Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | La Quinta. Gilbert. Sword. Jam Band.

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

How much fun would it be if local businesses were allowed to rent out hotel rooms and turn that hotel into some neat little mall? Let's talk about that, why Joe isn't a fan of jam bands, playing Monopoly on the sidewalk in the middle of the night, a sad version of a CYD classic, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/QP0ekoE9814Send in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and Tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

La Quinta, Gilbert, Sword, Jam Band. Remember when Michael Jordan retired? Yeah. And then he came back? Yeah. What number was he? 45. Yeah. For the Whizz retired? Yeah. And then he came back? Yeah. What number was he? 45. Yeah.

For the whizzies? Yeah. Remember that block against the backboard that he did? The only good thing he ever did? Went for the whizzies? I thought you were going to say ever? In his career. His whole career?

That's it. Good God. Episode 45! You knew I couldn't pass up a number? I know that. I know that about you. I'm just, I'm curious every single time we do it, like, what fucking jersey does he remember from this number?

I could do it every time, but I don't want to. I just don't want to. Make everyone sad? But this one was, as soon as you said, we're doing 45, I'm like, oh, fuck, yeah, we are. I've been sick. Yeah. Yeah. I got the flu.

Oh, I thought you were going to say you're sick of me. No, not yet. That'll be about. Oh, I thought you were going to say you're sick of me. No. Not yet. That'll be about, what, two hours from now or so if we include the bonus on the back end. And speaking of that, hey, segue. Good job. You can hear the bonus content just by supporting us on Patreon.

Go to patreon.com slash canyoudontpodcast. And there you go. Got that plus other exclusive things. Pick whatever tier you want. Become part of the gaggle the honkers yes we're not doing confessions on this week's show but we are going to do them next week we're recording a little further in advance than normal because i'll be uh i'm going to san francisco oh bryce aroni the san francisco yeah it's the San Francisco treat. Ding, ding.

Trolley ding. So we're getting a little ahead of ourselves here. So Confessions will be next week. But this week, this is going to be a good show. There's some funny stuff in here. Okay, I'm excited. One of which, later on, I made sure that you didn't find it in the emails. And then I even, I was like, don't click on the link.

I want you to have a little blind react to this one. So that coming up a little bit later it's so fun that's a fun one the workplace accidents i mean i expected it to be a popular topic i did not expect it to be this popular it just keeps going on and on our son jesse a lot of interesting people out there this one is um i mean it's terrible but they've all been pretty terrible just what up daddies my less cool father told me about a workplace fuck up a guy he knew that worked in refrigeration and wasn't very organized had to change out a compressor on a residential fridge when it came time to test the leak, the system he grabbed, he grabbed oxygen instead of nitrogen.

Let me read that. It came time to leak test the system. There we go. He grabbed oxygen instead of nitrogen and tried to solder a leak that he noticed. Neither he nor the house survived the explosion, but at least the family wasn't home. Wait.

Oh, wow. So so he grabbed the wrong gas and just blew the whole house up and himself yikes mondays am i right at least you probably didn't feel it no incident instant explosion that's the way to go but it's just we talked about this uh too in a way when the guy you know filled his lungs up yeah and then just like check this out and blew himself up cool trick fuck i yeah i don't know i was just gonna say going back to that guy with the with the gas like how the the bones flew around the guy's neck. The cleanup that was involved in that.

At least this is probably... It's all just rubble now. So they just threw him out with the trash, probably. Yeah. I mean, did he have a work partner outside? He's like, God damn it. He's sitting in the van. Right.

He thought they were going to get out early on a Friday. He's texting his buds. He's going to meet up at Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah. Watch the game tonight. He thought they were going to get out early on a Friday. Like he's texting his buds. He's going to meet up at Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah. Watch the game tonight and he's like, God damn it.

Terry's tearing up inside. God damn it. Guys, got bad news. Terry blew the house and himself up. Not going to make it

to Wings tonight. Not going to make it to Wings tonight. I got extra cleanup to do. God fucking hate Terry. Got to call LNI. Yeah. God,

it's just the whole thing so much paperwork fuck oh man so keep sending those in hey guys at can you don't podcast.com send the the updates on this stuff also petty beef confessions videos you find you wanted to check out do all that stuff our thoughts and prayers are with terry's family in this time of need. I'm sure it was a long time ago, but whoops. Thoughts and prayers still do the trick. What was he doing? What was he thinking about? When he's like, do-do-do, he goes, ah, God, just got to get this all fixed up.

Fix this leak really quick. And then no more thoughts. That's it. No more thoughts. And then he's just gone and so is the house. did someone just mislabel i don't know who knows like what happened i'm guessing no i'm just can you imagine like you're doing a refrigeration job and it just would be funny it's just unlabeled bottles or uh fucking whatever they're called tanks you're like shit hope i don't grab the wrong one well what if you did it on purpose you're like, shit, I hope I don't grab the wrong one. Well, what if you did it on purpose? You're like, oh, this will be hilarious.

He's sitting at home and he's like, house blows up. Refrigeration. He's like, oh, he's eating cereal. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Should we start the show? Yeah, let's get into it. Let's fucking do it. Hey, shut up. Start the show already.

Alright, Joseph. Hey. This was sent in by our son, Aaron. Okay. Hey, Aaron. Hey. This was sent in by our son Aaron. Okay. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Would you rather have to throw everything you would normally just hand someone for the rest of your life? Okay. Hey, here's your... Yeah, anything. Anything.

Can I see your pen? Just fucking... Yeah, you gotta throw it at him, okay? Or anytime someone initiates a reciprocal hand gesture, example, high five, fist bump, handshake, etc., you have to do it to them with absolute maximum force. Both violent options. Yeah.

I mean, there's a lot of first things that come to my brain. Do you have any in particular hitting you right now well yeah oh like yeah uh well it's what you would use those things for so like if you're greeting someone it's probably someone maybe you know so you could get your way out of it but if it's someone like that you know like a police officer or something like that like can i see your license registration going to any sort of party yeah this is that you know like a police officer or something like that like can i see your license registration going to any sort of party yeah this is my you know this is my my husband brian and then guys like sticks his hand out and you just fucking grab it like a handshake squeeze

like just so fucking angry little kids like hey high five like you're coaching little league and you have to just blast their high five the hardest or uh i like someone like a let's say it's like your your grandma she comes up she's like oh hey joseph i haven't seen you in a year and you basically are bear hugging her like like fucking andre the giant just squeezing the life out of this woman yeah blowing just blowing her up like all the insides are coming out they're cracking she's like oh i love you joseph i and the other one like you have to throw everything you would normally hand i do have to think about a restaurant situation like you're like you guys need some menus you're like yeah and you just fucking throw the menus at them like dinner forks yeah forks you guys need ketchup like no jesus no

we'll find it on our own you're like okay okay you guys want to see the dessert menu no it's like the stack like they're eating a steak i don't have a knife for my steak one knife coming out i'll just use my hands i'll use my teeth yeah just tear into it i mean at a like a you know thanksgiving dinner with the fam like hey can you pass the butter and you're like can i oh yeah get your everyone that's your friend knows they have to bring a baseball glove well it's it's basically it's thanksgiving but it just turns into a food fight um yeah you don't want to start one you accidentally do it's like uh peter pan or a hook oh yeah where there's you know where they're throwing all the colorful food each other that is a wonderful scene it is there's a smart cinematography right there it would be uh

it'd be pretty expensive to have like an expensive meal and just be throwing food and but that bright silverware and that's how good oh you're still on hook oh yeah i'm still in there i was visioning like you went back i was i jumped right back into like a thing like a real world giving yes physics and reality and all that go into a bar he's like hey bounce he's like okay ids you throw it at his chest you're not getting in no just fucking throw your id at the bouncer and then give him a look yeah like sorry it's a whole it's a whole thing the fuck bro it's a thing i'm sorry it's a would you rather i'd pick it up but then like it throw it at you again so if you could grab that that'd be great.

I'm doing you a favor. I'm trying to avoid a confrontation here. Just pick it up yourself. Think you're ever going to get out of a ticket with a police officer? License and registration? Yeah, no problem. You just throw it out the window? He's like, he's on the ground picking up your shit on the freeway.

The next, you know, he'd be, you'd be handcuffed. Yeah. Just whipping your license and registration at a police officer. Is that a reason to get fucking arrested? I don't know. Because. You can't just throw shit at a police officer. Why?

Because it's assault. Is it? I think so. Registration. It's assault. Maybe. I don't know. What do you want?

Seems like. Yeah. it's assault mm-hmm maybe I don't know what do you want seems like yeah I want you to say that would be a ridiculous thing to get arrested for it would be a ridiculous thing but it's not gonna help your odds you're getting a ticket

guaranteed well the ticket's fine I still wanna get arrested working like as a cashier giving people their change back oh god just throw their change oh man

it'd be impossible to keep a job there's so many little subtle handoffs so i get you i think you could live a better life although you would definitely have a hard time in any sort of setting where you're meeting somebody new like a fist bump someone's like fuck yeah dude and you just punch their hand as hard as you can bloody knuckles yeah like so that just seems that's more of like a dickhead thing doing the aggressive hand thing i don't you can't even live your life if everything you

would normally toss you have to throw well i mean it's a baby i was just gonna say uh i was visualizing like tossing some papers versus like busting somebody's knuckles with the fist bump where i was gonna say it wasn't physical but going back to the thing like doesn't matter what it is like if you were to hand someone anything like i'm you were in the room and you have a guitar sitting in here like hey will you hand me the guitar and i just chuck a throw that guitar it's just impossible what kind of nonsense world is that yeah babies are you trying to hand the baby back to mom no you're throwing the baby you are hucking a baby at the the mom it's like pike's place you just thrown fish yeah it's endless there's endless things you normally would just hand god it makes you think

about like all the things you do in a day like i stopped and got a coffee yeah on the way here if you were imagine yeah and on the other end too like i'm handing them the money to pay for it and i just throw them money or you get through the window a little receipt case carrier because you sign it and just fucking throw it back through the window forgot the pin throw the pin at him to hug that through and they just throw the coffee in your car and the whole time you're just apologizing sorry like I'm sorry

and you have to throw it at them I don't want to do this I have to yeah but imagine them just like they're like

they throw the coffee in your car and it spills everywhere like what size straw would you want skinny or thick and like skinny I guess

just throws you a couple straws. Have a good day. But they're super nice, so you're confused. I'm like, I don't know. Are you mad? Yeah, because you're not angry. It's just something you have to do.

That's what's really bizarre about it. It's the contrast between doing something really aggressive, but you're just being your normal self. Like greeting someone, you're just being your normal self like greeting someone you're going oh yeah nice to meet you and you're blowing up their hands destroying their fingers destroying their hands yeah not a like not a uh it says it's hard absolute maximum so you're not squeezing their hand hard you are as hard as you possibly can it's a vice grip yeah it's the you will break their hand squeeze test like at the carnival you will break their hand every single time uh being a doctor of course are you paying their medical bills you would be sued oh god uh nurse scalpel yes she throws the scalpel yeah imagine a surgery

or a mechanic throwing a wrench he's like hey can you hand me the like that monkey wrench real quick no problem just you throw it at him. There's no way. So that's out. I mean, I guess I'll take the lawsuits with the handshakes and the fist bumps over just throwing things. You're avoiding prison time. Yeah, and it's like, we're talking about dangerous things being tossed around here. It's not funny some

of these items are not funny at least you're just hurting one person with the handshake if i'm throwing scalpels around oh man i thought about making food for your kids like here you got like your hand in the dinner plate to them like here's your food and you have to fucking throw a full dinner plate at them pick it up i know you think it's like tie your hands behind your back and just never touch anything ever again no there's no way there's that's a loophole these these situations have no loopholes you just got to go with it um i'm going with the the physically harming them with the handshake you are fist bump me too yeah that's it we've settled just because it's it's you got to choose one or the other and this is going to hurt the

lesser least amount of people lesser amount of people. Better chance of living a life. Yeah, I agree. I just would never go meet anybody. No, I mean, same life I have now. Yeah. You're the only other person I see other than my wife and kids throughout the week. Right.

So, I mean, if we got to do this early on, but now I'm like, I'm all'm all settled in fuck it going out and doing meet and greets with fans and shit that'd be a problem but they probably know about your disability yeah they would have heard about it yeah they wear like a they have a fake hand that you get to squeeze or something or you i was gonna say you have fake hand that doesn't make any sense uh but if you're like yeah you're sending the thing and they walk up to you sign the thing and then throw the pen back at him throw the paper it's not gonna work out for you um okay should we move on yeah okay hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about uh you know nothing actually you know what i'm thinking about a lot of shit what are you thinking about music i love music yes one of the greatest things that humans have ever invented is that can i say that yeah like it's built into the bones of humanity you're a you're a toddler and a song

comes on it's like oh yeah you start in your knees yeah they start you know bouncing around it's just in it's ingrained in our soul it is weird that that's it was something that's not in our d it's like not a natural thing but you still know yeah it's just yeah everybody knows all the way down to babies it's just something that a little rhythm does and other animals will dance to the rhythm too you know you've seen the birds do the dancing you know monkeys and cats like dogs they'll do dances to music that's so bizarre i know but there's one gripe i've always had with music okay and i get it believe me i've that's pretty much all i've done my entire life consistently consistently is write and perform music so i get the whole process and i get the vibe around this one particular thing but the more and more

i go to these types of concerts the more and more i fucking hate it and you know do you want to know what i'm talking about i'm gonna tell you anyway what if you're like no yeah i don't really i don't really care ran into the next segment i I'm like, oh, shit. Bummer, dude. Just jump off some dick. No, it's, and there's going to be people that don't like me saying this, but it's jam bands. Okay. Oh, so like, like Fish or Grateful Dead.

Grateful Dead. Okay. Right. And they were in their moment. I mean, that huge, like that was the thing. That's what a lot of people were doing. I mean, blues have been doing it forever. Jazz obviously does it forever. Where they don't

have a particular structure, or they have some structure, and then for 14 minutes, they don't have anything. And they just kind of like take turns soloing. Yeah, just noodling and stroking their own fucking cocks. And just...

Like, it's just... I'm going to drum solo. Fine. Guitar solo. Great. That's wonderful stuff. But when you just loosey-goosey it up there, and maybe it's because I do play music.

I don't care what you're doing like i get it but there might be people that just are by fans of music they don't play any instruments so it's a really cool experience to watch these people just fuck off for a bit well i know and the people that are doing it yeah they're like these people came to see the fucking show we're gonna put on a show they want to see me hit some arpeggios yeah exactly but yeah i could see like it's in like i could see where you're coming from i guess and my main you're not impressed my main uh angle on my main understanding of eventually i was like why do i fucking hate this so much and it was because i just want to hear the best version of this song like if what you're doing now was that good it would have been in

the song that originally was written you know like that was the one on the album because they're just doing it for a moment there's a whole bunch of different reasons they're doing this but the comparison because everyone's listening is stoned sure right sure maybe could be but a lot of it's like it's so they just it's easy it takes up a bunch of the set list time. And you just fuck off for a while. Then you have to play another five songs. And you just make shit up for an hour. Everyone gets a break because it's not fun.

But no, it's a comparison. It's like, I just want to hear the best version of this song. And what I always look at is, think about a book. The Shining or whatever you want to compare it to. Some great piece of literature. But what whatever you want to compare it to right some great piece of literature but what if you had to just stand there and watch him write it and you're like he's doing she's scratching shit out it's like that wasn't very good and you know you have to read this book through different versions then finally the best version

of that book is the one that like you should get you know you just you just had me visualize something what what if okay let's say shining i don't remember how long it is but let's say it's two hours for the sake of this conversation okay what if it was like they had to cut it down from four hours to two hours kind of like a director's cut but like even farther extended extended extended and then so you watch that and you're like god they i'm so glad they cut this stuff out for the original one but you're forced to watch that one right that's kind of is that kind of the same thing same vibe yeah you're like no wonder they cut all that out because it didn't shouldn't have been there and a little mix up on some songs great that's that's fine you take a

classic and you do a little twist on it as a lot of bands do one they've been playing through that song for two decades if not longer and you do a little something new but it also you know makes it unique to that experience that live experience of the concert that you're at that's what pearl jane used to do when they did that tour like around the 2000 okay they sold a different cd basically from every show they played because every set was different they changed the set and they played the songs differently mm-hmm and so each CD was unique to to that show to the show yeah I mean that's a great idea that's wonderful it is they were 14 minutes long and that's fine yeah there weren't

it's the gigantic deviant musical jerk off sessions that I can't fucking stand and they're all looking at each other like yeah and like you know they're doing like the head yeah like okay here it comes

you're gonna take it over now and like he's picking up you know picking up his guitar and he's like okay you and he's like in the bass seven minute bass solo

it's a little soft yeah bring it down a little bit. It's like, fuck off. Fuck off! Here's a scenario for you. God! What if, like, what if a band like Moretta.

Okay. A band that's like very, the songs are very structured. Mm-hmm. Imagine you having to take like whatever you're your whatever you pick your best song and you have to stretch it out to like 15 minutes and jam yeah like a metal song but impossible it's like imagine you're just like that same song for 14 like i get certain things like between the buried me is one of my favorite bands they'll have like a 13 14 minute song but it's varied all over and it's but it sounds it sounds like it should be but like a structured metal song it's like verse chorus verse chorus bridge course whatever and then try to stretch that to 15 minutes it's a 15 minute breakdown

it's like dude that's the the build up to the breakdown. And then it just breaks down for 10 minutes. And breakdowns and bass drums, like the kick, they are always lined up. But in this jam session, it's just a fucking disaster because no one knows what they're playing. Yeah, you're going blast beat on the drums. And I know from a performing standpoint, viewpoint, it is fun to just let it go. You don't know what's going to happen. Put your hair down.

Having some fun. Yeah. Going out for a drink with the guys. And everyone's going to go fuck off for a bit. And it's like, ah, what's going to happen this little jam sesh? But it also comes to a point where the little things that you call like that are little jam sessions start writing themselves like the more shows you play everyone gets like oh that was cool and you just end up doing it every time you do it um but anyway so and i get the process is fine and blah blah but i just

i feel you on the so like let's take the angle of like imagine you get this book but like having to watch the author for six months to a year two years however long it took to write this book like you're just kind of like watching them and they're just like looking up into the sky and doing their little think thing like you have to watch and like you know you see a painting on the wall and you're like god it's a gorgeous painting um other than necessarily other than watching bob ross i don't really unless he's talking like because it's just him with his thoughts happy little tree yeah but bob ross is talking to us but like i don't know i'm just watching them paint and halfway through they get they throw that one away and you're like oh and they started again you just have to watch it all it's like i'll

just i'll catch up with you on the end yeah like what's what i'm pumped to see what this turns into and when you're done i'm gonna come check it out yeah it's like go out watching a band practice like no i just want to buy the cd it's like no you guys were great on i just don't want to see all the shit before this though yeah um but yeah that and a lot of a lot of things i don't know why it's always bothered me metallicaica sold a lot of DVDs. Yeah, they did. Doing just that, though. But there was a lot of drama.

You got to have the drama. And there's, again, like there's certain bands that you're gifted in. I know what I'm getting into. But like a normal band. What was one that drove me fucking insane? This is a while back. It was at Bumbershoot. What's the one in Seattle?

Bumbershoot. Bumbershoot. And it was brand new, the band. So if you know brand new, which they had not done shit. I never had a chance to see them ever because they didn't play music anymore for a long time. And they were playing at Bumbershoot. Did they have brand new material? No.

That's what I'm getting to here and they have a lot of great songs that i grew up listening to in like that kind of emo hardcore kind of in between band thing and a lot of bands are were influenced by brand new and then during their set it fucking killed me they had like one of the headlining sets in like six or seven songs in. They went into jam bad mode or jam bam, whatever I said. They have a million more good songs and they played this middle part of a fucking song for 15 minutes. And then they were done. So they never finished up with the other songs? Nope.

They played a lot of good ones and then just went off on a tangent. And I don't know if it was because they didn't have time to practice. It wasn't good. It was like delay pedals and fucking reverb. Weep, weep, weep. And like doing weird shit that no one... It was just like, fuck. It was just a massive wall of shit noise.

And then all these other songs that they have didn't get played. Because they just decided that we're just going to do some jam stuff now. Weird. God damn it. Yeah. What a letdown. I know. And I mean, I'm trying to think of another band that's let me down that much.

Doing a jam sesh. I think that's about it. I guess that was up there. I was like, fuck this. I was like, it's got to end soon, right? Oh, no. There's some bands like. The bassist, you know, going like.

Like, right. Just doing his palm down the strings over and over again. He's like. Feedback and fucking. Like, God damn it. Guys. Was the singer singing anything or was he just like. No, he was.

He was part of it. He was like grinding his guitar strings on a mic stand. Like what the fuck you guys. Oh, one of those things. Like that thing. Just noise. And then every. Like back way down Oh yeah

And then And then Slam Fuck But anyway So jam bands It's always kind of bothered me Am I done with my tangent?

Should I move on? I mean that's That's your call You you you feel like you got it out of my system you get it out i think so i think so you just sweat it out and if i pissed you off with that right in let me know what why i need to revisit some jam bands and why i need to appreciate that unique experience even when it's fucking shit i i think let's just cap this off by saying i feel like if you are A jam band Like that Fine

That's your thing But if you're not Like Brand New's not a jam band No Don't fucking Don't do it Don't do that Don't get in here

And ruin my life Yeah Yeah Just cause you're sad Don't make me sad For watching you Be sad or whatever Especially at a huge concert

I know I know it was fun And then Who was after that Doesn't matter It doesn't matter I was gone Yeah you. It was fun. And then, who was after that? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I was gone.

Yeah, you left. I was in the parking lot. That's probably why you can't remember. It's probably right. No, it was, God damn it.

I'll try to remember after the break. Let's move on. Ready? Is it dumb? Is it interesting? Is it cool? Then it's dick.

Dick. Face. No. No. But you can have it. Then it's dick You are in love But you can't have it You can't have it You can't have it You can't have it But you can't have it

What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? But they kind of did a little jam thing too, but it did not bother me nearly as much as the other one. Well, you probably weren't excited to see them as much. Yeah.

What is it? It's like a Megadeth vibe death vibe yeah oh yeah it's me again self-dime and you can't stand that song make it that has some good songs that's not one of them and why it got so popular i have no idea hey me it's me again who the fuck sings like that like what are you doing it's me again dave mustaine like that like what are you doing me it's me again dave mustaine is pretty odd dude he is an odd dude i had to interview him one time had to if it's a chore he was not a fun interview until we started talking about being in a bathtub full of macaroni for whatever reason he got really excited about that part i don't know whatever well anytime

those guys get to talk about something other than what they normally talk about. His eyes lit up. Yeah. Imagine when you meet a celebrity and they're like, oh, I loved you in this movie. I loved you in Die Hard. Oh, fuck. Like, I just want to talk about something stupid. It's like, talk about fly fishing. Just anything.

Please. Yes. Yeah. All right. So what's your dick this week, Brian? All righty. What is it? What is it?

Hey, me. It's me again.? What is it? Hey, me. It's me again. Your face and your... Fucking kills me. Okay. This story came out when this... This will be a couple weeks old, I think, when it comes out. Two men hospitalized after a game of Monopoly ends in sword fight.

That, I mean... Do you say sword or sward? I would never say sward. You kidding me? It's spelled like sward, though. It is spelled like sward. Well, actually? It's spelled like sword. It is spelled like sword. Well, actually, it's spelled like swerd. What?

Because word. What is a swerd? Why would word be word and then you put an S in front of it and all of a sudden it's swerd? I don't know. Things quickly became heated between the players and a father and son duo, resulting in the son reportedly exposing the blade of his sword. Imagine that. I know this isn't how it goes, but I visualize this guy lands on boardwalk. He's like, I'm buying that.

And he looks over at the kid, and he's sliding out of the sheath. He's like, you're not doing shit. You sure about that? Because he has Park Place. He's like, ooh, pass go. Do not pay $200. Or whatever. He's like, mm, okay.

Free parking parking my ass you rolled a five get out of jail free I don't think so I don't think so you're staying right there I'm not going to get out of jail without fingers being gone

buddy a Monopoly game in Brussels turned into bloody after an irritated man approached the players with a Japanese samurai sword

sword sword I love the sword the band police said the fight erupted around 5 a.m good god to be fair monopoly takes forever it wasn't even over the game the guy was just he's like i'm really tired my kid my family like they haven't been home in weeks my family misses me and

fucking pulls his sword out no one leaves until we have a winner what the funny thing is this it doesn't even involve it's not about the game at all no but it is kind of funny

to think about that's how long have you ever finished a Monopoly game no not once Monopoly Junior I have once it just ends

like when everyone quits there's no way I'm getting back into this game so when a group of four people had been playing the popular board game on the sidewalk outside their home. Even better. The participants were allowed

to wake up their neighbors and a father and son who came outside to ask the group to leave. Things quickly became heated between the players and the father-son duo resulting in the son bringing out a katana sword for defense. After the men started physically fighting the sword scabbard got damaged exposing the blade of his sword oh my god um a local police spokesperson told the newspaper player tried to grab the katana and uh and remove the holster

the son tried to get it back okay a couple questions about this okay what how rowdy was this game monopoly yeah like to be a disturbance of the neighborhood if it's 5 a.m they'd probably been drinking 5 a.m the best thing you were doing at that time was playing monopoly on the sidewalk yeah fucking what no one has ever played monopoly on a sidewalk and then how loud did you have to be to have people come and start fighting you? Well, not just fighting you. And have a sword. And willing to kill you. He was like, let's go talk to these guys.

Hang on real quick. And he ran in and grabbed his sword. And the dad's like, all right, cool. Yeah, cool. Let's go. In this game, who's gotten that rowdy over and a father son what kind of like let's go to the parenting thing here i don't know how these people were but the dad's like i'm gonna go down and talk to these people you wait here

and the kid's like no let me go with you he's like no i'll handle it it might get rowdy it's monopoly yeah it's like they're playing sorry yeah and the kid's like that's all right i i have my sword and the dad's like oh yeah's all right. I have my sword. And the dad's like, oh, yeah, grab the sword. Grab the sword. Make sure you grab that. We don't know what we're walking into. Oh, man.

I've never thought about just playing a board game on the sidewalk. Like, that's such a weird thing to me. Any board game. Any board game. Any Candyland. Life. Chutes and ladders. i've never played a board game with grown men before we should do it like not that i wouldn't but i just never have just

kind of yeah that's that's true it uh definitely as we get older there's a more and more niche so how rowdy i don't know of a group are you if you're four grown men playing monopoly i mean it's not like excuse me yeah what are you doing that's not that's not just outside their mom's house like what the fuck you doing think about think about four grown men what they could have been doing and the trouble they could have been causing out drink doing whatever all these guys were doing was playing monopoly did it say that they were men or how much worse is that um it's a bunch of kids and there's father son come out it said men didn't it in the beginning yeah uh irritated man approached the players but didn't say that people well when a group of four people have been

playing the monopoly or a popular board game so it didn't say how old they were they just like 12 year olds hopped up on mountain dew code red maybe the kid was going to go out there with a sword that does like whoa whoa whoa whoa let me just go with you so it doesn't get out of hand he's had experience with this before yeah like no i told you about the first time like i'm going with you this time first time i crossed paths with monopoly players on the sidewalk grab your sword this shit gets hype okay okay um sharpen your sword i told you to like i told you to for situations just like this yeah you know i mean it starts monopoly you can't walk you can't walk into a group without with a dull sword yeah no you can't especially that's suicide especially if they own boardwalk um god, that's a wild scene.

Ultimately, both the son and one of the Monopoly players were wounded, and reportedly, both taken to the hospital where the son, who was struck in the artery, remains in critical condition. So, he must have tried to get the sword out and cut his leg or something. Yeah, so we said that one of the other players tried to take his sword, and he's fighting back for it. Man man that is a really that's monopoly has never been more fun than a sword fight yeah so i agree any board game that can end with a sword fight is the perfect kind of board game yeah yeah that's the that's the risk i'm looking for

taking the board out of board game you know what i mean you get it um okay do you want to see my day yeah let's take a look at it okay i'm very i'm very excited about this one but here we go man arrested for running a legal dental operation in a danbury hotel room okay uh so a man is facing charges after police say he illegally practiced dental work in the hop on the in the hotel room danbury police said officers responded to the la quinta hotel reports of dental work sorry um sorry what's up can you give it down i guess keep your these walls are paper thin i guess keep on hearing your dental drill. The officers found a man who said he was conducting dental referrals.

When officers entered the occupant's room, they found an impromptu operating setup with dental drills, suction machines, and a portable x-ray machine. Bottles of amoxicillin and other medications were also found. Authorities said while the officers spoke to the suspect, a man left the bathroom with gauze in his mouth he told police he just had a dental procedure done so hugo morais de lima imagine walking past that guy so obviously in trouble you know can't practice without a license and that prescription drugs for sale here's the part that really got me he is held on a bond right now

you want to take a guess at how fucking what his bond is set at five million five million okay well that that's way more than i so 350 000 okay that's a ton of fucking money so where i went and i'll go there here in just a second which i looked up other bond prices right so what typically crime you would have to commit to get anywhere fucking near 350 000 and it's gonna blow your mind but going backwards just thinking about uh like if you're looking up a dental office and it gives you la quinta and hotel room 230 you're like there's this can't be right i mean just rave reviews like hugo hell of a dentist hell of a dentist yeah just just doesn't have the the space doesn't have the capital to get his own practice opened up so he's just doing everyone's

got to start somewhere right but other businesses doing this that is so funny like anything else pizza like we stay five dollars off pickup and then look it up and it's like the american like room 315 you go in there it's just like a makeshift pizza shop set up in a hotel room imagine if this hotel room just had underground businesses. That's all that La Quinta was. It was just dentist office, chiropractor. It's like an Abercrombie and Finch in there.

Anaconda and Finch. But like a clothing store. It's like a mall. You walk down the hallway and there's just offices. People going up and down with those little animal scooters that you can rent out and drive around. And they're just cruising around. Oh, fuck. Well, that's a way to make sure that your place is always rented out.

Always ready to go, yeah. I do give this guy a lot of credit for just being entrepreneurial. I'm sure he was. Was he just trying to help? I mean, I don't see, I do give this guy a lot of credit for just being like. Entrepreneurial. I'm sure he was, was he just trying to help? Was he, how did he get the drill? Did he have any idea what he was doing? The article doesn't mention that he had a license at any point. I would think that he did.

You can't just go willy nilly yanking teeth. Well, and who's going to, I mean, obviously there's like black market things. Like you can go get abortions and things like that. There's one. Imagine like the next to the. Next to the swimming pool is like a Planned Parenthood. But like Noah and Noah, like a hanger place. Oh, gotcha.

Like an underground. Underground, gotcha. Yeah. Like this dentist is not a real dentist. He's an underground all all these businesses are like they do legit things but they're completely off the books and what if they were really good at them like yeah like some of the best restaurants are the ones that have the shittiest fucking advertisements you go in there you look at the menu looks like

this is food that was on the floor that they just put in a shape but it's so good it's the best so what if it was the same situation with this like the best abortion doctor ever a lawyer like you're going for legal advice he's like oh you know love to come down talk about your case um i got it i got an opening this afternoon at 2 30 just come on down to the belmont suite 204 i know i've upgraded to the uh to the presidential suite and i'm just up Greatview, and we'll review your case. Does that sound good? Yeah, whatever.

Any shop. Mechanic. The office is just like you go in and out of the bedroom window, out to the parking lot, get all your shit handled. Why is that so funny to me? Because it doesn't belong there, and that's why it's so funny. It doesn't. Okay, so do you have anything else on that before i move on here no i just i just i just love the idea of all these businesses

that they're like they couldn't get a license for whatever reason but they're really good and what they do and they just need a place to set up shop they said test anxiety so yeah their their test scores were terrible but out in the field they're amazing experience it's like top notch experience over um crates yeah exactly like i would i would take the experiment or uh yeah the experience experience yeah experiment no i would not take the experiment you're my first customer shit never mind so get a good deal though hell of a deal uh yeah buy two teeth get one for you i just thought i just had a thought so like uh when you're like a graphic designer or something like that if you want to start doing your own work with clients

sometimes like when i started i would just do work for free just to get to build a portfolio right so imagine all these people having to do the same thing like this this denzel come by get a free root canal so i can add it to my just leave a review that's all i ask all i ask yeah so you're like all those businesses your first like the first abortions the the first. Paradentures. Like all of that stuff. Brain surgery. Brain surgery. Just did it for free so he could get a review and get it in his resume. Yeah, start building his background a little bit.

Yeah. Get some credibility out there. Like imagine being one of those people. Like I got a free. I mean. Where are you? Beggars can't be choosers. They cut your stomach.

Oh yeah. The bariatric surgery. Mm-hmm. Making dentures. But then like. He's like, wow, where'd surgery making uh dentures but then like he's like he's like wow where'd you get your dentures done grandpa he's like well i can't complain they were free and they're just fucking terrible it's like bakers can't be choosers well i was like my first artwork and stuff that i did way back when i was doing free work embarrassing so like all of those people do that like the the pair of dentures would just be mangled yeah but they were free they're free they still work yeah

exactly you can't be that mad okay looking at bond prices here before we jump off uh murder homicide so this is like you know premeditated murder one of the most serious crimes so when a person is charged with this offense bail may be about half a million dollars. Okay? That seems low. For sure. I don't know where you got these three million... I said five million. I don't know. You might as well not even get a bail.

The way you posed the question, I thought it was going to be some astronomical number. And then here we go. Other charges involving a person's death, such as manslaughter or criminally... Manslaughter! Negligent homicide may result in a bail being set at about $50,000 to $100,000. So, this dentist- $350,000?

$350,000? What the fuck? What the fuck? So, sex offenses, you got the higher up one so obviously like doing child trafficking half a million again but then other types of sex crimes such as like jared from subway sexual assault rape and decent sexual contact with a child 50 000 wow and this dude got 350 for fucking pulling teeth in a hotel room. Like, what the fuck is happening? It's like, oh, he was taking advantage of people. Drug crimes, the highest one, first degree, second degree, third degree felonies.

That's $100,000. Maybe as low as $50,000. Robbery. Like, if it's armed. Armed robbery, yeah. Yeah, that's a big one. But any other thing, you're breaking into someone's house and taking shit, 000 and this motherfucker got basically three manslaughter charges for fucking doing dentist shit in a la quinta like they must the cops must have hated him

maybe he fucked up the judge's teeth like i don't know what happened like god damn it hugo this is just payback 350 maybe uh the cops must have been in in with the the uh underground dental or like the mafia the dental ground the teeth mafia yeah the teeth mafia and so they were they were paying the cops you know because this guy was undercutting everybody on toothbrush prices yeah yeah he was not charging nearly he's like i don't know 10 bucks 10 bucks i'll get those teeth right out for you he's doing like a wisdom teeth removal for like for free buy it get take three get the fourth one the fourth fourth one free as long as you don't die you get it for free oh man okay well that that cracked me. I love that concept of just using hotels for shit. Little restaurants and jewelry store.

I mean, it's so funny the idea of turning a La Quinta into a mall, a strip mall. Little funny arcade games, like an Orange Julius is in room 26. God, going up the elevator. Imagine all the traffic in there. Smelling Cinnabon. Like walking down a hallway. Excuse me. Excuse me.

You just. Oh, where'd you get that teriyaki? It looks great. Room 726. It's on the third floor. Right next to the abortion clinic. Right next to the abortion clinic. We were getting abortion.

I was like, ah, I'll just get some teriyaki while I'm up here. Or ice cream. Like it sounded good. It sounded good at the time. It was like a reward. Okay. Let's move on silence in the court you are now enteringty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef.

Alright, Joe, this Petty Beef is coming from our son Brian with an I. Mmm. Arch nemesis. Yeah, son of a bitch. Hey, Papas. Hi. I have an issue I need help sorting out. My friend wants me to go see Nickelback and Brantley Gilbert with him.

I don't know how to tell him I'd rather burn that money in the backyard than spend it on tickets for that show. I want to be a good friend, but I don't want to spend a few hours wishing I was deaf or dead. What should I do? Your son, Brian. Oh, jeez geez who the fuck is brantley gilbert he's a country singer oh man he sings well damn like this i figured it was i've never even heard him before i'm gonna look it up he's like what you have the chance to change your name and he just kept gilbert brantley gilbert like that's country right there no brantley Gilbert. That's country right there. No, Brantley is.

But Gilbert, no. Gilbert Godfrey. How to talk to girls, man. All right, I'm going to try. I'm going to try here. See what we got. He sings. It's like he tries so hard. Good at the game, but the game just changed.

Good at the game, but the game just changed. And I'm all one name. And now I'm drawing a blank. Oh, boy. Let's see what we got here. All right, that's enough. So he's, I don't know why I know this kind of stuff, but he's like, he's a country singer, but he hangs out with kind of like a rock crowd,

rock crowd. And like, I think he's done some stuff with five finger death punch, that kind of thing. Like he's got that edge side to him. So the concert, that concert actually kind of makes sense because yeah, if it's going to be any country singer,

he's the one that makes sense. Right. Um, well, this is what I'm going to say say and i've mentioned it before i know that i've been to a couple nickelback concerts i'm not a nickelback fan but the concert was fucking awesome oh yeah they put on a hell of a show so much fun like amazing i mean so many boobs like it is not what you would think it would be it is a it is a rock concert yeah um there's a

reason why they're one of the biggest selling bands of all time so i will say that brantley gilbert no like i guess that all i needed was that little sample and i would be that's hard that's the hardest one out of these two to to spend if you if i asked you i was like and i loved nickelback or brantley gilbert or especially when they're both together on the same show would you come with me to the show if I asked you to come with me yeah well it depends on I uh I don't the hell is on Joey's head I don't dislike Nickelback I I will defend Nickelback I saw Nickelback in fucking 1997 opening up for Creed and Seven Dust, when Nickelback was not known at all. Their first fucking couple albums I really enjoyed. And I still enjoy Nickelback.

I don't have the hatred for them that people do. So I would go with you because they have a lot of, like, there's a lot more to them than just what's on Joey like they I know we've joked about this before they write some of their songs they get like chunky and they get a little heavy yeah okay for a band like that

because when they first started out they sang about chicks and drugs yeah they did if you listen to the lyrics like they weren't your, they sang about chicks and drugs. Yeah, they did. If you listen to the lyrics. Like, they weren't your typical... They've changed a lot since they broke onto the scene. That's true. What's a band that you hate?

Then would you go, if I was like, I loved, what, Ricky Martin? Ricky Martin. I don't know what I hate. I was a huge Ricky Martin fan. And you fucking hated Ricky Martin. Would you go to the show with me? So mayberian just hates this shit to it but he's like well i'll be a good friend yeah so my my serious answer is

would i do this now um it takes a lot for me to go to a concert now yeah but when i was like in concert mode yeah i'll just go yeah sure i'll go yeah and i i the nickelback first one i had to had to go to which is true for radio like i probably would never have gone if i wasn't like required to be there so i was there and i was pleasantly surprised and this reminds me of that similar situation like a time that you thought like an event or a gathering or a show and you thought it was gonna suck and then it ended up being awesome. And the one thing that I kept thinking about, because I'm not a big country fan,

like there's some country I can stand, there's some that I, most of it I can't, most of it I just can't do it. But this particular thing, it was, there's a country band called Reckless Kelly, and they're from where i grew up in that area stanley idaho and um so they started doing this thing in the summer it's called the braun brother reunion so it's them their dad muzzy braun i'm not sure if you knew muzzy muzzy bro great guys

very fun band they're more like more rock uh country than country country but they started doing this like like festival fun thing every summer in Stanley, Idaho. And first time I went, I was like, God damn it. It's like, I don't want to go do this country shit. Like it just wasn't, but come on, it'd be fun, blah, blah. And I went, and then I went back like seven years in a row. It was one of the best times I've ever had. Like every summer looking forward to this thing. It was like the last thing you do, head back up to college, like on the way,

basically just go up to university of Idaho. And it was so much fun. And it was nothing but country music. I didn't really like it, but I, this, the, the vibe was,

was perfect. I mean, you're in the sawtooth mountains. That's your backdrop. It's hard to be that upset about what's going on. Everyone's drunk. The beer is not like super overpriced. The town has one bar.

So everybody that's at the festival the whole town gets taken over when the festival's over and that's a whole shit show fun scene um but yeah so that was something i was like that's gonna suck and it ended up not so what i'm saying brian maybe give it a shot see what happens not you other brian the petty brian uh i've so i have something to say about this whole situation and i'm guilty of it um of like just not like not uh not not liking something about something so you're like oh i don't want to go like weddings like i don't wedding but every time i go to a wedding i always end up having fun right i think a lot of it has to do with someone's personality.

Like, I think people think they're supposed to not like something. Like, you saying you don't like most of country music, so you already have this preconceived notion of what country music is without giving it a chance. And then when you're at a country music festival, you're like, I'm having fun. You're like, so you kind of think to yourself, like, what i like about country there's something you don't like so if you can change your mindset on something i think a lot of people would do more things that they wouldn't normally do if they just let themselves get past that thing in their brain that says this is stupid why would i want to do this because i think a lot of people have that on

all ends of the spectrum i hate rap so i'm never going to rap concert you go and you're like that wasn't as bad as i thought it was gonna be like tour back in the day it doesn't matter where you go whether it's a concert whether it's a going to a play wedding birthday or it doesn't matter what i took amber to um uh the the broadway shows that come to town and i she used to want to go so i take her and i'd always be like i'm gonna go so i went i was like yeah it wasn't so bad so one of the young frankenstein came and i took i went about to take a surprise or young frankenstein's one of my favorite movies and it was a musical version of that and it was fucking awesome because

i let myself just go you know what fuck it i bet you it's gonna be fun it was yeah so i think i've tried to do that the older i get i've tried to go the opposite direction like usually when you get older you're like oh the new stuff sucks or the new kids suck or whatever like that look at it from perspective of you know what fuck it maybe i'll have a good time you can sit at home tomorrow night yeah yeah exactly so go go do it do it go on the adventure brian go go do the thing go do the thing and then report back and other people i would like to hear from some of the other kids uh about thing something you thought was going to suck it ended up being one of the best moments of your life you guys can send those into hey guys at can you don't

podcast.com would love to read them uh want to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com. Would love to read them. Want to take a look at something? You're going to be hyped about this. You ready? Yeah. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we are doomed. Question for you, how many times

have you been watching, streaming a show on your favorite streaming platform? And you, how often do you have to turn the volume up and down depending on what's going on in the movie like is there music playing or are people talking yeah it's usually a commercial commercial kicks on like holy shit god this is me illegal dick pills are you tired of having a limp dick like jesus christ yeah i am but you don't need to tell everybody it's like just dial it back um no but it's driven me insane for a long time and amazon seems to finally be taking a little initiative okay and fixing what the problem has been with

almost every single streaming platform it varies from movie to movie because they're all mixed differently. And then people have different speakers. That's a different shit. But Amazon's new tool will adjust the sound so you can actually understand the movie and the TV dialogue. So it's using like AI to. Interesting. Yeah. To, you know, analyze the stuff as it comes out.

It really is taking over. Raise your hand if you found yourself recently rewinding your movie or episode back about 10 seconds over and over again because you just can't figure out what line of dialogue they were saying oh god all the time only to give in and finally turn the closed captions on which that is true too i've never been a closed caption fella just not for me but recently i just put them on because i don't fucking want to deal with it i don't want to have like the uh which one was really bad that i was watching recently um was it beef have you seen have you watched beef yet you should it's really good but there's a lot of dialogue but then there's a lot of like other music and stuff so it's like just

and they use like alt uh grunge as a lot of the background stuff. So, you know, like Nirvana and whatever, blah, blah. And it would just blast. And they'd go back to a talking scene. I used to fuck you guys. I was like, I'll just leave it down here and read, I guess. I'm going to read tonight. I remember there's plenty of shows my wife and I were watching it. And you'll just be watching it and somebody will say something.

And I'll be like, what was that? She goes, I didn't catch that. And I'll go back. And then you're like like you start inching closer to the screen and then you're just like fuck it whatever fuck it hopefully it just doesn't come out later yeah yeah it's like like the a line like a infamous line i'm your father yeah like yeah i'm your father what'd he say what's he excuse me uh fuck it not Not important. Probably not important. Just move on. It's a topic that...

Wait, what? What? Yeah, later on. Like, why does he care so much? He was his father? It's like three seasons later or four movies later. Why didn't they say that? He did.

You never told us that. The whole scene. The falling scene. What? It's been Googled and explained to death and amazon is finally doing something about it but that's pretty much it's dialogue boost you'll turn it on it's an ai powered feature they'll increase the volume of the dialogue relative to the background music and effects and you can customize it to your personal preference all to create a more comfortable

and accessible viewing experience what if you want to cut out the dialogue and listen to music yeah all you want is effects all you get it there's no background music there's no talking they're just guns and explosions like this is and you're putting the dialogue in your own head and the music the visuals will show me the visuals will tell me what's all about or yeah the the suspense music supposed to be just kind of in the background it's just blasting well the worst is when like someone's asleep like if you put your kids to sleep and you're watching this movie in another room and it's like oh will you be my love and then it cuts to boom like oh fuck like it's like i want to be scared but not that loud and the kids come down what are you what's happening down here when it wakes you up that's even you're you're snoozed out and let me daddy we're just wrestling just wrestling that's all we do so i'm you know i'm

holding back judgment on how well this is wrestle yeah netflix. Yeah. Netflix and Slap My Ass. Why had I never heard of that one? It's new. It's coming out. Netflix and Put My Dick In Your Mouth. What? Reserving judgment. We'll see how good this works.

But if it works, this could be a game changer for all streaming platforms. Like, I would use that platform more if I got to adjust and actually hear the movie that I was watching. Could you do that with music?

Because sometimes it's mixed where you can't hear the vocals or they're cranking up much or can't hear the guitar yeah gotta dial that thing up or just some guy that's like a bass player he just cranks the bass that's all he wants to hear all right i'm excited this is what i was talking about at the start of the show i can do that to do that. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right?

Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome! I'm not sure how this went under the radar, and I did not catch it, but our daughter, Jocelyn, she didn't miss it and she sent it in and, um, I'm very excited to show this to you and, and the rest of our children.

Okay. Okay. I'm not going to, you know, you'll figure it out. Here we go. It's pretty i'm still parked out by the lake 80 miles from saying and i'm sitting it's so good if you want to know you're out of port this is gorgeous and it's so funny because then he gets okay well

because then he starts crying hold on I'm gonna move But right now I'm Parked Messing up at the end And you know That Lake Alba Santa Fe

that's where I'm at waiting for you you know that I'm parked out by the lake you remember that lake out by Santa Fe

and I'm gonna sit here parked out by this lake Anyway, so Dean Summerwind released the sad version of Parked Out by the Lake. And if you're new to the show and didn't listen to the very first episode, you don't know what the original version. That was the first episode? I think so, yeah. Right up to here. We had The Mummy. We had Parked Out by the Lake. So if you haven't heard the original, you can look it up.

But that's the sad version. And man, just picture someone like those lyrics and then actually getting choked up over it like at a live event and the crowd just

well man parked parked out by the lake guys help by this lake okay

that was it that's what I I was just so excited to show you oh it's funny should we hear from the I love that cause it's just

I haven't heard any I haven't heard that in so long and then to hear that it's gorgeous kid time yep all right let's hear what you guys think really you want to talk to me wow that's cool i'm not gonna to hurt you. Come here. There's a few people that said he sounded like the dude from Family Guy.

We were laughing about that. We were joking about that. The old guy. Chris. Whistling. Popsicles in my basement. So this was sent in by our daughter, Kara, and it's following up on that creepy parrot. Which, I mean mean my kids say it

i still say like it's not that bad i'm not gonna hurt you darling come here but this was sent in and this is uh i guess because you can't see the video this is a parrot who apparently has learned from the owner apparently apparently that um they yells at the cat every time cat makes noises. So funny. Here we go. Quiet. Quiet. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. Quiet. oh fucker

oh fucker oh fucker there's one more no that was it but um yeah sorry there's a little gate on that i'm not sure why the computer volume is so low today um but just picturing that you're not even home like you're not even home yeah this is just going on it's just going on the cat he's like shut the fuck up little fucker just yelling asshole Just yelling at the cat. Oh, I love it. I love it.

There's plenty of, you know, parrots or birds that can just say weird stuff. But that's so funny that. That's a fuck up. Because that's going on without you there. That makes it. Even funnier. Extra funny because. It's like one thing when you're interacting with it and it's making you laugh. But this is like.

You're not home. Quiet. Little fucker. Oh, gosh dang. Interacting with it and it's making you laugh, but this is like you're not home quiet Gosh dang. All right. You want to read the the next little email we got here sure. Okay, what's to say? All right This is coming in for my accidental nurse wait. Mm-hmm accidentally nurse son Justin. Okay. Hey guys. Story. Oh boy. Hold on, I got something in my throat. Little fucker. Hey guys. So story time. A few years ago my family and I drove two hours to stay in Indianapolis to go to a children's museum. That seemed worth it.

Yeah. We went to bed early to get our day going the next day. Now when I tell you I woke up to the smell of shit, it was bad. I thought it was my two-year-old. No biggie, right? Wrong. I woke up at 5 a.m. to my in-laws shitting all over the bathroom.

My wife and I started cleaning it up. I love how he just writes, there's no in-between. It's just my wife and I started cleaning it up and have to run to the store to get supplies. We get to the lobby and the whole lobby smells of shit. We act like it wasn't coming from our room and run to the store. God, what is happening? This place sucks. Come back and the front desk is flooded with people asking what the smell was.

Well, we just snuck back in the room to clean. You just walk through the room. Yeah. Whoa, whoa. You smell it too. Oh. Turns out they had gastritis and they shit in my van

on the way home. Sorry for the girth and drawn out process of this message. You may need a preparation H. I get it. That's so funny.

Mmm. I gotta... There was... We were at... Would you still get married? Well, I guess, would you keep the marriage going? If you're in-laws, just like, you knew every time you did anything with them, they're

going to shit all over the place. You'd have to really love that person, right? Yeah. You'd have to be in. Or move far away. Yeah. Just like, well, yeah. Like, no, they can come, but you got to drive themselves and wear this trash bag over their

pants. Oh. Ready for bed, grandpa? Yeah. All right. Getting this fiveon or whatever. What are those big, like, 45-gallon black trash bags? Like, for leaves outside?

Yeah, that you put dead bodies in. Industrial strength. He's like, all right, time for bed. Ready for bed? All right, put your trash bag on. Rubber band the top in. You've got to cut holes so he can breathe, though. Oh, yeah, well, his head's out.

Just waste. Oh, got it. Yeah. You don't want, want like poop coming out the leg holes though they have those garbage bags that are scented you know like like lemon yeah i think i have some right now some orange ones yeah this is the best one it'd just be lemon covering up shit smell yeah it'd just be lemon poop yay but maybe it wouldn't make its way to the lobby yeah that's funny and then shitting in your car in your van yeah man that'd be a hard one to just be like that's fine i mean i've heard of gastritis but i don't really know what does it cause you to just shit yourself sounds like incontinence but for poop similar probably that sounds that sounds accurate uh another email

coming in from our heartfelt daughter adrian says So sorry for the long meal up front. So I've been listening since the beginning, but I recently signed up on Patreon. So I've been going back and re-listening to all the episodes, listening to the bonus content and extended episodes. You guys give me a distraction to some stressful times in my life right now. I came across the one around Christmas where Joe talked about his dad and his brain cancer and where he could get the brief moments where he could remember people. And then she said that this happened to me. My dad had

brain cancer and was sick my whole senior year of high school. I got engaged and my husband, then fiance, were telling my dad, knowing that he wouldn't know who we were, why we were even telling him this. But just for a few seconds, he was his old self and started crying, saying he was happy for us. And an instant, then he was back. He's gone crying saying he was happy for us in an instant then he was back he's gone he's gone again this is something my husband and i still talk about to this day and we've been married for 24 years he passed away about a month later and they changed the subject my maiden name is mariner and in school during roll call the teachers would always say mariner mariner mariner mariner fuck not sure why they couldn't pronounce my name but could say the

name of the baseball team just fine just thought i'd share that keep the great work thanks adrian mariner why would you is there a mariner here they obviously don't watch baseball they that who just panicked in the moment go ems but uh yeah no i haven't sad i know but there's it's not all flowers all the time but i have a lot of those moments where yeah there's he was there you're like oh shit you're reminiscing about something and then you say something they're looking at you like i don't even know where you are yeah whoa i know i know i can't even imagine that oh there's one there's one particular one that i always think about i'm just i'm gonna breeze through it really quick because I don't want to cry.

But one of the first times after my dad was diagnosed and things were obviously progressing, and I brought the kids down to see him. We walked in, and I felt bad because he didn't know who the fuck they were. He knew who I was, but he did not remember who my kids were. It was just a bad day. It was an off day for him. It was kind of late, and then we're getting ready for bed. but he did not remember who my kids were and it's just a bad day it's off day for him and it's kind of late and then um we're getting ready for bed and get my dad all whatever changed and ready for

bed and we're walking by and he hadn't said shit all day we're walking by the room that uh the kids and i are staying in and we're walking by then he just stops and turns and goes in right and sits down next to pepper on the bed. He goes, hi, Pepper. Pepper was like, what the fuck? I don't remember the exact words, but it included like, I'm so proud of you. Like, I love you. And Pepper's like, love you too. And then he walks over and then gets down next to Ezra and says the same thing.

He goes, I love you so much, Ezra. And then just gets up and then walks back and I just walk him into bed. And then that was it. That was all we got out of him. The rest of the day, he didn't know what anything was going i couldn't even you know take off his own clothes couldn't walk without someone yeah and i guess goes in there after not even recognizing who they were he's like says both their names and that he loves them i don't know i don't know if he was thinking about it consciously but i wonder if if he knew he was slipping it out and he's like i remember who they are i need to say something so they have that

or something. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure that was going through his mind. It's crazy. Yeah. Alright, well, episode 45. We're all done. 45. Done. Is that Eve 6? On the 45. I don't think it's Eve 6.

Or what band is that? Some. 45. Oh my God. That's going to drive us. The shows keep going. Staring down the barrel of a 45. That's Shinedown.

Be a part of the gaggle. Patreon.com slash CanYouDon'tPodcast. Follow us on the socials. Got YouTube. And then sending stuff in you want to hear on the show. Hey guys at CanYouDon'tPodcast.com. Rate and review us. Big thanks to the babysitters that moderate the Playground on Facebook.

Go join that up. Just look for Can You Don't Playground, and it'll pull it up. Yeah, it's a weird voice on that song. Under 45. I don't sound something like that. I typed in something, something, 45. Did it come up? No.

Good God. I typed in something something 45 did it come up no but good god wrap it up already huh dad joke sent in by our twice removed son Eric coming in hot coming in hot hey Brian why did the chicken go to the gym I don't know Joe to work on his pecs

that's funny I don't know, Joe. To work on his pecs. That's funny. I've never heard that one before. I haven't either. So, loved it. I mean, it makes sense. It's right there. Just had to put Jim and chicken together, and he came up with pecs.

Okay. Well, honking geese. You silly geese will keep going. Kids that aren't on Patreon, we'll talk to you guys next week. Bye.