Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Hot Air Balloon. Dog Ears. Centipede. David Neal.

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

Have you ever thought about how goofy hot air balloons are... and can you imagine if we used them as a main form of transportation? Let's talk about that, waking up in a hotel to a stranger sucking your toes, Bryan having the hardest time reading of all time, walking in on your husband being breastfeed by his own mother, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/mpf7I-ma9tASend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hot air balloon, dog ears, centipede, David Neal. DJ Joe DJ Joe I looked over there and he's just going He's doing like a DJ thing He was trying to get a crowd into it And then you're just the crowd Yeah like so Here it goes and I'm just like looking around That's a funny thought

Like the DJ locks eyes with just one person The whole show And just harassing them you're not you're not doing this i'm bouncing you i'm doing bouncy thing you need to bounce you just stand in there number 50 big one episode this is a big one and we mentioned last week about having like a like a big announcement did you fuck do you remember what it was? I have no idea. Well, I didn't know what it was the first time. I know.

And now I've. Oh, I got some. Didn't you make notes? Isn't it the new merch? Oh, no. I mean, we do have new merch, but that's not it. That can't be it. There's no way that's it.

Is it about the new Patreon or the Patreon stuff? Huh. Well. No, I mean, we haven't mentioned it yet. I feel like that might be it yeah i mean we do that every show so hmm joe i expect i'm leaning on you to remember this and i'm gonna lean i got you're not leaning on me are you no zach put it in my brain was i supposed to write it down hey zach hi is that mario yeah that was i'm in the house i haven't i didn't hear that line Hey! Somebody write it down. Hey! I'm the biggest surprise. Hey, Zach.

Hi. Is that Mario? Yeah, that was a... I'm in the house. I didn't hear that line. The worst Mario impression ever. The worst in any of mine. I wasn't going for that, but there it is.

Oh, okay. I love how I call you out on your impression that you're not doing. Yeah, I'm totally doing some other guy, like Luigi's guy. Oh, yeah. Waluigi. Waluigi, yeah. The alter ego. I like picturing, like, Nintendo 64 Mario, and then just some line like that. I'm making nothing in the kitchen!

I'm a don't fucker guy! I'm making a spaghetti! Yahoo! Here we go! Well, for those that have come over from Is We Dumb, Zach. Mr. Zach Flannery was the original producer for that podcast. We've been friends long before any of that. So I've come to ruin this podcast. So we've come on over to just see if we can get this one off the air.

Well, now that I know Brian likes Days of the New, I think I'm here for good, man. Hell yeah, brother. We just figured something out before the show. Locked it in. That's all it took. We unlocked something. So very excited to have Zach on board producing. So you hear his majestic voice.

Skycast.com. I thought you said Skycast. He's like Sky Daddy. Yeah, he starts promoting podcasts we've never heard of. Skycast.com. He just got injected into the situation. Pepsi. Yeah, like an FBI informant for some East Coast podcast.

They hired Zach to sneak in. That's good marketing on their part. It was very good. We got to reach that West Coast. But you'll hear his voice, and just know when you hear that sexy, deep voice, his jawline matches it, okay? If you don't know what he looks like, do it again. Screw you.

No. You kind of got like a Petereter uh what's his name from yeah pete steel thing going except you're alive except for you're alive which is always like a important part wow i actually had a girl tell me i looked like him too when i had long hair i was like all right the lights off are you does your penis though right uh oh no comment hey we'll get there because he had a large dingus right well i mean it was okay size no he didn't get it he wasn't given the name steel for because he worked in pennsylvania right he wasn't working in a steel mills uh but that's a big announcement zach we love you happy you're here love you back yeah buddy

yeah let's do the fucking show yeah we'll we'll hear more about zach and get background and all that kind of stuff uh at a later time but we'll get right into show number 50 as we go through this if you have anything you want to see on the show you can always send it in to hey guys hey can you don't podcast.com and as we were joking around about we do have some new merch and some that i am very uh that we are all very excited about right now you the store. What's fun about this is, I feel like there's a little bit of pressure off because there's someone producing the show. You're trying to lean folks.

I mean, you left your hair down a little bit. Yeah, Joe spends like nine hours. He doesn't have to edit it anymore. And then he leaves something in the show. Yeah, on accident sometimes. I know, doing kids and making dinner and fucking up shows. Don't worry, I'll fuck up shows for you. Yay!

At least we can blame it on you, though. All right, well, I've been, I guess, waiting a long time to do this for real. Should we do it? Yep. All right. Zach, put it on the fucking screen! Hey, shut up. It's not the show already.

So would you rather? Hmm. Would you rather? I just made this one up would you rather have to go toe-to-toe with mike tyson back in his prime or be the middle man of a human centipede for one week one just one well i didn't want to make it too long like human centipede for a year it's like to punch me i think i'd rather be the middle than the end you'd be just like the last one at least you know you're contributing to the person behind you like there's three guys in front of you okay i can

three guys is innards but like a whole 10 or 11 people that's what if it's just it's just three three people got you're in the middle person and then you're in the middle and then one person on the back end a three-person centipede stubby birth defect it's a preemie it's a preemie centipede centipede uh it's just yeah tiny little guy what you're in the middle i mean just kidding the whoever came up with that thought that's is hilarious that might be the most twisted thing ever just having your own mouth so to someone's butthole yeah and then someone other someone to your butthole there's nothing you can do about it what is this show about anyway guys it's just like this the best medieval torture thing ever. Like back when they would just get drunk and be like, I don't know, can we fold them backwards?

Let's try. That's the thing. That's what it, maybe that's what people did. Instead of like putting them in stocks, you know? Yep. You just put them in a centipede. Just sewed them together. It's entertaining too.

It's like something to watch. Can you imagine just sitting in the crowd? You're just watching these people. These grandstands? Yeah. Popcorn! Lunch break? Get your popcorn.

Hot dog! I'm not really hungry. Thanks. And the guy in the front of the center, he's like, God, a hot dog sounds good. And the other guy's like, No! Whoa!

No, it doesn't. I'm allergic. Whoa! I'm very hot. Whoa! Well, sorry, bro. Not your choice. I'm nom, nom, nom your choice. Should have fought Tyson.

Got the little guy with the shovel that's following the centipremie around the fields. Imagine that just walking around town. Like in a parade. You know, it's the dragon, the Chinese dragon running down, but it's just a centipede of people.

People, like, all hunched over. God, what a sight. All the kids sitting there waiting for candy. It was like a... It's the Lakeside High School. Well, the guy in front just eats a bunch of Jolly Ranchers and you gotta wait. That's how you get your candy at the parade. Can't wait.

Can't wait for the last guy in the center seat. I hope it's lime. To get to shit out my Jolly Ranchers. I just feel like those would make it through. Something's telling me they'd have a chance. Oh man, is a person eating corn and you're just eating elote? Looks the same. Because they didn't digest?

Mm-hmm. Jawbreaker. Pushing that one through there. Or Mike Tyson. And every now and again, I still do it. Where I will just remind myself of the force that was Mr. Tyson. In his prime, he would just punch you through the roof. He didn't punch with his arm.

He punched with his entire... He punched with his legs. He punched with brain damage. I didn't want to fight him on Nintendo, let alone in real life. Yeah, it's fucking terrifying. I'd rather fight Piston Honda. What was that? Did you ever beat Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out?

No, but I remember on the side of my NES, I had the code written to get back to him if I didn't want to work all the way up there. Who's the first guy? Glass Jaw or Glass Joe. Yeah, Glass Joe. I remember his name. So did Popinski. What a game.

But I mean, the videos, the highlight reel of Mike Tyson throwing those punches. Yeah. Yeah. Like I say, he comes, he'll throw an uppercut. He'll start from the mat and fucking moral combat his way up. Punch a hole through your arms. Yeah. And then into your face.

And then he's got to pull his, then it stings when he pulls it back out through you. Yeah. And he's bored. Like he doesn't even want to be there. He just, he's's in the way we're lucky we got to live during a time to see mike tyson punch some people yeah michael jordan mike tyson barry sanders come on king griffey jr kang griffey jr yeah so good is the new i don't think that's all the same time 97 scott cass um what uh did i don't remember if we talked about this or not what and now i forgot what it was fuck yeah this is gonna be great wait go backwards uh mike people

just like i'm watching your brain rewind what about mike tyson fighting a human centipede? That's funny. The only time you don't want to be the front runner in the centipede. Fighting Mike Tyson. On the off chance. You get to be, okay, it's like you have to be in the centipede. But you can either be in the middle Or you can be in the front

Normally you'd be like well I want to be in the front So I don't have to eat someone else's shit But you're going to be eating fist Would you rather eat shit or eat fist And there's so much responsibility being in the front You've got to give nutrients to the rest of your body You've got to make sure that you're eating You're keeping your family alive

You've got to keep your electrolytes up Yeah you've got to keep your electrolytes And your superfood salads. Yeah, the person behind you might have high cholesterol. And the last thing you want is some dead dude tied to your ass. You're dragging around. His heart exploded. Please stop eating processed meats.

It keeps moving up the line. Actually, it actually be like i wonder if it works like if the sound would work its way through your the vibrations and things come out your yeah that's how that's how you speak that the in guy speaks through the front guy if you got to pick the people in your human centipede does that change anything the shit is shit like if you yeah if it's my kids maybe like do you want a funny guy well no but it's like you know like i don't like to eat off other people's plates or drink from their drinks but when it's your

kid or something is like it's even still kind of gross especially when the like a chicken nugget's a little bit wet but uh i will do it so if i had to pick like are you saying you're gonna sew your kids if i have if i can choose i would rather it be my kids shit than like zack's hey i eat pretty healthy these days only like a couple gas station gas station everything hot dogs oh my god the thought of just like i for whatever reason family humans my brain thinks a human centipede the people sewn together we quit the fucking chair is so loud sorry it's okay you pick this chair today it's like especially my back hurts and my ass my tailbone the i always picture like people in the human centipede like they're

proportionately sized i never thought like they're being like a little guy in there. In the middle, like his legs aren't on the ground. There's a fucking five-year-old in the middle. It's so weird. He just doesn't even touch. His legs are dangling. And his arms. His arms.

He's just stuck there. He looks like a pig roaster. But he never spins. He never roasts. He only does his eat shit. Yeah. Oh, man. But Mike Tyson, you could die.

It's really just one punch from Mike Tyson. Do you think that you could defend yourself long enough to just, or well enough that he doesn't get a clear cold cock at your temple? I mean, it's brain damage versus eating shit. Yeah. Like, what do you really want to do there did i ever tell you do we talk about this your show or something else that he used to i heard he used to like have like random sex with prostitutes or like or like um groupies before his

fights because he had to take his aggression out so he wouldn't kill a dude in the ring well that seems like what he's like it seems like one of those like marilyn manson take his aggression out so he wouldn't kill a dude in the ring. Well, that seems like... That's what he's like. It seems like one of those like Marilyn Manson took his ribs out to suck his dick. And what's his face? Had a gerbil in his butt. A gerbil? Yeah.

Who was the guy? Zach's gonna know. Richard Gere. Richard Gere. Like that one passed around. Alanis Morissette. Like, whatever. Like, overdosed on cum.

Like all these... Before the internet could make these rumors these rumors are just made by somebody just somebody started and they got out god what a weird and you're like what no way i wish i could suck my own dick i feel like everyone's taking ribs out they're at home a little like self-remedy rib removal maybe that's how um what didn't they take it wasn't what's her name made from a rib eve or something eve made from a rib yes yeah god took took a ribs originally it was just so he could suck his own dick and then he's like well what am i gonna do this i guess i mean i guess i could make a woman so she could suck your dick at least i'm getting

sick of this i could take a rib out so you can suck your own dick or i could make a woman so she could suck your dick right at least i'm getting sick of this i can take a rib out so you can suck your own dick or i can make a beautiful woman that does whatever you want we'll just do other things too fine she'll eat all my food all my fruit i'm gonna go i'm gonna go tyson just because maybe you could maybe you can i just dodged i wish i i mean yeah you're eventually getting punched I'm going to go Tyson just because maybe you can dodge. I mean, yeah, you're eventually getting punched lights out. I don't care how well you block. He's going to punch you.

He's still going to punch through your hand to your head. I don't know. I know that I come out of the human centipede. At least I'm... We're saying that you're alive, but you had to eat a bunch of shit. And that's fine, I guess. You're going to come out fine. After you're just you had to eat a bunch of shit and that's fine i guess but um you're gonna come out after you're done with with yeah so you could get a lot of brain damage or a terrible week or your jaws destroyed so your eye socket exploded you're eating through your eye socket i'm gonna

go human centipede zach off the cuff if you live you get to be buddies with mike tyson probably you could probably call him up And be like Dude How's your pigeons How's your pigeons dude How's that tiger doing Yeah he still got it

What was his name But Mike Tyson Like a human centipede Standing up Are you sure you want to do this With boxing gloves My defense is impregnable I want 0% to do with

A fucking centipede Of human So you're gonna You're gonna fight Tyson too Yeah I think I'm gonna go with Tyson I'll eat some shit you guys can go fight tyson i think that one's all settled fist yeah you will uh all right let's go uh let's find out what we're thinking about this week all right you ready to do it yes hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know

nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about i got i love this how's that muscle memory zach fuck no you're killing it i missed the one but hey oh no you're good you're good you know what i just did i went back to going like that first episode it feels like the first episode all it was coming back 50 you get a producer and the lips just start smacking start smacking i haven't even noticed come in there and I will slap you every time. Slap the shit out of you. It is cool, though, because we usually, when Joe was editing it, we'd sit here and then we'd have time to think about what we were going to say. But now we don't.

So it's just like, let's go. Get your shit ready, bro. So as we record this show, when I'm done, I'm actually heading out of town. Are you? Yeah. Where are you headed? I'm heading to Arizona. To Sedona where are you headed i'm heading to arizona to sedona sunshine state so yeah that's is that it i don't know are you gonna do crystal medicine

crystal meth is that what you said something like that i'm just gonna look at cool rocks and do some hiking you know and find myself why would you go hike in arizona because that's where the where sedona is it's hot as shit it's not too bad right now so it's like i think doesn't maynard have some shit in sedona no i think he does it's a little more from that sedona's where all the the weirdos that like the secret i thought i mean i thought he had like a winery out there he does have a winery but not where the secret is okay fine if you find it you know let us know so uh going to sedona i've never been so i was naturally looking up things to do when you're there and as i was looking things up one thing that kept popping up on every single like five things you can't miss the deal in sedona and like

and then the way that ai is now it like is so precise with those lists. It's so funny to me. Where it's like, 15 things you can't skip in late May at 7.35 p.m. in Sedona. The last two weeks of May. Right. He's like, all right, AI, you got me. But one of them was before sunrise, it was to climb this mountain. And then you sit on top of, I think it's called Doe Mountain. I don't know. People went don't and you sit there and then when the sun comes up they also a bunch of hot air

balloons in the desert like rise up and you get this sunrise hot air balloon situation sure it's pretty i'm not gonna be on enough drugs i'm pretty dorky. Do you need a hug, dude? I'd rather sleep in. I'll see the air balloons at noon. You'll just see my pics and you're like, looks cool, bro. Yeah. I'll go to Google. Sorry. Wake up, look at it.

That's sick, dude. That's so cool, dude. But then looking at these hot air balloon picture, my brain wandered. And I was like, dude, hot air balloons are so fucking goofy. Yeah. They're just, what the fuck are was like dude hot air balloons are so fucking goofy yeah they're just what the fuck are we doing with hot air balloons like it's i mean we're dying it goes up and you have fabric and you have a giant flame shooting into flammable fabric that's so weird and you just go up and hope for the best like if the wind doesn't do what you want it's like guess i'm going this way yeah we'll go to florida now i guess i guess i caught in a jet stream yeah bye i planned on being at dinner but i was you know how me and my hot air

balloon we'll be back couldn't make a plane back i but then that got me thinking i was like what the fuck like we're hotter what were they ever used for besides just being like this is pretty cool up here uh and it turns out they were used in war in the visual of a bunch of like you know soldiers and you're trying like be tactical and then right over the horizon the fucking balloon floats up with the generals and their their little you know whatever they are the binoculars or the telescope yeah and they're looking to scout is what they used them for was to get a bird's eye view there's like 3 000 over there right there how many give or take 3 000 give or take a couple thousand i don't know i don't know we're pretty far away a lot

because if you get too close guess what yeah you're gonna get shot down because it's a fucking balloon yeah so kind of hauling it a cartoon but then i started losing my shit thinking about if hot air balloons were just used in society as transportation instead of cars sure just no people had cars but just like some people have segways it's like well some people just had hot air balloons and you're just going outside like getting all right man off to work or have a good day laying it down look like checking your watch the wind you're like fuck it's gonna take forever to get to work today because the wind's going south southwest you have to call your boss balloons taking a wild unexpected turn gonna be late again he's like you gotta get rid

just get a scooter man you're gonna lose your job you guys please stick with me i know this is i know this is frustrating this is my it's just so funny and like going down main street excuse me knocking shit over your basket trying to land taking out an entire patio set you're trying sorry excuse me it's the guy coming in to work and he's like all the people and he's just going down the street like bumping into just people walking across street heading to work and knocking shit over crosswalk people cross just plowing them with your wicker basket oh sorry about that i guess i kind of went a little bit higher huh

it's just like i'm sorry the wind changed you know hot air balloons you know hot air balloons taking your kids to school how unpredictable it can be oh yeah just late they they do your kids do this maybe you're probably not old enough because azra doesn't do it but pepper does she before she gets out of the car like we're talking, we're laughing, we're listening to music. She goes, okay, alright, love you, bye. She reaches over and turns the music off. So she doesn't want her friends to hear whatever music dad is playing.

Which is not that bad. It's like I'm listening to Jimmy Buffett. What if it's cool music, man? At 725 AM, just, take me away again to Margaritaville. I'm not doing that 5 o'clock somewhere but rolling up

more embarrassing than like a dad music you're trying to bring it down as you're going be there in a second is there anything more embarrassing than your dad dropping you off on a hot air balloon at high school? Or picking you up like the line of cars pick up line. It's just car, car, car, SUV. Car, air balloon.

Hot air balloon with a sandbag. Everyone moves up and you hear this. Right here. Pepper. he hears right here pepper pepper right here he's just like oh my god right here hurry up i only got so much fuel you're running out of fuel the wind's gonna change we gotta get the fuck out of here but like just apply to other situations like what if gangs like had to have them like picture in a drive-by or any sort of tactical procedure trying to be sneaky at all everyone's got cars the police only has like a hot air balloon force it's like god damn it balloon come back here like fuck you jump over and like grab his thing like make him float off i love the idea of uh the like when you get home

and you're like oh did you lock the car or i forget i forget something did you tie down the the hot air balloon walk outside just floating away you're on vacation you're like fuck i forgot to deflate the hot air balloon you're're like, did I left the iron on? No. What did I forget? You look out the window and you're fucking balloon. The dog's in there. He's like, airplane window seat.

Like, what the fuck did I forget to do? Look out the balloon. It's just such a goofy thing, man thing i'm actually trying to hijack an air balloon with someone's like you know you get in the car give me their fucking car and you drive off you're standing there but this is like give me your hot air balloon like i don't think you throw the guy out you get in there you're like back up back up buddy hey how do you work this thing yeah you work well first first you gotta aside from the using it yeah i going back to what you said the idea that you put like

it's like taking two things and um saying okay this and this never should be together right but here's what we're gonna do gunpowder yeah we're gonna take a flame and flammable material and put them within inches of each other and then we're gonna fly in that thing we'll go hundreds of feet up in a basket yeah what are we doing i saw some people they were on top they were on they they had this thing and they climbed they got on top of it to skydive off the top of it that's what people are doing that's the only thing that's the only use all i've seen is people dying we're yeah there's surprisingly not as many hot air balloon deaths as i either wanted there to be or i thought there were it's like it's like one a year or

something like that which is also sad. That's too many. For the one dude that was just unlucky enough to die in a hot air balloon accident. Fucking what? I don't want to be a statistic. How'd he die? He died doing what he loved. Doing what he loved. What was that?

He just loved flames and fabric. Joe, I can say this with 100% guarantee. Stamp it guaranteed. Where's that rebate? It's something I will never do is ride in a hot air balloon. And I know that and I'm fine with it.

You too? Same. Never ever. Something's like, oh, I've never been to Greece. It's something I gotta do before I die. You've never been in a hot air balloon? No, I've never been to Greece. It's something I got to do before I die. You've never been in a hot air balloon. No, and I never will. I just don't.

I'm sorry. I don't trust fucking hot air balloons. I want to hear from some hot air balloon enthusiasts. If you're out there. Are there enthusiasts? I don't know. What are they called? Balloon heads?

Balloon heads. I don't know. Like a juggaloids? Hot heads? Hot heads. That's nice. Let's see airheads there you go you're that's better hot that's the leader balloon enthusiast i'm just gonna type that in see what comes up it just says nerds balloon clubs and associations blast valve.com

fuck yeah oh it's on fire it's a porn site can you see this valve is a port takes you to a porn site ballooning search engine and directory ballooning search ballooning there it is i never knew it logo oh fuck yeah that's like 1996 yeah that's geo cities looking yes it is for balloonists in the middle at atlantic states these didn't even know these could be words hey Hey, look at Phoenix Area Club fosters safety and education. That's your area. If I have a chance to go in it, I might just so we can talk about it. I think you should. I mean, if I'm ever

in a conversation and it goes like this, are you ballooning this weekend? Then I'm leaving the conversation. I've took a wrong turn in life. If someone can seriously ask me if I'm going ballooning. Those are two things I don't a wrong turn in life. If someone can seriously ask me if I'm going ballooning. Those are two things I don't want to do in Arizona. Hike where you're going and get in a hot air balloon.

Well, I guess I'll let you know how it is, buddy. You're going on a trip to hike. Yeah, some funsies. It's a cool spot, man. Look it up. Come on, bro. All right, let's move on to Dick. We're wasting a lot of time on hot air balloons.

Ready? I don't think we've spent enough time. We'll come back. I'll try to ride in one just so we can revisit the fucking hot air balloon fantasy. Zach, do it! Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool?

Then it's Dick. Dick. Dick. Yo, Dick Yo, dick What would you do in this situation? If you woke up in a hotel And some dude you don't know was sucking your toes Would you be like, that's cool?

Would that ever cross your mind? I just pulled up the story And the picture the the thumbnail of the i see the guy that supposedly probably was doing it if you uh i'd be terrifying if if you see your question yeah if you see the yeah if you watch on youtube you can see all that shit now which is awesome back on track baby but if you picture a guy who would suck your toes without you knowing that's the guy that's the guy yeah every time like it's not if you wrote into ai like a graphic generator thing and you said show me tennessee

hotel night manager who would suck my toes without me knowing and enter it would draw this guy absolutely with every single time because different variations of this guy and don't don't scroll down because there's one comment on this article that i don't want you to see okay and it's right on pace with this but it's just so funny that someone i just want to stare at the guy while you're reading it so a fourth avenue south hilton hotel guest woke up to a hotel night manager sucking on his toes on march 30th wait the guy's a hotel night manager yeah so he works there okay uh according to metro nashville police department the night manager 52 52-year-old David Neal,

was arrested in light of the occurrence, police report. He is charged with aggravated burglary and assault, which I feel like is a little heavy for sucking toes. Yeah. Like, aggravated burglary? What, a toe fungus? I don't know. He's going away for life.

Yeah, he's super aggravated uh the police report neil created a key card to set food in the guest's room or in the guests around that whole fucking sentence look here's how this actually reads in the news article okay police report neil created a key card to set food in the guests around around 5 a.m march 30th didn't proofread this article i see yeah after waking up neil sucking on his toes the man realized neil had entered his room the day before to help solve tv issues officers report neil told police he went into the guest room because of the smell of smoke everybody's lying yeah just the end result is dude didn't know he's getting his toe sucked on which is a terrifying way to wake up.

That's up there. Outside of waking up in a hot air balloon, waking up getting your toes sucked on is right there by David Neal. I mean, is David Neal in the dudes? Because I couldn't imagine. I don't even want to suck chicks' toes. Let alone some dude. Zach, you suck toes no all right would you no no if someone sucked my toes i'd feel bad for them could you imagine like you're

you're both laying there you're just scissoring each other and you're each sucking each other's toes that's happening somewhere right now in the world while they're listening to the show so the one thing of course it's rated under best uh the comment for from wazowski it just says he did it 100 he is guilty if anyone was going to get caught sucking on their guest toes it was david neal this person knows david yeah yeah he's had his toes sucked that's the guy yeah like if you're an officer get him if you like something something happened where you were in charge of describing the suspect to police so they could like do a sketch and you said you're like man it's just this guy was sucking my toes

in a hotel room and that's all you gave him he turns this i'm turning around it's fucking david was his name david i don't know what his name was doesn't even have to draw but he just sits there he's like sucking my toes he goes pulls up his facebook page puts puts the you know easel away he goes it was a david neal yeah yeah he's got all this stuff out he starts packing it up as soon as he mentions he's he gets all this stuff out he's like all right can you describe the person well he snuck into my room and he started sucking my toes all right we're done he goes thank you we got our man it's all i needed it's fucking david needle we got our man got our man he's probably down at the uh the fucking toe sucking factory he's riding hot air balloons and that's up there with worst ways to wake up

yeah or weirdest ways well waking up in a hot air balloon would suck yeah i mean that i was having this crazy dream i was i was ballooning this weekend dude you know when you're driving a car and like the passenger i'm just gonna they doze off and you're Yeah. I was having this crazy dream. I was ballooning this weekend. Dude. Holy shit. You know when you're driving a car and like the passenger, I'm just going to, they doze off and you're just letting him sleep and you're trying to be quiet. Maybe turn up the music a little bit. Like light blinker. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're just doing everything to like, just enough to hear the sound, but like trying to do that quiet. Like, oh, she's, it's going to be a long trip. She needs a nap. He's like yeah instead of going it's just a lot of little oh sorry sorry that i wake you feathering the throttle like you're delirious your eyes are barely open and you just have a dude you don't know

flame over the over his shoulder. Into a balloon. Like, a balloon from that angle is probably so scary. And David Neal just fucking staring at you. That would be so scary. That would be so scary. I just picture, like, I picture this guy.

Like, you know when someone's telling a story and then what they visualize and it's like the devil and there's flames behind? Like, someone picturing David Neal. And then all of a sudden they visualize this giant balloon over his shoulder and a flame and him just staring at it. He's smiling. But it's like, it's dusk or dawn.

Yeah. So the flame's just lighting up his face. Just staring at you good morning good morning princess oh fuck david neal the infamous toe sucker david neal david ballooning neal that's that name though it's like the the green river killer uh yeah uh what are some serial killer names jeffrey dommer btk jeffrey neal like that name you say it and you don't you don't gloss over like it just all right you gloss over it right like jeffrey dommer just what's the dude in the jack the jack the ripper jeffrey dommer we have by torture kill daniel neal is that his name

daniel neal david david david neal uh all right well that's that's all i got just the whole Friedom or Daniel Neal. Is that his name? Daniel Neal? David. David Neal. David Neal. All right. Well, that's all I got. The whole episode, I guarantee that when this episode comes out in the title, it's going to say hot air balloon or ballooning. Or toe sucker. Ballooning.

Oh, it's going to say hot air and toe sucking. Hot air and toe sucking balloon animal. All right. Let's get our other dick in here. We got to move this thing. Yeah. Let's our other dick in here we gotta we gotta move this thing yeah let's jam another dick in there yeah double penetration double chokie all right joe what i'm a wedding makeup artist and my bride almost walked out on her big day after finding finding the groom being breastfed by his mother huh i mean i love that the two articles this week

one's about getting your toes sucked on you know it's about a grown man sucking on his mom's boobs yeah so now when i first read that i in my head i was thinking she found out that he breastfed as a child but i feel like that's not where this is gonna go yeah well let's let's let's do it oh there's an ad playing for a pizza place and the cheese anyway so good a wedding makeup artist has claimed one of her brides almost called off her wedding after discovering her groom being breastfed by his mother kind of hot can you i mean is she pregnant or did she just have a baby she's they just if you keep doing it then the boob keeps making milk

so this is just a thing that they do apparently sneaking off at night to suck your mom's boobs god i'm so thirsty tiptoeing okay your mom your mom's coming to visit again your mom's here every weekend just sneaking down the hallway by your parents room to go to someone else's room but you're sneaking into your parents you're you're laying in bed and your dad's in bed with you now can you guys suck your tits can your son suck your tits somewhere else i'm trying to sleep he's trying to i'm trying to suck your toes you know can you roll over you're really making this really hard to suck your toes with it with this thing all right keep going in the latest episode of unfiltered Bride podcast, host Georgia Mitchell, who is a professional UK wedding planner, explained how she had been told the story by someone she had previously

worked with. Referring to the makeup artist by a fake name, Jenny. Georgie relayed how she had just finished the bride's face and hair when she said she needed to go use the restroom. Georgia said the bride walked into the toilet. That's what they call it over there. The toilet. And what she saw is enough to end a wedding.

At first, Georgia's co-host, Beth Rue, runs the business, assumed that the groom was cheating on his bride with another woman. That's, yeah. Yeah. But it looked just like him. Oh, goddamn, pop-up.

Oh, God. Insisting that it was much worse, Georgia then replied he was being breastfed by his mom beth then replied sorry what you know why would you marry a man who still breastfeeds jumping to the bride's defense georgie i don't think she knew what uh that's what was happening yeah i don't know he's funny what would be how would you get over that like ah well you know he can't the good outweighs the bad yeah he sucks his mom's boobs well like imagine like you're in bed getting intimate and he starts kissing around and licking around and sucking around starts sucking on your boobies yeah and then he's like he's not getting anything he starts crying yeah he's like throwing a temper tantrum

she's got to go make a bottle come here come on come here god man too much is there more i this i didn't bring this story in is there more to this no the mom keeps producing milk because if you keep doing it, then you can still produce milk. So they've been doing this the whole time. What does he do for a living? Ooh, it doesn't. Milkman. He's a milkman.

Milk boy. Professional sucker. I don't know. It's awesome if he was like an MMA fighter or something. Yeah. It's Mike Tyson. It's fucking, it's David Neal. Who are we kidding?

No, but. Two David Neal stories. would you ever be able to get over that and we've glossed over this a little bit in the past but when uh amber was pregnant did you ever suck on boobs and get some milk out of there for funsies uh maybe like a briefly just to see what it tastes like yeah it's fucking awesome um but god this chair is ridiculous um i remember being at a bar and one of the waitresses or the bartender she was pregnant and she squeezed breast milk into drinks and cool like mix it in and everyone took a shot uh yeah i mean i would have done it Probably Zach Boob stuff I like boobs

Yeah You ever suck some milk out of it I have not You ever put milk in like a coffee cup Or your cereal You know I'm thinking about it I don't feel like That sounds great

Breast checks Breast checks Probably Probably better than some of the protein shakes I drink True True High in good stuff

Yeah Highly suggest If they have breast cancer Would it be lumpy milk Is it curdled It's cottage cheese Squeezing cottage cheese out of a nipple Fuck

We talked about two things Shouldn't be going out the same thing Like jizz and pee And how Your body knows to shut that off How magical that is Could you just imagine You're about ready to blow your load and you just piss or the opposite.

Whoops. Think you're going to pee and a bunch of cum. You're like, oh. Like what other fluid could come out of a teat? I don't know, but cottage cheese is not fucking fun to think about. Orange juice. Ketchup. Just a bunch of different sauces.

That would be pretty awesome though. You're at a restaurant Margarita You have any ketchup Sorry Do you have fry sauce Did your boobs have ketchup in them Oh yeah

They do I always forget You have ketchup Tell me when And mayo And you just make fry sauce Fry sauce in the middle Alright those are some fun stories

We got a petty beef to get to We do Yeah Oh is it good We're gonna do it right now Is it petty Yeah And Zach's gonna play the thing

Right Zach Silence in the court You are now entering the petty beef courtroom where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated the people are real the cases are real the rulings are final ish this is petty beef boom boom you want to read what do you want me to read what are you smirking at over there huh what are you smirking at i don't know you're smirking yeah there's something going on in that brain you ever just look over someone there have a smile on their face like why are you smiling they're like i'm not like yeah you are i'm looking right at you and you're smiling just hi they're thinking about someone else like something kids kids do My wife's always thinking about like Some other thing

Actor Something besides you Yeah And that's why she smiles Yeah Was this something I said Yeah Kinda

Do you want to read it? I'll read it if you don't want to I'll read it Do it Read the thing Our petty beef this week is coming in From one of our spooky daughters Angel

Who writes Hey dads hi first of all i love the podcast thank you i've been listening from the beginning don't stop rocking the fingerless gloves boom can you hear that this is the sound of power that's yeah that's what that is that's what that is this this is threatening this is you're safe around me yeah or you're if mess you cross or you're in trouble. That seems like a bumper sticker. Yeah.

I wear fingerless leather gloves, so you know you're safe around me unless you cross me. I've got business hands, Joe. Yes, you do. He's got the switchblades to match, too. Yeah, switchblades and fucking business hands. If this isn't fucking business going on right here. Right. You know I'm bad.

I'm bad. You know it. You know it. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. All right. What's the penny being? Are we getting back to business? Yeah. Business in, baby.

Can you imagine a lawyer walking into a courtroom with- Yeah, with leather gloves and a switchblade. And the judge is like, he's feeling a little threatened. He's like, I think I'm going to need a little more time. Yeah. Anything you want. Looks like this decision might take a while, right? Right.

Looks over at the jurors and he's kind of- Licking his switchblade. Right. Huh? You guys look sleepy. He's just like cutting an apple. He's like, so- Yeah, does that one.

Stabs it into the apple. He obviously wasn't in the place during the murder. Using it to open up like some tuna, some sardines, some fucking. The sound of shredding an aluminum can top. Like back and forth. Oh, God. The sounds of camping. Okay.

I have a petty beef With my husband Ooh He has this awful habit Of opening a cabinet door To grab a cup Plate Spice

Or whatever And just leaving The cabinet door open I'll walk in the kitchen Turn the light on And find the cabinet doors Wide open And she'll probably

Leave the light on Ooh Sorry I'm taking a little bit Of my own Personal Stuff into the petty wide open and she'll probably leave the light on. Sorry. I'm taking a little bit of my own personal stuff into the petty. I have a bit of an unconventional reason for this, why this bugs me so much. Bit of a backstory.

I grew up in a sugar haunted. Fuck. That's, I mean. Haunted by sugar. I caught the diabetes. You're hearing voices? Yeah, they just keep on saying diabetes. Diabetes.

Your Liberty Medical sent right to your front. What the hell is that? Who's talking to me? What's his name? Morford or Humford? Wilford Brimley. That was so close. When I say Milford, Womford.

Mumford and sons. Mumford and diabetes. Mumford and Sons? Mumford and Diabetes? Mumford and Beatus? Mumford and Beatus. Oh, God. That's a whole thing. That's a band name. It is.

Mumford and Beatus. Or a comic strip. Yeah, a comic strip. Yeah, oh. About a haunted sugar house. Okay. Mumford and Beatus, the tale of the haunted sugar house lots of weird shit happened there but the relevant one was there involved kitchen cabinets one day when i was about 14 or so my mom my sister and i settled down to watch a movie in the living

room minutes into the movie we heard a loud bang in the kitchen we went to the that sounds like you it does we went to the uh investigate we found every cabinet door in the kitchen wide open we didn't hear a series of bangs just one big one well meaning every cabinet door flew open at once no one else was in the house at the time it freaked us all out pretty bad fuck yeah it would my husband knows this story and he knows it bugs me but he continues to forget to shut the cabinet doors like a fucking bastard man i added that part i'm the jerk for letting someone so small get in or i'm the jerk for letting something so small am i jesus christ am i the jerk for letting something so small get under my skin or should he learn to close the damn cabinets?

Well, if he's doing it on purpose. Yeah, if he's like, he's just doing it and be like, ooh, making, like mocking you, like, ooh, ghost. It's back. Looks like another ghost in the kitchen. I love how that you can use that as your thing. Like, you're just like, you're just lazy. You don't want to shut things. So you just leave them open.

Like, God damn it. I told you to shut the car i did it was a ghost blame it on everything on the ghost everything must be that ghost right uh but that is like super scary and cabinets being open drives me fucking crazy too um by ghost or just by someone in the house no but i have a quick story about that too Just in general Like opening it up and then just leaving it open Unless you like going back in, obviously But when you have exited Like if you're spending some time in the kitchen

And you're doing shit and cooking Leave stuff open That's all fine But once you exit the facility Close the fucking drawers This carries over to everything And close the cabinets If the light's off in a room,

you go in, turn the light on, turn it off when you leave. Mm-hmm. If the fan's on, if the door's open or shut, turn it back on. It's like,

leave the planet like it was when you got there, whatever the... Whatever the saying is. Yeah. Leave the cabinets shut. If you're going to open them up,

go back back shut it what's zach saying don't don't put it down put it away oh that works every time don't put it down put it away the moment you go to put something down just get up and put it away that drives me i mean it's the life it's the boxes outside the door it's the shit that goes out like comes out of the house but then just goes into the garage but doesn't go into the spot in the garage it just goes into the door of the garage five more feet and now there's six things in the doorway five more feet you could put the folding table where the folding table goes and not just against the wall where it doesn't go because you

didn't want to walk 10 more fucking feet i I'm definitely guilty of that. Yeah. I hate it. Everything goes away. But the... Going back to this. Yeah. Funny thing about this is when I first moved to the Coeur d'Alene area here in beautiful downtown Coeur d'Alene, I was house sitting for some people I didn't know. And the house was like some weird shit.

Like not crazy hauntings, but just, just i mean noises and stuff that were weird um maybe it's a demon that's following you around no this no one's hurt me yet but i told my really good friend about it he lived just across the street like directly across the street um and then i was sleeping and he came he came over or i was out either i was out or i was sleeping he came over where I was out. Either I was out or I was sleeping. He came over to my house and then opened up all of the drawers and cabinets and then didn't tell me for fucking months. So I just thought like that. I think that was one of the things I mentioned. I was like, I did not open this cabinet.

I remember shutting it. So then he snuck back in the house and opened everything and then didn't tell me for months. He just let me be like, what the fuck? And like jizz on pillows. I was like, you're not going to believe this shit. And he's like, what? No. And then it never happened again.

And then months later he goes, yeah, he snuck over and opened all that. Could you imagine if he stole stuff and violated things and then didn't tell you? Then the people that you house sat for, they're like, well, we're never going to ask Joe to do that again. Just a prank. You know? He's got to set it up as a prank they thought you did it why is it called house sitting i don't know because you sit in it i had to do so many repairs to that house i feel so bad they had a vintage schwinn bike and i got hit by a car on it and just mangled the fucking i wasn't even worried about me i just slid across the hood and landed on my feet. And the Schwinn bike was just fucked.

Like fucking Don Johnson in Miami Vice. It was alleyway. She came out and then I was coming down the road and just hit the side of the car. So I just slid over the top. But the bike was all fucked up and it was like real vintage Schwinn. Did it bend? Like the tire just bent in half? Tried to fix it.

Like just tried to get it. But it was always just a little, like a tiny wobble, no matter what. So I had to tell them. And then I had Ryrie. My dog was brand new at the time and they had like this vintage victorian couch and he hadn't chewed anything and i had to go into work came back and he ate the fucking cushion of this vintage couch and so i just had to take all the pieces and i like mushed them together and then just shoved them into it and then zipped it back up so it's still like and then rotated it you know yeah inside and i mean never never got in trouble but did they ever find out if they did they

didn't call me about it didn't pursue legal ramifications they're like why is joe chewing up the furniture that's weird it's a weird thing for a man to do for a grown man to do i'm going you close the close the fucking cabinets i'm going to close the cabinets but if he's doing it on purpose uh purpose i find that a little funny find a little little fun yeah it's a little it's a little i know it freaks her out or yeah if she was getting pissed and she's like just fucking stop it i. I'm upset. It's not funny anymore. Probably stop. Yeah. But if she's just getting freaked out, like, oh my God, this is a ghost.

I would keep doing it. Keep doing it. All right. Well, there you go. That's our ruling for that baby. Sincerely, your spooked daughter, Angel. Thanks, Angel. So I'm on your side.

Unless he's having a little fun game with you. Then Brian's saying, sorry, bro. That's part of marriage. Sucks for you. Sucks for you. Okay. Let's hear some good news for this week okay all right let's roll it zach so you're telling me there's a chance hooray we are doomed yeah this would be a scary situation for like any kid to be in but a 12 year old girl saves her family from carbon monoxide poisoning so the and when i came across the article i first thought it was like sleeping and i happened to wake up and like the alarm or and then got everybody up but no it was just during the day

uh she called 911 asked for help because her mother and younger brother were passing out. They were like... Yeah, they're just hanging out. And then they're like, see ya. Like, oh, I'm so sleepy. And then she's... Like, that would be so scary for a kid to watch your parents be like... And start just mentally checking out.

But she called 911, said something was wrong with my mama. Can you hurry up and come? And they did, and fucking saved everybody what you taking can you hurry up and come this into somewhere else how did on this story i'm sorry it's not like i thought just when i hear that phrase i just feel like she's like she's it's a child never mind it's involuntary though come on yeah it is and i and it's a child but i just immediately was thinking like she's in the middle of something yeah hurry up and come i i gotta you gotta go help my parents let's visualize it being an adult woman okay uh like everyone's passing out she goes you have to come like i hurry up and finish My parents are dying.

The guy's like, just a second. I'm almost there. God damn it. Don't rush me. All right. No, but start over again. Don't always talk about your dying family. You know what that does to me? Every time you talk about carbon monoxide.

All you talk about is carbon monoxide. What's with this? I feel like that's all you ever talk about anymore is'm getting sick of it god now you know what never mind never mind fuck i don't even want to have sex anymore fuck carbon monoxide door slam noise final glue what a weird what a weird thing to have a fight about but hats off to this young girl for realizing that uh you need to do something. How did she not? That's what I was wondering, too.

Maybe her lungs of steel. She planned it. She was wearing it. She was happily wearing a mask, like a respirator at that time. She called. She's like, how are my parents? How are they going? I can't understand what you're saying.

Let me take this. Opens her perfectly. It's like Darth Vader. Her astronaut suit. Yeah. My parents are are passing out i don't know why back on hurry up and come and then she then now she always has like never when i saved your lives she set it up like i don't know i think i should get the new car i think i mean she was 12 could pepper uh could she mastermind something like that? To call and save me? Well, but set it up to where she wants you to owe her.

Oh, no. No. And then if I ever found out, she'd be dead. I'm kidding. You found a gas mask in her closet? Perfectly preserved with a little diary that wrote out how funny that day was exactly on this day i've never laughed so hard in my life watching my dad lol collapse in the kitchen lol bet you wish you had a mask now huh motherfucker anyway anyway lasagna was good

anyway brother here's wonderwall anyway i saved them They owe me Blah blah blah I'm totally gonna ask For a new car now Yeah Hopefully I get it It'd be weird If I didn't save you right You're like god damn it

Like how long You using this I'd be fortunate If I wouldn't have Woke you up Ha Ha ma Something we found

On the internet Should we do that now Yeah Alright we'll do it As soon as Zach Does the fucking Do it! The internet is pretty wild.

Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together. As a couple. Hey, look what I found.

Yes! That's awesome! Sorry, I spit into the microphone microphone i was wondering what that was i forgot that we were doing this live do it live do it live fuck it we'll do it live so i was like i looked i looked around i was like did i kick something i don't know what and then i saw your face i was like oh i did that oh okay what are we doing what are we finding the internet dissolving swim navy blue joke prank shorts. Bachelor party stag do. Those words don't.

That's what the title says. How are we going to describe this product? I think we should do bachelor party stag do. Sounds good to me. Amazon is so funny the way they just. Instead of saying dissolving pants, it's like swimming pool dissolving pants summer summertime party sale stag bro do what is the what is the party stag do um well these you know if you want to get back at someone you could have a bunch of these new shorts if these would be amazing for i mean like it says a bachelor party going to vegas and whatever you

could i'll share this story in a second but you buy i'll make something up right now that didn't happen to me at all but here we go no but if you're in vegas and somehow had matching shorts but the one you gave because somebody dissolved in the water how funny that would be yeah like a pool party and you're in with the dj and he's just like dancing and like you know how water is and how you feel it like you might not even know that you're naked yeah for until you're like oh yeah something you're like fuck yeah and you stand okay get out and you're dancing because dick is like parts of your shorts are stuck to your leg your dick's out and it's not as it's smaller smaller you're in a pool yeah that would be the worst part then you get indecent exposure in the pool uh dissolving shorts prank just ends with somebody

getting arrested and go to jail for getting their dick out in public yeah lose the backstory misses his wedding he was gonna be uh a school teacher and now he's he's got like never again he's technically can't get that job his whole life was ruined because you thought it'd be funny yeah this it wasn't dissolving shorts but at my bachelor party which was in vegas my brother just got everybody jorts so you know jean shorts and then passed them all out you know like you gotta have everyone's size and so there's no swim trunks at the pool that day just a bunch of dudes and jorts and like the bottom started like frizzing so you'd be walking around and it'd just be parts of everyone's shorts like floating in the water like so are they pants cut into shorts yeah so the strings would like come out right and like you'd like have a little trail behind you they filled up they pull up the filter at the end of the day

it's just full of it's a jeans denim it's just a jean it's just an entire it's an entire pair of pants in the fucking drain sweet dude new pair of pants love it and they're already chlorine cleaned oh but that would be really funny i would love to have somebody snag those and get somebody to wear Sweet, dude. Love it. New pair of pants. Love it. And they're already chlorine cleaned. Oh. But that would be really funny. I would love to have somebody snag those and get somebody to wear them without knowing it. That'd be a really good prank. Any time that you can prank someone where they're off doing something and they have no idea and you do. Did I tell you that time in Vegas?

It was actually at my wedding. I think we were flying back and we'd gone to a sex shop. And we found these giant dildos and stuff. And it was like this box that said, like, 50 pounds of pound ass and balls. And it was like a rubber ass that you fuck. Yeah, it was. And then they had dildos that were, like, vibrating ones with a remote. And we thought it'd be so funny. We didn't do it, but we were going gonna open it up and put it in his bag and then like have the remote and then we're

going through the airport we turn it on so his bag would start vibrating and then you'd have to open the bag and pull it what's this excuse me sir because of vegas airport just busy amazing he's like what is this sir sneaking stuff gigantic people's big old throbbing vibrating dick just like yeah swirling it's like one of those the kid noodles like the the sprinkler noodles that are in the yard that summertime kids playing in all right let's start let's hear from the kids oh god you. All right, let's do it. Oh, God. All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really?

You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Wow. I forgot about some of these. Oh, because you haven't heard them. Yeah. We haven't heard them in a while. So our first email is coming in from our daughter, Jen.

Oh, Jen. She writes, hey, guys. mail is coming in from our daughter jen oh jen she writes hey guys first of all i say let the dying woman do what or who she wants relating back to last week's petty beef or the week before um where the dying lady requested to her jared's dick go back and fuck gerald her ex one more time uh and jen saying let her do whatever doesn't whatever. It doesn't change who she is or how she feels about her husband. Anywho, I wouldn't call it an open relationship. We asked our listeners to write in for people that were poly or open

relationship. I'm trying to explain it to us a little bit. Anywho, I wouldn't call it an open relationship, but I have a unique situation. A little background that I feel is relevant. I'm a solo parent to a kid with special needs. I am happy with my life the way it is, and I've busted my ass making a great life for myself and my son. Good for you. I will never bring a man that I'm not serious with around my kid.

Turns out I haven't met a man that I'm not serious about, which leads me to my situation. I basically have a long-term friends with benefits situation. The guy is my best friend. We've been friends for about 15 years. We do everything together. Yeah, you do. We also started sleeping with each other several years ago. He's a great friend and the sex is satisfactory.

That's okay. I hope he doesn't listen. He's like, oh, guess I'm done having sex with you. Why would you stop though? She's still one. I know. But what if, I mean, the male ego. But now you know, it's like. I know But what if I mean The male ego But now you know

It's like I know Like do you even like this? Now he's all self-conscious about it The male ego Is so fragile She's like Yeah

He's like You know Is this satisfactory? At least you know Like sometimes you don't know until Like with anything You're like You're being stupid right now

Oh sorry I'll try not to be stupid True You're being satisfactory in bed Okay I'll try harder I'll try not to be stupid. You're being satisfactory in bed. Okay, I'll try harder. I'll amp it up. I'll get harder. Great friend.

Sex is satisfactory, but he's just not what I would want in a partner. And that goes both ways. So we both date other people and we do call a timeout on sex if we're sleeping with other people or getting serious about someone we've met. And I'm hoping to eventually meet a man that I can see a future with. But in the meantime, I'll be enjoying my friends with benefits okay bye jen that's cool i like that and i like how they're open like okay once you start seeing somebody it would suck for the other person though like well she's just like yeah yeah well it's always the one person i'm seeing this person now the other guy's like come on God damn it I'm gonna wait around I'm gonna get my fuckable rubber ass

Out of the closet again It's like Hope I never Never have to use this again Just He's digging it out Just a pain in the ass To fucking clean

Just I'm gonna see another person right now Fuck Just While he's While he's like Pulling it out And lubing it up

And cleaning it He's going He's like So it out and lubing it up and cleaning it. He's like, so sick of this. Every time she finds someone to... He's like, he's doing the dishes. He's like, he's doing the dishes. He's taking his fingers in. Oh, is this satisfactory?

Fuck. God. I'm doing it. I'm doing his belt. I'm just going to... I think he's pretty... I'm going to see about where this goes. I'm going to see where this goes. I'm going to give this guy a chance.

I know how this is going to turn out. It turns out the same fucking way. We've been doing it for two months. He's just fucking this giant rubber butt. Talking shit. I'm just sitting here. Like I always do. Just waiting around for Jen.

Just fucking this. Picture him finding it. Like, he's so aggressively going through like piles of boxes. Well, looks like it's us again. You and me. Throwing shit out of the way. God. Dust the duster spray.

Oh, he's the bridesmaid. Dusting out. Dusting out the rubber pussy. It's like the keyboard air. The canned air. That's what I'm saying. The dust. Yeah.

Upside down. Like freeze it. Does a little cool. Oh, man. like he like he never finds him and then he finally found someone he's like oh this could go somewhere so he puts it away and then tires you know you basically retires it and then this happens and he's like where's that fucking thing i need to put an air tag on this next time it's a weird thing to yell in your room mom you know where i put my pussy giant rubber pussy is yeah jen but she's not seeing me anymore

she'll be back in a couple months she's just she's off on some new thing she's my guy she's finding herself uh all right we have another another email you want to read it um do we yeah we finished that one right yeah okay yeah our Okay. Yeah, we did. It's coming from Corey. Okay. Hi, Corey. Hey, guys. I just thought a workplace mishap that was funnier than it should have been. I worked for a new defunct cement distribution company.

Okay. A now defunct. A now. Not a new. Brand new. Brand new defunct. Yeah, we're already fucked. The grand opening, they're like, and closed.

It's a bad idea from the beginning, but we just went for it. But you just, you have to see it through. Did you, could you imagine like the guy, he's like, he's like. So I know all of you came out for this grand opening and everything, but it's starting to feel like it's getting second cold. It's a terrible idea. Yeah, I just feel. No one's going to want this, right? He's like, I can't do this. Throws down the giant scissors. Sticks them in the ground.

I can't fucking do this. I don't even know what I was thinking. Opening a toaster screw shop. It's like the toaster repair shop. Next to the vacuum repair shop. the fuck was i thinking i thought everything is oversized when then whenever it's an announcement big check except the shovels are they're never they're normal when they do groundbreaking it's like gigantic shovel it's like a it's like a pole digger like a fence uh post digger an auger yeah that's what they are man it's just an auger he brings in an auger okay where i'm at okay

and now defunct you were one sentence in all right where was distribution company we kept the uh fly ash stocked what we had kept fly ash stocked what's that it's probably some cement thing oh powder i'm guessing it's so specific everybody knows like whenever you're in the business how you're always like oh my god he probably doesn't know what fly ash style is. This guy. No wonder his company never got off the ground. The owner doesn't even know what fly ash is. Some guy was just like, you know what, I got some money, I'm gonna start a business. Let's start a cement company.

Start something concrete. Who's gonna run that fly ash department? What the fuck is that? Alright, never mind. Now, wait, I forgot what I I am the second sentence we had kept the fly ash inside one of our silos that was chucked in and blew

into the silo pneumatically right now fly ash if you don't know is cool ash it's very cool coal ash you read it you read it wait no maybe there'll be some gold in here and the coal okay it's coal ash that is taken from the power plant and used in a cement mix design to lower

costs and improve flow behavior this sounds like a foreign language uh it is such a fine powder that it actually can pass through your denim i love that it's very cool and very fine uh you have unload you have to unload into a five inch pipe 100 feet up uh you read it hey zach yeah welcome he still likes days of the new bro it's great you every week how about he reads it every week we just okay it is such a fine powder that it actually can pass through that you have to unload it into a five inch pipe 180 feet up to the silo

as you can imagine this takes a lot of phenomenic zach what's that word that's right pressure in the hose and the hose can blow off the pipe they make a velcro strap to hold the dog ears on the hose down. One truck driver This guy, this is the worst. Flajingle would matter. Rotary girder. The inline spec and the rotary girder.

He's the only one that knows what this stuff is. Hold the dog ears on the hose down. One truck driver, Tim, didn't use the strap, and his hose came undone. As a result, there was a cloud of ash in the air about the size of a football field. I know exactly how big that is. When we ran out there, Tim walked out of this gigantic cloud. It was completely white and covered in fly ash.

His only distinguishable feature was two wet spots around his eyes. That visual of walking out and just fucking wet. I picture, what's his name from Sandlot? When the vacuum explodes. Yep. I mean, same thing, but just that's all you get is little wet eyeballs.

To add insult to injury we called him fly ash tim from that point forward and my boss made him sweep it off the building when he was done oh my god it's like fucking he's like that was pretty funny fucking clean it up like when your kid spills something right you're like oh my god now you clean it up now uh he had to drive his truck back home that evening completely covered in ash right after he got done with the flux capacitor integrator trip flip chain whatever we're going we don't need roads i'm not even smart enough to come up with like intricate sayings yeah on the fly i could say dumb stuff i'm dumb i love that one there's a video of a a golfer. And then he sets it up as a normal golf video.

And then he starts describing what you have to do to hit the golf ball right. And just the terms he uses are just funny. It's like that one tech one where the guy's explaining the new machine to the office. That's what Tim just did to us. Yeah. All right. He's like, and his hose was strapped to hold the dog ears on the hose down. The way you read it, now that I see it, to hold the hose down.

But I read it as dog ears on the hose down. Like, that's how I heard it. Take the dog ears on the hose down. Yeah! All right. Well, that's our show. Zach. Whoa.

What? That was a wild ride. That was a wild ride, my guy. Happy you're here, bud. Glad to be here. And yeah. Skycast.com. We'll do a lot.

We'll do a proper introduction of Zach here shortly. We'll just start the show with it in case you guys have no idea who he is. But Zach, I love you. Love you, too. Thanks for making the jump on over here proud to be here if you are part of the gaggle the show keeps going bonus episode on the bonus content on the end of every single episode you can sign up at patreon.com slash can you don't podcast links in the episode description hit us on the socials follow us on youtube now the youtube channel actually has shit on it you can see and not just us sitting in chairs which is probably pretty cool for those that watch it

on youtube something they're just trying to see a couple of sexy guys sexy chairs a couple sexy making daddies noise chair chair noises if you you if you've come to watch some sexy daddies try to read yeah you're in the right place the right're in the right place. Holy shit. Fucking sitting here trying to read with the dog nose whores down. Something you want to see on the show. Hey guys, at canyounowpodcast.com

then rate and review us wherever you listen to podcasts because that's extremely helpful. Yeah, it is. I'm wrapping it up now. You ready? Put a bow on it.

Put a bow on the hose down dog ears. Flapjack! Roll it! Good God. Wrap it up already huh Good guts That was your friend boss guy Yeah

Who voiced that one My former manager What was his name Flash Tim What was his name David Neal Yeah Dude turns out he liked to suck toes Sucking toes and we're not friends anymore

All the money I gave him he just went out and sucked more toes. Sucked it away. This was sent in by Tanner. Got a dad joke. Okay. What's the best part of Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus. Oh, God.

You know what's funny? No, I was looking at jokes for last week. Yeah. And I read that one. It's a good one. It is. I was hesitant at jokes for last week, and I read that one. It's a good one. It is. I almost used it. That's funny that you picked out of all the jokes.

All the dad jokes. All the bar jokes, whatever you walk into mine. You take the big plus one, huh? All right, well, that's it. Stick around if you're part of the gaggle, kids. We'll see you guys next week. Episode 50. Bye.

Bye. see you guys next week episode 50