Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Guacamole. Sleeping Cows. Mixer. Hostage Situation.

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

Have you ever been to a Christmas party that ended with everyone watching your boss plow his wife in front of everybody and vomit in your favorite guacamole bowl? Let's talk about that, hiding from the cops in a barn with a bunch of cows, wanting a lesser sentence for items you stole because they were on sale, how much money is really spent on Christmas related items each year, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/tyV273lonGMSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Guacamole. Sleeping cows. Mixer. Oh, thanks. I like yours. Thank you. Look at our little Christmas holiday display we got here in the middle of the table. Is that like the Jesus setup? Yeah. Yeah, something like that. I mean, you got Santa Claus holding a cat. Who makes that?

My mom sent me that. It came in a nice box. She goes, I sent you some Christmas stuff. And that showed up. It didn't come with batteries, so I had to find my own AAA batteries. First of all, thanks, mom. You know what? I bet you they come from like QVC or something.

Because I've never seen those in a store. Yeah. But like my mom has them. Your mom has them. My mother-in-law has them. They just have them. Yeah. And it's got a little kickstand on it.

Like it's made for a nightstand. A kickstand. Like it is made for you to like the first thing you see. You roll over. You roll over and Santa holding a cat is just like, good morning, Joe. Good morning, Santa. Yeah. That's cute.

It is cute. We should have got like a little, oh, nativity scenes is what I was thinking. Oh yeah. Like my mother-in-law's got like little um villages with lights and everything and trees when i was a kid yeah she still got those and they're it's an incredibly expensive hobby oh yeah she's adding to every year she adds like a new piece like collecting uranium would have been cheaper than those fucking those little setups yeah imagine i, if they were worth like, you know, like trading cards or something, she'd be rich.

I'll trade you the three bedroom house for little girl ice skating. Which model is the little girl ice skating? I don't know. How fast does it go? At least, I don't know, 12, 13 miles an hour? No deal. Yeah, you gotta get the upgraded train.

The bullet train. Yeah, get the bullet train. Like an Amtrak or something. Instead of the old... Just ripping the fastest Polar Express ever. You have to duck. You have to cover the papers on your desk when you're toy Polar Express. Oh, because the wind blows so hard?

Everybody! The Polar Express is coming! And the kids are crying and they're fucking holding down the sheets and the cupboards close. And it's just like, meep, meep, meep. The cat's riding on it. The fake snow's flying around. It's almost done!

Yeah, the kids are doing their homework at the table. And it's just fucking whoosh. There's a little alarm that goes off. They're like, cover their cover their homework and the

toy Polar Express goes ripping through at 400 miles an hour. Oh God, they gotta have something like that. Maybe that'll be my mother-in-law's present.

I'll see if they have something like that. A dangerously fast Polar Express? Fuck it, why not? Let's fuck some shit up. Oh, happy whatever stupid holiday

you celebrate, everybody. Yeah, just happy Christmas Hanuk honokwanza let it go man thanks to everyone who supports us on patreon uh we over six trillion hours of bonus content now i know it seemed like a lot last week when we had six billion but we've been busy over the last seven days that's not a double though, right? No, it's way more than a double. Six billion. That'd be 12 billion. Yeah. God dang, man. Thanks to everyone who has picked up some of the new merch.

We've been stocking that store full. If you picked it up, it's a great support for the show. So thank you. You can head over to canyoudontpodcast.com and see all that stuff. And then please keep sending in all the different gifts different gifts to our po box yeah big thanks to our daughter lynn h she sent in a glow-in-the-dark moon to help decorate zach studio zach you can see it over there by your i see it can we i saw it early i should probably ask this off a lot off live but like can we get like a gopro or something to put in his room oh yeah we could cut to it and just kind of see what's going on. Yeah, and people have asked about that. The biggest thing is

Zach producing the show and then also he has to cut to himself when he talks. Like it's a whole it adds a whole new feature. Oh, is that too hard, Zach? It is. Is that too hard? It should be okay. Like knowing when you're gonna talk and you push the button, it just like cuts to you and you're just sitting back there. Well, I mean if we call him out for something

then we can cut to him. Not every time. Like, lap time, have a camera in there. Like, that makes sense to me. And we can set up a hot button. But if people are looking every time, because they're like, I want to see him when he talks. Every time he chimes in, he's just like, me. And he just

jumps out of the studio and just shows Zach's face from two feet away. And he's like, ha ha ha ha ha. You know what? I bet he doesn't want a camera in there. I bet he's doing some shady shit. What are you doing there? Because we can't see, so he's just like...

That's why he forgets to run the animation or something. Yeah, so we've talked about it, and it's definitely on the list of things that we want to give a shot, or give a try and upgrade the studio. On top of Lynn H., thanks to Little Bug, Bodie, Taylor, Kelsey, Matt, and many more that for whatever reason didn't put your fucking names

on the holiday cards. But it's truly wonderful to see everybody sending those things in and having, or telling us the impact that the show has had on them. It really does warm our hearts. That's something I never even considered, was getting a Christmas card. I know, and we've got some out here. There's more something I never even considered was getting a Christmas card. I know.

We've got some out here. There's more tucked away. This is just what we could fit on the table here in the studio. Before we get into the show, we have a quick Christmas-themed email from our son, Drew. And he writes, hey there, poppers. My name is Drew. I've been listening to Joe for years. And I got to say, I really like the cut of your jib.

Now I've got a funny story for you. Here you go. I'd like to talk about the Tinder app for a second. All right. I only have had one experience with hooking up with a girl from Tinder. Here's what happened. Love the setup. I found this girl that I knew from a friend of mine on Tinder and decided to see if we could hook up. Hello.

Are you available for a hookup? Yeah. Excuse me, ma'am. Would you like to hook up? Would you like to take your pants off? Yeah. Because I think that we could take our pants off together. I'd like to have my pants off in the vicinity

that you have your pants off. And then from there, we can see what happens. We'll see what happens. But we'll just start with pants off. Pants off, dance off. See if we can... Pants feet! Fortunately for me, she was interested.

So we set up a time and place for her to come over. So we set up a time for her to come to my house. And when she showed up, she was nine months pregnant. Lol. It kind of shocked me. However, it did not scare me from actually hooking up with her. Well, you can't get her pregnant. Yeah.

I mean, saving so much money on plan B. Yeah! Fast forward a few years and i'm now working as an apprentice plumber one of my co-workers let's call him jim i've had the pleasure of working with in early december we had our company christmas party so me and my wife are standing in line to get some food that the company paid for and i hear behind me somebody say hello drew are these your pants no hello drew i turn around and i shit you not is the girl that showed up in my house nine months pregnant for sex how much time has passed or it doesn't say okay just gives us a little ballpark after i sat down to

eat my food i looked around to see if she or who she was sitting with and she was sitting right next to my co-worker jim awkward as shit. I don't believe to this day that he knows that this event transpired years before. Just thought I'd share that with you guys. Thank you for everything you guys do.

I've been listening to your podcast for a couple years now and it feels like I know who you guys are even though we haven't met. Thank you for putting everything you do out there. It definitely brightens my day up.

Keep on doing what you're doing, daddies. Your favorite son, Drew. Hell yeah, Drew. Yeah. That is a little bit of a bit of a shocker i'd be so you know i as a person who's never done because i was in a relationship before tinder so i never had that i never had that like because that's basically what

it's for right it's just for people to it's for together like that sure i think all of them are they all have their different things i'm sure some are different than others there's people on tinder that aren't on tinder just to be fucking but just trying to meet somebody who's not a piece of shit so i think every app has a little bit of all that stuff going on i think it comes down to individual personalities than it does necessarily the app although like we talked about there are certain apps you are on there and you're like that is the absolute goal is to do to start doing some weird sexual stuff. So here's just a weird thought. Let's say I went out to a bar with some friends, or there's a girl.

If I ever was attracted, I could never be that guy that walks up and like, Hey, baby. Do you want to be pregnant? Yeah. I never had that i mean to do i could never do that but it's interesting to think like if i saw an app and there was a girl that i thought was cute and like like swipe or like gave her a message like hey and she's like hey back want to meet up you're like whoo and then it's like whoa okay yes i do that's still i'd be

like what's gonna happen but but it's like it's like it's like a, I'd be like, Ooh, what's going to happen? But, but it's like, it's like, it's like a verbal agreement. Kind of like we're going to fuck. Right. Like, Hey, you want to meet up? Like slow down. Yeah. Are you nine months pregnant? Let's start.

Yeah. Yes. No. Maybe. Any yeast infections. I need to know. Yes. No.

Maybe she goes, maybe. Would you do it? I mean, if she was hot enough. That's the thing, going back to this story. It's just a theme that we've talked about since the beginning of the show. So many guys. You show up nine months pregnant. There's a moment where you're like, oh.

And then that moment's gone. You're like, still go fuck it. You know? Like, it's just, you're not stopping them. Like, there's nothing you could do at that point. Like I said, you can't get her pregnant. Yeah. And you're not paying for an Uber home that early. Okay, let's move on.

Let's get the show rolling. Does that sound good? Santa? Yeah, yeah. Okay, let's roll it. Ho, ho, ho. Hey, shut up. It's not the show already.

So if you haven't noticed, Christmas theme for today's show. Would you rather be locked in a room with someone who absolutely hates Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate or is a Christmas fanatic? Can I ask a quick question real quick about Christmas? Yeah. I just had a thought the other day.

If Christmas is named after Christ, why don't we call it Christmas? Christmas. You don't have to... We don't have to i don't get into it but i just why it popped in my head i was thinking about christ yeah it's not jesus christ jesus christ oh man if you're out there jesus christ please help me i put all my never mind let's not get both of these annoying it doesn't even matter what the what the topic is doesn't matter what thing the person is either super hateful over

or super like annoyingly supportive of it's weird to it's a weird situation because usually like anybody that takes something way too serious is is i i have a hard time like anybody that loves their birthday so much that they it's like their celebration that it's like a month-long thing and it's just this whole thing it's like oh expecting you to shape your yeah your schedule around their birth month yeah i i carry you there so uh but the deck the debbie downer guy girl yeah they're pretty bad too yeah like they really do suck your energy out when it's gonna be the best news ever they're like i don't know we'll see so is it someone like that or is it like or like the grinch where he's like going out of his way to fuck it up

for everybody else no i think you're just trapped in and like they just they just fucking hate it so in this particular situation it is christmas time through say through christmas day the whole time it's like fucking god corporate yeah just everything they hate everything about it you can do nothing like they're flipping through the channels and they're just like oh my god shit shit shit stupid fucking hated you sound like what's his name from breakfast club stew um or on the other side of it the same person person like, I love this one. Have you seen this one? What's the miracle on 34th? Isn't that a Christmas movie?

Sounds right. 34th and a half street. Wasn't that the sequel or something stupid like that? You're like, how does that work? That was naked gun. 33 and a third. Was it? Yeah.

That's what you're thinking of. I guess combined. Another miracle on 34 and a half street. I thought that's what it was, man. I feel like I'm going to look it up. I'm going to look it up. You keep talking about the annoying Christmas person. Man, it's, it's, you kind of have, I guess I have to lean the way that I kind of feel about it.

Like, I love Christmas time. I just love the time, the, I don't know, the, the, or something magical, whatever you want to say about the time. Cause the family and all that shit, but like all the, I don't know. I hate it at the same time. Not hate it, but like. It just, it makes you do stuff. I don't.

Yeah. I don't like, I don't, I don't have, I don't like obligations. Yeah. So it's like, it's a fun time. Cause I could spend it with family family and and the kids are excited and happy but the obligation yeah it's kind of annoying say a little much yeah i'm with you there um just want a quick update miracle and 34th and a half street doesn't exist okay i didn't figure it did where that's so fucked up like it's pieced those two together 33 or 33 and a third is it 33 it's set two and a

half and 33 and a third is it yeah naked gun one naked gun two and a half and naked gun 33 and a third but the person yes all of them one of the best cheerleaders of all time don't call me shirley uh that's wrong that's funny i'm just making making jokes okay. So, the person that is overly optimistic and positive about Christmas just reminds me of that typical, that person in any other situation and how annoying it could possibly be. And one of the first things that popped in my head was being like lost in the wilderness. It's you and positive Nancy or or whatever you want a positive nell it's negative nancy and positive positive paul positive paul positive paul so it's you and paul and you guys it's the sun setting you're fucking lost in the wilderness and he goes i mean sure

it's a big bummer i can barely feel my toes and my stomach is starting to eat itself but hey at least we're getting our steps in. And you're like, Paul, I'm going to fucking kill you. Good news. I'm feeling a little stronger. Like, let me check out these. Check out these quads. He pulls his shorts up and gives him a little whip.

And you're like, Paul, we're going to die. Yeah. He's like, well, we're going to die. We're going to look fucking sweet while we do it. That's not what I'd be thinking. Like, yeah, those are good looking quads. Can't wait to eat them. Yes. I'm going to those are good looking quads. Can we eat them? Yes.

I'm going to dive into those quads tonight. Or positive Paul, but you're like, you're in a hostage situation and you're all locked in a vault somewhere. And Paul's just like, guys, I know this is really scary for everyone. I mean,

look at me. I just peed my pants, but I do have to say, I've had a really good time getting to know everyone a little better over the last three days. Just happy to be around people. And I hope when this is all over, we can exchange numbers and still be friends. We can still be friends.

So, guys, if we all live, what do you think? What do you think? You guys want to be best friends? You guys want to go in on a timeshare or something? Go in on a timeshare. Because I know, I mean, me personally personally i could really use a vacation i'm gonna find a timeshare that is not bank vault themed is that the guy that gets uh stockholm syndrome yeah because he's just so positive yeah just he's like over the top he starts being friends with the the guy that's holding hostage yeah he's like oh he pretends

to be like a like a gun thing like a gun fan, like a gun, whatever they're called. Gun fan. Fanatic. Gun fanatic. Is that what it is? Gun enthusiast. Yeah.

That sounds better. That sounds safer. That has the safety on, doesn't it? Getting arrested. Shooting blanks over there. Getting arrested for possession after you ran over an entire family

in a crosswalk. And you're like, whoop, whoop. Like, oh my God, this is horrible. I feel so bad for what i've done but

hey at least i get a front row seat to really watch our american justice system at work and honestly probably the closest i'll ever be to living up to my dad's expectation of being a lawyer sitting sitting or no he'll represent himself and he goes your honor it's an honor i've chosen to represent myself. Because, I mean, this isn't going to go well. But I figured, hey, might as well say I used to be a lawyer. Bucket list. Yeah.

At least I can tell my cellmate I used to be a lawyer. But just way too positive for super shitty situations. And that just reminds you of that Christmas. Well, the funny thing, too, is like the steps thing always kind of drives me nuts too when you'll be with someone like oh man they'll like oh got my steps in for the day when they walk up a flight of stairs and i like but they're not joking when they say it yeah you know what i mean like at least at least 75 of the time yeah they're just they're like gotta look on the bright side of everything i don't think they're like well some people are i say it jokingly yeah it depends on the person there's a girl i used to work with

like she would say she was really busy at work and then she piece of cake you know i mean like what god yeah i don't know why it's so funny like you look like you've gained about 3 000 steps yeah you're you're you got yeah something you've gained 3 000 steps or whatever if the doctor measures your weight gain in steps, he goes, man, over the last year, you've gained 45,000 steps. You've been sitting down way too much. No, I was going to say, oh, the thought of, yeah, you're walking across a parking lot to your car holding a big-ass cake. You're like, I deserve this. I've walked at least one slice of this cake. I was like, no, you haven't.

I know. That's the thing. You're going to have to run all day. Yeah. at least at least one slice of this cake i was like no you haven't i know that's the thing you're gonna have to run all day yeah like you better pick that cake up at 6 a.m and then run until 6 p.m and then you maybe get to have one piece of cake and have it not be a positive net gain on your calorie intake it's funny how people have to like justify everything whether at least i well i got this in or i got that in. Like, well, just fucking eat it. Don't mind if I do.

Did I tell you that when I was walking in Vegas to go to the football game that I probably walked maybe 100 yards and my watch went vvvv? I looked down and said, looks like you're working out. Would you like us to record your steps? I was like, that's all it took? That's it? You stretch and get out of bed. It's like, whoa, buddy. That's what it was like.

I got up and was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's off the couch. Do you want us to record this? You go to the bathroom to take a shit. It's like, exercise, goal reached. You're like, oh, man. Your standing goal reached. You've done it.

You've broken. Even though I sat right back down. All right, let's move off to what are you thinking about this week? Did we answer? Is this a question? No. I mean, kind of. I would rather be with the person that is miserable than over the top.

Because I think I would lean, that my personality leans more that way. Maybe eventually they just would shut up. Yeah. Just like, all right, well, at least they're not talking about how great things are supposed to be. All right, let's do it. All right, thing. Hey, Zaki Pooh! Hey.

Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? Uh, you know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? I got something I'm thinking about, Brian. What?

You want to hear about it? So about a week ago or so here in beautiful Spokane, Washington. Washington. It got real slick. Yeah. It snowed, and then, like it does around here, which I fucking hate, it snows a bunch, then immediately rains on top of it. And freezes.

And freezes. So this particular trip, I was in Spokane, I had to head back to beautiful Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. And, you know, it's about 40 miles or so. And the roads were super slick. The tires on my car aren't that great. I need to get them replaced. And your windshield wipers, we know what they're

like. Oh, they're new now. I got those. That kind of reminded me of when we were talking about windshield wipers. I was like, why am I doing this? There's got to be a better way. So, I knew my tires. I need new ones. They're not great.

So I get out there and I start driving. And it is really, really bad. I mean, I'm, you know, your gut. I can take the traction. Excuse me. You can take the traction control off and sometimes, you know, get things going a little bit on the ice. And it was like you'd start sloping off the road. It was that icy.

Was it freeway? No, it was just right here in this neighborhood and then i'm cutting up and i'm getting on one of the main arterials and i pull out and it sloped a tiny bit and i'm just stuck just like you know gunning it and barely moving up maybe a point zero percent grade less you should not be oh point zero zero zero one percent grade and i just the car wasn't moving guy behind me's like this fucking guy and i'm like i don't know i can hope he's nice he might have to push me and i make it out and i'm going down and i'm going down a hill heading back to the freeway to get over to quarter lane and there's people coming up a steeper road and cars

are sideways and i'm like oh shit was like, it is really bad. I'm like, how am I going to think about how am I going to get back home? Because it's elevated up here compared to downtown. I was like, oh, stressing out about that. And the freeway was better than the neighborhoods, which is typical, but I make it safe, but it is like a pretty stressful drive. I'm taking it slow and I get over there and my first stop is going to pick up Ezra from school. So I pull him and i pick him up and he hops in and i'm like hey i was you know because he he's he doesn't like icy roads he doesn't like the car being out of control like in a given situation he'll he'll go do some donuts or some cookies in a like a parking lot as long as he knows it's going to happen but out of nowhere

your car starts sliding you're in a safe you're contained it's like i mean the closest thing i'm gonna hit is that that light pole and i'm going to but right now it's 200 cards right play my cards right i'm gonna fucking wrap around that thing and really and really fuck shit up um but he is he doesn't like it so he gets in i'm like hey i him. I was like, the roads are super slick. And he goes, okay. So you don't have to worry about it. And he just leans forward over the middle thing and goes, oh. And turns my dial.

And I'm so stupid. I thought my car, for whatever reason, was automatically in all-wheel drive. So I was slipping around like a jackass like bouncing off some curbs in spokane ezra for the win because you were in two-wheel drive i was in two-wheel drive is it front or rear uh it's it's rear when it's by itself and then but it has all of them it has four it has it has all the track all the controls and in my brain i was like no it's an all-wheel drive car. And I just didn't even fucking check it.

And it's a little knob in the middle. And I just basically white-knuckled it for 40 miles back. And then Ezra gets in the car and goes, oh, yeah, we can fucking put this on. And I'm like, oh, yeah. He's never driven a day in his life. I'm like, oh, yeah. Guess what? Didn't slide around at all for the rest of the day. Just a fucking idiot. Even when you want to you can't no now it's yeah now it's way too hard i but i just just worried and like sweating i was like how am i gonna get the kids

home safe are they gonna like are we gonna slide backwards down the hill and i'm thinking about what i would do if i started sliding backwards down a hill like do you do you turn which way am i turned to my car to not smash into the car behind me like how am i going to drive defensively to get out of this without yeah without a pile up how am i going to go getting going 70 miles an hour to get up this hill on the way back with the kids in the car on icy roads and he goes oh we'll turn this on i'm like fuck and it just what in life those super stressful situations and they come down to just the simple little fix and they have to be i mean the most embarrassing but also like sometimes the most frustrating situations you know like uh and i work in audio and video uh so i have that a lot

where you run through all this shit you're like what's that oh yeah you're like you're like what's that buzz and i mean i've worked in in the the audio or entertainment field my entire adult life but there's been times where like a microphone didn't work in the studio and like you know i'm producing and it's just like what the fuck like why don't you like you gotta check this shit like we're supposed to do it right now i'm like i don't fucking know and it turns out like just it was a mute button so whoever's in there just like push the mute button and then just forgot about it my bad and you're checking everything everything like all the cables and shit because why would why would you get yelled at for a thing you didn't push but you're like shit

fucking you're looking you walk over you're like, shit! Fuck! And you're looking and you walk over and you're like, oh. And you just push one button. Clark Dismark. Jesus Christ. Clark. Kirk Bismark. Charlie McDismark. Clark Griswold. God damn it! Clark Griswold.

His whole lighting thing. He was checking everything and just the power wasn't flipped on. But, I mean, there's so many situations that you come across in your life when you just get so riled up or, I mean, in my case, just, just didn't take a fucking second to remember that your car is not all wheel drive all the time. I have a lot of those little, little things, but there's one specifically in the car that

I could think of too. I was like, I think I was 17. I had just gotten my little 20 my maza 2200 just learned how to drive stick and everything it was my first first car first truck and my uncle hired me to do some construction for him and we were working on a house like way out in the country up where i had to drive truck way out in the country drive truck truck uphill. It was uphill. Both ways. And it's probably like a 20, 25 minute drive out of town to get to this place. And I get to where I have to go up this hill and I cannot make it up the hill.

It's a stick shift. So I'm driving, put it in second. What's going on? I put it in third. And I'm trying to shift up or shift you know to get up this fucking hill I probably tried for 30 minutes and I could never get up I had to turn around and I would try to get a run at it and I couldn't do it

and so I had to call I had to drive all the way home because I didn't think I had a cell phone at the time drive all the way home and then call my uncle to say I can't make it in because I can't get up the hill and I felt like a fucking idiot you know but I come to find out and it clicked in my head later like a couple days later you you got to shift down to get the torque to go up yeah but i was new to stick shift and all that

and so that didn't so i was shifting it the wrong i was trying to i was thinking i was going higher you go the the faster i'm gonna go so i i had to cancel on him i had to do this whole fucking thing and all i really had to do was just roll in like maybe second gear and i would have made it up there no problem but i was like the truck it doesn't have enough power to get up the hill it'd need more power yeah and i'm like calling guys that were in construction who drive trucks drive trucks trucks. Yeah. Drive. No. Yeah. Who build house, drive truck, hammer nail. Yeah, exactly.

And I'm just like, couldn't figure it out. Drink beer, hammer nail, drive truck. Yeah, dude. I was hoping for a second or my brain when you were talking about this whole situation about trying to get up the fucking hill. It turns out I was on mushrooms and I was actually in my bathroom. Sitting on the toilet. Sitting on the toilet just thinking about how hard it would be to get to my uncle's. I was on mushrooms, and I was actually in my bathroom. Sitting on the toilet? Sitting on the toilet just thinking about how hard it would be to get to my uncle's.

I was eating a chimichanga. Chimichanga on mushrooms? Just thinking about driving truck? All right, let's move on to some dick. Oh, real quick. Go ahead. This is for Zach. Zach!

So I was like probably 17, maybe. That's when I was really starting to get into gas station burritos that's my same chimichangas i was i would go to the gas station and get a big pop like a 32 ounce pop and gas station pizza sticks and uh chimichangas yummy that's when i was really getting into gas i was like high school dude. That's about the same with me. I know he loves himself some gas station food. Shit, yeah. Like thinking about that coming up in therapy. Yeah.

It all took a turn. So tell me when you really got into gas station burritos. You sit back. Yeah. All right, well. All right, Doc. Buckle up. Buckle up.

Buckle up. Buckle up. Buckle up. Here we go. You're a psychiatrist. When did you go to a specialist, weight specialist? And I guess it all started when I got into gas station chimichangas. It's like staring off into the... Seeing your name, like you are the nation's leading gas station burrito therapist. You have all these little doors with different names on it it's like addiction marriage burritos

then you go through there and then it's like store-bought gas station there's little doors in between every little room yeah microwave it's like hot Pockets. You open up Hot Pockets and it's just a slide out the door. Like it's not a burrito. You gotta go back to the beginning and try again. You touch the doorknob and the trap opens up. It just drops you out of the building. Yeah, you land in a pit with other people. Like, burritos?

What are you in for? Hot Pocket? Yeah. I mean, I know how to classify. Pizza Pocket? Me either. pit with other people like burritos yeah what what are you in for what are you hot pocket yeah i mean i know how to classify pocket neither i thought this is thought they'd understand clearly not wasting their time with fucking hot pocket people all right dick time ready yeah okay if i hope like owned uh a practice of any sort that had to do with therapy, that'd be really funny. Just have these different doors. Or even just a business card on the front that's like mental health. Like relationship, marriage, addiction, whatever.

Family. Burritos. You're like, what the fuck? Getting real specific. Yeah, or you something else weird some other weird thing that you could be addicted to uh hey why do they real quick why do they call it a practice like if i'm gonna go to the idea is that you're you're constantly learning well if i but if i go to a place that i'm gonna get like brain surgery you don't want to go to a training

facility i don't want to go to someone who's learning how to do it i want to go to a training facility? I don't want to go to someone who's learning how to do it. I want to go to a guy that knows how to fucking do it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I know what you mean. Okay. I don't want to go to the fucking practice squad. I want to go to the Finnish squad. I want to go to the Finnish school.

Where's the hall of fame for brain doctors? This guy is like retirement because he's done everything he can. He's bored. He's put in his 10,000 hours. That's the guy I want. Not the guy practicing. He's on. Yeah can he's bored he's put in his 10 000 hours exactly that's the guy i want not not the guy practicing he's on yeah he's no more no nothing left to learn so the headline of this article and again christmas theme going over here but themes are thieves argued they should face lesser charge because their stolen goods were on sale oh the concept of this fucking kills me.

I love that logic. Yeah. So the district attorney office for Colorado's judicial, speaking in mushrooms, Colorado's judicial district 18, which include, I don't even know. Who are these people? Arapahoe? Arapahoe? Arapahoe, Douglas, Albert, and Lincoln counties. Said in a Tuesday statement.

Arapahoe. No, it's Arapahoe. Arapahoe. It's a Native American Rap-a-ho? I barely knew her Oh! Yeah! Some weird mummy sex The rare mummy sex joke

So that the men's defense attorneys told the jury that their client should face lesser charges because some of the some of the items they stole were discounted. The pair, Michael Green, 50, and Byron Bolden, 37, were ultimately convicted of the higher crime, felony theft. Instead of the lesser misdemeanor charge, the DA said, the thieves were called the Kitchen Aid Mixer Crew, which is a pretty baller name. Yeah, it's like the Wet Bandits from Home Alone.

I mean, Kitchen Aid Crew has a better balance. Why'd you put mixer in there? Kitchen Aid Crew. The CAC? The CAC! Yeah, call me the CAC. Who you with?

I'll rep the CAC. Just repping CAC. On your throat? You got fucking CAC? Just CAC. Put a CAC down your throat? What happened? Did I just... fucking put a cack shit put a cack down your throat what happened did i just i think i moved the table yeah then move it back sorry that'd be a bummer if it just fell off entirely right in the middle of the show oh now our candles are

all crooked god damn it brian sorry so the cole's employees were the ones that uh nicknamed them the kitchen aid mixer crew did they sit around and think of that they're like what should we call these guys? They targeted the pricey kitchen appliances. One KitchenAid stand mixer stolen retails for $499 at Kohl's, although it's currently on sale for $350. Also stolen were brand name shoes and clothing. Just the idea that there was a lawyer

in a courtroom in Colorado that was was like hi your honor and maybe he knows this guy and he's like what jared like he's just so sick of his shit loophole larry loophole larry what do you have for me that's funny your honor here hear me out take a look he brings it out take a look at the stand mixer and he has like he sets up like a price is right situation with the price you gotta put the prices in the right in a boom box and he just pushes he's like there's some shitty old 80s like beatbox or boombox cassette tape.

Hold on. Okay, your honor. Here, you have a KitchenAid stand mixer. Regularly. $4.99. The actual retail price is... It goes down a little bit. Yeah, it drops the thing. He he goes if you can guess the next

price these guys get felony theft but if you can't your honor misdemeanor we must ask for this for a mistrial if you guess it the judge is like

in the crowd 246 246 quiet quiet i'll hold you in contempt hold you in contempt trying to help him he's like two four ding ding ding ding ding god damn it sorry guys sorry guys he's good he's good he's real good he always shops at cole's you guys should have stole from target he hates target i. I told you guys that. But the idea that even if they were their own lawyers and just having to hear that defense, he's like, guys, you stole this $375 coat. And he goes, yeah, but if you price match this at Walmart, it's only $125. Because you're telling me that I should get a felony with this coat, which Target matches.

They do price matching. I can find it somewhere else for $175. I mean, yeah, I get what you're saying. I shouldn't be stealing stuff. Your Honor, can we look that up? Can we see if they actually price match this? Price match? Yeah.

And with a coupon i would have saved 25 right yeah i have a gift card i got a gift card and everything your honor that that it's uh it's so funny to think about like somebody like actually doing a crime but then anytime this happens i think it's hilarious like when it's absolutely everyone knows that someone did this thing but they're trying to get like they're the the way that they brought the way they use the evidence was like illegal in court and they're trying to play that out like the dude killed somebody everyone knows he did but jay simpson but the prosecution the way they presented the evidence like it could be a mistrial or something.

Like the dude killed somebody. Or the way it was handled. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah, the way evidence was handled. So we're just going to let the guy off even though he admitted to killing somebody. It's like, yeah, we took it. But I mean, it was pretty, it should have been cheaper.

So. At the time it was cheaper. Yeah. At the time. Wholesale price is only like 80 bucks. Right. Right. Yeah. It only cost 12 bucks was cheaper. Yeah, at the time. Wholesale price is only like 80 bucks. Right. Right. Yeah.

It only costs 12 bucks to make. Yeah. Yeah, we go in like Costco prices? Mm-hmm. What if this was like applied to other things? Like, say you murder someone. Yes. The bigger the person.

I have. The bigger the. Bigger the ponytail, bigger the problem? The bigger the person. Like, bigger the Bigger the ponytail Bigger the problem Yeah The bigger the person Like so you kill Shaq And they're like Okay you get life You get three life sentences But you shake a baby

And it dies They're like Alright You got like a weekend Or like Oh god You know what I mean Like what if that was the scale

Like We're gonna hold you For a couple nights in the cell And then Like a Like a drunk tank They just They weigh the dead body To figure out how much time you get?

Yeah, it's like on the slab, and they're like, phew. It's like when you go to the deli, and you're like, I'll have some of the roast beef, and they put it up on the thing, and the price goes up. Yeah, exactly. But that's how much time you get. Like, did you do it? Yeah. Okay, bring the body out.

And they just lay it down. It's like, brrrr, felony. You know when you go to the airport and they wear your bag? Yeah. And you put it on the scale like, come on, come on, come on, come on. It's over. You got to like, now you're like taking shit out. Yeah.

Put like, sticking pants in your shorts. You're just like, God damn it. You're putting the pants on. Just wearing seven t-shirts. Like, how's it now? Is it 49 point something instead of just paying 50 bucks or whatever no way you gotta yeah you can't do that you're sticking like just bundled up socks under your hat taking out all the illegal switchblades oh yeah that would have

saved me and then put those in your pocket the amount of money i could have saved man if i just would have taken out two illegal switch well if you would have just checked them i don't think i think they're just illegal to have oh you know much actually you can fly with knives yeah as long as you're flying to a place that they're legal but if i was flying to washington can i still check a because my residence is there but i can't bring a gun through washington we'll see i'm about to get my pre-check okay i just applied for it so i'll try it god i hope you this is this is the full circle i want is for you to forget and bring your fucking switchblade into the airport do you have in your pocket right now no it's in my car because i had to use it okay did you go i had to shank a motherfucker nice dude i hope that you accidentally

bring it in i really i really really do no i get really paranoid when I go to the airport with things. Like, you ever do that where you go in the airport and you're like, God, I hope I don't have, like. God, do I have heroin? Yeah. It's like, I hope I don't have any heroin on me. Like, why would I have heroin? But, like, what if someone placed it there? Like, shit, I hope I don't have a murder weapon in my side pocket.

I remember we went to Hawaii and they had little keychains, the little pipe keychains. And I remember having that in my bag and thinking that i was going to get in trouble flying back and then if my mom found it but it wasn't like i never used it it wasn't like it was just a little keychain but it was the idea that it was a marijuana pipe marijuana smoker this was way before it was legal yeah back when people gave a fuck? This was 01. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right, well, keep with the Christmas theme. Let's move on to some...

That's pre-9-11. Yeah. I mean, you're going way back. A couple months. It's a different world. Yeah. Back then. But it is holiday party season.

You want to take a look at this holiday party article? You mean the crazy fucking liquor cheeseburger? What? What did you just say? Trailer Park Boys. Oh. No, I don't. I tried.

It wasn't for me. You want me to read? What? Yeah, do you want to read it? We'll get into that another time. Yeah. All right. Raunchy alcohol-fueled Taco Bell party included open sex was lawsuit claims.

Now this is a Christmas party. Yeah. I might go back to work just to have something like this yeah a former los angeles area taco bell employee is suing the company and franchise owner after she claims a christmas party at the fast food restaurant descended into a drunken mess that included open sex descended yeah yeah. Welcome to the party, baby! What are you complaining about? Well, I think we're going to find out. Oh, okay, go ahead.

In the suit, she alleges that her supervisor included her in the December 1822... Invited her. Invited. Oh, yeah. Got it. San Pedro, talk about what she worked. She was encouraged to bring food for a potluck style buffet. And her contribution was a bowl of guacamole. No wonder you were offended. Can't show up to a potluck with a

bowl of guacamole? You better bring something else. That might be like and I also brought this guacamole. But you could show up like this is all I brought was guacamole. Maybe she makes really good guacamole. I mean, show up like, this is all I brought was guacamole. Maybe she makes really good guacamole. I mean, she's been world famous.

Why would you have to bring food to a Taco Bell party? That's what I want to know. They're probably sick of it. They're probably sick of whatever food is in there. Can you get guacamole at Taco Bell? I don't know if you can. Taco Bell's not real Mexican food, though. No, but it's better then.

No, that's not true. I do like a good Taco Bell thing, though. Once she arrived, she discovered that her supervisor covered the windows of the restaurant with wrapping paper. God, I just like... This guy was like an all-out fucking... Yeah. He was anticipating like, this is going to be just a crazed, sexy, raunchy... And, you know, it's not going to be in some backwoods. It's going to be on a busy road.

Yeah. If you're going to save money on a venue and throw a party inside your own Taco Bell that you own, you better put some wrapping paper up. Fucking crazy, cheesy, liquor, cheesy, fucking greasy liquor cheeseburger party. That's what it sounds like to me. Okay. She claimed the supervisor provided alcohol to staffers. Oh, well, the supervisor also covered the cameras

for the lobby inside the restaurant. Oh, yeah. He did. He's like, the only people that need... What happens at Taco Bell stays at Taco Bell. She claimed the supervisor provided alcohol to staffers, several

of whom were over-served. This Elena lady sounds good. Yeah, she's a fucking stick in the mud. Around midnight, I'd like to stick her in the mud and let her sink. Around midnight, after she had stepped outside for a short time,

she walked back into the restaurant and saw a co-worker having sex with his wife in front of everyone at the party, she alleges. Dude. Yeah! She walked out for a bit. She's like, maybe it's better. Okay, maybe it's gotten better. And everyone's just like, woo!

Yeah! I guess picture like a scene, like a picture of the video scene. So you hear the door, like a, like a scene, like a picture, the video scene. So you hear the door, like, you know, talk about door and she's outside. He's gone. Jesus.

And the bike, it's guacamole. Shit. Whoever brought this guacamole, get the fuck out Just throwing cinnamon twists Just sprinkling guacamole all over some titties. Yeah Okay, so it's done. But this lady who goes she goes i knew i shouldn't have came yeah it's just through the just the wrapping paper is rattling

she's outside being like you need that promotion though you better go back inside she's like it's only a couple hours i can i can get through this and then that commercial grade door that opens up just fucking fucking, yeah! Just fuck throwing shredded cheese on a couple having sex. It's just raining down. She's hanging on to the fucking fan, ceiling fan. They're throwing food in the ceiling. It's just, shit's raining down.

Oh, man. Crowd's cheering. So good. All right, anyway, so having sex. Okay, so. That's better right anyway okay so shocked disgusted and outraged uh she alleges that she first ran out of the restaurant but then went back inside the retreat for guacamole bowl you are the worst co-worker. She's gone! She's finally gone! More sex!

She comes back in. Forgot my guac bowl. A little extra sour cream on that taco. Remember? What was that from? Me, myself, and Irene. No, I don't remember. The one with Jim Carrey. Me, myself, and Irene. Wasn't that what it was? Yeah don't remember the one with jim carrey me myself

and irene wasn't that what it was yeah yeah i remember the movie electric cheese on the taco when he he can't lie anymore and he's the the liar right no liar is the the lawyer that's the one you can't lie yeah i know it's not the one i'm talking about he's the new jersey part of the new jersey state police that's me myself and i okay. Yeah, and so when he, like, something happens and he can no longer lie, and someone, like, he's, someone's buying, like, Vagisil. He goes, ooh, looks like someone's got a little extra cheese on their taco. Nothing? Okay.

Nope. Anyway. Fuck. Another whiff for me. It's like four weeks in a row I say something that no one knows. Okay. I was just quoting Ace Ventura with the TSA guy waiting for my pre-check. Okay.

So we're back to get a guacamole bowl. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Only to find out that her manager and the other co-worker involved in the sexual encounter were vomiting. One threw up in the trash while the other vomited in her guacamole bowl, according to the complaint. She reported the incident to Taco Bell Human Resources,

an Alvarado restaurant group, and the Colorado-based franchisee. The manager and other co-workers who were involved in sexual encounter were fired. Her complaint states... Good. You got what you wanted. You got your guacamole bowl back, and you got your manager... Are you happy? I like the... Like, while that's all happening, they present her with their guac bowl. You know,

like some sort of a fucking... We're sorry to see you go. Yeah. Well, I was like like the keys of the city yeah you know like they're for breaking up this crazy sex infested taco bell yeah it's just a gold-plated guacamole bowl we're so sorry for your troubles alina here please accept our gold token of appreciation and apologies here's a go play guacamole bowl. I love the idea that she left,

she went outside twice. Yeah. So she left out, okay, I'm just gonna. Get a breather. Came back in. Oh my God!

To sex. Runs out again. Then goes back for a guacamole bowl. Yeah. And how long were you gone? Like you go,

it's like, it's like a magic trick. Like you open the door and everyone's having sex. You're like, no. And you close it. It's like like a magic trick like you open the door and everyone's having sex you're like no and you close it it's like the wrong door then you open it again everyone's throwing up like how fast was the the changeover like she had to have like gotten her car and maybe started driving away and she was like oh my god my bowl oh, my bowl. I can't go get it tomorrow. It's going to disappear. Better go back to the sex party. I love just how fast that happened.

One was vomiting in the trash. Yeah. They were the only two vomiting. Was the sex that bad? I'm sure something got poured somewhere. And I don't know. It sounds like you're drunk. If you are the manager of a Taco Bell

and you're fucking your wife and a bunch of other employees, probably too drunk. Did she get her bowl at that time? She had to have got her bowl. Like that night? Give me that. Like, you know, she's vomiting,

like some person's vomiting in it and then she's like, okay, this is mine. And she had to like dump it out and clean it. Who knows? Why would you go back for it? It's a guacamole bowl.

Like, is it a heirloom generation-to-generation guacamole bowl? If that's the case, don't bring it to your Taco Bell potluck. It was her great-great-grandma's guac bowl. Been using the family. It's going to be perfect for the Taco Bell Christmas party. This will be the centerpiece. This will really tie the room together. At the old Taco Bell Christmas party.

Crazy raunchy. All right, let's move off to lap time. I'm interested to see what Uncle Zach has for us this week. All right, Zach. Hey, little chitrons. Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zachy's lap? Gather around, boys and girls. It's lap time with Uncle Zach.

Sit on my lap, you little shits. I hope no one minds. I have to wear my hat like this. It's getting hot and it's smushing my ears down. You kind of look like Fred Durst a little bit. Yeah. Who did? You do.

He looks more like Fred Durst than I do. Check it out from this angle. I look like Fred Durst like this? Like the Fred Durst of today. No, I know y'all loving this shit right here. Oh, yeah, with the... Looks like a hip grandpa. Kind of.

Yeah. What are we doing for freaking lap time, Zachy? Christmas shit. Christmas shit! Are you ready to learn random Christmas facts? Boy, am I. Fucking why the hell not? Yeah.

All right, well, I got a few things. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Are you going to be the guy in the room that we're stuck in with right now? Yeah. The Christmas fanatic? My mom was that person. She was the most insane Christmas person I've ever seen.

So I'm actually kind of the opposite of that. Did it kind of help you get in the Christmas spirit, though? So much. So fucking much. I kind of miss it, to be honest. It helped you so much get in the Christmas spirit of miss it to be honest it helped you so much getting the christmas spirit that you went jewish okay go ahead okay so a couple things i want to ask you guys shipping how many packages do you think are shipped out during their christmas

season whoa we have 360 million people or so so we're going just us okay i'll go 75 million 75 million that's it there's 300 why are you attacking me because it's so left i thought that was so fucking pick your number all right what if i'm closer there's no way you are i know but i just threw out a number i don't know wait so one package is at least store-bought or shipped from families? I think it's combined. Just what the U.S. Postal Service goes through. For shipping Christmas stuff. I was just picturing just gifts being sent.

I'm going in the billions. I'm going to go 1.8 billion. 1.8 billion, and what was yours again? 75 million. It's 11.7 billion pieces of mail and packages during the holiday season. Isn't that insane? That what? That number doesn't even make sense.

And they're still losing money? The Postal Service? Well, the government does it, so what are you supposed to do? They can't help themselves. All right. Either can you. You're going to need this $800 stapler. Yeah.

A couple thousand dollar toilet seats. You got to get a couple of these Sharpies that should not be $40 a piece. We'll get some of these. Wow, my guess was way off. I know. That's my reaction. Every piece of mail that's already been sent, too. I was just picturing just gifts.

It does include everything, yeah. Even bills and stuff. Yeah, see, I was just picturing like, I'm just sending gifts. And Christmas cards. Like one family sending out fucking 50 of them. Yeah. It would be best to start around 360, 360 million, right? Yeah.

One person, one package. Per person. I don't know. Yeah. But 11.7 billion is not a number that my brain can comprehend. No, yeah. But 85% of Americans participate in Christmas, with about only 51% attending services. Okay. I don't know if you guys attend services. I used to growing up. Yeah. 51% attending services. Okay.

I don't know if you guys attend services. I used to growing up. Yeah. Yeah. Good times. Yeah. Thanks, Zach. I'm happy to help.

Yeah, good times, huh? Yeah, I had good times thinking about you going to church in the past. I'm having a good time right now. Are you hard? If you could see with a GoPro, you'd know. Wow. Wait, what is that thump on the wall? Yeah, that was it.

Nice. That was Joe with his own cock from around the bend. I'm pushing it. It's snaking through the door right now back in his ex. Poking him on the shoulder. I'm tripping on it. Let me do it for you. Let me do it for you.

Well, I got a few more economic things. I'm just kind of random. We spend about a trillion dollars a year in the United States on Christmas. What? People that have about $120,000 per year income spend around $3,000 on Christmas, which blows my mind. The average family is said to spend around $1,500 in gifts, food, and travel, with about 970 of it in gifts. And that's not me. My family does not get that. Yeah.

Some Christmases bigger than others. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to whisper this. This one is going to be a big one as far as from what I'm doing. But what I bought for my kiddos and company. It's a big one this year. Oh.

But not normally that big. I was waiting for like a bombshell. No. Yeah. No. Calm down. We've had enough of big. I was waiting for like a bombshell. No. Yeah. No, calm down. We've had enough of this. I'll show you guys when we get done recording. How much money do you spend?

No, I'll just show you one of them. Cool. Okay, go. I do have some useful spending tips because everybody's trying to save money. Apparently not me. Go ahead. Yeah, well, except for you. The tip is to abandon your family.

And so that should probably help i don't know if going out for cigarettes works anymore but like get some of that it's worth a shot cheesecake vape juice or something but so about let's see there's a few things in here i found this interesting that ai has been used by 20 of people to find that perfect gift that's pretty cool it's pretty strange. It's a new thing. Especially from, I mean, from a dude's perspective. It's helpful, but you're supposed to be thoughtful, right?

Well, yeah, but also, like, thoughtful can be brought up by someone else. But thoughtful, that's not really what Christmas is anymore, right? Look, I mean, you can get a gift. You know when you nail a gift. No, I know, but, like, so, like, how many people just give cash? It's just so, to me, it's just so weird where you're like, oh, you open up a present. No, I know, but like, so like, how many people just give cash? It's just so, to me, it's just so weird where you're like,

you open up a present, hey, thanks for the money. And then like, if you give someone else cash, all we're doing is just handing each other money. It's just weird. You know what's funny though?

The next thing I've got for you is on that token a little bit. So ladies, if you're wondering what ladies want the most, 38% of them say they want gift cards. Gift cards, yeah.

26% say they want a physical gift. So a gift card is your number one bet. Yeah, they want to go buy the stuff that they want. Yeah. And if you want to know what's number one with men, it's blowjobs. Yeah. Is it really? Yeah, by far.

What? By far. Man, that's cool. 99%. Don't make, I don't want to think about it. I'm on camera. Dude. You know what I mean? The best gift my wife ever got me was like early on relationship i think it's for valentine's day this is gonna be good and it was like a it was they were like it was they were used like a

stamp card like a bj stamp card oh so like you missed that detail that's the best i was like what is it what is it and you're like and I got like a Safeway fucking club card. No, I was playing off of the BJ stamp card. Yeah. So it was like, whenever. Did you ever bring it up and slide it across the table? And then she was like, no, not now. And you're like, I don't remember.

You have that shame reach where you're like, okay, slide it back to yourself. And just open your wallet and tuck it back in. Not now. I love it. Little pocket tap. I'll save that for later. Well, this is just you and I. Just you and me tonight, as you say to yourself.

I got a question for you. Yeah. Who would you think men or women want to save money more? Oh. So save money. Well, looking for deals. Yeah. Who would you think men or women want to save money more? Oh, so save, well, looking for deals. If you asked it like that, I'm going to guess that men want to, but it's probably women. Well, that's kind of a double guess. Yeah. It is women.

65% of women compared to 55% of men are looking for the deal. And actually women give more gifts. 49% of women give gifts compared to 41% of men. Well, because they're the ones buying the gifts for everyone. She's buying all of them anyway. Then the guy just puts his name on the box. Yeah, the guy gets credit for it. Yeah.

Who would you guess is more brand loyal? Men. That's true. 67% of men are very brand loyal. 59% of women are. Because women are, I mean, they are brand loyal, but they're going to be checking out new products. Men are like, just give me they are brand loyal, but they're going to be checking out new products. Men are like, just give me the thing I've been using since I was 12.

Especially if they're trying to make, if they're trying to get deals. Mm-hmm. And try something else new. They're going to do like the cheaper version. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I got a weird data point for you. Okay.

Women don't prefer blowjobs like men do. I could see that. Yeah. Yeah. Especially married women. It's under 10% compared to 99.999% of men. All right. Let's get off spending and blowjobs. I got see that. Yeah. Yeah. Especially married women. It's under 10% compared to 99.999% of men. All right. Let's get off spending and blowjobs.

Well, usually it's the love language, right? Yeah. Like my love language is like- Blowjobs? Is blowjobs. Is that another t-shirt? My wife's love language is like helping out cleaning the house. Is that another t-shirt?

Yeah. My love language is getting a blowjob? Yeah. I think it might be for 99.9% of dudes. We've sold so many of the rough sex is my love language is getting a blowjob yeah i think it might be for 99.9 of dudes we've sold so many of the rough sex is my love language so by the way thank you so much everybody it's oh i need to make a blanket we've got pillows and everything too so yeah anyway okay zacky boo well now we'll get away from blowjobs and spending a little bit oh boo so coming up next week the holiday season is also a great time to hurt yourself, which is fun. The Consumer Product Safety Commission's most recent news release estimates that 14,700 people visit hospital emergency rooms each November and December from holiday-related decorating accidents, which is about 240 injuries per day.

And most common are falling, lacerations, and back strains. From putting up christmas lights probably exactly do you guys have the same fear i do it can whenever you see an accident video of someone falling off a ladder and their leg gets stuck in it that's one of the biggest things and the break like yeah yeah the backward when and when a knee doesn't go the way it's supposed to dude i think i saw that that's the scenario on like live leak the other day oh man don't the way it's supposed to. Dude, I think I saw that exact scenario on LiveLeak the other day. Oh, man. Don't do that.

It's the worst. Ladders and legs getting caught in it and then doing leg press, but they overextend their knee and it goes backwards. I can't do those fucking videos. I can't do them. I'll watch the hitting videos before that. Did you ever see the Joe Theismann one? Yes. Fuck all that.

I couldn't do that. No. No knees going the before that. Did you ever see the Joe Theismann one? Yes. Fuck all that. I couldn't do that. No. No knees going the wrong way. Thank you. Well, also dangerous is dried out Christmas trees. They spark about 260 fires in the United States each year, resulting in 12 deaths, 24 injuries, and about $16.4 million in property damage. Only 260? Yeah.

I thought that would be higher, too. Me, too. Yeah. Way higher. I thought they'd be 260 in, like, San Francisco. I guess it's dropped quite a bit since they stopped using real candles. And real trees. And real trees. Hewlands are so dumb. We are.

We had real trees, and you'd have a little cup attached to a flammable, like, just a bomb. And you'd just light it and just hope you didn't burn your house down that year. What? Of course you are.

Look what you're doing. You dipshit. This is part of my, like, it's like the eye roll at Christmas and holidays. It's because we do, like, we do stupid shit like that. And then we wonder why things happen. Right. Of course. Yeah, there's more ladder accidents.

Yeah. Well, we're drunk on spiked eggnogs. Oh, there's more ladder accidents. Yeah. Well, we're drunk on spiked eggnogs. That's part of it. That sounds good. Another interesting thing to note is contrary to popular belief, Xmas is not a trendy attempt to take Christ out of Christmas. Christianity was actually spelled Xianity as far back as 1100. So X or chi is the Greek first letter for Christ. So X.

Oh. Yeah, that's how they said it. And Constantine or Constantine the Great often referenced the shorthand version. And it's actually funny. In 1021, they abbreviated X-P-M-S. X-P, capital X-P, and then M-S. And then they shortened it to X-M-S. X, okay.

I thought that was weird. I got some quick random ones for you. For whatever reason, I always thought it was maybe like it started as a cross, like a Christianity cross. Tilted. And then over time, like people just got lazy. It just turned into an exodus. Actually, it was like a symbol of a pea and a kitty butthole. Nice.

Christian one, yeah. Nice. Let's see. I've got a couple more things. Santa Claus, the version of Santa that we recognize is actually kind of new. We got him from an advertising campaign from the Coca-Cola company in 1931. That's one of my favorite facts. I love it too.

It's so American. What's funny is how creepy... Coca-Cola's like, this is what we're going to do now. Santa was creepy as fuck before that. I saw some pictures and it kind of has a Krampus vibe to him. Nice. It's like, I guess that made it a little bit more friendly to the chitrons. But Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was also a marketing ploy to sell more shit.

In 1939, the story was concocted by a copy clerk at Montgomery Ward, and it went on to sell 2.4 million copies in that year. And then the song by Gene Autry came 10 years later, and the cartoon that's been pushing pro-reindeer propaganda down our throats since we were kids was made in 1964. So that's kind of strange, But here's a fun one. Reindeer propaganda. I'm happy to help. Another interesting tidbit is that Santa's reindeer haven't always been named Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. Yeah. They were actually, they've been called a ton of names, including Flossy, Glossy, Racer, Pacer, Scratcherer feckless is my favorite

ready steady robocop fireball and steve by the way feckless means lacking character and irresponsible

that's a rude name for a reindeer and there's always gotta be one that's fucking off I just love like the you know flossy and glossy

and bossy and scratchy and feckless words are even words dossy and Glossie and Bossie and Tossie. It's like words are even words. Dossie and Scotchie and Mossie and Steve and Zossie. But do you recall? Something with their name. Well.

Rudolph the feckless. Feckless. The red-nosed reindeer. Actually, it was almost Reginald. It was almost Reggie the red-nosed reindeer. I like that more. Reginald. I think Reggie would Reginald. It was almost Reggie the red-nosed reindeer. I like that more. Reginald. I think Reggie would have been better.

It's a little classier. Reggie the red-nosed reindeer. Why not? So a couple more things, and then we'll get on to the show. Another weird thing is that. This is the show, Zach. Well, you know what I mean. The show that people like.

Nice. Jingle Bells was actually meant to be a song for Thanksgiving. Cool. James Lord Pierpont wrote the song called One Horse Open Slave for His Church for his Thanksgiving concert in the mid-19th century. Then they remixed that shit in 1857 and it was re-released under the title We All Know and Love. And, of course, it's one of the most popular songs of all time. More importantly, Jingle Bells, nine days after Christmas in 1965, astronauts Wally, Shira, and Tom Stafford aboard the Gemini 6 told Mission Control they saw an unidentified flying object about to enter Earth's atmosphere traveling in the polar orbit from north to south. Just as things got tense, they interrupted the broadcast with Jingle Bells.

And as Wally played a small harmonica accompanied by tom shaking a handful of small sleigh bells it was the first song in space unless you're talking about jizz which is space jazz and star wars but other than that so that's funny and it's uh last couple things speaking of or played christmas music silent night has been recorded 733 times Or 733 versions since 1978. I was going to say. Yeah. Which is crazy. Now, last one.

Okay. Quick note on mistletoe, which is kind of a pagan thing in the first place. And it's an aphrodisiac for all the orgies that Christmas used to be. I'll show you pagan. Yeah. But the Germanic word for mistletoe literally means dung on a twig. It means shit stick. So that's fun.

It's very romantic. Hey, shit stick. So that's fun. That's very romantic. Hey, shit stick. It's because birds shit their seeds out to help germinate the species. So very romantic. So happy Chris Kwanzaa Day. Hey, babe.

Oh, look who's standing under the shit stick. Look at me under the shit stick. Look at Vanessa. Oh, look at you under your little shit stick. And you're literally holding up like a twig with poop on it.

I think you should. Oh, you're going to kiss me on the shit stick. It's that guy at the party that's got the mistletoe poking out of his jeans, walking around. Hey. Looks like you got your fucking camel toes under the mistletoe. Have you seen my guacamole bowl? I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up.

Alana wants her guacamole bowl back. Can we do an episode of Lap Time that's talking about your wife's lifestyle? No. Yes, we can. Yeah, we we've done that we should bring her in like bring her in and like and kind of explain that whole thing oh yeah she loves doing that i would come in and explain what's wrong with her yeah i don't know she knows because there ain't shit wrong with her it'd be fascinating just to hear you know like just that it's a whole nother world That is cool.

She really is well-versed in it, too. It's fun to listen to her talk about it. Well, talk to her about it. See if she's interested about that. Maybe something in the new year. Well, you can check out AmaraBee.com and read all of her blogs. And she's got a podcast coming out here soon in the new year. So that'll be fun if you want to learn about all that stuff.

Or you can just bring her on the show. Bring her on. We can do that. And then she can promote her show. Right? See? I like how you guys work. You capitalist pig dogs. Capitalist pig everyone get up get off zacky's

lap oh there it is what's that pokey thing in my leg that's a mistletoe apparently shit sticks all right let's hear some good news okay let's do some good news hey zach will you do it no hold on please oh i thought we were doing what are we doing next wait why'd you skip ahead cut himself off oh you did i did you're trying to switch to this camera we're not giving the camera are we doing hey we're not hey we're doomed we're not doing no we're not doing okay are you ready yes you know the thing that's next so you're telling me there's a chance Hooray, we aren't doomed Yeah Who doesn't like turtles?

I think there's anybody out there that's like, I fucking hate them Yeah I mean, if they're ninja turtles, then they're the best ever Good for nothing Shredder doesn't like turtles No, he does not You know what I mean? Toodles

Have you guys ever heard of Jonathan the tortoise? He's the world's oldest living land animal and he just celebrated his 191st birthday how do they know who's who who told you yeah how do you guys fucking know about it you turtle god but john jonathan's estimated 1832 birth year whoa predates the invention of the postal stamp the telephone and the photograph and the civil war, the telephone, and the photograph. And the Civil War. And jogging.

Poor Jonathan. Think about his birthday parties. I mean, how many new... He's probably had like four birthday parties where he knows nobody. All his friends are gone. No one can make it. He's like, where's Bill?

Oh, Bill died 45 years ago. bill died a half a century ago bill's been dead for 120 years jonathan bill died right around when lincoln died he was eaten by a pterodactyl picture him walking he gets fed up he goes i'm out of here trying to walk off slow and they're just like everyone's has to like they're sad and they're like i guess party's over and you're like like do i walk in front of him and just get the fuck out of here or do i wait for him but that's i love the just cute old animal i guess that's a lot happy birthday years happy birthday jon. Didn't know you existed until just now, but he was born less than just over 50 years after the United States became a country. Yeah, he's been doing tortoise stuff for so long, and that's so fun. I think I probably brought this up. My first, like, super cool encounter with tortoises, with turtles, was I was down in Cabo.

I forget what month that was now. But they just, it was like their breeding season. You'd go out there at night in the moon. Fuck them. Yeah, and you'd fucking jump on them and smash them into the ground. And it was so funny. Just cave their heads in. Just Super Mario them.

Yeah. And be like, boop, and shoot them out of their shell. Like, there's no coin in there. Boo, rip off, throw them into the rocks. Yeah. And they're fucking, they're huge. And they wouldn't be there. They'd just wave and wave.

It'd be like endless waves. And all of a sudden, one wave would come in. And then out of it would be this giant turtle. And they'd just swim their way up the shore and then burrow in, lay their eggs, and swim their ass out. It would happen all night. What's crazy is when those eggs hatch and the turtles actually try to get to the, it's like a race to get to the water. Birds are trying to kill them. Before they, like, they start out with, like, it's like fucking squid game.

Yeah, it is. Totally. It's so sad, too. I know. Well, they have people. There's locals. It's a whole festival. When they start hatching, locals show up, and they fight off the birds so that the turtles can get to the ocean.

That's pretty sweet. They'll protect them and have nets and try to cover them up as they make their way down. They all have baseball bats. Just fucking taking out seagulls. Fuck birds. Yay, turtles. Where's that one place? Is it in Iceland where they have the whale

beating? No, the whale beating, yeah. And the cruise liner showed up on the beating day. It was just red. What? Yeah. And it was full of... Which is blood. Of PETA, like, execs were on the cruise ship and didn't know what was going on and they show up to this Icelandic village and they're doing like their

whale beating ceremony. Whale slaughters. This universe loves irony so much and so the whole bay was just red just blood i mean they don't do it for fun they do it for you know it's a whole thing for their you know it's sustainable they do in a sustainable way so i mean i guess you can't be that man yeah it's not poaching yeah all right let's take a look at something i was able to find on the internet this week that i think is pretty cool. And happy birthday, Jonathan. I don't want to have that get lost in our turtle beating fantasies. Hopefully he lives, he's still alive when this episode comes out.

Here's to another 400 years, Jonathan. You got it, buddy. Keep strong. Zach! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out

together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! I thought so! Hey Brian, you ever gone out to eat and you'd be like oh my god, this is so good. Wish I knew how to make it at home. All the time. Zach? I'm never gonna make it, but yeah. Yeah, definitely. Okay, well here's a website

for you. It is called Copycat, but it's cat with a K. Kind of like stat test. But copycat.com and you can go here and type in any recipe from any restaurant and it tells you how to make it at home.

Big Mac? I made the Big Mac sauce. That's just good. Olive Gordon chicken marsala. So right here I'm looking at the Copycat McDonald's Big Mac. It tells you how to make it at home. Big Mac. I made the Big Mac sauce. That's just good. Olive Gordon chicken marsala. So right here, I'm looking at the Copycat McDonald's Big Mac. It tells you, as you look at it, you want to save it. You can send it off. It tells you what you need, why you should try this recipe. But here's all the stuff. And then as you move forward, obviously, like a recipe would, it just walks you through

all the things you're going to have to do in order to make your own Big Mac at home. That seems like a lot of steps. I've seen a kitchen McDonald's. It doesn't look like they're doing that many steps. Well, because they have a lot of the sauces and stuff. Oh, you're just joking around. You look it up and it's like, step one, go to McDonald's. You're like, nah.

Step two, order the Big Mac. Order the Big Mac. Step three, enjoy. Open it up in your car. Two, cry. Or four, Enjoy. Open it up in your car. Two. Cry. Four. Cry. Five. Enjoy. I feel like four and five should be... McDonald's Oreo McFlurry.

Five ways to make the... It's just... The last two are just about eating it. Five ways to cry in your car at McDonald's. You're like, this is a weird recipe. Read your 23andMe. Go get a Big Mac. Cry in your car.

You're like, what are some other ways to cry in my car at McDonald's? I hate it all. I'm super sad. I'm sad as fuck. But anyway. That's cool. I'm going to go check that out. Yeah.

Copy cat. Again, that's cat with a K. I'm going to tell my wife to make something. Make something I like for once. For once, woman. Please. Now we have an epic tale for Hey Guys this week. Make something I like for once. For once, woman. Please. Now, we have an epic tale for Hey Guys this week.

An epic tale. Epic tale. Ready? Ups and downs and ins and outs and lefts and rights. It's going to take a bit, so we've got to save some time. Wait, didn't we already get to Hey Look What I Found? No, we're doing Hey Guys. Oh, fucking I'm the worst today.

What is happening back there? Oh, no. On your mark. We're waiting for you. Tell us when you're ready. Nice. And go, guys. All right.

Let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow. That's cool. I immediately regret the decision of like, hey, let's get a camera for Zach. It's his Fred Durst hair that's throwing me off. Let's make him more a part of the show. He's doing so well we should do

something really nice for him yeah i'm killing it how can we get him less in the show five more years on no camera for zach okay we're only doing one email this week and it's coming in from our drunk ass son kyle yeah does that sound familiar yes it does it's because we just heard from him last week but that is not a good reason to not hear from him and one of the most epic drunk tales i have ever heard personally that's a high bar i think yes you guys have been you know some of you have been listening to me for fucking almost probably over a decade and i've shared a lot of dumb shit that i've done this one's that high are you ready yes it's all about telling a good story oh man just imagine ready buckle up hey daddies and uncle zach hey it's your mini golf hole

go-kart track drywall son again i'm here in south carolina sitting chair typing story i have another drunk tale for you but this one is a bit more intense than the last one, so here we go. A few years back, I was on the road with my construction carny crew. We're in Fredericksburg, Virginia, building one of the biggest elevated go-kart tracks in the country. Anyways, this was a long job, between six to ten months long. So instead of getting hotel rooms, we were blessed with a big old house for the duration of the job. Living house, building cart. Living life.

Building track. Everyone had their own room, and it was right on some pretty lake. This is so completely opposite from the last story. Just wait. Well, let me tell you. So far. Oh, my God. Let me tell you about being on the road for months at a time with grown-ass men all the fucking time.

You see them at work, then at home, then at work again. You just don't get a break. So after months of tension and one too many nights of alcohol, me and one of my co-workers named Joe. Nice. Got into a fist fight. Let's call him Joe. Got into a fist fight in the middle of the night, arguing about something stupid, of course. That's not the shitty part, though.

No, it's not. The shitty part is that I grabbed my car keys and peeled out of the driveway completely smashed after a little skirmish. Skirmish. And I don't remember any of this. That's great. So I make it about 30 miles away from the house, end up losing control of my car

out in some country back road out in bumfuck nowhere. I didn't hit anyone else, thank Jesus, but I did happen to run into a wooden telephone pole that I snapped completely in half and it fell into the road, blocking both directions in traffic. I was asleep in my crunched 2012 Honda Civic as a few cars pulled up to the crash. When I came to, I have an off-duty firefighter asking me if I'm all right and if I've been drinking, all that stuff. I tell him I'm okay, I have an off-duty firefighter asking me if I'm all right. And if I've been drinking, all that stuff.

I tell him I'm okay. Just my head hurts from the airbag deploying. But every time he asked me if I've been drinking, I just sit there silent and won't answer. Well, if I say anything, he won't even know. He just won't shut up. Like, oh, it's crazy, man. Have you been drinking? Just straight face.

Just totally. You pretend to go to sleep again? Sir. Sir. Sir. And you're like, please go away. If I can't see him, he can't see me. He's not T-Rex. If I can't see him, he can't see me.

So after a few minutes, he helped me out of the car. But by now, there's probably 20 cars in line trying to get past this telephone pole in the middle of the road. So we're all just sitting there basically waiting for the police to show up. So what does my drunk ass do the second I see police lights in the distance? I looked both ways to check if the coast was clear and hopped a little cattle fence that's next to the road and took off running into some cow field. Did I forget to mention I don't have any shoes on, my wallet or my phone on me, and I'm 2,800 miles away from home and I'm in a state that I've never been to?

During my jog, I see a giant metal barn, so I run to see if I can hide in there. To my delight, it's full of sleeping cows. So I make myself at home while I watch the police flashlights look for me in the distance, hoping these cows don't give my position away by mooing or something. The cops only looked for me for about 15 minutes, never came near the barn and gave up.

So after I see the cop lights vanished into the distance, I start to creep back towards the road. I see my totaled car getting put into the back of a tow truck and drive away. But now I have to wait for the power line guys to fix the pole before I can take the road back to the house. So I decided to sit in a bushy patch a little bit down the road and wait for them to take off. While I'm waiting, of course, it starts raining and I can do nothing but sit there. At least an hour or two later, all the repairmen have left. So I start walking the long 30 plus miles back to the house in the rain. Again, no shoes on.

30 miles? Only about two to three miles in, a car drives down and asks if I'm okay. Is it a normal pedestrian? Is it a cop? No. It's one of the linemen that just fixed the pole I destroyed. So he's like, what the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night with no shoes in the woods? I said that my girlfriend and I got into a fight and And she kicked me out of the car on the way home.

And I just needed a ride. I don't know if he believed me. But I didn't care. He said he couldn't take me all the way home by the lake. But he'd take me to the next gas station. So he dropped me off. It's completely dark out. And the gas station is closed.

I just want to die and go to sleep. So I notice there's a local mechanic shop across the street. With a bunch of semi-trucks out front. I check a few doors until one opens. I crawl inside and there's actually a mattress in the sleeping cabin. I end up sleeping a few hours, then wake up and the entire semi-truck floor covered in throw up. So I jumped out as quick as I could and got the fuck out of there before anyone comes in. I went back to the gas station, walked in, grabbed the biggest water bottle they had,

cracked it open and chugged the entire thing on the spot, then walked out because I forgot I had no money. Luckily, it was super early and the store clerk wasn't even watching the store. Must have been in the back or something. So he didn't even notice. Next, I go out and sit on a bench in front of the store and ask people if they can give me a ride home. Remember, I'm fucked up, have no shoes or phone, and have no idea where I am in the middle of the country.

This hot blonde chick I asked said no. The old white guy in a suit said no. But the Mexican dude on his way to work gave me a ride home. Yeah! Gracias, mi amigo. When I got to the house, I walk in. My boss gave me a hug and asked if I'm all right. Then asked where my car is.

He's the coolest boss ever. It's pretty good. Then asked me where my car was. I told him, the coolest boss ever. I swear to God. Then asked me where my car was. I told him, I don't know. Then explained my night to him. The ice on the cake was later that day. My entire right ass cheek and half my back felt like it was on fire. Come to find out that the bush that I decided to sit down in was poison. I'm not proud of anything I did in this story, but it's what happened.

I didn't get any warrants or anything like that. Just a bill for $12,000 for my Honda that I was still making payments for. And $3,600 for the electrical pole I destroyed. The pole was only $500. The other $3,000 was the overtime labor the Powerline guys had to do. Honestly, fight or flight is a powerful thing, and I chose flight on this night. Sorry for the length of this story. You might want Joe to read it.

Seriously, though, the three of you guys make my long work week bearable, and I'm forever in your debt. Your dumbass son, Kyle LaMesa. P.S. You can use my name. I've already checked with the state of Virginia. I'm not on a wanted list or anything. That's incredible. What? Just from cows to poison ivy to wrapping around a pole.

That's a little short story. That's a movie right there. That's wild stuff. It's in my head, a movie. It really is. No, like you could draw that story out, like all the things that happened along the way, a full length feature. Yeah.

Anyway, I mean. Well done. And I'm glad that, again, I wrote back and I was like, glad you're okay. Also, thank God you didn't fucking kill somebody. Yeah. Because that would have been a terrible story. Yeah. And he goes back to the crash scene after sleeping with the cows.

And he goes back and he goes, turns out I killed a family. So I laid down in the poison ivy. You're like, Kyle, this story's not funny. Yeah, it got real dark. This is not funny anymore. It's weird what alcohol will do, where you're just like it your ambition or whatever they go away Where you're like I can run away and hide in a barn and it'll all go away. It's just gonna be fine Yeah, I'll get back to work tomorrow and be fine. I love his choice of words with like to my delight

It's a bunch of sleeping cows. Mm-hmm. I hear so drunk. You're like, yeah, yeah Exactly what I wanted. And they start moving. It's like, shh. Shh. You're going to tell my man. You're going to tell him. You're going to know him here. You do that again, I'm going to wrap you around a pole. I love it when the cops are like, oh, he might be in that barn. Nah. Nah.

Too far. Why would he go to that barn? We'll turn around. Why would anyone go to that barn? It's full of sleeping cows. Okay. Let's move forward. We've got to get after the bonus stuff.

Yeah. Good stuff. That was episode 79. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Sign up, support us, be a part of the gaggle at patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. You'll find all of our merch at canyoudontpodcast.com. And if there's something you want to see on the show, you can send that in to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com.

Check out everything Uncle Zach does. Cool. Yay. Uncle Zach. That's scatCast. Scat Cards. Scat Cards. Did you buy ScatCards.com too?

No, but you can get Scat Cards if you want. So ScatCast. And we've had a lot of people writing in saying that just hearing about it here on Can You Don't. They're checking it out and they love your universe, my man. Yay. So hopefully you're picking up some listeners that way. That's awesome. Thank you guys. Yeah, of course. And then thanks hopefully you're picking up some listeners that way. That's awesome. Thank you, guys.

Yeah, of course. And then thanks to the babysitters that run our Facebook page. Seriously, you guys save us a ton of time. So if you're out there being a moderator for the Facebook page, we appreciate you. Ready for a joke? I am. Are you? Yeah.

Okay, you promise? Better get it quick. Okay, let's do it. Chuck out! Good God. Wrap it up already Keep in with the holiday theme Oh we going

I just took my hat off I just got a haircut You got short hair It's gone I like it What do you call a snowman With a six pack I think I actually know what this is call a snowman with a six-pack?

You know what it is, huh? I think I actually know what this is. The abdominal snowman? It's got to be, yeah. Because I was thinking abdominal, abdominal. It's always a weird word to say anyway, but yeah. Abdominal snowman. Yes, it is. I don't know.

I've never heard that one. Oh, you haven't? I don't know if I have either, but it made sense. Made sense. I know. I had to say the punchline. It's like abdomen. The abdomen.

You were getting it. I was like, oh, I know. Oh, to say the punchline. It's like abdomen. The abdomen. You were getting it. I'm like, oh, I know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You did it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the timing of it. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? The Adabital Snowman.

Because you don't want the other guy to answer it. No. A setup joke is like you're supposed to give the punchline. It's the person who answers it. It's not funny. No, just that you're the worst. You're like, what do you call a snowman? He's like, Donald Snowman.

Yeah. Well, see you guys next week. That's what they call it. Guess that's it. Okay, if you support us on Patreon, the show keeps going. To get access to that, again, just sign up at patreon.com slash canyounowpodcast. If you're not doing that right now, we'll see you guys next week. But yeah, episode 80 next week.

Fuck yeah, dude. That's crazy. All right, bye! next week fuck yeah dude that's crazy all right bye