Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Just Acting. Cornhole. Forklift. Wet Basket.

Episode Date: April 1, 2026

Let's say you are the proud owner of a drive-thru prayer business. Would you be open 24/7? Monday-Friday 9-5? Or just Wednesdays from 11-1? Let's talk about that, having to depend on your local community to protect from everyone else in the world wanting you dead, sneaking away to have sex in a porta-potty, where the heck do all these idioms come from, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/xhJ6VGhizjkSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Just acting. Cornhole. Forklift. Wet Basket. Yeah, no real life. I can tell everybody what you was talking about. No. Hey, Brian. Hey, Joe. How's that voice? I don't know.

Oh, you tell me, brother. Yeah. How do you tell me, brother? Yeah, it's just been one of those stretches, you guys, of just life stuff. Did we even talk about it last week that I was sick as fuck? Yeah. I think we did. I was super sick. I don't remember last week. Yeah.

And then, sorry, if I gave it to you. probably it's going all around it's getting everybody Zach have you escaped it I have so far yeah congratulations man thank you that's awesome what position did you play not sick guy so we're making it happen um I'll probably be doing the majority of the reading today and talking in general and then when you have something to say I will I will dial way back so you can go I know what jokes before was like you can do impression as you can do impressions as you couldn't normally do yeah a few days ago my my voice was real raleigh so I was like well I felt like I could talk like RF I was doing like an RFK impression because my voice

was just rattled it all over the food pyramid it's not working now but a couple days ago I was nailing it that's yeah that's not an impression that normally people pull out of their bag no you know what I mean he's to keep that I was talking I'm like I sound like RFK oh food pyramid man we read them like son's baseball tournament when I noticed that and I was like sitting next to some people I'm like come on I was like and then we're at oh where was it going with this? I don't know. Oh yeah and then I was like I was like sound like RFK and I didn't joke and I'm like I wish I had

his body though. He's like 70 year old man but he's ripped he's ripped. Episode 198 of the can you don't podcast this podcast this one right here that you we're listening to right now. Right here. Or viewing your viewing pleasure on the interwebs. Set in the content. For whatever reason, it feels like the last couple weeks, you guys are just like,

eh, never mind. But keep sending stuff in. Hey, guys, at can you know podcast.com. Always want to keep the majority of the content on this show, user generated. We know the internet is full of stuff. But when you see something, say something, you know? It's like an airport. Like you see a bag just pretending to not be a bomb.

We better tell somebody. it could be a bomb just in case when we were getting ready of flat of Mexico that the airport was all bombs crazy insane and there was a dude standing there with this weird looking cooler bag I think you I think you

I think you went fishing in the ocean and had his fish I'm bringing this home yeah but this this is not just going to be a fishing story I'm bringing this home for proof yeah yeah I bet it was 16 feet fucking he's like it's in the cooler

back to you I didn't realize what it was when I saw I'm standing. He was standing there. And then all of a sudden, he was just gone. And we got to the front of the line, and over his bag was still sitting there. And I'm like, I'm at an airport. We're just, we had the cartel scare. And they're like, don't leave bags unattended anything.

I'm like, this is a fucking bomb. And I'm like, looking at it. In your head, you're like, I know they call it a pipe bomb, but can they also make it a cooler bomb? Yeah. All those things are going through your head. You're like, normally this wouldn't be a, it's just a cooler bag. bag, but, God. It's just a fish thing.

And now it's a fishy thing. No, it's fishy. I think I actually made that joke. Yeah, yeah, you did. Yeah. Something stinks here. I don't like this. I don't like this.

I don't like this. Thanks for supporting us on Patreon. We did get a nice little spike over there. So maybe you guys just stop sending shit in and signing up on Patreon. That's fucking, that works. Keep doing that. Patreon.com slash can you know podcast. We posted in Patreon.

on, just the other day from the time that we're recording this, about just asking what you guys would like us to throw in there, like to update our goals to keep the honkathon moving along. So maybe we'll implement some of those, haven't looked at it today.

So if you are part of the gaggle, head over there. Some wild ones coming through. I even put in there. I was like, you can't. I was like, we know, we know that you can just write whatever, but we obviously have to execute.

We're not going to suck each other's dicks. Right. At least not on camera Yeah I mean for a thousand Patreon Subscribers I blow you Really? Who cares at this point? I'd probably take it

Can life get any worse? Yeah No, I'll blow you Fucking rock bottom I don't know if I'd finger your ass and suck your balls Have we talked about this? At a thousand Patreon subscribers If you

And I'd fucking come too Okay Back to you Well if I was gonna say if you Maybe we talk about it before But if you're gonna have a dude blow you Would you rather have it be someone you know or someone you don't.

Yeah. Unless it was you. Because it would be, I mean, if you're down there, just fiddling away. I mean, I can't look at you.

Make eye contact. You or Zach? Make eye contact. And I'm just like, I can't be funny. Like, I can't look at your faces and be like, B-L-L-Rock hard.

Can't. No. Because I'm supposed to, I still have to eject. Yeah, you have to come and finish it. Yeah. Keep it together down there.

Yeah. I'm like, so we still on for Thursday? Yeah. God. Can we talk about this on the pond? We should do it on the pond. We're doing a lap time today, Zach.

Yeah, we are. Preview. Tell us what it's about. It's about idioms. Ooh. So I remember Brian. What'd you call me? Yeah. Hey, I remember Brian mission and, hey, we should do a lap time with idioms.

Yeah, the origin of words and or phrases. Okay. I'm not creative at all. So I thought, I'll just steal that and do that. I'll just do what he said. So there's a lot of dumb things you're about that. I'm excited to learn. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what were you talking? God, I know exactly what the context was. Actually, no, I don't know, because I'm not going to be able to remember, but I have the feeling that we were like, I wonder if that term came from that. Yeah. And then we looked it up and exactly it was that.

It was that. Yeah. That's what it was. Just a heads up. We're just a couple weeks away from our 200th episode. What the fuck? That's a lot. And we've decided that we'll be eating a gummy, and then we're going to do the episode backwards.

I know. Like, not yet. Not in a chair. We're not going to sit away from the microphones. That would be a thing. terrible episode, but we figured the segments that we would normally do, the order that they're in,

we're just going to reverse it while we're high. Because why not? Before we jump into the show today, people are still doing this. California man gets six years in prison after breaking into a woman's house and sucking her toes. Fucking Neil! Dave Neal's back.

Dude, Dave Neal has so many what are they? They study under... Minions? Yeah. Protégés? That what it is? We don't have to get into it. You get the gist. We've covered enough breaking in and sucking toes. Your classic.

This whole show could be called sucking toes. Yeah. Breaking doors and sucking toes. Sucking toes. Talking to hose and sucking toes, dude. Oh, yeah, brother. Ah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, far gone. This is a major improvement from nowhere. I was worried. So, okay, I'm happy that you're here. So L'Orio, he first saw the unversible. named woman in her workplace back in February of 2025. This dude has been just thinking about waiting. Tongue and toes for a year and two months.

And he's like, tonight's the night. I'm going to go in there and she's going to like it. You know, whenever things like this happen or like murders happen or things, like events happening, I always like I sit there and stew like what was the, what was the initiation point? Like when they decided, was it planned all along? I'm going to scout this thing out. And then on this day, I'm going to do it.

Or was it like, he woke up. He's like, you know what, tonight's tonight? In this case, he was. He was harassing her and stalking her and then found out where she lived and then waited for her dad to leave the house and then broke in to suck her toes. So he just saw a moment. He was like, I'm not sucking her toes in front of her dad. That's disrespectful.

That's crazy. That's awkward. I'm not doing that. I'm not a lunatic. I'm a gentleman. I'm not a lunatic. I'm not going to, that was, I don't want to put him in that place. What is he?

I am insane. I don't want to make him feel weird. I'm going to wait for him to leave. Then I'm going to suck those fucking toes. All right, let's get the show rolling. Sucking my fucking toes. Zack! Shut up.

Start the show already. This one came in. It did make me laugh just by the sheer girth of this, uh, this fucking starting the show question from our son, Andrew. Um, ready? It's a mouthful and it's fun. I don't have to read it, so, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You are ready then. Your local town is putting on a play that everyone must participate in. That is a huge fucking play. Sounds like waiting for government. So I feel like we have to put ourselves in like kind of an old tiny town situation. Yeah. Because here in Cordillay, I mean, that's 50,000 people. Yeah.

That's no. The play, but whatever it's, what's it called when you show up and they give you the? The scrap? No, yeah, sure, the script. But like when you show up to watch. to play. What is that called? The little program. Yeah, the program. It's just as thick as a phone book.

Joe playing Joe. Jim plays Jim. Joe plays Jim. Joe plays Jim. Jim plays Jim. Jim dies of brain cancer. Joe mourns. Joe mourns. Sick name. It's broadcast live to the entire world.

There are two roles available for you to pick. Which position do you play? What position did you play? The first one, is you are a horrifically offensive racist using every slur in the dictionary, a truly disgusting character. However, everyone in your town knows that this isn't how you feel at all, and that you're simply an incredibly talented actor for selling it so well. The huge downside is everyone watching the broadcast live thinks you're actually like that in

real life and resents even the mere thought of you being alive. they pose a threat at you at all times since you could drive to your town and kick the shit out of you or they could drive from much of what I just said. All the locals will attempt to defend you and sway someone from harming you, but safety is not guaranteed. There's also a possibility of Hollywood wanting your talents as well though. Okay.

And the next part, the second option available is being some boring, forgettable side character in this play. There are no chances of interference from the people watching the broadcast, but all the people in your town are now the ones who resent you for your poor spirit to think you have an awful attitude? I guess I don't care for it. I don't care for it. They will never hold the door for you.

They will never help you with anything, including issues like plumbing. It just in general make you feel unwelcome. What position do you play? What position did you play? You walk into a restaurant and they won't serve you? Oh, yeah. Spit. Eat the poo.

Eat the poo. No. Do you have the option to move? I don't see? Loophole, poop. I think the loopholes. I think you're stuck. You're stuck.

Yeah, you signed a 15-year lease for whatever reason. Bad move on your part. But you're in that unique, one-of-a-kind townhouse for the next 15 years of your life. Sheesh. Oh, man. So. I mean, you have to interact with. the locals every single day.

Traveling would be a nightmare though. Imagine like this wildly broadcast, anytime you want to go anywhere. Like you're heading out of town with the family, right? Going to see an M's game. Watching my guardians kick the shit out of the Mariners. Is it one in two days, brother?

Yeah. Why'd you sound like that? Because my voice is destroyed. That's right. So you would go there and everyone there would just be fucking staring at you. I'm at Teimo Park just like to look around and everyone's like

just just whispering and throwing shit at you just out of here. Just for not being into acting. It's pretty petty. Yeah. How do they know? I mean if it's a live play they would know you're acting right? That's but you're playing that they bought it. Like they bought it is what it says. But everyone that's like around you, they know that you were just being a very talented actor. So your day and

day life gets to be fine. But when you leave town, no one actually knows who you are, and they think that's who you are. Or your day-to-day life, you just are shunned in your community. But it's not, like, once you leave, it's fine. Would you rather stay inside your house and avoid the locals, or would you rather never be able to travel again? It's basically what we're talking about here. It also says that you're not safe. Like, people can go into your town and try and kick the shit out of you, but your local town will

defend you. They show up with their... So you are. King? Yeah. They surround your house with a moat. A moat. A full throttle.

Fucking hogbone out. The whole manning the gate. Hogbone. Hogbone alliance. Yeah. Hogbone binoculars and a fucking watchtower. Up all night. Ivy drips of full throttle.

Hogbone MC. That's what I was trying to think of. Yeah. He's just up there. He's like, you're safe, brother. It's just hooked up to a fucking full throttle I feel pretty good about that. You got to rely on that. Every day you got to rely on that though.

Yeah, Hogbone will get tired. Someday they're going to be like, I got drunk. Hogbone will crash. Yeah. And then somebody will show up and be like, no, I'm in it. I fucking love you, hogbone. He's like, fuck yeah. And they bond.

And he's like, can I use the bathroom? He's like, yeah, sure. He just lets them inside your house. Yeah, they get you. Yeah, they get you. If everybody's trying to kill you, you're going to die. If we've learned anything in history. is that if you piss enough people off,

someone's going to kill you. So you're dead. And you're going to have maybe a couple months of war that they're trying to protect you. What sounds, the small town folk, they, I think,

I don't know, there's some, they ain't going to hurt you, but they'll shun you. Like, they're not going to physically hurt you. They just don't. You call 911,

and they're just like, no, click. I feel like in some communities, if you like a certain kind of music, they'll shun you. Yeah. But they'll at least show up in blooders. Than tried to be physically harmed. Yeah.

Like, they don't like the music you listen to, but they'll come blow out your sprinklers. Yeah. You know what I mean? In this case, they won't even do that. He's like, they're not going to help you with plumbing. They're not going to help you with anything. Hey, sorry. They won't take your fucking money.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah. That's what it says. I'm supposed to get a cheeseburger. Yeah, they just will not do anything. anything, they're not going to hold the door for you. They're always a little slight. I have to send my wife out. Yep. For all the chores. She's going to be a man. I mean, they'll look her up. They'll hate her too. They'll be like, how are you with someone like that?

How much do you interact with your local community on a daily basis? Now? Yeah. Well, like, when you were living in your neighborhood. I don't know. But going to the store, like restaurant, yeah, going out and about and everyone's a fucking dick to you. That's going to mess with you. Yeah. But, like, I think Andrew went too far. Saying that people are going to come to your town to try and kill you. That's where I don't think the two comparisons really play. If you leave your town, you are hated.

If you just stay put, you are going to be respected. But people can't, they're going to chase you down. Not going to come into your town. But he wrote it and he said that they're mad and they could come try and find you. So you have to hide your address and be careful about what you post. Yeah, but someone will track you down. This is actually a real... Put your kids in danger.

The real thing that goes on with doxing and stuff like that on the internet now. Where you say the wrong thing and they're coming to get you. That's actually a real thing. I'm going to pick... I'm going to pick just people around me hating me. Like, that's fine. Whatever. You want that?

I think I'm picking that over an endless war that people think I am something that I'm not and they're so mad they want to kill me. You've already gone through that. No, they've told me to kill myself. They never threatened to come and actually kill me. Not one death threat? No, just, just, they wanted me to do it. They didn't want to get their hands dirty. They just wanted me to be nice.

Yeah. Must be nice, huh? I wonder where those people are doing these days. You should kill yourself. Who writes that to a stranger? Who says that to someone? And then what does they do it? Yeah.

Do you actually feel bad? Good. Good. What a waste of fucking shit, dude. somebody said something and I'm like, now you're dumb, kill yourself. Fuck, okay. Anyway, hope you guys are doing well.

All whatever 30 or 40 of you that decided to, that was the correct way to reach out to me. I'm going to pick, yeah, I'm going to pick the local community. Local community doesn't like me. Whatever, I'll do my own plumbing. There you go. I think I'm going to go with that too. Man, Ted.

Just waiting for Brian. It's just, I just I'm just thinking about I mean we live in that neighborhood where we're very much involved in our kids are young yeah you need their support

like we're just in getting or my family getting shunned from everything at the school it's just that sounds like a nightmare yeah you got to have the local community on your side I think I want to go the other way just because of the situation we're in right now we travel a lot though so that would suck

you wouldn't be able to do that anymore If I didn't, if I didn't physically harm That was the best, that was the best crack so far, baby I mean, we're going to, we're going to marry game two days We're going to, we go a lot of merry games I guess it would suck if Just get booed by the whole stadium

Just jumbotron with an animated thumbs down Or nachos out of it. Yeah, I'm up there and it's like this And it's, Mm-hmm, fuck that guy. They do like the, the hat game where the hat moves around And it picks it up and it's just you with a picture of you with a fucking flip off emoji.

You're like, whoa. All right. God. I think I'm going to stick with my decision. Okay, fine. All right. I love it. Thanks, Andrew.

That was fun. What a fun little mouthful. It's a lot of details. Having on one of those in a bit. Moving off to what you're thinking about. Zach, please. Thanks. Hey.

Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know, what, I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? I think this is going to be a short one, but I couldn't just not bring it up. I don't know the exact location off the top of my head, but I know the general location.

And it's the stretch off of a, seriously, you're not on I-90 between Liberty Lake, Washington and Spokane Valley. There's like a little dead area where there's like some farm kind of houses, also some businesses. It's just stuff. You know, they're filling in the gaps. And a few weeks ago, I was driving around out there. I think I had to go pick up some supplies for work. We had to print some shit. We didn't have the card stock and it was an emergency.

So I guess I was like, dude, I'll just go fucking get it. So I was driving that stretch. And I'm so happy because I lived in that area for a while and I'd never seen this hand-painted fucking sign. just a white background I think red lettering and it's just in a fucking field okay

and it just sits there and I was driving and I read it and I just kind of looked back at the road and I was like that was really funny and it just said drive through prayers okay and we've seen those

I remember a lot of light being shown on those when COVID was happening right because you're missing out on your prayers you couldn't conjugate at your local chapel. Couldn't go to the church and get your prayers. So they offered like drive-through prayer service

to make sure you got your blessings. And I remember seeing that popping up everywhere. I was like, that's weird, also funny. And this place apparently didn't stop. Now, I have a question for you. If you had to guess the hours of operation for a roadside drive-through prayers field, What would you guess?

You'd want it to be 24 hours. 24 hours. But I'd be 24 hours. Yeah, sin doesn't stop. Thank God. I don't know. Lunch breaks. Jesus Christ.

What would have been? Lunch break? I mean lunch break? Yeah, go get a little savior on a lunch break. Noon to one type thing. Would you do that every day? Would I do that every day? Yeah, if you were operating a drive-through prayer.

Company. You'd want to be Monday through Friday, at least. At least, yeah, I've got to get the time. The traffic. Okay, Saturday. What about Sunday? What? You'd like to take Sunday off, yeah.

To day rest. Okay. They're doing that at the church. Okay. Wait, are you asking me what I would work, what my hours would be if I worked there? No, just then. Or when I would get the prayer? No, just in general.

If you have this business from a consumer standpoint and also from a fast food Jesus prayer owner. Are people paying for their prayers? No, I would assume not. Tips might be appreciated. Not required, but definitely appreciated. They have a funny sign and everything. I feel like prayers are like woppers. You want it your way and when you want it.

Yeah, okay. So this sign, do you get rewards and stuff? Is it part of it? A little punch card. Yeah, get a free prayer. It's like it's already free. It's like, it's already free. And goes, I don't know what else to offer.

Get a Hail Mary's. You get this free. Your 10th Hail Mary free. Free glow on the dark cross necklace. After your 10th. prayer. So they got the white sign, handwritten, red letters, drive-through prayers. Open. Wednesday.

11 to 1. Just Wednesday? Wednesday, 11 to 1. Two-hour prayer window. That's it. Dude, the line must be around the corner. Oh, man. How last around. You could do. But, and then, so that's it.

Great. If that was a normal business, you're never going to see me. Like, that's just, that's ridiculous. But then thinking about from his perspective, he goes, that's all I got time for. So he's squeezing in a drive-through prayer field. These are pretty good prayers, though, I assume. They have to be the best. But if he's working a full-time job. But still getting squeezing some prayers in.

That's what he does with his free time. That's pretty cool. I feel like he has more free time than Wednesday, 11 to 1. Probably. Yeah. You could probably open up a couple more slots. You'd think Wednesday 11 to 1 would be a busy time of the week to not go get a prayer? Well, for anybody.

It's like we're halfway through the week. We've got to get this done before Friday. Seems like a Friday 11 to 1 type of thing. And I actually... Right before the weekend. Yeah. Yeah. A Friday 4 p.m. prayer.

Yeah. As you... Before you go out and sin. You just picked up a fucking 12 pack of buzz balls. They have drive-through alcohol things in Idaho. grab your drive-through 12-pack and hit the prayer. I saw that they make

you know they make bags of wine, right? They now make fucking bags of sweet tea or twisted tea. Fuck, yeah. You're driving through getting a prayer that thing's hanging off

like, you know, the little hook in your car? Yeah, for your shirt. Your dress shirt. And you're just hanging a bag of twisted tea off there, pushing it out of the way

to get your drive-thru prayer on a Friday night. Like a little straw. I like a gerbil. He's saying it. You're just like, you want to hit it? Tickle, tickle, slap, slap.

Let's go. But is this a normal thing? I want to pose that question. Where you guys are from throughout this country or throughout the world, drive-through prayers. Do you have one in your neighborhood? Next question,

are the hours strictly Wednesday, 11 to 1? Is it universal like that? Am I just missing it? Like, is this a very important time for a prayer? Hump day? I mean, Ash, Wednesday is a thing. Thanks.

Yeah, it is. But not every Wednesday. It's one Wednesday. Wednesday, 11 to 1. Hmm. You go check it out. No. Without.

You might drive by on your way home. You'd just be so inclined. The key aspects when the AI overview is convenience designed for busy people, offering a prayer without requiring them to leave their cars. Yeah, we don't want anybody to leave. their house or their car. Just in a fucking alligator diesel truck.

Getting a fucking prayer. He's like, and the Lord said, And the Lord said! Those guys are usually pretty pre-respectful and shut their diesel off. Shut it off for Jesus? Yeah.

Hey, please, can you turn off. Can you turn off your hammie for Jesus? And then you turn it back on and just peel out and just roll coal all over. He's like, you're just holding a hand. And in Jesus' name, amen. Amen, brother. Anyway, I got places to go.

Jake breaking for Jesus. Jake breaks for Jesus. Anyway, so that's out there. Just want to share that with you guys. Feel good? On the radar. Yeah, good. It's kind of like a little, I don't know, I was going to say, like, the little ding.

There's no stand. So I don't know if he's like, just, he, he, he, he, comes out there with like a paint, like a short ladder and that's it. But there's no like, I didn't say like drive-through prayers here in a coffee stand looking thing. It's just a feel with a sign.

See, now I'm starting to picture like a drive-thru. He should pray for someone to give them a little hut. Well, I was going to say, so like a drive-through, a confession stand. Confessions. Oh my God. It's got to exist.

Anyway, fuck my stepmom. I'll get some nachos and a licorice rope. Do you guys take cash? we're a catch only establishment tax purposes let's see here I'll get a slurpy

licorice rope two of the fun size snickers and a Hail Mary and I figured my ass this morning you are you are forgiven I know how much is that

2690 Jesus Christ I got on my truck for this God so far funny. And I killed two people last night. All right, you're forgiven. Awesome. That's good. Came to Jesus here, all right?

All right, let's move off to our dicks. I'm going to write that down on the confession stand. It kind of has a funny ring to it. Yeah. Extra butter? Yeah. I jerked off into my own mustache. That'll be $12. You were forgiving. All right. Do some dizzle.

Exactly. Light it up. Real quick. I just thought it'd be kind of writing this down and like they have candies called Hail Marys, you know? Yeah. It's like a little sour, a sour gum or a sour thing.

Like you buy it like 10 cents you can get. Yeah, or your pretzels are like in crosses. Just Jesus-themed confessions. Confessions. This was sent in by a lot of listening. but the first one that I saw

was our son Tripp and this is a trip there's a lot to take in here Quadruple amputee Cornhole player First of all, dude got a hand it to you Accused of shooting

killing a man during an argument while driving All things that I have a hard time Thinking he could do Quadruple amputee So this is the sport that comes to mind Is not Cornhole Joe, shooting.

This is part of the problem. And driving. All three things, I'm like, I don't know. You're what's wrong with the world. With the world. I assume you can't do any of these things. Including murder. That's why he does those things.

He's gotten away with it for so long. To prove me wrong. I'll show them. People have been a cornhole legend. People have been telling me my whole life that I won't be professional. I'll be nothing. And look at me now. I'm pretty good at cornhole.

To get to the next level at cornhole, dedication. Yeah. And to be a quadruple amputee. It's impressive. Why? And tell your friend. If you made it that far, why would you kill somebody? I don't know.

They're going to figure that out. So a well-known cornhole player does say professional. Who do you think you are? I am. Do you think he's well-known? Amateur. Like, whoa. You do this.

That's it. He was well known because he was a quadrupley. He's pretty good at it. Accused of shooting a passenger in a car while he was driving during an argument. Making your hands on the stairwell. What is happening? According to the Charles County Sheriff's Office, Dayton James Weber. Who do you think you?

It's charged with killing 27-year-old Bradrick Michael Wells. Wait, his name is really Weber? Yes. No way. Dayton James Weber. Yeah, he's not, he's not, he hasn't picked up bowling yet. Is he related to Pete? Please say Weber, a professional cornhole player.

Okay, so now he does have the badge. And a quadruple amputee was driving near La Plata Road and radio station road? This is all made. It's back to our talk about fucking Pleasant View. What is happening? There's a road and they built a road and it went by a radio station. Like, what should we call the road? how about radio station

road? There's a radio station right there. And we'll just call it that forever. This is radio station road now. Even when radio dies, it's still going to be radio station road. Before 10.30 p.m. when he allegedly shot and killed Wells

during an argument, authorities believe everyone in the car knew each other. Okay. How does, how do, okay, maybe I'm just thinking about a guy who has his limbs and can conceal a gun.

I mean, he has to have the paddles, right? Because his feet aren't going down to the pedals. I'm not being funny. That's just logistics. So, not only is he using what's left of his arms to pedal drive, he's also taking

out and firing a gun at his friend. Which, I saw a video of him shooting a gun. Oh, yeah? And I mean, it was, it took a minute for him to kind of... So he's pissed for a long time. So, like, he's just going, you fucking... You wait to like...

Here, help me hold this right. Here, take these paddles. Here, you drive the car for me. You steer the car. I'm going to shoot you. After the shooting, Weber allegedly pulled over near Lano or Yano drive and asked other passengers in the car to help Wells out of the vehicle. So he had it. He added to him to kill him, didn't have it in to get around the vehicle and pull the body up.

Investigators say the witnesses refused to help Weber and got out of the car. No, dude, I'm out of here. What a funny murder scene. Oh my God, dude, fucking get this button. No. Just see at the Cornhole tournament, you psycho, leave. After Weber apparently drove off with Wells still in the car,

nearly two hours later, the sheriff's officers say someone reported a body in a yard in the 10,000th block of Newport Church Road in Charlotte Hall. When officers arrived, they found Wells' body. Weber was arrested a short time later after deputies found him practicing for cornhole, kidding, at a nearby hospital seeking treatment for medical issues.

His abilities, capabilities are well documented on the internet, and all of you have to do is look at it. So if you went in with my thought of how are you doing all of the things in the headline, the answer is go to the internet because he has proven that he has what it takes to become a professional cornhole player, operate a vehicle, and shoot his friend. It's all right there on the internet. better than I am at stuff yeah yeah sure is

is he though like is it is it or is it the handicap is it like the special Olympics I can't cornhole so I haven't been good at that you haven't tried yeah but

if that's all you could do you'd be putting in a lot of work what I'm saying is though is he good compared to other professional cornhole players or is he good compared to like the Special Olympics version of that

the video I saw he was playing against able-bodied individuals Okay. But he was throwing the bag and falling over the line, which I'm sure was piss some people off. God damn this fucking cheater. I'm not kidding. He does like a little, like, he throws it and then falls forward and goes over the line that you're not supposed to be able to cross. And they have to wave it because, of course you do.

Because how are you going to just be like, no. Did Brian die? Brian is just on the ground. Yeah, he just does a little. seal flop over the line. You know who's standing there. Playing against him, was like, this is ridiculous. Unbelievable.

You can't be the guy. You can't. You can't call him out. In your head, as you're getting beat by him, you're like, yeah, you're fucking crossing the line every time, you motherfucker. You're going to be the guy that says something. You just do a little beep every time he crosses the line. Fault.

Fault. That's easy to be good at Cornyl when you're fucking cheating! God! High five. That's a terrible position to be put in. What? Having a quadruple amputee or playing against a... I think the rules to play the game.

The guy that playing him has it worse off than the quadruple amputee. Oh, my God. You see that in the bracket? And you're like, I got fucking... Weber just looking at all the other players you're like he's cheating like I know

they're having like side talks at night like I'm what I'm gonna do about this motherfucker he's clearly flopping over the line yeah I mean if he was in the NBA he would be it would be a violation every single time yeah if it's like picked him up and put him at the rim

and he broke the scoring record no I was thinking if he shoot free throws it would be a shot by by the time. Just like this guy, dude, just gets all the best things. All right. Let's move on to our next story for Dick.

And then we're going to be doing lap time. Wow. And learning about where things come from. This is a wild tale. We have written in here in the script. It says, what's the most unromantic place that you've done it? So we'll get there based off this story.

Indian River County. inmate faces escape charges after leaving jail barbecue for sex and a portable toilet. I'm not faulting him, dude. If that's where you're going to be able to have some sex, that's where you go to have some sex. You're loving a hundred bucket? Yeah. Just fucking coming in the side plastic urinal. When I go in there to take a piss, I do that thing where like, I'm like, it's holding every piece of.

Clathing off? like not bumping up against anything and sometimes they have like a they'll put a hand sanitizer the idea of just being in there and being like just going at it and rub it up and touching. I've made out, I don't think I've ever

fucked in a porta potty but I cannot say with 100% confidence I haven't. And that's how I live my life. Yeah. The fact that you're not sure is... The fact I don't know says a lot about where I've, there's some places I've been in my life. where I'm just like, yeah, no, this is fine.

I do. That shouldn't be a gray area. No, I should for sure know and I don't. So, yeah, I've definitely let it go for a bit. It wouldn't be recently. It would just be, it would be a lost memory at this point. I could, like, you get to a point in your memory bank where eventually you can rewrite your memory.

Do you guys find that? We're like, I can see that happening. In your brain, you could just do it. You're like, I know, I definitely did that. Just because that memory has become so blurry. your brain is like just starts putting it together in a way that it can understand. I do remember, and this is gross, have to share it. I remember taking a poop in a porta potty.

Oh, oh no. Just wait. And I pooped. And for whatever reason, I'm not a fluid dynamics engineer master. And I got splashed by the water up to my butt. just the way the log hit and the water rebounded was enough to create a drop to shoot up whatever amount of feet that is and hit my ass

I would have killed myself what position did you play you would have cut your butt off no I would have killed myself there's no coming back from that way I don't have a gun jump off of something jump into the toilet and drown myself drown yourself drown yourself in Port-a-potty shit piss water

That sucks Back to the story An inmate at the Indian River County Jail Faces a new felony charge After authorities say he slipped away from a barbecue event No no double cheese I'll be right back For charity Why they have a

What is happening What prison gets to have a charity Barbecue event What? Of course they're fucking in the porta body Is this an onion story? It's charity to have sex with a woman in a port of warlet. The inmate, Hartley Elliott Sanchez, 35, was a trustee whose job was to help serve food at the event when he wandered off.

He just took his hairnet off. He was like, dude, I'm going to have sex. Dude, I'm going to go fucking pound. An arrest report from the Indian River County Sheriff's Office said, surveillance video showed Sanchez abandoning his post, walking behind a boat display near the port of a window to see me over here by this pontoon pontoons for Poon

was that the charity event Patoons and Poon Fuck yeah Boat Show God sign in the boat Only in the boat Only in the boat And all those dude

My voice is on so many of those fucking boat show commercials I still hear like if they didn't have to change enough copy I'm just still in there being like This weekend only I'm like, you guys just do this forever? I didn't know signing my voice away forever. So anyway, he's hiding behind a boat,

conversing with two women. You guys here for pontoons and boon? Making sure no one was watching, a woman went into the toilet, and Sanchez went in shortly after. The duo reemerged separately a little while later. Yeah, it's like the Mile High Club. You don't just walk in, you have a little secret knock.

Go on there long enough so everyone kind of forgets. where everybody is, where they at, and then you get back in there and figure it all. I don't understand how there's enough room. I've never been in the mod hub in an airplane bathroom. There's no room. You know, a porta potty sounds luxurious. At least there's a room.

Yeah. When deputies asked them about it, Sanchez acknowledged the encounter and offered that investigators should check out the video. Dude. You see the tape. I don't know. Just watch the video.

I fucking fuck. He's supposed to be serving hamburgers. I wasn't. I was having sex. Dude, it's on the fucking video. Go watch it. Copper. You're in, you're in, you should go watch it, you fucking pig.

You're in jail right now. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. You should, because you're fucking in porta potty's at a charity event. Sanchez, who was awaiting sentencings at the time, now faces one count of prisoner escape. That seems a little harsh. an attempt to escape under Florida law. They're throwing the book at him. Whoever's charged him just pissed that he wasn't invited.

Under state law 944.40, my favorite Florida law. Even briefly stepping out of an assigned work area while in custody can count as an escape attempt. Has anyone seen like, does anyone see the, we have some water around here? And like you go walk around to find water and it's like, it got shot in the escape! I just hit with the head of the rubber bullet. The barbecue is an annual event

where profits and donations go to benefit the Florida sheriff's youth ranches making the prisoners slave labor. Work? Your fucking police charity event? It's slave labor, isn't it? What the fuck? Kind of funny though.

Who thought that was a good idea? Florida. The sheriffs. I know, and he was fucking the sheriff's wife. Didn't say that, but An organization that helps at-risk children throughout our state maximizing profits by using prisoners for your police charity event. Fuck me.

That is, that's real life. That seems like old-timey stuff. That just seems like it's a bad idea all around. How about just run your own charity event? How about volunteers? You know, cop families, put a burger on a bun. The dude came back,

right? Like you fucked and then just came back. And he's like, where were we? Yeah. He's like, where are you just

in there fucking? He's like, yeah, he'll get the fucking tape pig. Let's go to the tape. Let's go to the tape pig. Just spits in his face.

You want corn? I left the doll up a jizz on that pontoon. Oh my God. Oh my God. On that pond poo, dude. Imagine the worst,

the worst part about going and taking a dump in the porta pot is sitting someone else's jizz. Oh. You say, worst. If that was the worst, like, you think you're going in there to

worry about the poop and the shit, all of a sudden, and you sit in someone else's, just slip off on someone's... Would you rather poop and the water splashes up and hits your butt, or sit in someone's come at a fitting room? At a charity event for the police officers of Florida. I think I'd rather sit in someone's come. All right. This says a lot about you.

You ready for lap time? I mean it's... Speaking of sitting and come. Hey, little chitrons. Why don't you come take a seat on Uncle Zach's lap? Gather around, boys and girls. It's lap time with Uncle Zach. Sit on my lap, you little shits.

Yep. You little shits. You little shats. Little shats. Oh, this will be interesting. It's the first time we've done a lap time at the new studio. Yeah, with an echo voice.

How's it sound? Hold on, let's listen. Does it sound? It sounds buttery, but it's buttery. It's buttery. Yeah. I mean, not as echoey as just the chime in mic, but this is the nice mic. Yeah, this is the really nice. Oh, yeah. Dude, that's crazy. This is cool. What's cool? You and your voice? Oh, shit. It does sound good. It's a, it's full. The reverb is. It's an audio file. It's wet. Yeah, it's just, it's gurfy. Well, let's take advantage of that with some stupid shit. You're ready? Yeah. All right. So you guys know what idioms are. Yeah. Yeah. So they're just looking at a couple of them right now. Hey. Yeah. So I don't know how we're going to do this.

This might be a guess how this started or we'll just talk and see what happens. But you got an example would be bite the bullet, right? Bite the bullet. That's an idiom. Oh, yeah. Where did this one come from? I feel like I know. Back to you.

No, go ahead. Give it a shot. I'm going to guess that go back to war times where they were, like they were wounded and they had to get treatment. So they had to put something in their mouth. Nailed it. I did it. Before anesthesia, soldiers. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Down actual bullets. God, what a dumb idea. Can you imagine being one of our ancestors? It just sucked all the time. Just a metal bullet. Here, here, bite this lead. Yeah, plus you stink.

Humans are so dumb. And you're itching because I think that's pretty much what our ancestors did was itch all the time. Can I just bite on my shirt? Bite the metal. Oh, that sounds terrible. Yeah. It was already bad and now you made it worse. I can feel it.

So this one is very, I mean, these are all going to be. be real popular dumb sayings, but spill the beans. Now, it sounds pretty, you would guess, right? Spilling beans. It's bean something, yeah. But check this out. Ready. The ancient Greeks, apparently, voted using beans in a jar, white for yes, dark for no. And when spilling them happened, it exposed the secret vote early and they didn't like that. Oh. So it had nothing to do with chili. Had nothing to do with Pinto beans. It was voting beans. Fucking classic. Little voter beans. that makes sense see I had no idea

a lot of these are kind of that way some of them are very dumb too and this is the information that I retain which is said like for the rest of my life I will have this information and then other things like how to do my taxes I have no idea every year

but I will know where spilling beans came from oh he spilled the beans are those voting beans? What was my password? What did I select last year? God I'm so fucking stupid you know why because when you're at trivia this is the kind of stuff you want be able to answer and show off to people. Get you, yeah, get you a free cookie.

Don't care about taxes. As fuck. No, nobody does. Let the cat out of the bag, right? That's to reveal a secret, often unintentionally. And it doesn't, I mean, it doesn't really actually say where that comes from, right? I didn't find anything. No, it's not, it's not intuitive as to what the hell that means.

Really? I don't know. Is it? Here's why, because the origin is this. Medieval market scam. Sellers put a cat in a bag instead of a valuable pig. opening it exposed the fraud. So they were selling pigs at the time, but somebody would sneak a little cat in there.

Okay. I don't know. So letting the cat out of the bag. Shows that you... Doesn't quite lie up. I don't think so either. But I like where your head's at. The meaning is just changed over time.

Oh, yeah. I think so. Lost in translation. We don't give a fuck, do we? You know, I fucking let the cat out of the bag. All right. Here's a bunch of stupid ones. Break the ice.

Break the ice. I mean, that one seems... Does it? No. back to you it's not exciting but it is not what you would think to ease tension and start a conversation that's breaking the ice but it comes from 1500s the 16th century ships had to literally break through ice to open frozen trade routes how exciting Marco Polo they still do that yeah yeah they're breaking the ice all the time I don't know why we say it yeah as the just time every time I talk to

somebody now for the first time it was in picture if I was a big ship I'm just going through the arctic I'm a dream I'm a put my boat through your ass. I'm going to plow my way into your fucking vessel. Where do I park my fucking boat, my vessel? I'm just saying something. What about park my vessel? What about park my vessel? Do you have a slip? No.

No. All right. To turn a blind eye. Oh, yeah. What does that even fucking, I mean, I know what it means, but to deliberately ignore something. Yeah. That's wrong. You know, and you're like, no, I'm not doing this.

I don't give a fuck. Yeah. It actually comes from a person named Admiral Nelson, who is an Englishman, at the Battle of Copenhagen. I used to drink Admiral Nelson. He used to suck on Copenhagen. Put it in. But this is interesting.

He apparently held his telescope to his blind eye to ignore the signal to retreat. And that's where we get that sentence from. Wow, what a good guy. Yeah. He's like, let's just get these cunts killed. Are they saying go back and he's just putting it? No. They're saying run into your death.

Sir, it's very obvious. Don't see it. I don't see it. I don't see it. sir you're using your blind eye again kill him all right next one to beat around the bush

this one I feel like I have looked up or learned yeah this one's pretty common to know I think catching things no back to you and that's something you have to try to catch something you're beating around the bush exactly okay that is it to avoid saying something directly is what it means

but medieval hunters used to beat bushes to flush out game instead of going straight in So that was all that's how I, that's, fucking my sex. Yeah. Just fucking beating the bush instead of going in. It's just weird how all these things go back to just real primitive shit. Yeah. I like that.

This one's really interesting. We always say this. And Brian is this right now, under the weather. Can you guess? No. Cloudy, not feeling good. The weather makes your body temperature. It does mean that you feel ill, but it comes from six sailors on ships went below deck.

Literally under the weather protected from the wind and shit. That's what they meant. What? It doesn't even mean sick. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah, you're good. Okay.

This one's dumb. Let's do it. Yeah. Butter someone up. Yeah. I can't imagine that actually happened. But it did. Okay.

In some ancient customs, throwing balls of ghee, which is, I guess, just butter, clarified butter. At statues of gods was what they would do to seek favor. And apparent, this one sounds kind of fucking made up. That sounds like math. Yeah, well, that's how you butter someone up as you throw a butter at a statue. Wow. I have no idea how we grabbed on that.

I mean, kind of stayed true to it, though. Yeah, you're butter and getting your buttering out of it. Yeah. That's true. Good point, Brian? Yeah, one point, Brian. Can you guess where Barry the hatchet came from? Murder.

Possibly. It's to make peace and to end of conflict. That's what it means, right? Put down the weapon. And they literally did that in certain groups of people. That's all. It's just a symbol of ending the war. They would actually bury a hatchet at the very end and say, we're done.

No more. Someone actually signals the end of this conflict. We shall never fight again. Yeah. I would go, yeah, someone's looking at that market and be like, I'm coming back on the hatchetters. Everyone's fucking sick. After that ceremony is everyone starts dispersing this guy's like sneaking back. It was that expensive fucking hat.

And they got a shovel. Shit's fucking employer. I worked on that handle for six years. Dude, anything was steel and like how hard it was to make. It's gold. Yeah. We will never touch this again in peace forever. No, I am touching that gold hatchet.

I'm going to swap it. The second. You guys go back to camp. I'll be right back. I'll be there. One second. I'll be rich. Speaking of camps and weaponry and shit.

Nice segue. Thank you. Armed to the teeth. Ooh. Heavy armed or overly prepared is how people would say it. It comes from literally in the 17th century. Pirates used to carry so many weapons that they'd hold some of the extras in their teeth. Like a gun or a knife.

Knife. Yeah. Even a gun. I thought that was kind of interesting when I was looking at it. If you just start there, you arm to the teeth. Yeah. You're right. If I just, if I have no other weapons, but I have a switch blade that I'm holding in my mouth of my arm to the teeth.

If you put a pistol up your ass, you're armed to the ass. Armed to the ass. Armed to the ass. Armed to the colon. There's a lot of prisoners that are armed to the ass. That's a sick knife, by the way. Yeah, it is. It's still, that saying still, I mean, it makes sense because you're, you have nowhere else to put anything. So you're armed and you were.

overly prepared. Every pocket of your cargo shorts is full of ammo. Even your prison pocket. And then now you've got to put a couple... You've got a knife handle sticking out of your butthole. A couple of munitions. A couple of munitions in your molars in case you need them.

Bite the bullet. While your arm to the teeth. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. So next is the proof is in the pudding. I feel like it was pretty obvious. But... Cosby's rape trial?

nice hey oh the point oh man that's uh it was still there it was still there tried it's buried in there somewhere so yes it's cosby it's oh it's so bad dude boo and it really just comes from a simple saying the proof of of the pudding is in the eating how good it is it doesn't matter how you get there and that's you know not interesting so moving on next one cat got your tongue Okay, that one's always so dumb. What is it? Yeah, it's why aren't you saying anything? And we don't really know totally, but it's possibly tied to the naval Cat O-9 tails, the whip that had the metal shit on it.

Okay. And it left victims too shocked to speak. Oh. And so that's what they think. But there's possible other possibilities of it. It sounds like Cat got your tongue and cat out of the bag were made up by the same guy. Some Jackdats. They're like, we don't know where it came from, but he just loves cats.

These are my favorite. How's a cat guy? He's a cat fella, yeah. All right, I got a few more. This one is steal someone's thunder. I always wondered about that one. I actually didn't ever wonder about that, but now they think about it. What the fuck?

Thor. It's a God thing. Nope. Damn it. That was good guess, though. But, yeah, they didn't get the, like, so there was a big flash, like lightning, but then there was no thunder. So they showed up and they tried to be bright and big, and then you took it away from him.

Steal my sunshine. Is that it? No. In the 18th century, a playwright, this one guy did this. His name Shakespeare. His name is not. That was 16th century. Buddy.

Whoops. John Dennis. Actually, 17th century. Yeah. John Dennis invented a thunder sound effect. And then somebody stole it from him and used his machine before he got to. What? That's the claim.

There's no fucking way. That's where steal someone's thunder came from. Literally stole his thunder. His thunder machine. No way. He worked on that for days. There's no fucking way. There was no trademark or patent office then.

I'm going to take this thunder. Was it like, was it just metal too? Yeah, it was like one of those. Yeah. Someone's like, just put it in the, he's like, I need this my fucking roof. This is, it's kind of like stealing somebody else's Christmas decoration out in the front yard. It's just that big old. Mine.

Yeah, I'll take that. And also enjoy it. If that's true. Fuck them kids. And the popularity of that saying and that's where it came from is stealing someone's thunder. Yeah, that's the most questionable one I think on here. There's no way. Get fucked.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's shovelcock too. But, hey, I didn't do a lot of words. work into the shovel cocking on this one. You guys, you guys can do the workforce. I feel like that's, yeah, that's a common theme. We like to, you know, it's homework after the show. You guys can help. Yeah, it's, we're opening the door.

I'm not shovel cocking myself. That's your guys' job. All right, fly off the handle. I think you guys can probably guess that one. Well, I know what it means. To lose your temper. Yeah. But basically, poorly made axes, we'll just break when people would swing them. Fly off the handle. Yeah. So people. Why's that tight to be and married him? I don't know. It pisses you off if the thing doesn't go where you wanted to.

Yeah, flies off the handle. It's like, I spent 40 bucks on this. I spent six bits. This is solid gold. Fuck. All right, you guys have heard the white elephant. You've heard of that. We used to have a white elephant store around here.

We did. It went down. I miss it. I used to buy GI Joe's there. It was my favorite store. Does the general store still have GI Joe's? I think so, but I don't buy GI Joe's anymore. Oh, yeah.

Because people make fun of me for being. Yeah. Anyway, a useless or burdensome person or possession. Sorry, a useless or burdensome possession is a white elephant. I didn't know that, actually. Which is weird. for a store like the white elephant, although it kind of makes sense. Yeah, it's kind of a thrifty general store.

Yeah. People in the rest of the world are like, what? A bunch of shit you don't need. We don't know what that business is. But the origin comes from a king named Siam, who gifted sacred but expensive to maintain white elephants to people that he wanted to financially ruin. Well, thanks. Because they're too expensive to take care of.

So he's like, here you go. Fuck you. Here you go. Get attached. What are you going to name it? Dumb old. What are you going to name it? He's like, oh, fuck, I think I'm going to name it after my late wife.

What are you going to feed it, you fucking idiot? My six kids, because they're not going to be able to eat. Yeah, feed the empire's fortune. I'll be bow back in two years to kill you all. Enjoy it. And collect my white elephant back. Yeah, get my white elephant back, you fed. I feel like a lot of people listening are going to know what mad as a hatter comes from, but maybe not.

It's kind of interesting. But you guys know it's crazy. Yeah, mad. Any guesses? Yeah. I think I again, just through my life, it's has something to do with, it does that have something to do with either fabrication of something

where a certain, like, toxin was used and it made you crazy? Correct. Yeah. It's 19th, in the 19th century. Like a hat. Yep. It would be a hat. Yeah, that makes sense.

The hat makers used mercury, which was so popular back in the day. It's so cool. It's such a cool substance. That's why I think. But it caused, obviously, neurological damage. in erratic behavior. So Matt is a hat act. You only get two or three jobs in that gig or years in that gig before.

It's not good. It's like that. And then like painters, you remember? Like now painters are just, they're not the same. No. But growing up,

man, if you come around some fun fucking painters. There's no mercury in Photoshop. All they're doing is lead and aerosol and just huffing it before everyone's like, we should probably put masks on. Where'd you come up with that weird idea? Oh. Have you heard of drugs?

Are you aware? you're still covered in paint at the bar, sir? Fuck. All right. You scare me. I got a few more, but how about this one? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. This is interesting.

Okay. Another one I think I knew at one point, but I don't have it off the top. Go. It's a pretty random one. It's obviously meaning don't criticize a gift too closely. But it comes from you judge a horse's age and health by its teeth. And so back in the day when people would give you a horse, looking into its mouth to inspect its teeth was rude.

So you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. They should have done that with the white elephants. Is that like counting the money in front of people? Yeah. You got a know and a hole. Sorry. Yeah, counting your tips. All right.

How about last one? Okay. You guys down with one more? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. This one is raining cats and dogs. Fucking cat guys. Yeah.

He can't stop. Cats and dogs. Can't stop, won't stop. It's got to be something about, man. I mean, my brain just went here. So I'm going to go with a guess. Okay. That catapults and dead animals.

Does I get it? I like that. There is dead animals involved. Okay. Throwing them places. I was just thinking they're just, it's an excess of in cats and dead animals strewn about. So you're just throwing them. So it's raining cats and dogs.

You guys are right on the right path. Almost there. Of course, in England, since this is an English thing, heavy storms washed dead cats and dogs that were drowned in the flooded streets into the gutters looking like animals were raining down. That's where that came from. It looked like they were falling from the fucking sky. Using dead pets as catapult.

That would be better. Fodder. That sounds more fun. Fire the tabby? Yeah. Goodbye, Riree. Some dudes running. He's fucking running to go to war.

Just gets hit by a fucking lab. Yeah. What am I even doing? I don't want to be around anymore. I don't be around anymore. Just get clocked by a chihuahua. What did even hurt? Yeah, he's like, ow!

They get you with it. the tooth. Do you know where Catch 22, that for some reason I couldn't get that one out of my brain? Do we know where that one comes from? No, I bet you're a book from Heller. What? Or a double-edged sword. You know that on the top of your head?

Yeah, Catch-22 is a classic novel. Well, yeah, but he'd get it from somewhere. His brain. Really? I think so. That's why he named the book that. I'm not sure, though. I know.

You speak with such confidence. I'm like, what? I'm an idiot. Yeah, you're right. Or a double-edged sword. That makes sense. Title of a novel by Joseph Heller. In which the main character, feigns.

No one says that word. Madness in order to avoid dangerous combat missions, but his desire to avoid them is taken. But where the fuck did it come from? But then acting like an ass made him his life terrible. And that's a double-edged sword. Oh, nice. Ah, yeah.

Why catch? I don't know. So maybe we'll do more word stuff in the future, because words are fun. Words are fun. Good job, Zach. Oh, shit. Don't even.

Nice echo, too. Yeah. That was godly. It was beautiful. Oh, nice. Oh, speaking of gods. For the golden geese. Daniel Acky.

Neil Dobby. George Tasano. Todd Zootenholz. Stephen Guerrera. The sofa king. Matthew Leonard. Jordan Arlady. Jason Glacer.

Daniel Spatz. Maggie. Sto. we're stoked that you're here. Golden Gase! That top tier, thank you guys. You guys have locked in those spots. It's been months since anyone's dropped off.

So thank you guys for getting that in there. But if a spot does become available at patreon.com slash can you know podcast, you can join the golden goose, the golden gaggle, and then you get a personalized thank you video from us. We should probably show those off sometime. I'll put them in a...

I keep saying they'll put them in a compilation. Because we do have a lot of fun making those. They're funny. They're really good. Thank you. Get mentioned in every single episode. So there's that. All right.

We have some good news. You haven't read anything. Do you think you have any of you to read an article? I mean, I could try. Never mind. I got it. Zach! So you're telling me there's a chance.

Hooray. We aren't doomed. Yeah. Oh, you know, you're trying. God. I was like asking a little kid when you're sick. Like, you feel a good enough to go? You want to go to school?

I don't. Feel good. I can try I always wonder But like when I listen to Like Steveo talk When Steveo talks He's always like

He's always like that And I so like right now When I talk I have to push really hard To feel I can project it out Or my voice just cracks And it makes think like Is that what

Steveo is feeling like that Or is it like that all the time Or is it just normal Because it always feels like He's pushing it out And I'm like That's what I feel like right now Dude, I saw Bam Margera from that show the other day and I was doing the opposite of great.

Yeah, it was. Compared to where he was, I feel like he's. Oh, yeah. He's doing something. Hasn he turned it around a little bit compared to where he was? He's up and down. And then he just gets mad at people. Whenever he relapses, then he's mad at everyone else, it's a whole thing.

Godspeed, bam. I know. Figure it out, buddy. But God, you look like a mess. But you inspired me in a lot of ways. Right. By being who you were back during my childhood. I didn't even think you could jump off a roof, but then I just.

figured you could. You really showed me you could find a way to make a living. Like, you know, you know, you know, do whatever, just go fuck off with your friends.

Terrorize your family. Carey with your family. Have fun. Don't slap your dad. Uh, okay. Are you actually going to try or do you want me to take it? Uh,

you take it. After a brief, it's a good story. You'll ruin it. After a barista had $20 stolen from his tip jar, customers showed up with over 1,000. Bullia. Boo-ya

Biyah Biyakasha Love has been brewing for years for the family behind a bustling community coffee shop On March 4th Michael Coney co-owner of red, white, and brew

coffee house Oh yeah, brother. Fuck. Oh, yeah! In Warwick, Rhode Island realized at the end of the day that most of the 20s he had earned in tips was gone.

There's only about $2 left behind. Oh, man. Unless he counted it wrong. The 30-year-old who has autism and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, just call it AVHD. Don't ever make me read that again when you're not. Just, you don't have to do that. Interacts with regular customers, works the register, and plays cornhole. That's going to be in the aft of your brain.

Plays cornhole, drives a car, and killed his friend. Because all his money was fucking jacked from him. I know, but that just like right there. And I get what you're saying too, because I have Ezra, right? And, like, if I'm reading a news article about something, he has autism and he interacts with customers. Yeah. He fucking does. It's just so they write that in there and you're like, well, is he, what's he doing there?

Like, is he talking to people? Yeah. Do you let him out? He let him out of the cage. Interacts with regular customers. You mean real people? He talks to him. You guys let him just do that?

Works to register and prepares beverages and food from macchiados to bagels with cream cheese. Pagels with cream cheese Right after the theft He told his mother Co-owner Sheila Coney about it I tried to tell him that it's disappointing But sometimes people do bad things Sheila told today

Dot com Adding that that scrutiny Or security scrutiny And that scrutiny Scrutiny cameras Just constantly fucking tearing you down You look bad from this angle

Miss a garbage can Suck it in Suck it in, fatty. Why are you wearing that top? Why are you wearing that top with those pants, barf? Shut up, scrutiny camera. You're not very good at your job. You let the autistic kid talk to real people?

Scrutiny camera sounds like a podcast character. It should be in the room with you guys. Yeah. Just every once in a while like, shut up. Oh, my God. Double chin. Aging. The security cameras are pointed at the door, not the register,

so they have no idea who stole the... tips. Okay. Probably the guy that stuck his hand in this. Maybe rotate the camera. Because there's other important things besides who's coming in the place. I said, I'll give you the money. And I thought, I'll be well, but it wasn't.

He says he was still sad. Yeah, it really does mess with your faith in humanity. You work out putting a day and then someone's just taking your ship. The next day, Michael told two regulars. I know that they just mean people that come in the... in the context of this. That should not have been written like that. This is an autistic and these are two regulars.

Someone who doesn't have attention, devastate activity disorder. So this is that and then these are just two regs. Told two regulars about the theft and Horwick police chief and one of his sergeants. Then Sheel and Michael posted a video about the incident on Facebook back on March 5th, expressing how it made them both feel pretty sad.

Michael learned a lesson yesterday. He was sad. He was disappointed. I think he felt worse because he feel like this is a safe space here in our cafe. And it's really homey. And I think it felt like more of a violation. Yeah, someone popped into your little fucking thing and took your stuff. So anyway, they made that video and people showed up and gave over a thousand bucks back to

him. So fuck. Yes. So win win. The criminal got money. He got money. The store got promo. Everybody wins.

Do crime. Only people that lost are all the wrong. Riggs. Stupid Rags. The guy that's... $1,400 bucks and tips is what he ended up making. Dude, the guy that stole the money only got $18. This guy made $1,400.

Yeah. At the time of his article, he's probably made more now. He'll be back. The scrutiny cameras are pointing at the front door. He's like, he's reading this article. He's like, fucking jackpot. They send in like a scout.

He's like, where the scrutiny cameras? What are the security cameras? What are the door? What do you like to know? You can't talk to scrutiny cameras like that? What that? Good job, people. That's how you step up.

Oh, yeah, bro. That's how you make it happen. All right. Next thing, we found something in the internet. Zat, Zach, blem-bett. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool,

or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out. Together, as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes. That's awesome. Okay.

All right. You're doing it? I yeah I found this this thing on Audity Mall okay I'm familiar

I like it I mean that's awesome the dudes that are rocking this thing probably get their coffee at red white and brew

too yeah they do just blue red white and blue collar brother he went in and fucking

took the money to go buy this yeah uh what that's so fun I didn't know this existed

no now I want one yeah me too it is a recliner for your living room. But it's not just a chair, Joe.

No. This thing fucking moves and it drives around and it looks like a bulldozer. It's a bulldozer. Like a skid steer. Basically, it's a heavy equipment version of a...

Of a... A recliner. Yeah, but also, I picture like a Walmart scooter. Yeah. But it's decorated. And they have ones that are forklifts. Yeah.

I was going to say it looks forklifty. This guy's moving his couch with the forklift one. No certification required Fucking America baby His wife's like I really want this couch And his living living living room moves around He got it

It's got the little paddle Can you get up and help me? I don't have to Look at how happy this guy is Yeah He's fucking You wonder what makes So like you have you go to a store

And women by these magazines To find out Yeah Women are like constantly trying to figure out what's going to make them happy or how to understand men and all this kind of stuff this picture

that's it shows their faces look a little AI it does a little I'm a little I'm a little skeptical well there's some video here if you need to see that's all I need to see show me some Vid dude put it down lay it down there is up here we go oh fuck yes

that laugh yeah drives like a champ He just goes crashing through the living room window Get into the bar And beep beep It drives like a champ If you rolled up to your friend's house

And he answers the door and a forklift Yeah dude Come on in Beep beep beep It just turns around And you need anything from the kitchen And you just bring the whole refrigerator Back into the living room

When I'm an old man I'm gonna have something like that Why? You're there man You're in your prime That's true Forklift recliner Phase right now

We have wood floor So those thing but just skate across it. God, that's fun. I got to throw this out there. I had a friend when I played high school football, and he was a little bit older than me. He was paralyzed in a climbing accident.

Yeah. But he was a hunter, and he was a very, very interesting person, very cool guy. And people made him this special chair, and it was armed. It could move around, obviously, but it had, like,

I don't know if I had tank wheels, but it had special wheels so he could go out in the woods, but it had places for his guns. It was fucking amazing. He's hunting deer from a tank. Did he was he also performing? professional cornhole player?

I wouldn't put it past him. That's amazing. I'm assuming it was like off road. He'd probably go wherever you want. It was. And then somebody stole. Hunting with them. And somebody stole it.

And then they had to replace it. Yeah, somebody stole it from. Of course it runs on diesel. You're out there trying to be quiet, hunt the deer. It's like, shut the fuck up, dude.

I hit diesel. Rolling through the drive-through prayers on your forklift recliner. With the gun rack With the gun rack Beep Amen Amen

Amen Bebeep All right Let's hear from the kids right now Zach please All right Let's hear what you guys think Really?

You want to talk to me? Wow That's cool Okay You say what I say you take this one I'll take the second one Are the lengths

Different? Yeah drastically All right Our first email Coming in from Ryan Right guy Right guy

Good honkin morning geese of the silly order I haven't this first time today isn't it I have lived experiences relating to all things discussed frequently on the show Perhaps I can elaborate on some things or just blab about the others Hot air balloons Yep I've been in one Love it When my mom turned 40

My dad bought the whole family a hot air balloon ride Over the gut great news kids We're all going to die today. Your worst fear has come true. We're saving so much cost by having the same funeral. Beep, beep. Over the Minnesota River Valley, we got to do the whole experience,

inflating the balloon with the team. Fuck, I get it. I hear it right now. I hear it. Learning how it all works. It doesn't. It doesn't work. Matching.

Fire. And then just ride. There's about eight at the time. So the standard little human with their, what? Yeah, the standard little human with their head anywhere but in the present. La La Land, my mom called it. Did I read that, right? Just the kids, they're only, they only live in the now.

They don't think it's just like pumped. Yeah, okay, got it. So we had a few toys the pilot brought with, one several balsa wood gliders, littering, plastic mini footballs also littered even worse promotional footballs for hogbones bar and grill

throw them out of bald eagles hogbones hot air balloon rides yeah I got some promotional footballs for the kids for the littles to throw these are the condoms yeah no throw them now yeah no hit fucking Ricky's bar and grill

fuck that guy a three drink minimum hot air balloon rides fucking hogbone up up and away uh so we brought up

those. They had promo stuff on them as well. I was joking. I didn't even keep reading. H.A.B. was sponsored by a handful of local restaurants. I set up the balsa gliders to spiral in big circles. We tossed it out and watched it glide down about 80 or so feet and then eventually we were looking up at it.

Oh, that's fun. The pilot had lowered our elevation, and you couldn't even tell. It was a really gentle ride. He floated over a couple ponds. And the poorly said, it's been a great idea

to get our feet wet and cool off. I'm sure I'm supposed to say pilot. He then proceeded to dip the bottom eight inches of the basket in the water. This guy is a thrill. Yeah, dude. This is Hogbones, Hot Air Balloon Adventure. Evidently, my dad and the pilot and my mom and sister all knew what he was up to. I was not paying attention until my feet got wet.

My dad had to watch me or catch me from jumping out of the basket. How am I drowning? The pilot hit the burner. Fuck, yeah, he did. And we floated back up like it was a dream. You like that? You like that, kids? He's like, I guess the...

Don't care! Tell me about what you want to be when you grow up. I don't want to be a... Don't care. I feel those 0.10 Gs. Hotbone up! Hawkbone down. My dad had to catch me with a...

Soggy wet feet and brown shorts. that's only a euphidism, not insult to entry. The remainder of the trip was lovely. Landon was a bit rough. There's never been a soft landing. No. There's categories. It doesn't start at zero.

Category of like three. You're hoping for a category three. Like that's best case scenario. Landing was a bit rough, but okay. We had a ground crew following us the whole way. And it was a very well-coordinated event. Later that's, what? Picking up those footballs, I hope.

Traveling around picking up the gliders and promotional heb footballs. Later that summer, my mom, who was also a Girl Scout den leader for my sister. And my dad, who was just awesome, made a day of getting all the Girl Scouts in the den a trip and a hot air balloon. They all died. No kidding. I was on the ground crew for that. Helping by only being eight. So he just wraps it up.

And then he just goes, anyway, now dick stuff. Just the perfect encompassing description of fucking can you don't. Hot air balloon, dick stuff. I had a bladder cancer a while back. It sucks. Don't recommend. Ah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm okay now. It all works fine. But when I had to have my bladder scoped, I could tell where, why people enjoy that stuff. Oh, the sounding stuff. I could tell why, but he said where, why. Why people like it. So he understands now why people do the sounding

and shoving things in their pee hole. Okay. How does, okay. I just got so hard. I had to curl my toes and try really hard to be still. It was like having my soul tickled in a way that it's never been. Don't make me.

Is it numb going up your penis, though? This tickling is going to make me calm. This, now I have a kink. Yeah, for sure. Thanks, doctor. You took away the cancer and gave me a crippling sounding kink. I'm pretty sure the male loneliness epidemic is because the male G-spot is up the butt. Whoa.

What? You get to the bladder up the butt? It's, uh, yeah. You don't you have to cut through some shit? No, they can milk the prostate. No, no, I know that. Short cut. But what, but he has bladder cancer, not butt cancer.

Why they? Oh, I must be. You need to talk to your doctor. Because no one should be fingering your ass to get to your bladder. I mean, I'm not a doctor. They're next door neighbors. Yeah. So maybe they do like an incision to get to your bladder from your colon?

Or your doctor just wanted to make you come. Yeah. He's like, check this out. I'll make your toes, girl. Anyway, now we'll get the cancer to do the whole cancer thing. I just want to make you fucking come. You're welcome. Okay.

If you want to put my name to the hot air balloon story, That's all well and good, but how about maybe not about the bladder cancer and inner dick tickling? I think that's going to be impossible to separate the two. Brian, you do this all the time. You got to read it. Well, we only said his first name is a lot of Ryan's out there. We'll just cut it off the back end here. Sometimes with the emails, I read him and I'm like,

oh, this is going to be good stuff and I want to be surprised. Yeah, you want to be surprised as well. Yeah. And so is Ryan right now. I adore the show Listen with AirPods And conversation awareness Set to On

And it cuts out Because I'm laughing too hard Have a great day And keep on honking on Ryan We've cut out all your names There's too many Ryans You are safe

Yeah Oh man good stuff Not it makes one To shove some stuff in my butt All right You got the second one Yeah Zeduzi

Okay This is coming in from Andrew Okay Did you know that the nicest part And this was He sent this Specifically to me Okay

Did you know that the nicest part of owning a bidet is that if you're throwing up, you can take a sip of water from the fountain. Never thought about it. So I read that. And my first thing, my first thought was, wow, that's incredibly

disgusting. But then I started thinking, I mean, that water line comes straight to your sink, right? So as long as your bidet, it's, you don't have like bacteria and gross shit with the water running through. We're shooting out. It's technically just worth.

Fine. It's just worth. And I still don't know if I would do it, but it's... I thought about it. It immediately went from, while that's horribly discussing, to, well, maybe kind of refreshing. It's probably not that bad. It's got to be some poop particulates, though, I would imagine.

Yeah, that's my only concern is that it's just... But the poop particulates are everywhere. True. Like right now, we're breathing in each other's pooparticlates. Yes. It's just when you're flushing and pooping and stuff, it's getting all over. The little nozzle. But if you spray it down and wash it.

And a lot of them have like the cleaning thing. You push the, and it cleans itself. It blast water back in its own face. Do you have that in your bidet? No. The cleaning option, you push it and like it won't pop out of its little hood,

its little cover. So then it just, that's how it washes itself. You pulled it down and it just washes the insides without spring. Interesting. 16 feet across the bathroom. I just spray it with bleach. Do you look forward to poop?

because you have a bidet? I miss my bidet. I mean, I look forward to pooping anyway. It's a nice, it's a nice little just get away. I need to get a, I need to get another bidet. The bidet makes it, it elevates the experience. My butt holes way more aggravated without my bidet. When I go somewhere and don't have it, it's weird.

Then you get back and you're like, oh, there it is. There's civilization. There's progress. And it's really, sometimes when you use a bidet, even if you had like a messy poop, it could still be a lot of wiping. but there's something refreshing about when you get some water on that. It feels fresh, yeah. Cool down that hot oh.

That hog bone. That hog bone oh. That's it. All right, well, that's it. Let's wrap this shit up. Get out of here, get to the bonus stuff. Get your sick ass home. Something you want to see on the show,

getting that email, Hey, guys, and Candy Don't podcast. Honkathon is on. Go check that out. Support us on the Patreon. Patreon.com. Clarendio. Uncle Zach?

Anything big? Yeah, we're signing some cards for you. You've been saying it for like two months. It's stickers and posters this time. Oh, wow. They should all have them in their hands by the time they hear this. Okay. Maybe.

Okay, awesome. But there's tons of stuff going on. We've got a big thing in April coming. We'll tell you more about it in April. Okay. All right. Go check out what he's doing. Scatcast.com.

That's Scat with a K. Rate review us. We listen to your podcast. It looks like we, things got a little neglected for a bit. I noticed. I was checking it. in just doing some rounds in the can you know playground and i was like what's going on in here and i went there was like 790 posts waiting to get approved and it just turns out like all of them

just decided they were going to do it for a bit and no one knows why but it's back caught up again but again thank you guys for for managing all that i know it can be a fuck ton so we do like having that for all of our listeners to go and be uh diabolical all right let's do it i found something that i'm hoping you guys don't know because i did not know this fucking fact that blew my mind. Are you ready? Okay. Z.

Z. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? You guys might be like me. And I think a lot of people, when you work out and you lose weight, how do you think you are getting rid of the fat? You burn it for energy.

Burn it for energy. That's a good one. Shit it out. You guys ever think about that one? Like your body just turns it kind of gets it out of your body in a waste way? No? That's not it? Yes. Okay. Yeah, you thought that, right?

Yeah. When you lose weight, approximately 84% of the fat is converted into carbon dioxide and exhaled through your lungs. Say what? While the remaining 16% becomes water excreted through sweat, urine, and breath. So if I want to lose weight, I just kind of hyperventilate? You literally breathe out the majority of your weight loss mass as fat is broken down into carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen, which are then expelled. What? What the fuck?

That is, how? I'm 40. So wait, all the air is fat? You work out and you, it's being, you're breathing fat out of your body. Fat air? What the fuck, guys? And I triple check this one. Is there fatter air in other places than others?

Like, you're losing weight. You're just breathing fat into your house. So at the gym is just fat fucking air. Let me fat. Can you breathe the fat in and get fat? Oh, no. I breathe fat, get fat! Yeah, you go to a really good gym

where everyone's losing weight, you're just accidentally getting fatter. You're like, dude, I'm eating good, I'm exercising, I'm gaining weight. Oh, yeah, no, it's because you're working out next to him and you're just sucking all his fat air into your body. It doesn't get back into your body that way. That's just how it goes out.

But that's fucking nuts. That's interesting. Yeah, I had no idea. I blew my mind. All right, off to the bonus stuff. We love you guys. That's why it's important to drink lots of water when you're exercising.

Yeah. What? Or something like that. Thanks, Dr. Phil. Bye. I got to do the thing. Bye.