fruit dispute ends with area man setting

apartment on fire people are fucked up right now guys I love it guess where it's at Florida Florida West Palm Beach Florida A man who claimed The Holy Spirit told him to set fire

inside his apartment was arrested on Sunday after trying to burn his home down charge them book them so that's technically that's creating catastrophe right you tell me

that sounds textbook he tried to bring a billing down and he used fire that's two out of the five so deputies responded to the 1300th block of Summit Pines Boulevard beautifulest time of year and learned that the ordeal began

after a bizarre dispute over a piece of fruit A neighbor told deputies that 57 year old Jeffrey Knapp knocked on the door early that afternoon demanding an apple

When the neighbor The neighbor didn't have one Fuck man When a neighbor didn't have one to offer Nap allegedly flew into a rage Erratically cutting his own hair Letting it fall into a pile on the ground

Hey I was wondering if he had any apples Now refresh out What the fuck? Dude Oh, one thing! Who doesn't have apples? You don't. Yeah, well, I have an excavator!

Oh! When the neighbor didn't have one to offer, Knapp allegedly flew into a ridge, cut his hair off, less than an hour later, the witness said smoke alarm started blaring, and he noticed smoke pouring from Knapp's unit. Oh, yeah! After hearing slurred energy outbursts from inside, the neighbor pulled the complex fire alarm and dialed 911.

When Palm Beach County Fire Rescue arrived, Knapp refused to open the door. Mm-mm. Unless you have a fucking apple. He ain't coming in unless you got fruit. I'm looking for a honey crisp. Forcing crews to break it down according to criminal probable cause affidavit. fuck

are we I mean the world's always been a little crazy these two stories back to back just people are snapping dude just destroying your own property ripping down your own house

because your wife doesn't like you your neighbor doesn't have an apple and setting your own apartment on fire there's just said their apartment on fire not your own no he let he set his own he went in and set his own that's what I'm saying but that's what I'm saying yeah so both them were damaging their own

No, I know. What I'm wondering is the person didn't have the apple. You burn their place down, not your own place. Well, the apartment, I doubt he owns that. That's somebody else's thing. Fair. Once inside, crews say they found an apartment filled with haze of smoke and nap sitting in the middle of the room smoking a cigarette. What's going on, guys? Just. No one's going to knock. In that case, they should, like, have better help business cards that they could hand out for online therapy. Like, listen, shit's about to get real. rough. I know things can get tough, but... Tough, but you're not alone. In this case, it's like you are. You are. But

there's going to be someone here at betterhelp.com that's going to really be able to help you out. And I really hope that after I talk about this, I better help add in place. And we love you. You guys are doing great stuff. Good luck with this guy. On the kitchen stove, an open gas flame was consuming a melting pile of

electronics, papers, and battery. Oh, my God. just needed a fucking apple just a granny just something tied this guy over he's so hungry he's so angry while being escorted out of the smoke-filled room nap admitted to arson

yeah did it yep who wouldn't oh you wouldn't do that fucking sue me you wouldn't do that oh you fuck oh he's better than me just fucking with a cigarette in his mouth

handcuffed with a VCR burning on the stove If your neighbor didn't have an apple, you wouldn't do it. Huh? You wouldn't do it? Fuck you. Fuck. Like the cigarette doing the bouncy thing?

The lip bouncy fucking cigarette thing? Yeah. Yeah, he's like, oh, really? Oh, you wouldn't do it? Oh, yeah. Oh, you still look better than me. Oh. Let me pick up my cigarette.

High horse. Get in the car. Jesus. always must be so nice looking down it all the people have apples

from your apple tree pie up in your apple tree oh high up in your happy tree pie blatantly telling officials he lit a Bible on fire because the Holy Spirit commanded it that sounds not even after the arrest

Nap's anger didn't simmer down he was reportedly hurled or he reportedly hurled profanities at the neighbor who called for help pussy Simba down now Oh my god

That's so funny Like all this shit's going down You're getting arrested And you are you And your electronics are on fire In your apartment And you're fucking Shubbed in the back of a car

And you yell your neighbor Who didn't have an apple Fuck you What This is all your fault Gary This is all your fault Gary Rotten hell None of this had to happen

Apple Corps Baltimore Remember that game? deputies found probable cause to book nap for counts of first degree arson, property damage, property damage $1,000 plus, and interfering with a firefighter deputy. I love the interfering part. You got in the way. Got in the way, dude.

We've had enough. All right, let's move off to lap time. Zach, let's fucking do it. Hey, little chitrons. Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zach's lap? Gather around, boys and girls. It's lap time with Uncle Zach. it on my lap, you little shits.

All he wanted was an exquisite red delicious apple. Get your hand off my dick. I see you know your judo well. What type of music would you like? Give me a vibe. And I'm going to not push the right one. What do you want? Deaside.

What? Oh my God. No. That's the best I got. That'll work, actually. That's good. All right. So, Miss. It's just like E.

85. All right, when you guys think of predictions from the past that we're, Winter rye. Is there anything that comes to mine so you can ruin one on my list? End of the world. Prophecy stuff comes to mine. Okay. Because that keeps not happening. It does. Over and over. Yeah. Climate stuff. Okay. What about the Y2K bug? That's the one for me. Oh, yeah. Remember when the computers were going to turn into cotton gins somehow magically? Yeah, the world was going to implode. Right. Well, we have a lot of these. These are interesting. Yeah, turn that music off. Sorry about that. It's way loud in my ears.

So I think my whole life, I've got two of these from the same one, but this is kind of why I brought this up. It's the overpopulation. We hear that all the time. I think about that one a lot. There's too many people in the world. We've been hearing that forever. Yeah. And it started in 1798.

And there's this guy named Malthus. So you'll hear this Malthusian. It's a theory. You'll hear it in weird circles. But basically, he wrote an essay called the principle of population. And it basically said that the more people are, the less food, there will be, and everybody believed that. Because at the time, it was just, you know, normal farming, and now we have all this advancement. And so we've kind of proven that wrong. So agricultural

revelations, revolution's industry, technology, and all the trade kind of destroyed that, all that. Well, that's, I mean, the guy wrote that essay with the perspective of the way life was currently, like, he couldn't, he couldn't foresee, he couldn't foresee 20 cows. There's also kind of like an elitism level to this too. Okay. I get picking up on that. Yeah. And so the main reason that we all...

The fucking echo on your voice is so fucking funny. Is it? I can't. Like, you're just talking and you say smart stuff. And it literally sounds like I'm like listening to a god. Back to you. A really dumb god. The worst possible one.

So the reason why we all know about the population thing is because of this book called The Population Bomb. Oh. God. And so overpopulation would cause mass famines, hundreds of millions of starving. And this was a big deal in the 70s and 80s. It was all anyone could talk about. So that's why China did their one child policy, all that stuff.

And once again, it was wrong because of the technology. And now we're at a point where the population is the opposite to where we have lower population growth than we have to replace the populations in Europe and Asia and all over the world. So that was a bad one because it's obviously not good for civilizations to. to lose big chunks of their people. Yeah. So there's that one. Okay. So the overpopulation thing was my whole life, and it was wrong.

Okay. I like that. Where do you stand thought-wise on just people not having kids? I hate it. Civilization is going to work. It's going to work out. But do you think that the fact that people growing up look at it and they're like, okay, well, having a kid or X amount of kids,

forces you into poverty and struggle, so I will not do that. But it's not about stopping the growth of humanity because there's still, what, six and a half billion? It's eight billion, yeah. Eight billion? Yeah. We just keep fucking? The Mormons are doing, the Mormons will keep us going.

Nice. For sure. I don't know. I think having kids is good. Well, I mean, I agree with that. It's just the thought of, if we don't for a bit, is that, it's that, it's, it's, It's probably fine. Well, it screws are, you know, in the United States, we have Social Security.

And so those kind of things, you need to have a population to pay the tax base, to pay the people that are retired. Yeah. So, I mean, that's really kind of screwing Japan, China, even though they have a lot of people, but the people are aging out kind of thing. And this myth is really, it was super destructive. And it lasted for hundreds of years, but really for, you know, since 1968. It's still kind of around. People constantly say it. But again, it's more of an elitist thing.

It's people like, look, all these people. I don't like any of them, dirty, stinky masses. Yeah. And, I mean, I'm not saying I need more people on the streets. It's not what I'm hoping for. Yeah. But anyway, we'll go through some of these pretty quick. You know, in 1929, there was, you can imagine before the stock market, one of the most, a couple of these are economists because they're never right.

But there was an economist named Irving Fisher, who was certain that the stock market would keep growing. And he was the main economist at the time. And he said, you know, we're going to get even bigger and it's going to get higher and higher. and that was like the day before the crash. I would have shot him with an arrow. Yeah. And during the, you know, in 2000, there were people just like that with arrows in their backs, not knowing what was going on. But, oh, so anyway, obviously the crash came.

It did happen. Yeah, it did. And he looked like an idiot. Yeah, I bet. It's funny. As I'm going through these, it's going to be kind of weird to say them, but a lot of people predicted things like television being just a fad. There's a very, there's a popular. Yeah.

Go ahead. That's so funny. Can you imagine? This is a good word. At least moving pictures. No, no one wants to see it. No one wants to see people.

Yeah. That's crazy. One of my favorites is an economist named Paul Krugman, and he's not my favorite economist. He's one of my least favorite, but he made a predict, I know, I know. The fact of you have favorite and least favorite. I have tons of them. Just sliding them up and down a rating scale.

Well, when they're wrong all the time. But he predicted that the internet would be a fad. Boof. Yeah. He hasn't lived that one down. He's one of your favorites? He's one of my least favorites. Oh, that makes sense.

He works for the New York Times. He's not so great. Can you imagine that pill? Like, again, I don't have a platform to have to have to swallow something like that. But if you go out on a limb and make a statement like the Internet isn't going to make it, it's just a fad. What are you? And you're just like, you're so proud of your. And then now you're using the internet to voice your opinion.

Yeah. Fuck. That is such a humiliating point. Yeah. But, you know, he ignores it. But still trying to use that platform is the way that you're, like, I'm great at making predictions while using the thing that you think that would. Yeah.

You subscribe to him and he sends you a VHS in the mail. He's like, it's going to come back. It's going to worry. Yeah, fuck this thing. Just a matter of time. Well, how does your prediction power go? go up from that, you know? Zero.

Why do people still listen to him? Not the damage. But the funny thing about the TV guys, he was a 20th century Fox executive in 1946. He said, quote, television won't be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. What? Nailed it.

Fucking nailed it. How is this guy still have a job? How do you even, again, it's just one of those where you look at where we are and you obviously are going to be influenced by that. But I try so hard to put myself in that position and look at it and think that there's no future here. And you have to constantly change your demographic or your market or the people that are watching it after six months. What are you fucking talking about? Right.

That's so, it's just so dumb. It's a worrisome thing about economics in some sense is that there's just a lot of arrogance involved. Yeah. Because it's like, wow, I've got to prove that I'm smart. And so I say this. And they need double down on it. And you're like, yeah. I mean, even MySpace,

MySpace looked at Facebook and like, there's no way people are going to want more than eight friends. There's no way people want more than eight friends and not know how to HTML code. And not have their favorite song play as soon as you get there. No way. You guys should change your model. This is the model. This is the model.

We are. The top. HTML code. Look like fucking shit. song play. Iris by Googoo Dolls. That's it. I want a bunch of gifts

blinking around in the background. I want a caveman pissing. That's what I want. And if I can't have it, it's not going to work. Yeah, so I mean, I get it. All right, I got a few more for you guys.

I'm going to be friends with everybody. Mm-hmm. And they're going to have my picture. That hurt to do that to people. Like, you're my number two. Not you. Sliding it around. Dude, when you moved it,

it's like that says everything. You're like, oh, man, I just dropped. or you go up, you're like, hell yeah. Yeah, you did. I wasn't a fan. Not a fan. I don't like hurting people like that. All right, Thomas Edison, even though he was a brilliant man, he made some interesting predictions.

One of them in 1911 was that everything in the 21st century cradles, furniture will be made of steel. Everything. Nailed it. It's heavy. Yeah, obviously, that's not how it goes. That's a heavy prediction. This one's pretty funny. I think this kind of fits in the AI one.

His name was John Philip Sousa. In 1906, he said, recorded music, mechanical music. music would destroy amateur musicians and musical ability. So we've been having this argument since 1906. Now here we are with AI making music. Yeah. And it's expanded and become better, never. They was wrong again.

If it ain't live, it ain't mine. Mm-hmm. All right. There was also, of course, things like bloodletting, you know, blah, blah, blah. That's not really a prediction. But that's what they did for a long time. The eugenics movement, they basically were talking about. Yeah, they were right.

Yeah, all the gene stuff and all that things. It was misunderstood science. But then back to the Y2K bug. Do you guys remember that? You guys were little? I was eighth grade. I was 17. I remember I was like high school.

So we were, yeah, I was right in the middle of computers. Yeah, I went to Canada on that day to celebrate the new year. And we were all thinking. It's French. Yeah. Are we going to come back? The power will go out. Nobody gave a shit.

It was funny because it was such a big. deal and it was this scare tactic is what it felt like. Yeah. And all my friends, nobody gave shit. Yeah. I don't know about you guys. I wasn't allowed to, I was, I went to a New Year's Eve party that was just down the street from my dad's house because just in case everything went wrong, they knew exactly

where I was. You were close by. Mm-hmm. And there was other parties I could have gone to. And I went to that one because that's the one I was allowed to go to because there's only five blocks away from my house. just in case and we had a bunch of canned food so our family but they we also kind of always had canned food because you know you're in charge of making your own fucking food spaghettios

fair enough all right back to that well how about one more yeah okay and this would be i mean there's tons of them in here you know titanic was unsinkable yeah fuck you know in the 80s What a bullf. God, what a marketing thing that was. Unsinkable two days later. See ya. But Japan was supposed to destroy the United States and economics back in the 90s, 80s and 90s. Was that that other condomists that said that?

Not one of my favorites for sure. But I do remember, this is the last one. In the 1970s, and right when I was growing up, there was a little tail end of this. They talked about the cooling consensus that the world would be cooling instead of warming. And that was a big deal. It was in a lot of the newspapers, and it frightened people, and they made movies and all that kind of stuff. And obviously, we're still here, and now we're worried about other kinds of climate things, I guess. Yeah.

So I wouldn't listen to people that make predictions, so in the scary way, and I would definitely try and teach yourself how to learn instead of listen to experts all the time. Yeah. But we do need to listen to experts because you're probably not going to be a scientist, so whatever. Yeah. And I bet you sometimes they thought they had the best intentions. Possibly. But again, some of them were just really, really elitist. and propagandists and pieces of shit.

Okay. So be on the lookout for that. It's a good lesson. People aren't doing that today at all. Don't you worry. Yeah. And it's going to get better. It always gets better.

It's just gotten worse. Thank you, God. Everyone's, uh, that's like sports talk. Everything is, this is, this is the way, like, if you listen to sports talk, guys making predictions and then you go back and listen to what they, after the season's over, they were so far off. Always. But they were so, they were like, this is 100% going to happen.

But I think people get away with it because we live in this cycle where no one cares about what you said before. It's just, it's all about what I'm saying today. It's just ratings and decisiveness. People like confidence. If you can speak with confidence, you'll find a lot of followers, I think. And I don't think, if you can also backtrack and not take ownership of your bad decisions and ideas, that's also a nice skill to keep you doing this crap. Yeah. Sounds like a politician.

Yeah. I love it. Yep. All right. Well, thanks, Zach. My pleasure. Yep. Why are my pants wet?

You pee yourself? Nope. There's a cum joke. Oh. Zach, get good news. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. So U.S. nonprofit, again, wipes out millions in hospital bills. And this time for 97,000 residents of Connecticut. connect ticket yeah i mean gosh dang man that is nice that is so nice

so nice so the nation's largest buyer of over largest buyer that's also not a sentence that you think you'd be like hey well how much is that debt how much i'll get how much i pay for it like what do you talk i would hang up on someone

if they called and said hey can i buy all your debt uh largest buyer of overdue medical debts has yet again relieved the burden of past hospital expenses for thousands of Americans. Having worked with state governments in Arizona and Maine, undue medical debt, UMD, has now eliminated some 6.5 million in unpaid medical bills for 97,000 residents of Connecticut. It's thanks to a program set up by a state that paired leftover money from a COVID-19 relief package with money raised by undue medical debt through donations.

And is fourth such round of its debt relief to qualify. You know, anyway. So can you imagine the stress of like an unsurmountable medical debt? And this company shows up and is like, never went. And just they bought your debt. What if you just paid off your brain surgery and then they came in? And they're like, we're paying off everyone's debt. we just got here.

Hey, sorry, we're late. So that $3 million, they, can you guys seem up with? I just have the money. Can you guys help cover that? So the whole point is that the hospital gets to balance this books and everyone gets to feel better about themselves. And the hospitals still get to charge $600 for an Advil. And the insurance company gets everything.

But it's not about changing the system, but it's about being a solution for the system that we're currently in. Yeah, I mean, there's. And you got to respect that. How many of those? residents couldn't afford what they had to pay. Yeah, to pay it off. That's a good market solution instead of having the government do it.

That's good. Yeah. So that is the good news. Yeah? And this next story, I think you guys maybe have seen, but I have some thoughts about it. Zach, please. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison.

Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes, that's awesome. So every now and again, like just a certain story takes off. This one in particular because I'm guessing, and I hope it doesn't turn into something bad. But just because of the ambiguity that surrounds it, right?

So I've seen videos of this posted all over socials, but police are now investigating videos of men that mysteriously emerge. from the New York City sewers. Have you guys seen this? No. Yeah, not this particular one, but yeah. Okay. So. Too many tunnels with secret stuff.

Videos of men mysteriously emerging from New York City sewers have drawn the attention of police who insist there's no threat to the public. Authority said back on Monday. Social media posts all over the place show groups of men, not affiliated with any public works crew, climbing out of manholes in various Brooklyn neighborhoods. The hell? There haven't been any immediate arrests in the apparent trespassing incidents. Don't worry about it.

Police are pursuing their leading theory that the group is scouring the system for valuables that get into the sewage. That's a far stretch. So the video was timestamped about 2 a.m. last Friday. A man in a white shirt and shorts is seen picking up a manhole cover and allowing seven men to emerge. all of them appeared to be wearing coveralls or protective clothing before quickly changing into different clothes near a McDonald's or McDonnells or McNo sorry near McDonald and Bedford Avenues which I think is great this time of year. It's lovely. In another video shot in Brooklyn, a man in a red shirt is seen opening a manhole cover from underneath, dangerously climbing into a street with traffic near, again beautiful Hayward Street and Bedford Avenue. six people emerged following that first man with at least three of them carrying shovels

they all appear to be wearing or carrying headlamps investigators were not immediately linked or have not immediately linked the two different incidents there were no injuries reported there are no arrests and the investigation remains ongoing there has to be some sort of a link right uh sure so that's where my brain goes just comes into play is that i have snuck into underground tunnels before Okay, with friends. Did you take shovels? No, but we did take some shit

like out of there that we found down there and got out of there. But it's just so funny that the insane, wide range of shit that they could be doing down there. They could be going down there. Sure, they're shovels. But they could be like doing something so

innocent, like moving a little dirt mound because they want to see what's in like this next little compartment. and they're down there drinking a four loco. Or they could be wiring up nuclear bombs. Yeah, I was going to say wiring up the place to explode. And it's like, and it's just that is humans. You have no idea what they're doing.

There could be a perfectly fine explanation for all of it. We do love digging in and little tunnels. We like our tunnels. Every city's got secret underground shit. And like it comes down to tiny detail. tails, right? So imagine you're down there and you go down first time and there's a wall and it's been sealed off and there's a tiny little crack and you're like, what's over there? I bet you there's something bad there. There's got to be something over there. You're like, okay, next time we all come

with shovels. So then they go back with shovels just to knock out the wall that leads to nowhere that they probably maybe sealed for some sort of ventilation issue that cracked over time. But humans wanted to see what was over there. And they got over there. there and they could have been listening to fucking sandstorm on a Bluetooth speaker with fucking having a having the time of their lives under Brooklyn. Or they could be sex trafficking. They could be sex trafficking North Koreans. They could or they were searching for long lost treasures.

Well, they didn't find that. We don't know. Well, I'm just saying that's, if I was down in a tunnels and I saw a little, open and I'd be like, I bet you they're hiding treasure back there. And then the flip side, it's like they switch their clothing because they're trying to hide their identity, right? And then the other side is they changed clothing because they all smelled like shit. Yeah, they were in a poopy sewer. And it's so polar opposite. I love it. Yeah. Like, oh my God, if you had cameras all over the place when I was a kid and the shit I was doing,

you're like, what the fuck is he doing? If you're not wearing... Is he planting a bomb? It's like, no, I just want to see if I could grab this gutter on the side of the hospital. That's all I was doing. If you're not wearing a municipal outfit, we don't want to see you come out of the tunnels. I get it. None of us do. Makes you feel weird. Why are you hiding? Just go to a bar if you want to listen to stuff and drink alcohol. What are you doing? Why is that mattress down there? And if the ground caves in below Brooklyn, it was bombs. If it doesn't, it was, they were drinking. They were drinking fucking. They were drinking fucking. Old English 40s.

Having a blast. They came out, like, you smell like shit. You do too. And they took their sweatshirts out. Why do you got to go down there to do it, though? Because it's fun! You can do that.

You can just go to a park. Of course, you can do it anywhere. You go to a park, you know, smell like shit. God, you're missing the point. We are so different. If I'm crawling... You could drink beer on the grass, or you could drink beer on the roof.

I want to drink beer on the roof. I would also drink beer in the roof. Fuck yeah. crawling into sewer things to drink beer. Not a bunker? Bunker's different than sewer. Okay. What are you doing down in the bunker?

Huh? Actually, a bomb in there? Bunker would be pretty claustrophobic, I think. So again, we are so different. I'm a roof guy. Like, I used to climb on our house roof, the garage roof. I would sit on a roof and drink beer. That's what I would like to do.

If I'm crawling in a hole that's musty and smells like shit and it's like... But it's kind of cool? No. I'm not and I'm especially not drinking or eating down there I might as well go into a bathroom and in drink beers Zach would you explore some underground tunnels with me I'm pretty big so I end up I was getting trouble when I do that but yeah I used to like doing that

yeah fuck yeah then you know so anyway we'll find out pretty soon I'm guessing I think I'd rather walk on roofs than crawling caverns yeah because you know yeah and there's so many people that are on roofs that are they bring a ladder to like make a it's like they're not always up to some crazy shit they just looked up there and their goat instinct took over they're like can I get on it no one get on it I want to get up there look up you see that I think you could get up on me climbing trees that's I love doing that shit so same thing crawling down in holes didn't love it one of my favorite stories of growing up I

used to live in a hilly area up in painted hills and there were rumors of missile silos up there and whatever. And I didn't get to do this, but my pothead friend who I bought pot from, he went up there one day. And he found this thing. And he said it was all sorts of underground. He brought our gas masks that we used for bongs later. It was a great story. He might have lied to me, but he said he had a whole fun underground experience.

And he had a really nice military-grade gas masks. So fuck, yeah. That's some proof. Yeah. I think I've always had a fear of holes because of baby Jessica. Fair enough. And I just remember them having to dig that hole down and then the guy had to crawl over from one hole to the other. I just remember the claustrophobic of like being lowered down into a hole upside down, trying to grab.

And it just like it makes me cringe thinking about going down in a hole. And I realize the sewers are not that. They're different, but still like there's something about crawling down into a hole. stuff yeah I get it I get it I get it I'd rather be outside

so I mean I guess we'll see I've got some we got two big emails you gotta pick the first of the second you let me know Zach

fuck oh god all right let's hear what you guys really you want to talk to me wow that's cool

god did you don't don't go too far ahead I went too far ahead Fuck. I really want to surprise you with one of them. Okay, well, I'll take the first one because it has something really cool that I think I want if this person would give it to me. Okay. All right.

This message from just me. Okay. You know, and someone calls me on the phone like, hey, it's me. Just me? I know a lot of people. It's just me. Oh, okay. Hello, my dearest daddies and my favorite quirky uncle, Nutsack.

What? I've emailed it once before, but haven't heard it on the show. No worries, though, because I know you both are slow, and I'm sure you'll get around to reading it at some point. Fair enough. Like slow mentally, or just slow at doing things? I think both, yeah. This time, though, I'm writing in to say that I, too, lost my real dad.

Ha ha ha, ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Just me. Unfortunately, lost mine when I was 15 years old, and I'm 41 years old now. Okay. So did I start the Dead Dad Club?

Funny. I'll leave that up to you to decide. Is that a petty beef? Here's a little bit about my dad. In 1972, he delivered auto parts for a company like Napa! In the beautiful graft in Wisconsin. Beautiful. Sad part is, is the truck he drove was a piece of fucking shit they wouldn't fix.

Yep. One day delivering parts, the truck he drove, completely died out and he finally stopped on the track oh my god on the train tracks as the train was coming like a scene from final destination he had no time to free himself from the seatbelt and exit the vehicle and got hit by the train he died five times that day but was brought back to life back back every time and my mom was told he would never walk produce more kids and he would pretty much be a vegetable for the remainder of his life. Fast forward a bit, and on top of my three older siblings that were already alive,

that were, yeah, already alive, my mom and dad had my older sister, my brother, and myself. He also learned how to walk with a cane, drive, and live somewhat of a normal life again. Just what? The flashbacks from the accident while sleeping would throw him into seizures so bad that you'd have to be hauled off to the ER every time with every seizure. It would take part of his brain power, and it would take part of his brain power with. When I was 15, he went to have surgery done to remove a bad part of his brain to stop the seizures. Surgery was a huge success, and he was considered their miracle patient.

After the second day of recovery, he had a massive stroke on both sides of his brain and threw him into a coma. Well, he was not going to wake after that, so the plug was pulled and he died. insert dead mummy sounder I knew it was coming I know our listeners cool huh wow neat trick so I started the dead dad club

I say we make jackets anyways you guys have filled a gap that I thought couldn't be filled and I love you for it that's what the ladies say to Joe he fills them all I eagerly wait for every new episode and I pray you never stop this

train wreck of a podcast Daddy, Brian, give me this. Sex is a... Look. You can much horse cock, Paisley, tuck that shit, man, so you don't... Sorry, I was getting choked up. Yeah.

Tuck that shit, man, so you don't trip in sweet Uncle nutsack. I'll never forget the time you took me out to fuck my first birdhouse. Special moments. Included a couple picks just for Brian that I know you'll appreciate. I was 11 when I got it in my first paper. review I went to the 1996 King of the Ring. Oh, you have no idea how

his nipples are so hard right now. Which is the same day my oldest stepdaughter was born. Hugs and tugs from your dad dadless steps son Nick sent from inside pocket of my jean jackets. This fucking Sean Michael's. Fucking what? Gene fucking jean jacket.

What? Look at that thing. The heartbreak kid Sean Michaels Doon doon Oh Oh Can you imagine This having that picture

Taken? I know I'm sexy And you're like Can we put some Can we put some chains in the background They're like yeah Girls a while I got the moon

Oh my god That is Really moose Dude 1996 was when Sean was really starting to take off too That's when he won his first title Yeah Oh

What a time Oh sorry But time to be alive Well, sorry to hear about your dad But the fact that he got Fucking hit by a train Kept going Made more kids

Had brain surgery And then lost it all Eventually, like that is a wild Ride But glad that you're here Just me We really are, thank you And send us that fucking jacket

Our second email Coming in from our son Brock Who writes Uncle Zach. Love the show. Been here since day one. And you guys have helped me survive many dangerous post-lunch hump dump slumps. I thought he was going to say dangerous post-lunch hump dump.

Hump day dumps. Hump day slumps. See? We all fucked it. Lunch hump day slumps. That's a lot. That's a good sentence, though. That was pretty funny if red pop-lumps.

I was listening to Hot Pepper's best friend, Locke, Fingerprints. And when you started talking about people stealing food. fingerprints from pictures nowadays, I immediately knew that I had to write in. Quick backstory, two years ago, I cut my thumb off in a rodeo accident. As one does. The doctors weren't able to fully reattach the original thumb, but they somehow managed to save the bone and tendons and build me a brand new super thumb. Just wait until you see this fucking thing. New merch item dropping soon.

Super thumb. That we lovingly named Steve. Steve is Steve. I attached pictures below and honestly, feel free to share... Fuck, of course I'm going to share these. You can't put these in not... You guys, you have no idea.

Oh, fuck, I'm so excited. I purposefully... I've made sure that I did the, like, at least... Well, this week, I did the majority of the episode, filling it out, right? I just had the time. And I made sure, even though I didn't know I was going to be able to do the rest of the episode to do this part so that you would hopefully not see it without me having to text you because we do that. Where we're like, hey, I'm getting you arthritis cream.

Don't look in the bag. But you're like, hey, I don't look at the email, blah, blah, blah, I got it covered. And you're like, okay, so that we share going back and forth. And I guess no, it's going to kick. This is one of those. Super thumb. And honestly, feel free. free to share them on the podcast because Steve

deserves the spotlight. He deserves so many. Now, Steve doesn't exactly look like a normal thumb. In fact, multiple people have told me it looks more like a butt plug than a thumb. Butt plug thumb.

Which is probably not what the surgeons were going for, but here we are. Imagine I'm looking at it like, it kind of looks like a butt plug. That'll do. Ship it. What are we going to redo this? Roll them out. Because of this, one of my favorite hobbies is aggressively giving a thumbs up in every single picture possible.

Family photos, thumbs up. Kids' birthday parties, thumbs up. Church, you better believe Steve's still making an appearance. This drives my wife absolutely insane. According to her, it's ugly. And does not... She don't... Don't be...

Okay. Don't go on. He's going to get a complex. According to her, it's ugly and does not need to be in every... every picture. Wrong. But my argument is simple. We pay tens of thousands of dollars for a custom-built thumb.

Why would we not show it off every chance we get? Sound logic. I want you to look away from your computer. Okay? Don't even risk going down until we throw this fucking thing up on the screen. But after hearing your fingerprint discussion, I finally realized something amazing. My fingerprint is gone. Steve literally cannot be stolen from.

photos. For the first time of my life, my weird little mutant thumb has become the safest thumb on earth. Something finally went my way. The safest. Anyways, hope you guys enjoy seeing the pictures of Steve, as much as I enjoy forcing them into every photo ever taken. Thanks again for the podcast. Keep it up. I look forward to hearing you guys every week. And can we please get one more sexy honk from Daddy Brian? peace out daddies your weird shaped thumb brock p.S one day I'll write in I'm just pictured him writing in with his fucking thumb god that's talent you'll see

P.S one day I'll write in with the full story of how I cut my thumb off it's surprisingly funny and more importantly it taught me just how absolutely useless my dad is in an emergency situation okay is he able to text with his thumbs that's what I was that's what I was wondering Okay, so here is Thule shit So there is the thumb Okay, it's ripped off

Okay, shut your eyes again Was he riding bull or what? He's riding bull driving tractor Okay, take it off the screen Okay That was marching carcourt Here's what they made him He's a hitchhiking machine

Never see it forever Never not picked up I'm out of the road That would be like you wake up Do you wake up and they unravel it? You're ready for the big reveal? Yeah. And then you're like, okay, wait, does this come off to reveal the real thing?

Like, it's a fake code. Put a please. Looks nice, it looks nice healed up. How are you doing? This good. There's like hair growing up. I was going to say it's furry. Never been better.

Siskel and Evert gave it one butt plug up. One equals two. What? Dude, they should have hired someone else. Hire someone that does pottery. You can't do that, dude. You can't. You can't do that.

And then if, dude, your wife, you have to fuck her with that, right? Right. I mean, like, there's the sneaky thumb in the butt. Yeah. This is like, that's not sneaky. This is considered DP. You have to. Okay.

If you are just listening right now, go to our YouTube channel and look at this fucking Steve, dude. Steve! Look at this, Steve! Two in the pink and wanting and the stink. Whoever made it was blind or had never seen a thumb before.

Or they just don't understand scale. This is where it came from. Scale. Clearly. Look. This is where they cut the cloth. Oh my God. I was crying. I think the fur makes it really, just the fuzzy peach fur.

Yeah, it's like a little peach. It's real because it's fuzzy. I wonder if it's fun to play with. Because there's no, there's no thumbnail. I don't know, but I want to go see Brock and just fucking find out. Man. What the fuck? Can you put that in gloves?

Can you wear gloves? Special gloves? Like, imagine a fingerless fucking leather gloves. This is the knuckle? And you're like, is it? Fucking is it? Remember when they, when they unravel it and the doctor's like, okay, so this is your knuckle. So right, that's, that's, that hell you're talking about, dog?

He spins the, he flips the blueprint over. He says, oh, fuck. Wait, is it still swollen? Like, does the swelling come down? Oh, it's completely down. No, that is it. And then, somebody should. It looks great.

It's like you could thump a motherfucker with that thing. Dude. Just take a guy out. Brock. Fuck. I think I'd have them cut it back off. Try again. Just fucking edit undue.

I like the way he's leaning into it. Ida boy. That's our guy, dude. That's our audience. Weird thumb guy in the house. Well, I would blow this, but we know it doesn't work. I'm going to try. No, it doesn't work.

Somebody blow it. We can wrap it up. Oh, never mind. That was the regular one. Old reliable. All right. So that is it. Episode 208.

We love you guys. I was scrolling through and I saw the thumb again. Set stuff in because the show's going to keep going. That email address is Hey guys at Can You Don't Podcast. Let go.

Help us get through the hawkathon. I want to watch these guys eat that stinky fermented herring. Head over to patreon.com. So it's Can You Know Podcast. Rate and review us. Splatter. Splatter Scat is on right now. It's fully funded.

Fully funded. In five hours. You're still taking you. Yeah, we'll take your money. Okay. Thank you. And check out what Uncle Zach's up to at scatcast.com. At scat with a K.

And a thank you to the babysitters that moderate the Canyon No Playground on Facebook. It's wrapped this shit up. I have a fact. Zia! Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? I'm just getting like a second wind at this picture. Dude, the more you look.

I know. It's happening right now. just want it. Because I'm picturing like he's actually going through life. I'm, he has to do life. I wonder what kind of a pitch he could come up with on that. Yeah. Two seam.

Four scene. Four scene. One, two, three, four. I declare, he's like, never mind. I declare a sum, a sumo war. I declare, I declare a forfeit. Uh, okay. In ancient Rome, wealthy citizens used powdered mice brains as toothpaste.

Oh. They believe that crush mouse. brains and livers would whiten teeth and cure toothaches Nailed it. Fucking idiots. Just like cigarettes were good. We're not that far off.

We're just learning all of us. All right, off to the bonus content. We love you guys. Bye!