Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Garbage. Cheat Code. Bolt. Steering Wheel.

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

Would you ruin someone's life anonymously in order to avoid embarrassing yourself in front of over 120 million people? Let's talk about that, yanking the driver's steering wheel to avoid a potential bad situation, letting all the prisoners out so they can go celebrate the new year, ending a relationship over how they cook hamburgers, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/ySQM3XvzMKASend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and then you started talking like wait that's me you're the one going you accidentally made the noise and i didn't know you're i knew i did i didn't make it realize it was that loud reminds me of the elephant doesn't it no when you were making it. I knew I did. I just didn't realize it was that loud. Reminds me of the elephant, doesn't it? No. When you're like, you want to hear what an elephant sounds like? Oh, yeah. And then I had to do it for you. God, you've gotten better over the years.

Only took 135 episodes. Finally perfected the elephant. I think I was actually better before then. I just couldn't do it on the spot. Like reading. Yeah. That's right. Sorry.

I spent some time over in Seattle ahead of recording this this actually just you watched me get out of the uber yes to come into the studio to record today yep i had a very interesting start of the day i figured i'd share it with you guys i stayed at an airbnb over there and was taking the trash out it was being nice and getting the trash out of the airbnb and i was just walking by and i and getting the trash out of the Airbnb. And I was just walking by and I saw a little something out of the corner of my eye in the lawn. And it was a whole pizza.

Mmm. Just a whole... No one eating? Nothing. Nothing. And I walked by. I made a little video. If you do support us on Patreon,

I posted that in there. But it was just a whole ass pizza, untouched. And then as I walked by and I was filming the video, I posted that in there. But it was just the whole last pizza, untouched. And then as I walked by and I was filming the video, I heard some crows. They were eyeing it. They were waiting for me to get done. They were like, hold on, hold on. Don't ruin the shot.

But they were just waiting. They were on standby. Went inside. I was gone from inside grabbing some more shit. So maybe 30 seconds later came out, the pizza was gone. My first instinct. So it went somewhere. When I saw that was the shooting a turtle, the pizza out of a turtle. inside grabbing some more shit. So maybe 30 seconds later came out. The pizza was gone. My first instinct. So when somewhere.

When I saw that was the shooting a turtle, the pizza out of a turtle. The van. The turtle van was cruising by. The turtle. Hit the buttons and you were shooting people with pizzas. That was my first thought. God,

me and my, one of my best friends, Alex. I'm not sure if he listens. He has all the Ninja Turtle stuff. The tech syndrome. You name it. He had all the Ninja Turtles stuff. Detecting Drone? You name it, he had it. Every version of everything.

And he had like, you guys remember when we were kids, they had the cardboard bricks? You guys remember those? Like they were super lightweight, but they were red and blue. Oh, yeah. And you could build whatever the fuck you wanted out of them. Yeah, I saw that at a daycare thing. Yeah, so we'd make little turtle layers and then shoot them down with the fucking turtle van. Yeah.

Shooting pizzas out. And you just lose those pizzas fucking everywhere. You know what? I just, I just had a thought. What? So I was like, I was at home like, should I make something to eat before I head over here? And I was like, I don't feel like making anything.

So I'm just going to go get something to eat. My intention was to get a sandwich, but I drove straight to Pizza Pipeline and got the lunch special and a pop, as you can see by my cup, and I just put that together. I think your post

about pizza subliminally took out the pizza DNA gene came out. Yeah, and I drove straight to the pizza place. Tesla, bring me to the sandwich shop. It's like, you're getting pizza. You're like. Yeah. And I drove straight to the pizza place. Tesla, bring me to sandwich shop. It's like, you're getting pizza. You're like, okay. We all know you're getting pizza today.

We all know what you're getting. Quit trying to eat a fucking sandwich. That's weird. Going to pizza pipeline. Yeah. Episode 135. If you want to support us on Patreon, that's patreon.com slash candy don't podcast. You can also gift a Patreon subscription.

So if you know somebody that would enjoy the bonus content, get them into the show. You can gift a prescription. Whatever. Send all your content into heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com. That includes confessions, petty beef, funny shit you find on the internet. We need a lot of it. As we have mentioned, we're recording a ton of episodes because Brian's going on vacation. So we need a lot of content.

Go check out Scatcast. Nah. What Uncle Commie Zach is doing. I wish you said that. I thought you, I wish you would say we're going on vacation. Because it makes me sound like I'm just a guy going on vacation. Leaving us behind again. Sorry, guys.

Is fucking Brian. All right. We have some new Help merch. Go check it out at canyadon'tpodcast.com. There's a ton of merch there on the website This has a robot on the front And it says help across the top And there's like a version that is

Like that And there's another one that has a little more shake to it A little more glitch, a little more urgency, a little more panic Help! Like when a robot gets stuck in a corner or something You know what I saw in the airport today too? Which reminded me of it Of the automated suitcase situation Like when a robot gets stuck in a corner or something. Yeah. You know what I saw in the airport today, too? Yeah. Which reminded me of it, of the automated suitcase situation.

They have AI, like, wheelchairs, basically, that old people get in, and they type in the gate that they're supposed to go to. Oh, that's sweet. And then it just drives them there. I saw your video about that, but I didn't even put that together. So the days of- G-17. Yeah.

And it just drives them there. Does it speed up? Is it correlated with the boarding time? Very slow, and it makes an obnoxious noise. At least this one did. It was like, beep! That's a party horn noise. Coming through! It just goes,

Every five seconds, just, And then you get closer, they get to the gate it goes as soon as it parks it goes oh yeah we're on the same page and then dumps you out uh no but i saw someone riding around in it and then i saw one that was completely empty but uh you could tell they're new because everyone's just looking at them like what the fuck is this but it's also not worrisome in your video it was funny because there's this woman walking she's like pulling her suitcase through the thing and like slowly coming up on her left it's this empty robotic wheelchair just passing her and she's walking by just kind of like

side yeah just looking at it like what are we doing here uh so those are out there now so if your job is pushing people around airports go get get another job. AI's coming for you. Yeah, you're not going to have a long career. We got a flong on the show today. Hell yeah. Yeah, big old thick-ass dick and some funny stuff. Let's just get the show rolling. Let's get sweaty.

Zach, push the button. Let's go. Hey, shut up. It's not the show already. Okay. This is a fun one. And I took a little bit of something that you had noted in the script from a couple weeks ago. It was hanging out just like down.

We're putting the script together. If we have like a funny article or a funny thought or whatever, we're not sure exactly if it's going to fit that episode. A little behind the scenes. We just toss it way down at the bottom. And then we find out later on if it's going to fit in. Yeah, if we could squeeze it in. So you had part of this put in there, and then I changed the second. And the Super Bowl's coming up.

Exactly. So I adjusted it to make it fit to now. And it has polar opposites. Here we go. Would you rather have to sing the national anthem at the next Super Bowl, okay, or have to set your neighbor's house on fire, but they would never know it was you. So full-on spotlight.

Ruin your life or ruin your neighbor's life. Right. Full-on spotlight embarrassment or just ruin your neighbor's life, but no one's ever going to find out about it. Just burn down their house, all their possessions. You can't give them a heads up. I mean, I guess you could

pick the time. So you're not going to like, unless you fucking really hate your neighbor, I guess you could light them on fire if you're a psychopath. You just hate their whole fucking family. You've been waiting for this Would You Rather for 135 episodes. I could end them all.

Yeah, an excuse to burn your neighbors alive. Yeah. They go to therapy. Maybe, maybe what you do is you invite all the neighbors. Like we're going to have a party over at Joanne's house and you just end everybody. Yeah.

The whole HOA. Yeah. And your family, like your neighbors are great. You're like, you talk them into throwing like a gender reveal party or like a block party. And putting their house in your name in case something ever bad ever happens to them. Yeah. You talk them into throwing a gender reveal party? Or like a block party? And putting their house in your name in case something bad ever happens to them?

Yeah, you get them hammered drunk and make them sign a will over to you? Will you give me your house? We're best friends, right? Yeah. Prove it. Put me in your will. Pull out a... Sign this page right here.

Prove it. Initial here, here, here. Sign there. All right, great. I with sound mind and... And I'm not drunk. Initial here, here, here. Sign there. All right, great. I with sound mind. And I'm not drunk. Initial here. Great.

All right. Just get a match out and throw it in the plant. All right, bye. I'll be seeing ya. Yep, duct tape into a chair. Bye. Oh, God. Okay, National Anthem.

That just got real dark, though. Like, I'm an okay singer. I'm not Super Bowl National Anthem caliber singer. Neither was Roseanne Barr. And she did it. So, I mean, you could have some fun with it. You could just completely butcher it. You could Fergie it.

And then just hope people look up, like, who the fuck is this guy? Podcasts will get big. So you could use it as a publicity stunt. But I think the fun part about this is you have to try like you have to really actually try to sing the national anthem it'd be so bad you can't you can't go in thinking you're like i'm just gonna make this so bad it's gonna work in my favor the intention is to do your best and like to show it do your country proud yeah yeah god i'd just be nervous that i'd forget the lyrics yeah well they have them on the big screen To do your best and to show it. Do your country proud. Yeah. Yeah.

God. I'd just be nervous that I'd forget the lyrics. Yeah. Well, they have them on the big screen. Just face the big screen. Yeah, okay, then I'm good. The flag's over here. You're facing the opposite direction of everyone.

Please rise. Rise and face the flag or whatever you're like. And it's a little bit, the bouncing ball's a little bit behind. Yeah. So you're just behind everything. That makes it even worse. I know. because everyone would be singing ahead of you and that's a lot of attention can you bombs fuck fuck yeah ferg it i know so that'd be really bad but i i think it'd be super embarrassing you got to think of it as, yeah, you can't think of it as like we have a platform that it would give us exposure to. I mean, we have that.

A lot of people out there listening, like just, you know, they don't have a podcast. They're not in the public eye or have a career in the public eye. Like they're just going to go back to fucking teaching or being an accountant. And nice job with the super bowl joe but it's not even just that it's the way that social media is it's just it'll haunt you everywhere you go yeah i mean uh let's let's use the hawk to a girl as an egg as a as a thing. Just a girl that was just like, no one knew who she was. She did an interview, and then everybody in the world knew who she was.

Right. And like, that's the way it has to be. She's known for talking about spitting on dicks. Yeah. Right. And making a cryptocurrency that robbed a bunch of people. Yeah. Isn't she suing them or something like that?

I don't know. There's articles on the internet. I bet she didn't do it yes well so yes someone else she got talked into doing it yeah and then they played her and used her fame to make a bunch of money yeah yeah but um but she went from obscurity to everyone knows who you are it doesn't even matter it doesn't like everyone knows who you are and you're the guy that fucked up the national anthem for the rest of your life i mean unless you just absolutely kill it there's people out there that are really good singers and they're just like yeah easy i know i would destroy it so super bowl caliber national anthem every how many millions no way like what's the average viewership

of the super bowl i don't know a billion probably look it up let's say it's let's say it's 50 million i don't know what it is but let's say it's 50 million that many people saw you screw up and then for the next week or two yeah a billion people right we'll see it because of all the shit that that will be made i mean you will not be able to leave your house without people laughing in your in your face so super bowl last year was 123.7 million that's almost three times is what i said so ah it's so many people and that's the country that's seeing it live and then the residual that will come the next forever all the memes about how terrible you are. Everyone gets... I mean... It's basically William Hong singing the National Anthem. Right. But he made a career out of it.

So avoid the public shaming and just set one neighbor's house on fire. And kill a family or... At least some pets. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you have a neighbor with pets, yeah, they're going down. Like goldfish. Yeah, you can pick the time of day. So you're like, with pets, yeah, they're going down. Like goldfish. Yeah, you can pick the time of day.

So you're like, all right, have fun at work. And then just set their house on fire and they come home to that. The day before Christmas. Sure. Yeah. I mean, if you're evil, you can do whatever you want. You can make it as bad as you want. Because no one's going to know.

You have to live with it. Go hard. It's up to you to have to live with whatever you decide to do. You could be a nice neighbor and you offer to house them. You would look pretty good. My house is your house, buddy. For a week. Week tops.

And then get the fuck out of here. I can't live with this guilt. Yeah. You can find out if they're insured and then just be like, hey, you should take all your family heirlooms with you to work today. Yeah. Isn't that show and tell? Isn't that show and tell at work today? Your kids. I'm a banker. you should take all your family heirlooms with you to work today. Yeah, isn't that show and tell? Isn't that show and tell at work today? I'm a banker.

You should take your, hey, six-year-old kid in kindergarten, you should take your grandma's expensive heirloom and show everybody in class. Don't tell dad. Tell your dad to bring his refrigerator to work today. What? Huh? There's a lot of meat in there from a lot of meat in there he's hunting experiences in his uh whatever he does you know the heads that maybe he's a murderer maybe he's got frozen heads in there well yeah well then you're just helping him destroy the evidence i don't know fridges they can be pretty tough remember uh what was it uh harrison ford jumps in the fridge

fucking survives. Worst part of that movie franchise. Was that part? Close, yeah. Surviving a nuclear explosion in a refrigerator, yeah. That's a good ad for that refrigerator. Yeah, fair. Frigidaire.

Frigidaire, yeah. If we're picking as us, and because we've been in the public eye, and I know that I can deal with people hating me and the criticism and dealing with things being like this is whatever this is funny it's gonna run its course and then whatever you've dealt with that a little bit haven't you yeah but like the national anthem i think i would just fucking do it yeah instead of instead of burn a house down for sure just shit your pants and deal with it. Sing through the shit pants. Yeah.

If it's our decision, then I would do that and do my best. And just take the shit storm that's going to come and know that it's going to leave eventually. This podcast would... Explode. It would be the number one podcast in the world. At least for a while. The intro has just changed to me singing the national anthem. Mm-hmm.

Be known as that. Yeah, but then it's like, that's the whole thing. Like, you gotta... We do edit. Go word for word. Oh. Go ahead. I was just gonna...

Go ahead. Say, Ken. No, I got Ken. Oh. Say. Ken. You. See. No. You can't just take to say. Go ahead. Say can. No, I got can. Oh. Say. Can. You. See.

No. You can't just take the E. Oh. You just took the back end of the E. Oh. You're the next word. Oh, I thought you wanted like a. I thought maybe you wanted a harmony or something.

See. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can.

Can. Can. Can. Well, on the E, I feel like it's got to be like a nice little harmony and carry it out over a couple of bars. Yeah. Okay. We'll work on it.

I think you... No, you won't. As long as you... That's the whole thing. We can't do that, and then everyone comes to the show, and then we obsess over that. We just got to play it off like nothing happened and do our regular show. We can't be... We're just going to do an Ash Lantham content from now on.

Well, it looks like we got another email. You've disgraced my country. You fucking suck. You should die. Okay. All right. I see where you're coming from. And our next email, you're fucking trash! That would be fun to read. Imagine me reading

those emails and fucking them up and making it worse for the people because they're like, God, they're not even taking it serious! I think that's what, that has to bother someone even more. If you do something, somebody doesn't like it and emails you. And then you can't read it. No, that's not what I was going to say. So when I do something like in a video or even on here,

if someone emails me and says, you suck at this, I just like, instead of of writing back, getting mad, I just like. Oh, thanks. Like some sarcastic. And that has to sting even more than. Yeah, because you're not getting the response you want. Yeah, because they want that. They want you to come back and that they won.

And I'm just like, mm-hmm, you know. Oh, thanks. Oh, I saw you didn't like it. Have a good day. I usually do. Sometimes I'll send Joe a screenshot. you know oh thanks oh i saw you didn't like it have a good day i usually do i'll sometimes i'll send joe a a screenshot someone will be like you're you're uh you fucking uh you suck at blah blah you know it's right like i know you are but what am i or something like that yeah and then

other people were like that's funny your mom sucks at bathtubs. What? Exactly. Like, see, fuck you. Yeah. All right, pick a national anthem. We're all musicians, so. Are you going to burn your neighbor's house down or sing the national anthem? I don't. I love music and I like to make music, but I wouldn't call me. I just, I don't.

Do you burn a house down? Well, no. I just don't think that I can. Well, that's, it's travesty for me to call myself a musician, I think is what, is what I was trying to say. Oh, man. So you're burning a house down? Because I would do a terrible job.

Yeah. Be very embarrassing. I think I'm going to burn the neighbor's house down. Fuck yeah. Yeah! Because I know I can do a good job of that.

Yeah, that's got to be easy. Zach? I'll sing. I love playing with fire. All right. All right, moving off to

What Are You Thinking About? A little twist on the usual stuff. Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit.

What are you thinking about? Let me paint the scene. Okay. This was a few weeks ago in Beautiful beautiful that sounds like a weird song for a dramatic oh yeah i don't think i that's better i'll just stop the music okay set in the scene few weeks ago in beautiful spokane valley oh my god washington which is way less beautiful than spokane you live in the spokane valley yeah Yeah. I like it, but it's not pretty. I live there because it's shit. The city is not nice.

So we're out there and we're picking up Paige, Cassie's daughter, from school. And we head there. And this particular time, it was Cassie, Cassie's ex-husband, me and Paige. And we had to talk to Paige about something. I'm not going to get into it on the show. But we're all sitting in the car with her, doing a little sit-down. Serious. Serious sit-down, having a talk.

And then that's over, and we're driving back. And it's not a happy environment for everybody. Very quiet. No one's really talking. I'm just sitting in the passenger seat. Cassie's driving. And Paige's in the back seat. Oh, and the ex isn't in the car with you?

No, he didn't go. He didn't come home with us. But he was there for pick-up exchange. That's another layer of fun. We had to get the belongings from the other household to transfer houses. So he just met us there to do that. We had the talk. Environment, super chill.

And we're driving back from Spokane Valley valley heading back to the home in spokane i drive in on the freeway i don't even remember if there's music on like it's one of those car rides like super real down here and it's shit weather i think it's raining probably because that's all it fucking does here for six months and um you know i look back and like now pages she's laying down in the back seat she has her seat belt on but she's also laying down like you know that move classic kid move just the teenager yeah i'm just laying down making the seat belt dangerous yeah just taking it all in and she's laying down and i'm and i'm staring out the passenger window just being like like breathing in the window and drawing stuff like writing messages to cassie like can you please say something she goes i can't fucking read that uh no but i'm just looking

out the window and she's just driving and she puts her i hear the blinker and she puts her, I hear the blinker, and she starts going from the far left lane. Life in the fast lane! Diddle-de-liddle-de-liddle-de-liddle-de-liddle. And she starts going over, and this was one of those situations where someone in the far right lane, because there's three lanes, starts coming into the middle lane

at literally the exact same time. And I'm just sitting there looking out the passenger window and we start moving over and the other car starts coming in and i'm just staring at it i'm just like that's getting awfully close and it got like so i was watching it come in and i was like just waiting for Cassie to realize there's a fucking car here. But she's got a thousand things going in her mind. And she's focused. So she does this, and the car is so perpendicular with us that the blind spot detector is not even on.

It was perfectly matched up. It's not behind us. It's right next to us. So if she checked her mirror, she probably wouldn't have fucking seen it. But if she would have looked out the window, would have seen my big fucking faces in the way me and my big nose are just i fogged up the glass to write messages right i can't see i can't see that and uh we start we go into the shared lane now, and this car got so close that I watched the front tire. It disappeared out of my view.

Oh, my God. So if you imagine yourself sitting in a normal car. You could have reached out and touched the car. Yeah, I could have picked their nose. And tickled them, and it starts getting so close. I instinctively just reached over and grabbed her steering wheel and went without even looking. Without looking at,'t know talking to. Well, I'll get to that in a second.

Just reached over, grabbed the steering wheel like where all the buttons are. So I changed like 17 radio stations and turned off the cruise control and the windshield wiper started going. And I just go and yank us out. She goes, whoa. And I yanked us back over. There's a cop behind us. Oh, God.

Hold on. Don't worry. The cop's not involved, but he. There's a cop behind us. Oh, God. Hold on. Don't worry. The cop's not involved. But he would have been there quick is what I'm getting at. But as I reach over and yank the steering wheel without talking to anybody, the only noise I make, I go. that's all i did i just panicked yeah just turn the car anything just to get just to get some attention like crank us over turkey call and she goes she goes oh my god she

goes i didn't even see him and then i'm like i'm like oh like really it's starting to set in that if i just would have sat there and did nothing yeah we would have been like 75 mile an hour pit maneuver fucking pitman pages laying down in the back seat yeah so now that thing is gonna slice you in half. Your seatbelt becomes a problem now. And who knows? Also, it was raining, so we could have just slid and nothing would have happened. But there's so many

scenarios. All involving insurance. Just a fucking shit show at rush hour traffic in Spokane Valley, Washington. Turn, flip. I mean, that's a tumble, tumble, tumble. At that speed, you're tumbling quite a bit. With a pit maneuver to us, we could

have just bounced off each other and then insurance is there. We could have hit them and then they swerved and hit another fucking car. Realistically, probably still a foot left. It felt way closer, but we were both halfway

into the middle lane and it was all prevented with a you saved your family with the turkey call and then that's the thing is that everybody just get everybody just moves on with their life but it was like a half a second more before i just decided to like, really not a safe move going 75 and just grab someone's steering wheel and be like, nope. And yank it over. Yeah. Cause if you over correct, over correct or, or she panics and like I do this and then she goes, what are you doing?

It comes back. Then now you're going to, you're going to spin yourself. That was pure instinct though. Oh yeah. And then I was thinking and also laughing about the last sound you would have heard from me on Earth was that. Imagine the black box. Like a pilot.

Oh, shit, we're going down the... Mayday! Is everything okay? Do you just hear the pilot? It's like... And that's all we have. That's all we have. That's all we'll ever know why do you

do that we have no fucking idea is it a is it a secret message is it a terrorist alert is he alerting a faction of terror yeah just oh fuck it was very funny i i like uh but it could have been everybody's life could have been changed yeah and i just like really just not responsibly not just you like you're on a freeway really just not responsibly not just you like you're on a freeway 75 right there are people not just that car next to you but there are people probably riding your bumper and the freeway and then it's like everyone is right there that that could be a 20 car pileup and i'll say because the turkey got involved right but that mean that does happen where you look over and someone's coming into the same way it happened to me a couple days ago same thing but i amber actually noticed that she

goes whoa and i was like i looked over yeah because and it also went yeah but uh it was the same thing freeway i was just going going this way they were closing in almost identical situation uh i'm glad that or maybe there's more to the story but i'm glad that uh cassie was more like oh my god i didn't see them instead of being like the fuck you doing joe i know and then you then you guys are fighting i wouldn't have i'd be like i just saved your life you need to lower your yeah lower your tone watch how you better change your tune i just saved your life i just changed your tune on the radio station yeah just pushed all the buttons just it was just like like everything changed did uh did page she acknowledged

that yeah she was like whoa and then i was at the cassie or i or somebody like that's why you got to sit up because it's i mean no one thinks they're gonna get in the car accident yeah you never know like just you gotta sit up just go okay i think and just set up and we went right back to the same fucking environment no it was a little more chipper it kind of it kind of at least snapped me and cassie out a little bit because we were laughing about it and been like dude that could have been really bad my last sound on planet earth was that you know what's kind of funny about that too, though, is sometimes a spouse or if you're in a fight with someone and you're just pissed at each other, you're all quiet. Like, another person. Yeah, just another fucking thing.

And then something happens like that, you're like, shit, was it really worth it to just be mad and holding a grudge? It was almost over. Nothing really snaps you out of a grudge like a car accident yeah or like a a life threatening incident or you know what really does help is like a like a homeless person doing something funny oh yeah that helps that brings everybody together like i saw a dude jerking off i mean looked like he was jerking off like right into a storm drain the other day. He was clean. Yeah. He was just fucking.

He could have done it right on the sidewalk. Pants down and doing something. Didn't see his dick, but it looked like he was just trying to come right into a storm drain. It's a sexy ass storm drain. I went and got a sandwich one time. Not too far from here. Pizza? Oh, at Pizza Pipeline?

It was actually a. A pizza sandwich? A cow's own? It was a Garland sandwich shop, actually. It's right over there. It's a niceland sandwich shop, actually. It's right over there. It's a good spot. Nice little outfit. And I was walking, so the place I worked was,

there was an alley. I would walk through there to get to the shop. And I went and got my sandwich, and I was walking back, eating my sandwich, and there was a homeless guy, like, up, standing up, using his butt up against the wall like this. And just shitting down

the wall. And you're like, down the wall into a pile of shit on the ground. And I was like, I stopped my tracks and I'm like, I'm not taking that alley. I'm going to walk around. Take another bite of your Philly steak. You're like, that almost ruined

my sandwich. Almost. Is that marinara almost i was really hungry that's gross uh anyway i just want to share that with you guys that's fun yep no one died right he didn't all right let's do some flong stuff hey zach if you'd be so kind is it dumb is it interesting is it cool Hello. Don't bring it up. Don't say a word. I just wanted to weird you out. Don't.

I swear to God, don't fucking bring it up. I'm not going to. Okay. This is a wild story. I was kind of on the fence about putting it in here because clearly there's a little mental illness in here. But you can't do this. You can't do this and be safe from our podcast. Yeah.

Woman, that's a hard one. The bar's really low. That's kind of the deal we have here. Us and humanity. Don't do it if you don't want to be on our podcast. If you don't want to be on the show, just don't do it. Woman who warned social media not to fall for Keanu Reeves romance scam becomes homeless after

falling for Keanu Reeves romance scam. Sometimes things just work out so perfect. Catherine! Catherine Goodson! Is that irony? That's pure irony. I don't know what it is. I mean, you can't do that. That's pure irony I don't know what it is I mean you can't do that

That's like Walter White pure Oh yeah that's good Speaking of pizzas and places they shouldn't be Yeah A 67 year old Californian woman Who once warned Others about the dangers of Keanu Reeves

Romance scam has now become a victim herself leading her to become homeless after losing thousands katherine goodson's story began in 2022 when she was initially tricked by an individual posing as reeves knsd tv reported goodson explained how she was convinced to send a $500 gift card to the fake Reeves to prove she wasn't interested in his money. How does anybody ever fall for anything

ever remotely close to this? I am a prince! And to show that you are not interested in my money, send me a $500 Red Lobster gift card. She realized it was a scam and blocked him. After posting a warning about it, another profile reached

out to Goodson pretending to be Reeves. Oh, it's a good thing. I love it. Whoa, that was a close call. I saw your post about me. There's a lot of fake ones out there. Thank you. And just to make sure again, that you're not out for my money.

Can you send me a photo? Just to reassure the whole situation. And it's not going to be that. I mean, I know you've already done it once. I just need a $250 Chili's gift card. Chili's? Yeah. If there's one thing that gets a Saudi prince excited, it's the two-ferred.

It's the Bloomin' Onion and Outback Steakhouse. Dan, you ever been there on a Thursday night? Awesome Blossom. Two dollars off apps. God damn it. They claimed they were attempting to console her about the previous scam attempt. The woman fell for it and eventually felt the two were in love. He wanted to marry me, Goodson said.

She is now homeless. What a transition in this article. I don't know why that's, I mean, having that quote and then following it up with that. He wanted to marry me, Goodson said. She's now homeless, living in her car in Vista, California. She shared her story publicly to raise awareness of these scams she went from potentially marrying keanu reeves to being homeless homeless like that in one paragraph yeah unfortunately i wasn't maybe listening to the warning signs goodson said i don't blame anyone

but myself she ended up sending bitcoin gift cards and wire transfers to the imposter over a period of two years, believing she was helping Reeves with supposed financial issues. I was lonely, Goodson admits. Despite the ongoing deception, she continues to try to make sense of her choices and urge others not to fall for similar scams. You already did that. And then you did it again. Yeah, she's like, just take it as a warning. Like, wonder who she's like just take it as a warning not you know like wonder who she's gonna fall for next and i've and i've seen this i've seen this before too it's not this i mean not the same thing but it's similar have you seen the on facebook in my particular situation and i

know that it goes both ways with both genders uh or whatever gender uh but uh like a girl would be like this guy is a piece of shit everyone look out for him and then fucking three months later they're dating it's like you can't you can't do that here's what he did he took this and he took money and danny doesn't work and they just airing all this shit and then it's like in a relationship with that guy. You're like, it's like, well, maybe,

maybe she realized that's what she liked about him that he didn't have all that. Oh, that he stole her money. Yeah. I can fix him. I know. But just like,

you can't make that warning cry and then just go back in. And you, I mean, and then bringing that to a private setting. I know we've all had that. We have a friend go through a breakup and and then they just say all this shit because it just happened. You see them, and then you're even playing into it, too.

Oh, yeah. She's a bitch. I can't believe you lasted that long with her. I'm glad you finally left. I've been, hold my tongue. She's a piece of shit. John in a relationship. And then the next week, they're back together and at your house for dinner.

Yeah. And you're just like, God, I've back together at your house for dinner. Yeah. God, I've been waiting for you to break up with her. I just mean to tell you, she was fucking this guy and this guy. And then they're back together and you're like, whoop. Oh, you guys are so good together. Yeah, God. So glad you found your way back to each other. Do you like the Cobb salad?

She makes a mean Cobb salad. Wow. I'm just forgetting it ever happened. God damn it, Catherine. Yeah, I mean, that sucks. Yeah. I've just, like, so being, having a social media account where I get a lot of messages, I also get a thousand spam messages of like companies wanting

to work out or whatever hi it's canada reeves 23 again yeah it's like uh and but some of them can be like i get where some of them might bite because i get some really convincing ones sometimes they're like we'd like to work together and bob it's's like, it seems legit to where I've showed my wife, like, this seems pretty cool. Like, I think it's fake, but if it's not, that's a pretty cool little deal. She goes, it's not real. I'm like, I know it's not, but I just, I sort of just need to see if you think it's not real too. Cause it seems pretty cool.

Yeah. I was going to say that. Yeah. I was sure. I was seeing if you would fall for it. She goes, this is stupid. You're like, I know. I was just seeing if you thought it seems pretty cool. Yeah, I was going to say that. Yeah, I was sure. I was seeing if you would fall for it. She goes, this is stupid. You're like, I know. I was just seeing if you thought it was stupid, too. You just said you loved it. No, I was just seeing

if you loved it. That's right. There are a lot of Saudi princes, though, so you never know. That's true. There are tons of Saudi princes. You're right about that. All right, let's move off to our next story for Flong. This, on the surface, not funny at all at all but goddamn how did they get here kia is recalling 23 000 evs over fears that a worker forgot to bolt the seats down oh god how did we get here look you're just sleeping at night and you're like sleeping at night, and you're like, oh, shit. You wake up, and you're like, oh, shit.

Okay, well, certainly it's an embarrassing blunder for Kia. The Korean automaker has been forced to recall nearly 23,000 of its brand new EV9 electric SUVs. Those are cool cars, too. In the U.S. market after discovering that the rear seats were improperly installed. So it goes through the numbers of what they were called and all that kind of stuff. Interestingly, Kia's report places the blame squarely on a single plant assembly worker who allegedly made an error and failed to properly secure all the seat bolts on an unspecified number of vehicles.

That's why I don't want that kind of responsibility. I would never want that. Never want that But I just picture, you know, we're at the Kia headquarters It's a beautiful building They just got some new landscaping done The trees are popping It's a great spot

They just sold a bunch of EVs So they're doing well Yeah, they got those things out the door And they're going through a meeting Like a safety meeting Like, okay, you know, we gotta do this every day Flip it over, he's like, alright, Jeffrey things out the door uh and they're going like through a meeting like a safety meeting okay you know we gotta do this every day flip it over he's like all right jeffrey you did the the leather on the steering wheels he goes yep you got it okay looks great great response great response chad

and you see here you put the windshield wipers on, make sure they're securely fastened. Check. Check. Okay, got it. All right. Jerry, you made sure, I mean, this is ridiculous, but you made sure to fasten all the seats to the floor. I shouldn't have to say this. I shouldn't have to say this, but, you know, corporate. I was like, while they're eating some free donuts. He goes, all right, Jeff, so you fastened obviously fastened all the seats

of the floor he just goes oh shit ha ha ha yeah good job okay we'll move on he goes no wait he goes i thought i was washing the mirrors no you're fastening the seats to the to the floor? To the floor! And he goes, oh! Just to each other. Oh, shit! And they're just like, oh my god! And the guy's like, alright, I gotta make some calls. He's like, this is not good. Yeah, Jim, can you finish this meeting? I gotta go make a couple calls.

I gotta go make a couple calls. We have 23,000 cars to bring back. Dude, you know if they were local by, are they not far from here? Yeah, they're right down the road, right? No, they're in the US. Yeah, we sent them all on a ship. Fuck. And he's like, sorry.

This is his second strike. Like, the first time he forgot to, like, fucking plug in the radios. Like, every car's electronics don't work. Because he thought he was doing something else. He thought he's fastening the seats of the floor i was supposed to do that last time they're all already they're already tight there's no you were the radios last time to this time you're putting the fucking seats

to the floor oh fuck but what does that even i mean i'm guessing they were bolted but a piece of equipment or some sort of like locking washer or something. Maybe like a, what do they call it? He was going right. He was going lefty, lefty, tighty. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Now it's lefty, tighty, right? Lefty, tighty, righty, loosey. Lefty, righty, tighty. It's righty, loosey. It's lefty, loosey, righty, tighty, whitey. Oh God. Bring the cars back. What's that called when you, the fucking bolt when you, it's the.

What, ratchet? No, it's like when you get it to a certain tension. Okay. A tension. Tension to roll? I don't know what you're talking about right now. What are you talking about? Somebody help me out.

It's like when you have to tighten something, you don't just take a crescent wrench and tighten it. You take a specific blah, blah, blah wrench, like a tension wrench, something like that, and so it tightens it to a certain number, and you're like, now I know it's tight. Okay, now it's good. I don't know what you're talking about. Someone's screaming at the thing right now. Some NASCAR pit guy is just like, you fucking idiot.

You can't read. You don't know how to do any of this shit. It's called a drill. That's what it is. But imagine like you're going, you finally saved up enough money to go buy like your- Torque wrench. Torque wrench. That makes sense. You finally save up enough money to go buy your... Torque wrench. Torque wrench. That makes sense.

You finally saved up enough money to go buy a new car, a new vehicle, and you head to the Kia dealership. You're like, I want to check out one of these EV9s. They're like, all right, this one's brand new. Just got it in today. Beep, beep. Open it up. You sit in the driver's seat and just fall over.

Still got that new car smell, huh? As you tip over. Hit your head on the passenger seat. Landing your wife's lap. While buckled in. You buckle in here. Take this baby for a test drive. Is this how it's supposed to be?

Oh, this is just a display model. I'm sure we'll get on that. All right. Somebody get it. Are all the fucking seats like this? Get these things out of here. You buckle in to go for a test drive? So you just take a left out of the parking lot here.

Oh my God. I'm crying. You have your wife, you're driving, you got your kids in the back. You're like, all right, let's make the big dog eat. And you put it in drive and you push the gas pedal and you all fly to the back of the car. You just go smash through the back tailgate or the little hatchback. God. Oh God.

Oh, hey dad. Yeah. Your hands are still up, not holding a steering wheel. And you're 13 feet away from the steering wheel. This is a seven-seater, too, so that's a full car going backwards. That's a whole football field. That poor fucking guy, though. He doesn't have a job anymore.

What's the next thing he's going to do? Something a little easier. Yeah, that guy should just probably be packaging stuff. He should be the guy that hits the hood two times when it's done. Yep. He's just like, good to go. Do we really want him making sure everything... He's not checking anything. Okay. He's just hitting the hood. There's a guy with

a checklist that's like, alright, send it through, it's good, and he just goes, yep. He just gives it two taps on the hood. He's like a Walmart greeter. Yeah, exactly. That's basically what he is. I mean, you can steal whatever you want. They're not going to stop you. He puts the bow on the car when someone buys it.

Only during Christmas. Yep. And happy Kia days. Yeah. He's a seasonal worker. Yeah, he is. That's for damn sure. All right, you want to take the next one?

Sure. Okay. You fucking do it. I'll play some music. Which one? Let's see how this one is. The 59 Convictions? That's see how this one is. The 59 convictions? That's the one.

All right. Get out of here with the fucking cookies. Oh, yeah. I accept. All right. Echolive.ie is a good site. Thank you. I think this time I've really learned my lesson.

Corkman with 59 previous convictions tells judge. Judge Mary Dorgan said, given his appalling record, I have sentenced him to three months. Still doesn't seem very high. No, it doesn't. 59. That's not enough time for him. And when you hear 59 convictions just out the gate, I'm just curious curious how old would you guess this guy is well i mean i mean if that's if you let's just say you didn't start breaking the law till what i mean at least 20 and then 59 convictions if you average a couple

a year i mean you're still that's gonna put you like what mid Mid 40s? You could be 47. 47. Getting ready for your 50s. If you're just constantly like doing stupid shit. Okay. Go ahead. 26 year old. Dude, this guy's crazy. How does he find the time? Wait.

Oh no. Nevermind. Oh man. I was i was gonna say that's almost that would be like wow if you started i mean you started at a kid as when you were born that's just over two what just over two a year so there's no way you figure you're breaking the law as a fucking toddler give him the first jaywalking maybe till he was 10 figure he's Breaking the law As a fucking toddler Give him the first Jaywalking Maybe until he was 10 When you can legitimately Start getting into some trouble But probably not even then

Yeah Man Fuck me Okay A 26 year old man With 59 previous Theft convictions Face

He walks into a store a day And like grabs a Snickers He's like thank you Oh thank you I'll take this and thank you for my fifth slip come on he keeps stealing candy from the fucking police station as they're letting him out he just grabs out of the bowl pen like god damn it get back in couldn't even get out of the office. Jesus Christ. Hey, come on.

Hey, what are you doing? It's just a pen. Come on. Michael O'Driscoll? Come on, Mike. Okay. All right. We almost made it past the first sentence.

Let me go back to this little... Michael O'Driscoll, also known as Foley, of Together Road Cork, and originally from Brandon, who gives a shit where he's from. They do. Pleaded guilty to shoplifting at Boots. Boots? What'd you say? Boots.

It's really small print. Okay. Zoom in. Yeah. Good idea. Not. It's not. What are you doing?

It's not relevant. Okay. So let's go back. Faith sent for one theft and he told the judge wait hold on what is happening with previous previous theft convictions faced sentencing for one more theft and he told the judge by video link from prison i think this time I really learned my lesson. That was the one. The 59. He goes, I'm sick of this. Michael O'Driscoll.

You already read this. I did, and I read it when it was smaller, so I'm not going to read it again. The shoplifting dates back to March 2020. 2020, guys! 59 convictions. In four years? In four years. Oh my god.

Somebody do some math on that. Less than four years, because it was March 7th. Plus the lockdown, so. Yeah. Shit. Yeah, he was. Squeezed it in in the last two. That's when he started. 59 divided by four, right?

So 14, almost 15 convictions a year. Just averaging over one a month. That's crazy. I've really learned my lesson this time. Just averaging over one a month. That's crazy. I've really learned my lesson this time. Yeah, this is the one. Judge Mary Dorgan said, given his appalling record, I have to sentence him to three months. Yeah. God.

Three months? So what was he getting before? Like a couple days? I mean, not much. An afternoon? Yeah. And I guess he wasn't stealing anything worth stealing. Because he wasn't getting in fucking trouble.

I mean, you might as well keep stealing then. Is that like a bag of chips? Like what the fuck's he taking? Those details were not in the article. But I am curious about that. And we've talked about this. Have you guys ever been arrested? No.

Have you ever got too drunk at an RV show, Zach, and ended up in the slammer? Never been in the slammer, but I have gotten in trouble. Yeah? Like MIPs and having to go to court and shit. That's right. I remember an MIP story out of your mouth at one point. Yeah, I've never had to go to jail. Never been in the clink?

No. I've gotten picked up and taken to police stations, but I've never had to go to jail. Never been in the clink. No, I've, I've gotten picked up and taken to police stations, but I've never gotten locked up. I had that in college. Yeah. I got picked up and I know, I think I've shared this story where, yeah,

we were stealing cause I grew up in a place where there's a ton of snow. And when that happens, what they do is they mark driveways with a PVC pipe so that you know where to plow or where your fucking driveway is because there's just so much snow. So we just thought it was fun to go and just take those and rip them out. It was the same night that I was using an extension cord to lasso trash cans.

And we didn't get in trouble for that, but we didn't get in trouble for taking fucking PVC poles out. The cops didn't know, but we were hitting mailboxes with them. You know, just doing dumb shit. Yeah, just kid stuff. We didn't do anything. Didn were hitting mailboxes with them. You know, just doing dumb shit. Just kid stuff. Yeah, I mean, we didn't do anything. Didn't break anything.

The PVC pipe just exploded. But anyway, they called it in because apparently that's loud. It wasn't that loud from inside the car. But from the outside, I could definitely see a PVC pipe hitting a fucking mailbox. It would be something you'd call the cops about. Especially when you just kept going up and down the same street isn't that considered like once you start messing with there's not government shit like we started with the mailboxes oh dude what we're gonna get in trouble with trouble for was gonna be like what we got in trouble for was petty theft

not petty beef no not petty beef petty theft so the captain of my football team when we were in high school yeah did some shit withes, like tried to blow it up or something with a firecracker. And then the FBI came and he got suspended for a bit. The FBI? FBI. Or federal agent of some kind. You know why? That's what they said to us. How low on the totem pole of the FBI do you have to be to investigate

mailboxes? I got into this for murders! Oh my god. We all have to start somewhere. And in the FBI, we start at mailboxes. They fly you around? What a shitty job. You have to fucking go out to some tiny town

to interrogate a 16-year-old about hitting a mailbox? That's government property, you know? Okay. Alright. Don't do that anymore. I picture that scene in Big Lebowski

when they're sitting in that living room. Is this your homework? You remember that scene? Where it's just like this kid doesn't give a shit and you know he did it. It's like this kid,

I know you're the one that blew up this fucking mailbox and he's just sitting there. He's like, yeah, what's it to you? And you're like,

this is my fucking life. Why are you expecting something? I went through all that schooling and here I i am talking to this fucking d-bag about a fucking mailbox some shit kid some shit kid in a shit town about it in my class damn it yeah right about a shitty fucking mailbox oh god and he goes all right well just confess i gotta get to the airport and fly to another mailbox investigation I gotta head to fucking Fargo Fargo, there's a real shit up there

He blew up two mailboxes I'm gonna get to the bottom of it It's a travesty It was a serial crime, they just went through with a baseball bat Took out like a whole row of them Wow, sounds like a big deal It is Did you see my badge? You know why I think it's a big deal it is yeah it's i mean you know why it's a big did you see my badge

what you know why i think it's a big deal i just had a thought oh it's because the government wants you to get all your bills and all your shit that you have to pay for and your taxes so if it's broken then you have an excuse i bet you that's what it is like ah that's why i didn't get i didn't get the mail because someone put a cherry bomb in my mailbox. If it was anything else, they wouldn't give a shit. He comes to investigate it. It's just you running out and blowing up your own mailbox. Is this you?

Like, no. It's like, you're like Coyote. You have a. It's your ring doorbell. You've got the fucking plunger. Yeah. With the bomb inside your mailbox. And you're like.

Wearing like only like shirt that says hi my name is Boyan standing in your driveway came out of your house and turned around and told your wife okay I'm gonna go blow up the mailbox see you in bed. If you hear a large bang it's just me. It's just me blow up the mailbox and you're just watching the footage together with this FBI

agent. Is that you sir? No. Never seen that guy before in my life. I wouldn't do anything like that. A crazy person would do that. He gets out a mirror and you go, here, look at this. Does he look familiar now? Yeah, I think I saw him down at the grocery store once. I think he's buying fireworks. Is that a lead? You're incriminating yourself, sir. Sure you don't want a lawyer?

Good stuff. All right, let's move off to our last piece of dick. Okay. And we're going back to police officers. Over to Zambia? Yes, this is what you don't do. But also pretty awesome for these prisoners. Drunken Zambian policemen freed 13 suspects to celebrate New Year.

And it's exactly what you think it is. A drunken police officer in Zambia. Exactly. Freed 13 suspects from custody so that they could go out and celebrate New Year. You don't want to spend New new year in jail, do you? Aren't you sick of looking at me, your superior officer? Officer.

Officer. We're the same guy. I'm just a Zambian officer. Oh yeah, I'm a powerful officer. But I also got the keys! Ling, ling, ling! Who wants to go party? Detective Inspector Titus

Fira was arrested I thought that was his name, Detective Inspector. Like his last name is Inspector. I'm Detective Inspector! Destined for greatness. Was arrested after releasing the suspects from Leonard Cello police station in the capital of Lusanka. Before running away himself.

Go, man! Where are we going? We're out of here. Fuck you, cop! Oh, come on! Yeah, I don't want this badge. I just want to party. The 13 detainees were accused of crimes such as assault robbery and burglary so i'm guessing that

other guy from the last story wasn't one of these right he's like i just fucking stole candy bar i shouldn't fucking even be in here uh they are all currently on the run and a manhunt has been launched to find them that's a mess up on the job right there. Gosh dang, man. Subsequently, Detective Inspector Fira unlocked both the male and female cells and instructed the suspects to leave. Get out of here. Go on, get.

Get out of here. I got a birthday party. You gonna stay? Get out of here. It's pouring and cold. Why are you in here, you doofus? Did Dr. Steve Bruhl go in there and let him out? Stating that they were free to cross over into the new year.

It's a new year. You do what you want. Yeah, it's a new year. It's like all those year old crimes. Those are old crimes. Get some new ones. I'll see you in a bit. I'll see you dinguses.

He'll be back in here in a second. Come on. Get out of here. This is the part that was ridiculous to me. I'll see you in a bit. You dingus. He'll be back in here in a second. Come on, get out of here. This is the part that was ridiculous to me. Out of the 15 suspects in custody, 13 escaped. So that means two didn't. Did not take advantage.

Probably smartly didn't. I know, but picturing them looking so sad through their jail cell, the bars, like out the back and their friends are lighting the bars. Like out the back and their friends are lighting up fireworks. Get out of here, Johnny! Can I light off a firework? They bring it over there. And they put it

through the window. Hand him a Roman candle. He's sticking his hand out the window. Wow, that is fun. He's shooting it. And then one crackles. He goes, woo.

And friends are like, wow. You should see what it looks like from out here. This is so cool out here. And then it's out. He goes, oh, I think it's out. And he just throws it out the window. And his friends are like, all right, bye! Yeah, we'll see ya!

He just run off into the woods. I saw a video recently of a dad that gave his kid one of those Roman candles, and he was shooting up in the sky, and he was in a park, and then he started running and shooting at kids. Like, there were kids running in the park going, ah! And he's just going, thunk, thunk, thunk. He turned evil real fast. Yeah, real quick.

Oh, yikes. That was probably smart on their part to stay in, though. Because I'm not falling for this. So when the people show up, they're like, I took their names down. Yep. And they look good. Or the same officer did this for 2022 or 2023. He does it every year.

Yeah, every year he tries to do it. He's doing the Lord's work. He goes, I'm not falling for that again i lost shower privileges for fucking half a year shower privilege yeah i'm sorry about that i promised i wouldn't let you guys out again dirty ass bastard plus he got to do he got to launch a couple things out the window so he had a good time uh but that's not the biggest one on new year's eve in 1993 controversial high high court judge Cabazo Chanata ordered the release of 53 suspects, some of whom were deemed dangerous by the police. So, I mean, they really celebrate New Year's in Zambia by just letting prisoners out.

New year, new you. Get out there. Don't kill anybody. Promise? Yeah. Okay. I mean, the cops are all looking at each other. You heard him. He promises not't kill anybody promise yeah okay he's i mean the cops are all looking at each other you heard him he promises not to kill anybody he said he promised he promised all right

get him out of here gotta take him at his word get out of here have fun you son of a bitch go on yeah you've been in here for what two years that's too long that's two years too many too many of you get out there have a drink on me. Slap him five bucks. Okay, let's head off to some good news. It's an idea I never thought of. Zach. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We aren't doomed.

Yeah! You know when... This happens quite a bit on the show. You come across something, you're like, fuck, that's smart. That's something i guess never would have thought of yep and this is uh i ain't smart good enough yeah this falls into one of those so delhi's garbage uh cafes combat plastic waste okay so are you sure you put the words in the right order yep i did i did. I did, I did. So, in the bustling streets of Delhi,

an innovative initiative is turning heads and making waves in the fight against plastic pollution. Delhi, with a population of 20 million, faces a monumental challenge in managing its waste, particularly the plastic. The city generates approximately 11,000 metric tons of municipal solid waste daily. That's so much stuff.

Much of which ends up in landfills or clogs draining systems. You know what's funny about that, though? What? Is I hear that and I'm like, fuck, that's a lot. But then I go, is that a lot? Like, compared to what? It sounds like a lot. It sounds like a lot, but compared to something.

Whenever you put the word metric ton, you got me. Especially when you say, when you use the thousand before that, even just a thousand tons. I know. If you put, you can put.001 metric tons, and I'd be like, fuck. What? You hear that word ton. Metric ton. Yeah.

That's just fuck. It's not as cool as an imperial ton. Yeah. This isn't even safe. That's just fog. It's not as cool as an imperial ton. Yeah. This isn't even safe. That's my brand. I'm like fucking crazy. That can't be safe. So the concept of garbage cafes introduced by the Municipal Corporation of Delhi, the

MCD, is a simple yet effective solution to the city's escalating plastic waste problem. Eat the garbage. Can you imagine? Eat the rich. They just put a gun to your head and make you eat plastic? Get all the way. We solved it. Yes, the cap too.

These unique cafes offer free meals in exchange for plastic waste, encouraging citizens to actively participate in waste reduction efforts. I never thought of that. I think about a little shop, downtown Spokane, Washington, and you show up with a agreed upon amount of trash, and then you get a meal ticket to go get your food. So you just help. That's all you have to do is pick up stuff. That's it. And you're going to have food. I mean, even like teenagers, you don't have to be homeless but whatever it is if you want to eat

and help out you just go pick up whatever amount of weight of plastic and garbage go turn it in and go get a hamburger french fries and a coke ooh

I got a sorry I got a good Spokane specific idea for that needles the garbage goat oh yeah feed it

and then out of its butt comes little tickets that you take to the soup kitchen a little pull tag that comes out of its butt. It'd be perfect. It just goes, throws it up. So my first thought is, that's really cool. Thanks.

My second thought, because this is how my brain works, is won't people just be walking, stealing trash out of people's garbage cans? To go get a meal ticket? So they're just like digging people's trash and making a... They just roll up in the trash can full of trash and be like, Or knock someone's trash over and just grab a bunch of shit and run off. So everyone's trash is another... I mean, I guess you could do that.

Or you could just go pick up some trash. You could. I just can't help but think that that will happen. Let's take trash out of the trash can and then go get free food with it. Sure, why not? What happens if you don't bring enough trash? Do they break the sandwich in half? They slap the trash out of your hands and push you in the face.

Go get more trash! Get more trash, you piece of shit! They eat your hamburger. You're a piece of trash, but I can't take you. You turn it in. It's just under it. They open it up

and take the pickles off your burger. And you're like, that's the best part. It's the best part. And his hand, you're like, throw your hamburger down.

He just throws the pickles on the ground. Set of fucking pickles. Anyway, cool idea. I hope the rest of the world and some cities find out a way to implement that. Because if fucking vehicles. Anyway, cool idea. I hope the rest of the world and some cities find out a way to

implement that because if it's a problem, being hungry is also a problem. You're solving two with one. It's funny. Like 20 million

people and it's like that's New York. It's big. It's twice New York here. Yeah. I mean, maybe New York Metro.

Yeah. Take all of it. But that's fucking yeah, that's a lot of people uh i found something pretty funny on the internet i'm gonna share it with you okay and we all love video games and we all know what i'm gonna be talking about okay hey zach you go fuck it yeah the internet is pretty wild depending on your browsing habits you can either experience something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple

hey look what i found yes this is fucking sweet wait sorry i'm sorry i didn't you can't just do that uh okay so we've talked about captchas on the show before uh and how dumb they are or you have to click on like which one there's street lights and there's a little sliver that's over the line how many bikes and you know it's a way to obviously weed out people from just going to websites and and not being human and terrorizing them taking up their bandwidth and all that kind of stuff so captchas make it prove that you're human and someone took that to an extreme. And what they did is they made a captcha that is the old Doom game on Nightmare setting.

And you have to kill at least three monsters, and then you get through. You prove that you're a human. So far, this feels like Nightmare mode. Yeah. I'm going to humble brag. The very first time i played it i got three monsters did you really very first time does it does do the codes work let's see idkfa it works no fucking way and the fact that i even remember the code let's see let's see iddqd

oh you see his eyes change? Oh, yeah. Now I'm invincible. Watch. I didn't know the codes. The fact that you fucking remembered them is crazy. Oh, yeah. Dude, I loved this game. Spacebar shoots. There you go. Oh, but no. I tried to strafe, but now it's stuck going left.

Oh, boy. Okay, there we go. Okay, you fixed it. Anyway, you guys can go check this out. I can't believe the code worked. I know. I never even thought about adding codes. Well, you're going to kill at least three because you're fucking invincible.

Yeah, dude. What I did is I was like, oh, I know this is going to be hard. So I just backed up into the corner at the beginning and just clicked the shoot button until they came around the corner. Captcha solved. There you go. But just type in Doom Captcha and you can go play this too fucking codes man how do you even remember that those that's impressive those are you can't

remember how to read but you can remember the fucking doom code i it's it's funny those two codes are ingrained it's one of those things i don't even have to think about it it's just like iddqd idkfa it's just in my brain i I have that for Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. Remember Up Up Down Down? The whole fucking, it's like you did it so much that I can't lose it. Like dementia, I probably will remember it if I have dementia. I'll be sitting, old man

like pissing myself. Do you remember who I am, dad? Side, side. Yeah. He's like, IDDQD. What does that mean? I know I'm a QD. Thanks, Grandpa. All right, back to the home. Let's get you back in bed.

OKQD. KFA. KFA. KQD. KFA. But go play that. It is pretty fun. What a funny idea.

That's so cool that it worked. I know. That's fucking cool Nice find You just impressed the shit out of me I think you're That's cool Yeah Good job

Yeah Wow Alright heading off to emails Zach would you be nice Thanks Alright let's hear what you guys think Really? You want to talk to me?

Wow that's cool I'll take this first email, Brian. Thanks. Thanks so much. Coming in from V, Satanic Hispanic. Okay. Remember, I recognize him from our Patreon. Yep. Thank you for your support. Satanic Hispanic.

That is your real name? If that is your real name. Hello there, fathers and big unk Zach. Hello. I'm writing in from beautiful, bum fuckfuck Ohio. And boy, do I have a story for you. I'm not quite sure where this falls. Perhaps a petty beef. You'll get it.

But regardless, I feel like it's dumb enough to at least get a laugh out of whoever reads this. Whomever. Whomever. Thanks, Brian. No, I didn't mean to correct you. I thought it was funny the way you said it, and I was just imitating it, and then I realized I said it right. Yeah. When I was in my early 20s, I began dating this sweet, sweet girl.

Or so you thought. One night, she suggests anal. Just kidding. One night, she suggests we cook dinner together. I immediately agreed, thinking it was a great idea. An opportunity to partake in a shared passion. Knowing that it would lead to anal. After a bit of discussion, we decided on cheeseburgers.

Anal's out. I'm a big burger boy. So I thought it'd be a great chance to show this new girl that I'm dating that I can at least make a kick-ass burger. Or that I can eat like a fucking animal. Chimpanzee. Everything was going great until the very end. She was the one cooking the patties, and I attempted to show her this neat little trick where you rub your balls on the burger buns right before you toast them to add a little Midwest twang. Kidding.

That's the wrong trick. I attempted to show her the trick where you put cheese on the nearly done burger and cover it with a lid to melt the cheese a bit. The problem is I wanted to show her and not tell her. She kept insisting that I just tell her what I'm doing. And I kept insisting that I just watch this cool little trick. Cool little trick. We go back and forth with this for a solid 15 minutes. No, come here.

Get out of the fucking way. Let me just show you this cool little trick. The burgers are now burnt, and dinner together is officially off the table. But it gets worse. We continued arguing for another half hour. We decided that maybe we're not a great fit for each other, and perhaps a breakup is necessary.

My defense is that I just wanted to impress this new girl I was dating. Her defense is that she just wanted to cook a meal for me. To this day, it remains one of the dumbest arguments I've ever been a part of. All of that being said, she and I are still happily together and have been for 11 years. We have two kick-ass boys, and we still cook together often, but I'm the only one who makes the burgers. Hugs and tugs, your jajastro. Jajastro. The Hispanic.

Zbanic. Zbanic. Killing it. Zbanic. Satanic Hispanic. Oh, man. Those fucking fights. No, no, no, no, no.

Just tell me what to do. No, no. Just let me do it, and you watch me do it, and then you'll know how to do it. No, just tell me. No, if I me do it. Then you watch me do it. And then you'll know how to do it. No, just tell me. No, if I tell you, you're going to fuck it up. There's a little part of it. You have to tell me.

Just tell me. And no, it happens. It happens in the household. It's funny. I've always told people, in an early relationship, do something like pack for a vacation. Go shopping together get divorced do little things like that that that make you have to like do do things together to see how you function put together an ikea desk and see what yeah exactly like move move a couch to a different

room yeah little things like that and then because that's when you see like the real person come out like a guy it's like no move it to the left that's not that's your fucking right move it to the left you it's not gonna fit that way you have to turn it then bend it look at the shape of the couch fucking bitch did you even get to geometry did you go to couch school Well, I did! I aced it! Validatorian at fucking couch school! Yep.

The cushions are sewed on. Not anymore! Now fucking push! The back ones don't come off. I bet you they do! Sounds like a challenge, bitch! Switch played out. Yeah!

Oh, look! They're no longer attached! Now pick it up! Couch school. Yep. There you go but that's that's how it goes

that was probably a smart made me sweat what'd you say? I said I don't know what I said I might have to go back and listen

probably a smart oh yeah that's what I was gonna say I mean that was smart to do something like that and just to yeah break up for

a little bit come back and be like can we not break up over fucking hamburgers please how about we try this again and uh and you stay away from the grill right i'll do this it's like okay you're really good at making x spaghetti and like you know all this kind of stuff you're really good at that i will stay far away but let me handle the burgers because that's my specialty that's what i love and uh and just let it whenever i would cook or something it would always be steak and mashed potatoes fuck yeah and even though when my wife and i first got together she was vegetarian so so you're just you eating the food you made yeah she's like watch how good i make this for me and then she's just sitting there with just a green salad. You're cutting your steak, looking back into the kitchen.

What are you making for yourself? It's fucking good. Did you decide what you were going to make for yourself? Oh, God. God, this is good. How's that kale? You toss me the A1? All right, you want to read the second email?

Sure. This one's coming in from Brent. Okay, hi, Brent. Hey, guys. Hello. I just listened to the new episode and immediately got this image in my head. Just a little nod to Steve Martin and the jerk. Can I say this really quick?

Sure. So I usually don't blow my... Load? This early? No, I don't blow my screen up this big for the email. Okay. And I got to say, I should have been doing this all along. I think that was part of my issue. It was always so small. I'm like, fuck.

I know. Whenever we would share your screen, it's all fucking tiny. Full screen that thing, man. I put together a couple placement ideas as well. Watch me fuck it up. If you like this or want to see more, please hit me up. Have a great day. Brent Murie. Okay.

Sent from my Verizon Samsung Galaxy smartphone. I think that was a nod back to an older podcast. Because I was making fun of like, you get an email, super professional. It says like, sent from my iPhone. My iPhone 9. And you're like, weird flex. Why is that in there? Every time I send an email, like when i reply to these emails i always go

back and delete that part out of there because i'm usually sending it from my phone i know they they add it in there so dumb just stop all right so this is what brent drew yeah it's very funny pull it up there i have a doodle board yeah in reference to my. Yeah. Your target experience. Your kerfuffle. Holding some whippets. Yeah, a little doodle. It says, can you don't inside the doodle. The doodle board with a can of whipped cream.

Taking whippets. It looks just like you. He placed it on a shirt, too. Yeah. To see how it looks. I love the one. Remember that? Like that mid-2000s where the side design.

Like all those band shirts. Warped tour bands. Yeah, all of them had it on there. And then it ended, and it was like, that's the only time they ever did it. No, they should bring it back. Probably not. Okay. That's fair. It's probably expensive.

Yeah. Well, I think they just rotate it. Rotate it on the printing press. It's hard on the t-shirt printer, expensive. Yeah. Well, I think they just rotate it. Rotate it on the printing press. It's hard on the t-shirt printer, man. Yeah. And the folds always got in the way, so the design always came off. Because it's hard to make the shirt lay perfectly flat on the side seam. Yeah.

So I get why they stopped. Well, thanks, Brad. That's great. I just noticed this. And I don't know if that... I'm assuming that's toilet paper wrapped around the ankles and shoes there. Yeah. Which is a reference to...

I haven't seen the jerk in a really long time. But I'm not sure if that is... The robe is exactly... The robe is definitely the jerk. I was thinking maybe it was a reference to my Stinky Penguin. Stinky Penguin talk? Yeah. I mean, it makes sense.

Unless those are supposed to be your pajamas pulled down. I'm not sure. Could be Regardless, it's very funny, thank you Well done Well done, well done I clap, I clap Well done, like that steak

Or like those burgers Yeah Well that's it for 135 The bonus content, you get that By supporting us on Patreon You also get early releases of the episodes They're ad free Get merch discounts, inclusive merch, all that stuff.

Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. Please do consider doing that. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook. You got the video version of the show on YouTube. Just search for us. And then something you want to see on the show. As mentioned, we're recording a ton of episodes in the next couple weeks. So we need all the content you have.

Send it in to heyguys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com. I know we are doing a Confessions next send it into hey guys at you know podcast.com i know we are doing a confessions next week so that's gonna be exciting or not next week the week after next week but that's that's coming out in a month from now yeah uh in 2026 i know we're doing a confessions uh rate and review the podcast wherever you listen to your podcast and then again check out uncle zach over in the scat cast universe that's scat with a k scatcast.com and maybe everybody give a give a a moment of silence for zach's cat godspeed lucifer it's kind of actually it's supposed to be more cat sounding in my head. Sorry about your loss, Zach. They put him down today.

You want to say any kind words? She was a badass motherfucking cat, dude. One of the best friends I ever had. Oh, man. Yeah, sucked ass. Sorry. It's okay. Well, how do I transition out of this?

Come on, let's see how professional you are. Let's just wrap it up. I got something for you guys. All right, Zach, go. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Just Brian on the left field. I guess I could have waited.

Anyway, yeah, the show's going great. Anyway, so moment of silence for Zach's cat. Well, we were talking about zach so i figured it was a good time to mention yeah you're right all right uh so guys i was shocked to find out that my girlfriend thinks i'm smothering her and invading her privately i'm sure she meant privacy but diaries don't have spell check that's pretty funny oh i i there was a joke along the same lines of that i rewrote it oh okay there you go well done thanks man thank you all right off to the bonus stuff yeah all right you fucking you know Outro Music