Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Horrible. Slap. Sucking Gas. Hanky-panky.

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

How much do you love fruit? What if fruit could talk and tell you cool little secrets? Would you spend the next year of your life listening to random fruit in hopes that you get some life changing secrets? Let's talk about that, vibrating to the winner's circle, using geometry that involves your dong to win the Olympics, smoking a cigarette while sucking gas out of a muffin mobile, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/vMYNayMMazgSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Horrible. Slap. Sucking gas. Hanky Panky. You're excited. Check out these nipples. Do those things key cards? I mean, that's crazy. It kind of looks like... You look ripped right now.

Thanks, dude. G.I. Joe! I look like a flabby piece of shit. Porkchop sandwiches! You look ripped. Well, thank you, but I'm not. You guys remember those old G joe commercials and then someone went back and overdub stuff on them pork chop sandwiches oh no nothing i think so i remember watching them on ebombs world oh yeah

remember that one yeah uh anyway grabbing your knee what's going on over there right before we started you're stretching your knee out. My whole body fucking hurts. What'd you do? Nothing. I don't know what it is. I don't know. Oh!

See it right there? It's the tendon right here that runs through here. That spot. Oh, my God. If you only knew. Oh, like I barely even touch it. It just shoots pain. One of the best parts about getting old

Like you guys ever sneeze and throw your back out Yeah That's where you know it's a downhill I didn't sneeze though I'm just living I know Like you flip a hamburger and throw your back out That's living baby

It's just your life now It sucks Yeah Fuck yeah I probably just need to lose some weight It'll help it will just don't lose too much weight then that's gonna be a problem too i think one of the keys one of the keys to getting older is staying flexible you want to stay dexterous

yeah i remember being a little kid it's funny you bring that up and i uh my dad had a friend that was in town so he was staying over and i walked out he's just stretching and i was just stretching. And I was just sitting next to him. He goes, you don't have to stretch. He goes, don't take it for granted. He bends down and gets the hammies nice and warm. One day you'll wish you stretched.

One day you'll wish you were limber. Episode 113! We ready to get rolling? 113's such a lame number. There's nothing cool there. But if you want the bonus content That's how you get it Is you sign up on Patreon You'll find a link to the episode description

Welcome to all the new silly goose geese Whatever it is Pick your favorite tier But again that's patreon.com That was a goose on a death bed You also get some exclusive merch We got some new merch We can't show you right now and you don't podcast. That was a goose on a deathbed right there. You also get some exclusive merch. We got some new merch we can't show you right now,

but on top of the massive merch drop we had just a couple weeks ago, we do have a John the Coroner t-shirt coming your way. Or it should be out right now. Can I get a little taste of John? We didn't have... It's not finalized yet. Or is that too early? Not finalized. No, no, no, just of him.

What he's all about. Getting character? Yeah. I don't know if I can pull it off. It's not finalized yet No no no Just of him What he's all about Getting character? Yeah I don't know if I can pull it out It's too early I'll try to weave some John in Okay If the timing's right

Alright If you want to send something Into the show The email is Heyguys At canyoudontpodcast.com Be sure to check out Scatcast

What the fuck was that? The turkey? Finally brought in These card boxes The the Can You Don't Scat Cast Crossover. We have them right here. I mean, I'm opening mine. There's way too much to open in there for one show. Well, we can... What about one, just one...

One something. Oh, man, you're right. There's packs after packs after packs. Guys, look. This is crazy. I can't really show off because they all look the same. But there's a million cards in here. Is there really

one million cards? One million ants. And we're thinking about a birdhouse card. Hot air balloon. I know. Zach Flannery. And a couple of gooses. Geeses. That's one of my favorites. Look at their little mini cards.

I know. We'll make a little video of us opening these boxes off air, but thank you, Zach. My pleasure. That's awesome. Those are our T206 tobacco-sized cards. Oh. Look how cute they are. Look at them.

They're totes babes. Those guys would fit right in a Cracker Jack box. Oh, yeah. That is so pretty. Is that a bloody... Focus, you fucking camera. I don't want to. Is that a blood-covered birdhouse I see?

It might be blood. It might be jizz. It might be cone-covered. It might be a doctor visit. Whoops. Yeah. If you're bleeding out of your jizz, or in your jizz, whatever. You know what I'm trying to say.

Whatever my dad used to say. If you're bleeding while you're jizzing, then you're having good time well thank you to everybody that purchased his dad always said yeah we had a blast making those for everybody so yeah no we appreciate it and uh yeah we're coming up the little thing uh maybe a way to give away one of these packs yes we still have a couple left that we'd love to give okay awesome awesome give it away give it away now and then also zach we're doing lap time today do you have a little preview? We're doing Olympic stuff. Olympic stuff. Tis the season. There's some crazy shit that they used to do in the Olympics.

We're going to talk about it. Can't wait to hear it. We got a quick little email. We got a quick little email from our son, Corey. Brian, you have to read this one. Oh, I do. Okay. If I can do this. I've been coughing a lot today. Hey, Grundle twins. I just finished listening to the episode about

Secret Gnome Society And it returned a lost memory to me He did this on purpose There's no fucking period Our thing back in the day was to take people's garden gnomes And go to the bar with them Take a bunch of pictures with the gnome Out partying all night

And return the gnome with the pictures with the gnome out partying all night and return the gnome with the picture, uh, return the gnome with the pictures. That is funny. It's amazing how fast a garden gnome can become the life of a party. I've removed all punctuation. I fucking got it. And hope that Brian will struggle to read this, you piece of shit. Brilliant. Thanks, Corey, you fucking asshole. Brilliant.

What, I mean, also a really funny idea. That's a lovely, yes, I love it. I mean, this story has to come from, like, was it back in the day we had to go get your photos developed? Yeah. Like, head by, what was your local spot? We had a place called F-Stop. You go drop off your film roll. We did it at, I think it was Walmart.

Walgreens, yeah. Or Walgreens. Yeah, I think Walmart is where we did it. You guys had actual buildings? Yeah, it was all just independent companies. 24-hour photo back in the day. Walmart owned everything. Once they started doing the 24, that was crazy.

Whoa. You're telling me if I come back in 24 hours, I'm going to have all the known pictures? Yep, you betcha. Fuck yeah. Yeah, dude. I'll see it tomorrow at 2.30, 6. The disposable camera? Yeah, dude, I'll fuck. See them all at 236. The disposable camera? Yeah, dude, it's so easy.

I have one in one of my drawers. I don't even know what's on it. I'm scared to get it developed. No. What the fuck's on it? Look at that, you don't tell anybody, you still go do it. Yeah, but someone's looking at them. I mean, remember that?

You think that's the worst they've seen? Well, the judgment, though. The judgment. Oh, no, you guys got to get over the judgment. I mean remember that I think that's the worst they've seen Well I'm sure The judgment though Oh no you guys gotta get over the judgment The uh I mean it's all Do they still develop film Someone has to Yeah it's gotta still be out there

Is it some guy that's like 70 Cause then I would do it If it's some kid that's got a cell phone With him snapping pics of it Well that's okay I don't it. It's like if it's some kid that's got a cell phone with him, snapping pics of it. Well, that's okay. I don't even know what's on there. Then you have a lawsuit. Dude, this is the tale of the disposable camera.

Maybe I'll finish out the roll if there's any on it, and then maybe I'll just develop myself. Oh, yeah? I did that back in college. You go in the dark room, and not like a darkroom with the red light pitch-black And you have to learn how to feel yeah, you do all by feel mm-hmm Take it out and put it in a little case and you just happen to have a darkroom with like the the film Juice what is it called? Well? No you see don't need that in the bucket. You don't need that yet That's just dude. I'm talking about just getting the film out of the camera. Oh, just looking at it

No, no, no, I'm talking about getting the film out of the camera. Oh, just looking at it. No, no, no. I'm talking about getting the film out of the camera to put it in the little black cup. Oh, that's the scary part? Yeah, because you do it with no light. Yeah, but then... And then you go into a dark room,

and then you develop in there. You have the red light in there. And then the hookers, because it's a red light district. But yeah, the part where it's just pitch black. You can't even see the hand in front of your face. I know. Speaking of hookers. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Mickey Mouse gets up here. Pops out. What are we looking for today, John? Please don't tell the cops. I won't. Because you're a legend. Now get out of here.

Sure do appreciate it. Thanks, John. Don't kill me. Don't turn me in. He's begging for his life. Should we turn him in? Okay. Right after we get ice cream.

Should we tell Minnie that Mickey's been sleeping around? Been sleeping around? Press A for yes. B for ice cream. Should we tell Minnie that Mickey's been sleeping around? Been sleeping around? Press A for yes. B for ice cream. Okay. Rocky Road it is. Have a good day, Mickey. Oh, boy.

Ice cream. I did cough. Alright, we got a goofy starting question. Let's roll. Yeah! Hey, shut up. It's not the show already. Not a high amount of money, but it seems about right for this.

Okay. Because it's going to be a gamble. And I mean, honestly, a pain in the ass. Would you rather be given $250,000 right now? Okay. You're like, I want it. I'm like, here you go. In a briefcase that you just handed to me?

Yeah. Got to have some smaller bills. Some smaller bills. Like you've always dreamt of opening a briefcase full of money. So your request is like, can you put a couple of ones and tens in there just to make sure it looks full? And put the 20s on top, please. It's like 50 bucks. Can you break this 50?

All right. So $250,000. Sorry, we don't accept cash. Or every day for the next year, a piece of fruit will whisper a helpful secret in your ear. It's a different fruit every day. And you don't know which type of fruit is holding the secret. I think the most important word in that is a helpful secret Yeah Not just a secret

Not just like Your mom's cheated on your dad That's not helpful Someone spiked your coffee Yeah And you're like, thank you Might be a stock tip or something Yeah, thanks banana

Exactly, so a helpful secret So defining the word helpful Because it could be i'm just picturing oh man this is a good would you rather like talking to fruit just in general there's no way to sanely listen to a fruit i ain't listening to no kumquat especially in public yeah i mean anywhere because if it's not at home you got've got to go in public to the grocery store, right? And I'd like to think you have to hear the secret. You can't just wake up on a Tuesday and be like, I don't have time for bananas.

Like, I'm not doing this today. Like, you have to get this secret. And is it localized fruit? Or are you on Amazon shipping in some tasty delight from india dude that's so much fruit to go through i know i mean you just have to listen to him you can line them up and then just go just run down the line with your ear no but i picture someone like going to uh go to your grocery store hey brian hey doug and you just over to the produce section and start listening to grapes. And they're just used to it.

Yeah, they're like, I don't know. He said he has to do it for a year. I haven't asked any questions. Imagine having to crawl up, you know, like into the pile of like apples. The back rack. And I think you find like an orange, right? And all the oranges that day are telling you a secret. Right?

Like it's just that type of fruit. So if you grab an orange and you hold it up, all the oranges that day are telling you a secret. Right? Like, it's just that type of fruit. So if you grab an orange and you hold it up, all the oranges have the secret and they're going to tell you. You don't have to go through every orange. No way. Okay. There's no way. It just has to be that type of fruit.

So it's either going to be a banana with the secret, the orange with the secret, the grapes with the secret. Because they're all talking. Yeah. They're all sharing the secret together. Gossiping. Gossiping around the produce. What's the produce gossip. Yeah. They're all sharing the secret together. Gossiping around the produce. What's the produce gossip today?

Yeah. It could be a stock thing. You could, like, you're not ready for it. Like, you're kind of out of it and you pick up a fucking starfruit or a pineapple. It's like, the winning lottery numbers are 5, 6, 12, 20. Shit. Oh, fuck. And it doesn't talk anymore? Yeah, it says it one time.

So now you're in there fucking choking a pineapple? Tell me your secrets! Say it again! Hey, Brian, we talked about this. We talked about this. You can't yell at the fruit. I'll let you listen to the fruit. You can listen to the fruit all you want.

All you want. No harm, no foul. You start choking my pineapples, it's going to be a fucking problem. How many pineapples did Brian choke? No, but yeah, you have to just move around the produce section and find the secret. It could be huge.

You know how some people, they go around and they're squeezing a melon, putting it back. Not what I need. But you're like, oh, look at that guy over there checking all the fruit. And you're like, God! Sitting in, bitch! What was after

the number 12? Dude, that guy is very specific about his fruit. 12! 5! Fucking what? What? You're squeezing it so hard. I can't say it again. Yeah, the gurgling sound. Say it, pineapple! Come back tomorrow. Your hands say it pineapple come back tomorrow your hands are bleeding come just

come back tomorrow come back tomorrow maybe you'll get another secret i god that's funny okay so but he says it that doesn't mean you have to go use the secret that's just the secret it's just the secret you have to figure out what to do with it so it's a lot of work yeah but the payoff could be huge or quarter million dollars and not have to worry about listening to fruit like you could be making billions off these fruit secrets like the lottery numbers or something secret recipes who won the super bowl just capitalizing off the fact that you can talk to fruit that's a tv show or something yeah movie series and like trying to not look crazy Like you're Like you're You're walking around

You pick up a banana And you're like Ah Doing a little stretch Just hold it up to your ear And you're like Nothing Walk over to the keys

I think you would do that In the beginning Yeah Cause you're just trying to play it cool Yeah After like Three weeks in Yeah

You're like a month in Sick of this shit Yeah I mean that's What haven't I listened to You just have like a little check box. You pick it up. Nope.

Plum. Those pomegranates are full of shit. Yeah. Cross off plum. Move on to the next one. So is it localized? I think that was the only fair way to do it. If you have to order all the fruit from the world and put it to your ear, the rest of

your day can continue. Let's say it's in with like a five mile rain that's even that's big because that's your whole day five miles if you're if you live in a city five miles is a lot of fruit or same if you live like well if you live in an apple orchard they're all talking to each other yeah yeah that'd be that'd be a lucky day if the apple had the secret imagine you start there and you pick it up it's like hey brian you're like don't care just had to hear your voice like continue my life and what he was gonna say was it's gonna change your fucking life your wife's cheating on you if you fucking walk over and pick up a peach and it's like there is no god yeah like jesus peach yeah

have a good day thanks peach poop the secret to the universe says don't care don't care next heard it won't help is it and yeah and you can't ask for all the the stuff up front you got to come back every day yep every day one year though so it's gonna be a could could be i'm gonna listen to some fruit 250 000 will that that will change your life but you're not you're not retiring no so it's a good chunk of money yeah but you could buy so much fruit with that you could um yeah i mean even just trying to sneak in some listens like at a at breakfast you're out to brunch you're like oh yeah it's so funny lay your head down on your fruit bowl they're all talking over each other at least then you'll never be lonely yeah i mean

fruit secrets is a lonely that might That might seem even lonelier. Talk to me, fruit. Passion fruits loves me. It's like you go insane and all you're talking to is fruit. You're basically every homeless guy in Spokane. Yeah. What's the difference between that and cats? Come on.

It's not that much. Not much. Cats don't have secrets. Cats just hate. Yeah, I mean, I'd rather have the fruit with a secret. At least I'm getting something out of it. And you stab a strawberry out to eat, and you're like, that's so funny. And you pretend to hold your arm and your fork with your strawberry on top up to your ear.

And it's just like, your fly's down. And you're like, just put the strawberry down and zip your fly up. That's crazy. So then what'd she say next at work? What if you just kind of forget and you're just like, you go to grab an apple, you take a bite and it's like, the lottery winners are off!

And you essentially... No, say it! I'm so sorry! You're spitting it out and it's like... Do you eat the fruit after it gives you a tip? Yeah, I think so. That's weird, too. It's like...

The bigger the tip, the bigger the bite, is what my daddy used to always say. That is funny in itself, too, where it's like, they give you this thing, and you're just like, thanks, orange, or whatever, and you just peel it off. Peel the skin off? Throwing it in the trash? Can't wait to win $280 million

tomorrow. Thanks, orange. You're welcome! It's like a fortune cookie. Hope you enjoy it! You have to finish it to get the wish to come true. Oh, if that's the case, no fucking way. Just for the experience to say that fruit are talking to me, I'm going to pick that one. Because that's a unique human interaction that I can't pass on. Yeah.

Money's money. If it's localized to where it's reasonable, you're not spending all day. It tells you a secret, but it's in a different language. You're like, God damn it. Yeah. Google Translate. Yeah. Better be fucking quick on it. Can you repeat language. Like, god damn it. Yeah, Google Translate. Yeah, better be fucking quick on it. Can you repeat that again? Now you're holding a fruit up and your phone. Yeah.

It's like, fucking... Everyone's just, some old lady just buying lettuce looking at you. And you're just like, say it again. Beep beep. I'm sorry. I didn't get that. Yeah. Fuck. Come on, banana.

Say it again. Es Say it again Es muy importante Es muy importante Habla espanol I know banana Siri's like Sorry I didn't get that I didn't get that La biblioteca

Yeah Okay what are you picking Brian Money or fruit I'll probably do the fruit Just because there could be Something big Yeah it's like the chance of it. It's only for a year.

Is that what you said? Or forever? One year. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I don't, I'm at home all day, every day, either with my kids or by myself anyway. Well, now you're getting out because you have to go listen to fruit.

Yeah. So that's good for you. Get your steps in. Yeah. So it's a health benefit, really. All right, let's move off to what are you thinking about? Zach in. Yeah. So it's a health benefit, really. All right. Let's move off to what are you thinking about? Zach!

Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? Brian, go!

So, you know, I don't remember what it was. Quick, hit the light! A couple months ago. Do it now! Right there, by don't remember what it was. Quick, hit the light! A couple months ago. Do it now! Right there, by the door! Hit it! Ace Ventura, right? Quick, go!

Hit it! Yeah. He's crawling around on the floor. The light, Griswold! Whatever his fucking name was. Shall we go to jail? Yeah. Okay.

Let's not get on that. I love Ace Ventura. okay uh let's not get on that i love ace venture um soon a few weeks ago we were talking about whenever it was uh we're talking about like captures where you're like oh i gotta put a puzzle piece or the stairs or a motorcycle picture street lights yeah cool things like that how it's like just to get to a site sometimes you got to do that and then once you get through that you run into shit like this where so i'm looking for stories for the show okay click on a link yeah and it's a funny story the story is about a a naked dude that was uh carjacking people i get it so the for the people are seeing or are watching you can

see what this looks like disaster but this is fucking horrible so the first thing that popped up was the the cookies you know like so every site has to the cookie you get to reject it or accept it and if you reject it nothing happens so So, like, most of the sites don't have reject, though. So this one has only accept. So I was like, I don't want to do that. I don't want you to track everything I do. So I was trying to, like,

see if I could sneak past it. And then I get a thing. The mirror uses notifications to keep you updated. Would you keep me updated? No thanks. No thanks. But I can't click on that because I haven't accepted the cookies. And the screen's all dimmed. The screen's dimmed.

Yeah, the screen's dimmed. So I'm just trying to read this fucking article is all I'm trying to do. So I can't because that's right in the middle of the screen. And then I'm scrolling down and the fucking menu goes with it.

Yeah, there it is. It's a giant fucking menu. I can it. Yeah, there it is. It's a giant fucking menu. I can't see anything. With huge thumbnails. Huge thumbnails. It's covering the whole screen. And then off to the side, there are ads. Like, I can't see shit on this site.

This is fucking crazy. And then, as a side note, I was like, this is fucking horrible. And then I was like, oh, let's see what this menu is. I started looking at the stories. I'm like, look at this fucking site. So, girl two dies after dad left her locked in car during blistering triple

digit Arizona heat. That's one story. That's very uplifting. Moment Las Vegas man mows down ex-boss with SUV in act of vengeance before neighbor shoots him dead. Another high quality event. Another next one right next to it. Florida woman suffocates boyfriend in suitcase and records his cries for help while locked inside. Next to that, Texas man decapitated newlywed wife in cabin behind his parents' home and left her for dead in the shower.

Left her head in the shower. Left her head. Oh, yeah. Not left her for dead. Left her head in the shower. Oops. Forgot the head. He's like, you have so much blood in your hair.

Let's get that out. Squeezes the titties. He wants to keep their hair. Squeezes the shower titties and then washes her hair. Oh, yeah. Callback. Okay. Squeezes the shower titties and then washes her hair? Oh, yeah. Callback. Texas man stabs bystander, steals cars, runs over drivers in horror rampage during multi-car crash. So just a good, feel-good story.

How are we supposed to pick the best one? Yeah, and feel good about ourselves. Which one are we jerking off to? Yeah. Too many options. And I can't even click on them because I can't get to them. Look. I can't click.

I accept those cookies, baby. Uh-oh. Whoops. What just happened? I don't know. You're showing off your desktop now. Fuck. We have anything bad on there?

I don't know. Maybe. Before we get into that, can I ask why you're looking up the Green Lantern Oath? Oh. Someone sent an email and said that when I was going to recite the mail, the carrier,

the mailman site, that I started reciting. Mail what? When I was like, nor sleep or shine or whatever. Oh. It was a few episodes ago. Okay. And he was like a mailman credo or whatever? Yeah, yeah. And he was like. Mail person? I mailman credo or whatever? Yeah, yeah. And he was like. Mail person? I went to.

The guy said that I went to recite that, but I started reciting the Green Lantern Oath. So I had to look it up and I. Pretty much the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, so I was just trying to read a story about how a naked dude was hijacking cars and got punched and was crawling over people into the car. Look at this fucking guy.

Look at this fucking guy. I mean, does that look like... Oh, there he is. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what that guy was doing. Does that guy look like he'd be doing anything else? No.

He's mining for copper. Yeah. That's the one guy. Just he's mining for copper yeah that's that's the one guy just missing his mining for copper hat so i i just wanted i just wanted to read the story and this this is what popped up and i was like i have to leave this up and show somebody this like how do you i mean a poorly designed website sucks like it really does and when you're scouring the internet like we do you run into a lot of them and i don't know how many good stories i've missed by just being like fuck this shit that's i was that's that the feeling the original feeling that i had was like

i want to read this story then this happened i'm like i can't read this story i don't know what the fuck and i was like actually this can be a story doing this click an x the x opens up another one that has five i'm like i'm not fucking doing this i'm and then you got to log in or something or download the app to read it i just want to read the fucking article or when you're reading it and it keeps going up and you just you're reading the paragraph and it goes back to the top and then back to the top skips around on you yeah it's like jesus you don't want us to read this, do you? No. Look at also, so I read you those stories that was happening, and then on the recommended site, I found a little gap so that I could see the site. Oh, nice. Here's the recommended stories.

Colorado killer whose strangled teen he met on Snapchat uttered two words after gagging her lifeless. What were the two words, Brian? I don't know. I can't read it because I can't click on it. And then woman stabbed to death in frenzied attack inside Walmart store as male suspect arrested. Arizona dad binged PlayStation as daughter. Two died in scorching. Oh, that's the same story.

Same one, just different headline. Yeah. Wisconsin man chopped up woman on first date and dispose of remains throughout the city. Smart. Like, this shit is going on every single fucking day. Is the mirror even United States? Isn't that England? Or am I wrong on that?

Well, there's Florida stories. I think they collect all of it. It looks like it says the mirror U.S. So it's got a little U.S. flag here. I don't know. Gotcha. Allen Stone mirror U.S. us flag here i don't know gotcha uh allen stone mirror us uh the most uh annoying time for the pop-up situation obviously the porns yeah and you'll go like it's a the thumbnail is looking

right dick's hard and you're just like this is it finally found it and you click on it and then it has the fake play button and you click that and it opens up another one and sometimes it does that and then it still plays but then you go back and you click play and it opens up another one and you're like five or six deep you're like oh my god i know this is gonna be good i can tell i gotta see it i gotta see this through you're leaving some of the pop-ups open hoping like there's some kind of weird connection between the two that'll finally play. And you give up around 13, 14. Like, never mind. And your dick's like, aww.

I didn't want to jerk off anyway. I don't want to jerk off anyway. There have been times when... How many pop-ups does Brian have to close? One, two, three, four. Four pop-ups. Aw, his dick's not hard. Should we help Brian get hard or get ice cream?

Alright, Rocky Road it is. Bye, Brian. How many strokes will it take to get Brian hard? One. We have to get him hard first. Should we help Brian close these pop-ups? Okay, ice cream. Bye, Brian. We have to get them hard first. Should we help Brian close these pop-ups? Okay. Ice cream.

Bye, Brian. Good luck with your noodle. How'd you get in here? Don't worry about that. We're here to help. I could listen to John the Corner all day. I feel like this character is more than just

a corner. He's got some secrets. Yeah. He's getting into everyone's business. I know what to do with the dead bodies, so I put them under my bed. Let's count the dead bodies under John's bed. Smells bad.

So many flies. How do we get rid of the flies? That's right. Get rid of the dead bodies under my bed. One. Oh, these are heavy. How heavy are they? Let's get

the scale. Let's get the scale out. How many dead bodies can I fit on my scale? One That's never not gonna be funny Alright, let's slide off for some dick Wait, hold on, real quick Dick! I've been trying to say something, damn it

Real quick You ever click on those porn sites The same thing, like you click on a video and then it opens up a brand new video and it's like live it's like local lives in your area and there's 38 milfs looking for your dick yeah and some woman just like you fucking and you like yeah she's like she's live yeah and so i. I saw this live video six pop-ups ago. You were spreading the same lips.

Yeah. She's still spreading the same lips. Is that the only move she's got? I saw this shit ten pop-ups ago. That's all I need.

Yeah. It works, brother. Does the trick. How many lips do I need to spread? One. Okay, let's do some speaking of lips

Dick, Zach! Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick I feel like it's been a bit Eh, maybe not Of just dumb

Yeah Just dumb There's nothing There's no Not a whole lot going on Just dumb No threesome sex Instead of a car It does involve a car? Threesome sex.

This does involve a car. Okay. Threesome sex. Threesome sex. Tug up my nipples. Douglas County woman charged with arson after siphoning gas while smoking. Oh. Whoops.

Let's head to Oregon. A woman in a bakery van Who allegedly lit a cigarette While using a hose to siphon gas Out of a U-Haul vehicle last week In Roseburg is charged with second degree arson Call me Spank me pink

Whatever the saying is But I didn't know there's different degrees of arson Isn't it either on fire or not? Well, it's like murder, right? First degree. Someone's dead? Like premeditated arson versus... I mean, she didn't mean to do that.

They've really fucked her over. Yeah. Second degree arson. It was stupid, but she didn't mean to do it. Be stupid. Yeah. After at least one and possibly two U-Haul vehicles were destroyed by fire according to court records.

Tuck out my nipples! According to probable cause affidavit, Jennifer Denise Holmes. God, I had to throw that middle name in there too. Make sure everyone knows who this fucking idiot is. 47 years old. You can't mistake that.

Who drives a van with Nana's sweet treats written on the side. Weird detail. Was arrested back on August 3rd at the Douglas County Farmer's Co-op. Giving Nana's a bad name. She was listening to Fruit. She was listening to Fruit, ran out of gas. She's like, you're low on gas. You're low on gas, smoke a cigarette about it.

I could do both at once. In relation to a July 34th. How much gas can we siphon? How many gallons? One. Roseburg police were called to the U-Haul business parking lot on Northwest Stevens Street. Oh, yeah. Heard it's great this time of year.

Report of a fire. U-Haul was fully engulfed. Engulfed. According to the report. And fire had spread to a second van. The driveline burned out, causing the flaming van to roll into a tree. And the sweet treats went in. What a shit show.

You know she was trying to siphon gas. And couldn't figure it out. She goes, God, I could use a cigarette. She's like, fuck. What am I going to do here? Just exhausted. Eating a fucking cupcake she took out the bag. She's trying to suck it out.

She's like, oh, fuck. God. Oh, God, I need a cigarette. Just. Click, click, boom. We're going down with the stereo. Something on the radio. Click, click, boom oh we're going down with the stereo something on the radio click click boom when it rolled authorities could see a heavily burned gas cap an insulated electrical cord security footage showed home's van in the area just before the fire began

try to get the fuck out of there so she's stealing gas donuts out with nana sweet treats i picture the side doors open cakes are flying fucking tuesdays homeless people running out grabbing all the food on the gas pouring out the side jesus holmes was questioned and admitted to siphoning gas from the u-haul and lighting a cigarette at the same time that's a hard thing to admit you guys want to know how dumb i am well i see there are some people that are just so oblivious to and i've encountered somewhere they're just like they're doing something and like what made what is going through your head what happened like they're just not like they're doing something, and like, what is going through your head?

What happened? Like, they're just not, like, her brain's not thinking. Gas is flammable. Yeah, it's just like, she's just not. Have you guys seen the guy that fills up the bed of his truck with gasoline at the gas station? I have, I have. And then people are following him, and he's...

He's pouring it everywhere. Yeah, it's just, every turn he takes, it's just pouring out the side. Every turn he takes,'s just pouring outside. Every turn he takes every gas runs out. Holmes is also charged with first degree criminal mischief, and this is a charge that had not existed, and reckless burning. Oh.

According to court records. Reckless burning. Reckless burning. Mr. Plank, did you have a reason for this? No. That's pretty reckless. This is out of control. So reckless. This is out of control. So reckless. This is reckless, Mrs. Holmes. This makes it worse.

Can you put your cigarette out? Please, Mrs. Holmes. We're standing next to gas. What's the big deal? I don't get it. This is reckless. $250. This is reckless.

This is reckless burning. $250. Reckless burning of a cigarette. You're a fucking idiot get in the back of my car bring a cupcake uh anyway so just dumb but what a scene just burning drive lines smashing into trees she's like shit i'm just like that raspy voice the picture of the girl yeah like dirty nana sweet treats apron yeah just she's been awake since two days ago she's been up well you got to get up early to start those sweet treats well she's going to the farmer's market

trying to get somebody else's sweet treats because she fucked up the recipe or something she's having a week yeah that's why she needed a cigarette yeah and she's parked out there she's like fuck just gonna i don't have time to go to the gas station. Sucking hoses? I'm just lighting cigarettes. Sucking hoses, lighting cigarettes. Lighting cigs? Sucking hose, lighting cig? I like that.

Sucking hose, lighting cig. What's the worst that could happen? And then just a quick note, can we talk about how amazing siphoning is? Can we just, a quick little thing. Like, what the fuck is going on? The fact that you can just suck and have the water or gas. What's it called? The water friction? I don't know the science of it.

I don't either. It's fucking amazing. Well, we used to do that on the farm, the little tooth. You just whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. And it just runs. You just pour it. It's fucking crazy. And it just keeps the.

What's the force? I don't even know what it's. I know. Centrifugal force? That sounds right. No, it's not. It's not. Doesn't sound wet enough.

Yeah. Yeah. Water. Water force. Don't write it in. We can look it up. Have you ever done that? With those.

It's like. Yeah. The technique. It's like. It's like. Popping. Whip. Whip. Whip. Get it going. It's like jerking off a straw. Have you ever done that? With those? It's like the technique. It's like popping and whoop. Whoop, whoop. Get it going.

It's like jerking off a straw. You guys ever do that one? Oh, yeah. In the Coke? You have it on the top of your bottle and you go whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. And it explodes. Fuck yeah, brother. Fuck, do I have to talk to me about jerking off soda pop?

Okay, let's move on to the next straw. All right. What are we doing here? Slap therapy. More. Oh, privacy. Look at this. Oh, look at this fucking site. Nice.

Look what happened. Not nearly as bad as the other one. And then that pops up too. Okay. Okay. So let's get rid of that. Let's scroll down. How the fuck do I get rid of this?

I can't. You gotta buy the shoes. There we go. You gotta buy the shoes. The closest I'd buy the shoes. There we go. You gotta buy the shoes. To close this ad, buy the shoes. Woman who died at slapping therapy retreat viewed healer as sent by God, court told. Court told who? We're going to find out.

Daniel Cargom, 71, who stopped taking insulin for diabetes at Wiltshire Shop, has praised Hong Che Zhao. Okay. So after a wild start. Yeah. What's with this pose that she's doing? Oh, that was before she got slapped. Yeah. She was lining up for slapping.

To slap the diabetes out of you? Oh, God. Mm-hmm. To slap the diabetes out of you? Oh, God. God damn it! For $199 a month, I'll slap diabetes out of you. Okay. Slap your insulin maker. Slap the insulin out of her hand and slap her. All right.

See you next week. Okay. It says right here, she fell seriously ill at the workshop because she had not taken her insulin. Okay. Woman with diabetes. I've got diabetes. Diabetes.

Who died after stopping her insulin while taking part in a four-day slapping therapy workshop. That's a bender. Yeah, dude. I thought it was going to be like an appointment type situation. Nope. Four days slapping. Four days of straight slaps. The guy slaps his hand.

It's all bandaged. He's like, fuck, I didn't think this would be this hard. I didn't think this many people would show up. I didn't anticipate this. I didn't anticipate this much slapping. Fuck. If it's anything like the slap contest, the bouts,

if it's anything like that. Dude. You probably could knock some diabetes out of someone with that slap. Knock something else into them, though. Like, jeez. Slap them into next week, maybe. Florida Slapping Therapy Workshop regarded

the person who ran the recheat as a messenger sent by God. Yeah, you're gonna, he's like, you're going to die. God's done worse. So I guess, all right. Daniel Cargom, who 71, wrote glowing testimonials about Hong Chi Zhao, saying she believed he was starting a revolution in healthcare. Winchester Crown Court was told. Zhao allegedly congratulated Cargome when she announced she had stopped taking insulin at the start of the four-day workshop attended by keen disciples of his methods in Cleve House, a country manor in Wiltshire. No red flags there.

I love how she'll get up there and say, I've stopped my insulin, and the crowd would be like. You're doing the right thing. All doctors should have disciples. That's a good sign. Always not a red flag. When Cargome felt seriously ill because she had not taken her insulin, Zhao allegedly told her other participants that she was experiencing the darkness before dawn breaks. Exactly how I want my doctor to talk. And did not call for medical help.

She's like, no, she's fine. This is just the darkness before the dawn. The dawn breaks. Yeah. Can you imagine? She's vomiting and... Your doctor's in there doing like a... He's giving you a prostate exam.

This is just the darkness before the dawn breaks. Thanks, Shakespeare. Jesus Christ, just finger my ass. Finger my ass and let me go. Jeez. I've got a slap appointment in two hours. Zhao 61 of Cloudbreak in California denies the manslaughter by gross negligence of car go from Lewis in East Sussex.

Okay. I feel like we got the idea. That is gross. Imagining a hospital of slappy doctors is so funny. You walk in, he's like, stick your tongue out. And he has a little like the wooden stick. And you're like, hey. He puts it in your mouth. He just

slaps your face. Alright, it's gone. What? Yeah, it's all gone. Your throat cancer is gone. it's just the darkness before the dawn breaks she's like okay yeah i feel good a little woozy but yeah feel good all right stand up take a look at your scoliosis and just fucking slaps your back just like oh it's gone my work here is done you ever see those uh? I mean, it's different, but it's the church and the guy's just like, get out of there. Get out of there.

And she's like, doing this. And he's just like, grabbing her head. And sucking it out. And then he throws her and she falls and then the whole crowd falls. And then they all get up. All he did was just squeeze her head and throw her backwards. He shoved a woman, he should be in jail. He assaulted someone. He assaulted someone

and you guys are all dancing. No choreography, we promise. I told you how to shake. You didn't fall right. You shake but you didn't rattle and roll. This church is about the rattle and roll. It's all about the rattle and roll. If you guys,

if you guys had the chance to go to a church like that, would you take it? Yeah. Me too. I would. I wouldn't seek it out. But if it happened to find me,

I would go. I found myself in a church that was speaking tongues and a guy was speaking tongues right next to me. That's a racist experience. It was fun though. It was really fun.

That is fun. Yeah, I bet you it's an experience. Yeah, it was. Oh man. It was really fun. That is fun. Yeah, bitch, it's an experience. Yeah, it was. Oh, man. Yeah, slap happy doctor is a funny fucking situation. I can't imagine being in a situation. I'm not sure why I keep saying situation.

Maybe I was watching Jersey Shore. But where you have just gotten to a point where you're like, just fucking slap me. Like you're just over it. Like I'm sick of this insulin. I wish there was a 61 year old dude to slap me and just take all this pain away. I can't imagine. Like my dad was sick and driving,

you know, load them up, get them in the car, turn the child locks on because his brain thought that opening doors was fun. Did he ever tell you that story? No. Oh, man. All right.

Let's share that real quick. So this was actually towards the beginning after my dad got like the official diagnosis where they drilled into his head. Right. And they pulled out a sample and then tested the sample. And they're like, oh, yeah, you're done. And it was after that. So he hadn't lost his mind yet. And we were driving back from Boise, which is like a two, two and a half hour drive from where we live, where we're going. And my brother and I, we just flew in for it. So we had a rental and then a step-mom 2.0 and my dad had their other separate car.

And we start driving and everything was, you know, fine. And then stepmom 2.0, I call her that because she's my second stepmom. She calls us crying because my dad won't stop opening the fucking door on the freeway. And he wasn't trying to get out he just his brain would just get fascinated about certain things and he just kept he loved the sound like ezra yeah if you knew them both then you would know that's very very factual statement but he just loved the sound of the door handle so she couldn't get him to stop fucking opening the door going 80 it wasn't about the door open it was about the sound of the door and then close it then

and she's calling she's crying my dad's like laughing you won't like he's not paying attention to her he's just fascinated with the fucking door and we're like can you put him in back put him in back and turn the child locks on oh my god it's so crazy so your dad grown man she has to walk him out pull over on the freeway walk him into the back seat of the car and sit him down and put the child locks on and close it and then he's like it didn't open and then he went he just sat there and didn't try it anymore he's like click click click and then he just went boom he just put his hands down and right back to don't give a fuck about that anymore poor guy brains man yeah when they start to go

what look the fuck out dude i know that's why i always have a little i mean not for everything but for mental illness some sympathy like when you're it's not it's your brain it's like oh my god fuck how'd he do that it's like his fucking brain was crazy what you yeah i mean it turned on you and like now you're just doing what brain says it's that's what we're all doing i think that like that's that's the whole thing right like anybody any like like sane rational brain is when somebody does something and as a as a viewer you're like why would someone do that but once your brain goes they don't know they're doing that they're not doing it they're not doing it they're not like going against their brain to do it they're just doing because their brains tell them to do it and you're looking at them going why are you doing that well it's because

their brain is doing it the brain's like that's we got. That's what we're doing now. That's the driver now. Anyway, what was I saying about slap therapy? Well, real quick on that. So, this dude said, the jury was told that the book Zhao has written suggests someone may appear to be ill, but this is in fact

toxins leaving the body during a healing crisis. They said that workshop fasted and drank only Chinese tea at classes. Yao allegedly slapped them using his hand and a paddle. Cargrom is said to have stopped taking insulin on Monday and overcoming the day she became unwell and heard crying and howling in pain. But he said that that was the toxins leaving the body. Oh, slap that right out of there. Slap

that. Slap that. I feel like a dentist would be better at slapping than a doctor. So when you get that tooth pain, you kind of want to get slapped a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Maybe it might even actually help. Oh, yeah. Knock a tooth out. Like, oh, thank you, doc. I remember now, just to complete my thoughts so we don't leave people hanging, then we'll move off

to lap time, was driving my dad, therapy while he was going through the brain cancer. And he just, whatever. It's like an hour, hour and a half drive. You drive him over there. He sits down. The doctor slaps him. Just fucking. Thanks for coming.

Hits him in the head. All right. So we'll see you guys same time next week. And you're like, yep. This is really working, doc. Good stuff. And your dad's just like, what the fuck? He's just going to do it.

13 or 14 more slaps. Is he still going to try to get out, open the car door? I don't know. If he is, I'll slap him. Yeah. He might be. That's just all part of it. I'm just waiting for you to slap that out of him, doc.

It's all our insurance covers. Yeah. It's just a slap insurance. That's all we got. We got, oh, you guys, I would recommend chemo and steroids, but looks like your Blue Cross of Idaho only covers slapping. What? Two different packages.

All this thing, you know, the little check marks? Yeah. Slap. It's like X, but that one's a check mark. Slap. How much you paying? You guys are paying $2.99 a month. Give you a good slap

though yeah all right let's move off to lap time zach fuck yeah hey little chitrons why don't you come take a seat on uncle zacky's lap gather around boys and girls it's lap time with uncle zach sit on my lap you little shits let's olymp, you little shits. Let's do some Olympics, shall we? Yeah, have some Olympics. All right. First of all, how much do you guys like the Olympics from your childhoods? A lot cooler growing up than now. Do you have any?

We've discussed that a little bit. I watch some dude hold on to some rings for a long time. Or if I flip the channel, some dude has a 360 triple backflip on a motorcycle right that one's cooler what was your favorite olympics did you ever have one that you 96 the whole time wasn't that rio 96 no that was atlanta okay what what stuck out for you on that one dominique mochiano oh a gymnast she was a gymnast uh i was obsessed with her i don't know why you were the same age right yeah about the same age i think she was a gymnast. I was obsessed with her. I don't know why. You were the same age, right?

Yeah, about the same age. I think she was a year older. But that was like 92, 96. That was like Carl Lewis was still around. Michael Johnson was running track with those gold shoes. Yeah, he was. That was entertaining to watch. I was 13, so I was, you know.

Yeah, I never – I'll watch the thing. It is funny, and this joke has been made a million times but uh definitely funny to feel myself get pumped up over weird shit like just because a american kayaker is doing something i'm just like yeah he did the right thing national pride wow he spun around that pole in the water. Yeah! But yeah, I watch the sports I like. It is funny how people care about weird things that they would never care about.

Like diving. I mean, what the athletes do is impressive. But to hear people just sitting around like, did you watch the Olympic dive team last night? And they're just at the water cooler talking about it. You don cooler talking about it. I don't know, did someone die? You don't give a shit. Like, I don't know, did someone die?

As soon as the Olympics are over, you're not going to give a shit about diving again. If somebody bumps their head on the diving board, then you're like, oh, okay. Greg Louganis.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'll watch it. That's the only time we watched it. He had AIDS and he was gay and he bashed his head. That's a recipe for... That's the 80s for you. Same week as Mrs. Holmes.

Hell yeah, brother. Well, do you guys have a favorite Olympic event? Did you guys ever watch the Dream Team or anything like that? Yeah, I remember watching that. I remember, I mean, Phelps. I had all the Dream Team cups. Same. The plastic cups, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird.

I collected them all. The Wheaties boxes and shit? Yep. All right, well, I got a bunch of facts about the Olympics from the past, and plus some really interesting events that they don't do anymore, a couple that really fit our show very much. But first of all, 393 AD is when it was first canceled, like they did it forever in the BC times, and it took 1,500 years for them to bring back the Olympics. I had no idea. So 19th century is when they brought it back. It took a lot longer to build stadiums back then, Zach.

Yeah, right. Well, they canceled it. Good question. They canceled it. The Roman ruler, Emperor Thodios, Thodiosius I? Oh, yeah. Good guy. That guy. He banned the Greek Olympics due to the religious element of the celebration and considered the Olympics to be a pagan festival. And he was a Christian and he felt had no place in the Christian world. But I looked into it deeper and it was actually christian and he felt had had no place in the christian world but i looked into it deeper and i was actually just like now people it's just like now it's the financial situation like the beijing olympics in 2008 they spent 52.7 billion and it generated about 3.6

6 billion in revenue so what and then those stadiums just sit there too yeah they're one whole olympic village they're one use stadium. They're basically like money laundering, I think, for... Yeah, probably. Yeah, this is just for entertainment purposes. It's a big tax write-off. Yeah, it is. And another weird thing that I didn't know is that I thought that countries were the ones that got the Olympics, but it's actually just the city.

So Paris gets it, not France, and et cetera. So that's kind of weird. Okay, yeah. I never thought about that either. Yeah. Now, this year there are 10,500 athletes competing out of the 206 nations. I looked around and there's 65 countries that have still never won a medal. And the largest of them with the largest population is Bangladesh.

Son of a bitch. What are they doing? I don't know. They need a kayak team or they need the cricket. I think if there was a cricket. Fencing. Yeah. Yeah.

Someone's got to be able to poke. Somebody's poking in Bangladesh. I mean, they have a population. They know how to poke. For sure. You know what I mean. Yeah! All right, so let's get to some of the events that are no longer a part of this thing.

This first one, there's a lot of talk about the Olympics being a naked Olympics for a long time. I looked into that, and it's true. I mean, it wasn't always naked, but it was kind of a, kind of a it happened really yeah and it was actually like to kind of need more ratings it was to even out the the classes kind of thing like if you're naked you're not you can't see that you're a king or a pauper or whatever but i i was just wondering like what would be the hardest event because they did like the the marathon and stuff like that naked What would be the hardest event to do with your dong out? Hardest or funnest? Well, either that dude that hung his dong on the pole vault would be.

I mean, imagine. That would have happened anyway. Yeah, it would have happened anyway. You got to tuck that thing back. Well, fencing maybe? Get poked in the dick? Shit. Yeah.

For whatever reason, the slower the sport, the funnier it is for me with the dick shit yeah i for whatever reason the fun or the slower the sport the funnier it is for me with with the dick out i feel like the hurdles would be a hell of a hurdles a hell of a thing yeah every single time would be like oh oh just cleared it just cleared it like a hundred meter dash your dick just thigh to thigh yeah dude just the equestrian events would be a little weird too the horse is like uh i don't like this that much not great get your dick off my back i think like if you really let's go to like shooting it's a little more hardcore if you dick out it's just a guy and he has a gun in the in the shot from the tv camera just a naked dude with a gun when he's dong yeah and it's just dicks kind of

there he takes a deep breath and one ball goes up a little bit. He's focused. You can really tell he's focused. Lefty's up in the center. Curling. Like things are just a little slower. Well, I was thinking, yeah. Bobsled is just like floppy dicks and just naked people in a sled.

Ice hockey. Yeah. Or the luge. Imagine luge. Baseball. The Winter Olympics where everything's fucking snow and frozen oh yeah so you're just on the luge and you're like banging up against the walls your dicks is like non-impressive games for the men i was thinking about the shooting every time you

fire your wiener just kind of flexes a little yeah yeah and that's the slow-mo shot they show you hit a bullseye it gets real real hard. Yeah, that's good. Well, I looked into some of the things that they've taken. What's the one where they swing around with the thing? Oh, yeah. Hammer throw. The hammer throw, yeah. Did you do that with a dick?

That's dangerous. And the dick's just like, It's straight out. That's centrifugal force. Well, he messed up here, because the angle of his hammer throw and his dick.

His dong got in the way. They're drawing an arrow from the angle of his dick to the hammer throw. Here's the North Star. You want these things to be perpendicular. You need a triangle.

You've got true North, his dick, and the hammer. And the hammer. There's no way he's breaking the world record with a dick angle like that. All right, so.

Dick difficulty? A couple of the events that they've gotten rid of over the year. In St. Louis in 1904 summer games, they had the grease pole climbing. They did rock throwing just through rocks. I thought that was pretty good. That's cool, actually. And then one that I think they should bring back. There's a few I think

they should bring back, but mud fighting. I'd fucking sign up to watch some Americans versus whomever fighting in the mud. That'd be pretty good. I was big in the 80s in movies. Everybody was mud wrestling. Yeah, dude, everyone was mud wrestling. This isn't hard enough. It's covered in mud.

Yeah, it just tits out. John Candy. I think this is one for Joe, where he might be an Olympic athlete for this one. Quite a few of these I think think you could probably do Joe, but the trampoline, which is apparently the most dangerous Olympic sport. Yeah.

With gymnastics and all that stuff. It's like cheerleading basically, where it's very dangerous because there's no, no way to protect yourself. I mean, it trampolines just bouncing on them in a backyard is, isn't it the most dangerous thing you can get for your kids? Yeah,

absolutely. And then add seven backflips in? Yeah. That's how I tore my ACL. What's the worst that could happen? Can you guess what country is the best so far? Because this is a more new event, but can you guess the country that's got the most medals? At trampolining? Yeah.

Some discipline. I mean, discipline at large. I mean, it's a dumb guess that's obvious, so I'd say China, but it's not. I mean, it's a dumb guess. It's obvious. So I'd say China, but it's not. No, it's not Norway. It is a cold nation, though.

Russia! Sweden! No, you got to jump over the pond. It's in North America. Ireland? Oh. But it's not the United States. Canada?

There you go. Canada's doing jumps? Canada's got the six medals so far. That's the most in trampoline. Isn't trampolining in this year's Olympics too? Yeah, I think so. I haven't seen it. So good luck to all of our athletes.

Yeah, good luck, everybody. Good luck, everybody. Another one that is pretty interesting is they had art contests from 1912 until 1948. That's funny. I think a long time ago. Yeah, art was a sport for architecture, painting, music, literature, and sculpture. And the only problem was that they had a hard time because it's supposed to be amateur sports. People were getting paid to be artists.

And so they're like, well, these aren't really amateurs. So they couldn't do that. But just the fact that they did Olympics with a bunch of art. Yeah, they'd give them, if I remember right, because I think it was a wrap it up fact that I grabbed a couple years ago now. They would give them the topic right before. Oh. So they would walk up and be like, you're drawing horse. And then they had to all make a horse.

And like the same with sculpting. Like you are making clown shoe. Go. And they're like, go. And you have a certain amount of time to make a fucking shoe. But that is crazy. I wouldn't watch it. No.

I'd get rid of it. Yeah, it wouldn't be fun. I think people would watch it. People watch poker. They watch Bob Ross. Fair enough. After it's done, maybe if you did a fast portrait. Yeah, just show me what you did.

Yeah, exactly. This one's probably my... Go ahead. I think we underestimate the power of fomo people people will watch something because you're because they feel like they need to watch it did you see the tree he drew yeah i think i think uh i think it's one of those things where they they introduce art and everyone would be talking about so they'd be watching it i truly yeah i think that that's –

See that Rembrandt guy? Fucking A, bro. He really fucked up that purple. I mean, Bob Ross is on PBS, not NBC. True. I love Bob. Bob Ross is a legend now. Well, it's also because of his personality.

Yeah. And that hair. And that hair. And you get a Chia Pet with his face on it still. Which is cool. That's very cool. All right, this is probably my favorite by far. In 1906 and 1908, they did this.

But first in 1906, they did pistol dueling, where contestants fired pistols at plaster dummies from 20 meters and 30 meters. Then in 1908, they're like, you know, that's boring as shit. Let's shoot at each other. And so they used wax bullets and fucking shot at each other. That's kind of cool, though. Wouldn't you watch that yeah i would watch that yeah for a little bit but again if i flip one channel i got some 13 year old doing a 12 60 80 feet in the air on a half pipe i don't know shooting people that's pretty fun yeah but it's kind of like running man just bounces aren't you watching to like see where they got shot in the blood and they died well no it's the dual aspect of it yeah they had really cool yeah they go what shit oh head i would

watch people do that with with paintball guns yeah i think that'd be i mean it would get old after a while that's what i'm saying i'm like three duels in i'd be like same thing with fucking um skating though it's like everyone's doing the same fucking tricks. And then some guy brings in something new sometimes. Chaz Michael Michaels? Yeah. Nice devouring sex tornado. You didn't see shit! That's my favorite line from Blades of Glory.

You guys don't know what we're talking about. On the treadmill and he grabs the biscuit. You didn't see shit! I love that movie. Well, in 2000, the Australians, when they had the Sydney Olympics, 32% of the Australian population wanted to see the sport of dueling pistols brought back. So it's still popular.

A couple more. They had ski ballet at some point in time. Oh, yeah. I remember seeing that. 90 seconds of music and ski dancing, just jumping on skis. Yeah. They put the pole down and do a cool trick. Yeah.

Do a little spin. I mean, it's ice skating, but on skis. Yeah, they put the pole down and do a cool trick. Do a little spin. I mean, it's ice skating, but on skis. Yeah, it seems ridiculous to me, but I'm sure it takes some definite skill. Tandem bicycle sprint is a pretty funny one. From 1896 to 1972, they had these two guys on a bike just pedaling.

And one funny story from this, two Australians who had never. That's funny when they're naked. Yeah. There you go. Definitely being the back guy, having a better time. These two Australians had never ridden tandem before. They didn't even own a bike to compete.

And they still won the event. And I think it was in 72. So they stopped. They're like, well, this is obviously not important. Yeah, it goes to my point last week. Are you the best in the world? No, probably not these guys just beat you and they were drunk yeah another one that was funny from the equestrian

sports is the horse long jump which sounds like oh my god it sounds like it would be rad because you know they're they're great athletes or whatever horses yeah break their legs though right that's definitely one of the things but apparently horses can't jump long distances for shit uh because it only happened in 1900. And the winning horse. Four inches. It jumped 20 feet while the human winner. 20 feet is pretty big.

But the human winner jumped 29 feet. Oh. So. Fucking horses. Boring. Learn how to jump. Dude, I've always thought. I remember being, when I was a kid.

And I remember watching the Olympics. And I think I was watching my grandpa. And he said something about they were like he'd someone jumped 30 feet or whatever it was and he was like you know it's it would be from like that end of the house to right over here i remember looking at that distance and being like there's no fucking way because on tv you know you they jump in the and it's in sand i mean they are jumping far but there's no uh there's not a lot of uh reference yeah a reference point see how far that is with it yeah they say 30 and you're

like that could have done better yeah but then you're like oh he jumped from that wall to the way the fuck over here are you kidding me from the front door to the hot tub yeah dude fuck you grandpa yeah and i remember thinking like that's insane and from that i was like dude that's crazy that's i i would never that moment you're like i'll never be an olympian i will never there's i will never come close to anything no ever any nothing like i just i know that i am nothing confidence gone no's, yeah, it got rid of any. So then it's like, oh, maybe I could fence. That's right.

That's how it starts. Yeah. That's how everyone gets into fencing. Maybe I could kayak. I'll just do darts. Yeah, that's how they do it. Darts would be a good idea. It should be.

I want to do a long jump. And they're like, no, can't do that. I guess we'll. Curl. I guess we'll slide some curling discs. That's impressive, though, too. They should have bar game Olympics, like a decathlon of bar games. That'd be interesting to see.

Have you ever seen the ice motorcycle races? They're basically on just fat tire. Yeah, and they're on motorcycles. It's crazy. I think it's in the Olympics now. What?

Everything is in the Olympics now. Apparently every high school sport. Yeah, basically. Well, here's one that I think high school gym class for it. This is definitely a can. You don't want in the 1900 Olympics.

Hot air ballooning was a big deal. They had multiple events. See you there. Yeah. How high one could float, how far plus best photograph taken in flight. And there was even a kite flying part of the event. So you're flying a kite in a hot air balloon somehow in a competition.

One funny story, this French guy won the distance event by flying 768 miles from Paris to Poland, which Poland was in Russia at the time. And the dude was arrested for not filing a passport request. And he wasn't in trouble they actually got drunk with him on French wine and had a good time that's pretty funny what year was that I think that was the 1900 Olympics the only time they did it so here's a couple more that are crazy that reminds me of when the X Games first started and they had bungee jump canoeing or kayaking they jumped off a bungee jump platform with a

strap tied to a fucking kayak. What? And they did tricks and they realized that no one knows what's happening. Like they just went for weird shit that people would watch. They needed a Joe Rogan to explain it to everybody. Oh, he did a trick. He did a double canoe flap. And everyone's like, I don't fucking care. I have no reference to what it's

how good you are at bungee canoe. Was that an accident? Yeah. Did he mean to lose his helmet, or was that a fucking sick trick? All right, a couple more. Live pigeon shooting was popular in the 1900s. I would not fly today. No.

The winner shot 21 pigeons, and 300 total pigeons were killed, because humans are sweeties. I think this is my favorite of the discontinued sports, besides the dueling pistols. The tug of war. You pick eight dudes to represent your nation and you pull. Dude, that's classic. That should be in there.

It should. It's even. I feel like we could do politics that way, too, and just be like, get your toughest dude and let's just pull and shut the fuck up. I think we should get rid of abortion. Grab the rope, Paul. Drink. And then you stand up there in suits. What if that's how everything was decided? That's howesse ventura could get into the politics world yeah i can tug a rope

tug rope down in bah i've got a team full of dogs that will back me up pulling rope all the patient rope all right i got two more quick facts and then we can be done with this one uh olympic gold is not gold you guys probably know that yeah it's mostly silver can you imagine All right. I got two more quick facts and then we can be done with this one. Olympic gold is not gold. You guys probably know that. Yeah. It's mostly silver. Can you imagine?

It's supposed to have six grams of gold in each one, but they haven't been solid gold since 1912. So it is a not super valuable thing. When all the gold medalists bought the city that they lived in. Ah, good to be back. Congratulations. Thank you. I will have your homes. All of your houses are mine. I want the key to the city that they lived in. Right. Ah, good to be back. Congratulations. Thank you. I will have your homes. All of your houses are mine.

I want the key to the city. I'm going to buy that giant stadium that you wasted your money on. That is my house now. Yep. So this is the last Olympics fact. This one's hilarious. Apparently there's lots and lots of sex in the Olympic Village. Oh, yeah. Like so much.

So this year. Young, fit, studs, and broads. Making the next generation of athletes. Is broads, is that a mean term? That's a current year term. Oh, it is now? It's definitely current year. Broad is definitely, it's like, it's demeaning.

Yeah, see? But I was saying that they're fit and young and fucking. So in that, what would I say? Boys and girls. You could say that. We can't even say that. Oh, boy. Okay.

They have a good time. Save me. Go. They have a good time. I get it. That's what encompasses everybody. So we talked about 10,500 athletes who are part of this year Olympics. They handed out here at the Paris Olympics 300,000 condoms to the athletes staying in the village.

Nice. Which is very strange because the Olympic Village is a dry campus. They have no alcohol. Well, I mean, you always mess up. You don't need to be alcohol. And you always mess up the first condom. Yeah, fair. You got to have extras.

Yeah. For sure. And what's funny about this is that started in 1988 when they started handing out condoms. But the peak was in Rio in 2016 when they handed out 450,000 condoms. They were fucking in Rio, for sure. Or just jerking off in condoms. Jerking it. Yeah.

So that's why. Brian used to jerk off in condoms. I remember trying it. I think that's the first time you use a condom. You're like, well, now let's see what it does. Yeah, I was curious. Fill up the reservoir. Where does it go?

Yeah. Because I remember I went to the old pizza parlor and went into the bathroom where they sold the condoms in the machine. Ribbed one. Put 50 cents in there. Get a hand massage and an orgasm. And a sticker, like a Raiders sticker and a condom. You got one of those little, what are they called, holographic homie stickers.

Remember those little dolls? Oh, yeah, I have a bunch of them. Little homies. You buy that and a fucking condom? Mm-hmm. Did you just jerk off in the handicapped stall? I'm a man now. I didn't jerk off there.

I took it home. With a ribbed condom and your homie doll? Yeah. Oh, this is for my pleasure. Hey! This is the best I've felt in years. All right. Well, that's all I got for the Olympics.

That was good. That was fun. Good stuff. Good stuff. Good stuff. Good stuff. We're going to stay flying around the world for a good story. Zach, do it.

So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray. We are doomed. Yeah! What? My computer wouldn't turn on. Oh. So I was saying, what's going on?

Oh, I heard, here you go. I said, oh, there we go. Oh, do you have a gift for me, here you go. I said, oh, there we go. Do you have a gift for me? Here you go. Here you go. So China Angel stops 469 suicidal people jumping off the bridge over 21 years. Wait till you hear about it. We're all silent.

You're like, it speaks for itself. A suicide prevention volunteer who has stopped 469 people. Also weird that he's counting. Yeah, that's why I was silent because I was like, wait, did it? Yeah. I didn't quite understand it. The angel of Nanjing.

Chen C, 56, patrols the Yangzi River Bridge at Nanjing, the capital city of... That's fucking... Chen engages in conversations with people lingering or wandering aimlessly on the bridge. Prevent them from jumping. He's also pulled people back from the edge and assisted in rescuing those who have already jumped into the river. Doesn't this guy fucking work?

No. This is his job. Wearing a red volunteer's uniform with Cherish Life Every Day written in Chinese on it, No, this is his job. He brought her water, food, and a ticket home because she had no money. Or he bought her. When Chen said it was the first time he had considered someone would commit suicide by jumping off the bridge, I realized that these people could be saved, he said. Since September of 2003, Chen has saved hundreds more people, according to New Weekly. He said he has learned, like, ascertain. Ascertain. Ascertain whether someone is feeling down by

their posture people with an extreme internal struggle don't have relaxed body movements their bodies look heavy said jen so obviously my brain got a great job the tally is weird like he walked up to somebody he's like you look beautiful today like oh thank you and he goes that's another one 362 uh that's weird and then i also have to flip it because that's the show that we have have you heard can you don't yeah how much has he messed up the world by saving these people yeah like what if they like went home to make the odds thank god he was he they were jumping off the bridge to not go home and murder their family. Yeah. And then he was like, you gotta get out of here. You just gotta go home. It's gotta be one or two. The guy went home and killed

his family and then went back to the bridge and jumped anyway. Turned into a serial killer. Went home, bought some knives. Stabbed some people. 400 and how many people? 469. The odds are there's gonna be some bad eggs in that group. You can't be 469 angels.

But the idea, I think the lesson here is just be nice. You see somebody struggling, you don't know how far hello is going to go. But I want to share that one. Share that one. Because what a nice thing he's doing. No, it's cool. It is really cool. We're going to take a complete 180

and talk about dicks. Zach! The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple.

Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! Last thing before dicks was a thought I had when reading that article was that he reached out and he goes, hey, remember a beautiful bright day? He goes, ah, I don't know. And then Chen didn't like his tone. He's like, fuck it.

Kill yourself. Yeah. Like just gives up. Okay. Well, I guess fuck me then. I tried. I'll try again tomorrow. I tried.

Do you need a push, you fucking dick? Okay, so have you guys heard about these? I have, but I'm not sure if the world has, because I have to be a little cautious of that, considering how much time we spend on the internet doing these shows, and my life for the past two decades has just been finding shit on the internet. these shows and my life for the past two decades has just been finding shit

on the internet very online people so you guys have you guys heard of dildo races i think so exactly you have not no i have not okay so here we go get off to the races the whippersnappers weekly dildo race Creates good vibes God Imagine sitting in the newsroom Johnson I need a good headline You're working on the dildo races Yes

Because you fucked up last week's homicide news article You just covered vibrating dicks No problem sir I won't let you down Whatever you need me to do fingers crossed team player fingers crossed and inserted sir i will do a good job but yeah so they uh whatever i'll just read the article no one cares the whippersnapper at 1806 mcmillan avenue in knox henderson is known for unique and irreverent one-off events such as barbie land and

willie wonka pop-ups oh god and 90s themed parties they didn't have anything to do with that other willy wonka i don't think so that was overseas oh with the bar's weekly dildo races however it might have an unlikely long-standing tradition on its hands yes you read that correctly johnson's doing great every Thursday The whip Dude you fucked up The dildo story Yeah That was so easy I write how I talk

It writes itself And you wrote it shitty You put it in the wrong hole Johnson Every Thursday The whip invites customers To race dildos Vibrators

Threesome sex To be more specific Contestants choose From the bar's In-house selection Of dildos, which come in a wide variety of vibrant prints, ranging from roses to aliens! And they pick the intensity setting they think will be most effective. They then place the device on top of a sloping track and let it buzz and jerk all the way

down. The first dildo to cross the finish line wins, and its operator makes it to the next round. The champion of the evening takes home a cash prize, which is $100 when we win on Thursday. Wait till you get to the weekend. That's where the real dildo comes in. Really up it. And don't worry. These vibrators were purchased just for this event and have never been used for their original intended purpose.

They live in a bar. You guys ever been to a bar and known people that worked at a bar? Eat those dildos going to safe? No, no, no. These only come out on Thursdays. I'll be taking this baby home. Those dildos have been putting all sorts of cheese. No, your food.

They're rubbing that dildo on your fucking hamburger. Because that's what happens in bars. There's no way. Off limits till Thursday. Staff, don't touch the dildos. Don't touch this dildo. I know you're going to want to. Just leave the rabbit alone. You're going to want to jam this in your orifice. You're going to want to put

this in your friend's pocket. After 10pm all bets are off. Yeah, right. That's why no kids are allowed after nine. The WIPS general manager and host for the evening, Ryan Criss, did promise free drinks to anyone who brought their own vibrator. Bring your own BYOV. Nobody took him up on that. Oh, good article.

Yeah, but that's fun. If you haven't never heard about vibrator races, they do exist. What's your favorite bar thing there's a there's a spot in cordelaine i'm not sure if i should because i don't really like the place whatever what's it called now i'm forgetting anyway great but they have uh a it's like during the day i forget what day they do it it's like friday or saturday but every other time it looks like a chandelier. It's like a big metal, and it's pretty, and you don't know what it is.

And then on Friday or Saturday night, hydraulics drop it down from the ceiling, and they race turtles. Yes. And they have the turtle tank off to the side, and they have names for all of them. Donatello for the win. Yeah, and they hand out paper and then you write who you think's gonna win and then if you win you get to it's like whatever three bucks off a drink dollar drink whatever you want if your piece of paper has the right winning turtle on it and they have like three rounds and then it goes back into the ceiling

you don't see it until next friday one race awesome well no they did a couple races a couple rounds a couple rounds and then it just goes back into the ceiling and then you had no idea on the top of that piece of piece of metal they're racing turtles

on the weekends that's in the Coeur d'Alene that's clever crafted very clever oh it's a crafted crafted's the name of it yeah

if you look up you'll see it and they drop it down and race turtles I used to make commercials for them when they first started crafted and beautiful downtown Coeur d'Alene they used to have live music them when they first started. Crafted and beautiful downtown Gordal Lane.

They used to have live music that we promoted, too. Oh, out on the little patio? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's fun. Yeah. You guys have anything like that

in your brains? I like the giant beer pong. That should be an event that people do professionally. Like soccer into the trash can or whatever? People get so into it and it feels like a sport

after the full day of a tournament. You're like, okay, these are good athletes here. Drunk, but good. As soon as that guy pulls his pants up, he gets a chance for the championship. We'll take a picture with the trophy when he gets his pants up. See the guy over there pissing in the trash can?

That's our clear favorite. Three-time champion. I remember the first time I saw a bar do the shot ski. I thought that was pretty cool. Shot ski, that's a good one. Giant Jenga, classic. It's fun. Human foosball.

You guys seen that one? At a bar? I don't think so. Yeah. And they have poles. And then you put your arms through the little things and you can't move. And then everyone shifts back and forth on their pole and kicks a soccer ball into the goal. I've never seen that.

I think I have seen that one. I haven't really been to bars in a long time. Yeah. These all old tricks. I used to just go to a bar to drink. Not play human. You didn't meet the love of your life playing human foosball? No.

Get out of the way, you fucking bitch! You big dumb bitch! She's cheating! Drop the ball! Put the ball in the hole! God! She's wearing! Drop the ball! Put the ball in the hole! God! She's wearing stilettos! It fucking hurts!

This is why I don't go out anymore. Quit kicking my shins! You guys have to have fun tonight! Go, Brian, come on! He's gotta get out there! Fuck out here! I'm out here! Look what it got me!

Strap to a pole! Get kicked in the shins with fucking stilettos. I hate soccer anyway. God, this guy sucks. Okay, no one's calling him next time. Yeah, he's not coming out to fun bar night. Okay, well, that's that then. Let's move off and hear from some of the listeners.

Okay. Zach. Am I talking to myself? All right, let's hear what you guys think Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool What's going on over there, Brian? I think I'm getting sick

No, you're not I feel sick You're getting fucking sick I feel sick You want to read the first one? Sure Hey, stepdaddies I haven't heard that one in a while

This is your forgetful Spokane stepkid, Alex, here. Hey, Alex. I'm catching up on the episodes and behind because I'm a shitty forgetful stepkid. That's okay. They all are. I was listening to episode Tetris Door Handle Fake Priest Shit Factory, and I wanted to tell my story of forgetting all the fucking food when I went camping when I was 18. Back when my now wife and I started dating when

we were 18. And we're in our 30s now, and we went on a three-day camping trip. Oh boy. We got up to take, uh, we went up to the lake, got up to, Jesus Christ! Killing it. I thought it was going to say got up to take a leak.

We got up to the lake and set up camping after a while. Decided to make lunch. I opened up the ice chest to grab stuff to make sandwiches and realized that all we had was some drinks and turkey deli meat in there. I forgot to grab the bag out of my fridge and had everything else in it. I proceeded to check what food we did have. God, such a guy thing when you go camping. Did you get the food? Of course I got the food.

It's like chips. Chips and a monster? We'll make it. In the end, all I remember to bring was the deli meat. Honey buns, red vines, bread, and drinks. So for two days days we ate plain turkey sandwiches no condiments or cheese honey buns and red vines sounds like a sweet honey

it wasn't all that bad being young and horny on our first day uh we did the hanky panky 23 times just a tent full of cum oh my god uh and 16 times the next day. What? The second day. We would have been up there a third day, but a huge thunderstorm rolled in. My parents came up to pick us up because their parents were panicking because of the storm, and I didn't have a car or food. Your dick stopped working. God damn. Gosh, man.

Not only did we not have... Parents came up to save us because our tent was... We were drowning in cum. Drowning in cum, yep. That impacted the snorkel it hardened so not only did we have uh not have very much food but by the time we left my bowls were literally empty and i couldn't even make any baby gravy that would have been good on the sandwiches yeah it would have that's your condiment hey oh uh we've been married for 12 years now and she still gives me shit for it oh that's fantastic. That is cute.

Nothing like fucking forgetting a big time item on a camping trip. Who fucks that many times? That's insane. I remember being young, but holy shit. Congratulations on that. Young, dumb. Not full of cum. Our second email coming in from our livid son, Sean, who writes, hello fathers.

Hello. Hello. Your absolutely livid son, SHUT UP HERE! I'd like to inform you that the thing you call our uncle, MISSPELLED MY NAME ON MY SALADS CARD! Oh, damn it. I can't even remember how to spell my name. He can't even remember how to

spell my name. He's your uncle. I'm sorry. He's there for fun times, not name spelling. I thought it was your favorite uncle, Zach. I'm so disappointed. JK. My so-called real parents had to different. That's what it says. Yeah. Parents had to different.

Give me shit on spelling. Come on now. Probably had to spell it different. It's not a big deal. Just a couple words missing. Oh, yeah. Sean. That is my worst fear.

You can't leave words out. With all this shit, putting people's names on stuff. Yeah. My eyes sometimes, I'm just reading the computer for the 12th hour in a row, and it's like, I'm sorry. I apologize. Let me know. Send us an email, and I'll send you. I can't put a new card together, but I'll send you another metal card.

I stick it with it spelled correctly? I'll do something. I'll give you something. God damn it, I'm sorry. I thought it was funny because it's right on the jumbo card. Nice. Oh, I got it right somewhere else? That's even better. I look even stupider. I think because it's right on the jumbo card nice oh i got it right somewhere else that's even better i look even stupid i think you messed it up on the jumbo card oh love you all no hard feelings just want to capitalize on the situation that's plagued me throughout my life like the license plate keychains at gift shops and the coke bottle

names you're fucked up son sean which is s-h-a-u-n-N. Yeah, it's pretty fucked. If you just forgot an N, Sean, put another N on there. I thought for sure I put two Ns on Sean. I don't know. Sorry. Sorry, brother. That does suck. I remember you go to look for those little fucking license plates, and there was a Brian with an I, but not with a Y or something.

But this is even crazier spelling. So yeah, he probably never got anything. Never. Nope. And then he had So yeah, he probably never got anything. Never. Nope. And then he had a chance and I fucked it up. All right, well, we're going to keep going. We got bonus shit coming your way. Support us on Patreon.

You can pick the $5, $10, $15 tier. Patreon.com slash Candy Dome Podcast. Go check out Scatcast. Yay. Everything Uncle Zach's doing over there. Scatcast.com. That's scat with a K. Lots of cards, cards, cards and coffee cards and coffee

we got the socials Instagram and Facebook YouTube version to search for the show the name show, name, title and if there's something you want to send in heyguys at candydontpodcast.com rate and review us where you listen and thanks to the babysitters that moderate the Candy Dome Playground

on Facebook. I have a joke. You ready for it, sick boy? Yeah. Zach. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? Stop me if you've heard

this one. I heard working at the calendar factory is by far the hardest job. They never let you take a day off. Yeah! You get it? Slow clap. Because it's a calendar? Yeah. You can't do it or else it throws everything

off. Yep. And if you add a day every four years, you get it. It's a leap year joke. I met, uh, when I was the other night, I was coaching baseball in this kid. My son is six, and he plays on our 10U baseball team, because he's a stud. And the kid was like, the little kid at third base was like, how old is that kid? I was like, oh, he's six.

That's my son. That's why I'm letting him play. And he goes, oh, we have a two-year-old on our team. And I was like, what? And I was like, he must be, he was born on a leap day, wasn't he? And he goes, oh, we have a two-year-old on our team. And I was like, what? And I was like, he must be, he was born on a leap day, wasn't he? He goes, yep. So he's technically like two, but he's... You caught

that joke in real time? Yeah. That's funny. He, I think he, you know, he's supposed to be eight or whatever, but yeah. So, however, because I'd always wondered, it's a thought I've had, but I've never met anybody that actually is that. My dad's close my dad's the the 28th so just short yeah of having that joke yeah yeah he's dead

yep all right bonus stuff yeah all right send us off honey alright do it bye