Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Golf Cart. Bubble. Insurance. Tiny Bed.

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

If every time you climaxed someone relate to you magically appeared in your room, would you still masturbate? Let's talk about that, robot cars losing their goddamn minds, Joe getting a comb flapped against his forehead while getting a haircut, a badass little kid saving his family during a tornado storm, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/Qghnd__IeNMSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Golf cart, bubble, insurance, tiny bed. Fuck! That's a good way to start. Goddamn. Tired. You had COVID. Yeah. I have COVID.

Yeah. You have COVID. Work and life stress attacked me last night. So literally, zero minutes. Why you didn't sleep? Just had to do some work and then stressing about doing work and waking up and doing work. Like life work? I don't know.

You know how it is. Like relationship work? And then before I knew it, the fucking sun was up. And then you get really, really tired and your brain gets that weird buzz. Oh, yeah. And then you can't fall asleep because you're too tired. Yeah. And then usually what happens is when you need to wake up, your body's like, I could

go to sleep right now. You're like, I got to be up in 20 minutes. Exactly what's happening right now. Yeah. For me. Episode 114. Superfan. Here we go.

Yeah. Going to have to call in some support. This show, Zach. Okay. If you want to get the bonus content, you sign up on Patreon, patreon.com slash

canyoudontpodcast. Send stuff into the show. The email address for that is heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com. I can feel a confessions episode coming on soon.

Yeah, we have to. Let's do it next week. Yeah. I'm excited. I need to be confessed to. I'm sitting in my, what's the place called where the Confession booth? Yeah that what it is a booth it sounds like somewhere you'd like a table for two please yeah or like you go and uh buy like a fountain drink or something that'd

be cool if they had little things in there dude could you imagine you go in there do confessions you're like oh i have a pretzel with cheese and uh and i killed someone and i yeah and a large uh pepsi like all right it's coming up and some bagel bites and he slides the little door and pushes some bagel bites through he's like now you have something to tell me don't confess with your mouth full i'd like that's so rude i'd like two pope tarts and some wine please christ. Pope Tarts. Christ cakes. I like some, yeah, a little bit of Jesus skin. Body? Jesus body. You guys got any flavored Jesus body back there?

In cracker form? Sweet onion, garlic Jesus skin. Oh, God. Imagine that as a product. Where it's like cheddar jalapeno Jesus. So we were talking last week about giving one of the Can You Don't Scat Cast crossover card bundles away. Yeah. And here's what we're doing. So if you go to canyoudontpodcast.com, everyone who buys an item of merch between now through Labor Day, which is September 2nd, or if you've bought merch in the month of August.

We're going to backdate a little bit. People bought some yesterday. They're like, what the fuck? Because we dropped a ton of merch, and a lot of people bought it. So the month of August through September 2nd, and we'll put all those names into a drawing, and then we'll pick somebody and send you one of the Can You Don't Scat Cast Silly Goose VIP Edition card bundles.

Hell yeah, brother. Kind of like this one. If you're watching. Yay. Yeah, like that. Bending over right then, I almost just fell asleep. Just lay on the floor? If I do that, I'll probably get lightheaded and pass out.

We're real peaches today. Luckily, I'll be able to land on that little goose. Oh, yeah. Goose cushion. Yes. You're not allowed to pass out wearing a rad racing shirt. Oh, yeah. That's true.

That would be pretty lame. Shout out to Isaac for giving me that. That wouldn't be very rad if you just passed out from leaning over. Picture a guy eating shit and getting really hurt on a BMX track. He's wearing this shirt and he's mangled. That wasn't very rad, dude. That was sad. We got a big-ass juicy dickhawk today.

So get ready for that. You threw something in the beginning of the show here. You want to read it to us? Yeah, a little tidbit. Quick little tidbit before we get going. This was sent in by our son Michael. So there it was at Lowe's. And in parentheses he writes, hardware store on the east coast. No, that's everywhere

It's over here now too It's all the places But I get the Appreciate the And someone said Coeur d'Alene And me being the idiot I am Said out loud Beautiful

Wait you think you can do it Beautiful downtown Coeur d'Alene My throat's gone Beautiful! Wait, you think you can do it? Beautiful! Downtown Cordillera. My throat's gone. I can still see it. Go ahead. I thought I said it in my head, but nope. Out loud. I rushed out of the store and to my car before anyone could ask any questions.

If you want to read this on the show, go ahead. Your card-loving son, Michael Brzozowski. Card king. Card king. to read this on the show go ahead your card loving son michael brzozowski card king card king uh he said p.s i got a piece of joe's shirt in my cyd box love that card i'll be posting vid showing off my polls on the facebook page it's got car traders awesome thanks michael podcast warn it is funny when you every once in a while i'll be watching a show and they'll be like yeah uh corlaine i'll be like wait did, did he say what I thought he said? And I, I remember getting an email a long time ago of the, they listened to the show

and they just always heard us say quarter lane and they thought it was quarter lane. Oh yeah. Like it was just a street. Yeah. Like just lived in quarter lane. Yeah. Like Q U A R T R E R L A N E quarter lane. Quarter lane. a r t r e r e r l a n e quarter lane quarter lane quarter lane quarter lane is beautiful just the beginning go ahead the quarter lane casino

it's definitely one of the hardest cities in the world to or at least in our country to spell yeah certainly in idaho goddamn In ordering stuff, like the program doesn't know what to do with it. It's like, uh-uh. That's not a town. You're like, I promise there is a parenthesis in the middle. Right next to Ponderay, which is also a blast to spell. Well, I was just going to say, real quick.

So there's Penderay and then there's just a P-O-N-D-E-R A-Y. Ponderay. So there's just a P-O-N-D-E-R-A-Y. Ponderay. So there's a Ponderay in one state and a Ponderay in the other state, and they're spelled completely different. One got moderized.

Moderized? Moderized. Is that a word? One got Americanized, and the other one's like, we'll stick with the Native American, and then the other one's like, ew, fuck that, man. Can't spell. It sucks.

Quarter lane. All right, let's get the show going Let's roll it Zach Hey shut up Start the show already This was sent in by me Just kidding But it is our stepson Joe

There can only be one Would you rather have a big snot bubble Every time you laugh That grows larger with each laugh? Which, that's just going to compound. That's going to become a mess. That's like having a kid. When we were talking about the fucking... Say it.

Uh-oh. What? John the Corner. Oh, yeah. And I was laughing. Imagine the size of that snot bubble. You'd just be laying on it like an exercise ball. I would be laying on it like a fucking ball on the ground.

I'd just be rolling around on it. You'd just start spilling the whole room. So gross. That's what would have happened though. Or every time you climax, a family member pops into your head. I was going to say pops into the room. Like Kramer. He just kicks the door in and hey hey let's

i think i like that idea more instead of popping their head like he just he comes in the room need anything yeah yeah but oh it looks like quite an orgasm there wow good job son need any help cleaning it up no mom i'm good comes in. I needed you these mittens. She's like, gives them to the girl to wipe the jizz off her chest. Here, just come in these mittens. Thanks, Grandma. Doesn't your wife count as your family? So that might not be okay.

Is that the workaround? She pops in the room. Divorce! It only works if you're with someone else. But maybe her fantasy is popping her head and watching you cum. A little out of body experience. You're about to cum

and she just disappears and hey, over here! God damn it! So you go grab a birdhouse. Because there's nowhere else to do it. Fuck your grandma's awesome mittens. Do you guys have a grandma that made stuff? My grandma was a painter and my grandpa was a woodsmith.

So they would, he would, she would draw things. He would cut it out and build it. And then she would paint things. Like they painted all their, they did some cool shit, dude. Their Christmas decorations. They built everything. And she drew elves stacked on top of each other

pushing Santa up on top of the roof, and they cut it out and painted it and put it on the side of the house. It was fucking awesome. I want to see a picture of it now. I don't think there is anything like that, but that's the kind of shit that they would do. And she made like flower baskets and everything.

Yeah. My grandma just made hats that no one wore. I don't even know what they were made out of, like stiff wool. I mean, she would shear the sheep, dye it, go through all the work, and then hand it to you and you just throw it in the closet. It's the thought that counts. I know, you're like, oh, thanks

grandma. Okay, who wants to head outside and play? How come you're not wearing the hat? Yeah. Because imagine her sitting in her fucking chair thinking like, oh, Joey's going to love this. Joey's going to love this red hat. She'd spent like weeks on it. And then she'd make mittens too and you're just like,

they might work as an oven mitt. They'll definitely work about getting my ass kicked by my peers at school. Oh, no, I lost them. You know what is, whoa. You know what is funny? Is when your parents want to get, or grandparents, parents, whatever, want to get you things to wear. And you're like, that's just not what I'm into. And they keep, my mom, she would keep buying me things like i never would wear it she every

christmas she'd get i'm like i don't know how how we got to grandma stuff this is awesome my other grandma when i sometime between the ages of nine to ten she went from buying me normal shirts to triple xl shirts and i wasn't a like i was shack and no one had everyone thought it was so funny no one ever told her that i wasn't huge so i would just get these christmas shirts that you just have to just give away yeah because they would go down to my shins. Like, thanks, Grandma. Tuck it in, like, take one picture, and then immediately just take it off and throw it aside. It's just gigantic. I'm just wearing a huge orange shirt with oven mittens and a red wool cap on. It's going to grow into it.

Head to school. That was the whole thing with Christmas Story, right? The bunny. I mean, just, just like things that you would never wear but someone spent their life making for you uh my my grandma was actually awesome she she would get us like jordan shoes or nike shoes and she i don't know how she did it but she was always up on that shit like she would get us a sick pair of Nikes for Christmas Fuck yeah, dude, like I don't know how you knew this but she's got a fuck. Yeah. She's got a guy on the inside

Yeah, all right. Let's slide on back here. Yeah, fuck So big snot bubble family member popping their head into the room when you climax Cuz just pop it into your head. That's nothing new Well, let's go back to the grandma thing. Well, no. It's not. Anyway, so back to grandmas. You guys got to make some good cookies or whatever? Yeah.

They're little footballs. Yeah. Actually, that'd be pretty cool. If you came and your grandma came in with cookies. Like a glass of milk. Perfect timing. Oof. I need this.

Thank you, grandma. You're welcome. And then guess what? Who's this? And it just says Cl're welcome. And then he just wipes it. Who's this? And it just says climax, so no one has to be there. So you're just jerking off and someone just pops in. I just assumed it was sex. Yeah.

Could be your kids. Could be an uncle you haven't seen in fucking 20 years. Well, that wouldn't be the worst thing. That'd be a good way to bring the family together. But the uncle, right after you got drunk, he'd pop in and be like, yeah, dude. Like, yeah, dude. Who are you thinking about? Just jerk off all day, family reunion?

Yeah. Do they just pop their head in and then leave? I haven't seen Aunt Nancy in a while. Let's see if I can rub her out. Like a genie in a bottle? Whee! Can I see you, Nance? God damn it, Joe! Whee! See if I can rub her out. Like a genie in a bottle? Wee! Can we see you, Nance? God damn it, Joe!

Wee! Yeah, that's how it has to happen. It comes out like a genie. It comes out of your dick. It's just like, wee! And it's, wee! There they are. They're like, hey!

Whoa, what am I doing here? You look like you need some electrolytes. Whoa, you look a little pale. All right, bye, bye. Yeah, I'm going to rub out Aunt Cindy. See if you can get her to pop out. I have an Aunt Cindy. You do?

Yeah. I'm going to try to get her to show up. When I start saying aunt, I'm like, okay, I have a lot of aunts. I got to pick a name that I don't. Family member, dead or alive. Yeah, I was trying lot of ants. I got to pick a name that I don't. Family member dead or alive. Yeah, I was trying to avoid that. Yeah, but that'd be fun. Gosh.

And they look like they do. The current state? Yeah, it's still like it's from a cascade or whatever. Oh, God. Can't raise the dead. We see that line in the Latin? She's like, hey, Joe, I can't't raise the dead. We see that line in the Latin. She's like, hey, Joe. And I can't bring back the dead. Whatever Robin Williams does better than I guess did.

Oh, from the Latin. Yeah. We'll do it. Another little cosmic power. Yeah. We'll do it. Oh, yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, that one. Yeah, dead or alive. Just jerking off and bring some dude that came over to Ellis Island. Who are you? Who are you? Oh, yeah, an old, what are they called? What? Person that's in your family.

Ancestor? Yeah. That's the word. That's the word I'm looking for. Well, I think I'm going to pick Snot Bubble. We didn't even get to that no oh yeah that's what i that's what i gotta pick that's not that bad it's not but if you're it's not it's not uh yeah i can't have family members popping in well just don't laugh

yeah for us not to laugh that's part of our whole existence. I know. We're just laughing at each other, and our bubbles just, we just end up inside of it. Yeah. Inside of each other's snot. Bubble boys. And you're just like, yeah! Filling up a whole restaurant. It'd be pretty gross. I know.

You snot-nosed kids. What a, I hated that stage. Remember? Just endless, just snot everywhere. Where does it come from how much snot is in you little shit sit on my lap you little shit little shit uh okay i'm picking snot bubble same yeah okay i don't need grandma um you know what i'm just gonna just to be different i'm going with the uh the family can't wait for you to see your dad again.

Come on. Oh, too soon. God, that was a good one. God, that would suck. Oh, yeah. Hello. Hello. Fucking terrible. Really gave it, but in the end there.

Nice dick, son. Should have tried harder at the end. That's how you get them. Have you tried cock rings? What? What? Turns out you find out about something about your family members that you didn't know. Like, they're just...

Yeah, they pop out. And just like we were talking about the fruit last week. You're like, tell me a secret. What if you had just like a really hot ant, hot ant though i know but you have to cycle through you don't know which who's coming i mean yeah you get it all right so you jerk off we'll blow snot yeah sound good yeah all right let's move off to what are you thinking about zach hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about what do you think about joe i don't know

taking a fucking nap it's all i think about sleeping it's hard not thinking about sleeping right now fucking look at me yeah awful so Look at those jean shorts you're wearing. Oh, man. Let's talk about those for a second. All right. I'm wearing a rad racing shirt. I got to have some jean shorts. Where'd you, where'd you, have you always had those jean shorts?

Yeah, I've had them for a bit. Except I haven't worn them in a while. The other ones are in the wash. Nah. Yeah. Actually, they're not. I just folded them. So you just.

I put. I just. I willingly put these on. You put those on on purpose. Sleep deprivation. Okay. So whatever number of weeks ago it was, I started looking a little weird. The haircut.

Just getting shaggy over the years and didn't like it. Taking too much time to style it. I couldn't style it in 0.3 seconds and just running my hair through it i had to actually care about it spend time on it oh so i went to the greatest place in the world great clips yeah i mean that's just a little shop down the street yeah home with a home with a ten dollar haircut yeah yeah it's the i think they'll always be able to charge you 10 bucks? No, they move it around. But I just don't give a fuck. And I'm balding and who cares?

So I just go there and not somewhere nice where they'd actually do a good job. But for the most part, you get what you pay for. It's fine. It's a haircut. And sometimes it's $10. So on this particular day i had some had some time in the morning sorry and uh i went like right when they opened i had to get it done early waiting outside i had some shit to do i'm knocking on the door like it's black friday they come walking

past you with the keys and i hold the door for them yeah see you in a second all right no but i walk in there well first i go to the the online site because you can do the online check-in and then it it puts you in line and then it tells you how long your wait is and then so i did that and i pushed it and it was like come here now i was like we're ready for you now wait time get here uh break laws get here now and so i showed up you're gonna pay for my ticket bitch and i've never had this happen i in a barber shop i walked in and there were i want to say five maybe six barbers and they're all just like lined up like like a brothel like they're

like i'm gonna be like picking one out but they're like the asian they're all good they're all chatting but they all clearly had just gotten there and they're standing there in a line like they're greeting me and i walk in they're like welcome did you sign in online and i was like yes i did and one kind of intimidating isn't it yeah we're all looking at you yeah and i'm just like i'm not balding you are and i mean who cares right doesn't matter and uh one of the one of them comes forward like do you check in yep and they start checking me in and then i start like looking at the different barbers which one you're gonna get yeah i'm going i'm going left to right which one's gonna be the one that gets me and for the most part they look

like great clips barbers i think you know exactly what i'm talking about uh they got the the i mean there's a few of them that have multicolored hair. They're all wearing the little black apron and they're all staring at me. Sounds exactly like my experience. So I'm watching them and I'm looking at them and I'm like, okay, okay. You look like you know what you're doing. I'm going down the line. I'm going left to right and I get to the last one and it's this

poor old lady gotta be damn near 80 tiny and can't retire yet something happened or she got bored she goes i'm gonna go back to go back to hair cutting get a little extra coin so she can uh i don't know buy whatever old ladies buy. There's more glove-making material. Christmas is just around the corner. More yarn. Yeah. And I get all the way to the right. I'm not saying this to be mean.

It just seems like this profession shouldn't have this. And she's like 80-something, and her hands are shaking. Like, just old lady hands. Both of them? Yeah. They're both shaking because old and shaky. And I'm just looking at her. I go, oh, no. And I just knew it in my heart.

Yeah. That I was going to get her. And I fucking did. And the whole time she's cutting my hair, her hands are hitting the side of my head. I'm like, how can you be a barber? I didn't see. I wanted the racing stripes. Do you remember those?

MC Hammer? Rad racing, bro. Yeah! Yeah! You do the high part? I feel left out. Nice. So I get her.

She's bouncing the comb off my forehead. And I'm just like trying not to laugh because it is funny she's doing a great job she's nicking your eyebrows but it just got me thinking about like there's just certain things you profession you can't have if you've developed developed some sort of disability and i'm just saying shaky hands the disability but you're not out there drawing blueprints yeah buildings god straight edge it's so funny grandma's driving you around town yeah i designed that one and you look over in the building it's that new artistic looking building everything's just like everything's shaky the guy's building he's like what the fuck can't bend glass nance it's like what happened to straight lines

yeah but that yeah straight lines are out like yeah just any steady hand a tattoo artist if you walk in there and they're fucking shaking i guess if they do a good job and my hair turned out fine she didn't kill me oh and this is another part of and i hope i don't bring this up and i sound like a lunatic because i very well could uh i brought up the casting she goes no and i was like oh but uh especially in our field i don't feel like talking about or explaining what a podcast is to someone who's not going to know what it is. Oh, yeah. Someone who's in their 80s and has no idea. Or someone I can just tell.

What are you up to today? A pod what? Cast? Never put on your arm? Like a fishing thing? No. It's basically AM radio, though. You can just be like it's am radio

don't worry about it yeah and i just didn't feel like explaining it and i just started i just started lying to this nice old shaky lady oh before i forget she had shaky hands and she also had something wrong with her nose so every she would cut she'd like clip my hair and they go, oh, and she was short. So I'm in the chair and it's in my ear. So the combs going off my forehead and it goes, I'm just going to look around and all the other workers are just sitting there like, yeah, they all have their headphones on tuning out the comb slaps, The majestic comb slap noise. Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. You ever get the, when someone's cutting your hair, and they're working their way around,

and they get to the front, and they lean in, they're doing something to your hair, and it's just their chest is right here in your face. Excuse me. And you're, like, you don't know quite what to do. I don't have the hair in the front problem anymore but i remember that i remember when i when i did i anyway so going back to it and she's talking to me and then i just started fucking lying about what i did told her i was a fucking airplane pilot i'm not even kidding for no reason she was so nice i'm just sitting kidding. For no reason. She was so nice. I'm just sitting there.

Well, you had a reason. Not really. Well, you didn't want to. You were like, oh, just media. Like, just say music or whatever. Just fucking airplane pilot. What? That can be kind of fun, though.

I think I was getting on a flight that day. So she goes, oh, yeah. So what are you doing here? I was like, oh, I don't spend much time here. Have you always? I'm just like. I'm just. This is just a layover.

Whatever she asked, I just kept saying weirder shit. I had no idea what I was talking about. What are you doing in town? Oh, there's a convention. Pilot convention? There's a pilot convention downtown. I got a house here and a house over there. So who's flying the planes?

I just get sick of flying so much, you know? Like, I'm saying shit like this. You said that? Yes. And she's flying so much, you know? Like, I'm saying shit like this. You said that? Yes. And she's like, yeah, travel can be tough. Don't forget your gloves. I wish she would have asked you a question to call you out. Like, oh, at the convention center?

Oh, yeah. I work down there sometimes. I'll reach you something. Are you fucking colorblind? Yeah. God damn it. Rip my fake nose off? Joe!

You little trickster. You little trickster. How's the podcast god damn it uh no but i just don't feel like explaining it without and i don't normally do that but whatever in a in a barbershop chair do you ever just start making shit up no god uh zach you ever just done something weird like that i'm sure like you're playing music or whatever then you just make up some weird shit in the middle of a conversation yeah

because the conversation is boring and doesn't matter it's showbiz I told you guys I went all the way up to fucking Alaska speaking with an Irish accent

pretending to be you didn't tell me that yeah I thought I did showbiz man you always gotta be full of shit I guess is that an Irish accent Irish

Zach Flannery I ain't love you no it's scottish sorry oh to tie to t fucking ford titty fucking titty fucker can you sing wonderwall with that accent i sure i can you ever feel like old people aren't real people so like what i mean by that is like they once they reach a certain like when my when i was younger they become a little dull well dull maybe uh no but like when you're uh i remember being younger and feeling like i could just pull anything on grandparents because they just don't like they they reach a certain age of where they just don't know what's going on the brain goes completely backwards even though like if you if you ask them anything about

a lot of years like before but it's like modern day shit they just don't understand it's gone so like you feel like you could just like like basically what you're saying like you could say anything to this woman yeah um yeah they would not how that works. Yeah. Yeah, they would never question, like, because they don't, they're getting the information from you. Like, they could tell you all about the 50s and their childhood or whatever, or the Great Depression. But you talk about anything from now, and they're just like, whoa, that's a crazy world out there. Grandpa's, like, looking at the internet history. He's like, Brian, what's all this porn hub?

Oh, it's because you touched it. Oh, and you were thinking about it. Oh, okay. That's why it's there. Well, I'm trying to think like, would they even know what porn, I'm sure they probably do, but like when I was younger, like a teenager, I remember

staying over staying over my grandpa's house or grandma grandma's house and i remember they had hbo just jerking off so hard the whole reason i stayed over that night was because i looked at the tv guide what was on hbo was like real sex or something read you diaries and it was like yeah yeah dude it was like but with molder and then x. That was my favorite scramble channel. I remember that. They had it. Oh, yeah.

It was clean. Oh, damn. You were living the life. Oh, dude, it was great. Grandpa knew then. Grandpa knew. But you felt like you could say anything. Like, oh.

Accidentally sat on the remote. Yeah. Like, whatever. And ordered 16 Playboys. Yep. Oops. What's this one? But it was like they weren't going to question.

Like your parents were young enough to where they could be like, okay. Yeah. There's something going on here. But grandparents are like, whatever. Little Joe. Little Joe says all the time. Would you like a sandwich and some gloves? Yeah.

I love the idea of a grandma always trying to give you knitted shit. Yeah. Like at every corner. With a meal? Yeah. I love the idea of a grandma always trying to give you knitted shit. Yeah. Like at every corner. With a meal. Yeah. Remember, spoon on the left, knitted gloves on the right. I don't have any. Oh, nice.

You just like this from under the table? Uh-huh. Just made them for you. You will. Has a nice native print across the palm. Yeah, it's got your name. Just your initials. Joey P. Joey P. Joey Joey P grandma's number one Joe oh my grandma's little Joey she's like a mama kangaroo yeah um anyway so

I'm sure there's other professions out there where you just you just can't have it. Anytime you need precision. Yeah. Was it precision or pre-cision? Precision. Precisely. It's precision, right? Yeah. Yeah, but we say precision. Yeah, we sure do. Say it.

Prison. Yeah. Oh, man. I'm just imagining a porn movie with shaky hands. That'd be weird. Like a cameraman? Yeah. Sure, the cameraman Whatever

Boom mic operator What's that fucking sound? You're sitting like Microphone Little rattle Yeah Well you get too close And you start bumping up

Against her ass Alright Should we take a look At some Thick Dick? Sure Alright GAP! Is it dumb? Is it interesting? All right. Should we take a look at some Thick Dick? Sure. All right. Gabe!

Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's Dick Dick. I got to get a little drink of water after that, Gabe. It is Precision. I mean, it's spelled Precision. Now I'm questioning everything about what I've known about the world.

About all things? I know it's Precise, but i think when i say it's like precisely precisely yeah it's i feel bad for anybody trying to learn the english language it's a ridiculous language like when i say both i think i say both both cassie and i were just laughing so hard about that the other night both of them uh yeah I'll have both. Yeah, and I think I say it. It's like both. Put a W. I mean, seriously, B-O-W-L-T-H.

Yeah, both. Both. It's fucking disgusting. I never thought of that. Yeah, both. My sister's like, I can hear the L. Both. I'm never going to not hear that now. No, I know.

That's just one of the things I caught how bad mine was I still say it plenty when I started doing radio And then Just like How come no one stopped me My whole life They have their own words that they suck at

Reading it on air and it's like Why would you do that when you can have Both Both It's not even O it's both B-U-L Well, why would you do that when you can have both? Why would you do that when you get both of them? Both. Both. It's not even O, it's both. Both.

B-U-L. B-U-W-L-T-H. Both. I'll take both of them. God, it's disgusting. All right, moving on. Okay. You ready? That's like Warshig.

No, it's not like Warshington. Warsh. That's just putting an R where an R doesn't belong. Or, what's the other one? Chipotle? Never heard of that one. I'll have some chipotle sauce. So, I was down in

San Francisco. Beautiful! Shit is getting wild! Is that... Oh, man. Oh, man! Did you get the app to make sure you didn't step in human feces? No, but I did see some of that, and I saw some other shit that I'll never be able to unsee. I want to hear all about it. It was definitely way more wild than the last time I was down there.

I told you guys about, and then I was talking to an Uber driver about being upset. I didn't see any people with baby carriages with portable speakers and blast some music rolling around. Didn't see that this last time. Anyway, so I was down in San Francisco, and they have cars called Waymo cars. Okay? I sent you guys the video, right? Waymo? Oh, yeah, Waymo cars.

What'd I say, moo? Waymo cars. Sorry. Fuck me, huh? And I sent you the video, right? So there's no driver. Oh, yeah. You guys were in the car.

Yeah. Yeah. And then it just pulls up. It covers all of downtown San Francisco. And I just got an email letting me know they're expanding by 10 miles. And it was really cool. It worked great. We almost hit one person, but it didn't.

So that's a big win but this is such a funny story because we've talked about this type of situation plenty of times but waymo cars honking each other throughout the night disturbing san francisco neighbors help help yeah yes for the past few weeks randall white has been dealing with a persistent and annoying problem right outside his San Francisco condo. I was like, where is that coming from? And I looked down and I was like, I think it's coming from the Waymo cars. He was like a lot. I think he's proud of his quote.

I was like, for sure. I was like, and then I was like, and I looked down. He's like, shit, is that what I sound like? Yeah. Both? The parking lot just outside his condo full of driverless Waymo cars has had multiple incidents where suddenly the vehicles seemingly become confused and start honking all at each other. That's great. Excuse me. No, I insist.

After you. Beep, beep. Beep, beep. Imagine at a four-way stop. Beep. After you. Has a little horn. No, I insist.

No, my software says you go. Mine says you go. Beep, bop, beep. White says he heard it for the first time about two weeks ago. He was woken up around 4 a.m. Oh, my God. But then it happened again and again. I started thinking, well, this is an issue.

I was like, well, I was like, I mean. Why don't you honk about it? White isn't the only one who's had issues with the noises either. Several people who live in the buildings nearby the parking lot have had similar complaints. This sounds like white privilege right there. Over the past two weeks, I've been woken up more times overnight than I have combined over 20 years. Russell's pissed. Russell Pofsky.

How much is he probably paying for that fucking condo six million yeah yeah popski lives in a building adjacent to white he says the honking incidents have happened at random times during both the day and the night and started to take a toll on him just having nightmares about these waymo cars i cannot be more cranky today for a monday after these past two weeks it's really at a high level It's just really really it's tough. It affects the way you feel poskey said these are the worst quotes Like well this guy's this guy's Suicidal no, I know but it's it's my most fault like usually quotes are like they there's some substance to it

But these are guys I just really really you know like fuck. I was like whoa. There's some substance to it, but these are guys, I just really, really, you know, like, fuck. I was like, there's nothing of substance. Like, they're pissed, but they're not saying anything. And then the wave was like, and I was like, and I slapped the wave.

Remember that greatest interview ever with the surfer? Yeah. But yeah, I wish I would have saw the idea of like ai running into each other is really funny yeah like and they're trying to use all the brains and software they have to figure out the situation and they can't fucking do it yeah so they can start honking it's. It's going through all the things, like, move.

Move. And it's like, okay, can't. Can't. Nope. Is there another Waymo card? Yes. Honk at it. And then here's a, it's a little tree, the little branch system where it's like, is it

moving? No. No. Okay. Honk. Honk. Choose your own adventure. Did it honk back?

Yes. Yes. Okay. Honk again. Honk again. It's written in the code. Yeah. Is that a Waymo back? Yes. Yes, okay then. Honk again, honk again. It's written in the code. Yeah. Was that a Waymo card?

Yeah, honk at it. But imagine sleeping. Did it move? No. Honk again. Yeah. And you're just like, you're used to waking up like some birds are chirping. You're like, ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Open your window. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. After you. Go. Not Bob.

Help. After you. No. Help. I can't help you. Help me. Imagine that. I know.

The voice saying that the whole time, too. Honk. Move. Honk. Move. Excuse me. Excuse me. There's room for both of us.

After you. No, I insist. I insist. After you. Honk. I honk. I both of us After you No I insist I insist Honk I insist You honk I insist more Did you just honk at me?

No Honk me Hey That'd be awesome Excuse me People yelling at Shut the fuck up No

Sounds like New York now Did you just swear at me? No Honk at me Did Did Did Waymo Hon honk back? Yes.

Cuss. Or use swear words. Go backwards. Can't. Help! Car behind you. Person yelling out window. All right, let's move on to this next one.

I never thought... Do you want to read this fellow here? What an idea this guy came up with. Okay. I need you to slap your computer there Brian Oh come on Did you even have it in? Yeah it's in all the way baby

It's in all the way let me kick down low Did you kick it? Kick the box kick the gray box There you go you did it Victory is yours Victory is mine Alright Seagull insurance I love I mean it's seagull season baby Touch it. Okay. Victory is mine. All right.

Seagull insurance. I love, I mean, it's seagull season, baby. Yeah. Hell yeah, brother. My favorite time of year. Is that one pound added to bill as birds steal food from St. Andrew's cheesy toast shack? Mine. That's a.

Mine. Yeah. Mine. Excuse me. Mouthful. Yep. Reminds me of the story that we, I don't remember if it was bonus or regular episode. Remember the guy, yeah, it was a regular episode. Where the guy caught the bird stealing french fries from his daughter and just ripped its head off in public.

Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. That's right. So anyway. All right. Back to you. A sandwich business in St. Andrews looking to bring the $1, it must be one pound, right? Yeah, one pound. One pound seagull.

One pound seagull insurance on all purchases as the birds steal food from up to 30 customers a day. Nice. I love it. Would you like to purchase fucking insurance? I never thought. It's like buying AppleCare or whatever. Oh, God. SeagullCare. We'll read a little bit more, but that's the funny part.

The owners of the Cheesy Toast Shack say they currently give free replacements to dozens of customers each day due to Segal swooping in, attacking people, and stealing their newly purchased food. The business says it costs them hundreds of pounds a day and are desperate for a solution. The owners are now seriously considering adding the goal insurance on every purchase to try to cover the losses caused by the winged menaces. Kate Carter Large 35 said the goals are super aggressive and actually terrifying. We're a family run business and can't just sit and watch sandwich get stolen and not replace it. So I always give another one for free. Look at that picture. Those are giant.

Fucking man. That's either a crazy perspective or that's a huge seagull. Tiny people are huge seagull? I'm worried about that kid getting taken off. And that's two seagulls right there, I think. Yeah. Yeah, there's one behind the bench. But it's been costing us a lot of money

People are even left bleeding After the gold swoop for food We get old women emailing us saying I've nearly rolled my ankle because of seagulls We have children crying too from it Fucking cheesy toast shack Needs to find a new location Fuck yeah they do

Just get like Buy like a bald eagle and just let it roam nope all right but the idea of like uh just adding insurance to anything and then what if the insurance starts getting a little weird like you're sitting at a restaurant okay would you like bear insurance you're like no wait never know should i know. But you tell me. You tell me. He looks across the way, it's just a caged bear. It's got a chain on him. A little hat.

The chain's kind of broken. And you're like, fuck, maybe I do need it. Could that chain go? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Just, I mean, it's only $20 more. Your guess is as good as mine.

Yeah. Be a good way to drum up some more business. I mean, that's, like, the whole idea of selling someone insurance is great, too, because you, if no one, if they don't lose a sandwich, you've made an extra buck. But,

I like it being an option. Because that also gives them an out. Yeah. You know? Yeah, we warned you. Yeah. I mean, for a dollar more, for a dollar more, you can go throw your sandwich at the seagull and then we'll give you another one someone would definitely be doing that yeah like oh yeah one moment he's handed the sandwich turns around and pelts a seagull he goes okay can i get another seagull took mine you threw it at it no i didn't

yeah that's in the clause too it's like Did you give the sandwich up Willingly Sorry then your insurance is null You walk up You're both You're both Your eyes are pecked out Yeah

Did you purchase the seagull insurance And just bleed from your eyes No No can do This is This is sticky I'll go get the manager and he does like does a circle spins in a circle no hi i'm the manager fuck you he's got a little face on the back of his head

no you can't fuck you it's just shaved in the back of his head did you guys see that story about the guy who i think he was killed or hurt at a Disneyland property. And then they are trying to keep him from suing because he has Disney plus and he signed the Disney plus whatever. I haven't looked into it. I just saw it. It sounded so absurd that I thought, okay, but it kept passing around. I don't know if it's something to look at later. So he died at Disneyland, but had Disney plus and filled out the terms and agreement and

now he can't sue him. Yep. That's that was a story. I don't make enough money terms and agreement, and now he can't sue them? Yep. Do they not make enough money? I don't know. Are they really on the fritz old Disney? Dude, they just bought into Epic for Fortnite. They're going to be raking in money. I'm pretty sure Apple's going to buy Disney soon.

Just saying, they'll be one company. Can't wait. Can't wait. And then Apple will buy Amazon, and then fucking here we go. Yeah, but I never thought of the chances of adding insurance to just random things. And it made me remember, I don't even know if it's still around. I'm sure it is. But working at a conference, and there was a company that offered weather insurance, which I think is kind of a normal thing now, right? Where on your wedding day,

you can pay, and they look at the percentages, right? So this is the day, here's what it typically is, and then this is what it'll cost you to cover this amount if your wedding gets canceled because of rain. And I know locally, there's a,

it's Clark Jewelers in beautiful downtown Quarter Lane. Quarter Lane. Where he, I'm not sure if he still does it, but you can buy, if it snows on a certain day and you put in money, it has to snow on New Year's Day, you get like $500 off something and you have to, it's like $5 to go in. But if it doesn't snow, you lose your money. It's like just gambling on the weather. But yeah, just turning normal things into insurance and gambling is always fun. That's kind of fun.

Yeah. I like that. We wouldn't be able to do that in Washington State because we can't gamble on shit here. Only in casinos. Yes, Zach? No, I have nothing. You lost it? I like the idea of making gambling out of the weather.

That's kind of fun. You should be able to gamble on everything. Yeah, why not? I like to gamble on weather. Gambling on weather. I want to gamble whether someone's going to shit their pants, things like that. Little side bets. But make it official.

Yeah, the concerning insurance. I don't know why that's so funny to me. I guess you're buying an ice cream cone from an ice cream truck. He's like, you want the elephant insurance? The fucking what? And then...

Oh, fuck, that was terrible. Just down the street, there's a fucking elephant. You're like, shit. You just hear that in the distance. Just down the street. There's a fucking elephant. You're like, shit. You just hear that in the distance. And he loves ice cream. He loves ice cream. $5 more.

I don't know. Let's say you go to this place. Would you pay the extra pound? Would I pay the extra pound? Yeah, in case. To be in the seagull hell? It sounds like they just need to move locations. I think it'd be fun to be in the middle of that.

Eating comfortably because you have seagull insurance? Yeah, dude. He's like laughing. Whatever, dude. So when I... This was years ago. We took my niece to Seattle, and there's an area, if you're familiar with the area, there's an Ivers. Ivers is like seafood, clam chowder, fish and chips, all that kind of stuff.

And they're outdoor seating and you can sit out there and there's just fucking gulls everywhere. And so we go there and just for fun, we take fries and put them up in the air. They will come right and just steal it right out of here. I have a video of myself putting one in my mouth and it going over the edge and one just i was looking around waiting for it it flew from behind me and went and stole it right out of my mouth and i about shit myself but it was like it was part of the fun yeah i got a i got a seagull to come in our room staying at the edge water if you're familiar with with that in Seattle, and just opened the sliding glass door and then was throwing french fries out

to get their attention and then just started putting them more and more in the room and then I got a seagull to come about five feet in my room to grab a french fry. Luckily, I'm glad he flew out correctly and didn't just slam into the glass door because that would have been a nightmare. Let me show you this really quick. What are you looking at?

I did the same thing with birds in Mexico. I don't know why it's so funny to me to lure wildlife into a hotel room. Unsuspecting wildlife? Just laying in bed and throwing chips on the ground and getting birds to come in the room. All right, check this out. Can you pull this up? All right, ready? Yeah.

Check this out. This is a woman on the beach in their seagulls flying. Alright. She just fucking grabs it by the neck. She's laughing. She's like calming it down, trying to calm it down. It's just biting her hand. It's so hard.

Like how... You've seen the ones of people that are buried in the sand, right? Whack! Just grabs it by the neck. Anyway. She's done that before. She's definitely done that before. Yeah. And then people that bury themselves in the sand and then have, like, fries inside of, like, a little blanket.

And a seagull comes down and they go, pow! Oh, I haven't seen that. And grab them. All right. Enough about seagulls and insurance. You guys want to move off To our last story For this thick ass Hog today

Yeah Five hurt When golf cart Leaves drunk driving Simulation course In Wildwood In Wildwood Which sounds like

An amusement park Yeah it does But it is not Wildwood New Jersey Five people were injured When a low speed golf cart left an impairment simulation course during National

Night Out in Wildwood. That's a sick name for a night out. Fuck yeah, it is. It's a great place to have a National Night Out. The event was held at Fox Park. Police say a juvenile attendee and a Wildwood police officer were on the cart when they left the enclosed course and struck four adults and one juvenile.

Three people have been treated and released. Two others remain hospitalized, but police have not provided further information on the injuries sustained in this accident. The golf cart impairment simulation has been part of Wildwood's national night out event for the past 20 years. It goes on to say the incident remains under investigation that's one hell of a simulation like for everybody involved you're just watching people pretend to be drunk and get fucking slammed by a golf cart but i picture so it's a police officer and a juvenile and i just the simulation doesn't stop so he goes okay so put on these put on these drunk goggles remember those he's like they just drive the course

and he starts driving he goes okay now run into those people okay he goes all right now you're under arrest how did that feel you're under arrest for driving drunk he goes okay take the fucking glasses off put these handcuffs on all, now get in the fucking car! Shove him down and slam him in. And the mom and dad are like, we'll see ya! He goes, take it down to the clinic! See you in a few years. Then you go in there, they lock you

in the fucking cell. You go to a court date and it's all for this drunk driving simulation. Make you sit in front of the jury, lock you up for 15 years. And then you get out and they're like see don't drive drunk they let you out on the next year's wild woods national night out day yeah yeah and you get to talk about your experience this is why you don't drive drunk this guy's been in jail for a year and he was just wearing drunk glasses what can real actually being being drunk would do. Imagine if you were really drunk. And how did they get that fucked up?

I mean, they made note to say low speed golf cart. I've got hit by a fucking golf cart because my friends are idiots on golf courses. Same. Yeah, they go and slam the brakes on. I think it's going to stop immediately and just punt you or try to go really close

and clip your fucking leg. It doesn't hurt that bad well what were they doing were you drunk when that happened no yeah that's probably why i'm golfing with those drunk goggles on yeah god damn it i probably make golf funner yeah but just having a simulation just go way too far. No, I really actually really like the idea of running the simulation and having the punishment fit the crime. Just have it keep going? Yeah. Yeah, that'd be funny. That's even another way to do it. It's not even a simulation.

You hit them and you're doing a drunk driving simulation and then hit people and get arrested for hitting people with a golf club yeah real people real people watching a simulation what the fuck did i sign up for god you kill people that are watching the simulation you run over a baby and then you end up in jail for life and you're just trying to see what it was like to drive drunk imagine the people that gave up the baby oh yeah you ever uh you have those those um nathan for you episodes where those like these parents just willingly let their kids uh participate in a thing and then part of the joke of the episode is that we're doing this crazy thing and it's like you're shining a light on these parents that for a couple hundred bucks let their kid be a part of this crazy shit yeah so like the people that are like okay one of so we need a baby that's you're willing to have your baby die for this yeah

for this thing yeah of course is who who wants to do that? Well, and then people are like, well, how much you paying? Yeah. 300 bucks or whatever. Like that late life changing amount of money. Oh yeah. I'm going to say we can make more babies, but I can't make more $300 selling babies. Could you imagine like, like kissing your baby and you're like, all right. This is, this is adjacent to, but I've thought I had the same thought when a real tiny baby's in a movie and how funny that is. Like a week old.

Push, push, push. They cut the cord and then run out into the studio. Here, wrap it up. Yeah, it's like a fake hospital just so they could give the baby up. Still got the goo on it. Love that baby goo, know I mean I mean then you wonder why some of these teen stars Hollywood stars like teen pregnancies well no just ended up like Corey Haim and Corey Feldman is he doing this

because they're all been doing these days he's still out there to her and still doing is the comeback King he's pretty good at guitar these days i'm the come oh god i saw that video oh cory did you see fred durst actually go out on stage and say he's actually playing this and he sits in front and watches him play that well there he he opens for limb biscuit yeah it's on tour with him yeah and you know they did that just how'd you get that gig because i'd put Moretta back together. Because it's... If we go for the biscuit. Well...

Who wouldn't? But they didn't want a solid band. They wanted the train wreck of Corey Feldman. Before the... Before the... Yeah, before the second train wreck. Before the next train hits the first train. I will say, Corey, he can hit some notes.

He hit some notes that were pretty good. I watched a couple videos. I'm the comeback, comeback king. Not necessarily that song. I met you, ain't missing, missing nothing. I'm the comeback, comeback king. Are you familiar with this catalog, Zach? I am more so now.

Thanks to X and people being very, very rude to him. Oh, yeah. Gotcha. Very rude. Just leave him alone. I think he's done his fair share of shady shit with the whole Corey's Angels thing. I bet. Yeah, yeah.

Fair enough. All right. Let's do some good news. Got through that hog. Got through that hog. Zip it up now. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray.

We are doomed. Yeah. This. Yeah. out so you're telling me there's a chance hooray we aren't doomed yeah this yeah this was sent in by tanner and this little boy kicks ass nine-year-old well fuck me just get out of here i don't need okay nine-year-old oklahoma boy runs a mile to find help after a tornado crashes family's truck. I had a kid. I mean, I got kids. Think they could run a mile? Think they would do shit after our car got hit by a fucking tornado? So a nine-year-old after the family truck off the road and they ran into a tree. During the storm, Branson Baker and his parents, Wayne Baker and Lindy Baker, were

caught in a tornado in Dickinson, near Ardmore, on their way to their friend's storm shelter. That sucks. Oh, they knew the storm. Yeah, they're like, we gotta get the fuck out of here. Something bad might happen. Something bad might happen if we don't drive.

We better drive straight into this tornado. The outbreak of nearly 30 tornadoes in Oklahoma killed four people, including a four-month-old infant, wiped out homes, and devastated, I don't even, Marietta and Sulphur? Can't spell Sulphur. I'm sure. The following week, another eight tornadoes struck, with one severely damaging Bransdall and Barsville. Barnsdall and Bartsville. Bartlesville. Even better.

I would have moved away just because of the fucking town moves. I would have moved away when the first 30 tornadoes hit. That's when the week before the other 30. That's when the tornado uprooted a tree, crashing into the Baker's family truck and trapping Wayne and Linda. Lindy. God damn it. My eyes are so tired. Give me a break.

Branson escaped the crash, running over a mile in the dark through downed power lines and debris to retrieve the Baker's family neighbor for help, according to the GoFundMe created for the family's medical expenses. Real quick. What? If you're this... Look at this dude. Look at that fucking mullet.

That's a Bartleville mullet right there. Would you let fucking... Your kid just run for help? If I'm trapped in the fucking car. I know, but it's like... Just stand out there. We'll all die together. No, I get it, but it's like... You're nine years...

I'm trying to think. I have a nine-year-old in October. Yeah. And it's like... He's not doing shit, is he? Run for a mile. But no, just that, like... That I would... I know we're trappedyear-old in October. Yeah. And it's like, all right, run, run for a mile. But no, like that.

I would, I know we're trapped, but like, fuck, there's a shit going on. He's going to be out there by himself. And there's 29 more tornadoes out there. That's,

that's scary in itself. Like, yeah, he's fine. He's fine. I mean, what are the chances? I mean,

we're all going to, I guess it's like, we're all going to die. What's the worst that could happen? But, oh, that's terrifying. As soon as I went to go get help, I mean, we're all going to, I guess it's like, we're all going to die. What's the worst that could happen? But, oh, that's terrifying. As soon as I went to go get help, I said, don't die. Branson told Good Morning America. This kid's awesome.

Don't die. Two taps on the hood. All right, guys, don't die. And then he just starts running in the dark in a tornado storm. I'm guessing this kid's awesome. Yeah. And he's like, he's an outdoorsy kid who he can get around. Wayne told Good Morning America...

The mullet like that? Yeah, that he was proud of his son. He just flew to safety. He used the tornado wind as a cape. Just Superman all the way there. He's proud of his son and his ability to accept that challenge. It shows that he would go above and beyond for anyone. Or just his parents trapped in a fucking... would uh it's like a job interview yeah i'll go the extra mile oh have you done either what's your what's your biggest uh strength

well save my parents from dying in a trapped truck from a tornado when i was nine years old i ran in the dark and jumped down power lines. You got the job. How soon can you start? How soon can you start? I would say cool under pressure. He's applying to be a linesman? They're like, I mean, all right, you got it. Anyway, Tanner, thanks for sending that in. That kid is absolutely rad.

Fuck yeah, dude. Something we found on the internet. Ready time, Zach? Go. Fuck. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool

or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! You want to take this one, bra guy? Won't take that dick.

I'm going to take a quick nap. Okay. This fucking thing. I love the fucking titles of these Amazon. Yeah, can you make sure you get it all in there? Let me get it. Okay. Okay.

Ototo Cute Sponge Holder for Kitchen Sink. Dishwasher Safe Dish Sponge Organizer. Compact Sink Organizer. Kitchen Sink Accessories. Kitchen Sink Organizer. Sink Sponge Holder. Dish Sponge Holder. From Ototo.

That's on the box. Look at this fucking thing. That's pretty... God damn, dude. That's pretty fucking adorable. So, for the ones that aren't watching, it's a tiny bed, complete with, like, bed legs and a headboard. And pillows.

And pillows. And it holds your sponge. For your kitchen germs to sleep on. Yeah. I mean, they're going to be sleeping in there anyway, right? Yeah, why not? Why not give them a little comfortable lay down? So, the sponge basically acts as the mattress.

And the rough side up is the comforter. And then it looks like underneath there are little slots that I was guessing maybe the pillows could rest in there and wait, but God. Maybe the soap goes in there? I don't know. What? Maybe soap goes. What are the little tray? Show me. No, that's just the frame. That's the frame for you. It's so the water can get through there.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, so it drains out or whatever? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Or you can make little soap ice cubes in there or some shit. But I thought that was so fun. It's only $9.95. And if you just go to Amazon and search for

OtoTo Cute Sponge Holder for Kitchen Sink Dishwasher Sink, Dish Sponge Organizer, Compact Sink Organizer, Kitchen Sink Accessory, Kitchen Sink Organizer, Sink Sponge Holder, Dish Sponge Holder. You'll find one. You could have one. I would, I mean, I don't know why that just makes me laugh. No, yeah. I love you wash it, like, go into the sink, wash my hands, look over, this is the fucking sponge bed. Uh-huh.

And you put a little doll on there. You take the little pillows off and grab it and make sure you don't lose the pillows. Because they're tiny. Drop in the sink. Fuck this bed! You know what would be great? You didn't make the cute sponge holder for kitchen sink, dishwasher,

safe dish, bed. Sounds like that Monty Python skit. Anyway, it'd be great if the those pillows were like they look like they could be dishwasher safe um no the little the little like the pods yeah the little pods like so you have extra pods just sitting on there so you can take it and throw in your dishwasher yeah i'm sure it's a it'd be one of those things I'd make that sponge bed and I guess use the sponge that's next to it.

Yeah, you don't have to make the bed every time. Use another mattress. I'm not going to make the bed over one cereal bowl. Oh, dude, the other night, Amber, we were getting ready for bed and she goes, can we make the bed? And I'm like, what are you talking about? We're getting... It's Cassie too. We're getting ready for bed And she goes can we make the bed And I'm like what are you talking about We're getting the bed She's like yeah but the

Everything's wonky I'm like I like sometimes laying in a wonky bed I like a wonky bed I like a wonky bed Marriage fights I don't wanna What do you mean make the bed

You knew when you were marrying me I like a wonky bed. I like a wonky bed. There's nothing wrong with that. You knew that. Whoa, that looks weird. Going the opposite direction. You knew that when you got into this mess. That's right. So no. Tonight I want a wonky bed.

She's just sitting there, just face palming. Okay, Brian Brian Thank you Well what's Okay what's more unreasonable To just go to bed In a wonky bed Or make the bed

Before you get in the bed I never make a fucking bed Yeah Like I'll make it Just cause Cassie likes it But I just get in my bed I barely use one sheet I have like

Just the sheet Nude It's over my dick In case the kids walk in yeah it's winter summer that's all i'm doing yeah i just i'm a furnace i don't need the whole bed i just need this over my dick and she i don't know cassie but like amber has one of those duvets so where it's like you yeah you got every time you make the bed you gotta like tie shit and like roll it into the thing and uh so sometimes it's heavy, so it'll fall off.

And then we've got another blanket spread on the end. Oh, that's nice. So now we've got the top thing, the duvet cover, and a sheet. And 15 pillows. And so we're going to make all that right as we're going to bed. That's fucking ridiculous. And I'm somehow crazy. You put the, you get it off you're like okay you should have

made it and be like all right you ready happy yeah walking bad you had your way now i get walking bad all right let's hear what you guys think Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool Why does wonky bed sound so funny? I don't like a wonky bed I don't know, coming out of a grown man's mouth Standing there in his boxers

Beer gut Listen, I'll make the bed But you know I like a wonky bed. You know I like it wonky. You know that. You know this about me. How about we just make your side, and then I have a wonky side? That's not how...

Come on. A good side and a wonky side. Just all like hairs disheveled. Okay, fine. It's Wednesday. We'll go... Tomorrow we're going wonky Wonky Wednesday

Get home from work It's wonky You know what tonight is babe? Yes Say it Wonky Wednesday Wonky Wednesday Come on kids Say it She's like Wonky Wednesday wonky Wednesday woo woo woo no you're like come on kids

say it say it she's like right as you were gonna say wonky Wednesday come on kids go fuck up the beds yeah we have we have family fun

at our Fridays so everyone those will end well really what happened was I just sleep on the couch and the kids sleep in our bed when we started it that's the worst family fun family fun dude when we started

it was going to be like we're going to watch movies or play games and then we'll all sleep in the same bed but the kids are getting bigger so really all it is now is they know they get to sleep in in my spot and i sleep on the couch that's really what it's a little different than frenzy friday yeah that's what we have in this so all i have to live for is wonky wednesday wednesday and couch friday yeah i mean catch live for is wonky Wednesday, Wednesday and couch Friday. I mean, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch,

catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, catch, and popping the emaciated husk into her mouth. Gee, that's a full sentence. Uh-huh. I live in North Georgia, and along the rivers around here, around these parts. Around these parts. I grow a type of grape called a scuppernog. Scuppernong? Scuppernong.

Its outer skin is very tough. Yeah, probably to keep you from eating it. Because you're not supposed to eat it. So to eat one, you have to bite into it and suck out the innards. But wait, there's more. You then have to swish it around and get all the flesh off the pit. Think of a sweet, cold wad of snot after an exceptionally rough bout of the flu. And spit out the seed.

That's not worth it. This sounds like you need to quit eating these. Yeah. We got a little delicacy called the scupper nong basically snot yeah it's basically because it grows on something doesn't mean it's edible gotta eat it fucking humans someone learned that one along the way you take one bite you're like nah too much work uh and he spit out the seed If you land in the green You're officially acquitted I don't remember that talk So I can see

My dad always said How that was But what this woman does Isn't that weird Thanks for the great show And grow up Eat a butthole Sincerely your kid

That you don't mention In your Christmas letter Scott P.S. I just about died laughing In my car at John the Corner Well if you did die Fucking John the Corner

Come save ya Yeah dude What did we find? Scuppernongs up someone's butthole. How many scuppernongs did this guy eat? Let's cut him open. What? Whoa, sure is snotty.

Wow, these suck. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to eat scuppernongs. Can we look up a scuppernong? Yeah, on it. You guys ever had those long grapes? You guys know what I'm talking about? The long grape? No, but they're like long.

They're skinny, long grapes. Wow, I don't think so. No, they taste like grapes, but they're just like long. What does a scuppernong look like? I'm going to take a peek at this baby. Come on, Bri. Oh, yeah. That's just like, that looks like poisonous fruit.

Yeah. That looks pretty. The birds aren't even fucking with that. They look fake. They look like a plastic. That's probably why. You're eating plastic grapes, Scott. You're sucking out the innards of a plastic.

Plastic? A plastic grop. A plastic groper. Well, not what I thought. Look up long grapes. Yeah, I want to see the long grape now. If you guys see these things, you got to get them. They make it up to the Northwest.

You guys haven't even... Dude, someone send these guys some long grapes. Other parts of the country. Look at them. That's way longer than I thought it was going to be. Oh, those would make some sweet raisins. Look at this guy guy it's right next to his thumb i know they're and they taste like grapes talk about raisin central just a huge what are moon drop grapes is what they're called looks like moon drop i'm gonna type in moon drop to make sure moon drop well they look good

you want me to oh that's our only email fuck Fuck me. No, there's one. There's another one. There is? Oh, yeah, there it is. Right underneath. Yeah, just in the middle of the outro. Hold on. Fuck you, Brian. Whoops.

Do you want me to read it or you want to read it? You can read it. Okay. This is coming from our son, Earl. Oh, yeah. Errol. Errol. Errol.

I know that. Had heard from Errol in a while. He writes, hello daddies, Joe, Brian, and Unkyzak. Brian. Capital Y. Brian! Yeah, but he didn't put a W. Brian? Hey, Brian.

Brian. So there it was. Minding my own business. Listening to episode 111. And you got the petty beef. Cherry tomato. Oh, this is also fucking cherry tomato seed sucking. That petty beef really smarted. Yeah, it did.

Holy shit. There was a rapid exchange of ideas. And I remember hearing Zach say something about seeds from a pine cone. Sucking seeds. Sucking seeds from a pine cone. Joe comes in with a pickup line. And I was like, what? And I was lost in the moment And so totally invested

I actually forgot I was listening on bluetooth Earbuds that have a transparent mode So it sounded like I was Sounded like it was playing in the room And the room also had Several of my co-workers in it Everyone was working quietly With no warning or context,

hears, fuck. You're killing it. Everyone was working quietly, then with no warning or context, hears me yell out, I'm gonna go cum in a birdhouse! And that is all they hear. Everyone looked at me,

three started laughing. I heard someone say, what the fuck? That's about all you can say. Yeah. I'm gonna go come in a birdhouse. What the fuck? I can stay in a lava lamp before I got here. Oh yeah, we haven't brought that back in a while. What the fuck?

Let's just say I had to go talk my way out of going to see Sharon in HR again. Sharon's the name of the birdhouse? Yeah, fuck yeah, she is. I have not laughed so hard at an episode since last week. You get it. Thank you for all the joy. Love your super duper silly goose son of a biscuit eater, Earl Eman.

Mr. Eman. Also, I thought about using a lot of commas and periods to mess with Brian, but changed my mind and he put a fuck ton of periods and commas in that sentence. You have something you want to see on the show? Email that shit. Oh, I'm reading the next line

because the email is right in the middle of the fucking outro. I thought he wrote that. It's like, oh, thanks, Earl. Someone just transcribes the entire show and sends it in as an email. Read this on the show. Is it like Anchorman? He'll read anything you put in the teleprompter.

Go fuck yourself, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy. Well, thanks, everybody. That was it. I'm awake. We're going to head off and do the bonus stuff now. That I might fall asleep for. But you can sign up, become a part of the gaggle.

Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. You can also find a link in the episode description. Be sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. You can see the YouTube version of the show on fucking YouTube. If you have something you want to see, you send that in to HeyGuys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com. Then make sure to rate and review us wherever you listen to podcasts. Reminder that head to CanYouDon'tPodcast.com. All merch purchased between now and Labor Day will enter you for a chance to win one of the boxes.

I have to grab the card box to read the side of it because it's basically like an Amazon description title. Oh, yeah. Can You Don't Scat Cast Podcast Crossover 2024 Scat Cast Card Collection Silly Goose VIP Edition. So you buy whatever the hell you want. We've dropped a ton of new merch Including that new John the Coroner shirt At canyadopodcast.com And if you buy anything

You'll have a chance to be entered into the raffle to win Should we show off that shirt? Just so people can get an idea See the shirt Yeah, it's a little Little casket guy With a smiley face John the Coroner Oh god, we gotta update that It's a little casket guy with a smiley face. You know, in the corner.

Oh, God, we got to update that. Oh, yeah. Got to update that. That disappeared in there. Yeah. Look at the yellow version. The yellow is weird. There it is.

Yeah. That's me. That's me. He's got his little wooden casket with a leg. Holding a leg. How about that art skills? There you go. I'm proud of you, man. Yeah. leg. How about that art skills? Way to go.

I'm proud of you, man. That was some fun to make. Alright, you ready to wrap it up? Zach. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Woo! If you fall asleep during the bonus, that's gonna be hilarious.

Just straight up snoozing. If I laid my head down, I would for sure fall asleep during the bonus, that's going to be hilarious. You just look straight up snoozing. If I laid my head down, I would for sure fall asleep. Did you guys know there's only one U.S. state capitol without a McDonald's? Montpelier, Vermont, doesn't have any of those golden arches. It also happens to have the smallest population of any state capitol, which is 7,500 people. That's pretty crazy. I did know that. You did?

Yeah. That seems like something you'd know. I like state capitals a lot. It seems like you could squeeze a McDonald's pretty crazy. I did know that. You did? Yeah. That seems like something you'd know. I like state capitals a lot. It seems like you could squeeze a McDonald's in there. You would think so. I feel like that whole population, that whole area is probably pretty small, right? Vermont and what's the other one? Vermont.

Maine. New Hampshire. Delaware? What the fuck's Delaware doing? Hi, I'm in Delaware. What's Delaware doing right now? Delaware, the fuck is that? Up there. Up and over. Who lives in those states?

Who the fuck's in Delaware right now? They're like, we just don't want to live in New York, that's all. Yeah. They want to be close. They want to be in New England. Striking distance? Yeah. They're just waiting.

Just on the... Delaware's just plotting to take over New York. Good luck. No, seriously no if you seriously if you're listening to this show in delaware send us an email i don't know a single fucking person from delaware i don't think i've ever i don't think i've ever met somebody from delaware delaware is where you want to that's where you want to register your corporations yep oh yeah see that's all they got that's that's the only reason it exists. Just P.O. boxes? Yeah.

It's like a server farm, but it's just P.O. boxes full of junk mail. Yeah, no one lives there. Just people. Mailmen and P.O. boxes. Just people to be able to run the corporation whatever reason they have it. Sit at a desk. But they don't live in there.

No. Then they drive back to New York. Yeah. Drive somewhere. Alright, off to the bonus desk yeah but they don't live in there no they live in vermont yeah drive somewhere uh all right after the bonus stuff say bye Outro Music