Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Free Coffee. Robbery. Optometrist. Fart Walk.

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

You know when you're out in public and you can easily tell someone is going to be a problem? Well, Joe had an experience in a Verizon store he would like to share with you. Let's talk about that, having to chew your food for five minutes every single bite, why the heck are 'Lords a Leaping' so dang expensive, a thrilling dining experience so long as your disgruntled ex isn't the crane operator, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/0_WxcB2y-dcSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

free coffee robbery optometrist fart walk teen printing press milk bum cum dumpster cream pie couch Teen Printing Press Milk Bump Cum Dumpster Cream Pie Couch Someone's been on Pornhub lately, huh? You know, I'm just getting excited. It's that time of the year, buddy. You know what it is. Yeah. What? The recap. The year-end review. We're not doing it today.

But, because I mean, last time I checked, they hadn't released it just yet. But yeah. You don't want to pay for the premium subscription to get it early you did that they had a they had a meeting they had a business meeting at porn hub headquarters business meeting yeah threesome sex and they decided that at some point they're gonna hide the porn hub year yet year-end recap behind a pay like a subscription wall. And who was just like, dude, I can't wait. I've been waiting for an excuse to sign up and tell people this video sucks.

This beautiful girl in Eichenmuster with two squirts of cum. God, and some of those comments like that. We don't have to get into this, but you see like this, they go down. It's just like, oh, I'd like to, I'd like to get into this but you see like this they go down this it's just like oh i'd like to i'd like to fucking jizz on those titties like that's why we're all here why i don't why are you commenting that yeah oh my god given the chance i'd fuck those feet all right sorry dude you're not gonna get the chance dude get come on hit Hit me up. DM me. DM me if you want your fucking titty fucked. You get your own

by a rock hard cock. Your own Pornhub URL. Yeah. .com slash big titty milfucker. Two. Oh, you type big titty milfucker. Sorry, that username is already taken alright two

success yes the little green check mark fucking yeah dude but who's number one yeah who's number one well you gotta do like the the um fucking what when people just buy you know urls oh yeah whatever it is

and they sit on them like domain farming yeah domain farming yeah it's like that guy's got to figure out who number one is and take them down yeah or pay for the spot yeah he'd be like i'll give how much but one titty fuck come over here and fuck my big titties you bitch you know what you picked up bitch he's like i can't i can't leave comments like this and when i have two next to my name it's just got to be that or else people aren't going to take it serious. If I'm just the number two guy, I can't have that. Yeah, your comments carry no weight.

Right. Yeah. You're just another guy with milf titty. You're a nothing. Episode 132 of Can You Don't? Game first, your last. We're recording a few episodes this week because of vacation stuff and holiday shenanigans. Milk tits. I feel like I heard a

Was that a... Zach? There it is. That was sad. That was a sad one. Happy New Year. There we go. I always forget that around Christmas time is New Year also. They stack them right up. It's exactly

a week after. I forget that. It's almost 2025. 25, Joe. That's a nice... It's not a round number because round numbers are... What is it? I was going to say a nice even number, but it's not an even number. It's an odd number.

It's a solid odd number. It's a solid. What would that be called, Zach? Would you say a nice. Zach? Eh? Would you say a nice round number? 25? I don't know. Because I don't think that's the right term.

But what's it? 25, 50, 75. Yeah. Five goes up. You round up from five, which I always thought was a fucking joke. Well, it's halfway. Yeah. So don't fucking round it up.

It's halfway. That's pretty solid to me. You got a point. Yeah. Bonus content. fucking round it up. It's halfway. That's pretty solid to me. You got a point. Yeah. Bonus content. Sign up on Patreon. You'll find a link in the episode description. Patreon.com slash CandyDomePodcast.

You can gift a Patreon subscription now. You'll find that information right there on our page if you want to do that and be nice this holiday season. All content you want to hear on the show, you send that in to the email address, heyguys at candydonepodcast.com. Zach showed up. He's getting shit done. He's stressed out, but he's making it happen. Go check out the Scatcast Universe.

And that's scat, cast, and that's scat with a K. Don't go to the other website. You'll get titty fuck shit tits. On my feet. Shit on my feet couch. Cum poop dick cum basket poop dick it sounds like a guy with tourettes just cum fucking ass titty fuck cream pie shit nuts fucking shit on my teet tits what the hell's a teet tit this tip the same thing i'm just flipping through a thesaurus fucking teat tip boob jugs that's the same thing you can't just do that i remember when i miss calling them jugs no that was like a uh married with children juggies remember uh married children that was the magazine just called jugs i missed that what a time

uh we this is your last chance as this comes out we're uh i guess it's either christmas day or just a couple days before if you do subscribe on patreon because you get an early release uh but we have the merch giveaway thank you to everybody who's picked stuff up but sometime afterwards again we have to record ahead but we'll figure it out we have this little wheel right here on our desk and we will spin it and if you buy some of our merch on canyon on podcast.com it'll land on either sweatshirts t-shirts or miscellaneous or penis or penis can you imagine we should just put one in there penis little piece of the pie if it lands on penis we spin again little penis the pie go piece of the pie. If it lands on penis, we spin again. A little penis the pie.

Go for it. One more ride. Yeah. If it lands on penis, we're going to spin it again. And then somebody will win $250. We'll go into the back end of the merch website and randomize the names depending on what you bought. So if you want a chance to win no matter what, you can pick up one of everything. And there's a ton of new merch in there.

So head over to canyadpodcast.com. We have what I'm calling a food flong today, which is fitting because the word flong is footlong, and it has to do with hot dogs. So it originated there, and the theme just kind of presented itself. A lot of what we talk about today on the show will have to do with food. In the Christmas spirit spirit i found this article very interesting you guys know the 12 days of christmas right no the song on the first day you're like never heard of it never heard i have to play the whole thing for you all 12 days but uh there's a company that figures out every single year how much buying the 12 days of christmas would actually cost you have you ever thought yes based on inflation huh yeah based on inflation they adjust it uh there's

some that are very volatile so it's hard to really gauge it i guess it would depend on how many geese are swimming uh and what their feathers looked like are they canadian geese and which farmer you're buying it from, where are you. That's sometimes just hard to figure that out. But I will tell you, there's a nice chart for our YouTube audience. Zach, you want to bring that up? That does give you the total cost of everything. So the true cost last year was $201,972.66.

Sweet shit. This year, it's a little bit more. $209,272. Or $209,272 even. So buying the exact... This is actually a great representation of how inflation works. Yeah, like how ridiculous is that?

But it is... Yeah. And the most expensive thing on here is 10 Lords of Leapin'. this is that but it is yeah and the most expensive thing on here is ted are 10 lords of leaping at coming in at 15 579 dollars and 65 cents this year what the fuck are the lords doing i mean i know it's an old-timey song it's tied back to christianity and i did a little bit of research and people there's a vast array of people that are experts in Lords of Leaping.

So it's hard to understand the whole idea of it. Could they be leaping lords themselves? Yeah. So it comes from like rich lords, and they're celebrating in excess. And that's kind of the comedy of the song, like just way too much shit going on.

So it has to do with them, like, jumping around in celebration. But then another poster article I found was talking about lords. They used leapfrog as a way of exercise. And I don't know if they're just making shit up. They didn't have iPads and TV and shit. So they would go outside. You know, leapfrog where you bend down and put your hands on your knees. It's a kid game. And then someone jumps

over you. And I guess adults used to do it. And that was the Lords of Leaping. And then also, if that's the case, this song is just like, how much for that? And you have to break down how much it would cost for 10 Lords of Leaping? Each leap costs

dollars. You're killing me! You're killing me killing me saint bartholomew how does inflation affect leaping like you see now you're getting into it the nitty-gritty i'm not sure how much real work well the older the the older the lords get to the harder it is to leap so maybe you've got like they make it over maybe you've got hip surgeries. Maybe that's why the price is going up. But they have experience. They have wisdom in leaping.

That's true. Sometimes just playing smart instead of, you know, what do they say? Work harder, smarter, not harder.

What do they say? Work harder. You know what they say? Just fucking don't think about it. That's what my dad used to say. Yeah, ten times the amount of work. Just work harder, you fucking idiot.

I don't know about their five golden rings thing because gold per ounce is like 2,800, 2,900 bucks right now. I know, but a ring. It should be Bitcoin is what they need to update it. Four Bitcoin chains. Dude, Bitcoin. Bitcoin's going to. Five Bitcoin mining machines, computers in your closet.

Dude, everyone. Michael Saylor's trying to get everyone to sell all their gold and buy Bitcoin, and then it'll just crash the world. All the value of gold goes away, and we can dominate with Bitcoin in America. Get it out of here. Come on, do the right thing.

But yeah, just over $200,000 if you want to buy everything in the 12 Days of Christmas song. All right. Let's get the show rolling. 12. Zach! Hey, shut up.

It's not the show already. Okay. So what should we do? Should we do a Would You Rather? Yeah. Oh, thanks, Zach. Are we making this up as we go? No.

Sent in from our son, Bailey. Okay. And his wife And the email that was sent in With this would you rather Was classic Because Bailey sent the email in And he wrote a particular

Would you rather Oh I thought it was the wife No Bailey sent it in And then his wife He wrote in there He goes Well my wife thinks

That it should be this way But there's no fucking way That's not right That should be a petty beef too And I took it As the way that the wife suggested. Okay. So I just wanted to make sure I laid that out there. Would you rather

have to chew every single bite of food for five minutes or not be able to chew your food at all? Okay. So. In five minutes.

It's a long time. It's a really long time When you have to You could have sex twice Yeah Maybe three times Yeah Two and a half If you

It's weird like Time is a weird thing Sometimes you're like I'll be there in five minutes You feel Shit I have I have no time I only have five minutes to get there

But if you just sit And wait for five minutes to get there but if you just sit and wait for five minutes to pass it takes forever staring at the clock so if you're just chewing while you're watching a clock for five minutes and what you're like think about a the what's the worst food combination to have to chew for five minutes like pudding pudding it's a good one yeah like some yogurt it's already chewed. I mean, but also something you have to chew, like a steak. Steak. But for five minutes. Sometimes like an overly cooked

well done steak, you have to chew like that. But five minutes. Like I would love to do it. Do cows do that all the time? No, they're just taking new bites and mooing of grass. They regurgitate their cud and then just... And they just chew it up a little bit more.

They get the nutrition in there and just chomp on it. But what else are they going to do? It's not like they have... Will you look up how long cows chew their food? I'm sure you're going to get a whole... Somebody's got... Well, again, they regurgitate cud. What's the initial chew process like?

But I feel like it's going to turn into just a sloppy stew not not to mention if you want a nice meal you better have like half a day eight hours a day chewing their cuds for a total of almost 30 000 chews daily okay the same guy broke this down that did the uh the inflation chart the lord's leaping yeah that's just his job that's actually a fun idea for just what like as a content creator like thinking that way where you just break down weird shit how long it would take to do weird stuff yeah i think that's that's fun that sounds like a lot of fun. It does. But like chewing a bite of food, some mashed

potatoes and steak in just five minutes how many bites are in a meal you're going to need just based off chewing alone what an hour and a half? If you had like a 12 ounce steak or something like that and you got reasonable bites,

I'd be taking really big bites, I think. Or never be able to chew your food at all, which I, food processor, blend it up. But that wouldn't allow you to eat things like steak. Yeah. So you'd have to eat. You wouldn't get the texture thing. It would just be strictly for survival.

You'd be blending them up. Go into a restaurant and you're like. Can you throw the steak in the blender? How would you like your steak? In a blender, please? Liquefied? Or like, do they say like when you get a margarita on the rocks or blended?

Oh, shaken, please. How do you take your steak? Blended on the rocks uh blend it on the rocks on the rocks god and he goes and you're like he's like seriously oh it's funny i bet you bet you it's fun hanging out with this guy all day isn't it what do you really want i'm fucking serious fucking do it or i'm leaving or i'm gonna burn this fucking restaurant down real quick real side note this happened the other day. We were at my kid's basketball game

and I said something. I was joking. One of the moms that was sitting there, one of the kids, she was laughing and my wife was sitting next to me and she goes, is this what it's like all day living with him?

And I was like, she's not as impressed. She just goes, your wife did? Yeah. But it was that thing where, because this woman, she's like, her husband's just like a regular guy. Yeah.

And I'm just like, you know, just cracking jokes. She's like, is this what it's like all day with him? It must be not annoying. It must be so fun. God, I bet this isn't annoying all the time. My wife's just like, sometimes I just want to have a regular conversation is probably what she's thinking. Your wife just says, I don't know, ask how much we have sex.

Dude, last night. And she goes, the girl's like, okay. And she goes, how much you guys have sex? We haven't had sex in months. Put the end of that conversation. And your wife goes, so is it fun? Is it fun is it fun Brenda why don't you focus on the fucking rebounds

so we were at Target last night real quick another side note we were at Target last night and I had to get some new body wash so I went over and grabbed two of them so I went over and grabbed my wife's tits right you squeezed your tits real quick and I was like what would go best on these

what would go best on these go best with these titties no but i was like i was like so i was like i walk over to my wife she's across the thing she's in like the the drawing coloring the art area and i was like which one of these makes you wet and she's like oh my god and walks and i was like all right this whatever i made whatever the comment it was walked away and put the other one back and came back and said something like that just dry you up or what and there were two women standing on the other side but they didn't know what I was talking about

could have been talking about anything maybe her mouth is dry she moved down to the water course but you could just tell there's a time and place but for was it's like there's a time and place but for me it's like no this is the time and place oh it's it's always always the

time and place yeah anyway um so i mean jumping back like chewing food you might just have to do it all the time just non-stop snacking pock five minutes Five minutes of just chewing chips. I was just thinking Like something that disappears immediately and you have to just keep going. Cotton candy. Yeah.

It just dissolves in your tongue. You're just chewing nothing. One of those little like Listerine strips. Remember those? Oh yeah, yeah. The breath. It's gone immediately

and you just have to go for five minutes. I want to say this is an easy decision because if you go the other route and you can't chew, that means you don't eat to get... The chicken sandwich or steak,

you don't get to eat any of that shit. Or, I mean, people swallow swords, so why can't you just cut them into tiny, tiny pieces? I mean, I'm sure you probably could, but there's something about chewing. There's that risk. But also the risk of choking all the time. You just get used to going

and shooting chunks of food too big learn my lesson cut it cut it in half you're on a date anniversary date with your wife no first date i can't i can't believe we've made it 10 years me either and he's you're just like... Me neither. Me either. And you just take a bite and she's talking. So anyway, at work today you're like... Just shooting steak across the room.

And you're like, oh, that's really interesting. And she's so used to it. Doesn't even break strides. And you're like, too big. Sorry. And you say it out loud. Too big. Too big. She're like, too big. Sorry. And you say it out loud. Too big. Too big. She's like, let me scoot your plate over to your wife.

Or she says it. And she cuts it. She's like, oh, too big. Too big. You're like, you got to cut them. Give it to me. Give it to me. It's been a great 10 years.

Has it? give it to me it's been a great 10 years has it anytime i mean things get so ridiculous by the end of a decade of marriage to where it is like you just get you're annoyed the way that someone gags when they brush their teeth you know or steps on the wrong piece of wood in the hallway like you know the creaky piece is there step over it we know that step to like you know the creaky piece is there step over it we know that step to the side of the creaky piece things get like that's why we have petty beef because it gets so like are we really at this point does that really bother you or are you just so despite you just fed up with that person that you're like you stepped on the on the creaky wrong board it's been the same board.

And then that turns into a, yeah, and you were supposed to fix it. Yeah. Oh. Three years ago, you said you'd fix this. So what's next? Well, that was the last time we had sex. Maybe if you had sex a little bit, I'd fix the creaky board. So what's next?

I'm fixing a creaky board in a dress with a dick in my butt? God! And that's the only way I can have a little bit of sex. And then the camera zooms out and you're sitting at the restaurant cutting your steak. Squish, squish. Too big. Sorry, too big. Oh.

I don't know. It's easier to just eat yogurt or or that just blend it up but i feel like you're gonna miss out and i'm not too many great foods and i get it and i and i feel like i would be okay with that like i like food but food is also just a gathering thing for me also embarrassing like i'm sitting there with my what my, what's the brand of a gym bottle? Body, is it bodybuilder? Like you go to the gym and it has like the, like what you would put your protein shake in. What's that brand? The shaker bottle thing?

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. It says body something down the side. Body armor? Sure. It says you have body armor and it has a little ball inside of it, like a paint can. And so you have to go out to a fancy dinner and you're all dressed up with your little gym like people are trying to talk like we had a company meeting we had a great quarter uh anything

you'd like to say like hold on one second fire up your your ninja your ninja blender? Is it just called a... I think it just says bodybuilder. It's blender ball? Sure. Whatever. Everyone can see it. Everyone can see the plastic cup with the blue top that the bros are taking to the gym

and shaking around. Is it this? It looks like that, yeah. Blender bottle? Yeah, sure. That's it. Same idea. I'm sure they get it from GNC

or wherever they buy their protein shakes. Hey, I can get it tomorrow. Oh, shit. That's it. Same idea. I'm sure they get it from GNC or wherever they buy their protein shakes. Hey, I can get it tomorrow. Oh, shit. Whip it out. Get it tomorrow because it's already in your closet? It's probably down in one of the cupboards. Yeah, you pay for it. Get it immediately. You click order and it's like, you already have this,

you fucking idiot. It says that. It takes your money. You already have it. It's in your It says that. It takes your money. You already have it. It's in your fucking closet. Go work out. We did a back check. You've ordered three of these in the last six months. And we have tracking devices.

They're all in your house. We're still taking your money. It's a lesson. It's a life lesson. Go to the gym. Go to the gym. You look like a fucking croissant. Okay.

So I'm going to pick blended just because not being a foodie guy myself i guess i can't imagine having to choose shit for five minutes what are you guys picking i'm gonna go the other route they're getting later later in life uh the smaller things you take when you're younger and you're just out going doing stuff like for me food was just like whatever now it's like i like to go fuck you know what i mean now it's like i want to i like to go to a restaurant and like get a good meal i like to go out for a good like a nice dinner and then go home and not have some like argue with my wife and then go home and not have sex. Like argue with my wife and then go home and jerk off. Oh yeah!

I mean, that's just part of getting older. God, that's the best, isn't it? Isn't it weird when you know you're going to go to dinner and we're like, we're going to fight at some point. And the drive home is going to be silent. Like what? Nothing but your farts. Fuck. Just like five minutes into a silent Uber ride and you're just like,

did that make you wet? And then the guy up front. Did this make you wet? It's such a funny question to ask in the middle of a fight. You know what? Yeah, I'll sleep on the couch. Yeah, you walk out and you come back five minutes later. Did that make you wet?

What? Fuck. Sorry. I don't know. I'm hard. Did it make you wet? Yeah. No.

Fix the floor. Okay. Jeez. Zach, what are you picking? You want to chew your food? You just drink it and move on. No mastication. Protein shakes for life. Okay. I kind of do that anyway. All right. Jeez. Zach, what are you picking? You want to chew your food? You just drink it and move on? No mastication. Protein shakes for life.

Okay. I kind of do that anyway. All right. Fair. We just described, Bailey just described your life. Yeah, basically now. It's weird. Like, I don't eat.

It's hard for me to just, like, get food and, like, eat. Like, we'll get food. Amber will show us eating a car. Like, we'll stop and get something. I want to get, I like to get home get home, get in front of the TV. Mine's more of an inconveniencing. I hate eating out of my lap. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I do, too. But for me, it's the experience of watching a show and eating. I'm exactly like that, dude. I have to watch something while I'm eating. Even if it's just like i sit down at the dining room table and grab my phone and throw something on youtube or whatever like just i just want to watch something and eat i don't like to just i'd rather eat cold food than not watch something and eat no okay i'll wait and drive home and then watch a movie and have it

perfectly set up yeah let's eat it and enjoy everything i've always been that way though i like when i got home from school, I'd get a big old bowl of chips and a fucking cold pop and watch Saved by the Bell. And it's just like, they complement each other, you know? When I got out of high school, I took a big loan out from my band, and I got, we sold a bunch of CDs,

and I spent like five grand at Jack in the Box in a movie store. And I just rent three movies that I'd never seen before and eat Jack in the Box. And I added like 70 pounds to my life sounds fun though it's fun as shit bro you think anyone is out there like right now well not right now maybe right now i i don't know why i said not right now like that changes the question like pounding a whopper and watching like printing press milking milftits? Well, they're probably listening to the show and eating

a whopper. Yeah, and that's acceptable. But have you ever just set up shop and just turned on fucking teen cream pie fuck bitch? It's one thing I've never done is sat down to eat and watch porn. Watch porn. Me either. But you know someone's out there doing it. That's just their love language. Yeah, I...

When I watch porn, it's very specific to, like, there's going to be an ejaculation at the end of this it's not it's not for entertainment purposes well kind of i mean it is but not like but not like there's there's going to be a there's a climax to happen how many more business and pleasure there's going to be a special sauce yeah we're we're starting this job and we're gonna finish it all right let's head off to some story time i got something to tell you guys zach hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about i'm gonna tell you what what are you thinking about joe okay um this is hard and i that's what she said i hope because

i have shared this story in this like i know that i've said this a bunch where i don't know for sure if i've shared it on the show actually i think I mostly say that I know I've talked about this before. But this particular time, I have just shared it with people in my everyday life that I cannot remember. If I shared this one. But I don't think I have. And I ran it by you. And you were like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Which is like a 25% confidence boost for me in this situation.

I also forget a lot. You don't know what the fuck's happening yeah a lot of times you talk about something and you're like i don't i'm like that's enough for me so i know i've talked about my phone situation where i dropped my phone and it broke and i then i got the new phone and i went to go i was putting the screen protector on and i fucking dropped my phone while i was trying to put the screen protector on. So I know that I've talked about that. Dude, sit on your bed or something.

But when I was in Hawaii, my phone got up and scooted it, and it fell into the pool. On its own, it did? It got up. It grew legs. No, I stood up, I scooted, and my foot kicked it into the pool. And Apple would not admit it, but it was the same phone, so they replaced the screen on it, like the actual screen for free, because it shouldn't have broken. And they're like, yeah, we know that. There was no damage, and the whole fucking screen went out and started bleeding black ink all over it.

So they replaced it for free, and then they're somewhat water resistant and the phone went into the pool and then got just grabbed and brought back out which is I mean fuck yeah what fucking year is it I dropped mine in the hot tub and it was fine

I know and I've got older phones like before they're even water resistant like they go in the water and if it's not fucking hanging out in there forever or felt falling to the bottom of a 35 or 35 foot fucking lake, like it's going to be okay. Okay. And I understand that this just fell into the pool and then was grabbed and brought back out and it fucking died. Okay. So that happened and I brought it into Apple and they're like, Hey, there's nothing I could do and I was like, well

It's supposed to be like somewhat water resistant. They're like, yeah Yeah, and I was like and what are the specs on that? They're like, you know three meters and I was like, well What about fucking two feet? And they're like, yeah shouldn't have broken and I was like, I know but it did but it did and I was like you guys just Replace the screen on it. He's like, yeah, but but we replaced it all the way back to the way that it came. He was probably thinking, well, stop dropping your phone. Yeah. I was like, did you guys spray water sealing on it?

So anyway, that's not the point of the story. It broke. And I had to go get the phone replaced. And I went to the Verizon store here in beautiful spokane washington and i was sitting in there and for on this particular day a lot of people needed phones it was a pretty packed spot and if you've gotten into any of these types of stores within the last five years maybe even 10 years they found their little formula right with how they redo the design in there. Like it used to walk in, it looked like a phone store.

You walk in now and it looks like an experience, right? It's a coffee shop. Yeah. Like Apple came out with their Apple stores and everyone else was like, shit, we got to really, we got to ramp things up around here. So this particular store, it has that look where the lights, like the ceiling's not done. You're like, Ooh, and the lights are coming like's not done you're like oh and the lights are coming like way down out of the rafters to hang you know three feet above like wires are

sticking out that are like live wires for that sense of danger and the lights come down and they hang over like the nice you know it's from ikea but it kind of looks fancy it could be real wood but it's probably not probably not like that kind that kind of look. And so I went in, I checked in and like, okay, well, you know, someone will be over to help you shortly. So I went over and I sat down and I'm just observing and hanging out in the store. And as I'm sitting there, this couple walks in. It's a guy and a girl. And the girl walks in first.

First? First. First, she walks in. And you can tell that the man that comes in behind her is going to be a problem. You can... Like, if you're not from Spokane,

you can tell... It's just... I mean, first of all, he's wearing fucking slippers. Okay? He's wearing slippers and the pants that look like he's waiting for a flood capri he's wearing like capris that have been through they have some stories a flood a couple floods and then he's just wearing fucking slippers and a jacket that also has some stories

like i don't know if he like fell through a bunch of coffee cups, but like he just got, it just stains all over this motherfucker and his hair is just a mess. And I was like, this guy's going to be a problem. Right. A mustache. Why didn't she leave him at home? Kind of guy. Yeah. So they walk in and they get the same treatment.

Like we'll help you. And they say, whatever. They're too far. You just described little Dickie, by the way. Yeah. It's little Dickie walked into a Verizon store in in spokane washington you are so right it's exactly what i'm talking about and if you don't know who little dicky is look him up that is what this guy looked like and he walks in he's same build like skinny like spoke he's spoken meth problem there's very

specific spokane meth he he's trying to turn it around but he hasn't yet yeah he's right there like you can tell the cusp i mean he's in a verizon store he's not robbing he's not robbing it so that's yeah so he's making the turn right and that's great i'm i love that for him so they walk in and i'm just still sitting there it's been a bit you're like oh getting a little impatient and everything's fine and it's like one of those shadow situations where the girlfriend or the wife is obviously leading the expedition. And she's walking around and doing, like, the things you do. And he's following her around, right? That's all he's doing.

Like, hands in the pocket, walking up to an iPad. This is stupid. Why are we here? Touches the iPad. And then she walks off and he just walks to whatever next device she's going to talk. And then right across from my Ikea table with the cool lights is another Ikea table

that has the touch screen. It's the long one. So there's a lot going on there and she's standing there and he's standing behind her and she's browsing phones. And I know things are going to take a turn when he does one of these. He goes.

Like right behind her. He's just been standing there. He's just kind of staring. Looks over. Sees what she's doing. And he just goes. He's over this. And she turns around and goes, what?

And he goes, what are you doing and she goes i'm looking at phones and he goes uh on the internet and she goes yeah i'm just kind of i'm looking through and he goes so you're looking at phones on the internet and she goes yeah and he goes then why are we here and i'm not he's screaming and i'm sitting three four feet away from this guy and he goes then why are we here and she goes well i'm just seeing what the different features are and he goes yeah i get that and you couldn't do it at home and again there's like 20 plus that which is that's a packed house for a phone store right 20 plus people and these lunatics are standing there thinking they're at their own house.

And I'm sitting there and I just go, here we go. Yeah, right. This made it worthwhile. This is it. He's like, you could have looked at him at home.

And she goes, well, I'm just being so patient. And again, I don't know the relationship. I don't, maybe she abuses him outside of there. But right now,

she's holding it together. And I feel bad for her. And she goes, goes well i'm just comparing because then they have the phones in the store so that when i i talk to the representatives blah blah then i know what i'm talking about and he goes well you should have looked it up before we got here so here we are in a place that looks like a fucking coffee shop like i'm not exaggerating he's swearing in the next line he it makes sense he goes he looks like a fucking coffee shop and doesn't even have any fucking coffee and i'm like they don don't. But they should. They should have some fucking coffee.

Because it looks exactly like a coffee shop. He's making good points. Yeah. This guy that you thought was going to be a maniac. Yeah. He goes, how many fucking coffee? And he does a little spin and he goes, and everyone's just sitting around. And he's looking at this point, he spins and looks at me On the sitting around And she immediately

Just like hand to the head And goes alright let's go And grabs him And walking out He goes no one's helping anybody They're just sitting in a coffee shop And I said sell any coffee And like ding the door's open

And they're walking out. They don't even sell it in coffee! Just watching it go outside. And then everybody at the same time just looks at each other and goes. And does the eyebrows up. Just goes, whoa. But I know that there was at least a couple of us that had that thought of like, some coffee would be nice. He's not wrong.

He's not wrong. That's like the textbook thing of like, you're not wrong, but your approach is a little off. You're wrong, but you're a dick. You're right, but you're a dick. Just looking around, it looks like a fucking coffee shop!

It doesn't sell any fucking coffee! And you're sitting there. You were impatient. Not impatient, but you're like, well. You kind of do the little. In my head, I'm like, well, I knew it was going to be a problem. I fucking knew it. Yeah, but like that spinning around.

She's like trying to talk. And he goes, well, I was just sitting around. And no one's helping anybody. And looking at like the two people with ipads we're trying our best sir like i don't know what the fuck you want and just she's like all right time to go she tried like that was the one outing that daryl got this week and you know i don't know this is why we don't take him out of the house people maybe you know he's going through something but he's going through something with slippers capris and a bunch of stains on his jacket like it's clear that he wasn't going to make it through the five minutes in that verizon store uh but it also did get me

thinking about free coffee in general um you know how certain businesses have coffee do you ever think about why we don't just go get coffee from them like a real estate building go into a dentist's office because there's coffee in a dentist's office that's funny are they gonna stop you no no fuck me oh god that's a great idea thank you but i was thinking about that i was like if they had because it's just a way to drive business and be nice to your customers it's cheap it's effective it makes you feel happy. You have a happier memory of your experience with the Verizon store if they gave you coffee because it jacks you up and you're feeling elevated and good.

But how funny would that be if you just went around to a Marriott? That's funny. And you walked in and they're like, can I help you? You're like, you already have. And then you did yesterday. You didn't know Like, you already have. And you did yesterday. You didn't know, but you already have. You've done enough. And you just walk over and...

And just kind of look around at the employees. Yeah. And then you'll... And then just tip your construction cap to them and then walk out with your free coffee. This continental breakfast is amazing. I know. Every day. But seriously, why not?

There's so many businesses that offer free coffee it's a smart you work your way down the street yeah just drink coffee for free and then change your shirt and do it again next save some people thousands of dollars a year yep yep well done thank you uh i mean what's the worst that could happen they'd say don't do it and you're like all right on to the next it's not like they're gonna kick you out you're like, alright. On to the next doctor's office. It's not like they're going to kick you out. You're like, dude, I wasn't planning on staying. Don't worry, I'm not going to linger. Just browsing. Just browsing, yeah. Any more creamer? Yeah, do you have

any creamer while I'm browsing? What? What? Are you a patient here? Not really, but you guys have to... I'm being patient. I'm being patient with you while this coffee fills up. It's like that, you're like like you start a new you're like oh it looks like someone didn't make a new thing so you brew the new cup you're just gonna grab

like the flyer the dental flyer the highlights magazine yeah looking at the missing the missing picture yeah with the with the crayon yeah it's like that book's not the same little lip smile and nod to the other people around. You're like, damn, 10 reasons J-Lo looks like she's 20. And he's like. The coffee's. Just sitting there in your road construction outfit. Sir, do you have an appointment?

Oh, nope. Sorry. Do you need anything, sir? No, I'm good. No, I'm all set. Just pick it up. Cheers. And just walk out of their dentist office.

I love that yeah but i guess another little side little side thought real quick going back to verizon store guy yeah um he made a lot of good points he did because i'm one of the people that when if i'm gonna go for example get a phone i've already done weeks of research on youtube reviews real life reviews of people using the thing so when i go in there i know what i want um and not everyone does that i i admit i i take it a little bit too far i do that with anything i'm gonna buy but i kind of agree like i'm not gonna walk into a store place and then look up on the internet facts about the phone right good he makes good points terrible approach yeah don't scream at everybody else and don't scream at your partner sure yeah

in front of other people i'm not sure i'm not advocating for that but i am saying that he's not wrong when yeah because he maybe at home he was like just i can show you she's like no i just want to go in and he's like well you need to know you should have done this yeah so then i put on my slippers for this i put on my capris and my slippers and didn't comb my hair smoking meth for this i didn't say you had to stop smoking meth you would never do you didn't say it but you implied it oh what's next shopping for phones sober with a dick in my butt sir follow me you don't have any fucking coffee you You got a little meth! Come here. Let me show you something.

It's free meth in this Verizon store. Oh! Don't mind if I do. That's different, isn't it? I love this little store. It's a horse of a different color. Let's move off to some dick. Okay. All right, girth it!

Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick. Joe, have you ever wanted to eat dinner in the sky? What kind of question is that? Zach, have you ever wanted to eat dinner in the sky? Maybe in a Zeppelin, but no, not really. Okay.

Well, there are ways. You can go to the Space Needle, and you can have your can you can have you're up in the sky elevated yeah you're elevated above everything else yeah but you're not truly uh in the sky you're just you're on something right um so this meth i hate this so much i hate it you already hate it i fucking hate it okay i would drop my phone immediately well. Well, this may not be for you then. No, it's certainly fucking not for me. So this is called Dinner in the Sky. Okay.

What's the web address to get to Dinner in the Sky? Dinnerinthesky.com That's good marketing right there. I mean, they don't beat around the bush. They tell you exactly what it is. Yeah. Right? Sure do. Fuck that. I mean, they don't beat around the bush. They tell you exactly what it is. Yeah. Right? Sure do.

Fuck that. I forget where this is at. Well, I think, so the little, I clicked on the thing and it said it's all over the place. Yeah. I know that there's experiences like in Vegas. I mean, of course. Yes. Sounds like a Vegas thing.

They're going to be one of the first places to have it. But like, I think it started in Belgium. And they have like different places all over the world where you can just go get picked up by a crane. Hate. It's a giant floating umbrella covered table. So what I think is the funniest thing about this is the photographers strategically took pictures of... See, it changes the whole thing when you see the crane. When you see just

the table, it's got a table and it's got an overhanging thing and it looks like you're hanging in the sky. It's crazy. But then when you zoom out a little bit, it's just like a construction crane holding you up. And someone's in there.

He's on his... He lifted him up, he's like, he's on his, yeah, he's just like, he lifted him up, he's like, puts it into lock, and then he's just like on his phone like, yeah, must be nice. He's sitting over there. He's eating his cold meal that his wife made. He's got string cheese and some Ritz crackers.

You piss him off a little bit, he starts swinging it. I mean, think about the control That you have over this thing You find out your ex-husband Or ex-husband, ex-wife Fucked you over and they're eating up there that night Well looks like it might be windy Or not even windy

You just do a little pump And it just goes Up and down twice She looks over and you're just great like just grinning you just have like a like a tall boy again staring at her why do megaph's have to do that? Why can't they just turn on and why do they have to go Fuck you Brenda

That's the horn sound Is this annoying? There's 30 people That's the horn sound. Is this annoying? Beep. Weep. There's 30 people, other people, eating up at this thing. And they're all mad at her. Yeah. Make them happy. Jesus Christ, Brenda.

Take him back. Would you like another drink yet? They're handing it to you and the crane's just like. Just slamming food all over the place. This fork, this fucking waiter, waiter too he's got a little strap on him okay so he doesn't yeah fucking fall down oh sure yeah no but everybody's sitting in uh if you're not looking at the picture so just like picture a giant table at a mansion and then everyone is kind of in a roller coaster seat. Yeah. Like sitting around the cooks that are in the middle.

Like it does. I mean, I would do it for sure. Just because it's funny. I mean, it's not attached to a hot. It's going to stay there. You're not in a hot air balloon where it's drifting. Takes you wherever. This is like stationary.

How do they deal with wind? For real. Napkins and shit. I mean, come on. I'm sure they cancel it like it's just gonna be too much uh but that is so funny because uh just looking up the price points there's different price points for this shit and i'm guessing it has to do with like a different time of day and then a supply and demand type situation right so it gave me 150

to 500 per person but what if that experience was on the at the same table so like if you pay 150 bucks like you don't get the lap belt like you just get a stool that's attached with like ratchet straps you're just like hanging off like in a swing like a little catch swing I should have sprung for the extra 50 bucks and the $500 person's like in a diamond perfectly secure

rollercoaster seat one of those ones you go all you can drink but at 150 bucks like you want something to drink like tough luck and hit your food off the roller coaster seat. One of those ones you go... All you can drink. But at $150, you want something to drink, tough luck, and hit your food off the fucking table. Catch some of that rain. Yeah.

And you're swinging around. You're just away from the table. Detached from it. You're like three feet back swinging by yourself. They're like, I can't reach. Sorry. For 500 bucks, you can bungee jump off your seat. Yeah. No, it comes undone.

And you just fall. You're attached to a bungee, but it just releases. Oh, that's a good idea. I mean, it would never get approved, but that would be a rollercoaster I'd go on. You have a five-star meal in the sky. And at the end, they pack everything up and then treat it like one of those drop rides. And then you vomit all that food up. You're like, you guys ready? Yeah.

And everyone just goes. And they clap and you get off your fucking dinner in the sky. The fucking guy would be like, oh, it looks like the thing's broke. Yeah, the carnival, the ride guy. So that's not the end of it, though, Joe. What? So there's dinner in the sky but if you go into like the products What they actually do

They have dinner in the sky 2.0 But then they have Santa in the sky And it's Santa And they got the reindeer And then they also have marriage in the sky You can get married You can have a movie in the sky They've got a projector with a screen and then a concert in the sky.

Oh, that would be awkward as shit. I don't know what a G-cord is. I'm too scared. I don't know about you guys, but when it comes to Santa Claus, I want him to show up and leave on my watch. I go to see Santa. I don't want Santa just hovering. The whole time, he's just standing still, hoping you don't notice him under a sheet. You say something funny, and you're like, oh.

The sheet moves a little bit. See, that's what's funny about, I think, about the concert in the sky and stuff, where let's say Elton John's going to perform, but there's nowhere to hide Elton John. There's not like a backstage. He's sitting underneath, he's got a disguise on or something. He like pulls out, pulls the mustache off. Super terrible disguise. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Elton John.

And he takes off his glasses. All of his disguise comes off. We knew it was you. Sit down, Elton John. And he takes off his glasses. All of his disguise comes off. We knew it was you. Ta-da! Sit down, Elton. But think about the encore portion. Yeah, yeah. Because they normally leave, but at this point you just have drunk people eating food yelling

encore at you. You're just sitting at your piano and they're like, one more song! And they're two feet away from you. And you just have to pretend like you don't hear them. You can't say no. I'm done. I don't want to play anymore. Come on, Elton! You're throwing food at him and shit? Play it!

Play the one I like about the tiny person! I'm curious if, uh, we don't have to show this, but while you're talking I'm just gonna look at some of the clips. That was all I had. But yeah, that situation, there's someone like, I I'm just going to look at something. That was all I had. But yeah, that situation or someone like, I mean, obviously going to the bathroom is going to be an issue. It's just some drunk guy at a movie in the sky.

Just pissing, pissing off the side. I was hoping there would be a video or something on YouTube, but there's nothing. Yeah. How is there nothing? They probably don't want you to see how terrible of an experience it is. It would be like the equivalent of that fucking Willy Wonka. Exhibit. They're like,

don't actually, don't pull back the curtain. Do not pull back the curtain. Oh, here's the extreme. Oh. Extreme in the sky? No. Oh, shit.

Gang bang titty fuck fest in the sky? Last year I came to this, and you know I came back. Oh, okay. Dude, I want to I came back. Okay, shut up. I want to go to Dubai. Dude, Dubai is insane. Have you been? No, but it looks insane. Okay.

Yeah, it's just a crane that picks up a table. Oh, look at the seats lean back. No! No! I don't know if I could sit and enjoy myself. No. That comfortable. I would just be continuously worried.

They're going to die? Something's going to happen. It may feel like it's over water, but look, it's over concrete, dude. Oh my God. I just had a great... That's the decider. But I just had a funny thought. Imagine that you're at this table.

Obviously, it's like a hibachi grill. So you're going to be joined up with other people as you sit around and enjoy your meal. Imagine the couple next to you gets in a big fight. Unbuckle somebody. God, you're just... You're fucking crazy. You know what? I'm going to jump out of this seat. And they're trying to get

out, and you're sitting next to them, and you're just like drinking your Coca-Cola Dude commits suicide right next to you Yeah he's like you know what fuck this And just jumps out And then you hear like a And then the guy just takes his plate away He's in silverware

He goes we'll deal with that later Does anyone need an extra cup? We've lost somebody. But yeah, get in a fight and they can't leave. Like, just take me home. I fucking can't! That's the thing. As soon as they're done, you're just like,

and so you're sitting at the table with these people trying to eat and have a conversation, and meanwhile you're just like, yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it at all i all right so that was fun let's uh let's move off because this is uh i mean just the idea of it but the title of this article says why you should take a fart walk after a meal okay okay yeah it makes sense yeah but very funny to. Post-meal walks to release gas called fart walks.

That's kind of like burping a baby. Yeah, which I've never heard about. Like, baby, want to go for a fart walk? Well, they can't walk. I would just say walk. Have become popular on social media. NPR health correspondent Maria Godoy. Godoy.

Godoy. Says the science is solid on this trend. Unlike his poops. She shares the many health benefits of walking after eating, better digestion, more balanced blood sugar levels, and a healthier gut microbiome. So instead of going, laying on the couch.

Just undoing your pants isn't doing it. Laying on the couch, that's not cutting it. That's not going to make it happen. But I mean, I love the idea of a fart walk. I love the idea of going on walks. I love just getting out and just stretching a little bit. Yeah, mixing it up. A lot of our job has to

do with computer screens. And there's sometimes you just stare at them for all day. You want to punch them. Yeah. And then you just look at it and you're like, I need to see anything besides this shit. And you get up and just go for a little 15 half hour walk come back and hon i'm going on a fart walk i'm going on a fart walk all right bring the dogs god they fart so much clean up their fucking no fart walk but the idea of going on a fart walk with someone and then having to have a serious conversation and you know you're on a

fart walk yeah it's like you're you've agreed this is a fart walk so someone and then having to have a serious conversation. And you know you're on a fart walk. Yeah. It's like you've agreed this is a fart walk. So when someone farts, it's... It's a fart walk. Yeah. Like I was... So is everything okay with you and the wife? Yeah.

Is everything... Well... Ooh, that was a good one. Thank you. You're like... That would remove some rumor. Like, Joey, there's something I have to tell you. Yeah, Dad, what is it?

So I went to the doctor. Oh, my God. Are you in a well? And, I mean, it's not good news, but I don't know how to turn that one off. I don't know which ones I'm getting. Yeah. Fart song. That's probably not it.

I had to go to the doctor doctor and they had some bad news. You're standing there waiting for it to finish? You got the cat scanned, right? I did. I thought you said you got the cat scanned. Oh, no. You took the cat, right? It turns out I have brain cancer.

How does your tummy feel? Tummy feels really good. And for, if you don't know, I'm literally, there's just a page that has like 10,000 fart buttons. So I don't know which ones I'm clicking. I love how they named each one, too. Yeah. I mean, who fucking named? The next one's Milky Farts.

Oh, okay. So who's in the mood? See, that doesn't work. That's a slapper, dude. That's a slapper, dude. That's a moped. Let's give it up! CJ! Conch fart?

That's a fart walk. That sounds like a... Yeah, that's a fart walk fart. Yeah, it just sneaks in there. Are you going to be okay? You've got to be scared. I'm like, I don't know. You have shit. Yeah, so we're gonna take a left up here Yeah, we are It's funny

If you know like if you're on a walk with someone who doesn't know you're gonna fart you fart be like what? Like let's go on a fart walk together And so you're just like you're just walking and farting and not acknowledging that you're farting I tried and I try to never waste a good fart walk because those are just one of the simple pleasures in life Yeah, we're every step when your cheeks just separate enough it's goes or if you if you ever do that where you're like you fart and you the laugh fart where you're like Haha, it's good Same thing with a run. It's just going Like whenever it can

squeeze out. It's just a little joy. But anyway, so encouraging fart walks this holiday season. I love that. I mean, I should have done that after Thanksgiving. Here's the thing that I'm surprised isn't more popular, given the vulnerability. But

Domino's delivery driver robbed twice in seven days by same man on same street. You realize you robbed me yesterday, right? That was you? That was you? Yeah. But delivery, I mean, pizza shit, they're not walking around ready to fight.

They're just dropping off a Supreme. Well, and they've got at least one of their hands is tied up. Yeah. Just carrying a box of pizza. Yeah. So Montrell is on 18, was arrested Tuesday in connection to two separate robberies along Williamsburg Drive. The first incident unfolded at around midnight on November 29th when a Domino's pizza delivery

driver tried to make what he believed was a legitimate delivery to a home on Williamsburg Drive. But the victim had actually been lured there by the suspect, who then grabbed the pizza from his hands without paying for it, said police. During the robbery, the assailant also forced the driver to hand over $20. I was expecting something way different. Me too. I was like on the way to a guy's house, but it was right at the guy's house. So you know where he's at, where he lives. Where he lives and you're

hoping he doesn't say anything. I got some blackmail on him. Just seven days later, who allegedly targeted the same driver on the same street. He's just playing a game. At 11.20pm Saturday, the driver went to deliver pizza to a home along the road.

That time round, he was approached by the suspect p.m saturday the driver went to deliver pizza to a home along the road that time uh that time round he was approached by the suspect who was partially masked and dressed in dark clothing and pointed a gun at him police said the 18 year old allegedly forced the driver to hand over the pizza and 20 cash another 20 like it's even dumber than thinking about delivery drivers like pulling up to a house right or you could order a, look at the address on the house, and the pizza guy gets there and you rob him outside the house, is how I thought this was going to go. And be like, give me everything you've made and give me your fucking pizza.

And then just take off. So just make a fake thing, whatever. Totally fine. But to be so dumb to call them to the house and rob them and then just do it again that's next level just so you gotta be the hard off at that point right yeah i mean the investigators were able to tie the suspect to both incidents by tracing the cell phone number used to lure in the delivery driver the number is alleged and the neighborhood and the house. And everything. A search of Islam's home also allegedly uncovered a vital piece of evidence in the trash can.

A Domino's pizza box. With DNA probably on it. God, man. So he's arrested. He's in jail. That's a type of robbery that would have maybe worked 50 years ago. With horse and carriage? I mean, stuff like that, everything is so traceable now. How do you think you're going to get away with that?

There's no way. I don't care how hard off you are. Something has to go. That's just not going to work. I don't think this is going to work the way that I think it is. Should I call from the same number to the same pizza shop and do the same thing to this guy? Maybe call another location. At the very least, call another location so you make sure you get a different guy.

And they're still dropping it off at your house. Although some places won't deliver. Yeah, they have a jurisdiction. Yeah, so they route your call to that one again. But still, at least wait a week. Yeah. You can do anything besides what you did. So I'm glad that everyone's safe and no one got shot, though.

But aren't you surprised just overall that delivery people don't get robbed more, like pulling up to a house? They see shit like cops see. They're like the only people besides cops that see everybody's house and everybody's situation. It's kind of spooky. Yeah. I actually thought one time when I was like, what it would be like to just be, you know, a delivery driver and have that like as a job, as a career, whether it's FedEx, UPS, Amazon, anything. But then I thought, like, I don't't know like the places that you most places are probably fine but you're gonna run into places where you gotta like go to the back door or

there's a fence to the front door and then you walk in who knows what you're walking into yeah a domestic dispute wild dogs so much shit you might free cocaine like a shoot a drive you walk up and there's a drive-by happening when the same time you're walking up there like there's just you might find yourself in weird fucking places. Yeah, absolutely. That's terrifying. I know I wrote a movie script a long time ago for a pizza delivery Jedi kind of thing. Yeah, we figured out all the tricks be real sweaty when you show up to the door. So they know you're working hard. Extra tips.

Do you need someone to play the lead role in that one? I thought you were leaning towards the Star Wars type savior of the world pizza guy, but you're just saying that he sweats a lot so it looks like he's working harder? I met a guy when I was working in Phoenix that I swear he was like a delivery guy Jedi. He's like, here's how you get all this money. And he'd have like a sweat stain from the seat belt oh i see you drive a shitty car but yeah and then it started thinking about how all the crazy shit you see if you're a cop and what else yeah delivery people go to the same houses and see like oh that's a baby in a cage weird

can they keep moving how many hopefully they feed them how many places they probably walked up to and like you just maybe see in the window? Because there's a big window there and some of the stuff that you're like, holy shit, drop and go. Or what if you walk up there and they fucking see you seeing them through the window? See me see you? Yeah, I see you seeing me. And then now no one's going to see you because you saw what you shouldn't have seen. And I've seen it. You saw that thing that I've seen. I'm not yet

going to see you no more. So now you've got to die. Let's move on to some good news. Zach, will you play the good news segment intro now? No. Okay. Will you let us know when you would like to continue on? You let us know when you would like to continue on.

So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! Alright. Let us know when you feel like doing it. I'm happy to help. Was that a good food thing? Huh?

Did you have fun doing the food flong? I did. Food flong. We were talking a little bit about marriage earlier. You guys see yourself staying in it forever? You happily married? You happily married over there? I think so. Well, how about these guys?

Look at them! Wait until way later on to pull it off. They keep each other young. Couple aged 102 and 100. Set record for oldest newlyweds wow imagine that dating profile i don't normally date younger women how do you write vows you're like every we've you've seen everything we're like what more can i promise you listen we're gonna be lucky to make it to our wedding day i don't, let's not worry about vows.

We may not make it down the aisle. Let's just use chat GPT for our wedding vows, because, I mean, this could be all meaningless. They're probably in nursing homes, right? Oh, I would assume so, but maybe not. They did a bingo call. Back in radio land, I don't remember her name, unfortunately, but I think she was 104, and I had her on the morning show. You had her?

Mm-hmm. Fucking took her virginity. Can you imagine? I've taken the virginity of a 104-year-old woman. That would be wild. Because on one hand, she's virgin. Untouched. So tight.

Yeah. But on the other hand. I mean, one thing, on the other hand, is my dick. On the other hand is a skeleton. On the other hand is her fucking titties. Am I fucking right? Yeah! My great aunt and uncle were 98 and 97.

And then he died and then she died less than a year later. But that was the oldest i mean having both of your people in the marriage you know one usually dies at like 85 and the other lives to 100 yeah like that's 15 fucking years without that person of freedom yeah but uh yeah they were 98 i mean they almost made it you know this triple digits together that's wild god so much skin yeah it's like see-through god it's gotta be funny you can see right you can't lie to me you see right through you see right through this i can see i can see the fucking new they're putting in i can see your fucking liver joe yeah can you yeah i can see your fucking titties in your socks they have written songs about looking for love in all the wrong places

and hopeless ones, but now songwriters could have inspiration for a new number. Who's writing a song about being 100 to 102? That's an oldie. Get it? Mmm, still got it. Mmm. But Marjorie Fitterman

and Bernie Littman. Only have to change half or less names. Is that old people names or what? Fitterman and Bernie Littman only have to change half or less names. God, is that old people names or what? Fitterman and Littman only have to change four letters. Get rid of them. That's like a law firm. Fitterman and Littman? Yep.

Fitterman and Littman. Whatever. Unite the firms. Yeah. Found their love in Philadelphia nursing home after their long time spouses passed away.

And after dating for not Oh, okay. After dating for nine years so they were waiting it out they became the world's oldest newlywed couple as Guinness World Records recently recounted

on its website. I just assumed they were like they were together since high school i think it's never i think it's like never i think i love you yeah finally say it you know we should tie the knot they have five kids 86 grandchildren yeah they're like you know what i think we should make their grandkids are in their 80s yeah and probably some of them just like died

of old age can you imagine nothing happened can you imagine outliving your grandkids and not because they died of some weird thing yeah just old age they died of old age that is so fucking weird according to Guinness whose organization I'm not going to fucking tell you who Guinness is if you don't know you shouldn't know

isn't that the beer company yeah Fitterman 102 and Littman 100 could have met decades earlier while both attended the University of Pennsylvania. But she pursued teaching and he undertook an engineering career. Probably in the 40s. As their paths never crossed. Maybe like in the 40s they were in college.

Each spent more than 60 years married to their first respective spouses before they became widowed and moved a few doors down from each other in the same senior living facility in the so-called city of brotherly love so yeah they just got like a new new hottie down the road like can you like talk to the kid can you tell me more about who's living in 103 oh that's marjorie she she's had four husbands how's her ass i mean she's 102 but it's... She's got a hell of a bingo streak. She's got a hell of an ass for a 102-year-old. Did that article say so-called city of brotherly love?

Yeah, that's what it is. Shots fired. Philadelphia there. So-called. So-called personal vendetta for this man. Augie in the 80s, but not no more. My brother didn't love me in Philly! I'm putting it in an article! A costume party on their floor gave Fitterman and Lipman a chance to meet in their romance ignited soon thereafter.

I've always wanted to fuck Harry Potter. God, I've always wanted to fuck Harry Potter. God, I've always wanted to fuck Harry Potter. A Harry Twatter. A what? A Harry Plopper. How old are you? I don't normally go for younger women. She's 95.

Woo. Can you imagine? Let's say that, guys. Our dads died young. So I was 39. What was it? Like, let's say I was 40. And now another 60 years thinking you're 100 years old and thinking you lost your parents 60 some years ago.

And you're still alive. Just still fucking things up. Almost the age that they died is like twice their life that's crazy there's just so much time to let them down still disappointing I don't want another

50 years of letting everyone down you know what do you do if you applied yourself fitman you're fit to be a man you're 102 what have you done with your life just sitting around for 20 years oh fuck i thought it was over 40 years ago i was happy 40 years ago and i got nothing but regret i just wanted out i retired 40 years ago that's nuts i love that how do you live i mean your retirement is meant to go for how long when

you were like you retired 65 what do they figure got 15 15 20 years or so like how long is it supposed to last yeah i mean 20 years fucking cup of noodles doubling it 40 trips another 20 years or so? How long is it supposed to last? Yeah, I mean, 20 years. A fucking cup of noodles. Doubling it. RV trips. Another 20 years after your retirement is supposed to run out. Whoops. God damn it. First of all, let's talk about how long you plan on living. 100.

You're going to need $80 million before you retire at 65. Although now, you could be like a 100-year-old influencer. Yeah. Just go, yeah, I'm sure they got some money off this. Imagine him vlogging,

he's like, he's wheeling around in his chair and trying to do vlogs. All his posts on Instagram are in Morse code. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It's a sex blog.

You're listening in. Oh, yeah. Beep, beep, beep, beep,. Beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep. She did what? That's so hard right now. Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep. She what? I guess if you attach that in a vibration form to your penis or something, it's just going beep, beep, beep, beep. And you knew Morse code yeah that would help although the vibration on your penis alone would would i don't know if you're if you're 104 i don't know that's still that's someone's fetish they're hooked up and just like books are reading morse code to their clits guys like dude my dick stopped working 30 years ago what am i

gonna do nothing apparently just roll around i mean when you're like as a male your whole your whole focus your entire existence is just coming in something oh and then it just stops working last button going back to the morning show thing she was one of those that drank, I want to say, whiskey every single morning. They're like, what's your secret? That was what she said. Even though she has no idea. No, she was drunk. But she has no idea.

She couldn't even stand up. Like the people that are sure when their kid's going to have a kid, and they're like, it's going to be a girl. How do you know? I just know. I just know. Well, when you're wrong, do you want to put money on it i want to say that sometimes like the asshole in me wants to like how the fuck do you how can you even take a uh well yeah they got a 50 50 chance

i hope it's a boy you could like i get that but it's like no it's a girl i could i just know i can feel it that's what you bet them you like 1 bucks. If this is a boy, I give you 1,000 bucks. If not, you give me 1,000 fucking dollars. See if they're that confident. See if they're confident about your unborn child's genitalia. Yeah. It's like, that's... All right.

All right. We got to move off to our next segment. Zach, play it! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found.

Yes! That's awesome! Hello. Hey. This was sent in by our son, Andrew. There's a little setup, and then it goes into a thing that you have already sent me so i'm sure you're gonna be super surprised when you hear it did i set that up pretty good yeah yeah i'm excited now hey guys i just want to share a

couple of things one being that mattress stores mostly sell to hotels when they either build or change mattresses for death sex-related damages. How do you know that? Is there a difference between death and sex? Tell me that! The other is a nude... a nude? A new created Christmas song. Oh, yes. From our favorite songwriter

There I Ruined It. Happy Haunted Days. It's seriously one of my favorite things to say. Zach, I'm hoping you haven't heard this. I don't think I have. Okay, because Brian and I have, and we sent it to each other, but it's still worth sharing with people just because it's not new to us. Here you go.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Had a very shiny nose. Oh, look at the picture they picked. This is God. Just peanut! You wouldn't even say it glows. I love the old reindeer Used to laugh and call them names

They never met Rudolph Or any reindeer games On one foggy Christmas Eve Oh, Santa came to say Can you take me higher To a place where snowmen see Can you take me higher To a place where slavers reign

Ah, that's good. Yikes. I feel like I do a better Scott Stapp than that one. Yeah. Yeah. We're working on a little video. What are you like? Working on a video.

Maybe we'll put it out sometime. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we've got to get it up soon. Oh, yeah. Andrew, thank you. Hopefully, anyone who's listening on Christmas Day or the day after, if you're, nothing like getting something on the 26th.

Am I right, Zach? Oh, sweet. Fucking stress. Stress. I'm not going to bring it up. But hopefully, you're still in the Christmas spirit. All right. Let's hear from the kids.

All right. gonna bring it up uh but hopefully you're still in the christmas spirit all right let's hear from the kids all right let's hear what you guys think really you want to talk to me wow that's cool i love this email i bet you do uh fucking slut so you word slut uh brian re reads fuck tits couch bitch Cream pie teen word In my eyes piss Teen words glasses fuck Book read cum bucket Cum dumpster book read fuck slut Go ahead Alright

Our first email is coming from our eye doctor son Scott Scott Stapp Wanna read to you It helps me too Our first email is coming from our eye doctor son, Scott. Scott Stapp. Yeah. Hold on. Want to read to you. It helps me to make out all the words. So I don't know if this actually helped or if, you know, because some days. It's just motivation.

What's weird about my reading is some days it'll be flawless. I don't know if I'd say that. That's not fair. Flawless. Fair. It's not true. It's not true. It's not fair for me to say.

But sometimes I'll be like, fuck, I nailed that today. It was good. But I think a lot of it's public reading. I think a lot of it's just that you're terrible at reading. It could be. It has something to do with it. Yeah. So when I read this, I zipped through it.

I was like, damn. Did you read it out loud? Yeah, well, but then I read it to my wife because I showed her this email and I killed it again. That's so cute. Babe, babe, come here. I can read. Can you read? My kindergarten, my first grade son does the same thing.

Oh my God, babe. What? What? I can read again. Listen to me read this email. She's like, what? Come to sleep. And you get done.

He was like. And she's like, you did it. And you go in there for a big hug. That was exhausting. You did it, babe! You read the email! I did it all by myself! What's funny about that is I have read some emails to my wife, and she's like, I won't even finish it.

She's like, okay, I've heard enough. Some of the confessions. Is it your reading or the actual material? No, i let her read it on her own oh yeah uh but she's just she doesn't that just doesn't do anything for her those like a confession email happy yeah i read it i'm like i can't wait till she's like it's like the whole i mean it's the whole reason this podcast works yeah it's because it's not okay let's just my brain just jump back to the dinner in the sky you just you can just read it and be

like oh yeah dinner in the sky then you picture yourself strapped into a roller coaster chair with chefs around you yeah and you put yourself in the environment and the ridiculous shit that you do you want it's not for everyone yeah but it's the entire way the show works yeah and why listeners hear it and they're like oh yeah god huh you gotta put yourself in situations. Yeah, and you gotta have a twisted brain a little bit. Looks like a fucking coffee shop! And there's no fucking coffee! I mean, he's right. He's right!

Like, what if I stood up in my chair? I want some coffee! You stand up and you're like, the slow clap. With fingerless leather gloves on. Wait, was he wearing those the whole time? No one or no one's helping him. With a coffee cup and just slapping coffee

all over? He's just shooting out the throat. Yeah! I am Spartacus. The guy's like, it's fine, I've already got

coffee stains all over my, that's how I got my coffee stains. I'm sorry, I forgot to get this coffee in your jacket. It doesn't matter! What the fuck

are you doing here? Just sitting around? Don't you have anything better to do? Yeah, meth. Okay. Alright, let's get to this email let's pick another song so uh this is from scat and uh dear patient daddies he's an eye doctor yeah just so the listeners are clear um and i'm gonna read this because it works well we'll see

if it works it works you're leaning. It works. You're leaning in. You're focusing. I want to fuck it up. Okay, here we go. I'm an optometrist that works with how the eyes and brain communicate together. When I hear Brian read. I throw up. I wonder whether he has difficulties with how his eyes track.

And this is what I've said before. Sometimes my eyes want to go ahead of the words. Yeah. So I think there's some legitimacy. Okay. Now this email has bolded letters at the beginning of the words that help guide your eyes while you are ready by creating... Oops. Oops.

Son of a bitch! So let me show you this. The reason I said ready is because read and buy are right next to each other. Who's read? Get it? Yeah.

By creating fixation points. It's called bionic reading. Sounds powerful. I was curious to see if it would help Brian read more efficiently with less errors. You could have said that a little bit better. If it seems helpful or honestly otherwise, get your eyes checked by an optometrist who works in vision therapy.

That's what I said. It can make a world of difference with your reading. Hopefully the formatting went through okay and this email works. Keep up the funny stuff. Your eyeball-loving son, Scott. And so if it's for people that can't visualize this, it's like the first two to three letters of every word are bolded.

Yeah, Zach, you can put it on. I guess have the script queued up. There you go. So that's what it looks like. Zoom in. What? Why can't I zoom in? Just look up there.

We're already done. Because I'm already zoomed in because I'm a fucking professional. But that's what it looks like. So he's bolding it. I mean, I've been telling you this the whole time. People that have followed me over from Isbe dumb. Glasses, glasses. I got glasses.

I mean, but I don't know the exact correlation, but like my eyes were great and they were totally fine. And then they like, I mean, I got COVID and I had that whole experience where the doctor was like, do you have COVID? Or did you have COVID? And he goes, we're getting all these reports about getting COVID and fucking up your eyes, which scared the shit out of me. And I don't know how much legitimacy there is there now, but my eyes were not great.

And I went and got glasses and it was like, I was, I went to Harvard. Did you have trouble reading to yourself though? No, I was fine. Nothing. I was in radio. Like all I did was read shit all the time. And then my eyesight started going and I was like, what the fuck? And I would just fuck everything up.

And I got glasses and I was like, oh shit, these are really easy letters to see. And I don't have like, they're not thick, but it's just enough to really like, it's like I couldn't see without them. Like I can still see it, but it's all, it's blurry, but I can still read what's on the screen. But once I got glasses, it was just, that's what the letters are. And these are the words. And that's what I'm reading. Yeah.

I mean, that's. Have you ever done this? Try these on. They're a little smudged up, though. I was putting my dick on my glasses earlier. We're just watching. It looks the same to me oh then you're dumb because i mean that means that you have cancer oh okay i mean i can see that like in this next email i have a few things that come to mind i can't read it like that i can see it i have a few things that come to mind joe but uh it's like i i mean what scott's saying could be right but i

think part of it's the i have an audience listening to me right now and i'm just like education right and it's the psychological like fear of screwing up and then it like it you know it's like it could be that not actually yeah my god because i can read if i just read this to myself if you say so anything i mean i read all i have to read all the time right listen to the optometrist can't read my wife's mind but i can read these emails yeah i hear you do you know where the clit is no that's i guess that was a terrible question no i know where that Yeah, it's just above the asshole. Remember where the tramp stamp is? That's the original

tramp stamp. The vibration of the thing. If people were in there getting tramp stamp tattoos and just cumming. Oh, dude.

You ever seen those videos of the woman like in a in the tattoo shop and the dude's like down there and she's like, just squirting

and the guy's like trying to do a tattoo. What did you search for to get that? I didn't search for it. Tattoo printing milking milfuck tits cum. Squirting. In public lobby chair. Leather chair tit fuck squirt tattoo. Our second email coming in from our son, Zach.

Zach! Not our uncle, but one of our children hey daddies i have a few things that come to mind in the last episode i listened to which is papa bingo cousins dr pecker you talked about fucking random household appliances well there's a song that i love by ninja sex party called objectss of Desire, which I had heard before, and I did listen to it again. By the way, Zach, when you sent it in, that I think you'll love. It is really good. It's right up your wheelhouse. The second thing I have to bring up is the cousin fucking between that married couple that took the DNA test. Well, one of my close friends and his lady have been dating for 11 years, since

high school, basically. They were trying for a kid for the last two years, which is always such a funny thing, but like, we're trying. Which means you're fucking all the time. It just means that you're coming inside. You're telling people that you've just been... They're just unloading inside of her vagina.

Cool. Can you not bring this up while we're having fucking dessert? While her family got some DNA tests for Christmas. It's weird saying that around family too, by the way.

We're trying and you always like the arm grab like the my grandma's here. We're trying and we're going to try tonight, right? While her family

got some DNA tests for Christmas and they found out that they were second cousins. Cousins. Cousins. Stop it. Cousins. I find it. Stop it. Cousins.

I find it funny because they live in Pa Rump. About an hour from beautiful Las Vegas! Which is known for everyone being sort of related. And they're meth. Kind of the punching bag

of jokes for Vegas natives. Ha ha! Anyways, thank you for the kind of the punching bag of jokes for Vegas natives. Anyways, thank you for the fight. Fantastic content. Thank you for coming. Uncle Zach, for all that you do.

Love you. Bye. Love your favorite gypsy son, Zach. So I think it's funny that every place that you live, the next town over that's smaller than you fucks each other or has sex with sheep if you're from the northwest whatever animal you can fuck the small town next to you is where everyone puts all the blame it doesn't matter where you are you know it 100 right like right here like you're in spokane cordelaine fuck sheep those fucking idiots over there

cordelaine is like at least we're not in fucking Spokane. Well, they fuck llamas. Yeah, fucking meth. Like, you always find something about the little town that's next to you. Wenatchee was wet snatchy. I grew up in Moses Lake, and we'd go to, oh, we gotta play wet snatchy this weekend? That was... More like Moses lame.

Yeah, Moses hole, or Moses, yeah. Mud hole. Mud hole fucking uncle fuckers shut your fucking face uncle fucker uh yeah but it is it's very true where it's you find there's just something the place that doesn't deserve it like you can't afford to live here you better fuck your cousins like it's such a weird like we're just trying our best yeah we'll have an inbred fuck cousins and you're like why'd you why are you mad because you're poor because you don't live here because you don't live here and you're poor and you fuck sheep

bitch it's tribal mentality yeah we do that in so many different things like sports sports is sports is the worst oh you wearing a blue jersey I'm wearing a red jersey you fucking die oh it must be nice down there fucking shit on the sidewalks you big dumb bitch I mean you see videos of people just

fucking fighting and hitting each other with weapons and killing each other because they're team luck but inner city rivalry is even funnier like you live next to each other yeah it's like what are you doing it's so weird oh you fucking idiot They're killing each other because they're team luck. But inner city rivalry is even funnier. Like, you live next to each other. Yeah. It's like, what are you doing? It's so weird. Yeah.

Oh, you fucking idiot. You fucking suck your dad's dick, bitch. Fuck. It's like, I'm your neighbor. Yeah, but you've got the other sign. You've got the other political sign in your life. You've got the other sign. And we have different experiences, and you're stupid. Mm-hmm. Okay. You got the other sign. And we have different experiences and you're stupid.

Okay. Hi, it's me. We went to school together. Oh, best friends. You know me. Best friends. Oh, what's that shirt you're wearing? Is it blue? I don't like the color blue! Because blue beat me in the fucking playoffs!

Calm down. We should have played better. You get it Maybe that's on you I don't know But it's just so funny That the little towns get tied What were you looking up? I saw you talking

Oh just Ninja Sex Party The song Looking up how to read Objective Desire Oh turn it up It is good The video's the money though So you gotta look it up if you're interested.

I know you so much better. Cause I fucked all your things. I put my package in your mailbox. Made love to all your chairs. Dropped a load inside your washer. I went down on all your stairs. I took your cabinets from the front end. Your sofa from behind. Anyway. Anyway, watch the video.

It goes on. Yeah, it's good. Well, that's episode 132. Great band! That's a great band. Hope you guys had fun. That was fun. We're going to keep going.

Now I'm hungry, though. All that food talk got me hungry. I know, I know, I know. And then right before we started, Cassie sent me... I want to go fuck some vacuum, so I'm all... We have a couple of broken ones. You want to try and bring them back to life? So to speak?

I just want you to fuck my vacuum can I watch just say yes or no and it's going to cost you alright I got 20 bucks you go back in that little room where Zach is and you can watch from the cameras on the monitors

I can't have you looking at me we're going to keep going patreon.com slash candyDomePodcast. That's how you get the bonus content plus the exclusive merch, merch deals, early releases, no fucking ads, Instagram and Facebook. Those are our socials. And then the YouTube version, you can search for CandyDomePodcast. You can see the video stuff.

Something you want to see on the show, email that in to heyguys at CandyDomePodcast.com. Rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcast it truly does help to have good reviews when people are fucking around and trying to find new things to listen to big thanks to Uncle Zach producing today's show blowing the horn jerking off in the other room blowing his load and doing the

something one of our listeners called my chair the cuck chair for year two's love affair so that's nice made sense to me too someone was like just fuck each other already and they called me a cuck chair for your two's love affair so that's nice that kind of makes sense made sense to me too you know someone was like just fuck each other already then they called me a cuck thank you no you wouldn't cut you i jump in what the fuck yeah you i'm a participatory guy like that's not a dick i don't like to watch that's not how you do that let me come in there and plug

that cave uh to Uncle Zach and then check out everything going on that Uncle Zach's doing at scatcast.com that's scat with a K I know, hang in there buddy and then a big thanks to our babysitters truly, because we could not moderate the amount of posts that go into the

Canyon Dome Playground and not get the page taken down, which I'm excited that it hasn't gotten taken down so far, it's been over two years and we've gotten plenty of warnings, but in the end, we're still there. So if you search for Can You Don't Playground on Facebook, you can join the rest of the community that is in there.

I thought in August, maybe, it was over. There was a thing, it's like And here we are, heading into the new year. Yeah. It's still there, baby. They're never specific of what the problem is that's the issue well they tell you and then you try to click on the post they already took rid of the post or they took down the post yeah i don't know what i did yeah i'd love to evaluate

and be better and they won't let you do that zach let's wrap it up better no good god wrap it up already huh uh because this comes out on Christmas. Not the Christmas thing. The abbreviation X in Xmas is actually not an abbreviation. It actually stands for Chi, meaning Christ in Greek. Yeah. Well, Zach already knew that. But what does he not know?

Most things. But how? What? Like, it's not, not know? Most things. But how, what? Like, it's not, you know, the things that, it's not shorthand. It's not a cross that turned sideways and turned into an X. So everyone, everyone can fucking stop freaking out when you're like, we're taking the cross down to Christmas. I know, but I've had people that it's not Xmas. Like, you write that to them, like, what are you doing for Xmas?

Like, no, it's Christmas. Yeah. Like, I've had that happen in my life. my life because they don't know they're greek exactly like no it actually means christmas because you don't know you're a greek monsoon i've been holding my x's i've been holding my breath and crossing my x's and fucking my x's i'm back on shotgun saturday night saturday night's main event. I'll see you Saturday at Madison Square Garden. Don't hold your breath. Alright, bonus content.

We're doing it. Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan squaring off in the squared circle. Squared circle? Monsoon. That's what they call it. Sorry, I'm not... This doesn't seem geometrically correct. Well, it's called the ring, but it's a square, so it's a squared circle.

Gotcha. Monsoon! All right, send us away. Bye! Outro Music