Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Light Pole. Mount Fuji. Lisp. 29 Toes.

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

If you have kids, or have spent time around someone else's children for any amount of time, it's no secret that they can SUPER SUCK when they are little... which is why a story on today's show about a dad leaving his son behind on Mt. Fuiji actually makes sense. GET UP, NERD! Let's talk about that, getting in real trouble for destroying a fake camera, accidentally punting your toilet paper holder into the wall, dirty talkin' with Mike Tyson, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch this episode YouTube: https://youtu.be/qEHReya0jNUSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Light pole, Mount Fuji, Lisp, 29 toes. Quick update. Zach is alive. He's alive and, I don't know if he's well, but he's alive. He seems tired. How you doing, Zach, boo? I'm doing excellent. Okay.

He's got a little glimmer or a spark or something. Best I've felt in 15, 20 years. I feel like your legs have felt better. Well, just because I had a leg day for the first time since I moved to spill. Can. Is that why you're wearing shorts? Because you're like, oh, I've been working out. I need to show these fucking ham hawks off. I want to show off my new shoes. Oh, did you get new shoes? Oh my God, get the fuck in here. Yeah.

Come in here. Come on show them off. Leave your position. Here, take this. Don't read it yet. Okay. These were sent in by silly goose ivy. Oh, they're just black shoe versions of your boots. Yeah, but they have comfort. They have air pocket bubbles. Oh my God. It's so weird because you're wearing black socks and black socks and black boots. shoes. I just assumed that it was your boots. Cadillac, yeah. The boys in time bomb. Black socks.

No? You guys don't remember that song? Black shirt, black shoes, black hat, Cadillac, yeah. Someone, you guys, fuck you guys. Something. These were sent in, you can hand them out, but they are like fortune cookies, but silly goose kind of. Do you get to eat them? Sure. Are they edible?

No. Mine says confidence level. Goose entering a picnic without an invitation. Mine is... Oh, let me get my glasses on. Fuck. It's extra small. That's what she said.

Whoa. It's huge when you put these on. Whoa! Now I see why people wear their readers. The day is young and the nonsense has already clocked in. Nice. Yeah, so we just walk around and hand these out. Oh, yeah.

They've cheered me up on multiple occasions. Yeah, so they're just sending that in. You got number 17. Number 17. Fuck, I didn't know they're an indie individual numbered. I got number three. I can fucking dig that. All right.

But by the way, you guys can send shit in. Just send it in. We have the physical PO box. It's in the episode description. There's a couple quick Spokane updates. Off the fun of Tits out, criss-crossed applesauce. Tits out in the Gildo Cuddy.

And Tits out, or not Tits Out, but just two dudes having the time of their meth lives doing the wheelbarrel across one of the business streets in fucking Spokane. Just a quick update story about my unknown friend That's pooping in the dark At work Just yesterday He did it again

Walked in there Lights were off Clicked them on And I just heard him like Like scoot I was like what are you doing in here You and me Go on pooping in the dark

Something Something wiping the shart Yeah I don't know I didn't have the first part But I had the ending I texted you yesterday and I said something about the script or something. I was like, hey, blah, blah, blah, something.

And you just wrote back my pooping friend was pooping the dark again. Just got done with that experience. I don't know. I don't know. We'll see. But it just keeps happening to him. He doesn't care. I've kind of stopped talking to him.

And then on my way out of work, same day of dark poop friend, just a random dude. And you see, we see a lot of drug stuff. If you're in a big city, you're going to see some drug stuff. Spokane just is our closest one and it feels like a high bar for other cities to meet another city is not going to outdo

the shit that you're seeing on this stretch and there's just a dude at a bus stop and he was just practicing his ninja moves against the fucking light pole like did they look good no and like I'm stuck in a traffic light

so I get to just take in the performance art yeah and like like and spinning and like hitting it and spinning back the other way and I was like, you are, what drug are you on? Like that's the fun game.

Yep. Well, we know it's not fentanyl because they'd be sleeping on it. Yeah, they'd be drooping. Sounds like meh. Kind of meth-y, right? And then, Kay, let's just keep going with Spokane updates. This was a Tuesday morning on my morning show where I think I'm following a traffic

accident. And then we start getting the reports of what the cops and firefighters are talking about because we can follow that. And there's a a guy on a motorcycle who is reported for driving erratically, right? Then, five minutes later, there is a motorcycle versus vehicle car accident. So right now, these are making sense together. I wonder who that could be. So this guy, we don't know if the motorcycle was stolen. But there's a lesson in all of this. Yes. He hits a vehicle. He goes flying. His shoes fly off. Okay?

Okay. He gets up a car, a woman. woman stops in her white GMC to Denali and asks if he's okay. He assaults her, hits her with the door of her own car, steals her car, and drives off on a high speed chase in his stolen vehicle and bare feet, leaving the motorcycle just crashed in the middle of the street. Watching this in real time, they're trying to find him and they can't find him. Then they find the car and don't find him. Who's excited for Grand Theft Auto 6? Yes. And there's been no reports of him being found, which is just a lesson to think that he woke up or never

slept. Went into Tuesday morning, stole a motorcycle, hit a car when flying, lost his shoes, was bleeding all over, got asked if he was okay, assaulted the woman, stole her car, drove away from the cops, got out, left it, and didn't get fucking caught. And he's just sitting

somewhere watching the GTA. He just went into Wednesday. Yeah. His life is... He woke up like... He's like, Jesus Christ, my ankle are broken. What happened like my? Where are my shoes? Where the fuck are my shoes? What the fuck?

This was where? What part of town? Hamilton and Francis ish. Ah, close getting out there to Hilliard. No, it was Northwest North West, yeah, yes, the Northwest Boulevard and Hamilton. Yeah. So pretty much Hilliard. Yeah. That's a well-known area around here for fun.

Anyway. That's fun. So those are things that are just happening. Setting your content suggestions. What's happening? What's happening in Spapap! Remember we did years ago. We did the... What? Oh, great. Years ago, we did the segments...

What the fuck just happened. What the fuck just happened? I feel like we could almost do that whole segment just about stories that are going on Spokane. The Spokane News stop. I guess what happened next? And you're like, mm. And I'm like, so close.

You're not even close. But it's almost kind of too predictable. But I know what you're saying. Yeah. You're like, oh, yeah, we got an accident. And I'm like, well, then what happened next? then that's where it gets a little loosey-goosey. Send in your content suggestions, whatever it is to hey guys at canyedionopodcast.com.

Just a reminder that the honkathon continues on. You can check out the fish video if you haven't seen it. We've gotten a bunch of new people signing up for Patreon. Thank you so much for joining us as we work our way through the honkathon. Just head over to patreon.com slash canionad podcast. And support us. Pick whatever tier is right for you as we work our way through the goals and figure out what we're doing to keep this podcast.

podcast rolling in the only fun part of my fucking life. Back to you. Back to you, Johnny. And you found an update on something? Yeah, I wanted to throw this update in because I figured the folks out there. Fingered or fingered the folks? I fingered the folks. That is a great update.

Just all just, just fingering folks. Spirit fingers. On all the folks. Thought this was interesting. Do you remember the story about the, about Harvard? the guy that was stealing the dead bodies and oh yes cutting parts and I do selling them on the black market

because it also reminded me one of my favorite stories which is where the guy thought he was donating his mom to science and then found out later the military took it and blew it up that's right it's still one of the best things one of the worst and best things I've ever heard so what did my mom

like you guys study your brain would you guys figure out yeah well we studied how if you can use just windex to get brain off of ballistic screens. Where's her brain now? Plexiglass. A little over there. You've heard of Plexiglass, right?

Yeah, it's all over it. The whole, yeah. So, yeah, I remember this story. Yeah, so the headline is, Harvard agrees to $53 million settlement over body parts stolen and sold by former Morg manager. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

I mean, it's got to be tempting. $53 million lawsuit. I don't know. It's a lot of sadness. Thinking that they're like, this is going to a good home. A smart Ivy League home. And he's like, there's some hand on a guy's shelf. Yeah.

Yeah, he just turned your mom's foot into a pocket puss. For like 20 bucks? Louberderm. You know what I mean? Yeah, we don't need to go any details, but I just wanted to let you know that they've settled. All right. Well, that's good enough for me. That's all I need.

There's a, that's the, the book, or what it's the, not the icing on the cake, because that's not the right phrase, but it's the chariot. No, not even the cherry on top. It's the end to, it's the foot on the mantle. There you go. I want to see where this is going. No, I just like, it's, when, when you find the. get to put it to bed, put it to rest. It's like we finally have a, we know

what happened now. There's a huge lawsuit. Closure. There you go. That was it? That was it. We have closure. Zach! Push it! Or kick it! Hey, shut up. Start the show already. Those shows, you know what? I kind of want

I kind of want Ez to try on Zach's shoes. Those are some killer shoes. You have 16? Yeah. So, yeah, so actually these are 15s. Ooh. Yeah, nice and snug. That's nice.

What were those? They're Nike of some kind. Yeah, look like a Nike. Look at Airbags. On sale. When was the last time you bought shoes? Probably 20 years ago. I mean, I have some really nice shoes that I bought 10 years ago, but those don't count.

You know Zach almost died because he is, it's like a full life change. It is. He bought shoes. I've worked out every day since I died. Good for you. That's great. I can't wait to die. Almost died.

I've eaten like a king. Oh yeah. You've been eating like a king. Yeah, three meals a day. Fuck. 200 grams of protein veggies. Honkathon goals are just going to come back around to like shoes and Zach's health. I think, well, I think we might need a camera for him and just in there like.

Watch his transformation. Stripping and seeing day-to-day differences. Get Zach a dumbbell. Can sit out there and just watch. We're just like making dick jokes and the side camera is just Zach doing curls. Eating chicken and shit. All right. Well, maybe we'll have, have us try on your shoe.

He has giant feet. Not quite that big. They're huge. Ezra's feet? They're just gigantic. Yeah, he's wearing, what, 13 and a half, 14? What the fuck is happening? He tried to poke me with him today.

What a... It's like out of here. Classic. All right. Here's our question. Would you rather... You have two years to train. Zach?

You're on your way. Then you fight Mike Tyson. I'm fucked. In his prime for a mere 60 seconds. So just 60 seconds. And you have two years. to figure out how you're going to run away. Real quick, just as a side note,

would you rather fight Mike Tyson in his prime or when he was like when he was biting ears? Wasn't that prime time? I would say that was the end of his prime. That's when he was just starting to go nuts. All of it is a bad time. It is, but like there was a time in the late 80s where he was throwing uppercuts and killing people.

Like right after prison? And then, yeah, and then 97. We just all forget about that. He just, yeah. Yeah, he just decided to go off the rails. He's like, you know what? I'm just going to start saying weird stuff and biting people. I'm on defense that's impregnable.

I eat your children. It's funny you say that. Would you rather fight Mike Tyson two years to train or have his lisp and voice permanently? He's a good fighter. I take my hand off to him. He said that. He actually said that.

I'll take my hand off to him. So close. So close. So close. It almost made sense. There's a whole list of like, things that people have said that sound like they're supposed to be sayings. Like,

that guy's so nice, he'll give you the hair off his back. You're like, no things. I love, it's very thoughtful. And that you, I mean,

I know what you meant to say. Yeah. But given, I don't want. Some of the hair off your back. Ooh. Unless you're really hairy and you're cold. Yeah.

That'd be nice. Yeah, you're trapped in the Arctic. You try and survive or something. Yeah. Like, you need an extra layer. So you either talk like this all the time.

right it's worked out for him imagine that trying to like turn a lady on it or like be sexual have you ever thought about that if you actually talk like that

no just run with me for a second I'm just trying to think about how to say it because you know being Mike Tyson having that much money and being that popular

you know he's just he's laying pipe Oh, yeah. And you have to listen to that. Yes. No. And he's putting on words that don't have it.

I'm going to cumpf. You're like, what? You're going to what? I'm going to pounce. I'm going to pounce that buttholes. I'm going to slap you ass around. Yeah, I'm coming your tithes. Cumpf on your tith.

Show me your tith. He's the only guy that could get away with that because you're going to make fun of him. You know what you're going into. You can't make fun of him. You can't make fun of Mike Tyson. That's got to be so scary. That's how he got so tough.

Yeah. And I know there's no way it hasn't happened a million times. I'm sure someone has laughed and he stopped. Are you Therieth? Yeah. You ain't Therieth. I'm surprised he didn't beat the shit out of the cast of Saturday Night Live or Mad TV back in the day. Saturday Night Live.

It went off on him. Yeah. I mean, he has an amazing person, like just sense of humor because you have to have. to if you're going to get through. His cartoon is fucking awesome. We've talked about it. Yeah. I love it.

Yeah. I think when I brought it up, you guys had never seen it. Oh, I've seen it. And then, but then we, it's so good. It's so good. Especially at the end with the little interviews with him in your life. Today's your birthday. It's not Friday.

It's not Saturday. It's your birthday. You're like, what? You can just tell he's so high. Yeah. It's, I mean, I love that show. I haven't watched it a long time. Plus, Norm MacDonald does a pigeon.

Come on. Oh, yeah. Come on. Yeah. I heard an interview one time, and I don't remember, I think it was like a former crew, like a corner guy or something that was on his team or manager or something. I remember him saying that he, before his fights, like, I don't know if this is true, but that before his fights, they would find some gal, basically. Like, she would go back to his locker room and he would pound the crap out of her to get some of it. to get some of his aggression out

so he wouldn't kill the guy in the ring. Like, I remember hearing that. It seems like something you read in a joke book. I, but I am like, because the opposite is what people normally do, is they don't have sex.

Yeah. So that they want to kill the other person. Right. But I think he actually could kill him is what, it was the point he was making. Yeah. Yeah. But it sounds like a fun joke.

Yeah. Yeah. But I just, but I was always, I just remember picturing like, what if that's true? And that poor girl. Yeah.

But just getting all your aggression out so you don't kill somebody so she's getting it all. Jesus. That's not fun. And just picturing sex with boxing gloves on is funny enough. All taped up, you can't get them off. It's too late. I can't take my pants off. Like, and you're just like, yeah, and you try to just, you're squeezing the moves.

Trying to squeeze, yeah. Just slapping her ass a little bit. Making like, like little boxing glove noises. Yeah, yeah, the squeezing. Just trying to squeeze a nipple with those. mitts like that. I mean, that poor, I mean, I know he was, it's not rape, obviously rape's not funny. Like, he went to jail for rape and stuff, but getting rape is going to sound terrible.

I can't wait to hear it. I just like imagine someone getting raped, how terrible that is. But then now imagine getting raped by someone like Mike Tyson who's just a, a, a, Physical bulldog. Yeah. Just like an absolute. And wearing mitts. Mm-hmm.

And spits an ear in your mouth. And doesn't, is not thinking, I mean, like, is just a rabid animal. What that would be like. Come on me to bite your ear? Not really. Would you rather fight him or get raped by him? What's the difference? I don't have a choice either way.

I just got it. I'd rather just get raped because the other one is, I get my face punched in, then he can rape me. So let's just go to the ending. Let's skip the. First chapter. Have your way with me, Mikey. Training for two years. If you go into something, two years, but not only are you just getting in shape to not die, you also have to have some boxing training.

God damn. You're just going to get rocked, but he didn't kill anybody in the ring. So, and I'm guessing you have to try. You also have to be the weight class. You can't throw, yeah. But you like, you can't throw the fight. because that comes in too. Right.

You're like, you train for two years, you get in the best shape of your life, and you just throw it and get the fuck out of there before he shatters all your ribs. I think if you had, so thinking realistically you here, if you had two years from now to train to fight Mike Tyson, you could get,

in two years, you could get really good at boxing. Like, realistically. They were out. Everyone he fought was so good. Oh, I know. But, two years is a lot of time

to be at least not walk in there just off the street and just get pounded like you could at least you'll get some something is going to be broken yeah brain damage could be coming your way yeah you go in with that you get punched in the face so hard you end up with a lisp anyway like god damn

you leave the fight you're like oh man that sucks you're like oh shit what the fuck I guess it's a double whammy I, but just my, all of my apparent useful skills that I have are being a professional talker. Yeah. I'm going to, I'm going to go fight Mike Tyson. I'm going to get in great shape.

If you could get my ass kicked. If you could train basketball for two years, could you beat LeBron James? No. Right. Same with fire. I'm not saying you would beat Mike Tyson. It would even like survive, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I could maybe get a point by just throwing up something dumb. there's always that hope in basketball but just throwing up a funny haymaker you're not landing in a punch that's not my dude I mean he's trying to be silly goose and throw up dude it would be Mac from Tyson's punchout really that's what it would be

and I never beat Tyson he's too tough man I'm still I'm going with it I can't do Lisp not that Lisp I've always had like a tiny bit of a list by my whole life

You'll just take the internal bleeding on Yeah I'm gonna risk it If you're just a regular guy And you can be strong enough To protect my body at that point Like this and when you I walk up We're hitting gloves

And I'm like at least I'm not gonna sound like you You fucking bitch He's like what? It's like ding ding ding ding You're like just kill me This is gonna feel like a car accident It's gonna hurt you a lot more It's gonna hurt me

I know Ding ding ding Go But you'd have the muscles and the strength of support getting your fucking ass kicked. Would you get the money that the fight would generate? Or are you just fighting him like in a back alley? I don't know. I picture it has to be.

Prime Mike Tyson is going to be in a ring. But I don't know. And if you get a good thing. The win, he gets $20 million and you don't get his Lisp. You can do the merch sales. Sell some T-shirts. Set yourself up. I fought Mike Tyson and all I got was the shitty T-shirt.

The stupid list. All I got was the shitty list. I'm picking fighting. I'm not picking that lisp. I'm not making fun of people that have Lisp out there, but for what I do, you can't have a... Yeah, you can't be on the... Imagine doing your morning radio show. Yeah.

Yeah, there was an accident, an intersection, Hamilton, and Northwest Boulevard. There's... Motorcycle. Motorcycle versus vehicle. Motorcycle versus pedestrian. His tooth roll off. Fired! This is the news, not a comedy podcast.

I realize that. I'm trying my beth. Fuck. All right, so Brian, you set to pick something, then we can move on. God, I don't want to fight him. Well, then have fun with your left. I think I'm... That was not intentional.

I guess I'll fight him. All right. But that could do some major damage. It will. but it just goes to show you how much we want to sound like us I mean I don't love my voice as it is

but I'm not talking like this feels can you imagine your voice analyst yeah just kidding I don't mind your voice let me do it for you all right Zach go

hey hey what's up babe what are you thinking about you know nothing actually you know what I'm thinking about a lot of shit What are you thinking about? So not much here, but it's just something I have to share with you guys because it was very funny to me. And it's twofold to my, what are you thinking about this week?

I just want to do it. I can't even help it at this point. You can't help it. What are you thinking about? Now you just sound like deaf. You talk. I don't know what I'm. I'm so good impressions.

All I knew is just have to fift this stuff. Fuffering Thucketash. as far as that went. Okay. So let me start with this. Let's just to lead into the funny story I wanted to tell you guys about. But how is it, how are there no regulations when it comes to bathrooms on where you can install a toilet paper holder?

And maybe we have talked about this. If we have, I don't remember it. But it plays into the next part. So what I mean by that is this house, the way that it was designed in the, the floor plan, when you're sitting on any of the toilets, the paper, or that's the paper towel, that's weird, the paper toilet roll is, it's behind you. Like I'm a fucking gymnast. Right?

Like I just, I just got off the- Do you yoga? What am I doing? Yeah, I just got off the mat to take a shit and I can just bend around behind me and grab it. Two-fold. One is, maybe whatever. too much information, but it happens. It's back there.

I turn. My weiner is going to touch the bowl. Yep. It's going to flap into the fucking toilet bowl. Yep. And that's not fun. That's not a fun feeling. Are you...

What's happening? I don't know. I'm getting a call. Oh, turn it off. I don't know who it is. From British Columbia. Worried about your taxes? I've had five of those today.

Get out of here. Probably. So, but like, every single bathroom. has the toilet paper roll somewhere behind you, like that is a comfortable move. That's insane. You get it and grab a little, and then come back and wipe, and then just keep doing the medicine ball workout. Get some ab working.

Sure. No one wants that. If you're a big person, that's really bad. It's all terrible. Set yourself up for a heart attack or some shit. Yeah. So one of the very first things I did was by a toilet paper stand, right? And then every bathroom in the house that doesn't have the toilet paper stand, like the freestanding, you can put it wherever you want so that the toilet paper's in an actual accessible location without doing a fucking gym maneuver to grab a couple sheets.

And the kids one, the one downstairs, the toilet paper roll is just off. They're like, we're not doing this. Everyone is like, this is done. It's not just a me problem. Everyone's like, this is in a really bad spot. So anyway, when I first moved in, I bought that individual one. It has the cool little extra roll slots below it. You can drop in the extra rolls and have the roll on top.

So, you know, whatever. You're ready to go whenever you have to poop. And I have, like, I've bumped this toilet paper roll holder numerous times, but it's never been like a real problem. and the other morning it was well I know it was two o'clock because that's pretty much this I wake up at the same time every night there's 2 a.m. Yes so I look at it and I'm like you have to wake up in an hour and a half how am I going to turn all the way around? What are you doing with your life? Yeah I'm not going to just like whatever and it wasn't a poop but I had to go peepee and I don't remember moving the freestanding toilet paper holder this far away from the toilet.

But I walked in in groggy mode, right? And I walked in, it was dark. And I know where the toilet is. So I'm not going to turn the lights on because you have to keep the sleepies. I don't want to wake my brain up when I have to wake up. So, you know, I'm just trying to get this out and go back to bed. And I walk in there and I'm like, and I couldn't have kicked the middle of this little toilet paper holder harder if I was an NFL punter. like it was perfect

wherever the weight is distributed on this metal holder how many rolls were inside of it the step I took was that full step force and I just went and kicked it and it went bang and slammed into the wall

and I'm like oh shit I'm like god damn it so now it's like woken me up I'm like fuck and I pound on the wall hey! Like some guy yells across the way

yeah the neighbors it moved in. And I'm like, sorry. Like, sorry, kick the toilet paper holder. How do you explain?

How do you explain that? And I haven't done anything. They haven't yelled at us about this podcast. Yeah. But I get it. It was two o'clock in the morning. It's two in the morning and I just punted it into the wall. And I'm picking it up,

already sad. And then now I'm getting knocked at and yelled at. So my day started at 2 a.m. Looking for a free basket online to send you name. God damn it. Why would you get? I don't know. Like, why wouldn't you just be like, I would be like, hey man, is everything all right over there?

Not be like, whoa, fuck it. Well, just, I'm guessing it woke them up. Yeah. And what if he was like, that'd be the funny part is you know that the way that they build these truly unique one-of-a-kind townhouses is that those bathrooms are going to be adjacent to each other. Those are going to be touching. So, oh, he was poop. What if he was down and my kick? I mean, it's a metal clang.

it was it was so loud and just gave him a hemorrhoid yeah probably scared the literal shit out of him and knocked his his holder off the wall yeah he was in the middle of doing the medicine ball turn workout and I kicked it into the wall

and scared the shit out of him he just pounds on the wall and was hey I'm like sorry like fuck you think this is normal behavior that's so weird to hear him through the wall too very muffled very muffled Yeah, you just knew it was angry guy. Just, you're like, fuck, sorry.

I'm not trying to, I'm not going to explain what just happened over here. And like, I sleep nude. So I'm just naked on the floor of my own bathroom in the dark. Picking up toilet paper rolls getting yelled at by my neighbor. I don't want to be here. None of us want to be here. Visualizing that is a naked guy picking up toilet paper on the ground, getting, like I'm like a squirrel or raccoon herding goodies.

I'm like, fuck. And they all kind of unrolled a little bit. I'm like, one of them rolled in the shower water that got out. Oh, God. And now you have a wet toilet paper roll. Yeah, it has the funny rolls in it. And it gets hard.

God. So anyway. I know that game. That was just what I was thinking about. I saw that when the other day and I was like, oh, yeah. Because I kind of forgot about punting that. Yeah, that's funny. It was a strong punt.

How's your foot? Fine. It was fine. It flew. It just was perfect. And the idea of like doing something on an accident and then getting yelled at when you're, and you just went, I thought it was an accident. But you're yelling and had a neighbor through a wall. It's so funny to me. What? Yeah, you're like, where's her? I did that. I took it all right here. Oh, you want to kick my ass again? No, it was an accident. Okay.

And it's his life laying in bed. He's in the bathrooms yelling at the neighbor. Yeah, once you kick my ass again. It was an accident. I think that is how people meet each other in apartment slash townhouses. Yeah. There you go. Good introduction.

They're too old for me. But anyway, that's all. That's funny. Yeah, that's it. I like that. All right, time to slide into some dick. Bathroom joke. Go.

Is it dumb then it's dick. Not sure if you guys have been following the news. But, flock cameras. are a problem. Yeah. So I remember reading on the news radio that many, even locally,

who would have thought that this would happen? Police departments were using flock cameras to track their significant others and their exes. Oh. Oh, what? Whoa.

No one would have saw... That's crazy. That you would take a piece of technology that was made for only this and use it for that. I want to know what. what citizen is for flock cameras. Because nobody voted for that shit.

But nobody on the left, the right, the libertarians. Nobody wants these things. What is going on? I know. What they do? And there's a whole new recent story just reading about it. I think this morning. What fucking day is it?

Two Thursday. Idaho, like they were installing flock cameras on the highways. And then everyone was like, wait, what? And then they're like, well, no, like the police said we could do it. And the police were like, no, we didn't. Who was installing them? Like flock, said they had some contract to do it.

So shit's getting a little while with these fucking flock cameras. People are destroying them. You need to flock off. People are destroying them locally, for sure. Cities are deciding to disable them and get rid of them. And I know that we're not alone here. That's just the news. I have to read.

Florida police, this is fucking crazy. Used a fake flock camera in a sting. then charge the man with three felonies for destroying it. What? Mm-hmm. So they set up a fake flock camera. And then this guy was like, I don't like it.

I don't want around anymore. No, I don't care for this. Wouldn't destroy it. And they're like, ha, it's not real. Three felonies. Got them. We're going to Orlando. We got the Epcot Center.

News 6 Orlando reports that police in Oviedo, Florida, have charged a man with three felonies for destroying a flock surveillance camera, even though the camera was fake. Even the mayor, who was unaware of the decoy operation before the arrest, admitted that the charges are controversial. Like, hey, mayor, quick question about the guy that got three felonies for destroying a fake flock camera? He just goes, that's controversial. He goes, mm, I don't, that sucks. Evan Meyer, 24, faces counts of criminal mischief.

How many? We're going to find out. Causing more than $1,000 in damage. Grand theft involving property valued between $750 and $5,000. That's the worst fake flock camera of all time. Yeah. Why the fuck is a fake plastic printout $750 to $5,000? Because the government bought it.

And damaging or taking a computer. Where's this guy's go fund me? electronic device or related equipment. It's a loose law. Computer, electronic device, or just like, related equipment. Anything that takes electricity. Just like related. Yeah, but this thing didn't even take electricity.

Because of fake fucking camera. Oh, yeah. However, maybe it was solar powered. Although Meyer believed he was destroying a real flock camera, which he estimated might cost up to $5,000 to install again. Fucking, I'll give you my number. I'll put that shit up for 20 bucks. It's a couple metal straps.

What he actually destroyed was a 3D printed decoy. That was likely far cheaper. Police also said a flock camera actually costs around 800 bucks, not including installation fees. God. Imagine being this guy. I get it. You can't just go destroy shit.

You can. I'm on the fence about this one. Like, you can't just go do it. I get it. There's loss to stop it. You're like, I don't like it. I'm going to destroy it. But this case, like, what the fuck? They are fucking him over. I'm looking forward to having a follow-up on this.

Mayor Megan Slatic condemned Myers' actions but admitted that she was unaware of the sting operation and that Oviedo's counsel recently agreed to consider ending its contract with Flock. Many of the approximately 600 communities in the U.S. that used the companies. What I say? 100. Oh, 6,000 communities in the U.S. that use the company's AI-powered surveillance cameras have either deactivated them or considering doing so.

Oh, man. Poor flock. That business model. Like, this is great. You went from having just so much money to everyone being like, fuck you. You're like, we're the only company that has this. We have the monopoly and everything. We're going to be a trillion-dollar company.

Get the champagne. And everyone's like, fuck you. And you're like, put it back. What are we going to do with all these cameras now? Let's put these back. So it says flock cameras primarily read vehicle license plates and automatically input them into a searchable cloud-based database. What could go wrong? Cloud-based database.

Allowing authorities to track people's movements. However, they have also been used to track people on foot. Cell phones. Can theoretically track phones and dozens of officers have been caught using them to stock ex-partners. Have I been flocked.com lets users check whether officers have searched for their license plates and contains other resources about the deployment of automatic license plate readers. Have I been flocked? I've looked up my license plate.

I have not been flocked. I have not been flocked. Are you going to do it? Do I know if you've been flocked? I mean, I'm kind of curious, but if I go to put my information in that website, now what have I done there too? That's your concern right now? Just the way world is.

Maybe flock is running that website, and they're just trying to steal my shit. What are they trying to steal? Keyboard sounds? Remember that story? God, that was weird. Yeah, that was very weird. That's the kind of shit we're dealing with, though. But that's it.

Just fucking, let's, we're all going to track and see what happens with flock cameras. Because everybody saw what was going to happen, and everybody was right. Yeah. Fucking gotcha. I guess I didn't realize they were even a thing until they started talking about turning them off and doing all that. When did they become, when did they start getting put out there? I don't know. A couple years.

I can take a little peek here. Pretty recent, I think. Yeah. When did Flock cams start getting installed? Although I bet in England I've been going for a while. Flock cam. Yeah. Flock, because that's where the money is.

You get them to start investing in your company and installing in every city across the world. Big money. Flok safety cameras were first installed back in 2018. Yeah. shortly after the company was founded in 2017. So almost a fucking decade of them trying to infiltrate and install their cool cameras and find a way to, like a reason to use them.

Like that was a while back before they're like, dude, we just got these cameras. We just have to find a way. You could track people. Sell safety. Because there are positive uses for it, right? Like a stolen vehicle. That vehicle can't go anywhere.

But it's like, it's the, you know, it's the slippery slope. Yeah, it turns into. How many bad guys and vehicles do you want to steal to just give away all of your rights? I feel like somebody needs to tell everyone that 1984 is not a playbook to follow. It was a warning. It was a warning. Yeah. Yeah, whoops.

What was 1984? A massive surveillance state by the Big Brother. By Big Brother. Big Bro. And other things. Ah, yes. That sounds like a lap time coming on. Sure.

Sure. It sure does. Zach time? Zach Fax? What was it? No, what was it? Quips? No, Zachtoid.

Zach Toid. Yeah, I got it. A little Zachtoid. Sounds like I'd leave something. That's something I'd leave in the toilet. Right after you punt the toilet paper holder. You're supposed to flush your Zachtoid. I can't imagine if Zach's foot kicked that.

You would have ended up in the other. Yeah. All right. What did you find for Dick this week? Brigh guy? Uh, it was an interesting story. Okay. It's a little relatable, funny, scary, insane, all that wrapped in one.

So, yeah, sounds like can you don't. Yeah, exactly. So, headline, father leaves seven-year-old son alone on Mount Fuji to continue hike. As a parent, I can see how that happened. If you've ever had kids, and especially little kids where you're just, you know, like, I want to ride my bike, daddy. You go on your bike. and then they fall off,

they don't want to do it, and then you end up carrying it home. You know, it just... Yeah. You end up being... Well, you... Yeah, you go through and you plan, like a...

Whatever, you spend 10 grand to go to fucking Disneyland. And you get there, and your kid lays down and goes... Eh! It is so hard not to leave them. Sure, Mickey had! We'll get one in a little bit. We're trying to get in the...

I get it. I get it. Now they want a $300 a lightsaber though, so it's a little different. I'm like, just lay down. The flock camera will scan you and tell you where I am. Just follow the flock camera out. Just follow the flock.

Just follow the flock, baby. A flock of seagulls, baby. I'll meet you at Indiana Jones. All right. A father has been reprimanded by police after leaving his son on Japan's highest mountain for several hours with just a soft drink and snack. The seven-year-old was,

God, seven years old, was spotted sitting on a bench on Mount Fuji in foggy and rainy conditions at a point situated over 6,500 feet. Which is the elevation of the town I grew up in. Yeah. So let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Well. Don't say that like that's scary. That was my basement. That, when you, when you're...

I'm being funny. I know. Okay. Like, if you're at 6,500, if you're in Denver, you don't notice it because it's just where you're at. But if you're on here and you look up at something, that's different. Yeah. I think I've, I mean, I brought this up before, but you guys will appreciate this. The top of Schweitzer Mountain is where my house was.

That was the elevation, which is just crazy. Turane, am I right? Crazy. Oh. You done? Yeah. Yeah, I've been waiting. I've been done the whole time.

His father, 48. Jesus. Started late in life. He knew better. Reportedly told him to wait here. Funny. Yeah. Back to you.

Wait here after the boy complained he was tired and continued to climb with his elder son. Stay here, pussy. Oh, you're just going to lay out. Your brother's ready to go. He probably committed. He was like, just get up. And he's like, just keep walking. He'll get up.

Matt, we've all done that game. You get sick of it. And they're like, I'm not leaving the part. And they're like, okay. And then they run after you. Yeah, then they run after. And then if they don't, you get left behind them Mount Fuji. But he looks at...

And now you get reprimanded. To me, it sounds like he planned this because he was like, he went and got him a pop and a snack. He's like, all right, just chill it here. You're never going to make it through this part, you big wuss. Me and your winter son. Me and my firstborn are going to make it to the top. Me and my golden child are going to climb to the top and we'll be back. We'll grab your rock, you big puss.

Staff at a mountain hut found the child. the sixth station of a hiking route towards the summit and alerted police. His father... They didn't want to deal with it either. Nope. And then the police were like, we have to climb up a mountain? Just send them down.

Put him on a sled and send him down. His father was tracked down between the routes seventh and eighth stations, said to be a three-hour hike away. The boy was found on his own at 7.30 local time on Thursday. On a Thursday. officers castigated they cut off his balls his father when he returned

from the higher station and reunited with his son said to have been tired and fussy yeah makes sense after eight hours of waiting hadn't even seen this haven't even seen this article knew exactly what fucking happened even if it means having to give up

on climbing the mountain together leaving a child behind is unacceptable one told him according to Japan today Thanks, Mom. He said to have apologized for the rash decision. I'd like to take this time to publicly apologize for being a good dad. The family was reported.

This kid doesn't think it was a rash decision. Show him the rock you got at the top. Hold it up. See? Fuck you. This kid got a soda pop and a snack. This guy has an accomplishment. Your brother's got a story for a lifetime.

And you have nothing but letdowns. You have food in your teeth. Yeah, food in your teeth. Your brother's got a fucking conquest under his belt. The family is reported to have been on Fujimoyo route. Oh, yeah. Which starts from the fifth station of the mountain, a spot which is accessible by public transport. Just fifth?

It feels like you're skipping half the mountain. Yeah. I'm just picturing that dude in the wheelchair. Just so, excuse me. Passes the kid, like blowing dirt in his face. Takes a snack. Yeah, like grabs a snack. Yeah, that grabs the snack.

Takes his fruit roll up and kicks him in the face. Out of the way, you're nerd. I'm going to head to the seventh station. And on the way back, he's like, I saw your dad up there. Still hates you. Your dad's not sad or mad. He just punched the police officer.

He says you're a pussy. He shoots rocks in his face. He stopped. He's like, you took. Listen, the little shit, you took public transportation to the fifth checkpoint and you couldn't make it past the sixth. Get up! The bus is it a bus? What is it?

I don't know. Imagine a bus stop on food. He's just, shah, creed. The door opened up. And everyone's like, God, I'm exhausted. And then the little thing comes down the wheelchair thing. And you see someone like taking their hat off who didn't fucking cheat. Yeah.

Getting to the fifth station, just almost dying at the bus stop. Taking him hours to get there. You're like, oh, people getting out there's stretching. That was a long trip. I fell asleep. God, I can't believe it took 30 minutes to get up here. Dude's been hiking for six hours. For Mare, it takes about five hours to reach the peak and a further three hours to get down.

Climbing guide suggests. Yeah, I get it. I get it from a family perspective. There's just moments like grocery store when that your kid loses it. I wish I could just leave them with the fucking ramen. It's, having kids is so weird because you have this thing that you love unconditionally and so much that you would leave them in the grocery store. At the same time.

Yeah. Right. You would, you would literally step in front of them to catch a bullet and make sure that they could go on. But you're trying to get, pick the right. bananas at the store and the kids on the ground screaming and crying and you just want to leave them

holding on to whatever new fad toy like I want to gel clapping I want a dumpling we don't have it in the budget it's a $20 phone ball you got

you got fooled by marketing you're going to forget about it when we get home if there's other phone balls I could draw a fucking face on a tennis ball, you dumb shit. What else then? If TikTok said this was cool, you'd want it.

Do you want organic or not? Ugh. Like instantly, I think as a parent, I only have experience as a dad. You mentioned public meltdowns. And instantly, you're just like, you cringe. We've all, fuck, it's all happened. No one has ever had a perfect, non-fussy little shithead in a public setting. And he just makes it, I, mm.

And then the worst part is, is that you and your spouse, it raises the tension there too. So then, like, you're yelling at the kids. Then your wife's like, don't yell at the kid or whatever. And then so now you guys are yelling each other. So then everyone's just like walking through the princess palace, just pissed. And the kids are happy because they got to play Switch for 15 more minutes. They're happy now and they're back in a good mood because they got an ice cream or whatever.

and you guys hate each other. Love it. Like, God. You guys did this. And now your mom and dad are at each other's throat. Grow up. Now you get two Christmases, kids. Yeah.

Yeah, it's great. I don't remember the exact age. One trip comes to mind in particular with Pepper and Ez. And we went to Hawaii. And it was a big deal. You know, like we weren't raking it in. but we're just putting things aside for a fun family trip

and they were just at that age where fuck both of them like it was like wake up being pumped you're you're in this villa a hundred feet away from the goddamn paradise it's great it's just it's perfect and it's this sunny day and we're up

and I remember I was like hey kids I was like let's head down to the beach and they both went and I was like like, why are we here? We could have done this at home. Like, I didn't say that, but it's just like, oh my God. Okay, let's go.

I found a like a surf spot. Like, we're going to go get surf lessons today. Like, can you just, what do you do? And finally, you win. But you have to fight them. You have to fight them to make the most of their $10,000 trip. You guys don't get it. You guys don't understand.

And how could they? But, you know, it's not like it's a new story. My mom always told me you'll understand one day. certain things and then I do. And then now you're telling your kids, you know, you'll understand one day. One day you'll just keeps passing on and passing on. One day you'll know how big of a piece of shit you are.

Yeah. Were. Yeah. Were. Were. Yeah, because they're all shitheads. But I'll remember that trip forever. All right, let's slide into some petty beef.

Okay. It's kind of an interesting one this week. Hey, fucking Zach. Pilots in the court. You are now entering the petty beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real.

The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. Can I interest you in one more? It's so loud. Can I interest you in one more? Yeah. Here you go. There's a little goose card for you.

What's your saying? Number 48. Okay. Get these glasses on again. Gosh, I'll just... I would keep them on, but when I turn this way, it makes me sick. Because I turn off this way and I don't need them. And then I look back here and I'm like,

Bw. Okay. Your talent. is real. Your method is deeply questionable. God. That's a good one. I got number 41. It says one email

answered. Your productivity era has officially begun. I just got so many emails. I think I saw a meme the other day that was like, it's like, oh my God, how could you email me at 9.48 in the morning? Don't you know I'm getting out of here at 5 p.m.?

Yeah. Wait. Things from wait until the of the day. How dare you email me at 948? You don't know, I'm leaving at 5? Okay, so this petty beef, it was sent in, and it was not a petty beef. But it just fits. Okay.

And it's sent in by our one and only daughter yo. Yo. Did we ever call yo? We got to get back to calling people. Yeah. That was a fun little era. Esteemed Zaddies and Darling Unk. Storytime about my ex's neighbor's dog.

Okay. You guys wanted some stories. stories about loud neighbors, noisy dogs, whatever it was, something, right? So like four years ago, these people moved in next door. Their dog was noisy as hell. Every time we went in the backyard, he'd bark and bark. And we'd often use the back door, giggity. Yeah.

All right. To enter the house because it's close to the driveway and also often sit in the backyard around a little fire and schmooze. But the dog was a barking. him. So a couple weeks after they moved in, I went over with my daughter to ask if we could meet the dog in hopes of making him more comfy with us. We figured since we just moved, or they just moved in, maybe the dog was nervous. So we asked if maybe they had treats and we could let the pupper get to know us. A very kind and thoughtful gesture, right?

Being like, it's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We're not going to stop barking. If they just know, we're not trying to kill the family. Yeah. We're here. We're all doing this together. Or it could be taken as. Yeah. So your dog's really. really fucking annoying. They looked at us like we were nuts and said, that won't work. He has a lot of anxiety and just closed the door. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Any Hooters, life went on with this diabolical pooch just woof-woofing almost constantly, and especially loudly and frantically when people were outside. I could tell when my husband came home before I heard his car door closed, because dickhead doggo would growl and yelp like Christ came back in a latex cuck suit. A couple times I attempted to go near the gate to say hi, but the damn thing would bear its teeth so hard and his tail was so high in the air, barking and snarling. So frantically, I thought he might jump the gate, so I guess stop doing that.

Sometimes when friends come over, we'd go next door and request that they bring the dog outside. They'd come out with a bat and shoe him in. Dog inside. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, bring the dog inside. They'd come out with a bat and shoe him in. God, yeah. Not a tactic I've seen on with Caesar Milan and the dog whisper. Dog whisper, yeah.

That's not, well, he has the tennis racket, but he just holds it up. Yeah. He's like, hey, I have a big hand. Like two years ago, we hatched a bunch of chickens, and we currently have them in a whole chicken set up in our backyard. Some of the roosters grow up to be noisy motherfuckers. Yeah, they do. Sure do. One day we had friends over in the backyard, chilling around the firepop, and the dog was particularly loud and insistent, so we went next door once again with a request.

Cue the meme of Bernie Sanders and his mittens. That they bring their little bundle of shit, I mean joy, I mean shit inside. Dad smiles at me with a smarmy look and goes, your chickens make so much noise. So I've been leaving the dog out louder. That's what you get. Are you living in hell? is your neighbor is your neighbor like the fucking devil I paused and said

you're leaving your anxious dog outside longer knowing that things outside are making him anxious just because my roosters make noise in the morning he repeated yeah that's what you get that's what you get okay so she wasn't asking she was just telling a story but my

like I am I'm a dog guy I like dogs I've had dogs I could never be the dog owner that just lets a dog out. And we've talked about that. That is like, what the fuck are you doing? To be like, not my problem. It's everyone else's problem.

And turn your fan noise up. And just be like, mm-mm. I'm going to let every house around here be a fucking annoyed with this dog and not care. And I had loud neighbor dogs growing up. Um, good memory. My dad, my stepdad would always keep extra fireworks from after the 4th of July around just because of the noisy dogs in their neighborhood. And if they got really bad, he would get up, he would lock them up so that us kids couldn't use them. And he would open up the case that was supposed to be guns, but it's just black cat fireworks.

And take a little pack out. and a lighter and he would walk over to the wherever the backyard that the dog was in and light him and just drop him over the fence. Not the safest approach, but those dogs didn't bark. And he would hold him off for like a while and then they'd start doing it again and get comfortable. And then right back, you'd hear him just go,

and you'd get up and you're like, can I come with you? And like, no, you could watch. She would just like watch out the front window and watch them drop the fireworks over the thing. They're trying to light it. Mm-hmm. But he would mix it up. And they were so annoying, I get it.

Mix it up. Like he would get just a bottle rocket and then light it and put it in a bottle and just aim it over the backyard. That's how you get the half field of McCoy. Yeah. Yeah. So that's Idaho living. You know what I mean? But there's nothing more annoying than 5 a.m.

when you have to fucking work. And they just let their dog out to ruin everyone else's day. So you don't have to deal with it. Yeah. He's let it out and ruin everyone else's morning. It just says so much about someone that they're just like, yeah, fuck everybody else. Yeah. It's just crazy to me.

It really does. And it sucks because I love dogs too. And I hate the idea of like yelling at a dog or when it was, they're just doing what they do. Right. So just having like shitty owners. Right. They need some socialization at the dog park is what they need. Yeah.

It just need anything. Any sort of guidance on love. Maybe a dog is anxiety because you smack it with a bat. And then shove it outside. All right. Okay, let's move off. We need some good news after all that. Hell you.

All right. Zach, please. So you're telling me there's a chance. Hooray, we aren't doomed. Yeah! All right. Jesus. Budging right in.

For the golden geese. Matthew Leonard. Daniel Akha. Stephen Greta. Jordan Holiday. Todd, not German, Zootenhorst. Neil Daphne. Jason Glaser.

Kelly Geiger. The Sofa King. E. Am Trish. Thank you guys. How do you know he's not German? Did he say it? No, I'm just, I'm assuming. I was wondering if maybe he's sending an email like, hey, love it, but...

But Zootenhorst actually is Native American. Yeah. And I'm over here going, Zootenhorst. I'd have a hard time believing that's anything else. Yeah. At least in that, it's going to be in that area. Todd, Vittenha! Todd, let us know.

Let us know about your family history. Thank you guys so much for being golden geese. We appreciate it. You guys are the top tier. Sending in that 100 bucks a month, that custom thank you video. And, of course, getting mentioned in every single episode. So this is also a hot topic that I've been covering on

Spokane Morning News show. Speaking of a hot topic. What is it? You shop there in a while? Yeah, because Pepper loves it. Oh, yeah. Why? I just wondered.

Oh. So this is breaking. Having a conversation, dude. Weird. It's not like this is structured in any way. This is, I mean, I like it. And there's more to it. There's more that's come out since this article.

And by the time this episode comes out, I'm sure there'll be even more. But meta agrees to heavy restrictions on teen users in major lawsuit settlement. 17 billion dollar payout And they settled it out of court, I think, right? So they settled their latest kids' online safety trial with a group of 29 states, Washington and Idaho are part of them, sparking it from the remainder of a trial that could have cost it hundreds of billions of dollars.

So at this point, it was just a business move. Under the terms of the settlement, which resolves claims by a larger group of 47 states in several districts and territories, META agreed to come up with an age assurance standard that is subject to independent testing and must have a false positive rate no higher than 10% for users age 16 to 17,

and 3% for users ages 13 to 15. The company also agreed to give teens the option to turn off personalized feeds, meaning that they won't be shown content based on META's recommendation algorithm. And META will suspend push notifications for teens between 10 p.m. and 7 a.m. Unless parents disable those restrictions,

we're like, you know what, we want you. We just don't feel like you're seeing enough ads. Especially late at night. I want you to lay awake at 2 o'clock in the morning. When your brain is most subjected to or open to any sort of advertisement or knee-jerk reaction and you're tired and you want to be influenced, let's go ahead and turn those back on for you.

As well as a limit, it limits teens to two hours of meta apps usage per day. All of these kids are going to find a way around. But it's a step in the right direction that makes me happy. Especially Instagram for young people, young girls especially. It definitely fucked them up. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't let it happen. Yeah. So yeah, like you said, meta agreed to pay $17.1 billion to states over a period of 10 years.

The company outlined its obligations in a blog post noting that $5.3 billion of this money will only be paid out if YouTube and TikTok implement their own daily time limits and each pay an equivalent amount of that figure. I mean, they're probably thinking, why are we the ones having to do all this? Yeah. Especially, I mean, Instagram, but like Facebook,

the young kids are on Snapchat and TikTok. Mm-hmm. And if, I mean, yeah. But it's a Chinese company. So Facebook and Instagram had their, they've definitely 100% had their influence. going into the TikTok world is like nauseating. Like I look at it.

I'm like, what in the fuck is going on in here? It's a joke. It's fast-paced. It's just nothing but brain rot bullshit. And Facebook and Instagram are also the same for the most part. But TikTok took that and was like, let's shorten this up and make it worse.

And they did. And they fucking pulled it off. And now Black Rock owns it. So, hey. Yeah. That's great. Larry Ellison, I think owns it now. They bought it from China.

I think that was the stipulation during a couple years ago. Who knows if I'm right? Someone fact-checked. That's that shovel-shovel, shuttle-cock. Shovel-cock. Is that shuttle rock? Shuttle rock. Shuttle rock.

All right, well, that's it. So it feels like that could be a step in the right direction. We'll see. Because apparently you can sue people and take a bunch of money. You know what's crazy? $17 billion is so much money, but to a company like meta that's worth, hundreds of billions.

It's like, yeah, over 10 years. Yeah. Like, yeah, we made that. No problem. Mm-hmm. And I remember, and I'm not sure if you guys noticed, I don't know what day of the week it was, but it was, it was like, it blew my mind that the lawsuit, it got brought up that it was happening and they're working on some sort of agreement. And on Facebook, every other swipe was a, was a fucking ad. And it only happened for like one day.

And people had posted about it. I think I hid and said to stop sending me ads to over a hundred different companies. Just because it was like, it was like something. You'd swipe. It was an ad. Then you'd go and it was like someone's post. The next one was a fucking ad. And it was every other one.

And think about it. All they had to do was ramp that up to probably cover $5 billion. Just to get, right before all the. news came out, they're like, you know what, put it at 100. They just turned the dial up a little bit. Exactly. And it was every ad. We'll make an extra $3 billion today just so we can offset that.

And it was nuts. And I just hit every, I was laughing. And I was like, there's no way I'm the only one when I was not. People are like, what the fuck's going on with Facebook right now? All right, let's take a look at some stuff we found on the internet. The internet is pretty wild. Depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience. something super cool or go to prison crazy right let's check it out together as a couple hey look what

i found yes that's awesome no what kind of mutant sound don't do this to me can you see the article yeah oh it's showing me now wisconsin kitten with 29 toes that one yeah breaks world record for most toes on a cat that's what i love how 29 is like that's the record breaker and whoever's like go to the house that has a cat with 28 and they take the plaque off the wall. They're like, thank you. They just walk in and they pull off the wall and it leaves like a little rectangle. A smoke, a smoke stain? Yeah, smoke stain.

I wonder how this cat got 28 toes. That's weird. No idea. That's weird, no idea. Click, click, click, click, click. Yeah. A main coon kitten. Mm-hmm.

Those are going to be some big-ass toes. There's some big-ass digits when that kitty grows up. Yeah, brother. I mean, there's really not much there. I just thought that was wild. Periless bout with pneumonia to break 24-year-old record. 24 years old. It would be a stain on the wall.

For most toes and cats, settling in New Market, 29. Arabis Anomalies. Arribus Anomalies. Arribis. Arriba! Unique story received U.S. media attention on Monday when ABC World News Now program recounted one of yeah I was just about to say I've noticed your glasses were not on no I know I was

I was just starting to because I was thinking like they're counting just to verify they're like one two this is that is that one or is that two together is that does that count as one that's going to be so many you have to come up with so many new sentences for this little piggy. Hmm this little piggy went to the market this little piggy stayed home. This little piggy also went to the market. This little piggy went to the strip club. This one went to the market, but

he got halfway and came back home, he realized he didn't want to do this. This little piggy forgot his watch, and he's bummed out. This little piggy got demoted. This little piggy scratched the shit out of the carpet and the curtains. This little piggy got his ass kicked because he was...

This little piggy pissed on the floor. And this little piggy... This little piggy shot all the kitty litter out of the kitty box and they thought they were doing us a favor. And this little piggy's pissed. This little piggy dropped a turd right next to the litter box, and all he had to do was step inside the litter box and go poop in there.

Now I have to pick up poop all over the carpet. And this little piggy had none. I think extra kitty beans is positive. Yes. Just that many little kitty beans to go, ooh. Mm-hmm. It's nice. You know, just thinking about that claw kneading dough, you know,

when they get all ready to lay down. making biscuits. Just squeezing. Man, that's a lot of toes. So Erebus' dad was born with six toes on each paw, giving a total of 24, which is six more than the... I didn't even think about it. So 29, but I forgot they have four legs. Because I was thinking 29 toes on two feet.

What the fuck? And then I remember, oh, yeah, they have four. So they already have 20 toes. So what's nine more? It's just like an agility boost, really. with what they're doing. All right, let's hear from the kids. Zach, play it, please.

Thank you. Here we're. Good! All right, let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow, that's cool. Whew!

All right, our first email is coming in from our apartment dwelling sun, Ty. And it's kind of on pace with what our petty beef was. And it's funny, because it opens up with, yo,

which is funny because, you know. What's up, Joey? Hogg one. Did they mean Bone? Joey Hogg one. Joey Hogg one. He just wasn't listening

very close. And won't like a butthole Brian. God damn right. Just got caught up on the episode about noisy neighbors and man,

me and my wife have had a few. So we've lived in an apartment. Ah, yeah. So we've lived in an apartment for a bit and the unit above us has had multiple people

come and go. Our neighbor was a single old guy that every fucking night would play some kick-ass Tom Petty album. Some fuck ass. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Because he's going to go in a different way. Yeah, I get it. My brain was like, yeah, fuck yeah, dude. Some fuck-ass Tom Petty album. Loud as shit. And not one of the good ones either.

You know, the shitty experimental ones where there's only like one good song. Well, after multiple failed attempts of trying to politely ask the guy to knock that shit off, we eventually had to make noise complaint to the cops. This piece of shit had enough balls to leave a note on our door the following morning complaining about us calling the cops and said, he had bone cancer and apparently that was the reason for the late night.

Meth-induced jam sessions. I have cancer, dude. You don't know what it's like to have bone cancer. You don't know what it's like to be me. It's Tom Petty, isn't it? You don't know how it feels. To have bone cancer.

Anyway, we moved out soon after and our new place is just as annoying. These people to understand, understand that you don't have to walk around your apartment like Gonzilla or move your furniture around at 12.30 at night. And you can see her. I'll like you. Put it back. The unit above us has their master bathroom right above ours on multiple occasions. Me and my wife have been woken up to the sounds of cheeks clapping and bed shaking.

Yeah. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not going to yuck someone's yum, but God. Damn. It's 5 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Anyway, love the show. Keep up the great work. Yadda-da. Love you guys. Tie. P.S., could you guys give a shout out to my daughter for her birthday? She always hears me talking about you guys and your show because she's a little too young to listen.

Probably smart. Sent from hidden toy box full of pugs. Hell yeah. Nice slammer. Happy birthday. One of those, one of the, the, the, the Grim Reaper. Yeah. Big, big thick ones? The slammer. Bam! Happy birthday!

Happy birthday to your daughter! What's her name? Sorry about your name? We didn't get it. We didn't get it. All right, you want to go? It sucks. This sucks.

Our second name is coming in from our life-saving son, Ty. Sup daddy is an Uncle Z. Hello. Loyal, silly goose, Otis here. I've got a quick store about go-karting. Okay. Which everyone loves. My brother bought a house with six acres of land

and his whole goal was to build a go-car track all of us and our friends could enjoy. We've been doing three or four races a year since it's inception in 2021, I think. Either way, long story short, this year at one of the races, one of my brothers collided with a friend which sent my friend flying out of his cart. I pull around to see his larger man sprawled out on the track.

My mind immediately went to he was having a heart attack or something. Okay. Turns out he was just, it was just, compound fractured his leg. I pulled up. Almost the same thing. Yeah. I saw the blood bleeding through his pant leg, mid-calf.

Side note, I just saw happened to take the first, A first training. Whoops. Fuck! I just so happened to take a first-A training class less than two weeks before. Just good. I always thought if I had training in some emergency situation, I'd never be able to use it. Suddenly, I find myself yelling, someone give me their belt!

and someone give me one of those flags I'm not aware about but here's one of those plastic flags because of the thick dowel rod you can call 911 you call 911 and someone to wait at the road so they don't pass the house paramedics showed up within 5 to 10 minutes

but they immediately told me do not release that tourniquet you're doing great awesome for my self-esteem that's cool his leg from the middle of the into the foot wiggle like it wasn't connected to anything when they finally moved him. Yuck.

So that was pretty crazy. In a weird situation, I never thought I'd be in. And somehow, I hopped into action. All of us, all of us to ask. Have you ever been in a similar situation where you didn't realize you would hop right into help or if there was a situation where you thought you could help? And it turns out you were making things worse. I got it.

Your curious man child, Otis. I know it's the end of the email, but if he reads this, it's okay to use my name. just a reminder if you don't want me use your name yeah start of the email yeah yeah it's funny to think about your helping like he walks over and just takes a dowel rod and just starts hitting him with it someone called 911 but you don't know what you're doing or you start squeezing all the blood out like we got to stop the bleeding we got to get all the blood out yeah um no i don't i've never had a situation it i always think about that kind of stuff like it would have some got in a car accident and it went to help and I pulled them and I ripped them in half or something

because their body was couldn't be moved here just move this and like it's like yeah wrong because you hear that stuff all the time like you pull someone out of a burning car and then they got paralyzed and then they get sued and then they sue you for paralyzing him you're like fuck I was trying to save your life dude the lesson is never help yeah I was let him die yeah um so I've never really had that but I did almost get cut in half driving go cards once we were down at the go carts and my buddy we were racing and he took he basically uh pit maneuvered me and i would slam it into the side and the rail went like right here and up against my gut and if i would

have been going faster it would just would have went slice right so that was kind of scary that is scary that is that is not fun no uh but i'd like to go it was fun i'd like to go yeah race around this go car track hell yeah brother can't imagine having free rein access to a go car track and who we I'd be dead I'm sure that's why I was not allowed to have motorcycles or snowmobiles growing up do you remember Richie not Richie Rich uh blank check

yeah yeah rich rich no that's two different movies well yeah that's right blank check is he had he bought the go car remember it was a million dollars it's too much he he wrote in the fake money for a million dollars and had all that stuff

the guy's like you didn't that's it that's it that's all you have uh all right well that's our show That's episode 2.20. I don't even think we said that out the game. No, we didn't. You have something you want to see on the show. Email it into, hey guys at candy don't podcast.com.

Sign up if you can. It's a huge way to help the show and help us get through the honkathon at patreon.com slash candy don't podcast. Make sure to rate and review us wherever you listen to the podcast. It does help us out when people are thumbing through and finding us. And make sure to check out what Uncle Zach is doing. All sorts of shit. You're going to start posting workout vids?

Maybe. You can take some gym selfies in the mirror? No, I don't think that's my style. Man, we'll see. You start getting ripped, you might. You start with a new shoe. It's all downhill from there. He just takes pictures of his new shoes in the mirror.

You forced it on me. Yeah, scatcast.com. Scat with a K, go check that out. Come hang out. And a shout out to the babysitters that moderate the Can You Don't Playground on Facebook. Maybe one of the best jokes ever to wrap this up. Zach! Good God.

Wrap it up already, huh? Okay. I haven't looked at them. Good. Sent in by Eugene. What kind of pants does a ghost hunter wear? Yeah, just a paranormal jeans. Oh. That's great.

Just a paranormal jeans. Yeah. Just a paranormal. Thanks, Eugene. That was funny. Actually made me laugh out loud putting in the show. All right. We're going to keep going with the bonus content.

If you do support us on Patreon. If not, we'll see you next week. Whoa. Bye. M. M.