Can You Don't? - Can You Don't? | Loofah. Thermostat. SeaWorld. Ceiling Fan.

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

If you walked up to a trashcan to throw something away and it sexually moaned at you, would you be more inclined to dispose of waste correctly moving forward? Let's talk about that, how much Bryan loves dolphins, accidentally tossing your baby into a ceiling fan, a shower curtain that has pockets for all your electronic devices, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!*** PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW US ON WHATEVER PODCAST PLATFORM ALLOWS YOU TO! IT HELPS MORE THAN YOU KNOW ***New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PSTWatch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/lsoktAbn8LwSend in segment content: [e-mail]: http://canyoudontpodcast.comMerch Inquires: [e-mail]: http://facebook.com/canyoudontpodcastIG: http://instagram.com/canyoudontpodcastYouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/3wyt5rtOfficial Website: http://canyoudontpodcast.comCustom Music Beds by Zach CohenFan Mail:Can You Don't?PO Box 1062Coeur d'Alene, ID 83816Hugs and tugs :)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Lufa. Thermostat. SeaWorld. Ceiling fan. five five five number five high five for episode five yeah high five for five you know what I like to put on my number five ketchup

oh yeah I bet you do because you're a psychopath oh that's what this is yeah why this that was very entertaining

and I'm sure it's still going on as we record this but you guys don't be so angry about ketchup they lost their minds it was like a

family fight yeah in there like a family fight in there. Like a dinner, I saw fucking mashed potatoes getting thrown at places. Like a whole steak hit the wall, broke the family picture. It was like Thanksgiving or party when the different, the family comes over and it's like, you got the Trump guy.

They're trying to not say it. Yeah, they're like, no one wants to get into it, but they just went after it. They're like, oh, it's a great meal. And you just hear like silverware noises. And then one guy's like, so one wants to get into it, but they just went after it. They're like, oh, it's a great meal. And you just hear like silverware noises. Not great. And then one guy's like, so how about that policy? God damn it!

Throwing shit. Yeah, episode five. I'm Joe Paisley. I'm Brian Albrandt. Don't worry, I got you. And we have a really good show for you guys. I'm just going to sit here and just watch you do it. Send all your content suggestions.

You guys are doing a great job at that. For Petty Beef and everything else, hey guys at canyoudontpodcast.com. And that also includes the Petty Beef rebuttals. You guys are sticking up for either side and sending those in. It's great to see that. And speaking of that, Logan. Yes, sir. You are a hobbit.

Oh. That's what I've learned from the emails coming in about your supper and dinner situation. It's crazy. Now, listen. Let me clarify clarify i don't follow that diet anymore okay i'm just saying it exists yeah uh when you live with a farmer growing up okay there's a lot of who there's a lot of hoosier folks that are like hey don't lump us in with with your nonsense like they're trying to separate from logan as far as possible. They're like, whoa! They want nothing to do with it. It's that southern Indiana thing that people

are trying to stay away from. You might as well be Kentucky. A lot of us are, actually. We actually got our first piece of fan mail sent in, and because I'm a dipshit, I forgot to bring it into the office. Logan, it's in that little computer-merse thing that I have. It's a book.

You want to grab that and bring it in? Yeah. I was trying to surprise you, and then I surprised myself by forgetting it. But you can send in fan mail. We love getting it. Whatever you want. Can you don't? P.O. Box 1062, Coeur d'Alene, Idaho.

Thank you, Logie. 83816. What do we got? So this was sent in by Lisa Curry. Okay. And this is a book. It says, me, you, us, best friends. Oh, cute.

So we go through it and we fill it out together. Oh. How we celebrate the weekend. In the bathtub? Mm-hmm. Every single one of these is bathtub? Yeah. No water.

We just sit in the bathtub and do it. Things we recently learned about each other other you like hot water in your bath So I love hot water my bath and I was weird if it's cold you love ketchup in your bath I really if I could I would did you imagine filling up an entire bath with ketchup and then you're sitting in like dipping all Your food into the ketchup, please calm down. I can only get so erect Pokes out of the tall weiner is a wiener covered in ketchup so weird and we got merch available

nice merch shirt thanks good little promo right there if you're watching us on YouTube yeah can you don't don't don't don't

that's catchy that little girl that is catchy I know can you don't podcast.com thanks to fucking Logan out there

doing a good job on that and we are working on some new merch so we'll see when that pops up yeah there's been a lot of people that they have

all these ideas for merch that they want in the last couple of stories, so I feel like we're going to have to get something going here. Fine. I guess. And here's what we're thinking, you guys. I know it's been a month now of not really having an official name for you guys.

And here's what, we think this is going to be great. You're already calling me Daddy. Already calling Brian stepdaddy. Yeah. And if you take can you don't and you go C-Y-D it can be pronounced as a kid. And we think that that is so funny

if you guys are sending stuff in we're like sent in by our son Don. Yep. Or our adopted daughter Jessica. And then think about renaming that Facebook page our fan page and have it be the Can You Don't

Playground. So there's just a lot of fun going on. It is a family. We think that's a pretty funny way to represent this group. And they've already been kind of just taking the reins with that anyway. It kind of feels natural. Like instead of trying to think of a name, it's just like you want it to happen organically

and it feels like it has. And we love all our kids the same. We do. We don't have, well, some some some are well we're not going to say it yeah but we everyone has a favorite the gingers and if us we have like each we'll have like i don't know like 20 favorites or 20 000 favorites and then we'll have like i don't know another 15 that we don't really like but they're still there um so anyway there's that poor kids i know uh and then again launching our patreon we're so excited about this There's going to be three tiers. Silly Goose, Super Silly Goose, and Super Duper Silly Goose.

We'll have links to it in the episode description once it is up and running. And there's just a ton of perks across the board. You'll get ad-free episodes, early releases. As you go up the tiers, you'll have exclusive merch. If you're a Super Duper Silly Goose, you're the top one. You're the king of the flock. That's right. The gaggle. Damn it. Flock of seagulls. Gaggle of geese. Flock of geper silly goose. You're the top one. You're the king of the flock. That's right. The gaggle. Damn it.

Flock of seagulls. Gaggle of geese. Flock of geese and ketchup. You get your name on the website, which is really cool. That's pretty cool. Are our names on the website? No. So they're going to have their names on the website.

We won't. I'm sure they're somewhere. I have no idea though. I haven't searched for our names on the website. But we're so excited. So your support on Patreon will make sure that we can continue to make this podcast for a very long time yeah i'm looking forward to it anything before we get into the to the first question here no i'm i think i'm ready to move on okay

hey shut up it's not the show already all right So do we know who sent in this Would You Rather that we're doing for this week? Oh, I forgot to get the name. I apologize. But if you sent this in, just know we love you. Speaking of kids that aren't our favorite. Hopefully they want to be anonymous. We forgot your birthday. We should have just said that.

This guy wished to be anonymous. All right. So here's a Would you rather for this week. Would you rather get fucked by a dolphin in front of a packed SeaWorld or get a prostate exam from a clown during Cirque du Soleil? Ooh. Cirque du Soleil. Cirque du Soleil.

Cirque du Soleil. Cirque du Soleil. I got yelled at when I was on Is Be Done for just saying it about just like that. But that's what it sounds like. Cirque du Soleil. Well, you're pretty illiterate. I know that. This is a tough call.

Both embarrassing. I feel like one feels more illegal than the other one. And that's the one where you're getting fucked by a dolphin. Well, it's not illegal to them okay well bestiality is well that's a form of bestiality absolutely but if you're if they're the ones doing the punishing what so you're just you're just a victim in this dolphin fuck have you seen dolphins fuck yeah they're they're crazy the males they're home males, they have homosexual... They're just fucking each other's blowholes.

Why wouldn't you? It's there. Right. It's the right shape. But the audience at a SeaWorld, that's a problem for me. You'd want to stay out of the splash zone. You get it. How wet are you?

Yeah. But it's families. So you're getting fucked by a dolphin in front of little tiny kids. There's plenty of adults that go to SeaWorld world but that is way more of a family setting circus away oh yeah would be a little more of an adult setting yep and um yeah and you're just getting a prostate exam in and out whoop whoop i guess the thing about the the prostate exam is there's a show going on so are you off to the side of the stage while this is going on so the audience has got a distraction dude picture these people on stilts like jumping on trampolines and flaming

hoops then you're just standing in the middle getting your butt fingered bozos over there i just met this huge musical number and it's like and by the end it's just some guy getting really close to you and he just goes yeah quickly and backflips out of there, and that's all you get. But there's zing, there's noises along with it. He's like, honk, honk. I imagine him taking balloons, and he's like, and he sticks it in your asshole.

Oh, he blows it up inside. He blows it up so it expands your rectum so you can get to the prostate. That might make it easier. It's got to be a better tool easier it's got to be a better tool there's got to be a better way if you go to the doctors and you have to get a checkup and he just blows up a balloon in your ass to check your prostate you got to find a new doctor well you need better insurance he's not a doctor that's the only way he knows how to do it i'm just saying in general with the tools that he has okay he's like a like the squirty flower the water flower

oversized shoes just imagine imagine like going to the doctor and that's one of those exams where you're bent over the table. You're very exposed. And then imagine a clown walking in. He's like, well, what do we got here? What do you want? Are you mixing a little puppy dog? Yeah. He's like, hold on to that.

I don't even know what tier of medical insurance that is. That's like three on to that oh man i don't even know what uh yeah what tier of medical insurance that is that's like three bucks they pay you yeah they pay yeah it's an experiment right really what it is stop clowning around back there doc right uh and speaking of fucking blowholes i know if you i have shared this story in the past on on is we dumb but i've never heard a story from you about any of this but it did make me think about just like the weirdest place that you've stuck your penis uh weirdest thing that you've had sex with um i didn't i didn't have sex with this but i do remember when i was little i did stick my dick in a hot tub jet oh uh yeah i've never done that my my youngest son actually just the other day in the bath, I was in there. He was cleaning up, and he had a loofah, but it was, like, one with a handle.

Nice. And Amber's, like, or my wife's, like, yeah, he's been playing with this loofah, and he's been watching. I'm, like, wait until he figures out how it feels when something gets touched. And I left the room, and then I hear, Brian, Brian, get in here. I'm, like, what's the matter? He's, like, I don't know how to say his name. He's like, Perry got his wiener stuck in this loofah. So he was in there playing with it and got it stuck in the loofah.

And luckily he got it out before I got in there. Because I was going to fucking teach him a lesson. I was like, you're lucky you got your dick out of that loofah before dad got in here. It's so weird. Good thing I get to kill you tonight. Yeah, you won't remember a thing. Right, you won't remember. I mean, guys are just so funny.

We just want to ejaculate so bad. Just put it in the thing. You just throw it in whatever. Okay, we're going to try. Logan. Yes, sir. Are you comfortable sticking that ween somewhere? I'm sad you said jacuzzi first.

Why? Because you did? Yeah. Look at us. Oh, my. Were the jets on? Oh, no. Mine were.

Kind of. But I wasn't about to. I feel like you're fighting the jets. Speaking of blowing up a balloon. Yeah. Oh. Just inflating your dick with hot tub water. That's actually what they do to dolphins.

No. The scientists, when they're trying to figure out when a dolphin dies, they do work on it. They actually inflate their penis to check it out. How do you know this much? I like dolphins. Not that bad, though. Also, female dolphins have well-developed clitori oh a bunch yeah they're like it's like no i mean like as a whole oh cool not as a whole whole h w h o l i get you um they like

the species as a whole they dolphins just like fucking they're like us where all the other animals basically just for procreation but but um dolphins females actually have orgasms i do i like that we've just found like this little hidden thing that you really like yeah and it just happens to be dolphin dicks and pussies well i i just find animals having sex funny like it's just go to your house like yeah take a seat and look around all the artwork it's just a bunch of you know dolphin dicks just one with his dick in the blowhole where's that where's that where's the where's the cups oh it's right over there behind the dolphin yes behind the dolphin dick you got to move the dolphin dick

out of the way right it's a secret bookshelf door and you have to pull the dolphin you gotta blow it up and to get behind it yeah okay so back to the question question sea world fucked by a dolphin i mean it's a story like you're gonna have a it's a better memory what am i doing uh it's a more unique memory yeah no one is getting fucked by a dolphin but i feel like plenty of people have gotten their butt fingered by a clown what more people i need to are you holding out on me there's for sure more people in the world that have had their butt fingered by a clown okay yeah yeah i don't care if it's five it's people in the world that have had their butt fingered by a clown. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't care if it's five. It's more than the amount of people that have gotten fucked in front of a packed audience at SeaWorld by Dolphin. Yeah, but okay. So a clown fingering somebody, that could just be like any situation. This is like a medical procedure.

Right. So that's a lot different. I don't think they're medical clown medical procedure. They're not walk around jamming fingers up assholes. I know. I'm just thinking it's funny. I like the thought of a fully decked out clown fucking doing prostate exams. You know what's funny?

How do you do a prostate exam? Well, they bend over and you stick your fingers up there. Are you at the age where they start doing that? No, I'm 39. When do they start doing that? I don't know. 40, 50? I don't know

oh i can't wait you're sticking the whole fist back there doc um here's the thing about the dolphin the sea world thing sea world it dolphins like fucking so at least if at least if i'm getting fucked by a dolphin i know that he's into it and it's not something that's like it's not it's not like he's not enjoying himself because he's back there you know he's like flapping his tail whatever flipper makes faster than lightning

I hope he's faster than lightning let's get this over with quick that's another thing too I don't know how long dolphins last so it's not going to be like a whole performance it could be five seconds and then you get to move on with your life I don't know how long dolphins last. So it's not going to be like a whole performance. It could be five seconds and then you get to move on with your life. Yeah. I don't know. Well, I mean, yeah, I don't know.

I do. I do. The whole thing about kids being in the audience that does. That bothers me. But at this, at that point, am I really worried about what kids think? I'm like, I'm just trying to get through this. Right. Listen, parents, you're going to have a talk.

Yeah. You're going to have it over the, uh, cause they have the announcement before they have the performance. So like they have like the megaphone. He's like, uh, for today's performance, parents just know you're gonna have to talk to your kids after this.

Cause they're watching a dolphin fucking man at two 30. And then the pig, the penguin show at three. Yeah. Stay tuned for the penguin show. The stinky penguin show. Well, you know,

what's funny about that is like, there's so many parents that they get all upset. Cause they're like, how do I explain gay marriage or homosexuality to my kids? How do I explain that? Try explaining. It's like two men. Now explain.

Being a dolphin. Yeah. Why is the dolphin doing that to his butt or his mouth? And the reason being like, well, that's what he likes. It's going to be really hard to pass. He's into it. Yeah. Okay. So what are you picking? I'm done with talking about this. It's going to be really hard to pass. He's into it. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So what are you picking? Let's see. I'm going to go with, I'm going with SeaWorld just because of the spectacle. Yeah. Just because if you're going to do it, you might as well do it. Yeah. You don't know where that clown's fingers have been. Sure, man.

I mean, I'm just, I want to go there with you because you're so pumped about dolphins having sex. I just want to see you in a candy shop. Yeah. I just want to see you, a candy, I want to see a candy shop in you. Candy shop's the name of the dolphin. If I got to pick the dolphin too that that that would make it great if i get to walk it like you walk into the bunny ranch but it's like a dolphin ranch and you're like i'll take that one

they're all up on their back tails showing off and you're like oh i want that one he seems like he's really into it oh because i don't want i don't want some dolphin half ass in it you know what i mean like if i'm. Oh, geez. Because I don't want some dolphin half-assing it. You know what I mean? Like, if I'm going to get fucked by this dolphin, I don't want him just to be like, ah, ah. No, I want this guy, like, showing off. Like, you both don't want to be there?

Mm-hmm. He's slapping you. Exactly. He's slapping you because you're not into it? One of us has to be into it, at least. That's true. Okay. Let's go to SeaWorld, right?

People pay good money. Well, I know. And we'll be paying a lot back in lawsuits. Yeah, well, the announcement told them beforehand what was going to happen. That's true. All right, let's move on. You were on a recent trip, and we're going to talk about it right now. Are you ready?

Yeah. Okay, Logan, please. Just please. Hey. Hey, what's up, babe? What are you thinking about? You know, nothing. Actually, you know what?

I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? You went to the North. Yeah, you know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit. What are you thinking about? You went to the North. Yeah, the Great White North. The Great White North. What were you doing up there? What were you doing in Canada? We were hanging out at the Hot Springs.

Ainsworth. Okay. We finally got into it. We tried to go into Canada last year, but the COVID test didn't show up in time. So we drove up to the border, had to turn around and drive back. We packed for like three days, a cooler and then just would turn back miserable yeah it sucked so anyway not didn't happen this time so you're up there hot tubbing these these uh hot springs are really cool they have like caves and shit yeah yeah it's just it's hot water it's it's

kind of i don't know you know how the my public thing, like public bathrooms, public locker rooms, public all this kind of shit. And pools are just disgusting. Like seeing people's feet and just everything about them grosses me out. Somebody loves seeing that feet though. Oh yeah. I mean, but okay. Like dudes with like finger toes and shit walking around. There's some guy out there right now who has a foot feather that has finger toes. And walking around that look you know like there's some guy out there

right now who has a foot feather that has finger toes and he's like oh oh man bummer dude bummer just getting into the show i'm out already um yeah i mean so like sitting around next to these people they're like you know older folks 60s 70s 50s and they're just so open it's just crazy how comfortable they are with their bodies with like we i'm sitting there in the water kind of like oh this is feels great it feels good but i'm like there's a dude sitting right next to me with just armpit hair and and sweating on his face and it just grosses me out he could have been in there by like for a week by now by the time you got in there exactly i never saw him get out he knows he might be still in there there's just dna all over in there but that's okay that's a separate thing what i wanted to talk about was you know going to canada you i was assuming things are going to be so much i've

been there one time okay but i've always heard things about canadians like they're nice people and all this kind of stuff turns out they are and and they're glad they're very inviting and it was like okay so people are just going to be completely different up here when i go up it's going to be great it's going to be a little getaway and so we we get up to the hot springs we you know we put our swimming suits on we walk through walk through the locker room and damn it if they aren't the same fucking people in the goddamn locker rooms with dicks hanging out and hairy asses i'm thinking like canada's gonna be different they're not gonna be like more modest yeah sure not there right okay

they were just like i'm walking in with my two little kids six and four you guys so happy to be in canada huh yeah you guys yeah yeah we're're gonna go in the caves hot springs we walk in there in like 70 year old dongs just everywhere and they're like they're not even it's like one thing when you're drying off and you put your

pants on sure it's like a group of three or four guys just standing around having a conversation arms crossed just like yeah

the wife and I we're blah blah blah and just wrinkly dick hanging out there's something about that age or like whenever you reach that age

I'm kind of looking forward to it you just don't care you're just like I don't what what are you gonna do wrinkly dick hanging out there's something about that age or like whenever you reach that age i'm kind of looking forward to it you just don't care you're just like i don't what what are you gonna do uh because i'm gonna write i'm gonna have a talk here with my best friend and we're both gonna have our dicks out but why not just put underwear on well that's what i'm thinking now but i don't know how where that happens but it seems to happen to a high percentage of people when they get older particularly men i just don't get it i don't know get it i don't get it now i uh logan are you a dick out guy in the locker room i am not cool uh maybe we should pull the audience and see like what's what's your take on dicks out in the locker room and you know what's funny like i don't i don't necessarily want to see dicks but like if

i'm gonna see a dick if it's like a young strapping guy that's got a nice-looking package, and he's standing there, and he's fit, and everything, it's like, I see that. I'm like, okay. Just like, go get my high five. Yeah, like, good, buddy. Nice work. Look at that. Yeah, your wife must be very proud.

You do the dad bend down and just take a peek at it. You're like, oh, get a look at that. Holy shit. Lucky I have a girl with that. Put your glasses on. Woo! Damn, oh, get a look at that. Holy shit. I'd like to have a go with that. Put your glasses on. Damn, buddy. Good job. High five.

No, but I wonder what it's like to get to that age. Because it does happen. And you walk in these locker rooms and it just dicks out. And I've never, I'm not at that age. And I just don't know when that's going to happen. But I'm excited for it. Is there a cutoff point when that just happens? That's what I'm thinking.

What's the age where you're just like, you know what? Acceptable dick out? 60. 60 you think is acceptable? Well, 60 doesn't seem that old anymore. Well, I don't want, I'm just giving them a chance here. Well, you're saying that they have to be on the verge of dying before they can get their dick out in a locker room? No, I just, it's like, well, I'm old enough to where when I get out of the shower, it's not like I can just wash up real quick quick and i'm not very agile it's like it's taking time to put your underwear back on your clothes or

whatever yeah um and i would be fine with it if i walked in there and some guy was pulling up his underwear and his disease was hanging out yeah oh hey sorry about that but they're just standing there like like a in a circle having a conversation with their hairy asses and dicks hanging out see and that should the problem is that should probably be more normal than fucking clothes but that's an argument for well yeah it's just not how but unfortunately that's not the way society is anymore but i um i do find that funny because i bet you everywhere in it's probably even crazier in some parts of the world where they just accept nudity more like it'd be weird if you walked in with not your dick out yeah so there is that well i mean if you go to a nudist colony or whatever

and it's expected i wouldn't walk in there being like oh this is weird you know i'd be like great i love the idea of going to a nudist colony or whatever you want to call it and you're just wearing like a dry suit yeah everybody else is butt naked you never address it you just have a full fucking ocean suit on maybe even some snorkel guy you're just laying down next to him like having a great conversation kicking your feet your flippers but you can see you refuse to have any part of your skin showing and a nudist beach yeah and that's the whole thing i've always thought about like if i ever went to a nudist beach or a colony or something like would i actually be naked and like i don't know i'm older now but when i was younger thinking like if there was attractive young women walking around i don't think i could

keep it i couldn't contain the rage of the boner so like what are you gonna you can't walk around with a boner well you can yeah but but that would ruin the moment yeah exactly like you don't want to ruin everyone else what are we going for lunch and you just have a boner they're like well anywhere you're not going wants to play ring toss right little fucking floaty things yeah um okay well anyway we've learned that uh you were fascinated that you went up there and locker rooms are still full of the same dicks that's what i took home from canada is that locker rooms are exactly the same as in the states the same old i should i wish i had a funner story to tell everyone sure that like the cool experience doesn't have to be that no no it was that this is what you're thinking that's what

i brought home i like that i like that uh okay let's move on this whole episode is nothing but dicks yeah in this next episode the segment is called dick yeah well we knew what we were doing okay roll it logan is it dumb is it interesting is it cool well okay so i'm gonna go first on this one right yeah does this one involve dicks uh no well this animal was kind of he was being being a dick. That counts. That plays. All right, lay it on me. What do we got? So let me just preface this before we get into this. Okay.

What happened to this woman? She dies. Okay. And that's not the funny part. I just want to preface that it's like, it's not funny that she died. It's just the insanity. Yeah, it's just kind of like this whole thing so this woman in india she was down she was down i forget what she was doing 70 year old woman in india was trampled to

death by an elephant and her corpse was then bizarrely attacked by the same beast at her funeral according to a report so this thing just followed her back well it will get into that okay so police said that maya mermu had been fetching water from a well in an eastern indian state of odisha on thursday when an elephant came barreling towards her according to the print india the tusk pachyderm had apparently escaped from the dalma wildlife sanctuary which is located by in a neighboring state all right the elephant trampled the woman who ultimately died of her injuries of course at a nearby hospital but the the bizarre thing is that her family they took her body back to the village and they were preparing it for um like a funeral a funeral yeah yeah

and this fucking elephant comes back grabs her body and just chucks it and then runs off fucking what he was like i mean never forget he's never forget who you are no yeah elephants never forget yeah that's the whole that's the we're taking over yeah i mean just imagine that imagine that going on where you're like you just lost this woman this uh family mom grieving whatever kids are grieving yeah and then this this fucking he's like peeking around the corner he's like oh fuck yeah here we go like that picture of an elephant with those big ass ears running that running at you and he gets like right there yeah i did it there you go you've been practicing no no i was really glad that

worked because i was a little worried that would have, dude, if you would have fucked it again. Yeah. It would have been really bad. That's a t-shirt idea. Yeah. So, dude, that's so crazy.

I do picture the setup with the funeral and for whatever reason I want it to be, the funeral is already like in session and they're reading and everyone's telling

like these beautiful stories and this elephant just comes flying through and grabs her and just throws her. Nope. This is not happening and she she was what she's the best mom anyone just smashes through and just why he throws it well and so i i got thinking like what kind of motive why is the elephant so mad exactly it's one thing to just uh it was his watering hole i think it was part of a herd so i think the herd

started charging or whatever but then this one just like split off from the herd trampled this woman but it wasn't enough to like get out of our watering hole he's like i gotta go toss her body around too right but oh you're just gonna let her just get away with that no i stepped on her yeah do you know that she died i don't know and sure. Make sure she's dead. Finish the job, Dumbo. Okay, fine. I just, and then an article that I found said that, you know, like, what was the motive for this elephant to do that? And then one of the articles said it may have been, she may have been part of a poaching team that killed a baby elephant, maybe in that herd. So he remembered this woman

for something. That's what this article was implying. I mean, is it like facial recognition or is it like, I don't smell. I don't know. Elephants, they have great good smell. It's like their nose is always full of mud.

Yeah, I don't know. They have to be able to hear well. Maybe they recognize her voice. Maybe, yeah. And she was singing a song while she was poaching the baby elephant and singing the same song and then she hears that song whistle while you work imagine the sound of an elephant charging toward you what that must sound like awful

just the thumping and the all those noises and there's nothing you can do about it no absolutely nothing so well that's crazy that happened that is that is very funny um i i'm gonna go in a different direction okay uh we're actually in god damn it dude i got excited for a second i thought it was gonna not be about dicks and i realized that yeah it is like it's always about it's about fucking sex again of course um so this story here we go it says sexist swedish garbage cans seductively encourage citizens to properly toss their trash okay so i mean you don't really have to read the article to understand what's happening here but they've had they've had a a littering problem and so they decided that they were trying to make a reward.

That's what they start putting shit in. And these different phrases would be like, come back quickly and do that again. And oh yeah, right there. In a sexy voice. And that was crazy good. Insane stuff like that. There was a video of it.

I decided not to bring it into the show today, but it's crazy. It's wild. It's wild that they've come up with this idea, and I just wanted to implement this into other things that people aren't good at, like doing your taxes. You hate doing your taxes, but what if every time you filled out a paper, it was just like, you fucking got it, buddy. If the IRS was smart, they would do that.

Get them in on time, and the earlier you get them in, the more seductive it is. Right. Way to go, big daddy. the biggest i've ever had like shit like that it's a huge return what a load yeah imagine like any any i mean really deposit yeah anything that you like you oh okay let's go back to like the 90s when you'd go rent a VHS. Blockbuster, yeah, let's go to Blockbuster. And you're returning the DVD or the tape or whatever, and it's just like,

how was your movie, big boy? Do you want to come at me again? See you next week, big boy. I'd bring my movies back. Or library books. You know what someone would do, though? They'd start fucking the hole. Of course they would.

Because as we talked about earlier, guys will stick their dicks in anything. But then you have like a, some sort of, like it's like a

thief mechanism or whatever. It just shots your dick off. Okay. It's like a guillotine. So if you start sticking dicks in

things that like trash is supposed to go in. Yeah, but then you lose the incentive to go return your trash again if you can't.

Because that's not going to do anything. I'm not bringing my fuck in. If I can't, fuck it. Why would I bring my trash bag? Why would I bring my trash into the can if I can't fuck it? If I can't blow my load into this mailbox, why would I even bring it? I knew this was going to happen. I knew this is where this was going to go.

Of course. But library books, that's a funny one. We're in the library and super soft. She's like, ooh, ooh. Voices and voices. But they don't really use them because they're not traditionally not like super sexy uh like librarians like that's the fantasy so they're gonna like say stuff that's not really that sexy thanks junior or thanks sunny wow really appreciated that appreciate the the effort there and well i guess so is there a box?

Dude, I haven't read a book in 30 years, especially having rented. Yeah, they got return boxes. So I was just picturing. They have slots on the outside. I was picturing you taking it back to the librarian and then her actually saying it. Oh, that's a great job. And then it's like, well, do I get to have sex with her? And that's a problem.

And then sometimes, I mean, there's lonely librarians. Maybe she'll take them up on that. Right. What if the whole, you lived in a world where every single thing that had any sort of slot whatsoever moaned at you? Yeah, you get home, you unlock your door. It's like, and then you get to turn it. It's like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Too deep, too deep.

You pull the key back out. Oh, geez. Oh, God. Fuck. Everything in everything in the world revolves around taking something and put it into something. Yeah. Everything. I just wish my wife,

your cupboards. I wish my wife moaned when I, yeah, well, that's something you guys have to figure out. Tell me when you're done. What are we watching tonight? Yeah. She's like, she's already thumbing through Netflixflix she's fantasizing about a dolphin you like that she's just fucking thumbing

through the office like we should watch flipper right okay that's where you're getting all this this fantasy talk uh but yeah cupboards like put your shit away you put a glass in there and he's like you open it up it's like right it's so funny i don't know it's a funny wash a up, it's like, Right. It's so funny. It's a funny world. Flush a toilet? If it's not the whole world, I wish there was at least a funny house. Like maybe Vegas. Yeah.

It'd be a great place for a hotel. Yep. That's the whole theme. You got New York, New York. You got Bellagio. You got fucking Paris. You got these old themes. Your hotel is just everything you touch makes a sex noise.

Every single thing. It'd be so funny. You flush the toilet. It's like, oh, fuck. You're like, oh, my God. And you laugh a little bit. Then you move the shower curtain. It's like, ah.

Turn. Right, dude? So changing channels in the middle of the night. Yeah. I mean, every time you enter your room, you put the key slot in. I know. Just suck socks Anyway Well and we're assuming

But here we We're assuming that These are all women Sounds coming out of there We gotta have You gotta have You gotta have some men like Oh yeah

Whoa Oh yeah Me like it You mean like that daddy The sexy talk Oh fuck The sexy talk really doesn't translate well from one sex to the other doesn't know I mean, yeah, like what what I'm fucking you I gotta share that story. Yeah, you do

Um, I just did the dirty talk from from a female. It's just like her soft love boys. Yeah, it's just like you yeah What do you want to do with that? I know and And then the guy's like, put it in you. Yeah, here's my penis. Right. Take it or leave it. Take it or leave it. I'd recommend taking it. Because if you don't, then I'm going to go. I'm leaving.

Yeah, I'm going to go rub one out. Right. Anyway, bye. All right. So let's move on to Petty Beef now. Because we do have some interesting stories here to get into. Logan, you want to set us up, buddy? Silence in the court.

You are now entering the Petty Beef courtroom, where all sides of some bullshit will be heard and evaluated. The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final-ish. This is Petty Beef. Logan. Amber and her husband fight about the temperature in the house.

She prefers to have the temperature warmer, while her husband likes it a bit cooler. Let's get into it. Before we get into this, let me just make sure that that's not my wife, Amber. Okay. Because we already did a Petty Beef. It's just endless over and over of you guys bickering. It's just me and my wife fighting. Basically, it's like come to therapy.

What do you guys think? Is she wrong? Right. Over right over time petty beef just turns into like brian and amber fighting like this has been marriage counseling yeah yeah name the segment uh but we do have the original post here from amber miller and we can read it um here we go so here's her in her words of what she's presenting her case on why you know she thinks what she thinks she goes well we fight about the temperature all the time i'm too cold and he's too hot he says it makes him physically sick and it actually makes me sick to be too cold i told him to move to antarctica and he told me to move to the furthest part of the south america that i possibly could lol i mean he could wear less clothing when around the house or inside he will wear long sleeves and all and i at least bundle up and i mean a hoodie and throw less clothing when around the house or inside. He will wear long sleeves and all, and I at least bundle up,

and I mean a hoodie and throw blankets sometimes, even in the summer because our apartment is freezing. I don't like temperature extremes, but he wants to be like so cold, icicles are falling off him. Before he leaves for work, he will turn the heat on for me and jokes and says enjoy the day in hell heat, especially through these past few months where it has been so cold. At least he turns the heat on for

her that's kind of nice as he's leaving he didn't have to do that yeah he didn't have to do that i just find this hilarious and i i'm not a paleontologist or a anthropologist or geographist or whatever yeah um but him telling her to go to the furthest part south of south america isn't that right by antarctica yeah so they're they're gonna be like right across the lake they can see each other from their house how is it over there what's the weather like oh yeah well maybe you should just go down to the farthest part of south america and then where shit's really warm yeah yeah like that that's what i i read it was you're reading that and that's what I took out of that. I was like, wait.

I know he's trying to say, like, the further south you go, the hotter it gets. But at a certain point, you're going too far. Yeah, you pass the heat, and you get back to cold again. Well, how about you go to the North Pole? Yeah. You go to the South Pole, I'll go to the North Pole. Right. And we'll both die.

I like it cold. I sleep in cold. I sleep in cold. I'm a heater. I'm one of those dudes. I think Logan and I have talked about this before when we were cuddling that when I go to sleep, my body temperature feels like it goes up to 400 degrees Celsius.

So you're like a little kid that's sleeping in your bed. In the winter, I will still only use a sheet a lot of times. I don't care if I'm cold. I know that i'm gonna get warm and start sweating if i did put on way too many blankets and to me way too many blankets is one blanket see okay here's where my brain goes all right my brain goes to this is why

men and women should not live together it's just it's i get we like to get together and fuck and procreate and start families right but. But I think as soon as you do that, you should just have separate houses. And like maybe across the street. Like the way it works is you work, you live in the same neighborhood. I'm going to live here. You live there. And we just wander back and forth, have dinner with each other. We just do not belong.

The same ecosystem? Yeah. It's just like there's such extremes. That like this, the only way this is getting solved is if they move out and this is not a part of this petty beef but it does remind me uh for whatever reason it feels like women like their showers at 5 000 degrees i actually really like a hot shower and i but do you out hot amber on the shower temperature? Or does she? Probably. Really? Damn it.

I've never, I've never heard that. Like I have, I'm a little baby. If I get in there with Aaron, you know, I'm like, ouch. I get it. She's like, she's like, turn it down a little bit. I'm like, oh, thanks. Oh, baths are my favorite. I do love baths.

Turns it off the cold. It's like, God damn it. Cold blooded baths. You're like a reptile. Cool. You ruined it. Just slaps it to cold and gets out. Logan, hot or cold? Direction goes down. I love hot showers, but I like a cold house cool you ruined it and just slaps it to cold and gets out logan goes down i love hot showers but i like a cold house okay i like it it's like mid 60s okay

that's that's comfortable so and here's here's a fight uh or here's what i think about this and it's just been a rule that i've always heard about in my life and use you can always put on more layers but you can't take your skin off yeah so if the house is too hot that's fucking miserable if the house is cold you can put on a jacket yeah so that's just the way that that's gonna go but if it is way too hot that's such a miserable environment makes everybody grumpy what's the ideal temperature well i'm i'm going like 68 yeah i was going like mid mid mid mid i think we do like 67 on our on our uh on our thing um yeah that i you know she didn't say what cold and hot was i was waiting for that piece of information yeah it's kind of vague so she's like if she wants it really hot

and she's like i wanted it 90 at least 80 86 please yeah no i'm guessing like mid 70s is where she's where she's putting this i think i think the fair play is that you leave it a little bit cooler okay and she wears a layer because i agree with you we don't have ac at our house we have an old house and when when it's hot it'll be 90 to fucking grease in our house and we're laying there just sweating it's terrible there's nothing worse uh so fucking degrees in our house, and we're laying there just sweating. It's terrible. There's nothing worse. So, I'm sorry, Amber. I know you brought up the argument, but I'm going to say, I'm going with your husband

on this one. Having the house hot sucks. I think he loses a point for not understanding how geography works. That was really funny. Oh, yeah? Yeah. How about though? You don't go down where I am, just a little bit north of where I am.

Right. And again, I know, I'm not trying go down where I am, just a little bit north of where I am. Right. And again, I know I'm not trying to just like repeat old stories, but this just reminded me, it's one of my favorite arguments of all time. And I have not brought a thing to say when you're in an argument. This came out of college with me and my buddies. And it was so funny. We used to do it all the time when we see people fighting or you get in a fight or an argument with somebody and he just throws them off completely.

It's getting heated. Like, yeah, you want to fucking do that and he goes oh yeah well i'll be hop outside and i'll go fuck myself and they're just like what how do you respond heading out here i'll just go fuck myself so if you take that one to the bar you it's a it's a good one because they're so confused like wait wait step outside are we going outside or step outside and go fuck myself

I like that anyway you can't respond to that no you can't right no it's great alright Logan we have another case

for Petty B if you want to set this up for us buddy Ari asks which cup holder in the car is the front and which is the back

what Ari suggests the front is the closest and which is the back what ari suggests the front is the closest to the center console or the driver and the back is closer to the windshield what no i didn't what the what the fuck is this i didn't even know this was an argument people could have i my brain is it going to go orientation to the car. Yeah. The front one is the one that is closest to the front of the car. Ah, yes.

You are correct, but I can see a situation where you're wrong. Then lay it on me, daddy. Here we go. So, if you're, let's say you're in the driver's seat. In my brain right then, you're like, okay, anyway. So, if you fuck a dolphin. I was like, God, Brian. The thing is, let's say you're in the driver's seat. In my brain right then, you're like, okay, anyway, so if you fuck a dolphin. And I was like, God, Brian. The thing is, it's like dolphins really.

Do you like to fuck dolphins in the front or in the back? Okay. All right. So anyway, go ahead. Sorry. I like in the front. Okay. Bottle nose.

So, okay. You're in the driver's seat. I am. You got your wife, husband, whoever sitting in the driver's seat i am um you got your wife husband whoever sitting in the in the passenger seat right the obvious answer is the front one is the one closest to the windshield that's the obvious but that's not the obvious well that's what you said when you think front you think front of car yes i do it's it's in the front seat and back seat it's not like yeah right exactly so that's that's and that's reasonable But I could see a situation where, let's say your cup is in the one closest to the windshield.

And now your wife's is closest to you, both of you, the console. So if you're going to get to your drink, you have to go behind the one in front of you. So technically in the car, it is the front one. But to your perspective, it um it is the front one but to your perspective it's actually behind the front one gotcha the orientation it's uh within the proximity to the driver yeah i feel like you would just rename it wouldn't be front or back it'd be driver or passenger and then that would solve all issues for humanity moving forward that is the driver's cup okay now i can get behind that because that's a closer thing to you but it's not the fucking front cup wait why is that closer to

you what i'm just what was no the the they're they're close they're the brian the one that's closest to you is closest to the other person too yeah but you're driving the car so it's your it's your car cup i agree whoever's driving the car gets to make the fucking rules. They get to pick the music. They get to do all that shit. You're right. But I get the, but, and it's not, I love how in the example you gave when you're like, and then if the cup's in the way, you have to go all the way over. Yeah.

Like you have to, you have to have some sort of flexibility moves in order to reach the cup. Instead of just move your fucking hand one inch up some dash some dashes are awkward and then if let's say you got kids in the car you got bags there's all sorts of shit people just leaving the shit out okay so you gotta kind of weave through the cups to get to your thing i see i see it but i'm going with you just got to rename it you got to rename it this is the driver passenger it's got to be if it's not the fucking front it's not the front i don't think that's part of the option.

It's the closest to you. It's not the front cup. Get out of here. Logan, get in here. The cup that is closest to the radio is the front. Thank you. Because I'm going with it being in orientation to the car. Have you had this argument ever in your life?

I've had this argument actually like three or four times. I've never even heard this shit. I should get kate in here on this one because she will die on that phone a friend i will die on this one okay okay um but no she i think she used the argument of it being similar to like a theater like if you're sitting front row yeah if you go to touch like the front of the stage first you're touching the front and you'd have to go further to touch the back of the stage does that make sense yeah that's i guess that's kind of what i was saying like you have to go around you got to get behind further distance to get the front one if your argument for where

the cups go or like which one is which involves a feeder stage like it's an analogy you're immediately wrong it's an analogy like i hear what you're saying about the cups but if we were in a space shuttle and gravity was turned off like okay and you don't know what is front because we're in a giant floating metal ball and we're spinning spinning trillion dollars an hour and then where are we it's like i don't know that's not what we're doing right now there's two cup holders uh and i there is also the alignment of the cups plays in because sometimes they're not they're not sometimes they're side by side and sometimes they're side by side and the one that's in the left is closest to the the driver that is the closest one but that wouldn't be the front no

that could be the driver's cup well yeah but but the one but i i'm not saying that i'm that i i i'm just taking the other side here devil's's advocate. Get it baby. I just think that, um, the Alec, the obvious answer is closer to the front of the car is, uh, sorry. I'm trying to,

I'm trying to tell a story. Regis is back. Oh yeah. Also sad that we've, we forgot he died. Yeah. Well, I thought he did,

but I was like, I don't want to dwell on that aspect of it. So, yeah, the kids are letting us know, though. Yeah, thanks, kids. So, yeah, the front here, that's the obvious choice. If you're just looking at the car. But if you're talking about orientation to where you guys are, I think you can make that argument that you have to go behind the front one okay to get to the the back one well you have to the next time this comes up in

your uh in your life logan just take take some notes because i want to hear more of how far kate stretches these analogies absolutely to figure out how to win this argument she would love to open this one back up maybe you can set yeah get her to record something and send it in sure okay he he wants this solved so bad oh me too i i honest to god have never heard of anyone fighting over a front and a back cup and how how how mad are you already each other to get into this that's exactly what i was gonna say like if that's something you're fighting over what else is going on yeah there's some deeper rooted shit things weren't going well like let me guess did you fuck up breakfast logan i actually i think i don't remember what it was you had to have been something he's on his way on his way to get the fucking golden ring

miss supper and kate was fucking pissed you know supper's at four o'clock you know you know this uh all right well i guess i don't know i'm just gonna say front is front of the car but if you rename them and you're from the driver's perspective it's just about which is the easiest one to get to but it does not make it the front cup so don't call it that thanks bye so is this is this solved yeah i'm right always well you're gonna agree with me though right i agree yeah okay i just think that you can make an argument and yeah but it's not but you're not calling it the front cup don't you dare you're not gonna look at that like that is the front cup it's the front come to you

to your orientation in the car it's the front room no it is your own state if you're the band no listen god damn it kate has infiltrated no it's brave listen if you're on stage, if you're the band on stage. No, listen. God damn it, Kate has infiltrated Brian's brain. Listen, if you're the, let's say you and your wife are on the stage, you're the band playing. The closest, the cups as closest to you would be the front row. And the one behind that would be, behind that would be the back row. Right. But the stage isn't the end of the fucking vehicle. Like, then it goes into an auditorium.

So it's the front of the stage. It's not the front of the fucking vehicle like then it goes into an auditorium so it's the front of the stage it's not the front of the fucking auditorium well right no you're on the stage and the auditorium is the front of the it's the front of the auditorium right geez right yeah but that would be like if you were sitting in a car and then all the seats were looking back at you well the dash is looking back at you no one's sitting in it no but you're getting there watching the dash is so funny if there's a car that just had a seat up on the dashboard hey guys how's it going it's it's an eight seater you have a little fold out for your buddy to sit on the radio that doesn't seem safe it's not well i i think okay i think there's a legitimate gripe here let's just ask

kate okay let's ask i'm gonna jump on cape side all right kate's uh kit sorry okay caves caves what do you think hey guys at can you don't podcast.com we don't have time to do this right now all right let's look at some good news you ready to do that yeah okay logan you bring us to the good news buddy so you're telling me there's a chance hooray we are doomed yeah yeah you went all out this week, so you have our good story, too. Yes, this happened recently. Let's see. Let me blow this thing up. So, this guy, apparently, my brain just went back to, like, the clown.

Let's see here. It was in Chicago. Okay. Which is in the Midwest. What's that chair doing it's my asshole hurts so bad well you can we get some cushions for these chairs jesus christ my team is on fire these are like makeshift chairs when we built we but we put like we have a state-of-the-art studio we used to have wood ass fucking stools that sucked us in other stools were too low i know anyway okay i want to try that um you're just your head i'm gonna be like this i can't even see you i have to stand up and look over the table okay go ahead so so in chicago this guy um so this guy was riding on the train

he gets off the train and two guys were fighting okay and they they were fighting i think the guy got knocked out and fell onto the train tracks which they're like electrical and stuff you know not a good place to be yeah and so i have a video of the actual rescue okay um all right here we go i'm gonna play this and there's no sound okay oh that's the new yeah all right oh what the hell happened please be a yes are you kidding me with the ad we have we have premium how come you're not using it what is going on i must be signed into my account what a freaking shit ship okay i love that we've done that three times i think now so as you can see he's trying to grab this guy but he's getting

shocked oh and he pulled and he just rips the guy so the guy was out cold third rail and saved his life literally they were on the actual electrocution part you know it's just like how dangerous it was so to see this kid yeah so he so this guy sprung into action jumps down and tries to lift this guy's eye and he's getting zapped that's a spicy so he's just like it's a spicy body yeah it is he's getting cooked i'd just i'd kick him first i wouldn't do what he i try to grab my try to use my shoes and just kick him off the tracks you just or like you're grabbing something that you can kind of grab with you run home and get an oven mitt that's what i was picturing some sort of a glove or an oven mitt to grab him um what did he get did they reward him yeah they

rewarded him so they it was like such a good act that they actually they gave him a car because he he's been riding the the train or the bus to get to work. Electric car. He's got a couple of jobs. And so he's been, for years, been riding it. So they actually, some community leaders, they gave him a car. Okay, good. I like that.

Which is great. But I thought this was funny. Because we always got to swing it to the comedy they um they gave him a car but then they gave him a 25 gas card to go along with it just so you could get it home yeah i read that i started laughing so i'm like 25 you know what how much gas 25 dollars is right now three gallons he can't even afford to drive the car he's gonna he's probably gonna sell the car and ride the bus or the train anyway which is good then he should if he doesn't want it and he can have some money in his pockets and then get back on the bus just the whole idea of them like they're being so happy they give him this car he's like i can't afford to drive this it's like

when someone gives you a five dollar amazon gift card you're like thanks yeah like what am i gonna do with this i can't even buy something from Amazon Pantry. Like, they make me put in 15 things I don't need before I can buy some aluminum foil. You basically just gave me $5 off of whatever I was going to buy. Right. Thanks for the coupon. Thanks for the coupon, bud. Guess I won't save the next dead guy.

Thanks for the coupon for my birthday. All right. Well, that was good. Applause for that young man. And he's done that before, apparently. Is it just what he does? He's like a superhero. It's not the first time he's done that okay i don't even know how you find yourself in that situation i 99.99% of people have never had to pick up and he's done it

multiple times spicy body off the train tracks just imagine the smell like burnt hair smell yeah how shocked was he was he turning into yeah i mean like you see when he grabbed he was going yeah and then the guy yeah he was just like it's probably like popping like bacon but i know but how was he even alive did he take him off the track you're just dead anyway no he was knocked out but he was okay like he his body looked like he was dead but he wasn't okay they probably wouldn't give him a car if he was if he died picked up a dead body off the tracks yeah here's a car thanks but thanks but it's dead we have people that do that it's a road kill right track kill uh i got dark all right let's move on and find something funny on the internet okay because this is a real good one logan please do it thanks buddy the internet is

pretty wild depending on your browsing habits, you can either experience something super cool or go to prison. Crazy, right? Let's check it out together as a couple. Hey, look what I found. Yes! That's awesome!

Keep running into our backdrop here in the studio today. I'm not sure what's going on. It's like weirdly, oddly hot. It's a little warm. Yeah, I thought I thought i was gonna be all chilly it's usually colder in here okay what did you find for us this week you busy bee i found so it's just it just made it just makes me laugh um so i found the see-through shower curtain and i'm i'm sure people have seen these type of things before yeah so it's basically like it's a see-through shower curtain, but it has little slots that you can put it.

Do you put your electronics in? Yeah. Okay. Your cell phone, your iPad, whatever. Other. It's like a car. It's cargo shorts for your shower curtain. Basically.

You just keep all your tools in there? There's a screwdriver. Screwdriver, hammer, drill. Well, maybe a dildo or two. Okay. A drill-do. A drill-do dough there you go you ever played with one of those no they're terrifying yeah i imagine yeah back to you

back to me johnny i just imagine like i mean i like a good hot long shower we kind of touched on that yeah we did but i don't i can't really imagine like needing to get in the shower and watch always be watching like flip on netflix and like watching an episode of a tv show while you're in there showering it does it makes me a little sad and you can't just be by yourself just for 10 minutes just enjoy a hot shower stand there let the water run all over your brain do funny shower thoughts that's where i do all my best thinking i know the shower but if you're shoving your face into a goddamn screen all the time even in the shower give yourself a little bit of a break makes me talk about screen time and this the picture of this woman the the product there's

like there's two ipads two cell phones like this what it's not enough to just watch one thing she's got like netflix who all this shit yeah she's watching six different shows all at once. She's watching six episodes of Peaky Blinders all at the same time. Yeah, watching episodes three, four, five, and six at the same time. That is goofy. But it's out there. How much is it? What would it say?

It is $19.99. Okay, so not $20. They got you. They tricked you. That's how they do it. As long as there's no two. It's so funny, the idea that we live on social media. And I imagine an influencer having something like this.

And what if they accidentally started broadcasting? They're in the shower. Whoops. Yeah, because the camera, you're going to put some tape over the camera to cover that up. And then, or maybe you have an OnlyFans, and that's where you do your thing. Because then I was thinking like, okay, business-wise, this could be a good idea. You've got all these angles, all these camera angles filtered through your, so now you've got like a crotch cam. You've got a titty cam and a face cam. So she's got a whole body.

I've heard that being a whole category on OnlyFans. Have you ever been on OnlyFans? I haven't. I've never been on there. But yeah, they turn it on when they shower. So they don't have to do anything. They just turn it on, record a video, take a shower like their normal shower, and then just upload it.

And then just make money off it. They're not even acknowledging the camera. They're just showering. Just eating pizza. Showering,ering eating pizza and watching peaky blinders the people's fetish is the people watching a show that they like it's like oh she's watching peaky blinders that gets me off holy shit she's not that she's naked it's that she's watching peaky blinders and shaving and that's fine you can put clothes on i don't even care i just want to watch you watch Peaky Blinders.

That's it. You know that's a fetish out there. Yeah? Okay. Well, it's time to hear from some of our listeners. We have some amazing stories this week. Let's hear what the kids have to say. I love it!

All right. Let's hear what you guys think. Really? You want to talk to me? Wow. That's cool. It's so ridiculous when we were when we were putting that stinger together we're just cracking we lost our shit um okay this first one is just amazing it's coming in from our son bren who writes so i'm going to be getting married

to my fiance shelby in less than a year and my mom has yet to find a song for her mother, son dance. Me and my fiance aren't big country are not big fans of country, but my mom definitely is. Can you don't has showed me my bet. The best country song I've ever heard parked out by the way. Yeah, fucking of course it is,

but I doubt my mom will agree. Yeah. Is there any way that you guys could put some sort of shout out to me brin and fiance shelves and my mom melanie so i can show her that the shout out was in a public forum and basically force her to have a funny song for us at the wedding all right i hope this works if this ends in a video of a mother-son dance at a wedding to parked out by the lake we'll put we've made it yeah and we'll put it we'll put it in the show. Of course we will. If you can make this happen,

that's fantastic. And I don't remember exactly what happened, but I did talk to Bran in Instagram or something. And he did say that, yeah, maybe it was an email,

that he would make it happen if we gave him the shout out. Anyway, it goes on to say here, it would mean the world to me. I don't really want this email read on the podcast. Sorry about that. But a small shout out would be great it goes on to say here, it would mean the world to me. I don't really want this email read on the podcast. Sorry about that. But a small shout out would be great.

And having that song at my wedding, leaving everyone confused would be awesome. If not, that's totally fine. I will still totally support the new awesome podcast. Good luck with Can You Don't. It's off to a great start. I'm super excited for the rest of the shows every week. Thanks for reading. Bran.

Imagine, imagine like the the after party the wedding everyone's standing around the first dance like they always do everyone's always kind of watching and they're the slow dance

and then the song kicks on it's like they're like oh yeah sweet and then they get into it

and then people are starting to look at each other they're like what's going on then it just keeps going and going

and going it's pretty good. I hope you're able to pull it off when we can get into the show. Yes. Yeah, that'd be great. Make sure to film it if you do it. This next story is from our naughty child, Casey. And this shit, this killed me when I came across his email.

And it was late at night, and I had to try not to laugh to wake up the kids because it was that crazy. Here we go. Is we dumb refugee here? Well, welcome. Yes. Casey. We take them all. I think I have a good story that goes with Joe's story of sending Ezra into the nightstand.

Can I clarify? People, I think, are picturing me standing up out of bed, shoving my child into a nightstand. That's what I pictured. No. It was a hand swipe. I just went, and just swiped him. And I did not stand up and just shove my child.

You just don't want CPS called. When my daughter Avery was only one year old, we were playing a sort of peekaboo with mommy. A little setup. We have a very small house with low ceilings,

but are lucky enough to have a deck that's huge on the opposite side of the living room window. Mommy was outside looking. On the opposite side of the living room window. Mommy was outside looking into the house while I was inside laying down, tossing our daughter up from the ground and catching her. So she'd see mommy outside.

Well, things progressed to me standing up and tossing her like dads do, higher and higher, encouraged by her laughter. Amidst my absent-minded me, I forgot to consider the ceiling fan. Oh, God. Bet, of course course was on full blast i tossed her head first into the ceiling fan blades to have the fan blades not just hit

her in the head but at least five times in less than a football field's worth of a second how old is she uh one oh this is so i feel the pain. You're just like, oh, fuck. Like, it's awful. Okay, so. Did he catch the child on the way back down? Leaving her with some beautiful tiger stripes on her still nearly bald head. Mom came rushing in, seeing my reaction, with surprisingly little reaction from our daughter,

I somewhat sheepily explained to everyone what the stripes on my daughter's head were from for the next couple months. She seems fine today, approaching her sixth birthday, but who knows what the future holds for her uh as she is still related to her dad uh constant you know he would call himself a can we don't her but you're our son now casey get in here love the new show avery britney casey jensen from truckee california three out of five stars accidentally throwing your kid into the ceiling fan oh i could see where that would happen though because you kind of like you just like you don't even think about it being there the kid's having fun you're locked on the kid you're just like yeah you're not always not always aware of your surroundings the idea that he had the where the wherewithal to catch

the child though because you imagine it goes whack whack whack and it just sends it have you ever thrown anything up into a ceiling fan and it just takes off yeah like imagine if you had a really like it's a really light baby yeah and just flings it across the room lands in the kitchen or something throws it into the wall so it's fine mom's like what was that nothing nothing's going on here i just dropped some silverware right that sounded like a baby no no no silverware. Right. That sounded like a baby. No, no, no. It sounded exactly like a baby falling.

That sounded like a baby hitting the wall. Nope. Nope. Definitely not a baby hitting the wall. Definitely not a baby hitting the wall. Are you kidding me? How would that even happen? That would be ridiculous.

How would that even happen? What am I throwing the child against the wall? You're dusting off your baby. I don't know. I know it's sad but man when you actually kids and people do get upset about laughing about kids getting hurt but one of my favorite instagram channels is kids getting hurt yeah uh because they're not they're fine it's not like they're really hurt it's just dumb they're elastic i mean they bend and nothing breaks yeah's like, it takes a lot. I mean, I've tried, I'm just kidding.

Believe me, I've tried to hurt my children a lot. I say, I've yet to do it. I say, I'm like, yeah, it sounds just like a baby hitting the wall. And you're like,

like, you know, you know, exactly. I know that sound. I can hear it. I, well,

that's pretty much it for, for the show this week for episode five. Wow. That went fast. Yeah. It's like 600 degrees in the show this week, for episode five. Wow, that went fast. Yeah, it's like 600 degrees in here. We can't really turn on an air conditioner because it was in the background. So I guess we have to figure it out. Well, it's going to be great when the summer rolls around and it's 106 degrees. It's supposed to be cold down here.

It usually is. Logan, do you have anything for us? What's going on out there with you? Oh, man, I'm just trying to hit the buttons on time, you know? Yeah. Doing a hell of a job. Doing a hell of a job. Doing a hell of a job, man. Appreciate it.

So, again, we love you guys. Go buy some of that merch. Support the show. CanYouDon'tPodcast.com. And as we head into July, we don't know the exact date right now. I think it's one week from today, if I'm counting my episodes correctly. I don't know. That will launch our Patreon.

So look for that. It's going to be a blast in there. We have a ton of fun content planned for you guys on top of all the other perks and your support on patreon it goes a long way it allows us to uh buy houses with higher ceilings so we don't throw our kids in the ceiling fans you can subscribe to our youtube channel air conditioners right youtube channel just search for can you don't podcast follow us on instagram and Facebook at Can You Don't Podcast. And you can join that private Can You Don't page.

We can't don't currently, but I think we're going to call it the Can You Don't Playground. So just search for that. And then something you want to see on the show, send that in to heyguys at canyoudontpodcast.com. Then rate and review us wherever you can. I think we need to hire an email person. Okay.

Then we have to get some Patreon supporters. Okay. Well, then we have to get some Patreon supporters. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. Your Patreon support will go towards hiring someone that can handle the load of your emails coming in. Goal number one, us not laying awake until 2 in the morning going through 40 emails. I mean, they're hilarious. Don't get me wrong. But every time I'll walk away and come back to my phone, it's like, like six new emails.

Like, all right. Okay. Well, let's like six new emails. Like, all right. Okay. Well, let's wrap this thing up. Logan. Good God. Wrap it up already, huh? I think it's pronounced Aaron. I don't know if it's E-Ron.

E-R-O-N. A-A-Ron? Uh-huh. E-R-O-N. Aaron. I'm going with. Okay. So I got a joke for you.

Ready? Mm-hmm. I only paid 25 cents for a wig the other day. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was a small price to pay. Oh. But did it have shit in it?

No. But it should have. Eight pounds of shit? Eight pounds of shit wigs? Like a hairy shitter? I paid 20. Well, that's why they were 25 cents. Oh.

Because she destroyed all the wigs. I did forget to say, that's why they were 25 cents because she destroyed all the wigs. I did forget to say that on that episode. Was that episode three? But one of my favorite funny alternative things to call a butthole

is a hairy plopper. Mm. Yeah. And I missed it. I missed it. I failed to bring that up. I like fart box, personally.

Okay. I think that's it. All right. We'll see you guys next week. Goodbye. Okay, I think that's it. All right. We'll see you guys next week. Goodbye! Bye!